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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (April 17, 1886)
!.1 '1 EUGENE CITY GUARD. I. L. CAM flit: 1.1 IToprlel-r, EUGENE CITY. OREGON. SPRING. After Hood. I Hall, Pprlni. Ihnu (ri-nllc rpr.iur! (I fi-cl draft coiiiiiik- through thl floorj i Tbe bird" their tony of oi-ifoii.e itf : litl viii Mice to shut that floor!) AH nature hails tin e with dH Ami seems to )ji.c I(ihI lliou lot here: The l.riirhli-t ttinii.- irrow ii!l more It (flit (Who'd tli. nk Iwou.J mow t ins time of cur:i I Md flu e welcome once Afn'n, W In n tin c I ifiift I In U)f day; Cold w. liter now ""' rei;n n. Hut in it-eii-e f nit- . The tn i mi I loom on the hi. .-el" nvh. lie ifni--t'pi ureein r on under kln.it (1 wish t f it d no flow n to it by and hy A Del opu r ton ol c'ui.) Comewith tV- f r-ii-ram e of new-mown bur: 'Jlif l i K.it lire, u I'.iie' know you U br.iiir And the turd wl! i-nio! ronndeiay Tf li-h' r in tin- in w Ixtii -prniir. How i-.-inl to . c! s r nv In my I rcalh. Anil it mini) In -.iut.i--.tfi mini re. (Iki j on w ,int me to t here inl freeze to dent m!' Why lion t you Kn "' shakedown the flrsvi We know Unit thou w !t l.riiiif u- J' f The In-: i.lr' ie mid mino'ii tie. Jli. hii'I . ;in-- if onion nd tlmt hoy! IU hf not l-roiiiil.t tlmt i-'iikIi -i run ti t) Come t.'i ' It it nt uml -.iirki:im dew -. Anil tin- mm. emu- Unit make I lie v.uli t s pront (And I r hi? ini my ii!-ot nnd over-hoe- It It If eznijf, hurd. un l 1 in fc'" iiK outi. I'urH. TIIE TELKPJIOXK COMKDY. Mm l'Ci'll 10 te How Crossed Wires Frequently Crcato Unpleasant Blunders. Tlii? telephone is prolcdilv tin oijv successful atlffiijit ever innili- to rc- i7W- l'"'e ' a ' ..., l . i' it n now tell the Jin o st prodi gious whoppen )ou r thero into vour wife's c;ir, in fact, ami get riil of the w hole iliflicultv of h 1 il s h i n g, s t a iu in r i n g .'r er ami otln rwi-e botrayiii' a rtitlty coni-ienc . The stini rink itself mu-t sin-; very mii:i!1 an an immoral n;ftit hy the iile of t!ie teli'plionr. Tint timli-tiirlH-il M-renity with which the volat lit stm-k lirnker, w'th the j i i in one liaml ami a htiliet prl in tin- other, can n-ml wonl hy liieans of llm infamous accnliiilice to li'm wifn at home that he willl.eile taineil very late at the ofliee with ilU jiortalit Inline-, h is ln-eu c-:mlit on the Mint hy our al t'-l. Tlie evai-t eoilu if fal-i'hoiiil-i n.ei oil thee oera-i'ill lias hren rauhl hy our reporters at the name t : tin. IIii-IkuhI Halloo! N t lj.it Mm, inv tlear? Wife-Yet. lliihai'il Well, don't wait for tut to-uiht. I've pit ii lot of imiortanl , lulls to attend to. -f I illolto voice, ami , liikin tin- piiie awav 'jl . l : . . . 'l-i iiiiiii ins i-ar i ilea tiT lelK). Shall he nw fullv husv. ton' t Ml llll. Wife-- I'm real sor ry. II us hand -- All ri'ht. (iooil-lne. Wife - Hallo.'.: Ihishaiid-W ell what s the matter now ? (looking at his Witt eh). Wife Sav.will voii have much lu do at the oilier? Husband Awfully Imsv. Wife -Shan't In1 able to 'et away from the ollice till late? Husband That's what I said, (loot! bv'. "Wife-Halloo! Husband - What niN you? Can't you understand? I've pit to p-t hack to the ollice. Wife - Yes. You'll bo kept there till Very late? Husband -Confound it! that'' what I paid. Wife-Where? Husband -At the ofliee. Ciood-bye. Wife- -Wait a moment. Husband-I can't do it? What da you want? Wife-I only want to nay I'll come down and wait for you. Then you will not have to come home in the dismal morning air-all alono. (lood-bye. Husband Halloo, halloo! wait moment. Are you there? All riht. 1'on't come down. This is business. I may have to go up to the Fifth Avenue Hotel to nee some banker! from I'hicngo. IJood-bve. to p to the Kifih Aveni'e Theater to see a dre.-maker from Ciniao. (jood-bve. fcT.M B.H K WV THE I'tfE. Under flu; cireillii-tance'i tlit' nt titude of the husband at the teh l.hone is (.aid bv the artist to l-e iiiturcs.itift, i-spi'fial-iy if he lun invited a friend to go home to dinner w ith him. Ami here comes in the inipih iniquity of the telephone. Once that you commit yourseii to its devious way there is no ti-Ilitir to hat depths of disas ter von mav ile-eeli'l. The'hu-baml immedi ately ru-lies to an other telephone and then the wires crr.ed. When thU hai'Ocn- all is lo-t perha)s oii know if you hd there It i. tl I'r.'tlt ileal belliT rroeil in love than crri-'d in the tran-m:-:on of it. The.,-icture of a fond husband p'ptirin the wroii' amour into hi- wife's ear has been happily caught bv our lifrhtninj :irt:-t. Thr foilow in' diagram explains the situation: It repn-euts hu-band. C repn-eiits theyinin' lady w ho i- alw i reaoy in i to the thea ter and a supper af terward. A represe n t s sLthe wife in the full flil-h of herTenp-aneent home. The followiti'' conversation -tarts :it l: Husband -Is that vou, mv wear? Wife-Y-. Hu-band Are you alone? Wife (with a Ihi-h of triumph in her eve) lcs. ju-t at tins moiuciu i m p-ttinT readv to go out. Hu-baud -Don't pi, I'll be up it -i o'clock. The old woman has rod on to our rtieket the other ni''ht and is on her ear, and she's ju-t sent word that .-he's pung to her mother s to-niiit. it - clear spite. Do vou catch on? Wife f Vrtainfv I do. Where docs she think we went the other night? tin. itinii ( II). she knows al almut It. Somebody told her we were at the Fifth Avenue. Wife That's so. You'd lau'h if you knew who it was. Hu-band (), it was some play ing fool. W i f e - Y mi a r e ri'ht again, in v d e a r. What do vou pro- 1 mm po-i' llu-liand Meet me at Kiccado n- lia'.s at seven. Champagne dinner. Then we'll go to Daly's. I'll .el a bo uml we'll fool her thi- time. If we gi t into a box we're all right. Wife (lh. es, we're all PL'ht now. Make it Delinoiiico's ami eight o'clock ll'i-baiid-tlood enough. Don't fail. (iood-bv, darling. Wife -Never fear, dear, I'll be there. And she wa-l It is truly and sadly said that t h o se y ou n g w o m e n w h o listen much at 'the telephone d e v e 1 o p enor mous curiosity and large ears. We slioiild think discover when the At all events it is safe to ried men w ho u-e the t they might if they lines are cro ed. idvi-e all mar ephone to in spect the whole as a necessary World. length of the wires precaution. X. J'. A Zereba. I.'ko nil .such infamous things, thii romes home to roost. About three s later my lady tinds a programme of I In- Filth Avenue Theater iu his spring overcoat. She looks at the date. Sae remembers that he wore the spring overcoat on that night. Then she ,akes the telephone into her fonlideiue, and her .second cou-in, who is an old flame, into her heart. Wire Halloo! Is that you. John? Hiishaud -Yes, it's me. W hat's the matter? W ife Are you ruining home to din ner to-irghl?" iln-liand -Certainly; I'm Jayod out; hall surely bo thciv.' Why. Wife-Only I'm going over to moiher's to spend the evening. Try and make yourself comfortable. You liccUn't cotue nfter mo, for I may have The zereba is a native light barricade constructed in the form of a square, ami, by the Arabs, made of niiinoso brush, piled with the prickly branches outward, and built high enough to make the oiler to overleap them im practicable. The sharp, jagged branches present a forbidding aspect to the Arabs and blacks, who hme no ta-te for Hinging their naked bodies against them. The great tactics of the Arabs is to attack by "rushing," in the hope to oerw helm, by the very impetus of the assault, the waiting enemy. As n means of checking this "rush" the zereba has been found very ellective, and the Knglish adopted the native ex ample as a very excellent provision against a decisive charge from the ene my in open lighting. But any sort of superficial fortilication Hung up to inert a temporary requirement is now referred to in the di-patches as a ze reba. It corresponds, in fact, to the fence-rail breastworks and the light earthworks thrown up by our own troops in the war for the I'nion. The principle of construction is a very old one, and it is a very good one in prim itive warfare where the serious lighting is in hand-lohaud encounters. l.on-lon Timet. Russian Oil Producing Territory. Although it has been estimated that the area of oil-producing territory in liu-sia measures fourteen thousand sipiare miles, the field at Hakn is the only one worked, and this covers space of three and a half square m.les only. Its enormous out put is .i . tn be siitlic.ellt for the rcijil rellielits of the world. Mr. Kcd wood li'ippcticl to lie present when one of the woiis was o ened. He sas that a nrghtv column of o l ji,iut,-d up to the he ght i f one hundred feet, carrying big .tones w.sh it. and that it cunt .lined gii-lrng out until a huge lake of pi ! i 1 -inn was formed. The product i- re:'i e I on the spot by a process of ci-t l!at.ei, the residue being Used as hid, both for steamers on the Ca-p'an and upon man of the Russian railways. The bv- ro diicts of the distillation, such as nuph habile, Ix nole. etc., meet wilh some tention; but that branch of the manu facture is at present in iU infancy .V. J'. 1'ost. LEADING A DOG. A I'ainful Kwrlrnr with m Afff-rtlnn-alr. Hut I nroly, w found land. Sir Walter Seott wa. fond of dogs. I ini not. This nhows that literary men. hew ever similar their genius is, may dif fer in matters of taste. Hut it waaagrceJ in our family that we must have a dog. and a Newfoundland dog at that. 1 shall not enter into the particulars of the di-cusioii. but will merely say, that at last I agreed to buy the animal. There is a store on Woodward avenue that is a pandemonium. Some very small dogs were caged in the window, and so I entered the zoological boiler shop. "Have vou a Newfoundland dog?" 1 shouted in the ear of the proprietor. "Yes." he replied. How old and how much?"' "Three months and eight dollars. We bargained in capital letters, and finally I became po-sced of the dog ami a lori v-celil collar, wmiu uie pn- prietor threw in a cord with which to j lead the animal, the brute showed wMit little sen-e it had by refusing to leave this babel of bird-. It sat on the floor and the boy had to pu.h it along with a broom while I pulled on the cord in front. When we got out the propri etor followed, and. clo.ing the door-o that we could talk iiiiet!y in the com parative silence of the street tralSc, said: IT "He doesn't look handsome ju-t now, vou know, for he han't been fed well by the man that owned him. You'll soon g';t bjm into good condition. He's a littlci frightened, but when you lead him a bloek he'll be all right." ' So I started down Woodward avenue, pulling the dog after me. He tn-r-istd in sitting dowu and eliding along the pavement, "See here," said a good-natured stranger, "you'll choke that pup to death in a minute or two." "Well. I can't stay here all day just because the pup wants to." "Oh. vou ui-t turn around and try to lead him up the avenue and he'll go all right in the other direction." 1 patted the dog and easily established friendly relations with him. He was a very friendlv animal. Then we -tarted off again. l made playful little jumps at people which they generally resented, and so 1 was kept bii.y apologizing most of the way to the first crossing. Here he sat down again and we were both nearly run over by an impetuous buggy. The next block we met another dog and instantly I thought I was caught in a whirlwind. I kicked the brutes apart and hauled mine away by the string. "See here," said the owner of the other dog, "what did vou kick mv dog for?" "I didn't kick vour dog-particu larly. 1 kicked at the heap. To even things up vou may kick my dog and welcome. Further, you may kick me if vou ever meet me leading a dog down Woodward avenue again." He seemed mollified and went on. Crossing the Fort street track the dog sat down again. The car w as coming, of course, and as the driver put on the brakes he did not diguie what be thought of both of us. There was noth ing else for it, so I picked the dog bodily up ami carried him to the sidew alk.' He thought this was an exhibition of my affection for liini. so he pawed me ovt-r with his muddy feet till I was ft sight to see. In front of the Russell House he gave an exhibition of his playfulness. There were a number of men sitting be hind the big plate-glass windows with their feet at the lieccs-ary elevation to enable them to enjoy the passing show in comfort. The dog saw some one that struck his fancy, and making a sudden break for him jerked the tring out of my hand. I endeavored to coax him back. I tried to get hold td the string again. The miserable brute thought 1 wanted to have some fun with him. He playfully danced around and barked joyfully. 'The Rus sell House people seemed to enjoy the af fair very much, which of course was con soling to me. Two or three times I ju-t missed the string ami nearly came dow n on the pavement in my anxiety to gra-p it. The dog thought it was ' tine port. He never had met quite as jolly a fellow as I was. It was not every master that would drop in the crowded street nnd plav with his dog. He leaped from side to side and yelped and wagged his tail and thought this was not half so bad a world after all. Meanwhile I had to dissemble and pretend I was his friend, while, all the time I would liked to have kicked him over the city hall tower. At last 1 turned away in dis gust. He came dancing to me, spring ing up to me and trying to lick mvhand in token of the good time we hail had. He was a very affectionate dog. I caught the string once more, and to prevent a recurrence of this thing I tied the end of it to a buttonhole in mv overcoat. We went along to the next block in good shape and then met a small dog. This one didn't want to light, but it was in for fun. Round and round me the two dogs ran until mv dog brought up tightly against my feet, having w ound me up'in the string like mummy. I cut the string at the buttonhole and unwound myself free. I stood back a step and rave that dog one heartfelt kick. He landed ncarJc ferson avenue, and used the inietus I gave him to make the quickest time ever made by a Detroit dog w hen he lit on his feet. His long, living howl of dis appointment and reproach still : ngs in my cars. Anylxuly finding this dog will confer a favor on me by keeping him. l.ukt Sir, in Ik tr nl t'nc I'rcn. FISHING FOR CONGERS. A Kr Rport for rln l l.lirmn-The Wolf of th Wan. For those who are hardy enough not to dread a night's exposure in an open boat there are few finer sport than conger-fishing off tho coast of Devon shire and Cornwall and all along the edges of the English Channel. There are many "old salts" scattered along the coasts of the Mediterranean aivl even in these sober and iinroniantic islands many such exist to this day who are always ready to aver that a hi" conger, when hauled up from tho I rocky lied of the ocean and introduced into "a boat, is in the habit of opening his gigantic mouth bristling with teeth, of making a desperate onslaught upon the first man that he spies, and of barking like a d.ig. It has, indeed, often been asserted that a conger three or four feet long, and weighing ab,.ut twenty or thirty pounds, is a truly awkward customer to face when he is drawn into a boat. Alone of lisiies, he and his congeners of the eel tribe have as much power of locomotion upon land as they have in the water, and no sooner do they see a human being near them on the element to which they are foreigners than they make up their minds to "go for him" without delay. It is probable that the captured conger is prompted by nervousness rather than by ferocity when he glides towards the enemy, and the noise which issues from "his open jaws is attributable to the escape of air from his swimming bladders and not to his possession of barking powers, such as dogs are en dowed with. The best way to pursue is to set forth about five in the evening of a still, soft October dav, and to row out to sea for a distance of two or three miles, until the boat reaches the spot where experienced guides know that seven or eight fathoms below lie the reefs and rocks in which the congers reside. The first step is to set tho night-lines, which arc aV'aehed to corks floating on the surface. The line is about the third of an inch in thickness and has strands fastened to it which are wrapped round with waxed twine or cotton from the hooks upward for two or three feet. It has been found by experience that wrap pings of this' kind are preferable to gimp as protections against the power ful jaws and sharp cutting teeth of the sea-eel. Having set the night-lines, the fisher men next try their luck with hand-lines, and for the lirst hour or two nfter dark lies has fallen the fun is at its best. Under these circumstances it is not un usual for a huge conger to get the hook firmly fixed in his jaw, and a desperate .struggle between him nnd his captor then takes place. The hooked li-h gets his tail twined round any thing firm and solid that is within reach, and snaps vigorously with his jaw s at the line, which is drawn tight by the ii-hcrman s strong arm. n ine tackle holds, which is not always the case, the tussle ends in the capture of the tish. Although he is by no means so formidable in realily as he seems in appearance, no wise ii-hcrni:'ii allows him to wriggle about at the bottom i the boat without instantly taking meas ures to stun him. Occasionally Ml inexperienced boy will allow his' wrist to get within reio-U of the conger's gaping jaws, in which case the bite inflicted upon the arm will leave marks never to be effaced. With what purpose, however, it will he asked, do amateurs quit their comfortable beds and devote the nights to catching a fish which resembles a sea snake and is almost worthless for human food? The answer is that, as poetry is, ac cording to Coleridge, "its own exceed ing great reward," so the fun of tug ging a big conger up from the ocean's depth is sullieient compensation for :v night's exposure at sea. Nothing is more inexplicable and mysterious in the cookery of the ancient Romans than their extraordinary partiality for the "mur.Tna," or see eel. In the days of the Roman Empire enormous sums were expended by wealthy gourmets in keeping up the artificial lish ponds where this dainty lish as they regarded it was inclosed. There is a well known story that among the Romans the "mura-na" was considered to bo most delicate of flavor if it had been fed upon human food. A rich freedman named Pollion was said to be in tiic habit of giving orders that such of his slaves as he thought deserving of death should be thrown into the slews or tish ponds where his eels were kept. On one occasion a slave belonging to I'ollion had the misfortune to break a valuable vase, upon which his cruel master ordered him to be "flung to tiie eels." It chanced, however, that the Emperor Augustus was one of I'ollion's guests, and he not only reversed the tyrant's order, but commanded the at tendants to break every vase in his host's mansion. It is impossible for modern fishers of the conger to pretend that it is palatable. Despite the vague rumor that the oleaginous and slrong flavored flesh of the sea eel is largely ned as the substratum of turtle soup, those who occasionally pass a night in catching him would do well to abstain from all attempts to dress him for the table. London Telegraph. Aunt Maria was not a peat favorite with Iheehildrcn, and an invitation that die brought one morning in per-on for jne of the Uiys to go back with her t inl spend the day at the farm d'd ,iot meet w ith an cvcrcnthusia.st.crccct. Uin from ary of those young worthies. "I'm thinking that I'd' better go," on lided Will, in an undertone, to h younger brothrrs. "Oli! yrs, go on," aid liwigh:, eneourag.nglv; "p, riiats the pig w ill get hxise, and then v.,u'll have a tirst-rate t.me." Larper't u- It cosLs twenty-eight dollars -r year to educate a pupil in thu lioon chooU. On a steamer that sailed recently from New York for Liverpool there was a drnnken steerage passenger in the uniform of a United States soldier. During the entire passfln-c , subsisted on whisky, and on the arrival of the slop a! her destination he disappeared. A month later the same steamer was preparing to leave port. Just as tiio gtmg plank was to be withdrawn, tee in !iiary pns.-eiiger reeled on to t no sl'ip. Ibmrisliiiig a prepaid steerage e-riilii -ate. On the homeward priss -i",. he aihvtillnl that he hud not been sV.?-r tin- :i iie.nieiit. lie had no money wha ver, but obtained all the liquor he w in:, 1 hy going into saloons and pn in r as the military representative of a iii.iL and five people. The largest dog in the country is ;r.id to bo a St. Ib-mard owned al (iicn Cove, Long Island. Ho mca.tnvs sewn feet eleven inches from the en.i f Ii s nose to the tip of his tail, stnmis twenty-live inches high, and weighs one hundred and ninety-two pounds! A E'-IND TRAVELER. C.n.p'.rtr. thTT About HI tondoB Coilr-,-1 Climulne til Alp. One of the most remarkable blind men in the world has jut paid a living visit to Washington. He is Dr. Francis J. Campbell. LL D.. principal of the Roval Normal College and Acad emv of Musio for the Blind in London. A native of Tennessee, for many years a resident of Boston, he went to Europe, ,.ma!lv to Ormanv. in 1869. to studv. and he was mainly instrumental in W2 in founding the great institu tion of which he has ever since been, tnd still is. the principal. He comes to this emmtrv at the present time nomi nally as a riival commissioner to inves-ti-'Vte and collect information about the best methods of educating the blind that obtain here, but principally t siiow to the people of America some of tne results produced by the Koya. Normal College. He is an American citizen and owner of property in tins country, and ii working for the e-tao-lisliiue'nt of a National college in America for the high-r education of the blind. In the Royal Normal Col lect; in London, over which Dr. Canr.i-b-ll presides, music is one of the main o'i.iects. but the education given is gen eral, lne eouege eiuiuac.-s jji -.nn-torv school, a grammar and high scnool. a technical school and an academy of music. A great deal of attention is oaid to physical training. The doctor Is a little limn, approaching sixty years of age, wears dark glasses to cover his empty eye-cases, and a dark pay beard. In conversation he is as frisky as a a Frenchman, his features are enliv ened with a wonderful animation, he talks quickly, and there is a peculiar childlike cheerfulness in his tone that is only found in blind men, and only in a few of theiu. Physical exercise is most essential in the education of the blind," said the doctor. "I have generally found in the college that it has taken as much effort to overcome their habits of idleness and indolence as to give them the training for their special avocations. As a rule," said he, "the vitality of the blind is below the average vitality of seeing persons. The lack of physical power leads to indolence, timidity and discouragement. The blind must be roused from their willingness to de pend upon others, and made to believe in the possibility of independence and success. We give our pupils courage and vitality by gymnastic exercises. We have a very well appointed gymna sium connect"tl with the college. We teach th'j boy s to swim, too, and skate. They don't have any more falls in learning to skate than seeing people do. and the falls they necessarily re ceive gAe them a hardihood tn:.t is worth everything to t'leiu." "Ye," said the doctor's son, "we have some boys who can play around on the ice and dc-cribe fancy ligures as m atly as yon or I or perheps tae nio-t expert skater von can find in Washing ton." "I)o;- every one get the ice all to himself in turn or do they all skate at once ami together?" asked the reporter, "if many skat-d at a time would there not be fi 'iiucn; collisions?" Tin- ici'-iiond is circular in shape." was tiie reply, "wit.i a small islet in the cn'er, pofusciv set with trees and shrubbery that overhang. Th's little isiet in the eenr gives an echo by winch tli- bov knows how far he is r'r p.i tiie batik. A dozen of them will ..fte.ii skate for half an hour around tiiat u.ind without a single stumble. The echo pr -vents them from running into tint hank. When they have skated ;ierii:;':s half an hour in the one direc tion a bell is rung, and then they turn and skate perhaps for the m; length if une the other way. They go round mi toe ice with just as free and easy a sw .i'g as the contestants in a skating in.ito.i at Madison Square Garden, in New York." Duct. r, you climbed the Alps once vo-.a-s-lf3" "O. yes. In 1880, 1 think it was, I aseenoed to the top of Mont Blanc. My son. who was then only nineteen y ears old, accompanied me, and was the tirst of his age who ever rose to that height. But Mont Blanc is not by any means the most difficult mount ain to climb. I never will forget being -nowed up for twenty-three hours on tiie Matterhorn. That was in 18S2. I thought I was never going to get down. It rather dulled my appetite for mount ain air. but I am very for.i of travel and exercise. You see I have so much flunking to do that a great deal of physical exercise is necessary for me. Two ytars ago my son and I took a tandem tricycle across the channel, ami crossed the continent on ' it from Sweden to Russia. We brought the machine with us to New York, where we arrived from England last Monday, and we intend to do a good deal of riding on it. But this country is too big and distances are too great to cover ou a tricycle." Washington Pout. a A NEW ALARM CLOCK. It U Warranted to Koine the HeaTirit Slrrper. "You've seeu lots of alarm clocks, of course," said the watchmaker to a friend, "bat there is a new clock now on the market that is the most effective I ever saw. Here it is," he went on. taking from a shelf a small round clock w itli a cylindrical arrangement at the side. "You see this cylinder? That is the secret of theclock's usefulness. The usual alarm bell is on the top. It rings at the hour it is set for, but nianv people get so used to that that they sleep right through its noise. Some thing had to be done, so a genius added this cylinder. The base is tilled with air compressed by pushing down tins small p.ston-head, which Ts then secured by a catch. The space left in the tube is tilled with cold water. The cover is. as you can see, a perforated tin tube, which is pointed iu the direction needed. At the proper hour the alarm bell goes off. the clock-work releases tiie piston-head, and the water in the cylinder is driven out through the perforations owr the head of tiie neavy s'.eeper. He is bound to wake and thre you are." Philadelphia Ledger. IZi PERSONAL AND IMPERSOn Cassius M. Clay, nt the aW(l( enty-hve, still persom.liy m Kentucky farm. ei, It is said that four of te n . honor to the Queen of Italy ire Jl fill American women. ' The name of the Vanderbilt was originally spelled Van I),.,'! being of Dutch origin. A'. )'. yjf- l he personal expenses of the tan of Turkey are twelve miHj,,. lars per year, lie has two hutj. mm nil y i en. The Mary who has been inim,,,. ed in verse as the danisel whi v.'. , little lamb, is still living in Snn,in'; Mass., as Mrs. Tyler. y,vwon William wesuaKe, nn iimiat, , the Akror. (Ohio) Funr-linn,.,. '' died the other day, had imbibed tVr two gallons of laudanum iu tle '' eight years. Jencral Toombs oppo.-. d tlte bu ing of a hotel in his native t,,., Washington, (la., on the ground V all dem-nt visitors to the yACv stay with him, and no othorj t. wanted. Chim-jo Inttr-i)r,nn.- When the King of the New Maoris was in England he proiui work for temperance reform amour. people. He seems to have km i . i !j i 1 UOlll, K'l Ii is ie,n illllllluilOil !' more than eleven thousand of lfu ,1 jects wear the blue ribbon of tel ism. The first parsonage ever bnilt Washington still stands on Ca.'U n Hill. It is now the home of Mr?, (j lit cral Lander, who was the traged;.f; !.: "Jean Davenport." aim is MirroTi-..!!!" 1 bv houses memorable as the reii!, n !t0 s of the political giants of Webstt: era. Wo.-luii'jtoH i7ar. Subscriptions are being qiiietln f, diligently collected to erect a m: ment toNathan Hale, the young Am: can Kevolutionary oluccr whoacc, the perilous mission of slmlyinv if British position on Long Island f'rt-.fc' information of General Washing. He was captured and executed uno the rigorous rules of war. .V. Y. , line. A petition has been tiled by I ward .Smith, of Cleveland, askinj ; have his name changed to LUj Smith Worthington, the latter bri: mat of ins graiuimoiiicr. tie cf.r-fc plains of tiie annoyance caused him his business nnd rorrepomlence bv!.;'- multiplicity of .smiths, and says tin: has made life a burden. (,7at Ltnd-r. "Uncle P.illv" Williams of WilfcJ burg. Ph.. is seventy-seven year age. and for thirty-two years has b-track-walker of the Pennsylvania L road, and in that time walked o hundred and twenty-live thou..;: miles. There has never been in;' dent on his sect ion of the road. and', never had a night oil' until rceciitlt. Vliai'ldf'tit I'rest. "5 ,M tl i !).-, ine Ol US tv.up RtiC tta .' In lnv 8.iiX SIl') teliig awl' hvJ: jr fro l.ti a turf Dili' fit 1. iiitd wl i iwntl Chop :lid ' el mile "i! im tlirO! f... .t An anti-p!umage league has been .ormed in Loudon with tne object ol stopping the slanrbter of birds for the adornment of haU and bonnets. Mrs. l'liiiicf s AnucKciiil le.wlio'. for some time been living in Enjlr.: talks of returning to this country pass the remainder of hi r days. Ii home will be in Lenox, M:i-s. It fifty-three years since she cai'ii' to tl country with her father, and won much fame in the character of Jul:1 She is now seventy-six. but still in vi. orous health. Hoslon Ikr-ibl. "t JDu! ! knv. 1 thit I'i T::, -I ri'i ilni dii kin A LITTLE NONSENSE." A San Francisco naturaHM', nice cago and wagon to a fr'ui: house for a tine specimen of gro hog that w as oil'cred him. He iw a sausage. If a baby has a "windy pain" his stomach it's a pretty good schtc savs an old bachelor, to have i. blessed little darling wear a snA-l Guodall'x it;u. A fashion paper says that won are going to wear their hair the sa: as they did three centuries ago. T: was. if we recollect, on their lii-ads.-f Lowell Citizen. The custom of kissing babies isl ing justly censured these days. It cowardly to kiss the poor little lull)!.' things. We'd rather take soiueW of our size. Dinsville Hree:e. "He is utterly unscrupulous. writes nn Irish editor of a political qt poncnt: "and his memory is so p that be frequently forgets one nunc what he savs the nvt.',Bnr U'eikli. A Misleading Odor-First Stud-: (entering companion's room): "Ah. see vou have been burning niiilnif oil." Second Student: "No; that's i couple of old shoes I threw into t stove." Tid'.ih. r, ""Jake- p. SIMMONS LIVER REGULATOi 0 ok For all Diseases of the liver, Kidneys, Stomach aai Sp'.ees. Thin purely TefrttI pre- riration, now to celebrated as a amtly Medicine, originated in the South in 1898. It acts Sently on the Ilowrla and .ldnrys and corrects the action of the Liver, and is, there fore, the beat preparatory medicine, whatever the lick nesi may prove to be. In all common diseases il will, wn anaiHteii by any other medi cine, effect a speedy cure. The Regulator it ul to dminilter i " condition of the svstem.and under no circna-1 tancea can it do harm. It will inv,T lite a glass of wine, but is no intosicating be age to lead to intemperance: will promote . - , ,,.ni iirsuniiiri , . ally tone, up the system. The d.ne ja I nut unpleasant, and its virtues unaoutne No loss of time, no Inter ruption or stoppage of business while using the Kegulatur. Children complaining pf Colic. IleadHrhe, or Kirk eitoinarh, a teapoonfiil or. more will give relief. If taken occasionally DTP1" tients expired to MALARIA, ill expel the poison and protect them from attack. A PHVSfCU.VS OPtMOX. Ihsve been practicing medicine for twentr raj and have never been able to put up a "CL,. compound that would, like Srnim ins Liver lator, promptly and effectively move the IJ"" action, and at the same lime aid (instead v enir.gi the digestive and assimilative powers system. L. M. Hihtoh, M. D. .ashing100' iEE THAT TOC GET THE SEVnxt FSIIAIID T - J. H. Zeilin i Co., Philadelphia, ft PRICE, 91.00. o!