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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 5, 1884)
LOVE'S kiss. U K. r. B. Onoe I refuaed lore' proffered kl, Now, alas, I've winnr grown! Tha bittorwt thought of all is this One I refused lore's proffered kiss. T-day it would not com amia, My life U desolate and lone. One I r fused love's proffered klH, Now, alas, Tva wiser grownl LOVE' S STRANGE DILE MM A. A I'car That Two Lover Hay Be Hrolber and HUter. Knmklyn Egle.l Eighteen rears ago a female baby low months o d wjs foun 1 coa moraine; on tbe teps of a New 1'ork residen-e on East Twenty-third s!raet. It prettily clothed, and the marking on the garment was "Dubois." Nhe was adopted, by a lingular coincidence, by a woman of the same name, living in nullivan ountv. hhe was educated and given all the ad vantage of the average child Hhe was. Lowe er, on becoming of a reasoning a te tol l of tlieoircum stances of her early life. . She and ber foster mother removed t Chicago, and the younj hdy became anxious to know aomethin of her ancestrv. She learned that people of her name lived in liro k lyn, and a few montlis ago Col. McLeer received a letter from ber signei ' Jen cie Dubois," giving the above circum stances, requesting him to find out what he could, if anything, to ber a l vantage, at the same time sending a notice with the request that he should post it. The postmaster wrote letters to all of the individuals of the name given which be could tiud in tbe directory. Several respo.isw came in, among thorn one from a young man of the s ime name who stated that his early history was not dissimilar to the curly history of tiie inquiring yuunr Judy, llis hrst recollections were of being in a found ling asylum in Boston where he was taken care of until ablo to do for luiu self, .lho postimustor turned over to liim the letter from Jennie Dubois, and correspondence was opened between the two. Finally be visited her an J it was clear caso of love at first sight, ea being equally impressed with tlio other Ihe first impressions grew stronger with longor acquaintnn ;e, but while progressing in their sincere attachment each doteced in the other that which was almost convincing that thoy were of the same flesh and blood. They loved and would marry, but there was the harrowing fear that they might be brother ani aister. Thus the case stands, and they are making endeavors, futile thus fir, to prove their parentage, hoping, while each desires to find rela tives, thut they are in no way relatod. Abs Wua All Mnrrounded. (Ben: Pel ley Poors 1 Senator Douglas, who served in the Black Hawk war with President Lin coin, used to tell a good story about "Old Alie s military exploits, lie en listed in a cavalry company, which started off in fine spirits to engage m the deadly fray. Arriving at a point on the prairies about 200 miles from the Indian lines, the party bivouackod for the night, picketed their horses and slept on their arms. The method of picketing thoir horses was that in com mon us fastening a huge rope, some eighty feet in length, to a stake firmly planted, and tlion using smallor line of considerable length, one end attached to the animal's neok and the other to the main ropo. During the night the sontinul im agined he saw the Indium and iiuuiedi ately d so'iaraed hit old fusee. The camp was aroused in an instant and each sprang to his saddle. "Old Abe' shot out iu the darkness on bit charger like lightning, until tbe ropes "hove taut," when over be went, hone and himself, heallon. Thinking himself caught in an Indian ambush, he gatn ered up, mounted, and putting spur to his horse took the opposite shute, but soon brought up as before, horse and rider tumbling headlong. "Old Abe got tip. thinking be was surrounded, and shouted, "Clout lemon Indians, surrender without a word. I have not word to offer. All I want is quar ter." An "Old tie" Jewess, Pittuburg Dispatch.) One of the finest looking aud most fashionably dressed Jewesses in Chicago is dealer in second-hnnd clothing. hhe confines herself exclusively to fe male apparel and onlv deals with wealthy and highly respectable people. In answer to ft card she drives to the residence indicated in a handsome coupe with liveried driver in the box. Dressed in the height of fashion, with diamond 4 flashing, her mission would never by s uspected. At one time she bad her own team, but it bocamo so well known that people didn't care to have it atop in front of thoir house u .She will buy anything in the clothing line, no matter how valuable or how worthless, from a burst slipper or worn out stocking to a sealskin sack or wed ding trousseau. The prices paid are insignilloant when compare J with first cost, yet better tbon nothing. She in turn fixes up the suits and sells thorn at a large profit. Among her patrons are people who would not be suspected of wearing second-hand clothes. rlltraeiaa (aadsr. (Trias Hirtinjt) "How do you like our mutual frieud, Snook ' "I like him very much. Ho lias two qualities that we seldom find united in one and the same man. He is very polite and courteous, and at the same time he is very candid." "I have only a brief acquaintance with biro, and I must confess that I did not observe that he was particu larly candid." "1 am not surprises! at that, if yon Lave only known him a short time. You see he is not polite and candid at one and the same time. He it polite to you when you are present, and only candid about you when you are ab sent." Detroit Tree Tress : The rhomiciani are supposed to have been the first poo pie to use saws. Tbe Persians were the inventor! of proverbs, and the Americans well, they are tha last people to act on abstract maxims. A CURIOUS CLOCK. fbe Wonderful Tlmeplere Which Wan Tnelve Vrar In Building-. The Cincinnati Times Star tiius de scribes a remarkable clock which is now on exhibition in that city: Themcchm ism is inclosed in a walnut cane twelv f.'et high anil five feet wide, and weigh 2,.'1IH) pounds. Tho general design of its numerous ftgnres is to exemplify some of the leading events ami cli.irar tern of American liistorv. It w as made by l'rof. Wegnmn at his home, in Frost- burg, Md., in his leisure moments, ho having lxcn engaged ou it for over twelve vears. The base of the clock is about four feet high. At the top is an astronomical dial two feet in diameter, with figures of the planetH, etc., showing the move ments of the sun and earth, tho former circling the dial onco each year, and the lutter revolving on its axis once everv twenty-four hours. The moon phases, the season, and other familiar astronomical subjects are represented A large nag is carved in the case on each side of the dial, and alove them are, at the right a cannon and at the left a drum, also carved in bos relief, Below the dials is a scroll bearing the inscription, L l'luribns Unum, be neath which are two crossed swords and a soldier's cap. Immediately above the base of tho clock is a stage or platform extending the full width of the case. On the ex tremeends of the platform are small forts, one surmounted by the figure of a sailor and the other by the figure of a soldier, IJotween these forts at tho back of the platform and resting against a central upright case are ten figures of men, representing ten differ ent nationalities, nve being upon ono side and five upon the other side of an alcove, in which tho pendulum swings. hverv five minutes one of these figures plavs a I tfhe tune on a music-box. central upright caso is two and one half feet high and four foet wide. At the top of it is a repre sentation of the Bunker hill iiioim nimit with an eagle perched upon it with outstretched wings. The eaglo grasps in its right claw an olive branch and a bundle of spears. In its left it holds a globo, from which is sus iiended the Dominium, fortv-nino inelie ong. At the bottom of the pendulum , .. ------ is a dial w ith the minutes and hours marked olT, and in tho centre old r'athe Time and bis scythe remind the be holder of tbe fleet passuge of time into the illimitable eternity. Everv hour the eagle calls out in hoarse tones tho time. At the left of the Bunker hill monn niont is a skeleton a foot high grasping a hummer, with which it tolls on a boll the quarter hours. At the tiret quarter a door in the tipper case last described Hies ojien, and the fumous scene of the throwing overboord of a cargo of tea iu Boston harbor is ro-enacted. At tho second quarter hour another door is opened, and "the cause of the war of 1812 is displayed by the representa tion of Englishmen in the conventional scarlet attire inviting an Indian chief to take ui arms against the Americans. tho palaver being delineated by clear pantomime. In the background are seen British soldiers taking American sailors from their ships. Ihe ringing of the third quarter hour causes another door to spring open, dis closing Hens. (Scott and loylor en camped in Texas. Each of the dis tinguisliod soldiers politely steps for ward and takes off his chaiwan to tha spectators, and then retires to keep vigilant eye on me ureoscrs. At the fourth quarter hour the open ing of a door brings to view a scene emblemauo of the lute civil war. negro is seen at the buck of the aloovo l)ound with chains. A procession of cloven men representing the cloven seceding states dressed in the grav uni form of the Confederate armv, passes in frout of tbe unfortunate slave, each turning his back on the colored man as he passes. After they have all cone by. the emancipator of the down-trodden race, President Lincoln, comes along. and seeing the unhappy son of Ham advances to him, loosens his shackles and loads him away. in luiiiiuon 10 the airs that are played every five minute the period is also marked by the passage across the stago of figures which pass from the fort at the right and disappear througli the portals of the one on the left. First comes Jirieham loung and one of lus wives, who are supposed to be on their wedding tour. Next cotnos Gen. Grant on horseback; then a hand bearing tho penknife with which l'rof. Wegmun carved out all the figures of tho clock then the figure of a man representing a manager who rendered matters un- pleasant for the professor at one time then tho figures of Oarfiold and Uuiteau as they appeared at tho mo ment of tho assassination; then Gui- teau's deity, who carries a sign reading, Cranks wanted;' then the Indian chieftain. Capt. Jack, aud finally the historical vessel, tho Mayflower. Only one of these figures passes around at each interval of five minutes. The clock is oiKrated by two springs twenty feet long and three inches wide. having a lifting power of KK) pounds. Ho a I hern and Northern Vlrln. Boston Transcript! "Perhaps," remarked a southern girl the other Uav, it is because northern men have not the deferential manners towards women that southern men have, and perhaps it is because we still let them think it's their privilege and honor to seek us; but anything like the Wild monopoly of men by northern girls I never saw. Some of them act as if they id not care whether a man existed or not, and others of them elbow one an other to make him exixt for herself alone." We fear the languid-eyed, coo- ing-manncred damsel had but small chance amongst somo of her brilliant rivals, but as an adverse opinion is some times wholesome, it is given for what it is worth. Am Atttnen Honiara Hatters' Record. The batter gets a dollar by making a bat-brim straight. Tho following sea son ha gets another dollar for turning the brim up. The next season he get another dollar for turning the brim down. Hat-making is an arduous business. C haracter la H-Mhaklna ,L melon World. 1 The different modes of shaking hands' will delineate liu uan character better than auy other s nglo a t can do, and many peculiarities of dirierent porsons may be noted in the performance of this social custom bo would expect to get a ban Isonie donation or any do na'ion at all -from a man who will give two fingers to be shaken, and keeps the others bent at upon an "itch ing palm ?" '1 he hand coldly held out to be shaken and drawn away again as soon as decently mar ba, indicates a cold, self ish character, while the hand which seeks yours cordially, and unwillingly relinquishes it) warm clasp, gives token of a warm disposition, and of a heart full of sympathy for humanity. How much that is in the heart can be made to e:press itself through the agency of the fingers I Who, having once experienced it, has ever forgotten the feeling conveyed by the eloquent pressure of the band from a dvmg friend when the tongue has ceased to speak? A right hearty gmp of the hand in licates warmth and ardor, while a solt, lax touch, w.thou t a grasp, indi ates the opposite chaiacterist cs. In the grasp of persons with large hearted, generous minds, there is a "whole-soul" expression most refreshing and accept able to kindred sums; but when a man present t you with a few cold, clammy, lifeless fingers, feeling very much like a dead fish, and expects you to do all the shaking, it will naturally make you think of the hoip.tal and other cheerful things. Contrary to tliii style, there is habit among a rude clans of givingyour hand a t rushing grasp, which is often most painful. In these cases there may be great kindness and a "strong" affec tion, but it is as crude as it is hearty. If a grasp- is warm, ardent an I vigorous, so is the disposition. it it is cooi, formal and without emotion, so is tho character. If it is magnetic and am mating, the disposition is the same. As we shako bands so we feel, so we ara. New Orleans to He a tire at ( Ity. D. H. I.cke in T le lu Blade. It is tafe to say that within twenty years Jsew Orleans will have a popula tion ol bUU.UUU, despite its urawbucKs. Northern industry, northern capitil and northern enterprise will center there. The men will wear thcmsolves out in the enervating climate, but there will bo a constant infusion of now blood to supply the waste. But it will never be ft manufacturing city. Nature has barred that effectu ally. There can be no successful manu facturing in a climate in which oranges ripen in the winter, and where human beings can exist out of doors eleven months in the twelve.- Men work only when they are compelled to. The first cssontial to successful manu facturing is the certainty of labor. No capitalist will invest in buildings, ma chinery and materials unless he can be sure of the regular, steady, continuous labor that will mablo him t-turn it into a profit. Be:ause of the ease of livini in a cli mate like that of New Orleans, labor cannot be depended upon any more than it can in Naplea. The class from which labor must be drawn in the gulf states needs only one pair of very cheap trowsers and a woolen shirt a year, and fuel is almost unnecessary. Thev need but little to eat, for the cl mate does not call for heavy, heat-furnishing food, and the food necessary to the climate, the frui s.andthe waters swarming with fish furnish for almost nothing. There is no incentive to labor, for but very lit tle is needed, io sustain life is the only aim of a large percentage of the population. Tbe Last Dollar m nui PraarUro. Mn Francisco Post The other morning a sad-looking citi zen walked into tbe omce of Wells, Forgo s express and began solemnly doing np in a package a battered-look ing silver dollar. Having accomplished this he passed the inclosure over to the clerk and said : 'I found this dollar on Market streot lost night, and I wish you'd address it to Adeline Patti, New York." "Think she lost it, eh?" "Think?" said the man, in a surprisod voioo. by, of course, ho far as I can loam it's the only dollar left in San Francisco, and, of course, it must have been dropped bv her. Sr'end it along, please, and you'll have to collect the charges at the other end. I haven't got a cont. And there wasn't a man in the house but was dry as the citizen walked off to keep an engagement with the bank ruptcy commissioner. The (area of Weapsn. Archibnld F.irbes in Pall Mall Gazette. Both in Afghanistan and in Zululand it befell me to see something of the use of cold steel, and I can not agree with your correspondent " C. B., that against foes armed with stabbing im plements as their main weapon any advantage would be gained by discard ing the bayonet for the short swords, the Ghoorka kukrie, the American bowie-knife, or any other kindred in strument Napier was right; the bay onet is the "queen of weapons" that is, of all varieties of l'arnie blanche; of death-dealing instruments that one man can wield, the repeating rifle is unques tionably the most lethal. Will Probably Hit IU Wall Street New He was Chicago manufacturer ot butterine. He reached home from a trip down south, and entered his olllce with the remark to bis partner: "Smith, all is lest." No! What's the matter?" "Whv, we have got to use at least 10 rcr cent, of mire butter in our article or find oursplves driven from tbe south ern market." Is that all? Then cheer up. If we must increase the per cent of butter from 5 to 10 let us find ft substitute for tbe tallow. Let us experiment with as phalt or glue." Journal of Education : The rank and file of the teaching fraternity should be developed from the native population everywhere. Herbert Spencer : There is so politi cal alchemy by which you can got golden conduct out of leaden instincts. LIBRARIES FOR SHOW. The Parehaae f Book by Isoorant Par vena. A New York Sun reporter interview ed a boo c-seller with regard to t ie pur chsse of books for the mere sake ol fieir bindings by ignorant parvenus "1 have been sent for several times this year," said the salesman, "to measure the shelves of libraries in new hoises to find out the number of books ra- onired to fit them up. Books are an iimiortant item in house furnishing The comfortable old-time sitting-room hat ma le way lot the formal ubrary As a library j book would ha dly do, lioUu. tunuiit nr if mnd to have them ' whether 't the v pos sess literary tastes or not. Besides, thev add tone and color to a room. A customer recently said ti me, frankly enough : 'I don t pretend to read any thing except the papers; but there's a home feeling in having books aronnd ; they look well, too, and sort of encour age the children.' He told me to be 'sure and "chuck" in a few big one to put on the tables.' Another harmless fellow, who wanted tho reputation of man of culture, always directed us to put in some books that had been usel a iittle. He once told me that he was bound to have a library as big as bis neighbor s, and whenever the latter or dered a new stand-up show case he was going to do the same. Some of thet-e lolks have quoer ideas. One or our customers insisted on having all his books bound after the same pattern and numbered. Some time afterward a friend told him that people were asking if he kept a circu lating librarv ; so he had morocco la- liels stuck on over the figures. But this only niado tha matter worse, for bis guests were particular to ask him what the labels ware for. At last, in sheer desperation, he sent the volumes to an auction-room, and we received his offer the next day for so muny feet of books, each one differently b mud. He wouldn't have even a two volume edi tion of anything. A wea'thy mai once scut in great haste for a dealer, saying that he wanted his library closed out immediately and a new one bought. He wa a speculator in pro. luce, but some one had sold him A law library. He liked the uni form appearance of the volumes, and had ma le the purchase without read n j the titles. His new books were to be illustrated, all of them. When I first went into the business I was surprised to see at a customer's house an extravagantly-bound copy of Shakespe ire's works in the German language. I know the man did not understand German, and the circumstance puzzled me. 1 found out afterward that a bookseller had loaded him up with a very un salable article by telling him that every gentlemen ought to have a copy of Shakespeare's works in the original. . "No; house furnishers do not often buy the books for a library, but they frequently give directions as to binding. They look for light, elegant and well- contrasted colors, or for heavy antique morocco or lWsia bindings suited to the character of the room. As a rule, the owner of the house thinks himself competent to buy his own books, though he seeks aid from us in making his choice. I once picked out a handsome assortment for a customer about to re furnish his house. He had no acquaintance with books; but he looked over the titles and made some rather interesting expur gations. He told me to put all of the standard thonties in anyway, and he would attend to the rest. He threw out In the Meshes' which he supposed to be a book on fishing because he was no angler. 'Boswell's Life of Johnson' was rejected because he didn't want po litical campaign works : and wouldn t have the biographies of the presidents, they all lied bo. Ihese men do not bother us much, for they are easily sat isfied ; but what do you think of a gen tleman who refuses to pay his bill be cause you have 'left out the dictionary the most important work of all from a oomplete edition of Daniel Webster's works." The Church Bell War. New York Letter.) As the senate committee on educa tion and labor seems to have a sort of roving commission, I don't see why it should not take un the church bell question in which somo Now Yorkers nre just now deeply interested Jack son Schultz, the leather man, more than any one else. You have heard of Jack son Schultz. Every one has heard of him. There are some, iu fact, who frankly sav they heard quite enough of Jackson, bchultz, and some still more frank, who say they have heard too much of him. Mr. Schultz Is a great reformer. He wants to reform everything. He is convinced that the world will never go right till it is remodeled on a plan drawn by. Tackson Schultz. Mr. Schultz lives near St. George's church, which has a bell that is rung early every morn ing, ihe ringing ot the bll annoys him. He could easily move away from the neighborhood of the bell, but he does not propose to do that. What he does propose to do is to suppress the bell. And not only that bell, but all other church bells. This fight will go on, he savs, till every church bell in New lork is stopped. Church bells must go. They are a nuisance, and quite unneces sary, and their doom is sealed, flir. Schultz has been joined in his crusade by another man, who makes complaint against another bell connected with an institution belonging to tho Little Sis ters for the Poor. That bell must be sup pressed, too, the other man soys. It lins him up when ho don't want to get up, an I makes him uncomfortable in various ways. Jackson Schultz, and the other man, nre determined to carry on the right at all hazards, and ''arouse a publio sentiment that will sweep every church boll out of existence." "By Foolery Thrive." Inter Ocean. Teefe. of reek's Sun, and author of " The Bad Bov," to an interviewer ol The Boston 'Traveler said that his mother often asked him why he made such a 'ool of himself. His reply was, of course, " because it is the most prof itable thing a wise man can dx" A Toffee Plantation. Mexico Cor. CouilerJoUrnal.J The coffee districts of Mexico which fnpplyihe German market are Yera irnz (the true iross) and Tobaseo, npo i the gulf coast, and the states of t olima, Michoao in and Gu irrero. Co lima has expjrted more coffee-beans titan any other s'nte in Mexico, and the commodity is puroiased exclusively by the correspondents of (iermaa houses at 70 cints per pound. It is, you see, a big price but the coTea of Coliina is ne er in the world's market. At-lalapatheVoffee interest is ab sorbed entirely by tbe English. The eiU of Jalupa is a delightful sp .t, full of tiopical fruits growing in the publio putios -figs, c ranges, da es and other fru tsare here fonnd in porfoctioi anl the c ty is accef by the Mocican Central railroa J i is connected with Vera Cruz by a street railroad ninety miles long, which passes through one of the most bis to ical parts of IWexico, notably the route of the I nited States s ddiers on the march from VeraC'ru: to the City of Mexico. "What does a colee plantation look like?" you ask. It loo is more like a coffee plantation than anything else I have seen don't look hurt! It slopes to the east; the young plan's are taken from the nursery at .the age of telve months and planted irt squares ten fe it apart; at this period 'they are about two feet high, wi'h an olive-greel leaf, a white blosson; id green berry. The berry is about V size of a cherry aud contains two beans When ripe the berry becomes a lirilliant car .nine color, which, with the olive-green leaf and white flower, present a beautiful corn bin dion. To protect the plants) from the sun the husbandman pla et a banana or castor-oil plant near each coffee plant, aud the shade of the larger fully pro tects the smaller fru't. At three years of age the co l'ee phnt bears a small crop, at six years a heavy one, au 1 con tinues to bear up to the age of fourteen or sixteen years. The profit upon each healthy plant is from W cents to $1.20, according to a;e and strength. The plants are kept trimmed down to six feet high, in order to facilitate pick in j; by men, women and children, who earn about 25 cents per day. There's a nice litt'e plum for some fel low in buying up the crops of the banana plants or the castor oil plants, which are placed between .tin rows of coffoa plants to tdreld them from the sun. They can be shippel by water to New Orleans, and from there to any part of the known globe. II mw It ll.iple.i.-U. Atlauti OiDn it ition. "I suppose you were in ecstasies when you recovered your s'olen cash, were you not?" asked a gentleman of an old negro who had received some money that had been purloined from him. . "No, sar," answered the negro, "I wuz in de street k'yah." "Did he take it out of maliciousness?" again queried the man, not noticing the negro's error. "No, boss, ho tuk hit outen my ober- coat pocket." Did lie have on tbe mask of villainy ?" "JJou't know bout dat, sar; I bain t 'quainted wid all de foshins ; but he was dressed tol'bly well." "Did you press him with the idea that he was doing wrong? "No, sar, na'er time; dez ez soon as he 'gin to kick I pressed him wid a brick; dat's what fotch de cash back." "Did he use any impieeations?" "He tried to. sav; but de ole man wuz foo soople fer 'm, an' got outen de way." "Do you know you are a fool?" faintly howled the interlocutor, boil ing over with impatience. "Yes, boss; I'se biu thiakin'dat; lease if I wuzn't I would a lef ' fum yer 'fore dis." About two minutes later, a negro might have been seen picking himself up, wondering, "whar dat mule went, w hat kicked uu. The Phonograph to He Made foetal. Philadelphia Lelger.J The phonograph, although hereto fore of little or no practical use, is per haps the m"st remarkable discovery of the age. The exactness with which speech is reproduced by the vibrations caused by the roiurheninir of the tin foil is little short of marvelous. The phonograph is now to be put to scien tial use iu the study of the dialects of the savage people. A traveler about to go to the Congo has provided himself with a phonograph, into which the na tives are to be invited to talk. The tin-foil "negatives" are then to be sent to Berlin, where, by the use of a dupli cate pho lOgraph, scientific, men may study at their leisure the spoken lan guages of untutored savages. 1 here is another possible use of the phonograph that may some day be de veloped, and that is for socrot corres pondence jf importance. By giving a slight eccentricity to the spiral followed by the pointer, the negative made on one phonograph could be read only on tbe original machino or its exact dupli cate. A message sent in this form would identify itsolf by reproducing the voice of the sender, and if captured on its way would be absolutely unintelligi ble. The ea Merpent Explained. New Orleans Times-Democrat Speaking of tha alleseU sna sernents. Professor J, G. Woo.', V-e nnt ii -'int. says that, granting these crca.i. s lave leen seen, the question is: Yllat aio they? He does not believe they are serpents, but thinks they may be a cotaceons animal living in the sea and shaped like fishes, but breathing air and having warm blood; in other words, it is a species of whale which is dying out, aud may be to the w hale what the icl is to the fish. Boston Globe: Until the world gets along very much nearer the millen nium than it now is, society must be one vast systam of vicarious atonement, and honesty and industry must bear the burden of vice, laziness and ignor ance. Enelish Journal: Thn Ameriranlo. comotiveof to-dav is nnn rf the most perfect pieces of "mechanisrr rought oat Dy toe nana and mind THE WAR TURTLE. & Terrible War Knglne Invented bf Yankee tienlua. Boston Cor. Chicago Tribuns. Up to this dale nothing bos been written or printed about It, but tbe Inventor, a well known builder of locomotives and tba originator of many valuable and famous machines bas so far developed bis plans that bels willing to speak of them la a general way while be holds back for tbe present the secret details of manufacture. To fully ap preciate tbe Invention one must imagine a huge steel monster, turtle-shaped, impreg nable to tbe most forcible missiles ot tbe artillery, creeping over the face of tbe earth and raining from tbe machine guns within it showers of bullets and dynamite bombs which work terrible havoc among tha enemy. The shell of this "war turtle," as the inventor bas christened it, Is to be made of tool steel thick, heavy and massive, which no missiles can penetrate. It will move on broad wheels bod with black rubber bands, which can take a strong bold on the ground, establish ing to great a traction that the turtle can climb steep bills, driven by an enormoui engine concealed within its body. "Of couise," says tbe inventor, "the weight of the turtle, which must carry ammunition, petroleum in tanks beneath tbe steel skin and men to man tbe guns an i steer the fight ing land craft, will be enormous, but I have cirefully ttudieJ and calculated and find that I can get enough power from tbe en gine to move with sufficient rapidity and clear away whatever obstacles tbe enemy might erect to stop the turtle's progress." The sharp, knife-like edges of the monster will be able to cut down small trees aud shrubliery, and the terrible force of tbe en gine will be sufficient to plunge it through sulstantial barricades. Two pilots, pro tected from sharpshooters and stray balls by heavy plates, will bave positions in the steel head of the creep ng battery ao 1 guide it by a peculiar mechanical apparatus; and the guns, poiuting in all directions, will be able to discbarge 6,000 balls a minute. In the tail of tbe turtle, so to speak, is to be placed a machine capable of burling twenty dyna mite bombs a minute, throw ing thorn so far that the turtle will be out of range when they explo ie. The inventor, who is no Darim Green with his flying midline, but is known as a clear, level-'jeadod mau, says that of course the turtle with its guns and dynamite will seem impractical to tbe average engineer and mechanic, but be insists that he can build it und wrk it successfully whenever the government shall have need of such a terrible weapon and death-dealer. Until that time, piobubly, the essential details of manufacture will be kept secret from all save a few intimate scientific friends who are interested in the development of tbe scheme. The inventor, whose name cannot be given at present, was lead to conceive of bis light ing turtle after noticing that, while the most important changes In naval warfare bad been made during recent years, tbe notable improvements in laud fighting were few and far between. "Objector' Ilolmaii In the Barber Shop. Washington Cor. Philadelphia Record. The other day some Michigan members who wanted to get a bill through the house appropriating $300,000 more for one of thos) never-built public building planned a scheme by which they thought to circumvent the vigilant objector. They gave tbe barber in the little barber shop under the gallery next to tbe Democratic cloak-room tl upon his promise that be would detain Holman as long as possible the next time the old gentleman came In to be shaved. Then they watchad Holman closely. Finally be arose at a mo ment when nothing startling was in sight, and walked back to the barber shop. Once within, the barber plied bis blandish ments. He shaved first as slowly as possible. That through he suggested that the judge's bair was entirely too long. The judge thought not; and, besides, be was in a hurry. But before be could get out of the chair tbe barber bad snipped off a generous lock of hair, so he had to submit to a pro lunged hair-cutting. Then tha barber sug gested a shampoo. The judge didn't bave time. But the judge needed it so much. "There I" and ths cool liquid spurted over bis bead. So his bead was shampooed. Alto gether that Ingenious barber used up forty five minutes in earning that dollar. Mean while the Michigan man bad been hard at work "catching the speaker's eye." He bad to bo first told what bis eye was wanted for, and then followed the long race for it At last it was caught "Mr. Speaker," said tbe eager Michigan man excitedly, with one eye on the door ot the barber-shop, "I move" But be never got any further, for at that In stant Holman emerged from the barber-shop, and there was nothing for the Michigan man to do but to retreat as gracefully as possible. The Habit of Sunday StoOlus. UN. Sizer iu Phrenological Journal. This habit has grown to be common in our large cities, where men live at a distance from their business places, and therefore take a light lunch every day during the week. When Sunday comes, they have leisure for breakfast, and little exercise during the fore noon; then have a royal dinner at 2 o'clock, and perhaps lazy lounging and "lying off," as it is called, during the afternoon, they thus eat twice as much on Sunday as they do other days. The appetite is just as good as it would be if they were engaged in tbeir ordinary occupations, but the needs ot tbe system are not half so great when a per son is idle as wben be is actively or labor iously engaged in business, and tbe result is that Monday is a blue day to very many. It is a day of headaches and ill-feeling, and by Wedne day perhaps tbey get back into their normal track again, and by Saturday are ready for another stuffing on Sunday. We believe that dyspepsia in city men originates, in nine cases out of ten, in tbe practice ot over-eating, and taking Uttle ex ercise on Sunday. Forrlsn Note. Texas Sittings. An American, traveling in Germany, was shown through one of the ducal palaces. After he had sufficiently admired all the art, treasures, etc, he asked tbe janitor who was showing bim through the edifice: "Is there anything elss worth looking at in tbiso'd shebangf im jan.tor drew the visitor to tha window anu in a mysterious whisper, said: "If you will give me a thaler, Til let you listen at this ..indow, and perhaps this after noon you can htar bis royal highness roll nine-pius iu the court-yard." A Tlodel Physician. 'ew York Sun. vT).vfnr 11 Kni.l the CTatafill nafipnt- fipixinp the physician's hand, "I shall never forget tht til roil I-nwo mv life." "Yon Tpr- ate," sail the doctor luiiuiy : "you really owe me for fifteen visits; that is the point which i nope you wui noi iau io rememuer. Social Amenities, Philadelphia Cadi " What a fresh complexion Miss B. has," aid a gentleman to a young lady at a party. "Yes," replied tbe lady, who was a rival of B.'s; "it's quiia early iu tha evening yet, f:u'(&' an'' it hasn't bad time to dry.