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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 22, 1897)
A -.TERRIBLE : TEMPER.
If there U nuy thing especially oli-
i,,us 111 till', nvowcii .nihil .miipiiy,
lii solemn conclusion, " It I Interfer
ence with Hit' affairs of others; but In
i:. i. case I said to myself, 'Duty, Mary
Ami,. Murphy, duly!' "
n:" gasped Jessica. Flic liml Blink
l,.i,k In tin1 roselierlbboned nit tan
p kiT iii iilu a tremor of dismay.
a very charming room, this suburban
i .. , t : . . r. Into which gold ImrM of snu
..IiIiii' hlllliri'i) through the linlf-elosod
i neiliiiiM. Wortliy even of pretty
T . - a - It. with Itii tiled hardwood
;'. ii h sliver-fox anil hcnrsklu rugs,
I Madras-draped windows, lis quaint
ly 'iiKilerii niniitel of polished oak. Uk
n r. lii l ie chairs, It H grotesque tables,
r il.imiv aquarelles, 1 1 h Chinese ;ilil
iio.s, its hlciulor but admirably chosen
i. !!. c ilmi of bisque and I.imngcs.
Ainl surely .ye, however critical,
could crave no tweeter picture than
Villi' Miss Itay niiiile In tier pale blue
hii.'iIi tea Kimn, cascaded with Valeti
. l.mi.n. mid all her bronze-bright rlp-l-ly
hair braided In childish fashion
itiiw n her hack. lu) Just now tlie love
ly i.iee wns curiously odorless, the pur
ple blue rye wide anil KtanW under
tl.i-.r I, .nu' In alio.
llnte n rdjciice ntter that shnrp
rTi lamatloii of Jessica's. MIks Murphy
oiibl alToril to be silent, 'She
lr pped lier xiiin 11 shell niiil hud ex
.I'd tvltli a most KiitlNfai'tory report,
Mie sat rigidly erect In the coneclou-iie-s
nf duty done, every fold of her
black silk vihltlng costume Htirr with
propriety, every iioinpoti on the brown
hi, go lioliuet brlMlliiB with nsiccla
I don't believe a word 'of It." de
flated JehNlca, slowly.
Jl iniiiolite, the remark wan In no de
isri'i Insolent. It was simply (he ulter
jn.ee of a eonvletlon. Mlhs Muiphy
n.s not otTi'liiled. She removed her
::i.v from a k'W lt Van KIIou'h on the
I !'hlle wall t fflhten It on the iikI
l.i'r.l luil,. J.nly Iii the rtw ker. It took
eiiduriiuee on Jesslea'H part to it
n My under the wnitlii.v of thohe fmj-
! Iillle i-yt'H -eyeij tl'lerailt, plileid.
I' .lining, ns thoNL' of a bililKniiiit old
It Ik true, my dear. lie o.-tlil It. I
li'iird him with my own ears:-'
Ti ls really was iinaiiKwerable.
"They were In the front junior." pnr-m;.-'1
.lihs Mui-jiliy, folditiK lier plump.
t:ii: i:1,'Ved hands with actiraviuliiK
1'iMire and Ferenlty. "I sat sewing
Jim behind tile portiere. I never would I
bnve Ma Id cuiild I only have foretold j
what nan comlni;. They had been
talking nlmnt other things, and were
hi!, in fur it while. Suddenly my Ned
Iuim out IntighiiiK. you've "eon
I ' i .' he said, 'and you don't fan.-y h"r,
eh-' l iiiiey her,' echoed Jaek. 'Wti!,
J Mi.'iild say not: "
"Neil?' urged Jesslea, sieadl1;'.
vhe would hear It out. she told lier
'1f flie would every word of It!
"Well, then." olowly, to heli;htet) by
np, i:e the effect of her naTnMve.
"N'd Mild, The iMiyg aro'ind here ail
lik.. her Immensely. Koy J'ates
! s a dalsvr "
inoaned Jessica. "You must e-piisi-
ilnit uediew of tnlne, my l-nr;
'ii iviIl'.v must. Ned but rejteati li.K
hear. HesldeH, you know, h Ik
a boy yet-Just IS. What Xtd
is of uo Inijiortauee. l'loasi go
sat erect again, very jiale aril
' lallve. Indeed.
I' you ItiHlst ou hearing," hesltat
V. "Jack rejdlisl, 'Well. I duti't. I
j'lxt at first. I confess for awhile
d. eelvi d me. Hut a few days gave
nough of her.' Ned shUI: -Why.
ill thought you were In great luck
b' -vt her.' -I.tn k!' erled Jack In aii
"' i. so loud my dir, I fairly Jump
"I I.iirk! Yes, the most confounded
e ,,f bad luck I ever struck." I am
ashamed gny mj. ,j,,ar 1)tl, , hll
"t-o-loua J must say that here Ned.
i" ' nirrleil away by his youthful
ethics, liujiiired: 'Can't you get
' "' of It V And Jack said: 'Confound It,
j "' That's the worst of It. I can't
t'.-'k hiii ji n iitract vlth any honor
t , ii,.i ...Jf. j;,,, 01j. Wsll WUI, (1,1(r
i''ll.. xtnnd In my sboca Just now. I've
1 11 'ii, d m Hike lier, and I've got to do
" ' ''t It's a deuced bad bargflin'-idi,
'b ar .Iu..iea, you're not golnh' to
f.i i.i "
" put out her hand
' ". Miss Muridiy, I am not going to
Murpby was rather illsroneert
j'' H-rsheii had not exploded noisily,
:t " ''' Hut now that the smoke was
''"'.'tig nwny she, nt whose feet It
' ' n Hung, was not dead -not even
elieve that was all, for Just
t:., n .
I ll .
h r m
one oy,. summoiied Jack. Hut
"nt out he called back to Ned:
"' )'ou at rtr ant's to-niorrow
'" 'I talk this unfortunate blun-
r tj;.iin. lte In my study at l'h
' I i'oii there "
Al that really Is all?" Queried J, -
I'llle her own possessed self
l :id ;,i
i f ,
Murphy started. To once more
!' similes, her balloon, which
;' 'I up so stralghtly and secure- (
ii. had suddenly collapsed and i
:e with startling rajiidity. j
"il, Uilnk." severely. "It would I
l""' eiioiu.h -
-u' You know aa'overdoae of poi-1
' ,.i)tu. lu, i 1 1 . ii n lu' '
- r "
son ixrasloiiiilly counteracts the effect
of a lesser ijuantlty, u. id I think." with
a Millie charmingly confidential. "It Ik
something the same way with g,sip
iiou i you? '
It was .Miss Murphy's turn to gasp.
Such a girl: Hut then one never could
nnderstaiid Jessica Kay. Miss Murphy
thought it was time to go. With the
cessation of conversation roncriiln,.
personal affairs her Interest died a nat
ural death. She was averse to wading
In foreign waters. The Inodorous (MMd
scummed over with village scandal suf
Heed her. She feared audit i ...
"lioodby. my dear." wlih u bewil
dered shake of the tluclc! bounci. -j
am so sorry I had to tell you. j.f,. u
full of unpleasant duties, j m ver lik
to Interfere In other cop(.' affaliw.
Charity. I always say; 'charity and
silence.' If there Is anything I juirllc
ularly detest It Is talebearing. Wl,
as I said, I must Ik- going. ;lMid by,
Uiy dear. I'm so glad you Uuti't mind."
" loihl-by," cordially.
"We nil thought," ,au-lng at the door
for a panliiK thrust, "that It was to be
not only a marriage de convenanee,
but a genuine love affair on l,Hi sides."
"Indeeiir' said Jessica, brightly ureli-
ing her jiretty brows.
And tlii-ii at last the door closed on
her visitor's broad, black-silk back. The
blilheiiess born of bravado dh-d out of
little MS Hay's face. Sho went slow
ly buck to I lie rose beribbolied nicker
and sat down therein for a good. heart
sick, discontented, inortlilcd, miserable
cry. When hhe had been very, very
young and charming, and Jin k Suther
land an awkward lad of 10, their fath
ers had ilaiiiied a marriage In the fu
ture. 'J'he planning stood, by the way.
II) miii hii h p'. 'ii My substantial basis,
looking at the affair from a financial
point of view.
Soon after Jack's father had died and
Jack had gone to live with his mother's
relatives In lliiglaud. I lo carried with
Iii tti the memory of a pair of sweet
eyes, for all the world like b!g, blue,
(lew-wet forget ine liiits, fur wee ,les
s,'H had parted from her playmate with
a imrticulaily tender and protesting
farewell. Tw elve years pas.nl. Neltli
er chafed as In uuvcllstlc traditions
bound - against the paternal decision of
their child! d. No fair Kngl!li maid
eu displaced his first love In .lack's
loyal heart. As for Jessica, she had
grown to think of Jack as a hero w ho
was coming across the sea to claim her.
When she anticipated that coining be
fore her mind's eye forth jirauccd
snowy charger bearing a plumed
One day, Just two weeks ago It was,
she went dow n to the draw lug room In
response to the servant's aiiiiounci
incut. A gentleman standing In the
window turned at her entrance. lie
came swiftly forward, both hands ex
tended, bis face brightening with gay
"It Is It Is- little Jessica I'
She knew hi. .1 then. Without cur
veted no splendid steed. Hy Ills side
swung no Jeweled scabbard. Around
his neck swung no mandolin. From
his shoulder fell no cloak of ruby vel
vet. Not stalwart siatured was he, nor
raven haired, nor Hashing eyed. Not
the grand creation of her girlhood's
sweet foolish dreams, In truth, his riv
als would have said, a very ordinary
vounir man. Hut he had come: Jessica s
lieart gave a great throb. A true worn
an, though, ego, an arch-hypocrite,, she
put her hand In his with an air of cool
surprise, a touch of wcllbred reproof
lu her greeting.
"And vou are-Mr. Sutherland!"
Neither had In any way suggested thi
mIiI relation lu which they tacitly stood
to each other, lloth felt tl li.iln that
bound them, for all Its massive golden
links a very frail and brittle one In the
imssloiiate strength of youthful Im
pulse. Neither would be slow to tllllg
It ott If the bandage proved oppressive,
However, It did hot. The childish. Ig
norant, romantic affection which had
bis'ii smoldering in their hearts since
the sorrow ful parting of the playmates,
at a word, a touch, a look, blazed up
into a pure and strong and steady
flame. f Ms courtship Jack Suther
land made short work. Putting n'ide
the understanding between their fath
ers like the man he was he wooed her
for her own sweet sake.
Just two night ago he had told her
lu his own direct fashion how dearly
he loved her. And Jo.s.,ica-wcll. last
evening had conn- the sapphire ring
that-only hist evening and to-day this.
If M;.'s Muni's licit little shell
brought di-utli It lia.i eausisi
palu akin t
"It's the h
nioaucJ Jcs.i a.
.table money h"
And tle tl 1 face
wants. It 1
. a." l-fo
a k : . i 1 .
,h'W n crying nfre
after aw llile she
, , !i 1:1
as li -Ibit
b'.ug two very sn.all r
two very p;nk ejes. "I
to-night. And I'll I- ! 'I
Ifl. And I'll le':'r , :"''
ii., I won't! I won't cuv,
I'll l.s.k my very loiel :
And she del. Q
As she (iin.e up the nrl
HryatH's "small and early"
j.liy-alwaj tlrst -,u th" tl
i i,..p In HlnllZelilellt. tjllltf
,r nt M s.
! ' a -!
lug vision litiie Miss lUy t-au:, r,--
UprM, star eyesj, amlltng, her illm,
dusk draperies of lace trnlllDj soft!
behind her, a huge cluster of violets as
her iH'soiu. It was after 10 before ah
could escnj'e from lier comjianlou and
make her way to thp library. Her
hand oil the p,,rti,re dividing thai
apartment troiu the niuiuliig room, sh
I'll us, d.
Voices. She didn't Intend to iave
drop, of course. It w as uulnteutlotial-.
nil was said and over so quickly.
P.iinlly of course It was dlshouorable,
but I think as a rule we are n t apt U
consider ijuestlons of honor with ex
treme nicety wheu our hearts are wry
"I've decided to take her." Jack'
quiet voice was saying, wearily. "It's
the only thing 1 can do now."
"She's hk'.tttsli, I know, but iby way
of consolation) she may outgrew that."
Jes.lc.1 groatnsl Involunturlly. Jack
glancisl toward the curtain.
"Well, drop the subject." In a lower
voice: "Keep It dark, like a g.shl boy.
1 don't want eople to know 1 am such
a young fool as to be faken tu by a
bag of bones, sit paint and dr.ifs."
Joshli.i was plump as a purtr'.,i,,
and her complexion was a "bloom" ,iit
entisl by nature's self. Tim Illuming
room was unlit save from the hull.
Thank goodness for that! She felt her
self grow Ing faint and d:7.zy. Was Hint
.lack who talked so could It be- her
"O, come now !" laughed Ned. "you
know you are exaggerating. She's not
quite as bad as that!"
"Pretty nearly!" ruefully. "I don't
so much mind her skltt)sliiies-I could
break her of that. 1 flatter tnyself-but
she has a terrible temper!"
She must not faint, Jessica told her
self frantically. O, she must tint! Wm
that dark thing beside her lu the shad
w of the portiere a fauteull. She sank
down on It heavily, weakly, exhausted
ly. Horror of horrors! It at tlrst sue.
cumins! a second to her weight, Hu n
moved, protested with vigorous ener
AH faliitness banished. Jessica leaped
to her fivt, lier soft, quick cry of alarm
mingling with that uiutlled rour of
"That's aunt!" gasjsMl Nisi.
"Jessica!" cried Jack. He atnsle
forward and (lung aside Uie jiortlere.
The light from the library jiourtsl Into
the shadowy morning room. It fell ou
Jessica standing Just within, verv
white and trembling, and It showed ou
the floor a large and ungraceful beau
of crushed drab silk and bugles, dis
ordered "front," and grewsome groans.
1'or a moment they stisiil and stared
speechless, ltut Miss Murjiliy kopt
"What Is It nil nbout?" queried Ned
bew llderedly, helping his aunt to rise.
"I I," faltered Jessica, "sat down ou
"What " cried Ned.
"We were eavesdropping," confessed
Miss Murphy, with venomous candor,
"and Jessica took me for a footstool
"My darling" whispered Jack tun,
not to Miss Murjihy) "I thought when
I heard your voice you were hurt
Jessica flamed ui.
"How dare you? Stand back, slrl
Here's your ring." She tugged brave
ly, but It lilted well. "I have heard !n
what manner you speak of uiu. No,"
disgustedly, "don't appear astonished!
Itecall your conversation of yesterday
morning with Ned Sales."
Ned stared nt Is'lng thus abruptly
referred to. Jack looked dazed. "I did
not Intend to hear such another con
versation as that which had been re
lM'atisl to me, but I did. If I'm I'm,"
the rose crimsoning In her cheekJ,
"skittish," bringing out the hut of u I
word with a Jerk, "and -and a deuced
-bad - bargain," slow ly, "and If I'va
got a ter ter- here's your ring!'
She had wrenched It off at last.
Hut Jack did not take It. Ills dumb
dismay had turned to uproarious mirth.
It was well a noisy polonaise was In
jirogress lu the drawing-room. lis
laughed. He kept on laughing. Sud
denly the whole ludicrous misunder
standing bursting on Ned he struck ill
witli a very how l of delight, and they
fell Into each other's arms like a couple
of crany boys and supiHjrted each other
Hut, recollecting Jesslcn standing
there, Sutherland explained, between
shameful rclajisea Into laughter: "It
was -a horse. I thought 1 knew all
nbout horseilitdi. I knew nothing. I
have to take her the Idiocy Is inllie, I
fondly fancied I had found a Maud
Jim Kmlley's famous nag could beat
her. I gave a thousand for her. She's
worth and. now you understand!"
Tor Jessica had sprung forward,
mouth and eyes three sweet, remorse
"Jack-Jack! And how I talked Just
now!" all riotous blushes. "I must
have, after all, a a the kind of a tern
jier you said the horse had."
"I'll risk It," laughed Jack.
Hccdli-s-s of Mrs. Hryant's small
nephew who had entered and stood
stock still, nn exclamation jsilnt of In
quisitive delight; heedless of Nod, who
clung In s le.it, spasmodic convulsions
to the Hirtler,.; heedless even, this rash
young man. of Mlsa Murphy, that an
cient virgin, who, rigid ana rrigia,
glowered at him lu an acecs of scan
dalized modesty, he took his sweet
heart In his nrma with a good, long,
loving kis, and thus adoringly addrea-
Poiibted mi, did you? You "on
temptlble little wretch!" New York
An Insane Itlrd.
j jiftw- a blnl teinjsirarlly Insane once.
I believe. I hud is-en wamienng over
ihe beaches on the Wenalchli Illvlde
after nn uiiuccssrui pheasant ntiui.
Seeing a b'.g nd lo aded WoMli(s-ker on
yellow p!ne, I let go my 22-ciillber
Marlin at h in, mi l kii' ie-u mm uown.
loing to d' k him up. I saw the bird
lliub the tree from the ground, and
! . ..... n i, i.
when he ""'h i"""1 ' " o" w
guU to I'e- h SB lust un iil- . vu.u. aiej w
r. i-. h like the il-ii'"' hi uie ame tune.
He paid no atlelite'li i" , mi ''pi on
king and . r-ss'hing, in spite or my
efforts to reach him. I Anally sneered
ed in ge't.t.g b'm, but best. I picked and
re-s hed, ii coiiida't Imagine what
was the matter until after wringing his
tie. k I examined 1dm, and found that
th,- bullet h'l simply crajxM the ikull.
r r'.bi' ing. I nil", coiii'iuwloo of tha
bruin a! tirr. and 1 temt'-ra luaaiilty,
w to snk--Ir'oret and 8txaia. j
d T . ANB 01.
A remarkable temp, mm,.,. , rm
was that dcllv, id by a i,i t l:i r,
land w hi, h cole lu. I, , m, ,..
Mill ing htalcliielit to I,', it,,, k: "What
makes ye shoot at , r I iu,ll,,r,.'i -p,.
drink! Aye, and what makes ye m.s
the.nV The drink!"
It was iM.fore an Ir.-h trial Justice.
The evidence was in. and the plain
Mi's attorney had li. i,e a long, elo
quent and logical a g iineui. Then the
defendant' iiitoi n. ) i,.k the ibmr,
What are you il.di.gV" asked the Jus
tice, n the lawyer begun. "Colng lo pn--sent
our stile of "t,c ,usc" "1 don't
want to hear both ',!,, ,iigue,. It
has a tlndlney to confuse the C t."
So the defetl, bint's luwicr at down.
The Viscountess S'.iei htooke, wife of
li 'bcit Lowe, was lu ,',,. h il.it of say
lug whatever came imm her mind nt
tin- moment. The l'i
day, said to In r.
ugly: "Veil know
nc" hat pinion
I. in, I Is said
to be a iu,, of shop k, ,
Id. U of till, llllg llo'll. ,
taij displays." "Ali,"
I l-le "f different i,
e.i'lei stand each oilier
i s. 1 ha,) no
n il great mill
he replied, o)
Millie, dl) lot
Now, I have
("li under the Impression
I'letich were a great military
A famous astronomer, whose knowl
edge of ,n 'ilin,eica facts as a dread
ful eiigaie of coiiversnlloii, on,'" ill
icrted hiinsclf i,y asking the company
If t he.i w , ie n h arc of the Immense dis
t hi, e they were from lieu veil. It was.
he informed ihem, so many millions of
,1 iiuotcrs of the solar system, and
would lake in. my thousand years to
travels,., -j don't know the distance
' ibo t ine." exclaimed a Scotchman,
who was pieseut. "that It would take
you io get io heaven, but I know this,
that it will n,,t lake yoq a millionth
part of the time to go to the other
i.. ... . ....
ii is ioi,i or an old Itaptlst iarsoti,
' us In Miglula. that he once visit-
ed a plaiiiaiion where the colons! her-
(ant who met him at the gale asked
which I, ,nn he would have his horse
put In. "Haw- .nut two barns?" asked
the l,t,,r. .es. sail," replied the
sonant, "dar's de old barn, and Mas'r
Wales has Jes Imilt a new on.
"Where do you usually ut the horses
oi cici gy nn ii w im come to see voiir
master':" "W ell. sail. If dey's Metho
u. si or i.upiisi, we gen ally puts cm
in ic ole burn, but f dey's 'Plscopals
im- puis tin in I lie new one." ''Well,
Hob. you can put my horse In the new
i, a in: 1 in a HapiNt, but my horse Is
A hen captain and a lawyer lived
next door to each other. One very
windy night the lawyer was reading
a book lu his study when a terrilic
crash upstairs startled him. I poll In
vestigating, he found that n chimney
had hurled Itseir through his i t, do-
lug considerable damage. He discov
ered It was the sea captain's chimney.
Hastening dow n to his library, he pull
ed out bis law 1 ks and hunted up
similar cases, devising and scheming
how he could secure satisfaction from
tin' detestable captain. W liilc thus en
gaged a note arrived from hii enemy
thai rend ns follows; "Sir: If yon
doii'l return those bricks at once, I will
pul Ihu matter ill I he hands of the
After n very "wet" stag dinner party
al a frontier post some years ago the
siibjist that came up for discussion
was the Mohammedan belief lu fate.
To the Mussulmans a man's fale Is
written above, and the lime of his
ihalh Is set, ami nothing can advance
It. This belief had been discussed
long and earnestly, (ine olllcer llmillv
arose and said there was uo use of ills
cussing the mutter any further; the
only way was to make a practical test
of the question, mid that lie would give
himself as ii subject, lie drew his pis
tol and showed thai It was loaded. He
placed the pistol against his ti-lii)
and pulled the trigger. The pistol
missed lire, "A trick." yelled the
crowd. The fatalist smihsl, and ri
cocking ine pistol, aiiiici it with a
steady baud at Urn clock on the wall.
lie ilred, and the bullet crashed
through the center of Hie dial
gi.e to mo now," he said,
always believed In fate,"
A lady was one day approaching the
modest home of the 1'nrh li s In Cheynu
Walk, says the Haxar. Poor, long sut
feiing Jcauille Welsh l'ail Io, up lu I he
balcony, looked down at her. "tl, do,"
she called out, "come In! Mary Ann
and I lire so tlnsl of watering Car
hi,'!" The lady entered, and was es
corted to the little garden at the hack
,.f the house. There -Ii was s hot day
sat the great man, lu a pool of water.
I ,,r hours the two devovd uoim n hud
been taking turns In del iging the flag
stones around him by menus of a large
watering pot. lie was very particular
that Hot a drop should touch his sacred
person, W hlell Uo dollbt doubled till'
iblliculty of the t peratiou. The same
aiiihoilly rela'es that Mrs. Cai'lyle bad
a dog whh'h she l,,ed; but It Would
come III w 1th ibrty feel, and '.he h,h u-ellc-phi,,so,i,
r ,,l,J,s ed. No one hum
willing to wash the creature, yet lit
had to lie cleaned somehow. Finally
there was an .'inaiigemeut made with
li local lauii'li, ss. and she washed him
inlliig him lioine
clean i ,,; lies.
basket v III, tin
I hn I rent 00 nt of Itloycle l.aniia.
If a bright hght a ml a free combus
tion are 10 be maintained In a cycle
lump, it I ' necessary at tutorials
to cleanse tl e Intel lor of (he accumu
late! lampU.o k, which will otherwise
fall In flak's upon ihv wick and cause
smoking W I .en signs of foulness ap
j ;i r . remove 1I.0 reservoir and scrnpc
the top of ti e l imp clear Of black de
posit. If then- has Is-en any leakage
of oil, the whole of tlie lamp may be
rleatiid by l.nii.eisllig in warm water,
1 oiitulnliig a linle soap and some soda.
Cure should be taken to remove all tar
nish from the reflector and front glass.
I niipwl, ks generally become until for
us, before they arc fully consumed, ow
ing in the effects of (onilnucd limner
s ou In the oil: and the frequentO lialig
Ing of Ihe v. k is another secret of In
suring a good light, enquired nicks,
sold lu l,M of a dozen, should be
us,. I A whk will be found to rt-tilu
Us quality for at b-nst a month. The
n-QTvoir should not l couipluteli (jl-
j ortr.eoti, when bean J. w iii ''iy
overflow. Always feed ni. trim a
lamp before starting on a il.ie Turn
Ing iiji the nick too high i the usual
cause of smoking, but an iiiiirlmmeil
:.k iaiill, be ei,,sl .i gne h,m.,1
ii sulis. IT o Mi .'lier H e mm oi tbn
lamp ic, ,. t:i. gr, .m r it:,, atteu.ioii r
quired to ko p It ill ctllelcl I older I 'P
oi din.ii rubtig purpi's, , ,i
hle. of al oll! lour'ecll
"eight Is perhaps the most ,1,
uie , s in
ONE OF LINCOLN'S STORIES.
The M mi V Hii Trie, I tu Adv
('iiiiliondrr nt I'm er-Merlin .
The following anecdote by t.lncolu Is
lecotiuied by ib in ral lbia, e Porter ;u
his 'l ampalgiiiiig w th liruni" lu the
t'ciiiury. It was t,,,l during Lincoln'
isit to the front at City Point.
lu the coill'hc of the conversation ih.it
evening he hpoke if the Improvciiietii
In nriii a in I ,iu, u, nun!., n, and of ,c
new powder prepared for the illtccu
Im li guns, lie hald he had m ver t u
tbe hitler article, but he understood it
differed very mu.h from any other
powder I tut I liad ever been used. ,,,
him that I happened to hate III my tent
II specimen Which hid I II mil lo
headquarters as a curiosity, and that
I would bring it io ti i in. When 1 r,...
lll'hc, with a gram of the pow dor
about ihe sire of a walnut, he look It,
Untied ll oer In his burnt, and alter
cMinilnlng h carefully, said: "Well,
It's rather larger than Hie powder we
used lo buy lu my shooting dais. I. re
minds uie of what occurred once lu q
country meeting house In Sangamon
I'l'imiy. Vou see, there were ery few
newspapers then, mid the country
storekeepers tin, I lo resort to s e oili
er mean of advert Isiim t lu-lr wares.
If, for Instance, Hie preacher happened
to be late lu coining to a prayer meet
ing of all c riling, the hhopkeepeis
would often pin Iii Hit- time while the
people were walling by notifying then
of any new arrival of an iiltractlvc lino
"One evening imin rose up and said;
Ibcllneu, h' me la' e occasion to say,
while we're a wall In', that I ha e Jest
rocrlu-il a new Inv'lre of hportlll' pow -
Her. Hie grains are so small you klu
KcaVcly tor 'em wlih the naked rye,
and polished up so Hue ion klu stand
up and comb yer lia'r in front o' one
o' them grains Jesi like It was a look
In' glass. Hope you'll come down to my
store al the crossroads ami examine
that powder for yoni-helvcs.'
"W In n he had got about this far a
rival powder merchant in the u ilng,
who had been boiling over with ludlg
nation al the amount of advertising the
Opposition powder W.ls Mi lling, J ,e,
tqi mid i rid oin. Itretliieu. I iopu
you'll not hciicif n single word Hrotlicr
Jolics has been mm In' alioiit that pow.
del'. I've been down thar liiul seen It
for myself, and I pledge you mv word ,
that the grains Is bigger than Ihe lumps
III a coal pile; and any one of you,
brethren, ef you was in your future
state, could put a bar' I o' thai powder
ou your shoulder and march rquar'
(hioiig (he yiilphiii'loiis Humes sur
rouiuliu' you without the least danger
of an explosion.' "
Tbe I' so 1 11I (.iriiftc.
"I'sifulV" said the old circus liuiii.
"Why. In many ways, the jjirall'e Is the
most useful of all animals in a circus.
The t'lephlllll Is good; you rail halo
htm push or pull heavy loads, or you
ran hook him up lo t no can, mid havi
hi. 11 haul 11 child around the ring lu It.
This always pleased Hie pie very
pinch, to see tlie elephant haul a lllthi
go-cart around when It would be Just
as easy for il to haul a house. Put that
never began lo please I hem so I1111M1,
for Instance, as It did to see the glraffj
light tho lumps.
Wu had 11 giraffe that was fullv
eighteen feel high. Humph! The tall
est giraffe I ever saw. We iiIwiivj
used tu have him light the Iuiiim
ll roll lid the center pole before the even j
lug sliuw. These lamps were 011 a 1
square frame around the pole, held up '
by a rope running over a iulley. Tin
ordinary way of lighting tlieui was lo 1
lower the frame down to the ground
and light the lamps and then h'ist her
up. Hut we always usisl to have the
giraffe light 'em. .Inst before tlie show
was going tu Is-glii, tent full of people,
and everylsuly wondering why It was
so kind u' dark, in would come tho j
glinffe' keeper carrying a lighted
torch, and artcr him the giraffe. They'd
walk out Into the center of tho ring j
mid walk around the center pole und
halt, and then (lie giraffe would bow
around to the audience. It was funny .
enough to see him how; but w hen he'd '
got through bowing he'd bend his head !
down and take the torch In his teeth 1
and then raise his head up ami walk
around ami reach up ami light the
lamps on the frame. When he got 'em
nil lit he'd give the torch back to the j
keeper, ami Ihiw all around again, nml
thru walk off, the keeper following
him with the lighted torch.
"I'lilic Why! It used to tickle Un
people most half to death," New York
Tim l.aiiminge of a I'et liagle.
Mr. W. l.o (.'. Heard writes lu St.
Nicholas of a pet eagle named Moses,
which he caught in the Arizona desert.
Mr. Heard said: Moses had a language
of his own, which, by the constant
practice he gave us, we soon learned to
understand. It consisted of a series of
cries, nil harsh ami iierve-rasplug, but
perfectly distinct, each one exjiresslng
a different emotion. Thus, rage, en
treaty, excitement and pleasure well)
each easily dlstlugulslnsl by those w ho
knew him well. Ills one syllable note
of greeting was more explosive and
perhaps a shade less disagreeable than
the rest; and lie hud 11N0 a low, croon
Ing sort of murmur; but this he used
only In soliloquy, so to us It expressisl
only tlie fad that Moses was talking
over things w ith himself.
1 Im hilii r Tree,
tuiw-ler, who has recentjy explored
the countiy about ( iiie Negro In Af
rica, tells of a curious plant called tla
spider tree. It grows mi windy plains,
It s.eiii iituilulug a diameter of four
feet, although It does not exceed olio
foot lu height. It put out (wo leaves,
each six or eight feet III length, ami
these are spilt by ihe w hitting of Ihu
wind, Into a number of si Iff. narrow
rthlxiiii, bearing tin little rcsoinhlu lie
-to the leg of a gigantic spider. This
rcsc uihliihce becomes startling wheu a
strong hrccr.e nits Hie log like leave
lu'o rapid motion, and the negroes shlv.
erlugly exclaim Hint the great spider la
txuigllDg to get loose, I
SITPOSE WE SMIf
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
Tt-E COMIC PAPERS.
liKolrnls I Vi-ii r riii., .i,.
W orl.t Ow r hajrln... thal Are l heor
I") I.. HI, I r Ttuil- Kiln ii t-eliv
Hon. that i:.irlioil, Will :nj,.
1 lie N, !.,
The first arrival W hy. what is th ,t
llolse. W lllleV
IV 1 1 ... j.,. . , . .
" '" papa mid mamma
trying to get the family skeleton ,a, k
Into ihe closet before Hie guests nr
Movements oil Knot.
Jinks There is a man who has a
tiuiiii'ei' of movements ou foot for mak
Kinks Who Is he?
Jinks I don't know his iniiiie. but
he's a dam lug teacher.- New York
Adv el I Iscr.
Still Mure I'm Iftil.
He Ii must be dreadful when a pm.
fcssioiuil singer knows she has lost her
SI,,, !nt it l.sllll more dreadful w hen
shels mil aware of Ihe fact. Standard.
"II. n!" said I he doctor, who had am
ple,! Ids patient's ho of cigars mid
"' I at hU chest with his stethn-
"ll sounds to nie like cabliage
' vl' men." said I'liele P.ben, "kin
train er i,,g ter do anyflng dey tells
'Im an' al de same time raise de inos'
il.sobjeiiioiicsl chilltlll lu de nelghlm"
hood " Washington Star.
Ir e, I In Tell Ihn Truth.
She (after Hie holo ynnsiui- Vou
reived me. You o, me then
inoiiey tomliig to you.
lie es, I meant yours. - llostoii
He K nr iv Ham Unit Well.
Say, Jeein. doe vou know
ilal Sam Jinks am great os 'uicuiIht
1 I'al limy be. Hut when It
I comes to borrowed money de faculty
- samier ichus htm.
' Mrs. Pi ake-1 can't see w hy a
j great lug fellow like ymt should Is g.
I Hungry I lank-Well un, I s'poso
' me size helps to gimme ail apis'tlte.
Tnlerr.lln, to tha Mergr.
A minister who used tu preach hi
Somen Ille had a little Isiy. A few days
I before Ins lalher left the city lo go til
his new parish one of his neighbor
, said to Ihe little Isiy:
I "so your rather Is going to work In
I New Itedford, Is he?"
j The Utile boy h Hiked Up wondering!)'.
; "oh. 1111," he said. "Only preach."
I Somen Ille Journal.
Tlis Modern Mr! tin, I.
''Has Mr. Ie liroken proposed to you
yet.. I lea I rhi'?"
"No. but he has a lawyer looking Into
papa's llmiiiriul affairs." Detroit
OIvIiik Him Lift.
"I thought per lia ps you would glvo
a lift, hii," he said, a he entered
"You will Hud the elevator In the
front of the building," replied tho
A r tin mux nf Heart.
"Is Maud still thinking of Joining a
religious sisterhood V"
"Hraoloiis. no! 11,-r falher Ismght
her a new bicycle."- Indianapolis
A 1, 11 11. t a Fatal lllnw.
I lrsi Chappie-Aw, say, old feller,
how d'yer get thai, aw, big lump on
Second t happle Aw, I wun against
one or those bwutal toy balloons ou
llth street.-New York World.
"ll ain't the Hirliry loss of the prize
I cares about," said Mrs. iumprodgers,
who had failed to score In any event,
"It's the InvidgiHius favoritism o' the
ole thliig!"-Ally Sloper.
Jn.t llrtwrrn r'rlrnit.
Miss older- Men must lie growing
Iliore iollte. I get seats III street car
much ufteuer than I did a few years
Miss Cutting -Well, It'a a mighty
1110:111 man that will let an old lady
stand. New York Journal.
"Im ui really have a snap
Oi 11 in '!'- pilvato aeeretnry ?"
"Well. I should ss) ,. All I have to
do Is to ki ,'p Mm lu fond excuse for
staying out bit,'." Det rolt Free Pn-s.
Ha ar tilas.
"I wants i..r , ' ii4 1 I'ulwmlo Pad
de. coming aboard he ulg ocean
sieamer, "de ma 0 a n'w -of dls float.
See" - .
"All right," sahl on of L sailor,
picking t 1 111 up and dropping t.'ui over
the stem, "take a look at the lrcp Her."
ClucluuuU Cowmerrlal Tribune.
II ii '
On HI. Oor4.
Dr rowder-Ah! How ar yon to
JT. Mr Gllrop?
Jilimp-Do you ask as to inqulrln
friend or as my famllyr phy.lclan?-
1 ii.ladelph a Nor, , American.
Ill,- I'ropcr lhln.
I) I ..... I . -t . .
o iiiiiigiiaru-.re vou an
the dog show ?
''ertalidy I alwayi
take bark In th..
"I don't bke your slq p, r, ma."
"That' strange. thought It would
nil ioti Just rlghl."-Town Tojilca.
A Crrst I nUcrlskioa.
t'hltlseraper ins he renll7.es the mng
tiltude of his task) -1 don't do this 'ere
Job by the piece, guv'nor. I shall hava
to charge you ,y the hour.- Kxcluiuge.
"I have come to tell you the story of
The form of the beautiful girl at his
side stirred uneasily.
"Not yet, not yet," she said Inqierlous
ly: "I must wait "
She glanced furtively In the direc
tion of the curtained alcove off the par
lor. "I'or my stenographer."-New York
A Oooit Hot.
II. what has Tom 111 v Is'i'ii
Mother lie cut tiff a piece of the
cat's tall, broke three w indows, black
ened the cook's eye, and built a Ism
tlre In Ihe cellar.
lather-Is that all? Tommy must
have lsen a good boy today. New
One little girl -My fat her belongs lo
one of the first families.
The other little girl -My paw alwaya
sii's Hie tlrst bluebird every spring
Soxey I suppose the reason rrtmjva
Is so successful Is ou account of tho
Interest he take In hi business.
Kinney-1 should say so. On every
thing you leave with him he take 10
ier cent.- Pittsburg New.
-ultra r.lther Way.
"Please, lr, pa setit me over to bor
niw your dn-ss suit, but If you'd prefer
to let him take your w heel he'd Just a
soou go for a ride." Cleveland Plain
Ilohslc - 1 did uot see you all last auin
nier. I suisise you were very inucli
I.oulso No, only to alKiut Ave fel
lows, but I hope to do hotter this season-
New York Tribune.
The Man of It.
Husband-If you refuse to believe me
there I nothing more to lie said.
Wife 1 dou't believe a word you
Ilnsbiind-Very well, then, let u talk
the whole matter over without quarn-b
lug about It.-Iietrolt Pre l'res.
Old Hald win give lit pateut fly
b rusher anil persplratlou wiper a trial
trlji. l.ustlge matter. ,
Her llpw.nl rilsht.
Hewitt-1 hear your servant left
without giving you any notice.
Jewett Yes; she lighted the Are
with keroeue. New York Tribune.
Mr. (Joldsteln I key, I key!
ha ivallf red a is-nny.
Mr. (loldateln Vot a grivat jsiy! Al
retty he vanta to shtart In jiceilntw a
a jiwiny In der lot machine. Tld-Bits.
Not a nbstantlal Fonadatlon.
"Your son haa plenty of sand, don't
"About enough to build false hopes
Any curt PchnoL
Mr. CrlmsoulM-ak Doe Pr. Goeasy
belong to the old school?
.Mr. Crlmsoulieak Y'ea; any old
school, I guess. Youkers Statesman.
"He's a very Biunll man, Isn't be
physically, 1 mean."
"Y'e, and not seriously out of propor.
Hon, either." Detroit News.
Iu the course of a lecture In Pitts
burg lately. M. Paul du Challlu, the
African explorer, told how he once
eoiitnilled a race of cannibal on the
Dark Continent. He had a number of
Waterbury watches, whose ticking
completely uonplused the savages and
caused them to regard htm as "spir
it." lie made a practice of leaving one
of these watches lu the villages where
he had stopped. After a while the
watch, of course, ran down and atop
jH'd, and the cannibals said that the
spirits had gone to overtake their mas
ter. When Du Challlu returned to
these village he alwaya got the watch
that he had left behind, aud unobserv
ed, wound It up again. Tbe uatlves
heard the ticking coutluued, declared
again that the explorer was a "spirit,"
and did their utmost to please him.
Third marriage are not favored by
the Husnlnn Church. It baa Just leaued
a decree Imposing a ndlglou penance
of from three to live years lu leugih up
in all widow and widowers who at
tempt nissHuiony for the third time;
and for all widows who marry after the
age of alxty a rigid penance of two
yearn' duration la prescribed.
f' i I . .