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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 18, 1897)
1 i EUGENE CITY GUARD. ECO EVE CITY ...OREGON ti . i The Philadelphia Horn wlltorlnlly re mark: "Hpeaklng of wheel p'r got '( in." Open confession In said to bo good fur tht HOUl. Tho New York Hun probably Ih right In suggesting tlmt "too many people are drowned every year." How many would lit nbout the proper quoin, any way 1 A IloMtou restaurateur advertised In the window "choice molluscous 11 valves," ami a visitor from liillndol phla walked right by the place four time looking fur an oyster atcw. More than a century ago Horace Wnl pole wrote "How uiifortimatu tlmt Ut ile countries should rttaln a spirit of lndcendcnce, which they have not strength t. preserve, ami that great nation who might throw It off court tin yoke." Tliua ho anticipated tint Greece and Germany of to day. A wnmai recently returned from the Klondike my she received llfly offer of marriage before mIip wn llfly mile up the Yukon. Hut she wulted unlit she reached the milieu and married u mini who wait panning out f.Vi.iNH) a mouth. Declining a acore of proH)HiilH a day In Alaska miiNt be ulinoHt iih try Ing IIH the mosquitoes. Kaiser Wllhelm'a plan of making war In a I'll 1 1 inn 11 palace rar look a little like an attempt to revive the method of the ancient Greek at the siege of Troy. The wooden horse worked beau tifully, and no may the Knitter' on paper, a many of hi device do, but Die latter might prove slightly Im practicable If the enemy aliould 1iiijh-ii to capture the track upon which hi car fortress run. According to a Taioma nchil a whalu Inn liccu utilized u a motive power for UmtH In that vicinity. TIiIn In a hint that may be of Interest to Kohl seeker Impatient to reach the Klon dike region, but unable to find vessel rooill. The most NerlolIM objection to the whale a a motive power ((row out of the fact that the power might take It Into It head to ko In the wrong direc tion or evi n take deep Hen Hounding, which might prove a little Inconvenient to the "argonaut" following hlui. While most Institution of lenrnlng are reiichlrg out for Htudeiil and mak ing every effort to accommodate new one, Wlll'niim, always an exclusive college, I preparing to restrict the number who will be taught there. Not only are the Ntaudiird to lie mixed and the requirements to bo InereiiMed, but fewer pupil will receive llnancliil aid. A till I not done to meet the require ment of i-couomy, the advisability of the policy may he iiieNtloned. Hut our college a r- umh-ugolitg some strange change of lute. Another attempt ha been made, IIiIh time by Colonel IliggliiMtii, to write a suitable national aiithem for our coun try, and to furnish It w ith iiiiihIc which Khali lie at once original mid dlgulllcd. The endeavor I a worthy one. Hut one cannot help remarking that the nation al Hong which II ml place In the heart of a M'pK are rarely If ever the prod uct of deliberate and conscious effort, however patriotic. They are struck out, a by Inspiration, In the heat of Nome national crisis, In the stress of Nome na tional movement. The condition have never yet been ripe for the birth of the real national autheiii of the l ulled States. The golf widow I n new liiNtltutlon at the seaside. A NewHirt corrcspond ent my (he golf widow have bus band w ho "play all day, lny away to lunch, then come home at night all tired out ami want to nit down to a Clip per of beefsteak and hi(i(ocn, declar ing that they are too hungry to trltle with a course dinner." After a hearty tneal they smoke n strong pipe on the veranda and go to bed at in. Coif wld ow are of all age, even grnmlralhciiy hilNband deserting their wive to "chase a bouncing ball over half of the Island," The game should ho moditled o that th. grandmother may share In the fun. The town of l.ewlston, Me., I gov erned by a Mayor who pay only f'.'-t In taxes, seven Aldermen who pay an average of f IS and twenty-one Council men who pay an average of $;I7 each. Then- are husyhodlc In l.ewlston w ho thing that tills In not fair to the lax payer of a town of that Importance. A a matter of fact, nil thing being equal, the.-v should ho no question a to the ability of the authorities of that place to govern It propoily. Irrespective of the amount of their Individual taxe. A a rule, however.the men who govern cltle are not the heavy taxpayer. It I too often the case Unit the disposi tion of million of public fund Is In the hand of n saloonkeeper or Nome man who Im failed In the retail gncery bulues. Hy the way, how many tlgun would It take to represent the tines of the average alderman of Chicago? Atlanta Journal: The city Isiy grow tip In n on, liaeted spine. The square upon which he live I hi world, the little thing of earth he despises, and he hcgliiN to burn the caudle of exist--ence too Nism. Tor him there 1 little opportunity for the display of sterling manhood or the enjoyment of life In It relation to mu ure. Tin country Isiy I. from the Hist, a child ot necessity, and early learns the lesson of how to make end meet. The way and mean of life 1 a hard and effective school from which to gimluate. Tht pupil therein cannot sit nown w ith folded hand and wait for help, but they must help them solve, am! at niut'. The broad Held give scope io (he mind and strength to the heart - the country Imy I a man at ID, though he doe not Know It, and at '.'ii he stands a young giant, while hi city cousin In the dyepilc victim of vile cigarette and bad hour. by medical Journal with tome Incredu lity. It I ald that the victim knew nothing of the presence of the robber until they awoke late the next day and found that the bourn had been looted. Thl U the point which raise the doubt of the medical expert. They hold that It would be next to Impossible for the robber to have accomplished thl without disturbing the similiter of their victim. Scientist have tried with MMr Niiece to place sleeping pa tient under the Influence of chloroform without disturbing them. Dolbcar I mii 1I to have only Hticcccdcd In the ex periment with ten imtsoiih out of a total of twenty-nine whom he treated. Thl wa when a trained scientist worked with the greatest care. Physician any that It I rarely, except In the case of Infant, that the chloroforming of sleep ing imtsoiih I NticceNsful. That burg lar untrained In the use of anaesthet ic Hhould huc d ko completely a In thl case ncciiih most Improbable. The retried chloroforming of three adult and two children by burglar In an Fngllsh town, In order that the Imu uilg.it be robbed, la looked upou Home nieti In Chicago nre working up on an "umbrella" sail which they pro pose to experiment with upon small sailing craft. Thl Hall wa tried nt the ('owe regatta and made a sensation among the sailor of yucht. Scientist and navigator bcllcvk that with cer tain modl'lcntlon thl sail will be made to take the place of the ordinary can vas article manipulated by rope. The new sail resemble n Japanese umbrel la, and It upper edge I secured near the top of the mast with block and halyard and the main sheet I fasten ed at Home distance from the l-ottoni of the sail. The sliae may he changed at will to suit the occasion by opening or shutting It Just a though It were an umbrella. It can be adapted to the ease or violence of the wind with much more facility than tho ordinary Hall. Not only landlubber but expert sailor have long thought thai there could lie Improvements made In the present manner of handling Hall ship. The old method of sail ha nlwaya seemed very cIuiiim) and uncertain, and maybe thl liinbr-lhi arrangement will sim plify and nake much safer the hand ling of Hinall ImpiiIh. One effect of the great change which have taken place lu modern warfare, and especially the Improvement In the destructive power of modern gunnery, I the abandonment of the use of color lu the nruilc of Kurope. Lord Wolseley pointed out thl the other day when hi presented n net of the color of the cele brated regiment, the Hlxty-fourth foot. to I1 placed upon the wall of a cathe dral. In the war of the future the sol iller will have to draw their Inspira tion from aniiicthlng else than the regi mental colors. Thl, Iimi, will do away with the brave and useful otllcer, the color serge nit, for, as the Fngllsh gen eral says, It would Ik1 madness and crime to order a man lu a war nowa days to curry the colors Into the battle, livery coh.r ho displayed would lie shot away at the llrst tire and It hearer killed. The (iernian army, while ills carding tic colors themselves, Im still retained the pole umiii w hich the Hag once waved, but these have to be car ried ho iin not to la- seen by the enemy. Tills, It would Hccm, could Ih of little service to their own soldiers. It take the actual sight of the national or regi mental color to Inspire the warrior. Not to In- able to see them will, for the Veteran, be almost like seeing defeat. There I no great los without Home gain. The depression of the past year ha been accompanied by a noteworthy diminution of Immigration from the (Md World. The completed return of the arrival of Immigrant In the tlscal year ended June IM, 1NU7, nhnw that one hundred and eighty thousand, in round iiuiuIhtn, landed In America. This wa n smaller number than In any previous year since is"!. The iium lier wa les by one hundred and slxty two thousand than In the tlscal year ended June IK), IV HI, and nearly a hun dred thousand Ion than In lMi.'i, which w as reckoned a year of small Immigra tion. A compared with the Immigra tion for ISP'J, which wa more than six hundred and twenty-three thousand, the II g urea for last year are Indeed small. They represent, however, n large mas In the aggregate; and the fact that among them there were about thirty eight thousand, not Including young children, w ho could neither read nor write, show that the Immigration wa larger than It should have been by at least that tig ure. I'ntll such Illiter ate Immigrant are dellultely excluded, our Immigration law will certainly be In a defective state. The total amount of money brought Into the country by Immigrant, presumably to bo expend ed here, In commonly svokcn of a con tilling a new element of wealth fur the country. The Immigrant of lv,i7 brought with them a total amount a trltle lu execs of six hundred and sev enty thousand dollar. Thl I n re spectable sum, but a It amount to les than four dollar to each Immi grant, It will Ih seen that the line which separate them a a whole from destitution on their arrival I very nar row. Moreover, It I highly probable that more money wa ent out of the country, earned here, to bring these Immigrant, than they brought with them. In which case the balance of the account I on the wrong aide of our ledger after all. Flshorme tofst. Pierre and Mlqticlon Near the west count of Newfoundland are the Island of Ht. Pierre and Mlque lon. They are the last relics of the once great possession of France In North America. They have a French governor and n uniformed French police. Many French fishermen make their headquar ter on these Island. These Frenchmen "sail their trawl." Their tlshlng ve el are much larger than our, and In clude even bark. Instead of dorle they carry sail boat. The vessel conic to anchor, and near her each boat drop It tlrst trawl keg ovcrlxmrd. Then one boat will net a stgxag trawl by tacking against the wind, auolher will run a straightaway course, o that the traw Is, while all converging toward the vessel, do not Interfere with one an other. Then, too, the nshermen can lu foggy weather get Ivick to the vessel by simply nude rrutiultig their trawl, tinr llshernieu et their where they think they will hook the most tlsh, ami the vessel, Instead of coming to anchor, cruise alsmt where she put the dorlee over. St. Nicholas. Home Hople who have been Fast within three month say It I no longer proper to uae napkin at the table. WORDS. If woMi con id satisfy tbe heart, The heart might find lest care; But wards, like summer clouds, depart. And leave but empty air. Tbe heart, a pilgrim on the earth, Finds oftt-n, when it needs, That words are of as little worth As Juit so iiiuuy weeds. A little said and truly said Can deeper Joy Impart Than hosts of words that reach tbe bead. Hut uever touch the heart. The voice that winds its sunny way A lonely home to cheer linn oft the fewest words to sny, Hut, oh, those few bow deiir! TOO LATE TO MEND. "Are you engaged to her?" "Not yet; I am still unsettled." "Doubting Thomas!' sneered the el der of the two men. "Kxcuse me; my doubts are Jutlfled. It' no easy matter to transplant a city-bred woman to tbe country. . . . Hhe might not always like It " "She'll get used to It," an Id tho other, a physician of renown In one of the thriving cltle of northern New York. "What It alio doe not become used to It V What If ahe fret und grows un happy In the solitude? Hhe may not Ik able to bear the long, tedlou win ter, mis theater, concert, ball and "And what not?" agalu cried vehe mently tin doctor. "I might cite a dozen more reasons." "Keep them for yourself. Tell me Just one thing; do you love the girl?" "With nil my heurt. It's because I love her ho (h-cply thnt I . . . ." The look of disdain which the phy sician shot nt hi adopted sou froze the word on hi lip. "I see. You want a matrimonial as surance policy to complete the bargain. There'll come n day when you'll be Horry for your proclamation. It Im roblM-d me of my life' happiness and made of me a lonely, crusty old man. 1 wa like you, too cautious, too doubt ing." The young man looked with aurprlse Uhiii hi foster-father. "Kit down, nud I'll tell you a little chapter out of my life, which w ill teach you a lesson," continued the physician. "I have never referred to It to anyone, but will tell It to you to save you from a similar fate. "I was a well situated young man lu those day nud In a position to choose among tho daughter of my native town. Mj father' large practice fell to my share while I wa young, and he left mi: a snug little bank account Into the bargain. Ho I began to cast ii I suit for a wife. At llrst It amused me greatly, thl giving every girl I met u mental overhauling, to see If she would suit for a mate. After a twelvemonth 1 wa nick of the whole business. I had been ttattered and feted by prospective mothers In law, but had made no progress. The right one had not yet come. Meanwhile 1 Itcenme a hearties critic, who found flaw every where. A wilHplike waist suggested all the crippled organ for which tight lacing I rosiMUiHlhle. A girl with small feet tilled me with notion of pedal de formities, one of whom I wa quite fond committed the crime of fainting nt the sight of a runaway horse. I Inn liatcly put her down for an In curable in urastheulc and banished all thought of matrimony "Hut there came a day when my heart spoke louder th in ever. Hhe wa a Hweet young creature, half child, half woman, with questioning, fathomless eye. 'Hht I the right oner 1 said to myself the moment I saw her. We met often. Her falhei wa a veteran of the late war, with n bullet or two lu hi Isidy, and there came day when they gave hlui trouble. I wa called to attend hlui and learned to know her In her own home. I watched her at her domestic duties. I saw her anxiety lu behalf of her father. Hhe wa al ways ready ami willing to make sacii flee for him, lovely a a May morn, blight a the huh ami tender nud so licitous a a mother. "Hold her fasti' I said to myself; 'you will never tlnd another like her.' "Hut even lu thl Instance my ac cursed citutlousncHM did not desert me. 1 Inquired the cause of the mother' death, and found It wa scarlet fever. The bullets from which her father suf fered were also unluherltable. There was nothing to take exception to, but her father' eye trouble, a tedlou In flammation, which made It luqsissible for him to read and kept hlui coutlued In a semi dark room. I examined him ami found thnt the night wa unim paired, and there was no drawback on that score. "Secretly I begun to put tny house In order, preparing an especially pretty Utile Itowor for my loved one. I knew that hIic liked me, and that her father would welcome me a a son In law. Just w hy 2 hesitated to ask the decisive question 1 kuow not. Perhaps the .w eenie of our unconsclou courthlp, her shy little way that betrayed her love, while they sought to conceal It, made me hesitate to break the delicious charm. "Hue morning I found her with tear ful eye. "'What la the matter. Ml F.ltxn belli?' " 'Nothing much. My father ha kept nie reading to hlui for several hour.' "What could la more natural than that her eye should grow tired lu the dimly llglilod room. I had warned her before alsmt straining them. Now I made a serious business of It. Hhe looked nt me so confidingly that I was tempted then and there to spenk the potent word. Hut her father called, and hi Impatient votir broke the spell. "When, several day later, her eye showed no Improvement, I asked her to consult a faniois oculist. Hhe lunched at me. In a few days they would be well again, she said. Hhe did not want to pas hour lu the doctor's crowded anteroom. "'Have you been there already?" I asked, with sudden apprehension, " 'When 1 was a little child.' she an wered candidly. "Now I Insisted that she should go. She resented my Intel ferenoe. 1 be came Inqvatlent, vehement, and she Just a trltle stubUirn. I saw that I had gone too far. When I pleaded with her he expressed at one a w 1111 agues to visit the oculist "Again 1 was on the point of asking her to become my wife, but suppressed my eager desire. -To morrow! I sain, for I had do doubt that the specialist i.i ,,ieM,. with my own. that the ailment wa lemrary. am ( not serious. I gav.e 1 er my l i would gam her ledlate annus , and save her the long wait. Knowing the doctor, I asked him to communicate to me personally the result of hi ex amination. "The following afternoon I called up on her. Hhe met me with a triumph ant mien nnd twitted me lu hr Inno cent way alsjut my pedantry. lu a few day the liillammatloii would le gone, the oculist assured her, prcrlbliig Home watery substance, which wa to be dropped Into the eye night and morning. I could have cried out with Joy. Now, now I would speak, but a apliiNter aunt sat In the parlor nnd stopped me for a moment. "I asked If my card had proved an oin sesame to the presence of the au gust man. Hhe told me that she wa not quite pleased with the result. Hhe guve tho card to tin servant, who promlaed to hand It to the diior, after the patient, Just then In the room, wa dlHiiilsHcd. Hut an hour passed la-fore Hhe was admitted, and crowd of nuf ferer hnd gathered In the autluie. "I must have hs.ked very happy that afternoon. All my case seemed hope ful to me When I anlved at home. I found a letter from the oculist. I oH iied It leisurely, It w ould only con firm what I already knew. Suddenly the line began to dame la-fore my eye. What I read In Hliatehe. between anxious g.-.sp, wa Impossible. The bearer of the card. It wild, wa hope lessly endangered. A lengthy diagnosis follow til, setting forth that the holy would be blind within two year. He had said nothing alsmt It to her. There wa nothing to lie done. Tho case would develop slowly nt t-st, nud It might be well for her to call again later. 'it was the experience of my life, my dear Isiy! After It wa all over, I won ib-red how 1 could live nud recover from the shock. I worked hard from morn lug till night. From the old soldier and hi daughter I stayed away. I could not tell them of the Impending fate nnd marry her. A voice within me hi Id, 'Ye.' Louder and louder It clamored to l heard. I turned a deaf ear to It. I was a physician, a well iih a man, nud had no right to continue a race of blind. l'.cfore nit conscience I felt Juslllled but the pain of the separation from tin sweet girl gnawed at my vitals. Weeks after her father aent for me. Of course, I went, but It was like going to my lIlKllll. "Kliziils th had great.'y changed. Hhe left the room Immediately after I en tered. My old friend asked me why I had deserted them. Pride wa in hi voice, but lu hi eye there wa the most touching plea, i'on't make my child unhappy:' they said. I feigned unusual st i ess of work mid almost complete collapse from it. We talked on alsmt indifferent matter. When 1 left him he thanked me for my visit. I promised to come again, but not lo, INHi horse could have dragged me there. F.llzabcth Kent the servant to accompany me to the door. I wa grateful to her for It. "At Intervals I met her In the street. The last time I saw her, I hardly knew her. The 2(-ycar old girl bad grown old and wan. I'ecp shadows lay h---lientn her eyes. The cheek were sunk en. "Hhe must W III, I said for such r t--ngi-N ciin i nly come from great IsMlly suffering. Pming the w inter the dread inlluen.a made Its appearance agalu. We call It .-iiiie' without knowing why. My practice was very heavy. I ay und night I was about visiting the sick. It was Just w hat I liked, for the sweet pallid face of the glii could not haunt mo In my busy hour, l.ute In February, the old Koldler'a servant came to my otlice. "He brought me hi master' good wishes and the Information that Mis F.lUahcth wa very III. Would I not come? They lived at the other end of the town, but 1 was there In less than tlflccn minutes. "It wa too late! "She wa unconscious, babbling away with shilling eyes and parched Up. Again and again my mime oc curred In her feverish wanderings. Hhe spoke It yearningly, without malice, without h..treil. The little hand were almost transparent. Heatli had already marked tin girl's teuipe. Hhe lived a day ami night aftei my ariivnl. I remained constantly with her. Once she nwok. from her stupor, and nn-og-nixed me. Hhe did nor seem surprised to tlnd me there. " 'I hnve ln-en dreaming of you,' she an Id with n smile. 'You were so long nway!' "'I will never leave you again,' I faltered, and kissed her. Weakly the sweet Up returned my cares." she smiled and nodded and held my hand flip it it as Roimttn mk or my lifk's iiat- l-INKSS. Her father clasped the other, and thus she slipped nway from us ere we knew It. "The st old man was heartbroken. After awhile 1 told him why I had not made her my wife, "Thank tiod." lie exclaimed, fer vently. 'Hetter dead than blind.' He lived many year after hi daughter's demise. 1 went to see him every even Ing.'readlng to him and playing card to amuse hlui. When be, too, passed away, I burled him beside the tender glii w ho bad gone lefor. "And now, tny dear Uy, comes the aftermath: It at her the foundation of my story, I should say. We build up our life's structure cart-fully and de liberately, like a child rears cssiIm wltb It block. The higher, the better, j Everything look, straight and feeuro untll-a wee accident con..--knocks thing helter skelter. "A few year, ago I met the famo... oculist at a medical col.gres. I Introduced to Iiltii- He reim-mla-red uiy TTSJlwW-t in my diagnosis of that case you sent me." he suld lu the course of our conversation. " 'What cast-r I asked half smilingly, half tilled with apprehension. "Don't you remember the young woman who brought me your card and als.ut whom you asked me to write you She I totally blind. 1 have her pM!i WVA II It r-r-r JIM Wll.I, NKVKII I.KAVK Voir AOAI.V." Iii my private hospital. Her family In sist that 1 perform an operation, but It would la- useless ' I shivered with dread. The young woman I sent you I deail,' I answered hoarsely. " impossible. Mis Clara Hrowther I alive.' "It may have been n Justlllable error, and It ma) have been u premeditated act on the part of the oculist's attend nut. For a tip. he may have admitted another patient lu the place of ICll.a-Ih-iIi, after handing the man of science my card. It wa done, and there wa no use asking how It all happened: "Your poor old father hesitated too long, my boy! Co now and don't make tlie same mistake:" Not a It I'sed to He. "Play base ball?" asked Iiangley'a friends, with whom lie had gone to spend a lew day at their summer home. "We generally have a game here lu the evening with some of the other resort ors." "lo I play base ball?" repeated liatiglcy with an Injured look. "Him- a bird fly or a tlsh swim? Why, I wa the crack shortstop In a crack college team of thirty year ago. My title used to be 'Stonewall.' Couldn't shoot 'cm through uie with n needle gun. Had u live ball In those day.-, ami I HiisH-ct I might g've some of you younger fel low a few pointer on the giime. I thl w here you play? Too small a field for me. I'd knock the ball into the riv er every time 1 went to bat. Yes, I'll play my old position. Feel more at home there. Hot daisy-cutter may Isiiher me a little at Hist, but base bail la like telegraphing or setting type you never forget how." The llrst tiling thnt came Hangley' way wa a high fly twisting like n cork screw. "Iion't run lino me," he-lo'iut-ed a he danced nbnut the Intleliem-u cover the inllcld." As he made a Ilnal side Jump at an angle of about forty live degree the ball tisk him Just aUive the left ear and he lay on the sward lost to the world. A bucket of water brought him back. A lump Just the size and shape of the hall showed where he had been hit, but liangley set hi outing cap gingerly on the other corner of hi head and ordered that ho, tllltle be resumed. He said the sun had been in his eyes, though the sun wa under one of the biggest and thick est clouds of the season. When he went to bat he smiled at the Idea of a H-ycar-old Ihij- pitching for him. Four times he swung. on the air and spun around like a top, but he never touched the ball. This he accounted for by the fact that none of the bats suited him. Once lu the Held ngaln he slipped, dodged nnd threw wild until a sizzling liner caught him In the solar plexus When they had succeeded In undoub llng him he muttered that he was sub Ject to cholera and hn-l a tug chartered to get him to n hospital. Detroit Free Pres.. Tropic tl Itlrd in (ierniuny. A gold medal was recently awarded llerr von Prosch for hi success lu In troducing tropical bird Into Herman forests. Disliking to keep his pet In cages, hi canaries were tlrst fix-rated In a large room, then allowed to pas out and In through small windows, al ways getting their food Inside. The birds soon began to build nests outside, and to rear their young there. Two liir of South American parrot were next set free, nnd last summer raised a brMnl of young, which, with the old birds, passed safely through the excep tionally severe winter. In their wild life the yellow of some of the canaries ha dlsiipiH-ared, the entire tribe now having the green color of canaries In their native Island. Thl new hir.i colony Is located In southeastern Sax ony, where the average winter temper ature Is alvont that of New York and St. Louis, the summers being more like those of Quebec, Vueer Just ce. It Is not to be expected thnt perfect Justice will be done under laws that are made ami administered by Imper fect men. lu Arizona, says the Philadelphia Inquirer, a man was sentenced to pay a tine of ten dollars or go to Jail for ten dnys. He had only three dollars, and the ci.urt accepted that sum lu lieu of three days' Imprisonment. Hy some carelessness ,1( lmrt of the Jailer, however, the man was kept In Jail for the full ten day. Naturally he made objection and demanded re dress, to which demand the court re plied that it was no doubt Just, but there seemed to be only one wy n which It could be granted. If he would commit a second offense he should Ih sentenced for ten days ns before ntifl then Ik allowed a three days' discount or rebate. A Ooldrn Opportunity. Plp-"When the rlghteouVnian lo gins to swear" gulp The profane man should be nrouud to take lessons." Truth. Wh man gets a Job, after Km Hug a long time, about the tlrst tulug he doe Is to monkey around, and see if he can't lose It In 1W1 De Qulneey, then living at Lnsswade, had to All up a eeusu. pa per. After much thought, he eutered hi occupation a "writer to the tuaga slue," nnd then hi trouble began again over the occupation of Ida three daughter. After another period of thought, he put a ring around their name and wrote: "These are like the Ulie of the field; they toll not, neither do they spin." "Why don't you buy a ticket, Instead of paying me money every time," aald a conductor on the Connecticut W est em to a dally paasenger, who alwaye made It a point to pay In cnah. "You d save money." "Well." .aid the passen ger "I'll tell you. Home time laat aum mer I got Into a little trouble with thl company; they UHed me mean and I swore they should never see a cent or my money again. Thnt'a the reason I alwnya pay the conductor.." N. P. Willi wn uminlly the life of the compnny he happened to be In. Hla rcpnrtee at Mr. Galea' dinner In au Ingtou Is famous. Mr. Galea wrote on a card to her ulece. nt the other end of the table: "Don't flirt so with Nut W 11 II. Hhe wa herself talking vivacious y to a Mr. Campbell. WIHIa wrote tho niece' reply: Dear aunt, don't attempt my young feel ing to trammel, Nor strain at a Nat while you swallow a Campbell." When the stenmer Queen was about to sail for Alaska from Seattle a few days ago, lu the height of the rush to Klondike, a man rushed down to the purser nud exclaimed excitedly: "Iook here, I paid for a state-room for my self and wife, and when I got there I found an old cow sticking her head through the window." "I am very aor ry. sir," snhl the purser, "we are yery crowded, but I will do the best I can for you. Johu," (turning to a deck hand) "go up ou deck and turn that cow around!" One day shortly after the late Adam Itlaok, founder of the publishing house, commenced business as a bookeller, n suspicious-looking man came stealth ily Into the store, and, leaning over the counter, whispered luto hi ear: "I've got some fine smuggled whisky which I'll let you have at a great burgaln." "No, no." said Mr. Black. Indlgnnntly, "I want nothing of the kind. Go away." The man, evidently not believing In the sincerity of thl righteous outburst, leaned over the counter and whispered: Til take Bibles for It." He wa a very smnll boy nud lived near enough to the country to tie able to revel lu the delights of a "really, truly" barn. It wn hla first thought lu the morning and hla last at night, hut the family did not know the latter until one day a sad thing happened the really, truly barn, with all H con tents, wa burned to the ground. The small boy sobbed as If his heart would break and refused to be comforted. "Oh, mamma," he cried, "I think It was all my fault. I wa so sleepy last night I forgot to nsk God not to let the house and bam burn dowu, nnd I uever for got it la-fore." New York Times. A woman who was traveling nlone, no' long ago, wandered one evening Into a hotel parlor. A pretty young girl at once rushed toward her and breath lessly asked what time It wa. Some what astonished, the woman glanced at the big mantel-clock und repented the hour. "Oh, thank you," said the stranger, but without any signs of go ing nway; "I suppose you think It queer my asking that," she burst out a mo ment later, "but, to tell the truth, I didn't want to know the time nt nil; I Just had to speak to somebody. You see, I'm on my wedding-trip, nnd for n whole week I haven't spoken to n soul but my husband. Why, I've hardly heard the sound of any one's voice but hi. It was really a question of my speaking to some one or going wild." A man of considerable fame, a mathe matician, was present at a "function" where he wn Introduced to a man from Chicago, who expressed the keen st Joy In meeting him; for mathematics, he KJihl, had been always one of hi greatest Interest. Our great mathe matician had been working for months on a problem, nud nt last he had solved It. Here was nu opportunity to shnre hi triumphs with another enthusiast. For the better lwirt of nil hofir he ex plained the detail of the problem, and the man from Chicago nodded hi head approvingly and enjoyed himself. "Well," said he, when the explanation was over, "a I sny, I do enjoy mathe matics. Rut the thing that stumps me, sir. Is that when you multiply a num ber by n fraction you make It smnller." The lute Henntor Harris wa cross grained nnd Ill-humored. He could not endure to la crossed lu nny of big pur poses and tried to compel everybody to bow to hi will nnd opinion. It U snld that he met his equal In the lady who was his wife for so many long years, und who died but n year or two ago! It I related of the Senator that some twenty years ago lie and hi wife sep arated for some time. The Senator had been out all night pursuing his favorite pastime of playing poker, and w hen he came home at 7 or 8 o'clock In the morning his wife naturally Inquired where he had been. To till Inquiry he responded In his usunl oinplmtlc man ner that It wag none of her business w here he had been. Later in the day he observed his wife packing her trunk, and lu surprise asked: "Where are you Koing, tny dear?" "That is none of your business, sir." was the reply, and the separation occurred. A story which comes from Tarls says the Troy (N. Y.) Times, concern ing the seuteuce Imposed upon a pris oner by a veuernble nnd benevolent Judge recnlls the old days of the Court of Hesslons In this State, when the county Judge consulted with the "Bide Justices" a to the sentence-nnd then did as he pleased, without regard to their Ideas. This Pari. Judge Is de scribed ns passing sentence on a pris oner. He consults his assessors on each side of him as to the penalty proper to be Indicted. "What ought we to give this rascal, brother?" he says, bending over to the assessor on the right "I should say three years." "What Is 'your opinion, brother?" to the assessor on the left. "I should give him about four years," The Judge, with benevolence: "Prisoner. notdcrJ longand seyerel torr, a. I should hav. a. . PrW I have LiZ .ndr.ha taketh t- ommon sense ,, J doc-tor. sense," said Mr, A i remeiniM-r a en.- i . . "'in. trates till. It Wiu ' ,a jk and alt at once ' ,,D' i,k tried the dtors.hutTx.Td 1'1' tor. Hhe though, her stomach whh h crswi!" - ate., Wthro,,,,. AtlaatI snhl that I wot,u nurse her. I tlrst . anw front porch when th,,"" so hat could get.,M;"S ami iook tier 0V(!r. , , uer open ner mouth w,U,lw-, ing In I saw that she h.d . , palate, and that her on.ii. 2 sore. Yousee.herpalut.h.?.' down at night, and h ih-Z, a worm. I told lu. .i ."'"ii could kill the worm, nud 1 some alum and a pn-puntio, I put the alnmonas.LS,, It to her tinlnto v.... l. . acts-It .."".uuws 1 "r palate ait used the Iron pr-paratlun f, u BllH. Well, that ull, ,h wU tt,t bother her. I eoimi,,, u " foraeveral day, and U rmde hrtT "Now," concluded Mrs. GtS cure was accompli,,!,,,,- trV common h-iiho. r(,ii,.B . . lleve. 1 the most valwhe anv one ran ... 1 I have had In life i,n i. .i"0 '"'1 to the fact that 1 ns unt,. such common seiw.. ,., l lielieve In the ten i-oninian.lirJ I oliey them as far as I no. f, treat every cuie fairly, and 1 J?,, my duty to defend uiywL' wl. i" ..... "i"- io lajtuion, i nothing for It. I it v. wi. ? w like tO do SO. and Iteenn.. I I better for my health. TiacbWw my life is not to make a ihow,b,I the work which seem. tforw au n.ull m 1 it .. o , ,, an lull. Great Catherine. England still resoundi win 1 echoes of the great diamond hid. celebrations, the crownlnn ftw which wa the review of tbe fa, huge an nggregatloti of warhlpit uever before wltmsed In tht of the world. Our Canadian neljhl, nave nud a modest atmlverwirrctWo I tlon of their owu. In honor of ti (ml pletlon of the thirtieth yenr of thr I tabllshmeut of the Dominion Gotfitl incut Han Francisco knit montlan a most tniignitlceut welromt to many thousands of young peoplttfc hnd assembled for the annual own, Hon of the Christian Endeavor tie. At Milwaukee the annual an Ing of the Rducntlonnl Association n a conspicuous success. Thes twop gatherings at M II wnuki-e and San fiu claco were Illustrative of tbe fm thnt arc giving direction andrtunnr to our American civllluitlon. Our Br Isli friends have Im-cq In the wni heaven of ecstnsy over their alleged n dlscovery'of the nmaxlng beneflcmw' the Institution of royalty; but for jwirt we have merely to turn In Jk cation of our democratic- Inntltutlotiia our greatly superior etlucatlonal Bi and development. Hevli-w of Rffcn Water Can Hit Hard. T nn.lsmali u-bo are slow to mtl the tremendous force of tbe ei hadu object lesson ashore In thli dry tk other day when Ave large tanU btl to contain Uii.tKai poutim 01 teiniioriirllt- tilled with water, and tinted ou the fourth floor of a U.T building ou West Flfty aeconiJ im this city, collapsed and conuMj ., ,..L.,.i tl,.. u-liiili. structure, kllliaj three men nnd doing a large amount " damage. The tanks were earn um ...,! i.i.,i, ,,,i nluoit thirteen feet illi eter, and contained U'd,703 pounW wnter, but the floors and upirt beams proved altogether lnadequat stand the strain. A w ave of the dim Hloti of one of these tanks to not I unusual at sen. nnd w hen iuioai" brenks on n vessel s deck the torn the blow can only be estimated bj it .lot Id 10 aiiii'iaiu vi . . the elasticity of the water beneatH t, easel to ease her In reeehinf shock. 'When the city firemen thnt a atrenni from a hose under arj pound pressure will out ordinary brick wan, me 7 sea In a gale may be. porbai liunglued. Marine Journal. . r... fi hipls. new r.r . ... ..... 1 i.iin Intbfl A new era una ji'i j tory of Siberia. Since the lKinW this month the whole of that Asiatic empire of the Ciur dm endowed with a modern and ooiw system of public Justice. u . . ... .1... Turlolll f have been openeu '" - rt vlnclal capltnl. nud the I- . . 1 iiu.ri haibx" UUIlIll Ot appeal t.i - jug tabllslied at Irkutsk. ""Jyjw has been uo system 01 " 5, whatever in sinena. m"--" 4 being subject exclusively to W trnry administration of auhxri ' clals. True, there Is yet rooffl provement, since for the pr"w Is to be no trial by jury. vf 4tii iuOfi) HIV tO W iir 1 by the crown. Instead of beini' by the people of the same time tlie new so - - constitute a salutary R-4j ...... ....v..i.n...l tvmnnl of Ha urciieno unuo"- .- -officialdom In Siberia. . u-mIi-K. Strange Kellgnm - A queer polyglot reM'-u was held at the Dtt'Bf Douglas on the Isle of Mn- rf pel was read lu Caellc. aj lu Manx, prayer '"JU the sermon delivered In Mf rf i.... o.initav the Low ' lueureiiuu..-. - i,nruF " u l fVrn sil. ""' Inst speaker of which died w j I'll 1 o ui ii v -- Too F.TOr.D.r. "I'm afraid." said the P lnctantly. "that the Wn ......... .'11,. .hoot Is s mere raow . "No." replied the rt.ttfl even that. I have "'Vta as a flight of turn- star- - T. When a woman can , c chicken Into as many ., she Is In training to oouse Keeper.