Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 6, 1898)
Eqgene City Gaard. g. I QAMTBtUL, Prapriatai', tTJQIITE CITT. ..OREGON. Licking tamp belp to lick Spain. When that volunteer hot Blanco low In the leg, be mar have thought hla heart waa In bla boota. The "worst town on earth" baa been discovered In Italy, In which 2 per cent of the deatha are murder. All'a fair In lore and war. If a alilp'a of the female gender why shouldn't a man of war bare a atout armor round her waJat? Tbat new Spanish explosive la called toxpyre, and about the only thing It can't ahatter la general Incredulity con cerning It. A fellow who aliot off his thumb to escape going to war baa turned up. The naunl number continue to merely hoot off their mouths. The Vesuvius acta like lightning In some ways. It didn't strike twice In the same spot; chiefly for the reusou that the spot wasn't there. The cable Informs us that "BJorne BJornson, BJornstJerue BJornson' son, has been appointed director of a new theater at Christiana,." Good bjoyl ea The first troops were landed la Cuba to band music which announced thut "There'll Ite a Hot Time In the Old Town To-ulgbt" That bandmaster erldently graitped the situation. A Chicago woman has patented a hairbrush tbat carries with It a strong electric shock. Was It neeesHury thus to accentuate the terrors which this Useful toilet article already possesses for the youthful erll doer An Okluhoina mlnlMer married twelve couples In sixty minutes the. other dny. Twelve knots nu hour mny not be able to bold a tallow dip to ocean greyhound speed, but It Is pretty good time on the troubled matrluioiilul sea. This Is a talkative age, and we are tHlkatlre people; but we get many reminders that quality outranks quan tity. Ten men speak volubly In ad vocacy of a proposition; then one man, who knows more about the matter than all the ten, otters a few reason able words In good temper, and carries the meeting with him. Fair-minded Judges say, "The others had the weight of the discussion, but be bad the weight of the argument." Moral: Ho master of the subject, and you will be master of the audience. "After care" Is a phrase which came Into use at the lost International Con ference of Charities. It was used to express the need of following up with duo attention a class of persons dis charged as "cured" from the hospitals for the Insane, but whose un-ulnl soundness Is not (Irmly established, so thai th'tre Is still danger of relapse. As similar need exists In the ease of many convalescents, reformed pcrjoua, discharged prisoners, religious Con verts and growing children, wo nro likely to find this phrase "nfter-curo" Very convenient as well ns suggest I ve. Noliody will wonder at the bitterness of Agtilualdo and bis Philippine inmir gouts after reading the report mudo by Consul Williams regarding the Spanish methods of taxation lu tho Philippine. Secretary (Inge, at President Mclvlii ley's request, has drawn up a tentative pbin of taxation under American meth ods, and he calculates that under a Just system tho Philippine will pay an an nual revenue of ill.ftsl.tKN). place this aide by aide with the fact that Spulu hits wrung an annual revenue of fjn,. IMMi.ixx) from these Islands, and there U no longer any cause to wonder nt tho fleroeuesa of the present revolt. The wonder Is, rather, that the natives did not rise up long ago en masse. The Spaniards have maintained one tux collector for every forty Inhabitants. A jkJI tax of from 3 to $23 on every man, ml from 2.M to 114 oil every woman, wna assessed annually. Then every thing Inside and outside their huts was taxed. A man wns taxed for permls- imi iu piniii nm crvjm, ami no was tas-i ed for the privilege of picking even the rooonnut from the trees lu his door yard. Feminine fashion as an effective ele ment In warfare Is one of tho unique Issues that have come to the front In these history-making days. The wom en of Washington, It seems, have re solved themselves Into a jwtrotjo league for the purpose of Inducing their fair fashionable friends all over the country not to buy French millinery. This Mil iw boycott of the much-adored Paris Ian I on net U Intended as International retaliation, Inasmuch as France assum ed a friendly attitude toward Spain In the present unpleasantness. It will mean, say these self -sacrificing sisters, nn annual loss of .o,ou,ooo to French lmMrtcrs. Hut they- the women-love their country more thsu tho coveted pieces of headgear, aud so this odd un dertaking of the fair patriots pro greKses with a long list of premised pntronessos In the national capital. No matter how thla return charge of the fair 400 may end, this la not the first time feminine headgear has played a part lu history. Not only the big hat Iinthcena vexation to the modem thea ter goer and the lusplrerof new munici pal laws for Its suppression, but as far liack us years ago It was a conslaut worry to the mandate making sterner ex. One conspicuous Instauce Is the royal decree of Ixiuls XI., who exclud ed the monstrous hat of fair faddists from lotli church aud court. Woman's headgear Is, without doubt, a powerful plo-e of human Ingenuity, and this ne oteric movement, as an Interesting dem onstration of the relative Influence of the iNinuet and the bullet, may coin mend Itself to the liberty lovhig ladles of the land. It Is now about Are years since Ixrd Itowton, who wa one lord Bencons Oeld's private aocrvtary, undertook to demonstrate that judicious philan thropy "nay a," II did It by opening Kowtoo Bouse, a great hotel for the London homeless. In which a man csn lodge at the cost of sixpence a day. Handsomely equipped and generously managed, the bouse returned 5 per cent on the capital Invested. The re sult warranted other bouses. The third was opened a few weeks ago, and two more are building. In New York the same plan has been successfully n im plied of lute by Mr. I). Ogdcu Mills. The Itowtou Houses offer home com forts and something like club luxuries to the poor man who has known noth ing better thun the cheap lodging bouse and the saloon. His sleeping-room Is all bis own; be has a right to the kitchen, the bath room aud the library; he cun smoke and talk, write or rend. The price he pays Is within bis means, but the fact that bo docs pay preserves him from the feeling of pauperism. He 1 proud that he has a home In the bouse. We quote the London, rather than the New York, experience, for the reason thut the Itowton Houses have bad time to establish a record. Results show that the roughest men grewtamelndecorous surroundings; and that the most hope lens gain courage from an environment of comfort Naturally, the Itowton Houses have elevated the neighbor hoods In which they are located. "Cheap lodgings" are not so dirty or so crowded as they once were. Saloons that used to lie "the poor man's club" us the aiiologetlc phrase goes attract fewer loungers. The street-corners are almost bare of Idle aud mischievous men. In short, two thousand persons directly, and many thousands Indirect ly, have been helped by the Itowton House to help themselves and have willingly paid for the help. We com mend the facts to the people who feel that the very oor are beyond relief; to others, who wish to know what may be the next step In common-sense phil anthropy; aliove all, to persons who, when they Invest money, like to consid er not only the present personal Inter est, but the future general good. The St Louis Globe-Democrat pays a glowing tribute to the American vol unteers, but every word of Its eulogy Is deserved. "The military offl era w bo have co mo from abroad to witness the oiierutlons of tho army and navy," say a the Globe-Democrat "are more sur prised by the volunteer system thun by anything else they see." Tbey won der at the confidence that wo repose In such a plan for raising armies. It con trasts very atrlklngly with the con script system of coutlueutul Europe. In a few weeks our army of 27,000 men has been raised to a strength of 270,- 000. And all of these volunteers, not a man of them being In the service against bis will. The foreign officer, the Globe-Democrat says, admits that "In number tho volunteers are unde niably ample. Hut he doubts their value for speedy service. He calls them raw levies. Tho phrnso In Amer ica has a meaning different from that attached to It In Euro). The Ameri can volunteer Is n fighter effective after a very short training. A hundred years of history nttest this fuel." All that Is true, and there Is equnl truth In much more that the Globe-Democrat says In praise of our volunteers and In noting their superiority over the Euro pean conscripts. Tho American volun teer can bo transformed from farmer, mechanic, laborer, clerk, student, idler, or any other of the varied designations of classes or culllngs, Into an effective fighter with comparatively little train ing. For this reason, among others, we do not need a large standing army. Hut some training Is needed -Is actu ally Indispensable. The nilllllu-or so much of It ns would enable us to put un army of Kki.inhi to 2ui,inh) of or ganised, armed equ!pcd, nnd discip lined men into the field should re ceive the judicious and unremitting care of Congress. With such n reserve we may safely dispense with a large force of professional soldiers. The vol unteers may always be relied uixui to defend the honor of the Hag, but If none of them are properly organized, armed, equipped, and disciplined when nn emergency comes we shall hove to repeat our very expenslvo experience nnd mny have a still more costly les son. MONKEYS AT FOOTBALL They Likewise play Cricket, but Not According to Rule. Travelers In South Africa have noted the fact that where monkeys congre gate In large numbers they also Indulge In games of certain kind. Two of 1 1 ipso games seem to resemble cricket and foot-hall. The cricket Is of a primitive order. About a doxeu monkeys stand In a cir cle, or whatever Is akin to the simian Idea of a circle. Two of them advance from different extremities of the circle nnd stop about fifteen yards apart, facing each other. The monkey at tho southern end of the circle bus a cocoa- nut lu his hand. He Is the bowler. The monkey at the other end does not, ns you might suppose, wield a full cane bat. His business Is to dodge the cocoauut which the bowler alms at his head. The delivery of the ball Is trb-" mendously fast, full pitched and fraught with dire results if It "touches the spot." When It does happeu to touch the spot that Is, any part of the monkey's body that monkey Is very much out and doesn't even stop to dis pute the question. Another moukey takes his place until be, too, receives his dlsmlsiial. It was presumed by the travelers that the game was finished when a majority of monkeys lay nursing their wounds un der the friendly shudo of a neighboring IMllUU The foot ball Is of more advanced typo. It la also played with a cocoauut The game, if anything, Is undoubtedly the "socker" game, and is played with the feet Of course there Is uo goal nor any tactic to speak of, the object of each animal being to keep the ball to himself as much as posalble. StUI tho competition to get the 1ml I make it resemble rcul game of "footer," aud the dexterity exhibited by these peculiar amateurs I surprls ing aud wonderful. lu an evil moment some ambitions monkey may elect to play the Itugby game by snatching up the ball aud making off, but the its mo then develop into war, In which life I sometime th prl. No meutlon 1 made of a referee, but If there la one about like a wise and provident monkey, be I probably up tree,-Brooklyn Times, TIME'S VAOARIia. W wandered by the river aid, The maiden fair and I; My arm about ber waist wss tied. Her looks were coy aud shy. The moon on high In brightest sheen looked down with fare benign My years they numbered Just sixteen. While she was twenty-nine. We talked In lovers' tend'rest strain. That maiden fslr sod I; My blighted state wss my refrain, She gsve me sigh for slgb. And swift words, too, which she did mint), Were meted out to mine My years they numbered just sixteen, While she was twenty-nine. Hut crnel Interruption came Hctwlxt that maid and me. And I was hurried off to claim A fortune o'er the wa. I thought of ber, my fairy queen, And for a while did pine For I wss only just sixteen. While she wss twenty-nine. Now, thirteen years hsve come and gone Since we met by the here, And I've come tck from torrid sone, And we Lave met once more. Hut what is this it bents me clean Explain it, orb divine! The lady now U just sixteen, And I am twenty nincl -Life. MILLIE AND MOLLIE. I'VE come to ask yon for band of your daughter," young Kromlcy, sturuhllm for the aid ling to the seat offered htm by the girl's father. "Which one?" asked old Dlmtnock, the coul merchant luylug down the newspaper which he had been rending nnd eying the young man curiously. "Sometime I think It Is Motile, and again I oiu sure It Is Millie," replied young Itromley, genuinely perplexed. The old coal merchant looked sympa thetic. "You can't have both," said be, after an awkward pause. "They're splendid girls, good enough for anybody I" exclaimed tbo young man. "I could bo happy with either of them," went nn young Hromlcy. "I'm disposed to think," observed old I l in mock, "thut you have been happy With both of them." "So they've told me more than once," sold Itromley, with the pleasant light of recollection In bis eyes. 'Well, can't you make up your mind which girl you want to marry J" Young Hromlcy did not answer for a moment, and then be said slowly: "Which do you thluk sounds the bet ter 'Millie Hromlcy' or "Molllo Hrom lcy T Sometime I've looked at It Id that way." "I don't think there's much to choose," returned the old coal mer chant, weighing the question with ev ery desire to be fair. "You know," continued the young man, "there have been times when I've gone to Im'iI perfectly charmed with tlu nanio '.Millie Hrouiley,' and In the morning '.Molllo Ilromley' has caught my fancy. Millie, Molllo; .Molllo, Mil He It's nn awful ptiule." "Of course, you've piohho1 to one of the girls T" Inquired their futber. "Oh, yes. Indeed," said young Hrom lcy. "Then that Is tho girl you want to marry," exclaimed the old man, tri umphantly. "Why. It's simple enough, after all. You've taken quite a load off my mind. Which one was It?" "It was Mllllo-I think," answered young Hromlcy, hesitatingly. "Think! Good Lord, don't you know?" The young man Hushed, uild looked reproachfully at the coul merchant. "Mr. Hlmmock," said he, "I'll put It to you ns man to mnu: Which Is Millie and which Is Molllo?" "Don't cross-examine nie, sir," re Joined the old man. "If you wnnt to marry one of the girls It's your busi ness to find out." "Heaven knows," cried young Hrom lcy lu unguis)!, "1 want to many either Millie or Molllo, and have her all to myself. It's trying enough for a fellow to lie over head and ears In love with one girl, but when there are two of them it' more than flesh and blood can stand." "There, there, my boy'," said the old coal merchant soothingly, "don't take on so. Either girl Is yours with my blessing, but I wnut to keep one for myself. Let me see If I can help you out." And going to the open Frcucb window, he called: "Millie, Molllo; Molllo, Millie!" "Yes. mum. we're dunlin, " a.,i,.i,.i --" - - mt cn,,it,,-, . two sweet well-bred voices from tho shrubbery. There was a tripping of light feet along the stone walk under the grape vine, and Millie aud Molllo bloomed Into the room. "How do you do. Mr. Bromley." they said together, with the same Intonation aud the same merry glint In their eyes. Millie had auburn hair and brown eyes; so hud Molllo. Millie had a Cu pid's how of a mouth, little teeth like pearls, and a dimpled chin; so had Mot His. Millie' arms, seen through her muslin sleeves, wore rouiid aud white; so were Molllc's. There was nothing to choose between Millie's bust and Mel lie's bust ns they Btood side by side. "Well, papa?" "Young Itromley tells me.;' Iiegau old Mr. Dlminook, after tie had taken draughts of tlielr flesh young beauty by looking first at one and then at the other, nnd then dwelling upon the fea tures of Wth with one eye-sweep, "that he proposed to you lust night." "Oil, not to both, you know, Mr. Dlm uiock." lutorjectod young Hromlcy. "He asked me to be his wife." said Millie, demurely. "Ho told me that he could u't live w ithout me," said Molllo. mlsehlevlous- iy. "How is this?" said the obi man. turn ing to young Hromlcy with a severe look. The young man blushed furiously and lifted his hands lu protest "I'm sure." he stammered, "one of you Is mistaken. I asked you. Millie, to be my wife In the summer house and -ar.d-I kissed you. That was before upier, and later In the evening, when we sat on the front stops, I Mid that I couldn't live without you, and that we must get married." "Before we go any further." Inter rupted the coal merchant, "which Is Millie and which Is Molllo? When your dear mother waa alive she could tell the difference oinetlmea, but I don't know to thla day." Ob, bow dull you arer aald th girl In duet "I think this 1 Millie oo the right spoke up young Bromley". "Why. Mr. Bromley," said she. "I am Mollhj." "Very good; now let's go on. aald their father, "where were we? Oh, ye, young Bromley says that bo asked you to be bis wife, Millie, and declared be couldn't live without you." "I beg your pardon, papa," said Mh He. "be told me that be couldn't live without me." "Welt, let' get our bearings." contin ued the old coal merchant "Hromlcy, you asked Millie to marry you down In the .ummer house, and you kissed ber? That' correct Isn't It?" "There's no doubt alout that !r, said Bromley, eagerly. "And after supper when yon snt to gether on tie stoop you told Molllo that you couldn't live without ber?" Thnt I deny, sir. Oh! I bog your pardon, Molllo, you needn't look so an gry. I men nt no offense." "Did you kiss Mollle?" went on the old man. relentlessly. "No. !r; I " "Yea. you did. Mr. Bromley." flared up Molllo. "I admit" said the young man, strug gling w 1th his emotions, "thnt I klsw-d her when I snld I could not live without her, but it wasn't Molllo." "Oh. Molllo!" snld Millie, "bow could you?" "Now, Millie, do be reasonable," said Molllo. Old Mr. PImmoek looked mystified. "It seems to me," he said, with a show of Impatience, 'lf I were In love with one of those girls I could toll the difference between them. Bo far as I ran muke out, young man, you have asked Mllllo to be your wife, and have tried to make Molllo believe that you could not live without ber. Now, to any one who doe not know Millie and Mollle. your contract would appear to be iwrfldlous. Of course, as between you and Mollle, I must believe Molllo. for the girl certainly knows whether you kissed her." The old man eyed both his daughter hard. Millie was biting ber nether Up, nnd so was Mollle; but Millie was try ing to keep from laughing. Old Mr. Dlmuiock had an Idea. "I would like to clear up this thing to your satisfaction and my own, Brom ley," said he. "Let mo ask you whether Molllo kissed you when you told ber you couldn't llvo without her?" The young man got very red la the face. "You mean Millie, of course," be re plied with embarrassment "Perhaps she wouldn't mind my saying that she did kiss me In the summer house. But she didn't kiss me on the stoop, I kissed her." "How Is that Millie, Mollle?" asked their father. "Pupa." said Mollle, decidedly, "I couldn't keep Mr, Bromley from kissing me, but I assure you I didn't kiss him." Molllo looked her father straight In the eye nnd then she shot an Indignant shaft nt Mr. Bromley. Millie bung her bead and her face was as red as a poppy. "I thluk," snld tho old mnn, dryly, "thnt It's plain I'll keep Mollle, nnd we'll have that marriage tx-fore you make another mistake, young man." New Yoik Sun. Statistics recently published by the Interior Department show thnt the Government still has over Kl,0l0,0o0 acres unoccupied. This Is enough to give each of the "XiHxt.iNX) people lu the country a homestead of eight acres and still have lii,wU0 acres loft. The laud Is distributed among twenty-six States and Territories. The largest amount Is located In Alaska, where there are ,niSIVJl,iiixi acres. Most of tnls laud will never be available for homestead purposes, of course, but Its mineral value may be more than If the whole vast tract was available for grnxlng nml farming purposes. The re mainder of the hind ties In productive Statin, but much of it Is barren and arid or mountainous. There are l.ltKt jHistotllccs In the State of Maine, and although many ot tlieiu, cspcclully In the Southern and more thickly populated portions of the State, boar plain, simple, short nud easily pronounced American names, there are n considerable uuiulier lu what mny be called "the backwoods," or the Interior, which lionr names of Indian orlglu. In Aroostook County there are Wytopltlook, Xlattnwanikcng, Oxbow, Moosoluck. Moduxnekong and Mticwnhoctown. Iu Piscataquis Coun ty there are Mattagomonsls, Spurdna bunk, rusumtiiluin, Nnhmaknnta, Al luguush and I'umcdccook. In Somer set County, Chcmhnsuhumtlcook, Cuu quomgonioc, Mnskampbunk and Se boomook. Id Franklin County, Moose lookmeguntle. In Oxford, Malehunke m unk, Parumohouo aud I'uibngog. Jer ey Lightning. When Jobu Ioerr left his home In the pretty town of I-nckawaxon, Pa., he had no Idea of getting married. Mrs. Grace Wnhler, of llolsjken, Is a widow of a year. She Is 80 years old aud handsome. Mrs. Wnhler and lHerr are wards of Mr. and Mrs. Henry Felblc, of Jersey City Height, and visit them frequently, but the widow and John hail never met until last Friday night It was exactly thirty minutes from the time he met her that Poorr proposed to Mrs. Wnhler. aud Mr. Wahler ac cepted hlui. "Where can I find a Justice right off f IVn-rr asked his host. A telephone message caught Justlc Moos-It was scut through the police, statloii-and he hurried to the Felble hffme. He crformcd the marriage In quick time. Husband and wife had met Just forty-five tuluutc before. Philadelphia Press. Faith t urn iHH-tor Called Rhatua, Judge Wright, of Baltimore, recently dc-idcd In a suit to recover pay for at tendance on patients by two fakb cur . ... . ... uot-uir mat tney were not entitled to any remuneration whatever and that ' their service were virtually a hain, j H.der Mail Cloee Their Monlha, 1 A physician who baa given much thought to the subject say tliat so kug a Uie cyclIM can breathe with the mouth but he la certainly safe o fat a heart strain la concerned. FEW RESEMBLE HIM. N,w Orle.s. Merchant bo Oav. Ill Clark l uck !'' A story thnt Is worth telling, b.d-is ' It give evidence of good and generous spirit ba b aked out of the d. o.s or fl big wholesale house iu .c "" "' 1......1 .,.. ,L.r t,t i lie firm, a jolly . .i ..,,,l..iniin Koldlcr il trong-ieniH-iin . the Confederacy, uffcetloiiutely culMi "Old Mnn" by the clerks, decided tc take weunrnod vacation hist sum- ....I t..tt fur an extended toltr over the continent While ho wns gone he depression of buslni ss oi-eurred. nml " eemed to the Junior partners that ......il.lnrr must be dolio to avert seri ous losses. They considered the matter a long time, and at last ui-ciueu .u. down the salaries of tbc clerks. They a m-.MMt urion n .'si nor COUt. Cllt. Olid SO ,.Hn.l tin. clerks. Of Course, there were a few murmurs, nnd some of tho emptHye were heard to say tiint ir me "Old Man" wns at home tins noumo i ,t..n v Hut ns employment wus not easily to lo obtnlued. the cut bad to lc accepted, and It went Into effect from tho 1st of September. The "Old Man" returned. When he walked Into the store on the first dny faces mignt rued and his employes came up to ex cbuugo greeting. The "Old Man" was in omt l.unior. He walked Into bis of fice whistling n tune, gtud to lie buck In Ids accustomed place. But during the afternoon bo went over the liooks with his Junior partners, aud iioth-od the re ductions In the salary list. "Whnt doe this mean?" he nsked. The partners told hlin, and then he let loose. Tbo "Old Man's" war spirit arose. Ho walk ed up and down excitedly, nnd thun dered out In strong tortus his Itidlgun tlon. "I would rather have lost fii, 0 than to hnve bad this Implicit lu my house," snld the "Old Man." "Here, make out checks at once for the money thnt has been taken from those clerks. It Is they who make our money for us, aud I don't lutend to charge them up with nny losses that we may sustnlu. ioLo nut the checks at once, and put buck the salaries where they were 1h fore."-New Orleans Time -Democrat A Doctor's Uil!. A good true story Is told of a Snn Francisco philanthropist and a doctor with conscience. A wealthy lady several years ago develoied nn lu slgnlUcant wen on her face. Iu ber travels In Europe eho consulted nn eminent surgeon as to It removul, and wa advised not to have It done. An Eastern surgeon of equal eminence also declined to perform the operation. Returning to San Francisco, she hap pened to show It to a physician nnd surgeon of no national reputation a bumble homeopath but a man whoso skill was unquestioned. He examined It carefully, aud said there would bo uo trouble about It; It was a simple operation. Dreading to risk It after such eminent warning, she delayed ac tion, but finally asked another exam ination and opinion. The same con clusion was reached; aud the operation followed, with wholly successful re sults. One day, when the doctor called, bis bill was asked for. He presented It, fifty dollars being tbc amount. The lady smiled and snld:' "Do you couslder thnt n reasonable charge, considering the circum stances?" to which the doctor repllisl: "That Is my charge for that opera tion; your circumstances have nothing to do with It." The ludy went to hor desk, aud drew a check for five bundr.Ml dollars, nnl presented It to him. Ho looked nt It, and banded It back, s.iyiug: "I cannot accept this. My charge for that operation Is fifty dollars." "Very well," the lady replied. "Keep tho check, nud place the h.iluuoe to my credit" Some months after she n Ivcd n lengthy Itemized bill, iqioii which were entered charges (or treatment of vim ous kinds, rendcr.-d to all sorts and euds of humanity, male nnd female, black nnd white, who ,iad been mend ed at her expense. She was so de lighted at It that she Immedlntely placed another check for five hundred dollars to her credit on tho same terms, and It Is now being enrnid In the same way. In Hyde Park with Carlyle. In company with Mr. Froude, the his torlan. Col. Hlgglmton joins Thomas Carlyle In one of his chilly strolls lu Hyde Tark and tells us In the Atlantic: Nothing could well be more curious at that dny than the look and costume of Carlyle. He had then leou living in London nearly forty years, yet he h:id the untAinod aspect of one Just arriv ed from Ecclefechnm. He wore "an old experienced coat," such as Thorenu attribute to his Scotch fisherman, one having thnt unreasou;hle high collar of other days. In which the bend wns sunk; his hair wa coarse aud stood up at Its own will; hi bushy whiskers were thrust Into prominence by those stiff collars which the German students call "fathcr-klllers," from a tradition that their points once pierced the Jugu lar vein of a parent during au affection ate embrace. In this guise, with a fur cop and a stout walklug-etlck, he accom panied Froude aud mvself on our u-ttllf I observed that near his Chelsea home the pnssers-by regarded him with a sort of familiar Interest farther off with un disguised curiosity, and at Hyde Park again wltb a ort of recognition, at If an accustomed figure. At one point on our way home some poor children were playing on a bit of rough ground lately Included In a park, and they timidly stopped" their frolic as we drew near. The oldest boy, looking from one to an other of us, selected Carlyle as the least formidable, aud said, "I say, mister, may we roll on this here grass?" Car lyle stopped, leaning on his staff, and said In his homeliest accents, "l'e my little fellow, ye may r-r-rotl at dlscrny tlon;" when the children resumed their play, one little girl repeating his direc tion audibly, a If In a vain effort to take In the whole meaning of hi lone word. Gold a Siberia. Ther are now about 40.000 miner at work In the gold mine of Eastern and Southern Siberia. The grut of Slberlau gold are said to I on an av erage larger than those 0f any other part of the world. All efforts to obtain anything like correct Information re garding the output of Kold In Siberia have so far proved uuavalllug. So one outside of a few Russian official u permitted to knew. HUMOR t)F THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Cwrlon and t-n.b.bU Pb..e. of Unman Ntr Oraphlcnllf Por trayed by Emln..l Word Artl.U of O.r Oss Day-A Badge of Fnn. Economy of Coolness. I know why Boston girl hnre o much money to buy book." -Why?" They never wilt their collnrs." Compnrlsons Are Odlonn. "She hurt my feeling dreadfully." Whnt did sho say'f" "Thnt I wasn't n good company a her dog." Society Nerve. "Is Jupper courageous?" "Well, be Is brav enough to went red, white nud blue golf stockings." A Cnrb to Superiority. "My wife know more nlwut tbo gcog raphy of the war than I do." "Doesn't thnt annoy you?" "No; when she gets to showing off I correct hex pronunciation of Spanish words." No Fhow. Wallace I haven't noticed you dis cussing the war a bit. Don't you tnko anyMutorcst In such things? Ferry Ob, yes, but I've got auch a weak voice that I stand no show In an argument Cluclunutl Enquirer. The Requirements, She It require uiouoy to get Into aoclety nowndnys. He-Yes; and It requires brains to keep out of It Why II Moved. "Why hn tbat blind beggar ahlfted bis position, I wonder? He stood nt ono place for nearly seven year until about a week ago, when I noticed that be bad moved about bulf a block down this way." "Yes, he hud to do It. He couldn't read the war bulletins from wbero he atood before." Cleveland Leader. Little Night Shadow. Jones Funny about Deacon Pratt Awfully absent-minded, you know. Brown What' be been doing now? Jones At the prayer meeting last evening Elder Goode asked him to lead Tension Agent Well, what hnnnened to von. nnd where did It Wwii! The Patriot See this neck? I got that rubbering at war bulletini-Ovl rows. In prayer, and before he knew what ho Was saying the deacon replied: "It Isn't my lend. I dealt Vm." It was evident thnt his mind was still oil tho little game he had the night before. Boston Transcript Unsatisfactory Interview. "Good gracious. George, how rou look! What did you say to papn?" "He dldn t give me a chance to any anything." ' 'Did you ask him for my hand?" i tell you ho dldu't clvo mo a chance." "What did he do?" "He Just enlisted mo In the coiniinnv he Is getting up and told me to rcisirt for duty to-morrow tnornlmr." riev. land Plain Denier. What Impressed Her, He What was the first thing thnt Im prossod you oUiut me, darling? She-Why, Jack, It was your arm, don't you remember? I had only known you about an hour. Exchange. Thoughtless Girt "A most thoughtless girl," said her mother In accents of despair. "What has she done?" nsked her father. "She sat on the beach this morning so close to the water thnt the spray from a breaker unexieotodly reached her," explained her mother." "And took the curl all out of her hair I supixwe." suggested her fatber "Worse than that" answered tho mother. "It mined her bathing uit" -Chicago Post A Musical Festival. "I want a big drum for my wife, a bnujo for my daughter, nn accordion for my little boy and a comet for iuy elf." "Gracious! Are you all going on the tage?" "No; we are fixing up an orchestra to discourse that man next door who play the piano fifteen hour a day" Detroit Free Pre. , "Maria, I ,. Ice-cream wbolesouier 1 "I dnn'l Irn.,... t. . . Aren't you willing your country?" "lik. "We never have tAliilngnunt Mary and .!?" i thov vi-ii u aunt Eh, "Why not?' ."Tbey entertain each'o,w. about their dlsoa, 0Uwl Tom-Fourth July Bum, pressing effect on busliiot. III a BUi Tom-Whnt Is your fjiw, . nrMi.1 ' SIlss Wheeler-He' t dott . nt ....... I r i iwiuiu iuijuirer. Ills Hop. Ono dny nn Irishman M m kik iu u BII1UII lown tittt r; ' when be met an old friend. Aft nd Ing along the road togetiJ tuvuy B.UU iv llliu; "Have you heard the hint my Tat No; what Is It? "There's a penny off the luf Pnt Bedad, and I hope U l(- peuuy oues. ill-lilt). A Merry Itonni. "It Is a trifle odd how balls ma tne circilug year," remarked Mr. V cut-sier. i "What do you mean?" auMiJ niingnam. "Well, suppose we begin m , tumn. We then have foothill followed by snowliall. ThM IN THE CAUSE OF HIS COUNTRY. dancing bnll. When winter U own have the mothball nml mM base-ball, which will lie wlthutl foot-twill comes ng:iln."-lH',-' Chronicle-Telegraph. An l.'ngratcful Vtttci- "Dear George: We nre gelnts'! you some canned stuff. Wait: prefer?" "Dear Susie: Put wlistew 1 please lu half the cans. Kill tb1 half with whisky for antidote. -U"l land Plalu Dealer. The IIuhIiuikI's Vle. Bachelor She dresses rvgsriM expense. Benedict (zlnonillr) a wojiiau that dldu't?-Xe Yortj mil. s Vnl.l Attack. "What's that look you're r'j till nil I "The 'Lust Days of roiupell' i pet." "What did he die of, papr "An eruption, dor."-Frti if. I t .... L ..I at It Mr. Short-My dear Miss V hnve a very serious question i" nsk you. Miss Long-What Is it, PJ ir win .-mi niiirrT sr . Miss Long (sronifullyM ! , I a, Ifki la1 I that serious, Mr. Short r J--think I ever beard anything lous Detroit Free Press. Her I'sps. My papa's all dressed up IihW lie never uxou nu v-i I thought when I first looW- My papa wasn t nune. He's got a tx-autiful ne The old one was hi "- It's blue, with buttons, 1 guess tuey niusi n And papa's sort o' gll nJ O' sad I wonder h: And ev'ry time she l " It makes my niauiws cry- Who. Uncle Sam? Mrfl" Thnt we belong a b"BL ki But papa's Joking. ,"M' ' Sly uncle S name My papa Just belong; to n And mamma .AM' i The folks are niinu -- - . His buttons marked L- v. a 11. ..a IT..', ours-11' 1 My mamma can't bel J And papa tries to n'lk lhv7 Ann emu i "- J A single paue ; - y more than a way " " Pack .