EUGENE CITY GUARD.
I. I CAMPBELL, rnriliur.
EUGENE CITY.
OREGON
Tbe New York Kvenlng Hun rcrtr to
tbe "true faots" In a certain court rami.
Aren't all facta In New York true?
Often tbe elements that move and
mold society are the results of tho sis
teri counsel and tbe mothers prayer.
Free will la not the liberty to do
whatever one likes, but tho power of
dolus whatever one sees ought to be
done.
"What helped you over great ob
stacles of life?" they asked a successful
man. Tbo other obstacles," be an
swered. Tbe punishment suffered by the wise
who refuse to take part In the govern
ment, la to live under tbe gorerumeut
of bad men.
Astor Is credited with an ambition to
become an English Lord. There Is ito
doubt be la rid) enough, but does not be
know too much?
! 1
An Indiana lawyer became converted
and died of heart disease tbe next day.
Bucb casea are very rare, with or with
out tbe heart disease fcaturo.
L . J
Duty elands for tbo most part close
at baud, unobscurcd, simple, Imme
diate. If any man has the will to bear
ber voice, to Mm Is she willing to cuter
and to be bis ready guest.
. .J
Tbe consciousness of work well done
Increases aelf-respect, stimulates the
energies, elevates the films, and exalts
tbe character of the worker. While
be Is striving to accomplish some good
in the world, reactive good Is enter
ing Into bis own life and being.
When a man thinks that noliody
cares for him, and tbnt be Is alone In a
cold, aomsh world, be would do well to
ask himself this question, "What have
I done to make any ono care for and
love me, and to warm the world with
faith and generosltyr It Is generally
tbe esse that those who complain tbo
moat have done the least
Tbe most enterprising advertising
agent yet heard from Is In I'arls. He
baa acquired the services of a msn with
a bald bead on the back of wbleh are
painted encomiums of aoap, pills, of
whatever tbo agent chooses. Then tho
Uvlux signpost sits In the front row at
a theater. It Is a great Idea, and It If
only a question of time, doubtless,
when It will be adapted to poster pur
poses. Teoplo who buy have queer bless.
There are fads aud fashions In tho
market, and goods that are lu reality
tho best, do not always command tho
best prices. To-day In tho markets the
asparagus that Is rated Al, Is In reality
Inferior to the asparagus tips that are
treated as endings. A while laundry
soap would once have been a failure on
the market, because pcoplo thought It
waa not as strong as a yellow soup.
Children aro often trained to ex
pect only an unbroken series of enjoy
menu, aud to feel defrauded and as
tonished when anything unpleasant In
terferes with their pleasures. Thus
they grow up qulto unable to bear the
Inevitable burdens of life or to cope
With Ita Ills. All power comes by ex
ercise, aud the power of eudurauee Is
no exception. To learn to endure
bravely, to liear patiently, to suffer. If
need be, heroically, Is one of tho most
Important parts of a youth's educa
tion. i .
Tbo government of tho Mouth Afric.in
Republic, through a series of commuta
tions, has reached a Dual settlement c.f
the cases of tbo members of the He
form Committee, at Johannesburg who
were convicted of conspiracy or treason
lu connection with the Jameson raid.
Tho four leaders, who were at tlrit
sentenced to death and afterward to
fifteen years Imprisonment, have been
released on the payment of a tine of
twenty thousand pounds each. Three
of the four signed an agreement not to
meddlo with the politics of the Trans
vaal; the fourth, Colonel Rhodes, broth
er of Cecil Rhodes, would Hot Sign tho
agreement, and has been banished. The
other members, nearly sixty lu num
ber, were released on the payment of
moderate fines and the promises not to
engsge In political agitation.
Hiram 8. Maxim, the Inventor of the
Maxim gun, who Is now studying the
subject of air ships, writes as follows
to the Loudon Times: "I think I am
safe In asserting that until a very re
cent date the greater part of the experi
menters on flying machines have been
little better than charlatans snd moun
tebanks. It Is only recently that men
of science have actually taken the mat
ter In baud, aud during the Inst six
years a great deal of valuable Informa
tion has been obtained, not based upon
theory, but upon actual exiwrlmenta. I
feel sure that It Is now possible to make
a successful and practical flying ma
chine which will at least be a valuable
adjunct to the offensive and defensive
powers of highly civilized nations who
are able to make and operate delicate
and complicated msehlnsry."
l . .
Van Bibber's adventures as an ama
teur burglar, wben for a wager he
went a round of receptions as an un
invited guest, one afternoon In New
York, and purloined sonro twenty-five
hundred dollars' worth of silverware
and other portable articles of value,
are recalled by the discovery of an aris
tocratic kleptomaniac In I-omlon recent
ly. Hue la a widow of excellent social
standing, wltb an income of three thou
sand alx hundred dollars a year, and
for a year past she baa been going un
invited to weddings and helping herself
to whatever struck her fancy. For
months the police could And no trace
of her, but at last she was caught In a
at range way. She disappeared from
ber borne, and ber friends, who feared
she might have come to bsrm and bid
no suspicion of ber conduct, sent a m hi
nts description of ber to the police; the
police bad a description of tbe wedding
reception thief, whom they bad boon
noable to And; tba two descriptions'
tallied, and tbe woman was arrested.
Rbe gave an assumed oame, and un
der that name was tried on sixteen
charges of theft one being the taking l
of four Jeweled pins from the house of !
the Dowager Countess of Multix-sli'iry ,
and waa sentenced to six month' lui- j
prlsonment Kho has Just begun to ,
serve ber term In a common IiIhIoii 1
Jail. j
If the report should prove true that:
the younger emperor of Bosnia will con-'
fer religious liberty on the many peo-1
pics who compose his realm, then be
will take one of the greatest steps for-'
ward that will be made In tho close of
the nineteenth century. He Is also1
credited with the Intention to abolish;
corporal punishment for offenses
against the law In all the Russias, and
not only that, but with tho Intention to !
pardon thousands of political prison-i
ers In Hllterla. These reforms will j
mean that Russia receives at one stroke j
much which the nihilists have been ;
dynamiting emperors for the past llfty
years to obtain. It will mean that the
Jew can worship as he chooses and re
main In ItiiHsla, that the horrors of the
knout and of Hlberlan pemil servitude
will he relegated to the shades of bar
barism, along with the torture chnlr
and thumhserew. If the young cznr ful
fills these promises to his people, bo
need not fear being blown up by his
subjects.
There will lie a general desire that
Mr. Richard W. Armstrong may win
bis suit against those unnamed New
Yorkers who robbed him of the pleas
ure of ncrsonallv conducting exiiedi-
! Hons to tho "uninhabited Island of Co
cos" In search of burled treasure. It
appears from the rexirts that Mr. Ann
strong, who balls from Kan Frau-is.-o,
but la too modest to apienr In ;lie di
rectory of tbnt city, baa spent tweuty
years In organizing and accompanying
these little Jaunts, and one can appre
ciate bis Indignation at being forced
to break off this long sustained habit.
If these New-Yorkers, whose Identlt."
Is not yet revealed, bad not stolen Mr.
Armstrong's maps and subsequently
carried away the pirate gold, the Ann
strong pilgrimages to this region, which
Is descrtlcd as being "400 miles south
west of ranama," might have contin
ued unabated and wltb Increasing In
terest until his death. Why Mr. Arm-
1 strong, during the twenty years lu
which the "maps" were In his osaes
slon, did not take away the gold him
self la not stated, but the Inference la
that he did not wish to end the excite
ment of searching for It. The "maps"
appear to have shown exactly where
the treasure was located and had been
a legacy to the Armstrong family from
tho "great pirate Morgan," who person
ally directed the burial of the money.
Mr. Armstrong says the amount wss
fl'O.OHO.IKK), but olio Is Inclined to doubt
that It was not at least twice that In
significant sum. The traditional pirate,
nud Morgan appears to have been one
of the most approved sort, tins seldom
been known to bury less than llfty mil
lions unless under exceptional duress,
mid It Is probable Mr. Armstrong In
computing the total litis overlooked a
few millions. Rut tho uinln point after
all Is that these thrifty New-Yorkers
have restored tho treasure, whatever
It may be, to circulation, which Is a
distinct violation of tbe established eth
ics Of burled treasures, besides lielng
a unturul shock to the expectations of
Mr. Armstrong. There Is no romance
tq a lot of pirate gold performing the
common functions of n medium of ex
change, and If tho vandals of tradi
tion can bo brought to Justice, a proper
I regard for the memory of Mr. Morgan
will suggest that they be made to take
tbe treusuro back to tho uninhabited
Itliind of Cocos, so tbnt searching ex
peditions may be continued.
i . . . j
Men and Meat.
"It Is a fact that there are more
crunks coming to butcher shops than
you'll find anywhere else,' observes the
I butcher, as he sharpens his knife, and
J curves away at half nn ox lying on the
iiiock uerore mm, i suppose u is tue
trouble of trying to satisfy cranky hus-
liiilwlia tvltll flint ili.i.d I,
The butcher's wife smiled brightly
i lu assent, and carried on the remarks
begun by her husband, In her owu
i way. Kit id she;
"It Is harder to please a man with
meat than with anything else that Is
put on the table. 1 know that, although
my husband Is a butcher and can tell
me Just what to get. I have seen that
man turn up his nose at the most
beautiful steak St breakfast, and at
dinner time grumble bees me he could
not have Just that particular cut. They
I are the most inconsistent people on
earth.
"Who-- butchers or men?"
"Men. I don't think butchers are
worse than other men. Rut there Is
something lu meat that brings out all
the crankiness In a man's nature. It
Is not the woman's fault that she can
not be pleated with the meat that Is
offered to her by the butcher. She
would be willing to take most anything,
but she knows that she has that hun
gry, disagreeable man coming home
to his meal, and that the chances are
ho will complalu about bis food, what
ever may be set before him. If I had
my way, I would make every man buy
bis own meat Then he would know
what It Is."
"tiood!" said the smiling butcher.
Philadelphia Times.
No Llfti on the Moon.
In the absence of all Indication of any
sort of life whatever on the moon, wltb
no air nor water, together with the
fact that uo change of any description
has been noticed by the keen and
trained eyes which have Jealously scru
tinised Its surface from the time of the
first teleseopele efforts to the present
we sre compelled to conclude that
there are no people who live In the
moon. The wonderful combination of
mountain and crater, valley and peak.
Is, after alt, only a vast graveyard;
and If living beings ever roamed over
Its plitlns and navlgitcd Its great seas,
now dry, or frozen with appalling cold,
they have lcn gathered to the.natlone
of the dead; aud all traces of them
having vanished, the tall shafts of the
mountains watch over tbelr btst rest
ing place, and. with the crater rings,
constitute their eternal and magnificent
mausoleum. Indies' Home Journal
"Isabel, why did you give your grand
mother a pais pink umbrella on ber
birthday r "I expect to carry It pretty
often mysolf."-Chlcsjo Record.
BOER AND UITLANDER.
Tbe Cans of tba Recent Troobls la
Booth Africa.
The struggle between tbe Boert and
tbe strangers, which baa practically be
come a struggle between the English
and the Dutch elements, now centers In
the demand of the strangers to be ad
mitted to the electoral franchise.
Formerly electoral rights were readily
acquirable by an Immigrant lu tbe
Transvaal, as they are to-day In tbe
Orange Free Rtote. In 1S81 a residence
of two years gave tbe vote. But when
President Krueger perceived that the
influx of strangers would alter the
character of tho electorate, and ulti
mately transfer the balance of power
to Kngllsh-speaklng citizens, be per
suaded the Assembly to extend the
period of residence required for citizen
ship, first to live, and then to fifteen
years, snd thus practically to exclude
the whole of the new population which
has come In since 1RHT. Thus electoral
rights are now confined to less than
(m citizens, while probably double
that numlier of persons, of voting age
aud sex, are living within the republic
debarred from those rights.
It Is easy to understand Mr. Krueg
er's position. "These newcomers," ho
argues, "arc In all essentials strangers
to our polity. They do not belong to
our Dutch Reformed churches; they do
not like our customs; they do not speak
our tongue. They would use their
votes. If votes were given them, to turn
out the present officials and legislators,
and would end by making the country
English, like Cape Colony or Natal. It
waa not for such n fnto that we quitted
tbo homes of our fathers to go out
Into the wilderness and overcome the
Zulus sixty years ago; and agnlust such
a fate we will struggle to the end."
On the other hand, the strangers com
plain that, though they form a large
majority of the population, own half
the land In the republic, and pay more
than 00 per cent, of the taxes, they sre
denied n share In the government of
the country nnd In tbe application of Its
revenues, and are obliged to submit to
excessive Hnd unfair Imposts, voted by
a legislature, some of whose members
are gravely suspected of corruption,
and administered by officials, mnny of
whom are far from trustworthy. These
were the motives which prompted the
creation three years ago of an organi
zation to obtain political reforms, and
which led to the rising of the stranger
populntlon, or rather of the bulk of the
Kngllsli-speaklng portion of It, at
Johannesburg In December last a ris
ing the declared aim of which waa not
the overthrow of the Transvanal Re
public, but to compel the Boer Assem
bly to extend the suffrage to tbe new
comers. Tbe effect of that abortive rising, and
of tho expedition of the British South
Africa Company's men, who came to
help It, but were surrounded and forced
to surrender by the Boer forces, has so
far been unfavorable to the demands of
the strangers. President Krueger's
hold on his citizens had been previous
ly shaken by their dislike to the otllclals
he bad brought from Holland. 'Phe
rising, however, evoked all the patriot
ism of the Boers, and made the Presi
dent, who successfully withstood It,
more popular than ever. At
the same time It stirred the feeling of
the Dutch In the Orange Free Ktnte
aud even In Cnpe Colony. Seeing their
own kinsfolk threatened by an expedi
tion which had started from British
soil, they forgot for the moment their
own commercial grievance against the
Transvaal tiovernmeiit (which hnd
built up a wall of tariffs against them),
ami gave nil their sympathy to the
threatened republic. As the British
home government had not only dis
avowed, but had even tried to stop, the
expedition on Its nay, no resentment
has been felt by the Cape Dutch against
Britain.
But the movement towards a political
fusion of Dutch and P.ngllsh In the
colony has received a check, ami the
tendency of the Orange Free State to
wards n closer union with Its sister re
public has been strengthened. Mean
while, the grievances of the new popu
lation lu the Transvaal have uot been
removed, and as the Influx of strangers
to the Wltwntersnitid mines will doubt
less continue, It Is clear that something
must be done to give a more or less
complete satisfaction to their claims,
and to prevent a recurrence of the
troubles of Inst December ami January.
It Is Impossible, In our times, for a min
ority to continue to rule over a large
unit Increasing unenfranchised ma
jority of people superior In intelligence
and wealth, however strong the orig
inal position of the minority may have
lieen, and whatever sympathy their at
tachment to their owu simple and prim
itive life may evoke. Century.
rtryce'a Tr bute to Cecil Hhodes.
No man In South Africa has been
more warmly attached to the British
connection, or has done half so much to
secure for Britain those vast territories
to the west and to tbe north of the
Transvaal, which wre coveted by both
the Transvaal republic and by the Her
man empire. But In his political career
In Cape Colony, of which be was prime
minister from July, 1SW, till January,
ISlHt, Mr. Rhldea succeeded In obtain
ing the support of the Dutch party, and
labored assiduously to bring about a
unity of sentiment and aim between
the Dutch and the British elements In
the population. Tbe energy and firm
U eos of his character, and the grasp of
political economic questions which he
baa evinced, make hi in the most strik
ing figure among the colonial statesmen
of Rrltalu lu thla generation. He baa
been deemed by some a less adroit par
liamentarian than was the late Sir John
Macdonald In Canada, but be la pos
sessed of a fnr wider outlook and far
more conspicuous executive capacity.
The aacendaucy which these gifts gave
him enabled him, w hile exteudlug Brit
ish Influence up to and beyond tho
Zambesi, at the same time to retain the
conrtdenc of that Dutch, or Afrikan
der, population which had least na
tional sympathy with what Is called an
"Imperial British policy." Ceutury.
Bure to lie Popular.
A certainty of the beauty of one's
own work Is uot always coucelt; It may
be a calm estimate of value. There
may be In any art a Just presentiment
of success,
Verdi's "Rlgoletto" was brought out
at Venice In ISM. It Is said that when
the opera was quite finished the com
poser bad refused to Oil up a missing
part of tbe score. Tbe singer who waa
to perform the aria besought blm to fln
Isb It Verdi replied that there wai
time enough. The aria, be said, wai
quite simple and easily learned.
Thla continued to be bis excuse until
tbe actual day of the performance,
when, with many precautlona against
lielng overheard, be played to the mya
tllled singer the enchanting air, "La
Donna e Mobile."
But as the listener waa expressing
bla delight, Verdi cautioned blm on no
account to bum or whistle the catching
air liefore evening. The orchestra, be
said, bad learned It already, and were
under a solemn vow not to let one note
be beard before the actual perform
ance. "But why thla mystery?" asked the
puzzled artist
"Because," said Verdi, "I do not wish
nil Venice to be alnglug It before my
opera Is out."
He was quite right In bis expectation.
People began humming It between the
nets, they sang It on the way borne,
aud next day all Venice echoed with It
SHED RIVERS OF TEARS.
Ilur.tlng Ammonia Pipe Beta a Mul
tltods to Weeping-.
A dozen funerals could not have pro
duced the weeping that there was on
Harrison aveuue Monday evening, and
yet there were no deaths that have
been reported. The cause of the tears
was the ammonia that was rampant
on the street. The Klbbe Brothers
Company has Just bought a new refrig
erator machine for cooling their cho
olate. The workmen had Just finished
putting It In aud had started it for a
trial, when a pipe burst aud the am
monia vapor, which Is used for pro
ducing the cold, escaped rapidly 'nto
the basement causing a general stam
pede. Nothing could stand before the
stinging vapor, and It soon had tho
basement all to Itself. But that was
uot enough; It spread upward through
out the building, but, as It was 6 o'clock
anyhow, and the employes were Just
coming out, It did no harm there. But
It also spread out Into the street, and
tilled It full as far as Dwlght strict
and the passers-by had to hold their
handkerchiefs In their faces. A con
siderable crowd gathered as near as
they dared to watch the efforts of one
of the workmen to jt bis coat and
vest, which he had left In the base
ment In his hurried escape. It was Im
possible to go Into the place again, and
be got a long pole and angled through
an open window for bis garments. It
was hazardous fishing, however, and
the ammonia soon drove him away
baffled, and be went to supper In his
working Jacket. Nothing could be done
but let the ammonia waste Its sweet
ness till It was spent, and the irmia
was powerful all night Sprlugfl.sld
Republican.
Art in Ht. Peter's.
Nothing, perhaps, Is more striking, as
one becomes better acquainted with
St Peter's, than the constant variety
of detail. The vast building produces
at first sight an Impression of har
mony, and there appears to be a re
markable uniformity of stylo In all
the objects one sees.
There are no oll-palntlngs to speak
of In the church, and but few frescoes.
The great altnrp'.oees are almost ex
clusively line mosaic copies of famous
pictures which are preserved elsewhere,
(if these reproductions the best Is gen
erally considered to be that of Ouer
clno's "St. Pctronllla" at the end of
tho right nlsle of the tribune. Des
brosses praises these mosaic altar
pieces extravagantly, and even express
es the opinion that they are probably
superior in point of color to the orig
inals from which they are copied. In
execution they are certainly wonder
ful, ami many a stranger looks at them
and passes on believing them to be oil
paintings. They possess the quality of being Im
perishable, and beyond all Influence
of climate or dampness, and they are
masterpieces of mechaulc.il workman
ship. But many will think them hard
and unsympathetic In outline, and de
cidedly crude In color. Much wit has
been manufactured by the critics at
the expense of (hildo Renl's "Michael,"
for instance, and as many sharp things
could be snlil about a good many other
works of the same kind In the church.
Yet, on the whole, they do not destroy
the general harmony. Big as they are,
when they are seen from a little dis
tance they sink Into mere Insignificant
patches of color, all but lost In the deep
richness of the whole. Ceuturv.
What True Friendship Means.
Between friends there must be close
sympathy, and one must be able to
give to the other what she lacks, but
even between those friends who are
nearest nnd dearest It Is not necessary
to lay bare one's heart. Such confi
dence la too apt to be greeted with a
curious satisfaction, and even from a
friend this gratification makes one feel
as If one's bruises had been touched
with vitriol. A real friend asks no
questions. She takes the best that
comes, the best that Is In you, the best
that you care to offer ber, nnd demands
nothing more. She has long ago
learned, being wise, that to all of us
there comes a time when nothing
should be said; It la true there la a
time when something should be said,
but there Is never a time when every
thing should be said. There Is very
often a alienee between two women
frlende that means rest, and she la un
wise who breaks that silence. Ladles'
Home Journal
A Bottomless Pond.
According to current report Ulua
rond, near Oxford. Ala., la barrnmin.
Tradition says that less than 200 years
ago tne site or tue pond was covered
with a heavy growth of timber. The
Indians say tbat several hundred noble
red men were camped In the woods
when the crust broke through, and
that most of them perished In the rush.
Ing waters.
Nothlna.
Base ball Catcher (roughly) What do
you know about base-ball, anyhow?
Fmplre (looking at the howling root-ersl-Nothlng;
I m the umpire, you
know. Boston Herald.
Thirty-stx Milea an Hour at 8 en.
The fastest ship In the world Is the
Freuch torpedo catcher Forban, which
can steam at the tremendous rate of
about thirty-six miles an hour.
There are lota of good thine s In this
world without anyone to push them
I along.
Veys execution.
Ab.orl Attempts. r"rm''
bat NT "ca l fo m'ric'
"A family Record of Ney's Execu
tion," written by Mme. Campati. U con-
Ibu.edto tbo Ceutury by a relative of
tll. lady. George Clinton (ien,t of
(Jreenbush, N. Y. Mr- . l"a
preparatory note, says: An absu J I at,
tempt has been made recent y o pne
In a published volume that Ney was
not shot In ISI3, but escaped to Amor
,,., d became a schoolmaster n
North Carolina, where be lately died.
An alleged facsimile of his writing Is
kIvpd in the book, as well as one of the
writings of the old French cavalryman
who. It Is alleged, wben drunk oil a cer
tain occasion, declared himself to be
the Duke of F.lchlngen. The wr t ng
which It claimed is the genuine writing
of tho marshal seems doubtful w.icn
compared with that known to be nls.
and the assumed similarity between
that and the w riting of the old I' rencli
soldier of North Carolina Is Inconceiv
able It Is absurd to suppose that -ey
should have proclaimed himself to be
the Duke of Elohlngen. since at tho
time of his execution he was Prince of
Moskows, and no longer Duke of Web-
'"It hi Impossible that, as is asserted In
the book referred to, Ney should have
consented to the subterfuge of being
shot at by muskets charged with pow
der alone, aud after falling and pre
tending to be dead, should have suffer
ed himself to be carried Into exile In n
strange land. At the battle of Water
loo Ney vainly sought death wherever
the battle was fiercest. With nn army
of sixty thousand men still left, be
capitulated under the walls of Paris,
upon condition of general amnesty of
offenses Isith civil and military. These
terms were basely violated, and to
satisfy the clamor of the returned aris
tocrats of the old regime, Ney was ex
ecuted. Wellington could have pre
vented this crime after the condemna
tion by the chamber of peers, but (lid
not, for reasons liest known to him
self. Ney was offered nn opportunity
to escape, but refused. He asked the
soldiers to fire at bis heart, nnd they
did.
Moreover, nt the time when It Is
claimed that Ney was concealing him
self In North Carolina, Joseph Bona
parte was living at Rordeiitown, and
his house and his fortune would have
been at Ney's disposal. Moreover, after
the fall of the Bourbons there would
have been no reason why Ney should
not have returned to France. In
Eugene Ney, bis third son, visited the
United States, and went to the house
of his kinsman Genet, who resided ou
the Hudson, near Albany, but never
heard of tills alleged Duke of Elchln
gen. It Is useless to follow these ab
surdities furtacr. Ney Is buried In
Pere hi Chaise nt Paris, with two of
his sons aud bis brother-in-law Gamot.
A plain Blub marks the place. On the
spot where he was executed stands a
monument erected by the French Gov
ernment Strangely Tongue-Tied.
A singular story of how Jack Frost
captured a burglar comes from Fort
Benton, Montana, by way of a dis
patch to the Philadelphia Times. Dur
ing the severely cold weather In Jan
uary Tip Burba nk, a notorious robber, i
went out alone one night to make a
mid on the First National Bank of
this place. Ills plan was to enter
through a window at the rear of the ;
building and make his way through the -offices
to tiiv fault An Iron gratlug
protected the window.
The night was Intensely cold and the !
streets were lUe glass, a heavy snow
having melted as It fell and then frozen i
smooth and hard. While Tip was filing
the first bar of the grating bis foot
slipped, throwing hlm forward vio
lently against the window.
As luck would have It the fall Jerk
ed his month open, his tongue was
forced between his lips, and froze in
stantly to the Icy Iron bars. All ef
forts to release himself were vain, as
nothing short of pulling his tongue out
by the roots would have effected this,
nnd he could not bring himself to that.
A watchman making his rounds found
him a half-hour later almost dead with
cold.
Tip Is alive and safely housed In Jail
now, but his tongue will never wag
SKaln. It Is completely and hopelessly
paralyzed.
The Dead of Kt. Peter's.
And far below all are burled the
great of the earth, deep down In the
crypt. There lies the chief apostle, and
there lie many martyred bishops side
by side; men who came from far lands
to die the holy death In Rome from
Atheus, from Bethlehem, from Syria,
from Africa. There He the last of the'
Stuarts, with their pitiful kingly
names, James III., Charles HI., and
itenry i.v; the i.mperor Otho II. has I
lain there a thousand years; Pope i
Boniface VIII. of the Cnetanl, whom '
Sdnrra Colonna struck In the face at i
Anagnl, Is there, and Rodrlgo Borgia
Alexander VI. lay there awhile, and ,
Aguese Colonna, aud Queen Christina
of Sweden, and the Great Countess, 1
and many more besides, both good and
bad-even the Caterlna Cornaro, Queen !
of Cyprus, of romantic memory Cen-!
, tury. ' I
Old Missouri. !
I Col. J.V.Brower, Minnesota State ge
ographer, has made the sensational dis-
! covery that the source of the Missouri
River Is not Red Rock Ijike. Montana 1
as has been stat.nl. Col. Brower hns
explored the whole region of the Upper
Missouri, aud now makes public the
result of his discoveries. He avs the
longest upper branch of tbe Mlssou-l
does not flow through the lower Red '
Rock Lake In Moutana, but comes from
a hole lu the mountains, volcanic In p
character, at the summit of the Rockv '
Mountains, west of Helery's Uke Ida
ho. and at a point bordering the bom.
! dary between that State and Montana
Bad Neva for the hrsma
"They say Mrs. Maybrlck will be re
leased soon." remarked Miss Kick !
;l hope not." declared her friend. 1
"Why? Has she failed to ImnrcM
you with her Innocencer
"No, but we actresses have eomnetl
t on enonirh m Petl-
-New York World. "'reauy.
i LET US ALL LAUGH.
! JOKES FROM THE PENS OF
i VARIOUS HUMORISTS.
' riessant Incidents Occurring the
World Ovr-BalogsthalAreCbeer.
' ful to Old or Voqn - Fonnj
i Selections tbat Ton Will Enjoy.
I t'nefnl.
Papa-Billy, you've been a very good
little boy this morning. You baveu t
disturbed me once.
Billy-Yes. and I've !een doing some
thing real useful, too. I've cut all the
ends off the elgan. In that box over
there and now you can Just go ahead
and smoke them without any trouble.
Harper's Bazar.
Verr Appropriate.
Miss Amy-Why have you named
your yacht the Kiss. Mr. Dolley? Isu t
that a queer name?
! Dolley-Not at all. It's a little smack.
you see. Demorest's Magazine,
Wealth's Advantnee.
! Mr. Foreflat-Thls being so poor la
terrible. Isn't It?
Mm. Topfloor-Indeed, It Is. If we
could only afford It I would have nerv
ous prostration to-morrow. Truth.
Vp with the Tlmee.
j Mrs. Knlckerbocker-Wbere Is your
: husband this afternoon?
j Mr. Blooinerlne-Oh. he Is attending
i a father's meetlug down at the church.
! New York World.
! The Hells.
Hear the scorchers with the bells -Brazen
bells I
What deafen. in disiioters their melody
foretelli!
Ilnw they clang, clang, clang, clang,
Morning, anon and night!
While pedestrians who ramble
Through the streets are forced to scram
ble In a paroxyum of fright
Keeping time time, time,
la a sort of ghastly rhyme,
To the startled shrieks of passers-by tbat
every moment swells,
At the sound of the bells, bells, bells,
belli, bflli
At the clamor and the clangor of the
bells.
Beneath Con tempt.
Mrs. Flgg Tommy, why Is It you
never play with the little boy next
door? He seems to be such a nice little
boy!
Tommy Aw, be'a one of these sneak
In' kind of kids that says be likes bis
teacher. Indianapolis Journal.
Expensive Anceatnra,
Parvenu (to distinguished artist)
What will you charge to paint a grand
father for my gallery of ancestors?
Artist Five hundred marks.
Parvenu Five hundred uinrks? Why,
Mr. Dauber painted me a great grand
father the other day for 200. Flle
gende Blaetter.
Another Canablonca.
The boy sat on the scorching wheel,
Of nothing did he reck
Till a copper man put after him,
And grahbed him by the neck,
Detroit Tribune.
Wouldn't Know It,
" uat yer nnk 'cr my dog?" "Vcr
doesn't call that a dawg, docs yer?"
Yus!" "W'y. i fort lt WUI a D00
fowtygraft!"
Near and Dear.
"It waa only yesterday that I gave
you J20."
"I know It Harold, but I handed you
back 110.50." '
"What became of the other SO centa?"
Detroit Free Tress.
, She May Live Through It
Gertmde-I see tbat Mrs. Dasher has
Cot the alimony.
Aunt Sellna-Dear. dear! I'm afraid
It will go hard with her; she's such a
frail nervous thiug.-South Norwalk
bentlnel.
HealUtlc,
Emily (playing "house")-Now, I'll
u-M, nd,B.efisle ' be our babies.
. ; "f. aufter moment, anxiously)
Alnt It about time to whip tbe chil
dren. Home Journal
In the Tnnnel.
.hH,'erWhat 18 "la, 'ni noise
ahead of us. conductor? I, there some
thing wrong with the engine?
Conductor-No; the train ahead of
'he Mean Th nT.
Ml,l the Lovely Woman "It
was very lonely, living In , he West' vi
neighbors to speak of .-
Thinh."lM1' t0 Mjr" Tcn,"red the Mean
nn tn lKhl,or, ,0 aboutr
Clnclnuati Enquirer.
. wklnB the BbT.
w ,WSke ,lle b!lh.'. mamma r
JohnSr5'0UWaD,,0Wak'aby,
3ig 1 faD P1"J 00 drum."-
Mr- ye,tr0a 0bJtlon.
Mrs. Manhattan-Wlmt objection
M rail's k Tr5;1UB Mr'
Truih alimony already.-
'cceatrte.
MIs. nifltre-Yea. . roB
last
st nigtit and I accent. 1,7
Mlna Durutl. I .1...
. lUSl SO? It.
lam that you are going tob,,',
M!.-s H. (In aurprls,.)- .nU.lfi
Hla Yacht'a Nam-
Illobbs-I beard you are
for Cuba In your yacht? ,tol
Klobbs-Ves. and I've cu,nw .
name to enus de Mllo.
Blobbs-Whnt for?
Rlobbs-Ro that they .,.,
as any" arms on ber.-phn-T
lias
Record.
'pan
A Forc-Hunner,
He I dreamed last night that I
dead. '
Bbe The room was rather
wasn't It?
Bo pc fa I.
"I guess country board will b ew
cr this euuimer than usual" ua u
Meekton. "'
"Why?"
"The price of canned good! ouim,
down coiisldcrab!y."-Wasulnjt(n
No Doubt.
Wendroth-Do you tUluk ih,
advance of the wheel has anythio,,
do with tho bard times In ceruinouif
ters? H
Willing-Well, there Is no doobt tw
a good many people feel soreoTtr t.
Philadelphia Nortb-Amerlcao.
" Limited.
No man know a bow limited bit wtri
robe Is until a Chinese laundry bur
up. Ixs Angeles Express.
No Need of It.
Laura I am surprised tohttrjta
are not going down to tbe KjUn
this summer. How's that?
Lulu Oh, I dou't have to go nn
year. I'm already engaged to Urn
rlcd. Vnukera Statesman.
Floored.
t
He Oue portion of salad iS a,
won't It?
She For me? Certainly. ITum
you going to take?
What He Made.
She Did you make auythlnjli'i!
trade with Bacon?
He I should say I did! I mid
lifelong enemy. Yonkers Statewui
Tratredv In Four LlnM.
A lady fresh from Ireland, J
A stov that ran on gatollut; j
A noon slsrm of bre snd i
Some bandagci and vateline.
Indianapolis Journal.
Muaic.il Trrma,
The piano stool-Dldu't you tor
havo tbnt flufTy-bnlred beauty ru
little white fingers up and down r
keyboard ?
The plnuo-I did, until she pM
false.
The stool-Wretched coquette! liw
never forget how she sat down on -Cleveland
Plain Denier.
Perhaps.
He-Why Is It that unmarried
are usually "girls?"
Khe-Posslbly for the saitrM"
that married men are mostly "tJ
Brooklyn Life.
nr.,t llnnnrr.
"For three months during th
I occupied the most dangerous H"1
In my company.
'i...iH
"Yes, every morning I currW '
eight mules belonging to our c-
snry."-Mlnnenpol!s Times.
Unkind. ,.
Wlgley-Whay type of beauty rtj
!.. TTn,.lw,itln'H fsce
3 U II BUY aiinO 11UI iviu" - --
" . . . . tint f"
Quigiey 1 suctiid ".
pled.-The Capital, Washington-
Faved Them I'P-
oinirr s iflicjvu
'. . . ...
,tA. r?Ha pah aaif)
diamond necsiacei yj
Brother-No, didn't ktw an
Tlster-Yes. she bad It mal ! J
the setting of her last seas'
gagement rings.
. .h POP
Jmtln McCartny on " j $
Justin McCarthy a
"Pope Leo XIII." " "hT
the public. Mr. MeCartby
glus bla volume with an acceiim
selection of the Pope for n'
place. He then deals with n
days aud goes on to trace i m
lu the Romau Catholic Court
tentlou Is given to the Pop a
In refereuce to Ireland and ' j.,
establishment of the hleran'W
In Scotland. Other points 01 (
ograph are l-eo as a personal "
Philanthropist, and bis action ur-
education question Id I ranc
glum.
JSP
v . r. r mi