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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 18, 1885)
EUGENE CITY GUARD. JU I CAMPBFLL, . . Proprietor, EUGENE CITY. OREGON. PERSONAL AND LITERARY. Masrde Mitchell will write her stage experience for a New York maga zine. The Queen of Portugal has the reputation of being the best dressed wo man in Europe. The daughter of General Banks, who has just gone upon the stage, has a perceptible and very pretty moutacue, James Garfield, the oldest son of the late President, is tall, blonde and athletic. Harry, bis brother, is short, dark and wears brown side whiskers. A Hartford newspaper, after re counting Ignatius Donnelly's wonderful literary 'enlevements, put and pros pective, concludes: "We are glad Don nelly didn't miss being born.1 Miss Marie Van Zandt niado her first appearance on the stage at Groton, Mass., when she took part in a flower cantata. Since then her pathway through life has been strewn with posies. Five octogenarians, the oldest of whom was ninetv-four rears, died in Marathon, N. Y., recently inside of one week. Three weeks previous they were au in gooa neaun. f.acn ono or mem had lived all his life In that vicinity. Syracuse Journa'. As between Germany and the United States, the relative literary activity of the two countries is shown by the following figures: In 188:1, American publishers issued 3,481 books, the German, 14,802; in 1884, the Amor can, 4,038, tho German, 15.607. . Mrs. John Maxwell, better known as Miss Braddon, the novelist, lives at Litchfield House, Richmond. It is an historic structure. Built for the first Earl of Abergavenny, it later passes' into the possession of the Bishop of Litchfield, and became his Episcopal residence. Afterward Catalani, the singer, got it and gave notable recep tions there. It is a handsome old pal ace in Sir Christopher Wron's best stylo. A printer on the Erie (Fa.) Herald, known as "Father Quinn, has in a long life set, it is estimated, type enough to weigh 187,700 pounds, or ninety-four tons, which this old man has lifted piece by piece in the specified timo. Iu set ting type the avorago distanco tho hand travels is a foot and a half or there abouts. Consequently his hand has traveled 516,000,000 f. i t. or a matter of 97,727 miles, or within a few hundred feet of being four timo the circumference of the earth. Of Richard Grant Whlto it is said that "whilo literature was his pro fession, musio was his solace und delight, and ho was far prouder of his knowledge of violins than of his repu tation as a Shakespearean scholar." Of this violin counoisseurship wonder ful stories are told, and there seems no doubt that ho possessed a raro and peculiar faculty of discrimination in re gard to theso instruments. His own Instrument was tho 'cello, upon which he played in a quartet that met at hie house weekly. Chicago Inter Ocean. HUMOROUS. "Oh ma," said a child of five. am so glad there was a flood!" "Why, child?" exclaimed mamma. "Because, if there hadn't been any flood I shouldn't have bad a o:ili s ark. A new song Is called "Tho Coming btep. ' the coming Mop is prohanly that oi the old man, ami if you are a prudent young man make your exit via the window aud over the garden wall A woman recently entered a store in Connecticut, and sat down lu front of an iron safe to warm her feet. After sitting somo twenty or thirty minutes, she remarked thus: "I never did like them kind of stoves. They don't throw out acareely any heat, thoso gas-burn ers don t, A. i. Independent. t First Boston girl: Going to voea nractico this morning, MinervaP' Second Boston girl: "No. mv dear Calliope, 1 have a had cold and am quite hoarse." First Boston girl: "Ah been exposing yourself to the weather?" Socond Hostou girl: "Yes, I went out yesterday and forgot to put on my spectacles r JSo$(oti Courier. Railroad intelligence. Wlic Major Converse was laying out the line of the Sunset Route to Sou Antonio, he one day took observations with his in strument near the cabiu of an old negro on Cibolo Creek. "Boss, am do rail road gwinter come neah mv house P" "It will go right through it," replied Converse, "flit will? Why boss, hit aln t gwinter bo safe for do ole woman and de children in de house ef de kears runs smack fru hit." Texas Riflings. lit. Bashful My daughter is mak ing surprising progress as an amateur artist She recently painted a land scape which was so real that the bel lowing of cattle could be heard dis tinctly. Mr. Hahful Pretty good; but my darter Sal kin beat that Mr. II What has your daughter been develop ing as an enibnouio art id? Mr. II I don't know es'she hes bin iloin that, but she painted a picture of a green cowcumber so natural that it give the hull family the cholera morbus. "Mary Had a Littlo Lamb" in French-English: Mart? iMMcM on (mall mutton. Her hair waa Mark like iuk An.l all over ifaat Mane urtim.oadtsj Thote hrf p follow her uoou In German-Englih: The Marie a diminutive lamt'kln hail, ho whit an iiow bur fur. And evtr where wbuher Mario a walking matin Identical lambkin wat companion of her. .V. J'. (.riViw. She had a voice like a sireu and when she sang: "Mid nlar ture,an4 pal htv though hrara a Home, Be It avrnxi, oh wum bull there, a uow play ly onmb. H, artu froia thrak erarara strw wallow a thwr. Wltrb wk throurh the whirl dlin-orm ft twithelawwurr There wasn't a dry eye in the taber nacle, bat if the programme hadn't said in clear unmistakable print that she waa going to sing "Sweet Home" a man might have thought his teeth loose without ever guessing it Brook lyn Eagl. I WILLIAM PENN'S RAPACITY. The Delaware FUhlng yuetlon A irait that Hu linen Dlapuled for Two Hun- ilreil Year. Iho Delaware fishery question Is an example of the cases which havo made every lawyer of prominence In New Jersey an antiquarian, with all sorts of curious facts at his fingers' ends. Ex- Attorney-General Robert Gilchrist en gaged in the fishery case in 187.1, and he has been associated with Cortland Parker, John P. Stockton, ex-S crctary Frelinghuyscn and others in its dis cussion, and Secretary Bayard has championed the claims of Delaware Mr. Gilchrist's connection with the case has made him curiously familiar with tho times of Charles II. and with the peculiarities of the Duke of York and that "able politician" William Penn, who seems to have been successful in getting almost anything he wanted from tho Duke until the latter ran away from Y hitehall and threw his great seal as James 1L Into the Kiver 1 names. One of the strange phases of the Dela ware claim to exclusive privileges on the River Delaware and Delaware Bay is that its people, or some or ttcm, fought the claim a hundred years ago and up to near the beginning of the present century repudiated tho guileful yuaker s claims. Mr. renn was a grantee under the Duke of York as a Jerseymnn, and a claimant from the same source in Delaware and Pennsyl vauia. Ihe Jersey grant, In ltii3-t4, re newed alter tho Uutch defeat In 1074, was mauo to renn among others, and the claim for Delaware was subsequent to and inconsistent with this. rcw Jersey s titles to land were confirmed in 1702 and by tho Revolution. Delaware s claim to the fishing pnvl leges and to the right to keep Jersey- men from the waters of tho river date back to 1C82. William Penn had ob tained tho grant of Pennsylvania, but when ho arrived ho found ten Swedes in Delaware occupying tho fair water front He fixed lustful eyes upon the place, and at length got a grant from the Duke of. York lor the town of riew oastle and all that lay within a twelve- mile circlo thereof, lne Duke, unfort unately for Penn, had no right to make that irrant, bis brother, King Charles, having never given it to him. Penn evidently understood the deficiency in tho grant, lor when the Duko became King ho got his deed redrawn, and it passed through tho preliminary'stagcs and needed only tho King s great seal. Just at this juncture King James thought London was getting too hot for him and ran away. It is recorded in an ancient chronicle that "during an unguarded moment that able politician, Penn, confessed to tho Board of Trade that had King James remained two days longer at Whitehall he would have obtained a grant under tho great seal for the three counties of Delaware." In 1708 tho Delaware Assembly knew that nn had a claim on tho counties, but denied its legitimacy, and before that the King and council had repudiated It There was a war over tho possession in 17;i7 between Lord Baltimore's men and tho Penn tenants, and again the council decided that tho province belonged to the crown; and in 17U4 the people of Delawaro themselves formally, at a popular election, decided that the crown nail possessed the State until its claim had own transferred by the Revolution. It has seemed strange, therefore, that the Penn grant should be made the basis for a claim In the river, which had been, in fact, always possessed by the crown, or general government a fact the Dela warcan had used violence to maintain. The Penn grant, which was never really granted, has therefor,' been a subject of dispute for just two hundred and two years. Rejected at lirst by the resident of the colony, admitted to be Void, fought by lord Baltimore "with drawn swords," fretfully alluded to as a source of trouble by the Delaware Assembly one hundred and fifty years ago, formally repudiated by the King and Council, rejected again by tho Del awareans, further invalidated by the Revolution, it might havo been consid ered as dead as the wily Penn himself if it had not come forth as au argument UMn the question of who owned Pea Patch Island in the Delaware River forty years ago, and had not then liecn mis understood ami misconstrued so that Delaware was able to lay some claim to its genuineness, and, a few years ago, set up that it was, as heir to IVun's privileges the sole possessor of juris diction over tho Delawaro River within twelve miles of Newcastle, and has the right to make Jerseymen pay a license for fishing therein. An injunction of tho United States Courts has sustained om'ration since, and is admitted to be effective still. The end Is not yet, for the case is not fully adjusted. It affords, at least a glimpse of early colonial his tory which is not without iutcrest 1 ration (X. J.) Cor, S. 1. Tribune. RUSSIAN OFFICIAL LIFE. Well founded Ntatenienta of the Corrup tion of Kuulan Officer. 1 wonder if tho reports of the corrup tion of Russian otllcial life are all true. remember a gentleman connected with an rutcrpriso having an establish ment in a Russian Pacific port, telling me of the miserablo condition of the place and the people. "Does tho Government do nothing for them?" I asked. "Yes; that is, tho Government gives an appropriation, but tho place never gets the benefit of it." " ho docsi" ' "The officials. There was a Gov ernor there once who received an ap propriation of some sixty thousand rubles to U devoted to the improve ment of the towns. He had no place to keep it no safe: no he built a brick kind of mausoleum in the garden or back-yard of his official residence, which was completely closed with brick or tone. It was never oiened." "I don't understand." "Another Governor came out and took this oue's place. He d d not dare to open that mausoleum, so it remains closed till this day." "Why?" "because the tnonev u not there. It never was put In, ami the officials have to stand in witu one another." m l'rancuco CkronicU. GRANDFATHER CLOCKS. How Creduloua I'ele Are Impoeed lTpon by Skilled Artlata. The real grandfather clocks aro still much sought after, not only by the nouveau r'che, but by those whose aristocrats ancestors failed to hand down the tall timepiece which stood their hallwavs in the days of yore. The word real Is nsed advisedly, for the demand for these old-fashioned t;mcpieces has given rise to the nianu failure of nutation grandfather clocks. A year or two ago some were brought to this market from tho ew England States, but at present Haiti more is the only place where the imi tation clocks are manufactured and sold as genuine. Many of our largest Jewelers, however, are making clocks, the cases of which are constructed of mahogany, walnut, rosewood, and cherry in imitation of the ancient timepieces, but these are invariably sold for lust what they are. In deed, the fact is that it has been found impossible to build an Imitation grand father's clock ho that the deception could not bo detected by experts, the defects being found in small details In New England a century ago large number of these clocks were made, the works being constructed out of wood, and while they are said to have been excellent time keepers ii their day, such of them as are in exis tence now have long since outlived their usefulness. . excent as ornaments or curiosities. The real antique grand father clocks, with metal works, are dated from 17l0 to 1810. The stylo known as the "Dutchman represents by far the finest of these antiquoclocks. Theso aro made in Holland and some of them that are still in existence arc dated as far back as 1700. Many of them are of exceedingly fine and intri cate workmanship, chiming old tmtcu airs, striking the hours and quarters, and showing the phases of tho moon's calendar. J hey are perfect timekeep ers and are worth from $400 to $1,000 each. Early in the eighteenth centurv En gland also manufactured similar clocks; nd quite a number of them were in-. cased in frames ny tnippenuaio, tne famous cabinet-maker of a century ana a half ago. and those now command fancy figures. A clock made for a Lon don firm, which is incased in a Chip pendale case of rare beauty, but simple in design, is now exhibited in an estab lishment on Union Square. In addi tion to keeping correct time, it shows the motion of the planets, the calendar, many astronomical data, and plays thirteen tunes. It Is valued at $2,200. , "Is it possible," asked the reporter of an expert in the business, "that thw clock of the future will run perpet ually, being so constructed that the changes of tho temperature between night and day will wind it up?" "o doubt that such clocks will oe manufactured, as It is perfectly feasible to construct one to be run not only by changes in the temperature, but by other simplo forces, such, for Instance, as tho draught from achimncy. Clocks can ne also constructed to run ior an almost indefinite period without being .wounu up ny extreme ucucacy in man ufacturing their works. "Do you think that clocks of this character will ever come Into general use? ' "That is not likely, as the delicacy of their works would prevent them from be ng of practical value lorovcry day uso." A'. '. Mail and Express. WAYS OF ELEPHANTS. rartlrular In Which They Renemble Human llrlni Wlilakr Preferred to Medicine. "An elephant is nobody's fool," said George Arstingstall, the animal trainer. as he leaned over the ropes and looked at two score of huge pets. "They're very like human creatures. Some of them aro good-natured and some are ugly. As they grow older their tempers grow worse. Ihe cow is generally amiable enough to support the reputa tion of her sex, but occasionally we strike a wicked specimen. Just there," pointing to an elephant whoso immense ears ana abnormally developed Dump of philoprogenitiveness gave her a look of preternatural benevolence, "has killed her man, and would do it again if she got the chance. Theelephant will live a long time in captivity after he has Itecoine accustomed to dry food, but like the cobbler's horse that was kept on shoe-pegs, he is very apt to die before adapting himself to the diet Elephants have been known to live seveuty-live years in EurojHf. In India, where they feed on green food, canes and the like, they often attain tho age of one hundred aud fifty. There Is no proof of a longer lease of life than this, though big sto ries are told ot elephants turned loose After the name of some king had been inscribed upon their tusks being found no-ion S00 or 400 vears later. ! "They're just like children. When I have them out in the morning for a dress rehearsal, they're as quick as cats, minding almost before the word is out of my mouth. But in the after noon they are gaping this way and that, doinjr ever) thing but attending to business lecause they know that I won't strike them before a crowd of spectators. They hate to take medi cine, too, unless it has a 1 ttle of tho 'cravthur' in it Aro elephants ever sick? Oh, yes! They often havo the colic When they begin to double up I give 'em a dose of five or six gallons of rum and ginger. That straightens 'em out. An equal quantity of boiled linseed oil mixed with aconite and molasses docs for pLysic, while about live gallons of rum and whisky aro prescribed for chills. Solid drugs are given in pills. A pill eight Inches in diameter and con taining ii worth of quinine docs the business for a cold, while a pepsin pill is given when one gets off his feed. I gave Juno over $o0 worth of quinine in ono fit of sickness. They don't like the pill as well as the whisky, and it's a good deal of a job to get them down. The best way is to pnt a pill on the end of a stick, make them open their mouths, and shove it down before they realize the situation. Sometimes we cut out the middle of a turnip and put the drugs inside the vegetable, but they're apt tospit out the core.' Yen, elephants are queer creatures. " .V. Y. inbvne. 1 STYLES FOR GENTLEMEN. Novelties In Neckwear, Hoe, Glove and Handkerchief- Su.pendera With I Dia mond Hucklea A Iletuarkable Outfit foi a t hlcag"n. "Plaids are all the rage now in gen tlemen's neckwear," said a dealer in men's furnishings. "Tho tendency of the day, too, is toward an increase of color. Everything nearly, except for full-dress evening toilets, is bright bued. The plaids are broken, similar to those seen in ladies' dress fabrics this spring, and in pin-head checks. The styles are the 'four in band,' which has been popular for some time, the Gordon knot,' which is a similar de sign, partial llats, and small flats. 'Dude uows1 are used exclusively for evening wear, and all come in t'nts, white being now excluded in neckties as well as in gloves. This is the style," and he displayed a tray containing small, flat bows of pale heliotrope, p'nk and blue, with tiny polka spots of deeper color. "Are turn-down collars still consid ered stylish?" "Certainly, although there Is a dis position, transient, of course, and bound to disappear with warm weath er, to affect very high standing ones. The extreme style can not be becoming to any neck, no matter how long or scraggvitmaybe. No man looks well whose head appears to receive its sup-' fortfroman expanse-of stiff, board ike linen, that completely conceals even a suspicion of bis neck from the gaze of the world. It may be illustra tive of a superb triumph ot modesty and a rebuke to the feminine decollete bodice, but it is far from enchanting. The highest collar wo sell is two and a half inches wide; the na rowest three- fourths of an inch." "Do half-hose still come in fancy de signs.'" "Uh.no, that g nil out i hey are all in plain colors this season and near ly all in green or brown wood-tints. Lisle thread is tho standard, of course. , "How about the full-dress sh rtr ' ; "That has the bosom made in small plaits, twenty-one being considered the requisite number. It is open in front,' and handsome studs, small in design. are worn in it. Pearls are jut now in favor, especially w th ultra exqu'site young men who profess an extra amount of refined perception and senti ment. No, there is little change in undorwear. excent that the colors are quieter and in silk goods the natural tint is more worn than the dved. ; "What; is the regulation glove?" "Tan color, whether for evening or street wear. 1 hose for the street are stitched up the back and of a deep red tan, while those lor evening wear have plain backs and are of a golden tan nue. No one wears white gloves now but waiters." "Are silk handkerchiefs in vogue!" "Not to any extent except pure white, with a monogram in ono corner, or the, pin-head check in black and white. The linen handkerchiefs with colored b.irders now show only a mere line of color. The hem-stitched white is no longer carried. The most fashionable handkerchief for gcutlemen now is a twenty-four inch square simply hemmed. lhev are used on all occasions. "Here's a mighty nice thing for a present," contiuued the gentleman. taking down a box containing a pair of' satin suspenders, embroidered with moss rosebuds and leaves, and having gold-plated buckles. "Now, these sim- enders are lined throughout with k d. Notice how beautifully they are bound, rhoy are just the thing tor a birthday gift to a young fellow. These are wed ding suspenders, and he showed a cou ple of pairs of pure whito, embossed. with silver buckles. These are only 4 a pa r. Fine suspenders run from m t pair to 1A or !?20, or where jewels are set in solid gold buckles, thev niav b got up to be worth more than the price of a tine farm. peakmg oi wedd ngs, ne added.; I furnished the outfit not long sinoe for a gentleman who married a Ch cago girl the other day. It was a daisy out lit I can tell vou. He had several suits uf spun-silk underwear, none. of which jost less than -'o. lhev were an m the natural color. His hose were de lightful things of beauty and joy, and it did seem almost too bad to think of holes being made In them by horny toe- na Is and corns. J lis handkerch efs were twentv-six inches square, with a monogram iu the corner of each, and worth $:1.50 apiece. W its the exception of his wedding suspen-, ders, which were of the accepted nnp-j tiai tint pure white tney were an or satin, and embroidered. His night! robes were of surah, part being creain- 1 1 n ted. with polka spots, some of paid blue, others of gold and various hues. and furnished with silk cord and tas sel. They were made w.th rutfles and puffs from the waist up. the; sleeves being ornamented. The exclu sive wedding garment was, however. of the same original color as the sus penders, and most lavishly trimmed. "lie was a verv youthful bride groom, no doubt," hazarded the re porter, gently. "ot so verv somewhere between fortv-nve and tiftv." "And the bride?" Oh, a glowing girl about e'ghteen or nineteen years old. 1 chanced to have an opportunity to see her wed ding night-robe, too. It was a most beautiful creation of Canton crepe, a mass of enibrodery from the neck to the floor. I tell you, there were lots of magnificent trappings to set off that; marriage." Chicaqo Sctcs. Scientists tell us that there will not be a total eclipse of the gun unt 1 19'J'A This is a -cry discouraging state cf lungs, truly; and some persons mav be unwilling to wait so long to see the ihenomenon; but if we continue to get three meals a dav, and the peach-crop doesn't fail oftener than once a year, and that in February, we should try to worry along without a total eclipse of the sun. Xorristoic n Herald. "Why should a red cow give white milk?" was the subject for discussion in an Arkansasliterary society. After an hour's earnest debate the Secretary was instructed to milk tho cow and bring in decision according to lne merits oi the milk. It was blue. New York women put tissue veils on their poodles to protect them from lust V 1. iun. FOUR ACTS PLAYED I Mad Report Abont Ex-President Arthur. Will the Fifth and Final Act be a Tragedy 1 Bocbetter Democrat and Chronicle. "Dr. Lincoln, who waa at tho" " funeral of ex-Secretary Frelingliuy-" " Ben,9ny8 ex-President Arthur looked " " very unwell. He is suffering from " " Bright's disease During the past" " year it has assumed a very aggra " vated form." That telegram is act IV. of a drama written by ex-President Arthur s phy aieians. In Act I. he was made to appear in "Malaria," of which all the rountrv was told when he went to Florida. In Act II. he represented a tired man, worn down, walking the sands at Old Point Comfort and looking east ward over the Atlantic toward Europe for a longer rest. The curtain rolls up for Act III. upon the distinguished actor affected with melancholy from Bright's dis ease, while Act IV. discovers him with the disease " in an aggravated form, suffering intensely (which is unusual) and about to take a sea voyage. Just such as this is the plot of many dramas by play-wnghts of the medical profession. They write the first two or three acts with no conception of what their character will develop in the final one. They have not tho discernment for tracing in the early, what the latter impersonations will be. ot one pny- sician in a hundred has the adequate microscopic and chemical appliances for discovering Bright's disease in its early stages, and when many do finally comprehend that their patients are dying with it.whcn death occurs, they will, to cover up their ignorance of it, pronounce the fatality to have been caused by ordinary ailments, whereas these ailmenta are really results of Bright's disease, of which they are unconscious victims. Beyond any doubt, 80 per cent, of all deaths except from epidemics and accidents, result from diseased kidneys or livers. If the dying be distinguished and his friends too intelligent to be easily deceived, his physicians perhaps pronounce the complaint to be pericar ditis, pyaemia, septicicmia, bronchitis, pleuritis, valvular lesions of the heart, pneumonia, etc. If the deceased be less noted, "malaria" is now the fash ionable assignment of the cause of death. But all the same, named right or named wrong, this fearful scourge gathers them in! While it prevails among persons of sedentary habits lawyers, clergymen, Congressmen it also plays great havoc among farmers, day laborers and mechanics, though they do not suspect it, because their physicians keep it from them, if indeed they are able to detect it. It sweeps thousands of women and children into untimely graves every year. Tne neaitn gives way grauuaiiy, the strength is variable, the appetite fickle, the vigor gets less and less. This isn't malaria it is the beginning of kidney disease and will end who docs not know how? No, nature has not been remiss. Independent research has given an infallible remedy for this common dis order ; but of course the bigoted phy sicians will not use Warner's safe cure, because it is a private affair and cuts up their practice by restoring the health of those who have been invalids for years. The new saying of "How common Bright's disease is becoming among prominent men !" is getting old, and as the Englishman would say, sounds " stupid "especially "stupid" since this disease is readily detected by the more learned men and specialists of this disease. But the "common run" of physicians, not detecting it, give the patient Epsom salts or other drugs prescribed by the old code of treat ment under which their grandfathers and great-grandfathers practiced 1 Anon, we hear that the patient is "comfortable." But ere long, maybe, they " tap " him and take some water from him and again the " comforta ble " story is told. Torture him rather than allow him to use Warner's safe cure 1 With such variations the doc tors play upon the unfortunate until his shroud is made, when we learn that he died from heart disease, pytemia, septicaemia or some other deceptive though " dignified cause." Ex-President Arthur s case is not singular it is typical of every Biich case, "ile is suuenng intensely. This is not usual. Generally there is almost no suffering. He may recover, if he will act independently of his physicians. The agency named has cured thousands of persons even in the extreme stages is to-day the main stay of the health of hundreds of thousands. It is an unfortunate fact that physicians will not admit there is any virtue outside their own sphere, but as each school denies virtue to all others, the people act on their own judgment and accept things by the record of merit thev make. The facts arc cause for alarm, but there is abundant hope in prompt and independent action. "Johnnie! is your father an invent or?" "You're right he is; a prettv food one, too; I'll tell vou." "And oes he give himself to different chan nel of this line of art?" "Oh. no! He can't devote himself to more than one kind. He's kept so busy inventing lies about his staying out late at night that he doesn't get a chance to invent any thing else." Bostttn Post The two oldest brothers in Connec ticut are "Uncle Ornn ana Lncie Samuel Harwood, aged respectively ninety-six and ninety-four. Their home" is at Stafford Springs. Eartford Post. The Foeaiblllties of Hair. ill ItkB Sal' - 1 11 n. bow m ruscirr fabhioh most n UTILIZED. Why Stanley Baa Beea Spared. Bloomlngton Through Hail. It is now stated that Henry 11 Stanley, the great African explorer, wean a swallow-tail coat We can now understand why he was able to travel among the cannibals for years without being roasted and eaten. Nomas looks juicy in a iwallow-tail coat It make him appear old and tough. A Komantle Idea. Cincinnati Merchant Tra Teller.) "What wonld yon do if I should dief adted a wife of her husband, as she laid her fair white arms around his neck. "Well, really, my love, I hadnt thought of it," he answered abstractedly, "but I presume I'd bury you." A lfe.uuclng Bed. An automatic bedstead arranged to get the servant up in time these cold mornings. Q Bonnd to Make Bla Mark. New York Sun.l IllinoLsan You have seen William Shakes peare's plays, of course I Jussounan Une or two oi tnera only. IllinoLsan What do you think of Shakes peare as a playwright? UitBounan 1 look upon mm as a rising man. A Laater. R. J. Burdette. A good, economical woman in Brooklyn re fused to patch her husband's tr srs, on tbe ground that the bole would last so much longer than the patch. Not Going That Way Then. Important Passenger Say, pilot, what's the boat stopped fori Pilot Too much fog. I. P. But I can see the sky overhead. Pilot Wal, HU the biler busts we aint goin' that way. Chooalne; Hla Language Carerally. Drake's Travellers' Mapuine. Little Man "In refcrrinz to me as a hog, sir, am I to understand that you speak liter ally or figuratively P Big Man "Oh, figuratively, I assure you. sir, figuratively, it would be aDsura speak litter-ally of only one hog." A Mother'a Love. Boeton Courier. She smote him with the shingle Till she made him thrill and tingle Because he did not mind his baby brother, But he soon forgot his pain And went singing down the lane "The best friend a boy has is his mower. Delay Might Be Dangeroo. FUrgvnde Blatter Officer: "Why did yon strike my dog! H only sniff od at your Visitor: "Well, cap tain, you dont expect me to wait till be has had a taste of me, do youP Boston Globe: A "Constant Reader" wants to know how much ashes coal will assay to the ton. Be says be bought IS tons of coal, but he Is sure ba has ahovelad 19 tons of sahes out of bis furnace so far, and the winter is not orer yet