EUGENE CITY GUARD.
A. 1- CAHPBEl.Ii. - Proprietor.
EUGENE CITY. OREGON.
PITH AND POINT.
rrofcssor(toalnzy stiulont) "Yon
may pass on to the 'Future Lift?.' "
Student "Not prepared, sir." Pro
fessor (primly) "'Irue; quite true."
Uolden Dais.
"Is Jones waiting on that M:ss
Wirrs?" "Well, he has been joins
with her for several years, and it rather
looks to mo as if she was waiting on
Jones." The Judge.
Time winter. In tho country
nothinsr to seo and plenty of time to xec
iL In tho city plenty to see and no
time to seo it. Conundrum Which is
preferable? Boston Ulobe.
A doctor advertised "a wonderful
discovery for preserving the scalp."
We don t know how it is mado, but
our prescription is to stay East where
there are no Indians. Boston Tran
script. Vim. Vinegar and Victory" was the
motto of an amateur paper started by
tome boys at a school in Ohio. When
they had spent all their funds the
motto in tho lat issue was: "Mild,
Mouse-like and Moneyless."
In describing the reception ten
dered to Miss Emma Nevada the other
night, the San Francisco Chronicle
Fays: "Everybody cried when Emma
Nevada sang 'Homo, Sweet Home.'
Even the boxes were in tiers."
"Hello, Smith! Supposcaman mar
ries his first wife's step-sister's aunt,
what relation is he to herP" "First
wife lira-step-aunt cr let's seo I
don't know." "Bright fellow. He's
or hnnlmtllL" CUi'iaqo Times.
What she didn't know.
She had views on coeducation,
And tlie piinclpul need of the nation;
And lir Klussea were blue, and the ni mbcrt
he knew
Of the stars in each high constellation.
And itlie wrote In a handwriting clerky.
And "lie talked with an emphasis Jeiky;
And Kite painted on Won, In the sweetest of
styles,
But ahe didn't know chicken from tin key.
"My brudder Moses nefer get rich
if ho vhas In der clothing peeseness for
a tousand years." "Don't ho buy
goods closo enough?" "Dot doan
make somepody rich. Der troubles
init Moses vhas dot bo vhas too ox
cited. Vhen he belief dot England
and Kussia go to war he put $;i00 into
wheat, and in flvo days ho lose eafery
cent." "Wdat should he have done?"
"Keep dot money in his pocket anil
mark his stock up twenty per cent."
Wall Utrcet Kcus.
An absent-minded man went into
a basement in New York to have his
Hhocs blacked. Tho boot-blacks were
busy with other customers at the time
and ho was obliged to wait Redrew
a pHer from his pocket and became
absorbed in it. Shortly the boot-black
called "next," and the absent-minded
man hastily stripped o'X his coat and
collar, and sat down in tho boot
black's chur. When he reached his
head back and failed to find a rest, ho
realized his mihtake, and sheepishly
said, "Oh, I thought I was in a barber
shop." N. Y. tiuti.
PARIS 'DRESSES.
Home of the Features Which Distinguish
Paria Mado t'urumiiL,
The modistes who remain late in Paris
confirm many of tho designs noted
rarly in the season, and add to these
the freshest novelties. Tho short
basques, long draperies, and polonaises
already de-cribed are repeated with
various tew accessories. Shortdresses
are shown for all occasions, even for
formal dinners in the summer; demi
trains with tho medium or three-quarter
trains are the exceptions, and these
are usually for matrons and older
ladies. The short dress is made to re
semble a full round skirt, but is inva
riably mounted on a false silk skirt
which measures only two and a quarter
or at most two and a third yards in
breadth. The da nty French dresses
now have this skirt faced with silk and
without a binding, or elso a depassant,
or hangingpleated frill, is sewed in the
edgo between the skirt and the facing;
instead of a niusl n and lace balayeuse,
modistes now put two pinked frills of
the silk of tho skirt inside the silk fac
ing, which gives a full and tasteful
finish at tho foot of tho skirt when
seen by accident. The outside of
tho lower skirt is not usually
mado in a separate piece from
tho foundation skirt and attack
ed to it at the height needed to conceal
its top under tho drapery. One of tho
favorite ways of adding this is to have
a square panel front made of a single
width trmnied squarely on three sides
with galloon if the skirt is silk, or with
wool braid on wool, and to this is add
ed another panel on each side which
has a row of tho trimming at tho foot
and up one side. For thin surahs and
s Iks u lining of crinoline lawn is used
to keen these panels in place, and tho
front breadth laps slightly over tho
side. An apron droops low on these,
or clso is draped in many folds across
above it, with its lower edge turned
under and sewed to tho lower skirt
Tho black drapery may be of two sin
gle breadths, but is often also of three
breadths gathered to a verynarrow
space at tho belt lined throughout
with lawn, deeply hemmed at tho fiot,
and interlined on this hem: it Is sewed
in at tho aides, and is there tacked
across (on tapes) and at the foot to
form three large soft tlutesororgan-pipe
pleats. There are other straight backs
made with the double box pleats used
during thi wiuter, and still others bang
in straight gathered fullness. Hur
ler's Bazar.
He was a dude. He was fairly cap
tured. She had roused him to that
point of adoration that he absolutely
knelt on the carpet, oblivious of his
dress. The parting was all out of his
hair from impetuous rubbing ot it He
was funnv. very, very funny to her, as
in excited but mincing tones he swore
lie loved her. "Those violet eyes they
are so bewitching-and there I see a
tear is it a tear? Dearest let me wipe
the dew-drop from the violet" "Dude
drop," she murmured -and be dropped,
Son I'rancisce Chronicle.
AMBERGRIS.
A Valunble. and t out I r Adjunct to tll
Perfumer' Art.
"Ambergris is a valuable and costly
adjunct of tho perfumers' art It Is be
lieved to bo caused by a disease of the
liver in the spermaceti whale, in the in
testines of which it is chiefly found, al
though it is cast tip by the sea in
Oriental climes, and is gathered along
the shores of Coro.uandel, Madagas ar
and Japan. It is an uromatic, gray
substance, and ss much as 1.10. pounds
of it have been taken from one whale.
A lump of ambergris of that sie is
worth to the whaler about :i,000.
There is no duty on ambergris in this
country. It is worth as much as H5
an ounce in New York. It is of incal
culable benefit to tho perfumer, as it
gives honieogcnity to the fragrance of
combined extracts and oils in a re
markable manner, and strongly de
velops the delicate and evanescent odors
of volatile oils. Ambergris, when gen
uine, for it is easily counterfeited, is
full of small black spots when cut It
is used to improve tho flavor of wines.
"Colognes and toilet waters of all
kinds have been so successfully pre
pared in this country during the past
few years that a largo export trade in
them has gradually developed. As
cologne is simply refined, odorless oil
cohol, perfumed with some essential al
of flowers, there is no reason why it
should not be mado as well hero as
elsewhere. All first-class toilet waters,
with ho exception of bay rum,' are
nothing moro uor less than perfumed
corn spirits, which have re
ceived a medicinal quality by the
introduction of balsamic or tonic prop
erties. Genuine bay rum is always im
ported. Nine-tenths of the stuff used
as bay rum in New York, as well as
other cities, is not bay rum at all, but a
mixture of the essential oil of bay with
common rum or alcohol. There are
few barber shops wheie tho genuine ar
ticle is in use. (Jenuine bay rum is
made only in the West Indies. It is the
distilla'.ion of the green leaves and ber
ries of tho bayberry tree mixed w.th ab
solutely pure rum. St Croix being used
in the very best quality. There is only
one true bayberry, but there are many
varieties of it in the West Indies, and
so closely do they resemble tho primein
ta oeris, or true bay, that great care is
necessary in gathering tho leaves, for
tho presence of a small quantity of the
leaves of any other variety Is suflicient
to spoil the entire product of a still.
Kipo berries are mixed in tho still with
the leaves. Tho best bay spirit is dis
tilled by steam in copper pipes, but the
ordinary commercial spirit such as bay
rum is mado from hero, is distilled over
an open fire. Tho genuine steam-distilled
bay spirit is not only many times
stronger than tho other, but tho refresh
ing aroma that characterizes it is ten
times as lasting. The West Indians find
tho true bay rum so necessary to their
comfort among tho numerous discom
forts attending a life iu tho climate of
their country that thoy use about all
hat is made, and hence its scarcity in
his aud other countries. " iV. Y. Hun.
OVER 200 PER CENT. PROFIT.
A Shoe-String- Dealer Who I torn Not Com
plain of the Hard Times.
As tho crowd of passengers on tho
early morninir trains come sunrinsr
down Fark row from tho City Hall ele
vated station, tho familiar cry of tho
street-venders scattered along at short
intervals attracts very little attention.
An old man with a voico which dies
away iu a sad cadence, sings out: "Fino
leather shoe-s'rings, five cents a pair."
He has stood there for years, and of
fered for salo nothing but long leather
shoe-strings. Ho pays a license to ped
dle on tho streets, and has a right to se
lect his locality.
'How is the shoe-string business
now?" akcd a New York Mail ami Et
prcn reporter of tho old man.
"Not so good as it was ten years ago.
Too many buttons and elastic-fastened
shoes are made nowadays, l'oor peo
ple are getting high-toned and wear
button-shoes. Times are said to be
hard, sir, but I manage to livo w ell and
support my family."
"Then vou must sell a great many
pairs of slioe-striugs a day and make
large profits."
"Well, no; I don't sell so many, but
my profits are large. I buy the strings
by tho wholesale, and make over two
hundred per cent, on them. I don't
have to pay any clerk hire, gas bills or
rent; everything is clean, clear profit
Somo 'ainy days I don't sell any, but
on fair days I make up generally. Sat
urday afternoon is my bte business
time. All tho laboring" peoplo arc paid
off then, and a good many wear com
mon shoes that tie. Passing along they
are attracted by tho length, quality,
cheapness and superior smelling oil I
have on my strings. The oil has a
great deal to tlo with the salo of
strings. When I first started in busi
ness lifteen years ago I lost a great
mauy customers by using bad-smelling
oil. Tho oil was line, but that didn t
matter; the smell had all to do with the
sale. We p-t so after several years
that wo know our regular customers,
and our ambition is to add more to
t licit), and at the same t'mo catch the
transients. This business, like auv
other, re juires energy and patience. 1
stand ten hours often without selling a
single pair. Whv did I adopt this busi
ness? i was a llowvry merchant for
years and failed. I could do nothing
"else and drifted into this. " 'Fine
leather shoe-strings live cents a pair.' "
he mechanically uttered to a crowd
passing. .V. '. Mail and Erpnss.
a a a
The length of the w'r ! used in the
con-truct'on of the submarine cable,
now in opi ration, is computed to bo
ten times the distance from the earth to
the moou. Tho total length of the
catIe now used is 8,000 miles, each
cable contuning an average of forty
strands of wire, and making over
2.500.000 mile. Chicago Ihraid.
At the recent marriage of the
Count of (Vienna to the daughter ol
Ilonana Maekey. the latter slipped un
osten' itioiisly into the haud of the
bridegroom a cheek for $1,000,000 on
the frank, of .Naples. Chicago Inter
Ocean.
DOCTORS AND DOCTORING.
A Few Word of Advice to People Who Are
Inclined to Medication.
Do we believe in doctors? Whether
we do or not we generally send for
them when we are 11L Still, if I were
asked my opinion, I should say the
profession is largely overcrowded.
I'hysio is hugely overdone. Half the
complaints people especially idle
peoplo suffer from are imaginary. I
do not deny that men and women get
ill, and occasionally die, but I hold
that, in a vast number of cases, a doc
tor is unnecessary at first and quite
helpless at last that is, as far as his
physic is concerned, and I have pretty
good authority for what I say.
Sir William Jcnner has the courage
to declare that "the science of rw diciiie
is a barbarous jargon every dose of
medicine is a blind experiment!" When
the great Majcndie assumed the Pro
fessor's Chair of Medicine at tho Col
lege of France, ho thus addressed the
astonished students: "(Jcntlemcn,
medicine is a humbug. Who knows
anything about medicine? I tell you
frankly, I don't Nature does a good
deal; doctors do very little when they
don't do barm." Majendie went on
to tell the following pungent little pro
fessional talc out of school:
"When I was head physician at the
Hotel Dieu I divided the patients into
three sections. To one I gave the reg
ulation dispensary medicine in the reg
ulation way; to another I gave bread,
milk and colored water and to the third
section I gave nothing at all. .Well,
gentlemen, every one iu tho third sec
tion got well. Nature invariably camo
to the rescue."
Now, of course, we must allow some
thing for the obtrusive candor of pro
fessional confession which is always
apt to overleap tho mark and give the
opponent a few more points than he
asks for, really for the sake of placing
him at a disadvantage. Still there is
truth in the candid jest, if jest it be;
and the truth is this: The doctor is
often superfluous, sometimes mischiev
ous and occasionally fatal. Physick
ing, as Sir William Jenner (quoted by
Dr. Kidge) admits, is largely a specu
lative operation. The ingenious
"doseist," as Artemus Ward would
say, has theories about what is the
matter with you; he physics according
to his theory, and then'physics to cor
rect his theory. This he calls ''chang
ing tho treatment" Wronz again!
Patient gets worse. Perhaps it is
change of air, not change of food, he
wants bright idea! scud him out of
town. OQ ho goes into the country;
forgets to take his physic; feels better;
gets well; doctor looks blanc1, nods his
head and says: "Told you so; change
of air that's what you wanted."
What ho really wanted was to be let
alone. Leave off worrying Nature
that is what is required; not in all
cases, but in a good many; and tha,t is
probably what Majendie and Jenner
and all "the wisest doctors think. They
aim at diet and discipline they assist,
they do not try to force, Nature's hand
and they every now and then admit
this in a burst of confidence.
There is another dubious side of the
question. Doctors often say to you,
"Be sure you come to meat once. I
can arrest diseaso at an early s'age;
but delay hesitate! hesitate! and you
are lost!" This is just one of those
dangerous half-truths whereout doc
tors do suck no small advantage. If
you call the doctor in for every little
ailment you will get into an artificial
state. Nature will strike work, and you
will never be well without the doctor
nor with him either. If you always
take opiates, you will never sleep with
out them; or "tonics, you will never eat
without them; or stimulants; you will
never work without them.
It is a law true in sociology and
physics alike, that dependence grows
by" what it feeds on. There are doc
tors who always send peoplo to bed di
rectly if they "have a littlo cold and
those people are forever catching cold
they have no resistance left You
are somewhat out of order; instead of
exercise and moderation, in comes the
doctor with his dose and, next time.
Nature will refuse to have anything to
do with you. "I am not going to
trouble myself about you," she virtu
ally savs." "Send for the doctor; yon
prefer Lis physio to my more slow but
more sure and more healthy recupera
tive power. Take physic I strike
work."
Not only do we often begin too soon,
but we go on too long with the doctor.
Ho calls and calls again; he refines his
prescription until its gradations of ef
licacy are quite imperceptible, but they
are just enough to keep nature in leading-strings
and to make each step de
pendent vpon the therapeutic art.
Of course, I admit that there are
many cases to which these remarks are
wholly inapplicable. Bronchitis, in
cipient cancer, and others, both func
tional and organic to take these in
time may bo everything. There are
cases where the diagnosis of a good
physician is simply invaluable; his
hijits about food are not to be neg
lected, yet they should be taken, per
haps, cum grano, and checked by per
sonal experience. There are other
cases, too, where cod-liver oil, quinine
and one or two other drugs are abso
lute specifics. Who can not realize
Dr. Livington's gloomy consciousness
of having signed his own death war
rant when ne determined to go for
ward after losing his medicine-chest of
quinine n the dismal river? London
Truth.
i o
A Brutal Husband.
Mrs. Simon Peterby is one of the
most extravagant women in Galveston.
Her husband groans in his spirit
every day when he is called on to pay
her bills. A few days ago she said to
him:
"Dear Simon, just see what a nice
present I got vou for vour birthdav."
What is it" dearest?" he asked.
"A beautiful pocket-book to keep
your money in."
"Thanks but I don't expect to keep
much money in it"
"But you must promise me always to
think of me when vou take it out""
"Oh, you bet I'll think of you every
time I open it I am bound to do that
Texas Siflings.
BY
THEIR WJTS.
Uo
r Attorney Scheme no Wlu
U'liif at
the Il.f.
"How can all theie lawyers earn
their living?" asked a reporter ol oo
of the oldest members of the bar.
"The lawyers have no difficulty in
making enough to live on. There is a
comparatively small number of these
among the three hundred attorneys.
Of course it is simply impossible for
three hundred men in a city of this
size to eke out a subsistence by the use
of their legal lore. A great number
are young men w ho have not worked
up a practice and can not be expected,
how ever shrewd they may be, u earn
a living. Then, too, Detroit h its
full quota of shv.-.ters and pettifoggers,
who resort to ull sorU of schemes to
earn a dollar. If you will take a court
docket and look through ityou will find
that about forty lawyers have most of
the business. If tho law business were
equally divided there would be enough
to support all of the profession in the
city, but there are several who maku
twenty or thirty thousand dollars a
year."
"How do the rest live?"
"In various ways. Some have money
to live on inherited from their fathers,
some have rich wives, many combine
their law practice with real estate and
insurance business, but there arc moro
than people suppose living from hand
to mouth, hardly knowing where the
bread for the next meal is coming
from. There is another class which, I
am sorry to say, is not a small one and
which is the disgrace of the profession.
It is tho class of dead-beats who in somo
inscrutable way gain the title of attor-ney-at-law.
They make it a business
to squeeze a client as long
as anything can be gotten from him
on one pretext and another. At one
timo they will want money for officers'
fees, but the money never reaches the
officers. At another time it is to pay for
counsel or for 'expenses.' There are
thousands of ways that are used to get
money from the, unsuspecting client.
Many" of this class have po office. They
sponge their stationary off the county,
beat landlords out of board bills and
borrqw money until their credit is gone.
"Do lawyers ever seek out business?"
"Certainly they do. 1 know of law
yers in this city who make it a practice
to hunt up persons injured on the rail
roads and induce them tobring suits for
damages. In. these cases the most of
the lawyers' fees are often made con
tingent on the success of the suit. A
close watch is kept for every accident,
for scandals, family disputes, or prop
erty litigation. Immediately any prom
ising case is developed the lawyer ap
proaches the victim and generally suc
ceeds in being retained."
"How Is tlie business looked upon by
the profession?"
"My own opinion is that no first-class
lawyer would ever stoop to any such
proceeding. When one is In straight
ened circumstances, though, I can
hardly wonder that such devices are
resorted to."
"Is this system pursued successfully
in criminal cases? '
"Yes, and much more easily t'lan ii
civil cases. I don't know how it is now,
but a few years ago I have positivo
knowledge that there was a combina
tion of certiin lawyers with detec
tives and other officers. The detective
used to sret a percentage of the fees in
all the cases he would bring to the
lawyer he had banraiued with. It w as
very easily managed. Criminals very
freouentlv consult tho officers as to
a suitable attorney to employ, and tho
advice of the olliccr is usually loi
lowed. "-Detroit Post.
Daniel Webster's Fees.
In view of the protracted trial in our
Superior Court last week it is of inter
est to note the fees which Dauiel Web
ster received for his services. For
many years he kept a regular account
of his professional receipts, and for
two of those vears the accounts havo
been published. In the first of the two,
when he was anout thirty-seven years
of age, his receipts, omitting "several
small affairs, amounted to lifteen
thousand one hundred and eighty-ono
dollars. The number of items, mostly
asrainst different clients, was one hun
dred and twenty-nine. The largest
chanre was two thousand dollars.
There were twenty-four retainers in tho
year, amounting' in tho aggregate to
"one thousand three hundred and ten
dollars. The largest was a "retainer
in patent cases" of one hundred and
fifty dollars; but most of the retainers
were of one hundred dollars and fifty
dollars. The second published account
covered the years l&h'-S.when Webster
was fifty years old. The amount of re
ceipts for this year was eight thousand
two hundred and twelve dollars, but
out of this is to be deducted nine hun
dred and ninetv-two dollars as "Con
ercssional pay."' This leaves for his
professional receipts seven thousand
two hundred and twenty dollars. Tho
largest fee this year was five hundred
dollars. There were only forty-four
items, and of these eighteen were re
tainers, amounting to two thousand
three hundred and thirty dollars. Ono
of them was one hundred dollars for
"Dr. Nott's patent causes." "A very
poor year's work," savs Webster.
"Nullification kept me out of the Su
preme Court all the last winter.'
Worcester Mass.) Siy.
A pood joke is told on a Sheriff cf
a nciclibonnff county, who went out in
the country to "level" on a mule, but
being told that the mule's great ago
exempted him from a levy the Mionil
retraced his steps to town, a distance
of nine miles, to examine the code in
reference thereto. He found that the
mule's age was no bar to a levy, and
went back and found that the owner
had availed himself of the interim o
run the mule off. Macon (Go.) Ift.'c
graph. o a
A Pullman cit v has been established
in Russia; thirtv-tive thonsand wort
men of large engineering works are
lodged in small cottages, most ot wh i n
are mai.e to accommodate two families
onlv. A refectory, a laundry, a hospi
tal, a benefit society, a technical school
and a co-operative store constitute the
public institutions of the place, and the
co-operative society pays a flourishing
LIVING
dividend.
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
A Lcw lston seamstress carelessly left
a nerdlo in the back of a young la !y
customer's dress, and now a particular
friend of tho family has his arm done up
in arnica. Lewiston (Me.) Journal.
There are twenty ways of cooking
a potato, and three hundred and sixty
five ways of cooking an egg. Here
culture ends, for there is but ono way of
swallowing either of them. Lowell
Citizen.
It is cl-iimed that vou can tell when
it is nonn-time by looking at a cat's
eyes.. We can't see what a cat's size
has to do with noon-timo unless you
are thinking of havingrabbit for dinner.
Burlinqtun llaickeye.
There are said to bo over two thou
sand postmasters in the United htat-s
... . - . . in
with a salary ol less tnan ten uotiurs a
venr. At lledelia. N. C. last year, the
salary was nine cents. .V. Y. Mail.
When the fire reporter gets as far
as "the lurid trlare of forked flames
shooting athwart the dark-domed sky,"
it is time for the city editor to put on a
condenser and get ai the facts of prop
erty destroyed. Ar. O. Picayune.
Not sugar-coated: She "There is
often a vast difference between a boor
and a bore." Ho (fishing) "And are
most men either one or the otherr
She (wearily) "Well, a man is a boor
when he does not call on us, and gen
erally a bore when he does." Life.
Maxfield Bean was in a manufac
turing town last' week, when a very
fashionably dressed young man passed
along. He was told "that it was a clerk
in one of the cotton mills and quite a
lady's man. In . fact the girls had
spoiled hira. "That was my idea of
him." said Maxiield Bean; "if not
spoilt, I thought he was a littlo mill
dude." Melrose Journal.
"Are you fond of etchings?" asked
the young man who had taken the host
ess' pretty niece from the country down
to supper. "As a general thing, yes,"
she answered, looking up into his eyes
with an engaging frankness that threat
ened havoc to his heart; "but she i Mod
hastily, as he started to say something
pretty, "not any to-night thank you
it is rather late. A very little of sherbet
is all I care for." Boston Beacon.
First Bohemian What's the mat
ter? You look ill. Second Bohemian
I am suffering from writers' cramp.
"Indeed! But you seem to have the use
of your wrist, and I did not suppose you
had had much chance to be over
worked." "Ah! it is not in my wrist,
and is not caused by overwork." "Then
where is it, and what is the cause?" "It
is in my stomach, and is caused by a
vacuum. "7i iladclphia Call.
A nice old gentleman, seeing a lad
eating an orange, told the boy not to
swallow the skin, because it would
make him sick. The lad was thus saved
from probable sickness by the nice old
gentleman's thoughtfulness. The lad
threw the skin out at the window, and
the nice old gentleman went out and
sat down very hard upon the sidewalk.
The nice old gentleman will not tell
lads hereafter that orange peels should
not be eaten BoMon Post.
Dear to the heart:
How dear to the heart are the chestnuts of
childhood
The buldhvaded Jokes that our Infancy
know,
The puns prehistoric we vented in wild mood.
And ancient conundrums so fcetilo aud
few!
What sweet recollections rise quickly and
work us
H irh up to that pitch where the briny tears
well.
When we hear from the Hps of tho clown at
the oii-oii
The crutch-ridden chestnuts we all love to
tell!
The moss-covered chestnuts, the mlidcwed
conundrums.
And Jukes that wereaired before Adnm fell.
EL MAHDI.
A Hint to Good Hoys Who Deilre In
formation of Current KvenU.
A boy about twelve years of age en
tered a store on Michigan Avenue the
other day and asked for the proprietor,
and when confronted by that individual
the lad hesitatingly inquired:
"I I wanted to ask you for some in
formation about El Ma'idi. Man up
the street said you were posted, and
that vou'd be glad to help a boy along."
"V-e-s." said the proprietor as he
scratched his ear "jess so. El Mahdi
v-e-s. Say, bub, I'm awfully busy
this morning. Ask the cashier, and
here's a quarter for you. I like to help
a bov alone, but I'm rushed this niorn
ing. The boy went down to the cashier's
desk and said:
"'Nother boy and me are seeing who
can find out tho most about El Mahdi.
Please tell me all you know."
"El Mahdi y-e-s," replied the cash
ier. "Hang it! I've read of him a doen
times over, and the name is very fa
miliar. Y-e-s jess so. Say. bub, our
floor-walker knows everybody and
everything. Here's fifteen cents for
vou if you don't bother me to-day."
The boy passed along to the gentle
man mentioned and said:
"My teacher wants me to find out all
I can about El Mahdi. Where was he
born how old is he what does lie do
for a living please give me all the facts
yon can?-'
The floor-walker looked the innocent
boy in the eye for a long half-minute.
Then he pulled a quarter from his vest
pocket, passed it over, and kindly whis
pered: "Not to-day, my son, but some other
day. They'll" probably tell you next
door, as they aren't rushed!" Detroit
Free Press.
Dumb pianos are recommended for
the use of music schools where the
constant din of practice often causes
nervous headache and impairs the mu
sical sense. The mute piano has a full
keyboard, but has no strings nor
sounding-board. It would be valuable
for any neighborhood, and the practice
might b extended to mute cornets,
mute brass bands and other instru
ments. Boston Herald.
E0TAL BLOOD.
We are all kings and queens in this
country, and we have a right to as good
blood as that which courses through the
veins of emperors. If the blood is poor
and the cheeks are pale, it is well known
that Brown's Iron Bitters ia the great
tonic .which will give color, vigor, and
nudity. Mr. M. K. Gibson, of West
Point Miss., saya, "I felt weak and
debilitated. Brown't Iron Bitters made
me strong and well.".
Thousands Hastened to their Graves
Tlv relrlair nn tnntlmnnli.li. .
vivid crlowinff lnnpnnc-A nf .! ,
. """o miracu-
lous cures made by Home largely putted
up doctor or patent medicine has hag.
i;uou iiiuuMiiua meir graves' the
readers having almost insane faith that
the same miracle will be performed on
them, that these testimonials mention,
while tlie so-called medicine Is all the
time hasteninu them to their graves
Although we have ' '
Thousands Upon Thousands Iff
of testimonials of the most wonilerfu
cures, voluntarily sent us. we dot pub.
lish them, as they do not make the
cures. It is our medicine, Hop Bitters
mat maae me cures, n nos never failed
and never can. We will give reference
to any one for any disease similar to
their own if desired, or will refer to anv
tliuM lu - ,nl..l.l 1
HCluuur, u uiciw to tin. p ucigiiuuruood
in the known world but can show It.
cures by Hop Bittern.
A Losing Joke.
"A prominent physician of PitUburg gala to
' a lady patient who waa coniplainiiiK of her
' continued ill health, and of his inability to
' cure her, jokingly said: 'Try Hop Hitters!"
' The lady took it in earnest and used the bit
'tera, from which the obtained permanent
' health. She now laughed at the doctor for hit
' joke, but be ia not to well pleased with it, ai it
' coat him a good patient."
Fees of Doctors.
The fee of doctors at ?3.00 a visit
would lax a man for a year, and in need
of a dally visit over $1,000 a year for
medical attendonce alone! And one sin
gle bottle of Hop Bitters taken in time
would save the $1,000 and all the year's
sickness.
Given up by the Doctors
"Is it possible that Mr. Godfrey is up
and at work, and cured by so slmpl. a
remedvf"
"I assure you it is true that he is en
tirely cured, and with nothing but Hop
Bitters, and only ten days ago his doc
tors gave him up and said he must die,
from Kidney and Liver trouble!"
If Nona genuine without a bunch of green
Hops on the white label. Shun all tlie vile,
poisonous btull with "Hop" or "Hops" in their
GET THE BEST Abell & Son's Pho
tographs. Take the elevator .Wash
ington street Portland.
m WARNER S -p
TippecanoE
THE
BEST
o
S
h,
0
2
u
O
r
Z
a
a.
u
ui
X
1-
c0PVlOMTto1.
TONIC
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED.
2.E. VAILSEE & CO . Eochcstor, 2f.Y-"i
FOR
ALL GONE
SENSATIONS.
$1.00 A. BOTTLE.
H. H. WABSEB & CO., Bochester, If. T.
PHTLLIP VAN TASEL, Newark. N. Y-, Buf
fered for many year from dyspepsia and mal
aasiniilation of food.and reports that he derived
greater benefit from Warner's TiI'FKcanok,
The Best, than from any other medicine he
ever used. His daiiKhter also used it with buc
ceaa when every other known remedy failed.
AS A
Constitutional Tonic
IT HAS NO EQUAL.
$1.00 A BOTTLE.
H. H. WAENEB ft CO., Bochester, If. Y.
W. K. SAGE, of St. Johns, 5ttch was com
pletely prostrated by the hardships endured
during the latf war. He returned home a
wreck both in mind and body. For twenty
years he simply existed, halt the time more
dead than alive until he was restored to health
by Warner s Tiitbcanob. The Heat, He advises
all old vets to try it. Write to him at St John),
Michigan. : .
TUTTS
POLLS
"THE
OLD
RELIABLE."
25 YEARS IN
USE.
the Greatest Medical Triumph of the Agsl
Indorsed all over the World.
SYMPTOMS OF A
TORPID LIVER.
Lossofappetite. Nausea, bogrelsjjos;
tiye. Palntn the HeMlwith a dull sen
sation in the back part. Palnnnder
thegnoulder-blade, fallheisAfteteat
totr, witha disinclination to exertion,
of body or mind, Irritability of temp
er, Low spirits,Los8ef meinoryiWita
a feeling of having negleotedgpm9
dnty weariness. Dizziness, Flatter;
mgoftheHeart,Dotsbeforetheeyes.
YellcShnn.Headache.Restlessniii
at night, highly coloretTUrine.
IF THESE WARNINGS ABE UNHEEDED,
S!SliS3 WILL COvH SI BSVEUfH.
TUITS FILLS are especially adapted to
ucb cases, one dose effects such a ohang
of feeling as to astonish the sufferer.
They Increase the Appetite, and cause
the body to Take on Flesh, thus the sys
tem Is nourished, and by their Tonie
Actio on the IMfrestlra Orraae, Beg
lar Stools r produced. Price art rents.
TUTTS HAIR DYE.
GaaT runt or Whikers changed to
Glosst Buck by a single application or
this Dra. It imparts a natural color, acts
Instantaneously. Sold by DragglsU, or
sent by express on reoulpl of $1.
Office. 44 Murre St-""""',
P1ASOM. OKWAS.
STEINWAYSJJS
Urirwia, bui iniuumenta. Largest stoca al
Musk and Books, Buvt. lii at Eni xnom
U. GRAY. Post dtnet, 8aa Franckto.
K. U. AWARE
THAT
Lcrillard's Climax Ping
twartoc a rrf N tat ; thai LorillardJ
SaVf rilla(a.and Ui lxwIUjirir. Mana,
Um boat aad otwapeal, qulltj eoodcrsa I
e?QPt5sV.
V. .THE "HERO ff
0