Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 3, 1898)
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JACK HON SMITH hnd n hobby,
lit' WOIlltl dtlllll) At till- foot Of IllH
tattle, curving knife in hud, white
i,,. enlarged npon the "iobIWi demo
cratic tittles," IMIipllllHlZllIK IllH Hill
Irni-os by brandishing tin1 carver In nlr.
Ills m il aversion to n Democrat was
in old maid. Indeed, the old Uinld m
even mon odious to III 11 1 The Prin,.
frnl In' could forgive ns liolng n fool, hut
the old maid wns la-yond pnrdon on nny
grounds- And jot, iih In very mockery
Of IiIk pi t nntlpnthy.Jils only Oblld,
(turiili. hid developed Into the hated ol
jii t. rifbt lu IiIh own botMeboidi
Snral ril (nil nnil angular, like her
fntlirr, hiit hor tnn win pleasing, and
her deposition mild und nmlaldo. She
lind MTW molted ngalnst anything lu
hor life- not even ngulust the Injustice
of spending bor youth In making pro
lervcs, apple buttor or piecing qnllts,
while other girls woro making DMT.
Sometimes Sarah wondered where her
youth had gone, but, while she wns 82,
ibe could not recall having been young.
One day Jackson Smith received a
hurt, mid when lr. Brawn wns called
In he told Jackson bis days -wore num
bered. Then It wns Hint bis hatred for
old maids proved Itself.
"I'll never lenve this plneo to n wom
in that can't get a busbaud," bo suld
'nut. father, Sarah's never hnd no
chance- we've always kept her down,"
remonstrated his weeping wife
He waved his ha ml to silence her.
"Woman, no old maid shall Inherit my
plgee. I've wilt by thodootor for law
yer t'larke, nnd he'll come to-morrow.
There's money enough In bunk for you.
but I'll flx It so that nt your death It
will go with tbo fnrm. Jackson Gog'
$an, my tuimcsnke, shnll get It nil."
Tearfully Mrs. Smith Imparted the
facts to Sarah.
"Mother, would be turn yon ont of
the old place Just lan-anse lie hates
mo?" And Sarnb looked Incredulous.
The elder woman nodded; then Sarah
tlnsed the round, sunburnt face nnd
ulil: "Mother, I never bnve revolted
gainst father, but I'm going to save
the place for you I wouldn't mind ho
much, hut yon shall never leave your
borne. I'm going ont now to think It
orer." And putting on her pink sun
bonnet she went out the back door.
When some distance from the house
Ihe sat down In the shade of n tree, nnd,
While her henrt DMl loudly over bor
father! contemplated Injustice, she re
vived to outwit him.
"There's J Oth Mullln; he might -but I
cun't !enr Josh; be cbews tobaeeo, nnd
his mouth always looks dirty. Henry
1! '. Is home, but he drinks so that
there's no dependence to lie put In him."
She cast her eyes over the landscape,
Mid on the next fnrm she saw the figure
of n ninn In the Held. Yes, there's John
Howard, hut " and her faeo grew
pink "I hate somehow to nsk It of
him." Then the tear stained face of her
mother passed before her mental vision.
Mul Riving a Jerk to her stinlHinnet she
Itnrtcd down tbo path across the
John llownrd was hoeing corn. When
In' mw Sarah approaching he stopped
tun! leaned on his hoe, a look of concern
In Ills face.
"Is the old mnu worse, Sarah?" bo
"Yes; Ir. Brawn says lie can't live
more'n two or three days, and Oh,
loan, it's awful the way ho is."
"Yes, hut you bnve been n good, sac
flfii lug daughter, Sarah, and you can't
Name yourself for anything, you -"
"Oh. you don't understand, John; Bo's
P'lng to leave everything to to Jack
M Onggnn, and mother! bavo to
hate the place," she half sobbed, ,
"You ean't mean It, Sarah? Why
W,T. that would be outrageous. What
njjlii's him talk 0f rocn 0 thing?"
Because becanae I am an old
-omlil; he hates old nialds." And her
fneo grew pinker than the inn bonnet
Mail llownrd shifted the hoo to the
f lier arm and looked down.
"John, I'vo come to ask yortOh,
MB, don't think me brazen; It's for
Mother's Hake. I can't stand to sec her
turned out, nnd for my fault, nnd If
Hu will only Uelp me nnd -and come
"I'tn the house and pretend that we are
P 0 married Just until nfter tbo will
Is made It wouldn't lie so very wrong,
'"tin not so hnd ns letting mother Is?
P"' out of her home " She caught
hreath In Hhort gasps, but when
Olin wns slli, III ll.ir i, I, tana mUuill
Pled. "I reckon lt's,asklng a heap too
Web of you. John, but don't bold It
Mlnst nie; I couldn't see any other
C.imkI -by, John." She was turn
"Ion't go yet, Snrab. I-I think your
to Is good, but It might not work.
Jackson Smith Is sharp; he'd see right
through It, but If if you would be
" nag we could drive over to Squire
M s this afternoon and get married.
oui,in.t trouble you any. Saruh-we
" go on Just the same, and I'll nev
ut to marry any one else, anil If
aaa-" ou could eet " d,vor,''''
2h' you're sure It mnkea no dlffer-'nce-you
don't mind, John 7" Her touc
Jte, I don't mind; I'd help you any
2 "ull, Sarah. It's high noon now.
"drive over for you In the buggy
"tut aAai dinner."
""1 be ready, and-I wouldn't have
wed you, John, only-only-you tin-
derstand how It Is, don't your
ince was nil ngnln.
"I understand it, larah Don't teaK
Why, Sarah, wheN hnvo you been
iou look as rosy ns n poppy." And
Mrs. Smith wiped tbo tears from her
eyes as sIhi giucd at her duughn r's
"I've been intending to business for
us, mother. You will not leave the
place. I'm going over to Squire Hall s
this evening, John Howard Is coming
to take me In the buggy."
The sun was sinking low In tlio west
when John How ard aud Sarah returned
from the squire's.
"Will you come In. John, and stay
abonl some? I'd rnthor you'd tell him
If you don't mind," Sarah said.
John hitched the horse ami went In.
He walked to the bedside of Juckson
Smith aud sat down.
"1'ncle Jackson," lie hognn, "I've
come to tell you what I've done You
know that I've often warned you that
some dny you would loan the most val
linble possession you bud "
"it's the hrindie heifer," Interrupted
Jnckson Smith, his eyes snapping nn
grlly. "John llownrd, you think bo
"HHB PACK OBBW PINKBB
jause I nm on my deathbed that you
cau do as you please, but I'll show you.
It's Just like a rascally Democrat to
nhoot a nelghlKir's heifer Just because
she Jumped Into your wheat. I don't
expect anything better of you-the
wbolo party Is made 0p of thieves nnd
CUtthroata but I'll lenve It lu my will.
Jnckson Ooggnn shall lnw and law tin-
(U He sank buck exhausted from
"If you get Hint angry over the hrlu
dle heifer, Undo Jackson, I don't know
What you will say when I tell you that
I have not toueln-d the heifer, but I
have married Sarah."
"Married - Sarah!" And Jaeksen
Smith s eves dilated. "Married Surah!"
ho said under his breath. "John, give
me your hand. I knew Snrah wns a
Smith. Why, there never was nn old
maid In the Smith fnmlly. hut it did
seem she mennt to Hike nfter tin. Walk-ers-her
mother wns a Walker. Snrnh
-mnrrled: I can go In ih-hco, John, now
that- you have lifted the ills-race from
the Smith family. You ueedn't mind
what I said obout the Democrat
reckon vou don't know bettor all
Sarah; I wont to give her tbo brlndle
When the lawyer came the u.-it day
he wrote a will bequeathing rt. aw
0 life Interest to Mrs. Smith, to his be
loved daughter Sarah, who had glad
dened tho last hours of his life.
A few days later, with all dm- cere
mony, Jackson Smith was laid away
by the side of other Smiths. John How
ard went home with his wife and her
mother. At the porch Ik- halted awk
wardly. seeing which Sarah turned.
"Will you come In. John?'' ! asked.
-I'm ofruld It would only p-ster you
If I did -I- reckon I ought to go borne,
but I hate to leave yon-yon women
folks alone, and you'll be kind of lone-
"YoT might stay. We would fix up
father's room real comfortable you
would juit at mm" Sarab' bgln
I tl like to. Sarah I could tend lha
crop Just ns well, hut I'd feel as if I WU
living rr you women, and and you
might get to hate me if i i,ung around."
iou needn't lie nfrnld of u, ,,
John,'' said Kanih. tm,oli,ir l,..r r....'.
nervously on t. norvfa floor. "Ii vnnLI
! the enslmt wny out of our our ill
lemma; hut If you'd rnth.T not stay we
eoqld note In to tolka how it was that
you Just married me to wive the farm "
"Hill, Surah. If we told that It would
I1 a lie. 1 took ndviiutnge of your
trouble to gtt you married to me, and
yon didn't napeet me, but bow i teal
mean, ami ns if roe win not reepoct nu
hen I ti ll yon the truth." Sarah gnzod
at him lu wonder. What could he mean,
the thought, but DO sound came from
her lips, and he continued: "I've lieeti
trying forleti ri lit to ask you to marry
tue, but I never cooid do It, ami when
you came to me In your trouble I Jump,
ed nt the ehntuv, Sarah, 1 ause 1
wanted you- I've always loved you, but
now I feel I enn't stay unless unlesj
you can take me for your husband In
earnest." His eyes did not lift to het
"John!" Her eyes were open In wide
amuze, nnd the face so lately tear stain
COVlH'ennie radiant with unexpected Joy
Ton love me?" she questioned In glai!
unbelief. "Why. 1 have loved you all
this time, too," she whispered, Ohtca
i in imi. Flsurca Alxut Ita
Depth onl Vnlutue.
I lutend to take my revenge on the
sea for the post Indignities suffered
from him and to deal deliberately In
personalities nbout him. Inviting tc
my side bis ninny victims who bavo
suffered the like Indignities, I propose
that we weigh, tin-usurp nnd gauge
him, bnttle him, pluy games with him'
and show bin) up generally -for, like1
most bullies, be Is a bit of a burning. !
Tor our attack on the sea we shall
want a few facts to start from, and
here they ore:
We take tbo statements of four good
men of science, a geographer, nn as
tronnmer, a physicist, a statistician,
add the statements, divide by four, and
arrive at the result that the surface of
the son Is 180M millions of square miles,
his weight l,.'a2,000,KV),mo.0W,(iO0
tons and bis volume 3,000,000 cubic
miles. A llko process will tell us that
THAN THE) SUNBONNBTV
the average depth of the sea Is 12,000
feet (more than two and one-quarter
tulles), nnd we know thnt one cubic foot
of him weighs over sixty-four pounds
avoirdupois, 1. o, about four and one
h.dt stone, or ns much as a small child
H or 10 years of ago. from these llg
ures Mr. Schooling deduces that tho
sen Is simply nowhere when we coty
paro tt with tho laud of this planet os
regards the solid quantities of weight,
ib-piS and volume:
"Only In the superficial quality of sur
face does tho sea leat tho laud. As to
beauty, there Is Infinitely more of It
nnd lu much gn-ater variety, on the
land thnn on the sea. To further em
phasize the mognltlceuce of the si-a we
will now pour It Into a Jelly mold-ono
of thoso thin, ornamental, tin shapes
you see In the kitchen dresser. Kof
this experiment I have dug out nil tho
Inside of the United Kingdom of fireat
Britain and Ireland, from Its surface
all the way down to the Center of tho
earth (.1,000 miles), and have thus node
the largest Jelly mold known or rather
two of them, for Ireland forms a shape
by Itself, although, at bottom, It Is firm
ly Joined to Kngland, Wales and Se.it
land. Now, this Jelly mold would be
large enough to bold Just one-half of nil
the sea of this planet, so that a pair at
these tin shapes would dispose of the
whole sea!" Person's Magazine.
Whefl a young man comes more than
a hundred miles to see n young lady,
that settles It so far as her uelghlmrs
and friends are concerned, and tiny
commence to worry about what tbey
will get her for a w.-ddlng present
Every woman's letter contains an
apolofe' for oat wr,ll,,tl O0D'r' though
bor friends, who have to answer, think
she should apologize ' for writing to
There are a few things that inoocy
cannot buy, but the trouble l thot not
many people want tbtuJ,
ning to realize the
THINGS PERTAINING TO
FARM AND HOME.
ease Rscetteat iuit- for u,, Putrous
of Crrumerlr lllnta to lllueklrrry
Ornwcra-llow to Mukr on gdesllll
Hcumrow i.i in i .il I .ii in Mrntlell.
tome I x, . Hi nt Duiry Kulra.
The Iowa Agrleiilanral College Cn-am
cry has promulgated the following rules,
which should ie obaerved by all pa
trons of creameries:
1. Nothing but tin palls should ha
Deed In the milk yard, as It Is ; ..
to keep wooden pails sweet,
'J. The CO We' udders should lie lart--fhlty
washed lH-fore any milk Is draw n.
X Milk Hhould be aired IniineilUtely
by pouring or dipping from pall to xill
before OKillug, and then Is- cooled s
quickly ns possible to at least 00 de
1 Milk should Is kept when1 the MM
rounding ulr Is pun1 and fnv from Ite
We odon or taint of any kind.
V Morning's milk should lie COO ted
Is'fore mixing with the evening's milk.
it. OoWl should have BCCOM to Siilt
dally, as milk ke'ps aweet longer when
cows are salt.il down often and regu
larly. 7. Cows should not Is- permitted to
drink stagnant or Impure water, but
should have nlinudaiiee of good water.
S. Cows should Ih driven quietly to
aud from paatnre,
o. Oani ami palls should le waahed
carefully with warm water, but not hot,
and care should lo taken to clean the
seams of the receptacles; then they
should ! icaMed thoroughly with hot
water and 1h- aired.
10. The milkers' hands and clothing
should be fri-o from dust and clean, and
also the hands and clothing of persons
who handle the milk In nny manner
when uncovered. There Is objection to
rule two. It says the cows' udders
should In- washed or bnwhed Ix-fon-nny
milk Is drawn. Washing the odder
Just before milking Is uot advisable,
for If the teatl are damp more or less
tilth w 111 roll up aud drop Into tbo pall.
iiinta About Blaekberrie
An experienced grower of bMckber
riee prefers not to set a new plantation
from tuckers, They have too few root
and Whal they have will run too far
and produce more suckers Instead of
strong bearing winhI. Murk a few of
the most vigorous and tmwt productive
plant, while In fruit. In the fall dig up
tlusio plants w ith all the largo roots a'
tached. Sob-cl tboae roots that are
alout the size of a load ih-ik-II and cut
them up into three-Inch loigths and
paek them In lsixes of clean sjuuI lu a
cokl cellar that Will not qul-te freeze.
If neither too warm nor too cold eal-Ioum-s
will form from which abundant
Not growth will start In spring when
planted out, as they should Ik- when the
soil Is In good condition. I'huit two or
three Inches ((part In nursery rows and
not over two Inches deep. Water or
mulch If necessary In dry weather. In
the fall take the plants (ill up, and nfter
shortening the roots to nlioiit eight
Inches Niek In sand as In tlio winter
before. The ends of the roots, being
ng-.iln calloused, will throw out n mass
of now feedldg roots, which will draw
on the soli ncur by, Instead of weaken
ing the plant by straying a long way off.
KccliiK I'rowi from Corn Field.
Make a dummy crow with Kitting
and n piece of blnck snbvn, or any
black Hhlnlug stuff for the tssly, now on
It the wings of a black chicken; cut
from the wings a few feathers for a
tall; take n PMOi of tho rib of a feath
er, dip it In ink for a bill; two black
beads or shoe buttons will do for eyes;
put two strlpH of the body stuff almut
four or live Inches long for legs. Sew
the wlngl so they will be spreading,
and don't make the body too big. Sllek
the ole with the make believe crow
hanging from It lu the corn Held. If It
Is n large field put thris' or four, ami
they will let It alone. Practical I'anner.
I'liint Heavy Seed.
Experiments tried by the United
Btatce Deparknenl of Agriculture, to
test the comparative results of using
huge or henry snsl, nnd small or light
iced, resulted very much In tavorof the
heavy leed, nnd thnt the difference was
greater as the plants approached ma
turity, Thus, peas from the larger sissl
began to bl..- m four days earlier than
nurse from small si-od, produced mar
ketable imiw four days earlier, and the
main crop live to hIx days earlier. Vitu s
grew ranker, pods WON much larger,
and there were jK-ns lu the proportion
of H.2 from larger teed tor.L'oii smaller.
Beam showed a similar rcault, both as
to size and ear! I noes, and In several oth
er crape tea tOd the growth of plant was
much lx-tUT from the larger sssl, ex
ceedlng the small nliout as three to two.
The seed wns all from the same stock
and grown lu the MUM place, and plant
ed lu sand In the greenhoaea under
Identical conditions as far as could bo
The Juduc and 01 Whent.
Maud Miller, In thfl Hummer's heat,
Raked the Meadow thick With wheat.
The Judge rude llowly down the lime,
Smoothing his bolte'l chestnut DUUMt
"With Wheat nt ii dollar ht," Mild he,
"Thai BMM Is tboOl the site for me."
TheO he smiled nt her nnd she blushed nt
And over the BWadoW fence he dim.
"Will .inn Marry me, gwont maldT in-
And the told him "Yes," nnd they were
A Ins for maiden, tlai for Judge,
for DM ill-slum r nnd wheut-lleld drudge.
Lord pity tin in both and pity us nil,
Cur Maad didn't own the Wheal at all.
And theJodae remarked when he learned
"Don't talk to me about dollar wheat!"
Sun Fraodtce Argonaut.
Crow In of Nut Treea.
The Michigan itattoa hns given tpe
etal attention to the growing of dux
tin-, it finds rery few of any ennamer
, lal i :t in-. BereraJ kinds can t? grown,
howwrer, in a small w ay, an an Intereat
Ing study, or ii- iui nmuai-inettt. TIk
IWTI thell almond haa proved hardy
then Of tt they say that whlb. It bat
IsirtH- nutt of pi -i-utii flavor, tbey an'
not i-qunJ to 'J. - offered In market.
The raragon la the only cbcetaut that
bat fruited, and It tendency b) to orer
bear. KllU-rts aud bazeluuta are, ok
course, hardy, but have not yet fruited
r.saus grown from Iowa sei-d nr
hardy, but the fruit Is of little value
The Hnft-sholl tri-iss, grown from TMHM
S4S1, w ill not stand the winter without
protection Japan wnhrata, MNbtiwhn1
like our butli rnirts, do well, and tin
1'crsl.in er Kngllsh walnut end nr. s tin
climate, but has made slow growth.
Mll.krnl u Milk Thief.
farmer Youngs, of Harmony, I'u.
has noticed that his cows have conic
up nt night with the ppoerenoo ol
having Is-ell milked, lie got tired el
It and sent his hired man to the pastor,
to catch the thief. He spent the daj
in .ir enough to the cows to watch l. m
he thought, hut nt night It was stll
evident that the cows had lus-n mllkc.
again. He was reprimanded and toM
buck with them the next day. At about
11 O'doek, he nays, u cow went lutt
some brush near a small lake, lit
crept through the grass and caught tin
thief lu the act, and he proved to he u
large luuskrat. The mutkrat WW
hanging on to the cow's udder am!
seemed to Ik enjoying his dinner 1 tit
mentoly, when the rat dteappeared
Into tin1 swamp the cow was angry
and wns driven back Into the pastor,
with great dltllculty. New York I'rcst
Terror of n Dry I'liiiiuicr.
Ill the pastures the principal drink
lug plans should la' carefully exam
Inedj Hr-t, to protect the source of sup
ply if it be liable to trending by tin
st.H-k; second, to remove the neciimu
lal Inns of mud. If by ho doing the CO
paclty of the pond can be thereby lu
c retted nnd, thirdly, to protect tin
whole supply, as far as possible, froit
that fouling which Is IhiuiiiI to go or.
If the cattle can obtain free access tc
the water, and w hich Is iicier felt mon
than when the water Is scanty. It wll
he UndentOOd by the thoughtful readei
that the tenors of a dry summer and I
deficiency of water may be alleviate,
to a certain extent by careful manage
RieOt, hut no time should be lust In tuk
lug itepa to remedy nny defects whld
might exist, or other prcsnlng world
will the! TO the mattCf once for ull.
l'urui uud Home fKnglaud).
So economical of grain were th.
farmers of olden tlmea that It WU reek
oned quite an advantage to fatten cat
tie on pasture. The Idea evidently WM
that guiHs was the product of nature,
costing nothing, am If not UMd nni-t
! wasted. Cniln of nil kinds cost hi
boi to grow und harvest It, nnd If uot
fisl It could U- turned Into money. S.
far ns economy goea, we believe tbt
practice of grain feeding for iM'-f i
lu st. Hut the old grass fed lacf ral
always tender, while grain f.sj beet
was not, eapeelally if the grain wai
f.sl In winter with dry hny. The feed
big of a very small amount of grain tc
fattening cattle at paatnre makes them
fatten much faster. Improving the quill
Ity of the beet, as well as making it
production more ecououilcal.
Cut v i in- on Tlm.illiy --I.
Wherever a two or three year old
timothy hihI Iiiih Is-en plowed It Is very
apt to be Infested With white grub,
which will do great damage to corn,
cabbage and itrawberry piunts. The
parent beetle selects timothy sod to
deposit her cggH, iih lit the Junction ol
the stem nnd root there Is a bull, thnt
makes nil excellent tlrst feed for the
young larva when llrst hutched. The
while grubs come to the surface at
night und cut off the stems of cnbhagi
or corn Just above the ground. They
may be poisoned by mixing purls green
with wheat bran and plat-lug It nruiiud
the hills. The while grub Is very greedy
fur bran, and will get enough of the
poison to kill Itself.
Wheat tl, .I, n Down tiy Knlna,
Severe storms often beat down MM
straw of wheat and other gralnn be
fore the clop has matured enough to
barveet. in most eases u better rceull
will Ih hnd If such pieces are cut as
soon as possible uftcr the storm. The
material In the stalk will go Into the
grain, and If the stalk Is much bent lit
tle more sap will come from the root.
In fact, the grain bcetOO down Is al
most sure to Ih attacked by rust, which
win destroy most of the Julcee in the
stalk and prevent the grain from tilling
as It should. When grain Is cut early
Its stalk gradually dries up, leaving nu
chance for the rust fungus to get a
lodgment lu It.
Watcrlnu t ntbii.
The broad leaves of cabbage evapor
ate water very fast, and llko other
leavi-H, they probably take carbonic
add gus from the air nml store It lu
the cabbage bead. They requiro a
great deal of water, nnd It Is a great
help to their growth In a dry time If
soil Is dug away from their roots, nud
water lu which some fermented stable
manure i.n- been dissolved is poured in
the hole. Then replace the soil that
has been taken out. This will leave a
dry ettrface and prevent evaporation.
The cabbage will also grow faster than
If the manure water Is ixmrod on the
surface soil around the plant.
('own In Orchnrda.
After uppb'M set i n ws ought
allowed to r'n in orcbarda,
b-ss of the fruit Is sure to
though It Is green nnd bitter,
eal It Kr Illy. Whenever
storm comes, the ground w III
ed with appb-s, and cows w 111
Umee too much for them,
nothing better calculated to
cow than ullowlng her to Ml
not to be
dry off a
gr. en apples.
t ear Pone
It Is known that pear scab differs
from apple seal. In some particulars.
Some cbilm that these dlffereines are
so small as not to denote that the fungi
are distinct. If they are proved to be,
It follow s that pear scab cannot spread
to the apple, nor apple scab t., the pear.
Whether or not the fungi nn- distinct
pectee Is what the letenttete aro try
lug hard to determine.
Hot Water for Imri-ra.
When bOfOM have made their way
Into trees, some hot water, us hot as
CM w-HI tie iHirne by the hand, InJOtlOd
Into the holes they have made, will de
stroy them, and w ill not Injure the tree,
With a syringe and flexible rubber tube
with a small noxrle, enough water
should lo forced up to make sure that
the borer l killed. All uwt can b
killed) by applying water to them at a
t.-mpemtore not high enough to be lu
Jurloue to vegetatlou.
OfR BUIKJET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS 8AYINQS AND
INQS HERE AND THERE.
Joke anil Joke I. la Mini Arc e i-. -t
to Have lte n Kt-artilly Horn Mu Inu"
and UnliiL- that 1 1 l "ilil. I iirli-n i, ml
Laughable. Tin- Wrrk'a llnanor.
Her I'ather Young man, I f.-ar you
are making a mistake. My daughter
will not gel a cent from me until after
Her Suitor oh, thnt doesn't worry
me lu the iMMt 1 have attved enough
to keep us for a couple of years. -Ht,
LOttM Poil Dispatch.
Ho Wui Nu Klahtrmun.
Bobber it's too bmi that Qoerge
Washington never knew the lofono COO"
tentmenl Hint can come only to the mnfl
Who l. , Midpoint, s -im1 anil IttlO.
Angli son How do you know Iki nev
Bobber De never toU a nx
He ll..d Slot
Her fattier No, I can't eottaonl to let
you bnve my daughter.
Suitor May I nsk WaVjl Is It any
thing you have ngulnst me pOfaomdlyl
Her fut her No, I like you all right,
ns f ii r ns that's concerned, but you don't
really hu e each other.
Suitor I assure you
Her father No. I'm not mistaken. My
gas bills have Isvii nearly twice ns hlKh
during the past three mouths ns they
were while she was engaged to young
Falthleaa Tommy Atklna.
Sainti Just fancy the corporal a glv-
ln up Wary for that hi cook) ihe'i old
enough to be 'is mother.
Tommy Yes, my denr, but look nt
the wageel Why, Mary didn't earn
ciiinii;li to k.sp Mm In smokes! Ally
Ho And nm I really and truly the
first maii you ever kissed?
She Why, of course, you are, stu
pid. He Stupid! Why do you call mo
She Hocitiiso you are not original.
At lensl n down men have asked me
tho very snmo question.
A Matter of Wnrda.
"Whnt a pushing fellow that young
Mlglcy Is! Six years ugo lie was a wait
er lu a chcup restaurant. To day lu
has a government Job that pays blm
7,iki a year."
"Hushing, did you any? You've got tho
wrong word. Hulling Is whnt you
HUIiik to un tateaotefaj
Mrs. Youuglove John, do you know
that you haven't klsHed me for a week?
. Mr. Youuglove Yes, darling, I wus
Just waiting to see how long It would
take you to notice tt.
John, It will lie olwerved, had his
presence of mind with him. Cleveland
Lead tf i
He Wua Too llaaty.
"Why Is It," he naked, "that iHiiutlful
women are always the most stupid?"
"Sir," she replied, "am I to under
stand that ymi desire to cast rolled Ions
upon my mental capacity?"
"Oh, no," he hurriedly returned; "I
have always said that you were oue of
the brightest girls I cver "
Hut he didn't llnlsh. Hefore hi old
do so he realized that he had said the
wrong thing and could never make It
As to Ilia Health.
"You may as well understand, young
man," said the old gentleman, "that
my daughter will not get n cent until
nfter my death."
"Oh, Hint's nil right," replied tbo
yonng mini cheerfully. "I have nlready
consulted your family physician."
A Hurt- Hlun.
Smith Hrown Is evidently financial
Jones Why do you think so?
Smith He Is beginning to live ex
travagantly und dresses better limn
"No, dearest. It would uot be at
right to take dollies to church."
"Hut, mamma, dear, It would not
matter If I only took the one who shuts
her eyes, would It?"- New York Nuwt,
The Fall In Tean pra tor.
"Ah!" he cried, "yesterday yon wol-
eorinsl mu warmly. To-day you receive
me coldly. What It the cause of this
j "Don't you read tire papers?" the
calmly replied. "My father hat Jutt
I Inherited a cool million."
at Thtr Can't Help It.
The Spaniards have made one declar
ation regarding tin- war that they aro
going to fiiimi."
They have said all along that they
would fight to tie- bitter end. nud It's
hound to In, that way now, no matter
w hen If i-oiiics."
Ho Thry Hay.
I have rend toraewhere that Admiral
Oervera and his men hadn't any ctothee
on to njaah of When they surrendered."
"Tee, Hint's ho. In addition to knock
ing the spots off them, Schley's nu n
Hi iired them out of their bris-ehes."
"Taiarmadnkel Marmadukal what are
"Away, frnll woman! 1 am going to
shoot myself!" Ally Slop. r.
Mr. Spliikuui Ah, this reminds me of
tho pie my dear mother used to make.
Mrs. Splnkum h, Alfred, you don't
know how ghul I nm to hear you say
Mr. Splnkum It's mi different, you
Plenty of Ability,
Anxious mother How Is It that you
have so milch trouble with your house
keeping? You told me your wife could
Adult son She can.
"Theu whnt Is the mutter?"
"She wou't." New York Weekly.
And There Are tMbera.
Jack Supposing I Were to place my
firm around your waist and steal a kins,
would you be very utigiy?
Maud Indeed I would that Is, If It
went no farther than a cumi of suppo
sition. Muat lie a l'realdrnt.
"lo you know when old OatlUI iNl
en me here he won too poor to buy a
ticket ami had to walk."
"Yes, nud now he's tis rich to buy a
ticket and hns to ride on n pass." St.
Uuils Host Dispatch.
Ii' II Ii ii I II u 1(1.1-.
Puddy Kwlrerftil) they say, hi mm-
rhsl Bgeln. This Is his f-.nrlh wife
Duddjf Kwlverful'd iM'tter lai cnn
fill. He'll get caught some day.
ruddy Oct cuught?
Dilddy Yes; he'll unirry n womiio
who will live, -lloston Transcript
Milking Hae of Them.
Hook kis-jier- Here's another bill from
your tailor, sir.
Do Hroko- Ah, yes. Save them until
you have a hundred, and I'll lvave them
bound. Sau l-'rniielsco Chroulcle.
in .I.,... . Lend Rofety.
Farmer Scruggs It's too bad thct
ther U war In Cuby.
l-'arnierllayrlck low hllllker! Would
ran want It here?
farmer Scruggs -Wal, If It wua hero
we'd be able to ketch them sojer fel
lers III Some uv ther whoppers they'll
tell when ther war's over. -New York
An Hnterrlfled Lovely Olrt.
A lovely girl wns caught by her aunt
while Indulging In a surreptitious cigar
ette. "My dear," said the horrltbsl aunt,
"do you know that every time yOd
Hiiioke one of those benstly things you
drive a mill In your cotlln?"
"No, auntie, Hear," said the lovely
girl, "you are wrong. A woman can't
drive a mill."- What to Kat.
The Patriotic Hetort.
Herbert 1 any, old man, don't you re
Htmbet that you borrowisl $10 from
me Severn! months ago?
Snmsby l'orget that, my bOf, Re
member the Maine! - lTilludelphlu
Willing to Comprnmlae.
Quick Droii Dan Horry, ma'am, hut
the Ihijti hns lynched yer husband by
tnia take, However, they're nil willing
ter do the fair thing by you.
Widow Well, ouo of then) will huvo
to marry me.
Quirk Drop Dim (after a pause) Snyl
ffpOOltt' we lyiielies one 'ud calls It
squur. New York Krenlng Journal.
Ituaala'a Military Htrongtli.
Kollowtng the visit of their president
to Russia the French paers have been
tnatriictlug their n-adcrs on the forces
possessed by that country. The Army
and Navy (Jazetlo of London extracts
from one of the moat widely read of
tin-so some Interesting particulars. Tho
ltimalun army, founded by u ukase of
1H70 on universal liability to service,
can draw upon annual recruiting lists
of something like In Buropo and
liO.uOU In Asia, but In time of pence
many cases of exemption are- admitted,
and only about u quarter of the above
numbers, or some 220,000 In nil, ire
called out The liability Is for twenty
yeara' aervlis., commencing at the ago
of 21. Of this pi-rlml tlvc years have to
be passed with tho colors, but this may
lie reduced to four for men of better
education than the average, and oven
to three and two for young men joining
direct from the secondary and supe
How a man whose collar wilts In
Qfteen minutes, hates a man who al-
waya lookt cool!
Cigarettes get blamed for lota of lilt
that are due to tort affair.