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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 19, 1897)
I v if ;?wt 'w v i. i . . .
T inJ Jn!t struck 7. ami the rest
um.atli iKi' which lu.lk-iitm that
rii,r 1 t" !"- k,'l't w"ltlll'
I .'.-i , ,i til.- throe iih-iiiImt of
iu'nkii UiM-ly us'iiihlcd More t
i! ., .r.x.m tlr.'. Mrs. Wllklns look
ic ' ".. ... ... ,,, -..-l li.tr tun
IIIIMli)' If"'" ""' r
,h k '"e liuillicil'n "iiil
,u which would have been
.,..r.. h:..::iI'1 1'
tin 1 iiis-n loss (imi.
Wllklns liffoetisl to le
iM(. u x,k. hill tin- constant tap
' ', j,f ) r f''l 'll the carpet showed
!',., li.-r til"!!-'!'"1 Vi'n' 111,1 following
..'rev. I""1 ,i,,r,lt' WHkln hiul h-ss
"'nJi'mit'it. She moved restlessly from
,!, ,1,-k to the window.
... n from the window to
.,,', .i niii. iit In her fare nnd griund
Yug in li'i' voice. At la.sl Hhi- broke
If I wrc engaged, l"d teach hllll to
. ,1. ..I.I ... M I II..
lu mill' -tuai. inn j
ll. r -
.tcr did l"t answer. M"S was
the best maimer ir exc-
. Iinl.'ilicllt oil the offender,
l.H.I J:it decided (ill 11 course (if ex
wne severity when a ring nt the hell
r,!levd the general tension. "There lie
Ki d Genie. 'Til give him a phs-e
of my in ri'l." and she darted out of the
r,.Mii. Mr. WllkliiM ii ml her rider
J-uight'-r eaieflllly nettled their fea
iii'n an expression oi coin n s-
in-,., and waited tho arrival ol
...i ..i.i i u . i. .
tlicir visitor. 1 ney couni nnir 1110
I, Hiul ef voice below lit the street
in,r; hat there wiih no noise as of the
(t,Mr ' l"iii-'. or of anyone entering th.'
I,,,,;.,., They had almost forgotten
thi-Ir ill-pl'-usuro in tneir curiosity,
when Gertie's stop wan heard bounding
up the -tair again.
ti h gram, l expect, fain .vnss
W'ilk. n. wit liill-eoltcenlist (UsappoliK-
that would bo tnost annoy
ing new. her inoiner ieiniirK,si.
Hi,, ii. t moineiit (iertle rushed Into
tli,. renin hearing, not n teiejjrain. tint
1 liire n:id expelislvi' lioiiiinet of yel
lew eliryaiilht'iiniins. "A hoy hronyht
tlne fnr "the lady of the lioiw,' " tht
auaoiiaerd; "and he iim't ay whom
lln v'te from."
WImii do yon mean''" exclaimed Imth
b,i- In a hi, mil, their Interest dl-Tuli-d
lietwion liertle and the remark-
ilily h. hi. Nome hotiiiiet which she car-
J ii t what I say. The y said he
;! ,,rd rl to leave the flowers at No.
Hi. for the lady of the house," and he
dee-ti t know v ho sent Ihein. Aren't
tin y n;. c':"
"What a enrloiiH thins!" said Mis
What 1,,-anllfiil flowers:" said her
nietlii-r. "They must have oust at least
"Why. can't yon guess?" I Iertle In
quired. "It's as ilaln as A It t Who
miiM have sent them hut Pick? It's a
j.iMi-e nfrvriuK fur heln late, if
The Idea instantly found favor.
"'if course, It's Pick," wild Miss Wll-
i if ourse It Is," Mild Mrs. Wllklns.
"What a very kind thought! Hut he
r-hoiilil int have siient so much money.
No ilmilit he had to g out of his way
to .-t tie -in. anil that made lilm late.
He could not i;et such (lowers every
where. Hut why send them anoiiy
nioiidl) V Why not bring them with
""h, I siihinise he thoUL-ht It would
be fun to make us Ki'ess," said Miss
WUkius. 'Vim see, he sent the llowefs
on tir-i, so that our eiii-losity about the
g'.ver would he at Its height when he
As if to conllrtn the theory, there was
it that moment a lini; at the hell, and
i"riic, from tJie window, announced
that the loiii;-exiocted jjuest was at the
"It would show our atiiiroclatloii of
th" t.'irt," said Mrs. Wllklns, "If we put
the llowers uu the dlnitii: table. Volt
rratiKe them, UwiMUic, d,-jir, will you?
I will re.-,.lv Ulchard. And, (iertle,
plea.se tell tho took Unit she may serve
InniiMi'ately afterwards Itichard
Johnston entered Mrs. Wllklna' draw
In room with uiuch inlsj;lvln In his
heart and a profusion of apologies on
his lips. He know that he was nearly
twenty minutes Into, uud that unpuue
tuullty was one of the most serious of
offenses lu the eves of hU betrothed.
What was his surprise to find the
niother of his botrotlnnl all smiles and
Braclousness. Ills excuses were "quite
uiuieeessiiry;" there had been no In
nvellletlee; "In fact, they hud hardly
noticed that he was late, at all." lie
at once conducted Into the draw-
iiitf room, where his reception by Miss
Wllklns nnd (iertle was of the same
bewUderlllir nn,l ii n tiiii-t t.ul itii-il in 1 1 1 v
'If had no time for private confer-
----n ...... i. ...............
"nc,. win, Msit Wllklns, but she sat
n,,xt to him at dinner. Whenever he
triel to nimloglze for heiiiK late she
Milhsl at him with n particularly kind
ly eye. and assured him that "they
I'oor Johnston could not readilv ad-
J'lst h-inspif ,0 n reception so different
'rom that for which he had braciJ him
"If. Why did they all smile nt him so
knowinjfly? True, he had had his urns
Ja.'hw eurlcd before leavlnj the city;
'"it that could hardly have made so
f.lVorallle nn lt,n.pauul.n
As the noun wns iMitntr mmnrnl M ss
W llklns pressed his hand under the
tall!,'. Mild u tilurw.r.ul tMi.l.ilf
"Thank you. dear, so much. It wn
Bice of you. Mother was verv pleas.Nl."
Jolinstoit. Increasingly uneasy, wills-
I'-r-si ba.-k. In Innocent imiuiry:
""h. you nil'v Uiv! Hid i nn siiiims,
that I shinild uot guess?" There was a
"Jt'er'.nif eniiili.-iHls inu.n tin, ! but
f lr the life of him Johnston could not
think what he had done to deserve It.
"e had not time to Arn the question
0v,,r In his mind, for Mm. Wllklns de
Bian.,,i his attention.
"ou si-e to what jrood purpose they
huve b,-en put." she wild, with an up-Pi-'s-lative
snillo for Johnston, and a
Oi"an:i,g glance towards the flowers Ln
t' c,.m.r 0f tll(l ,,,,,,,,
Johnsun loot iv t ii Mn WllUlns nnd
U"u followed the direction of her kmc
to the Mowers, with n perf.-'tly
"i- nieri,l express!,,!!.
-Miss tb rtle then took up the ease for
the proserin ;,,u
"ih. It's no use trying to look stupid"
iJohi.,iu bowed); "we knew dlr.s-tlv
It here oecurr.sl to Johnston that th
speediest m. tli, of elearliirf up !.
mystery would be to affi-et a cu!t
kuow l.sl-i. of the facts. So he put uu
his alrl.-st manner, and nnswer.sl:
"So yotl found ine out directly, eh?
i nere is no dccWvIn
i your saac.tv.
"It dUln't want much sa-acity," sai l
(iertle; "w ho else could It V;"
"Who else, Indeed?" said Johnston.
"It Is Useless for yni to try to 'do
B I l'.v stealih, " suiihsl Mrs. Wllklns.
"Hut you must allow me to iilusli to
Hud It fame,' " retorted .l,!mstn.
"What whs It that betrayed me?"
"(h, don't IuuikIiii) that the boy
split," said the younger Ml-s Wllklns.
"lierile"' IntetTUptcd her mother, ad
liioulslilni;ly. "What did the Isiy s;iy?" askixl John
ston, cuniilnfly, for he was deeply In
terested by this time.
Mrs. Wllklns replied: "Me asked the
niahl whether our Iioiim was No. I:);
and then gave her The Mowers .or 'the
lady of the house.' (iert!e -ah- hap
pened to be In the hall, nnd asked him
from whom they came. Hut he said
he could not tell."
The situation was now clear. John
ston realized with alarm that ho was
supimsed to have I n the donor of the
handsome bouquet which he saw be
fore him. Thnt he actually was not
responsible for th mrleotis intention
with which he was credited l felt In
some way to be a reproach; and lie
blushed with shame. lie had It on his
lips to say, ".My dear Mrs. Wllklns, I
did not send the flowers;" but his cour
.'Ue failisl him. It would be such a
nasty fall from grace for him, ami such
a slight upon the Indies' discernment.
No; he must break the trurli gradually,
and lnslge a little loticer.
M1E l'.Ei.AllDKI) JnllNMOX
"I suppose you got them at Mason's?"
"No. I did uot," said Johnston.
"Then It was (iregory's. That's the
only other shop near. 1 thought It was.
Things are ever so much cheaper at
Gregory's Mother thought you'd paid
nt least 10 shilling for Uicui. '
"Wherever you got the flow ers," bur
rledly broke lu Mrs. Wilkins. "they arc
very beautiful, and 1 thank you again
"Hut you really must not thank me,"
protested Johnston, "t haven't admit
ted that I did send the (lowers. And.
ln any case, to nttcnpt to thank the
donor Is to disregard his wish to be
If you really wished not to be found
out." said Mrs. Wllk'in. "you would
uot have chosen my favorite (lowers -yellow
'lb-sides, you lookisl so conscious as
you came In," said Mrs. Wllklns.
("That's the worst of being late."
"And I saw you ns-ognlzed the flow
ers directly you entered the room."
"Yes," a'ddisj (iertle, "and the way
irLl to look as If you didn't un
derstand was awfully weak,
could see you were ptvtendln
voii-re still blushing. I dis'lare,
Johnston could not help laughing the
evidence against him was so strong:
and this beluavior of his was regnnht!
as certain continuation of his guMt. A
well as he could for laughter, lie tried
, t lint this Is all a mistake"
Ills protestations were received
1,.,1'te smiles of Incredulity and the
Hon of further Incontestable pr.
I,;- .,-it After some minutes
va ti contest, i iertle broke In:
of course, It wns good fun to make
guess but now that we have guess
ed whafs the use of pretetidlfg any
veo Ki. k. Is was very
sweet of you,
but vou must have
known that we
could not be long
In the dark. a;el
, u VVt'Lins Wl-ssis
1 his hand utW'T
the table again.
vn.l there Ls to
reason why yu
-iw.uld in,t take tie
ili.-uiWs which you
ileserve." said Mrs
Wilkins. as tliougu
closing the subj'-ct.
J,.hns'on roared aloud.
w,is surronnib-d by p.'pl-
n.t ill Sl.'.te of Hll I'f'
ii. pii.i Hi? irrauui'ie
;;,,nj no had not done. The sltui.vm
was too con
I )P ut'i ii-' 1
were rather nnnoy
d. They. jiir.iT Uiy .
f the mans " ' " "
s so graciously Were
worthy of he in
i ' I i,l
"1 roust say, I ihould appreciate the I
Joke better If you did not curry It quite '
o far," said M:s Wllkitis.
Mrs. WUkius- tone was distinctly
'older as she added, "Well, we wdl -sly j
no more. Th,- flowers were very wci-
"l' :' I li was ltn,-!y kind of
)oil to eli, them. Ulchard."
"It reully looks us though you wished
US to keep on thuuklUtf you," iMU-lii'.led I
"Oh, It's Just a man," said (l. rtie. I
from the altitude of scvenieeu sum-'
lucrx; "spoil everjUiin.' for tin; want '
of a little tact."
The..,, remarks brought Johusion m 1
his bearings, n was evldem that he
must at oii.v d.ibuse the mlud of tlu
"Y-s. but supiH.se I didn't send the'
flowers after all?"
"Then what have you I n hiiigliliij
for. and blushing, ami going on tn that
way?" asked (iertle unanswerably.
"I really think we had better tin'
subject drop," s;ild Mrs. Wllklns si
Verdy. "I shall Is-gln to wish you hadn't s..'i
the flowers at all. If you persist ui this
silly mystery." said Miss Wllklns, with
rising Impatience. j
"Hut, my ileariiweti, tic, reasonable."
pleaded Johnston, rather alarm, si at
the turn thlugs were taking; "l never
said that I " ;
"lteally, Pl.-k, I don't want to argue
this question any longer, rresumalily 1
you wUhed your flowers to give pleas
ure; you are assured that they have
done so, and I wonder you can't see
what a pity It Is to go on talking n 1m.ii t
them till they become anything but a
source of pleasure. It Is so silly, and
so very gratuitous."
"Hut I ussure you, my dear girl, that
I did uot send the flowers!" said John
ston, wlili desperate earnest ncs.
(iertle whistled, and Mrs. Wllklns
tskcd grave. i
"Ueally, Pick, this Is too much. If
you will Insist lu continuing to amuse
yourself In this way. It shall not be at .
my expense. When you think the Joke !
Is exhaustisl, yiui can let me know."
With this Miss Wllkitus swept out of
the room; and Johnston fear, si by the
look on her face that her auger would
Hot be easily appeased.
There was silence for some moments. .
"Why don't you own up?" said tier-'
tie, as she followed her sister out of
When she was left alone with him, (
jMrs. Wllklns appeabsl to Johnston
WITH STKUN ACl'l 'SATjnV.
"Hcallv, Itichard." she said, with the'
sort of kind severity one would ex
tend to a fractious lunatic, "1 think It
ls a pity that the evening should be
spoiled In this way; esp,s-Uilly when It
promised to be so pleasant. Whatever
your reasons for this obstinacy may
h; Is It worth while making us all un
happy?" I'oor Johnston looked dismal and des
perate enough. The Joke had evidently
lost Its point for him.
"May I tell Gwendoline when 1 go up
stairs that the tiHHsl has passed?"
continued Mrs. Wllklns.
"That the mood has passed." It was
too much for ioor Johustou's temper.
"Yes," he said. "Say I'm awfully
sorry that I didn't admit nt once that
I sent the flowers." This was strictly
"That's right," said Mrs. Wllklns
cheerfully, as she left the room.
Johnston was sore and savage; but
he did not see why other people's un
reasonableness should spoil his even
ing. If they were so determined that
he had sent the flowers, he would con
tradict them no more.
I'riisetitJy Miss Gwendoline rcappaer-
isl. She had evidently detenu! I to
overlook Johnston's M-rversty; and he
soon forgot his troubles. When that
lcculiar degree of tenderness had been
reached which prompts lovers to ad
drens each other lu the third person,
Miss Wllklns began playfully to Im
prove the occasion.
"And he won't be a silly boy any
more?" i Intel hide.) "And he won't
tell any iiior naughty stories?" (An
other 'interlude. "Say. 'I send the
flowers.'" (Attempted Interlude.) "No,
not till you've said It." j
At this happy moment, and Is-fore '
Johnston could reply, 'iertle burt Into'
the room with tic simple ejaculation:
She stood in the doorway regarding
j,r Johnston with stern accusation In
her eye; mid he qmill.sl before that
glance, realizing In-tltc lively that be
whs "in for if again. j
"You really must not bounce alut
the nous.- l.ke that, Gertie," said Mis
WUkius. with some irritation; -you.
make one think that something dread-
fill has happeiesl. wnniever is lie
"Ak him." said Gertie, ,!tug to,
ti miserable Johnston, who awaited
I his fate with the fortitude of despair. I
It was a
g.l J..ke, wau t it : ' en.
m!stres of the situati'iii
rider you laugln-I so mtu ti.
vvii it .i nr.-t'y tsi.r
of f.sils we i, list
have e,IIHsl. Gweti!"
What do you mean?" askl Mis
WUkLns, wllh rl.n Impatience.
"Why, I mean the flowers, of course." '
"Then allow mi, :o tell you th.i. we
have agrissl to let that subject ,ii,,,
once mi l for all."
"Oh. have wel" replied I'cif.e. "l u
fortunately, there Is someone at tie'
door who won't let It drop. Th.- boy
U h.-re again."
"The boy who brought the flowers.'
"lie wants them back. There's been
a mistake, lie ought to have left tlicin
at No. H instead of No.
I'oliscloi'.s of the llld'.j.'li.ltloil l.'nd
ling In his sweetheart's eyes. Join-ion,
with the Inspiration of despair, s.nv
that there was only one ionise pos,;.
hlc to save the situation.
lie burst Into us plausible an ailect.i
t Ion of hearty laughter as his nervous
ness would permit. The ladles looked
mystitbd, but unrelenting.
"He gisxl enough to explain your
self." said Mis Wllklns.
"It's awfully funny, Lsn't It?" sal.l
her sister sarcastically.
"It Is. It Is," laughed Johns', .-I.
"Pou't you ss'? It's ifiirt of tic J i.e.
telling the boy to come back for the
tlowirs. 11a, tin, hal It was to make
you believe that I didn't really send
them." And leaving no time for ques.
tioulng, Johnston ruslusl dow nsi.iii s
thrust a sovereign Into Uie hoy's hand,
and slammed the door upon him.
Pining the rest of (he evening M ss
Wilkins' in, nil was preoccupied, as one
who ponders deeply. Hut (ierilo had
evidently lxen sternly forbidden to re
fer to the siibjis't tf flowers, and tiny ,
were not mentioned again. Ilovv f it
Miss Wilkins realized the true state of
the case, Johnston never knew, but
when he was ordering the bridal bou
quet he was given particular instruc
tions to leave discard w itli the florist. -CasseH's
GAVE HERSELF AWAY.
How n Knsv-l hrrknl Miss Kevralrd
llrr Nn in r on it Kullroa I Train,
She occupied the seat dlrwtly In
front of nn' mi a Central Hallroad of
New Jersey train from New Y'ork the
other night, says a traveler. She was
a plump girl, with auburn hair and
hazel eyes. She was evidently a girl
employed III New York - porhiiis a
typewriter. Her name Is Klluihelh.
How do I know ? Well, didn't I ask
her. I never saw her before, no one
called her by name and she had noth
ing about her that served to tell me
that her name Is I'.li.abeth. Yet her
name Is Kllzuhctli.
I am not the seventh son of n sev
enth soli, neither do I possess the pow
er of second sight. Hut 1 found out
that the name of the plump, rosy
checked young miss In the seat ln front
of me Is HlizalH'th. Before we had
gone many miles out of Jersey City the
"sand man" began to play havoc with
KlluiU'th. Her eyes became heavy
and every few si-cmids her head would
drop. Hefore we had crossed Newark
Hay lillzabetli was sound asleep. The
train sped on, and when the sliced was
slackened the lir.ilo nuin open, si the
door and shouted "IMIzalH-th! II I z
nbeth! 'I.l. helh!" With the llrst word
the girl began to move. When the
brakemau should ")'. Ilzals-th!" the
eyes were half opetnsl. and when he
tl'nally called " 'Llz beth:" she rubls d
her eyes and said: "Yes, papa. I'll
get up." Through the cars run the
sound of sunpressisl laughter; but the
girl had fallen asleep again, and w hen
the train stopped and the brakeuian
again called out "lill.abelh! l-illza-bi-th!"
the plump girl Jumpi-d up ami
said: "All right, I'm coining."
This was t,x much for the hair
brain,"! dude across the aisle, and he
Ix-gaii to "Ha! ha!" while the giggling
maidens several seats In fmnt Ix-guii
to giggle more furiously, liven the
sedate -loo king old gentleman seated
near by could not suppress a smile.
Hy this time the girl was wide awake,
and that she was conscious of what
she had done was evident by the fact
that her naturally rsl chis'ks Iss'iime
nslder still, and I even Imagined that
1 saw bsars lu her eyes.
That is how I found out that her
name Is Illizaln-tli.
Save I from a Kail Irsnuke's I lings.
Johnnie, the grandson nf K. I". Car
rabec, living nenr Argyle. Ida., had a
narrow escape the other day. and he
ovvis his life to the quick wits of his
brave sister, a pretty 1." year old girl.
Jul, mile was down at the H,ml tlshliig,
when he saw a rattlesnake. He at once
killed It. A few seconds later he saw
another one, which he killed likewise,
lie then saw a third coming out of Us
Tills rather frightened the boy ami he
started for dome. As lie passed along
the path another snake which he had
not noticed sprang nt hlni, Its fangs
catching In his cout tails. The fright
ened Ixiy run like a deer to the house,
shouting lit the top of his voice. Ills
sister lildel, who was on front of the
house, saw lilm coming mid also no
ticed the big snake twisting. Jerking ',
ui,! circling behind him. She was
trimlng some bushes nnd had In
hand a sharp knife.
As Johnnie passed her she mad
strike at the snake, but missed
"Hun around the house, Johnnie,
called to tin- boy. "and come back
here." 'Hie fligl.tclicd I " hH'l J'lSt wit
cm, ugh to dear and obey. Around and
nroiind the house at full s I. the
rapiditv of liis movements keeping the
make out so that It could li.it gel a
tinner hohl and siiike him. Kthel sta
tioned herself car the corner of the
house and as the l ey came around she
made a careful cah uhitli.u and brought
the knife down, cuttirg the snake In
two Just back of the head. The fright
ened b.y run a few steps fun her ami
fell down In a "bud faint. The snak
was a inoii.fr. r -ii.tf nearly five feet
long and had I' 1 ' 1 11 "''h' strike the
bov the poison would have killed him
Instantly. I It I ,i did not seem disturb.
c,l over her , X' inl.g Hdveiiture and she
received a great n aiij compliments for
h. r qui' k wit in.d bravery.
The I- r.-mnn W h 7.
English Tourist pon't any of you
S.sitehnien wear trousers? What do
vou do for i-x-kets In tho. kilts?
Mi-Gab Hoot! For why should we
h.Ve pockets whin there's naethlng but
hands tae put In them?"'- Cleveland
A f-,ion rag rt t.
I la, th,- T'-.l ii rd t ri the pb-L.-t fell, ..
Aid "-"ig in ""rr.v
A :..i.g . .t t1 (T-'f i'h ruMxvr fill
Aid that off nil hrtatbiiig. h?
OUR BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SAYINGS AND DO
INGS HERE AND THERE.
Jjok.a and Jokelt-ta lhat Ara Kuiuoc,l
to lluvc Hern Kriwnllf llora-lajrlnua
and lining, thai Ar O.ld.l'urliXia and
i.uugliulile-Tlic Week's Humor.
1 hen He Hear I of Another.
Spans Pld you bear alxoit Mr.
Snickers falling In n dead faint last
Hhxibumper-Yes, but I had often
heard of an unconscious humorist be
fore. New York World.
An 1 iftinii'r-'
Professor Please give nn example
of actions speaking louder than words.
Adht W hen a man calls for smbl
water and accompanies his order with
a wink, slr.-IIarlcm life.
Ill III r t lulu t I niiipllmenl.
Wife We have been married twelve
years and not once lu that time have
1 llllsse, I baking you a cake for your
birthday. Have 1. dear?
Hubby-No, ui) pet. I can look back
11 1 ixii those cakes as milestones lu my
life.- New York Tribune,
Greeble- Is that .vour baby?
f raw don No, sir; the possession Is
on the other side, lie's not my baby;
I'm his father Huston Transcript.
Took II Illicit.
Tom Singleton -1 hear you're engag
ed. Congratulate you, old boy.
Itciiuv- Picttis-Yoii didn't hear It
quite right. I'm married.
Tom Singleton dli, excuse me, old
num.- Pick Me -Pp.
II n,l In Do All the Work.
,li - AjL lit
"Come, come! Why doli'l you pedal
n little? I can't push this tamlciii
Teacher Jodnny. you may tell me
wd.it Is meant by capital punishment.
Johnny ispeaUing from evperieiicel -That's
what a teller gets fer coiiimenc
1 11 his sentences with small letters.
Vp to I late.
II la Term.
"Pld you see that Mrs. Goliath. Ihe
wife of the strong man. was knocked
down ami robbed of her purse?'
"Why didn't he help her?"
"(th, bis terms are f'.'o n night."
Pick Me Pp.
Lord de l.lverus I regard you ns n
perfect treasure, sweetheart.
The Heiress-You're much too frank
to please me. New York Tribune.
Mrs. Woniuniitis The contest for
president of our chili Is I ning ex
citing, but I think we will manage to
scat Miss S I , m g ti 1 1 in I .
Mr, Woinamiles - You might better
employ your time In seating Johnny's
trousers. Tit lilts.
Weathers Po you think any of these
(lottx-tivc stories have nny foundation
I!alnes- Me? I wouldn't believe ft
detective under oath. -Typographical
Crlmsolibciik Sprocket was telling
Home remarkable stories of the speed
lie made on his new wheel.
Yeast -Well, you know, Sprocket can
as fast as a horse can trot.
Well. I don't know about Hint, but
I do know that lie can lie faster than
his bicycle can go." Yniikers States
man. Wllllr'a Ion, lltli, n.
"Well, Willie," asked grandma, "have
you dad nil Hie dinner you want?"
"No," answered Willie," but I lutve
hud nil I cnii eat."-Answers.
Krii',el I'. I ne ill' on.
"What do you think of Nauseii ns a
"Well, It seemed to Ine that he never
properly warmed up to his subject."
Pick Me Pp.
Wheeler-I suppose when flying ma
chines are Invented you'll get one and
Mrs. Wheeler-Yes; until the next
year's model comes out. Truth.
The Modern Mra. Candle.
Mrs Joins You wretch! You dis
grace me before my neighbors coming
home in such a drunken state.
Mr. Jones Hut, iii'tbarsh, no one
Mrs. Joli's -No one saw you! No--but
every one can luar me telling you
Of It. Sketchy Hits.
Wife-It does seem hard w hen a wo
man marries she has to take her hus
Husband Well, she takes everything
else he's got, why leave that out?
Judy. No W nnitr r,
Hacoii None of the women will speak
to penman since he wrote his last lxxk.
P.ghert Why Is that?
"Why, didn't you dear tde name of It?
'Women of All Ages.' " Yonkers
"Aleworthy has quit drinking entire
ly slic e he married. "
"He has quit drinking, but l,e lias
contracted the Isirgaln counter habit."
"There Is no occasion for you to i nrj
me," said the prosjieroiu person. "1
have as ninny troubles as you."
"I allow you do, mister," admlttisl
Plmunl Pnwsoti, "but the dlrhVultj '
with me Is that I nlu't got anytlHng:
ele."-Iiidlaliapobs Journal. ,
Not m lamilhal. I
Plrst Nelghlxir - That Is a very dainty
dog of yours. I threw Ii I tit some cold
sausages this nioiiiliig and he Wouldn't
Scold! Nelglilior What do you take
lilm for n cannibal? - New York Tnls .
"A ('.nod Kar for Music "
"He n-nsons lu a circle,"
"Ah! Thai accounts for his nrgn
incuts never coming to an end."- In
Toller ! don't Ix lleve that Mcglln
s bis money hoiiestty; I'd like to
know what he does for a living.
Willet I'erhaps there wouldn't be
stealings enough for more than one. -Pxchaiige.
I' He I nnalileralr.
Wiggins I never argue with n wom
an, lu the first place. It's a Ixire, mil
then, again, It never docs any good.
Mrs. Ileiqieck All, but you forget
how much Joy It gives to the woiiian.
'Pi ill It.
i lial He (lot.
Just got back from Washing
"Pld Jolt get (he President's ear?"
"No; but got pice of Ids mllld."- I
Yonkers' Statesman. j
"(iisuge describes the girl he Is en
gaged tonsil perfect vision."
"Yes, and his sister says she Is a I
sight!" Indianapolis Jouiuiil. !
Hiiperln'l ve Aniinlah.
Kihel is,vuq,athi'tlciilly) - It's no won J
tier poor mother weeps from the pain
of tliat swollen face.
May It's Hot the pain thnt mnker '
her weep, deiir; It's the thought that !
the Woman's Rights Club meets here
to night and she won't be able to talk."
A hri k.
"How do you stand on the financial
"I think I shall stand pat. At least,
when I went to the bank I was told
I could not draw."- lndlaiiax,lls Jour
Too Olied rnt.
Kind I July -A Ii, If you had done
what your poor mother told you, you
might not be In this situation.
Convict -I don't know. She told me
to go out Into Ihe world and nink
money.- Pol roll Pree Press.
Anrt Tlirra Ara Others
P.thel- Aren't you sorry for Gr e?
P.dllh-Why, what's happened to It?
-Pick Mc Pp. ,
I'lraaail In Pre Mini.
"Why nre you so hungry, Tommy?
you tMik your luuchixiu to sch,x,l, did
"Yessiim. Hut I met a pisir, hungry
tramp, nnd I gave It lo dim."
"You did? And was he phiised?"
"Yessiim. lie sn Id he hoped he'd have
the pleasure of meeting me again."
Tims It Waa Oouaw
"Mr. Heiipeck," said the doctor, after
examination, "I fear your wife's mind
"That doesn't surprise tne," said the
poor man. "She has been giving me ft
pice of It every day for ten yenrs."
The I'roiirr Diet.
"Pin going to he a contortionist when
I grow up," said little Johnny, proudly.
"I'm In training now, so I want you to
tel line what Is the best thing for me to
"Green apples, my Isiy," chuckled the
old iiiiiii.-Peuiorest'a Magazine.
The Yvoiiimii Who Wouldn't.
A pretty peasant maiden In one of the
suburbs of Khuikoff, Itussla, was re
cently coerced by her relatives into
consenting to niurry a small propr'etor
nf the lielghborhoixl for whom she 1 11
tertalnisl a sis-Hal dislike. The wed
ding party appwinxl before the altar of
one of the city churches. The servitv
wont on until the olllchitlng priest put
the usual question, "W'Jt thou t ike this
man," and so forth. Th! gill to this
replhsl with an emphatic negative, nnd
all the persuasions of her friends fulbsl
to change her resolution.
The wisbllng nrty returmsl to the
house of the bride's (in rents, who again
vainly endeavorisl to shake the girl's
olxluracy. Tho unfortunate and un
willing girl was then soundly beaten
not only by her parents, but also h
the friends of the biiilcgnxmi. Mi
was curried Imck weeping to the
church by the wedding jxirty, and the
murrhige ceremony was recommenced.
Again came the crucial question to the
bride, and once more the unhappy girl,
with tears and blushes, resonantly ex
cluluiisl, "No! A thousand rtnes, no!"
nnd appealed earnestly to the lrotc
tloti of the iirlest, which was reudlly
V 1 I A
"The vsnrhl g..es well, nn, I life Is til gay
There is in i to -morrow. Just to day!"
Smiling I xn id it, nnd turn, si togo
Thinking Mildly 'tuoiihl ever be so.
A friend xniil softly, "life is all wis?;
.Inv is s thing I never shall kn."
Smiling she mini it, i sillily resigned,
Ser ilr.-iiine I ihe clmd vv n all silver hoed.
I.ster, wlien life liml drought sore grief.
And r,, I. Ihh in,. ,,f sll tluil first belief,
I met this friend. Ah! Joy had been there,
Pitted her burdens, slid eased her care.
- Huston Transcript.
"l'i but ft feeble strain 1 sing to ther;
iiiiiiigti when 1 sing to ethers, hurulnf
Prmii lirightest fancies uf tde drain Is
Where is my msiiliixxl, lore, thnt I should
So weak, my ow a, where ! won hi win thy
My fnirot Inurela to adorn thy brow
I fnin would offer idee III rsptura now;
Y,i, if rejected, acorucd! through paisinf
d ii j s
Mv heart sluill ss a vision ever fair,
Iiiiiii. ,rtnl, through my love, whose touch
Until power thus lo claim the ever
Prmn cderishisl hopes (o lift tht veil il
- Huston Transcript.
A Favorite I'urm,
I wniiilereil lonely as a clniid
Thnt llonta on high o'er vales anil hills,
When sll nt once 1 snw a crowd,
A host nf golden ihifTndila,
Hi-side the lake, licmslth the trees
liutteriiig and dniieiug In the breeie.
Coiitiiiiiinis ns the stars thnt shin
And twinkle on the milky way,
They siretedisl in never eliding line
Along the margin nf bay.
Ten thousand mm I st a glance,
Tossing their deiuls In sprightly danee.
The waves beside them ihinrcd, but the
Outdid the sparkling naves ill glee;
A poet could not but Is- gay
In sued a Jocund company.
I gated and ituxcd, but little thought
Winit wen I ill that allow to nia bail
per often when mi my couch I lie, ,
In vacant or In pensive nmod, ,,
They 11 a sli upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss nf solitude.
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dunces with the daffodils.
- Wordsworth. , , ,
Tde gulden rays lire lleetlng and night
draws on apace,
Pinna u.sls her dusky ruhe o'er heaven's
I'n rth's deepest vales nre sleeping, In nilst
lies Jocund I lay;
Wrapped in slumber so divine, st though
she knelt to pray.
The pearly gates are opening, the lustrous
stars hurst through,
While shskeu from a cherub's bands fall
drops nf crystal dew.
Hark! sugels bright are singing; their
voices, clear and sweet.
Tell o'er and o'er the story of old, of
Christ the niercy-sest.
The flowers, their heads uplifting, send
incense, pure slid rare.
To mingle with the chimin shove, and shed
sweet frugrsnee there;
While gentle sephyrs, singing through
every leafy tree,
Cool many a but and fevered brow before
lliey turu to flea.
Ho, Idas with voice ascending Id prals to
Who clothes the lily of ths field, who
tenches truth and love,
We weleomv In the morning Aurora, clear
And hid Pisna fond farevtell farewell to
The l.oat Hhlp.
No tidings! though across the broad Al
iunde We Urslu our eyes fur that devoted
No tiding"! though thousand hearts ara
To succor and redeem berl I
We tell the rosary of the days with sor
row, Marking each decade with a mournful
To-day dcspoudlng -hoping that to-morrow
Her hull will blot the borlton. I
lu many gorgeous mansion's rich Inte
rior Wealth sits alone with anguish ther
to mar It;
And many a heart la feeling not Inferior
Pies breaking in Its garret.
Hobs for her splendid hoy the wealthy
Her rank, her gold, can nothing dost
Kqual In grief, the seamstress, as the
Wcc for her huuest sudor.
Across the lund the thin wires talking
Heur anxious questions from th bill
In some fnr corner Silas whispers humbly;
About his blue-eyed Mary.
"Pis hard, hut best, to blink the truth no
No longer manufacture consolations;
Hut cheer tde weak, and plainly tell th
To dear tde rod with patience. ,
Whether the vessel sauk like bird of
Whether the Icebergs floated o'er her
'Twere worse to trifle with tb heart'
Than face the terror boldly. j
They nre not lost! though ocean's arm
pry the red eyes aud bush the fitful ,
They are not lust, though we shall Dot
God has them In his keeping!