Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 24, 1892)
THE UNIVERSITY MATCH. The Rev. Thomas Baiter was a curate Bl the muscular, energetic type, which, fortunately for the church, U turned out pot unfreouently by our universities and public schools. He was a big, broad ,l,ouldcrcd young man, who, beside di Anguishing biiuself fflvatly both on the river anil iu the cricket field, hud taken a very respectable degree, for he was hj no means afraid of hurd work of any de acription. Such men often make capital parson, and Tom was liurdly less ener getic In bis parish work than lie had been in very different spheres of action (t Eaton and Oxford. But there were limits to Mr. Baxter's endurance; he liked an occasional holiday, and thUwa the only point upon which he and his Ticar, the Rev. Septimus Straightway. Were not entirely agreed. The Rev. Septimus was an earnest man, and took a severe and gloomy view of llie pleasures of life. He worked terribly hard in an East End parish; knew nothing and cared less alsjut out door sports or, in fact, about any form of amusement: and fully expected his curates to follow unhesitatingly in the fxtreiuely narrow and steep path up whic.1 he led them. Hence It came to pass that Mr. Straightway experienced considerable dilllculty in finding curates after his own heart; the young men were continually leaving him for less arduous duties, and the vicar's opinion of human nature in general, and of the younger feneration of curates In particular, stead ily grew worse. In Tom B:ixter. how ever, he really thought he Kssessed a treasure, and the danger of working a willing horse to death never so much as entered into his head. Poor Tom did his very best to satisfy Mr. Straightway's requirements, for he really respected the man and valued im niensely his good opinion, but, as ha al ready been indicated, he could not help longing that his suerior would enter a little more into his own harmless liking for occasional relief, and sympathize with his passion for rowing and all that was connected with athletics. At the time I write of the cricket sea ton was in full swing;, but Tom's duties had not only prevented him from play ing iu a single match, but even from looking on at one for a few hours from the roof of the pavilion nt Lord's. More over the university cricket match, in which he took an absorbing interest, was fast approaching, and ho was sorely troubled by the dread that ho might not be able to see it. This fear haunted him day ami night; it worried him during his visiting and mission work, spoilt his rest and occasionally obtruded itself upon him iiUhe pulpit. Even the absent minded Mr. Straightway at length no ticed that his curate's mind was ill at ease, and one day he went so far as to in quire the cause. Tom stammered out something about being out of sorts, and ventured to hint that he thought a day's holiday would do him good. "When I was your age. Mr. Baxter, 1 never wanted a holiday," replied the austere vicar: "but you ure certainly not looking well. Let me see, today is the 21th of June. In about a fortnight 1 think I can arrange a day for you. S.iy the 12th of July." "Can't it be managed a week sooner?" queried Tom, desperately, for the uni versity match was fixed for the 4th. "Quite impossible, 1 fear." said the vicar, decisively, for he was a terrible martinet with his curates. So, with a wave of his hand, he dismissed the sub ject, and Tom knew that further appeal was useless. "It's rather too bad," grumbled Mr. Baxter.as he walked home to his humble lodgings. "But it is no use talking to him about cricket; he doesn't know a bat from a ball." And with a heavy heart he tried to resign himself to the inevi table, But two days later a circumstance oc curred which entirely routed Tom's vir tuous, resolutions. A letter arrived at the reverend gentleman's lodgings which was couched in the following terras: nuTBcoTi IIalu bonemma. Dearest To-Wo are actually coming- to town! Only for two days, t bough; and we or going to lords to see tlie match. Uncle ha got a drag tlwre, block B. Of course I shall never forgive you If you don't coma anil see me; on Wednesday afternoon we go to Essex to itay with the Uliil vertons, so this is our only chance of meeting. Do come; in terrible baste. Yours loviugly. Alios. From the foregoing it may be gathered that Miss Alice Heathcote and Mr. Tom Baxter were on tolerably intimate terms. As a matter of fact they had been en gaged for six mouths, during which time they had very rarely met. Baxter's peo ple were well off, and he had a very rich uncle, among whose possessions was an excellent family living, destined in the future for Tom and his bride. But the uncle was a stern and conscientious gen tleman, and he was determined, before he detinitely agreed to give Tom the va cancywhen it occurred to see what that youug gentleman was made of. And this was why Baxter had been sent to help Mr. Straightway in the East End, why he worked so hard in the parish, and why he was so desperately anxious to stand high in his vicar's opinion. When Tom read the letter his first im pulse, unclerical though it may appear, was to use strong language. But he restrained himself and fell to thinking over the various means of escaping from his duties. A fresh appeal to Mr. Straightway be knew to be hopeless. That worthy ascetic did not only look upon cricket as a frivolous waste of time, but he was a strong advocate of the celi bacy of t! e clergv. Moreover, by merely asking tie ques'tion Tom might offend him, and this he certainly could not afford to do uuder the circumstances. There was nothing for it then but a pious fraud, and although Tom's conscience rebelled againt the idea of deceiving lus Ticar, who trusted him implicitly, he Could not make up his mind to disap point Alice, or to deny himself the pleas ure of seeing her. He might, under more favorable circumstances, have dined at her uncle's house in Portnian square, but as luck would have it he had undertaken to conduct an evening class on both nights of her say in town. So be wrote . -w.: ,o onuarr. tromising uutxliuiiaio ...... . . tlmt t.i,in. linri of an earthquake should prevent him from appearing at 1 . . .-1 f n nr. Lord s, and he nt once set w - range a plot for the deception of Mr Kr ..... VllUlnlllMHTi ... L On the dav before that on whicn ne had promised to meet his intended Tom told Lis vicar that he was passing tho night with a very old friend, who had just come home from India, in his rooms near Jermvn street. This, it must be said, was perfectly true, and of course Mr. Straightway could offer no valid ob jection, as Baxter had done all bis wor fc-r the day. The next .uaunsou to a telegraph offlc. and m guilty haste dispatched a wire to the effect thsthewus.u.rcring from a vere MUck of lumUgo. but would. If possible, return in the evening. By 11 o'clock he was at b-rd'a. The mere an-hl of the ground was so welcome to him that he was determined to spend as much time there as he possiblv could lie knew, of course, that he would Certain to meet sue i I... 1.1. . i. . , , m uitj melius, mm mm me w hole proceeding was extremely risky; but he consoled huusclf with the thouirht tint a. i. ....Smay rarely, ir ever, went into "jciety of any sort, he was not ut all likely to hear anything about it. So he ensconced himself in the pavilion and awaited the lieginuing of the plav with pleasurable impatience. The H-athcotn were all enthusiastic cricketers, and l,u counted on their apicarance bv 12 o'clock at the latest. The match commenced In due course, but Uk,ii iu varying fortunes it is not uecessary to dwell. The Ileathcotea also arrived, and Tom at once took un a ikmU t'Hioli the drag by the side of Miss Alice, li.ii warmth of whose greeting speedily bat iijhed all fears and qualms of con- sci ..ee from his hreait x.,ii fact, could have leen more ierfect than Mr. Baxter's happiness up to the lunch eon interval. His stentorian "well hit" or "well Uiwled" could be heard n hun dred yards away; he clapped his hands, stained and waved his hat like the veri est schoolboy, and meanwhile he was unremitting in his attention to the girl of his heart. Two o'elix-k struck. The bell rang for lunch, and the occupants of Mr. Heathcote's drag prepared for the substantial meal which forms so promi nent a feature of the two great matches at Ixird a. Tom by no means despised creature comforts. Mr. Straiirhtwav's curates were expected, at all events when with him and on duty, to follow their vicar's example in asceticism, so a good lunch was very acceptable to him. He had supplied Alice's wants, and was In the act of lifting to his mouth a piece of salmon, when suddenly he turned pale, his jaw fell, his eyes dilated, and the piece of salmon, accompanied by the folk, fell unheeded to the ground. It was too true. Beside the very next drag, talking to a gentleman on the box seat, stood a tall, lean man, in clerical attire, whoso figure was horribly familiar to the guilty curate. He could not be mistaken, it was Mr. Septimus Straight way, though what could have brought the reverend gentleman to Lord's was beyond Tom's imagination. The vicar had his back turned, and evidently did not suspect his curate's proximity. In stant flight was the only lloie. "Good gracious, Tom!" cried Miss Alice, "what on earth is the matter? You look as white as a sheet!" "I don't feel very well, dear. Excuse me one minute," stammered Mr. Baxter. And he rose hurriedly, upsetting his plate, nnd jumped to the ground. Just as he readied terra fiinia ho saw the clergyman slinking hands with his friend on the box seat; he was turning toward Mr. Heathcote's drag; in another second detection would follow. Tom glanced hurriedly round; the door of the drag was open a ml no one was looking. Ho accordingly plunged in head foremost, shut the (lour, and to make assurance doubly sure, pulled 'ip the wooden blind. Then he breathed more freely. But what on earth would the Hcatlicotes think? A confederate was absolutely necessary. The Heathcotes' family butler, Mr.Binns, was an old friend of Tom's, and might be relied upon. Baxter espied Pinna opening a bottle of champagne, and at tracted his intention as noiselessly as possible. "Binns!" he whisjiered. in great agita tion, "please say to Miss Alice that I am not well, and that I have gone to take a walk, to bathe my head-say anything, Binns but for mercy's sake don't let her know that I'm in here. Don't let anybody know. You won't, will you?" he continued, piteously. Mr. Binns thought that Tom was off his head, but his impassive face betrayed no surprise. "Certainly, sir. Any other message?" "No! that will do and, Binns, come back here at once; I want you to do something else." "Y'essir." The message caused some little Bur prise and much sympathy. "Poor fellow 1" said Miss Alice; "it all comes from working so hard in those terrible slums, and never taking a holi duy When Binns returned Tom asked him in the same agitated whisper: "Did you notice a tall, thin gentleman a clergyman standing beside the next drag just now?" "Yes, sir." "Do you see him now?" "Yes. sir." said Binns; also whisper ing, "he's a-standing close by." ..r.,! trmcious!" murmured Tom. 'Look here, come and tell me when he's 8And Tom pulled up the other wooden blind half wov, and cowered on the floor among the cushions and dust cloaks. It was terribly hot and stuffy, but he dared not move until Binns returned, and that personage was absent for no less than half on hour by Tom's watch. The cap live was growing desperate, when at ast a welcome face appeared at the window above the blind. "Mr Baxter, sir." whispered Bums, the clerical gent, sir: he's on the roof of our drag." "You don't sav so!" groaned Tom. "He is, indeed, sir. He and master eems very thick; they're talking over old Cambridge times. I never waited on him liefore, sir." Of course," said the curate in despair. I see it now. Old Septimus was at Cambridge, so was Heathcote; they are old friends. How in the name of Provi dence am I to get out of this? I say. Binns, do vou know I must stop here till he goes. Vou will keep it dark-now won't vou?" rerninlv. sir," said the synv .,L,ic hntler. "Won't you have some liineh, n r? NoIkxIv will know. . :i . i :n 1. . miserr at ine iue. 11)111 SI1IIIW ' After all. why shouldn't he? ..U-..H rtinna. I real v think I will. And the trusty servitor disappeared to return with a hu;re plateful ol com pie, a bottle of champagne and some straw . Ti.mlt ve. Binns," same Tom, grate- filv "now go away and don't come back till the clergyman has gone. u how! How hot it is!" .. t.i .rwl no mistake. On a 11 warn i'" . . i.i the interior of a drag witn . . Imui u acreeable a ,,,e w , .1,- mark Hole. Tom JTuld not let the blind, down, so he' 00 . " u. i irA chamoairne. ' ?.Bf .r; rh wanner than wmcn nnuu una - ,, fore, though ltlwu-d bUii to smile at iu uoaitluii. His stiff collar w 4 grow ing limp, and hi ln jry black garments Uvm .igi.v in-i.pportalile. "Woiiilei if I dare to take my eoul ntTV" he a-ki-d hiinwlf. The menial answer was "Ynt." and In proceeded to do so. Then he felt betler. I'mMied the plate of pie, and had i.notiicr tumbler of the elianiKigiie. " feel half inclined to go out and face him," retlirted Tom, but hi heart failed. He piled thedllst cloaks, coats and umbrellas in one corner, und tried to make himself comfortable. Pri--enlly, however, the match was resumed, and then his real suffering began. Tom had never endured such torture. Loud appL.use freiueltlv broke upon his ears; bouts of "Well hit!" "Well bow led!" "Well Caught!" and, sometimes, more maddening even than these sounds, there wiia a deep hush of suspense in the noisy crowd, or a distinctly audible sigh of re lief, which told his practiced ears that some exciting ciisU of the game had come or gone. He vainly peered over the half drawn blind to catch a glimpse of the players: he could, however, see nothing but a for est of black hats and variegated sun shades. Binns returned not Tom dared not quit his hiding place, and despair once more possessed his soul. "Supose I'm here for the afternoon. Holy Moses, how apiallingly hot it is!" (Heat is apt to re lax the propriety even of a curate's lan guage.) "Wish I dared to take some more of my clothes off!" And then his eye fell on the c Immpacno bottle, w htcli was nearly half full. "Well, I can have another drink, at all events!" And again his troubles seemed less. He stretched himself out as well as ho could, for he was a big man and the space was small, and by degrees he finished the bottle. "If only I had a weed," he reflected; "haven't smoked for months, it seems years." And growing bold even to reckless ness, he hunted in tho po.'kets of the other men's overcoats till he found a cigar case. When he had lit a cigar be felt couiaratively at ease. It was very hot, he thought, but a peaceful feeling stole over him; the hum of the crowd grew fainter and fainter; the shouts of upplause more distant; even tho ham mering of sticks and umbrellas on the drag, within six inches of his head, ceased to annoy him. He pulled nt his cigar less energetically; soon it fell from his lips, and 1 1 Uev. Thomas Baxter slept as peacefully as a child. He was awakened by a rough snake and shout in his ear of "Hi, wake up!" Returning to semi-consciousness he in distinctly heard exclamations of "Shamo ful!" "Disgusting!" "Who would have thought it!" And then A familiar voice said in somewhat quavering accents, "Leave him to me, papa. I must see him alone." Tom pulled himself together with a jerk, opened his heavy eyes, and found himself confronted by Miss Alice Heathcote, who stood with flushed cheeks and indignant expression at the door of the drag. "Are you awake, sir?" she inquired, with elaborate sternness. "Awake! yes; why not, dear?' stam mered Mr. Baxter. 'Then what is the meaning of this? Y'ou leave me hours ago and say you don't feel well, and here I find you sound asleep when the play is over for the day, and we have been sending all over the ground for you. And in your shirt sleeves, too!" "Good gracious! I beg your pardon. I forgot." And, blushing scarlet, the cur ate huddled on his coat. "And they all say that youare drunk," she continued, with a half sob. "Oh, Tom, it's shameful!" "Drunk!" cried Mr. Baxter, Indignunt ly. "I slintild like to meet unybody who says that I'm drunk! Let me explain, darling. I'll come out now." And then he caught sight of his vicar again and shrank back. "Is that man never go ing?" "What man?" nsked Miss Alice, with Impatience. "Really, Tom, you must be mad today." "Why, the clergyman, Alice, dear; do you know who he is?" Of course 1 do; it s Mr. urayson, a vicar somewhere iu Yorkshire, an old college friend of papa's; they haven t met for twenty years. 1 in sure lie s not an alarming person in fact, the only strange thi is about him is that about twenty people have mistaken him for your man Mr. Straightway, you know. . ., a ll -IM...VI Are mej iu uu "Yes. they are rather," gasped Tom, scarcely knowing whether he stood on his head or heels. "Come and introduce him to me, darling. I'll make it all right with your father." And he did; but It will be some time before he hears the last of that cricket match. London Truth. Wliidlhorat and lllamarrk. Preparations are being madeamong the Clerical Opposition to celebrate in a suit able manner the 78th birthday of Herr U liwliliorst. the only niemlier of the reichstag in whom Prince Bismarck rec- ocnizes a foeiuan worthy ol ins steel, Nothing is more strange than thecontrast between the two men; the one, a burly rinnt in stature, with a big, loud voice and heavy tread, always arrayed in his uniform of a cavalry general with boots and spurs complete; the other, a little oiu dwarf, almost nunclioacseu, whii singularly ugly yet clever face, watery eves that are hidden Ocliinu a uuge pan of blue spectacles, a monstrous and al most toothless mouth, from which issues a thin piping wooden kind or voloe, and clean shaven checks, in every fold and wrinkle of which there seems to lurk a sarcasm or an irony in store for the chan cellor. London Star. A New llrwrh of Bo(Hry. "Murzle stealing" has become a regu larly established branch of roguery in Great Britain since the promulgation of the recent ordinance compelling all dogs to go muzzled. The worst of the matter is that dogs, being delighted to get rid of their muzzles, aid and abet the thieves in the perpetration of the robbery. Dog owners are in despair and plaintively in quire in dog Latin: "Quis custodier ipse custodes?" The only suggestion to be of fpred in restx-lise thereto is that since the law requires dogs to wear muzzles all the time, a person should be appointed to at tend each dog and prevent its muzzle from being tolen. New ork Intmne. F.nzliib fraud Caffaa. English tea U delicious, but their cof fee is aliotuinable. The ready ground o(Ti sold in the shops is as fine as dust. If yon ask the grocer to grind it coarse be will have tt me size oi nm , anrar. It is on It is only possible to have 1 drinkable br wakinz in a French coffee p, a by percolation. Made in th. Amer ien war. bv boilinz. it requires exag 1 ted'ere or it U likt mud.-London ; Uw. A BROKEN HE.VRTEDB'AR. TR! ;e story of the demise of jasptr grindiey's pets. A Jok with alar llam-l Drought It talUtUa wltli a Uulcb 0u and Ltd la PramadllaUHl Sulrlila bjr liruwalaf Tha Account! l)!flr allgtitljr. According to the story current among the laymen of this pleasant region, a vear-oid bear belonglnn to Jasper Grind icy, a bear killer, had a light w III) an other year-old boar, also the proH-rty of Jasjier. the result of which light was the nth of the last mentioned bear. The victor made a break for the woods, and, in taking a short cut. utteiupted to cross Gravely 's mill md on the ice. The ice was too thin to stipjiort the weight of the fleeing bear and broke U-neath him. He disapiearcd la-niath the ice, and was nut seen again until his dead body was car ried down by the water to the tail race, and so on to the wuter wheel of the saw mill. There it became jammed in the paddles and stopped the mill. When tho body of the unfortunate bear was re moved from the water w heel It was in bad sh:ix. Such was the story that was current about the death of Jasper Grindley'stwo hears; and it was tragic enough until JasHr came in with his account of tho affair. PICKED HIS MATK. "Them two young b'ars," said Jasper, "beat all creation for smartness, an' it was jest that smartness of thcir'n that done 'em both up. They was always play in' tricks on ono another, an' one day one of 'em wns takin' a leetle tramp around the house. He come to a bar I that stood at one corner o' the house, half full o' rain water. He didn't know what was in the bar'l, o' course, but thinkin'lhat meblie there was sunipin' in it that mowt pan out a heap o' fun fer him, he riz up on his hind feet, an' put tin' his forepaws on top o' the bar'l. looked over into it. Not belli' anything but water in the bar'l. the chances is that the little cuss 'd ha' got down ag'in an' gone on lookin'fer sunipin' else to git fun out of; but, jist ez he riz upon the bar'l, t other bar happened round that way. He seen his mate nosin' inter tho bar'l, an' all on a suddent it struck him that he see some fun in the situation. So what does he do but sneak up ahind 'other b ar an' grab him by the hind legs, an' quicker than 1 kin tell ye he lifted him up an' soused him head fust in the bar'l. While the onfort'nit b'ar in the bar'l was splutterin' an' kickin' an' twistin' an' chokin' in the water, the trickv little sarpint that dumped him in just danced an' pranced around, an' hol lered till you d ha thort he d Im busted, the thing hit him ez being so consumed funny. The b'ar in the bur 1 would ha drownded in short order if I hadn't ben lus by, an' run an' turned the bar'l up an let hun out. TEltltllll.K KKVENOX "That b'ar never let on that he was put out by the little trick his mate had played on him, an' didn't git mad a bit But I could see that he was keepin' his eve skinned for a chance to git even. An' there's where I orter kep' my eye skinned to prevent anything serious, but I never thort alxmt things ever tumin out the way they did. That big Dutch oven o mine stands In the back o' the yard jist ei it did ez my ol' pop built it fifty year ago. The door is alius open except when wso're usin' theoven, which haint more'n wunst a week. One day a couple of weeks ago I noticed that the door was shet, but 1 didn't think anything wrong till I see that there was only one o' the' b'ars around, an' he was terrible oneasy, an' kep' liangin' 'round theoven, whinin an cryln' ez if his heart d break. Then 1 went and opened the oven door, inside the oven lay t other ba r. lie was deadcr'n a mocker'!. I pulled him out. He had been suffocated till he died. There was only ono way to explain it. Tho b'ars had been in the habit o' crawl- In' in the oven an' lay in' there, one at a time, thinkin' it was bang up fun. Now the b'ar that had been dumped In the bar'l o' water watched his chance, an when t'other b'ur dumb In the oven he just sneaked upan'clupped the door shet on him. 1 wasn't there to let him out, an' the consokences was that he pegged out slick an' clean. SEU DESTRUCTION. From the way the live b'ar actod I know'd that he knov.-'d jist whathis trick had ended in, an' he took on orful to see. He bowled an' whined an' bellered, an' somehow couldn't git over it. He took to wanderin' over to the neighliors ez if he was lookiu' fer his dead mate, an' they told me that if I didn't keep him home he'd git a ball in some day. So I put a rope around his neck an' tied t'other end of it to an old plowsheer that was knock- in' 'round the yard. He could drag the plowsheer about, but couldu t drag It tur. But he kep' up his mournin' fer his mate, an' It was tetchiu' to see him. I thot, o course, that he'd git over it bimeby, or I'd ha put him outen his misery. "One day las week Sol lift come to my house an' says: " 'That b ar o your n,' says lie, "is a cort on. I Jist met him waikin over to'ards the mill pond, carryin' bis plow sheer under his arm ei handy es I'd carry, three pound o' pork.' "Thatskeercd me. I dug over toard the mill pond ei fust ez I could go. got there quick enough, but I couldn't tee nothin o the bar. I walked up around the pond, an' what should I come on to but the b'ar, atandin' on the Ice an' breakin' a hole through it with the heavy plowsheer. I see what be was up to at wunst, but afore I cotild get to him he had the hole made big enough, an down throuith be plunked like a niuskrat. waited, but I never see Inuj ag m. Hie Door little ctus was jist wore out with remorse fer what bs had done to his mate an' had committed suicide com' Diet an' deliberate ez it had ever been committed sence the world siarvui New York Sun. A Peculiar Pwple. Cm tfce banks of the river Punis, in South America. to be found oeculiar tribe of people men. worn en and children-who have upottwl Bkins of black and white. They live on the river banka or in the floating settlements in the lagoon, and paw their whole live in flailing. London Tit Bits. Twa Elaa'a t Cnbtnpy PaopU. There are two kinds of unhappy people in the world-Tboae who are aad because they are not known, and ., ,r,la,.r,lA hvnnM thiT InTw.n -Bam'. Horn. mi V UV M 1 AN ASTONISHED SOUTH SCA KINO. t SftSxru t llutarltart Str Many Irrliil Thing In haa fr'raurlMO. Kin i M'Dora of Butahtart pcut two Hours at the Olympic club, sul was probably more Hiuuml and surprised than by unything else he has seen In San Frum-i.-ca The members, who were present prM'.icing iu the gymnasium gave an impromptu exhibition, tliich interested l is South Sea majesty very much, and he gave evidence of this in grunts und by gestures of surprise, and almost of fear, ut some of the feats of the athletes. The tumbling was a sur prise to him, mid ho could not under stand, while Professors Trotichot and Chapins were fencing, how it was that they did not drop dead when struck by the foil. A burlesque boxing contest cuding in a well "faked" knockout was arranged for the king and his uirty. Professor Do Witt Van Court and Philip Boulo wore the boxers, and they gave an exhibition which interested his island majesty more than the genuine fight he saw ut the California club. At the end Boulo was apparently knocked out, and lie was carried out of the room limp and motionless. Of course he immediately returned, and as he upcared the king allowed a sigh of relief to escape him, and remarked through the interpreter that ho was glad the little fellow hud not been killed, as he was so plucky. After tho exhibition King M'Bora and his party were shown through the Olym pic club building. In the billiard room ho had his first meeting with a piece of ice. His dusky majesty was given a glass of ico water in resinmse to a re quest for a drink. He saw tho piece of ice floating in the water and could not understand what it was. He put his royal right hand into the glass and seized the cnlsj of Ice, but immediately dropped it and jumped back severely frightened. After an explanation lie picked up the ice again and watched it slowly melt in his hand. He seemed to partiully understand the philosophy of the thing and gave an order for an ice making machine, which he will take to Bntarituri with him to cool his royal throat on hot summer days. Iu the ladies' parlor the glass chande lier was lighted by electricity, and the king immediately wanted to know wbon the oil tank was. He had had some ex perience with gas before. Tho first night at his hotel, after having seen the gas turned ou and lighted, ho nearly termi nated his royal career by playing the Fanner Wavback act. He turned on the gas and lay down waiting for tho gaa to light itself. One of the members of the Ulywipic club who was going through the rooms with the party wanted the king to talk through the telephone. His majesty had already had an exjiorience and was so shocked that he did not care for another. It was nt Sutro Heights on his visit Saturday. W. Lautorbach, who spent somo time on the Gilbert islands, went to the stables ou the place whilo the king was in Mr. Sutro s house. When the telephone connection was made King M'Bora was asked to put the receiver to his car. As he did so he heard words in his native language, and he dropiH'd the instrument as if Btruck by lightning. A long explanation oould not fully satisfy his mystiliod majesty. Tho king and his party remained at the rooms of tho club until nearly midnight. San Francisco Chronicle. Tlia Flowar Iniluilrjr. If the practical business man behoves that the business or (lowers is an incon siderahle ono, and that they are used chiefly by people who are getting mar ried or getting out of the world altngetn er, let him step into a rose market in Twenty-third street some afternoon be tween 3 and 4 o clock, hen lie reaches there llrst he will find everything about as auict us it well could be. By 4 o'clock, when tho carts drive up tilled w iin ooxos of flowers shipped from out of town rose farms and flower farms, just arrived at piers and railroad depots by express, everything Immediately takes on a very confused and animated apcarance, A dozen clerks and the proprietor apjiear simultaneously from nobody knows where, nnd the boxes, containing Inyer upon layer of baskets filled with all va rleties of roses, picked early that morn ing, are unpacked. Iu packing, the roses are carefully placed with the first layer of stems running one way, roverslng the order on the next layer, nnd so on to the top of the basket. By this time the room is filled with men anxious to procure the first pick and tho choicest variety, and they bargain as closely, with as total an oblivion to all their fragrance and beauty, as If the goods were the most ordinary cloth or cotton. New York World. Soma Great Onridrrd Landa, A treat part of Asia and nearly three- fourths of Africa is a sealed book to ui moderns. The explorations of Stanley, and those who preceded him, are mere spider tracks In the desert, and our, best maps of Atrica are nair guesswora. In Asia there is Thibet and Turkestan, and in Africa the great desert of Suhara to beexplored. We know almostnothlng of Borneo, Papua or Madagascar, and thousands of islands in the Paciho ocean are still unexplored. Oreat tracts of Australia have never been trodden by the foot of a white man and nearly all of South America Inside of the coast lines is known only by hear say and tradition. Coming up to our northern half of the oontlnent, we en counter mare unknown, lands. Central America and Mexico offer fertile fields for exploration, and lower California has never been thoroughly explored. In the far north is Oreenland, Bafnn Lnnd. the treat Hudson bay region, all of British America north of latitude 60 degs., and our great territory of Alaska. Golden Days Woman Wrltrra In Franca A Paris correspondent says: The most discouraging obstacle the American wo man has to contend with in Paris is the great number of English and rrench writers employed by the American press, while It is impossible for an American writer to lie recognized by foreign jour nals. One of the most rabid anti-Ameri cana, in his personal feelings, receives thousands of dollars a year from Ameir can magazines and journals. No woman can live by her pen wiw has not a regw Inr aal&rv. To attempt it Is one of the most hazardous and vexatious undertak ings. Hanhazard convapondenca is cast ing bread on the water tnai in nine cases out of Un brings back the manuscript enable, her to live In cosy apartments and enables i ner w ii I ir n.. ku a alfltml anlarr. whicn enjoy raruian me . m daughter has at udied for the stage, and last June creaM the role in a play hlch Mrs. Hooper has written, called "ilekn 1 . . ; , 1 InAeritanoe. REMARKABLE TWINS. TWO TO WOMEN 60 NEAR ALIKE A3 DECEIVE THEIR HUSBANDS. Mrs. loonibs and Mra. lurnr, uf Spring. aalil. )!., Ilaia Had Uu ut Fun In Thalr Llraa IWratlaa nf Their Orat Ra aamblanra Mra. liMiiuba' Story. Similarity in facial apiearance has of ten resulted in mistaken identity with the subjects of this sketch, Mrs. Levi T Coombs and Mrs. Joniah Turner. These estimable women are twins; their maiden names were Frances Arro ette and Florvllu Antoinette Foes. It will he observed that their initials were the same, the middle liume being be stowed on the promise of a Harl neck luce for each. Tho Foss twins were the daughters of Dr. Simeon Foss, a Maine physician of the old school and a Mason of high de gree They were born in Belfast, Me., Nov. i'i. If?."). Frances made her debut iu this world half an hour before her sis ter. At Paris Hill they went to school with the Into Hannibal Llamlin, ex vice presi dent of the United States Frances married the late Levi T. Coonilm, who held theiositiou of deputy sheriff of Androscoggin county, iu the town of Lisbon, twenty-one years, Florcllu married Jositih Turner, now dead, who also lived in the town of Lis bon. Both have been school teachers and inseparable companions. Their mother died when they wore 2!f years of age. It is difficult to distinguish one from the other, and the photographer who took their pictures ersisted that Flo rella had just Urn in the room when, in fact, it was her sister who had boen there. Frances has given birth to six chil dren, all of whom are dead but two- Walter Coombs, of this city, and Simon Coombs, now mail agent on tho Maino Central railroad. Mrs. John Staples, of Charlestown, and Charles E. Turner, of Lawrence, are the only living children of Florvlla, who had three in all. The height of the twins is exactly the same, and twelve years ago they weighed just 200 pounds apiece. Singularly, when one would full away n weight the other would do the same. Their aggregate weight at present is 850 pounds. These duplicate sisters think alike, act alike and have never adopted different characteristics of dress to avoid mis takes of identity. (Hun one has worn the other's shoes, while years ago their money came from one pocket book, and It did not matter which one carried it Mistaken identity was almost a daily occurrence with us in our younger days," remarked Frances a few days ago, "My father always called us 'girls,' and neither of nt ever addressed the other by our given names We called each other 'sister' instead. The reason why father never ad dressed us by our given names was due to the fact that he was always uncertain which was which. After we were married people ad dressed me by my sister's new name to often that I declare 1 got puzzled my self once, and couldn't for the life of me tell whether my name was Turner or Coombs. "We took our first ride on a railway train at eighteen years of age. We never had teen the cars before. At that time we were living in Lisbon and drove down from there in a chaise to Portland. Whon we alighted at Suco the deiMit closely resembled the one in Portland, and 1 stuck to It that It went with us. "One time In church Judge Chambcr- lln was sitting in my sister's pew. My teat was just ahead of him. When 1 came iu he mistook uie for my sister, and politely arose and stepjied into the aisle to let me Into my tister't teat. My husband often mistook my slater for myself. To illustrate bow easily be was fooled, I will recall the time when 1 dropiied into my husband's store to pay him a call. Judge Chaniberlin tat there, and I knew him well, but tny lit ter didn't. "At 1 entered leisurely my bnsband said, 'Come in, Mrs. Turner, and be seated.' 1 kept a ttralght face as long as 1 could until he had introduced me to the judge, when a smile on my face let the cat out or the bag, and then my bnsband discovered that he bod intro duced hit wife instead of Mrs. Turner. When we lived In Minot we studied French under Parson Jones. One day 1 had a perfect lesson and tistor did not know hers. We shifted around, and the parson mistook me for lister and 1 recited the lesson for her and no one was the wiser. "We used to attend parties In my youngor days, and on one occasion, when the fellows come in after the girls, 1 started off with sister's fellow and got quite a piece with him before 1 told him be was mistaken ana nau better go oacs after bit girl. "Once at dusk Mr. Coombs was going home from the store. He saw my sister on the other tide of the street and thought it wat 1. Florella bad a bun dle under her arm which be mistook for a baby. My husband thought it strange that 1 wat out at that time with my baby, and said to a clerk that be be lieved Frances was 'crazy and going to drown that baby.' "1 used to fool my children sometimes after they bad got to be qulta large. Whenever 1 wanted to go away my lis ter would come over to my house, put on one of my dresses and stay with the children till I got back, and they would not know the difference. "-Springfield Cor. Boston Olobe. Cnfortnnata Hanklnsoa. Mr. Uankinson Here are some choco late creams, Johnny. Do yon think Mist Irene will be down toon? Johnny (after ttowing them awayte- snrely) Yes, sis II be down purty soon I reckon. 1 wish it waa yon, Mr. Ilank inson, sis waa goin to marry instead of that stingy old Bnsgaford. - ChVago Tribune. Aa Coespoctod Bcply. J. r. Berrr. aecretarv of the Detroit eon- ferenos, told the following story on himself at the conference beld recently as ureen villa. Mich: "When I was first introduced to a Sunday school, the superintendent asked the children to gueaa wnai aina oi u,rry I was. A little boy in irons jumpm up and squeaked out, Strswberry.' lie aaSeU Ihem VO Kuoa muniu. n told, 'Uucklebarry ' Whereupon an old , wonln wUh , kt Canton and , nmblu , ber band .tightened up. Jn a cn(cked rolct 1(L .Vtom mhMt rt. . i lblnk , irooae berry; and rromall appsaranc- 'twill be a long time I . . . I before rea rs rlp"-Uarper'i Itagaalna, THS FIRST 8QUAIL A Mltftil rnplasaaatnasa Wbleb Araa Halnaan a Loving Voang Couple. Mr. nnd Mrs. Bolivar Pyke bad beet nmmeil about six weeks, aud were stU opprLVilrel)- happy. Not a ripple of dm i onl hud atirred the frog pond of their do ineMle harmony, aud their life bad run a smoothly and unobatructedly as a Cbicagi Imm-IuiII club's progreaa down the tobog :n ii kHiIh. If lliere waaauythlngthatcoulii Imve maile Bolivar happier ha didn't knort what il Mas, uuIum, possibly, It was U lioiiriliHt his tough, leathery, and grasp lug old uncle in California had gone tti the kikmI world, w hile tbe addition of fort) more i iipooiinU and closets to the hoasj eon lil loudly liava added to the felicity of tun young wile. This may sound like exaggeration, but you ham positively no Idea how unreason ably ami alisiinlly bnppy those two youa ; t.oiip em Il was an rvc iiIiik in May au ordinary evening iu May, IKUO-and the rain hadn I topped II waa falling as It fell in til! aeveiileenlh day of tbe second moutU ol the flout Ii year of tho life of one Noah, nn I iu sheer despair the signal servico mvi lieiiii to predict wit weather. "lliieiiavisu," said Bolivar, lookinj; nif siruciedly alsmt tlia room, "If It wouldn't be nsklinj tis grout a favor" "W'but in II. deart" asked Mrs P)!u', tenderly. "Please try the other knot awhile. ThU one is gelling tired." "You have never aald anything like tli :t before, llolivar," she protested, rcproaeli fully "IVrhnpa I'd better go sod ait oa a chair.'- "Now don't get butty, darling. Vo l don't look so pretty when you frown." "I am not truwuiug, Bolivar." "You certainly sre, Uucnavista." "Then I don't look pretty!" the ex claimed, bouncing up and seating benolf ten feet away. "All right, Mr. Pyke. Vou yuu you're getting tired of uie. 1 I wish I waa" "Now look here, Buenuvlato, don't bo foolish. There's nolhlng to quarrel about." "I'm not quarreling, air. I'm not goin.; to quarrel, either. If there's anything uf that kind dune you will be the one who does It, Mr. Pyke." "I am glsd to bear tt, my dear." "Y'ou needn't call me your dear. I am not denr to you any more." "I thought you said you were not guitu to quarrel." "I did, sir, and I am not. In spite i f our conduct, Mr. Pyke. I am still your ovlng wife." "Theu, dearest" "No, air, I am not your dearest." "Well, llueiiaviato, then If you prefer It If you are atlll my loving wife, won't you please sing something? " "What for? Are you afraid I'll try to sit on your knee aguiuf Y'ou needn't" -"No, no, Buennvistu. 1 thought It migb: clear up the atmosphere of this room a lit tie. That's all. With the aspect of a martyr going cheer fully to the stake Mrs. Pyke went to the piano and sat down before It. "What shull I singr" she asked meekly. "Perhaps b'm erhiips it would make things aeem more cheerful If you should tacklo Home, Sweet Home.' " Mm. Pyke fixed her eyes on a snot near the celling where the wall paper didn't ex actly match and waiied out the touching niclodyi ""Mid ple-a-a-sures and pa-a-alares tho-oough' I kuow well enough, Mr. Pike, you have only asked me to slug this to make me appear ridiculous, but 1 am going to do Itl 'we may ro-o-o-am, Be it e-e-eve-e-er so' I thiuk any man who trios to mnks his wife the object of ridicule never, never cared anything for her- hu-u-u-umble there's no-o-o place like' I have alwaya done everything 1 could to make home pl-pl pleaaant, sod you you know It 'ho-o-ome. A cha-a-arm from tbe skl-l-lon aeenia to' aoema like the ghastliest mockery In the world, but yon would have il ha-a-llo-o-ow usthe-t-ere. Which, ae-e-eek through the wo-o-o-orld, is ne'er me-e-et with elsuwhe-e-cre. llo-o-o- ome, ho-oiue, sw' I'll sing it through If It k-k-kllls me 'swe-e-e-eet, swwi-a-eet home. There's oo-o-o place like' ain't you ashamed of yourself, Bolivar Pyke, to sit there pretending you cars anything about our home auy more, or me eitherf -'ho-o-ome. There s no-o-o-oo place like" D D Bolivar, dear, I cun'tl Y'es. I Willi I wllll 'ho-o-o-omer As her ouuveriim voice sounded tbe last word of the song a manly voice Joined In with a deep baas, her trembling little fin gers were gathered In a close grasp, her bead sank on iwuvar s siiouiuer, nu But what bnstneas has anjr outside bar barian to be Intruding berer Ut ua retire. Chicago Tribune. ' The Haeral of llapnlnaaa. Not long ago Professor Blackie had oc casion to be in the Fair City Perth. He was waiting for a certain truin, and waa marching up and down the platform whistling gayly, and for all the world like a schoolboy en route borne for his holidays. A gentleman near by, at once recognizing the picturesque figure and wishing to enter into conversation with him, went np to him and asked him: "Professor, may I ask the tec rot ox your happiness?" Tbe genial professor smiled ana an swered: "Well, here it the secret of my hnppl- aa t .. i. I ..I .a ocas: I nave no vain regrets loruiepuei, 1 look forward with hope to the future and I always strive to do my duty. There, he ended emphatically, "you have it." And he straightway set to and walked up and downaguin.whiutling at before. London Tit-Bits. A a AntedllnTlan Joan. A hardware drummer It responsible for the story that a clerk in one of our hardware houses wat Informed that the lost tuilor't goose wat told and to order dozen more. After puzzling over the matter for some time be wrote on a piece of paper as follows: 12 tailor geese. 13 tailor's geese. 12 tailor gooses. 12 tailor goose, 12 tail Then he got rattled, scratched hit head, looked in the dictionary and final ly formulated the following: "Ueuta please send at once one tailor's goose and eleven others." Burlington llawkeye. Moukajrs Might IU Mad Useful. Monkeys could be nsed in cortain cases of fire, where expert climbing might be required; they could be used as messen gers tosomeextent. and ti do many light chores for man. Tbey could be taught to destroy many vicious insects, such at tobacco worms, cutworms, cabbage worms and many others." They could be taught to do many things on a form, and 1 think long domestication would develop msny fields of usefulness for them. New York Independent. Mourning Colon. It la a great mistake to suppose that black la tbe only mourning color, for while It is the usual, it la by no mrans the uni versal color. For Instance, In Unssia black ia never used for roTering eoffina, the cloth being of a pink shade when the deceased la a child or young persou, a crimson color for women and brow n for widows. Italians do not use black tlotb, white being used ia tbe eaas of a child and purple valval In tae saa of adult. . . - . '