''it
m
to
HOW DICK
$ INTO A
to.
jsCs-Anyone or tile name or Ainu-
rih, I'" "" '-" 1,1 ""' v'"r ,s'w
t ii.iitfd eotiimuiilciite either personal
lv i.'r by letter wil1' A- Po'toMee. II"
,',. ,,rth. They must In- able to product)
c. riili' of birili. "'I"'1" references
when t lit y may hear of something 1" their
RIlUAHO AINSWOKTM read
the paragraph over ngaln at
tentively by the not too brilliant
light of a tallow candle, tlxed lu a bwr
bottle.
ii Is probably a hnnx. Most things
arc;
l,in once again, "liy
l I go; tails I (lull t. soldo-
qiiiz. il Ainsworth, tossing up a coin.
Tail, luiph. bad toss! Try ngaln.
Tails again! Tho fates are against
my having a day In tliu country evi
dently. Well, once inure for luck!"
Tin- sovereign tunii'd and twisted lu
tin-air and bounced on the table.
"Heads! That decides It," mi Id Alns
worth, pocketing the ''"'u- "I "'"''I K'."
The next day found hlin Heateil lu n
third-class smoking carriage of the
.'.;:.' to Hazel worth.
In his pocket his birth certlllcate, tils
mother's marriage certlllcate, some
i.d.l and end letters of reference, and
the paragraph In question, torn from
the agony coliiinii of the Times.
Arrived at Ids destination, lie In
quired for "A. '" ut the local postof.
tlee, and was referred to Mr. Hattye,
No 1 Anion villas. .Mr. Hattye proved
to bo a country solicitor of the old
flllMll.
"Your name, you say, Is Richard
Ainsworth?" queried Mr. Hattye.
Ainsworth answered III the iitllrinn
tlve, and handed over Ills certlllcate of
birth and other documents. The law
yer perused them carefully.
"These, of course, can Is? verltled
latel on," lie said. "Now, tell me, have
yon any living relations or connections
of any sort?"
"I've pit a sort of cousin somewhere,"
Fa 1,1 Ainsworth; "but he never usks me
to dine, and so I've cut him."
"I mean." said Mr. Hattye, "you have
no ties of any sort? No one who takes
an Interest In you?"
"(inly my landlady," said Ainsworth
cheerfully. "1 owe her $2.o0."
"Iu't be so lllppnnt, yoiini; innn.
This may be a serious matter for you.
Ad eccentric client of mine wishes to
adopt some one of your uge."
"If," said Ainsworth, "any one Is
yearning for my youthful nffcctlons,
they are to be had lu exchange for a
comfortable home. I'lease go on, sir;
I nm all attention."
"Well, the ease stands like this," said
Mr. Itattye, clearing his throat. "I have
a very eccentric client of the same
name as yourself aa old man mid a
bachelor.
'Tor a long time a nephew of his (of
the same nam-;, Ainsworth, and of ex
actly your age) lived with him. He had
the boy educated and treated hint as If
lie was his own son. Much to poor old
Mr. Ainsworth's disappointment, how
ever, the boy turned out badly. The
climax came when, one tine day, young
Arthur, that was the boy's name, forg
ed his uncle's signature on a check for
a fairly large amount.
"The forgery was detected mid the
hank sent the check down to my client.
He authorized them to pay the' money,
gave the forger n further check for
$.'oil. and turned him out of the house
Hie same day.
"My client, who Is now nn old man.
and In a very feeble state of health, Is
fanciful, as all Invalids are, nnd took It
Into his head that he wanted to ndopt
smne one of the same name and age as
his nephew. He said he was lonely,
and wanted somebody to talk to mid
cheer til 111 up.
"The upshot of it nil Is that he Insist
ed upon putting that advertisement In
tlie papers against my nil vice. As n ro
eult. 1 have been plagued with some
hundreds 0f letters nnd visits from
Alnsworths, real nnd Imaginary.
"You may be able to till the situation;
of course that Is not for mo to decide.
1 strongly disapprove of the whole idea,
and I know no reason why I shouldn't
disapprove of you. You seem to be able
o fultill the conditions, however. You
are educated, and apparently a gentle
man." The discussion was long-Richard
Ainsworth ditllclle. and Itattve sus
Plelous. Hut the old gentleman seemed
o take a great liking to Hick, as lie
Called llllli: mill In soli.. ,.f M It.. it,-.,-
crumbling, persuaded tilm to stav'for
'"ree months to see how he liked It.
I'lck tried It, liked it, nnd finally nc
T-ted the post permanently. He got
P'Miulnely attached to old Uncle Alns
wortli, and after a time managed the
iate for him. nnd made himself gen
'rally useful. So It came nlmut that
I'l' k clothed himself In purple and tine
'Kieu and called himself a lucky dog.
'I as about two years nfter Kick
became a nephew by adoption, that,
walking home one evening, with n gun
over his arm, ie was aware of nn In
0 vldual sitting on n stile and glaring
"I'll. As he wanted to get on quick
ly, he asked the man If he had bought
'e whole stile or only a part of It.
"How do ynu like nursing, eh? My
Jl'ectubie uncle U uot yet dead, I
tear."
"." said Dick, "your name Is Arthur
'uarlcs Hardinan Ainsworth, I sup
Pose?" "It used to Ik?," said the Individual
"u mo stile; "it's Henry Mih
les now.
, l,,ll(,r was-cr too long.
I found
" inconvenient."
"Ves," said Hick, "It's a long name.
Are rt)InI1K U) t( tho noUlw,r.
,"; rurse.you!" said the man sav-
st"!y.
"A Jon please." said Dick. "Only I
wight your uncle might be glad to see
Mint's all."
an'iV"' kln'"-v n't''!"! to your nursing
n'l have my business nlone see? And
0uI't tell my uucle you've seen me."
CAME a
FORTUNE. W
Mr. Miles thereupon let loose a choice
and varied assortment of oaii,s. en, lite
with a wish thai he. Hi.-k. would In,"
mediately ,eparl for a warmer climate.
"Weird specimen," thought Hi. I; I,,
himself iis he Htr,Mi ,lm, .mN
"llather unwashed, u.-isu- i.iii,-
-no. not at all a nice ornament 'in anv
bouse, tilinl he didn't come alolu-. af
ter all; It would have upset the old
man dreadfully. Curious his turning up
here when every one thought he was
so,,,,. 4.ini(, ,!,, ,,W.1V Nmv , ,,,,,.
what he's nfter? and why he's so keen
I'lirh- .In,, shouldn't know that he is In
Kngland';"
Hick strode along for the next quar
ter of a mile win, a thoughtful frown
on his usually placid face.
"I've half a mind to go and see old
Itattye." he muttered to himself. '(
think 1 will go and see Hattye.."
"Well. Hick, what Is It?" said Mr.
Hattye, bustling Into the room. "Have
a glass of sherry?"
"Thanks." k,1,1 Pick, "I will; my
nerves nre disordered. I've been try
lug to think."
"I mpb: growled the little lawver.
"When you've quite llulshed your mm
sense perhaps you'll condescend to tell
me what you've come for."
"Can you keep a secret':" asked Hick
"Suppose 1 can. It's my trade."
"Well. I Just met an Individual call
lug himself Arthur Charles llanlmaii
Ainsworth sitting on a stile about three
quarters of n mile from here; that's
all."
"Absurd!" said the elder man prompt
ly. "The sinner owning that name Is
somewhere at the back of l.agos."
"(Mllcially speaking, your Informa
tion Is accurate," said liick. "but he Is
visiting this particular district mi, I
i. ..i i i . .
uiu picasniK pscuiioiiym or llelilT
Miles. (, he's the real original, right
enough. I recognized him from his
picture."
"Whew! What a mess!" exclaimed
the lawyer. "What did you do?"
1 mlvlseil l,l, to come up to the
house ami try and patch things up."
"Ild you now.'" said Mr. Itattve
looking at hick curiously.
"Yes," said Hick; "and he refused tin
luvitaiiou witu mucli unnecessary
cursing. He made me promise not to
mention that I had seen him to I'nde
doe, ami I nm puzzled to think why he
has come here."
'Trout what I know of dear Arthur
I should say he had come after the
family plate." responded Mr. Hattye,
"(ulte so; but what is to lie done?"
"My dear boy, you must Just sit still
and await developments," said m,.
Hattye. laying bis hand on Hick's shoul
der. "There are not many people lu
your position who would have tried to
in, luce him to patch matters up. Not
that I think old Mr. Ainsworth would
have consented."
"Well, you see," said Hick, "the fel
low Is an awful scamp; but I feel that
1 am playing It rather low down on
him. all the same. Now I must hurry
off or I shall be late for dinner."
"Hick!" said old Mr. Ainsworth later
In the evening.
"Yes," said Hick without looking up.
"I've seen Mr. Hattye to-day, my
boy."
"()! What's up?"
"I've made a new will. Hick. I'm get
ting old nnd shaky, and I've got a lot
of money, you know."
"Yes," said Hick candidly, "you're
disgustingly rich."
"So will you be before very long.
Hick; I've left you everything. 1 signed
the will to-day."
"You mustn't do that," answered
Hick very quietly. "It's awfully good
of you, and don't think I'm not grate
ful, but It's not fair, l licle ,loe. I'm
no relation to you, and I've not the
slightest claim on you. You've I n
far loo kind to me as It is. There Is
some one else who has a right to be
your heir."
"It's no use discussing the matter."
said Mr. Ainsworth abruptly. "I
would rather leave my money to-to
provide Knglaml with an endless sup
ply of Cernian bands than leave a
farthing of It to the person you refer
to."
It was on the fifth evening nfter the
day that Hick first saw Arthur Ains
worth that he came across him again
for the second and last time.
(lid Mr. Ainsworth. who had com
plained of feeling seedy, went to bed
.lit itc after dinner, and Hick, who
was tired after a long day's shooting,
went to his room soon afterward, about
10.
lie undressed leisurely, smoking a
cigarette, and prepared for a quiet
hour or so of reading In bed. The book
proved Interesting and he had llulshed
the llrst volume about 1:.'M. Not feel
ing sleepy, he dcterml 1 to get the
second volume from the library.
He had already reached the bottom
(light of stall's, when a slight grating
sound made hlin pause. He listened
again and realized that it came from
the side door leading Into the garden.
Illowlllg out his caudle, he slipped into
the hall and Hung a large, dark cloak
over his light-colored pajamas. Stand
Ini; dose up against the wall, he listen
ed and watched.
The fumbling with the latch lasted
two or three mliiut-s longer; then the
bolt shot back with a sharp click and
the door was cautiously opened. A man
closed the door again and stole noise
lessly past him along the passage.
"The onlv Arthur:" muttered Pick.
"Humph: It's not the plate he's after,
he retlecte,!. as the figure turned aside
from the passage leading to the kitchen
and pantry.
The house was perfectly sild.t so
eut that Hick cuid .Ustii.c.y lear
theOinick. nervous breathing of t.e
man In front of him.
Nolsclesslv the to m-n cr-pt V
stain. The Intruder had removed his
boot, and HUk wa lu his bare fe I
O
C5
Atthetop the man turned to the rtcht,
nnd Hick's face grew stern. Hitherto '
he had made up his mind that the visit
was Intended for himself or the plate
chest. I'm now the man was moving
toward Mr. Alusworth's room.
All of a Mibh-ii Hick darted hnck
Into the shadow of a recess. The man
had turned on tils lantern, lie had a
wire Instrument lu his hand, and was
el,leiitly prepared for the door being
locked. He was saved the trouble,
however, iis It yielded easily to his
pressure.
II.' crossed quickly to the bedside,
and Hick caught the glitter of a small,
wicked l.x.klug knife lu his hand and
stood ready.
I'p went the hand, and at the same
Insiaiit Hick caught It seientlllcally lu
a grip like Iron, and seizing 1,1m by the
throat with the other hand effectually
prevented any unseemly noise.
As he did so he caught sight of I'ncle
loo's face, and dropped his prisoner
ith an oath.
"loud Codl" muttered the latter, also
looking at the bed. "lie's dead:"
Hick reverently covered up tin- face
w ith the sheet and turned to the would
be murderer, who, by a sudden reul
sion of feeling, was standing white and
limp wiih horror, plucking nervously
at the bed curtains. "Come," be said
bricily, and the man followed him out
of the room.
Hick led the way to the library, light
ed a candle, ami motioned to the man
to stand before him.
"(live me that knife," said Hick,
locking the door.
The knife was handed over.
"You came here intending to murder
your uncle to night."
"Hon'l!" said the man. shivering.
"I saw you come in. and followed
J on. I watched you the whole time.
1 thought at lirst you might have come
to iry and cut my throat; that would
have been excusable, seeing that your
uncle disinherited you III my favor Just
before he died.
"If you hadn't come here to night to
try ami murder your uncle I might
eventually have handed the properly
back to you; as It Is, I'm hanged If I
will, l'.y the way, 1 suppose you meant
to try and fasten the crime on me If
things had been otherwise? Have you
got any money';"
The man slnsik his head.
Hick unlocked the drawer and took
out S-oO lu notes.
"Now," he said, "I'll give you twenty
four hours to get out of I'.ngland.
Write me an address in New York that
will tlnd you on that slip of paper. In
a fortnight's time 1 will arrange to
send you a check to the address for
$.".1111(1. The share lu the property
which 1 should have otherwise restored
to you shall go to a hospital Instead.
Now, clear out and be thankful.' '
So Arthur Charles Hardinan Ains
worth vanished Into the night. And
Richard Ainsworth, the Interloper,
reigned In his stead. Tlt-ltits.
EVER NEW AND FRESH.
Muny I'emiins Orlu innto the Joke
About llrtukitiu the Camera.
"1 hope I didn't break the glass lu the
camera," she simpered, as the photog
rapher bowed her out of the door.
Then he Went over to his desk and
picked up II little book that Wild filled
with figures. "Seventy-three thousand
eight hundred and sixty-four," he said,
in an uudcrbi'cath, as he made an en
try. The door opened again, and u breezy
young man, dressed lu his best, and
peeping over the corners of a collar that
Just escaped the corners of his mouth,
entered.
"I thought 1 would come In ami sit
for some pictures. If you have a camera
that you think wlllftand the racket."
"Certainly, certainly," said the pho
tographer. "Sit down a moment," and
l hcii he went over and made another
entry In the little book, murmuring.
Scvcnty-thrcc thousand eight hundred
and sixty-live."
When the negative was secured nnd
the chappie started out, lie laughed and
remark, -d that he "hoped he didn't
break the camera."
"(ih. no," said the photographer,
gravely. And tlieii lie made another
en I it In the little book, and nodded at
eh syllable, as he pronounced "Sev
enty-three thousand eight hundred and
sixty-six."
'I have been at this business about
twenty years, lie remarked to the re
porter. "Ten years ago I commenced
to keep a record of the instances upon
which 1 should hear the alleged Joke
about breaking the glass lu a camera
ieM'iil,tl. The last time the gentleman
who Just left repeated It made the sev
enty-third thousand eight hundred and
sixty-sixth. Had he remained a few
minutes longer he would doubtless have
sprung It two or three more times.
'It Is the commonest so-called Joke In
the world. Next to 'Is this hot enough
for you?' or 'Is this cold enough for
you?' It Is one of the commonest expres
sions. I lie ol.l ami wise, young anil
foolish, homely, handsome, plain, pret
ty, fat, lean, tall or short -everylsnly
that can talk seem to think It Is a
brand-new Joke, and they ate so de
light's! with it that they soihetlmes roll
the chestnut around live or six times
In a visit here of half an hour. I cx-
le.'t to reach a hundred thousand be
fore the commencement season is over
this year, for pretty soiumi girls, who
are more liable to break a heart than
anything else, think It great fun to nc.
eiise each other and wan, me about
langer to the camera w hen their pretty
faces are pos'-d in front or it. Ltica
Observer.
Is in art Yoiiiik Man.
Wonderful things happened when old
eople were young If the memory of
, p.nple Is lo be trusted.
"My young friends." said a lecturer
i the Coriivlllo Academy Lyceum
olirse, "let II"' Ulge II I m til yoll the Ite-
.s,ltv of not only reading good luniks.
but
,f owning them, so that you may
Inn
,. recourse to ti.ein at any tune,
v. when I was a young man I used
iinii'lv to work hard all night to
earn iicum-v to buy Is.oks. and then g--t
up before daylight to rend th.-m.
po you suppose tii-it Miss Pashon,
. voting actress, will ever become a
r7" "A s:ar! Why. she'll go higli
Afier she's a star a while she'll
iduate Into the coirlniioiu perform
e branch of the profession; sw If
er
gr
an
duu't."-R"bury Gazette.
TAKING CARE OF BANK BILLS, j
Holleil Notra Not a Common Ua Krv
mil Ycura Ago.
Hank notes are cleaner than they used
to be. It Is the policy of the New Yoik
banks to send their soiled notes to the
I 'lilted Stales treasury to be destroyed
as soon as a sutlli ieiit number aci umu
lates to Justify It. Hanks in the West
send on whole batches of soiled New
York notes lo their correspondents in
this city, ami the bank that rc.-ch -s
I hen, sorts them out ami sends ri:ud
each little batch to the banks by which
they w ere Issue I. These sorted Holes
are then sent to the treasury to be de
stroyed and others Issued in their place.
New York is ihus a sort of depot for
soiled nnd damaged notes of its own Is
sue. The printing process for bank
notes has been so developed of late'
years that the government has adopted
this policy of frequently destroying
soiled Holes Hllil reissuing good ones.
The Hank of Hughind lic,r Ids a
llote go out II second lime, lis lowest
notes are for . so that the .s per
pound Is comparatively small In thus
destroying llttle usrd Holes. Some, In
deed, come Into the bank as fresh In
appearance as when they were issued.
A note coming lu Is marked for de
struction and laid away for a time.
Meanwhile the name and address of
the presenter are taken, along Willi
the number of the note, lu order that
there may be some clew lu case such
a note Is reported as stolen.
It Is mt suspected how important an
element lu a bank's profit on circula
tion Is the destruction ami loss of notes
lu the hands of holders. This was
much larger in days when reissues
were less frequent than now. The
larger the amount a bank may Issue
the greater the loss in the hands of the
people. A bank of this city that aban
doned Its circulation Is-fore the open
ing of the civil war yet has many thou
sands of lis old notes out. They were
outlawed years ago, though $;t.mti of
them presented about ten years ago
were fully Identified and redeemed.
The whole Issue of the bank was only
about $'JoO,ooo.
Although the average life of a Hank
of Kiighiud note Is said to be but live
days -and one seldom encounters a
soiled Hank of Knglaml note lu I. on-
don - those notes circulate for years
lu the colonies, for they nre taken
abroad by travelers ami are current
almost everywhere. They circulate,
along with our notes. In the regions
bordering British (Iiilana. There are
Scotch and Irish banks of Issue emit
ting small notes, and these notes are
often greasy and Worn, since they are
not regularly destroyed when they
reach the home bank. Canadian bank
notes are current along our northern
border! ami they are siitllcletitly like
our own, being in dollar denomina
tions, to deceive those not accustomed
to make the distinction. They are
often kept long In circulation on the
border, nnd are occasionally worked
off on the visiting New-Yorker, who
finds them tincurrent in this city, ami
must exchange at a discount. New
York Sun.
Honorable Chinese.
Captain Youughusbanil, in bis book.
, "The Heart of a Continent," bears a
striking testimony to the honorable
spirit manifested by the Chinese coin
ni. ( s In Manchuria. lie ami his com
panions were traveling through a
dense forest, where nothing could be
seen, and where life was made almost
unendurable by swarms of midgets,
tunsiiultocM and gad Hies. At night, be
cause there was no living out -of doors,
they would put up at the hut of Chinese
sable-hunters.
Some of the Chinese, whose huts
were found every twelve or fifteen I
miles, were trapping sables, while oth-
crs were In search of the ginseng root, I
which Is greatly prized by the Chinese i
for Its supposed medicinal virtues. To
the Hiigllshmen their life seemed n '
hard one. The sable-trapping furnish-
ed a measure of excitement, but as for j
the ginseng hunters they would wan
der through the forest day after day. ;
and all day long, and were content If
they found one plant In the whole sea-
son. It would be worth, perhaps, lif
ted! pounds. S
At one point Captain Younghiisband
noticed a clearing In the undergrowth
Hear the trail, with a small plant stand-
lug by Itself III the middle of It; and oil ,
turning aside to Investigate he found '
the plant a ginseng, one of the Chinese
had discovered It, but as It was not
fully grown had cleared a space about
It and left It to mature. It was valu
able enough to reward a hunter for n
full season's lalsir, and it could have
been carried off with perfect ease, but
such Is the honor of the men that none
of them would think of touching It.
ltlrds a Need Currier.
Two centuries ago the Hutch destroy
ed every nutmeg tree lu the Moluccas
In order to enjoy a monopoly of the
business, having planted the trees lu
their own possessions. In spite of their
most earnest efforts, however, the Isl
ands were constantly being restocked.
Kor a long time the thing was a mys
tery, but at length It was solved.
The doves of that j uarti-r of the
world are of large size, and readily
swallow the seeds of the nutmeg.
They traversed wide Stretches of sea.
and land lu a few hours, ami deposit
the seeds not only uninjured, but better
titled for germination by the heat and
moisture of the bird's system.
Ily a similar process thousands of
acres of land have been covered with
trees of different kinds, the birds act
ing as natures agents In the dissemi
nation of plants.
Harwln found lu six grains of enrlli
adhering to the feet of a plover three
different kinds of seeds, and In mud
sticking to the feet of ducks and geese
shot In Liigiiind he found the seeds of
plants ullar lo the Victoria Nyan.n,
In Central Africa, thus proving not only
the extent of migration, but also the
possibility of plants appearing lu
strange localities through the agency of
these birds.
In the mu 1 sticking lo the feet of n
Texas steer the seeds of live different
kinds of weeds ami grasses common to
Texas were found by a luleroscoplst
after the arrival of thu animal In New
York.
"That young 1'iljtnjf Is a fintsy fel
low." "I should say he was. W hen he
parti his hair in the middle he counts
tit? hairs ou each side." Cleveland
Leader.
svk
log rsoll.
Robert Ii. Illgets.ill
as a . . 1 1 1 1 1 was nut a
phenomenon of elo
quence. One day Iks
Iciieher directed Inin i ,
.1 lit.r n declamation.
Robert selected a poem
beginning :
A llu',- Mr.! .lis on the
IrVgnHili lie.
All, I Hitters nil. I rllllliTS
1111,1 f l,U llH H llls.
lie iippciircil In fore
his audience, and be
gan hol.lU:
A llllle l.lr.l -Its ii llie
ti'lcgnqill wire
Then he forgot the
rest. He tried ii again:
A llllle t.lr.) slu en I lie
lelegrilll W Ire
That was all he
could remember. Ono
nn, re he thundered:
A llllle t.lr, I nil mi Did
tcl.'Kriipti wire - -sud
lied from the singe.
He laughs nl, ut il now
a nd saj :
"That w as forty or fif
ty years ago. I guess
III.' llllle bird Is sitting
en the w ire Jet."
Tuliiinge.
T. H. Witt Talmiige ss
II hoy ill, I not show evi
dence of a tie .logical
I urn el' moid. ( lu en.'
occasion he was very
restless I,, church, nnd
his pat-cuts had giav"
doubts of his paying
much attention to the
sermon. The preacher
spoke on the wor.N:
"An angel came down
from heaven an, I took
n lite e..al from the Hi
lar." Ken, lung home
the parents asked their
son :
"Hid you hear the
sermon?"
"Yes."
"Can you repent the
text?"
"Of course."
"Let us hear you."
Young Tahniige tri
umphantly quoted: "An
luguii cniiic down from
New Haven mid pulled
a live coll from the lull-ler."
NEW ARTIST ON PUNCH.
I'lill Mut the l'ngliuli CarlcalnrUI
Siii'crnla l" Mmirler.
I 'li 1 1 May, the famous I'.ngllsli cari
caturist, Is the successor of Hil Mmi
rler us the leading nrlisl on Loudon
I'utioli. Mr. May Is the tinct black and
while artist in all Knglnml. While he
will not be nble to take I'll Ma Uriel's
place precisely, he will be the most ad
in Irn lilt- substitute that can Ih bad. May
chose a Held of exploit far iliM'oretit
from that of bis dlstitigulsdicd prede-o-ssor.
Hu Maurler drew Mnylleld and
Helgravla. May sought the slums and
Whltm-hapel. He has never Ik'cii more
rim. MAY,
succiwsfiil than w lieu depicting the Joys
and sorrows, pleasures and pains of the
children of the streets ami byways. In
his pictures there is not a single Hue
without meaning, not a line Hint Is not
iieccssary. Mr. May Is only 32 years of
age. He conn from the class that he
has striven to diwrlbo with his pencil.
At 12 he showed wonderful talent us an
artist. lie went to London and there
picked up some training In his profes
sion. He went to Australia, nnd by his
efforts raised the Sydney Hulletln from
an obscure paper to the funniest shirt
In the world. Then he relumed to Lon
don with a reputation and joined the
staff of I'tim-h. From that time on h'.s
life was one pronounced success. Mr.
May's style hi s-lrotig nnd vigorous, and
Is not ctlinls.rcd with needless detail.
lie Haved thn liable.
HeroLsm ami modesty proverbially go
band lu band, but tlmm are few more
striking examples of tho combination
that that afford el by the captain of a
wrecking tug In New York harlsir. Ills
own ni-i-ount of the iiffjilr was thus set
down In the tug's log: "Jan. !I0. Left
Jersey City 7 a. in. Ice running heavy.
Capl. Jcm- stopped leak In ferry-lstat."
Mr. F. Ilopklnsoii Smith, In his "Hay nt
Laguerre's," tells the stiary more fully.
The HolHiken ferry-lsint was stopped,
midway of Its eiuly passage, by the
lee pack. At this Juncture an ocean
tuglssit crushed Into her side, culling a
V shaped gasli below the water line. A
panic ensued among passengers and
crew. Just then the wrecking tug He
llance run alongside, nnd Cnpt. Joe
Smith Jumped on bonrd.
He dropped Into the cnglne-inolii, met
the engineer bulf way up llie ladder,
compelled liltn to ret mn, dmggtsl the
mattresses from the crew's bunks,
stripped off blankets, nu ks of dollies,
overalls, cotton wiixie and rags of car
pet, cramming them Into the great rent
left by the tug's cutwater until llie
space of each broken plank was re
phi'i'd except one. Through nml rver
this space the water still combi-d, del
uging the Honrs and swnshlng down
I, 'tween thu gratings Into the hold be
low. "Another mattress, quick! All gone?
A blanket, theu-enrpet- anything!
Quick, for (iod's sake!"
It was useless. Lvcrythliig, even to
the oil nigs, had bee,, used. Little by
little the water gained, bursting out
Is'low, then on utie side, only to be re
calk i-d ami only to rush lu again.
('a plain Joe stood a moment as If
limbs. hle.l ; then dellls-ratfly tore down
the lop wall of calking he had so care
fully built up, ami Itcforo the engineer
could protest had forced his own Issly
Into the gap. with bis arm outside, level
with the drifting lee.
An hour later the disabled ferry-Utat
was towed Into the Uoboken slip wltn
O
1 Iflll
" '" I '.
II ! MX
BOYHOOD "BREAKS" OF FAMOUS
Ll.il i-V 6'ti
I "I XX
Irvlotf.
Henry Irving
loi.k part in a
dialogue, emitted,
I. illle I'h,.,.,,ph.
whiili a hid is
ti pew.
( 'tillllllc-J I I, p.
cut renew u ns
r -dinner s.,nki
lleler lit 11 los
once
school
"111.'
r." Hi
ipie
lionet by a lieui'Volell
old gonih innn. Anion;
the questions asked llti
the follow ing:
"What do you do
w lieu it rains?"
"1 gel under n tree
for shelter."
"And w hat do you do
w hen j on are hiingr) ?"
"1 sometimes eat n
raw turnip."
Irving studied lii
lines for weeks.
T Ii e h o n s p w a
crowded Tin' dialogue
progressed sal isl aetnrl
ly until the question
was asked:
"What do you il.
when ii ruins?"
When Irving proudly
replied:
"I sometimes eat a
raw turnip."
every soul on Ismrd. When they lifted
Captain Joe from the wreck he was
unconscious and handy alive. The
water had frozen his blood ami the
Moating bv had torn the Mesh from bis
protruding arm from shoulder to wrist.
When the tvlor began to creep back lo
his cheeks, he opened his yes and said
to the doctor who was winding the
bandages:
"Was any of them babies hurt?"
Iteinarkatitn J'igs,-v"
When the pig Is not only n"-domstlc
iinlmal, but a family friend, ns-lit
pears lo be In the Mariiiesas Islam
amis,
he develops unsuspected cleverness.
"In the South Seas." one of Uobert
Louis Stevenson's last luniks, gives
many liitnhiiss ley way of proof. "Many
Islanders live with I heir pigs as we do
with our dogs," Mr. Stevenson olwcrv
il; "both crowd around the hearth with
eiiial freedom, and the Island pig Is n
fellow of activity, enterprise and sense.
"He husks Ids ow n cocisinuts and -I
am told - rolls them Into the sun to
burst; he Is Hie terror of the shepherd.
Mrs. Stevenson, senior, has seen a pig
lleelng lo the wissls with a lamb In his
itioiilli; nnd I saw another come rapidly
-ami erroneously-to the conclusion
that the Cnaco was going down, and
swim through llie Mush water lo the rail
In search of an escape.
"It was told us lu childhood that pigs
cannot sw liu; I have known one to leap
ovcrltoaril, swim live hundred yards lo
shore, and return to the house of his
original owner.
"I was once, at Tautlra, a plgninster
on a considerable scale. At first. In my
pen. Hie utmost good feeling prevailed.
A little sow with n bellyache came ami
apN'iihsl to us for help In the manlier
of a child; and there was one shapely
black Istar, whom we called Calhollcns,
for he was a particular present from
the Catholics of the village, ami who
early displayed the marks of courage
and friendliness.
"No other animal, whether dog or pig,
was suffcris! to approach him at hla
f ihh.1, and for human beings he showed
n full measure of that toadying fond
ness, so common In the lower animals,
aud possibly their chief title to the
mime.
"One day, on visiting my piggery, I
was aniazi-d to see Catliollcus draw
back from my approach with cries of
terror; ami If I was amar.ed at the
change, I was truly c inharrnscd when
I learned Its reason.
"One of the pigs had Is'cn that morn
ing kllbsl; Catliollcus had seen the mur
der, he had discovered he was dwelling
III the shambles, and from that time his
coulbleiice and Ills delight In life were
eiiibsl.
"We still reserved him a long while,
but he'could not endure the sight of any
two-legged creature, nor could we, un
der the circumstances, encounter bio
eye without confusion."
I.llllo Nourishment.
The landlord of a country hotel sees
a giMsl deal of the natural "crankiness"
of ti ii ii ta ii nature. The proprietor of n
house lu a Maine village, where the
summer visitor Is the chief source of In
come, tells the following story:
People are generally queer alsiut their
eating, so I don't mind much alsiut
some of them wanting nothing for
for breakfast ami then a hearty incut
by 11 o'clock and a lunch at three and
supper at seven, or course Its con
siderable upsetting, but some folks
claim It's healthy. Itut one woman that
came here was peculiar.
She sahl she hail been sick, nnd that
Iter meals woiiiiiu t amount to any
thing; that she couldn't eat any hearty
food worth mentioning, mid only took
a little nourishment.
I asked her what kind of fix si she
wanted prepared, am! she looked at me
in a discouraged fashion ami says she:
"Oh, not a thing. I only lake a light
breakfast, and then I take twenty six
raw eggs during the day and a glass of
milk every half hour."
Not at Home.
Friend Will Thursday be your day
at home?
The Fiancee Oh, no! Thursday is
bargain day
Til b line.
at Markdowu'n.-Hetrolt
What Hla Wife Heard.
Suiythe (half ashs-p, aa the alarm
lock go at (I a. in.)-Say, Hilly, If
that' my wife at the phone tell her I'm
out and won't be back for two hours.
Truth.
A woman will remember a scandal
as long as a man will remember the
time he killed bear.
MEN.
.
fix.
Itoosrvrlt.
Theodore Its.sevelt
w as not a llueiil orator
when young, and oil
play III !l t iH delight In re
late lits eterieu, e at
il , ln.ol c li,l:ioii w itli
that stirring poem be
ginning: At iiil.luiglit In Ills itn ir.l.
i I ii ni
The 'I ii rk lay ilremiiliig
lug of (he hour
W 111-It liree, e. Ili-r kliet-S
111 M.tiill:il,'. Ih-iiI.
Slloltl.l lrellll.. Ill Ills
power.
lioosevelt got ns far
as
When (Iri e, li.T
knees
Then his memory fail
ed, and he repeated:
(!r a her knees
His memory stub
bornly refused to work.
Once more he shouted
desperately:
tin e Iter knees-
The old professor
bsiked over his s la-
cles ami encouragingly
remarked: "Urease her
knees once more, Theo
dore; perhaps she'll go
then."
W h:l
an ii f
r. nn!
' f..r a
n I Mo iy or n winy
retort. There is a great
d.-iil of prcpa-atioii
about Hi pew's jokes,
but tn i 1 1 y of his bright
savings are spotitnae
oils nnd the result of
the inspiration of the
moment.
W In u a boy I cpiov
was a slow nnd exas
perating render. One
day he w as all tangled
up ocr the phrase,
"My yoke is easy and
my burden is light."
His teacher thundered
at him:
"Head thai again, air;
you're all w rung."
(Tiauuci.y dashed nt
the phrase with gnat
vigor and shouted:
"My bunion is easy
mid my joke is light."
Ill the Inugli which
follow ed the tenclii r't
auger evaporated.
JEWEL AND SETTING.
.Much oil Kriil Value licrcu ls
t'pon
S tirroiimlliiu.
A few years ago the directors of an
Academy of Fine Arts In one of our
dtli-a were dismayed at llmllng that
one of the most valuable pictures lu
their galleries was gone. It had been
taken from the frame at night, ami it
copy siilvstltuttsl. Iteward was offered,
nnd search made for Its return, but lu
vain.
Some years later nn artist found the
ictnre In the tavern of a town lu Can-
T Hi
Htla where the thief had sold It. Hi)
telegraphed to the directors, two of
whom at onco came to hlin. Hut they
could hardly be made to believe that
the grimy canvas, in a broken wimmIcii
frame, hanging lu the dark comer of u
bar-rooni, was the great masterpiece.
The artist, however, Insisted upon It
genuineness, and It was taken back
w ith him. He denned It nml placed It
In Its proper frame, surrounded by a
background of tourism drapery, every
beam of light skillfully tempered so n
to bring out Its Is-auty, and then
brought lu llie directors.
They burst Into loud exclamations of
delight and welcome. The artist alono
could detect the great picture In Its sor
did surroundings, but even the careless
piisser by recognized It when properly
framed and hung.
The Itegcnt and the Sancy, two of the
Imperial diamonds of the world, were,
cut and set by the best living Jewelers.
They lost lu the process much of their
weight, but they gained enormously lu
brilliancy and consequently In value,
so much does the proper presentation of
a gem enhance Ita cost.
Very few of ua own great Jewels, or
works of art for whose framing we aru
responsible. Itut each has some treas
ure, great or small, with which we may
brighten and cheer our llttlo world.
How do we use It?
This man's brain la tilled with knowl
edge and high, original Ideas. Itut hla
speech is qunrrelsoiuo and hla temper
uncertain.
That young glrl'a heart overflows
with klndui'Ks; she longs to be friend
with all the world. Hut her dress la
torn, her hair untidy, her belongings
disorderly.
Many good Christians, Inspired by
noble virtues, are so grim lu aspect and
curt In ssss-h that few persons respect
their religion.
The world does not recognize the pure
diamond thus covered with grime, and
so Its light In lost.
Kemeinber that the light la Otsl shin
ing lu your soul to help the world; and
the grime which covers It la your own
defect of manner, of habits, or of tem
per. Cut the gem am frame the picture
lltly.
QUEER DRINKING TANK.
An 1 1 n 1 1 it Cruiser Provided with I
RlnKiilar I'rlnU t Appiratua.
Tho Italian cruiser Chrlstoforo Co
I ii in bo, recently In the iKtrt of New
York, Is provhbsl with the misst singu
lar drinking npimratiis In the world.
In the center of her mesa riHiin Is a
copper or brass-covered tank like a big
water ciHtler. I'nder It U a tlve-foot
basin. The tank la quite a yard lu di
ameter and Is more than alx feet In
height. A hand pump beside It keeps
It always full. Its extraordinary drink
ing features are that It ha no drinking
cup or faucet. Instead, near the top
M IISI.NO noTTI.E OH A CHl'ISBK.
of the tank, six small tubes project two
Inches. There are no water ghutsc or
cups at all aboard ship for the crew,
and when they want water they simply
have to take a tube In their mouths aud
secure water after the fashion of In
fants. Shades of bacteria, bacilli aud all oth
er genu horrors! It is a relic of ancient
days, It Is explained, and the tube
tanks have tiecome very rare. There
are no water ciiihj on the inisw tables,
ami the Qllor who wants water while
eating has lo go to the tank aud take
his turn at a till. A large crowu
gives nn Imposing appearance to the
front of the tank.