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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 3, 1898)
Si . - - JACK HON SMITH hnd n hobby, lit' WOIlltl dtlllll) At till- foot Of IllH tattle, curving knife in hud, white i,,. enlarged npon the "iobIWi demo cratic tittles," IMIipllllHlZllIK IllH Hill Irni-os by brandishing tin1 carver In nlr. Ills m il aversion to n Democrat was in old maid. Indeed, the old Uinld m even mon odious to III 11 1 The Prin,. frnl In' could forgive ns liolng n fool, hut the old maid wns la-yond pnrdon on nny grounds- And jot, iih In very mockery Of IiIk pi t nntlpnthy.Jils only Oblld, (turiili. hid developed Into the hated ol jii t. rifbt lu IiIh own botMeboidi Snral ril (nil nnil angular, like her fntlirr, hiit hor tnn win pleasing, and her deposition mild und nmlaldo. She lind MTW molted ngalnst anything lu hor life- not even ngulust the Injustice of spending bor youth In making pro lervcs, apple buttor or piecing qnllts, while other girls woro making DMT. Sometimes Sarah wondered where her youth had gone, but, while she wns 82, ibe could not recall having been young. One day Jackson Smith received a hurt, mid when lr. Brawn wns called In he told Jackson bis days -wore num bered. Then It wns Hint bis hatred for old maids proved Itself. "I'll never lenve this plneo to n wom in that can't get a busbaud," bo suld fiercely. 'nut. father, Sarah's never hnd no chance- we've always kept her down," remonstrated his weeping wife He waved his ha ml to silence her. "Woman, no old maid shall Inherit my plgee. I've wilt by thodootor for law yer t'larke, nnd he'll come to-morrow. There's money enough In bunk for you. but I'll flx It so that nt your death It will go with tbo fnrm. Jackson Gog' $an, my tuimcsnke, shnll get It nil." Tearfully Mrs. Smith Imparted the facts to Sarah. "Mother, would be turn yon ont of the old place Just lan-anse lie hates mo?" And Sarnb looked Incredulous. The elder woman nodded; then Sarah tlnsed the round, sunburnt face nnd ulil: "Mother, I never bnve revolted gainst father, but I'm going to save the place for you I wouldn't mind ho much, hut yon shall never leave your borne. I'm going ont now to think It orer." And putting on her pink sun bonnet she went out the back door. When some distance from the house Ihe sat down In the shade of n tree, nnd, While her henrt DMl loudly over bor father! contemplated Injustice, she re vived to outwit him. "There's J Oth Mullln; he might -but I cun't !enr Josh; be cbews tobaeeo, nnd his mouth always looks dirty. Henry 1! '. Is home, but he drinks so that there's no dependence to lie put In him." She cast her eyes over the landscape, Mid on the next fnrm she saw the figure of n ninn In the Held. Yes, there's John Howard, hut " and her faeo grew pink "I hate somehow to nsk It of him." Then the tear stained face of her mother passed before her mental vision. Mul Riving a Jerk to her stinlHinnet she Itnrtcd down tbo path across the tnendow. John llownrd was hoeing corn. When In' mw Sarah approaching he stopped tun! leaned on his hoe, a look of concern In Ills face. "Is the old mnu worse, Sarah?" bo asked. "Yes; Ir. Brawn says lie can't live more'n two or three days, and Oh, loan, it's awful the way ho is." "Yes, hut you bnve been n good, sac flfii lug daughter, Sarah, and you can't Name yourself for anything, you -" "Oh. you don't understand, John; Bo's P'lng to leave everything to to Jack M Onggnn, and mother! bavo to hate the place," she half sobbed, , "You ean't mean It, Sarah? Why W,T. that would be outrageous. What njjlii's him talk 0f rocn 0 thing?" Because becanae I am an old -omlil; he hates old nialds." And her fneo grew pinker than the inn bonnet Mail llownrd shifted the hoo to the f lier arm and looked down. "John, I'vo come to ask yortOh, MB, don't think me brazen; It's for Mother's Hake. I can't stand to sec her turned out, nnd for my fault, nnd If Hu will only Uelp me nnd -and come "I'tn the house and pretend that we are P 0 married Just until nfter tbo will Is made It wouldn't lie so very wrong, '"tin not so hnd ns letting mother Is? P"' out of her home " She caught hreath In Hhort gasps, but when Olin wns slli, III ll.ir i, I, tana mUuill Pled. "I reckon lt's,asklng a heap too Web of you. John, but don't bold It Mlnst nie; I couldn't see any other C.imkI -by, John." She was turn "lt away. "Ion't go yet, Snrab. I-I think your to Is good, but It might not work. Jackson Smith Is sharp; he'd see right through It, but If if you would be " nag we could drive over to Squire M s this afternoon and get married. oui,in.t trouble you any. Saruh-we " go on Just the same, and I'll nev ut to marry any one else, anil If aaa-" ou could eet " d,vor,'''' 2h' you're sure It mnkea no dlffer-'nce-you don't mind, John 7" Her touc was eager. Jte, I don't mind; I'd help you any 2 "ull, Sarah. It's high noon now. "drive over for you In the buggy "tut aAai dinner." ""1 be ready, and-I wouldn't have wed you, John, only-only-you tin- n derstand how It Is, don't your Her ince was nil ngnln. "I understand it, larah Don't teaK Why, Sarah, wheN hnvo you been iou look as rosy ns n poppy." And Mrs. Smith wiped tbo tears from her eyes as sIhi giucd at her duughn r's faca "I've been intending to business for us, mother. You will not leave the place. I'm going over to Squire Hall s this evening, John Howard Is coming to take me In the buggy." The sun was sinking low In tlio west when John How ard aud Sarah returned from the squire's. "Will you come In. John, and stay abonl some? I'd rnthor you'd tell him If you don't mind," Sarah said. John hitched the horse ami went In. He walked to the bedside of Juckson Smith aud sat down. "1'ncle Jackson," lie hognn, "I've come to tell you what I've done You know that I've often warned you that some dny you would loan the most val linble possession you bud " "it's the hrindie heifer," Interrupted Jnckson Smith, his eyes snapping nn grlly. "John llownrd, you think bo "HHB PACK OBBW PINKBB jause I nm on my deathbed that you cau do as you please, but I'll show you. It's Just like a rascally Democrat to nhoot a nelghlKir's heifer Just because she Jumped Into your wheat. I don't expect anything better of you-the wbolo party Is made 0p of thieves nnd CUtthroata but I'll lenve It lu my will. Jnckson Ooggnn shall lnw and law tin- (U He sank buck exhausted from his outburst "If you get Hint angry over the hrlu dle heifer, Undo Jackson, I don't know What you will say when I tell you that I have not toueln-d the heifer, but I have married Sarah." "Married - Sarah!" And Jaeksen Smith s eves dilated. "Married Surah!" ho said under his breath. "John, give me your hand. I knew Snrah wns a Smith. Why, there never was nn old maid In the Smith fnmlly. hut it did seem she mennt to Hike nfter tin. Walk-ers-her mother wns a Walker. Snrnh -mnrrled: I can go In ih-hco, John, now that- you have lifted the ills-race from the Smith family. You ueedn't mind what I said obout the Democrat reckon vou don't know bettor all Sarah; I wont to give her tbo brlndle helfer." When the lawyer came the u.-it day he wrote a will bequeathing rt. aw 0 life Interest to Mrs. Smith, to his be loved daughter Sarah, who had glad dened tho last hours of his life. A few days later, with all dm- cere mony, Jackson Smith was laid away by the side of other Smiths. John How ard went home with his wife and her mother. At the porch Ik- halted awk wardly. seeing which Sarah turned. "Will you come In. John?'' ! asked. -I'm ofruld It would only p-ster you If I did -I- reckon I ought to go borne, but I hate to leave yon-yon women folks alone, and you'll be kind of lone- "YoT might stay. We would fix up father's room real comfortable you would juit at mm" Sarab' bgln awkwardness or their ixisltlon. I tl like to. Sarah I could tend lha crop Just ns well, hut I'd feel as if I WU living rr you women, and and you might get to hate me if i i,ung around." iou needn't lie nfrnld of u, ,, John,'' said Kanih. tm,oli,ir l,..r r....'. nervously on t. norvfa floor. "Ii vnnLI ! the enslmt wny out of our our ill lemma; hut If you'd rnth.T not stay we eoqld note In to tolka how it was that you Just married me to wive the farm " "Hill, Surah. If we told that It would I1 a lie. 1 took ndviiutnge of your trouble to gtt you married to me, and yon didn't napeet me, but bow i teal mean, ami ns if roe win not reepoct nu hen I ti ll yon the truth." Sarah gnzod at him lu wonder. What could he mean, the thought, but DO sound came from her lips, and he continued: "I've lieeti trying forleti ri lit to ask you to marry tue, but I never cooid do It, ami when you came to me In your trouble I Jump, ed nt the ehntuv, Sarah, 1 ause 1 wanted you- I've always loved you, but now I feel I enn't stay unless unlesj you can take me for your husband In earnest." His eyes did not lift to het faca "John!" Her eyes were open In wide amuze, nnd the face so lately tear stain COVlH'ennie radiant with unexpected Joy Ton love me?" she questioned In glai! unbelief. "Why. 1 have loved you all this time, too," she whispered, Ohtca go Uecord. STATISTICS ABOUT THE SEA i in imi. Flsurca Alxut Ita Depth onl Vnlutue. Wcluht, I lutend to take my revenge on the sea for the post Indignities suffered from him and to deal deliberately In personalities nbout him. Inviting tc my side bis ninny victims who bavo suffered the like Indignities, I propose that we weigh, tin-usurp nnd gauge him, bnttle him, pluy games with him' and show bin) up generally -for, like1 most bullies, be Is a bit of a burning. ! Tor our attack on the sea we shall want a few facts to start from, and here they ore: We take tbo statements of four good men of science, a geographer, nn as tronnmer, a physicist, a statistician, add the statements, divide by four, and arrive at the result that the surface of the son Is 180M millions of square miles, his weight l,.'a2,000,KV),mo.0W,(iO0 tons and bis volume 3,000,000 cubic miles. A llko process will tell us that THAN THE) SUNBONNBTV the average depth of the sea Is 12,000 feet (more than two and one-quarter tulles), nnd we know thnt one cubic foot of him weighs over sixty-four pounds avoirdupois, 1. o, about four and one h.dt stone, or ns much as a small child H or 10 years of ago. from these llg ures Mr. Schooling deduces that tho sen Is simply nowhere when we coty paro tt with tho laud of this planet os regards the solid quantities of weight, ib-piS and volume: "Only In the superficial quality of sur face does tho sea leat tho laud. As to beauty, there Is Infinitely more of It nnd lu much gn-ater variety, on the land thnn on the sea. To further em phasize the mognltlceuce of the si-a we will now pour It Into a Jelly mold-ono of thoso thin, ornamental, tin shapes you see In the kitchen dresser. Kof this experiment I have dug out nil tho Inside of the United Kingdom of fireat Britain and Ireland, from Its surface all the way down to the Center of tho earth (.1,000 miles), and have thus node the largest Jelly mold known or rather two of them, for Ireland forms a shape by Itself, although, at bottom, It Is firm ly Joined to Kngland, Wales and Se.it land. Now, this Jelly mold would be large enough to bold Just one-half of nil the sea of this planet, so that a pair at these tin shapes would dispose of the whole sea!" Person's Magazine. Whefl a young man comes more than a hundred miles to see n young lady, that settles It so far as her uelghlmrs and friends are concerned, and tiny commence to worry about what tbey will get her for a w.-ddlng present Every woman's letter contains an apolofe' for oat wr,ll,,tl O0D'r' though bor friends, who have to answer, think she should apologize ' for writing to toon. There are a few things that inoocy cannot buy, but the trouble l thot not many people want tbtuJ, ning to realize the AGRICULTURAL NEWS THINGS PERTAINING TO FARM AND HOME. THE ease Rscetteat iuit- for u,, Putrous of Crrumerlr lllnta to lllueklrrry Ornwcra-llow to Mukr on gdesllll Hcumrow i.i in i .il I .ii in Mrntlell. tome I x, . Hi nt Duiry Kulra. The Iowa Agrleiilanral College Cn-am cry has promulgated the following rules, which should ie obaerved by all pa trons of creameries: 1. Nothing but tin palls should ha Deed In the milk yard, as It Is ; .. to keep wooden pails sweet, 'J. The CO We' udders should lie lart--fhlty washed lH-fore any milk Is draw n. X Milk Hhould be aired IniineilUtely by pouring or dipping from pall to xill before OKillug, and then Is- cooled s quickly ns possible to at least 00 de glS-H. 1 Milk should Is kept when1 the MM rounding ulr Is pun1 and fnv from Ite We odon or taint of any kind. V Morning's milk should lie COO ted Is'fore mixing with the evening's milk. it. OoWl should have BCCOM to Siilt dally, as milk ke'ps aweet longer when cows are salt.il down often and regu larly. 7. Cows should not Is- permitted to drink stagnant or Impure water, but should have nlinudaiiee of good water. S. Cows should Ih driven quietly to aud from paatnre, o. Oani ami palls should le waahed carefully with warm water, but not hot, and care should lo taken to clean the seams of the receptacles; then they should ! icaMed thoroughly with hot water and 1h- aired. 10. The milkers' hands and clothing should be fri-o from dust and clean, and also the hands and clothing of persons who handle the milk In nny manner when uncovered. There Is objection to rule two. It says the cows' udders should In- washed or bnwhed Ix-fon-nny milk Is drawn. Washing the odder Just before milking Is uot advisable, for If the teatl are damp more or less tilth w 111 roll up aud drop Into tbo pall. iiinta About Blaekberrie An experienced grower of bMckber riee prefers not to set a new plantation from tuckers, They have too few root and Whal they have will run too far and produce more suckers Instead of strong bearing winhI. Murk a few of the most vigorous and tmwt productive plant, while In fruit. In the fall dig up tlusio plants w ith all the largo roots a' tached. Sob-cl tboae roots that are alout the size of a load ih-ik-II and cut them up into three-Inch loigths and paek them In lsixes of clean sjuuI lu a cokl cellar that Will not qul-te freeze. If neither too warm nor too cold eal-Ioum-s will form from which abundant Not growth will start In spring when planted out, as they should Ik- when the soil Is In good condition. I'huit two or three Inches ((part In nursery rows and not over two Inches deep. Water or mulch If necessary In dry weather. In the fall take the plants (ill up, and nfter shortening the roots to nlioiit eight Inches Niek In sand as In tlio winter before. The ends of the roots, being ng-.iln calloused, will throw out n mass of now feedldg roots, which will draw on the soli ncur by, Instead of weaken ing the plant by straying a long way off. KccliiK I'rowi from Corn Field. Make a dummy crow with Kitting and n piece of blnck snbvn, or any black Hhlnlug stuff for the tssly, now on It the wings of a black chicken; cut from the wings a few feathers for a tall; take n PMOi of tho rib of a feath er, dip it In ink for a bill; two black beads or shoe buttons will do for eyes; put two strlpH of the body stuff almut four or live Inches long for legs. Sew the wlngl so they will be spreading, and don't make the body too big. Sllek the ole with the make believe crow hanging from It lu the corn Held. If It Is n large field put thris' or four, ami they will let It alone. Practical I'anner. I'liint Heavy Seed. Experiments tried by the United Btatce Deparknenl of Agriculture, to test the comparative results of using huge or henry snsl, nnd small or light iced, resulted very much In tavorof the heavy leed, nnd thnt the difference was greater as the plants approached ma turity, Thus, peas from the larger sissl began to bl..- m four days earlier than nurse from small si-od, produced mar ketable imiw four days earlier, and the main crop live to hIx days earlier. Vitu s grew ranker, pods WON much larger, and there were jK-ns lu the proportion of H.2 from larger teed tor.L'oii smaller. Beam showed a similar rcault, both as to size and ear! I noes, and In several oth er crape tea tOd the growth of plant was much lx-tUT from the larger sssl, ex ceedlng the small nliout as three to two. The seed wns all from the same stock and grown lu the MUM place, and plant ed lu sand In the greenhoaea under Identical conditions as far as could bo given. The Juduc and 01 Whent. Maud Miller, In thfl Hummer's heat, Raked the Meadow thick With wheat. The Judge rude llowly down the lime, Smoothing his bolte'l chestnut DUUMt "With Wheat nt ii dollar ht," Mild he, "Thai BMM Is tboOl the site for me." TheO he smiled nt her nnd she blushed nt him. And over the BWadoW fence he dim. "Will .inn Marry me, gwont maldT in- an Id, And the told him "Yes," nnd they were wed. A Ins for maiden, tlai for Judge, for DM ill-slum r nnd wheut-lleld drudge. Lord pity tin in both and pity us nil, Cur Maad didn't own the Wheal at all. And theJodae remarked when he learned the client: "Don't talk to me about dollar wheat!" Sun Fraodtce Argonaut. Crow In of Nut Treea. The Michigan itattoa hns given tpe etal attention to the growing of dux tin-, it finds rery few of any ennamer , lal i :t in-. BereraJ kinds can t? grown, howwrer, in a small w ay, an an Intereat Ing study, or ii- iui nmuai-inettt. TIk IWTI thell almond haa proved hardy then Of tt they say that whlb. It bat IsirtH- nutt of pi -i-utii flavor, tbey an' not i-qunJ to 'J. - offered In market. The raragon la the only cbcetaut that bat fruited, and It tendency b) to orer bear. KllU-rts aud bazeluuta are, ok course, hardy, but have not yet fruited r.saus grown from Iowa sei-d nr hardy, but the fruit Is of little value The Hnft-sholl tri-iss, grown from TMHM S4S1, w ill not stand the winter without protection Japan wnhrata, MNbtiwhn1 like our butli rnirts, do well, and tin 1'crsl.in er Kngllsh walnut end nr. s tin climate, but has made slow growth. Mll.krnl u Milk Thief. farmer Youngs, of Harmony, I'u. has noticed that his cows have conic up nt night with the ppoerenoo ol having Is-ell milked, lie got tired el It and sent his hired man to the pastor, to catch the thief. He spent the daj in .ir enough to the cows to watch l. m he thought, hut nt night It was stll evident that the cows had lus-n mllkc. again. He was reprimanded and toM buck with them the next day. At about 11 O'doek, he nays, u cow went lutt some brush near a small lake, lit crept through the grass and caught tin thief lu the act, and he proved to he u large luuskrat. The mutkrat WW hanging on to the cow's udder am! seemed to Ik enjoying his dinner 1 tit mentoly, when the rat dteappeared Into tin1 swamp the cow was angry and wns driven back Into the pastor, with great dltllculty. New York I'rcst Terror of n Dry I'liiiiuicr. Ill the pastures the principal drink lug plans should la' carefully exam Inedj Hr-t, to protect the source of sup ply if it be liable to trending by tin st.H-k; second, to remove the neciimu lal Inns of mud. If by ho doing the CO paclty of the pond can be thereby lu c retted nnd, thirdly, to protect tin whole supply, as far as possible, froit that fouling which Is IhiuiiiI to go or. If the cattle can obtain free access tc the water, and w hich Is iicier felt mon than when the water Is scanty. It wll he UndentOOd by the thoughtful readei that the tenors of a dry summer and I deficiency of water may be alleviate, to a certain extent by careful manage RieOt, hut no time should be lust In tuk lug itepa to remedy nny defects whld might exist, or other prcsnlng world will the! TO the mattCf once for ull. l'urui uud Home fKnglaud). Orae'i'Tattetted iieef. So economical of grain were th. farmers of olden tlmea that It WU reek oned quite an advantage to fatten cat tie on pasture. The Idea evidently WM that guiHs was the product of nature, costing nothing, am If not UMd nni-t ! wasted. Cniln of nil kinds cost hi boi to grow und harvest It, nnd If uot fisl It could U- turned Into money. S. far ns economy goea, we believe tbt practice of grain feeding for iM'-f i lu st. Hut the old grass fed lacf ral always tender, while grain f.sj beet was not, eapeelally if the grain wai f.sl In winter with dry hny. The feed big of a very small amount of grain tc fattening cattle at paatnre makes them fatten much faster. Improving the quill Ity of the beet, as well as making it production more ecououilcal. Cut v i in- on Tlm.illiy --I. Wherever a two or three year old timothy hihI Iiiih Is-en plowed It Is very apt to be Infested With white grub, which will do great damage to corn, cabbage and itrawberry piunts. The parent beetle selects timothy sod to deposit her cggH, iih lit the Junction ol the stem nnd root there Is a bull, thnt makes nil excellent tlrst feed for the young larva when llrst hutched. The while grubs come to the surface at night und cut off the stems of cnbhagi or corn Just above the ground. They may be poisoned by mixing purls green with wheat bran and plat-lug It nruiiud the hills. The while grub Is very greedy fur bran, and will get enough of the poison to kill Itself. Wheat tl, .I, n Down tiy Knlna, Severe storms often beat down MM straw of wheat and other gralnn be fore the clop has matured enough to barveet. in most eases u better rceull will Ih hnd If such pieces are cut as soon as possible uftcr the storm. The material In the stalk will go Into the grain, and If the stalk Is much bent lit tle more sap will come from the root. In fact, the grain bcetOO down Is al most sure to Ih attacked by rust, which win destroy most of the Julcee in the stalk and prevent the grain from tilling as It should. When grain Is cut early Its stalk gradually dries up, leaving nu chance for the rust fungus to get a lodgment lu It. Watcrlnu t ntbii. The broad leaves of cabbage evapor ate water very fast, and llko other leavi-H, they probably take carbonic add gus from the air nml store It lu the cabbage bead. They requiro a great deal of water, nnd It Is a great help to their growth In a dry time If soil Is dug away from their roots, nud water lu which some fermented stable manure i.n- been dissolved is poured in the hole. Then replace the soil that has been taken out. This will leave a dry ettrface and prevent evaporation. The cabbage will also grow faster than If the manure water Is ixmrod on the surface soil around the plant. ('own In Orchnrda. After uppb'M set i n ws ought allowed to r'n in orcbarda, b-ss of the fruit Is sure to though It Is green nnd bitter, eal It Kr Illy. Whenever storm comes, the ground w III ed with appb-s, and cows w 111 Umee too much for them, nothing better calculated to cow than ullowlng her to Ml not to be More or full, and cows will a VMtefd, be i-over eat many There Is dry off a freely of gr. en apples. t ear Pone It Is known that pear scab differs from apple seal. In some particulars. Some cbilm that these dlffereines are so small as not to denote that the fungi are distinct. If they are proved to be, It follow s that pear scab cannot spread to the apple, nor apple scab t., the pear. Whether or not the fungi nn- distinct pectee Is what the letenttete aro try lug hard to determine. Hot Water for Imri-ra. When bOfOM have made their way Into trees, some hot water, us hot as CM w-HI tie iHirne by the hand, InJOtlOd Into the holes they have made, will de stroy them, and w ill not Injure the tree, With a syringe and flexible rubber tube with a small noxrle, enough water should lo forced up to make sure that the borer l killed. All uwt can b killed) by applying water to them at a t.-mpemtore not high enough to be lu Jurloue to vegetatlou. OfR BUIKJET OF FUN. HUMOROUS 8AYINQS AND INQS HERE AND THERE. DO. Joke anil Joke I. la Mini Arc e i-. -t to Have lte n Kt-artilly Horn Mu Inu" and UnliiL- that 1 1 l "ilil. I iirli-n i, ml Laughable. Tin- Wrrk'a llnanor. Kntlafactory. Her I'ather Young man, I f.-ar you are making a mistake. My daughter will not gel a cent from me until after my death. Her Suitor oh, thnt doesn't worry me lu the iMMt 1 have attved enough to keep us for a couple of years. -Ht, LOttM Poil Dispatch. Ho Wui Nu Klahtrmun. Bobber it's too bmi that Qoerge Washington never knew the lofono COO" tentmenl Hint can come only to the mnfl Who l. , Midpoint, s -im1 anil IttlO. Angli son How do you know Iki nev er did) Bobber De never toU a nx He ll..d Slot Her fattier No, I can't eottaonl to let you bnve my daughter. Suitor May I nsk WaVjl Is It any thing you have ngulnst me pOfaomdlyl Her fut her No, I like you all right, ns f ii r ns that's concerned, but you don't really hu e each other. Suitor I assure you Her father No. I'm not mistaken. My gas bills have Isvii nearly twice ns hlKh during the past three mouths ns they were while she was engaged to young Worthey. Falthleaa Tommy Atklna. Sainti Just fancy the corporal a glv- ln up Wary for that hi cook) ihe'i old enough to be 'is mother. Tommy Yes, my denr, but look nt the wageel Why, Mary didn't earn ciiinii;li to k.sp Mm In smokes! Ally Uoper. Lucked OrlutiiiiHty. Ho And nm I really and truly the first maii you ever kissed? She Why, of course, you are, stu pid. He Stupid! Why do you call mo thnt? She Hocitiiso you are not original. At lensl n down men have asked me tho very snmo question. A Matter of Wnrda. "Whnt a pushing fellow that young Mlglcy Is! Six years ugo lie was a wait er lu a chcup restaurant. To day lu has a government Job that pays blm 7,iki a year." "Hushing, did you any? You've got tho wrong word. Hulling Is whnt you mean" HUIiik to un tateaotefaj Mrs. Youuglove John, do you know that you haven't klsHed me for a week? . Mr. Youuglove Yes, darling, I wus Just waiting to see how long It would take you to notice tt. John, It will lie olwerved, had his presence of mind with him. Cleveland Lead tf i He Wua Too llaaty. "Why Is It," he naked, "that iHiiutlful women are always the most stupid?" "Sir," she replied, "am I to under stand that ymi desire to cast rolled Ions upon my mental capacity?" "Oh, no," he hurriedly returned; "I have always said that you were oue of the brightest girls I cver " Hut he didn't llnlsh. Hefore hi old do so he realized that he had said the wrong thing and could never make It right. As to Ilia Health. "You may as well understand, young man," said the old gentleman, "that my daughter will not get n cent until nfter my death." "Oh, Hint's nil right," replied tbo yonng mini cheerfully. "I have nlready consulted your family physician." A Hurt- Hlun. Smith Hrown Is evidently financial ly cmhurrnsscd. Jones Why do you think so? Smith He Is beginning to live ex travagantly und dresses better limn formerly. "No, dearest. It would uot be at right to take dollies to church." "Hut, mamma, dear, It would not matter If I only took the one who shuts her eyes, would It?"- New York Nuwt, The Fall In Tean pra tor. "Ah!" he cried, "yesterday yon wol- eorinsl mu warmly. To-day you receive me coldly. What It the cause of this tuddeu changef j "Don't you read tire papers?" the calmly replied. "My father hat Jutt I Inherited a cool million." TlimiHblful. all at Thtr Can't Help It. The Spaniards have made one declar ation regarding tin- war that they aro going to fiiimi." Wbafi that?" They have said all along that they would fight to tie- bitter end. nud It's hound to In, that way now, no matter w hen If i-oiiics." Ho Thry Hay. I have rend toraewhere that Admiral Oervera and his men hadn't any ctothee on to njaah of When they surrendered." "Tee, Hint's ho. In addition to knock ing the spots off them, Schley's nu n Hi iired them out of their bris-ehes." n? I'nuy. "Taiarmadnkel Marmadukal what are you doing?" "Away, frnll woman! 1 am going to shoot myself!" Ally Slop. r. Conerete Merniicsa. Mr. Spliikuui Ah, this reminds me of tho pie my dear mother used to make. Mrs. Splnkum h, Alfred, you don't know how ghul I nm to hear you say tluit! Mr. Splnkum It's mi different, you know, denr. Plenty of Ability, Anxious mother How Is It that you have so milch trouble with your house keeping? You told me your wife could cook. Adult son She can. "Theu whnt Is the mutter?" "She wou't." New York Weekly. And There Are tMbera. Jack Supposing I Were to place my firm around your waist and steal a kins, would you be very utigiy? Maud Indeed I would that Is, If It went no farther than a cumi of suppo sition. Muat lie a l'realdrnt. "lo you know when old OatlUI iNl en me here he won too poor to buy a ticket ami had to walk." "Yes, nud now he's tis rich to buy a ticket and hns to ride on n pass." St. Uuils Host Dispatch. Ii' II Ii ii I II u 1(1.1-. Puddy Kwlrerftil) they say, hi mm- rhsl Bgeln. This Is his f-.nrlh wife Duddjf Kwlverful'd iM'tter lai cnn fill. He'll get caught some day. ruddy Oct cuught? Dilddy Yes; he'll unirry n womiio who will live, -lloston Transcript Milking Hae of Them. i 94s NC l.ta. J t Hook kis-jier- Here's another bill from your tailor, sir. Do Hroko- Ah, yes. Save them until you have a hundred, and I'll lvave them bound. Sau l-'rniielsco Chroulcle. in .I.,... . Lend Rofety. Farmer Scruggs It's too bad thct ther U war In Cuby. l-'arnierllayrlck low hllllker! Would ran want It here? farmer Scruggs -Wal, If It wua hero we'd be able to ketch them sojer fel lers III Some uv ther whoppers they'll tell when ther war's over. -New York evening Journal. An Hnterrlfled Lovely Olrt. A lovely girl wns caught by her aunt while Indulging In a surreptitious cigar ette. "My dear," said the horrltbsl aunt, "do you know that every time yOd Hiiioke one of those benstly things you drive a mill In your cotlln?" "No, auntie, Hear," said the lovely girl, "you are wrong. A woman can't drive a mill."- What to Kat. The Patriotic Hetort. Herbert 1 any, old man, don't you re Htmbet that you borrowisl $10 from me Severn! months ago? Snmsby l'orget that, my bOf, Re member the Maine! - lTilludelphlu North American. Willing to Comprnmlae. Quick Droii Dan Horry, ma'am, hut the Ihijti hns lynched yer husband by tnia take, However, they're nil willing ter do the fair thing by you. Widow Well, ouo of then) will huvo to marry me. Quirk Drop Dim (after a pause) Snyl ffpOOltt' we lyiielies one 'ud calls It squur. New York Krenlng Journal. Ituaala'a Military Htrongtli. Kollowtng the visit of their president to Russia the French paers have been tnatriictlug their n-adcrs on the forces possessed by that country. The Army and Navy (Jazetlo of London extracts from one of the moat widely read of tin-so some Interesting particulars. Tho ltimalun army, founded by u ukase of 1H70 on universal liability to service, can draw upon annual recruiting lists of something like In Buropo and liO.uOU In Asia, but In time of pence many cases of exemption are- admitted, and only about u quarter of the above numbers, or some 220,000 In nil, ire called out The liability Is for twenty yeara' aervlis., commencing at the ago of 21. Of this pi-rlml tlvc years have to be passed with tho colors, but this may lie reduced to four for men of better education than the average, and oven to three and two for young men joining direct from the secondary and supe rior schools. How a man whose collar wilts In Qfteen minutes, hates a man who al- waya lookt cool! Cigarettes get blamed for lota of lilt that are due to tort affair. '