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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 7, 1883)
WITHOLTAKD WITHIN. Hi oraibinan. In lb moonllrht there, Loif. tttronith ibeildo-lmhlof theuooi; I lir him bn brrlhreu awtar, A I O'Uid du-butuuly mor. rttenln bit unee (ltil the pai.e, tie envies me m brlllmiit I'll, BiMllitioa bl idling n-ulu vain. And dtoiD me lo a ilice more hot. He are me la t tuppcr to, A ailaiMi wno'lor ii my I1h. Bare ernii, baie Iimilar. am) row Of Qvuuo'i, lur Itieuoor luowldo. Be thlDki bow hapit U inr arm .... 'Ht-eth lit b!n-lurl nr1 J. we!e1 loll; And wUhi'i me ue dreadful imrm, Ueatlvg lb njuf'T P:-le. Meanwhile I Inwardlr rut lb bore. ol biiiiili.g av. All in "ii.e i.M ocoo;, And tnry tiiifl. mll 1 'h ' . Id eild I qtittte u( lite mmm, Tba Wliiior wind l niioroM Atllio bibfht mill Imiwi ma win, Jnr ibe hit'a rl!t t wine o old Ai out xj'T a tiilU; wur and lliln, I cnry Mm ihe imcyvfd prance D? wh'i li bl fn-ming lte he warma, And drrn n lai'.jW"'" and dame, lav (aUr j lUve ol dtvary fjim. Ob c-.nM be hive my "bare of dia, Aud 1 bl "inlet ii a doub. Twonif. ti I be cue Bitu b ,ia i wllblo. And Jui kuoilur bored wlinmit. Jaint't B. Lowe!!, ir JIY F.KST WIFE "Ah, iny darling littlo sis, Low aro you? Lfubia hath a beaming eyo,' " "My dear Frank! I am glad to ice yon." , t There was cn embrace, and tlie lady burnt iuto tears. "Lesbia has not a beaming eye!" eriod Frank Reston, barrister, who had just leaped down from the dog cart after a cold drire from the station at Itamford, to bis brotherin law's handsome place, tb Coppices, Calkston, whoro that new restive had sotilcd after his return frntn Australia, whore he had been sent -the younger son of a good old couutry fam ilyto aee what 1 e could do as what is euphoniously termed a squatter, lie had equalled to some advantage, the Fates having been kind; and, after making a modcrato fortune, he bad suddenly doubled it by marrying the widow of a ' colonial magnate. At the lady'a desire bur will being paramount thoy were on their way to England, whoa ouo night thoy wore awakened by an awful crush, and, rush ioct on dock, they found all in confusion. Some vessel had run into them during a fog, cut the gra.it Anstralianor down be low tho water' edgo, and during the next half hour there was a light for lifo. John Audas behaved admirably. Whon the rush was made for Uie boats, he knocked down half a dor.cn cowards one aftor the other, and by sheer atrength helped the captain to send off the Ami boat properly manned, with half tho women passengers, merely stipulating that his shrinking, oldorly wife should bo one. Then he helpod witb too next, ami eot that off sufuly, before being over- powered, for a mad rush ensued, tho other bouts were Dllod anyhow, and at last the captain, Beooiul niato, Halt a dozen men und tho bruvo yonug passen ger wero left alone upon tho duck of the sinking ship, with just timo euougli to J tuli a lew spurs together, throw tnem : overboard, and trust themselves lo thin fruit support beforo tho vessel went down. From this raft they wero picked np ex hausted, half dead, by a passing ship, having seen no more of tho boats, all of which wero lost, presumably, in the gala which camo r u before many hours had paused; and lliua it was thai John Audits found LiuiRoIf a wnlowor at tinny live and fur from inconsolable, for report suid his existence- with tho relict of I lie colo nial magnate had been of tho kind to which aouio people give a very unpleas ant term. So little indued was the handsomo . young colonist ulToclcd by his loss that, after auttling down at tho Coppices, where ho revolted in the life of a country gontleman, a year had hardly passed be fore ho was a suitor for tho hand of Lesbia Reston, tho daughter of the old vioar of Cullistou, and the belle of the county ball. Matters followed ono another in the most prosaic way. John Andas win bo yuiul reproach for a son-in-law, his wooing was downright and honest; and tho lady found the buff, sun-browned, woll-inforrood fellow albeit he was far from clever quite a coutrast and relief attor tho insipid "locals" of tho neigh borhood; ao the result was that, aftor rather a short intimacy, John Andas pro posed, was accepted, Frank Ilestou curao from the temple to bo present at his sis ter's wedding, and now that, six mouths lator, ho hud run down lo spend a few days at tho Coppices, to have a little shooting, he found her thin, pale, care worn und ready at a word to ourut iuto tears. "Why, it:l L!nby," he cried with all Lis old pottkug way, "what is it? Surely, Jack ia not behaviug badly to you?" "No. Oh, no! It ia nothiug, Frank. Iam a littlo hysterical." "lint it is something)" ho exelaimod. "I'll have it out with John." "My dear Franh, you'll make me wretched if you any a word.'.' "Oh, well, if you take that tone, of conrs" I will not," anid her brother; "but I camo down here for a rest and to havo a bit of enjoyment and find you in Uars." "Yes, yes, and it's all my nonsense, Frank, dear.' There, it's all gone now. It's the weuther, I think." "Whore's John?'' "Either in the stables or down in tho garden, dear. Ill send for him." "Oh, I'll go aud look him up. I sup pose he'll be glad to see me?" "Why, of course, dear, lie has been talking aLout nothing else sinoo ho heard you were coming, and making no end of plans." "Ah, that's right," said Frank Reston, miling. "And I'm so glad you've oorao, Frank, dear. You seo, I'm afraid I'm not much company for dear John not such good company as as I think his first wife was. "Well, you're a deal belter company than she is no." "I'll try very bard to take an interest in ' bis pnrsuita; but I am ao stupid, Frank, that I'm afraid he gets out of pa tience." "I'll tell you what it is, Lesby," said Frank Rest on, bluntly; "if you twopeo pie can't be happy in this glorious place, with every luxury about you, and only to speak to have whatever you please, you deserve you deserve there I don't know what you don't deaervel" "Yes, dear, w d" aid the lady meokly. "Ah, here comes dear John. Ill runaway; don't tell him Fvo been crying." t "Stuff! Ia it likely?" "And, pray, pray Frank, don't let him think that I have been murmuring. It would make him bo nnhappy." As tttie opoko r,hn ran on", aud Frank Restou crot-sod. tbo hall to meet his lal wart brother in-law, who lookod the beau ideal of a country gentleman, and strikiug contrast to the pale, careworn student, fresh from his gloomy chambers in town. "Ah, Frank, my boy, I am glad to soe you. Why, you pain, bleached book wormhero, como out in tho open air, and lot's grt some color in your cheeks. Come and have a look at the dogs." They went and had a look at the Hplondid setters and rctrievere in their kenuels, and as Ri-ston admired them "Ah." said Audai, "if my first wife had been alive, how alie would have idolized those dogs," "Bettor havo idolized yon," said Res ton bluntly. "Yes, of course," said Audas, in no wiso appeased. "We'll havo n grand rido or two whilo you aro here. Como over to our stables. I've got a mare that will suit you to a T. There," he said, aa ho patted first ono and thon an other eatin-skinned benuty, as it turned its hoad round with a rattle of tho head stall for the expoctcd bit of swoet carrot or cuko, "they're right, aren't they? Ah, if my first wifo bad been iilivo, she would havo loved a fow gallops over some of tho wolds." "Humph! would she?" said Ronton. "Yes; she was a splendid womau on horseback. Well, come in now and dress, and let's get to dinner." "Well, I shan't bo sorry to have it," said the London guest; and with his brother-in-law's hand affectionately rett ing upon his ehonldor, they went in, and in duo time dined. But somehow that was not so pleasant a meal aa it might have bcon, and the acuto barrister was not long in finding that the grit that showed itself in the cooking, tho acidity in tho wino, the jur in the conversation wns all due to one thing which fonnd voice in the words, "Ah, if my first wife," etc. "Juok lovos her," said Frank Rob ton to himsolf, as ho lay in bed that night, "sho worships him, and they are not happy. Jack Audas is a good fellow, but not over-wise. Lesby is tho most amiable littlo darling that ever breathed, aud yet thev don't seem as thoy should be. Hang Lis first wife! Ilnmphl well, no; she's deceased. What a fool the follow is to poison his cup of Luppinees like this! By jove, wliu', a good thing it would bo if Lesby had a dangerous tit of sickness; it would bring Jack to his souses, and heigh, lia, ha, hum, how sleepy I am and " That was all, for ho dropped off to Bleep at ouco. But ho hud similur thoughts to theso every night during his stay, and again on his way back to London, after doubling the length of uis visit, und ovcu then his brother in law bciug half offended because ho would not, as Audas said, "make it a few more days." "If my first wifo had been alivo! If ray first wifo had been alivol" tho very beut of tho train Boomed to pour tho.'ie words in Frank Rutttou's ears as he sped -outh, and thought over tho matrimouiul nlUiation at tho Coppices. "Poor littlo Lesby? llo'll break her heart," he said to himself. "I do not woudcr ubont it. Sho feels jealously miserable about that first wifo. I wisti now I had spoken to Jack." "No, I don't," he said after a littlo more thiukiug, "it would net have been wise." "Pcthaps something may happen to bring him to his souses," ho said, aftor auother pause; "something always does happen." And then ho road the Times till ho reaohed town. Frank Rraton Bat in his dingy room hard at work ovor a briof not his first; but these documents wero Biilllcimitly rare visitants to ninka him study those wbioh camo with tho most intense appli cation. l'robubly from a desire that tho deep truths that ho gleaned from the carefully writtou folios before him should not es oapo after being once taken into his head, the young barrister waa resting hia brow upon hia hands, hia elbows wero upon the table, and Lis thumbs over his ears, whilo, as from time to timo ho rend a fow words out aloud, it soemed in tho semi-obscurity of the gloomy room as if ho were addressing himself to a venerablo geutlemau on the other side of tho room, till a more pene trating look showed that the said vener ablo gentleman was only the young bar rister's wig block with tho timo-honorod grizzled head gear, which betokened tho regular wearer's position in a court. 'Gentleman to soe you, sir," said his clerk, enteriug tho room. "Xaiiic?" said Frank laoonieally. "Wouldn't givo no name, sir. Must see you directly." "Ilullo?" exclaimed the barrister, as a woll-nnitUed up traveler forced his way bag and rug in hand. "Hush! only we; send away your clerk." Frank Reston nodded at his wondering aid, who left the room. "Yhv, my dear John, what is the matter?" Lesby?" "She'B all right; God bless her!" cried Audas, throwing himsolf iu a ohair. and gazing wildly, with blank, adaveroui iaae, at his brother in-law. "Give me something, for heaven a sako brandy wine I'm done up." Restou opened a cupboard, brought out hia spirit stand, and Audas hastily gulped down a glass of spirits, returning the glass to the table with trenbling band. "Wbv.John, old fellow" said Res ton, "what is it." Til 1 11 tell vou directly. I hardly dare; but, oh, Frank, I swesr to you I did it in all innocsncy. Oh, my poor darling! Don't blame me, Frank. I swear to you I believed it all." "Here, herel oome, come, old fellow. Don't give way like this. Viby, hang it, man, what is it? You look as if yau bad oomtnitted a crime." "I have' Frank, I have, and against the dearest, sweetest girl that ever bled a man with bcr tender love." "Why. John Audas, said Reston fiercely, "it you have dared to raise your baud against my aiater " "Raised my Laud against her!" cried Andas, in tones of withering contempt. "Why, I would Boonor hew it off." "Thon what the ilence h tho meaning of all thib? You haven't been snch a fool a to take shares in a gold mine?" "Bun! Don't bo aburd." "What iu it thon? Cnuio? What do you mean?" "Read thut," cricl Audas, tearing hiJ fioeketbook from Lis breast with tremb i;ig hands, opening it and produoing one of those duty, discolored pieces of paper which a pulernul government con aiders good enough for the tuanscription of a telegram. "Kh! Why, what's thib?" said Reston, reading. "From Graco Audas, Ultra marine hotel, Folkestone, to John Audas tho Coppice' Calkston, Calkshire. Come to mi at once. Our boat drifted to au island. Very ill." John Audas wiped tho great drop of perforation from his forehead. "Well, but" bejMi Reston ia puz zled tone. "1 believed she was dead, Frank. On my bouI I bolioved she was." . "And on tUo strength of that, sir, you Lave won a sweet girl's uffection, and committed bigamy." "Yes, yes," groanod Audits. "And I was bo happy." "Yon ex-odudrel!" criod Reston fiercely. "Don't for God's aako, don't turn upon msliko that, Fruuk." "There is one comfort," continued the young barrister, "tiio law can be pretty hard npon a villian who blight'a a young gir's life iu such a way us this; aud the punishment" t "Curso the punishment!" roared An das. "What caro I for the punishmeut? I'd go through fourteen years punal serv itude with pleasure if it would sparo my darling puin." "Then she doesn't know it yol?" "Know it? Of oourse not. I could not tell her," groaned Audas. "And pray what do you intend to do? Of courso the only thing is for you to make my poor sister a very large settle ment. But I shall iusist npon that. I'll go and fetch her away at onco." "What! and Boparato us, Frank? No, no, for heaven's sake, don't think of thatl As for money, all I have is hors bless her; but we must not part. Frank, I swear to you, that if you take her away, I'll blow my brains out at the hotel." "Humiih'! I wouldn't d) that," said Reston, ooolly. "But perhaps you have somoplanB?" "Flans? Yes," cried the other, excited ly; "I brought her np with me. She's at tho Grand." "What, horein Loudon?" "Of course I am going to take her to Paris." "Via Folkestone?" "Curse it, no! via Dover. I shall take an assumed name. We'll travel for a few ears, till that fiend of a woman really dies. Frank, she was a perfect curse to mo. My lifo was ono long tor ment, and here, uow that my life has been one long bliss, liko a spoiled fool, I havo beeti hipped and gloomy; and, Frank would you beliovo it? I was such a bruto, cuuh a Bcoundrel to poor Lesby, that I found fault with the din nor, and I said I wish my tonguo had been out." "What did you say that for?" "No, no, I did not Bay that. I said if my first wifo had been alivo we would have had a better diunor." "I should hardly havo believod it of you, John Audas." "No, you would not, Frank; but I'm Kuoh a fool at times. You Bee, Fin not like yon, all brains. I'd give anything to bo as clever and and " "As ugly?" "No, old fellow; I was going to say wiso as you aro. Ah! Frank, that wo man was nearly fifty when I married her and she only had me out of spite, I be liovo, so as to nnnoy no mo ono else. I nevor had a moment's peaeo with her. I was a bigger fool when I marriod her than I am now. I say, you won't think of iny being separated from Losby?" "But your wife? She has tho best right to you of oourso, tho right." "I don't care," said the big follow, set ting his teeth and growing Btern and dogged now. "I'd about lost my Load, That telegram was a regular cruBuer. But I'm ooming round now, and I should like to see the man who'd step betweeu me and my wife." "But sho is not your wifo, sir," Baid Reston, sternly. "And I way she is," cried Andas, ris ing with his fists clenched and a fierce, menacing look in his eyes. "I say sho is my dear wifo, and no law shall como between us to separate ns. Oh, Frank, I do love her dearly, and I nover know how much till I received this awful news." "Humph!" anid Reston, drily; "some mon don't find it out till thoir vivos are dead. Here, lot's seo that niesjnje again, Wo must look at this matter in a cool, businest'-liko way." "Of course. You can. .1 couldn't; it nearly drove me mad." "Urn um urn," buzzed thebarristor, rending tho telegram. "Bigamy i au awkward oflVnee against the law. I'm uni nm. Let's Bee. You received this televam this morning?" "Yes, and packed up and came off at once. Lesby think it's important busi ness regarding money affairs." "Humph!'' said Reston, holding the telegram first on one side, then on tho other, and then between himself and the light, as if expecting to obtain brain il lumination that way, while John Andas watched his movements, with speechless anxiety. "Look hem, Jack," Reston said at last, "it's one of the principles of law to be lieve nothing until it can be proved." "Yes, of course," said Audas. "Well, look hero then, old follow, how do we know that this telegram is true?' "Oh, its geouiue enough." "How do you know?" "How do I-eh? What! bow do I know?" "Yes. I will repeat my question a dozen times if you like, my good sir," said Reston, involuntarily dropping into tlie cross-examining style, "how do you know that this telegram is true? It may be a hoax." "What?" roared Audas. "I say it nny be a hoax." ' John Audas got up, drew a long breath, clenched bis fist, sad began walking up and down the room. "I say it may be a trick," said Reston again. "If it in, and I get a bold of hisa wbo did it, I'll treat Llm liko I would a nut," growled the great fellow. "Humph! I wouldn't do that," said Reston, quietly watching biuu "Man slaughters worne man uiRiruj. "Hero, I Bay," panted Audas, implor inclv: "don't 'say that last word again; I can t bear it." ... "Besides, it might have uccn none uy a jealous woman. It a rainer a lumiuiuo- looking tricK. ,t,1r.'l t,a Vrnnk. old fellow, for I never take notico of women. I m all ior horses and dogs. I ve negicctou poor Lody for them." "Uah!" said Boston. "Well, you want my advice, eh?" "Yes, old fellow, if you will help mo. Look here; go down to Folkestone and bco what you can do with her. Promise anything, only tell herBhe can't have mo again. I'll blow out my brains first." "Don't be a fool, Jack. You'd liko mo to fl"e her thon, ch?" "Yes, yes, do, Frank, for Lesby s sako as well a's mine." Frank Reston rose and touchod the bell. "Hero, go and get a sixpenny Bradshaw," he haid to tho man who ap peared. "I know what tioio the trains nro, suid John Audas, oxoitodly. "You leave matters to mo," uaid tho brother-in-law abiuptly ; and tho country squire sank back iu his chair. "Thanks, that will do," said Reston, taking the littlo fat squarobook from the clerk anJ turning ovor the paoros. "Ah, hero it ii Ultraraaiine hotel, Folkestone, James Thompson. Now we'll see." He look a telegraph form and wrote a message: "From F. Reston, Emperor's Chambers, Templo, London, to J. Thompson, Ultramarine hotel, Folke stone. Is Mrs. Graco Audas or Mrs. John Audas staying at your hotel? Answer paid. Wiro. "Now wo shall have taken our first step," Buid Reston, ringing. "Send that telegram directly." "How long Bhall wo bo getting an an swer?" said Audas gloomily. "Depends on the amount of business. Perhaps in an hour, perhaps iu three. There, take the paper. I must go on with my brief." "That you shan't," cried his brothor-in-law, snatching away the papors. "You must talk to me. This is a consultation. I'll pay." Reston 8uwthatit was of no use to combat hi brother in-law, so to make the time pass more easily he lit a cigar, and sat and listened to the great earnest fellow's long winded details of how badly he had behaved to his "little dar ling," as he called her. "But sho must never know of this, Frank," he kopt say ing. "Not if we can keop it from her," aaid the barrister qnietlyjand he sat back in his easy chair, lookiug grimly amused, and thinking that, aftor all, his sinter might have done much worso than marry tun big honest Englishman, whoso good looks and manly ways hud won her heart. But it was a tedious time, and it took tho young barrister's skill in tempting his brother-in-law iuto fresh narratives to Keep him from rushing back to his hotel and taking flight to avoid tho po iioo who would soon bo on his track. At last, though, the telogram arrived, andtuerewas a curiously puckered ap pearanco about Frank Reston's eyes as he oponed it and held it, gazing at it for a few momenta without speaking. "Why don't you put me out of my misery?" cried Audas at last, and sei ing tboteli'Srura, ho read tho one word, "No." 'What! Why, what does this mean?" "I asked if Mrs. Audns was at tho Ul tramarine hotel," said Reston, slowly, "and the answer came hack, 'No.' My dear boy, it's a hoax." "Hah!" ejaculated John Audas, draw ing iu and expressing a long breath, aud then Btridiug toward the door. "What aro you going to do?" asked tho barristor. "First find out who did that." "Nonsense, man! Somo fool who thought you wore not happy with your wifo to try you " "It was that Miss" "Nevermind who it was, man. Go back to Lesby, and take her for a ruu on the Continent. It will do you both good." "By Jove.I will", oried Audas. "I Bav, somo and dino with us, and soe us off afterward. "To bo sure I will," aaid Frank Res ton, and ho did, spending a pleasant eveniug with his brother in-law aud sis ter whoso palor Boenior to wear off as sho saw her husband's high spirits and heard hiu plans. , "Not a bad bit of work," said Frank Reston, as ho watched the train steam out of the Viaduct station, for John Au das would not go by Folkestone. "Do him good. Bring him to his senses. Deuoed unprofessional trick, though. Ha-ha ha!" ho laughod, an ho lit a cigar. "If uiy first w ife had been alive! I won der what Jack would Bay if ho knew wbo sent him the telegram!' By Munville Fonu. The '-1!ora, A. D. 10UG. This was the vessel in which William the Conqueror embarked ou the 27th of heptembjr, ana Irom wuie'a ho lauded in England at Pevensey, near Hastings, on the 28th of September, 10Gb'. Sao was finely built and splendidly decorate 1, and was presented to him as a parting gift by his Duchess Matilda. The sails were of different colors, which gave the vessel a very gay appearance. Upon them was painted iu several places, ac cording to M. Thierry, the three lions, which was the device of tho Norman en sign. This seems, however, to be a mis take, since armorial ensigns were not in troduced until long after the Conquest. At the bows of the ship waa an effigy or figure-head, according to one account, representing William and his second sou shooting with a bow. This was the ao eomplishment which his father took most interest in seeiDg his son acquire. The arrow was drawn nearly to its head, in dicating great strength in tlie little arms which were guiding it, and it waa just ready to fly. William mado tho Mora bis flag ship, and hoisted at her mast head the consecrated banner which bad been sent him from Rome, wbioh was a square white banner charged witb a gold cross within blue border. The nsme "Mora" is supposed to mean "mansion" or "habitation." A picture of this vessel is preserved in the Bayeux tapostry,' worked by the fair Lands of than tho rest of tho floet, and contuius ten men. At her Btern is the effigy of o boy blowing horn aud holding in Lis left hand a gonfanon, while the prow is ornanionted with a lion's head. There is a contemporary manuscript account pre served in the Bodleau Library at Ox ford, which literally translutid, reads: "Matilda, afterwards Queen, wife of tho Duko, in honor of tho said Duko caused a ship to he built called Moia, in which he was conveyed; on tho prow of which ship tho said'Matilda caused a golden boy to be placed, pointing to England with his right forefinger, and pressing an ivory horn to his month with his left band. In return for which the Dul granted to Bald Matilda tho Connty of Kont." Wace, another annalist, placos this figuioof tho boy at tho prow, while tho picture on tho Boycux tapestry uu doubtedlyplaoes it in the Btern. Waco speaks, moroover, of a gut brass vano aud lantern at the top of one mast, but noither appear on tho ship in tlia tapes try. The sail in tho tapestry is ia three stripes, rod (or brown), yellow and ted. Southey, in his "Naval "History," from what authority does not appear, calls the sails crimson, Bays the Pope's banner was whito, and speaks of the figure of the child with a bow aud arrow. Iu Hie picture the helmsman holds the sheet in ono hand and tho clavus iu the otbor. It docs not appear which of the men was intended lor tho Duke, unless it bo tho ono standing with bis arm around the mast; but bis dress is precisely like that of the steersman and some of tho crew. Round the gunwale on ono side thirteen shields are placed, and supposing the same number on the other side, tho ves sel must have carried more men than the fair artist has intrdouced, aud which may safi-ly be presumed. Tho captain of tho Mora, who was named Stephen Fitz Erard, was afterwards exempted from paying tax on his house in South ampton. His son, fifty-four years after ward commanded tho vessel in which tho Conqueror's grandson was wrecked on thoooast of Normandy. Rear Admiral G. H. Preble in the United Service. real nd th ALL SORTS. Lost at sea-Tho"sght of lanJ Thekey-noto'Wlet., Ihey ull come to ,:.. J guebts. """'-M'uncral A Bole-stirrinir nrtiVTn i . tho boot. n l'e Inaide Deeds without wnri estate. o Rock and wry The m-.iu sour-faced baby. A work of fiction-Tho WlkH prophet s almanac. weMuer Tho fly is a happy thino- i about trying to tickle ovoryfiv I ho store maple sugar is known as a. oleomargarine of the forest. Why are bores like trecB? Becan.. love them host whon they leave " Tke cyclone is an escaped earthnn i laboring nnder temporary insanii. 1 ak The Bey of Tunis Las canrKt 41,. v mite-scare dieeaso. Bomb Bey eh? a wo mmgs to oe caroru y lent -A forward boy and a backward S It was au apple that tnarin ,i " . ..' and the same fruit mado William Tell Paradoxical but true. A stormy L makes fare weathor for the horso-cars He W'&i Forgiven. The Philadelphia Press tells tho fol lowing amusing story of the late Dean Richmond, President of the New York Central railroad, a well known railroad and steamboat man: Ono of his sonant the timo was a conductor on tho Central, and very strict orders had been issued, it is Bupposod emanating from the old gentleman, that no passenger should be "deadheaded" on any excuse whatever without showing a pass from somo out cer named. Mr. Richmond, the elder, was onco on Lis son's train, when the young man was collecting tickets, and making uo move to show a ticket, was plnmply asked by the boy for a ticket, "Go away, I haven't, got any," Baid Le, "But my orders are strict," said the con ductor, "to let nobody ride without a pass or a ticket. " W ell, no matter, said Dean, "I'm president of this road and don't need either." "Can't help it, father; you seo how ( am fixed. Shall have to put yon off if you don't do ono or the other. llio old man looked at him tqnato in tho eyes, but the son didn't quail aud looked a look that meant mischief, the president deemed it best to come down with tho"Bpondulics" and did, amid the meiriment of titose around. But, as it showed the vouu man's mettle in tho lino of duty, he was soon iorgivou. A Straight San. A chap who plunged off tho wharf at the foot of Raudolph street the other day was promptly pulled out by thrco or tour men wuo Baw the action, and when tho victim was safe on tho platform one ol tlie men remarked: "Did you fall in?" "No, bir, I jumped in." "Did you intend to commit suicide?'' "No, Bir." "But you must have been tired of life to take that leap. Toll us your troubles ami pernaps we can assist you. "Gentlemen," said the stranger, after Bwullowing a glass of whisky which a boy had run for, "I'm a man of straight business principles, I've jumped off the dock along here some six or seven times tins spring. T in always sure of being pulled out. of securing a big drink of whisky, and tho cash col lection runs from soventy-five cents to three dollars." "Well, you won't got no cash out of tarn crowd, eaidone of tho men. "I realized that as soon as you pulled me out and iBizcd you up," replied tho stranger, "and I may as well udd that the whisky you sent for is the poorest stun i ever dranK. iako it altogether, 1 a uave made more to faint away or had a lie in a saloon. i ree Tress. Is He Legally Dead! The report, probably untrue, that a man who was hanged in Arkansas ton days ago was afterward resuscitated by his friends and is now alive, opens up an interesting question. Tho sentence of tho court was that ho should be hanged by tho neck until he was dead, and the oflicers may inoist that it is tueir strict legal duty to bang him again, and to keen on liancin him until tho fact of bis death is nndis- putably established. On the other hand his friends may claim that he has already complied witb. me demands of the law, He waa hanged by the executioner until the physician appointed to that service pronounced him dead. Ho was cut down as dead, transferred to his friends us dead, and in the eyes of the law he was dead. What right, therefore, has the law toexeoute a man twice for the same crime, or to Lang a man who is legally ueaa.'uincinnati limes Star. When Rachel, the famous tragedienne died sue left a lite annuity of fl'JJO Sarah Felix, known to fm aa i patentee of cosmetics, and bestowed the reversion npon her own natural children. When, however, Sarah Felix died, the two surviving sisters of Richel stepped in ana onjeceea to toe reversion goi to the children, urging that the clause Rachel's will was a 'covert means favoriDsr her natural children. tii1 eluding the law. The Tribunal of First Instance dismissed the claims of Bisters, but this decision Las now been reversed on anneal, and Raehel'a chit dren will not get what she intended for them. of In one respect a boot black resemble, the sun. Ho can't Bhine when it ;!. Ueoauso horsos aro U3ed to rein, it not follow that they ore unaffected I hi wet weather. As long as postal cards the rural postmasters will havo no tim. to read novels. ' rhere is a town in MiRmi,i . , Nodaway. It must be a perfect paradiss for enoozers. A cucumbor sauce is something re cently put forth as new. It is a sort of oondensod cramps. When a younir ladv sees a rrnnn.. , . i " """""loll sho admires sho naturally wishes to be maid acqaaintod. What is the difference between a dull razor and a bad bov. Nona: tnr 4i... both need strapping. ' Unlike the American milkman'a i tho Venezuela cow yields a liquid with the flavor of cream. "Bejabersl" exclaimed an Irishman "I've slept Bixteen hours. I went, in VuJ at 8 aud got up at 8." The man who stole a chronometer on timo, but the policeman who nabbed him was on the watch. When tho deputy sheriff sent bin sweetheart a love letter ho called it "serving a writ of attachment." A mosaic monument erectod to the memory of tho many victims of mines pie wouldn't be a bad idea. A wise man onco said that "to-morrow never comes. He no doubt lont au um brella at some period in his life. A RockforJ. Ala., cirl eats nn in her sleep and goes out in her back vard and chops wood. Aocording to a local paper her rather regreta her somnambulism, oui ne always leaves the ax Handy. An exchango savs: "Now uses are daily discovered for leather." Tho email boy fervently hopes thattheuses will he- come so numerous that evon the sole of a slipper will be turned in another direction. "Johnny, what aro vou coinc to be when you are a man?" usked a minister of a parishioner's littlo son. "I'm going to bo a prcachcr,"ho replied. "A preach er?" "Yes siree, you can bet yer sweet life I am." Gonitis is not encouraged in Russia. A man in that country wbo invented a con trivance to make a snorer consume his own snores was arrested, charged with concocting an infernal machine to blow up the czar. Ann Eliza writes to ask why a poor mau always keeps dogs. We have not given tho question much consideration, hut we have conoludcd that a poor man keeps dogs "to keop the wolf from the ioor. "I don't like to Lave my Lusband chew tobacco," remarked a young mar ried lady, "but I put up with it, for tue tin foil is just too handy for anything in doing up my front crimps." Columbia Spectator. Liberty is represented as a female, and yet a woman doesn't have half as much liberty as a man. The proper figure for Liberty should be tho man who doesn't caro a continental about style, and who won t wear a coat and Btilfly starcn d collar during hot weather. "Yes, sir," says the Deadwood man, "Parson Rounder is a saint. He's ol ways willing to saoridoa himself. He throw down a straight flush hand the other night to go and pray with a dying mau who 6ent for him. I call that true martyrdom. Parson : "Fin aorry to hear. Fullc'iS you havo parted from your wife." Fill locks: "It warn't iny fault, sir. First sho gi' me three months for breakin' her jaw, then she gi' me six for 'arf killin ou her, then ahe bound me over to kup the poaoa--and I oouldn't stau' it no longer." A negro hurrying with a sack of cotton on his aholder, struck a beam with Ms head. Tho blow was like the stroke of a sledge-haniuier, and the whole buihlinjf trembled. "That must havo hurt your head, Jim!" said his boss, pityingly "No. Bah !" was the reply. "Didn't hurt my head a bit, but sprained my neck dreffly!" The Poland newspapers Lave a story, not iu the funny columns either, of a woman who eloped from that city with a young man. Her husband took it calmly, and did not try to find her. On Monday he received a letter from ber, dated at Boston, in which she said, "So far God has blessed us with health, bnt John ho not regular work yet." A minister from the city was dining with the sou of one of bis old parishion ers, who is now a prosperous operator in the oil regions. After askiug grace at the dinner table the bright little daughter of the host Baid: "That's a pretty grace bnt that isn't the way my father says it. "And how does your pspa ssy it?" asked the minister, expscting to bear 0D0.0' tbo bright replies for which the child was famous, whilo the rest of the guests echoed: "Yes, tell us how your par says grace." The unhappy father couul not reach her, and ehe said sweetly: "Why, when he comes in to dinner he looks at mamma and then savs: "Well, I this is s of a meal to set before a white man?'