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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (April 28, 1888)
FACTS WORTH KNOWING. All About Yankee Doodle, Unci Bam and Hi-other Jonathan. We ue Uncle Sum at a fnectloiu name for the Ignited States; Mr. S. Grant Ollphanl explain its origin thus: "Uncle Sam Wilson" was tlio AN UNCONSIDERED EVIL. Dangers r.ruwlni Oat of he K-toro f Criminal From the tinol. While we are so nervously anxious to lit Ait physical sickness' we deliber ately continue year after year to spread and to pcrpetmite another sort of di. Government Inspector of supplies it J h hi,., I eating Bt the very vital 'I'..... l .1.. . oi 'i-i - - i: blcs of which he approved were labeled I). 8., then a new sign for United States; the work mini . supposed that these letter were the Initial of "Undo Sum," and tho mistake became a Joke, and a lasting one. So "Brother Jona than" lutd a simplo origin: Washing ton thought very highly of tho Judg ment of Jonathan Trumbull, the elder, then Governor of Connecticut, and constantly remarked: "We niunt con ink Brother Jonathan." Tho name toon became regarded a a National sobriouot. Mr. Southwlck, in "Quiz)! ism," gives borne curious informs tion about the term Yankoo; of con rue. we all know that it it the word English as pronouncod by the Atoerioan Indiana, but we do not all know that "in a curlout book on the 'Round Tower of Ireland' the origin of the term Yankoo Djodlo wat tracod to the Persian phrase Yanki-doonlah, or inhabitants of tho new world. Lay- aril, in bis book on 'Ninevah and It Ilemaina,' also mentions YanghJ-dunla us the Persian tiiimu of America." The song Yatikeo Doodle, Mr.- South wick toll us. is a old an Cromwell' tliiic it wa the protector himiulf who "stuck a feather In hit hat" when go ing to Oxford; the bunch of ribbon which hold the leitlier was a macca ron I. We know that maccaroui was a ' cant term for a dandy, that feather were worn in the tint of royalist, and that Oxford was a town of the highest importance during the civil war. I do not quite sen how round towers, the Persian language and Old Noll cumo to bo so IntiniHtuly connected, even though, n Mr. Southwlck toll, the aong was first known a Naukeo Doodle. Americans must not, as tome of hvr ' sons have douo. imagine that the dol lar-murk f stands for U S, the S boing written upon U. for both the dollar and the ngii of It were iu uso long be foro there were any United Staje. lioth Mr. Southwlck and Mr. Ollphant gave the very probable origin Indicat ed by tlin dusign on the reverso of tho Spanish dollar the pillar of Ilercule with a scroll round each pillar, tho scrolls, perhaps, representing the ser pents which Ilerculek strangled whilu yet he wa a child In hi cradle. There is also another theory that the dollar mark Is a form of the figure 8, because In old times tho dollar wa a pleco of oight real. 1 he expression "almighty dol. lar" wa lirst used used by Washing ton Irving in hi sketoh of a "Creole Village," 1837. United PrabyterMH. of society. Vlco and crime not oulv prey upon society, they oion it. And what we do is this: Over and over again we return again into the com munity all The crime that linds its way Into our Jails. The fever hospitals, the smallpox hospitals do not send their w.t... . ...if 1M !..... ..M.i i u.l tfll CHEMICAL DISCOVERIES. Commodities Producible from Purely In or fan la Materials. It will be a long time before tho far mer finds himself snpplanted bv the chemical laboratory in the production of such commodities as sugar, tea. alcohol, drugs and (lye stuff, though sanguine chemists tell us that the re- cnt triumphs of their science indicate the probability that these and other articles will some day be profitably produced from purely inorganic ma terial. Synthetic chemistry, or the forming of compounds by recombina tion of chemical elements, i making there Is no risk of spreading thjeonta- ,(fll4(y j-g,.eis, and ha already pion oi wieir several uiRKiim-n. iiik iii- allected agriculture. THE EDITOR EXPIRES. A I'Kiulnlna Apology Which Caueeil tha Deiy h of a Uood Man. "I have called," began tho lady. "Ah, ye," laid the editor, with n deep sigh, "in regard to that MS. story of your which 1 returned with thank last week P", ' Yes. I-" "1 know," Interrupted tho editor, nervously, "but you see we nro so overcrowdo,d with matter at present that-" lint, I-" "Exactly. Your story had mueii to recommend It I read it with groat In terest, 1 assure you" "With great interest, really j but I regret to say tfiat it did not exactly meet our roiiiireuients. You might end it to" "If 1-" "No. I don't think it would suit u. even If you rewrote It, a you wetej about to suggest, for "Hut-" "No, I assure you there was no per uana! feeling iu the matter not tlio slightest." "1 have" "My dear lad', I am aware that you aro the sole support of an aged mother and an Invalid sister all our feminine contributor are but still" "Mr.-" Yes, of course, your friends all say that your story is equal to any thing that ever appeared iu out columns, ami I-" "Hut, sir " "You might sond n something at tomo future time say In about a year and a half, or two years. Then we " "Will you listen to me a moment, IrP" "Bog pardon, ma'am." mates of our Jails, or a vast iiumbor of them, are never cured. J hey are in curable. They aro either born crimi nalsof which, in the nature of things, there must be very many thousand in a population like that of England or they have become Infected with crime and hardened in it, a may easily lm pen, considering the condition in which a man finds himself after imprisonment for even one serious offense. It is a common belief that our prisons, oiii convict establishments, are little lieltci than huge factories for receiving crimi nals at one end and (timing them out at tho other with their original deprav ity ron tinned and intensified. Some ' those who have the most Intimate knowledge ol these things tell us thai almost every one of the poor wretches whom we shut up in order, to let loosi again leaves tho prison nioredangeroin to soclotv than whon he entered it. I is extremely likelv. In one man' cas the brand of crime is where it wa noi before; in another' i i deepened The shame which so often passes hit' desperation seizes on the les guilty the burdened criminal is vet mor hardened now. Yet wo, knowing what these men mid women are, knowin; that they aro not only vicious in them solve, but centers of contagion, am breeders and pcrpctuators of crime constantly turn them brick from jal into tho community of which they nr the dregs and tho poison. Tills isdom methodicallr. We do it over and ovei again with the same men and women; and, after a generation or two of whai in the precisely similar caso of tho hos pitals would be thought downright madness, we aro st'irtlcdeby- the extra ordinary iiiimber of "roughs" that wt seem to possess. How many of us ever give a thought to this extraordinary system of con stantly returning criminal offend on from th:; gaols, where they are tor often exasperated and burdened, intc the general community, where nine tenth of tholn can Mo nothing but con tinue in their oldcouros? Very few, wo Imagine. And the public Indifference to what really I not a law of nature Is the more remarkable because tin problem of criminal discipline Is of the very essence of that couditiun-of-thc- people question which, for all sorts of curiously compounded and contrasted reasons, has so closely and painfull) engaged attention of late. Tho miser of the unemployed, tho poor estate ol the lialf-e m ployed, the gnawing anxie ties of iiiauv who vet contrive to find faiily regular wrk and avagos these are topics that aro found In the mouths of many who would bo very sorry tt pose as philanthropist merely because they acknowledge the common instinct of humanity. But whilu they worry tlx husk they refuse to probe the kernel. At the heart o"f the evil lies tills peren nially prolillu mass of hopeless vice and crime, and with It we shall have tc deal if wo mean to do anything worth the doing. If tho tiring is in any way practleaho we ought to change the present 'system and take meas ures for moving out of tho com munity tlio worst members of the crim inal clashes, liven as it factor In the question of pauperism and destitution this matter peremptorily claim atten-j lion. It would be tery cruel aiM very absurd to say that want is in Mr. Robert Hugh Mills, in a recent lecture, called attention to tho fact that the cultivation of madder ha been almost destroyed by the chemical dis covery that it Identical coloring mat ter can be cheaply produced from coal tar. The production of indigo i also threatened by an artificial product which the chemist hav discovered. A while ago it was found that tho cin chona tree could be protiiahty planted in India, and a fine new field of indus try was believed to have opened for the farmer of that country. Scores of chemists, howerer. have boon at, work upon the synthesis of quinine, and their researches have ad vancod so far that tha prediction is now confidently made that tho manufacture of the prin ciple or quinine wilt soon be a com mercial success, and lhat cinchona planting will become a thing of the past These chondral reproductions of the valuable principles inherent iu natural products are often easier to handle and utilize than the products from which they have hitherto been de rived, and thus the tendency of manu fact urea is to substitute artificial foi natural source of supply. Tlio problem of sugar-making from I Morgan to materials ha engaged bsonu chemist for a number of years. The synthesis of glucose last year bv Fischer and Tafel, 1 said to 4romiso an ample supply of tlii commoJitv without the aid of grapes or starch. Two years ago some German chemist. announced that they bad produced saccharose, the equivalent of cane sugar, by passing an electric current through a mixture of starch, sulphuric acid and water! Nothing has yet be-n heard of the com mercial value of tl.ls new product, and there is no reason to think it will prove a dangerous rival to tlio sweet we derive from the cane and the beet. Some sugar growers, however, have been nronhesvimr for vears that some thing would happen to ruin tho sugar" industry, and their alarm receive a fresh impulse at every new discovery liko t.iat of Renisou saccharine, an exceedingly sweet article produced from coal tar. The day may come when processes of sugar-making by the use of inorganic materials will seriously affect the sugar planter, but there is no reason as yet to believe that his In dustry will soon be imperilled. Legislation has intervened in some places to protect the dairy farmer against oleomargarine even where this product is honestly sold as artificial butter. It is not to bo expected that in many cases whero'scionce supplies us with a desirable substitute for any product, tho law can bo successfully invoked to keep the world from reap ing the benefit of increasing knowledge. Future discoveries may compel the far mer to cease raising some produeo by which he has thrived, or to ckaao Lat0d improve his method of agricul ture; but it is certain that the tillers of the soil will continue to supply the chief resources of food and appand. v. a, bun. DOING YOUR BESi. flM Ad rlea for tooof Men Itmlroi l Developing Thenuelne. The only way for a clerk to develop himself Is to do hi best He can get along, no doubt, with less than this, but be ought to wish to get along as far as possible to make the most pos. sihle of himself-and thi he can not do if he stop short f what we may call strenuous endeavor. There are plenty of employe who will "take things easy" whenever the eye of the boss is not on them; audit you are of this category there will be little to sin gle you out of tho ordinary run of clerk. But a proper-spirited young man will not he content to think of be ing merely an averago man of a lot of average fellows; ho will rather find satisfaction in thinking that he may become separated or distinguished from tho other in the mind of his em ployer, and 'o do thi he must have other and higher standard by which to measure himself than have those clerks who wish to get along a easy as possible, and who think they are making a personal gain when thoy take advantage of a chance to do less than full service to the man who employ them. A a stream can not rise higher than its source, so your dis charge of your duty to your employer will not be superior to that of a dozen other clerks unless your motives, and your conceptions of duty, are higjiei than their. "I will bavo a easy and a slightly laborious a time as I can have, and appear to bo doing my work," is not a conception of duty which is likely to single you out as a young man of a different 'stamp from most young oineii who work for wages. A a rule it is the clerk who i worthy who get promotion, not the one who is bent on having an easy time; and a man who gives less than his best serv ice is not giving worthy service in the true sense of the word. 0o Tho chance, therefore, of getting on with your employer is promoted by giv ing him your best, and so is the prol ability of your mastering the business and becoming an adept in it. But there Is another point of view which also presents a roason for doing your best, A matt is a unit, a single thing, and ho can not think, or do, or be guy thing without its affecting his entire individuality. He can not slight his duty to his employer without slighting hi duty to himself. The employer may never And it out, but the man who does the slouching service when he should have done the thorough service has to that extent developed himself into a fraud, ail so done himself a serious wrong, lo the clerk given to self-examination, 1 this a satisfactory reflec tion? Is the doing of half-service the sort of training to draw out your best powers? Is not the doing of poor work for your employer training you to do poor work for yourself? Is it not true that what a man does that he Is? If you defraud your employer are you not a fraud? If you cheat In in out of full service, ijre yon not it cheat? Can you do less for him than conscience tells you ought, and still feel sure that you will oliey conscience in other matters) St. J,oui.i Grocer. AN ENGINEjS VICTIMS. A Georgia Knclneer Tells What He H Hilled on the Track. "Ikillod a buzzard Mil morning.' remarked an old engineer of the (!eoi gia road to a reporter the other after noun. "Rather strange gamo to bo hunting with a 'locomotive. How did it hap pen?" "A dog or something had been killed the day before, and the buzzard was so Interested in the carcass that he didn't take any notice of me until 1 got right upon him and he wa knocked off into the ditch. I hit him a pretty hard lick, and I guess it killed him." "Isn't it an unusual occurrence to run over bird and tho liko?" ho asked. "O, no, not at all; we frequently kill partridges, dove and sparrow with out number. Sometimes a whole bevy of chicken are ground up at a time. Although all kind of , poultry are run over from time to time I beliove guineas are smartest in getting out of the way. Whon a flock of them I en countered on a track, they usually strikeout in a run directly ahead of you, -sticking to tho track, until you get right upon them, and thon dart off to one sido. If onor get off tho rest follow. I never knew it to fail. If yon get one of them, you get the whole flock." "How i it with other animals? I NOSOLOGY EXPLAINED. ht I'oeU and Phlloeophera Have Foaw to Hay on the aabjoot. Thomas Moore differs from me, fm i write, quite oblivious of Lavater: In vain we fondly strive to trace. The eoul'i reflection In the face; In vain we dwell un tines and crostei. Cmoke'1 noe and short proboeclt, Uooulet bare looked at wiee and bright As Itato and the utiwyerlte; And many sage and leurned skull Has peeped through windows dark and dull Noso have, however, been hold In espeet for many reasons by the learned. an oracle the old writer held that t wa a sure lgn of faithful affection. Write Rouister: "Did my nose bleed iu your company?" And, poor wretch, just an sho said this, to show her true heart, her nose fell a bleeding. Bleed ing of the nose did not always indicate his, however, as the learned Grose pleaded, for he hold: "If a nose bleed one drop only, it forehodie sickness: if three drops, the omen i still worse." W hile Milton, who wrote the "Astrolo gif." said: "If a man's nose bleed one drop at tho left) nostril it i a siri f good luck. Dokker. on the other hand, held that tho principal use of the noso wa to foretell the comlnr of strange guest: We shall ha' guests to-day My nose Itcbclb. There aro lot of expressions in popu lar parlance, too, to show how impor tant tho nose is considered. For bi gness you have run over nearly every stance, ono speak of a dupe a a per kind in your time?" . ton who is "led by tho nose," and Iao "Yes, I re ton I have, ' said the en gineer, thoughtfully, a shadow pass ing over hi kindly fa.'o ns ho finished tho sentence. "I supooso I have run over nearly everv thing, from a man down to a toad." "Ono day I wa running at a high speed, considerably Wiind timo. Just as I turned a curve a colored man. seated on a load of wood and driving a mule, was crossing tho track ahead of me. Although ho had amplo time to got over, I involuntarily shut off the steam and threw on the brakes. It was too savs of Othello: He was led by tbe nose at astet are. "Paying through tho nose," again, is held to be a condition of too much trustfulness, and Grimm says that this saying had its origin in an old practice of Kins: Odin, who levied a tax of a penny on every noso or polL "Tweak ing" the nose indicates not only a nose puller, but a nose owner who is weak enough to let people wring his probos els; and not only did Papists iu the old days slit tho nose of the Protestants, and Roundheads slit the nose of cava- late, however. The pior follow became ,ers, but in the war of 1877-78 the Mon- frightened and struck hi mule a blow with a switch, and the srubborn animal came to a dead stop right in hi tracks. The man wa paralyzed with fear and unable to move. The next instant I struck the wagon am' knocked it into a thousand pieces, carrying the unfortu- j ul,e to find out secrets. nate man more than thirty yard be- LuMii poet says: lore i con iii stop, inn mine piouuoa on iugrius generally cut oft tho nose of all fhe Turkish prisoner that they chanced to tako. Still, though suffering the occasional indignity of a tweak, a good nose only belongs tfl tho clever man a man who For, a t.e ARTESIAN WELLS. TheOr 9rlgln Traneahle to the Time of the Anrlrnt KKyptlane. The sedimentary rock in their great thickness enclose a succession of water- i sheet or water-levels occupying dis. case tho rfsult of misconduct; but it ill tinct stages and extending with uniform true that the inherited repugnance 0r I'narocter under weolo countries liko large number of our fellowmcn tc ,hu 8lniU to wluL'h tuey aro sulwrdi. honest. Induvtry alone make tlistiossl ,t'"'- It improper to remark hero that imiiianageble. " Thousand of the "un-j ".v ,!,H ,m"m 't'r-heet is not meant a employed" earn no wages because tt.ej,"e:1 b,'a WlU,M l'dged cavity bo do not want to work. They do odd jobs,) t,,,'n ""H'1 that serve as walls Iheyjoaf. they tramp, thoy pilfer, they! b,lt '' Ui"jr .ho minute inter steal, and so on through the whole I til',,sot tlie crack of a rock. Contiu gamut of lazines and vice. Why i, uous and regular In sand, these sheets this? We have already said. Human1 are "wily discontinuous and irregular nature i far from perfect yet. Many I1" I'uiestone and sandstones, in which rogues are born; many others are easily ' tho '"ly occupies more or les turned into rogues by circumstance. It! pai'i"i fissures. I likely enough that the instinct ol When natural issue aro wanting evil living is transmitted; it is certain' human Industry is able, by boring, to that tho contamination of vicious sur- make opening down to tho subter rounding has it natural effect Nece-! ranean water, w hich it causes to jet I only called to ay that, having re-i sity holds the born felon In a pitiless' ul' " tlltt surface and sometime to a gri. Birth gives theinfant the fatal bent ! considerable height aliove. the thought home-life develops it The unwiedly ' -' undertaking such works is a very bulk of modern society is traversed by; ancient one. The Kjyptians hail re haid lines of moral a well as of social! course to them forty centuries ago; and cleavage, (.'rime runs into pockets like tlt?v were executed In France in Ul'6 at ore In the mine. The Isluuaelitcsdwell! Artois wheneu tlio name of artesian alone and propagate among themselves. ' well has been given t thoni. ' There Is nothing to attenuate the vicious Tho water levels of the cretaceous strain. We have on the fringe of the strata, from which the French artesian decent population a clas of creatures! water issue, are not always of ad who at best are worthies ami too often; vantage; but in the north of France and aiv pure pests. Ii Is recruited, but it is in Belgium they constitute the most not regenerated, from the outside; on' formidable obstacle which miners have read the story I sent you, I am con vlnced that It is destitute of merit aud i I wish tonpologie tor having ever sent' it to you." I The editor rose to hi feet, uttered a' low, blood-curdling laugh, and hastily j took his departure from a world which had become too good for him. A. A Ettarns, in Tid-liits. t i A Peculiar Mistake. I W. (i. Bally, of Dallas, hired a col ored cook. After she had brought homo the wrong change from market four successive day, he said; j "You are coming ir Just a little too strong. There is a mistake iu the change again." j "Dar's a mistake in do change, did' jersay?" I "les, and as usual, the mistake I Iu j our favor." "look brah, wMteninn, you doan' s'pect a poo' culled pusson ter make a mistake in do change giu hrrse'f, dot yerf" 7'exM Ailiay. e "Patient healed by divine aid." is Ihe i-n of a faith ductvr in Uasiuu. I the other hand, it fi-eds the rank of the thriftless, the reckless, the ne'er-do- wells. hat must be the result of such a state of things? itlt a rapidly in creasing population, wtu a greater m iss of poverty, a greater tiumlx r of lciously disHs,Hl wopln crowding In to "r.asi.entts in all our great cities, what cm we expect from a continuance of the present system of dealing with Ihe criminal clases? Reason answers th.it we are to expect nothing but eviL 6'.'. Jnmti' G&: tt'.t. An Itinerant preacher, who ram- bled ill bis sermons, when tYipicsted to tick lo bis text replied "that scatter ing shot would hit the most birds" to encounter in reaching the coal bed. A striking confirmation of tho theory of the source of supply of tho artesian water ha been observed in Tours, where the water, spouting with great velocity from a well a hundred and ten metres In depth, bring up, together with fine sand, fre-di water shell and setHi in such a state of preservation a lo show that they could not have been more than three or four month on their voyage. Some of the wells of the Wady Rir have also ejected fresh water mol liisk. fish and cralw, Mill living, which must, therefore, have made a still more raj ul transit. Popular iYtVnce MoMAIg. HEHAD NO SHOW. A olod Murtyr h.i Wat Trepared to Take II In Meclivlnr. An old negro who was on trial for stealing a calf was askul if he pleaded euiity or not guilty. I Jis wanter say dis, Jedge. an' den I s dun, fur 1 reckon you gwineter hah yo own way putty much, nohow. 1 until steal uo ca f. "Why, you were seen .leading th calf to your house." "Pal possible, sail. You see Iowuz out on de road, an' cr whito generman noinfl cl'lnni leiulin' or en'f an' ... Woan you ploiise hole Us yere ea'f tell I goes Vross Ait fid' ter bob er pusscn Hut fiUitd fiiA smiia iiuni)t-9' IV nil VtAtn' e. aceommodatin' cz I is, I couldn' ho'p it, an' I took holt de rope, an' de man ho went away. I waited an' waited, an' ho didn' come back, an not knowin' whut elso ter do wid de po' ca'f, I lod him ober ter my 'ouse." "Yes, but you killed tho calf." "Yas, sah,an' I'll tell you 'bout dat. Wen 1 got homo I gunter feed do po' ca f, an do fust thing I knowed ho dun choked hisso'f on a year o' co'n. I worked wid him, I did, an' don seein' dat he gwino dio er awful hard def in spite o' all I could do. w'y I knocked Um in do head to git him outen hi misery." "That's all very well, but you cut the call up and hid the moat awav. "Yas, sah, I did dat, an' fur dis rea son: Uo nigger out my way wuz gwino ter hub er church supper, an' knowed that ef da seed so much meat at my 'ouse da'd want me ter 'tribute do mos' o' hit ter de feast." "Ah, hah, but when an officer went to you and asked you concerning the calf, you denied all knowledge of it." "Yas, sah, fur, you see. I jis' thought he wax er'qui.sitivo sorter pusson. an' belli' ershy man met self, w'y I didn' want him ter come pryin' inter my my fam'ly erfairs." A "Yes, but when he found the meat you swore that you raised the ca'f and "Hole on. jedge, hole on. I sees how lis thing's driftin". I sees dat von prejudiced ergin me, an' is jis' tryin' ter hem me up in er cornder. Ef you want me ter go ter de penitenchv. w'y, ji sesso, an' dal'll settle iu Er hone' mau ain't got no show in dese vers days u' polities an' c'riipshon, an' I ain't gwino ter try ter hole out er-'in yer. Do martyr is cr waiiin' fur vo' action, sah. Doyo' wusu" Arkuniatr Trartltr. Several European specialists have made thecnriou observation that acute rheumatism is more prevalcut iu dry lli.iu in rainy wcaUier. the road as unconcernedly a though he were still attached to hi load and nothing had happened. "But, speaking of animals," contin- eud the engineer, "sheep seem to have less sense than any thing elrvs. If a flock of them should hapoen to be grazing near the track when a train comes along, and they don't manage to get in tho way of it, it won't be their fault. I have killed a many a a dozen at a tunc. We don t kill many nowa days, though, hecau.se tnere are very few in tho country. "Goat" are just the opposite. I have never killed more than one or two. Thev aro smart enough to get out of the way from tho time they are two day old. Let ono bo in the way of an approaching engine, and when he wants to get off the track that is just what he docs, and without auy foolishness, cither. If he should happen to be in a cut ho starts up the bank, and gets there, too. "While running a freight one night I ran into a drove of about half a dozen horse. It was quite dark, and I could see them only when I would get close unon them. With their characteristic stupidity under such circumstances the frightened animals made straight ahead of me at the top of their speed. I sujv pose I ran them in this wav for several miles, sometimes stopping entirely to let them get out of the way, but when- over I reached a descending grado I would be upon them again. At last they were caught and two of them killed before the rest got off the track. "A good many hog and cattle are also killed on the track. Of course, these all have to be paid for, and there is something romnrkablo in tho fact that only Jerseys, Berkshires and the Iiko are so unfortunate a to ret in our way. V honever a cow does get off the iracK ami out of iianser we have no reason to feel gratified, because, we know she is only a scrub, and of no value, any WAy.-Allantn Constitution. m 9 m FAIR AND SQUARE. A Real Gatate Traimitetlnn Which Hade Nobody It'eh. Non euicunque datum est habere natum. which freely rendered into English means: It is not given to every body to bafe a nose 1 keen wit.) Still, as I have remarked, the nose is not treated with the respect that it should be, and this is possibly because it is often the medium of ridicule. You will remember Barium's lines: The aa?rlatan expressed no words To indicate a doubt. But he put his thumb unto hi nose And spread his fritters out. Naturally the bands placed tandem in front of the noso put the organ itself in some peril, and hence it gets hit occa sionally in a light, ns witness Hudibras, who notes that: Those who in quarrels Interpose Must olten wipe a bloody nose. London Echo. ESSAY ON NEWSPAPERS. by en Some Clever Chnrarierlantlnns Albany Prloler' Derll. Tho souvenir dancing order of tho Albany Printing Pressmen' Union con tain the following contribution from "a printer's devil," which I too funny for publication in so-called comic papers; it least, they seldom have such gen uine humor. It is entitled a "Prize Es say on jNewsnaoers: Newspaper i called vehicles of in formation. Reporter is what is called "the staff", so many of them being "sticks." I'liey work hard at refreshment bars. Proof-readers i men what spoils the punctuation of compositors. Thoy spell t word ono way to-day and another vay to-morrow. They think they be intelligent persons; compositor think lifterent. Compositors is men a set up tho type and sometimes the drinks. Com positors is very steady men when they is sober which they seldom is when they can help it. Editors is mon what knows every thing in tho heaven above and the earth beneath. They is writers who doesn't write any thing whatsoever. They i the biggest men you ever see. of.-inrtirf.ra ta nwtn a, IaL-a. In tin "Those Western fellow can give us RIU, giv ,1!ltent niMliu,ne ..m,sm to.H LAtlt-htA Itm tlf J 11 II. I t line l- t- I . of columns next to reading matter. thirty-seven columns out of thirty-two. rroprietor an t any body. They an't ever seen. Printer' devils i the most important persons in a printin' office They doe tho hardest work and get tho least pay. Pressmen is well, there wouldn't be no newspapers, no circus bills, without pressmen to print 'em. , Feeders is men what feed on the fat iweniy-uve point ana men beat us every game." said a Detroit real estate agent who returned from a Western trip yesterday. "What do you mean?" was askod. "I mean cheek," ho replied. "I had speculation in my eye whon I went West, but I trot scared before I readied Su Paul. Why, sir, there were no less than thirteen real estate agent in mv particular coach and every one made a dead set at me. One chap who wanted to sell me business property in St. Paul of the iam was me nest eaiKer i ever heard. J looked up the land after I got there and it was just eleven mile from the center of the city. Some of the pieces of suburban property mentioned to mc at a bargain were forty miles away, They took it as an insult if you wanieu to ride out and see tho property. "And didn't you buy?" "Yes. At Kansas City a man slumped me to traue a piece o: land 1 had in Saginaw County for a suburban farm ho had there. It wa unsight and un seen." "And did you make or lose?" 'O, I came out about even, I guess. His suburban farm was a hill in Arkan. s.is, while my Michigan farm was a cat tail swamp two feet under water the year round. We are both trvino- ir If 1 ever start a paper of mfown I'll call it the Umbrella. Every body will take it I heard tho foreman toll thi funny story to one of the "stair' the other day. It mut have been funnv. 'cause they both laughed. This i the story: gentlemen was promenading the street with a little hoy at his side when he littlo fellow cried out: O, pa. there goes an editor!' 'Hush, hush,' said the father, 'don't mako sport of the poor man God only knows what you may come to yet." Albany Argus. -"Did she havo a raw hido when she assaulted you? asked hi honor of a meek gentleman who accused hi wife of assault with intent lo kill. "No. sell to second panics now, ami perhaps your honor," said the poor man, feel un- i..;.u mio -eis my nut win arrange ing of lumseif ten.le to nil In f..r the man who evt th wamu. V.iroU t ret Prts. rlv; "I'm the one that bad. the rawhide: in fact, vour honor, I have it stilL"