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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 23, 1898)
Eugene City Caard. BUQENE CITY. OREGON. Don Carloa li said to be worth $.'W 000,ono. If money talks do woudcr be can't keep still With many papers lt' well to road between the lines these day. There' nothing printed there. There are several million boys In arms In tbe United State, but they all belong to the Infantry. Renor Moret say "the Spanish iblp of atate Is drifting." What else can logically bo expected of a derelict ? Tbe fixed and staring expression of countenance tbat baa liocomo common of Into U known at tbe bulletin face. A local contemporary ctulraa that "character la told by the tongue." Lack of character alio la tuld In the same fine It'a true that It costs hundreds of l..llnr to fir a (Ingle big gun, U It cnae of blowing It la or blowing It out? "Hobson'i Choice" will bare a new significance horcefortb on account of the death risk chosen ty Lieut Hobson, the biro of Santiago. A Texas woman aaya: "A thin man makes the beat husband because It la easier to tell bli old clothes." We are afraid this Is a commercial oge. Tbe charge that sons of Senator! bare been apioluted to military por tions Ihkhum they are "sons of great tucu" needs corroborative evidence. Maryland I alwut to unveil a monu ment to Die author of "The Star-Spangled Banner." Tho tribute come lute, but otherwlso the moment Is extremely apirorlute. Tho residence or Mrs. II. K. Collins was struck by lightning at Johnson City, Totin, recently, but tho current was illrerted by clothesline. There's nothing like baring a good lino of de fense In war times. Five years ago a farmer In ono of onr country towns, who bad on his fnnn a thorny lltilu rsvlnc of no value, set It with bulm of n I lend mots. lie now gutticrs every spring from eighty to one hundred dollars' worth of buds from the ravine, selling them to phar macist. Civil life has Its heroes as well as the military. The general who lends an army to victory, or tbe admiral who tie- stroys a nnvy, Is not a greater hero, no matter what the world uiny say, thnu the umn who docs bis duty to his fiuu II jr. to his country and to bis UikI, In the relation of life where providence bas placed lilin. Tbe modem trust Is Imperial In Its cimt'eptloii ami iubvendve lu lta cou tlnttnnee to a repiiMlenu form of gov ernment They cniinot exist together for tho simple reason thut every gov ernment Is practically a ili-Hiwit Ihiii where Its power are controlled by a few ninl that no government can mssl bly Ih- deniocrntlc unless Its sovereign ty Is but mi expression of tho popular WllL It ts not txmstlng to state the well known fact that Amerlcnn seamen nro as One as any In the world; they have In tbe pnat shown themselves (tetter than most. If we are to eyournge tho high sense of duty which litis always marked our enlisted men there should be some reward for duty faithfully aud bravely icrforiiicd. It Is well. Indeed, to be generous with tho bravo officers, without whom these gallant deeds would he almost Impossible, but It Is lint like Americans to forget the en listed men. It docs not pay to Ik so utterly un prepared for war as the United States huvo tx-cu for years. This time we nro tip against a very feeble adversary. Our utiprcpnivdiicss could not easily bave been brought homo to us In a less troublesome way. Hut we bave found out that Spain was not frightened by the latent strength of this country. Tho time may come when a more powerful untlon thnn Spain will be at war with us. Unless we leurn the lesson of tho present war the first part of the next war will tie bad for tho United States. The people of the I' nl till States. If not the statesmen who were rosponsl bio, bave cbufed at the dltUcultles and delay caused by the short sighted and niggardly policy of tbe past thirty years, with reference to the army aud navy. To use a colloquial expression, It has beeu "like pulling teeth" to get a Ingle war-vessel out of Congress; and the politicians have pretended fear thut tbe liberties of the country would be In danger If the army of a natlou numbering seventy millions should ex ceed twenty-live thousand enlisted men. Now- we are thanking our stars tbat our foe Is poor, weak Spnlu rated as a third class Kuropesn power. If It had two England, or France, or Germany, or Itussla, or Italy, perhaps we should have coiniuered lu the cud; but at tbe beginning any one of them would have outclassed us hopelessly. Fortunately we have not to cry over spilled milk this time. Yet unless we learn the les son of our narrow escape, the twentieth century msy find Uncle Sam In more thuu uue tight place. Thomas E. Moore, United States com mercial ageiit at Weimar, acini to tho State lvpnrtineut a short but slgnltl csnt statement showing the rapid colonial growth of Germany. Includ ing the recent grwb la Kino Chou Hay, the colonics of tbat empire aggregate In extent l.ittf,37T .unre uillee-n area five limes as large as the Herman empire proper, which contains only S.I.'V.rcil square miles. A a coloniser tii-rmany hold the third place anionic the Kuniead States, On-at Britain tnnuitig nmt, with lu,K-.073 square Utile and 8?2.nMHH population, and France second, with SUAVOno square miles and U.Stm.ooO population. The countries next in order are Portugal htv.ni 4 s.juurs uillcsl, Holland (Th3- OOfl), Spain 0...4.-i8), Italy (241420), and Denmark (Sl,om Only Great Brit- aln. France, Ilollaud ami Portugal have more Inhabltauta In their colonial pos sessions aud protectorates than there are at home. These figures mny short- ly be subject to revision. Spain will go to the foot of the list, and Its colonial possessions may disappear altogether. Germany would like to Increase Its area by adding that of the Philippines but that Is another story. Treason against the United Rtates consists, as constitutionally defined, "only In levying war against them, or In adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort." The founders of the Government were evidently de termined to make tbe definition thus explicit thut there might be no chunce for the "powers that be" to put objoc tlonnbto persons out of tbe way on trumped up charges, as bad been the case In England. In 17'JO a law was passed by Congress providing that a person charged with treason could otily be convicted on confession, or on the testimony of two witnesses to the overt act Id open court Thus was a further safeguard placed around tho citizen, protecting blm from the possibility of unjust conviction. This same law of Congress made death tbe penalty for guilt, to be Inflicted In the usual way. In 18H2 a law was passed by Congress, In which It wsi provided that tbe court, at Its discretion, could substitute for the death penalty Imprisonment aud fine. "Misprision of treason" Is a pun Ishablo offense. This consists In con cealing knowledge of the treason of others. Tbe two most famous trials for treason In the United States were those of Aaron Hurr and John Brown. The trial of Hurr lasted a number of months, and resulted In bis acquittal. Tbe trial of Brown resulted In bis con viction and execution, Both trials were In Virginia. Doubtless tbe strictness with which the language of tbe consti tution dellulng treason wbtdd be con strued would depend on circumstance. Iioubtless, In certain emergencies, a w rong exercise of tbe ordinary right of free speech would be held by tbe courts to be "offering aid aud comfort" to tho enemy, and doubtless tbero might be times when armed Interference with tho operations of law, practically amounting as a lesser ofTeuso than trea son. Tbe present war ha demonstrated lieyond dispute tbat coal will be a con trolling factor lu all future naval wars. This bus been predicted and expected by navul strategist aud clearly fore shadowed lu former navul operations, but It bus never been so clearly demon strated as It Is In the present war. It Is one of the strange mututluns of tlmo that tho whole science of naval war fare should be revolutionised and the progress of civilization shifted to new lines by tho application to ocean navl gallon of the natural product which bus already placed tbe two greut English sin-uklng countries of tho world lu the foro front of civilisation. It looks a Utile as If Providence, In giving Eng bind and the United States Inexhausti ble supplies of coal bnd Intended to make them pre-eminent on the sea as well as on bind, In war as well as In peace. Without coal England would have lost the naval supremacy esiab- IImIicU by Nelson and other great cup tulus nnd conqueror of the ovouu, who never dreamed of conl ps an element la naval warfare. If any person bad pre dieted to Nelson that the Invincible ships In which he achieved bis great Victories would one day liecome worth less for naval warfare as so many woodcu tubs, aud thut the splendid scamntikhtp of himself aud bis assist ants would bo among tbe lost arts, without any uso for lis revival, be would doubtless bave regarded It as the dream of a lunatic. It Is to the Infinite credit of Fnglnnd that she was tbe first to perceive the (Mining revolution, to adapt herself to the uew conditions, and to reconstruct ber navy In such a manner that her supremacy, gained In tho era of wooden ships and sails, should continue In the era of armored ships and steam. She has set the pace of unvitl development lu the new era ns distinctly as she did lu the old, and bus wisely recognised, king U-fore It was demonstrated, thnt eoul was to bo king on the ocean ns well ns on land, The ballad of "Old King Colo" should be rewritten and tho sinillng changed to suit the modern dynasty aud tbe uew klug. SQUELCHES AN ARCHBISHOP. How Hewcy Pvt a Plop to Calumniat ing Pastoral. An otIUiul with Admiral Dewey write a friend lu the navy department that tho Admiral astonished a high church official out there nt Manila very much recently. "The Bishop of Manila." bo the letter runs, "had been circulating pastorals, urging his people to rise up and kill io heretleos' (tho heathen Americans!, who would not permit the sacraments of matrimony or the last rite for tbe djitig to lie adiiilulstcrcd. Dewey wait ed until he could tlx some of these sto ries definitely upon the revereud Ana ulas, and thou wrote him a note. In which the Admiral expressed bis aston ishment that ail archlbshop could so fur forgot and debase his holy office as to bo guilty of lying, and lying so basely. If be heard any more of these false hoods from his reverence or any of the minor clergy, he (lewey) would' turn his guns loose upon tbe archbishop's palace at Cuvlte aud the cathedral at Maulla and level both to tbe ground. 'False teacher shall not disgrace the huly name they pretend to reverence by uttering the most absolute false hoods In the name of God.' "A French priest, who has a brother that Is a chaplain lu the United State navy, undertook to carry tbe note to the archbishop. In thro days there came back a most abject apology to the American commaudant. In which the holy man denied that be had ever said or thought tbe w icked things Imputed to him. In reply, lVwoy simply sent the archbishop bis own pastoral letter, that be bad somehow obtained, that contained the r?ry word aud expres sions the other had sworn be never thought of. much less used. This end ed the correspondence. Hut the arch bishop was snuffed out Ilk a tallow I dip. with a lu and a very bad melL" Why ds-sn't someone ban boy haby DeweyT Here I a chance for fame. Hurry up. tovr. The sweetness of lov is dreaming u... Arvm that will never com true. With the star of hope blissfully beaming la a bright ln Inipoasiuie uiue; Dreaming that vows fondly spoken , . tviii trim aa thev seem: Dreaming that hearts ne'er are broken; Dreaming lust lire is a a ream. Ob! fste, awake me not! trvama. forsake me not! Shine on. fair stsr, in love's beautiful bliifr Dreaming yon love m yet, Dresmlnc you'll ne'er forget tM m not woken to find love untrue. The sorrow of loving Is wsklng T world thnt Is withered and om. With tbe stsr of hope swiftly forssklug A akr that s faded and cold; Wsklng when time hnth bereft US Of all thnt the future endears; i Waking when nothing Is left os, j Nothing but mem nes aud tear. ONLY A Fill EXP. Oil year I bad known bcr. Veart Yes, since my child hood. Playmate we bad been then cboolmatc then friends. A I watched ber develop ing from nar row minded youth to beau tiful, broad womanhood I trembled lest In the picture I knew she portrayed of future perfect happiness I should be missing. She was not a beauty as the world term them, but the kindly smllo and true character her face reflected were nnre beautiful to mo than perfect fea tures. Hut bcr voice; what a voice It was! A clear, rich metso, aided by perfect execution born of deep feeling and power of Interpretation. She held a (Hisltlon In one of tbe leading church es lu M , and there, I confess, I wa wont to find tbe sermon mora Interest ing thnn at my home church. One bright moonlight Sabbath, as we trolled home from evening service, she aid: "How well Mr. Rtuilly sang to-night! What a beautiful voice be but, Italphl" Strange to say, I bad been thinking bow well ber voice and bis blended; before I bad answered she continued: "He Is so pleasant, too. We should miss him more thnn any of tho others In the quartette If he should leave us." "Yes, KIhIc, be I a royal fellow. Hut will you go with me on Tuesduy to bear CumpanarlT HI voice Is better." "I am sorry, Ralph, but Mr. Studly asked me to accompany blm that even ing and I consented." "Well, be sings again on Thursday; we cub go then," and to It was decid ed. The house was reached, and as we entered I thought I had never seen her looking so well. Her eyes wore bright ami sparkling, and tbe cold, crisp air brought a rich damask to her round cheeks. Removing her outer garments lu the hall, she started forward toward the center of the pnrlor, and ns she did so I stopped ber, and slipping my arm about ber. bent, and, ere she could Interpret my lutentlon, I kissed her. Tearing herself away, her face abluxo, she cried lu a voice of deep anger: "Italpb Morelnnd. how dare yon how dnre you Insult mef while I, all tho Imlder localise of her nnger, started forward, and, possessing myself of both ber hands, said: "Elsie, angry with me, no" as sho tried to free herself "you shall listen angry with one who loves you Niter than bis life, yes, better than nil tbe whole world liesldos, and whose one ambition Is to make you bis wife?" With a low cry of anguish she start ed back. I relensed her then. "O. Knlph." she said, "I never thought you would do this. I thought we were too great friends." Two great tears started nnd coursed down her cheeks, now pale as death. "Elsie, my darling girl, don't you love met" "Love your she reiterated; "love you; when have I not loved you; but not like thnt, Ralph; not like that; t could never lie your wife." In vain I pleaded, and then a disa greeable thought forced Itself upon me. Framing It In words, I saUl soft ly: "Elsie. Is there some one else,!" Trembling, she stood there In the soml darkness. I could see bow agi tated she was as I caught the faint whisper: "Yes." Then. Indeed, hope died within me, and she continued: "Ralph, dear friend, forget this. U't us le as we always have been, true friends. Don't," sho pleaded, "let this spoil our friendship." "It shall 1h as you desire; but, Elsie. Is there no hope for meT What of this other f "Poor Ralph, none. This other does not even suspect that I care for him; but, loving blm as I do. It would be wrong for the to consent to be your wife. Please leave me now; you have surprised me so," Aud I wont-along with my grief knowing and praying tbat God would not let her wnlt long or In vain for her true love to be rewarded and returned. Two days passed and the piny was nearly over lu the L opera bouse. when suddenly the cry of "Ore" rang through tha auditorium, caught up and re-echoed by the terror-stricken people. There In the first balcony were Paul Studly and Elsie Mordant I watched them With as the people thronged the narrow passageways. They had not, I felt sure, seen me, aud I resolved to remain close at band, and If necessary aid tbein. Hetiiade her wait until the crowd were nearly out; then they start ed. They were within a few step of the door when, a though to add to the panic, the light were turned oCf. I started forward. "Elsie," I beard him say, "are y.i afraid? Will you trust yourself to me?" "1 am not afraid while with you, Paul." was the soft reply, made with strange calmness. "Yon are ijult sure." he questioned, bending low and giving ber a qnkk, arching look. I there any danger tbat w cannot get out?" she querWd. "1 think noL You will trust me en SI fro tirety! let me be your protector now" -he nodded a there came a wblpcr ed "ye"-"now and alwsy J,r "Yes, Paul." bs aowereu; sou, .. Ing her gently, be bore ber down the stairway. , . t I had beard alb ni i i why she had not loved me. Thev ara married now, and I I " till "ber frlend."-H"ston Post a hir hattia ahin ha oo board an electric plant capable of lighting a town of MOO Inhabitants. The dinert of Habara la a large a all that nortlon of the United State lying wet of the Mississippi It baa been ascertained that plate class will mske a more durable mouu- ment than the hardest granite. The Netherlands have 12.000 square mill hin ahout the combined area of Massachusetts and Connecticut A Us recently enacted In Norway make girl Ineligible for matrimony until they are skilled In wwlng, knit ting and cooking. ThwA ha Wn T1.000 death from plague in India so fur, according to a recent report by the eecretary for In dia to Parliament. An officer bas brought to England from the Malay State a slodung. a kind of wild bison, said to be the only one of the specie In captivity. The great barrier reef along the const of Anstralla I about 1,000 mile long, tbe work of coral Insects. Some times It rise almost perpendicularly from a depth of 1,200 fathoms. Two ceremonies In Hurmab mark when childhood top and manhood or womanhood begins. Tho boys have their legs tattooed In brilliant blue and red patterns, and tbe girl their ears bored. Siberia bns a population of B.727.0O0, nt which 2.UM.000 are males and Z772,- 000 females. The population of Central Asia was determined at 7,iU'. oi w hich 4.1M.0OO are male and 3,5J2,000 female. The Trireme of Tiberias. The recent recovery of some remain of the famous triremes of the Emperor Tiberius, which Ho at tbe bottom of Lake Neml. Is of great Interest both to artists and antiquaries. The Loke of Neml, which Is situated about seven teen miles southeast of nome. Is form ed by the crater of an extinct volcnno. Upon Its broad bosom once floated the magnificent pleasure house of the lux urious and licentious Emperor, Tiberi us Claudius Nero, who, leaving his du ties at Rome In the year A. D. 2d, re tired tbe following year to the Island of Cnpreae, where he Indulged In the greatest sensuality, nis love of luxury and display waa exhibited In the two famous pleasure triremes which bear his name, and tho remains of which uow lie burled In the Lake of Neml. The discovery referred to consist of tuo finding of several massive metal moor ing rings and tops of stakes by which the vessel could be moored to the quay. The' rings are fixed In the mouths and bronie bends of Hons, wolves and Medusae, by the teeth of which they ore retained In their prop er places. These bronie heads arc marvelonsly modeled, nnd the fnoes are characterised by a lifelike similarity to the anlmnls represented. Despite their long Immersion In the mud of Lake Neml, they are all perfectly pro served, and the masslreness of their build and the lieauty of their outline enable the spectator to Judge of tho magnificence of the structure of which they once formed but a secondary aud almost Insignificant part. Invention. Was the Maine Hoodooed? There are many stories afloat among naval men who believe In "hoodoos" that the Maine was unlucky from tho day sho was completed, says tbe New York Tribune. It Is said the greatest care was taken In her construction, as tt)C naval hoard was rather suspicious of the way previous contractors had fiHisl the orders of the government, and for that reason tho Maine became the pride of the navy. Little mlsbnps took place from time to time thnt made the sailors say she was "uulucky," nnd In August lSssl, when she fouled her anchor In Key West and In-nt the plates of her port keel, everylxnly wondered how It could have hnpionel. Tho following February three men were wounded while at target practice by tbe explosion of a one-pound shell, and In July, ist7. the battleship ran luto an Enst River pier and cut In two a barge loaded down whh ratlroad cars. It Is said thnt the sailors felt un easy when they went with the Maine on Its delicate mission to Havana, as. they believed It was "hoodooed." The Gr-tve of Kve, At Jlddnh, In Arabia, the Moham medans locate the grave of Eve. A small temple, out of proportion to the Moslem conception of the first woman (they claim she was 200 feet tall) Is erected above the ashes. The struc ture Is In bad repair, and. If It rained often In Arabia, Mother Ere would have a rather damp resting place. As It Is, a big palm tree ha forced It way through the room. The spot Is tho Mecca of a seven-year pilgrimage. On June 3, which Is alleged to be tbe anniversary of the death, of AboL the door of the temple remain open all night On that nlgbt the spirit of Eve mourns for the los of her murdered son. In fear and trembling the pil grims listen to the awful sounds of lam entation emanating from the tomb, Thre are usually In the throng one or two scoffers, who claim to recognise the voices of the priests In the doleful wsll. but their opinions do not carry weight with the majority. Chicago Journal. Part of a Locomotive. In the formation of a single locomo tive engine there are nearly 0,000 piece to be put together, and those require to be as accuratflv ait lusted as th work ! of a watch. Old Olaaa. The eldest specimen of pore glass bearing a date Is the head of a Hon at present la the British Museum. It bears the name of an Egyptian King of tbe eleventh dynasty. To the victors belong the privilege t of lighting ever the spoils. BLUNDERS ABOUT AMf B'CA. Pari. P.P. "'"fl"" r.ac. of UIUd Pi.im Affairs Complaint Is made continually that tbe men responsible for the opinions of newspaper, are frequently lamentably Ignorant of tho subject on which they write, and esieolully so when they write on subject pertaining to foreign countrle. ay tbe Literary Dlg.-st France and tbe United States are sup posed to be the chief offenders In this re.pect Tbu Petit Psrlslcu. Paris, a paper with over S0.O0O circulation, aud supposed to be the best-Informed In France (of all the dallies) with regard to thing alien, make some amusing bjunder about the American conti nent, We quote a few Instances: "Canada Is a great country. She mny well be proud of having given birth to George Washington." "Among the eeionriiio pnncoi review of Russian troop was the bril liant comraander-ln-chlef of the Ameri can army, Gen. Nelson." "It should, of course, bo remeinlierM thnt tbe masse of tbe people ore only half clvlllxed In America. Only a frao tlon of tho people can read or wflte. Tbe dirty power of money-making alone rules." "Klondike Is In the lime couu.rj called Alusku, which belong partly to the United State and partly to Canada. There will be complication, ns Hiis-ia ha alwny claimed Jurisdiction lu those pnrts." ..... "Venezuela, tho country assisted by the Amerl.un Jingoes, Is so smull thut one can hardly find It on the map. "In Eureka Springs. Ark., on a beau tiful bay of the raclflc coast A Crashed Hero. On a log behind tbe pls-ty of '", little furtn Sits a freckled youth and lanky, red ol hair and long of arm, Hut bis mien Is proud snd hniighly and bis brow Is high nnd stern. And beneath their sandy lashes, fiery eyes i.k .... u ma l.nni nou l"" l-- , . How before him. gentle render, bes the hero we salute, Ue Is Hiram Adonlram Andrew Juckson Sbute. Search not Fame's Immortal marbles, never there his nsme you'll find, 1 For onr hero, lot us whisper, 1 a herd" in his mlud; . And a youth mny bathe In glory, wade In slntightcr time on nine When novel, wild and gory, con be pur chased for a dime, And through reams of lurid page bas h tlsln the Sioux and Ute, Bloody Hiram Adonlram Andrew Jacksoo Sbute. Hark, a heavy step sclvanclng list, bis father's angry cry, "He hain't shucked a single nubbin ; wbere's that good-fer-nothin Hi'f" "Here, bnse csitlft.". conies the answer, "Here nm I who was your slave. But no more I'll do your shiukln', though I fill a bloody grove. Freedom's fire my breast has kindled, there'll be bloodshed. t?runt brute. Quoth brave Hiram Adonlram Andrew Jackson Sbute. "Breast's a-bloilu', Is It. Sonny?" asks hit father with a smile, "Kinder like a stove, I reckon, what they cnll 'gas buriier style. Good 'Use burner' 's what you're need In' "here he pins our hew fast, "Come, young man. we'll try the wood shed, keep the bloodshed till tlx lust." And an atmosphere of horsewhip Inter spersed with cowhide lxot Wrsps young Hiram Adonlram Andrew Jackson Sbute. Weep ye now, O gentle reader, for tli fallen, great of heart, As ye wept o'er Siiint Helena and the exiled Bonaparte, And a picture, sad ns that one, to jr. mi pity I would show Of a spirit crushed and broken of a hero lying low. For where husks nro heaped the highest, working swiftly, hushed snd iuiiti, Shuckcth Hiram Adouirnui Andrew Jack son Shiite. -L. A. W. Bulletin. The Child at the Play. The 0-yenr-old son of a newspaper man occasionally goes to the matinee with his mother, but tbe trouble wl:h blm Is thnt be becomes greatly excited. and Is apt to express his feelings lu words, to the amusement of the audi ence, but somewhat to the annoyance of the actors. At a recent play one ol the actors was In the act of choking another whom he suspeo'od of being guilty of a crime. As the actor weut toward the supposed villain with hi hands outstretched, the boy became greatly excited, and as the men clinch ed the boy stood up aud called out: "Pay, let him alone, he didn't do It." There was a lnugh from the audience and a surprised look from the stage. At another time, In a play where a husband suspected his wife, and she was pleading to be taken home and given an opportunity to prove her In nocence, the boy could not stand the woman' pleas and the husband's cold reception of her entreaties, and he called out: "Please, mister, take her back." The boy has not been taken to the theater recently. rittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. History Some Time Hence. Teacher of history Willie, what was the main thing which hastened th Spanish-American war) Willie The destruction of the Maine, mainly. "What happened then!" "A battle on the main." "The Spanish inalnl" "No." "The American MalneT "No; Just outside Main-lln." "Did tbe Americans fight well?" "With might and main." "What reiualnedr "Not much of Spain." "What caused the warr "Spanish do-mnln." "On the maln-landr "No; on the Island of Cuba." "Very good. WUlle; always remember the Maine." Boston Times. If there Is any Important news from the seat of war, a man can always hear of It without neglecting his work to run to the bulletin boards. It Is Uk, losing a hat In the wind; the other feL low always chases It Some neonl nror t..i ...... ..... ,- 7 ngnt in the spring until the, h.v, undergone medical treatment; other, uutll the Bara lu.ii ..hi.- ' SUPPOSE WE SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. ntaaaat I.cld.sit. Ocerrl the World Ov.r-.la. m.t Are Cheer ral to Old or Toae-'"""' Uoaa tb.t Everybody Will Kojog. Thorn, va. T.cke. '1 refuse to give you money with which to purchase a wheel" said the stern parent "You are a thorn In niy "And you." replied tho disappointed youth, "are a tack In my path." From Iiffer.nt Points of V.w, WalkerI've Just been rending an ar ticle on our coast defense. They acera . . I... l..iM,.l..ii U lit . . Hydcr-That' right; 1 aon i mm any cyclist should be allowed to coast without a brake Popular dona Illu.:r.td, "The girl I lift behind me. -fcx- cbange. Can of the Trouble. Jaggs-Whafa good for Insomnia, doctor? n.u...r llnnr lone hare you been troubled with It? Jaggs-Oh. I haven't got H at all. hut my wife has. Sometimes she doesn't get to sleep until 2 or 3 of lock In the morning. Doctor-Well. I'd advise you to try going home earlier. A Leak Somewhere. Hlxon Anything wrong down at the pumping station this week? Dlxon-No, not that I know of. Why? Hlxon Oh, I've noticed tbat the wa ter we have been getting at our board lug bouse for some time past eeem to be about half milk. Not In Their Class. The Parson-My toy. I trust you have some good and noble aim In life. The Boy-Why. cert! IH youse t'lult I'm one of dcui Spuulards? The Proof. "Do you say that your husband Is weuk-mlnded, Mrs. IVosstou?" "Very. No mntter what I toll blm to do he Invariably goes and does the oth er thing, Yoor man." iKdrolt Free Iress. No Answer Received. "And was your prayer answered?" asked a visitor of a North Carolina darky who bad told of praying for r I u. "No, sab," said the African, "I spec do cubic was cut suh." How to Of! Hid of It. "I can't get It oft my mind," said Mrs. Stickler. "Hut you can change your mind," suggested her husband. Detroit Free Press. The Proper Cl.aatficatlon. Mllcs-Hcllo, titles. Is It a fact that you have recently married? Cllcs-I guess so. Facts, you know, are stubborn things. The Oflice Poy'e Romance. "Mr. Jeuklus, I've got an nncle, a brother and two cousins In this wnr." "I see; you're fixing to get off to a baseball game every time we hear ru mors of a buttle." Modern Methoda. Mrs. Watts-You folks are dreadfully low. We are using Individual com munion cups at our church. Mrs. Potts-Slow, are we? Next week we begin uslug capsules. Indian apolis Jouruul The Cheerful Idiot. "We fellows," said the student board er, "are thinking of getting up a little cheap spread. Is there nuytblng any one could suggest?" "Oleomargarine," said the Cheerful Idiot Iudluuupoll8 Journal. Forced Accompllahmcnta. Benevolent Lndy-My good man, why . oou i you learn some trade? J Weary Waggles-Know fourteen ai- lakM.l tlHIIJ. Benevolent Lady-Why, how' that? Weary Waggle Served fourteen tornis.-Dotrolt Free Press. Papa and Mamma Songa. Mumina-And how did mr little net get to sleep last night without mamma? Little Pet-Pupa tried to sing to me oko ,ou no aud I hurried up an" went to sl p so's not to hear It-Punch. l'nabah.. By way of variety she deliberately and openly yawned. "You frightened me," said he, "Iteallyr "Er-well. I was more grieved than ingmeuou. It wok, M f m,Knt never see your face ogaln."-Clucluuatl Enquirer. A Real Patriot. Is Hudson patriotic?" "Is he? Well I should suy. Why. he smokes nothing but Dower .i.r. .i. ways wears a Fltxhugh Lee hat and l"u reao uememtier the Maine backward or forwanl in.t .. J please."-Phlladelphla North Amerl- . urjrv .( I ' -v-.. a, ..A 1i-T'l OB 41 Til In aw to . -T - Mr. Wabash-Do 'Daughter of tbe UemilV Olive? """"V k Mil UIITI (or Rr f. . but pa'a going to buy tue a C! : week. ""w I a i i , , . . Directory Canvasser-Wu., u first twine, Mr. Peck? "to Mr T.wb T. ... M via ude" l., m - " Directory Canvasser-Am i te land that marrlaenaii.,.. Mr. Peok-N-no n '70.n,v stHdl lf"Clawed" im. 7; 1 Unlimited Capaclt T.v ii m.i.i- . ' -"'- neart have heeu modeled after a hJ ' Jack-There' always room f more. ' J enosequent. ,.ron,..-v,y ,Hor old gr Is dead and ber parrot died tkT day. Dalley-Very strange! Them,-, dli-d of grief, I utipose? Uronson-No. I killed It with, J Pearson's Weeklv. "1 Pnpa Is Thinking So Wise Father-No, my son, o.,. off till to-morrow what csn h. A. day. ltemember that, luj m, J fore you. Llrtlo Freddie All rlirht quarter to go to the ball came tla. j iviuwu. it migui rnin lo-normv Read j to Mak. the Fieri It. "What ha suddenly mim deride to go lo tbe war? I thon J sniu you couiuu anord to dolt,; J coiiiu oi your uuKiucsg," "My nelghlior' boy hasboojlMu cordlou aud Is learlng to pUy ik ing Through Georgia' on It" N Pllth. I . MMV, i acra, "Brnssey bas married a girl tj . . i. i. .. .., . 1 1 1 1 .. n laiut-r nua a vieau uunioa." "The deuce be has! Woo li "Tbe daughter of old Bendm, ; Bouy-ujujier, An Easy Cho'ce. She Which yould you ranVr hi wealth or tho affection of tb tod you truly loved 7 Ho Wealth, by all moan. TV could have the other on tbe iUt The Mlably Pc. "Bulwer was dead wront thn wrote: 'In tbe hands of men mtv. great the pen Is mightier thu tJ worn.' " "What ninkes you think nf "Why. If that way In thf livfc almost any old plug of a Spujkl UnaaaaL First Summer Girl I bma . gaged to blm the second time km Necoml summer Ulrl Sometuu rlble must bave happened ts a such a delay. New York Ettt; Jouruul. A Bmall Matter. Doctor You soy you've eattm Inir to dlsneree with you? Erastus No, sah. I on'y ite fm emits and two cups ou milt wru, Chicago Tribune. Tb. Thorn. Dasherly-So your wife's mj! :' you miss her much? Flusherly Yes, and thedeoeeat ... Mtltuli'' a lot or otuer rcltows are ber, too, I understand. One Poet's WIdo. I n.in,iriiiill.t makes a fair to writing obituary verses, I undrra Dash-Is that so? Then ne w ensc thnn I gnve hlni credit for. OuaiI Why. how's thnt? Dash-Walts till he gets I wlo-ro be enn't kick before be W to write poetry about him. From Different Points of Vlr Bess-Oh, dear! I suppose in ann.l.i.r ninnth nf bad lUck. auirt... . ... --- Nell-Wjiy. Bess, what mM think so? Boss-I saw the new moon o , -I 1 .1 na loaf nll'ht. Nell-That's too bud. No. J good luck to see It over i,r.i,l..i- nm. sav. ran i ment ring a beauty? Experiences. "I do not believe that IM"' rriena in me "So you have been trying to money, too, nave joui ' 7Z-. ser Font. thing worae - , j "Hemetuber," satu iuo . "thnt there are sermons lnoo "Not in tnose mui - with your bike," retorted W the argument was. necessW end. Honoring the Trotyl An editor In the swmu on a stenniliont, and d shaved, naturally offerea . r- We nerer charge edlton .h." said the barber, granlU j But how can you carry business r i- a-ii' "Daf all right boss. j dulgent reply. "We makes w gentlemen." Cnr. These Be Tr He-"These hoemskers siv well up to the vaiiuj . " tMi Illtontne in-v. r- ber. in women's shoes , she -Yes, and it is aiso - . hatters are vwlrZw 1 site higher. Therer-Ctncw Dr. J. C. Slencer. the board of health Lti i report that he ns. a! bacilli of tulHrcuKK- , -.,t. elrnr which be exaruin -Oh, I d-lJirtSrl who wa. qurre "u eDtl' mornUig. "your iHsplc giau"