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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 22, 1896)
AN'S jjENGEANCE. j . Tira ft tt1(T climb from Penally j tie basket of flsh Isaac Ilocken fjrrlcJ wild heavy. At the tup of mi lie was fain to stretch himself i ,I!C turf ninl rest hl bent old back ... I, .iv atone wall which lu lls! J"l'n Trogon's field. t0up going up to the house; John' jnmrki t and the nilssea'U be turning L place topsy-turvey," be reflected. blt with spring clcanln's all tho L 'roiinJ nnd the drlvln', Bertha bin i.i terrible bnrd time. And they do i. la the village-Well, well ho mitercd. checking himself, It wasn't il expected with her pretty face that L i tier flrnt sweetheart. And If Will liter deceived ber, mcbbe she'll think more of blm. Jim Just dote on ber. j,re fule. Iip! Bad wives ore of no jcouat wbntlvor, nnd siipposlu' yon iliap on ft good woman and It pleases t i.onl to take her, tbo yenr won't tue cinitlueM In you she leaves be fcl I ought to know," and Inane iv'ert n mighty sigh. "I've burled hoi of buth sorts-three of 'em." iot a breeze stirred the lifeless calm; jd the midday sun poured fiercely two. I'resi r.tly be sought the shade i a 'spreading tree which overhung t wall a few paces from him. But !as no longer solitary. Voices felt bis enr-Itertha Tregon's nnd that I the man who report said had Jilted . jly poor Bertha! You've no cause to r me. 1 know exactly bow It was jp forsook me for James Ilorken. Hut rrute whenever 1 had the chance.' jXot a single letter reached me." Heratise your mother waylaid the ttumn." Dfjplie the bent, Isaac shivered. Ul i Insight was making clear much t hail puzzled blm. "Perhaps. What matters now?" keJ Itertba In forlorn tones. "You uulil have kept away. It would have tn kinder." And let you continue to think that tan false. I.ookee here, Bertha, you inilscd to be my wife before ever rketi courted you. And now you ow I've been faithful to you " 1 diirstn't break with Jim. Moth.-r jk't on blm. Oh. why did you come? 11 get a fresh sweetheart, but Jim A t. 1 feel bo won't. And 1 shall p my promise to blm." hit bertha's love was unchanged. I to the breathless listener ou the 1i.t side of the wall. Will's tender sdlngs were the knell of his sou's na. . flat girl who loved blm could resist ldsome Will Carter? Sunt and grizzled, with weather ten, strongly marked features, be 1 always known that Jim wasn't one tn girl would fancy. And Bcrth.i 1 only neeepteil him nt her mother's ling, believing that Will was untrue tfr. It was nil so plain to blm now. f Jim! r.vcn a flower that Berth I-plucked was precious to blm. ln't lie found a rose withered and i In his pocket? And all his love In ll Isaac whipped out bU handker i nnd mopped bis face. Yet, if '.hadn't returned It contrary to bis expectations, the is firm In ber resolve, -won't listen to you," she said 'it roused by Will's upbraid I tigs. , iiu Isn't to blame be knew nothing f our sweethearting nor am I. It ln't enter my mind that mother might got your letters. How should It? ' if you alone suffered!" she faltered. t us part friends." ' Sweethearts or nothing," said Will, :Uy. 'Ith the swish, swish of feet through long grnss, crawling to bis knees. , Jsane peered cautiously over the I, Iterthn was running toward the nnd Will Carter, with his head nil back, striding in an opposite dl Ion. ' .Hess the little maid!" he ejaculated, f time 1 was nfeared for Jim. But ( gut n good grip o' things. Yes, ty more sweethearts for Will." he tied, observant of the pose of bis & "And there's but one In the 'd for my lad-Bertha Tregon. May tongue be slit If I let out to him." ling, Isaac shouldered bis basket proceeded on his round. old fisherman had been some I rash, however, lu his conclusion. ; her own admission. Bertha's do ll had been prompted solely by fear r mother and consideration for s Ilocken. But If on reflection she still willing to sacrifice ber bapp' J Will Carter certainly bad no In n of yielding to her weakness. Sue seaman, of whom Pengelly was d. for the last year Will bad been oard a yacht cruising In the Med It 9enn. But for reasons best known erself, Mrs. Tregon had diseounte d his suit, nnd, although he had J confidence lu her. Bertha's sl- had Inspired misgivings not easy Uny. Once more free, he had re ed at the earliest date to England, it Plymouth, where he landed, had friend, who. among other Items engelly news. Informed him of ber niiin, adding: Sd she'll be Mrs. Ilocken In a fort t" tennlncd to demand a full explnn.i from Bertha herself. Will made ffomroetit, but his laugh was un aful. And with rage in bis heart d hailed a passing cnb, driven to railway station ana tnkeu the tram .Tadebrldge, Thence be could walk Tregotis'. t the bouse In view. In crossing the . Will bad espied Bertha In the gar and. with a muffled ahoy! sped to tTee that sheltered old Isaac. She Iwiftly Joined him. Nevertheless, Wk of his return was visible In hlte face, and ber trembling tips 1 frame no welcome. Looking at Imploringly, her blue eyes filled. longing to clasp her In his arms, "aisurlng word which, whilst en ding him, bad chilled Jim's fath- 1 duty for the reproaches he bad Primed with. But Will had taken Bertha by sur prise, and between bpr dread of blm and terror of her mother, who ruled the Tregon household with a rod of Irou, be rightly divined that she had caught at the readiest mean of escape which In ber dlstraetlou hnd presented Itself to her. Yet his faith in ber Arm ness was limited: the revlvnl of fond memories would tend to lesseu her mother's Influence. Ami cunningly cal culating that apparent Indifference would further Incline her to lie guided by bis counsels Inter, ho devoted a week to his friends nnd generally enjoy ing himself. His disappointment treat ed thus lightly, he succeeded In delud ing everybody. Including Bertha, who tiled bitter tears In secret that be suould lie so easily consoled for her loss. The bare sight of James Ilocken almost maddened her, and she bad to hide her aversion to blm and listen evening af ter evening to his dull talk. And in an other week she would be his wife. The tree beneath which she and Will had parted became her favorite resort. Here she could Indulge In the luxury of a "good cry" unrebuked, and, grown desperate with the nearer approach of the wedding day, sitting on the gnarled roots one afternoon, she burst into a very passionate grief. A face Will's appeared above the wall. "Ahny! Whatlver's the matter, Miss Tregon?" he gravely Inquired. "Shall I fetch Mr. Ilocken to 'ee?" "I hate him! I hate him!" she sob- lied hysterically. "That's bad." said Will. sympathU- Ingly. "Whnt's he been up to?' "Up to! Isn't be old. Isn't be ugly. Isn't he stupid? And and I hate blm. Mother may storm, but I don't care.' Will vaulted over the walL On tho day nppoluted for James llocken's nuptials the whole village flocked lH'tlmes to the church. But neither bridegroom nor bride put In an appearance, nnd by and by it was kuowu that Will Carter and Bertha Tregon were missing, and that there would be no wedding at Pengelly that day. Weeks nnd months rolled by. and no tidings could be gleaned of the grace less couple. They had clean vanished, leaving no clew to their whereabouts. Mrs. Tregon s tongue sharpened to a douuble-cdged sword, ready to slay friend nnd foe nlike who nlluded to ber daughter. And the dumb misery in Jim's plain face was pitiful to see. Old Isaac's heart ncltrd for his son. If he had only prepared hlin for the blow! To have him so Imposed on! And with his experience of womiiuklnd. Curiosity was tit length appeased. An ncunnintance of the runaways visited London and returned with a woeful store. She hnd seeti Bertha, who had confided to her that after lieln.'t mar rled nt n registry otllee Will nnd she had decided to go to America, but while looking In n shop window he had been robbed of his savings, and that subse nuentlv they were reduced to great straits. Then be had brought her the welcome news that he had obtained a berth on a steam launch, nnd the next morning bade her goodby to go aboard. since when she bad never clapped her eves on blm. Mrs. I'egg also said that Bertha had refused to give her address But Jim ascertained that she bad met i..,f nt nntherblthe. und that was euough for him. "I'm off to London." he announced when he came downstairs, after p.iclug the floor the livelong night. 1 sliall nornr rest until Carter an- uie are face to face." "Thn !. fnle. Jim." his father, w hnd been disturbed by his monotonous trend overliend. said peevishly. "If you must stir In this business, flint Bertha. It'd be a charity. Tor all her sharp temper, her mother's frettln" her self Into the grave. Tnke what money you want out o" my leather bag; only promise, lad," noting the sullen fire In his deep-set eye, "uot to meddle wi Will." "Trust me to find Bertha! But she would be destitute," he said hoarsely. "And she may have become a shame to her kith nnd kin. And In that ense uo promise would bind me, father. I'd 've bis life If I swung for it." Hut Pengelly wus convinced that Will had betaken himself to "foreign pnrts." And. recalling this, old Isaac wus en couraged to hope that Jim would be de nied the opportunity of vengeance. Jim had tscu In Loudon three months; his quest had Iveti unsu.vess ful: yet be continued to hunt the prin cipal thoroughfares, tramping north, south, east nnd west In turn. Big Ben bad struck one; he was re crossing Westminster bridge to his lodgings when a woman crouching by a tamp post ahead of him fell forward In a heap nnd, hastening his steps, he endeavored to raise her. But. with Un tight falling on the pallid, hunger-plneb-cd face, a groan escaped blm. His quest for Bertha Carter had ended. At that moment n policeman came up. "Poor soul! she's dend," he wild nt a glance. "Better so than the leap Into the water she wns bent on. I've bad my eye on her since 7 o'clock. She seemed dazed." The bodv wns conveyed to the mor tunry nnd the verdict nt the Inquest wis In accordance with the medical testimony, that death was due to star- vatlon. , Outwnrdlv calm, bis sole thought ti avenge Bertha, Jim staggered out of the court. , , His Inquiries for the mna who bad robtcd him of the one Jewel he coveted to cast It from him. at length elicited h. . ...nmnn answering to b!s d.- scriptb.n of Carter was bomewar i bound from Singapore, i nem-viu. knowing neither hunger nor wearing, he was watchful of new arrivals at the docks. H's desire for revenge wns by now n,.,nmlini. And to-aav ne u.iu and he Tfi!nf ths street h wis knocked down by drsy, and, stunned, convey ed to the hospital. On recovering consciousness, bis first request was for bis discharge. ot yet awhile." said the nurse. "But you wou't te dull. That poor ehnp yonder," Indicating a bandaged object lu a distant lied, "has 1m n cak ing for you. You don't recognize him? No wonder! He was brought lu months ago after the Are lu St. Thomas street. I lll'lllil n Pill t I, a woman nnd po.,rWUI-ho He wns looking on, and some children appeared dow. The firemen were by the blaze Mow, and won't tell u his surname couldn't withstand their cries, and he climbed Jru the wntersK)iit ou to the roof with a rope, nnd threw one cud to them, anil had actually lowered two of the dill- dren In safety when the wiiIIh collaps ed, lie was picked up so terrlb.y In jured thnt we hud little hope of him. But he has done splendidly. If you-" But Jim wns midway acnisi the ward. Oh, heaven, to think thnt this po.ir man gled wretch wns "handsome Will!" And so sorely misjudged! Leaning over the brave fellow, Hockcu's emo tion wns hard to restrain. "lou't give 'em my name," whisper ed Will. "I'm uin lined for life. And wouldn't 've my poor little Bertha sad dled with a helpless husband -not like ly. To have huppetied Just when the tide bad turned!" be groaned. "Where Is she?" "She lias readied rort before us." said Jim, In a smothered voice. "Oon't 'ee take on, Will." His own tears went coursing down his rugged cheeks. "We'll go back to Pengelly. I cau work for both." "You work for me? You " "We both loved her," Jim reminded him. "If so tie you'll trust yourself to me. You will be doing me a favor." Feebly pressing the hand that grip ped bis. Will mumbled Indistinctly, nnd hnstlly covered his face. House bold Words. CHEYENNE SADDLES. The Delight of th Cowboy mod Folted State Cavalry. All over North America for many years Cheyenne saddle have been fa mous, nftd every equestrian outside the Flitted States cavalry nnd of the North west Mutinied Police of Cnnnda lias either had his horse tricked out with Cheyenne leather or wished he had. The fancy work on saddle, holsters and stirrup hixxls that once made Mexi can saddlery famous nnd expensive long ngo was copied by the Cheyenne makers, who kept up the fame nnd beauty of Americas horse trappings, but made them so cheap ns to be withiu the means of most horsemen, lu the old days when W intern cattle ranged all over the plains and the cowboy wns In his glory, thnt queer citizen would rather have a Cheyenne saddle thau a best girl. In fact, to tie without a Chey enne saddle and a flrst-class revolver was to lie no better than the sheep herder of that era. Wbeu the writer wns In Cheyenne recently the first places be looked for were the saddle-makers' shops. lie was surprised to And only one shmvy, llrst-cliiss store of that kind, and. In-sti-nd of there lielng a crowd lu front of It. there was no sign of more business than was going on nt the druggist's near by, or the stationer's over the way. Tiie prnds displayed In the windows were Is-anHul and extraordinary. There were Hi" glorious, henvy, hand-strapped saddles; there were the huge, cum brous lapaderos; there were the lariats or rMn; the magnificent bits thnt look ed like Moorish art outdone; nnd there were mu!e skinners nnd the fanciful spurs; nnd. In short, the windows form ed n museum of things thnt a cowlsiy would have pawned his soul to own. The metal work was all such as n env ii try ma n once declared It, "the misst ele gant horse Jewelry In creation." F.ngllshmon and fiennans now buy the fanciest nnd best trimmings to send abroad to their homes. Hand-strapped saddles ct from $13 to S but W buys as gm.l a one as a modest mini who knows a good tiling will care to use. Cowgirl saddles were ou view seven of thcm-wlth rigging for side si-nts and with stirrup made lu slipper shapes. It Is u.rt that there are really half a dozen cowgirls In the world, or half a dozen women like the Colorado cattle qm-en or the lady horse breeder of Wyoming, but there are Western girls who have to ride a great deal, and they hud fond fathers and brother, and' still fonder lovers; hence the manu facture of magnificent side-saddles, all decked with hand-strapped patterns, and looking ns rich ns the richest Bed ouin ever dreamed of borsegear ts'lng ninde. There is still a good trade In cowboy outfits that nro ordered from Montana, the Dakota. Wyoming, t ol- ocean. When this billow passes the orado and Texas, nnd similar goods go 1 f.ape 0f qw1 Hope, at noon, Its sue to the horse ranches of Nevada, Idaho i fei)Bur t nlrcady born, nnd by the lime nnd Oregon. Moreover, ns long us men ride horses there will t a trade In fancy outfits for tbein.-Pcnvcr FlM ... i L'.i.n, illllt . u u.. Pathos of Presidential Oonvrnl'ons. No oue can examine the records of Presidential conventions, with their iifi-soual successes and failures, nnd easily escape the coiiviclion that there Is far more of tragedy thau comedy In our national politics, l here are ton.-.,. . m of butnor here nnd there, but the domluaut note is that of pathos, lie- ! hind every great success there Is to be j s,.cu the somber shadow of bluer di- . appointment, of wr-cked ambition, of pfcloug hopes In ruilis. As one pursues through biography, nutolilgrnphy. nnd menu.lr, the pcrsonnl history of the chief figure lu the conventions Hint ( have llecn held during the sixty years which have passed since thnt method of nominating Presidential candidates mine into use, he finds It nlniost invari ably eudlEg In sadness nnd gUs-nn. Not one of those seeking the Presidency with most persistence Iihs sucreede 1 In getting possession of that great onVe. nnd few of ihein. when final failure l,a come, have shown tbimselvs abl to bear the 1 low with fortltude.-CVi. tury. Flrt AuiTlcan Hallway. The first American rairoad was tall ;n lH.fl- It was three mlb long, from M granite qnarrs of gulncy, Mass., 10 Neponset Hlver. vau h.ra nrobably remarked how rou ret over being In love. Well. ! rople who r In lov. with you are Ji i . ft l ! jV Y . t t !-" '! li-S,V'' . .p V T-. . Tnmblina MnatnM, It Is said that the tumliag mustard, a weed Introduced from Kurope a Unit twenty years ago. has 1 nine very troublesome lu Manitoba nnd other parts of Northwestern Canada. Ptvf. I'letcher, of Ottawa, estimates that a single plant hours no less than 1...ih),ihK) seeds! "Murk Lilit." Monsieur Lc Hon, a French experi menter, reports that he has obtained outline photogRiplut ou a dry plate through a sheet of iron, s.uiply with the aid of an ordinary kerosene lamp. He gets the best effects by kicking the Iron with a sheet of lead, but the ray do not, like the X-rays, penetrate black paper, lie rail the radiation which produces tia photograph "dark light." The Cradle of Mmikln.l. The recent discovery In Hoinnllland by Mr. Set. m K.i rr Is regarded as nu Important contribution to the evidence by means of which men of science boiie, eventually, to be able to locate the era die of the human race. The Implements leferred to are Identical In form with those found lu Northwmteru F.urope nnd In ludln, ninl tliU fact Is thought to beau Indication that In the rcinole pre historic times called the Pntaisillthle nge the Inhabitants of Asln, Africa and Kuropo belonged to a single race. F.xtemilnatlnv Mutterfllra. Collectors of butterflies In England are somewhat alarmed at tho prospect of the extinction of several localized species, mnltily through the effect of ovcrcolloctlon. It npcnm that three spe rh' of butterflies have already bevu exterminated, at least from their known haunts, nnd thnt tln other species are In Imminent danger of ex tinction, nnd the Lntoniologleal Society bus beeu requested to take some action for the protection of the Insects. Home of the much hunted species. It Is said, will probably take dual refuge lu the Irreclaimable fens of Norfolk. Valu ihlp Fos-Sklna. The most expensive and beautiful of all fox fur, according to Kuowledgo, that of the American silver fox. '1 'he color Is usually olinost cutircly black, except the tip of the tall, and ccrtniD gray-white markings on the back, thighs snd bead. Oecaslonnlly a com pletely black specimen Is found, ami there are also some which are com pletely gray. The nnlmnl was oin-c comparatively abundant, but is now scarce, and about a year ngo a single fine sklu wns sold In London for the surprising sum of f'O. lu li4 many skins were sold for more than ?.ssi aiilece. The cheapest skins are the pale-colored ones, some of which do not command more than f V. A Walking Flah. A queer ush, called the "walking goby," or the "hopping fish," Is found In the Indian Ocean ns well ns along the shores of West Africa. Crowds of these curious creatures, resembling tad poles lu their outlines, bask In the sun ou a muddy shore nnd scamper off on being disturbed. Many of tlieni kc'v the end of their long tails dipped In the water, while they lie on the sum heated mud, or alt on mangrove roots, nnd Prof. Haddon has suggested that there may be nn organ of respiration !n the end of the tall, additional lo the similar organs In the gills. A more re cent investigator, Ir. Forbes, of Liver pool, thinks the fish are able to store a sufficient quantity of water In their gills to maintain aquatic respiration during their prolonged absences ou the shore. Oreat 1 1da Wave. Those who see the rise and fall of tbo tides In our Atlantic harbors seldom think of the wonderful career of the moon-raised ocean-wave which cause the tidal flux and reflux. Such billows not only cross tho sea, but flow from ocean Into ocean, and lu this way coin pllc-ited movement are set going, Thus, as Mr. Vnughnn Cornish lias ro eentlv reminded English renders, once ,a every twelve hours the moon rnls.-s n t(je iov D the Southern Indian tHe nrst billow has reached the Axore ; jg0nds, at midnight, the second Is j roundlun the Cape, and a third ha come Into existence In the southern ocean. By 4 o'clock lu the morning fol lowing Its jmssage of the Cape the tide billow reaches the English ( Imuiiol and ' there the shallow water delays It o much thnt It do not arrive at the Straits of Dover until 10 a. m. Here 1 the narrowing Channel causes the tide to rise very high nnd almost puts an end to the wave. In the meantime ou other branch of the billow runs around ! the western side of the British Islands, ! rounds the north point of Scotland, and moves slowly down the eastern coast of Englnnd. until It finally flows up the Thames, and laps the wharves of Loo don. Trec-Iimaa. On Msy 28 mention was made in this column of a curious theory coucernlug the history of a very old flr-trpe from North America, a section of the lower Dart of whose trunk Is preserved lu En glnnd. Tbe growth rings lu the trunk ihow that the tree lived for several hundred years, and that when it was about a century old souietuing hap nened which Interfered wltb nnd de layed Its growth. The effect was to pro duce a serlea of rings very narrow and close together, followed by rings of Ihe ti.unl width. Indicating that Ihe tree hnd suddenly regained It vigor. Ac cording to the theory mentioned ihe Influence that retarded the growth of the tre was a series of atmospheric dm turhsnces In the Middle Ages which caused widespread epidemics In Europe n.i Ail, and presumably in ,ortn America aUo. Mr. B. E. Fsroow, of Waohlngton, writes to Nature that b" thinks tliis theory is hardly tenable .ones of narrow rings, lie s:iys, un common In nil of our trees, und lie sug gestM this explanation: Let a ti , like Hie llr In question, grow up under la vocable couibtlous for a huudrc .1 years, nnd then let a hurricane bre:ik nlT n huge part of Its crown. Suddenly, at lwt w ithin a year, the rings of growth wdl become narrow. Wlihln about thirty years the crow n recuperative bin still I he food - materia I descending from the leaves Is scanty for the lower por tion of the trunk und narrow rings c.ei- t'.nile to form there. II glier up the tie.', I however, the rings will be fiiuinl wid'-l-: big. Finally, und rather sinldenli. die ' supply biN-omes iunu.'il lower d n : and the rings resume their regul ir ! wldih. Thus various accidents oc, u.- ring to a tree record their effect lu its rings of grow th. England's Food Supply. Sirotig ns the Eugl.sh war licet Is, it is very far from being strong enough to ruecessfully engage a possible coinlilua- lion of fleets uin! nt the s.mie lime pro-lii-t our sea borne food supply, s.ijs the Nineteenth Ceiiriry. If the liiiv I Suites and HiiKsla declared war with iiglund there would piuetleiilty be no mid supply lefl to protect. They would keep the Immense snppllci we iow get fn in them at home, nnd the fenr of capture or dcstruetlcti would ffeetnnlly prevent Argeullnn nnd oiler neutrals from sending food to us In any sulthicnl quantity. Wiint Is wanted Is Hint, Instead of only a precarious week's supply, we should have stored up In thi country nougli com to last for at least twelve .ninths. Experts In the corn trade agree that there would be uo Insupera ble difficulty In gradually nceumulii- mg tills store of corn. It would be for ports to advise ns to the best nicth oils nnd places of storage. I'erhai ihe best plan would lie to ills tribute II over Ihe country In tnnguziniw nt the military depots, giving the mili tary authorities chnrge of It. but If It wns In the rounlry and safe It would not so much matter w here It wns. Al though most of our com Is mnde Into flour nt the great ports, It would Hot he wise, seeing that most of them nre so defenseless, to store It there. The entire control nnd management of this great national etore of corn should be under some permanent gov- j eminent department. Although Us ex- : isteuee could not fall to have a steady- ! lug effect on the corn market. It should be outside all speculative lufluenc", j Ihe price at which II would tie sold, j when necessary to sell It. being fixed by 1 law. It would be no sacrifice, In the long run. for the country to provide such a reserve of food, a It would al- way tie worth Its cost. Other iiallous accumulate gold for use In war time. We should have s wiir cheat of corn. If we have II, what will ll do? It will give our tmvy time to dev.ite llself to the crushing of Ihe navy or navies opposed to ns. It will give us time, with out grent resources, to nug- input our fighting fleet to nluiosl any extent, and It will give our farmer time to grow three or four limes as much corn and breed a much larger inantlty of cattle nod sheep than they now do. II w They Unfile I'nas I'lemla. Charles C. Black, assistant attorney of the Missouri Pacific, wuo Tor the last two years hna resided lu Athlson, has resigned his position with the com- r, mid will resume general practice of law nt Kansas City. .tin. Sain liar burger will succeed Mr Black, liar burger long has been Bailey Waggon er's right-hand man. They have a code of signals, which are particularly helpful when the man who wnlils a pass drops In. Sum, Waggoner will sny when a stnlesman wiio lias no claim on railroad present himself, "lla Doddridge sent I hose bbinks?" "No." Sam will pi iptly re ply, marking tbe Interrogation, "nnd 1 guess be bus applied the interstate com merce rule to us and we will not gel any more. Then," a troubled look stealing over bis face. Mr. Wnggcnor will suggest thnt Snin "try Itnthbtirn." "It would do no good." the ready lieutenant will ay. "You know we sent over to him yesterday with a request for transpor tation for Senator Ingalls, nu I lie wus out of blanks, too. I hon." Mr. ng- gener will sny, wearily, to the appli cant: "I am afraid 1 run t ncip you. It's got so now Hint I am Utile more than a clerk. Sometimes I am templed to reslgu." The next applicant comes within the rule. "Sam," Mr. Waggoner will say. Imperatively, "write out a pass for Mr. Bill here," and the pass I wrlllen. Kansas City Star. Napoleon Irregular Pealing. The Embargo Act, pussed lu 107 by tbe American Congress, had lieeii en tirely to Napoleon' liking, a I proved by the Bnyonne decree of lHtiS, which ordered the seizure and snle In French bnrlKirs of all American ships trans giesslng It; lut the Non-luten ourse Act of Murch 1, lSiifl, enabled n vesel hold !ng both a French and a British license, It provided likewise with "slinulnted" paper of sny neutral mate, to trndo In British good almoKt without restric tion. This Napoleon chose lo consider as open hostility, and under the Hum boulllet decree of March Kl, 1M. Amer ican vessels, with I loir cargoes, worth together over f H.fSlO.lsiO, were seized. ill. ilcallmta wltb the Fulled Stales were very Irregular; between lKH'J am! 1M1, on one pretext or another, fkV ships flying their flag were eiz-d lu Kretieh harbors.; and the number seized in those of Holland, Spain, Denmnrk and Naples was also very large; but during the same period Orent Brltnlli seized 017, sud there Is uo proof thai Napoleon Intended anything more than forcing tbe transatlantic republic luto hostility with Englund.-Century. An Andes tunnel. HutnlKildt deacrlbe a remarkable tuiinel In the Audes, known ns the Dessgue lte.nl, which wis driven through a mountain by a Fb-mlsh en gineer In l''iSi. This work was four tulles long, leven feet in width, and fourteen feet high. It wn deigned lo enrry off the threatening waters of a di-ep inoiitilalu Inke, and was executed with pickax and spade In one year by the Incessant lalior of LVOS) ludlnii. When you get enough, be brave enough to ssy so. eV; h h , y Sonic Ycara Hence. "The fashion of training stranjte ani mals to do Hicks Is quite n fad now, isn't If;" "Ye, but Miss Demlliio's font In Mils direction Is Ihe most remarkable of nil. i She bus tin I int I n horse to draw n car riage nnd cronies quite a sensation by driving this queer creature through the sireets." (Islington Time. Tho Ituiiiclor'a Kct.irt, She-1 hardly think It Just for a man toexi I his wife lo share his troubles. lie -1 don't agree with you. A man would have but few troubles If ll were not for Ills wife. Kenl Kohcltii le. "William." she said, "will you do Kouielhlug that Is for your own good'.'" "What U II I" "I want yon to give up smoking. You nre simply ruining your hen Ith nnd my lace curtain." Washington Star. For a Sonir. "Magnificent house. Isn't It?" - es." "And be bought It for n song." "Indeed V" "Yes, he's the author of 'Pupa' Jag Is Three Day Old,' you .now."-Detroit News. Nrw Ilrdiiltlon. Teacher-What Is taxidermy? Johnnie I guess I know, teacher. Teacher-Well. Johnnie? Johnnie-It's puttlu' down carpet. Cleveland Plalndenler. A war All mil. "No," said the champion pugilist, firmly, "1 can never consent to meet your inn n until he bus defeiited Cuff lelgh." "Well, but hasn't lie?" "Hasn't he?" repented Ihe cham pion, contemptuously, "I should say not. iuillclgh Is nt least sixteen col umns abend of blm. New Yolk World. Illtrhwaymcn Needed. Wheeler- I see by the paper that a Chicago bicycler wa In id up by two n "ii. Sprocket (feeling If the court plaster wns lu place on his face)-1 wish tn gracious II bud been me! Yulikers Statesman. Couldn't Hurt Them ! Jinks -Itrown .buics boosts that he ran trace his ancestry back to the I'll- grlms. i Blnks-Well, the Pilgrim nre dend i and I hey won't feel It.-New York Ad- I virtiHir. "Omit Tlinra." Blakeley -1 understand yon Indies have organized a debating club. .Margaret - Yes; we have such grand times laughing at the girls who get up lo talk.- Philadelphia North -Amer ican. I' n Tin put hi tic, Mr. Spark -Sir, I love your daugh ter so that I cannot live without her. Old (irnllly -llood! Then go away somewhere ami die. There' another loud off my mind. Cleveland leader. Fatlafuctorr K planutlor. Ijidy (to shopwalker, who has ac companied her through various depart ments to front door) I'm sure you are very attentive. Did yon think I could not 11 nd my way out again? Shopwalker Well, It Isn't exactly thnt, ma'am. You see, we've missed so many thing Inlely that we've got to tie very careful. ! 5 -i-h'l::- THEIR SECOND THOUGHTS. -Vr P X it!1 ' ' V Bhe-Do you remembr, Jack, this band and heart, and 1 cruelly rofuaed lie L mph! bo have L At the Mun'o. Willi t constitute Dully marine blind'; lla-ry-Mr. Fanciful mid the princi pal musician. Dolly - Hut what portion do ulxjr diuales In the baud occupy? Harry ih, they constitute the ub marine bund. Wusblugtou Time. Conldn'l livciipe It, Ilblets - I hear Orowier threw up hi ol I Jolt becuuse he got the rhou&iu- Usui. J. .hi. is -Yes. Afraid of getting stiff Joint. (ilblets -Well, be got one, auywny. Johlots one wlial? (ill. Ids Stiff Joint. J., I. lots-How' thnt? Cllilots -lie's superintendent of the morgue. San Francisco Chronicle. lilt a Tender spnt. "You grievously offended Mabel llrny's father last night." "How?" "By making thnt pun atiout tbe alum enlury en mil." "I don't see bow that could offend blm." "Don't you. He' a manufacturer of Inking powder."-Cleveland Plain dealer. Ill-rh fraa. "1 wonder," suld the captain, a an other mountainous wave broke over the steuuier, "If that tenor we have on board is a hoodoo. We've been strik ing high sea ull the way out." New York World. Vain Hope. Host -Who wus ll persuaded Mlsa Scrcmiium to slug? Hostess -It was llerr Aiuburg. Host Do you think be could suiide her to stop.-- Detroit Free 1 ivr-rt-sa. Kept Her Unlet. 'Mill A-VV i c w- Mr. Cliatterlsix You told me to hold my tongue nut ten minute ago, and you haven't even glanced al It. Dr. Wiseman- Hi, yes; 1 did that, you know, so as to lie ablivto write tbe prescription. Fvlilenc IbiouKh. mmmm I'.laltcly (the next mornlngl Yon should not have worried, my dear; I spent the night at the Liinib' Club. Mrs. II. 1 noticed that you looked very sheepish when you enme home. Philadelphia North Ameticuu. A Mcaily Job, Mr. Styles -What did you say you wanted, my man? Wulker-I'm looking for some kind of steady win k. sir. 'Well, Just wall; my wife b-nrnlng to ride n lileycie. Hlie ll lie out lu a minute." Louisville Truth. The Trouble. Max-Delia, I swear lo heaven that you are the first woman I ever kissed. Delia (with a sigh) That' the trou ble with this miserable season of year. One bus to break In so much new ma terial and for some oilier summer girl's benefit, likely as not. --Truth. . Didn't Smoke Hint Out, When Judge Chatie B. Andrew, of the Connecticut Supreme Court, wa a freshman nt Amherst, It wn the cus tom to "smoke out" freshmen. A party of a dozen or more of the fellow would enter the room of an unsuspecting Isiy, light their pipe, and smoke uutll the victim gave In and offered a treat. When they came Into Andrews' room they were without their pipes and had no tobacco about them, but with a stern voice one fellow handed Chnrle a dol lar nnd ordered blm lo go out and pro cure pipe and tobacco for the crowd. Churle went out, and toon returned with ulnety-nlue pipe and one reut's worth of tobacco. They did not smoke him out thnt night. Court Fool. The earliest French profelonal fool on record seem to have been named Jean, at the Court of Charles the Sim ple. This fellow's Influence was so grent that Charles once reuinrked to blm be thought they hnd lienor rhnngo plnces. As Jean did nut look pleased at the proposnl, Charles nsked blm If be wns not content at the Idea of being a klug. "Yes, content enough," waa the reply, "but I should be exceedingly sshnmed nt having such a fool." ('ay, one year ago, you offered me your you. 1-1 have tnought tetter of t ilnce. tranm nresclence thst Will BJf -absorbed. In j Just aj bad. were soen to meet