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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 22, 1886)
NATIONAL PRINTING. The Kiiormout Number of Volume Printed br tha Federal Government. Tbore are C3,OC3 titles in Maor lion: Forloy room's recently published "Dc Bcrlpt ive Catalog'") of Govern inont I'ub Jications.'.. And it is estimated that thore arc' at loast 10,000 titles not in cluded in this compilation. It is pret ty safe to say, therefore, that the Gov ernment has published since its organ Uation 75.0(H) distinct works, so that the "I'ub. Does." as they are Irrever ently called, would alone make a libra ry that would rank among the largest in the country. The most eonipleto oolleetion of these document is that in the lloston Public Library; tho next in fullness is found in the (jnngrcssiomil Library, and tha third large collection la probably owned by tho niitiiiarian book linn of Anglim & Co., of this city. These dealers are now completing' a full set of public documents from the Twenty-third Con gress. Only a few volumes are miss ing, and these they expect to tind, and when tho collection is finished they es timate it will contain 60,000 titles. Tho price of this library is set at $:).0O0, and, as all the volumes which compose it were printed at the public expense and distributed gratuitously, this sum should represent a good profit to mid dlemen. The documents are of all sizes and relate to every Imaginable topic. Some aro great thick quartos, like tho census volumes or the "iMcdical History of tho War." And at the other extreme aro thousands of pamphlet reports on small matters. Hut it should bo noted that the billH introduced in the Congresses aro not included in tho titles, if they were, the total would be high in the hundreds of thousands. The largest single publication ever undertaken by tho Government is tho "Tenth Census," which, if completed, would till about twenty-four large quarto volumes. Only half of these have been issued or ever will be, but even as it is the Cen tennial Census is probably the most Voluminous public document, not count ing as one serial the various annual reports. No doubt tho finest and cost liest group of publications relate to the Government surveys. Many of these reports tiro superbly gotten up, co piously illustrated, and accompanied by maps of the highest scientific and me chanical excellence. One special series of twenty separate titles relate to tho canals, routes and Isthmus of l'anama. Then there aro reportsof expeditions to the Arctic and to the Amazon, reports on the cholera, on birds, and bugs, and grasses, on various branches of political economy, on tho Indian from every standpoint; many elaborate report on patents; tho learned volumes put forth under tho auspices of tho Smithsonian Institution; such bulky documents as the stenographlo reports of the Star Route trials and tho Guitcau trial; codification of tho lam! laws, and the many publications relating to the civil war. These are all executive documents, put out, that Is, by the departments. Then, in ad dition, there are the Congressional documents which Include the Iteeord, which alone has now swollen to seven or ten thick quartos for each Congress; the great volumes full of tedious and Intorminuhlo testimony in committee investigation, and the thousands of smaller committee reports. Tho pace of the Government press ho kept up with the rapid progress of the country In all directions. Accord ing to the index the documents for the lirst quarter of a century were about 2.0(H); for the next quarter, fi.AOl); for the third quarter, '.'0,000; for the fourth, 2'-', .Mill; mid the annual output now runs up to about 4,000 titles annually. Then it must be remembered that the editions are much larger than in the early (lavs. I'aroly are less than .MH) copies of a document printed, and fre quently the edition is many times that size. (If the annual report of the Commissioner of Agriculture !100,01H) copies are issued and distributed. The United States Government is, in short, the greatest publishing house in tho world. Hy the side of its resources such an establishment as the Harpers' becomes quite small. There are on the Jay roll 400 compositors, besides a urge force of superintendents, fore men, eto. Fifty proof-readers are employed, and 4.1 pressmen, 1 1 A press feeders and !lt ruling machine feeders. The estimates call for 100.IHM) reams of printing paper, or 1S,IHH),(H0 sheets, each sheet making eight or sixteen pages. Wanhintjton Cor. X. '. Suit. IN HIS MIND, Two lnrkli H'lio Are Approaching mi I iii'i-rliilii Kate, Wo were at the depot in Grillin, Ga., waiting for the Atlanta train, when a colored man came along with a wheel barrow and purposely collided with a brother of color who was coming down the street. There was a war of words for a few minutes and then the one who had been hit limped to the platform and Raid: l.o gwino to hurt dat man afore ho git-s frew wid me." 'Why don't you challenge him?" asked one. Pat's no good, snh. Izo dun chal lenged him fo'teen times, an' he's dun challenged me jist as often." . 'And you can't bring about a duel?" "No, sah. Kbery time I challenge him he wants to tight wid pitchforks, an of co'se I doan' accept. Kbery tinio he challenges me I wants to tight wid shovels, an of co'se ho doau' ac cept." "You'll never get tog her." "O, yes, we will. Wc'sedgin' along to it eberyday. We'll keep dis thing tip till biniebv we'll agree on cotton choppers, anx den you'll har dat Will iam Henry Washington was cut down in his bloom at do fust blow. We's edgin', salt, an' in my mind's eve I'm ile head mourner at dat man's funeral." Iktroit Free Fress. Young men of Haltiniore need not fear to partake of delicacies at the hands of the young women of lialtiniore. One of the latter bought a love powder the other day, -arranted to bring any ob durate young mau to her feet. She had it analyzed ami it proved to bo pulver ized white sugar wid nothing else. Mailt more Sun. THE PERSIAN ARMY. The Help It Could Ulve Knglnnd iu War with I(umI. I have of lato been surprised (1) at the orderly regularity of their camps; (2) at tho fair show of discipline and neat ness of dress when on duty; (U) at tho cleanliness of their rillcs, which in tha regular army are all breech-loaders, though not of the best and latest pat terns; (4) at tho intelligence and smart ness of some of their ollicers. There is now a military college at Teheran, at which tho superior class of ollicers aro Instructed in branches of military edu cation similar to those taught at most Kuropcan military academies. The In ferior class of ollicers is drawn in the main from tho midulo or lower grades of tho Persian people, and is as a rule by no means highly educated. Many of them, however, are capable ami intelli gent; though others, and, I fear, the majority, aro the very reverse. This class never, or hardly ever, rises abovo the grade of Vawar or Major. There are 80 battalions of Persian infantry, each nominally 1,000 strong. Perhaps we may be not far wrong if we assume tho actual average strength of each to be 500, thus making a total of 40,000. Tho Shah has only three regiments of regular cavalry, drilled ami disciplined by Russian ollicers on the Cossack sys tem. Ho has at Teheran several bat teries of artillery (guns of modern make) nlso under European ollicers, while scattered over his kingdom ure a collection of antiquated pieces of ord nanco worked by artillerymen ' more or less proficient in tho duties they aro called on to perforin. To the abovo may be added an almost unlimited number of irregular cavalry, but very indifferently armed. Their arms are their weak point. They arc good horsemen, well mounted on horses capable of enduring much hard work, and are entirely independent of trans port and commissariat. A more mobilo lorce could not be found, and, com posed as it is of Kurds, Turks, itakliti uris, Ila.aras, Jainshidis, anil all the best and bravest fighting element of Persia, one not to be despised. Hut it must be better armed in time of war. That portion of the Persian army which is under the Zill-iis-Sulfan at Isfahan has a good name for drill, discipline, and general efficiency. All considered, then, we should be justified in placing somewhat greater faith in the ellieacy of Persian military resources than most recent writers have displayed. I would not argue that a Russian corps d'arjneo marching on Teheran would be lively to find the Persian forces more than a match for it; but in tho event of a war between England anil Russia it would bo a great advantage to the former if tlie latter were obliged to detach a corps if amice, whether to watch the Persian frontier or to repel a Persian attack. Moreover, withaliostile Persian on her right flunk, tho operations of Russia from the Caspian via Askabad and Sarakhs against Herat would be, if not paralyzed, nt It-ast seriously ham pered. Let not, then, England despise n Persian alii nice. Put, bo it remem bered, that alliance will be conditional upon the successful debarkation of a Pritish army in the Caucasus which means Turkish co-operation and probably, also on the presence of a powerful force from India at Herat. NatiomU Review. A TALKING MACHINE. Th fiilipm Contrivance Invented hy a Viennese i'rulessiir. The machine can't be minutely de scribed because of its intricacy. Tho following, however, as a rough sketch, will sulliee: The lungs appear in a stout bellows, with pedal attachment. A rubber larynx operutesfortho human larynx, containing for vocal chords membranes of ivory. The tongue and lips are of rubber, and in articulation perform the part played by them in producing human speech. Simple nasal tones and combinations thereof are produced by the aid of a rubber tube or open mouth. A keyboard is provided with the following keys, and may be plavcd for a speech in any lan guage: A.'O, IT, 1. fc, L. R, W.'F, S, Sli, It, p, G. In the exhibitions the keyboard is worked by the professor's wife, and tho professor expounds. The above keys, by phonetic principles, are sullieient to produce, with vari ous degrees of accuracy, all tho sounds of articulate speech, artic ulate but horribly dolorous and monotonous, the mechanism permitting scarcely any modulation. Hv the action of the keys different mechanical ar rangements are brought about in the region of the pharynx, and the sound passing through them and aided by tho tongue and lips receive its articulate charrcter. There being no teeth, the sibilants are formed by this mechanism of pharynx, and the roll of the "r" is produced by a vibrating something the professor calls the windmill. 1 he pitch of tho machine may be changed four or five degrees, though the monotone is preserved for nnv given utterance. Withal, it is fearfully and wonderfully made, and a bad man if you've got to be talked to death. It pronounced various words and sentences in three languages, and exclaimed "rats'." in :f way to make a "tarrier" wild. Tho professor thinks it would be a good ap paratus for deaf mute instruction. It would bo hard on a deaf mute, though, if his hearing should miraculously bo restored, and he was first addressed! by the machine in its characteristic tone. He would think the faculty of hearing an awful infliction. Tho way that machine says "papa" and "mania" would chill a parental floor-walker for three consecutive nights. Put the ma chine is. all the same, a unique con trivance. Chicago Inter ikean. J. R. Pond, of Stewart County, Ga., says that somo of his neigh bors heard tho train coming in the other night for the first time. and. mis taking the rumbling noise made bv the train for a cyclone, spent the night in their cyclone pits. A modest idea of a tiro depart ment is that entert aincd bv the Green ulle (S. C.) .Yu, which says: "About the best home tire department for pri vate residences is a ladder long enough to reach the roof." ATLANTIC CITY. The Peculiarities of a Somewhat 'otet Hummer Jlesort. At the junction, a small collection of wooded shanties, where the travelers waited an hour, they heard much of the glories of Atlantic City from the postmistress, who was waitiug for an excursion somo tinio to go there (tho passion for excursions seems to bo a growing one), and they mado the ac quaintance of a cow tied in tho room next the ticket ollico, probably also waiting for a passage to the city by the sen. And ti city it is. If many houses, endless avenues, sand, paint make a city, tho artist confessed that this was one. Everything was on a largo scalo. It covers a lai'go territory, tho streets run at right angles, tho avenues to tho ocean take the names of the States. If tho town had been made to order and sawed out by one man it could not be more beautifully regular and nioro satisfactorily monotonous. There is nothing about it to give tho most com monplace mind in the world a throb of disturbance. Tho hotels, tho cheap shops, the cottages, lire all of wood, and, with three or four exceptions in tho thousands, they aro all practically nliko, all ornamented with scroll-work", as if cut out by the jig-saw, all vividly painted, all appealing to a primi tive taste just awakening to tho appreciation of tho gaudy chroino and the illuminated and consoling house hold motto. Most of the hotels are in tho town at considerable distance from tho ocean, and the majestic old sea, which can be monotonous but never vulgar, is barricaded from the town by live or six miles of stark-naked plan walk, rows on rows of bath closets, leagues of flimsy carpentry-work, in thu way of cheap-John shops, tin-type booths, peep-shows, go-rounds, shoot ing galleries, pop-beer ami cigar shops, restaurants, barber shops, photograph galleries, summer theaters. Sometimes the plank walk runs for a mile or two, on its piles, between rows of these shops ami booths, and again it drops off down by the waves. Here and there is a gayly-paintcd wooden canopy by the shore, with chairs where idlers can sit and watch the frolicking in tho water, or a space railed oil", where the select of tho hotels lie or lounge in the sand under red umbrellas. The calcu lating mind wonders how many million feet of lumber there are in this uupio turesque barricade, and what gigantic forests have falicn to make this timber front to the sea. Hut there is one thing man can not do. He has made this show to suit himself. He has pushed out several iron piers into tho sea, and erected, of course, a skating rink on the end of one of them. Hut the sua itself, untamed, restless, shining, danc ing, raging, rolls in from the south ward, tossing the white sails on its vast expanse, green, blue, leaden, white capped, many-colored, never two min utes the same, sounding with its eter nal voice I know not what rebuke to man. Charles Dudley Warner, in llnr 1cr'3 Magazine. JACKSON'S CONFIDANT. A Man Who Wan Worthy of the fleiieral'1 ( Coiifldcnee noil Friendship. "Even so self-reliant a man as Gen eral Jackson," said a member of Con gress to a reporter, "had his confidant, whom he freely consulted about every thing, public as well as private affairs. This friend was Judge Overton, of Ten nessee, the General's law partner. When Judge Overton was on his death-bed be directed his wife to bring him all tho letters he had ever received from Jack son. They had all been preserved, even the most unimportant of them. There were enough to more than fill ft bushel measure, and there, in his pres ence, while awaiting death, Judge Overton had them burned. Upon be ing remonstrated against destroying letters that no doubt contained much of great value to the political history of the country, he replied that they also contained a great ileal about indi viduals and private matters. General Jackson was then dead, and his old partisan was unwilling to run the risk of having the commence of Ins illus trious friend violated. Judge Overton remarked, bv way of excuse for the de struction of tho letters, that their con tents related to the private and public conduct of many people covering tho period of General Jackson's entire pub- lie service. He said some of the letters contained charges - which tho writer had lived to learn were unfounded and unjust, and for the valuable public in formation contained in the correspond ence it would not do to risk an expo sure of the personal matters involved. So the letters were all burned. Wash ington Star. A WILLOW FARM. An Interrntlve ami 1'rolltalile Plantation Near Mnvon, lieoreU. About a mile below tho city of Macon is tho osier willow farm of Mr. I. C. Plant Tho willow switches, atVne end of two years, aro from four to seven feet long, and aro cut and gathered into bunches liko sheaves of wheat. In the stripping building they are steeped in water, and tho bark at the larger end loosened for a couple of inches by machinery. Tho leaves and bark are then removed bv a little ma chine devised by Mr. Plant. One by one tho switches are placed in the mechanical stripper, and with a pair of pliers are pulled through with a sudden jo-k. They are then wiped off with a woolen cloth, bundled, and laid away to dry. All tho leaves and bark are dried and baled. They are used for medicinal purposes, and command a price of twenty-live cents a pound. There are at present four hundred thousand wil. lows growing on the farm, and eighty thousand additional slips have reeelitly been set out. The entire levee is to be eventually covered with them, when sixty acres will bo devoted to this single crop. The average yield is a ton to tho acre. When dried. 'the willows cotummand two hundred dollars per ton, and find a ready market Jkr ican Druggist. JAPANESE HOUSES. Why They Are Far Ahead of American Homes In Real Iteauty. It is getting to bo very embarrassing, this civilization, especially to women. We aro accumulating so much, our establishments are becoming so compli cated, that daily life is an effort. There are too many "things." Our houses are get ting to be museums. A house now is a library, an art gallery, a bric-a-brac shop, a furniture ware-house, a crock ery store, combined. It is a great es tablishment run for the benefit of ser vants, plumbers, furnace-men, grocers, tinkers. Regarded in one light, it is a very interesting place.and in iinother.it is an eleemosynary imsiuuuoii. i uid accustomed to consider it a mark of high civilization; that is to say, tho more complicated and over-loaded wo make our domestic lives, the nioro civ ilized we regard ourselves. Now per haps we are on tho wrong track alto gether. Perhaps the way to high civili zation is toward simplicity and disen tanglement so that the human beings willbo less a slave to his surroundings and impedimenta, and havo more leis ure for his own cultivation and enjoy ment. Perhaps life on much simpler terms than we now carry it on with would be on a really higher plane. We have been looking at somo pictures of Japanese dwellings, interiors. How simple they are! how littlo furniture or adornment! how few "things" to care for and bo anxious about! Now tho Japanese aro a very ancient people. They are peoplo of high breeding, pol ish, refinement. They aro iu some respects liko tho Chinese, who have passed through ages of cy cles of experience, worn out about all the philosophies and religions then on, and come out on the other side of every thing. They have learned to take things rather easily, not to fret, and to get on without a great many en cumbrances that we still wearily carry along. When we look at the Japanese house? and at their comparatively simple life, are we warranted in saving that they are behind us in civilization May it not be true that they have lived through nil our experience, nnd come down to an easy modus vitrmlil They may have had their bric-a-brac period, their overloaded-establishment age, their various measles stages of civiliza tion, before they reached a condition in which life is a comparatively simple all'air. This thought must strike any one who sees tho present Japanese craze in this country. For, instead of adopt ing the Japanese simplicity inourdwell ings, we are adding the Japanese eccen tricities to our other accumulations of odds and ends from all creation, and increasing the incongruity and the com plication of our daily life. What a hel less being is the housewife in the midst of her treasures! Tho Drawer has had occasion to speak lately of tho recent enthusiasm in this country for tho 'cul tivation of the mind." It has become almost a fashion. Clubs aro formed for this express purpose. Hut what chance is there for it in the increasing anxieties of our more and nioro involved and overloaded domestic life? Suppose wo have clubs Japanese clubs they might be called for the simplification of our dwellings and for getting rid of much of our embarrassing menage .'Charles Dudley Warner, in Harper's Mayazine. THE ROAD-RUNNER. How a romlriil-Loiiklii? California Itlnl Pest myril ltitt I U-nmikc a. This is the name of a very singular bird belonging to the cuckoo family. It gets its name from its speed and endur ance as a racer. This is remarkable. It is a quiet-colored bird, with a sense of humor. Its tail is longer than its body, and tilts up and down and bobs around constantly. The road-runner expresses its mind with its tail. Hut the most remarkable fact about the bird is its method of destroying the rattlesnake. It likes best the sandiest, hottest part of southern California, where the rattlesnake and cactus alike abound. The road-runner hates the rattlesnake with a mortal hatred. How a bird can kill a snake you will learn from tho description of Mr. John Coryell. Finding the snake asleep, it at once seeks out the spiniest of the small cacti, the prickly pear, and, with infinite pains and quietness, carries ?n leaves, which it breaks off, and puts t ni in a circle .wound the slumbering snake. When it has made a .sullieient wall about the object of all this care, it rouses its vic tim with a sudden peck of its sharp beak, anil then quickly retires to let the snake work out its own destruction, a thing it eventually does in a way that ought" to gratify the road-runner.' The first impulse and act of the ns saulted snake is to coil for a dart: its next to move away. It quickly realizes that it is hemmed in in a circle, nnd fully makes a rash attempt to glide over the obstruction. The myriad of tiny needles prick it and drive' it back. The angry snake, with small wisdom, attempts to retaliate by fasteninf its fangs into the offending cactus. Tho spines fill its mouth. Angrier still, it again and again assaults the prickly wall, until, quite bes.de itself with rae, it seems to lose its wits completely, and, writhing and twisting horribly,' buries its envenomed fangs into its own body, dying tinallv from its self-inflicted wounds. After the catastrophe, the road-runner indulges in a few gratified flirts of its long tail and goes oil'. The name of this feathered curiosity is the "paisano." it is described ns "an alert, comical-looking bird."- Uood Word$. When Bryant Was Sixteen. A gentleman of international fame, whose word is as unquestionable as his genius is great said a few days ago: "I was sitting beside Hrvant at a dinner one day. Turning to him 1 said: 'Mr. Bryant, will you kindly set my mind at rest on the widely agitated question as to vour age when you wrote Thanatop sisr" " Mr. Bryant answered: "I had linished every line and word of that poeiu liefore 1 was sixteen years of age." There is uo doubt as to the truth of this. Jktivit Free 1'nts. LIFE IN BOATS. Japanese Families Who Mve and We on Frail ami I'uiy noaw. in Poland some families are born and die in salt mines, without ever 1 ving above ground, and in Japan some aro born and die the same way on uouu., without ever living on shore-. "One of the most interesting features of Japanese life to me," says a recent traveler there, "was the manner of liv hicr in the boats and junks, thousands of which frequent every bay along tho coast. The awkward junks always be long to the members of but one family. oldnand young live on board. Tho smaller sailboats are made liko a nar row flatboat, and the sail (they never have but one) is placed verv near the stern, and extends from the mast about tho same distance in either direction, t. ., the mast runs iu the middle of the sail when it is spread. In these littlo boats men are born and die, without ever having an abiding-place on shore. Women aro nearly all naked, except in rains, when they put on layers of fringy straw mats, which gives them the ap pearance of being tliatched. At night if in harbor, they bend poles over the boat from side to side in the shape of a bow, and covering them with this straw, water-tight straw, and go to sleep all together, like a lot of pigs. "A child three years old can swim like a fish; and often children who will not learn of their own accord, are re peatedly thrown overboard until they bveome expert swimmers. In tho har bors children seem to bo perpetually tumbling overboard, but the mothers deliberately pick them out of the water, and culling them a little, go on with their work. It is really astonishing at what age these boys and girls will learn to skull a boat. I have seen a boat twenty feet long most adroitly managed by three children, all under seven years of age. Iam told that notwithstanding their aptness at swimming many boat men get drowned, for no boat overgoes to another's aid, nor will any boatman save another from drowning, because, as he says, it is all fate, and he who in terferes with fate will be severely pun ished in some way. Resides this, the saving of a boatman's life only keeps a chaling soul so much longer in purga tory, when it ought to be released by tho death of the sailor which the gods, by fate, seem to have selected for the pur pose." Christian at Work. THE HUNGER CURE. Heaioimhle Futlin,' Curative Measure of Hume Value. Not favoring any thing which may bo fairly called starvation, it is unquestion ably true that there is a manifest ad vantage, as a curative measure, in reasonable fasting, at least to an ex tent to allow the system to rid Itself of all obstructions. As when we have nioro labor on hand than can be possi bly done to-day, some of it must re main till to-morrow, so when we take more food than can be digested in tho allotted time, or that so dillicult of di gestion that t can not be disposed of in the usual time, there must be an accu mulation, something which serves as an obstruction, an accumulation of ma terials which need to be disposed of, the whole system being nioro or less clogged. lasting, therefore, under such cir cumstances, is among the most im portant of tho remedial measures. When this is not done, nature, as tho next best means to be employed, throws oil' such offending matter by vomiting or purging, thus avoiding other forms of diseases if as uisease these friendly mani festations may bo regarded. I well know that there arc persons who be lieve that one must cat or soon die, but they forget that Dr. Tanner lived for forty days, taking only water, nnd that others have lived still'longer, and that in high fevers and acute diseases, when the appetite is entirely suspended, several weeks may pass while the pa tient is fasting. The danger of starvation is not as great as is usually supposed, by any means, since the body is composed mainly of the elements of air ami wafer, which, as I suppose, may be appropri ated in an emergency. ' Therefore, I am firm in the opinion that at the com mencement of an acute disease, decided sickness may be averted, in nine cases out of ten, 'by reasonable fasting, at least so long as there is no appetite, with extra bathing, friction of the sur face, quiet, rest, a good supply of air nnd sunlight. ZV. JJanuJbrU, in Uuldcn llnle. SOLID SENSE. ltulei Whose lienerul olerraiu-e Would Make l.lf llrlgliler. Every time I borrow a newspaper I do a very small act. Every time I tell tho truth I add to my strength of character. Every time I oppress a servant I am guilty of a sin against God. Every time I spend a dollar foolishly I nm opening a pauper's grave. Every time I pay rent I am taking that much away from a homo of my own. Every time I buy an article I am en couraging the manufacturer or pro ducer. Every time I refrain from speaking in defense of a friend I prove that I anniot a friend. Every time I speak a kind word I am adding a brick to my temple of man hood. Every time I pay n debt I am doing right and helping to put money in cir culation. Every time I refuse to do a favor when I can as well as not I prove that I am growing mean. Every time I give to distant charities to the neglect of those at homo I am guilty of giving only for vain-glorv. Every time I speak cross and impetu ously I m weakening my nerve-power and adding to the misery of someone. Poiiieroy's Dt moerat. Thore is only one linen mill now in operation in the'l'nited States, and it is making only the coarsest kinds of crash toweling. It has Wen losing monev for years. Chkayo Times. Prof. Dana of -Yale Colle geology furnishes no satisfactory tcs'ti- iuuuj a3 io cuauges oi species. THE LIME KILN CLUB. Trufttne PnHlmck Mnu in.. Hough Treatment m a iv-i It was within three minutes of tfc I for opening the meeting when ItrotCfL1 ner received a message to the tttf i wife wns in fit He left f.. i,..1! manner neither too dignified nor too iki.1 ami iue meeting wa cniieu to Order'l Isano Walpole, who said: "While I dent hex our sympathy In dls dark h i a matter of co'se, vet de business of try muV not sulfur bokase ona nu l, I woman dun Root an' bat a lit TjT1 purceed to blzness, nn' It may be well (!1 1 to menshun de fnok dat de pusson ahu a llcorlee drop on de hot tove doorij''' purceedin's may find hlnel weary a burdens of dis cold worlL ' RETURNED A BIIOKEX XAX Trustee Pullback then mad a rev. ! his trip to Washington, N. (J., as t dele ' irom the club to attend on omanoin.?11 Jubilee. He reached there all right aJtaT journey lasting thirteen days, aj 'I warmly welcomed by Archie Moore njj P. Jones of the committee on arrr.n:rn...! During th first two hours of hlsitayi,,; one stole his watch, and later on hit and pocketbook were missing. His & plaints were treated with supreme lnrli. ence, and on the day of tho jubilee h set upon nnd pounded until he could hanti, ! walk. lie had bis credentials all straiJw? nnd no one disputed them, but he thi there was a conspiracy to do him nn k. cause the Lime Kiln club had refuJ ti frrant a charter to the "Koon Killin' 1 oi ttusumgtua iu uci as a uraucn. He thinks there was a eon;)iYari Trustee reached home alter e:.durin$ hardships which would have killed a UuiW Ktates senator, and has been in bed uearlj ever tince. When his verbal report hnd been ink mitted there was a murmur of imlignatioi throughout the hall, and Wnydown hnlm offered the following resolution: "Resolved, Dat until de gub'ner of Xortt Carolina forwards us nn apology in writirf, accompanied by at least 175 to recompenj) Brother Fullback for his (iulTerins, all intw. course between dis club an' de said stateof North Carolina must bo considered ateand' The resolution was unnnimously adopted SETTLED. The chairman of the committee on briberj nnd corruption then mnde a report on the case of Sir Kdward Gildoruleove, A. B., who was convicted of passing a counterfeit nickel on the treasurer. The committee had plenty of proofs that Sir Edward was abent-mindeil and would as soon take in a tifty-cent piece with a hole in it as to yay out a nickel made of load. He had been very much cult down over the alTair, and had uft-re 1 dog and a shotjrun to settle the case. Tha wmunittw advised that the case be quiuhod u va w ithout merit. The report was nocep'ed and adopted, and the meeting adjourned. Detroit Free fre Whut Troubled Her. A specialist in thro:it troubles wis callei 10 treat a uosiou inuy, wno manifested much interest in his urgical instrument! thnt he explained their uses to hor. "Toil laryugosco(o," said he, "is fitted with small mirrors and an electric ligh'; tho interior ol your thront will be s.'en by me as clearlj as the exterior. You would be surprised to know how far down we can see with an In strument of this kind" The oieration over, tho ludy appeared somawli.it agitated ' Poor girl," ai 1 Itt sister, who was pre eut, "it must have been very painfuL1 "Ob, no; not that, not that,' whisperel the Boston la ly; "but just as he fixed his in strument in place I reiueiub red that I had a hole in my stocking "Boston Traveller. On the Safe Side. An old la ly rea 1 a paragraph in one of the papers the other d:iy, describing hoirl griudstoue burst in a saw-mill and killed lour men. bhe happened to remember that there was a small grindstone down in her cellar, leaning against the wall; so she went o;it and got nu accident insurance policy, and th-n, summouing her servant, an I hold ing a pie-tward in front of her face, so that if the thing exploded her face would not be injured, hud the stone tuken out iu.otha road, where twenty-four pails of water wen thrown over it, nud a s. ick was stuck in the hole beuriug a placard marked "daugerom Sue says it is a mercy the whole house wu not blown to pieces by thi thi Jg bdioro thii Vt ood and Iro l. Simple anil Easy. The tariff, my son Oh, it's ft simpll thing, if you'll only give it about five min utes' study. There is a great d al of talk made over it, but, so there is always mucb talk about tverything. The true principle of protection and free trade, for thoy mint ever go together, is this: Whatever yon have to buy bhouid be admitted entirely free of any duty, away down to bottom prii-ef, and whatever you have to sell should be protected away up to 120 in tha sha le. All men of all parties are agreed on that "Then why do they wrangle and quarrel o loudly about tariff reform ' Oh, that's quit another matter. That is because they an not agreed on what to buy and selL Bur dette. Newspaper and Pretty Women. NVhy is a newspaper like a pretty womanl To be perfect, it must be the embodiment of many types. I;s form is made up. It ! always chased, though inclined to be giddy It enjoys a good press; the more rap'J tl better. It his a weakness for gossip. Talk! a good deal. Can stand soma prane. and it's awful proud of a new dress. Jefferson Bee. Paddy Always Una a lteaon. "I say, Paddy, that is the worst looking horse that I hove ever seen in harness Whj don't you fatten him up!" ' Fat him up, is it f Faix, the poor baste can hardly carry the little mate that's on him now," replied Paddy. Kentucky State Journal. Forgetful Johnny. Mother (calling after Johnny, who hs Just gone upstairs) Johnny, didu't 1 tell ?ott that whoever went upstairs first must carry up a scuttle of coaif Johnny Oh, I forgot that, or I wouUn' have gone up llrst. I ti" i A t I 1 T r.'.l 18 tiro i.;n cm! I iha Pi r-p t't pep tim a:fi acc the on wit iff ! ,.ir v le 111' IK' k' r w. to Wi 0 t