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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 22, 1898)
jjJJJ : VCL JUDSON'S CRUST. Me ..iirit Intl.- man. with A silky, yellow mustache which curled up Jauntily nt the ends . nut and closed the door softly cam. beblndl uim. "Mr Iiaril.'icre nn.n .. ... . v ' it'll! k ...... .1 V IB fc' mlllUKH. V Ul jou niryi . tui. little man turm d and began to nitle the papers on his dmk as If ho ,.y busy Indeed. Willi' EveWM uroppen uuwu iu n ,h!r clos - to the rulllntc, fussed with pit bat and watched for Judeon Hard er,., door to open. Me thought It rather a cold reception for an undo to give his nephew, nnd yet his mother L u irned him whnt to expect. "Your uncle .Jmlsoii," she had said, 1i very much devoted to his business. 11,. bOI never In his life bad time to five tn Ills friends, and people say that he la crusty and hard hearted, but I am lire that my brother Judsoti has as Mad ;i heart ns any man living, If ouly yon can rench It." Willis had ooiuo to his uncle as a last retort He had Just finished his Junior year In college, and ho knew that the completion of his course would depend oa bis own earnings during the Siitu nipr. Ills father had been abh to sup ply blin with money, although not so liberally ns he really needed, for the first three years of his college life, but hard times had mined Ills business, nnd It was all he could do to pay rout uud grocers' bills, not to mention the pro vision of clothing for tho youuger chil dren. "I want to sio you Anlsh up with your rbi." be said to Willis, "but It Is out of the question for me to furnish tho money. You will have to get out and see what jrou can do for yourself." And Willis had tried tils best to get a position. But ho found that he was compelled to compete In this struggle for nu opHirtunlty to make n living with men older nnd more experienced than himself, who knew liWter what the employers required. One innn said be would take Willis on trial, but be couldn't pay him nnythlng for a few months; another sold he had a position, but he wished to give It to n man who bail Intended to remain with him per manently and work up In the business. And so they nil pnt him off, and now he was watching for the door of bis uncle's private ofllce to open. He had not seen his uncle In several years, lie remembered tho last meet1 lag without any exuberance of pleasure. I'ncle Judsou had called on his mother one afternoon, and he had come In warm and excited from a tenuis game. "What's that thing you have got In ar band 7" his uncle asked, nfter his mother had presented him. "Why, I tennis racquet." "Sarah, can't you tench your children to go Into better business than dnwd Jnc around lu white trousers with a toy bat 7' Even as Willis thought of It now, ho felt his cheeks tingle with mingled mortification and anger. "Mr. Hardacre Is ready to sec you," Mhl the dapper little man. Willis stopped quietly Into tho prl rnto ofllce, lie saw his uncle nt a hand some roll-top dmk nnd glaring at him from under his shaggy, grny brows, ne hn.l1 ft square, loan face, with n de termined chin, nnd his hair was conrse lad gray. "Well, sir." "I am In search of work," said Wil lis, somewhat falterlngly; "my father can't supply me with money for my list year In college, nnd unless I earn It I can't go." 'That's Just what I told your mother hnfnrst . t.,. run ..!, ..1 1e.. .... V ... Il.nl 111. MIM N J,' I' II. ,.. Ill 11 he has got a family of lioys he enti't educate them. But she wouldn't listen to any of my advice." The hot blood surged Into Willis' face. He couldn't lnr this reference to his hard-working, noble-minded fath er, who had sncrlflced everything In order that his boys might have their schooling, "My father hns done the best he could," Willis suld, hotly, "nnd I can't listen to nnythlng ugalnst him. If you have nothing I can do " nnd Willis tamed and started toward the doorl lth his shoulders thrown back. "There, there," said his undo, with the tract of a grim smile curling his lips; "we'll let that drop. You say you want work what can you do?" "I'm Just out of College," Willis said, "and I'll have to do 'most anything I fn get to do." "I suppose you are well up In tennis ml football nnd leaping the polo, and II that sort of thing." "Yes, sir," responded Willis, tempt tt ai:.iin to turn and lenve the room. "Well, I don't happen to hnve any of those thingS M my business. You know I'm not engngod In the manufac ture and sale of lumber. It's very pro saic you can't wear white trousers fht get soiled." Willis kept his temper, although ev ery one of his uucle's words stung him '" the quick. "I understand nil that," he snld, "and I "in willing to do anything from wood twtng up thnt will enable me to save Uttlo money." "Woud-sawlng, eh?" snld Judsoti Hnrdaere, and the grim smile agalu curhsl his Hps. "Let me see your bands." Wilis hold out his baade they were certainly rnther small and white, al though tennis playing had worn a few hrd callouses on the right palm. . "' thought so," said L'nde Judsoti: Heuuls hnnds, oh?" "They may ,e 0ft now, but I nssure you. Dade Judson, I an not afraid of y kind of work which wlU help DM 'ih my course." At 'he sound of tho unfamiliar words, "nde Ji;. i-.,n." Judson HardHcre glauoed up sharply, and then he said, tatle r more gruffly than before: "Well, I'll take you at your word. ina are dull and I haven't much of anything Wst. besides chopping Mlt, Judson Hnrilaore pressed n button, and u tall, quiet man with a pen thrust Omm his oar stepis-d Into the room. "Calkins, this is wtiiis Everett He will go to work tomorrow morning at th, Kdw.irdsburg mUl at :m a month, tie will hoard at the company's botaL Ilnv him report to Matthews. Let mo know ca.-h week how ho Is doing." "I'm Very much obliged to you " Willis faltered, hardly realizing that at last ho bad found a Job. Tou't thank mo yet," said his undo, slmoel gruilly; "you may not warn to aftor you have been working awhile." Willis wont homo In high spirits. "Mother, inothor," he called; "I've not a jou at UK and a Job from Undo Judsoti, too." Tluit afternoon Willis packod his satchel and took the train down tin valley for Bdwardabnrg, where the Hardacre mills wan located, -it was about twenty-live miles from home, and ho had never boM lu the place except on his bicycle and ho hardly knew whore the mills were located. Dot ho found them easily enough, and with them the foreman, Matthews -a big, red-faced, stoop shouldered giant, with a voice like a foghorn. Matthews read the loiter and then glanced at Willis keenly and half contemptuously, Wil lis thought. "Well," ho said, "be on hand at 7 o'clock to-morrow morning, and I'll put you to work." Willis found a place In the company's boarding hotise-a single bunk In an attic room with four other men. The walls were dingy, the floor was cover ed with coarse matting and the bedding did not look any too clean. One little, cobwebby window commanded a view of a vast heap of sawdust and alalia. SupiHT was served on a long table cov ered with oilcloth, and the tea was brought In by men waiters, who laugh ed and Joked one another. The work men came In with their sleeves rolled up and ate almost In silence. In the morning Willis was set to load ing slabs from the waste pile Into a box car which stood On a siding near ut hand. One man handed them down from the pile, a second toaaad thotn In to the car, and n third corded them up. Willis was given the easiest Job thai of piling but he was compelled to keep up with the other two. The slivers stuck Into his soft palms and the Jag ged bark bruised bis anus. Besides that, It wns a hot June day without a br. atli of air stirring to the car. For an hour or two he stood It pretty well, but before noon he hegnn to fool that he should drop In his tracks, but ho was determined never to give up. Ho was a cog In the machinery of the mill, and he proponed to do his duty until ho broke down. Never was music sweeter than the sound of the noon whistle, lie wearily dropped the Inst slab and staggered Into the dining-room of the boarding-house. At first he wns too tired to oat, but ho managed to swal low a little dinner, and by 1 o'clock he felt better. But lie know he never could Inst through the long afternoon at the same work, and It wns with a deep feeling of relief that ho beard Matthews order his crow from the ear loading to the sawdust chutes. Here he was required to stand knee deep In soft sawdust at the end of the chute, where the waste of the mill came blow ing out In a dusty cloud, and shovel for deaf life to keep himself from Isdng burled. It wns hot, wearing work, and by the time the afternoon wns finished Willis was thoroughly discouraged. But ho was naturally vigorous of hod?, and, although his uncle had made fun of his tennis and foot ball, he knew now how much good strength they had tddad to his muscles. Ho awakened the next morning Uinic In every Joint, with his hands almost raw with blls- ters. Bnt Til stick to It," he sam, gritting his tooth; "I've got to get through college next yenr." That day he was paired with n big. rod-bearded Scotchman, nnd they were assigned to the work of trimming up some timbers with n long cross cut saw. l.'or n hw hours Willis bent bravely back and forth. It wns fearfully hard work, particularly because ho did not 1 AM IN sKAlll H OF Won. understand the science of getting the ..... r mull Its from the least effort. Towards noon the big Scotchman who bd lioen watching him keenly, found .. .. ..... would n 1 filing. W IIU" .ever felt more grateful for anything in his life, and In U.e artornoou enough rested to continue . i. ..nt on day after day. Ba ton the end of the second Weak Willis L.w somewhat hardened, and oh grew . . hard thoiurh the worn - ' LVX not grow painfully exhausted. ,e also found that the other nu n were a nod hearted, kindly fellows, and al P mA, to help blin where tbey new, the big foreman, had given bin, 7 "hooker and scaler. In be 2 ..Krary atusnce of the regular chXr This was much easier work i w UUdld It with a qnlckncM and thoroughness and kept his accounts sa (Meamtetl thai Matthews more than me,, grunted , .attraction. About this time Willis saw his uncle for the first time Jadsoa llardiicie came around win, the superintendent, examining the work of the mill, and h must have seen WlllUas he s i irlth Ids pad and pencil where the lntMher shot from the whirring saws, but . gave BO sign of recognition. It hurt Willis' sensitive nature, but he only set his tooth the harder. "I'm making the money," be said to himself, "nud I'm going back to col lege." None of the men knew that he was Judsoti Ilnrilacre's nephew. Q bad bsw unuung aDMi It, preferring to stand on his own merits, uud his undo had been equally slleut Almut the middle of Soptemlior Wil lis resigned his Job, much to the regret of the big foremnn, who had come to like the clever, prompt young man. "When you try to get a Job some where else," he said, "Just let tne know nnd I'll give you a good recommenda tion." It was said lu a blunt, honest way, and no praise that Willis ever had re- Otd veil hud sounded so sweet In his ours. "By tho way, Kverett." said Mat thews, as be paid over the last salary Check, "Mr. Hnrdaere wished mo to ask you to call ami see him as soon as you get kick to town." Willis wondered why his uncle should care to have anything to do with him, but he called the next after DllCLa jrnsoN's cnrsT was nRoacx. noon. Ho had grown brown of face, and his hands were calloused and mus cular. When he came In Judson Hard acre said, gruffly: "Well, how much money hnve you saved this summer?" "Nearly $75." "Is that euough to take you through college?" "No, sir; but I shall start with It. rather thinks he can help me toward tho end of tho year." "How did you like your work?" "Part Of It I liked very well, T'ncle Judson, but It was too hard for mo ut first." At the words "I'ncle Judson," Judson Hardacre looked up sharply, it was not at all usual for anyone to address him as a relative, nud somehow the hard Hues of his face softened and his shoulders shook a little,- ns If he were laughing somewhere Inside. "Well, my Ny," he suld, "you've showed yourself pretty plucky this Summer, You've got tho genuine Hard ncrc blood In you. Let me tell you, I've Watched yon a good deal more closelj that you thought, and I Uko you, sir. Yes, I like you. Ho held out one hnnd, and Willis, flushing red and then paling again, with surprise and pleasure, grasped It warmly. "Let's bo friends," said the old man. "I haven't many of them, nnd I need a good one," and bis voice took on a half-pit If ul toue. Then he changed tho subject. "Here's a chock for 4(V. Oct your last yenr of schooling and don't scrimp on tho expenses. If yon need any more let mo know. And wdien yon got through cotno back here, I've got ft g.xd place for you In my ofllce, w here you will hnve n chance to work up." wuiis stammorod his ttumks, and stumbled, half-dozed, toward the door way. His uppermost thought at that moment wns: "How happy my father will he." As he reached the door his uncle Judson called after him: "And say, Just go ahead nnd play all the tenuis you want to." Undo Judson's crust wns broken. Ohicago Record. AFLOAT AS WELL AS ASHORE. Middle-Aged Man's DIscoTrry of the World-Wide Vmt of the Huck Saw. "The bucksaw In any mlml," said the middle-aged man, "Is Indelibly associ ated with a lawbook the reach le tweea the two X's half sawed through, where it had been scored by the saw dropping down upon It standing by a wood pile In the back yird. There are chips scattered around on the ground, and scraps of bark and more or less sawdust. "What brings all of this to my mind Is the sight of a man sawing wood with a bucksaw on tho dink of a schooner lying at a South street wharf, a stick of eordwood resting In the saw buck, and tho mnn with his knee on It and sawing away Just as he would ashore. At first this looked strange; nnd so It does still to sumo extent, I hud seen snwbucks nnd bucksaws on the decks of canal Niats, where they looked natural enough, because the. cnnal lioat Is usually dose by the land, wh. re olio COOld Step to or from It easily: but I could scarcely make the bucksaw seem familiar on a salt-water craft, because It seemed to mo so essen tially a thing of the land. "I'lunlly, I did make It seem nil right 00 the schooner, though, by think lug of that as a vessel tanking short voyages and keeping near land, and hauling up. mnyls In creeks, dose by the shore, nnd us being In various ways Intimately associated with the land; but I couldn't think of It as being used at sea. But when I came to think It over I knew, of course, they must have some way of sawing wissl almnrd deep water ships, nnd when I came to In quire i tanned that tho bemkaaw is uscsl afloat Just as It Is ashore; It Is piled on a ship l.WKI wiles at sea Just as It would be on a farm." New York Sun. t Pay of Actors in hlno. In China a compsny of thirty actors can bo engaged for $. to play as many piece sa may be d. slr.-d for two days at a stretchy Tbe elevator tn a departiueut store If merely sbop-llfter. GOLD BY THE FOOT. i -Iimi.,1. I Total iini i ii of thr Kleu- Ilk. I In. - . M l I'' ini , Supposing the tttOOObOOO of gold bfQUghJ from the Klondike by the St. Paid to be turned into a solid cylinder two feet In diameter, the letntth of the cylinder Would Is- about live feet The granite shaft of the I'lie lan monument is fifteen fset high and two feet menu diameter, so that one- JJ B A DAUMM KSTIMATR. third of It could !e replaced by the gold which the miners nud tho Alnskn Commercial company brought to this city, says the San Kraticlsco Examiner. The estimate of the total output of the Klondike this season Is $10,111)0,000, so thnt the entire shaft could In- replaced with the season's yield and f1,0O0,000 would lie left over. SWINGS BATTLE-AXES. An Intricate Kierclse Which Multr t-pcctiitor Tremble. An Intricate exercise with Indian clubs Is called "doing the outer nnd Inner circle." Only an expert pet form er may successfully attempt the feat. An Kugllshman In search of a sensation thnt will outdo nnythlng else In the cltihsw Inglng line has substituted but tle axes for clubs, an. I goes through n performance that makes the IQQfltatOT tremble to think of the consequences of one false move. The battle axes are of the heavy antique type, and would prove terrible weapons lu the hands of a powerful man. With these the per tor r goes through the Intricate cxer- .Ises known as the outer nnd Inner clr- do with piTfect ease ami confidence. It Is a thrilling spectacle to watch tho glittering steel blades crossing each other around the man's head, cleaving the air close fo his anatomy nnd np parently ouly fulling by n hair's breadth to shave off n portion of his skull, nn enr or nose. The feat Is coti sljered a marvel of skill and strength. WHERE DICKENS WAS BORN. Novelist Plrat Faw the I.luhl at Port een, Feb. 7, IS1SL Many ardent admirers of Ohariel IMckcns are under the Impression that l the novelist wns n cockney Isirn. As a ' ..... .. i... ... .. t. in.i.. UUllier oi I aei in- in si nn,. me uf.ui i.. WIIKIIK II!KK!s WAS Hon. Pottnen Feb. T, 1812. Ills father was then n derk in the Portsmouth dock jnrd, earning wbnl was then Hmnoo. fortable salary of 4si n yenr, and re aJtV d at 101 Mile Bad terra, e. Illatanora. The latest computation shows that It 1 2,-tb'l miles from San Francisco to Honolulu and KoO mllea fnm Kan Francisco to Manila, Philippine sl aods, by way of Honolulu. We always wonder that some one doesn't put a brand of perfume on the market known as "Cantaloupe." When a man gets bold of a horse Hint can pass a milk wagon he begins to tsks an Interest In races. IWIMtM IIATTLK-AXKS Kon q.l ll. MEANING OF JANUARY. AaotMsl i.r i on, i ii i ii v, ike Kir. I Month nt thr Year. "Tlsho! Ttielwo.fueMJiiiiu.com In view!" According to mythology Janus wns the god of gates mid in ellllrs mid In that character held n key In bis right hand I n rod In his left to symbolize tils opening uud ruling the year; some limes he bore the number IUhi In one band Hint .V In the other, the number of Its days In the ancient lunar year. At other times he was represented by four beads and placed In u temple of four quid sides with a door nud thr.v win fleWI In each side, as emblems of tin' four seasons nud the twelve mouths over which he presided. Verstegan states thai the Saxons cnlbsl this parted wolf mount, or wolf mouth, because the wolves of ancient forests, hnpoOod by hunger during the season, were wont to prowl ghovt hu man habltutlou.s and attack man him self, the Inferior animals on whom they usually preyed having retired or per Ished from the Inclemency of the weather. It Is mi established fact that expands! civilisation luu moderated the rigors of winter. The Kaxoiis, in a more poetical sense. eaUed it OmUI Ajftera, or Aeftet Vuin. signifying "after Christinas." In Ufa. salmi tod calendars pialied to m locals or service books January was frequent ly depleted lis u mull Willi fagots or II woodman's axe, shivering nnd blow ing breath upon bis lingers. Spenser. In Ids "l'aerle ymvno," thus dncrltos the popular Illustration: Then came old January, nrupissl nell In ninny weeds to bora the i swat. Yet did he quake and quiver, like to quell. And blow hia SOy let to warm Iheni, If In tuny, For thsf were BWBJVd i!h tinkling nil the dny An hntehet keene with which he fell'd Weed And from the trees did lop the neediest spray. The gentle, loving Charles l.nmb, In quiet differentiation, thus N'gltis one excellent paper: "Kvery man hath two btfthdkyai tWO days, at bust, III every year which set him upon revolving the lapse of time ns It affects his mortal duration. The one Is that which. In an especial manner, he termeth Ills. In the gradual desuetude of old observ ances, this of solemnising our proper blrthdiiy liath nearly passed away or Is left to i Ml. li vi i who reflect nothing nt all about the matter nor understand niiytt.lng beyond the rnke of orange. But the birth of n new year Is of luter est bM wide to lie disregurdisl by king or cobbler. No olio ever regarded the 1st of Jitiunry with Indifference. It Is that from which nil date their time and count QDon what Is left. It Is the nn tlv'ty of our common Adam." Buffalo News. The Poetical Cobbler. Hlijnh Brown, the cobbler, was SUMnered of the inuse, And nil Ills time was given up to stiinras niul to shoes. He sisirnnl lo live a tuneless life, Ingl.e rl.uii.ly mute, And njkditly hild his hist aside to labor nt his lute; For he had registered an oath Hint lyrical renown should trumpet to the a a! Teres the sfoc thy name Of Brown. And though his own weak opinions fulled lo reach the heights of song, His genius hatched o brilliant scheme to help Ills oath nlong; And nil his little youngsters ns they num erously came, He christened nfter ho(h In the punthmii of fume, Thnt their pOOtfc prestige might Impress them, mid Inspire A noble emulation to adopt the wnrhllng lyre. And Virgil Brown nnd Huntc Dmwti nnd Tnsnu Brown npsiired, And M.lt. hi Brown nnd Byron Broun nud Shnkspcnrc Brown Were reared, Iotigfellow Brown nnd Schiller BfOWS arrived at man's estate, And Words worth Brown nnd (loldsmlth Brown inn de up the finally slate. And be believed his gifted boys, predes tined to renew ii, In lime would roll the boulder from the burled name of Brown. But still the epic hi illinium, uud still thnt wort by name Is missing from the nodoOtUkl SDOO the hills of fume; For Knnte Brown's n peddler lu tho vege table line. And Byron Brown Is pitching for the Tiisenrorn nine; 1ongfcllnw Brown, the lightweight, Is n pugilist of note, And lioldsinlth Brown's a deckhand on a Jersey ferry hoot; In WOfdOWOrtli Brawn Manhnltnn hns sn estimable eop. And Schiller Brown's sn artist In a Brooklyn Isirl.cr nlinp; A roving tar is Virgil Brown upon the hounding sens, And TeSOO Brown l usefully engnged lu mnkliut cheese; The cobbler's bench Is Milfoil Brown's, and there he s.gs nwuy, And Ihakspsara Brown makes eocktulls In a Cripple Crook enfe! - Syrnruse Courier. Germ Killed by Heat. Ill view of the destructive effect of sunlight, especially of tho blue to the ultraviolet rays, upon baclofen, lu win taf, Professor II. Marshall Ward would explain tin operative freedom of riv er waters fr the bbiiilng hot summer sun from bacteria, ns against the more abundant infection of the same waters In winter. Pasteur and Miguel found that the germs floating In the air are, for the most part, dead killed, the au thor holds, by the sun. Veiisls which normally vegetnte on the exterior of ripening grnos are destroyed, nccord lug to Mnrtlmiud, If the bent be very In t. nse, and Qulntl has observed that the ingress of sunlight hinders ncetic fer mentation. When the typhoid bacillus falls Into turbid, dirty water In sum mer It finds u congenial propagating phi The din furnishes it food, ah sorbs In at to Increase the warmth, nnd kis'ps off the hostile blue mid violet rays. Popular Science Monthly. A Ntrangely Constructed Prison. With the demolition of Mayas prison (u Purls, the first prison lu Fiance cm Slrui'ted on tbe old cellular system In. dlsucnred. There were l.iflS) cells, radiating "be tho spok" of a wheel, and so arranged that each prlsotn-r could see the elnip.-l from tbe door and llst.-ii to divine servl"1 w Ithoiit leaving his celt When any one calls nt n house at eluven o'clock In the motnlng, he Is really looking for a dluuer. HUMOR OF TUB WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN Of THE PRESS. Odd, Carina anil l.iiuuhsble Phner of II in nun Nature tiraphlcallj I'or ii ... I bjr Kmlneut Word Artiste of Our Own I7 A lludget of Vuiu Olvlna It Away. Little Bddle Your nose hsiks Just the same ns It always did. Mr. Spurklelgh Of course. Why shouldn't It? Little labile I beard muinmn say when Mr Wllllklns came to s.-o Sister May. night before last, that your MM was out of Joint. Disturbed. First Cat Why so sad tonight. Thomaal Second Onl i fed so lonely nmi nog looted 1 I've been w ecilng ami wulllng for nn hour, nnd nobody bus thrown anything al me! Juiliment. "There ain't much patriotism about thnt fellow who Just passisl us. 'Why, did be refuse to go to wnr'f" '1 dun HO whether be went to wur or not, but he ain't got a solitary one of them little Hugs pasted on his wheel." Then Thry Olnred. F.lhd Ah. Ml I shall never marry. Maude Oh. don't say that. Why, you must hnve nt least half your life before you yet A Henennahte Deduction. "Yes," sho OXeSSimodl "l don't believe nny lady could listen to him for live minutes without being fHsclnatcd." "What n simpleton the fellow must he," he growled. Chicago News. Ill Nine Lives. The Hog How did yon feel when that empty ImtlJe passisl yon? The Cat Five of my precious lives flashed before me In an Instant. -New York News. Her Only Ailment. Parson Black How's yo' mammy ills niawnln', Kphralm? Kphmlm She's well, Ycp'n she's got company. New York F.vonlng Journal Acrnrdliw lo Kuinnr. "What n beautiful figure (but Miss Mel bill n bus." "Yes. Four bun. lie. 1 thousand In tier own name, I believe." l.uck. "It's fortunate," exclaimed the genial optimist, psnalvalyi "very fortuMte." 'To what do you nJIndeV" "The fact that there nre only twelve club. 111 the has.. ball league. If there were .me more we'd probably be In thirteenth place a great deal of the time. And that would be very un lucky." -Washington Star. Information Wanted. "Hobby, go Imtiesllnloly and wash your face.'' "Who's OOmln', inn? Or nre you goln' to take me somewhere)" In thr School of Wur, "Strmige what gisst lighters BOtrlOty men turn out to Is1." "Not nt nil; wearing a high oollnr makes a in it II ferocious." Why He WM Trniihlrd. Jnck OoraUi Old msn, cheer up. Whnt If she did break the ongagei it; "tie's not the only fish In tbe swim. Tom Oh. I don't care anything about ber breaking tho engagement, but you se. I've got to gu right on paying In stallments on tho ring for tho next six months. Thst's where the ley breese Comes In. Chicago News. He Wanted Ksvltemrnl. She I Mil papa give his consent to your marrying me? He- Yes, but be made me Join his poker club. She What for? He- He said I'd get his money any way, nnd Hint he might ns well have soi xoltemcnt lu purling with It. New York Press. The Tables Turned. Mr. Oldehap-Are you Interested In fossils, Miss (ittshley? Miss Olishley Oh or this Is so sudden!- New York World. A Necraeary Adjunct. "Why Is It you always wtll drug me OUl to the' stupid garden parties?" "Well, Hurry, you don't want me to have to scramble for my own lee cream, do youT Mnw Ha Oot Beat. "How well you look, Mbbs: When did you get back?" "i let ba. k? It was my wife who went away." Feminine Fnthnelaam. Wallace How does It happen that you have no flag flying from your house? Ferry My wife Insists that we shall wall until the neighbors have all bought theirs and then got a blggtat one. Cincinnati Kntilrer. Then 'Tn 111 time. "Pa!" "oh. bo quiet I" "Pal" "Well, what Is It?" "What did the l, Sen die ofr'-t I.. neb. ii Sporting Tillies. Outdone Hogarth Hlghton Me slsler Is tor lw presented at court nex' t.easou. Cecil Mny TutitfT Thill's nnwthln; me brudder wus before de court ylster day an' his case wiu ooiitluerod till nex' week, w'eu he'll lie I her.; nglu. A Rank Outsider. "Why wouldn't they ndnitt fsorlbely to membership In the New York War Vrrospotidents' Clubf "They snld he wasn't eligible. It ap pears thnt he simply described what was done by the fighters Instead of telling the government bow to run things." One In a Ihonsand. "Wonderful man, that Billings." ' "How so?" "You know he Is always playing prac tical Jokes on people." "Yea" "Well, when we were out swimming ttio other night somebody tbsl his shirt full of Knots and he didn't threaten tn 'lick the smnrt Aleck' If ho ever found out who It wus." A Orowlns List. "Well, I s. e that one Chicago girl Is the w ife of the Coventor of the Philip pines nnd another Is to slmro tho vl. . regal thn. nc of India." "Yes; and I know still another Chi cngo girl who Is ut tho hend of affairs, "Who Is she?" "My wife." 1 1 Not Ills Fault. "Fweddy, why don't you let yout mustache grow?" "Why don't I let It? flood heavens, dan! boy, I do, but It won't!" Boston Traveler. The Hemulns. "I ld you save nnythlng out of that wheat venture" "Ob. yea. a cheek stub." -Phlladel. phln North American. At the llnttom nf the Sea. "Wlio conimaiiils the Spanish arum tnada?" asked the teacher In history. "Mclilnty," answered the Imy whe wns never known to study his lessou, Detroit Free Press. Their Criticism. Bykes Say, Bill, ditt Charlotte Cor deeii Is n great piny. A young gal rushes In nu' stubs de villain In a buth tub. Bill Well, dat's wot he got fee bnthln'. ' I louver News. All In Her Wind. "Henry! Henry!" she suld, In a frightened whisper. "Whut's the mutter?" he sleepily ask ed. "(let up and light the gas, quick. I'm sure there's soinelsidy under this lied." "Nonsense," be replied. "You Im agine It. Co to sleep again. We haven't any members of tbe Peace union In this family." Lack. "Did you find things ns they wors advertised at that summer resort?" "Yes; exactly the same. Y'ou see, the proprietor of the place never had auy experience In the husluess before this season." Ca parlous. He Miss I.ucklono was ecrtaluly born with a silver spoon la her mouth. She Well, It must hnve been a table spoon or ho oue would have noticed It, -New York World. Henry George and the Porter. Henry Ceorge was traveling once dJ a sh-oplng car. Tbe porter came to brush the dust off him snd "work" him for the customary quarter. There were but few passengers. Oeorge re tlm'tod on the fact that Pullman paid his poor black hireling Utile or naught, and retted on his ability to brush and gouge the public Instead, and be de termined to give him all the change b found In his pocket lie thought there might be about 00 cents, but there ac tually wax ta In quarters, halves and dimes. He gave H all to the darky, who dropped his broom and stared at tho tip and thou at Oeorgo. 'This all fo' me, hMm?" be grasped. "It's all for you," replied Oeorge. The darky looked at the tittle, runty, modest man ami again at his handful of silver. "Wow!' he ejaculated; "It's true as d Cood Book pitta It, you nevnh csln tell bow fah a toad kin Jump twell you sees him hop." His Kind. "I snppos.. you're looking for s ebalnleas wheel)" No, I sm not I'm looking tor s harmless one." a: si