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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 28, 1898)
Eugene City Guard. I. L. caatritri.l.. PrHtor. BTJOENK CITY WMMOM What the Oongreaslotial Record really mod In this mot trying hour I a good color press. Klondike nr Culm lure ! S Choice that ongbt to ult the taate of tho moat faatidloue adventurer. Heer tn amall a Htm ' ald to make one fat; In largo quantities It la known to make one lean. Contrary to the rule, when war-"hlpa are stripped for battle It may tie aaJd they are uudrod to kllL A man who hn Juat been sentenced to the Tciaa penitentiary baa 1xtecn (Wives. How lucky aome mon arol A medical Journal nys that cigarette smoking bring on softening of the brain. Ia It not rather a symptom of that disease? -For many yeara," remarka a Topeka pnier earnestly, "Mm. I.a-aso haa boon bugging a vain d"lulou." DM Mr. J in- know thla? It la Juat a little over 400 year ago since the KtMiiihtb (lag appeared 'n the Western hemlaphern. What a future Spain haa bnhlnd It Cissy PltzgeraJd teat Idea In a Now Yurk court t hut her real name I Marie Kate Tipping. Hut what'a tbe differ enco? A wluk la the same In all lan gunge. A eiirrent njtjlltll nn ar,lolo on The Art of Hying." It will M4 Inter mit u fraction of the people who are n. rmil with the practical problem of tiring. Speaking bIh.ui the war spirit, how 11I-. hi the fact Mint Mr Am f North Carolina, preacnUil her husband with four sons the other day? Can Hpuln boat that hand? Home Inventive genius In Denver hn fctfiBted a spunking machine for uae In aclasis ami reformatories), What's the use if lutriMlticIng imiclilnery for work which can be doue equally well by hand! A Hoeton paper aay that "the grow ing SOlCtds habit canot be too atrongly IIHllaaJiMll " We ahould any not; any one who contract the terrible sulfide habit rurvly amuunta to much afU-r-.ward. In fact, auldde I the laat thing anyone hould think of doing. New York" Rainy Iay Koclety baa delivered It ultimatum aliout woman' wear. It president officially aya: "A woman la a bifurcated animal and I caiinotformyllfe aee why woman' leg Should I' In one Img and man' In two." Can't till matter be arbitrated? The Atlanta Constitution quote the following explanation from an Arknn aaa exchange; "MaJ. William did not mean to khnot Col. Scott through the left lung yosterdny. The Major I near Hlghtcd and mlatook the Cohmel for an other man." It I very evident that the ijoke la on the Colonel. The action of the Bwlaa National Council In unaulmoualy rejecting a pro potuil that the tJovcrnmenl ahould offer Ma services In mcdlntlon between the United State ami Spain wa only what might have la-en expected. Hwltacrland 'Is Juat full of people who have made fortuuca by minding their own bust j A llerlln profeaaor who declined to ac cept a challenge from a atudent whom he turned down at an examination I generally denounced a a coward by the atudent. but the Herman paper agree Hint It would be expoctlug tix 'much to aak profeaaor to meet lu mor tal , omhat nil the atudent whom the) were unable to a!t to a degree. 3 A genuine picture In miniature of the effect of Spanish mlarule la to bo found lu Puerto 1th . It pay 8a1n Ui yr ft.7.h74 In tan, of w hlch ouly H."0, (Ml la apeiit for the benefit of the native population. Out of Kt.'Jl7 whltea on the lahind. only "WW can read and write, ninl the Spaniard supported by the people niimla-r uut leaa than :ki,ii0. Thl la a fair llluatratlou of the way In which Spain governa Ita flspsOdOBOlsa, Any dishonest contractor, whoao wealth accumulnlce while hi work decay, ought to read, w ith a bluxh of aim nn'. of a new bridge acroaa the I lunula-. I'lllar of a bridge built at the name place by the K.iuporwr Trojan are to form a part of the structure. The engineer atteat the Htrvngth of the Hu man work under an omiror whiwo reign bagJH exactly eighteen hundred year ago. To do a the Hotnnna did may aoinetluiea mean a dos.vnt to the lowest rtoaa, but It may alo lgnlfy a liohlo Integrity In liulldtng aa In being. llWllllll depend Uain the point of view. A t'hlnene writer who recently iniule a tour through the OBMsd State .assure hla countrymen that Americana are ItarbarUna. He aaya: 'They live .months without eating a mouthful of rice; they t bullock and sheep In enormou quantities; they have to (bathe frequently, they eat meat with .knives ami prong; inoy arm avi themselves by sitting quietly on their laim-stors' grave, but Jump around and I kick balla aa If paid to do It; and the) IbaTe no dignity, for they may bo found walking with women." Statistics ovm to dlaprure tbe popu .Ur Idea that the average life of active I railway men la only seven yearn, but (they ivntlrin the atateiuent that tbe brakeman'a kt I the hnrib'at. A IjouI vlllo road teirta that In the laat thrco year It haa had only two men klll.il ' and 168 Injured, and every one of the ai-cldcnt In quoetlon occurred to per una acting aa brakemcn. In thl con iiei tlou an Intenotlng aet of atalltlc ! recntly compllel how that the num ber or trainmen Injured during their flrat year of ncrvlce I 12 per cent., dur ing their dfth year nrly per cent . during their eighth year 2 per oeut. In other worda. tho largest number of ac cident ,,.vm after the employe have become uUlclently familiar with dau ger to become careleaa. Apparently tbone In whom familiarity ha hn-d eon tempt are killed off In live or alx years, and the accldeuta among the remaining one are extremely few. In UriHiklyn a fourtwn y.in old l-.v rod I '.I' iii Hi over bud ronda and with a high wind Impeding hla progreaa on tbe i. turn trip. Immediately after reaching hi home he collapsed, and In aplteof tbe boat medical utteiitlon aunk ranldlv and dleil wlfhlu a few hour a the direct reault of over exertion. Near Toli-do a yoiiafg man attempted to rlb a hundred ulv over muddy road. At the elghty-aeveuth mile be rollnpaed, hla laaly from the walat downward I. Ing completely paralyzed. I'hyalelun aay he never will bo able to walk a These two Insance should nerve a a warning to all who are tempted to overexertion on the wheel. The value of the bicycle a a health-giving agent I too well established to require discussion. Hut even ho helpful an agent must la ucd with wlae discre tion. The fuet that thousand of In ralld have found health and strength bv ualmr the wheel ahould not conceal the fact that over exertion In nny form I highly dangerou. I'se tho bicycle ratlonallv and It will prove a gmal friend, but leave feat of endurance for othera who are fitted by training to at tempt them. In current d1culon between those who defend the right of private prop erty and those who Insist on holding all things In common, la then, any reasonable middle ground? Yes, and both partlea ore gradually discovering that ground. Tbe title to private prop erty I alwaya qnalltled ny pnmic right. A man can call nothing alato- lutely hi own. He hold everything. Including bl life, as a tniat. He can not lire among men without being re lated to them. He cannot hold prop erty In tbe i-omrnunlty without regard to the nooe1tlcH and tho requirement of the community. Tbo power to levy taxes rest on the claim of aoclety upon the private property of Ita inemner. In extreme emergencies a for public defense this power of taxation Is lim ited only by the citizen's ability to pay. fndor what tho lawyers call "the right of eminent domain," the state may take whatever It newl Just compensation U'liig made ho that the burden nui) equally tsinio hy all tbe member of the community. In a time of uttennoat peril, the citizen offers hi own life to suve the life of tho nation. As lad wia-n Individualism and SotleWtlTkm, the POmmOtl ground npia-nrs In this prlm l pie of truate. ship, which n-qulrcs that private proM-rty Iw pained, held and ua.il with due regard to the couiinou welfare. When aoclety defend every man'a right to his honeat aTotial get ting und holdlnga, and every mnu cou Hldera thut be la under a moral obliga tion to give a rouaonublo pfOpOrttOO of hla IfMOOM for the tofnotlt of the com munity In which he lives, aoclety will have ample reaouroos to druw OpIM for It general and Ix'nevolent ua., with out Impairing the onllnury motive of Industry and economy, without red DC Ina the Doonle to deia'ndence, and w ith out encroaching upon Individual llb- erty. Stamp Having aocletlea have nothing to do with the pursuit of atamp -collecting or "philately." The etampa which ore hiiviiI through the agency of the societies lire not poatagv tampa. hut bltt of coloreil paper In form like stamps, each repn-aentlng n certain do Ignatnl value, and each practically a receipt for tho deposit of a certain cor responding number of centa Tho pur pose of the eoeloltlea Is to encourage tbo earing of small suma of money. The method la simple. A schoolboy who baa a few centa, Instead of spending them for enndy, goea to a etatlon of one of the aocletlea, ami gi'ta In exchange a corresponding value of the society's etampa, with a card to faaton them on, and an envelope to hold the card. When he has a few more cent he add more atainpa to hla card. At any time he please, the society will give hltn !ack all or any BOmbef of the cents which he hae given for the stamps, at the same time taking hack the stamps. Hut If the boy Is wise he will kixp adding a few centa at a time until he haa mon ey enough to liogln to draw Interest at a saving batik, when he will draw It out and put It In the laiik. Of courae It takoa aome mouoy to provide the nooesaary stamp, card and onvelopea, and aome time and patience to deal with the small aavora of money, but this Is n matter of beMTOseace, and doee not cost the lnveatora anything There lire stamp siu ing pcletteg In New Knglaiid. New York and Otbef putts of the country, and It would not la- difficult to start them almost any where, for old or young people, or lath. At a single atntlon In Huston m-arly two thousand dollars was Bgred In one year, moat of It U PMM deposits by school children Small sum of money often are waati-d lnvauae they do not aee in large enough to be worth saving, or hooaue there I no convenient way of taking care of them. Stamp sating societies help to prevent the waate. Where there are no MtlBgl lmnk. they take the place of them to MOM extent; and when- then1 are banks they became feeder to them. Kdiiestrd Tlilhera. A leading Australia pajxr calls at tention to the fa.-t that Hulgnrlrt 0OM , olTer a much larger tnurket ror ngri cultural machlnory If there were some rollahle n'palr sh.qsi for u. h BWChtD , cry In tho country. If tJufo Is but the imalleajt reia!r wwk on audi o ma chine lo t. dom nobody can be found to do It. snd in many obkiis Worman ex port have lsvn called f. The BCO iwuiiteal Society of rlie llulgiirlan Capi tal has Just now Mfet&IRed a mctnorlul to the government uaklng for the state apomtment of some TS to 100 capable imi hiinlc able to do this kind of work The ministry support thl schetm. and d'tdcd tliat thii' mi-hanK-s should have to Inetruct In the tlrst Btejce rbe rural population tn the ipllcatlon of Inipmnl agrlcuHural machinery and Implements This Impv-tus will iKnibriews nwilt In a large Im-misc of the hnport of oil kinds of agricultural machinery. Ihlb adolphla Hccocd. A good-edual whale ylekta aboot one ttMl of w-haV4amv Some men are built for labor and aome are built for politics. TO DAY'S TO-MORROW. Oh! If Mke children straying guilelessly Down some fuir Isne of childhood, filled with flowers, My thongbtj to-day run slnleaaly for me In tbe sweet path of all tbe day'a glad boors; And If to-dsy my words, like flowers, spring Upon the wsyslde of the world's hot rood, And words melt Into dds that baply bring Ilcllef to some bent brother of his load; Why, then, to-morrow I shsll wake at morn Prom ali-op so list, that, wondering, I shall say: Tf from unselfishness such rest Is born. Oh, make today, dear Christ, aa yes-terdsyr HARD SLEDDING. ,iT will I' hard sledding." U wee 1 plainly my duty to warn her. I hoped, ull tl while, that abe would overrule me; and aba did. Sho any aho alwaya does overrule tho man that loves her. "Of course I'd like you to go," I add ed. "And I'm going. Not iwirtleulsrly for that roHm," she hnsd-rnil to say. "1 want to pick out the tree myecif. Ami It's auch a lovely day." It wue, Indeed. The ruggl land ecupe, already thb'kly mantled In snow, was now armon-d with an Icy mist that shone like DOlWMd ateel and lack ,l Haate of lis hardnoHS. The tnai, also, wtT' o cawal In Ice that they w- in.il the pnsluet of some giant rni tory, rather than nattm.'e handiwork, and the drwprti twig clatt.ial like the jM-ndnnts of a chandelier when hiikeu by the sllghtottt bnsfe. Hut their crisp tinkle was not half so bell-like uh the dollghtnl laugh of my sweet comrade, when we stiipcl forth togother Into that dazzling Ice carnival. "Kvery tree Is a Chrtstmna tree to dny," ahe cried. "It won't be easy to choose. Hut, oh, what a heavy haul It will niuke for you. poor boy, drugging It home on that slul." ' No; It will be down hill most of the way," I explained, "and the only trou ble will bo to hold back." "JuKt the sumo trouble you're always having," she cried, maliciously. "Hut I can help you hold Imck, you know." "Hosldos, we can ta'iit off most of the loo," I COnttOOed, Ignoring Hkt Innu nuilo. "I wish we could kn-p It on every bit of It," she prottwted. "Just think how glorious It would bo when all tho candles were lighted! Hut of course It would only melt ami run dowu In a puddle. Things thut are n!et are upt to get sloppy, don't you think?" I vouchsafed no answer. "Where are we going, anyhow?" aho aaked. "To find a R"od fir we shall have to go nearly to the top of tlio Daftfl Hldcepole." "Wbtt I Why. jvu wlck.'d boy! Do they really cull It that?" "That's tho only name I ever hoard for It. You ace, on the further aide It pitches down with a long, breakneck los Into a dvp valley they call the Dartt! iK'n. At the bottom there's a black, steaming pool of sulphur w utor, and they call that the PovT.'s IMiiner pot. Some cull It the IHjvll's Slnuer- IH.t." "Hustle wit! Any more J" "Ym. They call the stiop, rough trnek that luls down to It the IVvU's Inimp." "lleuven.! What n profane lot you are! Ami I funded country laMple wvre all so !." "You wouldn't find fault wtth the nam. If you ever saw the place. The bilk rise up round It like prison walls. The steam always hangs over K ha thick clouds, and In cold weather dria ales buck In s misty ruin. And the odors an- well, suggestive." "And that Is whore we an- going for a Christmas treel" "Oh, no! We uro only going to the top of the rldgo. The Slope, l-n't steep at all on this side. Hut It's n long, hard tramping for a city girl w ho Isn't used to walking." "Not a bit of It. Why, It's" only city folk that know how to walk, really. Here lu the country they don't walk; they always 'hitch up' when they wuut to go anywhere. And the fanner Ihijs ehutlle and slump along as If they were trudging across n ploughed Held, whoti they do condescend to use their foot. All except you and I wonder why that la," she concluded abruptly. "I love the wood and hill better than most, and I've wasted a lot of time roaming aNuit with a gun," I ex plained. "And that's the reason," ahe ex claimed, "why you're o much more In terctlng" then she topod short, her cheeks a red a any country lassie's. It wn my turn now. "Yes, Miss Manning. I've lwoys boon fond of hunting, and 1 don't oftcu miss," I re torted. Brighter than the reflection from the hill, ihc rhishi-d a glance at me defl ently and yet My heart throhted with exultation a we wiilk.il on together. Perhaps I was ouly making ready for a mighty dtsnpiailntmcnl, but thl waa my hour. Suddenly ahe broke the silence. "You needn't call me Mlaa Manning any tore; that absurd. I think. Call tno Madge. Only you muan't fancy It means anythlug except Just good fel lowshlp ami common eonee. I do like you ever so much as a friend. txi much to Id you spoil It all." And b lot my eye with a look eo steady that my hot pulse slowed once more. Ot'M Si'Kgtl IIECAMK TKIllttrtfl. Again we marcbed In aflat alMg the glaaay aurface. acroaa the hidden pasture., stepping lightly over the top rail of the amotheted fence, drugging .fter u tbe heavy al.-d. Hbe "''' help draw It, and ah-wouldn't rid.-. It waa uncaay walking ov. r that slippery glaae. but even when we la-gun the n o,.nt of the bill rarely would ahe aovpt my proffered aid. When abe did take my arm for a few t. p up a t-ep In cline, the aoft proasure of her huu.l sent my blood aurglng through It channels In a way the hardest climbing could never bare prorok.-d. Hut aoon ahe sprang away, crying out gnyly: "I'd rather walk free, Tom. Iou't Imnglue you ran tire me even here on your na tive heath. And we can slide tmck most of tbe way, can't wo. tree ami all? Won't that be Jolly?" It waa Indeed written In the book of fato that we should slide that day. and together. It waa far from "Jolly," but I shall ever bless that lnmr ti palB and terror. Klameti-whtch being trnn-lu tod Into Christmas pbruse nod, "Thy will bo done." It Is the essence of all prayer, fitting alike In peril or In thanksgiving. We had reached the crown of the hill. On one side was spread the sheen of the Icy lnndsoa-; 08 the other a dSBM column of fog rose from the gulf ! low. We had selected a baMtlful young fir, tta frugrimt brunches droop Ing lower under their crystal load than they were destined to under the Imr don of ull our Christmas offering. While I Matd It Madge ant on the sled, Just over the lope of the rounded summit, giving with curiosity Into the mlaty valley of Ill-omened name, a lit tie weary deaplte her Isolating. Now and then ahe Idly ttftad her f.ct and nl lowed herself to slide forward a few Inches, her -.ft blue muffler Btronmlng out In the rising wind. "Take carel" I called, and like nn echo came a bird like aereatn. I dropped my ox and sprung toward her. A sud den gust had ImiH'llnl the slul down the steepening grade, and her dainty feet arecs grinding upon the lee raf nlsh.-l . mat In vnln. My heart Stopped, and my bfsathl my eyes blurred; my thought wn a limrtli-ulate as the cry of a frlghten.sl lot. With llerii', tigerish tsiunds I overtook the sM and leajsil apoa It -only to drive It tbe niore swiftly onward by tbe Impact of my Naly. We were In for It now. The sled dropisil down from the brow of the hill with a dizzy rush that was like a shi-or full through space; the mists from the glisuny gulf Mow su llied to ! Hying up In our fuccs. On that tricttOttleaa surfnee my efforts to chock our ipeed were ua futile n nu attempt to stop In midair. Yes, we were In for It; but the Lord la- thanked, wo wore together. We were to go together to whatever doom. My left band wn tbrowu for ward to grasp tho front of tbe Sied; and as I feh her trembling form lean Ing bach upon my arm, somehow my terror vanished, my sight cleared. Tho slo. at the sturt, though stoop, was not precipitous, and the ground was open -a sheep pasture, lu fuet -but we were crossing It with arrowy swift ness. In a moment we hnd passed th" tlrst fence, striking the top mil near It- end with a concussion Hint swept It from Its plan- and sent It spinning like u teetotum down the frozen Incline. Tho cry of the MM grew shrill under the stinging touch of our Steel shod runners; It rose almost to a shriek; the wind that hnd push.il us down the hill had reversed and surged 111 our faces, plucking the enp from my head, suck Ing the breath from my lungs. Aud now the Jagged outline of n stump fence starts up In our path Hke an evil dream a brlstllug barricade of huge roots, tangled and twistnl, only half snbnierg.il In the s:hw. To strike It Is litttnnt death. One nnrrow gap apis-ars-con I make It? Can I steer through? The sled Is no more to bo controlled than 0 skiff as tt ptangM down a enturnet, Init I strain In frantic effort With sullen roluetnn.v It re sponds; slightly very slightly It swing from Its course; we shall run clear. Then a atMKMfl swerve to the left; an Instant that seemed nn nge; and we Hushed past o dON that a slnirp projecting fork sheared through my halT like a grazing ballet, tearing a furrowed sour thut It with me still. Prom thla point the track grow rougher mid evni stu-pcr; our speed laTiniM something terrlllc. Tho stout sii luckily it was framed of season ed hickory by nn hon.wt workman lurched and iwayed and bounded over hillocks nnd hollow In lot cnizy Hlght. ScatliTiil trees loomed la-fore us; they rushiil pa.it ua up the hill like charging glHikts. it was Qod'l own mercy tluit we struck no sectous obatruoUou, Then a thicket of HfTht brush stretch 11I Its ellvcry bulge across our course. "Heini forward, Madge quick, quick" I abouted, and as .lie lowered hoT bead tad I Shielded her delicate form as lst I might with my own body( half Minded by iu-r itreamtag tresses, there was Joy even In thai keen agony. Wtth a crush of shattering lee and a sharp srltvg of angry lushes we hurtled through. And now at last the end wne near. A dripping mist lHnt In our fao-s; the black pool leaned up in our eye. Around Its .ilge wo a little spaCS of almost lei el ground In marsh - Ink what would summer a that avail agahist our tremendous headway? Suddenly I wsa conscious of a change. The runners bad cvail their eerie cry upon the lee they were slash tag through the enow. There was a quick slump, and then I found myWf lying 00 the margin of the pond, my fe in Ita fuming water. Tbe enow about me waa aoft ami aiuaoy Daaed and stiff, I pulled my- TIIRHX WAS A qftCR SLVMP, ASD THTX 1. . IIMI.. "ME TOOI" Hclf-Pltr Too Often Mean Ion of Moral Kiirco. Wo nil love sympathy. Perhaps that accounts for tbO fact thnt few of us will listen to another's tale of woe w ithout chiming In with an account of our own grlevnncea. A ai.inll girl who hn a Imby brother always seems to envy bill) the sym pathy showered npoa him w hen bo has the colic. As stain as tho mother tries to siHitho the fretful baby and sis-nks pityingly to him, a small hand pulls her arm. nnd n plaintive little voice sug-gi-sts, "Me, too, mnmmn!" Ho not many of us go through the world with a pitiful "Me. tisi!" con stantly on onr lips? The heart knoweth Its own bitterness nnd the soul Its own trials, and It I hard to cry out "Me, too!" w hen we so lavished ujain others the sympathy for which are long ami of which we fool we stand In need. And yet how much braver It Is to lnup silence! Kvery time we exercise the habit of self control we gain resh strength with which to control our solves. I.nst wood I heard two women tulklng. Perhaps It would la- nearer the truth to any that one was talking, the other listening. The listener had recently been told by a specialist that a course of long and severe surgical treatment would la- necessary to relieve her of a painful malady that hnd taken rUWtlctty from her atop and the round noss from her QgUTe. The talker bar self had not lavn very well, nnd nx piiit.il usm her uncomfortable fis-iings and the many disagreeable things, such ns dieting and regular exercise, her physician had prescribed for her ease. "You don't know how hard It la to hnvc to suffer so much!" sho complnln ed. "Y'ou have lost flesh, but you are well, aren't you? You never complain." "1 seldom have cause for complaint," was the ctieerrul reply. I am indeed sorry you nre so far from well." Later I took my friend to task for her reticence on the subject of her health. "Why did you not tell her," queried I, "that her suffering la as nothing to yours?" "Because," she answered, "I will not allow myself U) grumble. It become a hatilt which annoys others and bartM yourself. 1 simply dare not do It- I will not even pity myself. If I did, I should be gone. Self pity means loss of moral force." She had struck the right note. While we hold onr ailments, physical or mental or spiritual .at arm's length and light them we keep brave. When we sink down and look nt them In nil their Mdoooanesa, and wall, "Woe Is me!" we lose the Inst atom of courage, and become weak and inwardly, mental or spiritual .at arm's length and but ns we value our moral strength of ObaraCtel and force of will, let ns re fuse to utter the whining "Me, too!" HuriT's Baaaar, A foreign physician asserts that the pnlu of neuralgia. If superficial, can N- rollered by throwing a beam from a bright arc light uhiii the affected pnrt It Is SO ti ma ted that there wns In ls;7 n total shipment from the Lake Su perior region of 11)00,000 tons of Iron ore, B quantity greater by one mttttoB tons than ever la-fore. Au old Roman tab well hn boon dli covered at Bllehoater. it is in n com paratlrely iarfiot state of preserva tion, though nearly two thousand years hare elapsed since It was made. In the forests of Xnliln grows a tree from which, when swuy.il hy the wind, come strange sounds like the note of a llute, life or a whistle. The vocal trv Is a terror to the uiitlves. The sounds are caused by the wind blowing through little holes In the trees that have IsM'n made by Insects. Human perspiration has been proved to posses toxic qualities, and tho poi sonous qualities of the exudations are shown to be greatest after muscular exertion. Qutnea pig and rabbits Wan kllUil during the Investigations Of Prcneh scientists by Inoculation of perspiration tnken from the flannel shirt of a young man In porfivt health, who had sweat profuaely while danc ing. That taken from a glove worn by a young ludy hented by the same exertion WM iuully deadly In M. Ar lolng's recent experiment. Sort flay Pipe Is the Beet. A aoft clay plja? Is tbe best. It gives a cool SBMks snd the nicotine la easily and generally aheortied. Hrlar pipes and meerschaums are satisfactory for a while, but get clogged with tobacco oil In the taiwi and become bitter. A booked pipe- one with a tailed tem la the best shape. Ebonite stems spoil the flavor of good toliooco. Nothing Is letter than real amber or hone. Cellu lold la dangerous. It make a men fevt chean dim woman calls bam dear In public. aeir up and gazefl arouno. ai n .0.. dlatance ant Madge, nestled In a great splash of snow. Laiklng like n fair tioro lit, Jim fallen from heaven. Ami she woe laughing actually laughlng-sr-hapa with a DOtjS that wn the least b:i hyl.riciil. but It was w-t. r tluin the melody of hurps to mo. I atumhl.il to the aide of my beloved and kn4t In the now at her fet. I wa weak wHh the renction of the strain and terror of thnt frightful or deal; I wb quivering helplessly 111 ev ery munele. Hut my mind was char nnd my Is-art "Madge," I cried, "darling Muilge" aud I caught my lan-ath "If wo could go on togetlier to the world' end" "I'm sure we'll neviT And any rough er elolglitng than thla." she aald-uud lahl hex cold, wet bond In mine, see How ov-r we made onr way back to the mnnniH neither Madge nor I would tie able to tell. It must have tseu a kJdOOOJ climb, but It was like the path to paradise to us. And wo dragged up the slul together. "You must always lot me help draw It," she Insisted, "but when w e come to a hill, dear Tom, 1 giMMfi I can trust you to steer." A few nights latiT, when our little flr was nil aflame wiUi candl.-s and nil a-tremble with the weight of Its Christ tnos burden, there was one gift that didn't go on thi' tn-e but It went on Mudge'a linger. L'tica Olobe. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. rtUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. Pleasant Incidents Occnrrlna the World Over-fier laa that Are Cheer fal to Old or Yonn.-Fonar Selec tions that KTcrjbodr Will Knjojr. A Conscience. "You nre advertising quite early U KM rear," said the summer resort land lord's friend. "Ti I alwaya tlx up my announcement nt thl time of yoor. You see, I am a thoroughly conscien tious man, und I wish to be able to si n.- Hum thaw are no mosquitoes.' Washington Star. Didn't Onlte rnderatand. "i'h. y say Willleuta made a great hit singing 'On the Hanks of the Wabash, Par Away,' buit ulght." "All right; as long as he goo nwny out tbON to do his singing, we oughtn't to complaln."-Clevelund Iead-r. A 1'uczllna- Letter. "I don't know whether this now man Is a very astute diplomat," said the rail way attache, "or a very had sisMler." "Have you lnard from your biter asking what he bus done with refer enee 10 those liostlle inelilberH of the Lcglalnture?" "Yea, Ho soys he Is doing his lieot to pusslfy thorn."- Washington Star. Alike. Tom -The waitresses at the women's restaurant reminds me of time and tide. Hick Why? Toui-They waM on no mnn. Truth. Getting Permission. "Can you OOBM down awhile this evening'" askisl the lady nt one of the telephone lino. ".Inst wait n moment till I Hsk the cook," came promptly from tho lady at the other oud.-I otroit Pree Press. Tlo First KcquUlte, Colonel Whnt do army regulations make the first requisite In order that a man mny la' burled witii military hon ors? Private McShorty Death, yer honor. New York Journal. A Keasuniitile Hcfnsal. Lady eutors barber shop with Skye terrier. "Mr. Barber, can you cut my doggie's balrV" "No, I can't; or, rnther, I won't." "Indeed! Y'ou woni to hold yourself pretty high for one In your position." "Perhaps I do, but I'm no Bkye ecruper." Now York Kvcnlug World. Victims of Illusion. "Old you road about tho woman who niarrlnl one mnn, thinking he was an other 7" "1 ain't get worked tip over thnt; lots of women do the name thing every day In the week." New York Kvcnlug World. The Nerve. "I could die for you!" be declared. "I want you to live for me, Alphon o!" she faltet.il. He staggered as under a blow. "The nerve of some mnple!" he mut tons! and Hod away, appalled. Detroit Journal. IrrcsUtlhle. "Aud so that's tburge Itldgeley's wife? 1 m Surprised. I shouldn't think such n woman ns she would have nny attractions for hlui." "That's because you don't know It nil. She has a bandied thousand big, round attractions for him, nnd nil well In rooted." Solved. "linn your wife over threatened to leave you ami go back to her mother?" "No." "Ah! Then she Is tbe master of tbe house." ' ponglnu Around. urn m me rue tnoory that women have mi seii.se of humor Is wrong. Wesley- How do you explain It? Bramble -whenever Aunt Susan comes to make Us one of her long visits my wife fulrly compels us to live on Biaitife cake. A Ocntle Hint. Kthel-IWt rou know vou alaraea I remind we of tlio moot of a ship. lmrge Why? Bthsl Decauat you never Nnd your your arms. -Detroit Free Press. But Whtch One Wu Craar T "It Is snld that a very thin partition Sfawatet genius from lunacy." "That's a fact A man who Is learn ing to play the clnrlonette lives In the flat uoxt to me."-Cleveland Lender. Pictorial Matrimony. "Hoes your wife over lecture your "I-octuro? I'm g-olug to get her a stcrcopttcon." Trjlng to He Nmart. "My birthday will be along pretty soon." "Ah. April lstr It Take Two to PL, the (laoae. "tieorge, you've been lighting again." "Well, 'tulnt my fault, ma. Me an' Jtm St urges have boon fighting all term an' I got kind o' tired of It So yesterday I granted him an armistice.." "An armistice. Well what then?" "Why, Jim Jumped on me an" licked me Just the same." Cleveland TUln Dealer. An Eastern Plln A Ohlcagv) debating club l ahw Toatle with the question, "Whu ' the happiest day of a man' iif,A day he Is niiirried or the day b vorcedV' Yonkers Itatsoman True to America. My landlady Is au out-and-om - trlot." "Ho w portleulfi rly 7' "Well, she hnan't bought ft . mackerel since thin war talk la L.a.. Detroit Free Press. Pertinent. Cangheg Who DO earth Is trrla... play the pin mi, Oarolliw? Mrs. Cnughey fproudly)-lt Is Hi , la. She Is learning to read mini.- Caughey (testlly)-Well, ak ,.T if u Is necessary to re:ul it aloud g, Stories. The Only Waj. Slow Hoy What's yer hurry, Weary! Weary I'm goln' tor Cuba. 1 (,' hear yer kin git half shot dero for nothln'.- Chlcago Inter Ocean. Downright Cruelty. Dlggs-Iliuiks doesn't su m to )m,. any pity for the unfortunates of tbh great city. Plggs- PYom what do you Judge thai) Dlggs I saw him put n forty -pan Humbiy papfTT into the slot of the hoi. rltnl lajx. llnrlein Life. Universal Knowledge. Yeast -Oan you tell anything about the weather? Orlmaoniieak Tea; 1 can ten thttek a terrible lot of lying ubout It.-Youkefi Statesman. He Oot Her KuhII. Bertha Won you very nervous wlnu Jack proponed 1 Winnie- Awfully. I wns so (lusters) that I forgot myself and said yes, with out making him threaten to go uwaj nud do some daapeiWle deed. An Optimist. "You say fin' world Is becoming bet ter. Why do you think so?" "Our baby lint) got so It only wakej up tWICS a night now." One Thing Bure. She Do you thluk the north mle w ill BTOr I' discovered? Ho Not ns long ns people are willing to pay to tn-ar men tell how they didn't find It Strong Kvldencc. "There has orM sally been 1 reform in our city administration, despite the talk of corruption that we bear." "What loads you to think so?" "I saw six mon working on the stnwt this morning and there was only MS boss to look af tiT them." One on New York. Huston Olrl (at winter resort MVh.it do you think of cute little Mr. Simpson of New York? Philadelphia fJIrl- IIc'h like a tcle woia lfcMton Girl So wan everything, no matter bow far off; Is that what you mean ? llillaikiphla Clrl-No. You can draw him out, sec through blin and shut him up again.- Philadelphia Cull. As I s11.1i. A woman at the Iwttoiu of It-St- ixmis Poat-DIapatcb. An Old Habit. "They say that Havana Is likely top mi In smoke." "Well, It won't bo the llrs-t ti ." Ilrokc Up Pen tlvl tics. Elm Funny thing happened at that Chicago soiree. Earn What was that? Zlm-Piddler hollered out: "Cbiafi partners:" mid nil hands went 001 H get a divorce." New York Evening Journal. Sanguine. "Thompson Is a hopeful soul." "Hopeful? I've seen him wink at blind man." She Was Willing. "See hero," sold a fault-flnll"!t band) "we must have things arrauH In this house so that wo ehnll elSJfjJ know Just whore everything Is haf "With all my heart," slio sweetly SWerodj "and lot us la-gin with J,,ur late hours, my love; I should NatJ like to know where they are kept. He lot thlugs run about as USUIM Philadelphia Call. Scriptural Names. We smile nt such Puritan names "Praise-Cod Hare-bones" and "HSJ Agaata-plocsa before the-Lord smith. Tbe Moors, It la said, give similar uutum, but of course the phrases aw chosen from tho Konin. They are qul,e a singular as wore the Puritan naim. nnd are said often to be as bad fit Some examples of these names are glf en by Mr. (loorge D. Cowan. More than one owner of false wcbj of our acquaintance rejoices In the w "Slave of the Trustworthy." A fl,r11"' governor of Naha deteated tlir.-igb-ut the province for bis cruelty and extor tionanswered to tbe name. Hlessed One." There la, too. In Mogailor. a loaf''r whose fiery eyes, dark skin, strong lan guage, ami drunken habits have ipvtees for blm on the English steamers, wasr he now nnd then work, the sobrhi'"' -"Devi!;" whereas In his family eW" and amiwig th faithful be Is -y" "IlUrim of Salvation." Pole Beau of a Healthy The average pulse of a healthy ni should beat T2 times a minute.