EUGENE CITY GUARD.
I. I CAMPBELL,
Fraprleter,
EUGENE CITT. OREGON.
He WH "Delleloualy" Sa4.
A friend of mine, tlie youngor mem
ber of whoso family are given to using
senseless phrases much affected by the
yonth of this good old town, tell me
that, after many futilo effort, he suo
eeedod In o forcibly bringing the ab
eurdity of tho habit to their attetftion
that they have In a measure droppod
It With them every now thing was
"awfully" sweet, every social gather
ing they attended was "awfully" Jolly.
One evening he came home with a
budget of news. A friend of his had
failed In business. He spoke of the In
cident as "deliriously" sad. He had
ridden uptown In the car with a noted
raconteur and wit, whom he described
as "horribly" entertaining, and to cup
the climax, be spoke of some butter
that was set before him at a country
hotel as "divinely" rancid.
"I should think, papa," said the eld
est daughter, "tliat you were out of
your head." "Not tho least, my dear,"
be said pleasantly. "I am merely try
ing to follow the fashion. I worked
out 'divinely rancid' with a good deal
of labor. It sees 'awfully sweet' and
toes It one better. You will And me
'In the swim' hereafter. And now,"
be added, "let me help you to a ploce
of tills doliclously tough beef." Ad
verbs are not as much misused in hi
family as they were, at least not in bis
bearing. Boston Post
Parsons and Guide Poata.
In the winter of 18G0 or 18C7, I am
not sure which, my friend the Rev.
Jolin Uussell and myself were returning
after a long day's hunting across Dart
moor (not Exinoor), and found our
selves In the neighborhood of the little
village of Wlddecombe-ln-the-Moor.
II r. Bunnell proiosed that we should
cull on bis old friend Mr. Mason, the
rector of Wlddecombo, and a well
1 n nnnl.iL(iii fl.itnf arwtmulinr
uncertain of tho road, we inquired of a
rustic the wuy to Mr. Mason's. "Be ye
,!., mWst" whji the rniilv: ' W
1 vnre. and vo'll see Uieaster stan'Ina '
.r.,r off roacL" "He nihrlit" of primogeniture the estates, and
have been there wbon you left,"
..II...J Tl.. ...... II 'lnf ,...f twiia "
-un, yes lie oo. amp, ixw, w ,
goin- tuui way, wait un i siiuu iu
gate, anu i n snow eu. iuu wis u
trudged along by our side till we came
to a cross road, and pointing to the
euldo pout sold, "I here he bo," and
upon Hussoll inquiring bis meaning, be'
replied, "Lor', ineuMorl don t 'oe know
oilers Dolntiiw t' way ye should eo, I
and novor goin' hissel'." Whun we or
Mp Mnium'a Tn,.k Pimui.il m.
poatod the story. "Dung him 1" quoth
fiZ .......... ...i....'- ...... r,.. rn
-i- u i Ti... Vj,p i Tn.i
HIIDll IllUh k weave, eVvoa I
g
don Spectator.
Prlnca Kaiolfon Id F.llla.
As to Princo Napoleon's dully life in
Lis Prnngins retreat, bo rises with tho
tun, lounges or works lu bis studio and
receives visitors, If nny tliero be, until
luncheon, which is nnuouneed for 1 1 :43
a. ul and never lusts more tliun hulf
an hour. Immodiutely afterward, and
no matter what the weuther muy be, I
be takes a long walk beyond the con-
fines of bis park, mid returns between
2aud3p.m. to ouoji his mall corre-,
spondence, which comes to hand diir I
big bis afternoon stroll, and which is
always voltimtnous and very regular.
This occupies him until the dinner
hour. In the evening ho plays chess
w ui neiKuuors or wiw uuuiiu. i wuuau
(it. t .1.1 111. J..tll...l !..!.. !
ineuus, sucu as ai. Aaoion, unron uru- Martin muy nmt.h blttcr eaUcated.
net and one or two others who arrive and have more polished and quiot man
in turn. Knch shartw his exile for a nors, than ninoout of ten of your Amer
few days. lie prides himself upon be- Jcau acquaintances! and yet it might be
ing a great player, but shows himself a bettor that Paulino should marry the
very bad one, peclully with M. Ado- least attractive of the latter than Mr.
Ion, who vies with him In the wittiest Martin."
and most comical manner imaginable. I "1 wish you would see him and find
He retires toward 11 o'clock. Paris out whether he Is nice," said Mrs. Noleu,
Uaulois.
A Bait HorlUf Well.
An artesian well, now pnrtly com
pleted, at Pestli. Hungary, hits reached disqualify mu from forming an unbiased
a depth of 1,400 yards, and by the time opinion."
it is finished will be the deepest of Its I 'oh 1 un not B-fraIJ of Hlot- MT hu
kind In the world. It Is lutendod to band used to say that there could be uo
sunnlv hot water foracreat bathhouse
connected with a large hotel; at pres
ent that which Is obtained bos a tern
perature of 1M dogs. Fahrenheit, and
it Is expected tliut 1,500 yards will raise
the temperature to ISi dogs, or 200
degs. The most curious feature about
this well Is the adaptation to It of onto
luetic machinery for boring, the water
power for which Is supplied by the well
Itself. Uy tills means the borinir has
been conducted at double Its previous ;
rate. Surely this is a great aire when
water spurting from a well can be so
haruessed as to Increase the depth of
the well from which It comes. St
Louis licpublio.
Any Kfruaa Walcama.
His Nurse You are to be discharged
to-morrow as curtnL
Dorringtoit (who has fallen deapor
ately in love) My own, would it b
presumptuous fur metoask you to give
me an overdose of morphine or some
tiling, so that I could stuy a day or two
longer! Judge.
A Fatherly raallng,
Mr. Greatbeart (capitalist) I trust,
Ilr. Bqueezem, that you deal kindly
with my tenants.
Mr. 8queetem (agent) Just like
father, my dear sir. In fact I have
nothing but a pay "mUl feeling fti
Uiem all Pittsburg Bulletin.
Ne llaagar.
Maude I'm so afraid our engage
Bent will find Its way Into the papers.
UawRe Never mind, darling; If It
docs our names will be so misapplied
mat do one will be any the wisoc
Puck.
Hogs sre quarantined for twenty-one
days at Victoria, B. C.
rWrsmentooiftVUls propose to break
op the highbinder dens in that city.
Csptaln Tlioniss Woodruff has bean
spponted General Hunt's aide at Sin
1'raniciaro,
ANOTHER'S CRIME.
nOM TBI DIARY Of INSPECTOR BTRJTCS.
Bj JULIAS HAWTHORKE, Author of
"The Great Bank Bobber?," An
American Penman," Eta
(Copyright by 0. H. Dun bun. sod pubuahed,
throufb apodal arrangement by the A men owl
tram AMOcUUaa Vila Caaeell i Co, titw York
eea Imdooj
'"I am not altogether convinced that
bis being a friend of Percy would de
prive bis visit of significance," said the
judge. "It Is conceivable, at any rate,
that he might have made a friend of
Percy in order to facilitate bis access to
Pauline.
"lie seemed a frank, straightforward
young man, not one you would suspect
of doing anything underhand.
The judge laughed; a very low, pleas
ant laugh liu had, which made those who
heard it disposed at once to like him.
"You are more like a nun, in your tin
suspiciousness and unworldlinesa, than
like a married woman who goes io New
York society," said he. "Let mo assure
you, my dear, that a man in love is not
to be held a criminal, or even a hypo
crite, if ho uses some strategy to get near
the object of his affection. I should for
cive Mr. Martin even if be went so far
as to pretend a cordiality for Percy that
be did not really feel, If so he might in
duce Percy to admit him to the intimacy
of rour household. No, if we are to
take exceptions to blm, it must be from
another standpoint What do you know
about his personal history and bis social
standing in his own couutryr
"1 suppose it must be good," said Mrs.
Nolen. "1 think he said that his family
owned a large estate In Cumberland."
"Is be the eldest son?"
"The next to the eldest, I believe."
"And what is his business in Amer
ica?'
"I don't know. Dut a great many En
gllsh people come here nowadays, you
know. It is a part or their education.
"Yes; but some of them are pretty
well educated before they got here, re-
mnrliiHl I ha (ikil'O drvlv. "and occasion
' .11. ftm. mniinim 11 tnnfll lis "1 nwiflilnr.
Ail lM..l4jW irw.uv.,..ug
before they leave. There Is In England
the snrae difference between an eldest
son and the othor sons that there is be-
tkh mttn and PauI'or' B? tho
generally the bulk of the money, goes to
the lirst born; the other boys got poei
tlons, if they cun, hi the army, tho civil
tho church xllc, Bn5 KUom
flttod CIlU,r learned professions,
and It U not considered good form for a
Ecntioiunn's son to go into trade. Of
course the army and tho church don't
afford accommodation for all applicants,
and tho consequence is that every year a
number or young tngiisnmenaro thrown
on the world, who by training and inchna-
tion are good for nothing but to be idle
and ornamental, and who nevertheless
1,0 "10U"? for ll0n,C8t1' 'uad'K ul
a life. They form a class of gentleman
adventurers. They are men of agreeable
...li.
manners and culture, talk well, look
well, are excellent ut cards and billiards,
and live no one knows how. Soino of
them come over here for reasons known
only to themselves; tlioy are very picas-
ant acquaintances, but it is well not to
trust thorn too far. Ihoy have no fixed
Dlaceiiithoworldandiioresnonwhilitv,
"You don't mean that Mr. Martin is
an adventurer?" demaitded Mrs. Nolen,
in a voice of faint consternation,
"So far as 1 know bo may be the best
follow In England. Dut I know nothing
about him one way or tho other, ilow
ml l'ercy become acqunmieu with himf
"ilo met him somowhere at some
club, I Imagine. "
"That may be all right, or it may not
At all events, you will see Unit you should
proceed with some circumspection. The
rules tliut n;iply to our young men do
ot nccusgarily np)y foreigI10r,. Mr.
with anxious earnestness.
"1 would willingly do so, but for one
reouon," Die judge replied, "and that U
that the peculiar circumstances might
impwiiw anu jus( man you.
"Even assuming that judgment of his
to have been hupartiul, 1 should never
theless bo disqualified from presiding nt
a trial where, for Instance, the prisoner
was charged with the murder of some
friend of my own."
"I do not understand. Mr. Martin
ha surely not murdered any oneT
"Dless me, nol I was ouly using an
extreme illustration. Put Mr. Martin
: might wish to obtain something which 1
wy own ,lenrt on vmKmbtgi
There was a manifest embarrassment
In the judge's manner. Mrs. Nolen
looked, puxxlcd. She began to suspect
tliero was something behind all this, but
she could not divine what it was.
"I began life pretty early, as you
know," continued be, after a pause.
"Since tho age of 14, I beliove, I have
supported myself. Measuring my exist
ence by thut standard. I might be called
an old man. But thougli, lu the matter
of years, 1 am not exactly a boy, yet I
am but 43 years old, and you will admit,
my dear, tliut men have been known to
live a good deal longer than that"
"1 am sure you will live to be twice
43," put In Mrs. Nolen kindly.
"Half that Is all 1 would ask, If I
might realize the happiness that 1 hope
for," returned the judge, with a faint
smile.
"And Is tills happiness anything that I
can help to Insure youT
"I can hardly say that In fact, It is
essential in one way that it should come.
If Cume at all, as fively and spontane
ously as the sunshine from heavea Nev
erthcless, I am under obligation to speak
to you of my hopes, that you may ap
preciate my position and understand my
conduct" He stopped, and the color
mounted to bis face. "I love Pauline,"
be said, a strong emotion vibrating In
bis voice, "I hope to make ber love me
and to accept me for ber husiiand."
"Oh, judr exclaimed Mrs. Nolen,
taken wholly by surprise. She looked
at him Intently for a few momenta, and
then the startled look la ber face sof V
ened, and alia began to smile. She loft
ber chsir. and. comint to where he sat
put a band upon lib shoulder; and as be
Looked up at her she bent down and
kissed hlra upon the forehead. She was
still smiling, but there were tears in her
eyes.
"Do you think me absurdT st!d the
Judg
"1 think you ore right." was her reply.
"At first I could not believe 1 had al
ways looked up to you as to a sort of
elder brother I could not Imagine you
as the husband of my little daughter
my own son-ln-law. Hut I think you
are right Pauline is a little girl no
longer; la almost everything but years
she is older than I; she is fitted to be the
wife of a man even so much older than
herself as you are. No one of her own
age would suit her as well."
"Then you will not be against mcT be
sold, starting up.
"Indeed, I will not All that I do shall
be done for you." She put her hands in
bis, and he grasped them warmly. "It
is more than half selfishness in me," she
added. "It would give me some right
to rely on you. I should not feel so
lonely."
'However this may turn out, always
know that you may rely on me," the
ludee returned, with deep feeling. "Our
friendship began long ago, Mary, and
doesn't need any other tie to bind It If
Pauline, when the question is put before
her. decides against me and I am fully
aware how easily that may be her ver
dict I shall accept it like a man, and
you will remember that, so far as I am
concerned, It will involve not the slight
est change In my devotion to you and
yours. 1 snail leave no nonoraoio means
untried to win ber; but, above all things,
I desire to avoid forcing her inclination,
either by any act of my own, or through
M. . I ll .
you. inaiyou suouiu approve oi uj
r iii-nose Is au l asit. wave me rest io
Providence, and to her."
"I understand," said Mrs. Nolen, "and,
Indeed, if I wished to help you, I should
not do it by singing your praises to her.
You being what you are, the best thing
to do Is to leave ber to find you out for
herself."
"If Mr. Martin be my rival," resumed
the judge, "let him have hia chance and
defeat me If he can. If he be the better
man it will appear; and God forbid that
I should mako her my wire knowing that
she would have been happier with an
other. But if love go for anything, I
love her well, and In all my lifoslio is the
first and only woman I have loved.
"You might have rivals more danger
Otis than air. Dianin, roiurncu me
mother, with another smile, and so the
Interview came to a close.
CHAPTER IIL
MRS. CUTtlBERT TDNSTALL.
vents were
shaping them
selves for disas
ter; but, for tho
time being, they
seemed to go
smoothly enough.
Percy Nolen
maintained his
brilliant career,
and attained a
certain distino
tion among tho
persons with
whom he associ
ated. Ho was a
big, handsomo youth, with broad shoul
ders and sturdy limbs, a clever boxer, a
good whip, a fair billiard player; his
spirits were exuberant, ami ho had more
mental resources and Ideas than are
vouchsafed to the generality of young
gentlemen of his kind. Thus hoassuuied,
to some extent, the position of a leader
among them; and, as he was uniformly
good nuturcd and yet not to be imposed
Uxn, be was liked and not laughed ut
liut his favorite companion and menu
was Valentine Martin, me two men
were nearly the same ago, Martin being
a little the elder, and were a good deal
alike in size and personal apiearance.
Martin, being English, wore side whisk
ers, and Percy, being American, wore a
mustache. Martin was Inclined to be
fuir and Percy to be dark; but they
might have been taken to be brothers.
The Englishman, however, was of a
somewhat gloomier temperament than
the American; more reticent and more
given to moods and inequalities of tem
per. He had brought with him several
good letters of bitroduction and had duly
delivered them, but he had availed him
self but sparingly of the social courtesies
extended to him, seeming to prefer a less
formal and regular life. He made no
pretense of large wealth, but on the
other band, he never seemed to be
cramped for means, and no one could be
found from whom he had borrowed
money. If he were a trifle mysterious,
nobody was concerned to fathom his
mystery, for it was uo one's interest to
do so. Valentine Martin had not come
to America to speculate, to organize a
company, to raise capital, or to do any of
those tilings that are apt to render en
gaging foreigners suspicious In our eyes.
He had apparently come to amuse him
self and mlud hia own affairs; and after
a time be was permitted to follow this
innocent Inclination. The upper ten,
whom he neglected, ceased to take an
active Interest In him, and those with
whom he associated relinquished the
vain effort to persuade him to reveal bis
secret and came to the sensible conclu
sion that there was probably no secret to
reveal
The acquaintance and subsequent
friendship between Martin and Percy
Nolen bad sprung up spontaneously
without any formal Introduction. They
bad tastes and ideas in common, and they
mutually pleased one another. Martin's
was perhaps the stronger character, but
Percy's was the more enterprising and
lively; so tliut they were upon fairly
even tonus. One day the Englishman
accepted an invitation to come and take
afternoon tea at the Nolens'; be met
Pauline on that occasion, and it was not
afterwards necessary to urge him to re
peat his visit Pauline was Interested in
him as an Englishman, and after discuss
ing his native country with him ad
mitted him to a certain degree of friend
ship, partly on her brother s recommen
dation, partly on his own account He
seemed gloomy at times, and she was
sorry for him, without knowing or even
caring to inquire what made her so. At
other times he conversed in a manner
that Interested ber and stimulated ber to
talk In return; and, though Pauline was
but a girl, she had a mind that was worth
coming In contact with. The English
man never made any direct demand
upon ber sympathies or emotions, and
probably he gained rather than lost by
this forbearance. When a woman has
Insight she would rather exercise ber in
tuitions than hare thing explainsd to
her.
a TiTZM
I m,. nora wKnt on In this manner for
months, and the year's vacation
which Percy had allowed himself was
mnrs tluin un. He had as yet shown no
sign of being bankrupt, unless a certain
abstraction of manner at times, accom
panied by a biting of his nails, and a
drumming with his foot, might be con
strued as symptoms of approaching im
pccunlosity. But another affair, not
connected with finance, was going on at
this period which, unless put an end to
betimes, might result m irouuie.
There was a young married woman in
New York society named Mrs. Cuthbert
TunstalL Her husbund, also young, bad
inherited from his father an Immense
business in coal. Cuthbert Tunstal! was
fond of activity, and he plunged into his
coal with hearty good will, intent upon
creating a fortune twice as large as that
which his father had left him. As a
matter of courso, and of necessity, he
was absent all day at his office, and was
often obliged to run down to the mines
to oversee things there in person.
His wife was the daughter of an aris
tocratic Knickerbocker family; she had
been a reigning belle In her coming out
year, and the year following the match
between ber and Tunstall had been made.
She liked her husband, because be was a
good fellow, because he was in love with
ber and because he was considered a big
catch; but she cured nothing for coal,
and was jealous of his devotion to it
She wanted him to be devoted to her
and to nobody else. She hated to think
of him working actually working all
day long. Ho came home to dinner, it
was true; but be was not fond of dining
out, and when dinner was over, he was
tired, and liked to stay quietly at borne
and go to bed at half past 10. Such an
existence as this was the next thing to
unendurablo to a woman like Sylvia
TunstalL Forty years hence, perhaps,
this Darby and Joan kind of life might
be practicable; but not now, in the flush
of vouth. variety and curiosity! She ab
solutely would not stand itl
Tunstall was a manly, straightforward,
single hearted fellow, and at first be did
not comprehend his wife's attitude. He
bad homely ideas of married life, and
the routine of social dissipation was
without attractions for him. When at
lost he learnt bow matters stood, be
thought It over, and came to the conclu
sion that his wife had much reason on
her side. She was young, good looking
and full of the vine or lire, and it was
only natural and proper in her to wish to
see and to be seen, bo be began by at
tempting to "go out" with her; but he
presently discovered that going to bed at
3 o'clock in the morning was not com
patible with having breakfast at half
post 7. He then tried giving dinners
twice a week and a reception once a
month; but Sylvia pointed out to him
that the customs of good society de
manded that they should accept invita
tions as well as give them; so that his
second state bade fuir to be even worse
than his first What was to be done?
lie would not consent to give up his busi
ness; on that point he was firm. Sylvia
was equally convinced that it was im
possible to give up society. For a tune
there threatened to be a deadlock.
Finally a compromise was effected.
Sylvia bad relations and particular
friends who were In society, and of
whose escort and countenance she could
avail herself. Her husband could take
her to places and her relatives or
friends could bring her home again. By
degrees it was found unnecessary to have
him take her, and she both went and re
turned without him. His anticipations
of domestic felicity were disappointed;
but Sylvia was enjoying herself, and he
always looked forward to a time when
she would weary of uayety and return
to him. He loved her as much as ever,
and was proud of her social popularity;
be bad perfect faith in her truth and
honor. He ate his dinner and went
to bed alone, and when be rose in the
morning be was tereful not to awaken
his wife. , That was the style of the
menage.
But Cuthbert Tunstall was not a fool
a fact which his wife perhaps failed to
fully appreciate. As long as her conduct
was above reproach, according to the
somewhat vague standards of society, he
would not Interfere with her pleasures;
but he was not the man to permit the
least step beyond this. And though be
was naturally unsuspicious, and slow to
wrath, any one who understood men
would have known that it would be un
comfortable to arouse him. But Sylvia
got the idea that she could do exactly as
she pleased, and Bhe did it
One day Tunstall got a hint from some
precious friend of his a very distant,
indirect ambiguous and innocent hint,
but a bint all the some. He appeared
not to understand it and passed it over
without comment; but the repressed
emotion which it aroused was so strong
that he came near fainting where he
stood.
He attended to his business the some
as usual, returned home at his customary
hour and sat down to his solitary dinner.
His wife was upstairs dressing. By and
by she came down to say good-by to him
for the evening. Bhe was beautifully
dressed and was lovely to look upon.
Cuthbert looked at her in silence.
"Good night dear," she said, drawing
on her gloves. "I suppose you won't be
op when I come home."
. "Not if you come at your usual time."
"I wish you'd drop your horrid busi
ness and come with me."
"1 am more useful as I am. Do you
know a gentleman by the name of Percy
Nolen?"
"Percy Nolen? No yes I believe
I do,"
These were her words, but ber face and
the tone of her voice betrayed her, and
they both knew It
"He is an agreeable fellow, Isn't he?"
pursued the husband, quietly.
"I suppose he is like the rest; all men
are alike to mo except you, of course,
dearl Uut why do you ask?"
"Some one who knows him happened
to mention him today. Weli, and what
is going on to-night?
"Dine at Mrs. Murray's, and then the
theatre."
"Won't you want something to eat
when you get homer
"Oh, no. Dont bother. I shant be
hungry."
"It might be better to order something
to be ready for you here than to taka
supper at Delmonico's," he said slowly,
loosing ner in tne eyes.
She turned away her eyes after a mo
ment ostensibly to pull up her cloak.
"I had no idea of going to Delmonico's,"
she said, in a slightly strained voice,
"Of course not!" he repeated; and
then he turned to his evening paper, and
she went out with a smile on her lips
and fear in her heart
t SI CO)fTDaRD.
IT 13 TIME 60ME
YOU IN HAND.
Two Wsye of Aetln Wlian ou Come
Uome-Tliinc Vou Should Uo and Thoae
Toil Should Not lo l Courae This Don't
lean Too, but It flla Voor Neighbor.
There Is so much excellent advice given
to wives. supixiHe, for a change, we turn
around and read the husbands a nice
I nf Mirrect behavior. It is
hhrh time some one took them in hand;
but although I have had my eye upon
them for a good while. I have been com
ered to find a ripe opportunity.
In ttie first place, to plunge right Into
the midst of things without further wait
ing, how do you go home to your wifeat
night? Chapters have been written as to
how she ouL'ht to receive you; now iui
me say a word about the other side of
the question. When you una a urea
littln unmnn who has. been so hard at
work all day with five babies and an in
competentgirl, callers. and miscellaneous
obs of mendine, pastry musing ana
nir-ltlini?. that she has found no time to
curl her hair and put on her best gown
to meet you, what do you do?
WHICH IB YOUR WAY?
Do you, like a dear old sympathizing
fellow, take her worn face into a warm
embrace and whisper In her ears "Never
mind, dearie; I have got home, and we U
share the cares for the rest of the day.
You co and rest yourself while 1 put
Jolinnie and Trot and baby to bed?" Do
you see that she sits in the easiest chair
while you skip around and minister to
her wants? Do you keep silent while she
reads the evening paper (to herself), ana
are vou mindful of draughts and slam'
niing doors while she takes her ease in
slippered content? Do the stars dance
the Newort and dews the moon sing
psalm tunes? Just about as much as you
do all this. You expect the hushed home,
and the siesta with the pa(er, and the
slippers for yourself, to be sure, and if
you don't get them you think you're ter
ribly abused, and ten to one flounce off
to the club to escaiie the noise and con
fusion, but you never take it Into your
head to consider thut the day has been
just as long, and just as busy, and a
thousand times more full of petty cares
for her as for you.
You bolt into the house, and the first
thing you say is: "Why isn't supper
ready? I'm as hungry as a hound!"
"Great Scott! Cun't you keep that child
quiet?" or, "What's the use of burning
so much coul? Turn off the damper!
You are enough to ruin a Vanderbiltl"
That's the keynote of the song you Bing,
and yet you think it is dreudful if slio
ever makes a remark harsher than the
bleat of a lamb. Suppose you had been
a hunsom cub driver, a board of trade
man, cook in a restaurant, cash boy for
a dry goods house, a kindergarten teacher
and a hospital nurse ull combined for the
whole day long,' wouldn't you be more
tired, and wouldn't there be more excuse
for your irritability than when you have
simply attended to a single systematized
branch of business.
A woman is required to be everything
from a reception committee to receive
calls in the parlor, to a nurse in the nur
sery, and a chief executive in the kitchen,
while a business man devotes himself to
a single trade or profession.
DON'T BE AFRAID OP" "SPOONINO."
And next, how do you entertain your
wife evenings? If you were invited into
a neighbor's house to spend a couple of
hours with his wife and daughter, how
would you entertain them, 1 wonder?
Why, you would put a posyin your but
tonholo, and slick up your hair, and blow
a little perfume out of the atomizer all
over yourself, and throughout the even
ing you would overllow witli bright
anecdotes and be bo racy and charming
that after you had gone away everybody
would say. "What a perfectly delightful
man Mr. Perkins is! What good com
pany I"
Now let us see, sir, how you entertain
your wife. You stand in front of tho
tire and pick your teeth with a wooden
toothpick until she starts to put tho chil
dren to bed, and every now and then
you make a few cheerful remarks about
the scarcity of money and the general
cussedness of children who run through
shoes and clothes so fast When the
time comes that all is still and every
thing nicely ndupted for a chat or a game,
you draw out your miserable newspaper
and begin to reud. And you read that
paper all to yourself, word for word, and
line for line, straight through from edi
torial to market report, as if it contained
the secret of youth, wealth and eternal
salvation! In tho same way one might
drink smla water by the pailful, or con
sume caramels by the ton!
Newspapers, read by husbands in selfish
solitude, are answorablo for many wifely
heartaches. How many good stories and
racy anecdotes do you tell your wife to
make her hiugh? How many roses do
you pin on your coat and how careful
are you of your appearance in the long
evenings, when there is nobody by but
her to be captivated by your charms and
bewildered by your manly beauty? There
is just exactly as much excuse for her
(and a little more, it may be,) If ber dress
is slatternly and her hair untii.y as there
is for you, and tliero is precious bttle for
either of you.
You excuse your indifference and
neglect und the withdrawal of fond
and foolish attentions, just as dear to
tier at forty as at twenty, with the
thought: "U, well, she knows I love ber;
w hat's the use of 'Bpooning' at our age?"
By and by there will cornea time when you
shall see her King in her coffin, perhaps.
und you would sill your soul that day to
be able to shine awuy long years of cold
neglect with the manifestation of the
love that was always in your heart, cer
tainly, but carefully kept on ice. Call it
"spooning," if you bke, or any other
name of contempt, but 1 tell you there
is nothing so sad in all life's history as
the vanishisl opiortunity to manifest a
love for which some friend went hungry
through slow years of undemonstrative
and stupid reserve. Amber in Chicago
Tribune.
Method In Bla Silence.
"Bolton told me he had borrowed some
money from you. 1 was surprised, be
cause 1 never beard you say anything
bout it"
"No; I still hope to get it back."
Drayton Ives, the well known flnan
cier and society man. Is a bibliophile.
This may not seem to be an expensive
pursuit but Mr. Ives manages to spend
good deal of money unnn it rni
the other day he spent some $1,800 upon 1
rare copy ol an early edition of the
Holy Writ j
AMBER THINKS
ONE TOOK
the first parting,
Coo,., Eva. kiss mamma (rood oicht. sad D -It
What,0 uTnlT for hama moment sloe 1
oiikl ba .id. ruu aU; .. .
Ton quiui UK) bis; s a-irua now U. alrp Id baby's
Why -HI t UO sltb to t U) school
So tto'm. darilnn. bum. snd uy your
Will .luT'lMt "u. arms you ion. of furdlf
And lwo the birth e foil up. tell Kuj you
To ha" romp In mamma's bed; Just think, what
lota of fun r"
The mothw In the morning oaroe. Io longloj. n
With throbblM heart and dewy eyes bealde the
On! she Htood.
Where Eva atlll alepteoundlj. her arm embracing
The (town her mother won when (ha bad klaaed
her prt wd nihU
Its ribbons with her ailest lean were stained aod
limp and wet.
iround the white and dimpled neck an empty
aleeve was art;
While Mary slept alia stole away ere dawn bad Ut
the sky.
That aomethlng of her Idol near her sinless ores
mhrbtlie; , ,
Unheeded, save by 11 Im who marks each (trier eo
dured alone.
Roe sought and found her aolaoa for the flrmt that
aha bad knowa
-Philadelphia Tunea
Be Couldn't Eat the Soup.
An elderly gentleman in a restaurant
having been served with a plate of soup
he had ordered, said to the waiter:
"Look here, I can't eat this soup."
"All right; I'll get you another plate."
On receiving the second plate the guest
once more remarked;
"It's no use. I can't eat this soup."
Then the waiter went to the proprietoi
and said;
"The old gentleman over there is com
plaming about the soup. He says he
can't eat it."
"You don't know how to wait on peo
ple. I'll attend to him."
The proprietor went to the kicking
guest and said, blandly:
"I understand you say there is some
thing the matter with the soup?"
"1 didn't say anything of the kind."
"You said you couldn't eat it"
"Yes, 1 said 1 couldn't eat it"
"Will you tell me why you can't eat
that soup?"
"Certainly. I haven't got any spoon."
Texas Sif tings.
A Perfect Man.
Several years ago an artist of Dresden
persuaded a locksmith there to give up
his trade und become nn artists' niodcL
It was a good thing for the locksmith,
who is now the famous "muscle mun of
Dresden, whose mugnilieently developed
body mukes him prohubly the most re
nowned model in the world. In order
to preserve for future artists an exact
duplicate of his extraordinary figure,
the director of the lloyal Saxon Povzell-
aufabrik at Meissen, recently invited
him there that a cast from life might be
taken of the up'r part of his body. It
is said that "his'musculur development
is bo complete anil detailed thut even the
least and slightest cord of every muscle
stands forth prominently, and his whole
Ixnly looks as if it were woven together,
or plaited like basket work. His muscles
have such a hardness that they feel to
the touch oa if 'they were carved in
wood." Brooklyn Eagle.
Sliver Deadhead Ticket.
Probably the most unique railroad pass
issued this year is that of the Silverton
Railroad company of Colorado. It is a
thin silver plate, about the size and shape
of passes in general use. Un the upper
left hand corner of the face of the plate
is a vignette showing a curve of the road
between Silverton and Ouray. The pass
is rolled from silver bars and stamped.
the vignette and lettering, with the ex
ception of the president's name, being in
relief. The name Is intaglio, und is gild
ed, as are the vignette and scroll. The
number of the pass and the name of the
person to whom it is issued are engraved
by bund. Brooklyn Eagle.
Floating HuaplUla,
A novel idea is the fitting up of I
steamer in England as a "sea going hos
pitaL" This is for the benefit of the
deep sea fishermen, who are subject to
sickness and accidents, and often havo
to endure great suffering before they can
be taken ashore for treatment One
steamer has already been prepared and
dispatched on this mission and another
will be sent out as soon as it can be got
ready. ban t rancisco Chronicle.
The Iron Crown.
The Iron crown of Loin hardy consists
of a broad circle composed of eix equal
plates of beaton gold, joined together by
close hinges of the same metal Within
is the iron hand which gives it a name.
It is about three-eighths of an inch brood
and a tenth of an inch thick, and is said
to have been made out of the nails used
at the Crucifixion, and given to Constan
tino by his mother, the Empress Helena,
to protect him in battle. New York Tel
egratn.
A Cllucher.
A letter was dropped into the letter
box at the Auburn postotlice recently.
bound for Boston, with the stamp fast
ened on with a pin. It was pushed
tnrougn the Btamp near the right side,
thence through the envelope and its con
tents to the back side, and bock again to
the front It was stronger than the coin
uion lot of pins or it would never have
stood the pressure. Boston Herald.
They Wara Little Gtrla,
Master Burrill was an old time teacher
In the town or Fairfield. A writer in
The Somerset Reporter says that he used
to punish naughty whispering girls by
"bearding them" that hi rubbing bis
unshaven chin with a week's stubble on
it down their pretty cheeks. It almost
took the skin oil. Lewiston Journal.
Better Than an Alarm Clock.
Alonzo What are you getting that alarm
dock for, Augustus!
Augustus To wake me up lu the morning.
Dou't you have any difficulty in getting up
in the morning!
Alonzo Not a bit
Augustus Yoa must have an alarm clock,
then! '
Alonso No. Fact la that the young man
next door wears such loud clothes that when
be dresses himself Id the morntnf I can't
sleep. America.
Bow He Cot Out of It,
Arabella Roeejru Yes, Charles and I be
euns engaged quite young, but he was killed
In a railroad accident poor fellow!
Mr. Mantel! (fervently How fartunata
for me, m' dear.
Arabella Roeejar Sir, how should this af
fect you!
Mr. ManUU-Oh-er-a-I mean, how for
for me that I did not witn,
the ter-
nt" acuity! 8uch things always decreet
sue so 8mlth, Gray ft Co. Monthly.
Fields of Peat That Are oa rw
"Hunters wuo go to the middi, t
lion of Roberts Ldand ought tn
warned to be careful of their
said Mr. Diti. """V
" Wbat danger are their horsoj s'
quired a newspaper man.
"They are liable to be burned ajv,
they will have to be shot," said Mr ft '
"Already this season two hunteri14
lost their horses in that way."
"How did that occur?" was asked,
"It was due to the burning peat .
Ditz said. "You see, tlie land over tw!
is made ground and the peat U
Ignited. What makes this fire
ous is that it gives off no smokT
hunters may ride through the peatwT
out being aware that it is scorchL Z.
legs of thoir horses. When toeyhjr!
off from the road they go through
Btretch of this peat to reach the
edge. The horse's legs gink d0WjV
this soft ground and he suffers u mjf
as if he were walking through a famw
The peat may be burning whereto
hunter ties his animal, and there SI
horse's legs will continue to berotnS
until his owner returns and see, Jv,
agony he is in."
Mr. Ditz went on to say that It U
not yet boon found out how thepeatJJ
ignited.
"It may be due to spontaneous con,
bnstion," he said. "The heat of the m
beating down oa such dry and infoa.
mable stuff is liable to set it on fl
Some people say that the hunters bin
causod the fire, and others that it k
Deen causou uy ouming up tne stnbbls.
No matter how it was caused, thorn
horses have been killed by it Th
have not been roasted to death, bnt Wi
been so badly injured that they have hi
to be killed, and hunters ought to be jj.
formed of the danger." Stockton R
publican.
Tula Convict Wat llomeiick.
A negro escaped from the convict camp
iu luumgwiiiti; vvutuj, uj,, recenut.
He bad served one year of a term of &i.
teen. Ilia escape was discovered alnu
immediately after he left the camp, ui
every effort was used to catch him, km
without success. The rule in such cm
Is that if tho escaped is not captured
within twenty-fonr or thirty-six how
his arrest after that time is a mere aca
dent. Everything that could be done it
find the negro was done in this instance,
but at last hope of ever catching hia
was given up, and the hunt was aW
doned. A few days ago tho negro walked
Into camp dusty and travel worn.
The net was entirely voluntary. "1
jes got homesick," was his explanation,
"and I wanted to see tho folks." "Did
you remember that you still had nearly
fourteeu years to serve?" he was asked
"Oh, yes; but 1 didn't mean to leave for
good. All I wunted was to see the folb
once more." lie seemed, in fact, wholly
unconcerned about the futurp, and now
thut he "bad seen the folks once more"
was entirely satisfied with his lot Tb
negro lived iu Washington county. Hi
had walked nearly the entire distinct
there and back. Ho is working today,
in stripes and shackles, with nearly four
teen years ahead of him yet. Atlantt
Constitution.
A Woman Who la a Flnanoieh
It is frequently asserted that awonu
with property has neither pluck nor cool
ness in managing her financial affain,
granted even, as it rarely is, that itu
has the judgment necessary, Atriflinj
loss disconcerts her and a profitabli
transaction elates her, each unduly,
That one woman can stand npnnda
rather trying circumstances may, how
ever, be truthfully alleged. She it I
New Yorker, to all intents and purposet,
though her home is in a New Jersey rob'
urb. Her husband is a Wall street mas,
and her first claim to distinction is that
notwithstanding this fact no dollar of
her property is in that vortex. Still i
likes investments. Three or four yen
ago she purchased through an agent an
unimproved piece of land in a promising
western state for slightly less than $501
She had grown used to holding it and
gave it only an occasional thought, when
one day within the past sii months ih
received by wire from her agent the
tounding offer of $15,000 for her land,
It must be admitted, that she w
thrown into a state of tremendous ex
citement. She sent first to the telegraph
office to have the dispatch repeated, ana
when it was, confirming the first m
sage, she wired to her husband to cow
home at once. He took the next train,
fearing some disaster, and rushed in with
breathless anxiety. For answer sheg
him the message, and he strongly urgei
her to accept the offer. But, fortified by
his presence, the wife became cool She
decided that a sudden rise of that sort
meant something, and she wonld wait
developments. The offer was decline!
Three months later it was doubled, but
now this Portia in finance has becomj
convinced that she holds property
permanent value, and the second offa
she declined by herself. New lort
Times.
The Crocheted Neefctle.
This dainty little structure hails froa
the town of Boston. Because ladies art
always in Bearch of new fancy work, and
because Christmas is drawing near, and
there Is an inevitable dearth of Ideas os
the subject of presents for the mascu
linity of the family, the method of pt
dncing this necktie is minutely describri
Make a chain of thirty-two, turn a
make a shell in second stitch of chain by
dipping in five times in same stitch;
catch down by knitting single stitch i
fourth stitch of chain, make shell n
sixth stitch, and so on until yon bs"
seven shells. Then make chain of to
and turn.
Second row, make half shell by dip
ping in three times in the very end
lost shell, and continne making W1
shells until the end of that row, tnaku
half shell again on the end; thuserj
second row will have six shells and t
half shells, making seven shells in s1
This keeps the sides of the tie
Shape like a four-in-hand tie-that
make the long end about fifteen in"
before narrowing. Narrow g13:
by dropping a shell or half shell on
row until you have narrowed do""
three shells, then continne and mf
the nwV niMw ahnnt fiffn inches. '
gin to widen gradually and wiJe?
seven shells as before. Make the swj
end about &?ven inches. Two "l.
knitting silk are required for the K
New York Ptpot
AecoramudatlDf.
Debtor and creditor: . ,
"I want to know when you're s-gois jr
this here bill. I can't bea-rainuT be'
dav in the wedc."
"Which dav would suit you bestr
"Saturday."
"Well, then, you may come every
day." Judge.