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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 6, 1884)
rrila mooter Wilcox Ja Now York Sun.)
llavbe ibis U fun. slttinjr Lu tha sun.
With a book ajid parasol, as mj angler
Willie he dli his line in the ocean brine.
liniler the delusion Uiat bit bait will catch
Vit romantic Tee! bnt I must confess
Thoughts of suady ruoina at home somehow
soeui more inviting.
Bat I dare not move. "Quiet, there, my
6aa my angler, "for I think a monstrous
Dsn 11 tnung.
Oh. of course, it'i bluw-still how hot it in I
And the rock I'm sitting on grows harder
Wolfe my fisher wait, trying various baits,
iSuf the basket tJ nis aiue, i see, uas dow-
, h ln in It.
U in lust the war to dbss a July day
Arcadian and sentimental, dreamy, idle,
charm in ir.
Bt how tierce the sunlight falls, and the way
. that insect crawls
Along my neck and down my back is really
. quite alarming.
Airr luckP I gently asked of the angler at
There's something pulling at the line," ho
i said; "I've almost caught it"
Bat when, with a blistured face, we our
homeward stei retruco,
We take the litUo basket just as empty as
we Drought it.
CHARACTERISTICS OF ;LERKS.
Peculiarities of the Different Ktnda
1 . aa Noted by au Observer.
rv,. ITuan ..... 1
IIow dillicult it is to distinguish them
from proprietors uutil you aro used to it.
Thca It la eaty. Proprietors wear
clothes that dorks wouldn't bo seen
w oaring to sift ashes iu. At tho start,
kowever, clerks always speak of them
solves as "salesmen." They havo a faint
idea that tho latter is a dictionary word
and nieaus something.
Tho king clerk is the "floor walker."
no u a drum major without bearskin
eap or baton, and illls an important po
sition iu an important manuer. Poor
humanity always feels its knees quake
when before his awful presence, until ho
ays "show these ladies them hose," and
a, w proveu mm uu is uui iuoruti.
The active clerk shows all tho goods
in. his department, talks a steady stream
and wears a customer out. lie makes
fow sales and doesn't stay long in a
The listless clerk, with drooping eyes
and palo necktie, drops his goods on tho
ountor in a dou't-caro-a-tive sort of
way, wearied by the exortion, and tho
customer trades with turn bocause he is
act rcfreshinirlv lazv.
The average clerk comes up town in
tho morning tho very ideal of spick-span
newness. Jlo is fresh every day, his
collar and shirt front aro just from tho
smoothing iron, his clothes aro molded
to his form, and his hair looks as if his
good, kind grandmother had slicked it
down with boar's grease. Ho is a daisy.
The poorly dressed clerk. There are
no facts in regard to this nonomty.
The "masher" as a clerk. lie is en
caged because of his superlative attrac
tion to silly women, who call on him
every day and buy somo little kniek
knacks in order to bask in the sunshine
of bis radiant and charming smilo.
The genial clerk, a man who is always
too good for his position, and a positivo
addition to a woil-regulatcd establish
ment. One clerk of this sort is worth
a whole store full of average clerks, lie
sells goods before you know you havo
Tho genuine business man sometime
boKius lU'o us a clerk, nd he pushes out
ot tho position in an amazing hurry.
Tho lady clerk. Who would bo so
nngallant as to say she is not interest
ing. She is. Gentlemen always like to
trado at tho counter where sho presides,
and sho is usually assigned to a depart
ment where they aro sure to come on
litUo errands. Ladies, on the contrary,
do not like to purchase of her, and it is
noticeable that sue is seldom in tne dry
There are a groat many varieties of
clerks: drug clerks, grocery clerks, and
ten thousand others. They are the
ornamental and somowhat useful mile-
posts on tho highways of business. They
soem to bo a necessity, but why they
should carry tho world in its entirety on
their shoulders and superintend tho
progress of the planets on their orbits is
Vanity's Iteerutts for the Stage.
There can be no doubt that vanity
sheer, shallow vanity is at the bottom
of this rage for the stage, which a comio
contemporary has aptly designated "The
Fashionable Craze. Young men and
women of the upper classes do not rush
in equal number, or with equal eager
ness to adopt the profession of the
painter, the sculptor, and the poet. And
why? Because those professions at their
commencement demand patient, indefat
igable drudgery in private, only sup
ported by tho real enthusiasm for the
work which sustains the genuine artist
under so many disappointments. Even
supposing them to be successful, where
are they to be employed? Will not all
the Loudon theatres, and all the touring
companies combined, be too small to
furnish engagements for the army of as
pirants which is now in course of being
Schools of drnmatio art, private acade
mies and a host of agents aro encourag
ing a vast number of young pcoplo to
prepare themselves for a profession
which is already over-stocked, and
which practically unfits them, Bhould
they prove unsuccessful in it, for adopt
ing any other. Already there are signs
that the theatrical business, both in Lon
don and the provinces, has been a trille
overdono of late. Is there not some
danger of the supply of neophytes ex
ceeding the demand Will not the re
sults be a rarity of engagements for tho
ordinary artist, long periods of idleness,
and a host of applications for assistance
to the actors' benevolent fund? Certainly
those who are casting all these young
men and women on the boards ought
to be very liberal in their support of
that institution, and should pay their
poor-rates with exemplary regularity.
It is rather unfair that the contributions
of artists and managers should go to the
assistance of a mob of genteel new
comers who have rushed to dependence
oh the workhouse, because it is the
The asylum for the insane is further
from the plow than it is from the rich
man's gold, or the honored man s fame.
WANTED A WIFE.
J. Randall in Time.
Jack Ilornby, of Brasenftoe college, Ox
ford, had just finished Ida usual after-break
fast pipe, on tha last day of the summer term,
1860, when his attention waa arrested by a
sharp rap at his door, Immediately followed
by the entrance of the well-dressed person ot
his college friend, Methven.
"Come along in," said Hornby, "and light
yourself a pipe."
"No, thank ye, can't stop," replied Meth
ven, "as I have a lot to do this morning; but I
thought I would run across and tell you a bit
of news. I have just arranged a glorious
boax, at the expense, I need hardly say, of old
Crofton: be has become too cute lately to be
caught by our old time-honored jokes, and so
I have arranged the following plan: A week
ago I inserted lu the agony ooluruo of The
Morning Advertiser a glowing matrimonial
advertisement, in which I stated that the ad
vertiser, who waa handsome, rich, and all
that sort of thing, desired to meet with a
pretty and accomplished girl with a view to
matrimony. All applicants were to send
their photographs; the replies to be sent to IL
C, No. 151 St. Odes', Oxford that's the house
where my scout lives, and so, of course, I told
him to bring me any letters thus addressed. I
got no reply for a day or so, but four days
ago I received a letter from a certain damsel,
who described herself as young, handsome
and accomplished, Inclosed me the photo
graph of a very pretty girl, ended by a-' king
me when and where I should meet hor in
town, and signed herself Miss L. Bernard,
Ficcadily Circus Poatolllee; she also expressed
a desire to have tho advertiser's photograph,
so I promptly sent ber that of old Crofton,
which he had lately given me. and said I
would write to-night when and where I
should meet her; so my scheme Is, to some
how induce Crofton to meet this girl; she will
of course recognize him by the photograph
I have sent, and will probably rush into his
arms, the kangaroo will be utterly over
powered, and there will be an interesting
denouement Now, Hornby, don't you think
that a magnificent piece of strategy!"
"No, indeed I don't," said Hornby, "I think
it an infernal shame; and, what's more, I
have half a mind to go and tell the kangaroo
of the hoax." j
"Oh, route now, "said Methven, "you'd never
do that, Jack, I know. Weill I can't stay
any longer, so good-bye for the present."
There is not the slightest doubt, that if the
fates had not intervened, Hornby would have
gone straight to Crofton and warned hiin of
the impending hoax, and this story would
never have been written; but, as it happened,
no sooner had Mothven gone out of Hornby's
rooms, than iu rut-hud the secretary of the
College Cricket club iu a state of breathless
anxiety; there was a match at 11:37, and it
was now 11 o'clock and he could only get to
gether eight men. So Hornby was promptly
enlisted, and by the time the match was over,
Methven aud his scheme hail entirely faded
from his not too retentive memory. Mothven,
in the meantime, had gone straight to Crof
ton's rooms. Now, this Crofton, who was
about to fall a victim to Methven's wiles,
was the son of a large Australian sheep
farmer, and had come up to Brazenface the
previous October. Like most colonists who
have not been to school in England, be was
very simple and unsophisticated; and though
the kangaroo, as be was generally called,
was constantly being made the victim
of small practical jokes, most of which
were originated by Methven, who was the
profesioiml hoaxer of Brazenface, be al
ways forgave them heartily, and joined in
the laugh Himself. However, his one year's
residence in college bad opened his eyes a lit
tie, and being nuturally anything but a fool,
his friends found it not quite so easy to take
bun in now, as it used to be, and several at
tempts having lately faile l, Methven, to sus
tain bis dwindling reputation as a joker, had
concocted the plan he had just disclosed to
Hornby. He found the genial giant busily
pocking bio trups ready for going down the
next day. After ciiatt ing a moment or two
the tempter began:
"As you're going to town to-morrow, I
want you to do me a little favor. I promised
to meet a girl, a cousin of mine, to-morrow.
We had each got au order for the
bourn ot commons, and I was to have es
corted her, and as we meant to have a little
lunch together at Lucas' before we went in,
we bad arranged to meet at a quarter-past id
at the Westminster bridge landing pier, that
being a place where we couldn't possibly miss
one another. flow, as bad luck will have it.
tne dean nas sent (or me to see him after col
lections, so that I can't get up to town In
time. Unfortunately, I can't let the girl
know, because she's away on a visit for a day
or two to some friends whose address I have
forgotten, and she won't return home till
after she's been to the house. Now, I don't
want the poor child to wait an hour for me.
so would you mimt going there about a quar
ter past 2 and telling her I can't come, be
cause of that beastly dean? And so that you
can't mistake ber, I've brought you ber pho
tograph. By tho by, her name's Miss
Bernard. Now, will this be too much trouble
Oh, not a bit," said Crofton, "I shall be
Well, remember, Westminister landing
pier, at a quarter postal And now, good-bye,
and a pleasant 'long' to you.
Methven, highly elated with the result of
his scheme, immediately wrote a note to
Miss L. Bernard that H. C would meet her
at the Westminister bridge pier, at a quar
ter past 3 punctually, ami that she must
come up and speak to him if she saw him
The next morning Crofton, having under
gone that dread ordeal called "collections,"
having been bullied alternately by the
principal, the dean and the senior tutor,
hurried eff to the station and just managed
to catch the midday express up to town.
On his arrival, laaving bis traps at a hotel,
be rushed off to Westminister bridge landing
pier ana arrived there within a minute
or two of the appointed time. There was
but few people on it when he arrived, and
certainly no one resembling in the slightest
degree the photograph of Mr. Methven's
cousin, lie looked up and down, but no-
there was only one youne lady there, and
shewafn'ttn the least like the photograph.
She was standing close to the ticket offlje,
holding the band of a little boy of 10 or so
and she seemed to watch Crofton with an
amused smile as be impatiently walked up
and down, looking now at bis watch and now
at the parliament clock tower. The little
boy, in the meantime, getting tired ot wait
ing, bad slipped away under the protecting
chains round the side and began playing with
a bttle dog that was vaguely running about.
The young lady did not miss him, and when
Crofton happened to turn be saw the child,
hi trying to avoid a sadden bounl of the
dog, scramble and fall over the pier into the
river. The child yelled, the girl shriekel and
the dog barked for sympathy, but Crofton,
who iortunatf'y bad plenty of pres?nco of
mind, and was a good, strong swimmer, dived
quietly iuto tha water, caagbt op the ciiild in
a couple of strokes, and In a very short time
bad restored bis dripping burden to tha young
lady. 8b was of coarse most grateful to
dim for having savd tha life of ber little
brother (for to the child tamed out to tj
and, at Crofton pat them in a cab, she asked
him to cal on than, at bomaaad giva ber pa
reuts an opportunity of personally thanking
him. Crotlon at fli-st pooh-poohed the idea
of bains thus made a hero of, but there was
a pleading look In ber pretty eyes which
quite overcame bis scruples; and having as
certained that her father was a Ml. West,
and lived at 1 KJ Cavendish square, he prom
ised to call there the following afternoon,
And, as there was still no sign of Mis" Ber
nard, and as be was dripping wet, ho bailed
a passing cab and returned to his hotel.
The next day, acoordiug to bis promise, be
called at 135 Cavendish square, and was re
ceived moat kindly by Miss West, bis ac
quaintance of yesterday, and ber mother, an
ol I lady, who thanked him most volubly
for having saved dear Bertie's life, who, sh
added, was none the worse for the ducking,
and was at that moment in bed, with a mus
tard plaster on his breast and a basin of gruel
by bis side (probably thinking tUe drowning
would bave been infinitely preferable to the
Of course, Crofton waa Invited to stay to
dinner, so as to meet Mr. West, who did not
return from business till after 6. About that
time be arrived, and a fine cheery, fellow be
was, and right heartily did be welcome bis
new acquaintance. After dinner, as be and
Harry were discussing a bottle of '31 port,
Mr. West found out from the simple-hearted
fellow that he was a native of Australia, and
that, though, he was happy enough durin
term-time with bis college chums, he found
it very dull during the vacation, having but
few relations and friends in the old country;
and so Mr. West, liking the honest, manly
bid, and feeling, of course, intensely grate
ful to him for having saved his child from
drowning, iuvitod him to spend a month
with bim at bis shooting lodge m
Scotland. Crofton, being passionately, de
voted to sport, snapped at the oiler; and so
it was arranged that he should go up to Mr,
West's shooting lodge, iu Cromarty, on the
11th ot August. To this day he swears that
the month he speut at Balbriggan lodge was
the happiest time of bis life good sport,
nice men iu the bouje, and, ah I far best of
all the society of Lilian West. At first it
struck him that sho looked upon him for
some reason or other as rather a puppy,
which considerably surprised him, for what
ever bis faults might be, conceit was cer
tainly not one of them. But as time went
on, and she bad plenty of opportunity of see
ing what a modest, sterling fellow be was
(besides being the best shot ot the party),
the feeling seemed to pass away, and soon
gave place to a sincere regard, bun
day afternoon rambles through the
heather, cosy chats in the gloaming
after dinner, lessons in the mysteries of "go-
bang" and chess, bave brought together lees
susceptible hearts than those of Harry Crof
ton and Lilian West, and the day before be
was returning to England be plucked up
courage, proposed, and to bis delight was
accepted. The next morning, however, just
before starting borne Lilian came up to him
and sal I:
"Harry dear, before you go I want you to
forgive ma for the silly joke I played you
about that advertisement"
"Advertisement!" sold be, "what advertise
ment!" "Wby, the one, of course, you put in The
Crofton looked very mystified, and again
shook bis bead.
"Oh, come now, Horry" replied Lilian,
"it is not a bit of use your trying to deceive
me; do you mean to say you didu't put the
advertisement in The Morning Advertiser"
and so sayiug, she drew from her card-case a
small newspaper cutting and banded it to
Crofton. It ran as follows.
Wanted a Wife The advertiser, who Is
strikingly handsome, very accomplished, and
extremely rich, wishes to meet with a young
lady witn a view to matrimony, nhj must
be good-look ing, amiable and accomplished.
Applicants mnst forward their photograph
and address. IL C., 161 St. Giles', Oxford.
"Never saw it before in my lifo," said
"And you never wrote thisf continued
Miss West, handing the last letter from IL
C. to Miss L. Bernard, appointing the place
and time of meeting.
"Must certainly not; it's not a bit like my
handwriting. Couldn't write so wall if I
tried for a month."
"Well, Harry, you must at least own that
Uiis Is your photograph."
"Good gracious, yes I" replied Crofton;
"that's miii9, sure enough; but who on earth
could have sent it, and why to you ot all
"Oh," said Lilian, "I'm afraid you will
think me very silly, but when I read that
advertisement, I longed, I simply yearned
for I'm very curious, Harry, as you'll soon
find out to see in the flush the human be
ing who could be so consummately con
ceited as to frame an advertisement like that;
and so I replied to it, directing my letter
from the postoffloo at Piccadilly Circus
and signing myself by a fictitious name. I
also sent the photograph of a pretty little
maid I once bad, and next day received the
photograph and letter you bave just seen.
Ho with Bortie as my companion, feeling sure
that the advertiser couldn't possibly mistake
me for the original of barker's photograph, I
went to the Westminster binding pisr at the
appointed time. Imagine my delight, then,
when I saw you, the original of the photo
graph, stalking up and down the pier, appar
ently awaiting the faithless damsel But,
Horry dear, if you did not go to moot me,
wby in the world did you go to the pier at
that very timer" i
"I went on a commission," said he, "for a
college friend of mine, named Methven."
"What! Mr. Methven, of Brazenface!" said
"Why, yes; is he a friend of yours!"
"Oh, I only met him when staying In the
country last Christmas; and I think, Harry,
be liked me better than I did bim."
"Well," continued Crofton, "I went there
to meet a cousin of bis and to give her a mes
sage from bim, but I bave a shrewd idea
this is one of his practical joxes be is always
playing." , . , ,
"But, tell me, bow wera yon to know this
young lady, Harry!" said Lilian.
"He showed me a photograph by which I
was to rccogniza ber.". .
"Was it that of a pretty girl with a large
bat and feather, and a fan in ber hand!" said
Liliau with a smile. ,
"Tha very mine," said Crofton. ' -
"Then, llarry, you are quite right; it was
a practical joke, for that wa barker's
photograph w hich I sent to the mysterious
Mr. IL C. And, now, Harry dear, it's not a
bit of ums in getting angry about it, for we
wdi e both 'sold' a little, aud it lias en led very
happily for you and tne; and so we wl.l
rr.uke a pr mise not to chaff one anotLer in
tho future for the parts we each played in
the strange little 'Comedy of Errors,' "
I need hardly say Crofton seabd the bar
gain with a kiss.
When Harry next returned to BrsEnface
the October term bod begun. Port Meadow
was flooded, the elms outside of 8t. John's
were rapidly losing their leaves, and the
creeper on U Mary's porch was in all the
glory of Its autumn foliage. Crsiton arrived
first day of term, just in time for "hall," and
as be was finishing bis dinner, tha scout who
waited on the third table ban led bim the
following brief eoistle, scrawled on the back
of the dinner bill:
Dear KaftOiRoo Coma to my room di
rectly after "hoU." Ywrs aver,
So after "ball," Crofton went straight to
Hornby's rooms, and found bim uncorking a
bottle of college port; aud over this buttle,
soothed by the fragrant weed, Harry
Crofton told Uoruly the story of bilove,
the whole tale -how it bad, happened,, and
what a very lucky dog be waa lie had j ut
fluished his narrative, when a knock came at
the door and in walked Methven, just ar
rived. "How d'ye do,' Jack! Hillo, Kangaroo,
bow are you old chap!" ha began.
But, somehow, the look on Crofton's face
Methven had never seen before, aud w hat's
more, didu't like it
However, he continued, "Well, did you
meet my cousin, ebl Come, come, old chap,
yon must really forgive me, it was a beastly
shame, I own."
"Now, look here," said Crofton, quietly
and there was an ugly look in his eyes, and a
firmness in his jaw that made Methven un
consciously creep near the door "I don't
want to have a row with any man, much
less in Jack Hornby's rooms. But I tell you
plainly, I tbiuk it was awfully low of you to
take advantage of my good nature in the
way you did I strongly advise you for the
future, if you liko a whole skin not to try
the game ou again. I may tell you, your
scheme entirely failed, and it's entirely
through your attempt at a hoax I bave be
come engaged to tha uicost little girl iu Eng
land." "Keally, said Methven with a sneer,
"then I think the least you can do is to in
troduce us, as she muy possibly like to make
tbe acquaintance ot the uucouscions author
of ber happiuens,"
"Perha) she might," replied Crofton,
quietly, "if she hadn't unfortunately made
it before. Good-night, Jack, aud so saying
be left the room.
"There, Methven," said Hornby, "I kuew
quite well some row would come of this hoax
"Well, tell me what happened, Jack, if
Thereupon Hornby told the whole story
from beginning to eud; when be bad iliiisueJ,
"I wonder who the girl was, and wheu and
where she met me,"
"Of course I cou't toll you the latter," said
Hornby, as ho walked up to the chimney
piece to refill his pipe, "but ber name, if I
remember rightly, is Miss I.lliun West"
Hornby heard a sharp groan, and ou look
round saw Methvan as white as a sheet, with
bis head buries! lu bis bauds.
"Good (iod, man, what's upf cried
"Oh Jack," said Methven, "that's the very
girl I loved myself. I met her last Christ
mas in tne couutry, aud 1 would bave sold
my very soul for berl Aud uow," he con
tinued with a sob, "and now she's lost for
ever." With these words he walked out
leaving Hornby to pouder deeply on the
strange Irony ot fate.
Two years have rolled on. Lilian West Is
now the wifo of Henry Crofton, B. A., of
ot Brazenface college, Oxford. Aud Meth
ven has long since come to the conclusion
that there are safer modes of playing prac
tical jokes on one's frieuds than by insertiug
in me papers uctitious matrimonial auver
Gen. Urant Acquitted,
New York Uorald.1
Ex -Governor Benjamin F. Butler said to a
reporter: "I most fully believe that Qon.
Grant knew nothing whatever about the
workings of the firm of Grant & Ward, iu
which he was a partner. While I agree that
it seems almost impossible that be should
not have known, yet still I believe that
be did not, and there Is one piece of
evidence which is controlling in my mind
on tliut point It be bad known about tbe
workings of tbe firm, he would bave known
pretty well its condition. Now, that Monday
morning be went up and borrowed $1-5J,(W0
from William IL Vnndurbilt, aud came dowu
and gave It to the firm. If be bad kuown tbe
couditiou ot things, bo would have known
that this amount was only a drop in tbe
bucket, and that to give it to the firm was to
throw away bis lust dollar, because money
borrowed under such circumstances as this
was must be repaid at whatever cost
"Geo. Grant has many admirable qualities,
but be is not a good business man, and his
training has never luin iu that direction. Ho
bos evidently been a credulous believer In the
infollibuity of V ard. There is not a scintilla
of evidence that he knew, as others did, that
the way the nionoy was claimed to be made
was through contracts got through bis influ
ence. Therefore it is that I acquit him."
A Journalist's Milk Uottle.
ban Francisi-o Chronicle.
I know a man who is always seen with a
satchel. He Is a newspaper man and lives on
milk. He has lived on that Impure diet for
more tliau a year and it has not weakened
bim a bit Some people hoped it would, but
that was from envy of his fluent conversation.
He goes to pailies, aud when the ladies have
been supplied with supper be retires into a
corner with the prettiest, produces bis valise,
opens It, and drinks his milk out of the bottle
while he makes violent love to her.
In the course ot bis duty be has to interview
many great personages. He went to call on
Patti, and while he jotted down the interest
ing portions of the diva's conversation, ba
astonished ber by refreshing himself out of
tbe valise. He is seen at political meetings,
and whiln all the Dory eloquence of tbe pa
triot is ringing through the hall, ht sit
calmly swallowing the lacteal fluid. He has
been too long in tbe newspaper business not
to know that when tbe orator get on to tho
"glorious history of tbe time-honored party,"
he bas a rest of at least forty-five minutes.
He goes to make calls, and with a courteous
apology and voluble explanation ha pro
duces the valise with its bottle and takes his
dinner just wherever be happens to be. But
be is the most astonishing warning of the
dangers of milk diet I ever met
! Cut In IV age.
WaU Street News.
Tbe employes of a Michigan railroad bad
been trembling in their boots over a threat
ened reduction of wages, wheu an agent
dispatched from headquarters passed along
the line and said to tbi various station
'I am happy to inf irm you that there will
be no cut in salaries."
"Good! My salary Is so small that I eould
bardly stand a cut of 5 per cent" '
'The roa I is not making any money, but
tbe president feels that every employe Is
earning bis salary, and that perhaps the
fall business may bring us out all right
Put your name down for what you can
"Wby on this paper. It Is a subscription
to buy tbe i resident a $2,KK) silver tea-set,
as a token of the esteem of the employes.
Let's see! Y n get t?M per year. If yon
put your name down for $'0 you wi'J be
giving all you can aiTorJ. Rest easy, Mr,
Blank, there will be no cut in salaries."
Burlington Free 1'ren: Kent and freedom
from annoyance are essential to animals that
are beng fattened for market. Formers
should never allude to family corns while
feeding the pigs. . ,
There's a strnet in New York known as Wall,
Far turnout for wind and for gall,
Where men who go in
Intending to win i
Come oat with just nothing at alt
Louisville Courier -Journal
ROYAL ISl.1t t
Tills powitor never varic A marvel of pur It v,
strength snd whuloaniiuniws. More eonnoiiuViil tluin
Uie oidinary kinds, anil cannot lo sold In romiwli.
tlon with the multitude ol luw tent, short weight,
slum or plinqiliuta powders. Hold only III cuns.
IUival lUusd l'oDl Co., llti Wall street, K. Y.
N. P. N. V. No. SS.-8. If. N. U. No, U.
rrfl PISOS rErAEDY FOR. CAJAKKH
Kaxy to itw. A certain ram Nut eipenlve, Ttiree
tnoniiis' treatment In one luu'kiu;. Wood for Coll
In the liiibl, lli-Mtlnrhe, Dlzrlnnu. Ilav Ki-vir, Jto.
Fifty ceuls. lly all lriiciill, or liy mall.
H T. HAlMXriN K. Wsrrea. Pa.
Tho riiinm In the tn-atrotnt of Osnorr with Hwlft
RlxH-illa (M. 8. S ) would seem t wsrrtnl us 111 ;tn Uist
It will euro this much arrxled sonurto. 1'artoasso
mictoa sro limtod to oorrotvona witn us.
I believe Hwlft'i Hp-clflo hMMrcd m? Ufa I had vir
tually iet use of Ui upi-r rt ot my body and niy
arms from th polwmous snoots of a large oaiioar od my
neck, and from which 1 had sutfertd for twi-tity ysara,
8 8. a hat illml mo nf all soronru. and tha poltoo
Is being foroad out oi uiy nystom. I will anon 1 woll.
V . a lloBisoa, Uarliboro, Os
Two months aio my attention was eallr4 to tha caaa
of a woman aittioted with a oancar on hor almuliter at
ImwI tlve tuaht In olroumfrrenoe, augnr, painful, and
ivlng the natit-nk no rval day or night I r sis months
obtained a supply of Hwlft Hpoelflo for bar. Bhe has
taken ft bottles and the ulcer It entirely healed p. only
a ery tniall tetb remaining, and her health la better
Usv. Jassa IL Cisi'hu.L, Columbus, Ga
I hare aaca remarkabla retulu from naa of Rwlft't
Pneslno on a cancer. A young man her has been
amloted tire years with tha mutt angry-looking eating
eanoex I ever taw, and waa nearly a a. I The first bot
tle made a wonderful ohango, and at tor (We bottlea were
taken, belt nearly or quito welL It la truly wonderful
M. t. (Jiuhlsy, M. IX, Oglethorpe, Ua.
Treatue oa Blood and Skin Diseases mailed fret.
Tns Rwirr Hrictrm Co., Drawer 1 Atlanta. Oa
N. Y. Office, 1M W. KM bk. bet. 6th and 7th aieaue.
From 610 roai fit.
near alsrket street
mom aud luereaaod
Kerry, with ample
r..llll. w ..111
supply tha trade T?7 with kooUs at low.
eetwholeatleprlrea J?7iff 1,1 any qutntlty
desired. Oue lwprl to everybody
1 ne Deal ana ireen- K-ig est ?(hhio iu uiu
market Is our flratj
attention to everyWVordr, however
small, promptneas TJ In ahlpplUK, no
credit, no lottos for
oath buyers to
make good. Businessmen
tlon guaranteed. Jj Hand for latest price
Hat, and give us a
16&I, Ban Francisoo,
Rtor. P.O. Boa
Breru"wllli"loi.ialluM. Vuli ."-l ountuiUllea K.te.
CI7UL1 HiilDIAb aOIfle?, ICO hltes fit, HiW Tort,
rjM i.i.i r.iu.i i w.r.w
in II II II II l' I I 13
.1j . .. lasil
LINCOLN Ht-ftCEH CO.CAL.arlu
Tilt MBIT or nnranera.
tor imwla eiprettly fur
of the fferterallr orvant.
There It no mwaae about
this tnttmment, tha con
tinuous tl ream of KI.F.O
tlimbgh the part nm1
rettore thum to henlthy
action, po not eontound
tint with Elect no Melts
ailtertited to cure all lib
from head lo to It it fol
VurolrculainrlrtnK lull Infnrmtilon.acioreaf tm
glaotrki Halt Co.. Ml Washington au, Chkauro, UL
full iRfnrmailon.adrirw Chums
WEAK, UNDEVELOPED PARTS
or Tns hi'ihh bquv kmlahiiko, nsvm.nritn,
BTUHUTHKSri), Klc., It en Inter-meg edmlUnnrnt
ionfrun in our pii'T. Ill rejnlj U)l ii.ulrlri, w. wlllnjr Out
there It noerlii-notnf humhitf ilmutthli. On tin contrary,
any itir1r4 clrculwt f IWotiu"piiTTiiiilirir flilrenlng
fci.ii M,m.-n,no Hnff.10. X, Y.-ToMii Bw.
NECON 13- II.A.IY I
Power and Jobbing Presses
YlfE'HAVK TIIK KOIXOWINO BKOOND-HAND MACHINERY FOR BALE CHEAP.
I r which will we guarantee lu first-class order, ail of it having been thoroughly overhauled
In oar own Machine Shops:
1 Acme Drum Cylinder; bed, 31x10; will print 28x12. ,
I Falrhavon Cylinder; bed, 31x16; will print 28x12. ' '
1 Cranston Drum Cylinder (nearly now); bed, 32x16; will print 28x42,
1 Hoe Drum Cylinder; bed, 31x48; will print 28x12.
1 Taylor Double Cylinder; bed, 32x16; sjxsed, 4,500
1 Hoe Double Cylinder; bed, 32x16; speed. 3,500 per hour.
' 1 Taylor Double Cylinder, 2.5x37; sliced. S,000 per hour.
1 Potior Drum Cylinder; lied, 31x50; will print 30x18.
1 Potter Drum Cylinder; bed, 3Uxl; will print 28x10.
1 Hoe Pony Press; bed, 11x20; speed, 3,000 per hour.
1 Adams Press; bed, 31x16.
1 "aylur Drum Cylinders bed, 2Gx3t.
1 Cincinnati Drum Cylinder; bed, 28x40. will print 24x38.
2 Gordon Promos (old stylet; Till.
1 (1 irdon I Yen (old style); ex II
2 (ionlon Presses (old stvlv): 10x15.
1 (tordon Pre (obi style); 13x111.
1 Gordon Jobber; Mxl.
1 Gordon Press (old style); 9x13.
1 Pearl Prow; 10x15.
Prices and terms on application to
Noa, 403 and 407 Sansoms Street,
Son Francises, Cal. and Fortland, Or.
No. 40 Tribune Building, New York.
Advertising Cheats II I v...-ie-i
"It bas become so common to begin an
article, lu an elegant, interesting style, '
"Than run it Into some advertisement
that wo avoid all such, i
"And simply call attention to the merits '
of Hop Bitters in as plain, houest terms '
aa possible, '
"To Induce people
"To give tbniii on Mai. which so proves
their value that they will never use any
"Tin Hkmkuy so favorably noticed In all the
ltclik'ious and socular, Is
" llavlnif a Urge sale, and is supplanting all
" Thorn Is no denying the virtues of the Hop
plant, and the proprietors of Mop Bitters have
shown icreat shrewdness and ability
"In compounding a medicine whoso virtues
aro so palpable to every one's observation." ;
Did Bbe Die?
"She lingered and sufTored along, pining
away all the time for yoare,"
"The doctors dolnp; her no (rood;"
"And at last was cured by this Hop Bit- '
tent the papers aay so much about."
"IIow thankful we should be for that
A Daughter's Misery.
"Eleven years our daughter suffered on
a bed of misery,
"From a complication of kidney, liver,
rheumatic trouble and Nervous debility,
" Under the care of the best physicians,
"Who gave her disease various names,
"But no relief,
"And now she Is restored to us In good
health by as simple a remedy as Hop Hit
ters, that we had shunned (or years before
using it," '1 uu I'auknts.
Father la Getting Well.
"My daughters say:
"How much better father Is slues he
UHctl Hop Bitters."
"He Is getting well after his lonjr suffer
ing from a disease declared Incurable,"
''And we are so glad that he used your
Bltters."-A Lady of Utica, N. Y.
(ITNone genuine without a bunch of green
Hops on llio white lnls-1. Hliun all the vile, poi
sonous stuff with "Hop" or "Hops" in their
FAPILL01T COUGH CTJBE.
Mrs. W. K. Slilley. No. 3818 Ellis avenue, '
OliicHtfo, 111., says: "We have used l'apillou I
I'oukIi I'uro fur all kinds nf coughs In our (am-'
ilius. We have never known acase of whooping
coiiKh that tho syrup tailed to cure. We rec
ommend it to every one and wish every family
hail a bottlo of it on hand."
Mrs. Mary K. Hiehartls, No. 3827 Ellis avenue,
writes Juno SU, 1882: "1 owe you many thanks '
for the courtesy last Hat unlay evening in send- .
Ina; nio the modlcino 1 so much wished for. I
waa tlrst enabled to try your whooping cough
remedy (I'aplllnn Cough (-ure).thmugh tne kind
ness of my neighbor, Mrs. W. K. riidley, and
it gave such great relief to my little girl that
when the second child was attacked. I coveted
the same relief fur her. I know of no other
mediclno which so much mitigated a malady,
generally so distressing, and feel very appreci
ative of my good fortune In obtaining it.
Mrs. M. 1). Davis, No. 3vl5 Kills avenue, and
Mrs. Jas. M. lluchanan. No. Ml Kills avenue,
also recommend I'apillon Cough Cure for ,
whooping cough; it curat) their children, one au
infant only a (ew weeks old whom another par
osysiu would have choked to death, as its life
bad been for some hours despaired or.
It is a harm loss vegetable syrup, very deli
cious, aud is for sale by all druggists. ; ,
Itrdlugton A Co, ilenerat Agents,
BAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
Eedlngton, Woodard ft Co., Portland, Oregon. '
quickly enrwl ly t!iei:IWIX U:f II01. Adopleiilli all
the IIOHPITA la OK KA tiOli. rTcmi return of V KKlIb
rJt mole cane, S3 a. hel-e on.ee. Si-toSI. l-an.tUt rna,
Ottl.ie I'-- -tint Aaeecl. ) OOVulUm Bl, i. Kutfc.
CTCIMUAV KKASH ii a men.
0 I CI II II A I .Uablvr, Hoenlsh Pianos; Burden)
Orvana, band iiMtriiinenta, Lunrost stork at Hheel
Musio and Books, Bauds su piled at Eastern rrloaa
if. (JllAY, tod Post Struct, 8au f'ranuitco.
Abwlutcljr currd In flD la W
dvi, bv Dr Wnw, Pftienft
Math Mia Xlutla Ti-um.
VVamiitru the onlvBleotrloTViias
In thr world, kiulrvlv JittpnmlfS.na .
M othm. Perfect lUUlntr, tvnd li worn
tlia rrmiwrtrd Dr J. Hlmnu of New York.
in it hundndiof nthtn. Nv IlliMtrttsMl laaua
MAGNETIC ELASTIC COMPANY.
7Uw sUurauulbt oof. Xoaruy. ka iVsMiofooft, Oil
CONSERVATORY OF MUSIC.
MI'Nlt;, Vocal and Initruinentil and Tumnir.
AltT. Prawlus. PtlnUns, at.lelln and Purtrsltnrt.
OltATOHY. literature and l-ano-uaa-ee.
1IOM Ha Kleeant tcoommodtlloni fur too lady ttuileuts
'AI.Ii TEUJI bestus Bept.llth. lte.utlfuIlT W
Cnleinlnr free. Address I. TOl'RJKH, Director. '
I UAHHUH HUtAHK, HOMTON, MASS.
it tha only complete body-bat-
lerv In the world Onlv one
-generating continuous K.t.acTSO-Nf ao-
ssric UmsiKT. wltnow.1 Acids.
Cures dltetit like mtiilc. For mala
or female. Hundred! cured I Pamphlet, ftc, free,
MAGNETIC ELASTIC TEU88 COMPANT,
T04 Sacramento Street, SareFranciwo.
1 Peerleaa Press; lliM.
2 Peerless Presses limitation); 13x11
1 llult-nmllum Universal Press.
Keven-ulumn Hand Pretmts.
1 I.ithoKraphic Hand IVeaa,
1 Hand Press; 12x17.
Nos. 112 and 111 Front Street,
MUl. "-'Tal .1SBBT- A J.