Eugene City Guard. I. I CAMPBELL, TfftUfr. EUGENE CITY. ii-- . ..OREGON. Talking about forestry U well enough, but Arlmr days really go to the root of tho matter. HHHlnl dispatches My thut a nun dow n In New Jersey I awentlng blood. Probably be liit mortgage overdue. "Hutterand eggaar weak," ay the Price Current. If possible, butter should x kept In that condition right along. The man who tried to commit aulolde by Jmuiliig Uhiii the Chicago Klver from dock street was a stranger from Omaha. Poole Sam ha hla own little dome tic trouble, but taking calm survey of the earth Just now, he And no great reason to envy hla nolghltora. Suicide la alarmingly on the Im.-ease In I'm me ami uoilccahly Increasing tn England. The law of England oonsld cm an attempt to commit aulrlde a felony. ryes nf children and It baa Iwo proved that same shad of cream wl. r. a dead aiirface of aoft, mellow tint, rarled la Ita degree of whiteness to suit the qilal Ity and quantity of light, la preferable to all or any other. The crayon to tie lined on ailcb board aliotihl be of a clear, dark green. In school where this moilern board ban been Introduced In place of the old blm'k aiirface, with Ita white chiilk, there tint been not only an Improvement In the eye of the chil dren who have bud to use aiieh board but a great Inorenwe In the amount of attention they have given to exoroUo on the board by reason of the greater en with which their Intercut could lie retained. When so much enn lie no canity accomplished It aeema almost criminal to retain In use the obi black- Ismrd. It ha done Injury enough to entitle It to he retired. KISSING THE ROD. O heart of mine, we shouldn't Worry ao! What we're mi-d of calm we couldn't Have, you know! What we've met of atormy pain. And of sorrow's driving rain, We can better meet again, If It Mow. We Imve erred In that dark hour We have known. When our tenra fell with the ahower, All alone. Were not ihiiie and ahower blent A the gnieiniia Mauler meant? Iet n temper our content Willi Ilia own. THK OTHER ONE." In a Keiiluckjr distillery the other dny a steam holler exploded ami killed two meiL Wheu will people Icaru thai the ue of water In any form la highly dimgcrou In Kentucky? Itev. T. lo Witt Talmage explain that he wan "married quietly, bisnusc of a rcccutly death lu the family." Otherwise would he have been married boisterously or explosively? A New York ollccmnn ha a "fallen heir lo $70,0)10." I'erhapa thla la unfit a delicate way of announcing lliat he hua been promoted to the captaincy of a tenderloin precinct, however. It In about time that the people who are not contemplating a trip to the Klondike ahould begin to form clulu and aioclutiouit which will Insure In-tii against louoomciicaa during the coming eur. A Cluelnmitl girl, they say, la "cov ered wllh llsb aeillea Instead of a tint li ra I Hkln." Those Clnclunntl reporlera are enterprising; In thla Instance they are fully three iiioiiIIm a lien d of the regular sea sou for llb atoilc. The private secretary of Amhamsarior Hay ha Ix-en arrested for riding hla bicycle on the aldewalka In lomkin. The Idea! Have Amerlcatm no rlghta which England respects? Mint the work of ITTD pud IMS be doiio all over gniu? It may Ih slgultlcnnt, now that Cur nollii Vnuricrhllt, Jr., bna returned from hlit wcduiiig trip, t lilt t he haa en tered upon a three year course In philosophy nt Yale. It la not known that he felt the need of being trained to be philosophical before. The Intent novelty lu car la a car which I really a al twaler lank on wheel, designed to iraimport oystors and oilier shellfish Into the Interior In their unlive element. Ere long the far Went will lie able lo enjoy cynlcm oil the half ahell that are Juot aa frctdi a those nrveri In the Eiiat. At a recent church fair lu a small city the receipt aggregated over four thousand dollnnt, which were mostly gained In unfair competlllon with the town merchant. A dealer who suc cumbed to aollcllntloiM to give live mil of shoe saw llieiu marked at Ichh than ctiKt, mid alllrin Unit he was af terward twitted over hla own counter been uo he charged more than I he tiiixunr saleswoman. There are several side to church fair, and all are bad. The auffcrlnga of (he w ort hie record eri In the eleventh chapter of the Epl- tie to the Hebrew Included wanriisr Ing "In deserts and In mountain, and In den Hint cavea of the rattli." A re cent traveler In Syria and KoiithcaMc-rn A a Minor found that Christian f Ircek and Armeiilnn have, lu reMated In at mice, retreated to almot IiiiicccnsI ble cave where their lire have Home shelter from the aiorm of Turklah per sccullon. Kndurnnce of privation and pain for the aake of the faith la not an exiluct form of human experience. Worry wrevka' more Uvea than work. An ouigrowth of one of the pycholog. can whim of the time I a chain of "Hon't Worry" club. Without nub acrllilng to nil the tenet of thee or giiiiltallou, ulmoNt every Individual could better hi condition by adopting and trying lo live up to their motto. The HiiliHtnnco of their belief I licyond dl-putc, and may Ik- aiimmariKcd lii few word: Worry never yet Mterd the condition of any Individual; It never yet failed to make worse the condition of the person given to worrying. There oukIiI not to lie iii-ed of anU-worrv aiv I'lcllca. The lnllnct for elf picei VH lion choiilil array huuianlty In opHl tloii lo the advemnry, worry. I'nr we Know not every morrow Can be tail; No, furi;eitii,g all the orrnw We have had, ; I-ct tin fulil away our fear. , . , . . ! I1"' our f'olili tear. The Immeimlty of the tobacco manu- Allli tUr,lVltU n ,(, cm,llt yPtri laeiurmg nunoory oi me i unei nwinn i jla ,r glnd. dot not upl ar mitll one haa the curl- -.lnni Whittomh Riley. olly to look at It In aonm of Ita lm- ; porta nt detail. The rejiort of the lu- ; ternal revenue ibpHrtment of the gov- j eminent glvm wime figuri that are kur)rlalng. lu the flxcnl year of Ki" there were inaiiiifaclur'il In the I'lilted Htalea 4,lIH,4'a,.'lil clgnra or obout W for Mich man, woman ami child In the 1'iilted Htate. To make tlio elgara re iulded about 8r,00 ton of tobacco. Ileldii the elgara were made 4.117, iU.ZVl clgurettea, I.:i,.'l!i7.it07 jKiunda of plug tobiM-eo and X 1 ,TJ 1 .! Miund of fine cut chewing tobacco. Smoking tobacco to the amount of K'l,MK,!iM ImiiiiuIh Kim mnuufncturel, while 12. 7' iH.lt III iiouml of KtiulT wctb made. To niiike all thee manufnetured good '.'il,417,ri!at iwiuudn of tolwcco were iiwed and thl embraced 21.'l,rMr,Si'7 poimda of leaf, 10.:i7.VHK1 pouiul of crap, 4l'l,im jmiuihIk of atoina, '.VI, MVW.I poiiiwla of licorice, -'..')!H,7fi7 pound of Niigar, and ir,0K,io7 pounda of other mnterlal. not enumerated, were uncd. Thla make a grand total of 4 1 1),. MIT, 7X1 ixiiiud of material that went Into the manufactured tobacco made lu the I'iiIIimI Hlnte. The Ameri can people are the largeat conauiiiera of tobiie-o of liny on the globe and It k altuoHt an exception In a party of men to II nd one who doc not ue tobacco lu Koine form, more or lc temperately. (icciiHloiially a mail I found to whom tobacco I Immediately Injurious or hurtful, but, deNplte the fact thai the active principle of tobacco, nicotine, la ao deadly a Mion,lho American coplt aeeiii to lie able lo colinumc large iian tit leu of It without allowing Heiioua evil effect from It. In many place have In-cii diverted male puriNwc and (Ircu comblmitlou. agi-lciillural fair from ll.elr legltl turncd Into mere III aome iiluce the evil coiineOti-d wllh the latter have grown to be Intolerable, t'nklr work nil Nort of fratlduleiit m.'Iiciiich, dlnrcp lltnble nIiowiiicii give cxhibllloiiH that are groHly liiimoral, and gambler run Ku imlllug guinea openly. Km li thing eventually kill the fair and drive the agricultural aoclcly out of existence. A an example of the true kind take that of the Valley Fair Ahkih latlon of Vermont. It ha given twelve annual fair, and the hint one wa even n great er micctK than ever before. Till fair I piitronlr.od by the hint people of the Connecticut Valley, ami the attendance In! full wa ll.'Nii the llrt day and 1,"i,immi die WHiind. The treniirer of tile NiH-lety, Mr. Kley, anya: "We nlarted In w ith a capital of f Iii.ikni, with wlilc'i we bought our ground, ami com menced the luilldlng for the acctiiniiio datloii of hore. cattle, lnvp, Nwlne, poultry, farm pnKlucla. agricultural and mechanical Implement, etc., etc., and we now have a proMrty that ha cunt u f'J.VKKi--and all but the original cap Hal atock ha been made from the fair. Wo have never failed to add a goodly Hum each year to the property from the prollt made. We atnrted out with the avowed put Kie of never M-rmltllug any fakir of any kind on the ground. no pool Hclllug. no game of chance, but n legitimate agricultural fair Our dl play thl year In all dcnirtiucnt wa nam ny people nun nave ailcliileil a large number of fair to eipial If not Riirpa nliythlug they had keen. We have adhered alrlctly to our rule, and I am conlldcut that all our malinger believe that It I far more protltahle than any other couine. 1 believe that If thl couroc wa followed by other agricultural fair In the country, they would prove not only of greater benellt to the people Who attend tlielli, but also to the stockholder." WON A WIFE WITH AN EGO. ! .L ! ill Although Trance ha now Imvii a re public for about twenty seven year, there I still a royalist party which culertnlUN hope of a ntontlou of the monarchy. The expectation of thl p-lity have centered In the luke of Oi lcan, the head of the lloue of Orlcan. Some stir baa been occasioned lu Clench political circle by a recent let Icr or maulfcato from the duke which, though It I not an actual abdication of bl claim, rc4ouiiucmlH hi follower to make thw best of existing condition and to hilsir for the supreme Interest of France rather than the Intcri-st of their party. Thl action remove one disturb ing Intltietice from thl year'a general purinimeiiiary election In I'lunce. and tenda to alrengthen the republic. War I being made lu mime quarter on the alMiinlmible blackboard In use In public acliooU very generally. It I a wcll-CKtabllKhcd fuel that the wori color on the eye I black, and eveu tall or, when men' clothing himhI to be made by hand, were acciitomcd lo charge more for making a aiilt of black clothe than any other, for the reason that the color waa ao much more Inju rloua lo the eye. Kxperiinrnta In the color of o called blacklNtarda have Ist ii made with view of determining Lit color la Icaat lujurioua to the Oklahoma Kuroirr Made ltiy Ity m KmiiiIoiii I. ovr .Mi-ssiitr. lto Wllllnlii. of Knld, O. T., wrote a lovelorn nn-esiue on au eng ready for ahlpuieiit m'vcrnl week ago, and ut a result he wiui himself a bride. What I lie youikg imiu mild on the egg waa thl: "On a farm lu (lie Cherokee strip I sit a sad and loiicoomc bachelor, thinking sadly over my fate, ami would love to come off the nent ami Jolu my life with that of aome comely young biily of not too many summers' growth. Should the meoxuge on this egg meet w ith the eye of a fair one who I matri monially Inclined on short acquaint ance, and who think she could ciijov a prairie life with a student of nature' Iksiuty. addivsa Hos William, Knld, O. T." lu due eourseof time thl reply came "Pear .Mr. llllnni-l-'rom the unlet precinct of my boudoir I write thee. I am lonely, too, and have often longed lo itilt city llfetid go W osU here the tall wild grasM sways lu the wlml If IWtcutug to the KWtvt aoiii of the chinch bug. After chopping wood to kindle the kitchen lite, and after the tire wa ready for buslm ami the pan was sltxllng In (lie uparkllng fat, I w as alNOit to break an vgg Into the pan, w hen, U'hold! your incKNig tntvta my gaxe. It seemed like a ilreain of a kwt, unknow n love. I am comely, but not fair. Age, 't, no money, but pJeirty of grit. Let u exchange photograph. It may ail end In anotln'r Aimvlcan union, long to be pnmrved Methliik 1 know you now. "HKSSIK CAKKOI.I.." KurthiT compoiHlctM-e niul(ed, ami a few doya later the young people were marrUMl.-New York Herakl. VEIIY marriage In hazardou, but I can conceive of no greater rlk than wa taken by that aame handsome, mild mannered WO.'I an." Judge Watson waa apeakiug of a smiling, ele gantly dreaed lady, whom he had Just bowed out of hla olll'e and to ber car rluge. "She doesti't look to me tike one who had gouo through many aev ere trial lu life. "1 am thinking of the chance ahe took, ami what might have been. The atory I worth listening to, although, perhaps, 1 will tell It badly Let's have It by all means," I aatd. "Very well." answered the Judge; "take a cigar, and, while we are amok- lug. 1 will try to tell you the story. "I he ludy who Just left baa a twill alster, w ho I how abroad. Wheu they were girl together It wa Impossible lo tell them apnrt, and when they grew lo young womanhood they were literal ly a much alike a two pea, and their mother wa the only one nalde from themselves that could tell which waa w hich, when they were abroad In the auiiie attire. They Used to pluy lota of Joke on l he young men, for, being ho much alike, thl wa easy to do. They were pretty girl, ami had acore of young beans, ready ami willing to have all sorts of prank played upon thetn. for Just the nke of their company. "Howard (ileason wa especially at tentive lo Maud, and he admit that he sometimes made (lie mktake of em bracing the wrong sister when he hap pened to meet her suddenly in a or light. "The father, old Mr. Wardlow, wa rich ami proud, and only knew that Howard lileasou wa conning one of hi daughters. Now- Howard wa not blessed Willi thl world' good, and old mail Wardlow was ambition for hi daughters; so he very promptly I sued an ultimatum. The young man could have neither of the daughter until he had tolled. Soini-llme he felt tempted to break hi pledged word ami write to the girl, Imploring her to send him a few word, If only enough to tell him that she wa still faithful. And then hi pride would come to hi rescue, and he would ay to himself: 'No, I will not write; If she can't lie faithful to me, belter I should know It now than when it la too late.' So he workisl, and tolled, cheered alwava by the belief that n fair, aweet girl was waiting to welcome him home, ami counting the hour Jiwt a he wa do lug "l.tick wa with the young man, ami In Utile more than a year he and hla partner 'struck It rich,' nnd he wa half ow ner of a mine that promised to become one of the richest In that coun try. Then he determined to go back homo and tell the girl of hi heart of hi good fortune, lie would be his own messenger lu currying the glad news, ao without n word he put hla Ihlnn together and started cast "Of course, having had no correspon dence w llh any one lu the tow n, no one wa aware of Howard' gotnl fortune and w hen he arrived at hla ohl home he came unheralded. He took onlv Mtitllcleiit time to brush up a bit, anil then he started for Mr. Wardlow'. Arrived ill the house he knew mi well, and I li" afternoon Mug warm, he found nobody about, save the old gar dener, who wa looking after his flow er. "'Where I your mistress?' Howard asked. "The old man hesitated. "'Can't you, understand Kngllsh?1 Howard said .Impatiently. 'Where la your young mistress?' 'She' ahe'a- lu the grove, air a readtn, said the old niau, bowlmr obsequiously, and without more ado Howard went to seek her. You can perhaps Imagine the meeting. He catne suddenly upon a fair young crea ture swinging in her hammock under the tree and reading. Coming up quietly behind her he flung his arms alsuil her and caught her to hla heart, a he covered her face with klc. " Then he held her off at arm' length and said: " 'Maud, my darling? "While she answered 'Howard" and lint tier face on his breast believed that ber daughter"! happlneM depended upon It. Mr. Wardlow ron aented to tho plot. When they return ed from tbelr wedding tour Howard ! life told him everything. H' ,,'n alblo fellow and waa quick to e thut what bad happem-d wa all for hla happiness. "Five year have gone by and to thl day he has never quit 'tliauk'ng hi alara' that be didn't marry Maud, but married t he other one."' MONARCH OF ENGLANO. Arihdacoueof Aulrla-i:le"iolroa la tba Legitimate eoiereln. In France and In Spain the legitimist la taken seriously, lo Kngland, accord ing to the man In the street, and ac cording to other !n high place, the Wcltlmlwt I almply an Idiot who I not worth further consideration. Yet among Kngllsh legitimist are many men of whose sanity there can lc no question, whose Integrity 1 beyond dUpute, and whose loyalty to Queen Victoria la unimpeachable. In the flnt nlace. perlmp. It may he suggested that the Use of the Word "JAVoblte" In connection with legitim ism In thla country I not very happy. It Is employed bocaii of the histori cal association which appeal no ilrongly to the Kngllsh a a nation. Ilut It doea not necessarily Imply, a I too commonly suppoMsl, that the b-glt-ImlirtH In thl country aim aolely at the lertoratlon of the home of Stuart. Hut for the iiectillar local association of the term "Jacobite.' the legitimist In KiWCland might with more propriety ntyle himself a Curllat, and thereby Identify himself more closely with h! brother In France or Spain. The iiolnt, which In fa! nut ought not to 1m; lost ftlgtit of. Is that the Jacobite I simply nn Englishman who professes the faith of legitimism; a member, It might be otherwise expreed, of the Knl!li brunch of a catholic or uni versal party. Social systems may and do ex!t where the monarchical principle la ac cepted, but where the sovereign I ac cepted. Social system limy and do exist where the principle of primo geniture I accepted, but where the monarchical principle la rejected ulio ge'tber. Hut a social ayatem where the monarchical principle and the prln--tple of primogeniture are both accept i d, but w here the sovereign la yet not the one entitled by the laws of primo geniture to wrtipy the throne, la an anomaly the Judication of which must Is- sought outside logical reason. From this iisie-t the legitimist lu Kn gland npis'iir more sane than they who mil him mad. The law of gavel kind and the law "rcgnlatln?" the sue (cnmIoii to the throne are the only two exceptions to the rule by which the eldest son succeeds hla father, and fall ing Issue, the succession 1 vested tn the elder female line. Question of fact only are Involved, and fortunately the are plain enough. Ity the law of primogeniture the sovereign of thene lealms should be Mary the Fourth nnd Third, nee Mary Theresa Henri etta Iorotliea, Archduclu. of Austria- Kste-Modena, and wife of hi royal highness I'rlnce I.oula of llavarla. Of her genealogical right to the throne as representative of the senior female line of the royal house of Stuart, the male line having Is-cotiie extliw-t on the death of the Cardinal King Henry IX., there Is no dispute. The facta are Mated every year lu "Whltakcr'a Al manack" for all who run to rend. The Hanoverian dynasty, being derived from a daughter of James I., hu no right to the throne until the whole Issue of Charles 1. Is exhausted, w hich s not yet the case-Nineteenth Ceil tury. It a live WEIL-FEP PAUPERS. J.o.t.ofaai Enall.b Workhoo..T)le. - from Overeating. Every free-born Kngllkhman cornea world wl... the iMlto-Wj right to a eat ai in ia"- - - IP the Pla1l Kngllsh workhouse, bo. Iccd my g.-sj fortune during i...,.iui.. ,-sr.sr now close nd twenty year to visit ami ib-cribe for varloii publication over on" hun dred Hrltish cltlc and town. In near ly every cae attention ha Is-eii calim to the handsome buildings set apart for the pauper, or. In colloquial I.nK l!h, "the 'oue." Hack In the good old dava of Queen Kllwiln-th the principle waa made a law that no Kngllal; man r u-omnii should starve, and that, If unable to secure a living for them elvc. the poor and the Indigent ami the Incapable must I cared f-r by the atate. So firmly ha th M" "lk"" sNeHon of the English mind that the poorer class, the old, and even those In the prime of life, talk with com plaisance of ending their day in "the oiise." They ..k um It very much aa our old icople might regard going SUPfOSE Wf5 SMILE. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM THE COMIC PAPERS. l'leaaant Ipcldaa Occurring lh orld Ovti-eavlnga that Ar Cheer ful to Old or lfogdg-Fon feUc linn, that Everj-body Will Kojoj. Cruel. How Ml Snllley mint hat that old lover of hera who went lo tho Klon dike r "Whyr . "She sent hltn aa a ChrWma preaent the mi they had at the hotel where the took dinner." A Sad Ce. Arihur-I can see now that Ml Id wood d n't care for me or respect me. Ilany-Whnt haa ahe doiio to make you think so? Arthur-Have me a cigareiie-umc. for n Chrlstmaa present. licyond Temptation. Whr do loll think Mingle wouiu la the Bin Oraaa K.Z Flrat CoIonelHT, y Second Colonel-No; wha, . First Colonel-Our obi tJ Fuller baa quit drinking. Vl Keeond ColoneDo you m,.,. Flrat Colonel-Yea. I'ohIu,! . bg" Second Colonel I iP00( Uft- bear that. When doc. the fUnT7. place? ,unTUt Her I.oT.ii. .Mr. Wabuslt-Who 1 your f writer, Mra. Ogden? r"0rf! Mra. Ogdon-My husband Mm. Wntmsli-Your husband what did bo ever write? .Mm. Ogdon-CliockN. Another I rather. to a borne for invalid or ine om. ..., - i,.,,,,,,!,? lie's aa deaf inded. In many of the K..gllh work- f make a gmxl alderman? IK a Twelve million silk lints are annually made. In the Culled Kingdom, worth five million pounds. Hussiii possesses at least one luxury, In a breed of dogs which are said to bo naturally qcltc unable lo hark. I.lsxfs great skill with the piano waa n part due to his Immense Industry. For years he practiced ten hour a day. The highest masts of sailing vessels arj rrom Hki to Imi feet high, and rprcud from tm.iKni lo luti.OOO squur feel of canvas. It costs $5.74 per million gallons to pump water to Chestnut Hill Keser voir. The engines pump N.8 gallons on one pound of coal. The Sudbury Klver aqueduct In .loll days ha delivered H.S'.7,;tno,mH gal lon to Chestnut 1I!I Keoervolr. and 35.5iHl.tHiO to Lake Cochltuute. lu licneva, Swilxerland. many build ing have been titled with electric let ter Ikixcs which ascend and ileacend aulomatlcully lu a shaft and deliver the letters destined for each storv. There Is much trouble and coulllct lu the South over the proposition to nut cotton up In round bales. NoUmIy I exactly clear na to the result. Several round bale comprise have Isvn built. There are 11M bridges In the citv ,.f Hoston. The city owus and muiii. tains sixty four of this number. The railroad. support thirty three. Hesldes these there are als eighteen bridge which begin lu Hoslon, but end lu some other city or town. house they are cared for a well a In audi Institution a our oin lame home, etc. The other week, when In Hldeford. I wa taken to the work hoiwe, nltuate.1 on a I utlful hill over looking the broad river and f anion bridge. For the moment I could hardly believe my eyes. It likod for all the world like a Japanese ilace. It wa built tuin-h aa they build In Japan, with plaster between the massive wisil en Iniiiiis, pointed gable roof, old fash- I lomsl casement window, vines spread ing their beautiful gris-ti lemirll in nil direction, and In front a large vari ety of dark shrubs and Just such stunt ed shrubs a one see In Japan odd khaied and picturesque. And here the poor of Hldeford cat, drink and are merry. Quite a number of cae of death from overfeeding In the Hldeford work bouse occurred during my amy lu Eng land, and the Hackney coroner held luquesta on no lex than three ease within a short time. Oliver Twist la evidently a back number nowaday, for at the coroner' Inquiry Into tho death of the latest victim of parochial kindness, a man To year of age, who bad lived In the Hethnal iroeii work house and net is! l assistant librarian, the following dialogue ensued between the coroner and an Inmate of the work house: Merry paiiicr Thursday afternoon while we were having tia I saw the do ceased, he wa cutting some bread and butter, suddenly fall backward oiT tin: bench ou which he wa lttlug. The coroner You don't think the ex ertion of cutting bread and butter killed l.lin? Merry pauper No, not likely. He had cut up n lot before that. The coroner -They give yon plenty to eat, then? Merry pauper Aye, they do that. The doctor w ho wa called In lo see the deceased testltled that death wm due to M,vncoM, produce! by an over loaded stomach. The coroner-One may say that he wa klll.il by kindness? The doctor- It may or mav not be kindness to overload n man's stomach. Th vroner-Well, It show he did Pot go short of food. The doctor-Short! Ity no mean. Why, they have nothing !o do liu' eat, drink ami sleep. The Jury returned a verdict that ,e ceasisl died from snyeope, the resuit of nn overloaded stonim-h. .in. I that such death was due lo natural cause. .Vd a rhc Jury gave the decision .1 deep sepulchral voice In the back of the court room remarked: "What a glorious death!" The owner of the voice was u tall, gaunt, hungry looking Individual, who had evidently mentally decided that "the "oiise" wa not a bail place to end one's days.-New York Mall and Express. m n Host Thin' the very reaon why be n.,,ii.i iu a safe mini. Your briber never put a projioNltloti lu black and white." ' An Active Member. "What make you look ao bluer "I Joined the 'Don't Worry Society thl afternoon." "Well?" "I'm a bit anxious lo know where the money for Initiation fee and dues 1 to come froiu."-I'hlladelphla North American. Keltirnlnar the Compliment. Mr. Jagg (time 'i a. in.) Full again, are you? Oh. what a big fool 1 waa lo ever marry such a brute. Jaggs iiUstlgurcd but Mill In ID Khar, tn'dcar, don't thiol think f'r mln- Willie (after nuillinr flT),tip,i ir,,i. "'Pou wHg'hl, Futher-Why do you ask trkh question, aon? WIllle-'CauHe yon said he haJdort. In bis head.-Snn Francisco Cbronldt Horn, Not Made. Uhymer-Itoyoti think I II evwo,j. a name aa a poet? Spneer-Posslbly; If you f0ow . scriptural Injunction. Ithymer Whnt'a that? Spacer You must be born agnlj, A Shrewd Observer. "No," said the capitalist. "I'm elded uot to Invest any money Injo uoiicy line, loir ooogg show QUITE DIFFERENT. Ma, mm - I T W J r A- I Jack -Who's your friend? Oscar Friend! That Isn't a friend. That's my wife. Chicago Inter 0m ute you're ihlcl only fool 'n plashe lotsh bigger fool 'u you thiol; I wash bigger fool myshelf f'r thiol not let tin you b'comc 'u ol' maid. Just (liable. Smith I in you believe In Christian science as a faith cure? Jones-Cerlalnly; the Hible Just Hies It practice. Smith-1 iocs It really? Jones-Yes; It says, "To die Is gain." Cheap to Hun Trolley Cur The cost of running a trolley ear a mile Is found to vary greatlv In nllTer- ent placi. A KiMoklyn company nets the best rult, running a ear one mile for fxl-HH) cent. A Hlnghampton eom ny doc It for IM Uni cent. Cheap coal and sound engineering seem to explain the low cost In these place. The annual rc.rts of the railroad com. mlsslonors of New York and Massachu setts show that usually the cost Is much higher. Of the live companies opera ting over r.,iH.v,iKKl ear mll.-st p,.r ymr oneotitalns its H.vor at less Mian 1 cent a car mile; three between 1 and 2 cents, and one Ix-tween 1' and ,'t cents, or ui companies operating less than i.tNHt car mile ht annum four obtained their power at less than 2 cent per car mile under average conditions of load, track, etc., six lietwoen " and !l cents, live lie twecn !1 and 4 cents, one betw ecu 4 ami 5 cents and three at more than 5 cents. Conditions vary greatly so Unit a sep arate estimate of all Item of cost must be made for each bxulltr. Modern Spartan. Timklns Those Kentucky colonel are evidently modeled after the ancient Spartan. Slmkln-s-Why so? Tlmkins The Spartans, you know, were never known to "take water." Ample Ground. "lis." said le.uber, "1 am firmly I weuiiei to my art. " ell." replied his friend, "Art might get a divorce on the grounds of Incom patibility." No Cow to Annoy. profit, I know, but I am cootImI that It isn't the best paying 11m i town." "May I ask what led you to this Of ll Ion?" said the president of ttie cos- pa ny. "I have just been looking at tomti your cars, and I find that the ttp inside are almost as good as new.' Had an Answer Iteadr. Hy bis ready wit under adverse cir cumstance a Western Senator reovnt ly prov.nl himself a modern Cliester tleld. Although he rides a wheel, he Is not yet au expert. Heoemly he wa wheeling lu Washington throiiL-h th agricultural grounds, when he met a man and two women whom he kn.w How ard had waited slitllclcntly long l,r"Icrtly. the Senator raised one (Vrtri'a Haa. The flag carried by Cortes, the Span Ish conqueror of Mexico, nearly 4il years ago, waa until recently preserved at a little church la th capital of the but of TUxcaU. for bis wife, and so thev were iiii.ri. marrlctl the next day and left at once on their wedding tour." Here the Judge ceased his story and sat silent, putting at his cigar, so long that the oilier said: "Well, I don't see anything so very 'risky' lu that." The Judge smiled, and then went on: "Walt, It was the "other one' that Howard had married. Maud had suc cumlicri to the charm of a foreigner, hail married i nd gone away with him. The 'other one' loved Howard, had al ways loved hlin. When she found, too. that he had not the slightest notion of the true condition of affair, she con ceived the Idea of marrying blm her self, and explaining to him afterward, j After much coaxing, ad becauM b . hand from tils wheel to lift his hat. and the next minute he had tumbled Into a Wd of flower. "You did that very graceful, Senator," was the comuieu't of the trio of bicyclers. "I always ill mount In the presence of ladle," in stantly replied the Senator. Learnlnic In Tex. New pedagogue tfresb from the Eit) -I know exactly what you want, gen tlomeu. You do not wish a lot of In consequential facts crammed Into the children head. You want me to tea cli the young Idea how to shoot. Iroldent of the school board (enthu-slatbnllyv-'rhafs It, stranger.-Judg- A Homing I'osiolltce. The smallest, simplest and lest pro teotod iswtotllce In the world Is In the Strait of Magellan, and ha been there for many year. It consists of a small painted keg or cask, and I chained to the rock of the extreme cape In a manner so that It floats free opi-wlte Terra del Fn. go. Each pass! -,,. who a iMiat to take I om aim put others In. This postothw Is unprovided with master, and Is. therefore, ,.oo oi uu uie navies of the world. Never lu the hlsto-y of ta. unique "olliee" have It prlvile.-es ivo-i abused. eiter curious a isist- under the The l.utc.t l'rmlluil pon. The latest prHgal son wrote home a follow s; rainer. i am comins ,n, holidays." for the Hut the wise father answered- "You're a liar. John, an' you know it Von re conilu' home for nionev a t lantu Constitution. "ir, we can t vo to ..... i,.,.. i..... . . .....-, uu in next summer. The cows ... i.n. i uie iKiny. ll.-Suppose we summer at our milk man s place ?-Clevelaud Lender. You Get Three Gue.-e. I saw a iiiiiii oiu-e kiss a girl When on a dmnken spree' Now w hich of us was drunk Ihe nmn-the girl-iir nie? c""e and Effect. nov .o eVsJ' nU"leal,y"T little o.'lgg-.t la the result of his absence """ner toiu n mi, so I hid to mm s i hi,,. ' ' to v W.,er'n They niffer. V, sir, said the rakl.l .. . . An Arlinn .! : tllO Mma that ti... . Touris.-w.,, : 1 . ,..,:, for " """ -"wn over the 1 " " '"lereu my head, Natlve-That's our string band 't I MHHMsMf Native-Yes; Kolng over tl,.. I .:. . Fr,'nd" Advice. lynch horse thief. Id "r":wl'h.."-Pi.odhe ... .., ur uoesn t u-o round hnu i inif i .nil i - - " ' Every one's favorlt adjective, which be secretly enjoys mot wben applied . h is to get Oftv to himself, U "prominent" uoucy. ' . i 11 uow s atuui i .i . ' " 1 dollar, in 1(rom ceui Q uggea, tha, ;oJZ: chlroiswtw viiosonje Vhywr.sked the poet, "lu feet need attiUoa.- At th Breakfast Table. "I attended the tlwater last nljlit' ild the dry good clerk, "and the pi; waa out of sight." "What was the nature of It?" M the little blonde stenographer. "It was a melodrama," am-weredtbi yardstick manipulator, "aud the U scene la quite renllatlo. Just as two bur glara crawl In at the kitchen wltxloi tlie clock strikes 1, nnd " "I'urdon ine for Interrupting jon." said the athletic boarder, "but wblrt one did the clock strike?" Feminine Charity. Ella Poor Maude Is penniless, tbfl sny. Haltle-Ycs; Isn't It a shame? H face was her fortune, and shegsttll away when she began to use paint He Wn Forewarned. Mrs. Wwlerly-Why Is It that y never eat any of my biscuit? My W huslvand usikI to eat three or four them every morning. Wederly Well, you should be tH kst verson In the world to speak o.l Mrs. Wederly Why so? Wederly Why so? Have you fotfK 'l ten that your Orst husband died of digestion? It Seem IMauslble. She I wonder why a little PP caused Adam's downfall? He (walling a recent experienc1-' suppose the Ixinnna peel hadn't b"1 discovered then. Somewhat Similar. "Yaws," said young Softlelgh, " ItiNtwuetor tells me that I have a ' duhful enr for music, doiicher kuos. "So has a mule," replied Miss Cutting, but be husu't enough to understaw It." , Sawdust. Sawdust and shavings are not the dustrlal outcaata as usually beue" They have been turmnl to account making a finely powdered vegetsi" chan)al, exoolleut as a flit11" miHllum. Hawduat Is now mixed "'u mortar. In the place of hair. In ' mllb. bv a sflrie of automatic tn and Hues, the sawdust Is carried to other building aud fed to the engine fuel. Sawdust Is converted Into lie acld-thls method of making chemical having by Ita choapne rapidity dlspluced every other memo The sawdust of hard woods, suco rosewooil, ebony, etc., Is by i'tt0'. Invention reduced to a powder, mlxetl with blood Into a p"- Z other materials are added and f i preseed Into moulda, where It rece!,v leautlful medallion Impression. Private Information- Willie - Pa, what are songs?" , Pa Those that vonr motbiT Ue". try to sin. But don't ay nyinB ber about It. WlUle. f L Iuls boasta of the champion l man. II went to work and ly to atop.