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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 25, 1897)
KANK CREEK was a railroad crossing on the 8. & C. C. Hull mad. nlnnit two miles from the iuulon terminal at Mercer . It wan lu , Z ii.l.lst 'f '.ubby I'1''" for,',,t' wltl " ly timtl crooking out from the f on one side mxl Into tlie In es on !h otln-r. There were only two or " bouses. I"11" fc'enernl ,,e '" , iwri'li IlkP vlHor of 11 "'"""T ' j 4 school house, nil arranged In u a-raggl' oW nlon,J "le r,l,lroaJ ,ruk A ji. n trnliiH whirled through Kane Creek every lny ou'y n "brlek of rreetlnR nuil a whipping wake of 11 lie wud. only " of l",l, "l0 ""sht ftt attention to the rIiI In a blue glng Iiiiiu dress wll ,,K,,I "le I'"-' b HTViitlou window. One of litem whh lb way f-elsht which stopped at Kane every tune u rauie uioiij; w line H,e conductor liundcd tin- Kill u bundle of yellow paper and received another like II ' return. 'J''"-' other ns tin uljjl,! (..n'Mt, westward bound from gt. I'n ill. unci running "t forty miles iiii bu'ur. H wan a splendid Iruln ten em u, villi l lie tincst engine on the road, big f,0. ;. As III glaring; eye Hashed irouml the bend III the direction of Mercer the gill I" K'K'i" dress aflcD thought of the great trnln us n powerful ud ferocious IteiiHt Hiiortinji iud loniing westward on u nice with ll,p mill. It was n beast, but It was tell trained, anil she know the luiiiil I bill trained It. When the train was a mile uttny there were always two Watts on the whistle. Every one else Id Kane's thought they meant simply, "Wake up, look out!" for that Is what ill locomotives say nt every crossing t,ul the till In the gingham dress heard Hello. I'cilly," and darted out on the platform and waved her handkerchief. A llie great train thundered nearer n linml was thrust from the engineer's alndow, and, although It was usually d:iik. she could see the llulter of some thing white, and oftentlmeM as the en gine iIm led past the slut Ion she heard the blurred sound of a voire and caught the glimpse of n grimy face and a blue Ji'iiu Jnckef. And then she went duck lolicr place In the little station with a ilj.ii of deep contentment. Fur It was a moment of grcnt Joy to roily Marshall wheu her father's en glue went through. Polly was the sta tion audit at Kane Creek any one miiIiI have told that n woman presided In Hie little depot, for was there not always a louiuet In the window and uY.ltity pictures surrounding the grimy time l:. bios on the walls, and n kitten curling upon the doorstep? Atli Tolly liiul gone lu us assistant to learn te legraphy n ml when Clark, the agent. as culled to Mercer the company had lift tin independent girl lu charge. She ml lier father lived lu one of the wood hi Inures n stone's throw hack from tlie depot, and since Tolly's mother died llit'.r hud 1 ice n everything to each other. Lngiiiccr Marshall was n big, silent man. ami his companions, some or tlicni. thought him gruff nnd III temper ed, hut to Tolly he was always tender im a kitten. Often when she was a lit tle Kill he took her dowu with him to Mercer ou Ids engine, and while she silt on his Mack leather sent at the-cub window. clinging on with liolli hands, le explained to her how the 1I; black creature under them was started and topped, whnt this brass crank was for, nil how, when the engine sinienkcil liere or siiienled there, a little oil was Deeded In this cup or In that crevice. And Tolly had learned lo know an en gine ns well us she knew the neat little I'.iniry in the house nt home. Indeed, lie had more than once iiianaKed the levers and the throttle, although It was very heavy work for a Rlr! to do. It was one night late In the rail that Tolly Marshall had-need of all her know IciIko of engines. She was sitting t her desk In the little observation tthiilu.v. a shaded light throwing Its nijs t'own on her telegraph Instru ments and the sounder clicking sleepily. Smlih uly she was startled by the slid- , (hi) (till of her number. Instantly her Angers sought the keys, and she gave the answer that slgnllled.tlint she was all i, lli nl Ion. ' "Look out for " clicked the sound- ; cr, and then It suddenly censed, and try , an she would Tolly could get no further cniiiimmleatlon with the station next to tlie eastward. What could the trouble M What was she to look out for? I'ully sprung to her feet, remembering Hint the night express, of which her father was engineer, was the next train lc. Could anything he the matter' She i a n out ou the dark platform to see 'lint her lights were nil In place nnd Hint the switches were nronerlv set. that the express would slip past tlm tntlon without nn nccldcnt. Then she ent back and called up Mercer. "Cnn you get Tluckney J" she asked. I'linkney was the station which hud i'M her the warning dispatch so niys tiTioi:sl Interrupted. She knew the operator nl Tluckney well every night In- told hep 0f th,, approach of her futh ' train, ami whether or not It left his station on time. "I'itickucy quiet: can't get answer," ns the reMirt of the wires. "Whiit'g ue trouble?" 'oily answered as well as she could. 1 "or father's tralu was now due. It dozen nr I men aboard of her. He- liuld be whistling cheerllv nt the low- j ,Mli t litn came another load of men on head, pony B,,.pp,.d out on the plat- 1 switch engine and two men were rae f"iui and peered up the track. Yes. j lllR llp tlie street of Mercer callinjf the ""ie was the familiar headlight-she "illd have known II nmnne n hundred Then came the whistle. "Hello. Tolly." mid Tolly ran back Into herotllee much relieved and sat dowu to warn Mercer. M that Instant she lienrd a peculiar 'racking sound that sent her heart "Milverlng deep In her Imsoin. Then 'hero was the Blirlll scream of the loco motive whistle, suddenly Interrupted. " If the hand that had draw n the lever 'ad l.ecn struck from Its place. Tolly knew it was a er at illstresn. It seem- i fay. "H,.,, n'h Instniitlv In a long, tremulous ; Tolly darted outside : ". new up the track. Already the ex l,r,,sa should have thundered past the """Ion. but she could sec Its headlight linmlreij yards or more away. The 'nln had stopped. Nlih hundred terrifying questions nnshlng through her mlud. Tolly ran 0j through the gloom. When she was almost w ,hln ran)fe wf (lie ,,1 u,,11(l. u'ht she uw a talf dozen armed wen rrr:.'",;nr',m,.,,,,ipt'i''''i''.'.rd oerce oaths. llc t n , , , ;.,m "I'1 '".again. Hint it i,... i i . . " f in rree from ti. train. ,n tU "I. w. where her fa. I, r rllgure managing the lever and throt. ' ' I'olly sprung to one side loaclumpofii,,,,!,,,,. Ast1(,(M,(mo. t U passed her on l. v. y ,, ,he truck Hhe saw ,l,t the man In the cab w,e a black mask on his face. , . hlu. knew what had happened, she under stood why Tlm kney had tried t warn mr am- failed. HUUn had held np the train and ,vere preparing to rob I ho express car. Eor a moment Tolly was torn with doubt end terror. Had they Mint her ' r1"' "new that he never would submit t have his train captured with out a struggle. Should ho go to him? Then she reineinhered her station and the telegraph, ami without a moment's delay she was (lying down the track toward the depot. She would send for help to Mercer. Hut squarely In front of the little depot the locomotive stop ped ami the black-masked man sprung from the call window nnd dinted across the platform. Hardly thinking what she was doing. Tolly ran up on the other side, the llreniau's side of the engine, uml, raising herself up, peered Into the cab. she had half expected to see her father's dead Isidy lying on the Hour, for she had hcuril much nbout the terrible doings of train rob bers. Through the cub window slip could see the robber sitting nt her own little desk In the depot sending a message. It (lashed over her all at once Unit he was wiring Mercer that the express was delayed, thus preventing any alarm. The robber had lillsheil lln liU musk and she saw him plainly. What should she do? She dared not enter the otlice, and she, a mere girl, could lie of no service where the rol bcrs were making their attack on the train. If only she had the little revolv er that lay in the drawer of her desk she set her teetli as she thought what she would do w ith It. At that moment three shots rang out, m PEP "ME STOTPEP AM) Flit EI , THE HL'I.l.KT lilTTlNti TIIKOKill THE (All. clear and distinct, from the detached train. The man at the telegraph Instru ment sprung to his feet and ran to a side window In the waiting room nnd looked up the track. Now was her chance. Hardly think ing what she did. Tolly sprung to the engineer's side of the cab. threw back the n verse lever and opened the throt tle steadily. The big steel wheels be gan to turn, very slowly at first. Fur ther and farther the throttle opened and faster and faster tinned t lie wheels, and yet they did not go half fast enough to stilt Tolly, who was now glancing fearfully over her shoulder. Suddenly the depot door was thrown open nnd she saw the robber darting up the truck. He had his pistol In his loin.l. lie was pointing It at her and shouting for her to stop. Hut the cti- glue was now going at good s I, and. run ns he would, the robber could not catch It. Hut he stopped and tired, the bullet ripping through the cab cover above Tolly's head, The ei'glne was now tearing down the track at full speed. Tolly knew that It must bi Bred or It would not go far, and so, leaving the throttle open, s he sprung to the coal pit. Hung open the tire hole, ami wnii me hhhj "ni her small white hands threw In load after load of coal. When she returned to her Place she could see the Hist slg- ' ... . lit.. !.(... mil light of .Mercer nireauy hhokio im,. view. She pulled down on (lie whistle cord and the engine shrieked Its distress. I Five minutes later Tolly strained nt ! the heavy reverse lever, turned hard 1 on the nlr brake and brought the great I Iron horse to n sudden standstill. How she ever managed to stammer the story I ..i l ..vv luit lii ii few minute the engine was headed back with half a nlin,i They heanl tiring nemre m-. ..- Katio'creck. but It ceased soon after ward. The robbers had gone. They had taken with tin inch plminer from the passengers, but they had not .cn able to get Into the express safe, although they were at work drilling It open when relief came From tlie time that the engine stop red Tollv was missing. When the res- ... . . .i i..i cued 11 in press oeinrers liegau 10 crowd nrollll(1 UI1d Inquire me .mcp-.t ,. lm.lnlH,red her. A pany oi e , out to And the Sin wno nan u.i help to the Is-lciigm-red traitt. 0 little clump of bush.-s they heard . moaning, and au lnsta.it later I'ollv kneeling tlie sund i.... f,., tier's head In lor lap. cry ! nig ui rly. And they gathered up. He " r and bis daughter and carried them down to the train, cheer- Engineer Marshall at , bn,T '"irt. mid he ,, able to I U Mercer "Ion the getuTnl manager of the road "niiiied the blueing Tolly ottlelallv ami ofTered a new and U tier ltlon Mercer. An, of course all the pas M'tigers ii ml expres, uh'ss.-iicits heard nU"' '! 1,,-ave deed and said a t-'ieut many p, a,ai,t things aU.ut .r. "in I'ul v. In' III,. sensible girl, only , ttM '' " 'I" ' wo,d hav, lave same iiinlcr like eireiiuistnii. cos-whlch no one believed, of course. Inter, when the robbers were cap tured. Tolly was able to l.leiinfv one of them poively-t!i,. one who had run the engine-and through him the entile party was convicted and seiiteiic ed to the pclilteiitliiry.-Chlciign Itec old. CLEVER ADVERTISERS N PARIS t ren Vu'ck-Wltte.l Amrrlmn Might Kc (liven I'olnter. The recently notorious Harrison sis ters (list came Into notice as an adver tisement of a play, "The Fairy's Well." tun by (Iweu IVrree lu New York, and while hardly more than babes were seen every day riding In an Hsh J.iunt Ing car through the s'.ivc's of New ork. That was ten y "ins ngo. All these methods are comm. m enough In the States, ami tmi"!i chuv freiiently used than nm-h of the public us U not familiar with the Inislu.'ss section of the city knows. Now hear how It Is done in Trance: "To-day." writes a Tarls correspond ent, "on the boulevards I iiiiiio across n wedding party, which, to my asion Ishment, drove tip In u rpleiidldlv ap pointed equipage ami nlightid In front of a fashionable restaurant. The uien were lu evening dress. The bride had on her orange blossoms and veil; a pret ty bride she was too. Kvrythluu nUuil the party was atl fait. They took tlieli seats ou the terasse and, of course, u crowd at oiu-e began to gather Heal them, for while bridal panic are not an uncommon sight lu Tarls. still, as a rule, the blushing bride hides herself discreetly lu some far-off, obscure res tauraut, rather thau llaiii herself In the face ami eyes of the boulevards. Sipping their absinthe, t lie parly chat ted and laughed and the gaping peoplii about them drank In every word. They talked In unconscious audibleiiess, and every word they said was simply a glorltleatiou of the Montinartre cafe. That done they passed on to (heir next stand." Yet even that has not yet discounted the miinner in which Yvctte (iullbert was advertised last year. At that time, dining tlie racing season, long light overcoats became the fashion In France - those startling affairs that reached to the heels, and only became slight and (legaiit figures, although In Tails ,it that time almost every smart man who could wore one. Never more than half a dozen ever came to Huston. At that time one constantly met on I lie streets lu Talis a dozen well-dressed men wearing Ihese coats. They, wore silk hals and patent leathers, and had Held glasses swung over their shoulders. They looked so clean, so happy, so alto gether attractive uml correct that everyone stared at them and envied thrill until the leader shouted out "Yvctle (iullbert," and the rest of the crowd responded "To lilglit-II o'clock at I .a Scaln." The snap being given away, I lie crowd marched on, laughing and Jesting, to attract another hearing, and like Frenchmen they played the part well. It seems to me that after Hint it may well be claimed that Hie French want no lessons from us.- Hos ton I U rn Id. Krcl for Farm HoriM, Equal parts of old oats ami shelled corn, mixed with a little bran, and made slightly moist, Is a strong, healthy feed. Idle horses may be given two quarts at a feed, and then turtied to pasture. Horses at hard work should be fed four quarts nt a feed. Feed oat hay. If new hay Is fed, salt it. New oats should not Is- fed too early. Let them dry out a few weeks first. Horses should be salted twice a week, giving a tablespoonfnl at a time. Curry the horses morning and night, nnd wnsh tlie shoulders off with cold water when they come lu from work, and nil) drv. If the skill Is rubbed off by the collar, rub on a little rock oil, and then ilust with air slacked lime. This will harden the skin. and. If the collar (Its properly, there will be no sore shoul ders. The collars should be cleaned off every morning Is'foie liclng put on tlie horses. Over Haifa Million for a Hook. The highest price ever offered for a single volume was tendered by a num ber of wealthy Hebrew merchants of Venice lo TiI Julius II. for a very ancient Hebrew bible. It was believed to N' an original copy of the Septua geiit version of the scriptures, trans lated from the Hebrew into (Jreck In "77 H. ('. The sum mentioned to Julius was $i.0. but the Toi declined the offer. The M.les. Keisirter "There are two sides to the story, of course." Ldltor ilu a huiryi-"The end Is more Important than the other iide."-lje-trolt Journal. I H 1 f. an 9rr A Fretichmnu wan convicted of kill ing his inother-ln law. When sskiM If he had anything to say for himself be fore taking sentence, he said: 'Noth ing, excepting I lived with her twenty one years and never did It ln'fore." A man In South Africa left h: prop erty to le equally divided U'lwivii two sons. .ot iH'Ing able to agree, liny decided to let President Kruger arbi trate. He said to the elder: "You are the elder, are you not?" "Yes." wn the answer. "So you shall divide the property." This pleased the elder Im mensely. "You are the younger." con tinued Kruger to the other, "o you shall have the first choliv." The story Is told of a certain Hiptilar clergyman who asked his church one summer to grant him a longer vacation thau usual, stating various reasons, ami dually ending with the tiologct!c one, seriously incut ioucd: "Moreover. I real ly need a prolonged rest." A dlgilitled elder, w Im hid a velu of liutii.tr beneath an austere expression, quickly respond il: "That's so, doctor, and. let me tell you, we need the rest Just as much as you do." l'poii one occasion, after Teter Hrownlng had won the batting chum ploiishlp of the American Association, the cranks of Louisville made up a purse and purchased a tine gold watch. A citizen was delegated to present the time piece to Hrownlng, and. wheu Tet ca to tlie bat lu tlie first Inning of a certain game, the citizen stepMs for ward and salu: ".Mr. Hrownlng, the people of Louisville, lit ns-ogultloii of your great butting this year, wish me to present you with this watch, which will always remind you of their friend ship." Tele took the watch out of its case, tiiriiiil It over In his wrinkled hand, and theu, turning to the donor, he said: " hore'i the chain?" .lames Pay ii tells of au English law yer who went Into the country to the funeral of a client, very rich, but uot respected. He had no relatives and no friends, hut there were a great many mourning coaches. It was winter, and the biirlal-i'lace was live tulles away The lawyer was In the last coach with the doctor, a young man like himself, The whole proceeding was tedious and disagreeable. "Ho you think," said the doctor, "there would ls any harm lu cur having u cigar?" Of course II was wrong ami very unprofessional, but they both lit up. It was a great relief. Presently, however, the whole Hue about tlvc-and tweuty carriages cami' to a dead stop. The undertaker and one of his men ran wildly to the smok ers' window, "(ieiith'uien, your car riage Is on lire!" It cost them a couple i of sovereigns, hut I hey escaped detec tlou. hen Toole, (he Lngllsh tailor, was au old man he was at Hrlghtou on a vacation, and one afternoon went out to walk upon the pier. A young man ! was also ou the pier with a couple of ladles, to whom he said, as he saw Toole coming: "Now, you wouldn't take that gumi-looklng unit! for a tailor, but he is. Just listen while I take him down a notch or two. Til tell him my coat, which 1 have Just had from him (loesti t lit. As lie spoke, I'oole ap proached ami polltcl acknowledged the salutation of hit customer, who, walking up to him, said: "Here, Toole, now do take a look at me. 1oi this coat lit?" Toole took In the situation. "It certainly docs not lit," said he, and pulling out a bit of French chalk, he proceeded liberally to mark and cross the coat of Ills would-be quellcr all over, and then observed, with the ut most urbanity: ".Now, If you will kind ly scud that coat to my shop, the alter ations shall lie attended to." lu lS'-H. when tlie Russians had tak en Varna, nobody would venture k break the news to Malimoud. The Ylx ier Khosrew was to have undertaken this duty. Ou entering the presence of l lie Sultan, he delected signs of a gathering storm, and therefore con lined his laa.ai ks lo trivial subjects, and took his leave. On coining away he met Ab dullah Effendl, physician lu ordinary to the court, who Inquired In what mood he had left his Majesty. "I am thankful to say," Khosrew promptly replied, "he has taken It lienor than I expected." As soon as the dis'lor en tered the audience, he said with au air and In a tone of sympathy: "Sire, the Almighty docs all things well, ami we shall have to submit." "What do you mean? Explain yourself," exclaimed the Sultan. "It was written " "Speak, 1 tell you!" shouted Mahinoild. "Sire, notwithstanding the unbelievers have taken Varna " "Varna taken!" howled the Sultan, and with a kick he sent Alsliillnh spinning on the ground. The Vizier, listening outside, chuckled over the success of Ids ruse. Ancient Jewelry. Among the richest of recent archaeo logical discoveries are those afforded by the opening of two brick pyramids at liashtir ou the Nile, the most south erly of the great chain of Memphlau pyramid, nnd of some of the ancient tombs surrounding them. The explor ers found that tlie tombs had long ago been plundered of most of the gold and Jewels burled with the royal person ages for whom they were constructed. Fortunately, however, some of these precious relics had escaped the plun derers, being carefully concealed lu the tombs of some princesses situated on the north s'.de of one of the pyramids. Here were unearthed Hire splendid breast ornaments, Is'ailtlfiilly worked In gold, set witli eornellnu, lapis lazuli ami turquoise, and covered wllu hum an figures sin! the curious Insignia em ployed by the ancient Egyptians. Nirthlng. perhaps, gives a greater In terest lo these ssclmens of Jewelry than the fact that they are far more beautiful and artistic In their work manship than similar objects made by the Kgyptlans at a much later time. Although they are not less than fi.iss) years old, these Iiashur Jewels are set and finished In a manner that eieltes the admiration of our nineteenth cen tury experts. Not less wonderful as a leolnien of the artistic skill of the nien who con structed the pyramids Is a statue repre senting the king, Rs Fou Ab, at the age of about l'l years, which was found In a chamber near the carcophajrui con taining bit mumiuined body. The stat ue It carved out of a haM. almost Mm-V woikl, with great attetu.or. to detail, every muscle being carefully wruii.'ht, o that anatomical experts have pro nounced It a rcinnrka.ily correct repre sentation of the human figure. It Is believed thai many other not lex Interesting dUeoviTies remain lo be made aiming the tombs of la!nir. How Henry ll.'s llcil Was .MsiIp. Every eiie knows the famous lale of the prllicos who could Hot sleep Is' can e under her many mattresses it pea was lodged. Ill reality the ainieiit royiil'les were 1t.nl as fussv lo JmUe from the strange rules of etiquette I which surrounded the iinl trivial ol Jccts. They could never npiear In pub lie w III out ceremonies of all Mud, ami ceremonies were Used 111 the baking of i pies and III Hie making of beds. The I following Is a true account of the way ' his majesty, Henry Nil. of Liigland, had Ids royal bed made, ll Is taken from no old manuscript, and It l cer ' taliily amusing: "The curtains must he drawn and a gentleman usher inii-l hold the t-tirt ii I iim together; then must two squires of the tssly stand at I lie i bed's toot, and all Hie stntT laid safe al j the licd's feel ou a cnrpel till the ton j lenls of the pallliasse were remade. Then a yeoman lo leap upon l he lied ami roll him up ami down, ami array 1 the litter; then to lay down Hie canvas ' again, then the feather Ih-iI. and Nail ll well, and make It even and smooth. Then take the fustian Hinder blaiiketi. ami cast It upon Die ImM without any wrinkles, ami the sheet lu the same wise." The sheet Is now stroked sniihilli. lucked under the feather lied and over It Is laid "t'other stuff." that Is to say, the upper sheet, blankets ami fustian, and Hie covering of martin's fur ami ermine. A sheet of Iteiines was laid on the shi destined for the pillow s, nnd a large rug of ermine was placed over the lied, and I be Is-d clothes were brought up to the edge of the pil low and neatly lii rued down. Finally "a yeoman was required lo Is-at the pll lows uml throw Iheiu llp to the squires lo lay them on the Is'd head, as pleased the king's grace." No wonder thai squires, gentlemen mid yeoman retired after these efforts, and as the chronicler assures us, had a gisid drink. -Toronto Mall. A North t'aioliiin Itsrgslu. The omlllloiis of life are still primi tive lu the more out of tlie w ay pai ls of Western North Carolina. A visitor there was h li ly roaming about the woo, Is. according to a writer In the New York Sun. when he came to a Isiard milted lo a tree by the wayside. On It was stenciled ail advertisement of a "bar gain store" nt the nearest settlement, ami the visitor was especially struck with one of the Hems: "Two Tulr of So for in els." On reaching (he vil lage he liiiule for Hie store, w hich prov ed lo be a frame building "fully as large (is a freight ciiImmisc." It stood on the edge of a big lot. t lie remaining area Iting occupied by a vineyard ami straw Is-rry Is-ds and blackberry patches. A strong fence sur rounded It. Facing (he front of the store was a gate heavily barred against all comers. The door of the store was evidently lis kcd, and there was no sign of life ii I nut the establishment. The would be customer was making up his mlud Hint here was a ease win re advertising had not paid, when he saw a placard on the door w hich gave notice to the public thus: "In the back yaf!!. If you want me, holler." Acting on this advice, th searcher aft er five-cent socks "hollered." Presently a man appeared from somewhere lie hind Hie store. "io you want lo git lu?" he asked. Ilelng told that such was Hie visitor's wish, the man came forward, unbarred the gate, unlocked the ihsir, and let his customer In. "Tin workln' up my garden," said he, and don't want folks foolln' round un less they want to git In for bargains." The "sox" were worth the money. Choosing Chair. When Sir John liriimmoiul Hay was Minister to Morocco, he had some dllll ciiltv In his dealings with the uzlr, Sid Mokhta, w ho was a very arbitrary and Ignorant potentate. He was one whom It was necessary lo browbeat In the be ginning, lest he should himself begin Hie I rocess. Visits of etiquette were exchanged between u.lr ami minister, and then a business Interview was ap pointed lo take place In a kiibba, or pa vilion, III the garden of Ids palace. Sir John arrived ten minutes before the appointed hour. He was told Hint the Moor had not yet arrived from the court, and so Is'lisik himself lo the pa vilion to wait. Two chairs w ere In read iness, one very gorgeous and beautiful, covered with rich damask, and the oth er a common, rush lnittoinei, wooden one, evidently Intended for the Hrltlsh envoy. When Sir John heard the shullllng steps of the u.lr approaching he quietly took possession of the better chair, saying In a loud tone, for the uzlrs benefit: What have you done? You must be very Ignorant lu matters of ceremonial forms lo have placed such a shabby chair for your master by the side of this handsome chair which you have pra- pared for ine. Take ll away, pointing to the other chair, "and bring a proper seat for your master!" Hy this time the u.lr, who had heard every word, had arrived at the pavilion. He gave a somewhat hysterical laugh. The bashndor Is right." said he. "(io and fetch another chair." Then Sir John rose and saluted tlie uxlr, saying, "We will converse stand ing until the other chair Is brought." HhiM'S Ma In of Paste. "For years," said a Maine manufac turer, "shoes of a cheap grade have been made of what Is know n as leather board. It Is a compressed paste. There Is a factory In my State which turns out tons of It every month. Many of these shoes are sent to ('in trnl and South America, and. as a ma tier of fact, thousands are sold here, "As long as the weather Is dry they wear first rate, but w hen yon strike a rain you're gone almost surely. Two wettings and you want to look out. When you Invest In your summer shoes 1m sure they are what you want. Leath er Is exiK?iislve, and you can't cover your feet with It for a trlflle." To (iet Kten wltb Him. It might be well to turn Lnurtate Austin hsise on the Sultan's trail In other words, meet atrocity with atro clt.-Kaosat City Journal. SUPPOSE WE SMILE. hUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM Ti-.E COMIC PAPERS rii'Dsunl Intiileiil (Vciirrlnu the V or Id urr- rs in 4 Hist Are I heer lul to (11,1 or tiling -r'uiiuj relet" lion llist l.vcr) hotljr Will l.njojr. tVnulil Kii-iOve Mtrntion. ' io oii think he evpecis his sensa tional prayer to Is- aiiswen I. "Sine. There w ere a dur.i n reporter- lu the audience and that means that at least time papers will answer him editorially ." -Truth. llkii Ccit lemnn. i "Oi'isii't II make toll sad lo see the leaves Isglii lo turn, Mr. Forrest Hoot It?" ; "No. tiiitilam, I ca nuM truthfully say that It dues I haven't lime to regard toe phenomenon. I'm kept too busy 'watching the tics" Cleveland Tlallt I ahr. j A Ktintitnic Aicittnl. I "How long since Hrokely settled down here:" asked the stranger lu tow II. 1 "I doni' know exactly." answered I he ' grocer, "but I know It's nigh onto ' twenty years sliuv be settled up with I tne." I tet roll Free Press. An HiillniUt 'I'm going to Klondike, nnd " "Suppose you don't find any gold?' I "Well, lu that case, I'll Just keep on till I find the North Pole mid hi fa mous If can't be rich."--Iuillauiisdls Journal. Altrlluit. . "Tir motherless girl!" In exclaimed, and mined sadly away. 1 What he wauled was a motherless girl who should be lu moderate el renin Malices at least.- Tin k. A (Sim I ( lire. If"T No ) ltiilii Say. Sally, how did yer ninth- cr cure you Sally She lloor. falMn' out o' bed? made me sleep ou the K norril nt Last, "What Is It that worries (irltly's mind so? He worked new problems as fast as I hey came out. solved the pigs In clover, the fifteen pim.le ami every thing else." "lie's Just about crar.y trying to mas ter Hie tariff schedule."-Oct roll Free Tress. Hrnnse tnt ifr. "What a liar Wlekwire Is. lie says thai they taught bronze casting at school when he was a boy." "lie Is not a liar.'. I learned to pitch pennies nt school myself." Iui1Iiiiiiihi lis Journal. ftsiiif rrmi. "What has caused Candersou lo i change so lately? lie used to he one of (he steadiest men I ever knew. Now ' he never goi's home before midnight." I Y'es, Hior fellow! Ills wife has made a lot of root beer, and he's afraid to remain lu the house." Cleveland Leader. Mulnal Urnefl. "Hid your husband's wheel trip do 111 tit gisid?" "Yes, and It did llie good, too, I didn't have lo help ti I lit clean his wheel for three w eeks."-Octroi! Free Tress. lints to "nsre. "I'm afraid Kitty Isn't having a very good time at the seashore," "Why?" "She writes home every day."-Chl-cago Itccord. I rsci.c il. "What nonsense It Is?" reinaikeil thu sentimental girl, "lo lake daisies ami by plucking off the petals try to learn w lul hi' r or not a man loves you." "Yes," replied Miss Cayenne; " Is very silly. A much Is-tter method Is to lake the roses he sends you around to Hie llorlst's and find out how much they cost,"- Washington Star. A .Natural Tlioiluht. I "Iteg'lar lioosalice I calls them 'ere bicyclers, only las' week a young woman runs plump Into me, an' wot did she say? 'Ilexeuse me? No! What did she say? Why site ses, Thank 'evlu you're a uoonia He I Lou don Sketch. At tint.. I know s iniii'lcii fair In see; I think "lie ktinH s me suit my seal, I'or when I cull she's out lo me. And mil wiih others uit her wheel. Truth. rolllnicthr toil ' Killer. "Who Is that man who laughs ecstat ically every time a wave causes yie ship lo h ail to one side?" asked tlie passenger ou an excursion atenuier. "He thinks he's doing It." replied the Captain. "We bring him along to keep til tit from cg'lslug any real damage. He's the man who rocks the boat." Washington Star. ill I II ,1 ,. M t1 wwm Incontrovertible. Mother The General has asked fof your hand. I laughter Hut, mother, he'i too old for me. Mother He's only M, ami how can he be older for you than for the rest of the world? Meggemlorfer Illntter. A Fnmn'e of Whnt He Mut Kninre. "Miss F.mmn, I love " "Slop! Itefore you offer yourself for good ami all, wait till you hear me play the piano." Meggendorfcr Illntter. New Kemeit.r, Hill-I've got kleptomania. Hy ken What does yer take fer It? Kill -everything I kin lay me hands ou. f'rwrll'a Mlatitki-. Helen When Sewell and I are mar ried, I'm to have my own way In every thing. lirace - (jiiess you won't. Helen- Indeed I will! That's the bar gain. lo n't you remember 1 told you he proposed to me III a rowhont, aud asked If I'd float through life with him Just that way? (' race Y'es. Helen -Well, he was rowing, hut I was steering. -Truth. Anililllous, Itev. Or. Saintly-What a diligent little mini you are with your studies! Willy- Yes, sir: I am trying lo learti how to rend, so I can tell the names of the horses that win. Tuck. Must Have I'rrn Another, lie- So you are the girl of his choice, are you? She-Not at all. He Is the man of my choice. lie-Then who was the girl of his choice?- I'p-to Onto. I'r iwh.n-k n Wealth. Weary Watklnslf I had a million dollars " Hungry Illgglns You'd be miserable Jist think of bavin' to stop drinkln while you hud money to buy more. Indianapolis Journal. Channel! Msnil point. "Prosperity is a good deal like fall ing III love." "What Is the resemblance?" "Many men won't Mleve It until they have had personal experience." I ie troll Free Tress. Two In a llanilsnme. She-1 wonder why they are called hansoms? lie Heeniise they hold the fair, of course-Tlck-Me-l'p. On the Wronv Font. Itev. Fiddle, I). D.-Aln't you ashamed to Is- seen smoking that vile weed? Honey Kid -Aw, go ou! You see. I can't afford ter smoke good mis. Drawing- tlie Line. "No," said the young woman with the standing collar and the lawn tie, "I cannot follow the dictates of my heart. I cannot marry hint." "Why not?" Inquired her coulldaule. "The difference lu our kjsIHoiis Is too great." "Love should be capable of auy sacri fice." "I supMie so. Hill I cannot forget that my position pays me fSt a week, while he gets only $1'J." Washington Star. No Fallb In Aarlhini. "Hopkins Is a continued sceptic." ' is that so?" "Yes. I've seen him even wear a linen duster tin a boat excursion." Chicago Itccord. Ihrjr Will (lather None. 'The Klondike region Is covered with moss." "(ireat place for rolling stones. "-- Cleveland Tlaln Dealer. , An Opening-. First summer boarder Tlty there Isn't a restaurant here. Second summer bonnier Why, this village Is too small to support a restau rant. First summer bonnier Oh, I don't know. I think the iMinrders would pa tronize It between meals. Tuck. Can See Your Optical Wood Vessel. Ilchlml the eye what la called the "retina" Is lined with branching blood vessels, and a curious but perfectly simple experiment will enable you to see these. Tlace yourself In a dark room opHslte a dark-colored wall; then light a candle, aud, holding It lu your hand, shove It up aud down be fore your eyes, all the time looking, not at t li w candle, but the wall beyond. After a little practice you will see ap pear on the wall a great branching fig ure lu black ou a reddish surface. What you are looking at Is the shadow of these blood vessels at the back of your eyes. Ter imps the most curious part of the whole thing Is that the part of the eye which receives the Impres sion of light must lie behind thesu blisid vessels. Thick Hpiiler Webs In Japan. In the forests of Java a species of spider lias lieu discovered which pro duces webs of such extraordinary strength that a knife la required to sever them. Gospel via Living Pictures. One of the latest schemes of Uen. Hootu la to have a big exhibition of liv ing pictures lu Loudon, to constat of converts from ever nation. log H tb war.