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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (April 9, 1898)
- rj i"'' ii'i -an.--""e ' ,. : fr ANF, CKKKK Wll a railroad n i ou th 8. & C. Rail- rcad, about two tulle from t he -t i..i..iiImi! lit Mercer It unM Vl'lUIU" itfmm " -. - tin. midst of a scrubby pine forest. . u., ..., ., lib a MDUJ roan crtmaiiis urn , i ,in ( trees nn one able ami lino UM tree Ibe oilier. There were oniy iwo or rM. houses, a little general more who porch like the visor of a military eap. t KOOOlbOOM all arranged In a JjSy row along the rullroml track. Jinty red depot wns an oasis in midst of a tinder desert, with a many telegraph wire singing icail. doWO train whirled Hirough Kane , k ivery day with only a shriek of tins and a whipping wake of Hue ,1. Onlj two of them paid the sllght attention to the girl In a blue glng- ni ilrts who stood In the little ob- rvation window, imp or mem was t way freight, which gloated at me every lime it came ntotig wniie conductor banded the girl a bundle yellow penOH and received another It In return. The other wan the Ight express, westward hound, from It. Paul, and running ni roriy nines an ur. Ii wai a splendid train ten r, with the finest engine on the road. g NO. '" A n ginring eye dm UGH ouncl the liend In I lie direction of ercer the girl In the gingham drcs ten thought of the great train as a serf til nud ferocious lieaxt snorting I roarlnz westward on a race with ' mm. and she knew the hand that lued It. When the train was a tulle ay t bi-re were always two blasts of e whistle, -.very one in -vatic mglit they meant simply "Wake up. k OOt!" for that Is what all locoiuo- ve say at every crossing, but the girl 1 lie ginghain dress heard "Hello, Uy!" ami darted out on the platform J waved her handkerchief. As the st train thundered nearer a baud thrust from the engineer's win- vr, and, although It was usually dark f could see the flutter of something bite, ami oftentimes ns the engine' Red past the station she heard the urretl sound of a voice anil caught a Inipse of a grimy face and a blue Jean like!, and then she went liack to her" ce In the little station with n sigh of litntment. For It was n moment of great Joy to Dj Marshall .when her father's en-! went through. Polly was the sin-agi-nt at Kane Creek. Any one uhl have told that a woman presided belittle deHt, for was there not ft ays a bouquet in the window and Inty pictures surrounding the grimy j ne tables on the wull-s nml a kitten; rlHig upon the doorstep? At 17 Polly s gone in as assistant to learn teleg- pliy. and when ("ark, the agent, was Dod to Mercer the company had left Independent girl In charge. She d her father lived In one of t lie j M'drn houses a stone's throw hark I oin the teHt. and since Pollv's moth ' DM they had lieen everything to, cli other. Engineer Marshall wns a big. silent an. and his comiianlons unu nf em, thought him gruff ami in.ti. red. but to Polly he was alwavs as ntler ns a kitten. Often when she as a little girl he took her wlili Mm I Merer on his engine, and while she t on his black Icnether seat at the h window. (l I Tl irl it.tr nrt wttU i. .. i I - " ) till l mds. he explained to her how the big! ack creature under them ana .i.n.ui Id Itopped; what this brass crank its for, mill llOW. Wllon the murium lUeaked here or squaeked there, a lit- eoll was needed In this cup or In that I levlee, and Poll h,i i... i i .... ...... ...IIIMU , t, . engine as well as she knew the neat lllC P.HltlV 111 thn Inula-, nt kjk I.. - ii, nil,., iii- I0d, she had more than onco manaMrf he I. vers and ihmttli, niti,.,.,i. it ' .',,a,ii it ,11 heavy work for witi to !, It was one night late In the full Mia ! folly Marsl III! h.'nl lln.J est nil I,..,. --. v. tmi V l U X'l powledge of engines. She was sitting l her desk In tlm lltti.. nkatun Hndow, n shatbtl lluhf lhmalti ! Wl down on her telegraph Instru- ' P"'l's and I he sollllillllir Lev ellekiinr Manllt sin, i,i..,, i.. i. ..'. i .i j ntiv nun i . i I lie call of her number. Instantly r lingers sought the keys, ami she ive the answer that slgiiltled that she "II attention. '-ook out for " cllcktHl the sound- lr. and th.,n u j-i i i - ,v nuiiuniij lenseti, itou J as she would I'ollv could get no Further communication from the sta tion next to the enstwnril IVIuil enlllil Fh trouble lie? Polly sprang to her F'"'. renieiiilMiHncF n,t n, i..i, ' lfes of w hich her father was the en tlneer was the next train due. Could Wthlng be the matter? She ran out 0 the dftrt nlnlfonn In ii.li tliol I, or lights were nit In nlana an, I Hint tin. witches were properly set. so that the "press would slln nnst the station V.thout nn a 'ri,..,, ul, wammM and calhwl in, xi t-lin't VOIl ret I'lneltnev '" all,, nsktsl. Ptnckuty was the station which had PUt her the wnrnlmr .tlat.-iteli nn nivs- Iterlous interrupted. She knew the ope I10!1 at Plnckncy well. Kvery night told her of the nimroach of her ruth- IT train and whether or not It had hl9 Station nn II,,,., "I'lm kney tiulet. Can't oet answer '' IWas the report of the wire. "What's llhf iroulilo r Pollr ... ,, .u i.i I Bk- Mercer made another attempt to ona. Plnckney I Ur father-a train was now due. It I THE TRAIN. . ,. 1 . ftj ,' -. should M whistling cheerily at the lower liend. Polly stepped out on the platform and peered up the track. Tea there was the ratn;l:ar headlight. She would have known It among n bun lred. Then came the whistle, "Hello, Polly'" and Polly ran back Into her office much relieved, ami sat down to warn .Mercer. At that Instant she heard a peculiar cracking sound that tent her heart quivering de. In her bosom. Then there was the shrill scream of the lOCOBIOtlTt Whittle, suddenly Interrupt ed as If the hand that bad drawn the lever hail I.. . ll struck from Its place. Polly knew It was a cry of distress. It seemed to say "Help!" In a long, tremulous wall. Instantly Polly dart ed outside and flew up the track. Al ready I lie express should have thiin tlt red past the station, but she could see Its headlight a hundred yards or more ft way. With a hundred terrifying quest inns flashing through her mind, Polly ran on through the gloom. When she was almost within range of the big head light, she saw half a dozen armed men swnrmlng around the engine, she heard fierce oaths, and then the engine Part ed up again. She saw In an Instant that It bftd boafl cut free from the train. In the cab window, where her father usually stood, l DON was a big, unfa ndllar figure managing the lever ami throttle. Totriflod Polly sprang to one side Into a clump of bushes. As the locomotive passed her on Its way up the track she saw that the man In the cab wore a bluck mask on his face, ami then she knew what had happened. She understotsl why Plnckncy hud tiled to warn her ami failed. Kobhcrs bail heltl up the train and were pre paring to rob the express car. For a moment Polly was torn with doubt and terror. Had they shot her father? She knew that he never would submit to have his tniln captured with out a struggle. Should she go to him? Then she remembered her station ami the telegraph, ami. without a moment's delay, she was flying down the truck toward the tleM)t. She would semi for help to Mercer, but squarely In front of the little dtqiot the locomotive stopiM-d, and the Mark maaked man sprang from the cab window and darted across the platform. Hardly thinking what she was doing, Polly ran up on the other aide the fireman's side of the engine and, raising herself up. peered Into the cab. She had half expected to see her father's dead body lying on the floor, for she had heard much alsmt the ter rible doings of train robliera. Through the cnb window she could see the robber sitting at her own little desk In the depot sending a message. It flashed over her all at once that he Wftftv wiring Mercer that the express was delayed, thus preventing any alarm. The robber hail poshed up his ii, ask. and she saw him plainly. What should she do? She dared not enter the ofllce, nml she, a mere girl, could lie of no service where the rob bers were making their attack on the train. If only she had the little revol ver that lay In the drawer of her desk: She set her teeth as she thought what she would do with It. At that moment three shots rang out, clear and Isiinet, from the detached train. The man ftt the telegraph In strument sprang to his feet ami ran to a side window In the waiting room and looked up the track. Now was her chance. Hardly think Ink what she did Polly sprang to the engineer's cab, threw back the reverse lever ami opened the throttle steadily. The big steel wheels began to turn, very slowly at Hr-st. Kurt her and far ther the throttle opened nml faster and faster turned the wheels, ami yet they did not go half fast enough to suit Polly, who was now glancing fearfully over her shoulder. Suddenly the depot door was thrown open, and she saw the robber darting ill the track. He had a pistol In his band. He was -Minting It nt her and shouting for her to stop, but the engine was now going at gssl speed, nml. run as be would, the robber could nrnt catch 11, but he stopHsl and tired, the bullet ripping through the cab over Polly's head. The etiglue was now tearing down the track nt full speed. Polly knew that It must lie tired or It would not go far, and so, leaving the throttle open, she sprang to the coal pit, flung open the flrehole, and with the heavy shovel In her small white hands threw In load nfter load of COaL When she returned to her place she could see the first sig nal light of Mercer already blinking Into view. She pulled down on the whistle cord and the engine shrieked Its distress. Five minutes later Polly strained nt the heavy reverse lever, turnisl hard on the airbrake and brought the greai Iron bona to a sudden standstill. How she ever managed to stammer the story she never knew, but In a few minutes the engine wos headed back With a half dona armed men aboard of her. Itehlnd them came another load of men on a switch engine nnd two men were nielng up the street of Mercer calling the alarm. They heard the firing before they reaehwl Kane Creek, but It ceased soon afterward. The roblier had gone. They had taken with them mnen plUfr der from the passt-ngera. but they had not been able to get Into the eipre-s safe, although they were nt wort drfll- 1 Ing It open w hen relief came. 1'roin the time that the engine Mopped Polly was missing. When the rescued and excited passengers and ex press messengers began to crowd around nml Inquire, the Mercer men rememlM-red her. A party of them went out to find the girl who hail brought help to tin beleaguered train. In a little clump of bushes they heard a niun moaning, ami an Instant later they saw Folly kneeling In the sand with her father's head in her lap, cry ing bitterly, and they gathered up the brave engineer and his daughter and carried them down to the train, cheer ing all the way. Engineer Marshall wa not badly hurt, anil he was able to be In Mercer when the general manager of the road thanked the blushing Polly officially and offered her a new anil liettcr msI tlon In Mercer, and, of COO ISO, all the passengers anil express messengers beard about Polly's brave deed and said a great many pleasant things nbout her, but Polly, beiug a sensible girl, only blushed and said that she had to do It, and that any other girl would have done the same under like circum stances. Which no one believed, of course. Later, when the robliers were enp turisl, Polly was able to identify one of them positively--the one who hnd run the engine- and through him the en tire party was couvlcted and sentenced to the penitentiary. -Brooklyn Stand ard-l'ulon. DEGENERATE FRANCE. In Kvcrjr Purtlcultir Mia Is KaitlnB In the Kate of Cirlllaatloa. In the view of the rest of Kurope France Is seen nt her worst since the tiger like outburst of the commune, writes Harold Frederick. The scandal of the Panama canal corruption was nothing by comparison, for that taint ed only a single case In public life. Nor was even the commune Itself so bad, for then It was only Paris which went wild, and It was the rest of France which roughly put It right. Hut In this abominable Dreyfus crime the dry rot permeates all of France. It Is easiest to describe the disease as anti-Semitism, us that Is what one sees on the surface. The cheap newspaiers which have the largest circulations, have lieen for years openly preaching tie st ruction to the .lews uutll they have tilled the weak and Ill-balanced brains of their hiimlrtsls of thousands of read en with the moot cuvage Ideas. Hut in reality anti-Semitism Is a symptom and uot the disease Itself. The true malady Is degeneracy. The French are no longer able to keep up with the rest of the world under the trememious strain of the puce ut which contempo rary civilization moves. They have broken down by the wayside. Their ntlulls cannot adapt themselves to the new conditions. Their youth are piti fully below the standard of any pst generation of Frenchmen wo know about. From every standpoint, numer ically, commercially, financially, men tally nnd spiritually, they p Ml themselves dropping further and. ther behind their rivals. Nobody longer treats French opinion will tellcclual resM'ct. Kven Kus-da, 1 Ing borrowed more of their m r than they could siare, laughs In tl fan s and makes open overturea their enemy. It Is the disordered. fori 1 and more or less Tehen: rage at the vague perception of tl things which Is the matter with French masses. It needs no pro to see that they will be much w. In-fore they are lietter. A Teat for Horseflesh. Teonle arc ant to Jump at con slons." said a chemist, in siKaklnj the lotest notable murder case, "lib Istry ! a very nice science, hut i possible to make sflne sad blunder applying It to law nml evidence. T1 are certain things you can prove by It If you are sure of your premises nnd certain other things that yon canuot. This thing of trying to prove a good deal by chemistry culls to mind the I f extract case that gave a packer In this city considerable uneasiness. "Somebody got bold of his beef ex tract nnd claimed that It was made from horseflesh, and It was proved by analysis-that Is, to the satisfaction of the ninu that analyzed It. The ordi nary test for horseflesh, according to the authorities, Is glycogen. This Is a substance that, speaking In a general way. Is found In horseflesh, but does not exist In beef, and It was shown that this particular extract contained glycogen. "The packer came to us In some dis tress of mind for n way out of the dlffl CUlty, He said his extract was made of nothing but beef, and be wanted us to help blm prove It. an. I we did so to his relief and to the satisfaction of the health officers. We demonstrated that, While an ordinary piece of beef did not contain glycogen, It existed In the heart, liver and blood of cattle, nnd some of each of these might have en tered Into the making of the beef ex tract. The result was that the chemist who had arrived at such sweeping con ClUSiOna from the first test had to baj'k down from his position. - Chicago Times-Herald. Another Delusion. Mrs. Padde, i-'uith Curiat How la y,iur grandfather this morning, Brid get? Bridget -He still bas the rheumatics mighty bad. mum. "You mean be thinks he has the rheumatism. There Is no such thing as rheumatism." "Yes, mum." A few days later. "And ibs's your grandfather still per sist In his delusion that he has the rheumatism?" "No, mum; the poor man thinks now that he I" upad. We burled urn ylster day." Signs of the Times. With a single break altout fourtecq miles In length It Is now ptswlble to gq In trolley 'ars from Providence, It. I. to Nashua. M. H-. a distance of cons-Id-era lily over 100 miles. This Is a strik ing reminder of how the trolley bat spread over New England during th lest ten years. Boston Journal. What bas become of the old-fnahloti: l man who went Into his closet to pray' . A colored philosopher says It Is foob Isb to count your chickens before ds-break BIRD SONGS. To Hear TttWM Trnljr RSUalrOa tin I'ar Partlcalaflj Attataedt lohn Burroughs writes for the Ues ttftry an article on the "Songs of Amer ican BlrdaM Mr. BurrOUgha says: I suspect it requires a special -iift of greci to enable one to hear the bird songs: soiiie new power must be added to the ear, or some obstruction remov ed. There are not only scales upon our eyes so that we do not see; there are siales u-ion our cars so that we do not hear. A city woman who had spent much of her time In the country once nskctl n well known ornithologist to take her where she could hear the blue bird. What, never heard the blue bird:" snld he. "I have not." said the woman. "Then you will never In ftf it." said the bird lover. That Is, never hear it w Ith that Inward ear that gives beau ly and meaning to the note. He could probably have taken her In a few min utes where she could have heard the cull or warble of the bluebird, but It would have falleu upon unresponsive ears -Upon ears that were not MttaltlS etl by love for the birds or associations with them. Hi rd songs are not music, properly speaking, but only suggestions of mu sic. A great many people whose atten tion would be quickly arrested by the same volume of sound made by a must Cel Instrument or by any artificial means never bear them nt all. The Sound of a Imy's penny whistle there In the grove or the meadow would m'P urate Itself more from the background of nature, ami be a greater challenge to the ear. than Is the strain of the thrush or flic song of the sparrow. There Is something elusive, Indefinite, neutral, ulsiut bird songs that makes them strike obliquely, as It were, upon the ear; and we are very apt to miss fhem. They are a part of nature, ami nature lies about US, entirely occupied with her own affairs, and quite regard less of our presence. Hence It Is with bird songs as ii Is w llh so many oilier things In nature they are what we make them: the ear that hears them must be half croative, I am always disturbed when persons not especially observant of birds, hsk me to lake them w here they can hear some particular bird the song of which they have become Interested In through a description of It In some Isxik. As I listen with them I feel like .apologizing for the bird; It has a bad cold, or has Just heard some depressing news; It will not let Itself out. The song seems so casual and minor when you make a dead set nt It. I hate taken persons to hear the hermit thrush, and t have fancied that they were nil the time say Ing lo themselves, "Is that all?" Hut when one bears the bird In his wnlk. when the mind Is attuned to simple tilings ami Is open and receptive, w hen expectation la not aroused ami the song (tunes as a surprise out of the dusky silence of the woods, one feels that It merits all the line things that can be hi Id of It. .....i or wiiiu rrn's gemii ....in for Australia ulone. It Is n fact, however, that Australia lias produced more gold IhSO I 'ill I for pin. To the end "f IflM Australia pro lim ed 11,778,137,000 as ag;ilnsi $1,340, R72,900. The product In 1800 was tl.s. 100,000 and for isini it Is estimated at g46aS80,000, making the total to the first tf this year 11,807,908,000 against $1, .sj,;i:is,7sii, an excess of f6888kl80, The comparison Is hardly fair, however, between California alone, with an area if 168,800 square miles, and all ths -toltl producing colonies of Australasia, Including Victoria, New BoUth Wales. South Australia. Queensland, Western Australia. Tasmania, ami New Zealand, With an aggregate area of 8,004,708 -quale miles. A comparison would be ! more proper with all the gold produc ing Slates of this country, which, dur ing Hie period under consideration, had nn output of 82,038,410,000, or 1170,440, pKi In excess of Australia. Home Tested Points In Diet The fact that milk has become ex tremely popular with all classes of phy (.iciiins of late years is emphasised by Ii recent writer In the North American Review, Formerly a fever patient was forbidden to take the article, whlla.ln modern practice It Is alsiut the only f I allowed, ami a well nigh exclus ive diet of thnt liquid Is said to Is- very i-fhVacloiis In diabetes. At the (ieruian 4pas, Carlsbad. Wiesbaden, etc., a very Uttle bread is allowed, the dial being mostly made Up Of milk, eggs, grapes nml lean ls-ef; a non starch diet Is the rule, bread. Starchy vegetables ami ce reals la-lug almost excluded. BkjO Is easily digested ami nn excellent food, except that It abounds In earth salts. Fruits are not only digested In the first stomach, but they have a large pari of the nourishment already In n condition to is- sbeorbed ami assimilated as soon is eaten. The food elements in bnad md cereals have to undergo n process if digestion In the itonuwh, nml then lie passed 0U tO the Intestines for a still further chemical change before being or use to the human system, showing the advantage of a diet Of lean meats ami fruits. Snuff Bottle! Are In Largn Demand. Ituuiiliig parallel wiih the U-om In in flint patent medicines, COtUes the report of n great demand for snuff bottles This either represents economy on the part of those who use tobacco or that the American workmen are falling Into some diSSeTCftbl practices. There Is no one particular concern enjoying ths snuff Istttle boom They all uinke the same report. A snuff Istttle Is s square, low Imtlle f amber glass with a screw top, holding from one half pound up to three ,oiimls of snuff. The half pound ami the pound bottles are mostly In use. Ten years ago snuff "dipping" wss a gl neral Soul hern practice among ne groes ami Ibe whites In the mountains, particularly the tieorgla crackers ami the South Carolina nisliingisins. They Inhaled ll anil chewed It. The females rubbed their teeth ami gums with It, Nobody c it gave any reason for the practice, except that It was a OOUtU gloils custom. The snuff trade of the South was so great thai It made a dm en UUfTmaken millionaires. The use of snuff is not now limited to the South, but Is becoming general, particularly Ibe Inhaling of snuff for medicinal use. Those who "dip" snuff are spreading through Canada, ami In the New I'ng laud Stales the practice Is becoming very common. The snuff tins the effect of a narcotic, ami ll ruins every tooth In contact with It. It look now a If the next generation of New Fnglaml operatives would be a tiMithlcs lot, and the habil Is getting a foothold In the country districts of western Pennsyl vania as well ns In the West. There Is a big sale of chewing snuff In New York, particularly In the tenement ills trlcts. It Is taking as many snuff bot tles now to supply the market as It doe beer Isittlcs. - New York Times. fCfih i at, ,aja t The loftiest active -olentio Is OotO pax I. H Is 18,880 feel high, ami Its lust great eruption xvas In ls.Y The sea round any desert Island rare ly vlsltisl by man, ami distant from any mainland, always leenis wllh flsh. In Arabia excuvailon by the wind forms pits over two hundred feet deep, down to the hard tratum on which the sand lies. The earth derives ninety nine per cent, of Its energy from the sun. Me leOric ShOWeri give rise to the greater proportion of the remaining one per cent. The stars also feebly help. An Kugllsh medical paper t-uecrly re marks (Of one of many like fungi i that the most wonderful vegetable In the world Is the truffle, because II has lie! i her rtstis, st eCn, flowers, leaves nor seeds. An oak tree was cut down at Baralmo, Wis., recently, the trunk of which had nearly 4tm rings, which, according to the generally accepted rule that u new ring Is formed each year, would Indi cate thai the tree started on Us i-arth ly career after Oolumbn first sighted the New World. The Ins- was six feet) in diameter at the ban. At n recent meeting of the Kutoino logical Society of Wuhlngton some specimens of chrysopS, a sja-cles of golden eyed gy, w hich had Iks-ii collect ,sl In the White Mountains, SerS sS&lb m ,i'ilt?ejbjejMn each car- i- minute a was ex lease of a B .1 larger , 'motion fid in F.n tused for II colonies. er Made a "i, remain i-S without It Is said, In Urcat us Weighs "Sight, the haltttlllg of s 1 owner of -jmeiit, the I In Port , . a -a xstuveyed In 17:t3 to the Rev Moses BartJaaa, foes comlder- nttoaof flix. The itaper Is Ititsct, save w here It has bet u folded. At the con elusion are attixed twenty seals of twi n ly Indians. The seals are of red wax, and a coin was evidently used In Stamping the seals, as slight traces of a crown can be found In several of than. Lord Raylelgh in a recent lecture aid that experiments had shown that a vibration of sound having an amplitude of less than one twelve-millionth of a centimeter could still affect the sense of hearing. Buoh a vibration would be so short that It would have to he en larged one hundred times before the most powerful microscope could ren der it visible, supposing that' it wan susceptible to being seen nt all. Old people, he snld, (lo not hear high notes which are audible to young persons, and there Is reason to Is-lleve that ba hies bear notes which are Inaudible to their elders. I'ostaxe -si, nop-DpoldO lion ii Folk In gem ral are not nowadays so careful as they were years ago In the matter of niiixing dnataga stamps to letters and receipt stamps upon bills, ami many never note Whether the stamps are the right way up or upside down. It WSJ very different, however, before the ru-ti and roar of this half of the century begun, for It was next door to a crime. In the eyes of many, to af fix a stamp with the Kugllsh Queen' head the wrong way up. Many were not only under the Impression that her Majesty would "feel offended," but that If she took the matter up personally, or told official to act. punishment could follow. There are still, however, many people who look wllh horror upon a postage stamp upside down. Wonderful Stolidity. "My husband," said Mrs. I In rl wick, "might have nbtnftted to the lor Hires of the Imp-ilsltlon without ever mate -Ing a peep." "Why do you think Uml?" she was asked. "Hs permitted me to move a porous plaster from his right lung this morn ing without giving vent to a single oath." Combo rise as, "Yea," said Miss Snlgglns, "I hod an uncle who was shut up In Paris at the time of the siege. pour:" replied Mi si Nebley, "that's nothing one of my cousins has been In the Klondike all I Ml winter. When a man make an extravagant purchase and doesn't want his wife to know It. he tells her he won the article In question at s raffle. LET US ALL LAUGH, ib'Ki .- FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. rtSSSSel InSldSMtS Occurring tha I orld OVOf la Itia thai AraClirrr (ni to 014 or tniinc funny sat sett s that ton win Knjos. A True Krlriitl. Sell Well, old chap, It' all settled. i am going lo marry mi miii next month, ami I want you to act a bat) mini. Well All right, my lsy; you can count upon me, i never dsseri n friend w hen misfortune overtake him. Tiir Seuasli Customer I bought a plaster of you three weeks ago lo help me get rid of the lumbago Drag cierk Yes. i remember It Dldn'l it do the work! Customer Ob, yni but i want some thing now that will help me lo get rid of the plaster. 1 hr Pee pet Cluaalflcatlon. Weeks hid mui hear ill-out the high handed villainy of your friend Make? Meek No; what did he ibi? Week Deeerted his family and elopetl with his stenographer. Meeks That seems more like short handed iimn high handed villainy. A victim of Oeaslp, Mamma iinn. i Bad you dldn'l n to school yesterday! Hans tl, the teacher told you I These women can never hold their tongues' - Helton Welt. hntiirn hut HlflVrent. tread memories nf the lung ago Coine buck with songs I SSOd In sing; lilt when MOUS I lead IS publisher 0 back tn Bte 'til another thing. Raaalaa No Risks, "I see that most of I he New York SO ciety wo n claim to I- descended from kings." "Yes. but they have taken good can to select king that are very, very dead.'' Ilrurl lr. "Hurling," he exclaimed. "If you should say no It would kill nic'" "Come, then," she replied, "lei's get as far away from the house n sssl hie before 1 give you your answer." lowly ' mprovlnii. The Minister I am told Hint your husband sH-mls much of his time play lug ch ckers. Mrs Boftlelgh Tea, but let us lie charitable with him, doctor. He Is Im proving In his nays. He used lo play golf. A NatNtnl Conclusion. Fill or You Interviewed Mrs. Illnnk on the subject, I siipsiseT Reporter Well, not exactly; i nw the lady but she refused to 'talk. Rdltor Refused to talk! why, when ill I she die? Then P he Wtia Horrn hhr Spoke. jeaeia Do you believe in fortune- telling? Tom Oh. I don'l know. Sometimes I'm half-Inclined tO think there may be something in it. lewlc Heenuse a gypsy once told me that I was to Is- married twice and thai in.v Mrs! husband was to leave me With an immense fortune. Tom Thai settles it, I take no risks. I let sonic ol her fellow lo Is- the first one ami If his part of It comes trim I'll call around again. kmd night. Teat of Fidelity. "Won t you please weigh that parcel, sir? Those are the letters that my i'rllx MO I me last year, and I ssntil to sis' If he has Written to me us faithful ly as he did the yiir Is-fore!--Humor-Istlsehe Hlaetter. Kaprrlrnre. Landlady That uew boarder Is ei ther married or a widower. Daughter Why, ma, he says he's a bachelor, Landlady Dott'l JfOU believe he Is. When be opens Ills pockoMMOh to Ml ' his board he always I urns tils buck lo me. Worst of Them All. inivoler Dott'l you got tired an Iweting so many foolish questions? Ticket Agent Yes, Traveler Which one lire you most? Ticket Agent That one, She Just suffered. "Yes," sbe sighed, "for many yetrs I've suffered fnun dyspepsia." "And don't you lake anything for It?" her friend asked. "You look healthy enough." "Oh," she replied, "It's my hua' and that lis it." I'upu'a llcinltlon. "I'n pa, what Is meant by 'taking Tluie by the forelock?" " "In most cases, my son, It Is worry ing about thing that never happen." Knrnnraglng Iter. Myrtle oh, tlear! I wish I eoold think of some new way to say no. I've had to refuse so many men lately that I am positively bOWHSlng weary of ths Id w ay of declining. Alice I wouldn't worry about that, dear. The follow probably enjoy ths Joke Juki as much u If you ald some thing original each time. At I lie Dour. Invalid O, doctor, I'm afraid I'm pretty Wail al death's dtsir! Doctor Don'l you worry, my dear sir we'll pull you through: I.ondou Punch. Our Srcrrt he Krrp. DlXOa Why Is It that It Is usually iinman-lisl women who write srtifle-i oil "How to Manage a Husband?" Illxon lib, you don'l siis,Mise a mar ried woman Is going to give her little plan away, do you? How to Arniiae Intereat. He- They say your minister Is creat ing a regular furore. She Yes, he has a stercoptlcon and charges an admission fee now, so we have to have the -sdlce every Sunday to keep the crowds In check. Not ii I'nniplrtr Sncrra. He What a winning way that Miss Dexter has: She Oh, I don'l know. She hn tieen trying for ten yours and hasn't won a husband yet. Ilrr -ni. k, at,, oi Agt-d Suitor My dear Miss I'lvpp. I Can't Bud words to eXprSSft my love for you. Miss Plypp Then why don't you turn the Job over to oue of the express companies'' A Uml Invratturnt. Mrs. H OldSU .lohn, we'll never lie able lo save a cent If you don'l quit be ing so extravagant. Mr. Hidden Why, m dear, I'm not al all extravagant. Mn, H olden Yes. you are. There's that accident noUcj you bOUgM nearly a year ago, and you haven't used It i e; If Hint Isn't exlravagance I don't know what Is. Fast Friends. Marlha Ho you la-llcve that Itcucc's hair Is dyed? .lam- Isn't It nice of you to say such things: I'm sure It Isn't dyed. Martha How do you know? .lane I was with her when she boiigllt It. Pftril Hauled. Not Ho Warm. Illxon I understand you had n lire In your library last night. Much of a loss? I'lxoii Oh, no; only n few unbound volumes of smoke. Vim. .ii History. 'ssy,,o,,ao,eiii,l0y-1 Itob o Link 1 1 lit- American Jail blnli don nothing but Sing Sing all the fear round, -New Y'ork World. The Long uml Short of It. Smiles I dislike the month of Febru ary more than any other. Olles Why so? Smiles BecaUn 1 work by the day ami pay Ismnl by the month. As a Substitute. I'lgga-My wife has throat trouble, nml the doctor told her she must not talk for a week. Illggs How can she manage to keep fraa talking? Diggs Oh, she chews gum all the time. The Cheerful Idiot. "Poverty," said the platitudinous boafdOTi "l Hie calls of most crime." "Strange, Isn't It," commented the ObOOrfnl IdlOt, "BOW straitened clr CUmstancn will make a man crooked?"- I m I ia n ,i .l is Journal. Kni low inn i aattrteetJoMi Lamcbop Walter, two eggs, pltiisc; Isill them four minutes. Walter All right, sir. He ready In half u second. Huston Traveler. AppelUIng lie laden. The taste for hors d'OOUVTO, which has grown up In this country In the last few years, has Introduced flavoring butter, bin W0 are sllll far from using this i Hum to anything like ll Steal II might DO, Abroatl flavoring butters are In great request for kitchen use, a morsel of one or other of them, accord: Ing lo the preparation, being almost In variably milled Just at the last to 140. COS tO give the requisite fresh but ler flavor deemed essential to a well made sauce, while at the mine time enhancing the appropriate ami distinct Ive aroma of the condiment. Hul then Is a further use for tht-ne butters which should especially commend them to the notice of the housewife, and till Is the preparation of sandwiches. If, Instead of a layer of plain butter, the sliced bread were delicately spread w ith some appropriate butter. It would double Its attraction without giving any very ar duous work to tht- maker. For In stance, the ordinary ham sandwiches would be entirely different. If made with mustard or chutney butter, whlls s dssh of anchovy or mallre d'hotel butter would similarly Improve cold beef.