JAMES INCH'S
MR. J A .Mis inch 18 out? of the
most staid nuil tllmif tied citi
zens of I'arlcir City. He never
ir.Lk. lie uever smokes, and It Is tils
liriu conviction tlnit Hades la yawning
"fur every inn ti. woman, and child that
j.l.ivn cards, lie Is a pillar of the local
r jletuoiimt cuurcn, nas pumiciy tie
boiiih imI dancing ns an Inveutlou of the
"devil, progressive euchre and pedro
parties uh greased pole to the realm of
jsjtjin. anil trolley parties as an even
"piore sinful diversion than auy of the
cilit'r foruiH of amusement to which he
is opposed. Due might Imagine from
this that Mr. James Inch wait un mi
'i.ipular uinn lu I'urlur City. Such,
however, In uot the cuse. The Inlinb
'bants point him out to strangers us
JtlK'lr model eltl7.cn, and cau't say
'iniiii'-li lu I un I. se of him. That la be.
cause Mr. luch Is a sterling business
ni.'in. and so generous and charitable
ithat his fellow townsmen are willing
tn overlook his radical view on thlugs
In the nimiscmcut Hue.
k Mr. Inch ,liad an experience some
, weeks ngo that came pretty near
knocking dowu with one blow the
splendid reputation he has built up for
"himself in l'arlor City. It was a most
;,nfortuiiate experience for Mr. Inch,
but It provided amusement for his fel
low citizens for. days afterwards, and
some of them are uot through laughing
yet.
One bright sunny morning early In
August Mr. Inch boarded a train bound
for l'arlor City at a small
way station some twenty miles
from his home. He had gone
out there the night before on busi
ness, had missed the last train back,
(ml a night on a com busk mattress In
the local tavern had milled hliu nlsnit
much as he had ever been milled In
ills life. Mr. Inch had not been In the
train live minutes when be heard a
frightful racket In the car behind him,
and on Inquiring of the conductor what
It meant was told tlmt lioth of the rear
tars were full of lunatics who were be
ing transferred from Xew York to the
State asylum on the hill back of I'ar
. lor City.
; "They're In charge of keepers, all
right," said the conductor, "but they
et excited ev.?ry uow and then, and 1
tell you the keepers have their hands
full. I.or! but they do curse!"
"Do you suppose I could go look at
them?" nRked Mr. Inch, who Immedi
ately mnde up his in I ml that It was his
duty ns a Christian man to go and
peak a few words of admonition to
Iicm men. I
f "Imiuo," was the conductor's Inconlc i
response,
teeners."
You'll hnve to ask the
Mr. Inch rose from his seat and start
ed back. He decided that he would not
psk permission to do what was bis
plain duty. He felt thnt the keepers
would refuse him admission to the car,
o he mnde up his mind to slide In un-
Ibserved. take n seat, and watch his
thance to distribute advice to the un-
fortunate. It was not a difficult piece
f work, as the keepers were pretty
busy when Mr. Inch opened the door
Hid walked In, nnd they didn't notice
bim at nil. He gradually worked bis
way to the middle of the car unnoticed
In the howling crowd of wild-eyed men,
itul ensconced himself In a seat beside
i red-headed Individual who was
winging his arms round in most reck
less fashion and singing In a shrill
voice:
This Is my story, this la my song,
Praising the Savior all the day long."
liver nnd over again the man sang
lie couplet, sandwiching It with strlnps
f oaths, which sent chills chasing each
tlier up nnd down .Mr. Inch's spinal
roluinn. lie attempted to talk with
tin' man, but he might ns well have
tried to converse with a log of wood.
Others with whom he started conversa
tions looked at Id m so blankly that be
I'Hin realized It was a hopeless task.
nd settling down In bis seat, he re
iohed to say no more,
f "When we get to Parlor City," he
istired to himself. "I'll Just wait until
lliey get this crew out of the car, and
jlien I'll go out myself and go home."
Mr. Inch's resolution was the result
tf a little speculation as to what would
jbnppen to him If the keepers discov
ered that he had eutered the car and
feiiiigled with this crew of violent and
Irresponsible men.
I At the station In Parlor City on the
patne morning that Mr. Inch boarded
P train twenty miles away stood tlf
jeen keepers from the State asylum
halting for the consignment of tuna
f from New York. With them was
Iming Dr. Wank, on whose shoulders
jested the responsibility for the safe
transportation of the lunatics from
station to the asylum. Dr. Blank
was worried. It was the first expedl
p'li of this kind he had commanded.
F"1 he was mightily afraid that some
lliing would go wrong. Only n mouth
More he hnd received his appointment
the nsjiuni, and escape or revolt due
lack of proper precautions would, he
fiiew, mean the loss of tils place. He
as relieved when the train rolled in
f "d a keeper Jumped from the steps ot
P nr. touched his bat, aud announced
Pt all was well.
I "A hundred oltocether. I believe."
" doctor remarked.
"Yes, sir; fifty In each car," said the
eper.
Well, march them out as soon as
ll can." a.ihl Mr Rlnnk unit he
'1 : ' 1...I ,. .. - . .1,1. i 1 ,
r -v. uui a iiuieiniuK nun iiirjwiru l"
f-f't 0ff the men as they were hand-
'l over to his keepers.
I Tupj- took the last car first, and Dr.
f lank drew a deep breatt of relief
''D the fiftieth man stepped to the
triform.
I "Now for the other car." be said.
! "eerily, and the keepers commenced
' bustle the unfortunates out.
ilr. Inch crouched low In bis seat and
. passed by. Mr. Blank, notebook in
'"J. sang out, "Forty-nine." Just as
r keejper escorted a man to the plat
form and called: Thr
DOWNFALL.
"There must be another," said the
doctor, nervously.
ou counted wrong." said the keep-
cr.
"No, I'm sure I'm right, hut I II count
them again." said Dr. Blank, and he
did so. with the result that his first tig
urlng was correct. ,
Due uian was missing. There could
be no doubt alxmt that. The car had
otuy yielded forty ulue men
"Search the car," called out the doe.
tor, and the keeper proceeded to do so.
The flrst man he encountered was Mr.
Inch, who, having made up his mind
unit sutllcletit time had elapsed to ren
der It safe for him to leave the car, had
risen ami was making for the door,
Hello," exclaimed the keeper, "how
am you get here?"
"1 Just walked In from the other
car. replied Mr. luch. with dlgulty.
l'tiiut see a man hide himself
around this car anywhere, did your
Now It happened thnt some minutes
la-fore the train reached l'arlor City
the red-headed lima who sat next to
Mr. luch had slid to the floor, and cud
dled himself up under the seat. Mr.
Inch had seen him do It, and bad mar
velednt the mnu's ability to stay In one
position so long. To tell of this Inci
dent, however, was to admit that be bad
been In the car for some time, which
would scarcely do, so he simply said In
a toue or mild astonslhment:
"See a man hide himself? How rldle
uloiis." and the keeper. Impressed by
his tone, passed by aud started search
ing at the tipper end of the car.
Mr. Inch continued toward the door,
reached the platform, and stepped
slowly down. Mr. Inch's personal ap
pearance was uot what it usually was.
A night In a country hotel, with neither
bnlr brush nor comb In the morulng,
showed ou him. Contact with the
elbow of a lunatic behind hi in had put
a most disreputable looking dent In his
derby. His appearance was altogether
bad enough to Justify Dr. Blank's ex
clamation of:
"Ah. here bo Is. Thui way, my
friend." which he mnde when he saw
Mr. Inch descending to the platforui.
Mr. Inch beard the remark, but paid
no attention to It. Instead of olieylng,
be quickened his pace toward the other
end of the platform, but before he bad
gone a dozeu yards Dr. Blank was
alongside.
"This way, my friend,1 said Dr.
Blank, swinging Mr. Inch around by
the arm.
"What do you mean, sir?" said Mr.
Inch.
"Keep quiet, now, keep very quiet."
M'J Ike doctor, soothingly. "It'll be
all right If you keep quiet."
"Why should 1 keep quiet when a
loafer grabs me by the arm and swings
me around ns though I were a log of
wood?" cried Mr. Inch, Indignantly.
"(Jet back Into line." said Dr. Blank.
"Get back Into Hue. and let's eud this
nonsense," and he grabbed Mr. Inch
by tn" collar and proceeded to drag
ulm dowu the platform.
lnu llt l'1 temper then, and
swung his right around toward his
enptor's Jaw with vicious violence.
The blow landed, nnd so did a second
and third, sent lu with equal precision.
Dr. Blank bung on, though slightly
dazed. He couldn't hit the man back.
There Is a State rule forbidding keep
ers or doctors to strike an Insane per
son, no mntter what the provocation.
The doctors have but one mode of de
fense. It Is the hypodermic Injection,
aud each doctor carries a syringe load
ed with a special preparation which
will tuke alf the life out of a man In
five minutes, cause blui to sleep for
several hours, and bring him around
after bis slumber In a decidedly weak
mental condition.
While Dr. Inch was banging Dr.
Blank on the nose and Jaw, the doc
tor was maneuvering with his free
hand for bis syringe. While the strug
gle went on the keepers kept their eyes
on the other Insane men. Tbey couldn't
leave them to go to the doctor's assist
ance. The struggle was apt to excite
them, and a general outbreak was to be
prevented above all things.
Dr. Blank was was getting played out
when he mannged to reach his syringe,
haul It out, and Jab It Into Mr. Inch's
neck. The effect of the Injection was
Instantaneous.
"I'm stabbed!" yelled Mr. Inch, slap
ping both bands to bis neck and drop
ping. "I'm d-n glad of It," remarked Dr.
Blank. "You're the toughest one I ever
tackled," and he motioned to a keeper,
who was coming toward him on a run
to come faster.
"We've found the other man," sold
the keeper, when he cams up.
"Of course we have," said the doc
tor, with sarcastic empho! on the
"we."
"He was under a seat In the car."
went on the keeper. "You've made a
bad break here." be went on In a low
toue. "Come up bere. and let's get
away."
"Great Scott!" roared the doctor,
"Isn't this one of our men?"
"No," said the keeper. "He's a citi
zen who wandered Into the car."
"Let's cut this quick," said the doc
tor. 'Tell the lioys to march around to
the north of the depot and I'll Join you
there." and away weut the doctor In
one direction, while the keeper went
down the platform.
So much Interest had been manifest
ed in the crowd of Insane men that few
people on the platforui had noticed the
struggle between Dr. Blank and Mr.
Inch. The few who bad seen It went
away when the Insane men were
marched off. and so a little later, when
a station hand came across the re
spectable Mr. Inch asleep In a pile of
freight, bis clothes torn aud dirty, his
hat ripped through the middle, and
minus bis collar and necktie, he threw
hi. lunula In astonishment. He
called other station bands, and the
men In the baggage room came. too.
and their eyes nearly popped out of
their fcesds at the sight of Janes' Inch
rarl.. nit..'- - , ,
. . . rcipi-ciunie citizen, lu so
deplorable a cvudltlou. They were a
tieartle crowd, those station men. for
they called a policeman, and the poll.v.
man hauled Mr. Inch out of the freight
and started dragging tilm toward the
station. Mr. Inch the meanwhile sleep
ing Innocently ou. Half wny to the sta
tion the policeman gave out nnd Mr
Inch was allowed to take a short d?.e
on the sidewalk pending the arrival of
help.
It happened to be on the main street
of l'arlor City that the policeman let I
Ills prisoner, and as tl.e afternoon was
as bright and sunny a the morning had
lieen. the inhabitants were out In great
numbers. Any ntleuipt to record here
the comments of the people on Mr.
Inch auj his condition would be f mil..
Suffice It to say that the downfall of
James luch. the model citizen of Par
lor City, the pillar of the church, and
the greatest philanthropist In the couu
, try. was known for mili-s that night.
Aud the next day there was more tJ
mm annul. nr. incu Slept rur five
hours at the station house, and then
went home. and. refusing to recognize
bis wife, proceeded to destroy the fam
ily china, lie hurled plati-s around uu
tll he was tired, then smashed win
dows and mirrors with a mker for a
tjtne. He went to IhhI after hacking at
some furniture with a carving knife,
and the next morning woke up with
out the slightest recollection of what
had hnppened. He recalled the strag
gle at the station, but that was nil. Ills
wife pretended to believe the story of
his having been stabbed lu the neck,
but she didn't at all.
For several days the cold glances of
former friends and acquaintances an
noyed him. They all said. "Yes. yes."
when he told of his remarkable tem
porary aberration, but he could see that
they did not believe him. Nevertheless
the truth came out In time and Mr.
Inch of Parlor City Is as resected and
honored as be ever was. Dr. Blank
made a statement In the local rapcr of
the matter over his signature, and that
more than anything else exonerated
Mr. Inch. As for the doctor, be was
suspended, but at Mr. Inch's earnest
solicitation the superintendent restored
blm to duty, and be and his victim are
now the best of friends. The doctor
doesn't carry his hyiiodermle syringe
except In the asylum wards now, and
he has declared that he'll never take
It out of the building again. New
York Sun.
THE LITTLE FRENCH GIRL.
Bias la s Miniature Woman and Is
Tsnght All Fcmlnlna Arts,
However Innocent she may be, a lit
tle French girl Is much more of a little
woman than child of any other na
tionality. She does not romp; she Is
demure ami quiet In her games, which
are often Imitations of a grown ierons
life. She Is trying to learn bow to be
the mistress of her house by means of
her dolls, furniture, kitchen and dishes.
Feminine arts are still a part of every
well-arranged French education. Men
really care more for these accomplish
ments than for others, as they make
stay-at-home wives who look after
their households; aud as a Frenchwom
an's principal aim Is to plciwte her fu
ture husband, every mother prepare.
her daughter for this end. This Is why
she din not permit too close au Inti
macy with little boy cousins, because
ten yeurs later a Jealous husband would
take a dislike to these friendly coiwlns;
nor would be like bis wife's boHoin
friends. In whom she confides, aud who
never leave her any better.
Mothers, therefore, MTuilt few If any
Intimacies, and these are all wluuowed
and selected with the greatest enre.
One advantage of this system Is that
the name of friend la uot carelessly be
stowed right and left; It takes time and
good reAsoiis for simple acquaintance
to rise to thnt rank. The mother not
only wards off little boy cousins and In
timate girl friends, but she discourages
the little girl In showing off her knowl
edge out of the class room, for she Is
fully aware that nothing could be less
attractive In the eyes of the expected
lord and master than a blue stocking.
A bright little girl I could name bad.
by chance, picked up some astronomical
scraps, together with other scientific
facts, which allowed her to shine now
and then. One evening, while playing
In the garden, she heard a friend of
her father's exclaim: "What a dazzling
star!" "That to not a star, sir," she
said; "It to a planet." Her mother was
In despair, for she would rather a hun
dred times have found her Ignorant
than have seen her "show off," or capa
ble of committing the enormity of con
tradicting an older person. "I hope,"
she said Jestingly, as a sort of excuse,
"that when she to eighteen the poor lit
tle thing will have forgotten a great
part of what she knows to-day !"-Cen-tury.
Obstinate Royal ratleot.
"A king has the right to die, but not
the right to be III." said Louis XVIII.
to his doctors, forbidding them at the
same time to publish the truth about his
condition.
Alexander I, perhaps In Imitation of
the Bourbon he bad helped to bis
throne, acted upon the same principle,
though be did not embody It lu a para
doxical epigram. For more than forty
eight hours he refused to be bled, not
withstanding the urgent persuasion of
his physlclsns and the Empress. Find
ing all persuasion useless. Dr. Wellye
plainly told the Czar thnt, having re
fused the aid of science till It was too
late, he bad no resource left but ths aid
of religion.
"But 1 have an Idea that that will
prove a broken reed to you." said the
blunt phyalclnn. a worthy predecessor
of Zacbarto. "I im afraid thnt religion
will be of little use to the man whnss
obstinacy In refusing all medical aid
Is tsntamonnt to suicide."
Thirty hours later the eldest son of
Taul I. had breathed bis last.
Ihe Hieeflt.
Algernon-For a long time 1 was In
doubt whether to kiss Miss Msude or
not. . .
Alfred-Well, whst did you do?
Algernoo-flave her the benefit of
the doubl.-Washington Times.
- i
A I.t;htnln C hanirc I
Talk aliout lightning changes! Did
you ever watch a business man greet a
visitor who he thought was a custo- ;
trier, but wbo turned out to bs a book
agent 1-SomervlUe Journal
SENATOR JOHN P. HALE.
A Plclqr.qne H nr In American
Public Life.
When Hale took his feat In the Sen
ate he was the only member of thai
body who d.-fi.'d the discipline of but)
the old parties, au.l dared assert hi
absolute political luilepend 'tice. II
tood alone until IS ill. when he wa
Joined by Chase and Seward, who were
re-enforced lu ls.M by Sumner. Ther
was something dramatic In his solitary
M-pearaucc In Hie Senate as an avowed
ntl-s!avery man. That hi dy then con
tained more aide and eminent tneit
than It bad had for more than a genera
l. on. and It was completely under thf
aonilnatlon of the slave luteivsi. Thnt
utercst dictated the policy of the Cov
eminent at home and abroad, as It ha I
untie from Its beginning, and made aud
iinmnde politicians. Hale knew that
bis slngle-liand.il warfare agaiint It
would Invite ridicule, sneers. Insults
.nd threats, lie knew that he mils'
face the scorn and contempt of the
South and the chilling neglect of thn
North. But he bravely stood in the
breach. He took no conns. d of his
fears, and would not be bullied Into
Mlence. When he was denied a place
hi Senatorial committers on the pn--text
that he "did u l b long tH healthy
l olltlcal organization" he ridiculed the
jroceedlug and made It tell lu his favor.
Cue of the finest exhibitions of his
courage was given soon after he took
bis sent In the Senate, when he cast
he only vote against a resolution
t' anklug (Jenerals Scott and Taylor for
Heir victories In Mexico. This vote
as sure to be misunderstood ond mis
represented, and all parties regarded It
ss sulcld.il; but It was sufficient for
him to know that no other honest and
consistent course was possible for those
who had condemned tho Mexican war
In all Its stages. He would not belle
bis convictions to avoid any personal
consequences of his act; and when he
pleaded the high authority of Chatham,
Burke and Fox. who refused to vots
thanks to the commanders of the Brit
ish army for their services In America
in our revolutionary struggle a strict
ly analagous case no Senator success
fully answered him. 1
Mr. Hale's humanity was equal to
his courage. While a member of ths
House be moved an amendment to the
naval appropriation bill, abolishing the ;
spirit ration nnd prohibiting flogging
'ti the navy. The amendment prevailed,
but failed in the Senate. This motion
was renewed In the Senate lu lS-il), and
In 1S."0, after an Impassioned appeal
by Mr. Hale, flogging was abolished,
but the spirit ration routlnucd until
lie was Justly proud of these
achievements, aud they are appropri-
ntely commemorated on the pedestal 1
id the statue recently erected In the
Plate house yard at Concord.
As an autl-slnvery leader. Hale fol
lowed his own methods of warfare.
While Seward. Sumner and Chase were
forging their autl slavery thunderbolts,
and firing them at the enemy at long
range through the press of the North
ern States, Mr. Hale was using his
I'ghter artillery on the skirmish Hue,
eud In well-executed Hank movements,
lu ISM he was prompted by the prd
nice of a pro-slavery mob In Washing
Ion to Introduce a resolution for the re
imbursement of persons whose prop
erty should be destroyed by riotous as
fcmblages. Foote of Mississippi de
nounced this resolution ns Intended to
protect "negro-stealing." Addressing
Mr. Hale, he said: "I Invite him to visit
tne good Stute of Mississippi. In which
1 hnve the honor to reside, and will tell
bim beforehand lu all honesty that he
could not go ten miles Into the Interior
t efore he would grace one of the tallest
trees of the forest with a rope around
Lis neck, with the approbation of every
virtuous and patriotic citizen; and that, ,
If necessary, 1 should myself assist lu ,
the operatlou."
Mr. Hale answered: "The Senator In
vltea me to visit the State of Missis
sippi, and kindly Informs me that be
would be one of those w ho would act
the assassin and put an end to my
career. Well, In return for bin
hospitable Invitation, I con only ex
press the desire that he should pene
tiate Into one of the dark corners of
New Hampshire; and If he do, I am
much mistaken If he would not find the
j eople lu that 'benighted region' would
be very happy to listen to his argu
ments and engage In au Intellectual
coulllet wltb him. In which the truth
might be elicited." The popular Instinct
at once labeled the Mississippi Senator
ns "Hangman Foote," and the epithet
is still Instautly recalled by the men
tion of his name. Century. ;
A KussTan Artel.
An artel Is an association of persons
who agree to throw their lot together
and stand by each other for better or
for worse. If the artel la "productive,'
the members work together and divide
equally what money they earn; If It Is
"consumptive," they share equally in
the expense Incurred. The moat mark
ed characteristic of these association
Is the perfect equality which prevails
among their members. No matter what
may be a man's personal gift or defi
ciencies, from the monieut be enters an
artel he Is simply on a pnr with his
comrades. He must lear the burdeus
they bear, and he receives the same re
wards. In his turn he will be the ar
telman, or chief of l is artel; In bis turn,
too, he will be as hewer of wood and
drawer of water. As the former he will
be neither richer nor poorer than us the
latter, for the only emolument attached
to the office of artelmau Is shoe motiey
that Is. a small sum grunted as a com
pensation for the shoes worn out while i
tramping about transacting official bus
iness. A Woinsn ll'iler Indeed.
An opulent gentlemuu in the uortb of
England, wbo bad for years shut blm- .
self out from female society, died not
long unce, leaving a will the terms of :
which displayed In an unmistakable I
manner his list red of womankind. Ig
noring females entln ly, all his male
relative were provided with legacies,
but on this rondltlon. namely, that ths
single ones were to forfeit their Inherit
auce the moment they were married,
and the married ones were not to corns
Into theirs while their wive wire !!
log. i
lntrretcl
"My family." said Miss Antique,
"came over with tbe Pd.iluis ou the
Ma) flower."
"Did they, really?" explained Hlrka.
"now very Interesting! And were you
Mulckr-Usrper'a Basar. j
A REMARKAPLE PONDl
ll'aatrl 'nto I tr r mi l Now lis-
I ncy l.i p i.tllnn.
Cradled at the foot of a circling grou;
ot hills lies the most mysterious am
at the same time ghostly sheet of wa
tor In Alameda County. California.
For years It has borne the name o!
Vl'.lalr's pond." and during It exist
euce has hidden beneath Its dark stir
face more human bodies than any s'ml
lar patch of water o' Its s'.;ie lu thesi
regions. Indeed, then' has not been
a coroner lu Al.uned: County since
lsT." until the presetr time who ha
not been obliged to record on the death
rolls some victim of the weird pond,
and. strangest of all. each one of the
martyrs to the dismal hole has been
a good swimmer.
Prior to 1S7J there was not even n
suggestion of water ou the spot. At
that time a linn of stone contractor
named Bates A Well realized that
bidden In the hills was a quantity of
very valuable paving rock, which
then commanded a big price from the
city of Oakland. They conceived the
Idea of opening an extensive quarry
and getting the city's con tract for the
paving, which was to be done. A
long lease was obtained from Blair,
the owner of the land. Then the flrst
quarry lu Alameda County was open
cd.
With time the better quality of rock
became scarce, so orders were given to
sink a wide shaft and work out the
lower stratum. This task was under
taken lu the summer of IST.'I. and had
progressed with such good results thnt
the hole was gradually enlarged until
It covered a considerable nrea. Then,
again, It became necessary to go deep
er Into the hill.
This time extensive preparations
were made for blasting. When all was
ready a mighty charge was adjusted,
and with the explosion which followed
a vast torrent of water spouted forth
from the excavation.
Before the astonished workmen had
time to realize what bad happened
they were knee-deep In the flood. Their
tools were submerged, and It was with
difficulty that the mules attached to
the carl were rescued. The cars on
the tracks remained laden with rock,
and to-day. If the pool were drained,
the complete equipment would be
found In the pit.
So sudden was the deluge that with
in an hour where once stood a pros
perous quarry nothing was to be seen
but a rising mas of water.
As soon as possible every effort wa
made to empty the new lake, but In
vain. It Is always full of water, but
never overflows. San Francisco Kx
a miner.
hallow Flowing fnr Wheat.
It used to be said that wheat would
bear deeper plowing than ony other
grain crop. If the furrow brought to
the surface one or two Inches of sub
soil, that made the soil firmer and less
pervious to water, thus lemming the
Injury by freezing and thawing. But
Western winter wheat growers, and
spring wheat growers, also, have learn
ed a plan thnt Is even better than deep
plowing, because It costs much less.
They do not plow at all, merely culti
vating the surface among the grain
stubble and seeding on that. The
w heat makes Just as good n fall growth,
nnd even better, than where the stub
ble is turned under, thus drying tho
soil. Most of the w heat roots are kept
near the surface, for the rains do not
penetrate further than the cultivator
has gone. This saving of plowing en
ables a farmer cheaply to get a large
acreage Into wheat, nnd If he gets a
fnlr crop he Is ready to undersell the
Fasten) wheat grower, who keeps on
plowing for wheat In the expensive,
old-fashioned wny.
I'nlucliy "yuartrr to His."
Seventy-five per cent, of Ihe people
we discharge every year, remarked the
head floor walker of a mammoth dry
goods establishment, which employs
over a thousand people, lose their places
on account of "a quarter to six."
"A quarter to six" Is tho hour at
which preparation Is made for closing
the day's business. At Hint hour the
male clerks begin to cover (heir slocks
aud the femnle clerks commence to ar
range themselves to go home, t'sually
a number of ladles come In at this hour,
aud the clerk, eager to go home, In
answer to questions of customers, usu
ally say, "We are Just out" of what the
customer happens to want.
Duy after day we discharge girls for
this reason, aud fifteen limes out of
twenty you ask a girl why she lost her
place and she will Invariably answer
ou account of "a quarter to six."
A ClvlIUe t C.'orllla,
At the aquarium In Berlin there Is a
big gorilla whose habits arc a great
deal more correct than those of most of
bis distant relatives. He gets up at 8
o'clock In the morulng, takes a bath,
and uses soap without hesitation. When
bis toilet Is completed be takes a cup
of milk, after which he eats two big
loaves of bread with Frankfort sau
sages aud smoked Hamburg beef, all of
which be moistens wltb a glass of beer.
At 1 p. m. be takes a bowl of soup,
with rice, potatoes snd a wing of chick
en. He uses his knife, fork and napkin
like a born aristocrat, but when he
thinks bis keepers are not looking he
discards the Implements of civilization
and plunges his muzzle Into the bowl,
as If to give evidence of the melan
choly fact that even a gorilla can be a
bog. m
Tho I rate,
"Could you spare me a little money
this morulng. dear?" said ahe.
"Iteally," the brutal husband replied,
with a harsh, dyspeptic laugh, "Judg
ing from the biscuits, I thought you
had more dough to burn." Cincinnati
Euqulrer
Practical.
He Without Joking, Klale, I do adore
you. When I look at you there Is such
a commotion In my breast.
She And In mine, too, Harry; It muit
be the lobster salad.-Tlt-Blts.
Ibeory anil Prattler,
A What are you now going to do
wltb all the money you made by your
pamphlet against marriage?
B I si all set up nouae with my
Anna! Klderstedler Wocheliblatt
It takea as long to get spoons and
plates returned to their right owner
after a church social, as to clear up a
flsld after a sattle.
HIGH ART JUMP.
rotliern'a Snbatlinta Mad a Hit, bat
"liumlra.rjr" Va Mad,
It Is related of the elder Sotbern that
l.o was once acting the hero In a ro
mantic play which required his leap
ing from a window In a tall tower to
the stage below where he alighted on
a mattress behind a wooden rock and i
tinmedlately made off rapidly Into a '
forest. One night he hurt his ankle i
and vowed he would leap no more.
Accordingly the next day his manager !
hired a professional circus performer
to do the actual leap, while the actor
should slip back under cover of part ,
or the tower wall and descend by a
safe, but uuromantlc ladder to his
dressing room. The manager provid
ed the circus man with a costume pre
cisely like Solhern's, to the end that
the Illusion might be kept up with
the audience, and sent him to the the
ater to practice. The man made the
Jump and set up a loud complaint.
"What's the row?" Inquired a young
member of the company, who happen
ed to be at the playhouse.
"Why, see here," exclaimed the pro
fessional, "this 'ere drop Is too dead
easy. A man with a wooden leg and
two glass peepers could do It Now,
If they'd let me turn two somersets In
Ihe air I wouldn't make no fuss."
"Capital!" cried the actor. "Do It"
"You think the old cove wouldn't
mind?" said the athleto doubtfully.
"Mind!" returned the young player;
"why, he'd be ticked to death, and
probably raise your salary as well.
Besides, It would bring down the
bouse. Do It, by all means."
That evening when the part of the
performance was reached wherein the
hero took leave of the heroine Bothern
was gratified to see his substitute
crouching In the shadow of the case
ment ready to leap.
"Ixive, good -night good-night,"
cried Sothern.
"Stay!" pleaded the heroine, cling
ing round bis neck; "stay, that leap Is
death!"
"Nay, nay, sweet; 'tis honor! I leap,
'tis true, but what In my heart doth
bear me up? Thine Image, love! Good-night-good-night!"
He kissed her frantically on the fore
head, tore himself from her embrace
aud rushed across the open spaco Into
the shadow. "Jump!" he hissed be
tween his teeth. Out Into the air shot
the circus man, whirled around twice
like the flywheel of a steam engine
and lit like a bird on the highest polut
of the rock. The applause came In
thunders. The man bowed stiffly and
walked off Into ths wings with his
arms folded.
Unfortunately, the remarks of Soth
ern are lost to history. Chleago Post
Days Wire Ono Short.
When the earth was young, say Dr.
Ball, the eminent British astronomer,
It turned on lu axis so rapidly that It
made one complete revolution once In
every three hours! The earth was
liquid then, and It spun around at that
fearful speed probably for thousand
of years. The sun caused ever-Increasing
tldisj on the surface of the great
llqult! planet, and at last It burst lu
two. But the break was not lu the
middle of what had been the great
swift-revolvlug globe or liquid matter.
It was to one side, and the effect was
to throw Ihe smaller fragment out Into
siwce. That fragment kept ou turning,
and was soon fashioned Into globe.
We see It to-day and know It as the
moon. The larger piece alto kept turn
ing on Its axis, aud in the course of
ages became the spherical, habitable
earth. The smaller fragment of the
great original globe, being held In place
by tho attraction of the larger, has
been going around the earth ever aluce,
but has been gradually Increasing Ihe
distance between Itself and Ita pri
mary. Some astronomers believe thai
eveutually the moon will get so far
away that It cannot lie seen by the In
habitants of our planet St. Louis Re
public. How "I'ncln Ham" Got Ills Name.
The nickname, "Uncle Sam," as ap
plied to the United States government
Is said to have originated as follows:
Samuel Wilson, commonly called "Un
cle Sam," was a government Inspector
of beef and pork at Troy, N. Y.. about
1812. A contractor, Elbert Anderson,
purchased quantity of provisions,
and the barrels were marked "K. A."
Anderson' Initials, and "U. 8.." for
I'ulted States. The latter Initial were
not familiar to Wilson' workmen,
who Inquired what they meant. A
facetious fellow answered: "I don't
know, unless they mean 'Uncle Ram.' "
A vast amount of property afterward
passed through Wilson's bands mark
ed In the same manner, and be was
often Joked upon the extent of his pos
sessions. The Joke spread through
all the departments of the govern
ment, and before long the United
States was popularly referred to as
"Untie Sam." October Ladles Home
Journal.
A Useful Institution.
"I suppose," said the school teacher's
acquaintance, "that you are sorry to
see vacation coming to a cle."
"No," was the reply; "I think It last
ed long enough to serve It moat Impor
tant purpose."
"You mean that the puplto and their
Instructors have bad a chance to re
cuperate?" "No; that Is an unimportant Incident.
What I mean I that vacation give
parent a chnnce to realize that their
children are not the angola they always
assume them to be when they get Into
trouble at school." Washington Star.
Pom a Hops,
Fond Mother This to my son Clar
ence, lie Is only IS, but be ba written
some beautiful poetry.
Friend Then there la some hope for
blm.
Fond Mother I'm so glad to bear you
ay so.
Friend Yes, when they are so yonng
a tlmt It to easier to tick It out of them.
The Sketch.
riatter IMdn'l do.
"In eating well I praise the food,"
quoted the star boarder.
"Yea, aud you're the most gushing,
fulsome snd persistent blarney that
ever sat down at my table," snarled
the tandlady.-Detrolt Free Press,
After woman passe forty h baa
to begin to make ber skirt longer Is
front Uua In the baek.
The newest novel by Rita bear tb
euphonious name of "Kitty the Itag."
Miss Braddou's latest novel has Just
appeared In Londou. It 1 called "Lon
don Pride."
John Gordon ha written a life ot
Christ for the youug, entitled 'The
Children of Galilee."
Andrew l.ang'e "Myth. Creed and
Religion" I the latest work to be
placed on the "Iudex" by the Pope.
A new edition of the press works of
Swift Is shortly to appear, with a bio
graphical aud critical Introduction by
Mr. Lccky. The edition will probably
extend to eight volumes.
A special winter number of the Lon
don Studio Is to contain an article of
Stevenson's never before published. It
Is an account of the novelist's stay at
Monastler In the autumn of 1878, and
was orlglnnlly Intended to serve as the
opening chapter of 'Travel with a
Donkey In the Ccyeuues."
Marie Con-Ill continues to rage In
England unabated. To one wbo ba
rend her rantlug and Inartistic "Mighty
Atom," It seems Incredible that her
Loudon publishers have Just completed
au eleventh edition, making an aggre
gate of 78,000 volumes of this book
aloue. At the Nottingham Public Li
brary note was recently taken of tb
flrst hundred books Issued after the
annual stock taking. Eleven of the
number were Marie Corelll'; Crockett
followed with six, Edna Lyall with Ave,
and Hall Calne wltb four.
The unique fine art work railed "Tb.
Book of Beauty," containing fifty large
portrait of titled ladles of Ihe later
Victorian era, la to be bandied on this
Ide of the Atlantic by Geo. D. Sprout,
of New York. The list of portrait com
prises most of the great English ladles,
from the Prluress of Wales down, and
naturally Include a number of trans
planted American heiresses. The ar
tists who did the work Include Iyord
Lelgbton, Prof. Herkomer, Sargent,
Constant, Duran, Mlllala aud CabaneL
The American edition Is limited to 300
copies. The work Is Issued In two im
perial quarto volumes for $1(XI.
They Come Hack.
Advertising solicitors are often met
wltb the argument that the Individual
or firm name be solicits Is so well
known that advertising Is useless. We
have known a number of Implement
and vehicle manufacturers who argue
this way. It la true that probably ev
ery dealer of any Importance In the
United States had beard of their bouse.
We have seen younger competitors, by
Judicious advertising and bustling, pas
them In the race for business. Then
these concerns that were too welt
known to advertise would awaken to
the situation and their advertisement
would again appear; but while they
were sleeping their wide-awake com
petitors must necessarily have mad
Inroads Into their business, which, with
fair treatment and busluess-IIke meth
ods, they will bold.
The lllltou, Hughe & Co.' failure Is
striking example of an Immense
bouse, probably known all over the
country, but presuming ou their name
they reduced their advertising aud paid
little attention to It. Their competitor
kept their name prominently before
the masses, and told what they bad to
offer, and gradually trade began to drift
from the larger house to those enter
prising Arms who let the people know
that they were after their trade.
Let the largest bouse In any Hue stop ,
advertising and uote In what Incredibly
short space of time a larger business
will be built up by somebody who
works while they sleep. Farm Machin
ery. Hardship f r an African Fiploreis
I bav always something the matter
wltb me which Interferes with my
efficiency. Now It will be wretched
ulcer near my knee-Joint to bluder my
walking; at another time one near my
right elbow to weaken my arm and glv
me unsteady aim lu shooting. Theu I
am cured of these, aud feel mlserublo
and feverish; but anap ahots of deafen
ing quinine make mo atroug and cheer
ful, and fit to bear the strain of a few
day' visit from malarial neuralgia,
which seizes toy bead, make tender
every tooth, and stabs me unmercifully
with acutest pain, till my head la ach
ing wltb hammering throbs, aud the
eyes, through pain, are curtained by a
mist. In due time I recover from this,
and become dyspeptic, or cannot wear
my largest shirt because of a swollen
spleen. 1 gradually reduce this, and
then blister on the feet, and erysipelas
In the snkles. make walking the worst
kind of agony. Illness to me In Africa
I a the bubble In a spirit-level: It
move and change lu position, but
never ceases. Century.
Hear Heavy Pressure.
Piscatorial authorities of highest re
pute say that fishes aud mollusks living
at a depth of more than three tulle un
der water bav to bear a pressure of
several tons, the weight being that of
the superincumbent brine, which ex
ert It power from all aide alike. The
reason that they are able to bear tbl
treraendou weight I because they
hare exceedingly loose tissues, which
allow water to flow through every In
terstice, tbu equalizing the weight
When the pressure I removed tbey die
almost Instantly.
Blceploo; Apartment.
The amount of effete matter given oft
by the skin and lung during sleep
make It Imperative that car ihould
b bestowed on sleeping apartments In
keeping the air sweet and clean. The
body odor, which are so perceptible
In a close room as one rises from tb
bed, cannot but prove Injurious If prop
er attention Is not given to ventilation
of the room aud clothing. Every ar
ticle of bedding In use should receive
lu dally airing In the auushlue and
wind.
Vnaollcltetl TeatlmonlaL
Next Door Neighbor I beard your
daughter practicing her scale on the
piano at a very late hour last night
She ba a remarkable touch.
Mr. Kajonee My daughter? Thun
der! That wa the cat running up aud.
down ths keyboard!