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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (March 19, 1887)
V V. ; c 1 i ! ' 1 1 3 I ! I.': 1 I i Si . i I : I it i PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL. K. V. Mondor, a sixteen-yeiir-old Ixiy in Allen County, Kentucky, wcighti T.l'l ioiiikIh. "Kvi-ry Woman Her Own HooU lilm k" is llm wibjeet of a himt to be read before, a Huston literary club. Jlosttm Journal. Utile Mn''ic Hill, of fay'ltvil!n, Ti'iin.. although only nix years old, ilayn (lie violin almost us well as llm lifht teacher in .Stall!. Louinville Cniiriir-Ji'iirnnl. Janc Mui'liy, llm colored Aliieri run loekov, in the nc-trcsf jiproiirh we have to Fred Archer, his annual earn- i II r being placed lit. from $10,MMJ to fl'j.'HK). - riiirini) Trillium. A citizen of Ceoigia, recently do ceased, had ten sons, to all of ssliolii lie gave name beginning willi the letter A, iih follows: Alphieus, Andrew, Al len, AlMou, Aliiiand, Ambrose, AIm-I, Alfred ami Aaron. AllnnUt Cuu.stilu lion. Captain MeMielian, of (lie Cunnrd line, J .-1 h made eight hundred trips aeross the Atlanlie and nine trips to India, liaviliL' sailed altogether nearly 1,!MKI,immi niile-i ami looked at about J.',IH),OOII.O(li) worth of cargoes. A'. '. 'J'lliijrinn. -One of the many peculiarities of Hie recently I i'-i''in-il Vice-( 'haiieellor j liaeoll ssas his 1 1 1 . I m 1 1 1 r. 1 1 1 1 objection In a tnn-tai he ami positive loathing for ii lii'aid on a liani-liT. The lime ssas when ueli a plieiioiiiennii as a iniis taehod or lieanled barrister was un known. - l.iiinltin l.i Hi r. - Carrie Alice .Martin, daughter of a lii -in I -1 if tin- lioMmi police force, dii-d recently at !.im lic-.ter, aged about nineteen sears. lhning the la-t fifty five il.-i s of hi I' lite no fund pa-seil her lips, ami the physicians eonld not as certain si'iiat picsellleil hii'frolll taking nourishment. I;nlnn Tnicilhr. Kate Field says that llie SS'ollian who aims to he fashionable might as well commit suicide ill the start. She iut in fli ct home, husband ami chil dren, put assay comfort and conven ience, lo a liist-cla-'S lis puerile and a gooil slanoerer, ami at the eml of i-u S car-laeak doss il ami liecoine a phs sic . id wn-ik. - I), I roil I'nf V, ..,. -Count. Ie l,eci,, ss lien in Wash ington, n:i thus pictured liy a ssrih r on tie- I'i-I: "'I'lic Count was in the hot of form. Hi gray 1 1 1 1 1 -1 ich- ss a well sv.r.ed mid drawn out at th.- ends ns line as n n Ile-poiui. The Cuiinl lets a giviit nose, wliicli runs nearly the w hole length of his f.iee. like a raMiil's nose, nun wncii lie stintc in iii it. utm li is very often, t!ie no-v o cr-iiadoss s every tiling els,., iim hi-, little eses r out uliarls from a focus of wrinkles which seem absolutely lo revel in (he fun which brings Ihcin into play." The rri-sidclilial ssidosvsare miicli more tenacious of life than the IVesi deiil.s or Vire-I'rosiileiils. The country is paying yearly annuities of live tlioii naud dollars each lo the widow of IVesi dent Tyler, the widosv of l'le-idenl. 1'olk, the widosv of I'residcnl (irant and the widosv of President, (iarlield, and only ii fesv years ago ceased pay In;; ii like annuity to the svidosv of Ahrahain l.iiu-olii. Mrs. Tiler was nuirried when her liuslmiul was I'l-csi-dent, mid lias survived the Tiler reign full forty-live years, and Mrs. I'ulk has miriived (he I'.dk Administration lull forty-one years. -('Iiii ato Joiiriinl. WOMEN IN BUSINESS. 0H Ilitnillioo'i Mrs til Thrlr Trial In TliU Worhilr World. When wonmn luw to eoiu ern herself with flic material necessities of lifii she descend from a higher piano tlnir man. She in often forced to descend She must often sloop to compier. Hu manity has made immense strides nince. it was first heard of, hut it lias a p-cat wi'V yet to (jo before it reaches the re pose of perfect harmony ami crosvns n liniflicil svorld. The utiircl in man has fatally brili-cd the head of flu laiile in mall, but tho brute still bites lit the heel of theali'i'l. As bctsveen the nn e and the hi ule I think our country leads the world. The iiinpicstiouahle claim of svoliiali, llm ileferciice due lo woman, the .icredness of her phs sical inferiority and of her spiritual super iority, are not only a coininaiidin in stinct but clearly-delined idea in Amer ican maiihoiid. A thousand violations on the part of both men ami women do not annihilate (Ins fact. J hoiisamls of women eaiaiin' their own living, thoii- COUNTINQ THE COST. Intcmllnc Krl and Vfam from I'nrle Mun'a Hook of KllinlM. Tho annual book of estimated dent to the Hoiist) on tho opening of Con press pves nonin interesting facts and figures relative to the rost of running a great Government like that of this country. Congress, for instance, h a costly luxury. The salaries of mem bers amount to two millions of dol lars, and the total cost of the Legisla tive I'epartment for tho year is esti mated ut over five and a half million dollars. It is remarkable how helpless a man gels as soon as he geto into Con gress. J'ut him in a law otlieo at home, and if he has anybody to wait on him it is an ollice boy at a salary of about f 1 a week, rut him in Congress and give him the privilege, of hiring his at tendants out of the (lovernineiit purse and it costs from $ to $L'0 a day for his assistants. The estimates for the clerks and messengers and other sub ordinates for the Senate for tho fiscal , ... 4-1 If IU.il ,.ds of wives working harder than ! "" ,l" ."." "' .1 . .1. .t -Tl.-ioo ioi CICII iiici oer. ii iii-ii IHI se f-siiniiortin'' iiianleiis, thousands of ' ' . -. . both doing their work with ot'svithout protest, not iillei valued "A LITTLE NONSENSE." -Have a chew:'" ,',,; I don't chew." Di.iCl Mill'1" "Xn ; ,ou't Sou." J'lilUis .Slilli.iiililll. - Siiinetiines mothers secrete llie err ing I m for fear the father will hide him when he comes In. me. Ho.ston jlii'l',!. on seldom hear of accidents at a dam-bake, and )cl it is there that you lind the cl.iin-inighty. - I'lthlninjli Vo'umiiVi. I'ul t It it in sieir pipe and mol,e it," otiscricd Hie si,,Vl. when ii w,i tilsl li-li l.-i up I',, i- w. liter us,, tm, ihe pipe s'lioked. A. 'i - ll.tr, u A. . 'Val"sile mailer. Al.e;'" "Mudder lies Hied me : l,:ur ohf b-liridclies und ohf dcrold -tit:-i- e.,rpel. und I ;;.iil'l hiil dus n, ties .ire so -lit i (V !" - 'i.ev. - A ucsv saclil, C;i. Tlcslle, is lieiio; built mii the Clsde t,i contend, est III II ills, for the America's cup. Ii slmulil lot lie di lib lilt lor the Mii Ih.sser lo sail the Thistle iiss n .V. Y.' WtrU. It. .Is is tr iii-,' lo boir.iw .'t.Mim.iNKl lircs. We me surprised. Ii d is , well xiippli.-d with chcsinuts that sse never iin.igincd that In r stuck of liars was miming short. - lionton Tr,in-riit. --"Ih ssie, I hear your sister is sick. What aiMicr?" "I don't know , ma'am. May be it's the iliphunu." -The w hat, child?" "Tlie diploma. I hoard mother say that she took il at school "- T!,,!,,. ifWiAi'd CuM. - "The shades of nilit weiv falling fal." lead the teacher, "what doc's that mean?" And the smart bad boy ivckoucd "tho women were pulliii' down the blinds," for which . got tea minute, in the merry bin h woods. -HardiUi. --"Do ion know that Ni;rt.-r is so weak t'l it he can't st.-iml nloiie?" nked Ihe Judge. --Mei, ). no." replied the Major, "what is the matter w iih him?" "Why, 1 n-kcd him if he could stand a I0.111 .f I.so dollar-, ami . ho couldn't. .Ski ',,, ,.-,, (V.no.i, -TI.eN'ew York Moil ,!,;,( rrxv, nll would ben tcnible thin jn-i now "if llio hands cinploscd h, t,e ! I'umpkin pietact,.i,sshuld Mnko." Tiny do strike ic.iiouallv, if the )i,iingsers p,.,s.it hi iMiing if,,'. I'lunis ,ui of Urn uiiiice. - t rin'J nay, even with rejoicing, do t the fact. Even America, atl as it is, has not reached the d life. It is much that we have reached a point whero sse can catch lilnpscs of Ihe l'roini-eil band. At lii-st sight it seems idle to say to women who are wearing themselves out in doing svork that should be done by sonants, or to a svmld in which a largo part of tho household svork not only, but of out.-iilo work us sscll, is done by women, (hat ultimately and ideally they ought notlo work at all. I'iiiI in any comparison of their cll'cctiv uess ssitli that of men, il certainly should never be forgotten, it should alssass be kept well ill sight, that liosv ever unnicce-sful their clliirts be, it is in a Iii Id which they are not made to cultivate. It is belter thai they culti vate that liehl than that they bo idle in their oss ii, or that they starve in their neighbor.'. Many women nre not -llllicienl ly deS eloped to discern their ow ii in i ii I iii r svork. W ithout discern ing it they do a great deal of it instine- lisely III the lusver Ileitis where they are forced lo lise, but from which they will oiied iv lie ".T.iilu.ilcd. Hut alssass il should lie he held up mi all .sides to Ihe light that svoiii. iu's i l ssork is on i li.-i i . icier, her Uies: weapon is iiil'ueuce. She call buy and sell. 1 1 j I cook and sew, ami wash and iron, I eeaii-e she is -till of the earth cai.liy; bill she can not do it o well as a man hecau-e shu is not so much of an earth creature as he. As a matter of fact, oven in this favored country, where men pay lo svoiueii, as women, not as ladies, or belles, or beauties, an exlraordin.vy deference, tlie'inass of ssiscs work as bard us the mass of liu.baiul. Their spiritual superiority is signilied chielly in litis - that the Women work for lose, tho men for money. The spiritual ad vance made by man is seen chielly in j this, that so much of the money ho earns goes to tho ministry of refine- incut, education, embellishment, to the j svifo and children w hom ho loses. Hut : the woman sees no money for her toil. consider that this is for a session that is lo last but six or eight months nt the furthest, you find that it gets up a pretty largo per diem. Tho estimates for the service of this sort in tho House urn a considerably larger sum. The cost of tiio public printing, which is charged in willi expenses of congress, is ah. ne about tsvo and a half millions. Thy President mid the corps of clerks employed for his assistants cost a little b -i than a hundred thousand dollars. The cost, of the jjoiioral doparlmclils of the dose rninent varies jnvatlv. Tin; Iixeciitise proper is the least. expensive, the total being put at but. lj I :'.'), DDI I, while the cost of the 1 reasnrv Depart' ineiit is pui at ni l in.boo.ono. In this. however, are iiielmb d the Mini the de partment needs lo pay the interest on tho public debt and pros ido a sinking f.ind. Ihe total cost of running tm. ',j iseriiiueiit for the next fiscal year is put down at !j:;L'.",oiiiiti, or l,iHin,(Mio a day omitting Sundays. The book of estimates is a largi volume of ;j,,o paires, ami ''rowing larger every year. It contains minute calculations a:nl o-tiniata's of (he ex penses for the s car ending Juno .'10, l.sss. The details of these estimates are something curious. They tell the number of clcil.s that every depart ment can have, the amount that each Collector of Internal Kcvcuuo mav spend, the pfopri.'iled sum that tl F.Ncontive VITALITY OF SEEDS. Reliable liiforiimtliin for Kuriiirre Kngagrd lu .lUrkrl-OarilriiiiiK. Thorn in a general misapprehension as to the length of time during which nods r-tain their vitality. There is also a general fooling, equally un grounded, that seedsmen wml out old seeds that will not grow. Koni" "box seedsmen" linns, sslio put up Heeds to be peddled out in the country, may do so; but those in the regular trade send out no seed that will not grow if given the proper conditions fur germination. A case in point will illustrate: A lady of our acquaintance: com plained that seeds of celery Were bud. She know it, for did she not plant them ns deep ns the width of her hand a rircttv broad one to get tlicni in moit earth? I-1 it any wonder that they did not gross ? Minute seeds, like celery, must bososvti not more than an eight of an inch deep to insure germination. As a rule the fault is more often that of the planter than tho seedsmen. The practical rule is thai seeds should not ho planted inflro than four times their diameter in depth. It is a safe rule to follow. Another safe rule is to press lino earth closely about the Hood. As to the vitality of seeds, the follow ing table mav lie taken as correct, if the seed has been well ripened and sased in tho condition Usual ss it'i seedsmen: Farm, I'idtl uml Slorl.mun. A DRYRIVER. r Why un Artist Tiii m-il rerfei-lly iiroen with VI' rath uml Horror. All eminent French art collector once bought in Paris a lamb-capo by a noted "iinpres' ioiiist" which he siiosved, with nun fl'ie! number of clerks to In Her sullicionl, her amilo reward is in a husband, content, happy, growing iu grace; in children, bounding to gra cious maturity. The unmarried woman works for lieccssils, for lose of her de pendent ones, for lose of some beautiful or bcnclicent profession, for sweet mercy and charity lo the ig norant, for horror of dependence upon those on whom she has no claim - sel lout for business, ambition or material accumulation. The woman who fails iu her business is not necessarily the woman who sinks beneath Ihe toil of the kitchen, or who pricks her life out ssith the needle, or who cannot make both ends moot iu a dry good establish ment or a milliner's shop. Such a wo man fails in man's business, not in her own. The woman who makes a real failure, a failure in her oss u business, i Ihe unloved ssonian, Ihe ungracioit woman, the grasping, the selli-h. tho i epi I'-sn e, i no ll ii) m p. il !Hlg, tile cen sorious, the untruthful, the ssonian who i a centre of discomfort, a source of iuicl). an object of avoidance, instead of being lli.it gentle, eonsoline-, eonid irate, motherly magnet which draws unto itself all human want, and woo, and bliss, and aspiration. .V. ) . il'io a, Rtporlori.il Gush. A Fiflh avenue young lads recently made her debut in ocict s , and a re porter describe the occasion a follow s; "The light shown through dclicalclv tinted globe, and a center piece of rare orchids and lilies adorned the tabic. In tho drawing-room the mantle was banked with maiden hair ferns and bas ket of ss hilo, pink and yellow roses, while hsacinths and violets tied with dainty ribbons were scattered about iu profusion. The fair debutante received before a s,r i of smilav, which was shaped liked an immense palm-leaf fan and covered with handsome floral offer ings. She wore a prclly Froin li dii s "f silk mull, with pearl ornaments, and carried a bouquet of violets and or chids. Her mother stood at her right mid wore a rich costume of yellow bro cade. A besy of pretty gir;, nearly all of whom were debutantes of this season, assisted in receiving." Tnu n 7 epic. - , At the Powder Maxine. Sentry -Throw assay that cigar. Stranger Put it isn't es.-n lit. "That makes no difference, throw it away." "All right, but is it really danger ous to smoke in this vicinit) 'Tlangcivits to smoke! Why, it a'n't even safe to take a pinch uf snuff." ip- for at the White House, the io Prcsioeiil's fireman at the Mansion mas be paid, and otlu-r in i ii ii l that would alonish you. Yet it is said that the detail is not as great in the case of this (ioscrnineiit as is the case iu sonic other countries, "The minuteness of our estimates are nothing to that practiced by the Pritish (loverntnoiil," said j oligl'ossmail Jacksoll, ol I'eun- i sylvania, to your correspondent, j riding doss n from the Capitol at tho 1 close of the session. The liii; book of j Sol t pages of estimates had occasioned i some remark about the potty details that the (ioveriinient was asking its ! law-makers to consider each year. "The details of tho expenditures are I not nearly so rcm"kablo as those of I the Pritish ' (ioveruinont," he said. "They have studied tho art of running . the (iosoriiincut at an economical and 1 prudent rale for a long time, und seem to have it doss n to a much liner point I than wo have. Their book of estimates , is much larger than ours, and the de- I tails w hich their lass -makers consider i much more minute" II u.ii 'nylon Cur ; ( iiiriiimili Tinii .i. Si.kiisop V-iirt. 'Sefms or Al'lu ll.ila' .'iti I'. I'arslev !! to .) Aiiir.i!in -Hi a I'arsr.iii '.' Id M Jie.uis, all kiinls..'.' to :i I'cus .1 lo ll li'.-l H to 4 I'lii Milcn K'o la ;r..ii-,i:t .Mo r, o.!u',hi;rli "to I ( ai rot '.' to si,ha-li s to III Cress 3 lo -I l.el!. u t- ,1 lo I Cori on i-oli '-' to .1 .Melon s to in Cuc a'ia. r s la in .'.1 isianl .1 lo 4 Kcr plant I to ' ( mra a to 4 I. nilne .'. to II S ill'.'irll ', 'o I I. eel; -,' to :i T.'.eiato to 3 I'aiilwlowi-r . .o il Ti,ri:i;) .1 lo ti I elerv '.' to .'! I'ej..,er '.' to -I ( liervll '.' to !:-!.'.-!i ! to "' Torn siiliul a In a .-siil-sily - lo J Oinoa to 3 li pride ill his purchase, to an artist he, "that, the -il svant.s per il' sou would paint for tl I : : 1 1 on that road that it'ough Ihe mj.,,ilc of the land it Would greatly improve, the INEXPENSIVE GAS. 1 1 II IV WilVrlon an lie I'l-oiliii'i-d Nine- I i nls per Tliiiiisiinil reel. ' I'liree soars ago the v.iltieof coal dust i as fuel was clearly demonstrated bv , the I'liited State los eminent in tin I Springheld armory. Willi pulverized 1 anthracite the cost of making: steam ss as reduced one-half. The cheapne of this fuel is due to the fact that tin 1 . . l ... iu! is in. me out ni waste coal, culm and screenings, ami also to the fad thai owing l.i rapid and complete com bustion two pound of lump or grati coal burned in (he ordinary way. Hav ing been mixed with air and siipplici to the furnace, ihe llonr-liko dust in slant I) ignites, like gas, ami burn ss ith an intense heat. The lire can lu slopped complctcls in an instant and renew od iu full force a quickly. Put the economic ami other t'ds an tages of this process are to bo ctijoscd Ii) tho inaiitit'aclui'cr rather than hs'tlu householder. Tl xpcrimelits indi cate, how es or, that in many iiiilutt ic gaseous fuel si ill supersede solid fuel, and, like the uo of natural gas, tltev base directed the attention of inventors and manufacturers to (ho value of a cheap .ml n.ni-ting of e,(, manu factured out of coal. Prof. I.osse as serts that t'i'oin ,'iO.ihh) to pn i.i nil cubic feet of water gas can bo produced from one ton of , o il. and that the cost ,.f this gas, w ith coal at market rati , would bo about nine cents a thousand. The Seranton Hoard of Trade describes what is called fuel water gas, a ,om binaiion of hsdrogeti and carbonic oxide ga, which can I e produced at the rate of neo h Imi.ctiI , ul ii.- (ei t to the Hit ton of coal. Thi gas can bo made from the great deposit, of wate or culm a wed a, from marketable i coal, and it can bo manufactured in the I anthracite region for less than tw o cent per thousand tect. -.V. J". Tim,.t. A lligiiani ( Ma.) lady wiio com plained of being unable 'to tell her mineo pic from her apple pies without testing was advised to mark them. ho lid so, and complacently announced: "This I've m ilked T. M.' 'ti mince: an' tli .t l'se marked. -T. M.' 'taint Uiince.' nation Vm.1. Put I think," quoth picture hicks animation soilages. Now me a man or ss run t scape. pic! nre. "That is easily done. "said tho artist, so he carried oil' Ihe painting, und sent it back in a week or two with a ligure ol an old peasant ssonian going lo marki't ssitli tier basket unit tier red umbrella introduced on tin- road iu quesljon.to the great satisfaction of the picture's proprietor. Meeting shortly after ssith the "impressionist" svho had painted it, the artist remarked: "I had tho audacity to alter a landscape of yours belonging to M. X. the other day. 1 painted nil old peasant ssonian walk ing doss il tho road." "Down the mad? I remember no svork of mine with a road in it. I should like to see the picture and judge of the effect of your alteration." So the artist carried hint ofFtoM. X's. and they speedily stood before the landscape. The "impressionist" turn ed perfectly green with wrath and hor ror. "Miserable man! he shouted, "what have you done? That is not a road that runs through the centre of my svork; it is a riser!" Our Truth. A Reward for Virtue. Knipeior William and F.inpress Au gusta have founded a jubilee medal which is iu future to bo given to worthy, well-to-do married couples in Prussia. Alsace-Lorraine and the Free Toss nsoi the occasion of the celebration of then golden or diamond weddings. Tin medal is of silver, bearing on t lie ob verse the cl'iigies of the founders, and on the reverse the Pihlical words: "lie rejoicing in hope, patient iu tribulation, continuing instant in pra er. l!o niaiis, eh. I".', v. 1-." To citizens of oilier countries also the medal may be giscii in cases ssher.1 the couples have distinguished tlieini Ives by a slr'ct'.y pure and pious life and by exceptional domestic virtues, thereby setting a good example iu their respective com munities. Chim.'o Trihiiur. "A PERPLEXING ART. The Vrlrty of llaml Knrounlrred by rroreioior of raimintry. Tho latest sociotv craze is palmistry re ulin" a person's character ami fate in tint lilies of tiio hand. Tho linos of tho fotir-in-handliave their signilioitnco, also, as a man discovers, when Uo han dles them for tho first time. I'olioistrv was all the rago in Talis tsvo or throe yean ago. and it has only recently struck N'csv York, just ns tin Pans fashions get hero after they have oeasod to be tho mode in the French capital. Tho mirrrs of our ultra-fashionables will be unlive I by hand-reading this winter. A very distinguished professor has recently arrived from the other side, ind his sen ices are already in groat demand among le Union. Aristocratic' ladies hold out their beautiful hands to 'iavo the lilies traced, and ho coiigratil ates himself that ('. lines have fallen ii pleasant place, licaiix will grow Va'.ous of him. and study palmistry 'hemsolvos, so that his services may be lispi'iiscd with. 'Complications will arise, there is no doubt of it. A young man ss ill say to i young lady: "(live mo your hand, douse." She will blush, ban'' lief Lead and whisper: "Ask pa." Then lit is ill be compelled to marry her or stand I trial for breach of promise. Or she nay cry. indignantly: "How dare. ) it! t'oii know I am engaged to another." lie can got out of it by saying: "Par Ion, Miss, 1 asked for your hand to -Holy tiio lines of life." Professors of palmistry are turning ip overs whore. Some of thorn are turning up trumps, others turn up miss ing when the hall receipts tire small. Did they mo coinp' Ilid to jump their hotel bills. It is curious tho variety of hands there al e, ss lien you think of it. There is the "big hand" that a gainlder deals a victim ssiioin ho intends to iicoco: Mi nnie hand, and llie little behind hand, so often remarked among clejks in the morning; the "full hand, svho wants tho other hands to knock off and got Trim k, too; a raw hand, that must !i handled tenderly: a railroad hand. ivhose line are trunk lines when ho is in the baggage department, a second ham!, or a oco'u!-h.iiid watch: "hands around" at a bail, and the Hutch waiter m a saloon w ho Hans around the boor: Will ' '.'irh'ton, who writosa good farm hand: a deck ham!, which an expect dealer picks out of the dock hiinsol;, to. Then there is the dock hand, t ni ploved by tho "doc" svho cures bv the laving on of hands; made by hand, for service; and the handmaid, who goes oil to service; the hand grenade, for blowing people up, and the hand-organ that is blown up; tho givo-us-your-liatul" nuisance, who deserves a hand spike, etc. When it comes to palmistry yon will find us "on hand" as much as though we wore brought up by it. Texas MftilHJS. PERSONAL AND LITERARY, Ex-fiovernor Spraguo. of E1 Island, is now in business in th0 (jjjT Mexico. ,w THE SLAVISH PRESS. Mr. An Irishman cniph under the hill recently in shoo for seme glas firm i od liy a went to a glaz when the t'ol- lossing colloquy took place: Visitor Mr. Painchaiid, 1 am after lixing the ssindss on the top of Mr. li -'s shop, and 1 want tss inly lights of 11x10 glass. Mr. P.- 1 haven't any 14x10, hut have plenty of 10x1 1. Visitor (after medi tating deeply asshile and then looking up ssith a satisfied expression) -Ho ja- bers, I will take the lux 14. 1 1:114 turn it around, and, faith, they wont kiiosv the difference. A". V. Iiuiii'i iidcnt. -Some years ago a mechanic near New Haven was riding in a railway tram, and was jolted and jarred a in the early days of travel pasoii"ers wore apt lo he. He didn't fret and fume as the other passengers did. but began to studs and experiment w it'a a i, to making a spring that would reduce the jolting to a minimum. He at last sm- ceded. and his .spring ss as adopted by every railroad in tho country. H,- is nil longer a poor )oii:ig mechanic. His name is Carlos French,. and he has jn,t been elected to Congress from the New II.UHI disli ict. ,',';;, r, ',,,,, tirncook I'luvs Critic, anil In Itoturn Is rltlclncil llimsrir. "Matilda," said Mr. Soacook, as ho laid tho evening paper aside iu disgust, "there isn't a newspaper in the United Slates lit to road. What ivo need is an aggressive paper; something lively and fearless, that will expose the follies and foibles of mankind without fear of the consequences." "Don't you find anything in that line in the paper?" "Nothing but a lot of slush, my dear. According to this paper, all men are popular and ellicietit, and all ladies charming and beautiful. It makes 1110 tired." "What do you want to see?" "Why. I want to see the truth about things; here it says of Jim Standoff, me of the greatest soaks in the tosvn, that 'the lion. .lames Standoff, a gen tlemanly and courteous business man, has accepted a position ;s salesman for Nogood ili Co.' Nosv. the fact is, Ma tilda, that lie has been looking for that job for a year, and he didn't 'accept' it - it was given to him to keep him out of tho work-house.'' "1 think I saw a paragraph in that paper, .lolm, svhich will suit you." Saying this. Mrs. Soacook took tho paper and read aloud: That gray-haired reprobate, John Soacook. was found last evening again in a beatly state of intoxication, and carried to his homo on ;i door." Mr. Soacook gasped oneo or tsvice. and then ho seized a club and remarket 1 , ..-I : 1 . . 1 1. 1.0 11,-11 join iiaiisis oceanic personal and aggressive it was time for good ei Iens to revolt. Jhcn he Ml.Ht.Louis Whip. Mr. Oorgc II. retidjeton'g f was Hamilton s second iu the falu dJj w ith Aan n liurr. Mr. Pnmiiel I Clemens ("Jul Twain") w 11 remain iu lis (,Wn cmin fy th i to is hi. The rumor of hi i." gfisli trip w unfounded. Mrs. Ccorgo II. Pendleton Alice Key. a daughter of Francis S,0t Key, tho autl o. of tho "Star Spainr'J Banner," and a nie o of Chief' JuJ Taney. Pev. Dr Ironoin Primo. e(;t(,r fl. the Nosv York Observer, colebrateu 16 forty-tilth minis ersary of his 1 01 n.-ct oa willi th t paper by giviug a lunch, on j, the editorial rooms. Tiio eh'e-it son of Mr. Waller, of the London Tiui-:n, was drowned iu a poni in his father's park just after his rem from this country. Tho uido.t by 0, second marriage died lately in Ciilifo-. ni:u At tho Nob Hill residence of Sen. a tor Stanford, in San Francisco, arc tit. te.011 pictures of his dead son, eight of which aro by Itoiinot, of Paris, and twice life bize. The portraits cost OOt. Fran, Aht, tho German compow who died recently, was well known m this c itintry, not ( nly through h s .-on j, but personally, a ho visited America in IfVJ :.t the msMau m ot several of our leading vocal societies. lie w.u sixtv. nix eurs old. Mark Twain ;s said to h:iv.- cloan-J thirty-live thousand dollars from le, reiuliiig-tour this season. Th's is doubt. less tho largest sum over n-nliz -d hv an author, from reading. of his osvn is-ru lu -s, since Dickens made his f.uuum American tour. Current. "Moopncss," an Indian who ilVJ roi e liy on too Jiancho I lnco m Cali fornia, was one hundred and fluty yctir, oni. no never kiiosv mo year in svhich he was born, but by calciil .ti' back to the "moo s" that ho runii'iu berod his age was placed nt the nhn e ii res. 1 lu re aro ol I men ,n the tribi nosv svho can reco led I f y year ba k. ml at that time t':cagoot "Hoopm'si'' ism I n ed at eighty years. s'i Va risrii ( 'hronic c. -American heir s os seem to haves penchant for Italian iiohioiucn. In nil nit on to Miss Mack.iy, the leadn nn:ii"s on. tic list comprise Mi s Foil, Pi no ss 1! n.icin cio; Miss l.oriilurd Spencer, Pi imc-s Vie.irar.i Cctiei; .Vbs l!r i: I'svood, Vi' ikvss l!u-p VP; Misj Coma I, MaroDe-a TVod.di; Mis Kin i;ey, Countess CruuoPi; MNs li-uer, Coimtcs (herardo ca; Miss Iiohcrts, Co' iite-s Calli; .Miss Fry, Mutch s 'lorti.giani; Miss I ess is, Countess 1 ar liolini Ain.idei; Mis (iil.iudor, Marchn-a di San Mar.arno, and Miss llung r lord, Countess Tel on T. A'. Y. Hun. HUMOROUS. "My son, why is it that yo'i nrs alsv ays behindhand svith your .studios '" "Poe.iiise, othe. wisK I could not pursue thi iu." Uolilcn Jut 'x. "Only a match box," remarked Fogg at "the theat r the otlo-r night, referring to the scats where tho youug lovers sat. lioslun Truncrijit. Dubuipiu Conservatory g'rls carry noon lunch in a nn sic-roll. It iiuist sym phony to see tiicni at their hunger iaii rhapsodies. Cliirago 'Irib'tne. Doctor," said a man to his medi cal adviser. :nv daughter had a lit, ami cont nue.l f r 1 alt' an hour w limit reuse of k no. lodge."' ''Oh," replied the dot tor, "n 'vi r ni'nd that; many people eonlimm so all their lives." A. Y. Tost. A Santiago dispatch reports that s phys'cian of this city has pcformed un operation by svhich dumb women havo recovered their speech. We begin to think there is something, after all, in tiio s dries wo are constantly seoinj ah ait the blunders of doctors. LqAuH Trnii.se ipt. "I have a largo dude trade," said tho I arbor. " And d.m't your employe lind any tauP about their wai'os?" u -ke.l t ie c. titer barber. " Certain'.? rot. Why should they? ' "liecau e f von have a largo dude trade you nui ti constantly uo cutt m down. llu ton Cuh rii r. IL iw Lose Is Made 'n Persia," ia (lie I to of a recent art cle. It i.-- prob tiiily nia.lo there of ti.e same o. nijin nent parts as here, thai is. m liionaire'. daughter one ai t. ilnpe unions nolie tin.n one part, des're for ti le forty-nino par s. desire, for wealth, furty-uitio par.s. Mix. - li is'on I'ust. over a -It i mah Hit l i ho a common m-i, t I..., in New York t ii v for l.idi.-s i.. I.;.-.. U'S to lllai'CS of oor aiiiusenictiis. tiio tigagenie. t usii.ioy being made with the liiesV...er colu pauic. which employ tcicrai souths lor that purpose. Could Not Hit Him. t.. ., . .. ousiiei nut say mat tno prisoner ttiresv stones at you? Witness-Yes, sir. He threw dozen at inc. "Did any of them hit you?" "No, sir. I dodged them." "How far was the prisoner from von when he threw?" "About twenty feet." "And do you moan to- say the pris oner threw a do.en stones at sou at . distance of twenty feet and diil not hit you?" "Yes, sir. You see I am a base-ball umpire and am Used to dodging." "Yes. I sec: I thought there was some reason for your not being hit." Itetruit Fnc 1'rcs.. Kcv. Dr. Leonard Woolsor Paeon, who was not admitted to the Ptvsbs ten' of Philadelphia, l..,s been called to the pastorate , f the Independent Presby terian Chiireh uf Savannah. Ca. This is one of tho largest and strongest churches in the. South. Chieajo Juur-Hal. ItnfMl PURELY VEGETABLE. Are You Bilious? Thr Krgulatur nrrrr fnilt to nirr. I most ch.-crtiitly rtcomrarnil il lo nil who suffer "m ll.lioia Aiiacks or any Distase caused by a arransed stale of the Uvcr. Kansas City, Mo. V. R. BERNARD. Do You Want Good Digestion ? suffered intrns, ly vith Full Stomach, limit nrhr, etc. A neijihbnr, who had taken Simmon Lner Regulator, told me it iu a Hurt cure for mil tumble. The flrtt d"te I took relieved me rem natch, and in one week time Ittas an strung and art y as I ever ui.i. It U the belt medicine I i-rrr tmik thr lynirpnin. Rn hmonu, Va. H. G. CREXS1U W. Do You Suffer from Constipation ? Testimony of Hiram Wars-h, Chief-Justice cl Oa.: "I have used Simmons U-er Krgulaler ter Luiisiinatmn of mv 11 . U, c.iustd by a tcmp-'ra-v I iirargcmeiit of ihe livrr. fnr the last three if '". and always trilh decided benefit." Have You Malaria ? hare had exp-ri'nee trilh Sinmon Liver H 'ff la'ur since Si"., and recant it as the nrentest ni'dicineot tl,' time, fnr rfii. k-m-linrto in.iOiri.il iji,ie. Si a,vd a mcJi tine deserves univet v.t am-nrn jati'.n - , KtV. M. B. WHARTOS. Cr. See y &hCi,t; B iplist ThtuUgical Seminary. Safer and Eetter tnan Calomel ! I have been mhiecl to sevtrr spells of Congeti m or the l.iver, and have been in ihe habit of laeu tr m it to ic-grains of calumel, which eenerallr ke.l me up for three or f .i.r cy 1 jt-iy 1 have iTn ffkii C S:ramn Liver Regulator whi, h (Ave me re- w'r,"'"M' i"'erruilio in tiiniwiM. ArooLinm, ul.io. J. HUOli J. H. Zeilin & Co.,jPhilatetphia, Pa. - pe:cs, i.co.