THE WHIRLPOOL IT AITHl'R W. riMIO, Id Ui ehide of lae tauaduod. a i n from tbe hor , TM whirlpool ll colled I n ilp W'bw could ruen ibel tbtl tlumberlof brow trr bora A fiowo tbel U crftf tori W? Yet here Id ibe biiul of the burr rtnoi brailo Thl ibe nul-ldn idlpi n id d,: To the mmlr.l motu of tnlt i-lrc.e of dot lb Do they pue lo tuelr hlbamlra lomb. Yoolb Id lu bloom. ate Id lulor.m, Hither and father, tbe meld and ber mile. Muter end lee rin4ln I re ..... In this mid, neilo circle, lb whirlpool of fate Id la betrt o f lb ctty, D lormtll and dlo, Tbe whirlpool doth leerleMlr ride! lo ibt Btrcilc lorrrai ere yirtue aud tlo. The penu nd Ihiet ilde be tl it; Ber the btod ol lb petwul It gripped by the flora Of Uie rHnt wbo live but to lie, lad lb metden to-dtr wbo u leernlnr to lore, On Ibe morrow bu ictrul bow to d.e '. Vic wlib 1U pelnt, Crime witb I.U'.ol; Cradle end eofSo, tb lowly tad iretl; billuwi of blood emtio the D wd Of thUmd Di(!c circle, (be whirlpool of fete MRS. FLimS TLIUTATIOX. Mrs. Flitt was a very pretty woman, and was well aware of the fact, for ber husband bad told her bo at leant a thou sand times a year during tbo few years of her married lifo, and ber mirror had told the tame tale tunny times a day sinco she bad become a woman. But husband's compliments sometimes bo- come tirosomo by repetition, and a mir ror, after all, is an iiiBcnsato bit of glass with do voice, and even without any eyes of its own, so it camo to puss that Airs. Flitt simply ached ut times for a change of admirers, and was gratciul for the complimentary glances she often reeoivod from tho rather awkward bum D6bs men wbo constituted about all of the masculine society that ber husband could introduce to her. Although not very religious, and even loss fond of other peoples cniutren man uer own, sue took a class in the Sunday-school because she had occasionally detected a calf-like young man who officiated as librarian staring admiringly at iter in church. Her physician, a very young man. had. through bis ignorance, caused ber to lose a very promising child; but she could not baro to part with him, for she had selected bim on account of a pair cf beautiful bluo oyes which he knew how to uso to advantage. As timo went on Mrs. Flitt's dosire for admiration inoreased instead of dimin ishing, and as ber eociul circle of ad mirers did not keep paco with it, she bad a great deal of unnecessary shop ping at stores whero thero wore mala salesmen, and daily replonitfdod the fam ily lurdor ut markets and groceries where tho proprietors or assistants know now to evinco any admiration that they might feol, and sho bougut tuo lamiiy coal uy the half ton at a yard two miles from tho house, because tho clerk at tho desk always had somothing now to say about liis rather prosaic article of trade, and looked Mrs. Flitt full in tho face wUilu he was talking. Through all this ploying with tiro, Mrs. Flitt, like every other married woman that ever started on the broad and pleasant road to bad, OHsured her- " self that Bhe was entirely respectable and a faithful wife. How much longer aho might bnvo remained in blissful ig noranco of herself (Iocb not concern this . oarratiyo, for an unexpected incident suddenly caused a change to come oyer the spirit of hcrdieams. Mrs. Flitt started down towu ouo morning to do boiuo shopping, and as purchasing wai not ber olo purpose, she was arrayed in her best, while her face and fiiruro wero, as usual, fully competent to attract attention. The hour was rather ton early to bo fashionu bio, but this was all the better for Mrs. Flitt's doublo purposo, for bor favorito clerks would not be as busy as they might bo later in tho day. Sho walked through th Btreet, from far over on tho westsidoof the city, to tuko the Fifth avenue stage, but after reaching tho ave nue, sho wulked slowly dowu and allowed two stages, containing only women, to pass ber; tho third one, how ever, sho entered, for though it con tained only one man, and not room for many more, the said man seemed through tho window to be stylishly dressed and handsome just tho sort of man, iu short, that Mrs. Hilt liked to have admire her. And Mrs. Flitt was not disappointed; the young man not ouly appeared to better advantage than when viewed from the sidewalk, but ho at once fell to ad- miring Mrs. Flitt so earnestly, yet so respectfully, that the lady was at first pleased, then delighted, and, finally, so filled with satisfaction at hor victory , over several others, no homely ladies in the stage, that she entirely forgot to pay ber fare. Mrs. Flitt did not look at tho gentleman at all, for, with all her ex perienoo, she did not acquire a particle of boldness; by looking at the ladies on cither aide of him. however, or staring at the marvelous landscape which tbo makers of the omnibus had painted above the window line, or looking through the windows themselves, as if recognizing some long-lost acquaintance on the sidewalk, she informed hersolf perfectly as to the occupation of tho , young man's eyes. Noting that her hair, which really was very pretty, was being admired, she slowly turned hor bead to display the parting line at the side, where the studied disarrangement was certainly bewitching. When the young nan's eves wandered to her throat, where a bit of 1 wo was cangbt by a dia mond spark, Mrs. Flitt almost imper ceptibly raised her chin a little to dis play Ler neck, which sho rightly bo lieved was far prettier than its adorning. And, as she knew her eyes and month were very effective when used to the best advantage, she parted both a trill more than they nsnally were io repose, ao that altogether she was a most sightly object and attracted the attention of all of her own sex wbo were in the omni bus. Bat to women of Mrs. Flitt's organiza tion, the devouring glance of a man, even were ha a well dressed ruffian, is more satisfying than the adoration of the feminine contingent of the heavenly host ould be, ao she abandoned herself to the admiration of the handsome fellow opposite her, until she felt that she in stinctively knew whenever bis eyes won dered. Once she felt sure he was look ing at her hand, and, glancing stealthily at him, aw she was correct, so she brought to the front her left hand. which was the prettier of the two, and by the me she bad pretended to tighten the bracelet on her wrist and more gracefully arrange tho portmonnaie that hung on her forearm, she pat the baud through at least a dozon graceful poses, and might have increased the number had not her paranol, which rested on ber right arm, fallen to the floor. Bhe looked at the parasol in a pretty, half helpless way, and the handsome young man was on bia feet in a minute. She partly stooped, and so did he; their hands met for a mere instant, near tbe floor, but the gentleman was tho quick er, and he hautled the parmol to its owner with a profound bow, which was rewarded by a graceful nod and smile. Then a jolt, just as New York omnibusos indulgo in, at the rate of about one a second, disturbed the young man's bal ance, or aemed to, and he droppod into a seat beside Mrs. Flitt. 'The lady rearccly know whether to be ploased or disappointed; the young man could no longer look at her without be ing rude; but, on tho other band, it was not unpleasant to sit ber-ide so handsome a man. But tbo admirer was equal to the emergency; he turned his head and protended to look through the window between them, upon which Mrs. Flitt. partly in modesty, of which she still had quito a valuable remnant, and partly to display hor artistic black hair and shape ly shoulders, turned ber head slightly away. Whi'o passing Madison square the young man ventured a remaik in a low tone, but it was only about tho Far ragnt statuto, which certainly, thought Mr. Flitt. Wi a topio upon which any two Americans had a right to converse, even if they did not happen to bo ao quainted. The remark led to another, and beforo Mrs. Flitt knew it she was engaged id conversation with the young mun about statury in gonoral, and as she knew very little about statuary or anything clso but dress, which has noth ing to do with statues, she listened while her companion talked, looking prettier under the influence of tho large brown eyes fastened u;on her own, and the warm breath that issued from lips a scant foot away from her cheek. Ah the omnibus passed Qrace church, the young man abruptly changed tho topio of conversation by asking Mrs. Flitt to note the Htrango cbango of ap pearanco of tho spiro when viewed from different points. It was almost with re luctance that the lady turned hor head away to do as advised, but she stared at tho spiro for at leasts minute, when sud denly the Btage stopped uiid tho driver shoatgd down through tho hole beside bis box: "Some lady in thcro hain't paid her faro." Mrs. Flitt turned her head and joined in tho general Bturo peculiur to Buch oc casions, when suddenly sho discovered that her casual acquaintance wns gone. Sho was really grieved at this discovery, for having always been taught to mis trust acquaintances, kIio felt that uho bad learned something that would justify her iu setting such cautions at defiance. Meanwhile tho stage stood still, and she was arouaed from her reflections by hear ing tho driver shout: Sny, inside, thero, ain't yor goia' to pay yor fare, after ridiu' all tho way from th BtreeV" Suddeuly Mrs. Flitt almost sprang from her seat, for she remembered that nho had iatomled to band her faro to tho handsome young man to pass up for her, and had deferred doing so from momeut to moment becauso sho could not boar to breult in upon her own passive enjoy ment. Sho moved her right hand quick ly to take some money from her port mouuaio. but that iuiportuut portion of her outfit was gono, although tho cord still hung upon her arm. Sho looked tloor, but the little wallet was not there. "I've been robbed I" sho exclaimed, glancing suspiciously at every other woman in the stage. "No. you hain't, ma'am," said a stout old lady near the door, who had got in at Union Square; "your husband took it with him when ho got out; I saw him put it in his pocket." "Ho isu't my husband!" assorted Mrs. Flitt, indignantly. "Oh, isn't he?" said tho old lady, who immediately looked contemplative, and then remarked, "Well, if ho isn't ho pught to be." Then tho other ocaupauts of tho stage smiled, sniffed, giggled, occording to their respectablo natures, and tho driver renewed his demand for five cents, upon which poor Mrs. Flitt hurriedly left tho Btage, her eyes filling so quickly with tears that sho did not see the chance sho hail for slepping on the toes of the dread ful old woman who had provoked the laugh at her expense. At first Mrs. Flitt thought she would borrow five cents at some one of the shops that sho patronized, and ride di reotly home; then she thought sho would go down to the office where ber husband was employed and tell him that she had been robbed, but the more she wondered the more she cried, so she hurried into a shop and tried to compose her face, suo cecdingly only partly. Then she turned abruptly down a side street, and walked through unfashionable avenues until she reached her home. Tin day was warm, the cutters of tbe avenne exhaled a sick ening smell, common-looking people stared curiously at ber reil and swollen eyes, an imp of the sidewalk gravely re buked ber for drinking so early in tbe morning, and even policemen eyed her narrowly. Arrived at home she threw herself upon a lounge and finished her cry in good old hysterical fashion. Then she sought out her children and aston ished them wi,b manifestations of motu- erly affection, and when her husbauJ re turned at night he speedily grew several years younger under the long-withheld caresses of bis wife. And although Mrs. Flitt became somo- wbat more religious, she gave up ber Sunday school class. New York Hour. Meeting at a conrt one day, Rochester, ith mock politeness, thus aocostod Bar row, the witty divine. "Doctor, I am too re to my shoe tie. To wuicu Har row re joined, "My lord. I am yours to the ground." Rochester followed with, Doctor. I aja yours to the center. The doctor returned, "My lord, lam yonrs to the antipodes." Rochester, scorning to be foiled by a piece of musty divinity, as he termed Barrow, replied, "Doctor, I am yours lo the bottomless pit." Whereupon Barrow, turning on his heels, quietly observed. "There, my lord, I leave yon i" Bangs. There were fat women, and thin wo men, ugly women and pretty women, dowdy women and stylish women, old and yoong, all sorts and conditions, sizes and shapes, without regard to race, color or previous condition or servitude, that passed in two nnending streams in and out tbe doorwuy of a hair catting estab lishment on Chestnut St. recently. Each component of the incoming moss of fem inity secured a large white card that looked like a freight tag, and pasved up stairs with it. Each of theoutgoers stopped at the foot of the stairs. Each one "prinked" in front of it gave most of her attcution to the lank or curly locks on her marblo or otherwise brow. Then each advanced to the counter and didn't have an ehange. Chango was made for each and then each departed. "Whence this tidal wave?" asked a reporter of the Times of Mr. Hopkins, the manager. "Tidal waves are ont of fashion. This is tbe 'shingled bang.' From the '27th of May to the 20th of June this year we have cut 3030 'shingled bangs,' contin ued the manager. "Tho movement struck us in May and we worked iu full f jrco every day through tho mouth till tho 27ih on tho old system of 'next.' So wo introduced checks. Each lady, us sho enters, gots a numbered check, which she takes up stairs with her and waits till her number is called. Some of 'em wait for hours. Frequently we find a dozen standing in front of tho shop when we open at 8 o'clock. We have turned away fifty or sixty in a day. Since Juno 2(ith the number lias rison from an averago of 100 a day to at least 150 a day. On many days we cut 200, and 180 is a very usual number. We have nioo dre.'.sers working all the time." "What is tho shingled bang?" asked the reporter. "The shingled bang is simply a man's hair cut. We begin at the forehead, and raiting tbo hair on our fingers cut right straight back to tho part betweon the front and back hair, which is just at the ears. We graduate the lengl h as we cut back, leaving it longest at tho fore boad. The hair thus removed is from six to twenty-four iuches in length." "What makes it ho fashionable?" was asked. "Well, it's cooler a good deal, for one thing, and it saves an immonse amount of trouble; just half the work of hair dressing. Ladies only have to Mo' their back hair now, and so they don't swal low but half tho number of hairpins they used to, and so have twico the number of boot and button hooks. There are only half tho number of breakfasts and dinners kept waiting and only half as much musculino profanity as there used to bo. Tho shingled bang has an evan gelizing influence." "Then married women effect tho shin gled buug?" "Of course they do, in great numbers. Although tho larger part of our custom ers oro 'misses,' we shinglo many a gray head. One woraau who was here yester day must havo been 55 years old, and frequently wo cut hair whoso roots uro over 40." "Isn't that gray hair very valuable?" was asked. "Yes, by far the most bo. So valuable that its owners luvariablo keep it after it is cut. Wo givo it to them us they leavo." "Aro thero any other fashionablo bangs?" "There ii a very curious bang that is very dillloult to cut, and, jiko tho Grecian bend and o her queer fashions, originated accidentally. It is called the 'ttopb' bang aud simply consists iu cut ting the hair iu ridges liko a terrace across tho head. It is just tho kind of coitl'uro that is arrived at by a woman who tries to cut her own hair straight and doesn't succeed, becauso bIio doesn't know tho trick of raising the hair as she proceeds. Somebody did it, I suppose, ono day, aud some one clso who saw her beforo sho nad timo. to go to a hairdress er's and get herself fixed up thought it was a new fashion, and so it started. We have many instances of ladies who try to cut their own baugs and then havo to come to us. Queer cuts they are. Some hare cut their hair off tho right side, and can't get any further; others huve let the scissors Blip, and alaseed out a front liko a Virginia rail fence." "I waa cutting bangs till 10 o'clock last night," said Mrs. Buch, as Bhe stood behind tho counter of her establishment on Ninth street, surrounded by what seemed to bo an array of scalps. "Tho last customers I had were two young ladies, one of whom had curly hair. 'Why didn't you make my bangs like hers?' Baid tho other. 'Why don't you have curly hair?' said I. Curly hair is much prettier in a bang. All theso which yon see are false bangs. There are just as many falso bangs worn as real ones," said Mrs. Buch confidentially. "We can not begin to supply the de mand." "Mercy!" gasped the reporter, "are tho women getting bald?" "No," was the answer, "but they don't want to cut their hair. They can't bo ont of the fashion, but they know that the fashion will change. Besides their husband object to their spoiling their hair, as they call it. One lady whose hair I did cut last night said that her husband had threatened to pull the rest of her hair out if Bhe had any cut off. That is a Langtry bang, "said Mrs. Buch, pointing to a row of glossy clusters, whose silky auburn was like enough to Julia's tresses to have proven an unequal match for nine-tenths of the hair dresser's customers. "That and the 'shingled' bang, the straight hair here, are tho most fashionable. Wo import all tho bair. Yon cau't get hair in this country in any quantity. People keep it themselves. The best quality is call (hi French hair, no matter where it comes from. It is the trade name. The yellow hair i mostly imported from Denmark. In making a bang of any kind of falsi hair each single spear has to be tied by hand in bits of netting. The best of this netting is made in Faris from white hu man hair. It costs f0 cent an mch and, as vou seo, looks through the hair exact ly iike tho hnman sea p. The iuferor quality is made of silk and costs $0 a vard. The trouble is, it turns yellow. Here's a beauty," continued the enthusi astic artist, taking an iron-silk front out of a book. "See, that hair is like s:lk and all that curl is natural. That's going to Atlantio City, but all the sea for iu New Jersey won't uncnrl it. That's a $10 one. They run from S3 50 up. Phila delphia Times. Pro Jure Wagon and loal Cart. A wild-eyed but pleasant looking young man with bucolic aspect and big foot presided over the destinies of a pro duce wsgon that moved clumsily down Warren street yesterday. It waa drawn by a team of monso looking horses whnae heads hung nearly to tho ground. They almost steppod on their noses, and created the impression that they were scenting for gas leaks. But the wild eyo.l man sat erect, with his face toward the west and evidently sniffing tho air of New Jersey from afar. He knew he wanted to get to the further shore, but was totally unable to locate the terries. When about half a block from Broad, way he stopped his team by a well-nigd imperceptible twitch at the reins and a soft "whoa," and for a moment sank his head in thought. Then a voico won lift ed from the rear. 'That, d'ez want the entoire metropo lie?" It was tbe voice of a coal cart driver, and tho voice was husky with emotion. "Goon back to Pura-rop-po, ye Joraey tkid." The countryman turned around in hi seat, hold his breath till his eyes bulged and then said with great originality : "All, pull down your est." "Git out, yo cross eyed bung starter. Oi'll cum up thero and jump on jcz chest." Upon this the rural delegate stuck out his touguo in derision ut tho coal cart driver, and jerking tho lines violently, yelled "Yerp there!" J. lie dismal-looking Dorses, who naa apparently found a leak and buen stupa-tie-tl by the gas, were awakened from their comatose condition in the course of timo, and lifting their foo5 laognidly started forward. When tho driver from tbo suburbs came to tho corner ho turned southward and thus committed on awful blunder, for he drove his team into Church street. Within ten minutes nearly all the north bound street car travel on the west side of New York was blocked; there were half a dozon car drivers around the produce wagon, and tho countryman was reduced to blank despa r. His wagon was firmly wedged across the street, with all the cars and car drivers urging it northward, but its progress was effectually barred m that direction by the driver of tho coal cart, who resolutely refused to yield aniucli. Then a burly policeman sauntered up. aud looking at tho driver of tho coal cart for a moment, cried loudly: "Move on there, you tamer. 'That fur?" "To clear the way." "Clear tho way yourself." Thon tho policeman seized the horse by tho bit and yavked the cart out of the way. This was followed by a similar service to the countryman, and the jam wis broken. "Como an' see ino some time, Tarn rappo?" "Oh, if I ever ketch yon," cried tho countryman. "I'll come and see " "Yaus, do, bung-starter, do. Oi livo in the East river. Drop in ouny toiue. Tata." Ulg Crops. A Chinese yam in on Ithaci, N. Y. garden is growing ut the ruto of five inches a day. Iu Bedford county, Va , there stands a chestnut trco that is 27 foot around. In Jefferson county, Mo., a parsnip 50 iuches long aud 13 inches in circumfer enco was grown. At tho Tokay vineyard, urar Fayette yille, N. C, is a vine 25 years old which boro 100 bushels of grapes. A largo farm near Stockton, Cal , has boen completely cleaned of its crops by millions of little birds no larger tluu a man's thumb. Tho Arctic raspberry is ono of tbo smallest plants known. A six ounce vial will hold the whole plant, branches, leaves and all. A watermelon vino grown by the Reams brothors, of Harris county, G.i . is 1700 feet long, and it has produced 400 pounds of melons. Tho famous Bid well Uar orange tree in California is 25 foet tall, and its trunk is 43 inches in circumfereuce. It boro last year, 2073 oranges. Tho largest opple ever grown in Amer ica came from Nebraska, and weighed twenty-nine and a half ounces. The Smithsonian Institute baa a model of this apple. In a garden at Bowling Green, Ky., is a bush that bears a large, deep red rose, with two perfect small roses in the cen ter which are miniature copies of the big one. On the table lands of southwestern Arizona at altitudes of 8000 to 12000 feet, a species of wild potato grows which is said to be suporior in taste and flavor to the best cultivated potatoes. John H. Parnell's peach orchard at West Point, Ga., is the largest in tho world. The trees are planted upon dif ferent slopes, so that when all ure not bearing, a crop is certain in one place or another every year. There are 123,000 trees. Ruined by Drinking Water. A well known dentist called the atten tion of a reporter to the effects of Alleghany river water on the leeth of a large portion of our citizens. He stated that thero were more persons afflicted with white decay or crumbling teeth in this vicinity than in any other city in which he had practiced. The teeth of those afflicted with this form of disease were generally very white, and they gradually crumbled into powder. He attributed the great prevalence of white decay to the absence of lime in the drink ing water. People suffer from aeiditv of the system, and lime was the alkali wbich would benefit them. In the east ern portion of Pennsylvania, or lather in counties where the people drank "hard" water, they generally had hard and sonnd teeth; but iu communities where "soft" water was used, the opposite was found. He advised the drinking of lime water by people troubled with white de cay. Pittsburg Commercial. "Are you married?" a.sked the justice of a man wbo bad been arrested for va grancy. "No, I'm not married, but my wife is." "No trifling witb the court." "Heaven save us! I'm nottriflinu with the court. I was married. My wife got married again, but I didn't; eo I'm no! married, bat my wife is." Had and Would. Tbe colloquial use of tbo same con traction I'd, for I bad and I wonld has been exieoded imperceptibly into writ ing and printing, with results that threaten to supercede would altogether, and replace it nioro improperly by had. Some of our ablest writers have fallen into this iselleganey, or allowing their printers to do so among others Mr. Thuekeray, who says in the "Virgin ians," "I had rather had lost an arm," instead of "I would rather have lost an arm," and Mr. CarlylJ.who has "A doom, for Quebec (tho negro) wbich I bad rather not contemplate," instead of "would rather not." Instances of this unnecessary corruption of the word are to be found so far back as the days of Shakespeare and a century later in the usually well written and classical page of the Tattler and Spectator. When had is followed by that word better, as in th nhrasB. "Voa had hotter." it is an : H .nKu,;titta t,t 1 1 nil rr)t 1 "you bad better do so and so," has the advantage of being more laoonio than the ftynonymoua phrase, "It would be better if you would do so." When bad it followed by have, its nse is still more ungrammatical. Thus, when tho Times nf March 12, 1870, says, "Sir Wilfred Lawson had better have kept to bia orig iual proposal." So also tho Spectator of March 2. 1870, when it wrote, "The motion had better bo withdrawn," was guilty of a permissible colloquiolism, was grammatic illy incorrect, anil should have writteit, "It would be better if tho motion were withdrawn." In like man ner the Examiner fell in the prevalent carelessness when it wrote March 2,1879, "If the Univprsity of Loudon, after an existence of thirty years cannot produce a competent mau, it had better ceaso to exist." Tlw Snail. Who has not watched in puramer days tbe glistening throng of snails upon the banks of streams? From the bridge at low ti le the muddy flat scintillates and gleams as if flecked with diamonds as the shells move in close pursuit bohind the outgoing tide, the march reversing as it rises, a continual courssng back and forth beius carried on throughout the summer. But the first cold wind causes a perceptible diminution of their numbors, and finds tho vast population in winter sleep. They do not assimilate food iu other words, eat, digest or grow nutil the reanimating tempera ture of fifteen degrees C, or thereabout, comes again. The mollmka aro perhaps tho most remarkable for tho long contin uance of this condition. The laud snails during the winter close their r-hells with a calcareous plate cf cpiphragm, leaving a small orifice for breathing, and buried iu the earth, remain in n quiescent stota for periods of Ion? duration. It is in this condilion, or immediately after tho formation of tho white epiphragm, that tho ediblo snails about Paris are most esteemed. In the British museum aro enrttiiu shells that were brought from Egypt aud thoughtlessly gnmmrd to a staud. and four years later wero found alive by tha curator. They were not at all affected by their long sleep, and lived for several years later. Their pnlsation at tho time of lha capture was 110, that during hibernation was not distinguish able. Many of tho fresh water mussels retreat to the deep mud and sleep throughout tho wintor, and the sams may be true cf salt water forms.--Second Century. A $182,000 l.'nuie of Poker. "It was on my trip to Pittsburg, up the Ohio, that I played my last gumo of c.iri's," said Col. Dan Rico. "It was in '49 on board the steamer Revolution, and I have never turned a card for pleasure or profit siiice. I don't think I ever told this circumstance beforo. I used to bo teiriblyfoud of poker. It was a great game in tho old days, and U yet, I guess. I bad about $400,000 in money and property, ami I owned the steamboat on which wo were travel ing. My ring-master, Canada Bill, the famous garubltr who died iu Reading, Pa., a couple of years ago, a young blood from Wheeling and myself consti tuted the party at poker that night. When we quit I was 8182,000 ahead." "You must have held some remarkable bauds during the game, Colonel," sug gested tho reporter. "No, sir; it wasn't that so much as it was 1 had more mouey than they. They put np their watches and diamonds, and my wife was nearly crazy, for she never knew I played cards. I gave them their jewelry back but kept the cash. Canada Bill lost $100,000, and tho Wheeling chap lost about $80,000. Canada Bill was notorious gambler, and played high, but that was the biggest game he ever played, I guess. Pettybone, tho poker king, as they call him, taught me how to play cards. From that night on to this day I have never played a game of cards rittsburg Dispatch. By Proxy. A beautiful young lady tripped into Dr. Hatchett's drug store a few days ago, and told young Mr. Speight, who pre sides there, that she wishod some castor oil, and asked him if he could mix it up so as to disgntsa the taste of it. "Ob, yes," said Mr. Speight. Pres ently Speieht said: "Will you have a class of soda water. Miss ?" "Ob, yes," says she. After drinking the soda water the young lady waited awhile, and then aked Speight if the castor oil was ready. "Oh." aays Speight, "you havo al ready taken the castor oil in the soda water." "Great heavens!" said the young lady, "I wanted the oilfor my mother. A Galveston school teacher aaked a new boy: "Jt a carpenter wants to cover a roof fifteen feet wide by thirty feet broad with shingles five feet broad by twelve feet lone, how many shingles will be needed? The boy took down bis hat and slid for the door. "Where are you going?" askeJ the Uacher. "To find a carpenter. He onght to know that bet terthan any of we fellera." Hartford Times. A vonng politician explained the tat tered condition of bit trousers to his father by stating that lie was sitting under an apple tree enjoying himself, when tho farmer's dog cams along and I coctetted his seat. ALL HURTS. Every day'a experience sho. i much more actively education KOe. out of tho achool room than i 0 ?, n Burks. u "la wealth a monopoly?" a-ks t!, p ton Commercial Bulletin. That .W . upon wbo ba, it. UitUj JE&'P iawe-no. 3 ?e.ifit Man's character is an element of i wealth, and you cannot make Lira r t ) in what bo has except aa you leu-h t to bo rich in what he is. 7 teMh - It is said that when a mau waan compliment a Nejr England wom0 2 must call her bright; but wishes to please a Southern wouJn h must say she is sweet. Dr. Oliver 8. Taylor, of Auburn V 1., tbe one surviving member of d!lh mouth College'a Class of 1808, i Do V" his ono hundredth year of lif,. joys perfect hoalth of mind and body. Erastus Brooks has seen mnr. i one hundred and twenty journal, and dio 1Q the city ot New York slon. and boheves that over 820,000 000 Lu been apent on the city newspapers since Xutiu Tho church which Eugenie intend, building at Flamborough, Eugln.l i memory of her son, will cost guVoon Tho coilius of Napoleon III. and the Princo Imperial will bo placed io thii ' church. Ostrich chicks aro batching ont at ths ostrich furm neor Anoheim at the rate of one a day, When they first come out of the egg they are about the siza of a half, grown duck. They have good anpetite. and grow rapidly. "Never laugh at the misfortune of others," is a very pretty motto; but who can help laughing at the full-dressed dude who steps off a horse Cir in the wrong direction, whirls around as though dropped offa cork screw, ami measures his gracious self on tho crossins? Puck. It took young Paronby all aback when at tho theater the other evening, L whispered to hia girl that be guessed he would step ont a moment to take the air and nhe quickly responded. "It isyery oppreseivo. George; I guess I'll go out with yon." A lady of experience observes that a good way to pick out a husband is to see how patiently the man waits for dinner when it is behind timo. If be doesn't do nnything more violent thun kick the fur niture hois a patient and good nature! man. Boston Post. A Pittsburg girl who bad refused a good looking telegraph repair man three times within six months gave us a reasoa that ho was too much of a wanderer. That bo roamed from polu to pole, from one climb to ouother, and if he did come home, ho 'd be insulate that the neigh bors would bo s uro to talk. A Colorado swindle is to buy a lot of "remnants" of Texis herds, mostly barren cows and bony steers, have them "booked," compute the increase by ordi nary rules, and after a while sell the lot on the range, of course without count ing. It is said that in this way herds of 2,000 havo been Bold and paid lor as 10,- 000. A curious Chinese delicacy is pickled eggs tht have been buried for years, that their flavor muy, like w ine, bo im- provod. A Bimilur custom prevails at Manilla, whera ducks' eggs are brooded until the young is formed, and then ate boiled and sold iu special stalls as are oysters here. An old gentleman finding a couple of his nieces fencing with broomsticks, said: "Come, come, my dears, that kind of accomplishment will not help you in getting husbands." "I know it, uuelo," responded one of the girls, as she gave a lunge, "but it will help us to keep our husbands in order when we have got 'cm." A young lady who graduated from a high school last July is teaching school up in New Hampshire A bashful young gentleman visited tho school the other day and was asked by the teacher to say a few words to the pupils. This was his speech: "Scholars,! hope you will al ways love your school and your teacher as much as I do." Tableau giggling boys and girls una a blushing school-ma'am. On her weddins day an Indiana girl wrote something, sealed it in an envel ope, and gave it to an intimate frienJ. "If I am alivo six months from now," she said, "give this back to me un opened. If lam dead, read it." On tbe day that tho half year expired, the bride committed suicide, and tue enclosure was found to be a statement that she ex pected no joy from the marriage, but was willing to give it a trial beforo de ciding to take her own life. TJnoleSam'a example: One of our most influential Georgia grangers was super intending affairs at bis cotton press we other day, when he was accosted by a neighbor: "I see, colonel, that the tariff bill has passed." "Is that so? How about cotton tiea?" "S:ill 35 per cent, ad valorem." "Wll, here, you boys, tnarl silt anotuer snovel o- nana iu u" middle of that bale; I can't afford to re form until the tariff does." And the sift ing wss strictly attended to. Georgia Major. The oldest "newspaper woman" in the country is said to be Mrs. Harriet N. Prewett, who from 18 to iou. editor, proprietor, bookkeeper and mail ing clerk of the Yazoo City, (Miss ) Whig, afterward the Banner. At the same time she kept her own bouse and brought up her three fatberlesschiloren. Finally her health gave way, and for twenty years she has been a helpless in valid. She, however, continues to com pose poems and sketches, and is fond oi talking of ante bellumdays of the south, and the great leaders who then figured m Mississippi politcs. "I wish I was an elephant!" softly ' claimed the financial editor, looking up from the highly figurative article h writing, the other afternoon. ""b" the blazes do you want to be an elepbanj for, such hot weather as this?" queried the third assistant office boy, who sitting calmly on the New England ex change editor's desk, swinging his ueeij and placidly smcking the fashion editors shortest and choicest black clay P'P "Because when an elephant has a cow they alwgys give him five gallon whisky." murmured the financial editor returning to hia writing r. ith eib'a-"" I Boston Globe.