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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 14, 1890)
C0L0NEI.QUAR1TCH.V.C. lj E EIDER HAGGARD, nn.' said" I'1- U-iuinplMUUly. "What , iouthln of that Col Q.iaritcbr Tb. iL I think. nrV,'r "nt 10 bl ,on' 1,1,1 81 it d ,u ,,ult ' "'"""ly ,J h laid her wlilia fingers upuo whctd characters, "lie lb key to w bar. .Tt H '"" "' ,"""eyu hidden, only I ,. tht I m'V4T '""k " out Fur JL ba, purr.M t it, thinking that It JV, i some form f serontio, but I ran "toothing "fit I have tried It all ways. ?? translated 11 inU VrmrU,uul bail it Minted i"K b"t still 1 " "ad out "?nIn.ptliins. Hut some day somebody ,t?upo...t leo-tlb-peso." vl -tliat b'it bun remained, undiscovered f!!It)ioiiif'11,v"in'u,t'11 ,,i,,u1 ftr Herbal 1 1" "M Sir Jiiuea wat -sJmwI Ma."'' " was, what h ' 0f ail the mom') I Ho wan known to be lf , rit UvHt im ii ' bit day, and tbat a rifb, on can 'wn hi letter to tb ? , iuem ""thing after bl death, lpt bi. uf r""n 0U ' WIU U i nj win dny, twenty oeuturiea hence I01 ....i. l.itft ia ha n mnv ortnA p" .,) she sighed deeply, while a pained w ami ueii" i ")-"'" weariiil eXIirewi"" ,itou iimi ur oer L..jHinw luce. "Well," iJ Uarold, 'n a doubtful oic, wiKjeemav bo eometbing In IU May I tail .ronr of that wriliiij." eCetaluk." aald Ida, burrhlng. "and If -oo dud tl treamir w will guihare. Btop, j U1 dictnte It to you.- jurt a thin proooia waa finished and Harold I vai ihuttlng up ui koiiaju, lu wuivu no uu a uiouwiuu lor i -a cuvenauu ubout out the fair py he bad executed on half four thousand pouinl in alL Now where ,( of note paper, I ho old iquir came into m 1 to get four tbwuuwl pounds to iiiecu Uk room again. Looking at bli face, hi Ut with In that way, for it u a ipecuhuion reitor taw that hi Interview with "Oeorgo" nd one which I am too old to look after my 1,riJeutlrb,'u'thln8butatWac,ory. ""t eo If i bad tlu knowledgef WelL lofltboreauexpraiaion of exceedingly low . there you are, aud now I'll any goodni -ht, mrita I ,ir- Retting chilly, and I have felt'my -B ell, father, what la tit matterr aaked chest for the but year vr ta By the way, ti, daughter. I i tuppoi 1 shull se y. u to-morrow at this -Oh, nothing, my dear, nothing," he an-' tenuis party of Ida. all very well for (nered. In nieiancimiy nme uounre uaa hero, tluit is alL" V and I wisb be would keep away," ibeiald, with a little stamp of ber foot, "for to tun alaays some bad newt or other." lt Uthe times, my dear, It is tbe times; H Im't Cieorgo. I rcaliy dou't know what income to the country'1 "What Is it I" said uta, with a deepening ujirwion of anxiety. 'Something wrong tlKXit tbe Miml fttrmr Vi; Janter has thrown it up, after all, ml lain sura ' I"1'1 n,,w wler 1 aia to gd another tenant." "Yon fc what the pleasure of landed property are, CoL Quaritcb," said Ida, turn iu toward him with a smile which did not aimehow convey a gi-wu t oi i-ueeri u.uesa, "Yet" he uid, "I kwv. Thank gotdnesa ; I bare only the ten ncp that my daar old : do with himself I While be was asking him sunt left mr. And uow," be added, "1 think j " this question aud auiting blankly for an Hit I niii't be wiving C"d night. It is 10:o0, tad lexpeot that old lu. Jobson is sitting spforma." Ids looked up iu remonstrance, and opened her lip ' speak, and then from some reason Hut di i uot apear cliauged ber mind and teld ou. her liuud. "G"d night, CoL Qua ritcb," thu said. "loin so pleased that we in going to lmve yu UK a neighbor. By the nr, I hare a few people coming to play bin ten'iis here to-morrow afternoon. Will jou come too f i-tVhatl' broke in the squire, in voice of irritation; "more lawn tennis parties, Idal Itbiuk that )ou might have spared me for wo with ull thia business ou my bands, ti" "Nonsense, father," wild bis daughter, with Kme acerbity. "Uow can a few people play ing lanru tennis hurt youl It is quite useless tothut one's self up aud be miserable over things that one can't help." Tbe old gentleman collapsed with an air of pious resignation, aud meekly asked who wus CUDIUg. "Oh, nobody In particular. Mr. and Mm Jtffnes Mr. Jeffries is our clergyman, you know. Col. Quaritcb and Dr. Bass and tbe tto Miss Smiths, one of whom he is supposed lobe in love with, and Mr. and Mrs. Quest, ind Mr. Edard Cossey, and a few more." "Mr. Edward Cowwyl" said the squire. Jumping off his chair; "really, Ida, you know that I detest that young man, that I consider him an abominable young man, and 1 tblnk that you might have shown more consideration to me than to have asked him bert." "1 cou!d not help It, father," she answered, coolly. "He was with Mrs. Quest when 1 uked her, so 1 bad to ask biin, too. De bits, I ruther like Mr. Cossey, be is always polite, and 1 don't see why you should tab such a violent prejudice against him. Aoyhnw, be is coming, and there is an end of it," "Coss y, Cossey," said Harold, throwing kimself into the Breach. "I used to know tint uuiup." It seemed to Ida that he iimd a little as be said it. "Is he one of tbegrvat banking familyl" "YeVsaid Ida, "he is one of tbe sons. They ay be will have half a million of money, or ". hen his father, who Is very infirm, He is looking after the branch banks J bis house in this part of the world, at , nominally. Really, 1 fancy that Mr. vt manages them; certainly he manage " Boisingham branch." "Well, well," said the squire, "if tbey are oiog, 1 supiwee thoy are coming. At any J"! I can go out walking. If you are going "M, Quaritch, I will walk with you. 1 Mi little air." "W (Juaritch, you have not aald If you w wne to my party to-morrow yet," said h stretched out bis band to soy twa-oy. ,?Uank yonma UMoIle; llftS wk 1 can "fociouslv come, though I play tennis JOa, we all do that Well, good jilght 1 J very pleased that you have come to Molehill; it wiU be so nice for my Wber to have a companion," she added as fterthongut, aid the colonel, grimly, "we are ""xutofanaze: cood iiichL" Ida watched the doo- 61oe, then s l j" matched Uu door elom. ItT"11 on the mantelpiece, and re b liked CoL Quaritch very hTJ n,oeh Ut even bis not very beouU Tsosaomydid not repel ber. Indeed, j7ttractd ber than otherwise. "De t aul' U,Id to berself, "1 think tbat "-ort of man that 1. should like to and 1.- ' ' - a m 1 A - . nuiieFui, you an Marl . .nd.t-ro,,; alu.gethe, 0,,,7orTh.,' JuUS hanl 'orl,J. I think that bplssbout tb. thing u. it- AoT Jh iSh .be lighted her ind to h mind, and aat dowoE wait her fat hers return. CHAPTER V. -w. Z?? know what u cowing to this ewutry. 1 really do,,',; .,ld that, f. fail walkT bli ''''t-rtbeV r,"'1" ins.lenc. "Here U this tan,, tb. Moa, tarm. It fefched twy. ibllUnKt an acre ben I wa. a y0UuB tUirty-Bt. ,S0 v, , tenant. And what U the end of Itt JanJ -ilea the tenant-Rav nolle but Michael, nuu; but that .tup.d owl, Orj. ld , ""V ' that be would continue inning unen tbe tint cam. Aud hi-uiriii nvixinie to III with far ai uug trlUi ay that Jauter ot ha. Ifa quit. u,lt breaking, tbafi what it la, Tbre bun lred acre of goal ound,food produemg laud, aud no tenant uiiwuuiiunga an arr. Wbatain w uur Cant you take ft In band and f. i. youreelff aked UaroM "How can 1 take It In hand! I hat on farm of a hundred and Hity acre In baud ai Ifl. Do you know what it would cort to taUover tbat farm rand he itond in fan "Tu pound an arr, v ry fertbiug of It- uu IUI Ull SI.l -V into tll irrn I w gu iu ior ner teiiiiit parties, but bow can I thiuk of such thin with all this worry onmyhamUl Well, ( od night. Col Quar Itch, good uigbt," and i turned and walked away through the moo ;ht Hurold guaritcb wa:. ..ed him go and then started off bom. lie entered tbe houo, and having told Mr. Jobaon that she could go to bed, sat down to smoke and thii., Harold Vuu'i ltcb waa, like mauy solitar) men, a great smoker, and never did he feel tn. ueed of the couno lutlon of tobacco mor" than be did this night. A few mouths ago, when be bad re tired from tbe army, fat tound himself in a great dilemma. Tberu i.o was, a hale, active man of three and forty of busy babil aud regular mind, suildeuiv thrown upon tb world without ocruiation What was be to answer which did uot cumc, bis aunt, old Mrs. Massey, demrled this life, leaving nira heir to what she MieeseU it might be three buudred a year in all This, added to bis pension aud Hie little that be owued independently, put him beyond tbe neoeskitv nf Mvkiux further einplov : menu Bo be had made up hi mind to come to reside at Molehill, aud live the quiet, somewhat almleHS life of a small coun try gentleman. His reading for be was a I great reader, esiecially of scientiBo works j would, he tliought, keep bim employed, sea big that in addition to reading be was a thor ough sportMiiiwi, and an ardent, though ow ing to thesmttlluens of bis meuns, uecessarlly not a very extensive, collector of curiosities, aud more particularly of coins. At drat, after he bad come to bis decision, a feeling of infinite rest and satisfaction hail taken possession of him. The struggle of life was over for him. No longer would be be obliged to think, and contrive, and toll, henceforth bis days would slope gently down toward the inevitable end. Trouble lay in the past; now rest and rest alone awaited bim, rest that would gradually grow deeper and deeper as the swift years rolled by, till it was swallowed up in that almighty peace to which, being a simple and religious man, he had looked forward from childhood as the end and object of his life Foolish man and vain Imagining! Here, while we draw breath, there is no rest, We must goon continually, on from strength to strength, or weakness to weakness; w must always be troubled about this or that, aud must ever have this to desire or that to re gret It Is an Inevitable law within whose attraction all must fall; yes, even tbe purest souls, cradled in their hope of heaven, and the most swinish, wallowing in th mud of their gratified desire. And so our hero had already begun to and out. Here, before be bad been forty-eight hour in Honliam, a fresh cause of trouble bad arisen. He had seen Ida d la Moll again, and after an Interval of between five and six years had found her face yet more charming than h had before. In abort, be bfd fallen in love with it, and being a sensible man, be did not conceal this fact from himself. Indeed, the truth was tbat he had been in love with her all these years, though he had never looked at tb matter in tbat Ught At th least the pyre had been gathered and laid, and did but require tbe touch of the match to burn up merrily enough. And now this was supplied, and at the tlirt glance of Ida's eyes th magio flame began to hiss and crackle, and be knew that nothing short of a convulsion or a deluge would put it out Men of the stamp of narold Quaritch generally pass through three stage with reference to the other sex. They begin in tbeir youth by making a goddess of one of them, and finding out their mistake. Then for many years they loox upon ui t,in. nn nmra to ha trusted than a jaguar. Ultimately, however, thU folly wears itself out-probably In proportion as theold affec tion fade and dies away-and is replaced by contempt and regret that so much should have been wasted on that which was so litti worth. Then it is tbat th danger cornea, for then a man putt forth his second venture, nut it forth with fear and trembling, and with no great bop of seeing a golden A-gosy sailing iuto port And if it sinks or I driven back by adverse winds and frowning skies, then there is an end of his legitimate dealings .ik ,i,h frail merchandise. And now he, Harold Quaritcb, was about , to put forth this second venture, not of his i own desire orfreew.il Indeed, but because bis reason and Judgment were overmastered. In short, to put it briefly, be bad fallen in , love with Ida de la Moll when be first saw berflveyearsago,and wa now in th process of discovering the fact There b. sat in hu , chair in the old. half furnished room, which be proposed to turn Into bis dining room, and . grJaned In spin, over this j very. What bad become of bis fair pro pert of quiet years sloping gently downward, waAn with tb. sweet drowsy light of I?ternoonf How was it that h. bad not , known those things that belonged to his S And probably it would end in nothing; I wlTi bkely that such a iptandtd 7"g : oWn as Id. would care for a superannuated officer, SV. hundred a year and a Victor-, eroaj- . bother, far into tb. reO- ooly impos.DK thing In Mol rumi mXup h ound to pj. So th. ide of living at Uonhun "". oTn.w Z-land, aud tbus plac." taf)-aW. ( Zitr between himself and that sreet, , atrong faoe, ubieb euniebow leeuiej to have acquirrt a tm-b of tenme. Uno Utt he had loikd Uou It Ab, ine n,lntloii of quiet night, whither do you to to iu ttio ganU light of day I To beeu, ierlwi, wua lb. iui, wreatua and When the Hiulr ect in tl,-..i u. . v - - - ,ain uv. " -- - - ' lounu nia daughter Mill aittiug up iu tb Hnior. wlnn I como home In the eron drawing room. j j,,- Wlt!. m. foet burtinff o 1 can bard. 'What, nt con to lied. I.ur i,. ui.i No, father, I as going, and then 1 thought that I woulj wait to bear what all thia was about Janter aud th Moat farm. It uunniogvi lloer .v- , ... umcbtou-llyou. Janwr has thrown uo the ! )rm, uij uear yea, out tiler bl not : ihtsii; ana iieorg say iber U not anotber tenant to b bud lor iov or money. I He tried ou muu, bo said that b would ' notbuviial ft sliiliiugs au acra, as prices "tv . l . 1 That U bad enough, In all conscience," fui V ll- lrou toot hat Is to be doner "What is ,ob doner answered her lather I Irritably. "How can I tell you what is to be i douel Isupiuethul 1 must take the place ; in hand, and that is all" j "Yes, but thut costs money, does It notr "Of course it doe; it cost about four WciXWfi. coking up, "and wbere ! I. all Hint sun. to come fronTr W. have nol got four thousand .ii.ul. in th world." "Com from! Why, I suppose thut 1 must ! borrow itou th security oi tlie Und." "Would It uot lie better to let the uluco co : out of cultivurton," she answered, "rather tban risk all that sum of money!" "Uo out of cultlvniioul Nonsense, Ida, bow cau you talk like that! Why. thut nruiiK lanu ouiu ue ruineu lora geuuration ! "l'erlmi It would; but surely it would lie betwr that it should U rumed than that we should Ux Katuer, dear," she said, apiHMil lugly, laying one baud ujiou bis shoulder, "do lie (rank with uiu, uud Ull me whuloiir putiiiun ri-ally is. 1 see you weurius your- self out about biilncKlrom dny today, uud 1 know that there is never any money for anythiug-ecarcvly enough to keep the bouso going; and yet you nevurtcll me whn we itou v"r-nnu iuiuk t uuv a rigut lO know, Tbe squire turned Imjiatiently. "Girls nave no bead for these tbings," he said, "so what is the use of talking about ItT "But 1 am not a girl; lam a woman of six-aud-twenty; and putting other things aside, I am almost as much intomted iu your j affuirs as you are yourself," she sanl, wall ilelenniiiatlon. "1 cannot boar this sort of . thing any longer. I so thut abomiuubl man, Mr Quest, continually hovering about ber like a bird of ill omen, and I cannot i stand it, and I tell you abat It Is, father, if j Some of the young ladies will do it be you dou't tell me the whole truth at once, 1 j cause it'a in 'em and they can't help it. shall cry," and she linked as If she meant it Now, the old squire was no more iniiervl ous to a woman tears than any other man, aud of all Ida's mood, and they were ninny, h most greatly feared that rare one which took the form of tears. Beside, be loved his only daughter more dearly than anything In th world except one thing Uoiihuin Castle -and could uot hear to give ber pain. "Very well," be said, "of course if you wish to know aliout these things you have a right to. I have wished to spare, you trouble, that is all, hut as you are so very lnierious, tbe best thing that I can do Is to let you hnve your own way. (Still, as It is rather bile, if you have no objection, I think Inat I bad better put it off till to-morrow." "No, no, father. By to-morrow you will have changed your mi ml Let us have it now. I want to kiow bow much we rcaliy owe and what we have got to live on." Th old gentleman hummed and hawed a little, and after various Indications of Im patience at lost begun: "Well, as you know, our tamlly has for some generations dciended Un the laud. Your dear mother brought a small fortune with her, five or six thousand pounds, but ! that was, with the sanction of the trustee, expended upon improvements to tbe farms and in paying off a small mortgngo. Well, for many years the Und brought In about two thousand a year, but somehow we al ways fouud it d.lllcult to keep within that Income. For Instance, 1 found It necessary to repair the gateway, and you have uo Idea of the expense In which those repairs landed me. Then your poor brother James cost a lot of money, and always would have the shooting kept up in such au extravagant way. Then he went iuto the army, and heaven only knows what be cost me there. Your poor brother was very extravngaut, my dear, aud well, perhaia I was foolish 1 never could say bim uo. And tbat waa uot all of it; for when the poor boy died be left fifteen hundred pounds of debt behind bim, and I bad to find tbe money, If It wa only for tbe honor of the family. Of courso you know tbat we cut th entail when be came of age, Well, aud then these areauiui uw bav com upon th top of it all; and, upon my word, at th present moment 1 don't know which way to turn," and he pausou and drummed bis fingers uneasily upon a book. "Yes, father, but you bav not told me yet what it is that we owe." "Well, it is difficult to answer that all iu a minute peihagi twenty-live thousand on mortgage, and a few floating debts." "And what is the place worth r "It used to be worth between fifty and sixty thousand pounds. It Is impossible to say what it would fetch now. Laud is prno tically a drug in the market But things will come round, my dear. It is ouly a ques tion of holding on." I "Then if you borrow a fresh sum In order j to take up this farm, you win owe atwut thirty thousand pounds, and If you have to pay 6 per cent, as I suppose you do, you will bav to pay fifteen hundred a year in interest Now father, you said tbat in good times tbe land brought in two thousand a year, so, of course, it can't bring in so much now. There fore, by the time thut you nave paid toe in terest there will be nothing, or lest than nothing, left for us to live ou." Her father winced at tbe cruel and con vincing logic. "No, no, be said, "It is not so oaa as mnt. You Jump to conclusions; but really, if you ; do not mind, I am very tired, and should lik to go to bed." "Father, what I the good of trying to shirk th thing Just because It is disagree abler sb asked, earnestly. "Do you sup pose that it is more pleasant to m to ta-k about it than it is for youl 1 kuowthatyou are not to blame about It I know that poor dear James was very thoughtless and extrav agant, and that tbe time are crushing. But to go on like this is only to go to ruin. It would be better for us to bve in a cottage on a couple of hundred a year than to try to keep our beads above water ber, which we cannot da Sooner or later these peopio Quest, or whoever they are-will want tbeir j lamed Hrown." etc Chicago Tribune. money back; aud then, if tbey can not bav j it thev will sell the place overour bea.i. 1 i . Kallnnal Airs and onr. believe tbat man Quest want to gut it bim- The author of the National song "Hail self that is what 1 believe and set up a a j Columbia" wa Joseph Jlopkinson, a country gentleman. Father, 1 know it ts a , distinguished American Jurist, born in dreadful thing to uy, but w ought to ieav . j,bliaJ(.p,ll(l j,0Vembcr 12, 1770, died Houbain." there January i Mi. II Is now best Iv.HonhamrsaldtboU gentkman, . kn()Wn 18 ,uthOT of "Had Colnm Jumping up in his sgitotioi What non- , n jr KMeyou talk Id. How can I teav. Hon- eT do TU.r. W j entitled "The President, M.r.h." liter tb farms and all Hi business! No, no, ! composed by a f.erman named reylea ia e must bang on and trust to Providence, ' 17b. Tbe origin of "Yankee Doodle" Thinirs may com round, something may j uncertain. Hy some the tune bat ...tl i .1.;, . ... i. I . , I i I. I . . . .... .1 I happen' Oil c0 never wit in -vi . j If we do not leav lion nam. luen nun- ... . ii ham will leave us," answered bis diiiRtiter. with convKtiou. "I d not believ in chances. Chance always go tbe wrong way .gainst thus who are looking for them. W -tall b absolutely ruined, tuat is aiL uo as ronTini'sni. It is prolsjble that a eerie of interest ing msnenvert will take place in Austra lian waters during tbe autumn on a gen eral plan similar to tboae lately carried out bv tbe imperial fleet off the coast of Great Britain. THE SHOP-GIRL TALKS. Ber FmI rain llor and Hhe reeli That 8h"e Terribly IU-la. "Ah-hl I foel at it my feet lad font to Heavon!" aald the aalos-jflrl, a the eihit)itid a No. S foot In a No. 5 ullpper. "I Pi't atil d comfort out of tlieso old ly stand. Mioes too tight? Not a bit of it! My shoes are) always too large for mp, but standing all day swells my foot and make them painful. "Thu first day I wont into tho store I thouirht I'd dio before aix o'clock, but " J -v.-(n w '"' coldtd that I novor can got ujd no matter bow long I may stay in the atore. Why ini I so naughty as to r"'oJ molding? It' nin't mo that's naughty. It's the oustomors, 1 do got o timd somotlmea that I could jump ., . .,, n- ,V" lhf "Is. f ., 7 "n 1 g0i 1,0 mUlon of buyin(t when com0 ,n' l,ut a11 ,he 8ame thoy allt 10 aco thin, that and tho other thing, and ""'J' ',,ak, take down box aftor 10 r(l lluu ''"7 ''and thoro, worry- l" "f ou.t ' T H l""." "J "owl.ng out other folk ""Kllt hn lf lhy coulJ only l cnan,pi 'h,n n'B 8ni1 don ,noy wlk BWy without my making a fIl!p. nJ '"''n I get a scolding from one of the bosses. Which one? Well, most always it'a our buyer. I spokn back to hlin tho other dnvl Hays I: 'It takes a smarter girl than me to mako folks buy ,hen they ain t got no money to buy with.' Why, bless your hoart! Sometimes women, wearing hats and wraps that I'd be annnmed to bo noen In, will ootne to my counter and make mo show 'era my highest priced lace. - They ain't the only kind, though, that only come to look. Them's them In sealskin sacks and ?."0 bonnet who will sjiend hours n aUiro, and go out without buying a penny s worth. 1 hem s tbe sort that make me nervous when they come around, becnuaa I (ret my awfullost scoldings on their account I s'pose it's fun for them to como and soe what we've got and then go on to seo what they've got in other stores, but it ain't no fun for tho girls who are expected to make sales. "Aro wo expected to lie profession ally? What do you mean by that? Oh, to 'get off goods on customers.' Well, but lies ain t paid extra, as in some stores where a girl get a commission on her sales of out-of-stylo wraps and things. Employers Christian men? I don't know as our bosses are extra Christian, but I heard one of 'em say once tbat lying wasn't business-like. You seo our storo has a reputation to keep up. Talk about salesladies saying what ain't so, you ought to hear the customers! When I waa In the cloak department last year I was every day sending off goods 6 a d. thatdld nothing but como buck to me again. The ladles, when they said they'd take them, had no more Idea of paying for thotn than I aid. "As for snss, let people say what they will, I'm Ruro there's them that come to buy that's sassier than any of them that oil My, how sick and tirod I used to get of trying sack after sank on a cus tomer, and when I'd tell ber it was a perfect fit having her ask mo lf I Vailed wrinkles a fit!' Of course a sack will be fuU of nkipg whon a woman Is twist- )ng around In front of the mirror, trying lo seo her own back. On my Racrod word of honor, I've tried thirty sacks on one customer, and then, aftor taking up my 1 1 mo for two hours or more, and maybe preventing my getting my lunoh till 3:80 in tho afternoon, she'd go away laying that probably sho'd oome In again tho next day, and then she hoped she would have a more obliging young wom an to wait on her. Just the other day I was stooping down behind thecounter, putting away some lace, when, the first thing I knew, somebody poked me in the back with a great umbrella, and when I looked tip the customer that lone it began business by threatening to report mo for inattention. "I toll you, with all the work I have to do, and all I have to put up with, no body ought to grudgo me my ten dollar I week. A fair salary, you say? Yes, I I'poso it is. I know it is twice as large is what some girls get in common stores, but then in common stores thoy employ Bommon girls." N. Y. Tribune. THE GUILELESS PEDDLER. Be Is Slndent of Human Nature anst Make the Study Pay. Peddler (respectfully) Madam, I have aot culled for tbe purpose of trying to K11 you any thing, but to inquire if there is a man named Jones living in this, vicinity. Lady of the house Mr. Jones lives next door. "Thanks. He has a boy about twelve twelve years of age, haa he not?" "He has." "I think he is the man I am looking tor. I was directed a few moments ago by a friend of his to call on bim. I'm naklng my last trip as a traveling Ten sor of merchandise, and have closed out til my juvenile wares exoept this brass tipped drum with ebony sticks, which I ball offer to Mr. Jones at such a figure that but pardon ma I bad no Inton- ton of draining you. Thanks for your .i-j.. madam. x da" "Hold on! What is that drum worth T "It is really worth f- but I bavede i :Ided to offer it to Mr. Jones for bis boy it the merely nominal figure of 79 jents." "I'll take It" Sumo peddler (at bouse of Jones' family next day, with a Job lot of tin whistles and kazoos to be sold In a lump) "Madam, I have not called for the purpose of trying to sell you any 'Mng, but to Inquire if there is a man Dunn irsceu liars tur iwu uuuuim jvart 10 tvngiand. It 1 onuevru w uavemau iu first appearance in America in 1785, when it wa introduced Into the Ameri can camp by Ir. Eicnard Shuckburg, oi the British army. Chicago Inter-Oceaa. Mr. Tootie (woo has been scolded by his wife for being out late) "If you don't like it my dear, why don't you strl):, a factory employes some times do?" Mr. Toutiea "No; I won't strik, but you'll Bod there'll be a lock out some n!gbf-Muny' Wekly. THE ARIZONA KICKER. Wtra Editorial Machinery stnmMlm Mips !'(. YVe extract the following from the las Issue of the Arisen Kicker, which cmin out on a half-sheet: Exrt.ANAToiiY. We owe oui readon an apology for the half-sheet we wor obliged to issue this week. Monday morning, as we entered the post-oftlcs after our mail, which, by the way, b five times as large as that of any otho establishment in Arizona, Mr. Wai'.a maker's man Friday, who was appointed postmaster against the protest of nine tenths of our people,' came out in tht corridor and demanded a persona apology for what tho Kicker said abou him last week. In our pioneer days, whon we lived on root and hadn't a seo ond shirt to our back, we used to ge. down and crawl whenever requested We felt that we had la We were a ten der-foot and lacked sand. A change came. Wo haven't been doing any creeping for she past two years. On th contrary, we have had the revolver an tho other man has done the four-legged act. Therefore, when Wanamaker's Friday demanded an apology, and took us by the ear to enforce obedience, we lit ontc bim with a weight of two tons, and had htm hollering for meroy Inside of two minutes, lie tore letting him up we took bis gun away, and in some manner It was discharged, and tho btlllot wont through tho palm of our right hand The wound will prevent our using the pen for somo weeks, and we must dio tato our copy. MoitR Kfi.A. tout. Wanamaker's man Friday has a brother namod Jim, who Is a loafer and a cur from way back. We stated last wook that we believed he Stola money letters from the malls, and the statement seems to have put some "git" into him. After we had licked his brother and got back to the otllce Jim came sneaking down tho street and fired at us through a window. Ho had a shot-gun, but hu 11 rod so high tbat no one was ton. hod, and he was out of sight before wo got to tho door. In a fow days we are going on a hunt for ,1'in. We shall locate him and walk In on him and si loo off his ear and nail Hon our oMIce door. Let him accept this notice as f.tlr warning of our inten tions. While ho didn't hit us with any of his buckshot, tho Idoaof such achuck aloo tiring at us with intent to kill rat tled our nerves and sent us to bed whon we ought to have been gottlng out copy. FuitTiiKii F n. i't. a n atobt Some three weeks ago a wild-eyed guyastlcutls en tered this town by the dirt road and struck us for a "sit" lie gave tho name of J. Molvlllo (iniham, and claimed to have furnished all the brain fodder for most of the New York paper for tbe last ten years. As ho offerod to work for four dollars per week and buy his crack ers and cheese at our grocery, wo didn't question him as closoly as we otherwise might He bad worked two days 'when we got hurt, and what did the lop-oared brother of a hyena do but go oil and got drunk and 'lay down Just where Colonel Uuvou'i drove of mules would run ovor him in going to witter! Ho was train plod out of sight into the sand, and on top of out other troubles we bad to hire him dug out and buried. Hut for his klok-ovet we oould havo Issued a full shoot and got it out on tlmo. We've had bim carted off to ono corner of our private burying grouud, and shall mark hil grave; but we don't mourn. Title Latrst. If our readers are not satisfied with tho abovo explanation! we havo another to fire at them. Owing to our wounded band we could not do I stroke of writing. We could dictate, however, and wo hired young Hill Kills, son of old Heprobate Ellis, to aot as out amanuensis. Wo had dictated about half a column whon be differed with ua on bow to spoil VordlaL' He Insisted tbat it was 'oorjul,' and rather than soe the English languago knocked out we ceusod dictating, fired Bill out, and gave an old tramp printer $10 and told him ts go ahead and run out bait a sheet It's all we could do undortheotrcuiiistanc.es, and we beg the indulgence of our sub scribers. Next week we shall lie all right, and wo promise an Issue of the Kicker which will make the sand fly la fifty directions." Dotrolt Free Pros. AN EDUCATED SEAL. He rrf rius feats That Wool I Make s Trained Dos; Ashamed of liiinself. Tbe Republlque Francalse give a long account of the life and adventures of a singularly learned seal that hat just mado bl debut In Paris at tho Fer nando circus. This soal, it appears, came from Russia when he was quite young, having been sent to a fish monger in Orleans. Instead of kllllnf bim and soiling him In pieces to bit customers the fishmonger took compas sion on the quoer little animal and mad a household pet of him. At the end of six yours l'hopho, as the seal is called, grew to be a big, fat follow. He always came when he was called, and cheerful ly gave his paw, or rather, his flipper, to every body tbat bo was introduced to. In addition to this evidence of good brooding, be displayed remarkable talents and skilfully performed feat tbat would make an imperfectly edu cated terrier ashamed of himself. When the fishmonger decided to leave Orleans for Paris, ho, of course, brought his pet along with bim, placing bim in a large water tank and Bonding bim as freight with tho Inscription "live fish." When be arrived In Paris he bad to con sider tbe difllcultle of finding a lodging for himself and the strange member oi bis family. Seals have often been ex hibited In Urge aquariums, but to get accommodations of that description for Phopho wa something altogether be yond tbe financial reach of the fish monger. Ko he hired apartments in a hotel In Montmartre, Including a room for Pbopho, adjoining the one in which be lived with bis wife. Pbopho's bed chamber is furnished with a water tank, and tbat l all. In this wsy the happy family sre able to continue tbe pleasant mode of life which was commenced five or six years previous In Orleans. On fine days the seal tramps along at a lively flip-flap gait a portion of the dis tance between bl boarding bouse and the Fernando Circus, where be is exhib ited. On wet days, strange enough, be Insist on Wing taken In a carriage. He ba a borror of rain. He ia already quite a pet with tbe gamins of tbe neighborhood, who were at first greatly surprised to find tbat he preferred fish to candy. At the circus he rides a bore and velocipede, and also performs upon a trapeie made specially for him self. Montmartre la justly proud of this wonderful seal, and every body wishes bim a long life and prosperity. The woman who never said "I told yon so" la entitled to a monument Illoneapolla Journal. A LITTLE NONSENSE." n times like these the doctor Sklll4 His hopes of curlnu utters. Ills pot'kcU are Willi money tilled llrawu (roiu (he public's courier Washington Capital. "This is soiiywhat of a 'twine trust,'" said the young man as his best girl wound her arum about his nock to hlssr sweet nothings in his largo left ear. Kearney Enterprise, Papa "if I havo to speak to you sgaln I'll w hip you." Tho Terror "Soy, papa, what did you have a Utile boy fot If you can't got along any bettor with bim than you do?" Philadelphia In quirer. Newly-Accepted Suitor "Well, Hob by, you will have a now uncle soon; I am your Aunt Mary's oholco fora husband." liobby (surprised) "Well.that'sstrange. I heard her toll mamma, only yesterday, that you were llobson's choice." Life. The only man whoso melancholy trip to tho bottom of the sea everatlrred the sympathies of the people as much as Dun Mctiinty was the lamented Pharaoh, who went down In his best Sundny cha riot somo thousands of years ago. Chi cago Lyre. Tramp "Will you give me permis sion, lady, to go into your barn to com. mlt suicide?" I.ady (filled with pity) Poor muni Here's a piece of mlnce-ple fer you." Tramp "Thank you, niarm, but I've got some 'Hough on Hats' that will do Just as well." N. Y. Sun. Mr. Dolllvor (to tho new girl) "Noroena, throw this water out of the window; but lie sure you look out (Ten seconds later.) What's tho matter?" Noroena "I looked out, Mum, and I law tho water go all over as fine a gen tleman as you'd care to meet" Puck. First onioer "What's wrong wld lm, Jimmy? Can't yor lift him?" Sec ond otllcer "Mot a hair onn I move him." Party who has fallen "It'a no use, gentlemen; you might Just aa well leave mo. 1'vo boon at the West-side jooklng-school dinner, and I ate four amateur doughnuts." Judge. "l)o you remember Jones who went out West?" said ono traveling man who was conversing with another in a reml aisoont vein. "Very well." "He was a high strung follow." "He was when I last saw him." "What do you mean?" "A vigilance com mlt too had taken jharge of hfin." Merchunt Traveler. Lucy (aged eleven, who is reading a paper) "It Is perfectly drendfull" Fa Ihor "What's dreudful, Lucy?" Lucy "Another faithless wlfu, tho mother if six children, runs off with a married wan, who loaves a large family behind. Dear me, If this doesn't stop pretty soon, there will not be any parents left" Texas Si flings. Ouost at eating bouse grumbltngly) ''Hring mo somo reed birds. Seems to tie fifty cents is a good price for thorn, though." Walter "Yes, sah. Reed birds is expensive. They aro hard to frut, sah, and we have to bring 'em a ong distance" (Itehlnd tho screen some minutes Inter) "Lively, now. Hurry up them English sparrow." ?bloago Tribune. EVADING THE QUESTION. How a l.lttle Olrl I pse! Kuipernr Will Ism's ICqiianlmlly. During a stay of Emporor William I. of Germany at the fashionable water lng place of Ems, that monarch paid visit to a large orphan asy'iim ana school that was under government pat ronage. Tho presence of so dlstln gulshod a personage created quite a sen aatlon in the establishment Aftei listening with much Interest to the reel tations of several of the classes, bit Majesty called to him a bright, flaxen haired little girl of five or aix years ol age, and, lifting ber into his lap, said t her: "Now, my llttlo Fratileln, let me se bow well you have boon taught T what kingdom does this belong? And taking out of his pocket an orange, hi held it up to her. The llttlo girl hesitated a moment, and, looking timidly up In the Empe ror's faoe, replied: "To tho vegetable kingdom," "Very good, my little Fraulein; and now to what kingdom does this belong?' And he drew out of bis pocket a gold piece and placed it on Die o'rango. Again the little girl hesitated, but toon replied: "To the mlnornl kingdom." "Bettor and bettor," said the Era peror. "Now look at me, and say to m to what kingdom I belong." At thisiiuestlon, there was an omlnoui silence among tho teachers and visitor! who wore listening with mubh interest to the royal catechism. Could sho makt any other reply than "To tho snlma! kingdom?" Tbe little girl hosituted long, as If perplexed as to what answui she would glvo. Was tbe Emperor at animal? Her eyes sought those of hei teacher and her schoolmates. Then slit looked up Into tho eyes of tho sgnd Em peror, and, with a half -startled, fright rncd look, as if she were evading tbl question, replied: "To the kingdom of heaven." The unexpected answer completely upset tho equanimity of tbe old gentle man. N. Y. Ledger MEN WHO FASCINATE. rental View on the Fellow Who Have W iKiilnsr Wejrs. "And would you marry the sort of nan who fascinates you?" "Yes, Indeed. I don't think there are any of them good enough, so there's not much choiee, and you are more apt to be happy with tho man who fascinates you to the extent of making you forget his faults than with the one who bas so few faults and Is so moral be just Isn't any thing elso." "I'll tell you the kind of man I eall fasclnatlug,"aald aright chatty married lady with well-tistabilshod opinions. "It Is tho one who always says the courte ous, agreeable thing, whether he means It or not Tbe one who helps you out of a street car a if you were a princess royal. Tbe one who continually piques your curiosity by making you foel that be Is keeping something back, and tbat never really allows you to believe tbat you know all aliout him. I like him to be cultured In tbe broadest sense, to have traveled and read and thought o much that be ba something to say. and with authority, on all subjects, and yet who pays you tbe moat subtle of all compliments by occasionally referring to your opinion or asking your indorse ment of his views." "The man I call fascinating," said a girl with a reputation fur possessing all tbe fascinations belonging to women, as well a understanding those peculiar to men, "Is the big. manly, strong, gentle one. I don't admire that detestable creature known u the male Sirt, but one who, when thrown with a person of the opposite sex, makes bar feL fot tbe time being at least tbat (he Is the only woman in tbe world worth talking to. N- Y. Evening Sua. OVER A BATH TOWEL. ' I'ow Thee Wonts urovw a Clerk ! Ik mrgm of Madnwts. The soul and body of the dry food ;lcrk waxeth weary when be sees three women beaded for bis counter. One It bad enough; two are worse, but three women in counsel over the merits of a both towel are enough to make a poor worn-out clerk wish he might depart from earth by the electricity method. "It seems like quite a good one for the money, don't it?" says the Intending purchaser. "Well, I don't know," says the othor, holding the towel up at full length and eyeing it critically. "I got one quite at gisd fur thirty-seven and a halt cent at White's." "You did?" "Yes, but it was eight or nine weeks ai,o and 1 dou't s'pose they've any more like It" "1 may be mistaken, but I've an idea It would shrink," says number three, taking the towel from number two and wrapping a corner of it over ber finger. "See. It s a little thin." "Well, I wouldn't mind If It did shrink s little, because oh, look at this onel Isn't it lovely?" "Bountiful'! How much Is It?" "A dollar and a half." "Mercy! I'd never pay that for a bath towel." "Nor I." . . "Those colors would fade." ' ' ' "Of course they would." "Iki you know I Uku good plain orash ts well as any thing for towels." "I don't know but seo these towel for fifteen cents, 1 paid twenty-five foi tome last week not a bit better." "Let's see; are they full length? Yes. Vhey art cheap. I've a notion to but I (tiess I won't I have so many towel tow." "They're a bargain If one really needed hem." "How do you like towels vh1 as Idles?" "Horrid!" "I think so, too." "So do I oh, let me tell you, I asw a woman on the street ono day with au ipron mado out of a rod and white fringed towel." "Mercy! Looked like fury, didn't it? How was It made?" "Oh. ono end was simply gathered to t band, and there, the towel was just llko this one; and she'd taken It so and gathered It in so, and really, It didn't look so bad after alL" "Do you suppose the colors would run In this border?" "Well, I hardly know. I had one rery much like it once, and the colore In it run dreadfully tbe very first time 1 washed it" "Then I'll not take this for I-why It it isn't four o'clock and "Who'd ever have thought" j "I must go." ! "So must I." "And I no, I'll not take tbe towel to-dny." Truax Dano, In Dotrolt free Pros. THE SOCIETY BUD. How Nhe Make Her Itebat and What lTt ally rulliiw It. A young gtrl who Is about to enter so tlety Is termed a "bud" because she Is in undevelosd blossom, even more at tractive to many than the full-fledged society girl who has had experience of worldly tbings gained by going through I couple of seasons. The first duty of a bud it to have a tea, to which all her father's and mother' Mends as well a her own should be In vited, and then sho Is really started on her euroer. Teas are rather tamo af fuirs, not only because the ice cream, wafers and coffee are insufficient to sat isfy the hunger of the sterner sex, who prefer, when they go out, to hsve some thing substantial lf no dancing Is In ardor, 'hut because the attractive girls who are not receiving are apt to decline being present if there is another engage ment of a more lmportaut character tcbisluled for the lame evening. The tea, however, is a highly nocossury 'vent, and It Is a cheap way of paying ,itf any number of social obligations. At ber first tea the bud always looks ihiirming in ber attractive white garb, slid tier cousins or school mends wbo assist her in making tho affair puss oft pleasantly are particularly anxious to jail attention to ber good looks as they beam over huge corsago boquets aud en leavor to prove even more attractive themselves. After tho tea, when the young girl has ben flattered by the attention she I...- ... .,..11. ..I ........ uun i aim uaa wvu Lmiiii u iuu by young men, and older ones, who have bad more experience In addressing com pliments to the fair sex, sho Is ready for balls, gentians and dancing classes, aud If she has any personal charm and knows how to sway her form In time to wait, polka, yorkn, Herlln, Danish lance or mllitalre schottlsche music, she Is sure to have a good time. Even if she knows hut few people others are sure to solicit an Introduction from berchaperon r other attendant, and her dances will soon lie engaged. The first season of a young girl 1 for ber a delightful existence. Alas, that it Is so quickly gone. Philadelphia North American. , raid fur Wearing Mna Cluihes. A prominent tailor having noticed the article regarding the probable establish ment here of a dress suit department for rent said: "There Is auother new dodge now being Introduced in Western cities; most of tho leading houses employ so ciety young men to Introduce their new styles. Do you not hear people wonder where this and that young man, who 1 known to work tor a small salary, got his money to buy so many fine clothes. This explains the matter, for whenever i new stylo shoe, bat, suit of clothes, neckties, etc., ete., comes out these young men don them at once and pay therefor by a systematio plan of adver tising. These men not only get their slothea, but many receive a good salary besides." This Is what you might call traveling on one's shape and living on It, too. St Joseph Herald. There is a species of acaeia which is commonly called the angry tree. It reaches the height of eighty feet after a rapid growth and somewhat resemble the century plant One of these curious plants was brought from Australia and set out at Virginia, Nev., where it ha boon seen by many persona. When the sun sets the leave fold np and the tender twigs mil tightly, like a little pig's tall. If the shoot are handled the leavea rustle and move uneasily tor a time. If thia queer plant la removed from one pot to another, it seems angry, and the leaves stand out In all directions like quill on a porcupine. A most pun gent and sickening odor, said to resem ble that given off by rattlesnake when annoyed, fills tb air, and It ts only after an hour or so that the leaves told in the natural way. ,