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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 2, 1898)
Eagene City Guard. I I. MT l I rr.r l.t.. EUOKNlt PITT etKOON -s mi-is!w bsj i ' 1 IloHfoD In perfectly patriotic now, Willi her red brick building, her wblto subway uh'l le-r MM stocking. After n inau ha gnawed a good old fashioned hardtack for an bour he I In a iflWI to remember pretty nearly aOthlng. The 8t. I'uul Dispatch says: "A one armed athlete ha been walking around the earth." Well, thai' an "ariuleaa sort of amusement, ln't It? Why shouldn't lion. Joseph Cham IsTiaJn Is-llcvc 111 un Kngllsh alliance with America T Huch an alllanco ha worked all rlKl't In hli own case. It In Hald now that the Oeniinn Km pcroT ileslKnii many of the Krnpnvi' gown, lie la able to do anything, from directing bl nation's deutlny to dross-making. The DtBTSf I'ost complains Ixs-nnse "a Colorado poet him mado 'Howey' rhym- irtth 'glory.'" Why find fault wlili that? It i a deed to be proud of; how did be do It? A Western papaf says the "tatafCD IonIh Iiiim 1m i n communicated to dogs by fiMi Ii baetseteiosjlita,- Tho only way u dog can be almolutely safe Ih to refuse to associate with hucIi persons. A contemporary chmrs up a doubtful m iner In Us- following luoUl manner: -riie name of the Kpantah ad mini at Montljo and us Montojo. It la doubtful, ho Montljo and aa Montojo." Ho, ho, la that ao? The authorities lii Washington per paint tad a neat swindle on the Span lard In Cuba. Illanco hns bMO In dueed to exchange two American news paper oufmpoirtanti for a Spanish oloiiel and a phyHlclan. Our Naval Aeaclemy, which hua vin dicated ItH existence abundantly In iiiim pnrit, bM done It again In the splendid gunnery of our naval officers, the theory and practice of which are very thoroughly taught lit AjUmnoUa, The decadence of Spain Ih Illustrated by the fact that from having been once the poHHcMHor of much the great est part of North and Koulli America aba Ml not now a Mil waling stutlnn, and before many months she will haw lost those she D Inally MM The sense of proportion Is n line thing to cultivate It) these time "There were heroes ls-fore Agamemnon," even though there were no hysterical news pgpON lo declare It- And, by the way. several brave (hs-ds were done In tills very country Home thirty live years ago. The tltleH of the King of Spain sng gent a large part of the history of the wold. II'' I- King of Jerusalem, which Is Turkish; of Nuvarre, w hich In it Mich I of lilhraltar, which Is British, and of the Bail and West 1 mile, which are hugely llrltlsh; Duke of llrabaut and Count of I'lnndcrs, now the two In dependent kingdom of Holland and llelglum; and sovereign of numerous other lands long since Independent or under the undisputed sway of other powers, lie Is-ars iiimui his person, Indeed, an epitome of the glory ami the fall of Spain. ' An Intelligent effort Is tielng made to convince Kuropenu nations that corn bread, as the Vankis' said of "puuklu pie," Is "wholesome vIIiiIh." Some headway Is being made, and since the I 'nlted Niates produces more than two billion bushels, the ciport supply may be rcgardts.1 iih cual to any demand tM com evangelists oHratlng In ICu rope can create. The royal family of Denmark takes kindly to corn, and w hen fully converted, as seems prob able, a European con M aristocracy may lie created. I n New York, the great dltllculty of the vacant lot farms committee In Dftl Ions fSUU has been the obtaining of suf lleleut laud for the farms, but this year It has for use during the summer tl hundred and twenty acres of laud In Tellium Hay 1'iii'k. This Is now the fourth year that the vacant lot farms have been carrhsl on In New York Ulty. Kach year a small nuin(Hr Of men have been so trained lu the llrst principles of agriculture that they have expressed a willingness to take positions lu the country, and some few heads of families have done so. Thus the vacant lot farms afford a kind of farm training school. China has at last made Its llrst con cession to an American company. The Secretary of Stale has rctvlvcd notice that the American china I e elopmcm Company has Is-, n permitted to build n railroad from Hankow on the Yang t .e Mang IHver to Canton lu (he Prof luce of QttOUJ l'ling, and thence to the ML The line will le Ism miles long nnd will run through province trlbu tiny to a population of nearly lUHX, 000 I pie. The company now Is nego tiating for extensions to the main line, which It Is also boilOYOd will Is- grunt cd. With a view of enabling the ('hi MM ultimately to construct an. I opor ate railways the American China lc vclopitifiit Company Is to establish a Mbool of practical Instruction In rail wn.vs. where OhlMM shall bl educated lu questions relating to railway con strucllou. operation, and management. All materials nnd apparatus for the proHs,sl road are to enter the Chinese empire fns- of duty. In a manner simi lar to that adopted lu the case of the railway now running west from Tien Tsln. The granting of this concession Herns to emphasise the lmMirtnilcc of our recent opera tlous at tho l'lilllp plms. The conditions at Australia and the Philippine show the differences In the methodM of governmetll pTMtlcad by In at llrltaln and Spain. In Australia practically the same elvlllaed eondl tlotis exlat aa In Kugbiud. and every thing that can he done to reform the natives Is Isdiig done. Hut there are no cities lu Kuropo that are more tlno ly built thau Sy ilm-y and Melbourne or which enjoy a higher civilisation, lu the Philippines, with the ssslble ex- reptloti of Manila, where the presence of a few Kngllsh, Herman and Aim rl can residents, give some signs of civili sation, the people are 111 the same prim itive condition now as when they MM under Spanish away three centuries ago. Nothing w hatever has been done to develop the vast revenue of the Isl and or to educate and civilise the po pie. All the means of public Instruc tion are lu the hand of religious so cieties, which ue every effort to keep the natives In Ignorance, that they may he the more easily dominated and oppressed. The people lire robls-d that none may accumulate proerty enough to send their children away to lie edu cated. It Is through the few Hint have Iss-n sent abroad that the late revolu tion have Is-eti encouraged, and the natives made to icallze the tyranny and despotism of Spain. The American people lack something of a quullty which Is certainly good for the general community thut of tenac ity In Hie defence of the small Individ mil rights which the greater rights ure soriiet lines found to depend on In the end. The American Is apt to ask bin Keif, "Will It pay" to resist an Infringe ment upon his rights? If It Is not like ly to "pay" he usually submits to Ilio outrage, r.rigllshmeii, on the other hand, nr. tenaclouN of their rights as against corporation or public ser vants, even at great cost to themaelve. Frenchmen can also on occasion show n like spirit. A good example of It has lately been brought to the public alien Hon In Parla. A business man. forced by a misadventure to wait on I r and n half at a railway siutlon, took up the table of rates and charges, which the railroad company was required to keep open to the public, lie found that the udvcrtlsed rare for the trip he was nlsiut to make was twenty nine francs and ninety live centimes, whereas the fare usually exacted was thirty (MOM, When he Imugnt his ticket he offered twenty nine FMIvM and ninety flT MO tlmcH; the agent refusal to give him a ticket. Ho paid thirty francs under protest, and after his return lo the city demandisl the return of the excess bJMOx one cent In our money. The company refused to refund It He MOd the railroad company for restltu tiou, and won his case. The company nppeabsl, ami the llrst decision was sustained. The case was then carrl d to the Court of Cassation, the highest court open to It. Again the decision was In the citizen's favor; the company was ordered to restore the cent to blui. nnd tO lower Its fare to the prescribed llgure. The litigation cost the company more than lliree thousand francs, and the dttMB nlsiut u thousand, lie had vindicated a principle, and no doubt considered MlMoU well repaid. The ettlxen would perhaps In onr country M called "a kicker," but he was kick ing In the service of the community, and the community owes him Its sin cere thanks for his sidf sacrifice. The Koreans are exhibiting the wild est delight over the aniioiiiiecmcnt that their king Is about to marry. This act on Ids part means more to those ico ple than Is commonly supposed by such as are Ignorant of Home of the curious customs of that people. The king liil.es preeisleuce lu all malrl miuilnl affairs, for ho long iih the king Is single no marriage may lata ploec In his domains among his subjects. All gcssl Koreans, therefore, who obey the letter of the law religiously and patri otically poatpOM their weddings until the king has taken a spouse unto him self. Among the common DOOpli this law In not strictly ols-yed, but among the BobtUty and ''(' lsdlcr class ,.f people no one would think of marry ing ls-fore the king, iih such a violation of the law would cause the offender to b)M caste. Hut marriages are arranged In Korea without reference to the pat ties to It, and "falling lu love" Ih n thing of which a Korean Is inter guilty. Since the murder of the ipieen, some two years or more ago, none of the members of good families have married, and the pisiple, more thau a year since, became so Impatient for the king to wed that they expressed their discontent openly. The King's ml VtoMI made knOWtl to Mm the dissatis faction among Ids subjects, and he be gan the work of hunting up u wife. Although be In over 00 years of age his choice, was the daughter of a noble man who had not reached her slxtivnth year. Ills mlnlltan objected lo the king making that kind of a fool of him self, since It Is against the time honored customs of the empire for the king to take a wife so many years bis Junior. The advice of (he ministers prevailed, but while the king abandoned the maiden he could not Is- Induced to look with favor upon any of the others whom Ids advisers presented for his selection. This set the people again In a rage, and dually the king delegated to his advisers the power of selecting a wife for him without bis luterfer cinv. This selection hits heel) made, and the future QOtM of Korea Is re ported to ls very handsome, according to Asiatic Ideas of beaulv, and about 30 year of age. fats lor Rabfclta. Cats have served heretofore as a sub stltutc for rabbits. No particular com plaint was made In Pari against the substitution until recently Tor some reason there has arisen a great out cry against the slaughter of marketable cats, and Trench Ingenuity has bMM taxed to supply the detlclciiey. This I found In a particular broad of Afri can monkey, and these animals are Isdiig Imported Into Trance lu large IttUbtn to furnish the Imsls for rable de llovre broiled backs of rabbits. The African monkeys lend themselves very readily to the disguise, its their bucks are very fat and fleshy. K.iU- blts, under any culinary tr.sitment, are food. They arc mainly valuable as stretigthener of sauce and soup -.t...'ks. Tor this purpoaa they arc su pol ler almost to any other sort of game. New York Sun. Tobacco a a Ilaronieter. A plug of tolmcco is as good a harem eter us any one need. As long v th weather Is to Is. Hue the MMCCO will be dry, and If there I not too much sugur and licorice In It It w III crumble like Uirk. Hut Just before rain the to bacco will get damp aud flexible, and the moisture lu the air will make It at most clammy. lime wound. aud court plaster heal all THE ROStL O Love' tar, over Eden, How pale mid fslnt thou art! Now lost, now eea bove. Thy white ray point and durt, 0 tender o'er her move, Hhlne out nnd take my part! 1 have sent her the rose of lore, Aud shut lu the rose In my heart The fireflies glitter and rush In the ln rk of the summer mead; l'ale on the hawthorn hush, Hrlght on the larkspur eed; And long Is heaven stilish To give my roo (bsJ-speed If ahe breathe a kiss, It will blush; If BM bruise u loaf, It will bUx-d, O bright star over Kden, All Is autifiil thou art; Today, In the phm-, the roe, for tOJ love I have is-rllisl my heart; Now eje the dying glow From the placid Isle depart, The roe-hathed planet know It l hers, my rose, my heart! -Century. WITH TAB PRICE OP BLOOD. SOLA WAR, simple child of a gulleh ss race, believed In her very soul that wealth would outweigh In the heart of Antonio Mnscnvel tho ben my of EUrfUgtO QarfuM, great and renowned though that might bo. Therefore, and for this only, did she sigh for riches and hate the poverty with which PrortdOHM bad sent lit to curse her. For Sola was not beautiful, save for the Is-aiity that some find In a linn chin and n pOWOffUl mouth, a wide forehead and deep eyes overset with mighty brow -which may have their charm for (he student of hi kind, but not for a lover, und. least of all, for a Mexican lover. ' Antonio Mnscnvel preferred the typo of ttofuglo small featured, red lipped, soft eyed, graceful, and lovely a a dark Venus. And his opinion was also that of Hie surrounding country, of the cily of I sis Angeles, and the mission of San UaUrtaL The fame of tho daugh ter of tiarllas had spread even among the Americana, ami when strangers tlski d to Is- shown n Is-uutlful Mexi can, they were taken to tho hotiso of Uarflai, upon the outskirts of Bonora low ii. So It may be supposed that Re fugio had lovers. They came from far and near, and from every rank of Cali fornia life. There was nil American wl fortune was vast and as gener ously spent ns fortunes were In the ear ly llftles; there was an englishman with a determination to hnvc her at tOJ CMti even at that of a few lives n tendency of character which accounted for Ids presence In the States nnd for his expatriation! tb re was a priest who was eating out his wretched hou! for her. and who had so fur fallen from grace as to have told her so; there were Innumerable Mexicans, ranch rs. shop keepers. deoporadOOB, and gamblers. All followed tamely and RUpplliintly lu B0 fuglo's train. Hut slu loved only Miiseiivel. She nd milled It at lust to Senor (iiirllas, when thai wiry little creature demanded that she make a chohv. The senor Wiia aghast. The pOOllblHty of It had not occurred to him. "Antonio Uaacarair ho anid. "Hut you do not know him." Ilefuglo maided her little bond. "HI," she said. "Where have you seen htm 7" She was not mln. h.l to tell of the nn clings lu the willow hidden lsd of the arrOyO, so she held her peace. "Hut the man Is a hud character. He Is a gambler." Still Itefuglo was silent There must bo better arguments than faults, vires, or crimes to bring against the tiniin HWerable one that a woman loves. (f this Setior tiarllas became grad ually aware, after he had protested for hours nnd for days, and after llmllng that despite his prohibitions, desplie close supervision, his fair daughter nnd Mas.avel were In constant communi cation. Then he hunted out Antonio himself where lie sat playing at cards In the bar room of the Isifuycttc, and he pleaded with him. (sjurtismsly and re speclfully, for Mascavcl was a big man and a desperate one. Hut he, too, answered that he loved, and when nil was said and done, It had gone no far th. r than this, that they both loved, ami that wisdom might stand aside. Qgrttai went With his battled hopes to Senor Velar the hroiher of Sola. The house of Vejar a two rome.l adobe, Which had never lvon whitewashed st.sxl several hundred yards farther north along the road than that of Har Baa. It was the last one lsfore the open country, ami hud no llelghlsirs. S. nor Vejar was much younger than Haiilas. He had the MUM mighty brow and powerful mouth that made his sis ter hideous lo a race that loves all things gentle and gracious. Ho was on. of (hose w ho pilled for itefuglo, but her father did not know this. So he told hlni the whole story of his thwart ed will ami plans, and Implored advice us he made a cigarette. "If It were not for the cursed laws of the QrtttgOM) If things were ns they were 111 my youth. I could fonv my OWn daughter to marry the mnu I plfMOdt" he said. elar shook his head. "Y'ou can not do that," he answered. "What, then, shall I dor' Oarflaa was moved to the slnt of tears. They hung on his long black lashes ami drop p. d on Ids old blue overalls. The tltuiitlon was too complicated to ls set straight In a moment. It was not slmplltled by Y'ejnr's having his own suit and chances to eonslder. "I can not advise you at once," he suld: "I will think and will help you. If I can. In the morning." lie took counsel with his sister when tia'tlas had ridden ii w ay. "Oh!" snarled Sola, "the love of An tonio! A thousand dollar would bury It so deep that It would never rise again." "Yet," said her brother, not under standing woman, "you would be glad to have It." The deep eye shone. She shrugged her shoulder. "Ye. I would he glad to have It. And I could have It for a then -and dollars porhu losa." "At that cost you must be content to go without It. What advice shall I give to iKin tiarllas?" "How should I know? 11 him see to hi own trouble, and he glad that your sister I not so beautiful that you hare uo peace bocauee of her." It waa lonir after dark when a horsa topped at Vejar1 adobe. Vejar had been asleep. He jumped up and went to the door. He had Ida finger on tba trigger of hi revolver. A man stood under the broken d .wn ramada. Be fore ho apoke, the Mexican had seen by tho moonlight that he was a QrlngO. They talked together In low lOBM until Holn Joined them, rubbing her eyes and moving noiselessly, with her bare feet, across the dirt lloor. "This mun," said Mt brother. "Is nn American. He says he has ridden all day to get Into Lou Angeles ls-fore night, but hi horse went lame. It Is ao bad now that he can go no further, and ho wlshea to tny here until morn ing." "Let him stay," said Sola, not too graciously. "Ho cnu have my bed. 1 cannot Hleep." Vejar grunted In much contempt. "Mnscnvel docs not lie nwnko for you," he said. Sola made no answer. She a pted the fact She put the American uisui the blanket-covered willow bough that she called her bed. Her brother tied tho homo belde hi own in the roof less adobo outhouse, und fed It some bay. Ho did nothing for lt lame foot Tho Buffering of a dumb brute I a matter of utter Indlffereuco to a Mexi can, when It Ib not cause for lnughtr. Tho Amerlcun was a mere youth. Sola saw thut when the patch of moon light finally worked around to where hu lay. He wus so still that she began to think he might be dead. Bo she rose from w here she sat upon the floor, lean ing against the wall, and went near to see If he were breathing. It teemed that he slept very lightly, for he start ed up, with his left hand upon bis belt and his right hand upon his revolver. "You were so still I thought you might lie dend," said Sola, In her deep, placid voice, full of tho Indian sweet MM of Hound. Ib- took his hand from tho weapon and lay buck shamefucid ly. It was only a woman, a thick set, lazy, good hearted Mexican. He had not been able to see her face, nnd he did not know that the comfortless pal let was her Is-d. He turned on It nnd fell aHhs'p again. Hut Hola was think ing. ing after her brother wna drcnnilng lu the next room she crouch ed, looking Into the darkness with her great, wide eyes-seeing nothing. And In her brain rnn tho clink of tho coins ns the young (irlngo hud put his hnnd to tils belt. There was a purpose In her nnfl Inching mind. That she debated It therein was due only to her uncertain ty as to how many coins had clinked, aa to whether there wero enough to buy Antonio Mnacavel. Five hundred dollars would do It for a time. Aft?r thut he might kill her; or he might let her live nnd go away with Itefuglo which would bo worse. He wus a gambler through and through, and none the less ho because of being luck less. A few hundred dollars In actual cash would present to him unlimited poaafbUltlM of the wealth that It might win. And there Is always the pwr chance. In n woman's mind, that the man may barn to love as she loves. He might forget Itefuglo; or she might mnrry some one else. Flft(s'ti minutes biter she went Into the room where her brother lay Upon a lad like her own. She roused him with her buru foot, lie turned with n loopy grunt "(let up and come hero," she said. She was not a capricious creature, It was her way to do little, but that In dogg.-d earnest So Vejar sprang up and went with her. She topped he side tho lusl and silnl,sl down to tho Issly. "1 have kllhsl htm," she snld. Vejar made no answer. Ho did not utiderstamL "I have kllhsl him." she repented. "You take him away and bury him." It flashed upon Vejar that what his Bister said was true. He was fright ened, lie dropped down In-slde the b...ly and dragged It Into the streak of moonlight "Take care," Sola Warned him; "If there is blood on the Sow it can bo seen. 1 can burn the blanket that Is en the tied; and no one saw him come." Vejar let the Isxly fall, and sbssl up facing her. She could s,s the dreadful light lu his eyes, but she did nut euro. "Y'ou can turn his horse Usvse and It will never bo known," she said. Indif ferently, "lie had money. There Is eight hundred dollars. I have Counted It Antonio will marry me for Hint." Vejar struck her down with a blow on the orenst. She sat upon the Ihsir us QUletly as If she were basking In the sun, dreaming the eternal Mexican dreams, "If you lilt mo again, I shall say that you did It They would believe mo." Vejar stood thinking, with the Isslj und the woman at his f,et He knew that she was right. The OlingOOl would believe a woman. It was tin custom of the fisds. She held his lift In her hurd. broad hands, and sh would give It for th sake of the soft eyed gambler ns calmly, ns relentless ly ns she had given that of the bo between them. He carrhsl the body out and burled r before daw-n. far from the adobe, ant so skillfully that then- were no traeot of the stmt. Thou he turned the hum horse 'is.se. and V wandered Into tin tow n. For the sake of the forty gold pleOM that were Sola Vejur's dowry that shi had come by, he did not ask how nut care that COttJond up visions of limit le wealth to le wen. Antonio Mas cavel consented to take her and let th nngUded beauty of Befngto OarflM go. Many Americans disappeared In those days, and were never accounted for. It was so with the one who hnd standi from the Snn Fernando district to 1 os Angeles, toottahly carrying a hWgO amount of gold In bis Is It some said mere than a thousand dollars. The sheriff and a ihvhso searched and did not find htm; that wna all. Anto'do lived with Sola for a year, and she was happy -through no fault of his. Ills luck turiiisl, and he won. with her nest egg, the fortune he had dreaimd of. Having done ao, he left her and went across the border. For a long time Sola mourned, sul lenly and deeply; then - Vejar having boon kllhsl at a round-up by an en ragisl stisr she took up her abode with Kefuglo, and became a devoted and patient nurse to her children. For Itefuglo had married the rich American, and had long alnev forgiven tho defection of Maaeavel and the w ..man w ho had caused It Hweudolur Overton, la the Argonaut LOVALTV OF CUBAN WOMEN. They Are the Hrnvwt Vom with Whom Hi.aln Ha KM o DM Cuban men In arm frequently pre sent themselves for pardon. No Cuban woman ha ever la-en known to barter fealty for mercy. There arc traitors In Cuba, but they are never women. Under KM W.-yler regime Havana wa full of devoted women, reared In Indolence and luxury, who were tire less In their uvful efforts to get word from one scattered rcM laiud to mother, and to send them food, medi cines and clothing. These women wen far better conslprators than their fath ers ami brothers, for Cuban men must talk, and therefore rurely hatch n plot before It Is revealed. TBa women In that country, at least seemed to know the value of silence. They said little of wur, even among themselves, but to Americans they wen- singularly cotilld ln. This Instantaneous and perfect trust was ut limes startling, and mad one breathe a fervent prayer that It ml.M never be iM-trilVi-il. It led to many strange experiences Mint could Is- treated as news and sent to a dally Journal, for the required publication of names would have tended to swell the already overcrowdisl und vile quarters for wot i In the Island Jnlls and prls- I oris. Beautiful and delicate aeuorltu I would Impulsively dross up In boys' rlothoH to Illustrate to Americans how they stole out at night to the ncur-by haunts of lover or brother lu the "Long Grasa," aa the Insurgents' camps were called; how they secreted fo(sl lu false pockets; how letters whose envelopes had ls-n dipped In Ink were hidden In their black hair; how medicines were carried In MMO, nnd cloth for clothes or wounds concealed In the lining of their coats, fine girl, disguised us a vender, hnd frequently carried to tho woods dynamite In egg shells deftly put together. She hns had many thrilling experiences, but her narrowest escape was when n Spanish soldier by the rood si. b- InalOted on taking from the basket an egg, to let Its contents drop In n hot ii nd ready pan. He was vvlih difficulty persuaibsl to forego the meal. Tho lynanille was made by another woman, who carefully obtained the Ingredients tit various times and at widely scatter ed drug stores. A (irest lire Dog. The following story can 1 vouched for, und In recognition of the timely lotion of toe dog, the Alliance Assnr-iiiks- Company, with whom the prem ises were liiHtired, have awarded a sli ver inedu to Zulu, fully realizing his sagacity In preventing what would otherwise have Is'en a disastrous lire, with considerable dnnger to the occu piers of the house. Zulu, who lleegN In the basement of a large house In n fashionable quarter of one of our larg est dtles, was early one Sunday morn ing lately romed by nn outbreak of tire, which luid apparently liccn Htnol ilerlug for some time between the floor of the dining-room nnd celling of the rooni below. He. after repeatedly scratching at the lsslnsm door of one of the servants, PCCO0ded In waking her. Thinking the dog iniwt ls unwell, she lot htm Into her room, and got Into lusl again, but WM not allowed to sleep, us Zulu, Hitting close by her iH-dalde, kept "talking" to her las nhe describes 10 so vigorously that she KUHHytcd sonn-rhlivg must Is- wrong. On getting up the dog appeared s delighted timt she followed hlni out of Uie riKwn, and on looking Into one of the KOBM dls OOTOrcd the celling burning. Dpon rousing the ow ner of the house, who Immediately had the iliv alarm rung i which was fortunately clone nt hand), Zulu, seeming to know he bad done his duty, rushisl rjpotalie to his tntetreas, and left the house with the children, evidently satlstl.sl that he had fullilhsl his part. On the lire brigudo'H arrival t was found that flic lire had taken serious hold, and only required more air (which would have Iss-n given I in another ten minutes by the roll i pee of the heart hatone, et cetera), to burst Into (lame In several place. The dam age by heat and smoke was very great, and hnd nlr been admitted nothing ! COOid have MTOd the entire dwellliig, us the Joints botwtN-n the flooring were burning from end to end of the room, rroiotiglng a Holiday. A soldier sends a contemporary a story of one of his comrades, a private, who recently found himself an Inmate of a military hospital. Immensely pleased with his altered condltlona, ami bills fuHy COMdOtM that Ml pay was steadily running on, be felt positively grieved one morning to tltul himself feeling M well as ever he bad done. The doctor paid Ids usual visit with the clinical thermometer, which found ii resting place under Tommy Atkins" tongue. While the physician's atten tion was distracted, however, the In strument wm gently transferred to a basin of hot tea standing near, and, after a few momenta, deftly returned, and finally banded back with the mer cury rigid at one hundred and twenty. "Orcat Heavens:" exclaimed the doe tor, aghast, his professional calinness ruddy shattered. "You ought to bo stone dead, man; nobody was known to live at anything like that! Oct Quick to Usl; your case Is a desperate one!" Machine ftr Fine Writing. a machlM has txvu Invented which Is composed of exquisitely graduated wheel rubbing a tiny diamond point at the end of an almost equally tiny arm, whereby dm is able to write upon glass the Whole Of the lord's prayer within a apaiv measuring go more than the dot over the letter "I" In com mon print. A specimen of this mar velous microscopic writing was enlarg ed by photography and every letter and point WM is-rf,st and could bo read with ease. No Fp.inlsh for Her. Inbel -So you and Edward have broken off? What ever could have hi- I potted T C. rt rude We got to talking about 1'ert.- Uqo and he criticised my pro i nnnclotlon of San 4 mm. so I told him I believed he was part Slumlord inr. way. and after Hint, of course. It was Impossible for us to ever Is- anything but stronger. ltlver Nile Not Ielrncttve. Tho lllver Nile has Its risk, but those that do mischief are not frequent Dur ing the last 1.000 years rh1Te lias been only one maiden rise at the Nile that of WJO, whvn 80,000 people 'were drown,sl. A small boy najs the proper time to gather fruit Is when the dog Is chained. LET US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. riOMMl lncld.nl. Kcarrln the World Over - Hujlng that Arc lUt-crful to the Old or You.iB-Hun-u, iUltlTT- that You Will Knjo,. DatrittiM to Infringe. Teacher (examining Juvenile class In geography) -What can you tell u tilsxit the Arctic Ocean? I. It th- Henry Nawtbln'. This uln t no lecture platform. The Trnth of the Mutter. "1 see that It Is again becoming fash ionable for the BMtern ladJea to paint their cheeks." "Oh. that Isn't quite the case. The Eastern lad tea hove merely quit trying to cone the fact that they do paint their eBMMi" A Matter of Pes. Pa in I low old would n person be tiow who was born lu ISTHl? Johnnie Pleaae, sir, wns It a man or 11 lady? Kindt u Telegram. Two Prominent Fucts. "Two things art- pretty cleat ly shown by the fil Mill altitude of the Kllgllsh government townrd Ibe United States ut the present time." "wiu.t are tbeyf Thai even those American heir. ss,-s wdio marry titles retain some love for their native land and that their per nasi re power are recognised b tin-ir bnsbandi in Parliament ami in the Cabinet." Rasllg Defoe! Mamma Ob, dear! 4lmmy, I don't believe you know what It Is to lie good. Jimmy fee, I do, mamma. It's not doing what you want to do. Truth. I.ovr's Labor Lost. "What's the matter with Humps? He looks as though he had no frk-nds loft." "Went out the other night and sere naded all empty house for Ihr.s- hours. Didn't know that her folks had moved." Ih-trolt Kris- ITess. I btflll. Blgge- I say, old chap, here h) a check of yours, 1 wish you'd Just cash It for mo, Jlgge Kr certainly er will yon in dorse it; Now York Brening Journal, An F.xpert' Opinion. Burgw 1 He.- the scientists claim that strawberries an- m p-r etat wa ter. Ralston The scientists are awny off. StruvviH-rrles are HI per cent- Isn ltot tom. -Chicago ,,-ws. No Chuncc Wlintever. "Jimmy, you must not tulk when older people nre talking. " "Well, 1 s'swe you want me to grow up dumb." Chicago lUssird. A Hi Mil. on CarsSf for llcr. "I lu-ur that Bogley'S Wife Is going on the stage." "Why. I never knew that she could act!" "She can't; but on BMtern nwgMtaM has published her picture and written her op as being one of the moot lssautl ful women In this town." Both True. Fax- The diamond Is the hardest known substance. HeWltte Yes to get. Hoston Trnv rler. Difference of opinion, ""lis love that makes the world go round." "tih, no; It's too much liquor." Chi cago lb-cord. Correction Wsntsd. "Arc you the society editor T" nskisl the large lady, who seemed to 11 1 1 the room. "No. madam," said the one address ed, "1 am only the court reporter," "Really? i am surprised. Hut per haps you will do. Your paper said In lis account Of the ntTalr nt my house thai iiorai decorations lent beauty to the scene.' 1 wish you would have your paper state Hint the Moral lieuuty wns not lent. Kvorythlng wns paid for," Indianapolis Journal, An Obvtons Rsfnsal, Warden A reporter wishes to sponk to yon. What shall I tell hlni? Prisoner Tell htm I uni not at home. -I'licgcnde Btaetter, I'oor Ororitc Maud What were the last words George said to you ls-fore he started for the war? Marie -Hear me, how stupid! I was so busy wondering whnt the engngo nient ring he brought me cost that I really didn't pay enough nttentloti to his remarks to be able to remember them. It's nn III Wind. "They enn say what they please alsnit the horrors of war," said Sprock etts, "but after all It has Its bright Side." "How's that?" asked Wheeler. "McWntters, the sprinkling cart driver, hns enlisted." New York Evening World. Rhe Have TOU ever m lle-I'ardon me. I, N ther' elevstor over there"' Bba Yes. He own tigtit no, like It, all full of wheat. "I lie twiiii a long, tr.-nnSu, Ah, ye. I have met my i,u u - - "trine. Lucy So y..u called aflcrnooli did von? A ,., .. . . kl . in, jjti von as hchm liicltu,..l ,.. ... ,r:M W V, UV I,r (Ml, rtsussl ta Tom-No, he tried to strik,. m. "How much did yo.i pay fof . "Pen cents.' "How many more did t.T ,,, Her PAsfatarttgi "I can't sec why that I'erkloy ao iNipular with the fellows. Kh II ..kiillib. ft-tll. nt 1 , lioniis and still have more thaa ikj just share left, imrt you think vl ...... ,.it. ...... i. mm , ., j "i.ii.ih.j e.-Klll: I "Wie hm't bountiful; but say, ,(,,. n nioiPFun wnj oi ii-iiirig a fi-lloirt Hi- j.l"i lire -.l.-niini llltjfi j. ,.,.wi, v.... ,,' k.i. , . u.. ...... ,-,,, iiiiiixU g sue iiiniy iiinuii, every Word of ( Hrusonnble. Cs-lebruted Nove!lst'n u-i- . Klehnrd. the sweat 1 jst NHjrh,2 yotll Why don't you quit forts Cs li-bnited Novelist I writing a Christmas story fur wig- lie mugiir.ines ami iiiiist tin ve h rt iot in. looio-i oj uexi tilrx-tklaj Kur Ahead of Fiction, Olggy-Who Is your favorite aura dearotst? Angellcu I think the KPN wroU up that Uuile thai Hi was In, told the prettl.-st storylng! i- .'i.i. tint, or course, I don't kaothe name. - Oenver Tliiua. ThcT t'uu't llrlt, ll Wlllh I'n, why Is It thut every nj WHO HllCtMNMlH 111 llliytllltlg lldvlMfl erylNidy elM not to try It? Ill That's onl a niundahout d-o onslratlon of the fact Unit Wrt.h thinks he's the smartitit felloe t larth. Chicago News. Not hi nic tn l.oe She i d., i lisirgo, w lull shall .- lo ; the I -.nt sinks? Ho (very pale) Never mind thoat that, Sarah; It's not our Iksil-Bohn Traveler. Oetllna Kcudy. "He spends his money as freely sf It went some one else ." "W'll, It soon will he."-New W World. A Difference. Mrs. Spetidiim You kick nlwtl ar dr. --maker's charges, but I ne'ftuj u word alsMit your tailor's bllU Mr. Spendum-Hut, gssl hatu Mary, a dressmaker bus to be paJd.- Detrolt I'ri-o l'resa III. Wnmlorfnl (InPHS. Hho Io you believe In platonlc km! llivl biirdlv know, do you? she -WeJL of courtMs there Bay si such n thing, but-but well Mvwrl in-., nuoh oeoide ns vou and -and ii,.No, not letwei you Mil l Ah. Ilid(n. plnroulc love would not for me! I must speak! (im joimmI von . ' She Oh, Alfred, how dl I )" M my secret? wife (jeeioua) -What wus tivat nomll Mrs. Lovely doing In your ottjev a two inortiil hours this forenoon i Httsbiuid (n physician) Wby-j she complained that her face p her. . Wife Humph! I k-css It pain her any worse than It dors people, -New York World. .... .ii... .ti,.i... Heir v""' " "What great pugilists thoso Spa gunners would make. "Why?" "They hardly ever lilt lUiythlnf- Mrs. Oldham Mrs. CushleKta " Ing painted by a celebrated to""' risn, Mrs. Wylnnd-Wlxit's tse hns slie lost the use of her a""0 Women' Contnirin jm lhigley-Do you think womw ever quu wearing eorseis. How land -Not as long M ,n''" ,,. mSW .1 any ontuse men arouuu that the things are detrUMsl health. I ... 1. 1,- on Hoaln. 1 !o you remember wind Huckl I o... ii.m at is' ih nHtuir i nere hio- - ,g ther extremity of the continent- and tornld mn. the only tcpn , the now remaining of the f'ollnj, the knowbnlgo of the middle ag wihh is uie w iirw, s,, mi .u, Is satisfied with her own cosssj Though she Is the most backWP try In BnropO, she bdleves is- the roremoat she is irou -. . ,dlt tt (rung or wnicn hoc MhUMd. She s proud of 'he an or tier opinions, prouo " ,,-or- of her faith, proud of her nnJJ -m able and childish credulity. 1 her unwillingness to ann uo M. creed or her customs, pnni.l 01 I red of heretics, nnd pn.ud M ing rlfllance wtth which s1"' "3nJir tied their efTorts to Oliiam gnt estnlillsnmeni ou wm Journal, Far Reachln "U , trf "My wife I oowu ou - you." ... Hoes she want you to g "No. but she hns turned v.. ,... ,, iiines, - ail."- Columbus' portrait to the trott ee rrvea.