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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 20, 1883)
GUANDMA'8 BOX. (jrmdiuotlir'box I and here'i a ring; A little, lliwhinj old-time thing I If ii could ajienk, what fun 'twould bo, To hear the 'twould tell to ma. My Tiidiiu i iopla lay Ju uld laflj; 'vne hi bright and gay At any maiden of my lim, And fair ber hair and blue bar eyes. t I'm thinking, ye--I wonder whether ' When alio and itmndpa met toTothcr, . j 'Twu Ihon, wihIc li'.lU wore fum to linger, tie placed thii rin upon her finger. . I'oor little ailent circlet I How Forloru and ude.ta you are now, And a heap of relic here, f You've laiu neglected many a year. You aliall be mine forgrandma'a take, ' And to modern ago awake, . ! But, oh I if you've no romaneo true, I would not give a fig for you 1 ! This place is not down on the maps, ; and proliably never will be. A month ' hence und it will be a city of the past. Six mouths ago the spot where it stands was a rocky bill, covered with a dark growth of sotallos, prickly pears, cat's claws, Spanish daggers and lochegicre. Then tho nimble jack rabbit.tbe astliotio centipede, the industrious tarantula and tho pestiferous little beast in whose honor Yinogarvan is named were the solo inhabitants. Now it is a thriving com munity of perhaps two thousand persons, boasts of two stoma, two barbor shops, a bukory, five restaurants, a hotel, twenty three saloons and a dunoe hall, besides a Justice of tho Pevo and a company of Hangers. Sit months hence the aborig inal inhabitants will creep back, the thorny vegetation which characterizes this Kio Grande country will spring up again in rank luxuriauce, even hiding tho mounds ia tho graveyard, which in stitution, by tho way, is an indispensable knd well patronized adjunct to a thriving frontier town. Fifteon years ago towns J;ke Yinegarvan were unknown in Texas and were.from the very nature of things, an impossibility. They came with the railroad boom, which began in 1875, and the State is now full of thorn. They are the growth of a day; they flourish dur ing their brief existence like a green bay tree, and disappear with the same comet like abruptness which marked their advent. OLD BOY. '? One of the first settlers, and my con temporary, was Old Roy, a gambler, saloon keeper, Mexican war veteran, Indian fighter, and bad man generally. Ho kept a saloon, but was usually so druuk and quarrelsome that people shunned the place. In one of his sober moments he realized that businoss was literally going by the door, and ho was seized with a sudden aspiration to brighten up trade. Looking up a pair of six shooters and a Winchester rlllo, he took his position in the road directly in front of his saloon. The first man who came along was halted at the muzzle of the Winchester, and the following dia 'logno took place: "Got any money, partner?" asked Old Roy, toying with the trigger of the Win-.-, Chester. ) "A little, sir," answered the 6tranger, with an uneasy glance at the gun. "I'm '. a hunt working man, and you wouldn't rol me of my little savings " i The click of the gun hammer as it i flew back to full cock checked furthor utteraneo, and it was some lime beforo evon Old Roy could find words to speak. "Look here, stranger," he said at last, "I'm Old Roy, by , and I'm a gentle man. What is that you said abont rob bing, bey?" and he raised the gun to his shoulder. "I beg your pardon, sir," stammered the stranger; "I meant no offence." "Oh, you didu't, he?" said Old Roy, loweriug the gun. "Well, boin' as . you're a stranger, I'll accept yonr apology; but you must come inside and ' set 'em up for tho crowd." Glad to escape so easily, the fright ened stranger consented to stand the treat.'und between the gamblers and Old Roy his pile was considerably diminish ed beforo ho left the saloon. Seeing that he had a good thing, the Mexican veteran coutinued his systom of solicita tion, and so industrious was he that he soon controlled the trade of the town, and his saloon was crowded day and night. To use a favorite slang phrase, the other saloon-keeper "kicked" and petitioned for the Rangers. The Rangers came aud the bulldozing ceased. Busi ness again declined at Old Roy's saloon and the proprietor was left to drink his owu vile liquors. Before he succeeded in exhnusting the supply on band a com miohiou arrived from the Governor ap pointing the ex-veteran a Justice of the l'eaoe. Money was scarce with him and he immediately convened court. A rich harvest of fines and costs was garnered bv the new judge the first day. He closed out the saloon and has devoted his time and talent since to expounding, upholding and explaining border juris prudence. ' Aside from his bibulous peculiarities Old Roy is generous, brave, courteous and a keen lover of fun. He holds court anywhere and carries a pocketful of of blank warrants, one of which he will fill out and sign at a minute's notice. The other morning he went down to the "bull-pen" aud took a look at the prison ers oei ore court began. JUSTICE OF THE PEACE. "Turn those two men loose," he said, pointing ont a pair of "navvies," charged with assault and battery. "They are charged with fighting.Your Honor," explained the Ranger Sergeant, who had them in charge. "I don't caro if they're charged with murder. Turn them loose. They are both dead broke, and we don't get any thing if we try 'em." Recently His Honor got very drunk and wanted to run things. "I'm the law here," he cried, jerking out his six-Bhooter, "and if anybody don't like it they had better hide out, for I've got my warpuint on, and when 'Old Roy' gets his paint on he's h 1." The Ringer Sergeant expostulated with him and tried to keep him quiet. 'Old Roy' wouldn't quiet. "You have got to hold court to morrow, jadge," said the sergeant at last, with a quiet determination that meot bnsiness. "I mean to have yon so! r." ' Ha seized the old veteran' pistol, called one of hit men, and they aoon had the dispenser oi frontier justice in irons. They kept him chained up nutil he was sober, and only released him then upon his solomnly promising to keep sober. FAKO JAKE'S LITTLE C1IHL. There is a gambler horn in t'.io saloon attached to the dunce bouse who rejoice in tho name of Faro Jake. Jako is a very gentlemanly fellow and as polite as a French danoinf-nnster. He has r.o mail vices neither smokes, drinks, chews nor swears. Ho is accounted the most expert faro'doaler on tho frontier. Uo lives in n little tent ou tho outskirts of the town, his companion being a lovely little girl about six years old, w ho calls him papa. The'little one' namo is Bossio. She is a pure aud inuocent crea ture, with a fresh, sunny face lighted by grsut blue eyes. Her hair is as flossy as corn-silk and hangs down her back in long ourls. At very infrequent intervals she comos into town. I was here ou the occasion of oue of these rare visits. It was Sunday evening, and work being suspended on most of the railroad con tracts, tho town was full and business was booming. The saloon where, her futher deals is the largest in the town, and at leavt two hundred rough men, armed to the teeth, were scattered about the apartment. A dance was in progress at the hall. It was just after pay day. Money was flush aud was boing squan dered with prodigal liberality. I was seated ut the corner of the bar watching the nimblo fingers of a monte deuler at an adjoining table. The air about me was bluo with tobacco smoke -aud pro fanity. Suddenly a hush fell upon the rioters and all eyes were turned toward the door. Standing on the threshold, with a half-confident, half timid look upon her face, was little Bessie She was dressed in a show-white dress uud her dimplod arms were clasped about a rough doll, which she held tight to her breast. "Come in, littlo one!" cried a big "navvy." "Sure, there's no man here will harm a hair uv your head, ye pritty little suubame." Thus assured Bossie came into the room mid walked straight to the tablo where her father was dealing. "Bessie 1" he cried and frowned. "Oh papa!" she shouted and sprang forward. "I was so lonely, and I just come for one kiss." She put her arms around the gambler's neck and laid her soft cheek against his, "Now please dou't be cross, papa. Kiss me and I'll go right baok." Faro Jack kissed the soft, red mouth uplifted to his a dozen times. "I can't be oross with you, Bessie," ho said, and carried her to the door. "Run home now, like a good girl." The hush in the room bad deepened aud men, who for aught I know, bad hands red with the blood of their fellow kind, held their breath in the presence of this vision of lovelinoss and mirity. Jake stooped to kiss hor again at the door. One of the dance-bouse sirens had been de vouring the little one with hungry eyes As Bessie gathered her doll closer und propared for the run homo, she stepped forward. "Jake," she said, in a hoarse voice, and touched tho gambler's arm, "I know I ain't lit to, but will you let mo kiss her?" Bessie heard the question and turned her wondrous blueeyes toward the speak er s face. "Papa don't care," sho said; "he likes to havo people kiss me. The woman sprang forward and caught her in her arms. She kissed the pure face a score of times aod bugged her close. "God bless you, little angel," she suid and setting Bessie down she turned away The child ran off, throwing back kisses from the tips of her pink fingers, and the men cheered. "You're a fool, Liz!" said a tall cow bov. striding up to the woman. "What do ye want to act so babyish for? Come, let's have another drink and go back to the hall." "No!" cried the woman fiercely. "I dunce no more, drink no more this night.' She rushed past the cow-boy toward tho door leading to her tent. When she passed me her painted faoe had a new light in it, and there were tears in her eyes. Ah! one sees a great deal of human nature, good and bad. At Yine garvan. Viuegarvan Uor. Philadelphia limes. Sireu aud sucker. - "But papa" "Not another word," said the person thus addressed, a tall; handsome man. in whose deep brown hair a tinge of gray was just beginning to show. "You know, my child." he continued, "that nothing could give me more pain than refusing any wish of yours, and that I am never bo happy and free from care as when some act of mine has made your life brighter. But this request I cannot gran?.. A sealskin saoque with fur trim tilings! By my halulom, you tost bravely!" and turning hastily away ,Dun- stan rerkins stepped hastily to the side board and took a drink. For an instant Lilian stood in the conservatory looking steadily down at the heavy velvet carpet in which tier shapely leet sank deeply, but presently the spirit of desolate loneliness seemed to leave her, and going quietly into an adjoining room she begun eating some pie. In a few moments her father came into the apartment. "Perhaps I waa rather harsh with you Lilian, he be gan. But the girl interrupted him. "Dou't speak of it again, dear papa," she said, "because I know that you really have no money to spare. While I was mend ing yonr overcoat last evening, I saw that note from "Daisy," and I would not" "You saw the note?" asked Mr.Perkins in hoarse, agonized tones. "Yes, papa, but you know I never" "How much will a sealskin sucque cost?" "Three hundred dollars," and a the girl spoke these words a baleful light shot from her eyes. "You can have the money to-morrow," he said and went slowly out of the room. "I thought my darling papa would weaken," said the girl, and lifting tbe fork slowly to her hps, the last of the pie waa gone. They don't have rains out West. A cloud just saunters up and examines a town, and then collapse right over it, Nobody escaies but the newspaper re porter and the book agents. Duellog lu France. Duels in Franca are not only ex triiuely frequent between per". who move in the upper rank-, u .ku-ty in I'uria, but they occur almost daily in tho country districts. Abont them the Paris i correspondent of the Philadelphia Press ! writes under date of December 4, as fol io : Although not more than one-tenth of them aro fatal to one or the other of the comha'ants, vet in the coursn of n year a i:. . '. t i v.- .1... .i.:.. l atri&mg iitb oi luurutirs, uuuiT iuu mill ; disguise of uffuhs of honor, is prepared ; for public inspection. A few days ago a ; gentleman, who is a leading politician, i and who was recently the Purisiuu pro I feet of police, fought a duel with a proni- inent journalist nnd wounded him I severely in the cheek. The fact is, that I the ex-prefect had been very roughly 1 treated by the scribo in question, and that his exasperation was fully justified, j But there are countries in which ex ambassadors und ex cabinet ministers j would find it beueatu their dignity to go i upon tho turf. Even Gauibetta was I forced to do it, however, in tho bitter I aud exciting year of 77. There is the same tacit understanding hero which prevails in our own southern country, that uutil a man has had his first "ull'iir" the exact degree of hiscour age may be regarded as somowhat uncer tain. In social circles the story is told with infinite gusto of a certain colonel, marvelous swordsman, and one of those old fashioned folks who believe in adhe rence to the niarriupo contract, that, find ing his son-in law at a theater in the company of a woman of questionable reputation, he boxed his sou in law's ears and was promptly challenged there for. The colonel went out with his daughter's husband, killed him very neatly, and iu reciting the tale to his fel low officers a day or two afterward, suid: "The blade stuck out thirty centimeters behind his shoulders, uud I could have hung my hat on it." "But how about your daughter?" said a listener. "Well, let us hope she will get a bet ter husband next time," responded the colonel. "If she does uot I will have him out, too." This promptness to avenge the daugh ter's honor may be salutary, but it has a sanguinary coolness about it, calculated to impress an Anglo-Saxon as slightly horrible. The duel is regarded by a lar(,o class of politicians end para graphcrs as an excellent means for get ting themselves beforo the public. There is the preliminary three line notice of the encounter, which is copied from journal to journal until the whole boule vard rings with it; then there is the visit of tbe Heconds and a picturesque account of that formality; then comos the crossing of swords and the report of the friends, who stato with tho utmost minuteness tho depth of the wounds, even to the hundredth part of a centi meter, and who rarely fail to add that, all the conditions of honor being duly satisfied, the contestants are us good friends as ever before. In a country where the excessive for mality of politeness, a formality which pel haps grows out of the artificial and involved character of the lunguage itself, prevents anything like the expres sion of an utter frank opinion, uud where tbe statcuieut of an unpleasant truth, however muoh it may have been pro voked, is construod into an insult, the duel is often a meaoB of reconciliatiou between people who would always ba enemies if thsy were not now and then brought face to faoe with each other and compelled to make up. Fencing being considered indispen Bible to a gentleman's education, every fashionable quarter of the town has its great "salle d'es crime," or fencing hall, where learned professors take turns with the weapons against the guilded youth of the metropolis. Even the pre maturely oldfoptukes the same pleasure in being brutalized by bis fencing pro fessor that Mr. Toots took in being knocked about by the Chicken after that hero of the ring had picked up his daily allowance of beefsteak, as related in the romance of "Dombey and Son." At the Elysee the fine flower of the professional and amateur fencers assemble twice a week, and M. Andrieux. the ex Prefect mentioned above, as the hero of a recent duel, is one of the most renowned frequenters of these presidential fencing matches. . The journals often give long accounts of some bout between two celebrities, just as the English press is fond of de tailed reports ou cricket matches; and there is a whole rolurue of fencing slang, as difficult for a tyro to loarn as the musical vocabulary. We hear much of phrases of arms, of "coup do bouton," of the remises and the redoublements, the tenacity and elasticity of rapiers. There is no doubt that a goodly amount of strength, quickness of muscle aud firm ness of n'-rve are necessary to a master fencer; but, that very intelligent men should fancy that they heal their wounded honors by indulging in a trial of skill with swords is an error so extra ordinery that one cannot help wondering how it ever become so firmly seated in the usually sensiblo Parisian mind. Mr John (j. duxe's Illness. Tho Albany Argus, December 17th, says: Mr. John G. Saxe, the poet, still re aides in Albany, at the home of his son, and is an invalid. The disease front which he suffers is neuralgia, affecting the great nerve centers, and accompanied by chronio dyspepsia. Tho result is con siderable physical pain and a degree of emaciation. As exaggerated statements have been made concerning the gentle man's condition, it is well that the cor rect facts 1x3 given. It should be added that no impairment of mental strength is a characteristic or a conseqnenoe of the disease, and that, of course, the reports about Mr. Saxe having experienced soft ening of the brain have no foundation in fact. The poet reads regularly, but feels indisposed to writing; still, in conversa tion, his logic, fancy, and analytic abili ties are sho n to bo as marked as at any time. His many friends and admirers regretting to learn of bis illness, will, nevertheless, be gratified to know that the impressions concerning any disordor or decay of the miari of the sufferer are totally devoid of truth. The tunnel under the Elbe, between Hamburg and the island of Steinwaader, now open, 800 meters in length, and cost abont $5,000,000. Xo! in ti e Ranks, The old army own-oat that used to be ueh a fuiiiiliar niht on our street is iii.o of the raieM now; indeed, it is so seldom seen tlmt w involnntorily turn and gaze afuv ;. an something that brings aud aud often cruel memories. The other day nn old man weni-in a coat of tins kind, which readied to his heels, stopped at a cottage a little way out of town and asked leave to rest awhile mi the porch. "I'm a bit tired,' be said to tho wouiau who opuned the door, "an' if you dou't mind I'll sit here uud rest myself for a spell. "You're welcome," said tho woman kindly, with a glance at tho martial blue. Then she left him alone, but ufter a lit tlo while returned with a bowl of coffee and a plate of white biscuit. "Eat," she said, geutly; "I had a boy who was a soldier." "But I'm not i soldier," answered the old niau. "I never was a soldier; my boy wont to war aud was killed. Ho was all I hud, too. This coat was his; seems like he's near mo when I have it on. I gave him to his country; the handsomest aud bravest boy ho wus, too, in tho whole regiment, (iod hlcxs him. He did his duty, died ou the field, and this eout was all that came buck to his poor old dud. No; I never was a soldier. Tho woman went in nnd brought out some cake and the whitest honey, aud added it to tho coffee and biscuit. "Are yon aloue in the world?" sho aslto . "Oh, no," answered the old man, cheerfully; "I've got a sister, but she's old and lame, and sho bus a daughter that is siekl.v uud ailing. You s'0 1 linvo them to work for, and they are u sight of comfor to me. Manv's the time I'd have broken down since Maiy died but for them poor critters. Mary was my wife, ma'am; she was a master hand to miss sick folks, aud she thought ufter Tim died as it were her duty to go into the hospital service and nuns tho sol diers, and sho died these sixteen years ago; but she did a heap of good work first. Many a soldier has kissed her shadow ou the wall! Mary, darliu', God wanted ye in the ranks up there, I've often wished that I hud been a soldier, if onlv to be fit for the little mother and Tim; but I never was." He drank the coffee, ate tho food thaukfully, and offered to pay for it with some carefully hoarded pieces of old worn silver; but the woman shook her head. "Put back your money. My son was a soldier," she said. "But I am not a soldier. Well well ' (as ho looked into her face) "I thank you, and I take it for his sake." He wished good-night to his kind en tertainer, and turned away. As he walked off, slow und limping, bent by infirmity, the long skirt of his army over coat struck bright and blue against tho splendor of tho sunset; ho shaded his eyes with ono trembling baud and looked wistfully up at tho rove and ame thyst door that seemed to open in tho west. What saw . he there? A littlo, round shouldered woman with a small, homely face; a lank, over grown boy, with sparse red hair. Aye, and of such as these are angola are made. So; watch ing, he passed down into the shadows and disappeared. The woman at the gite looked aftor him. "No soldier!" sho said, gently, "but I wonder if the boy who died on his first battle-field ever fought as he has, or sacrificed as much to his country? All the Boldiors didn't go into tho war with Hying flags and rolling drums. Homo of them stayed at home and fought harder battles. I'm glad I gave him a bite and a sup. tie is a soldier, and a brave one, too, and one day he will know it! And I think sho was right. Detroit Free Press. Clulmlng Her Kigbts. A girl walked into an elevated railroad train last night at about u' o'clock, while I was going up town (says a writer in the Brooklyn Eagle), and went from ono end of the car to the other glancing sharply at the faces of the men who monopolized all the seats. She was evi dently a factory or shop girl, end looked weary. She had a clear-cut and resolute face, and was dressed prettily. The men stared at her as she walked down the car, and watched her covertly when she turned aronnd and started back. She stopped in front of an elderly man with rather a good-natured face, and said to him clearly aod with quiet firmness: "That seat was intended for a woman. Give it to me." He looked into her clear, if some what tired eyes, and said as he moved slightly : "I don't soo er how you " "Give me that seat," sho suid quietly, and he rose and gave it to her with some emb&rassment. She snt down and began to read a book she carried with her lunch basket, and paid not the least attention to anyone in the car. The little incident created the greatest sensutiou imaginable, and men talked of it to each other so long that a woman with a baby stood awkwardly holding on by the strap for some time and no one offered her a seat. Then the girl with the clear cut and resolute faoe culled her, aud comp. lied the woman to take her seat. The men in tho car gazed steadfastly out of the windows, and tried tc look unconcerned. I've do doubt whatever that they were willing to give up their seats to her. I know that I was, but somehow I folt that I would look rather foolish if I did, so I sat still in selfish stolidity. Tbe girl glanced about once more, crossed the car, tonched a small man on the shoulder, and said in the samo low tone of voice: "I'll trouble you for that seat, please." "Oh, certainly, madam," cried the little man, nervously, and sprang away. All of which strikes me as being decid edly droll now, though it was quite seri ous then. It suggests an idea. Why don't women form themselven Into a Beat-aeckiDg protective union and carry tbe war into every car? Anxious to explain tho meaning of the hyperbole, a Presbyterian minister said: "Perhaps yon do not understand the meaning of the word hyperbole. This word, my friends, increases or diminishes a thing beyond the exact truth. Sup pose I should aay tbe whole of this con gregation i faat asleep. That would be hyperbole, for there ia not above one half of yon Bleeping." Th Hair. Dr. Wil.h r, in u recent aitiele, sayx: Whether the hair should be cut lioer could quite satisfy myself. As a physiological practice, I seriously doubt the propriety. Every cutting is a wound iug, Slid them is some sort of blending ! in consequence, anil a waste oi vital f i.i ce. I thiiiK it will l found '.hut J long lived persons niitr-t frequently wear j the hair long. The eiitliiiir of lite hair stimulates to a new growth, to supply tho waste. Thus the energy required to maintain tho vigor of the body is drawn off to make good the wanton destruction. It is said, I know, that after the hair has grown to a certain length it loses its vitality at tho extremity, and splits or "brooms up.' Whether this would bo tho case if tho hair should never Ik) cut I would like to know When it is cut a fluid exudes, und forms a scab or cicatrix at each wounded extremity, indicating that there has been injury. Women und priests hiivo geuerully worn long hair, I never could imngire why this distinction wus made. The ancient priest was very o'ten dovotod to a vow of celibacy, but I caunot surmiso whether that had anything to do with it. Kings wore their hair long, in imitation of Sampson and the golden Sun God Mithias. I suspect from this that the first men shorn wero slaves and luborers; that freemen wore their hair nnmutilatml us the crown of a perfect manhood and inanliiicfs. It this bo correct, tho new era of freedom, when it ever shall dawn, will bo characterized by men unshorn as well its women uiipoi verted. I wish that our science and our civili zation had better devices for preserving the integrity of the hair. Baldness is a deformity, and premature whitoness a defect. If the lioad were in health and the body iu proper vigor I am confident it would not be. I am apprehensive that our dietetio habits occasion tho bleach ing of tho hair; the still', arsenic pre pared hat is responsiblo for much of tho baldness, Our hats aro unhealthy from the tricks of tho hatters. I suppose there aro other causes, howovpr. He redity has its inlliienco. Certain dis eases wither the hair at its roots; others lower the vitality of tho skin, and so dehiliute tho body. I acknowledge that the shingled head disgusts me. It cannot be wholosomo. The most sensible past of the head is at the back, where ttio neck joins. That pluco exposed to nuiisual cold or heat is liable to receive an injury that will be permanent, if not fatal, iu a short period. Tho whole head wants 'protection, and the hair affords this as no other protec tion can. Men have beards because they need them, and it is wicked to cut thorn off. No growth or part of tho body is superfluous, and we ought, as candi dates for heulth and long life, to preserve ourselves from violenco or mutilation. Integrity is the tine mauly standard. Darnel on liigrrsnll and Talinsge. The evangelist tlisu took up the sub ject of athoism. He said that Colonel Ingersoll has a closer grip on the thought of tho people than any fifty nion in tho nation. "I respect his talent," the speaker said, "his beautiful private life, his control over his own temper. He has certainly kept his temper bettor than any one who has been in controversy with him. I wish I could convert hiin, and I think I could if I had a chance. He owes his influence over the people to the faot that ho is attacking a false God. There is no man in the world who can answer him from tho standpoint from which tho replies to him have been made. Inger soll is making infidels faster than Moody is making Christians, and Moody is mak ing Christiana faster than any other man in tho world. The bast mn in tho coun try are running to atheism. Don't bo afraid of Romanism; the dauger lies, in the direction of atheism. But Ingersoll has never attacked my God. The devil himself hasn't brass and cheek enough to attack the God who is love and nothing but love. I be lieve Ingersoll is an honest intldol. I could not defend the God he attacks. If I had no other God to believa in than a God who kills half the human race in infancy, brings misery to the other half and sits dipping off the lives of human beings, as with shears, with every tick of the clock, I tell you, my friends, I'd be an atheist too. I am glad our instincts override our theories, ao that we may make a hop, skid and a jump ovorall such theories and land in tho bosom of- the God of love." Mr. Baines spoke of Mr. Talmage as the "groat Dr. Talmage, who has pro fesjod to tear Ingersoll all to pieces, but has never knocked a feather out of him'" The stately preachers in stately pulpits, He said, are asking what is to become of the nihsses. "The masses," shoutod tbe evangelist, leaning forward with outstretched fin gers, "are going to hell! What the masses want is Bomnbody who will preach a Gospel that will draw sinners as mo lasses draws flies. The preachers say, 'we preach the Gospel;' but I say 'you don't, and the proof is that you don't draw sinners.' It has come to this that an annououraent that the Gospel is to bo preached is enough to drive sinners away." N. Y, Tribune. "Thank tbe Lord Slie'a Lit " A passenger over the Richmond .Frede ricksburg and Potomao Railroad relates the following: The cars were passing over a trestlo, and just in front of me sat an old col ired woman who showed great alarm, and, as it afterwards turned out, imagined that the whole train of curs was flying through the air. It was not many minutes, however, before the cars passed safely over tho trestle and as soon as they struck terra firms, the old woman drew a sigh of relief and exclaimed iu a Te Denui tone of voice: "Tnank the Lord she's lit." That reminds na of a very neat pun by a country gentleman on a similar occa sion as above. When the trestle had been crossed some lady romarked: "Well, we've struck terra firnia." "Yea, madam," said the old gentlo man in his brusque way, "less ttrror and more firmer." A Kentucky boy, aged sixteen years, bad never listed whisky until Tuesday, when for a wager be swallowed enough to bring on congestion of the brain. An older fool in Kansas City drank a pint at a dranght and he ia in a fair way to cross the Styx. An Artful Knglnn r. While General Muhoue was piusident of the East Ten ties we road, oim of the engineers bad a fireman put on him thut he did not like, so he rosolveJ to get rid of him. Ono day, tho first trip, the fireman and engineer were discussing Gener&l Muhonn, and the fireman re marked tint he felt like giving the gen eral a good "cussing." "Why dou't you do it then?" remarked the engineer. "Yes, aud get tired," sententiously suid tho tirmuan. "Not much," replied the engineer. "You can never get along on this road until you cusi Mahone. I cussed him out for every blunkcty blunk thing that has happened sincn he was in charge, and have got uloug all right." The fireman concluded ho would do tho samo thing. So tho next trip to Richmond ho went to Mahone's office und heaped on him such a torrent of abuse thut nearly took away his breath. Mahono heard him through, and then told tho fireman to como and get his money after tho next trip. Thore soemod to be a hitch somewhere. Things seemed to bo different from what ho expected, so ho wont to consult his friend, the engi neer. "Yon darn fool," shouted tho latter, "you didn't cuss him to his luce, did you?" "Of course I did," tho fireman said, didn't you tell mo thut yon did the same thing?" "No, not by a blamed sight," adding some words thut coutainod a not very complimentary allusion to the heated flames of tho lower regions; why, when I cussed Mahone, ho was in Richmond and I was in Brist il, and I gave him a good cussing, too." Well, the fireman got bounced, and t ho engineer was made suddenly and strangely happy. Nashville American. (iaelic Proverbs. Wo natinully expoot to find a strong flavor of the sea derived from tho Hebri des and tho adjacent shores of the main land, and the proverbs which come to us from this souroo aroamoug tho most racy and original of all. "No wind ever blow that did not fill some sail" in an im proved form of "It's an ill wind that blows nobody good." Making needless dilllotiltios is happily described as "Mak ing r- great ocean of a narrow strait." For a man who' prides himself on being always wiser than his noighbors, it is said: "Ho knows where the whales breed." For one who seems fated never to be i luck: "When the herring is in tho north, Rod Malcolm is in the south." Here is a brave aud oheery utteranoe, peculiarly suggestive of tbe narrow seas, where the tido is a power not to be lightly net at nought: "None ever got tied with him that did not get it against him." Nor is the wind forgotton: "I shall go to-morrow, said the king. You shall wait for mo, said the wind." What a world of suggestive tenderness and pathos lies in the following: "There ia nope of tho man at sea, but none of the man in the church yardl" To these may be added the following graphic little story: The small Uebridiun islands of Ulva and Gomotra aro divided by a nar row channel, which is passable at low wator. On ono occasion, when the min ister, who had gono over to Gometra to preach intending afterwards to return to Mull was in the midst of his sermon, ho wus summarily interrupted by the Beadle with the warning: "Got on, Mas ter John the channel ia filling!" How a Mau Dropping One-Thousand Feet keels. With regard to the recent sad suicide of a girl by leaping from one of the tow ers of Notre Dame, Dr. Bronardeli'a ex pressed view that asphyxiation in tbe full may have boon the cause of doath, has given rise to some correspondence in La Nature. M. Bontomts points ont that the depth of about 00 'metres, the velocity acquired in the time (less than four seconds) cannot have beeu bo great aa that sometimes attained on railroads, e. g., 33 mutros per second on the line between Chalona aud Paris, where the effect should be the same; yot we nevor heard of asphyxiation of engine drivers and stokers. He considered it desirable that tbe idoa in question should be ex ploded, as unhappy persons may be led to choose suicide by falling from a height, undor the notion that they will die before reaching the ground. Again, M. Gossim mentions that a few yeara ago a man threw himself from the top of the Column of July .fulling on the awning which sheltered workmen at the pedes tal; he suffered only a few slight contus ions. M. Remy Bays he has often Been an Englishman leap from a height of 31 meters, say 103 feet, into a deep river; and he was shown in 1852, in the island Oahu, by missionaries, a native who had fallen from a verified height of more than 300 meters, say 1000 feet. His fall was broken noar the end by a growth of ferns and other plants, and be had only a few wounds. Asked as to hia sensation in falling, he said be only felt dazzled. London Times. DuuvrioN of Dbeams It is claimed that the longest dream lasts less than threo minutes. A man fell asleep as the clock toiled the first stroke of twelve. He awakened ere tho echo of the twelfth stroke had died away, having in the interval dreamed thut he committed a crime, was detected after five yoars.tried and condemned. The shock of finding the baiter about the neck aroused him to consciousness, when he discovered that all these events happened in an infinitesimal fragment of time. Mo hammed, wishing to illustrate the won ders of sleep told how a certain man, . being a sheik, found himself, for hia pride, niado a poor fisherman; that ho lived as one for sixty years, bringing up a family and working bard; and upon waking up from his long dream, so abort a time bad he been asleep thut the narrow-necked bottle filled with water which he overturned as he foil asleep had not time in which to empty itself. Christian Leader. A New York doctor write that one can double bis blood circulation by washing the feet night and morning with cold water. It will be readily aeon that the expression "Double your circulation" ia liable to come into use in a way of which the learned doctor never dreamed.