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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (March 19, 1898)
Eagene City Gaard. I. l CAMtBtVV, fr.iUr. EUGENE CITY ORKGOX Well, anyway, bow can dry-dock leak? Tney had duel In Italy lat year and only one fatality, which, on tbe wlioli', aeem a ilty. The dog of r" are still Included In the lint of our dumb animal. It I well. Their bite la worw tban their bark. A dinlre foraueoea In natural. Kveu tbe hunter who waa obawd to camp from the wood waa glad be ame out a little ahead. They're begun hanging criminal off hand at Klondike. It may uot Ix; ex actly civilisation, but It ahowa eleva ting luflueocea are at work. "Follow your bent," any President Andrew. In a magazine article. Hut aome men are o badly bent that con atablea have to do tho following. The aauce cook l the Waldorf-A-torla kitchen drawa a aalury of $.V a month. In thla case It pay bettor to cook the aauce than to aauce the cook. One of the pressing needa of tUo time l a currency reform which will be effectual In restraining bank cann ier from setting away with the bauk'a currency. When It get o cold right In the heart of New England, where they are In a ueaure accllmnted to tho Ilm ton girl, that bulno l universally auspcndvd, then It I cold. A en carrying a auiall electric lamp to pre nt ahadow when writing ha been patented In Cermuny. Kdltor ought to be able to throw a good deal of light on the aul.Ject by UHlng that pen. Children In public aohool have not really o much more to barn than formerly, but they have much more to Mudy. They can learn only alut an much, anyway, no matter how much they atudy. It la said that a paator In Alabama re cently atarllcd hi congregation by tho following . iiiiotincemeut: "Komemlier our iiuarterlv meeting next Hnnday. The Lord -III be with u during the morning aervlce, and tho preldlug elder lu tbe evening. It ought to le understood that there la no aubatltuto for tbe enforcement of the law against murder. Aa long na . miirderoll Klilrlt pxIhI and I Hot adeitmtely retrained wenNina will be found with which to commit crime, legislation against concealed wenpoii ninv or mar not be useful, but It I en tlrely Inadequate. We must punish the tnc II who use weupotia, of whatever klud, unlawfully. Hlnce the accession of tbe present r.i.nnuu emneror. lu IHStl. the number of lose mujcate sentence passed baa roiulied nearly 6.011O. The length to which the (iovemmeiit Iiiih gone In the auiiiircHiilon of free speech III the em Hire I allow 11 by tho extraordinary atntemeiit that In tho five year from lsnu to 1HIG aeven person under 1.1 year of age, forty-eight between 15 nd 1H and 1KI between IS and 'Jl have Ihh'U Imprisoned under lcae maJeto i-hargea. The entire hlntory of HuhmIh seem to favor the upioltlon that she at aome future time ha a dcNtluy to fill fill. From a small beginning alio luia rlHcii to au unparalleled power. What at II rut wu only the coiiNiilldntloii of aome Inslgiilllcant ttarbiiroii horde ha become au empire of gigantic ill uiciihIuii. Almost every year add new strength to her powerful arm, new wealth lo her ?nt reource. tuber uatlou have growu to uiiiturlty, decay ed and panned away wlthlu the period of her history, but Ituastu remain, Hllll growing. Many young person are apt to re card clergymeu a a aerlou aud oi emu ela, and to Infer therefrom that religion miiHt bu a gloomy mutter Thou, ud of young render of "Alice lu Wonderland" never ausoctod that l.ewl Carroll," the writer of that book of wholesome fun, waa the Uev Charlei I,. Dodgson, a clergyman of the Church of England, whoso death waa recently unuouueed. I It not true that, to the fun afforded by hi Inimita ble work, there would have N'oii added a leasou In the cheerfulness of religion, If they had gone out under hi own name a the rcereutlon of a cheer ful minded "preacher?" Men who have had the wldeat expo rlence In war are thtwe who utter tho ti-ongot peace eutlmeiit. I.leut. Uen. Schotleld. lu hi ' Forty Six Year In tbe Army," dlancnt from the opinion "that occaalonal war are iicccnaury to keep up the tire of patrlotUm." True pNlrlotlam I like a tire on the family hearth, giving light aud warmth to the domcMlIc circle. SpurUm ntrto(laiu blaxc up like a bonfire, a center of te u orary excitement, but It oon die o.it. Tbe ateady flame, of real devotion io country burn In cac 110 lea than n war. Were there to be no more a.mn.l of battle, or tight of garment rolled lu blood, dlalntcrcatod and enduring af fectlon for the laud of one' birth or adoption would do Ita perfect work. "The giiitle art" of thieving from the Government attracted aotue eminent practitioner, thirty five year ago, but their Kiforiuauce with ahoddy and tainted treat hardly rouiare with the achievement of one of the contractors who built the dry dock at the llrooklyu navy yard. It wa required that the plllug which liacked the i-oncrete wall thould 1 aunk to the depth of thirty feet. A a matter of fact the Ingeiilou 'camper" drove the pile three fwt or le, o that now, after aluioat a mil lion dollar have been expended 011 the dock. It la falllug aart. The contractor probably relied on the maxim that "what I everybody' buluea I 110 body'a bulne;" apparently the anper Tialug engineer Indomed thla view; but It la to be hoped that aome way may he found to pemuade both gentlemen that I'ncle Kam baa frW-nd who will not unproteatlngly aee him robbed. Ko niinr brewer have Imn elevatH to tbe KnglUh House of lrd recently that that body ha ohlulm-d the name of "tbe Jh-eruge." tine or tue nri thing done by then hereditary legisia lor when their blushing honor are thick uion them I to coiiHtruct a pedl- e for the official book, l nroriu- nately there I an Individual In ln dou who, utub-r the name of X, but been pricking the bubble of aome ol these preteUHlmi to long di-acent. Two beer lord, Anlllauu and iveagn, w no hnt.ncii to be brother, have Is-oii clalliillig descent from the old houe ol Mugeimi, alinply on the grounil mat their family name I t.uliines. . make the following IntereHtlng state mi nt: "Here I the real orlglu of lord Ardlluuu aud Ivingh. In the year li.s) the Moat Kev. Arthur I'rlce, archbishop of Cashcl, mnile hi will. Thl after hi dweoMt wa proved on Aug. 3, 1 ... After miiilloiilng several other Item the will priM-eeiU: 'I give my aervout, IUchard (iiilnne l; to my aervnnt Arthur (iulnunui, hi on, lvi tmn followa a Hat of other orvIltl. but thl I lo ! understood of aucb of my kIhjvo servant 0 ahull lie In my Vice at the time of my decease.' The above-mentioned Itlchard and Arthur Ciiluncs were the great great grand father and the great grandfather re- Mllvely, of Lord Ardllauu ami Iveagh. When or where Klchard (.uni ties wa Iwirn, and who and what lilt father wna. I utterly unknown." Of couroe there I nothing dlHgraceful In the fact that a butler wa great grand father to two lord. The auohhery lie In trying to Ignore that fact. The ameiidmeiit to the Contltutlon proMcd by Senator Hoar changing the date for tbe commciiri-ment of the 'residential and Senatorial term from March 4 lo April .'W ha Ix-en the auli- Ject of dlxcimalon for yearn. If the amendment ahoiild be adopted It would extend thu term of 'reUb nt McKlnb y to April :V, I'.hiI, and alo the term of the Senator anil Itepreentat1ve to the aame date. There I 110 doubt that the cluing Itrlit to be unlvernally fuvoreil. The particular reoaon, of coiirae, for advocating ine cnange 1 ine lucleiiiency of the early March weath er In WaHliingloti. w hlch ha HMillel many Inauguration ceremoiile. Ill the latitude of Washington It I a very rare thing to have weather that Is favorable for outdoor fintlvltle on March 4. To the younger generation, which do not take the trouble to look Into history, the selection of a blustering day In March Instead of a balmy duy In May or June for Inauguration has always been a aubje1 of wonder. It 1 10 alsiut In thl way. After the present constitution wa adopted the old con gress fixed the llrst Wednesday lu January a the day for the Stale to chi t residential elector, the first Wednesday In February as the day for the mooting of the electors lo elect the rrcslilctit and Vice President, and the llrst Wednesday In March for the In auguratlo'i of the new government. It happened that the llrst Wcdm-sduy III March fell on the 4th, and hence this order, not the constitution, has tlxed the 4th of Mi roll a the coiiimeiice'iieiil of Hie I'l-eslilentlal term. The constitu tion Is silent as to the date of Inaugura tion. It merely declare that a 1'ivsl dent sli:ill be elected every four year. It haiim-uetl. however, on account of tho HMir facilities for travel lu those iliiya, that the Senator and Itcprcxcii tatlve were not able to orgaulxc Con gress promptly on the date llxed by the old congress, and tieiierul Washington wa not Inaugurated until April Uii, 1 7S!. There are those who believe that (ieuertil Washington could have served four year from the date of his In auguration, thus bringing all snle qucut Inauguration iisu a more pro pitious day. It I the date of Washing ton' Inauguration that has suggested tho change euilssllisl lu Senator Hoar' rexolutlon, and It adoption would tend to recall every four year the Interest ing historical association surrounding the Inauguration of our llrst President. A SPANKING MACHINE. Kun... Industrial School AilmliiUlrr Pliiilshi.ii'i.l In a Novel VVuj. At tho Girls' Industrial Sclinol of Kansas, si I mil. si at lleloit, they have w hat I culled a spanking chair. Had s2 n 1 . l ! Tiia al'ANKIM) 1 HAIR. girl are slrapinsl lu tho chair. An attendant ptvs.se a button aud the chair doc the rest. Atlantic Catd,. llrlli . In the valuable cv.llivtlou rvntly presented by Mr. Isabella Field Jud son to the national museum In Wash ington Is the glots Uh.iu which her father, Cyril W. Field, traced tho course for the cable between Xew fouudlaud and Ireland. In addition to thla the collection comprise Mr. Field' private paper relative to the laying of the cable, the first cablegram ent, aud other Interesting pais-r louyldlig UKin the great work of hi life. Woman' 1'iilTeralijf. The emperor ami empre of Jni. aud their official and noble are great ly I merest, si In and have ulwerllssl liberally toward the Women' univers ity at Toklo, which la to com $17.uio. Spring bicycle frame are being made w It U telescopic tuls a Inclosing lr cush ion w hich receive the force of the Jar from rough road, tbe ruahlou N-lug It-dated the same a pueuiuatlc tire. riio:iJ 1 Jr pP KILLINQ PRESIDENTS. Cnbappr Mul Be tbe Holer of the Latin America For the last year Latin America, al ii ay turbulent, ha been the ene of a reign of terror compared with which KuroH-au uprising are nowhere. Three rub ra have been assassinated, attempt have leen mude on the live of two oth er and plot and consplrncU against atlll half a down other hare leen nip ped In the bud. The assassination of the President of Guatemala, Itarrlo. end the career of a man whose jtosltloii wa founded on the murder of hi op is.tient. Central and South America have Iwen noted for year for the rap idity of their revolution lu govern ment. Thl everyone know, but the method of the assassin of president have obtained but little attention. In only one Instance out of a down ha there la-en a apasmodlc attempt at the murder of a ruler. When tbe two martyr President of the Fulled State fell there wa no sympathy anywhere with the assassin. Ilootb thought he wa doing the South a service, but the South repudiated him then and evt-r aline. Gultenu'a lot wo that of a crawd partisan. Hut when 11 presi dent of a republic In Central or South America full under the knife or the bullet of the murderer tbe whole coun try, except the Immediate follower of the .( tlm, exclaims: "It I well. .Now J we shall have pence!" ! A year ago the President of rruguay ! mis I ion Irlurte Itorda, I lie son of a j I'reiichimin, ami who by surviving half ' a dozen revolutions hud reached the ! highest position III the republic. Last I ,...,( I.,, u-fi i,,...iiu,..l of f111111.tif lnir an overturn of the government. In April a man fired a revolver at lilm at short range, but missed him. The next month another man tried unsuccessfully to kill him with dynamite. In August, however, hi hour came. A be was leaving the cathedral nt Montevideo, after a To Ileum In con nection V llli the celebration of the 7'J'l anniversary of tbe 1 stabllshmeiit of the republic, a youth named Arrcdoiido lived two shots at the president, who died almost at once. The people of Montevideo did not allow gnyety to give way to grief. Keiior Jose Cueslas, President of the Semite, sueceeiled to the presidency of the republic until the election In I lie following March. In IiccciiiImt an ex policeman tiled to kill him, but the by stander warded hi 111 off. The next ruler marked for death by the assassin wna President inx of Mexico. Again a national holiday was selected for the commission of the crime, Sept. Id being the Independence I my of Mexico. The President had just left the tine of the military parade with his Secretary of War. w hen a Mexican named Arroyo struck the President 011 the back of the bead with hi list. Not one of the Presidents of the republic to the south of 11 I beloved of hi peo ple it I'laz. The nssalluut wa scl.ed ATTKMI'TF.D AS.ss VAT.ON by the police ami soldiers and nearly clubbed to ihatll. The people would have killed him at once If they aad not been restrained by the gendarmerie. Arroyo was taken to the police station and wa afterward stabbed lo death. The next work of the assassin was down lu Hru.ll. The President of this republic was 1 .Kin Prndciite do Monies he drop- Itarrlos. Commonly, however, he pctl the Itarrlos rrotii his inline. Alter Plcxotlo. the llrst President, had put down the rebellion of lMU'.U. Monies succeeded bltn III the high otlleo. Karly lust year Monies bud a little rebellion on bis own hands, a revolt led by a faniitlc In one of the province. Unir.il became prosperous under the new Pres ident, who wns mild lu temperament, though exhibiting great determination. Ful ly hi!-t November a soldier of Urn all. Mello by name, tried to shoot the President. Men nearby protected Mo rues, but his nephew wa wounded. Gen. Itetancoin t. minister of war, drew close to tho soldier and attempted to secure bini. Ill reward he was stabls-d so severely tlmt bo died lu a few min ute. This was not the act of a solitary crunk, but I ho result of an organUod attempt to get rid of a president who had shown vigor lu suppressing the fanatics' rebellion. Sisui after tho po lice began to Investigate, and their re port indicted tho Vice President of lira xll and a long list of distinguished pub lic men. the1xdm;kTnley home. lllrtlihu-e of Jiinis MiKlolrJ, the riooccrof Ihc FmiiiII) In Anierlm. Standing lu the county of Antrlui Irclund' northernmost district-1 a comfortable old farm house, which un- i til reicntly attracted Utile notl.t, but I w hlch ha now lcvoiuo a place of more I than local fame. Parish oracles Htut out tbe homestead or licrvock, wtin unction, and errant American drift thither from l.orne. Pelfiist aud even distant !uhlln. For this squuiv built stone farm house wu tbe nursing homo of the house of Mckinley, aud under thl venerable roof wa lsrn Jauie McKlnley. pioneer of the family j lu America, and auovstor of the Prcsl- ; dent of these 1'nltod State. ' Two stories iilgh. w 1th narrow, small- . pnucd windows, and a sort of lean-to addition -nch I the outward aspect of ' the Mckinley collage. Fp to a disi-ade ' luce the risif was picturesquely thatch-. l: but the present tenant tore" aw ay, the straw and covered the house with j more useful, but certainly les attrac tive slate. In the low d.Kirway stands a "half door," that hospitable Cltlc KISS rRANCESCLIZABEII1 WILLARD. mm m -mwm rf ft f ? HI .. T! IMC death of Mis France v.. vu:nr. i.rouKni ...rr.,.. - - ", year, she I... l.-en lil-ntitie l with a refnna tlmt was far n-a. hm an.l imtn.rtillit nii'l tier aetivny Work HIHl 'lie Sllieenij in n,-r .... . , . 1 ... 1.... I that ferred to h.-r us the "niicn.w In .1 ipieen or Aiiier..n. ....... lr,1B.,l W ,' Christian Te r.in.e movement, .he wa. alway It n M n i ader. I l-r senile per aliiy were .1 lenient. ..f tree ge..er.Shi. t hat nl.t.-.l l,er to marshal the forces of temper e into n mighty mt ''" '. fniiiiti. i-ui or hik'nlry khe lirmiglit I" to ml I he intret.i.l courage . lioliirhii Ninl the loving kindne's of l.iil,. nt relihi.l Wollialllioisl. .. i 1: ...! i,M lii.illitif III Hill "I I"'"" 1 . . time, assailed the mot! r .rguuuai..... - " " ', " to the acknowledgement Hint ulie wns u great moral force and that her enm to 1 11. n k. i 11 .1 were Inestimable. Idea, which keeps undesirable stranger out. while bidding a hearty welcome to the desirable. Ilcsl.le this door, through which one gets a view of the neatly kept Interior, stands an ancient granite s'otie. now used lis a seat, but which on.-e occupied a more Important iHisitioti. The two chimneys of the cot tage are i cry old, but so strongly and servleeiil.ly did the McKlnh-ys of for iner days build them that subsequent Iweller found In them nothing to alter. The same, indeed, may Ik- said of Per vock as a whole it was built through nut solidly mi I well. From many residents of the parish were gathered scrap of licrvock his tory, until It wa easy to truce the mod- (IK tlt AZII.'S I'll KM I K N'T. est story of the old house. Some said ! Unit the McKiuleys were of a Scottish race that settled In AtiirUn during laniet I s plantation of l ister; others ! stoutly maintained that they were of j pure Irish stock, and merely a sub- ' j j llllt Ol. 1 M'kiM KV II11MK. Irlbe or branch family of the great house of O'Neill. However this may be, it Is fairly certain that during the relgli of Charles II. James Mckinley, sou of another Junics Mckinley, and called "Shunuis Oge," or .lames the younger," settled upon the lands of I'ervovk. The mime "Sliamu Oge" may be found among tho list of those lo whom a contract for the making of a road along the shores of Lough NVugh was Issued lu the year liVvs. In lTis.i l'iivld Mckinley of Ivrvock was a col- lector of tho "hearth tax" In Autrlm. iKiubiles these amt'stora of Fresldeut Mckinley had a dwelling on their farm, but no vestige thereof remain. When a man gets hi hair rut hla w Ife lose her strongest hold 00 ulm. I .1T H'UIDWit a I WIL 1st X . k ic.-l.v) i rows rerun Bun rr!?oe I Iff) i o COMI'APiATlVE GREATNESS OK TI1K amvpipiv ...-v. M ti ---.... v . IIE.,1, . . i . . -.... manr fionrt I' of was sncu hum. ; .... kl... itd .--irr-i l 10, ruuier iihiii s , - one of the lutii-ajine ii"i n;B '" ue orvaiuzniion " .11 1 f a dauiit.e.s leu.li-r, the ripe auain ms .i i.iiture that neier I""! tie- solter aim- Surveyinir the l.eiinty of li. r life, its pleiitilu.li' riti,-.. h.-r keenest critics, who soiin- .... i.l ,iiht tnni III GREATNESS OF THE HEN. Kiirnlnis of Poultry Kxcred In Vulnc tin- Oiitpul of tiotd unit Silver. Herbert W. Collingivishl, editor of t!ie Itural New Worker, says: There are lu tills country today. In round nuin-ls-r. :!T."i,ii.'""t chicken and 4'M""', ii other fowls, such as diic!;. g.s-se, and turkeys. I luring IV" the hens lal I 1 1. iMi,ial,iHMI eggs. The export price at New York City averaged l." ci it. a ilo.eii, which mai.es tae value of the egg crop $ Id." a a 1,1 a 1. Poultry sold us nn-.it-tis broilers, boilers, and bakers brought $ I J.".. '" n.orc. making the total hen crop at a conser vative rate '.".iu.'i 11.' mi. This great value of the hen crop !s scattered broadcast. We deal with ii chicth- fr Hie Individual side, and it Is astonishing to realize how much It Is lu the aggregate. In order that these ligtlies n,ay Is live llgurcs are appreciated interesting: cotnpa ra- K.iral: ..;i.l . . ..f j....iltry f ,l'lls, ' : .1 Ti 11 1 0 1 1..- .l.lle I I tjii'iiil iiiri-M lit III 'I Ig Ik'' Ks.ji;, ,f lllKTesI of HUllle i.r h.itiun 1 ;..'C..74."i '.'.st.lsO ..."Tl J.'o Mill f.-Jn :...V,.i.;s '.'.e;s ;os r.. Vthli f I'll IT"!. l Hi. le iiT .'"It ill IT'.. . . Vlllue of lt.lt lTi'i . :ll! f III .(t IMp . . S.ihirl.-. nf all .; I I i a'-liers. illlle "f .ill elllllell .r"n-rty Total inill;;iry exii.-nsi'it .... V.ii.ii. nf till iiiliu r.ils Villue of h..gs V' r g'.;.i Value "f sltler V11I f i..il Villue of .he. Value of lull.'U i-iovh CT!..-to. t:i;i '.');.';.-, ls.l''.s.Tss 1 s.;..V.'! T-i.-, -1.: 1:10.1.11 T-'.."looi ::s.n.:..vv i'.s.ic- Ill one year the hens of the country will pay the net Imniled debt of (levat or New York and have enough left to buy all the gold and silver mine I dur ing the year -that Is, If they could Isir row f ii.(Kai,(Hi from the 'ducks and geese. One year's earnings will buy all the minerals produced lu a single year, and will pay. In addition, every cent of the Interest on farm niort gagi s. The Aim riean lilted mat), taki 11 as tin Individual, Is a person of small ooliseqiiemv. He Is Usual'' neither dig nlllisl or desirable; yet the IM.-.l.i;..-, farm lulmrcr In the cnutitrv earned last year lu cash, hoard not Included, $:ii'.J.7lii.iUs"i. The fact Is that the hens and the hired man taken together. Iti two years' earnings, would buy all the church property and have enough left to pay all eushtis mid all our public school teachers. The same sum would pay operating expenses for all Ameri can railroads fur one year, and also pay the wages of nil the clothing mak ers, all the Iron workers, all the cotton mill hands, and all the carpenters in 1 .10 land. One bushel of w heat, costing !" cents, w 111 feed a hen for Iliat days. If she lays PM egg, worth two cents each, she will Increase the value of the wheat to w hich Is enough to haul one ton of freight "..Vi mil, or to haul one passenger fifty miles. After sin has done all this she will return "..I cents' worth of the fertilizing value of the w heat to the soil for another crop. Mrs. American Hen Is, after all, no untuiHrtuut personage, our standard for the measurement of mwer is the work ot the horse. That Is wrong. Hen swer Is the true standard. Coin pure the work of production done bv l.OuO umnils of horm. t taai .w... ... cow. 1,.m.i ,H,m,,U of average man and I.Oui iHiunds of hen and ou w 111 ag. irxz:h1 th" blcjcle; LU tire never punct urea. MJMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd. Carina. ." ,"h" ph iumB Natura urip- r.",d by W.r4 Art.- of lb. ILIar Hcldenf. A'"""""' . . " lshlwanttheDor.hIH.Ie. M ,,ie ;HUtleDi.ii wUo bad Just rm-IJ t !X inoutli' felltence. "What fur?" asked the "Then I could make a night of It. Cincinnati Enquirer. A K.eury Eaplnnatlon. First loafer ilnspectiug a oiii"" to second cWltol-l MX Kill, woi a a cj- tie of sotlg . .vi... Second ditto-Don't KrWn U1' if, uno of thelil liew-fullghHl b.kes. ,;;,;,uya..onuver roll along, jeat like a barrel horgan.-Puuch. KrlulblHty. I aw ver-Yau re not responsible for ,he conduct of anybody U-alde your self, are you? Patoti-I think I nm. I awyei-Tell u how. p.uton-I'm the lender of an orchea-Ira.- I!ototi Courier. The Kevlaed Version, "Are you giving me stnilght Roods f n-l;ed the young New-Yorker. The fabric I truly unbiased, n piled the liostou tllllld. Too MutU Kenllsm. Munager-What excuse have you for . 1... u..t-itn H,'tS.' ,ii-ni- in. ine 11 ay oui mm n. .... Author-Well, you aee the hero cta Int lawsuit In the flrt act, Slit 1'lcosant. llostcss-I'tn afraid we are golug to im a verv small iMirtv to-night. The fog seems to have kept away best people.-London Punch. all our lia.ily I xi.Ulncd. "Whv Is It V" asked the Inquisitive mail, "that coronets do not hold an In quest over the body of every person who dies'" "it Is only ueci-ssnry," replied his observuut friend, "when a person 1 accidentally killed, or die suddenly without medical advice. When a per son dies lifter iK'ltig attended by a phy sician, then everylsnly knows why he died, aud there Is uo need of nu In quest." The Voice on the Cylinder. lilggs The phonograph must be an ancient Invent Ion. Itiggi It's considered quite modern Why do you think It ancient? Higgs-Why. the ltible apeak of men lifting up their voices, aud I nat urally supposed they were on a phono graph cylinder. A Slight Dili rence. llggs I Just Mulshed reading an ac count of how they burned heretics at the slake In ancient times. Such bar barlstu would not be tolerated lu this enlighten. -d age. Higgs No. Indeed! The modern here tic Is let ofT with a roast lu the roll ions Journals. A Precocious Infant. First reporter Senator Ilullyan must have been a precocious baby. Second reporter Why so? First reKirter- He told nie during nu Intervlew that school teacher. he began life as Kcason Knnimh. "What made you quit the club, Ill ly?" "iteitson enough. I can tell you. I worked the yuirs to be elected treas nrer, uud then they Insisted on putting .n a cash register." lhton Traveler, Uuimltitf No KUka. Uwwu twho has been dluhis nt th club with Jone)-Jnst come lu a min ute, old fellow, and have a nlglit-cnp. Jotios-Fni afraid It's getting a little late. Lot's see how's the enemy. Krown-oh, that's all right. She's In bed.-Punch. Not t'nc of Cupl.P. Victlmiu He was only a tranni nn.l l.i. e.i,. plexlon was sotnewhat the worse for years of close communion w ith barrel- oe.se w-nisKy. but he had not studl.-d human nature In valu. "KXCll" 1110. llllss." Im ...1.1 ... Jlft.M h.s tagg.sj rap t0 the vomi(t ,.)()Vi I I'Ut you see Ufore you a victim nf ti, tender passlou-oue who has. loved and lost; would you earn the lasting gratl tude of a fellow-creature h n,- 1... atowal of a dime?" Ah. yes!" sighed t!. . ! P,r'- ns "he haiuUM him tlm n.ln i ..... 1 ' tn'!y won,Iwfl "'In- Tell me of I your love: dul u ed anothetr s.K.d7ji I I aja." what ax.. 1 lif . -i n r .i rWMA v 1 -' 1 1 ill f 1 LiL VVfi W IK' tltiTIOIlsly, "It wa Phakapenre. I be.. aid there waa uothing u , a(L.,,,, "Yet." ' "Then there rou'.dn'i Uru i... .......... .. "' ' ,w lot mnguxine t-uiton lu shuk line, Kendr to NrTtlutc, Khe Ah, Count, you don't know k. my love for you distresses my ,r , I heard my father any thl momt lhnt he would give fu0.ij if "J" never see rou attain. The Count Ke your fuza!re i . Offee now. you sink? An Kjr to HiulncM, "Ye. l. Y'er right; there ain't h money In fartulu' now day, en th'onlj thing for yotf ea me to do, I to (on New York rn marry one of thfin thm rich helresse." Detroit Free Vnm. The Chance Were Uood. "Doctor." said the sick tnau'i ift do you think there la any bone ( him?" "Well," replied the disgusted phj eln 11, ns he put on his glove-, " brttj him tell the nurse that he'd be da.bel f he would take any more medicine.' -Cleveland Leader. l e Wanted an Amunient. That iii.iu dizzier is the bijrt fool I ever saw. What has brought you to loch conclusion ?'' 'I talked to li I til for an hour lad 1 half this morning, and the only tbinj he had to say lu answer to mj nut nienl was, 'Yes, that's so!'" A Long Time llctween Ilrinkt, Clergyman My poor mnn, I Ju4 from your look that you are In need of spiritual consolation. The tramp Dnt'a wot I am. ptnltw. How far Is It ncross d!s blutne proliibi- tiou county, anyhow? A Sure Cure. "What's the mutter with Gulllnstoi, anyway?" "He has insomnia." "That's too bad. Why doesn't htttj gettlug ou the police force?" No Improvement. Humorist It I Imiiossible for m think 11 ml operate the typew riter at tht tt'.we time. Kdltor Then you are no better t than when you used n pen. At the Aniniul Fair. s "No, I must go no further as I some iiarlles from tbe city are open ting ti skin pnine down this wa.v."-St I.ouis Iteptllillc. An Advanced StuiiC. Smith A physician told me that' water Is a cure for lunacy. Jones-Well, I know It Is a eurf f freshness, and that is usually the W stage of lunacy." Aa He Found It. Orlmpus I asked n scissors shan er the other day what he tlioujM ! life. Crlmptts-Wlint did he say? tiiiuipus-Tlmt It was oue contiia grind. I'p-to-Date. Kensonuble Hates. Customer-t'.ot nny fresh dte-(irocer-No; gave awny the last endar I had this morning. A Mi, n llctnrt. Quills .I'vo n Ln-ent mind to fc' book. Mills-! doubt it. Quills-Doubt what? That I M J write u book? Mills-No; that you have I" mind. The Proper Thlnit. I'nclo-Touimy, don't you kno tor than to out those grwu nppl Tomniy-Oh, tliut's all right, training. I'ncle-Trniulug for what? Totnmy-Our ninateiir clrcu. to be the contortionist, see? " St, Fiacre. travelff " n.i 1 . .. 1 .1 .. r..,- 1 uere are iirooau.j. 41 " ,y ranee who, when rilling ' r.-- u . ...... f nnr ah. tl" i-ieiiv'u e.iu. uii-ui 01 v what wns the orlglu "fiacre," which Is given or le -to th! Z nil iiuce. 1 lie inline ui ...-- .-raDe given to hackney carriages In r In lotlJ, lciiuse these vel,ll'1''s & greatly used by sick and "lflrra L ........ ...... .......... .!.. l,r!ue of t ........ t .fl.ii.re (SIIIIIS WHO VISUVU iw orf Scottish sair.t. St. I'incro. sou 01 n- 1 lie ived ' ... . . . ... n.-ieiil. IB ecu 111 a iiceo ioi csi m , where n place had beou assignei" a by the UMiop of Meaux. He u. tST 0. ami was burled there, ana ages his Mi-'.ne was visited by f j of pilgrims from all jsirts of 1 , eight ceuturles afterwaru. - . I.I..IUV nl spring or pure waier , 151 .. ... ... . .1 1 it,, or. atw " up iroiu me tuai'v. " . monks of Meaux. recalling the , of the spirit of the fountaiu. hla relics to their catheilral. A rork Hope. A cork tin is ,ue lilt,st , It rai It la made of small corks P'-yi to end, and the whole covered , braJdlnit of cotton twine; oVl'ti a coarser bnUdlug In heavy Wat MM r - The rojie will stand lruJU thousAnd pound 0