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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 1886)
"Zrrmn!n .TTmTmmmmmm A UCA1V piionPN. I a di aim woman. ! TRICK NOVELTie""" THE "GUESS-AT-IT" PHYSICIAN. i ;r nny Si ''mnch orerloud ' With Jellr. , And thon beneath hit llltla vest There onini a -reat hlir aohei ' I drnoiuihll caw H "chilli," . And Oil him up with quinine pill. ' !( buried toon out on the bill I) ' Th lady wear her French kid boe) ', A Hie or more too (mill. i Till tleih and ek'n all o'er ber foot IHI un"-"" I""- l.anee from her heeln a rrlineon Hood, .... .i. i.H tinirn hi hlnnit hDcharrueranveuoiiur- puui ; The dude he mtkn a "niah." and then With 'alrl UDon tho bralc," Write poetry tint. I h :na i lianifinei he Inisne! I I, called upon to "oure him quick. j rVxin poleon him with aren o. (No druiKUt help m do the trlcTt !) j Tbe love-iorn demnel droop and fade. ( . because of broken beart; I Consumption lake her in h i (Hp, ' And Ur her lunir apart i I order then-alternste lee: j "Hot batb and Ire prk"-Edn kef. ; (And ne'er forjet to take my feel) i The bahy vet a button down lu tender throat -hard luck; : And there behind It pslnte It ' That choking object itm k. ' I drop around with ;iw and file: j What? "Get It out'". Well. I rhniild (mllel I (And leave an Infant eorpe, Mio whUoil , -Jt If. Jlvn in Uttrult t'rtr Prut. . m m 1 A CONDUCTOR'S TALE. 1 Curious People Met by a Nickel ! Collector. Mean Women Who Fay Their Fare i llattered I'ennle and Are liiiiltln( j -llow"KnlliihJforje" j , Captured. ; !l piles I nickel." said won't pive you the conductor, a tlmt j ho turned it over in his hand dubioii.j. "I've jiint hint a row with a chap who. who wouldn't take it." Tho coin was not really bad-looking, and would doubtless have passed inus tor almost anywhere but on a street-ear. "I hate to sne a man make a fuss About a little thing liko a load nickel," lio continued, "but sonlo folks aro mighty small about such trifle." "Yen?" remarked tho reporter in quiringly, seeing that tho conductor was inclined to bo loquacious. "Now, there's a heap of tronblo all along of sonio women. Jf you ever road tho papers but niebbe you lon'tP" and ho gave tho ropo a viefoiis Jerk a a fat woman swung oil" back wards, Tim voting ninn admitted that be did. "Well, then you'vo seen how it Is. It's been written up lots of times.' Just like that woman dropped, for example, facing tho wrong way. And now two to one she'll start around back of tho car without looking to see if thorn is a grip coming from tho opposite dlroo tion. There! What did I tell you P Soems as if they try to bo awkward, some of 'cm and that's useless. But when women want to act moan they are all there, every time.'. I believe they'd rather keep a conductor In hot water thon rido homo In a carriage. Now, there's 'Ansoine Hennery . What? O, the bovs call him that bo Cause ho looks like Irving, the actor. You see, he .runs on State Street, and that's a little the meanest run in tho business. Ho was coming down one day with two crowded cars, besides an Archer road on behind, and was nearl four minuU's Into. About Sixteenth Street in got two women disguised as ladies, who sat right down by tho door. 'Hennery stepped In tho doorway and called out as politely as you ever heard: "Fares, please!" and ono of 'cm rum-, maged through her pocket book. Ono at a time, aftvr carefully pokiu' over tho contents, she tishod out ten of tho most disreputable-tonkin' pennies that were ever dropped in a beggar's cup. Then one f the. women was a little bit thoughtful and says: "(), I wouldn't give him those, Sarah; conductors don't liko to take pennies. Here, 1 have a dime,' and started to hand it to him. The ono with the coppers grabbed her quick as Hash and says in tho most spiteful way: "'They're plenty good enough for lilm they'ro too good for him,' and her nose turned up in the most con tempt fill way. Hennery got a little bit , hot under tho collar about that time, ' but ho didn't say nothing, and didn't even stop to look at tho antique collec tion. Ho qujotly rung un two fares, and, eool as an old griddlo-cako, Hung the whole lot out into the street. My! wasn't that a mini woman! She dasn't say much, but I toll yon she looked a heap. Tho next day"'Ansomo Hennery gets a summons from the down-town otlico. The old freak had reported him for Insolenoe. "What was the result?" "O, he went down and saw tho chief and told his story, but he had to knuckle down, just the same. He was obliged to go to that woman's home and apologise. It was mighty tough, but it was either that or off wont Tits head." "The company doesn't countenance anything of that kind, then P" "Not for a minute. These low-down nobs that make a conductor's nositioa no slnnycnre are the worst trials we have. Some of the boys brace up oc casionally and try to get back at 'em, like Hennery did, but it docs no good in the end. There was another follow that had a little scrap with a fresh woman Eighteenth Street! Hello, Jim! 686 ahead. What's your num ber? 3D7, hey? All right!" and he gave a double ring to the man on the grip as the green car was coupled on. "What were those numbers?" quor led the reportorial mind. "Why, 686 is the number of the grip. Jim, there, on the Indiana, has to take tho number of the grip that pulls him down town, and I nave to take the number of his car." "For what reason" "Well, 1 s'nose so's to know what cars composed tho train in caso of an accident, lint as I was sayiu' 'bout this other follow. There was a woman got on at Thirty-first Street, togged out in her very best frock and bonuet. In went the conductor for her fare, and she was a buttoning of her glove and had laid the nickel on the scat. Now he had been annoyed lots on the down trip by some fool people, and he wasn't fcelin' just first-rate. She didn't say nothing when he called. 'Fare please but kinder pointed to tho live. Well, bo refused to pick it up, and says re spoctfully: 'if you can't hand mo tho fare, ma'am-, as you should, I shall not pick it up from there.' "Then she bridled up and called him an insolent puppy, and said she'd re port him. He marched out of the oar and loft the nickel lying there, deter mined not to be bluffed. ' "Did sho make a oomplaint?' "You bet she did! Ho was' hauled up for it the very next day in great sliapo. She hasn't rode on my car since, though," he added absent-mlnd-edlv. When the car reached Twelfth Street half a dozen tinsaltoil youth of the dis tinctively k rally period boarded it, and distributing themselves over the plat form, began their lnano chatter. "Come, now," said the conductor, "you are not allowed to stand on the platform as long as there U standing room Inside; move on, please," The Cholleys and Clarences cast indignant glances at him for a moment, stalkod through the car and began to struggle with their paper cigarettes. "Have you that kind of a ruloP" in quired the reporter, who had become, by reason of much practice, an expert at wriggling through a packed mass of humanity when escaping from a car. "That s putting it a lootle mite strong." said tho bell-ringer.. . Then, onouing his littlo book, he read the rule. "It directs us to ask passengers to refrain from crowding tho platform, and we havo had practically the same rulo for sonio time, but tins was given out to us a few days ago to pasto in our books, so as to "freshen our mem ory. Panorama place!" he called sud denly, between the opening and closing of the door on a thin man wearing a faded nlush can. "But why Panorama place?" qucriod tho reporter, a la Lord Arthur bonier sault. ' "Beoauso it's a pantomine," ho ro turned quickly, having evidently hoard tho original, and making a sweeping gesturo toward tho two circular build nigs. "Now I'll toll you," he continued seriously. "Wo have our orders to call it so. For my part I think it's a shame to cliango tho name of a court that was called for ono of Chicago's old settlers simply to advertise a money-making snow. ,1 list why Hie company ngroud to do It lam not i trying to lindout. It would bo a 'dillicult, not to say danger ous,' thing to attempt. " made a hundred dollars protty easy ono day last winter," ho con- tinueil, as ho carefully scrutinized ' the faeo of his Waterbury ' to see ' if it was running away with timo. "It was liko this: My cousin Sammv is a detective down-town, and ho was tellin' me about a big robbery that had just taken place. Them newspaper chaps never found out tho whole of that affair, and I guess now they never will You see this 'English (ioorgo,' as they called him, wits a Von' man, and ho (Tone up a rich old dufl'er down on Washington Street for nhout Jfl.vUU. Tho case was kept mighty quiet, bo catiso old Hunks said he'd rather lose all tho cash than to havo it cumo out in print what a royal chump ho was. "So Sammy was put on tho caso and had been wo'rkln' it up for about a week, when ono day he told me a little about it. Not much, mind you, but just described the kind or a man ho was a lnviii' for a littlo, slender, slick-look-in duck, with a smooth face and small hands and feet- and never said nothing about why ho wanted him. Ho prom ised mo a hundred bullets if I'd spot him at any timo, and as long as I got the hoodie I didn't care what they wanted to run tho sharp in for. Well, about nine o'clock ono evenin', just as wo stopped at Twenty-ninth Street, there wjij a woman got on tho car that attracted my attention at once, Sho wore a long, loose-fitting sealskin that almost touched tho' ground, black silk mittens, and a thick, brown veil that yon eoufd scarcely see through couldn't see nothing but tho sparks in her ears. Tho car wasn't moro'n half full, but every blessed faro but two or th rep was sittln' near tho rear door, leavin' the first half of tho car almost empty. Sho walked forward and took a seat pretty well towards the front door, and when sho paid, kept on her mittens. I went baclc all of a tremble with excitement, for I knew I had that hundred sure. I figured it out that this 'eon' man, dressed liko a - rich lady, was goin' down to make a train, probably at Twenty-second Street, and I was afraid she, or rather he, would give me tho slip before I had a chance to have him arrested, and I knew ho would if ho saw I was onto his littlo game, I acted as unconcerned as possible, but kept a sharp eve ahead for the lights at the Twenty-fif'th Street Police Station. We soon sighted them, sod by great good luck the Lieutenant was standing on the steps. I gave him the tip as sly as I could, anil the fel low's veil must have hindered his look out. At any rate the Lieutenant boarded the. car in frout, as I signalled him to do, and before Mr. English George knew what was up he was a prisoner. That was a good night's work for me." "How did you penetrate so good a disguise? I should have thought you ran a great risk of being mistaken.'' He laughed scornfully. "It was easy enough. Of course, I was not quite sure it was the man my cousin wanted, but I was positive it was a man instead of a woman." "Why so?" The conductor eyed the reporter com miseratingly. ' Because"," said he. "as soon as he got on he walked half the length of the car and sat down. Did you never notice how ninety-nine women out of a hun dred will stand up ami cling to the door, though there may be a dozen vacant seats ten feet a'wav to lie had for the taking?" Chicago Tribune. A naturalist says that when a lion becomes old anduuable to injure a man his mane falls out. If you have a spite against a lion, don't tackle him until his mane falls out 1. S. And don't tackle him then. Hire another man to do it for you. It would be safer. NorristoH-n lhralj. Portland, Mo., houses two Inndrod men possessing from 100,000 to f 2, 000,000 each. THE BASE-BURNER Wrljjlily t'unnideration Jimdved In IU Hummer Keiimml to the Worni-Minl. We haven't moved the coal stove out of tho sitting-room into the summer kitchen yet, but we're going to. That much was decided on at a family coun cil four weeks ago. When I saw a two horse dray and six men drive up to the house last November with that stove when I saw tackles and pulleys and derricks and a windlass when they had finally got the stove in place and the floor propped up from the cellar I figured on leaving the base-burner just where they put it until it died of old age. However, it has been decided to move it. We want tho sixteen square feet of space it occupies for other pur poses. It is thirty-two feet from the store to the woodshed. I have measured it five or six times over, and I'll bet a hat I'm correct. There are three door-ways to pass through. I've counted 'em over and over, and I'm dead certain the number is three. One night last month I dreamed the number was four, and I awoke In a chill. You don't know what a relief it was when I got out of bed and mndu sure that those door ways had not increased in number. The man who had invented tho base burner had just donated 100,000 to an orphan asylum. He had $2,000 left, and instead of throwing it into the river he invested it in iron for a coal stove. Ho set out to make a stove as big as a cottage, but, luckily for tho public, death took him away' before he had perfected his plans. His executors wanted to savo enough iron to make four boilers for a saw-mill and they stole it off tho stove. I have measured the width of my coal stove and also of the doorways. Tho stove will pass through and snare an eighth of an inch: I don't think tho inventor planned for this. I think his idea was to have a whole side of tho bouse taken out whenever the stove was to ho moved, hut I'm under a thousand obligations to him for his mistake. One night I dreamed that the stove was exactly nine feet too wide to go through a doorwav, and I woke myself up screaming "Murder!" ami "Police!" I got out of bed and measured it, and when my old figures were verified I was tlio happiest man in Detroit. Yes, that stove has got to be moved. I invited eight of tho neighbors over the other night and w.o passed the fol lowing resolution: " Ut Kuh'cd, The stove must go." ' We talked about purchase-blocks, cap stans, cranes, derricks, angles, rect angles, quadrangles and direct force, and we parted the best of friends. I shall have them over again some even ing this week, I've got un idea that we can arrange in some way to move the house thirty-two feet ahead, and thus bring the stove into the wood-shed. If the plan Works the problem of moving a twenty ton base-burner is solved. We .didn't decide on rnovbg the stove until after duo consideration. We agreed that it could bo got into the wood-shed for, say: , ... , j Damage to house ..l,.t.il..,xb Patnnve to itove A ,. .... JuO Deli'iidlnif iiilts brought for personal deuiaire by tho movers 6e0 Direct chaig-o by mover M Total ....IW0 There must be something very wrong about a man who won't put up this trifle to give his over-worked coal stove a summer location in a healthy local- We shan't move it just yet. There's nothing rash about me when the wel fare of a whole neighborhood is at Btake. I want to measure those thirty two feet over again, and I want to know how It conies that tho door-ways are wide enough for the stove to go through. There's got to be some cal culations made on lateral .pressure, centrifugal force and supporting power. I dreamed about it last night. I thought one of the legs gave out as fifty men of us surrounded the stove, ana that the whole mountain of iron fell over and killed twenty-two persons, When I sprang up and found the old stove all right on its sixteen legs and realized thut I w as not to be hung for murder, 1 folt so happy that I woke the children up to promise 'em something in their Christmas stockings. la. Quad, in Detroit Free Press. FOR SLEEPLESSNESS. A Vary Useful Tlaa for Tenon Snffrrlnf From Insomnia. Dr. Von Gellhorn has fbund tho fob lowing plan very useful in inducing sleep in persons who suffer lroru in somnia: A piece of calico, about eight een Inches wide and two aud three quarters yards long, is rolled up like a bandage, and a third of it wrung out of cold water. The leg is then bandaged with this, the wet portions being care fully covered by several layers of the dry part, as well as by a layer of gutta percha tissue, aud a s'tocking drawn on over the whole. This eauses dilatation of the vessels of the leg, thus diminish ing the blood In the head and producing sleep. It has been found by Winter nita that tbe temperature in the exter nal auditory meatus begins to fall a quarter of an hour after the application of the bandage, the decrease amount ing to 0.4 C., and the normal not being again reached for about one and a half to two hours afterward. The author has employed this means of pro Curing sleep for a couple of years, and finds it especially useful in cases where there is congestion of the cerebral ves sels. Sometimes he has found it nec essary to re-apply the bandage every three or four hours, as it dried. A'. l m a The arrival of the new King of Spain was announced to the general publio in Madrid, by running up the Spanish standard over the palace, and tiring a salute of twenty-one guns. Had the baby been a girl the flag would have been white instead of red, and only eighteen guns fired. m i William M. Twombly, of Sacca ranpa. Me., has a twelve-pound cannon ball which was fired from the brig En terprise into the British brig Boxer near TorUmouth in 1813. . Parmer Mortailn l and and Growing Crop to Obtain Mouey. . A eountry banker recently stated that the most profitable business con nected with agriculture was loan ing money to farmers. He added that they gave the best securitj and paid the highest Interost of any of the patrons of moncy-loaners. They not only gave good security and pa d a high rate ot interest, but they allowed the money-loaner to run up a handsoma bill for examing the property to be of fered for security, for legal expense4 In jxamining the title, and for commis lions for obtaining tho money from wine distant capitalist. Observation liows that persons who mako a busi ness of loaning money to farmers al most in variably 'become roll in a short, time. Iu large c tea money can almost always be obta nod on good security for i trifle more than the interest allowed on State bonds. At tho present time banks and capitalists in 'all our large cities are holding large sums of money that they are not able to loan at the legal ralei of interest. Still farmers in tho sparsely-settled States and Terri tories are charged usurious rates for the u-e of money, even when they are able to oiler security on land that has been improved and which is rapidly advanc ing in value. That many Western farmers borrow money injinlic ous'y is a matter of com mon observation. It is the faslron in niot parts of the South and Southwest for farmers to hire money at a rate of interest tiiat the profits of their business do not warrant, nnd nt the same time to contract debts for running expenses. They are anxious to mako their farms pay better than they do at preent. They want to keep not only more but bettor stock. In order to enable them to do th s they require more barns and stables, and a larger amount of grain and tamo grass. Lumber and other building materials are expcmie, and the wages of carpenters aro high. There is a pressing demand for all kinds of farm machinery, which holds its price though the pr!e;i of all farm products is vcrv low. Drills for planting wheat unit machinery for harvesting it cost as much with wheat nt fifty cents per bushel ns they did when it sold for more than twice that sum. Machines for planting and cultivating corn command the aino pr'eG they d d when tho ju ice of the gra'n they are used to produce was double what it is at present. The. like is true of almost every mach.no and tool used on a farm. " . Crops are very "low, but. s'ngularly enough, farm implements are h gli, and there are no indications of a decline in price. Interest is low in afl groat money centers, but it remains very nigh in all parts of tint country where there is not capital enough to mako neces sary improvements on farms and to properly stock and manage tliem. Wh'lo this state of th'ngs exists farmers must exercise much' d.serction and judgment about mortgaging their land in order to raise money. They should carefully cons' der whether tney can invest the money so that it will be profitable tor thorn." Manu'a. turers and mercantile men state that it does not pay to hire money at even six or e'ght per cent, to put into thoir business. St 11 fanners in many purls of tin West ami. South are hiring money for which they prom sj to pay ten per cent interost, and to obta'v wlrch th iy pay five per cent, .commis sion. A business must be very profit o Ho that a lows tho person engaged in i to pay fifteen per cent, for the use o mruiey. Very few farmers can pro duce enough on their places to pay fif teen per cent, on tho capital invest d. This rate of interest would soon drive them from house and home. Many farmers in those parts of the Western States that have been longest settled havo placed mortgages on thoir places that they can never lift except by the aid of another one. The incomes of their farms do not pay tho interest on the money that they owe and tho running expenses of tho family. - One failure of a leading crop, the v sit of a contagious disease among animals, one protractod sickness in the family, would result in ruin or a great sacrifice of property acquired by long vears of hard labor and self-denial. In the South where cotton and tobacco aro the lend ing crops, tho system of getting ad vances on crops has been general. Tho farmer mortgages what is only in pros pect. As great risk attends "the pro duction of tho crop, money-loancrs de mand exorbitant rates on the sums they advance. Advancing money on grow ing crops of wheat has also, it is said, become quite common in California, Oregon, Minnesota and Dakota. Loans on growing crops are generally made to parties who have mortgaged their land or who have not yet acquired a title to it Raising money on stock has become erv common, not only in the Terri tories, where there are numerous quantities of land that Is only valuable for grazing purposes, but in most of the Northwestern States where stock rais ing Is the leading industry. Men aro constantly engaged in making out and recording chattel mortgages. Many farmers have given a mortgage on the team they drive and used to do plow ing, on the oows they milk, the sheep they shear, and the young cattle that are. grazing on the prairie. Thes farmers have placed themselves at the mercy of men who have the reputa tion of being entirely destitute of mercy. Should there be "a failure in one of the leading crops this season; should there be a visitation of destructive in sects, or should a contagious dis ease appear among cattle, thousands ol farmers would be hopelessly ruined. Tnis is a poor time for farmers to get into debt. The way into dobt is very easy, but the way out is very hard. Chicago Times. A large gray eagle was shot recent lyby a farmer named Irby, about three miles west of Blackstono." Va. Ho bad seen it once or twice before in tho im mediate vicinity of the house Being a good shot, the gentleman crippled the king of birds with a rifle charge. It was a beautiful specimen of its kind. Vs wings when spread measured six Kt four and one-half inches from tip to tip, and its talons measured nearly srx inches in widih. Her Opinion ot the I'roprletor and lerk of a Modern Ury-Uuud Emporium. I wonder if the average merchant ever stops to think what a big hypo crite he-is, and what a lot of monkeys he mukes of his clerks? In the day agone the lady who entered a dry goods store was met with a courteous salutation from proprietor or clerk. She stated her wants, and they were attended to in a business-like manner, and a "good afternoon" followed her as she went out. What a change has come over the earth! Yesterday as I entered a dry goods store the floor-walker put on his sweetest grin and "good-afternooned" me. He rubbed his hands together, grinned' some more, bowed five distinct times, and was so pleased to show me to the towel and napkin counter that he skinned his shins on a stool without losing one bit of his angelio counten ance. Then tho towel and napkin man bowed and grinned and twisted and smirked and "good-afternooned" and "beautiful-weathered" me for three minutes. If I had bought him a new tin whistle, or a red top, ho couldn't have been more pleased. I wanted some crash toweling at about a shilling a yard. I knew that before I left home. I asked direct for what I wanted, and tho clerk grinned and smirked and twisted some more and said: "Ah yes exactly yes. Certainly, ma'am, with the greatest of pleasure. You didn't want Turkish towels?" "No, sir!" "Ah no! We have a very nice bath towel hero for ah exactly thirty cents ah." "I want crash toweling." "Certainlv, ma'am crash toweling I see. Vo are having beautiful weather very beautiful. Here it is, ma'am." At that moment tho floor-walker sud denly appeared. His faco boro ft Took of grent nnxL'ty. I couldn't tell at first whether he had a touch of the colic or bad heard of a death in tho family, but it all camo out after a bit. He had been suddenly struck with the idea that I might have gone down cellar or upstairs to hunt for the towel depart ment, or that I was not being properly waited on. or thut tho crash toweling was off' on a vacation. He had mi back to make sure, and what a relief it was to him! Ho bowed and smiled nnd duckea and twisted and backed off. Then the clerk bowed and grinned and gurgled and haiuled down some toweling. "I want four vords."- "Certainly, ma'am I seo bewtiful day yesterday four yards think it ,.,i'll .1., l, 0" , Jll v, ru. Just then the proprietor camo up, ftnd his faco carried such a grin! lie was delighted to seo me. ' Didn't I want two clerks to wait on me? It was a bewtiful dav very bewtiful. Did the toweling suit? If not he would order from Europe. No trouble at all, you know ah certainly call again good afternoon. The clerk had cut off four yards of toweling, and I laid down a fifty-cent piece. "Ah yes nothing else-table-cloths or napkins dish-towels or any thing of the kindP" "No, sir!"1 ."Ah certainly cash boy! bewtiful day, isn't it a thousand thanks pack age, ma'am call again good after noon." He smirked and smiled. The floor walker ran across my path to grin and bow. The proprietor followed mo to twist and twitter. I had saved the three of 'em from the gallows by pur chasing four yards of crash toweling at a shilling a yard, aud they were duly grateful. I am a plain woman. I hope I have a fair share of common sense. I know lots of plain women with common sense who aro looking for some mer chant to open a store where grinning baboons will not bo employed to wait upon customers. One woman out of fifty may appreciate all this soft soap and tender tafl'y, but the other forty nine are disgusted with it. We want civil, courteous treatment from shop keepers and their clerks, but let it end there, The proprietor who exacts all this grinning and grimacing and tom foolery on the part of his clerk towards female customers is mistaken in the sex. . They have more brains than he credits them with. Aunt Sally, in De troit Free Press. A Famous Burmese Family. Ex-King Thebaw's famous hitiry family, which he long kept Jealously at Mandalay, are to visit Europe for exhibition. The family have been re nowned In Burmese history for many years and the present members, a mother and son. form th fnnrth own. eration known. ' Tbe mother, Mapbon, is sixiy-mree, quite blind ana usually aitfl mntinnlefta nn a ttlatfnrm iwm. sionally fanning herself and speaking in a iow, Bweei voice, one was seen and described by Colonel Yule when on a mission to the Court of Aya in 1855. Save her hands and feet, she is covered with long, soft hair, like her son, Mo-po-sin, who is covered even to the dmms of his eara the hair in mmn places being five inches long. Mo-po em is oi meaium neignt, witn pale brown skin, and is fairly friendly, having been partly educated, and mar ried to a maid-of-honor. Neither he nor his mother has either canine teeth or grinders. .V. Y. Evening Post. e a Only the Store Gone Up. An insurance examiner and adjuster, who was called upon to investigate a loss in Pittsburgh, inquired of the policy-holder: "Where were you when the alarm was given?" "I vhas ashleep in my bedt" "Did any one wake you up?" "Vhell, my clerk comes nnd pounds on der door und says our shtore vhas gone oop." " hat did yon do?" "I goes down-town to telegraph to Boston to see if your insurance com pany vhas gone oop, too." Wall Street iiICS. rrininf Article That Delight th. . . frartlcal JokBri "New tricks for tho boys?" rp a dealer in sleight-of-hand arti reply U a reporter's inquiry wJ! ' "l should say so. Th!.rCD7eJ them. There is a beautiful buttoaL boquet, for Instance. After plrfn In vnur coat hnttnn hnia - .. . ... j JUU CW1 tention of a friend to iu beaut fragrance. Of course he will ,tett T ward and smell of it, when to hu tonishment a fine stream of water k be thrown In his face. Where th tcr comes irom is a mystery, u can have your hands at your tide J!J hind you and not touch the bool any manner. Then there is gl' leaping monkey that is better tW surprise party for making fun taj ting up an excitement. After itv been sitting quietly on the stand or and bein admired by your unitw ing friends, it will suddenly, am? out warning, make a wild leap mtZ air and land under the table .. buiuuuuuj a v county a rrfful panio all around. Then there iaa case mai in ouo oi mo Dest prax-tit. jokes of the season. To all appear u is ail oiumnijr uinr ciisemaue jjij tation of real leather.' Ask yourfri.. to have a cigar, at tho same time U ing aim me case, as ne attempts open it an ugly-looking gorilla, inches in height, suddenly pops op stead of the expected cigar. Aiml. trick novelty in the cigar line con,, of a light, strong metal shell, the si and shape and color of a cigar. Iti. a spiral spring concealed wthin,6.! may bo released at tho will of tj operator by slightly pressing a tnV. J Hint is attached to the small end. 0! end of the spring is permanently fJ ed in tho shell and tho other end, thi is projected when released, hasaiv attached to retain it in the shell. Wh tho spring is released it will fly outfrc-. twelve to fifteen inches with awhirrii. rattling noise, so quickly that whilet person towards whom it is pointed seo something coming and hear iu cnu not tell just what has happened til after ho has seen it and luadeattt effort to dodgo it. . . "A magic nail is another intcresiii- little trick article. A common mi, shown, and without a moment's hiw, tion the performer forces it throiighk. linger. Tho linger can bo shown ti, tho nail protruding from both siii Tho illusion is so perfect that the s tators will be satisfied that , the "out, is a genuine one. The next instant it nail can bo with lrawn for exainimtu and tho linger shown' without in scar or wound. In another trick k exhibit a, neat and protty- windoC which you blow with the greatest tv. remarking that tho mill is encbaih. and will only work at your conimui Then hand it to any one with their quest to try it. - Ihe moment he trw he receives a startling salute, and tin! lips, chin, nose and cheeks decora with black or white, as the casemarb ihis has often been used with exwlle: effect by storekeepers who wish top: rid of Joungers. It is placed oh It counter or show caso, and most nuta- ally some idle curiosity-seeker will pkt it up and blow on it with a result the will cause him to retreat. A gtutaia is done with a card which yon cat change into a full blown rose by simpjr transferring it from one hand to other." "What is new in trick cards?" "Tho wizzard's pack. This is t K pack, apparently the samo as an nary pack, but with which wonderft and apparently impossiblo tricks can be fierformed. These are not dooe egerdemain or slight-of-hand. TV secret is in the cards. Among that card tricks are the following: A ttti may be drawn, shufllod in the pack it: cut the first time; a card may be blowi from the nnck after having beendran returned and shutllod; the two colon a pack divided by one cut; the card d covered under a handkerchief; air p sons may draw" a card each, shufl' them and immediately after the p former at once produces them, pufc them rapidly out of the pack, one ik the other; the performer may leave tfc room and in his absence a card may drawn, which he on bis return at ow picks out of the pack." V. Y. and Lrprens. m A NAPOLEONIC CONSPIRACY. DUeovery of Treaty lletween Ntpi nd the Duke of Itrunwlk. A Swiss correspondent, in loot! over the papers of the eccentric Duke Brunswick, deposited at the library i Geneva, has found the draft of w mutual assistance treaty between to and the late Emperor Napoleon. B dated Ham, June 25, 1844, and u only signed Louis Napoleon, Bonapu but'writteibyhim on a whitesilkpo kanflbarnlitiil in marlrinlT Ink. iiaim.viviiiii ,u iuoi.- .. French is full of Germanisms. Wj treaty is in t five articles, and the c trading parties are bound byw and their honorto observe it- In retM for the money which the German FW was to furnish the French one wiu escape from Ham and restore the e, pire, the latter was to aid the other i enter again into the possession" j duchy and all his fiefs, and, if p'!i to make all Germariy one nation, it a constitution suited to its trsdmo manners and the needs of a progress age. A Napoleonic conspiracy wa rieu on Dy me assistance " , h Brunswick's purse. On the 22d of J! 1870. Napoleon HI. was for the timo reminded of the promises '""(r and written on the silk pocket hn . chief. He a:.swered this reminder short note thus worded: "I b"'' coived your letter and find it imR?jy. to comply with your demands., 1 j of you to believe in my sincere a I Napoleon." Six weeks later th peror was a prisoner of the G t and the Duke of Brunswick on WJ to Geneva, to which he detcrm leave his personal estate, all J after the Brunswick revolution ol Kcpubliqne Francaise. .ill There are contractors for oroaen meal ai me erne ..,i .,,.,,, ,n !...;. Thiv arelcai' , , . ... -U hnti "jewelers," and make up the Pl . soil in the markeU for three sow i piate. une or tnese cou"-.- made a fortune la the businsss.