EUGENE CITY GUARD.
I. In CAMPBELL, Proprietor.
EUGENE CITY OKKOOS
"On what do Chicago business men
lunch r ask a New York paper. Moit
of tbem luocb on stool.
Knowledge la Mid to be power; and It
la power Id the same sense that wood la
fuel. Wood on Are U fuel. Knowledge
on Ore la power.
' Now. If England doesn't fight, It will
be due to abject cowardice; the now
Am or I (-an rsms and torpedo boat a are
to be painted green.
The taate of beauty and the relish of
what la decent, Juat and amiable, per
fect tbe character of the gentleman
and tbe philosopher.
.' True, freedom consists with tbe ob
aerrance of law. Adam wai aa free
Id paradise aa In tbe wild to which be
was banished for bis transgression. ,
i i.j.
To bear always, to think always, to
learn always, It la tbua that we live
truly; be who aaplrea to nothing, and
learns nothing la Dot worthy of living.
. i . .
Tbe Duke of Veragua says: 'The Uni
ted State abould remember what she
owes to Spain." After this gentle bint
we hope Tom Palmer will turn over
that relief fund of 11.08.
1 3
King Menelek baa asked Italy for
40,000,000 lire. If Humbert Isn't too
particular about the pronunciation we
presume be ran pick that number of
campaign Urea over here almost any
time.
i . . , . j
A European letter aays that Dr. Carl
refers, the African explorer, who Is to
be tried for Crimea committed Id tbe
dark continent, la very bowlcgged. It
seems, then, that be la crooked from tbe
ground up,
A South Dakota divorcee explulned
to the court that on tbe eve of ber mar
riage she beld ber prospective husband
under a pump to sober him up suffici
ently to permit the ceremony to be per
formed. Afterward, alie added, she had
often regretted that she didn't souse
him Into a watering trough and anchor
- him there bead foremost over night.
; Women often lack thoroughness In
thnJr work. j
. A statistician baa learned that the
annual aggregate circulation of the pa
per of the world la calculated to bo 12,
000,000,000 copies. To grasp an Idea of
this magnitude lot tbe reader fully real
ise that It would cover no fewer thuu
10,450 square mile of surface, that
It la printed on 7H1,2:0 tons of paper,
and, further, that If the number of
12,0(10,000,000 represented, Instead of
copies, seconds, It would take over 3y.'l
' years for them to elapse. In lieu of this
arrangement we might presa and pile
them vertically upward to gradually
reach our highest mountains. Topping
all these and even the highest Alps, the
pile would reach the magntllcent alti
tude of 400 or, In round numbers, noo
miles. Calculating that the average
man spends Ave minutes reading his
paper lu the day (this Is a very tow esti
mate), we And that the people of the
world altogether annually occupy time
equivalent to 100,000 year reading the
papers.
The friends of Oscar Wilde aro pre
paring a petition to the Home Socre
tnry, praying for IiIm release at the end
of eighteen months' Imprisonment. The
prisoner has boon visited In Jail by his
wife, and It Is said that n completo
reconciliation bus taken place. When
his term Is completed he will accom
pany Mrs. Wilde and bis children to the
Continent, whore be wilt permanently
reside. During the hist few mouths,
lu tho time ill lowed by prison regula
tions for recreation, be has bceu read
ing the work of 8t. Augustlno and
Walter Pater. To a gentleman, who
recently visited bltn, be said: "I have
erred throughout my life in leaving out
U consideration of the moral element."
Ho Is said to be affected In mental
vigor by tho Incarceration, though not
In physical health. If bis release Is
secured, he will havo un dllllculty in
earning an adequate Income by bis pen,
though probably under au assumed
name or anonymously,
i
Cutw may be congratulated upon the
'fact that It Is not threatened with, a
presidential campaign, but It Is not
otherwise open to felicitations. Iiav
aged by war, burdeued with a debt
which will curse It people for'a quar
ter of a century, tbe Wand suffers lu
'addition to all Its other woes an epi
demic of yellow fever, the worst ever
known. Tho disease recurs regularly
as the wet season begins, but this year
It Is working unprecedented ravages.
.The death rate l said to exceed III) per
cent, of all those seised. The military
forces along the trorha are decimated
by the plague. Several geneinl otll
Cera are among the victims. In the
Havana hospital the tiumlcr of wound
ed and sick soldier Is over 2.000. It Is
.not wonderful that military operations
should b suspended and that ollicers
should seek a furlough from this cam
lgn against au unseen and remorse
less enemy, The Cuban ally, yellow
Jack, ha come to the rescue with a
vengeance. His death mil will be larger
than any tho machetes and rlrtcs of
Ma ceo' a men can place to their credit.
It makes a difference whether It Is
your bull that gore my ox, or my bull
that la expendiug bis Surplus energy
and disposition to fight on your ox.
. France makes a formal protest against
our retaliatory action In putting au
embargo on French cattle. A cable-
' gram from Havre lately announced
that our consul had refused to permit
a shipment of five French rattle to the
t'nlted Htatea. Thl rigid enforcement
of the prohlbltlou of Importation of
neat cattle and their bides from coun
tries Infected with rattle disease. In
cluding France, Coruiany, and Switzer
land, which Is provided for In the old
tariff act of 18M, bui uot Invoked un
til some mouths ago, when a proclama
tion ou tb subject was Issued, la direct
ly due to the aggressive policy of coun
tries Ilka France aud Germany In en
deavoring on on pretext or another ta
exclude American cattle and meats.
Repeated repreaentatlone and warn
ings have been made to both countries
through tbe State Department, but tc
uo purpose.
. Under a system of treaties which
were exacted from Japan by tbe civil
ized nation when Its ports were ford
bly opened to commerce dutlea upon all
forma of Imported merchandise are
limited to 5 per cent, ad valorem, and
thl baa prevailed for more than a
quarter of a ceutury, although Japan
tins continually complained of tbe In
justice. Tbe government hsa for year
contended for the right to regulate hei
own revenues, tlx her own tariff and
manage ber own custom house and
porta, and the United States has repeat
edly expressed It willingness to con
cede those rights. Hut Great Britalri
baa stubbornly declined until last fear,
when new treaties were negotiated
with our government and with France,
Great Britain, Germany, Russia, and
other countries, In which Important
concession were mode. These treaties
are nearly uniform and recognize Japan
a a civilized nation. On and after
July 17, lttpo, Japan may regulate ber
own tariff and exercise jurisdiction
over all persona residing within ber
territory. She agrees that all her ports
and cities and town ahnll be open to
foreign commerce, and that foreigners
may come and go and enjoy the same
treatment as citizens of Japan so long
a they obey the law nnd regulations
of the country. It will be difficult, bow
ever, for the United State to negotiate
a iwlprocliy treaty with Japan for the
reason that the "favored-nation" clause
appears with unusual breadth In all ber
treaties.
!1 . -I
Twenty million dollar sounds like a
pretty big sum to expend annually for
tbe satisfaction to be derived frorr
chewing gum; yet Dr. Cyrus W. Edsot
who has studied tho subject profound
ly, doe not consider this an over-estimate.
There are at least Ave Immense
chewing gum factories, a dozen of mod
erate size, and Innumerable Insignifi
cant Arms In tho United State. One
company alone sells f5,000,000 'worth
every year Including, of course, the
quantity exported This la a much
money as the United Suites furuishei
one year for the-support of her home
and foreign mlsMlons. As a nation ol
churches, we are still further humlllat
ed to learn that we expend 8,(X0,0iC
a yenr more to purchase gum than we
give for the maintenance of clergy ol
all denominations. Tbe entire revenue
received by the Government from tax
ing fermented liquors only exceed the
chewing gum limit by a paltry $:i,0OO,
000, while the cost of the chewing gum
craze Is greater by fli.UOO.lMJO than the
entire expense of running the prisons,
courts, hospitals, police force, etc., ol
the city of New York. The habit Is In
creasing at such a rote that Anieili-anj
bid fair to become a rnco of enormous
facial development Chewing gum will
be a national characteristic, us base
ball Is tho national game, and clever
slang Is our native speech. Twenty-five
per cent, of the "O.noo.tMiO people In the
United State are already addicted to
the habit. Aud not only do an ever-ln-crctislug
multitude chew, but they
chew openly, defiantly, on the publh
highways, at places of amusements,
and at the olulm.
A Father' Sacrifice.
In former days It was the ambition
of a Scotch peasant, poor as he might
be, to see one of bis sous In the pulpit.
Sir Walter Scott relate a pathetic In
stance of the Intensity of ibis ambi
tion.
Scott, while nttcudlng lectures at the
University of Edinburgh, mado ac
quaintance with a youth who ao Inter
ested him that he frequently luvlted
the lad to a stroll lu the country. One
day they met a venerable "blue gowu,"
a beggar, clenu and ruddy, whose tra
ditional outside garment, whence the
name of the mendicant cbiss, wus worn
as though It wus the toga of a Homau
senator.
' Scott gave the beggar nlms, but bis
companion exhibited restless confu
sion. '
''Do you know anything to the dis
honor of the old beggar?" asked Scott,
sceelng the nervousness of his fellow
student. "God forbid!" said the youth. "Ho Is
my own fattier! He stands blcachln.3
In the wind that he muy get means to
pay for my education."
Scott kept the bid's secret and held
on to bis companionship. For several
days the youth's seat whs vacant, nnd
011 Scott again mectlngthe "blue
gown," the old man snld:
"God bless you! You've been kind to
Willie. Ho ha often spoken of you.
Come to my roof aud see hi 111, for be
bu been sick."
Scott went to the beggar's cottage,
nnd found Willie sitting on the bench
before the door, enjoying the sunshine.
The voluntary beggar welcomed Mm,
and they sat down to a dinner of mut
ton and potatoes. During the conver
sation the old limn exclaimed, with
much emotion:
"Please God, I may live to see my
bairn wag bis head lu a pulpit yet!"
Scott told his mother about Willie
and tlie old "blue gown," and through
ber Intlucuto the mendicant's son was
appointed to a tutorship In the north of
Scotland.
He Hived Them.
"Beau" Hickman, one of the old-time
characters of Washington, lived entire
ly 011 bis wits, and no one from the
Frcsldent down escaped blm. One night
he wandered Into the National Hotel,
aud asked tbe clerk to give him a room.
Tho clerk bad him show n to the room
Immediately over the kitchen, which
was swarming with tiles. About nine
o'clock In the morulug. "Beau" came
along smiling, and, stopping at the
office, souie of the loungers, whom (lie
clerk bad told of the Ales, hastened to
ask "Beau" bow he had rested. "First
rate," auswetvd he. "Flics trouble you
any?" asked one. "A little," replied
"Beau." "in tbe early morning, but I
'hived' 'em." With one accord, the
crowd broke for the rooni to discover
the means employed in "hiving" them.
"Beau" bad taken a piece of pie which
be bad, spread ft upon the floor, waited
until the Ales had settled upon It. then
turned the wash basin over them, and
goue to K'd.
No woman can make the crust of the
pie ss good ss th Lord makes the
fruit Oiling.
CHURCHES OF GRANADA.
At One Mnlflcnt sad Beggarlyi
Boleana and Gajr.
It was In Its churches that I thought
Granada at once most magnificent and
beggarly, most solemn and gay. 1
know nothing In Franc or Italy to
compare with the effect of the cathe
dral when the un-teeed streets were
left, tbe leather curtain was lifted,
and we were suddenly Id darkness
In far shadow, vague, motionless fig
ures, prostrate before It. Their silent
lervor In tbe strange, scented dusk gave
a clue to the ecstasy of a Theresa, of
an Ignatius. But It waa well to turn
lck quickly Into matter-of-fact day
light. To linger waa to be reminded
that mystery has It price, solemnity
Its tawdrlness. In cathedral and ca
pllla real If we ventured to look at
the royal tombs, at th grille which
even In Spain Is without equal at tbe
re ta bios with their wealth of orna
ment, one sacristan after another kept
close at our beels, Impudently expect
ant i If Id unknown little cburcb our eyes
grew accustomed to darkness, It wa
that they might be offended wltb Vlr
' gin gleaming In silks and Jewels, wltb
Christ clothed In petticoats. And If
we did once visit the Cartuja, It satis
fled our curiosity where other show
churches were concerned. The word
Cartuja bung upon tbe lips of every,
visitor at tbe Hotel Kuma. Foreign
ers wrestled hopelessly wltb It. Span
lards repeat eu It tenderly, a If Id love
wltb It gasping gutturals. We never
' sat down to a meat that some one did
not urge us to the enjoyment of Its
wonders. At last. Id self-defense, we
j Went Tbe Cartuja's architecture struck
, us as elaborate, Its decoration a aban
doned as tbe gush that bad sent as to
1 It It bad not even the amualng gaiety
of Bohemia's rococo, but was preteu
I tlous and florid lu a dull, vulgar way,
; more In keeping with glided cafe or
' popular resturant But to this visit
my record owes a place, since It was
' our one concession to tbe guide-book'
'commands. It pleased na better to
1 forget the exaggerated, tortured flam
' boyancc In the kindly twilight of
churchea the name of which we never
troubled to ask. Century.
A Hold Itrlnl.
Frana Csonka, a fumoua 74-year-old
brigand, waa banged recently for mur
1 der at Essegg, In Hlnvonla. He smoked
his pipe to tho gallows, slapped tho
hangman ou tho shoulder nnd said to
; him: "Do your Job well; don't make a
I fool of yourself." Ho wus the most
; fearless of tho band of Rosza Sundor,
wltb whom be committed many rob
I buries and murders In the Bakonycr
I forest. They were captured with dlf
! Acuity twenty-Ave years ago, when
( Csonka declared be would confess to
I murders only, the rest being merely
child's play. He was sentenced to
twenty years Imprisonment from
which he was released a year ago, but
soon after committed an nntisually
atrocious murder, for which he was
executed. Rosza Sandor wns sentenced
to Imprisonment for life, and died In
Jail ten years ago. In Hungary he was
never looked upon as a common crim
inal, but rather aa a hero of romance.
He was a handsome man, the best
horseman In Hungary, and a great fav
orite with the women. Kossuth ap
pointed him leader of a corps of volun
teers In 18-19. His father was a brig
and like himself, belonging to the or
ganized bands that Kept Judges nnd
police In their pay, and preventing ac
cusations by fear of the vengeance of
j the organization.
A Marriage Without the lirldevroom.
.'he scenes In Vienna were brilliant
In the extreme. Tbe civil coutract
was signed on the 10th, the religious
I ceremony occurred on the 11th, as ap
pointed, ana men roiioweu a banquet
where Berthler was absolvod from all
the ceremonies considered obligatory
upon one of bis rank In tbe Hofburg.
Thru line total tlia nan, IT i ,.-..
I uuq ..... uv L , Mt,l',. D
was handed to tier traveling carriago
by the Archduke Charles, and amid
salvos of artillery, which scarcely
drowned the cheers of the populace,
she set forth. Her Journey through
Bavaria and Wurtemberg was one long
ovation, for these countries believed
their welfare to be bound up with
that of Frauce. On the 20th her cor
tege, having passed by way of Strns
burg, was moving toward Solssons.
Century.
j All He Was Fit For.
j The American says that In an Irish
1 court recently an old man was called
! Into the witness-box, and being old and
I a little blind, he went too far In more
. senses than one, and Instead of going
; tip the stairs that led to the box, mount
ed those that led to the bench.
j The Judge took the mistake good
humoredly. "Is It a judge you want to be, my
' good man?" he asked.
I "Ah, sure, your honor," was the re
' ply, "I'm an ould man now, and mold
! It's all I'm At for."
Spanish niotting Paper.
An English exchange say "that In
Spain there are many manufactories
of pasteboard, blotting and packing
paper, and these goods sre exported to
tbe Spanish colonies In large quanti
ties." The blotting papr is so poor,
however, that the greatest care must
be exercised to prevent It from literally
becoming "blotting" paper. If the na
Uvo article were not so very cheap,
American blotting paper might be sent
there; but Spaniards are very econom
ical, aud as a rule regard price rather
than quality.
Without Photography.
Drawings 00 paper can be trnns
. ferred to wood or metal, If executed In
, crayon or ordinary w riting Ink, by
1 moistening the copy In a strong solu
. tlon of caustic potash and alcohol.
Place the copy face downward on th
wood or metal, rub down with a folder,
or take a proof on an ordinary proof
press. This la useful Information for
those who wish to obtain a transfer ,f
a design or label for tbe purpose of en
graving, as a die for embossing, or oth
er purposes where photographic mate
rials are not accessible.
But for l'r.
Mattress talesman Did you ever stop
to think that you spend one-third of
your life In sleep?
Customer Well, I might, perhaps. If
It were not for my wife.--Soruervllle
Journal.
NAPOLEON'S SON.
Few llelr I! ! ,', KtrnlT
Welcomed.
During the season of 1810-11 the Em
peror's private life wu virtually de
voted to beneflcenee. In addition to
the favors granted to Curnot, be lav
Ished money on other objects, seme
not so worthy. Cauova, who had b n
culled from Home to nrik a ponrilt
statue of tbe Empress, obtained a sub
stantial grant for the learned society
of that city. Cbenler, like Caruoi, bad
!en a pronounced adveiwry of tbe
Empire. He now sought employment
under It, and was made Inspector-w'en
era! of the university, an office which
he did not llvo long to enjoy. All the
old favorites were rein -iiU'red In 1
general distribution of gwl things.
Talleyrand having Jit lost an Im
mense sum by the failure nf trusted
bank, the Emperor came to h's relief
by purchasing one of bis iiim splen
did palace for more than 2.wo.kiO
fronoa. The court resided sometimes
at St. Cloud, sometimes at Itamboiill
lef, sometimes at the Trianon, but fir
the most part at Fontaliiebleau, where
the ceremonious life, to which ill con
cerned were now well accustomed, was
marked by none of the old a wk wari
ness, but ran as brilliantly as lavish ex
penditure could make It. The preg
nancy of tbe Empress was celebrate!
wltb great festivities, during which Na
poleon performed one of his most ap
plauded acts the endowment of a vast
maternity hospital. The Emprei w:i
brought Into great prominence as the
president of a society consisting of a
thousand noblo ladle, under whose
patronage the churlty was placed.
The unconcealed and ecstatic delight
of the prospective father found vent
in delicate nnd tender attention to the
mother of bis child, and until her d
llverauce he wns a gentle, devoted, ;in I
considerate husband. His whole na
ture seemed transformed. Wh n In
tho early morning of March i.l. ISM.
word was brought thnt tho Einpr.
was In ber labor, and that a false pres
entation made It of lustant necessity
to choose between the life of the moth
er aud that of the child the feelings
of the Emperor can better be Imag
ined than described. If the expected
heir should die. his dynasty would be
Jeopardized, bis euemies would once
more be mnktpg appointment over
bis grave, the hopes of a lifetime m'ght
be shattered. But there was not a mo
ment's wavering. "Think only of the
mother," he cried.
The fears of the attending physician
were vain, after all, aud the man-child,
coming without a cry Into the world,
and lying breathless for seven minutes,
as If hesitating to accept or decline his
destiny, Anally gave a wall as he caught
the breatu of life. Napoleon turned,
caught up his treasure, nnd pressed It
to his bosom. A hundred guns an
nounced the birth, aud the city burst
Into Jubilations, which were re-echoed
throughout Europe from Dantzlg to Ca
dis. Festival succeeded festival, and
for an Interval men believed that the
temple of Janus would be again closed.
No boy ever came on the earthly stage
amid such splendors, or seemed des
tined to honors such as appeared to
await this one. The passionate devo
tion of the father was constant from
the beginning. It lasted even after he
had been deserted nnd betrayed by
the mother, after the child had ln-en
eejranged and turned Into an Austrian
prince. Century.
Society in tiuatemsla.
"Life lu Guatemala city to a foreign
er, and especially a young man, pos
sesses about as much attractiveness
from a standpoint of amusement as
would a residence In a graveyard. There
Is absolutely nothing to do except worl:,
sleep and eat. The only place a man
bus to go when he has finished work."
said J. J. Prluglc, son of the consul
general to Guatemala from this coun
try, "is to a saloon, and there he lias
nothing to do for recreation but drink.
Tbe door to the best society Is shut lu
the face of Americans 'grlngoes,' is
they are called by the haughty dons
no matter what their standing. Of
course, when one bus official dignity
he Is Invited to the president's ball and
other official functions, and has entree
Into society, but there Is uo such thing
as social Intercourse In Its American
sense. Nobody is allowed to see a young
lady unless It Is lu the presence of her
cutiro family or under the watchful
eye of her duenna, and there Isn't much
pleasure lu this kind of a visit to moat
young men of America. Guatemala
city has a population of so.ooo, but has
no theaters. There was an opera com
pany of fair character there two years
ago, but there have been no attrac
tions at all of this kind during the past
season. Living Is very high lu Guate
mala city, nnd salaries are by no means
eorresHndlngly high. I would not ad
vise any young man fo go there with
the Idea of making his fortune. There
has been too much Immigration to the
country as It Is." New Orleans Times
Democrat. He Picks Up Pins,
I A well-dressed man wnlklrn? nlmi.
" f
I Superior street on Friday suddenly
stopped and stooped down. Two meu
; behlud him Just saved themselves from
fulling over bis bciit body mid a pass
lug woman shied to one side lu sudden
fright. Three bootblacks sprung from
the curb and a policeman moved for-
' ward with a suspicious glance. Then
the man who caused the trouble
straightened up with some glittering
object In his hand.
"I've got It," he said with a trium
phant smile.
I And he held aloft a pin.
"Seems silly, doesn'f It?", he scmark
cd to one of the men behind him, as
they fell Into step. "Bnt I've picked up
pins ever sluce I was a boy. If saw
a pin and didn't pick It up, I felt un
comfortable for hours. IH I believe
In the old rhyme? Yon mean almut
picking It up aud having good luck?
Well, no; I can't say that 1 do. The
only disaster I can remcuiler In con
nection with a pin that I happened to
pass by dldu't prove anything. My
neighbor's wife eloped with the coach
man the same day, that's all. Rut real
ly and truly, the queer old superstition
cue saved my life. It was In New
Orleans not long ago after the war and
street rows were common. I was pass
ing up the street one morning and right
lu front of a bank building, close up to
the big plate glass window, I saw a pin
oo th sidewalk. I stooped suddenly
to get It and at the same Instant 1
bean) a sharp explosion and a queer
little crash and there, exactly opposite
where my heod wouia w - - -1
Su' stooped, was a splintered nole
t n he plate glass window, made by
Ce bullet I got the pin just the same.
and then Jumped for the
war Since that happy escape have
pedupp.n.w.thana.niosto.js
fervor. Ha. there's one now. -doe-laud
Plain-Dealer.
A Monnmsslso.
About ten year ago a man named
Merger died In New York who was
known a. the clock miser. The details
of his life were told In the dally papws.
but were so unusual and significant ss
to bear repetition now.
Menager waa a young man. the Junior
partner In a manufacturing Arm. I
threw Into his work such energy and"
Intelligence that a career opened In
fore blm both useful and suiWul.
It was necessary that be should I be
punctual each morning nt bis office,
and for this reason he bought a Swiss
clock and placed It opposite his bed.
Doubting Its correctness, be bought an
other of German make, and concerned
himself to keep the two running exact
ly together. He grew Interested In
their mechanism, studied their point
of difference, and began to buy from
time to time other clocks.
He bad ceased now to enre forelocks
for their real use, and valued them ns
curiosities and articles of property.
Tbe whim grew upon bltn as years
passed. He was learned In the history
and In all the peculiarities of the dif
ferent tlme-pleccs that be possessed.
His accumulation Increased until ho
bud specimens from almost every
clock-making nation.
So keen was bis zeal In this pursuit
that he grew Indifferent to every other
object In life, dropped bis friends, and
at last lived In a large, dingy house
with only au old servant and the tick
In.? multitude of clocks, that seemed
unceasingly to strike the funeral knell
of his wasted years. Interest In mun
or woman he had none, but spent bis
time among bis treasures, winding
tbem and talking to them as If they
were live creatures.
lie died at last. In bis house were
found over four hundred clocks, which
were sent to auction, the proceeds gi
lug to the state, as he hud uo legul
heirs.
.Menager wns undoubtedly unbal
anced lu mind, but he represented In
kind, though not In degree, tbe masses
of men and women who are Intent only
uMiu the occupations that minister to
their personal Interests and plensures,
nnd neglect the higher duties that
broaden life and lit tbe soul for heaveu.
Some Fearful Momenta.
During the lute war between China
ami Japan we heard often of wonder
ful sets of bravery performed by the
Japanese, but tales of Chinese bravery
were few and fur bctwecu. The fol
lowing story, however, which appears
to be told by 011 eye-witness. Is enough
to show that the Chluese had at least
one officer who was no coward.
The deposed viceroy, LI Hong Chang,
and the committee appointed by the
government to Investigate tbe reasons
(if defeat at the batt'e of Fort Arthur,
met In the city of I'ekln oil Septem
ber i!S, Among the charges was one
of "poor gunnery," brought against'
dipt. I.e Cheu Fue, who bad com
manded the Yen Tse Chang, one of the
largest battle-ships that escaped from
the action without great damage.
After LI Hung Chang had read the
charges In full, the accused captain
rose and requested that a dozen shells
be brought from his vessel. This was
done, and the shells were set In a row
before the committee.
I.e Chen Fue then stepped forward,
and drawing bis sword, said: "('a u you
wonder thnt we were defeated when
our shells were like those?"
As he spoke, nud lieforo any one could
stop blm, he raised his sword aud
brought It down on the shell In front of
blm. The shell was split In two and
sawdust and red brick dust flew nil
about.
Then In rapid succession he struck
shell after shell. Nobody moved, we
were so surprised nnd frightened. I
remember thinking thnt If the last one
proved a good one there would be none
of us left to tell the tale; but no, that
was like all tbe others-a sham.
As he finished, I.e Chen Fue laid his
sword at the feet of LI Hung Chang,
and as soon as that stutesmau could
speak he dismissed the charges.
The Greatest ( harm of (iranad 1.
But when all Is said, in the end as In
the beginning, for us the great charm
of Granada was lu the grove, with Its
cool shade. Its soft green light, Its In
comparable outlook. Here was per
petual twilight when nil the land be
yond lay grilling In the sun. The chant
of locusts was loud lu the gardens of
the Alhainbra, loud the water-carrier's
ceaseless cry of "Agna! nguii fresea!"
White-hot, the sky met the now snow
less heights of the Sierra Nevada; as
from au oven came the air that blew
over the vega, burned and scorched
the town's white houses, climbed its
triple hill. Yet under the elms planted
by the conquering Englishman there
was always rest from blinding nht
and pitiless heat Celiturv.
Art Criticism,
A French Journal, by way of ridlecl
mg the Ignorance of art crlthw, tells
a story of a lady, who, with a maid,
went to purchase a stlll-llfe picture
for her dining-room.
She selected 11 canvas on which wero
painted a bunch of flowers, a piP clU
In two and a half penny roll, and was
paying five hundred francs for It wii,.a
the maid approached to whisper lu her
ear.
"Madam," said the servant, "vou are
making a bad bargain. I Mw a pic
ture very much like this sold Uie other
day for four hundred francs."
"And was It as good as this?"
"Yes. madam. It was better; there
as a good deal more pie lu it."
Promotion tn ll.nk or King-land
The patronage of the Bank of K
gland belongs entirely to the direct
ors, a clerk Mng appointed bv enei,
director In rotation until th- v1M
cle are filled, with the execptlou '
one clerkship In every seven, which s
given to a son of one of ti,e ,.Wkk f
the establishment who hss d!scuir..,.,i
his duties to the satisfaction of "the
directors.
Settlement day finally "coTes to ev
ery man. The best thing you can do
la to get ready for It. d
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIO PAPERS
I'eat Incidents Occurring- the
World Over-frying that Ar Cheer
ful to Old or Young Fntin Selec
tions tbt Kyerybody Will Enjoy.
Too Rst.
It's too bod," said the young wo
man who wauts to be new.
"What's the trouble?' ssC(J nPr
mother.
"Just as soon as we've made tip our
minds to show the world that we are
not the weak, timid creatures we have
been pictured tho announcement comes
that the trees are full of caterpillars
tills yeur."-Rffalo Times.
Incotisidcrule Mae.
Husboud-Don't you think you are
rather unreasonable to expect me to
take you to a ball, stay awake until 4
o'clock, aud then get up at 8 to go to my
work? , ,
wife I may 1? a little unreasonable,
but It's perfectly brutal of you to men
tion It-Odds nnd Ends.
Fond Mamma Alice, have you thor
oughly prepared yourself for gradu
ation? Alice Uptodate Oh, yes, mamma.
I've my new dimity gown with a skirt
seven yards wide, and edged wltb
vnleuclennes bice, nnd a perfect dream
of a waist, wltb a bow at tbe back
of the neck, and monster sleeves An
Ished at the elbow with a twist of rib
bon, and the darllngest pair of gloves,
and oh, the sweetest pair of slippers,
oud a new silk underskirt
Married,
Barber Don't you want some tonic
to make your hair stay In?
N. I'eek A n h I don't believe I do.
The easier It conies out the less It hurts.
Iudlnnapolls Journal.
Not Word.
Laura Mr. Ciister sat alongside of
me on the trnlu to-day and be never
said a word all the way down to the
city.
Lllllan-Then you didn't ask blm to
open the window for you? Yonkers
Statesman.
No Good,
"How do you like your new music
teacher ?"
"He's no good."
"Why, what makes you think so?"
"Yesterday I played a common tune
clear through nud he didn't say It
would take a week's practice to offset
the harm done." Cleveland Leader.
Weed They Were.
Young Chip Why did that mnn who
was here call your cigars "weeds," pa?
Old Block Because, my son, that's
what they are. Your ma bought 'em.
Kansas City World.
Made V'p Knaugh.
"Come, dear, kiss my cheek and make
It up," she snld. forgivingly.
"I'll kiss It." be answered, "but I
don't think It wants any more making
tip." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Necessary.
Dawklns How well Miss Antique
holds her own!
Dawson It's a matter of necessity.
She can't get anybody else to bold It
for her. Harper's Baznr.
A Nuisance.
Samanthe Epbrlam, what's ye a do
Ing with that ore dictionary?
Ephrlam-I'ni a-golng ter burn It
Every time I look up a word, tb' durn
thing's wrong.
Dropped Unto It,
"Charlie Barber's wife dropped on to
n good thing to-day."
"What was that?"
"The new pavement on tbe avenue.
She got off the car the wrong way."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Rsvliiu Crasy.
Brlggs-I believe Brown Is Insane.
Dlgg-Vhy?
Briggs-He hns brought suit against
the New York Central Railroad for
killing his tuother-ln-law.-Harlem
Life.
Very Clever.
Roardinan-Don't you think Footllght
Is a clever actor?
Hnshley-Clever? Well, I should say
so! He hasn't paid the landlady any
money for six weeks!-Yonker States
man. Hc w" cc,t.
Cinders!" exclaimed the newly ar
rived soul rapturously. "What an ele
pant place to scorch!'
Satan meanwhile clutched a chtlr for
fiipport and whispered some feverish
commands In the ear of an attendant
Detroit Tribune.
mi InqnUltlT,
Miss SeraggYes, once when I was
out alone on a dark night I saw a man
and, oh, how I rant
Little Wlllle-And did you catcb him.
Miss Scruggs ?-Odds and Euds,
,.., Flr Abont It
Sere?" rrUn8 ln to man7 Miss
"Yes. Why not? 8he' worth a mill
ion." "Yes-but she's CO years old."
'That't true; but rerklns allows her
a discount ou her age tor cash." liar
r'a Baxar.
Thoroughly Prepared.
A r?hli-.i.T
The landlord had JuTT'
Mr. Mulcahyand
but Armly that he had 2
her rent "It's the dar '4,
she replied. "I Wor I y"i
cud raise It tneslif "-au
Sho-Whatchurrn'og'tirt
saehas? "Bieth
He-You flatter me, m,
8be-Oh. pardon;
band? 1 0 ,r her t
"o-oh.no;odeBtiit
Aniblggog.
Mr. Gotroks-I a.n worth.
Ion. Do you think you l
Mis. HlghflyerJon.T1, "
Gqiroks. I ll 3u8, ,ove H
Judge. m to 4ti
A Horrible fni.
"How did BiningM&S,
chango boarding uousesr
"His landlady got persona,
morn nir."
"How was that?"
Well, she was particular!,,
ber breakfast, and she sukeJi?
the eggs struck V;
World. u,'--vJ
c 1 .
Watbs-Bcen reading ta,.
these Cuban atroeitto.i I
Totts-No. I've got, bo
nnma thnt .... " . I
months ago from an allerZ,
Cincinnati
A Gothamlu'a tt
She-Chicago society U rm..
slve. Isn't It? '
He Yes. When I
" a UKIT 1 Si"
at a friend's hons hn, .t. .
ism jg ;
declined to take Id my cartel
su.kisvu. asui it'lU Islie,
Am tn ThA...i
- "vupajy(
She Such an absurd door'
can any one believe that 1
being dead can come to life ip;,;
He-Our office boy present,,.
j.uruuuitruuu IUHU inat Qe'lhl
-it .- 1 1 . , . 1 "ns
uiivo un uie lime. Towa TopH
III Bnspictoa,
one 1 wonaer what I em-;
jou lor, anyway 1
He I guess It was to pt n
jour ursi niisnana ror be!a 6
enough to dle.-ludianapollijjn
Plight.
"H'm!" mused Mr. Wrirhtus
his bride sun-eyed the pjrtmii;-.
are showing some sign of ttv,t
you imnic, my dearr-lHnis,
Journal.
Hoping.
Walter Anything wrong, ;!
Customer Oh, no; I wjioBha:
I would live to be as oldutUij
en Is! Detroit Free Prem
A Ban-Quit.
a Poller.
"nello, Blgby, whit irtraW
out an accident policy forf
"Don't you know I got sit
week?" Laporte Herald.
How He Felt
Mis. Gushlngton-How did lit
when you found that thuki
surely go down In ten mlmtti! t
ci,o,it futt firlite-;i
er. Melbourne Time.
Flaht with Their XoitS
Reporter-Do you expect
coming prize fight?
Tuglllst Certainly; mr u
stutters. New York World.
Slightly ObtQ
noax-Does Silllcus know e.
about music?
Joax-No; he doesn't tooi&
. . 1..,. ... a atrlD2 ortbS--
n rubber band.-rblladelphU If
1 no vi" - r j -
Mrs. lllnow-Don't yon
.. A . . . .. . I . . II : A
get OUl 01 yam""--- ,
M. D.-Oh. of course;
others leave, but mere
ones to fill ln.-Detrou
Alieenw-" .
Professor-Margaret, pw
... .... ,i. m,m. I csnnet-
cat out ui iu . .(j
making such a noise H
work. Where is in
Servant-Why, slr.yooW
It-New York .vercurj.
IHauatross.
... . .n,.l.Ml '
Baldup I wis ou.---Gadboy's
mustache catch l
was trying. o
Teldoo-Dainage
Baldup-Yes; It was V .
. ... s, .... I
Itoxiiury vmwiio.
Laconic.
"Is she stlU of tender j"
"Thirty."
"That's tougn."-netrolt
I.e, His Pes
In the wllderm. 1 of
how women siiau
bands, nothing is more w
more sensible inu - (:
them not to he ?k!
i.p the hitter's den. A "fjJ(lfJ
uv-on the tome '"'- ti
the eye and the paP'
seem like a conrus -
owner prcier - mi.
least familiar. Their
other hands, b0'"'
eye the resun. ,
confusion Indeed. sr
that a man wants one
where he can dots
I. as true s. the
applies with Pf7rrsi:!
every man's 1'K-
tnlrer' -frl
The colossal - fv
mah 1. noW,.'
gerlptions sre .
great r- ,,!e txl
where to dcfW
are muh- ;a ,
dblst are saw -