SHADOWS.
A bur.it uf golden iunhin,
' a Ui"riri5 of iSe ltT.
A music ripple on tbe brook,
Ajoy, woiidur in each nook;
A iweepiuR tliutlow o'er tho land,
A Hushing f tii" tree topi,
A ciimning l the luket,
A peaceful mildness in tbe air,
A ihuuIit f li 'l.!on myaterie there,
A g!rioui luilinjC'if tl un
K uinmer't day ti done.
A joy in ehildli.od'i playthings,
A catting ul liit'in atide;
. tih uf onUifln vouthhood'i hour.
Whn joy break t through the pawing shower
A OSftie-DUimi Ig in mo an,
A cherished hope defeated;
Aimile, ajny. doubt,
A gleam rvtlJfted from the put;
A igh upon iu boamncaat;
A aivatery of i world uuknowo;
And then u oul bai down
Chamber'! Journal
JILTK9 TO HIS HEART'S COSTEST
Kenneth Ward and Katie Dona Lad
been boy-and-girl sweethearts; but the
death of Kenneth's parents and his adop
tion by a wealthy nnclo who took him
away to live in the city, separated the
javenile lovers, leaving them both for
the time inconsolable. Katie wliinpered
her griefs in her dollie's car as they lay
with their heads on the same pillow, and
cried hersolf asleep several nights in sue
cession; and in saying her prayers when
8he oanio to the words, "Bless every
body." it was a gd while before she
could briug herself to repeat them with
out a mental exception of Kenneth's
crnel nnole.
At first Kenneth's mind was filled
with desperate schemes for earrying off
Katie to some undiscovered island,
where, without molestation, they might
play at Mr. and Mrs. Robinson Crusoe,
and live a pair of happy hermits to the
end of the chapter.
But time soon effaces the soirows of
the young. Kenneth was cut in a boys'
school, where ambition to excel, and to
head tue rush in every bout at football
save ample occupation to his thoughts.
and left littlo time for brooding over by-
gone ills. The Crusoe plan was eithor
quite forgotten, or its carrying out de
ferred till some indefinite period in the
future. And Katie, too, before a month
had passed, could play, and romp, and
laugh and shake her yellow curls as
gleefully as in the days when Kenneth,
her devoted knight, used to guard her
pathway home against the besetmonts of
surly dogs ana outung? uniy-goats.
Years went by, and Kenneth Ward,
after a brilliant career at college and a
couple of years of travol, returned to fill
his uncle s heart with pride. He mast
have quite forgotten the littlo Katie of
his boyhood; for not only did he fail to
go and seek her that they might set
about their search lor tbe encliauted
island or some retreat equally romantic,
but he had actually courted, and was in
due time engaged to Miss Grace Dand
ridge, a dusking belle, whose father and
Kenneth's uncle had long been laying
their canny beads together to bring
about that precise result.
Mitts Oraco hud been the idol of Seth
Hansen, a handHome cousin of hers, to
whose stut, it was rather more than wins
pered, she had lent a not unwilling ear,
But whether it was through filial obedi
once, or beoause she was prudent enough
to discern the superior advantages of u
match with a man of Kenneth Warde's
dazzling prospects, Miss Grace reluct
antly dismissed her cousin and accopted
the new suitor with a promptness which
poor Seth, like the "deposed Wolsey,
though "somewhat sudden."
When everything had been arranged
between Warde and Grace Dandridge,
even to the setting of the wedding day,
Kenneth, who was not so foolish in love
but he could exist a brief Season out of
his llnancee's presence, bethought him of
going to spend a few weeks in bis native
village, which he had not seen since the
day he had been carried off In a fit of
heroic sulks over his separation from
Katie Dene. Of course be laughed at
uiat foolishness.
I suppose it was an accident at any
rate it so happened that Kenneth's first
' visit in the old place was to the Denes'.
He didn't know Katie nt first could
hardly realize, indeed, that the
yellow-headed tomboy, whose quarrels
he was always taking up, and with whom
he used to quarrel now and then him
self, .could have grown into so bowitch-
lngly beautif ul a woman.
Katie seemed a litte hurt that Ken
neth should have so totally forgotten
her. She would have known him, she
said, had thev met on . a deserted
island. He hadn't ohanged a bit only
to grow ever, so much handsomer, she
was on the point of adding, but checked
herself with a blush.
The time passed swiftly ,and Kenneth's
visit was prolonged till prudence whis
pered it was time to think of returning
if be would not be a laggard at his own
wedding. If the truth must be told, it
would hardly have broken bis heart if
something bad happened to keep him
away altogether; for he and Kate were
spending the days very happiiy, barring
now and then a regretful sigh as they
thought Becretly of what might have
been. But Kenneth was a man of honor,
and struggled manfully to maintain his
loyalty. He had promised to marry
Grace Dandridge, and must keep his
ord ; and Kate Dene respected him too
highly to wish him to play a traitor's
part.
It was the day before ' Kenneth's de
parture, and he and Katie were taking
their last walk in a neighboring wood,
the scene of many a former ramble.
Both were unusually silent. It was
likely to be their final meeting, and it
was strange they could find so little to
say.
At last Kenneth stopped suddenly.
Katie looked np and saw that his face
as deathly pale, while his frame trem
bled violently. Grasping her band with
quick, nervous movement, he ex
claimed in a voice quivering with emo
tion: "It is a sin to marry without love. I
fancied, when I asked Grace Dandridge
to be my wife, that I loved her at least
that I loved no other. But now that I
have seen you again, a love that I had
learned to look upon as a childish fancy
has come back with the augmented fer
vor of manhood. Oh! Katie, it is you I
love, and you only! Will you not be
mine? It is not yet too late!"
For an instant her eyes sparkled with
n inexpressible joy. But tbe next
moment the joyous light faded; and the
look she turned on Kenneth was almost
uYoa luve lolemnU
Kenneth Warde let drop the baud
which a moment before had lain trem
bling in his clasp, but which was now
firm and steady. He had received his
"wit, una tnew it was irrevocable.
louare right," he murmured, de-
-r .-B.j, iiuusiieep my promise,
thOUCl) It 1ikmU m. !,.. i" r
Neither spoke again tili they parted at
....iuuiucri uoor with the sing e
WtPil P.. . Mil, O
Kenneth fonn.l In' a mminin . ......
. . - w iu m uuc uua
sion on his return the evening before the
day set for the we Iding.
iMiritlikaiBUD, my boy!' cried
the old gentlemon, thrusting a letter
into Kenneth's hand- "r .1.:..
will explain all, and relieve me from fhe
uhwiui tank.
Kenneth opened the letter anil read:
"Mr. Wahdr: T l,n.l n - ;n ,..
Rive whatever nain tln'a will
I esteem you too highly to give you my
hand without my heart. The lattor has
IOD UOen h0KtOU'Ail nnnn tn, nnnu.'n C.tl.
Hansen; and it was only the importunity
iriuuus mat lnuuceu me, in a moment
W HJl k II MNH Irt DiMAnl n . 1 . . .1
- -w i' nuutucr B IMlll .
uui at tue last Hour, i found myself un
cquai iu me sacr.in.ee 01 a true love to a
feigned one: anil vieMinrr in K.itli'i nor
suasion, I consented to his plan of a se
oret inurriace. anil nm nn liio mifa T .
main, with much respect, your friend,
llRACE KiVttl'V
"BraVO. Kennnth!" nrind liin nnnle n m
the young man broke into a hearty laugh ;
1 m glad to see you treat it so! The
loss is her a not yours.
it was tbe day after the wedding thtt
. i i .1 . . - . ... .
lu nnvfl linen tnut ivunnntn wur.i.i
dusty and travel-stained, iiresented him
self before Mrs. Dene, and asked for
Katie.
"She has gone for a walk in the wood,"
as the answer. "She hasn't been
uite well for a day or two past."
Kenneth waitAiTf in Yipai nn m frt TTa
hurried along the old familiar path; and
ihet-P U'linm lia Imil avinlren Hia rauli im.
passioned words, which Katie had ans-
i i.t i.- i i .1
vimeu iu uuuiv, uo iuuuu Iter seuieu,
iinnmnr npr liuail nnnmva v minn hn,
lllinil Mia ninrnrA if .1 nuntfin lanl arnnm
He was quite close bofore she looked up;
1 1 l 1 1 .,
auu wuea sue uia so, ne was starueu to
see how wan aud haggard were her feat
ures.
"Wish me joy, Katie!" he cried.
Warde." she answreil listlnsslv: "but I
hardly expected to see you here; and
where is your your wife?"
"Wife? the beat of it is I have no
wifo."
ITntiA atnrfAil in liar faAf. afarvrrAiai1
and would have fallen, had not Kenneth
;augut her in his arms.
ThAn Iia t.nA linr a!1 anil nAvpr iliil
mortal man before relate with so much
gusto the storv of his own jilting, and
whon he kissed Katie at the end, why-
sue let hiui.
Overdosing.
Children should consume as little
medicine as possible. If properly fed
and cared for, they throw off illness
readily. Some simple remedy, known
and tested in the family, is all they re
quire in light attacks of cold, colic, or
the small ailments common to child'
hood. To dose infants with drugs is al
most criminal. I am myself one of a
large family, all grown to maturity, and
all enjoying good health; yet I never re
member the administration of anything
stronger than castor oil or sweet tincture
of rheuburb during our childish distem
pers. We were np with the dawn and
in bed at twilight; we were fed with
regularity three times a day, aud
only three; there were no lunch
eons between meals allowed in our
home. Oatmeal and milk for breakfast,
meat and vegetables for dinner, with
some plain, wholesome pudding and
seasonable fruit, bread and milk at five
o'clock this was our bill of fare, vaaied
only by special indulgence, or on holi
days or birthdays. Pickles, rich sauoes,
cake and pastry, were unknown except
by name; and we never tasted tea or
coffee until we had readied "years of
discretion," and could decide for our
solves. The result was our good hoalth
then and in after life. But many moth
ers and nurses seem never to feel satis
fied as to the health and well-doing
of their little ones unless they have them
uader treatment. They are perpet
ually "purging" or "cooling"' or
"strengthening" the helpless victims of
their solicitude. This is the more to be
deprecated because tbe great majority of
the so-called ailments with which very
voung children are troubled are tbe di-
rect cnects 01 oaa ieeuing or 01 ui-uiuu-agement
of some sort, or aro in
themselves efforts of nature to get rid of
the stomach-hardeuing", or irritating
masses with which children are fed or
physicked. The practice of administer
ing sedatives to infants is particularly
renrehensible. and ought to be strongly
denounced. There is no sedative which
can be used with safety in the case of in
fants, except by medical men versed in
the action of drugs and familiar with the
indicative phenomena ol health and dis
ease. The use of cordials and drams is
imply a reckless play with poisons.
The Dasoebs op Buoqy Ridino. An
editor who probably knows what he is
talking about says that buggy riding js
oonducive to the tender feelings. We
don't, for our part, see how it could
very well help being so. When a young
man in a soap-dish hat and polka-dotted
socks drives up in bis side bar buggy in
front of the house where she lives, and
she comes to the door all rigged out in
thino-s which we haven't time to enumer
ate, and trips down the front step, and
tbe young man just tosses ner into ine
narrow seat and gets in besido her and
then taps the horse with the whip, while
the buggy quivers like a thing of life
and a jov forever, and the young man
beside her doesn't know but every
minute will be the next one, why, we
don't see why buggy riding suould not
be the most conducive to the tenderest
feelings of anything extant. Horseback
riilinc is cold and distant, bnggy ridinff
is the thing, and tbe longer the ride and
the more lonely tbe road, the better.
Cheek.
A historv which takes no account of
whtt was said by tbe Press in memor
able emergence's, befits an earlier age
than ours. f Horace Greeley.
4 Klrh Xan'i Ha,tj Jltrrlsfi
A woman of common per.i'!v, ;ti)
y.'urs old, who gave hr . .
May Shibley, went to miw utaJquar
ten recently and made inquiries for her
husband, Henry Frederick Shibley. She
sayi that she was married to him ou Fri
day evening last, and that he disap
peared ou Saturday. He hail been ac
quainted with her only two days previ
ous to their marriage. In reply to ques
tions, she said that her huiibaud was a
farmer of Newell, Iowa, aud that he was
a native of Eugland, and was 30 years
old. She herself was born in Jackson,
Miss., but she had lived in this city sev
eral years, supporting herself by making
wax flowers. Her name before her mar
riage was May Evans. On Wednesday
evening she met Shibley in the Atlantic
Garden in the Bowery. He had arrived
from Iowa only a few hours previous to
the meeting, and he was much under the
influence of liquor. Two men, who ap
peared to be acquaintances, were with
him. He introduced himself to her in
the garden, and treat her to lager beer.
When they had talked together some
timo, be said that be hail come to ew
York to meet a sister, who would arrive
from Europe onasteamsoipof the White
Star Line. Women were appreciated in
Iowa, he added, because they were so
scarce. He had a large farm at Newell,
aud was well off financially.
"I never loved a woman befjre, ' he
said, "but I really love you. I will give
you $10 a month und pay ynnr traveling
expenses if yon will go to Iowa and be
my housekeoper."
Tht woman said that she accepted his
offer, and they went to the rooms of
Mrs. M. 1). Wilson, on the top floor of
the tenement house at fi'J James street.
Shibley knew Mrs. Wilson, and she pro
vided a room for the woman. He drank
heavily that night, and was drunk on
Thursday when lie proposed that the
Evans woman should ti his wife instead
of his housekeeper. They weut to the
National theater, in the Bowery, in the
evening and sat in a box. Shibley scat
tered silver ooius among the boys iu the
gallery and produced schooners of beer
for the orchestra. He was still very
drunk on Friday, but he went with the
woman to the Mission Chapel of the Five
Points of Industry at H p. m., where they
were married by the Bev. S. J. Fergu
son, Mrs. Wilson and her husband being
witnesses of the ceremony. Shibley
said that an uncle in England had died,
leaving him about 200,000. He gave
to his bride for safe keeping a largo roll
of bank notes, of which tour were of the
denomination of $1000 each. When
Shibley awoke from sleep on Saturday
morning he appeared to be more
Bober thau at any time in their
acquaintance. He took his roll of bank
notes, saying that he wished to get one
of the $1000 bills changed. The marri
age certificate and a wedding ring which
ho had given to his bride, bo took also.
The certificate lucked a dato, and the
ring had no inscription. He promised
to return both to her, together with
moucy enough to buy a wedding outfit.
His wife did not seo him again. It was
her belief to-day that thieves had murd
ered him. Mrs. Wilson and the police
thought that Shibley had repoutedof his
marriage and tied from the city. There
was no information about him on the
police records. When Shibley reached
the city on Wednesday he registered at
the Cosmopolitan Hotel. It was said at
the hotel to-day that hn was not there.
Tho two men who were his companions
at the hotel had gone away. The record
of Shibley's marriage is filed in tho
Bureau of Vital Statistics. His wifo
said that she would remain at No. 09
James street for the present, in the houe
of his return. It was possible, she
thought, he might be wondering about
the city intoxicated. The Bev. ' Mr.
Furgnson stated that ho noticed that
Shibley was under the influence of liquor
on Friday evening, after the munage
ceremony had been performed. N. Y.
Special to Cincinnati Commercial, Oct.
24th.
A Man Ought to be Arrested for Fro
crasllnatlng.
The Texas Sittings prints the following:
There is an old negro in Austin who
claims to have studied "flosify outon a
book." He went to the justice court and
said: "Jedge, kin I git a Mietinent writ
agin dat wnflless uiggor, Pete?"
"What s he been doing
"He's a procrostiniator. He's bin a
procrostimatin'."
"Procrastinating? There s uo law
against that."
"No law agin procrastiniation.' ten
what's de law fur? Ain t proerastimation
do thief ob time?" '
"Certainly, I believe it has been so
stated:"
"Well, den, ain't Pete a thief?"
"Yes. vou might so construe it, but
you cannot convict a man for stealing
time."
"No. but when we hub got do proof on
him for stealing time, wo hah gut de
circumstantial ebidence agin him fur
steulin money, fur don't flossify say dat
time am money? Got yer dar, jedge."
And the old man went out chnckling
to himself: "Got him dur. Got de jedge
dis time suahyer a foot high."
4. Bagaclo'ji fimi-ln.LiiT.
One of the old veterans of Wall street
was giving some fatherly odvice to one
of bis clerks about to be married, and in
closing his sermou, he said:
"Directly after the coremony, there
will be a banquet, of conrse. When
vour wifo tnrus over her plate she will
find a check for $50,000 under it."
"Do you reully think so?
"Oh, I know it. That's tho prevailing
style now a-days. The check will lie
passed around and finally given to you to
pocket."
'And the next day I will tirair the
money on it?"
"Oh, no, yon won t.
"Whv not?"
"Because there won't be uny to draw.
Don't make a dolt of younelf by rushing
to the bank."
"No matter what you thought. Have
tbe check to frame aud hang up. When
I was married, thirty years ago. my wife
found one under her plate. I've got it
yet. I thought too much of her father
to mortify his feelings, and I know he
has always respected me for it. That's
all, my son. If you run short on your
bridal tour, telegraph me."
lb' tt led Udjr.
A j met ov-i- a r lilway is often a good
as a rip u l, . n i mtreU. Last week
we took a pii. v : the Michigan Cen
tral, and dnrin eiir waking moments
were highly i u. .i, amused and in
structed by the tone and conversation
of two ladies in the scat fornist our own,
across the aisle and abaft the binnacle.
The vsrietv of their iutelligonce and a
vast fund of general information
attracted our attentiou, and we just sat
there and drank it all iu like cold truth
from a liviDg spring.
"Do you sn ppt.se they have air brakes
on this train? inquired the one next
the window with a bronze green plume
in her hat.
"Oh, yes, they run 'em now on all
trains."
"Whut ure they for?"
"Oh, they are to ventilate the cur aud
give 'em more- fresh air. I heard they
intendod to put, 'em on cuttle cars so the
poor animals could get plenty of oxy
gen." "Indeed! This is a wonderful age.
Did you evr ride iu it chair cui"
"Oh, yes, they are just the uicost kind
of cars. Sonioof 'em are real easy, too;
have rockers ou 'em. But I like a sleeper
the beat."
"Yes, they aro moro homolike and
comfortable. If any accideut happens
they unhook tho sleejier and leave it at
the last station."
"Why, my! How nice!"
"Yes, and tho sleeper is much more
comfortable to ride in because it don't
go as fast as the rest of the train."
"It don't?"
"O, no. Charles says the Pulmun
Company won't allow tho railroads to
haul the sleepers near so fust as the
balance of tie cars."
"Why how strange!"
"Yes, very."
"What do you supposo makes the cars
sway so, back and forth?"
"O, I heard the company had leen ei
perimeuting lately with rockers ou the
ears. It's something to do with concus
sion and retraction of the expausivo com
pression, or something of that kind."
"What a wonderful ago!"
"It is reully. And these accideut in
surance companies are a groat improve
ment over thr old style of traveling.
Charles says that all first class toads
carry them nowadays, and it makes one
so much more secure to know that they
are on tho same train with one of them.
They ore worked by electricity, and
must cost awful high, don't you thiuk
so?"
"Yes, they must that."
Oddities or Killing. '
The Providence Transcript alleges
"that no man has kissed Susan B. An
thony for HO years." Much blame attaches
to tho men.
An Italian image peddler was sent to
prison for kissing a Cleveland woman.
Wonder how sho found out after the kiss
ing that he wasn't a count? Phila
delphia News.
"No one shall kiss his or her children
on the Sabbath or fasting days," was an
old Connecticut Blue law. Herein we
see the origin of going Sunday night to
kiss the grown-up children of other
people. Boston Globe.
Young men, don't poy the minister
over $10. You will need all your cur
rency the first time Belinda puts her
dimpled arms around your neck and
tries to trade off two kisses for a spring
bonnot. Now Orleans Picayuue.
An excited old maid iu a temperance
lodge a few evenings since read uu
original poem entitled, "Tho Lips that
touch Liquor Shall Never Touch mine,"
and the young men present gave her
three cheers but no kisses. Jersey
City Journal.
The Atlanta Constitution has never
found a farmer wise enough to explain
how red ears of corn can come from
white kernels. What's tho odds, so long
as finding a red ear at a husking bee
ontitles you to kiss the best looking girl
in tho crowd? Dotroit Fiee Press.
Talk about your outside kisses. Give
us the kissof tho good housewif i, which
is always procedod br a wipe of her
mouth by the nice and virtuous kitchen
apron. (Of courso by this we don't meun
the kiss of any other fellow's housewife.)
Kentucky State Journal.
The youug lady to whom bor lover
sang "Darling, Kiss My Teurs Away,"
was just leaning out iuto the moonlight
for thatpurposo when a No. 12 bull dog
happened around tho corner. Talk about
your "unkissed kisses," there was a back
yard full of them while the town clock
was striking one. Ilochoster Post Ex
press. Victor Hugo is said to bo troubled
with poor sight. It is also said that ho
kissed the party of female dry goods
clerks from Boston who rocently visited
him ; and it may be that the hinge on one
of their eye glusses gouged him in the
optio, and impaired his vision. Norris.
towu Herald.
U Fnpnr lion no Jotd Till It Pay.."
"Look at the churches themselves!
Vn plmri'li fun do nnv trooil until it's on
a puying basis. So longas a church is in
debt it can't secure the best talent for
tliA nit I, ,it. nr elmir. and the members go
about discouraged and out of heart. It's
just so with a newspaper. 1 say tuai a
newspaper does uooorl until it pays; u
lull nn inflnmieea its motives am sus
pected, and you've got to make it pay,
by hooK or croon, ueiure you can uopo u
fnrsnnl anv cond cause for it. That's
what I say. Of course," he added, iu a
large, smooth way. "I'm not going to
contend that a newspaper should be run
solelv in the interest of the oonnting
bouse. Not at all! But I do contend
tlmt when the counting room protests
aguinst a certain course mo editorial
room is taking, it ought to be respect
fully listened to. Suppose all the news
papers pitch in as they sometimes do
and denounce a certain public enter
prise, a projected scheme of railroad leg
islation, or a co-operative mining inter
est, or a peculiar system of banking, and
the counting-house sends up word that
the company advertises heavily with us;
shall we go and join indiscriminately in
the hue and crv, or shall we give our
friends the benefit of a doubt?" A
Modern Instance by Howell.
Tbe pop pistol disturbed the congre
gation in a church at Gleucester, Mass.
Little Johnny Dow had brought his
revolver as a play'bing with which to
while away the long honr of worship.
JUxImi for the Thoug-htful.
A burnt moustache dreads the short
cigar.
There's many a slip between the pulpit
and the church door.
A sliver in your hand is worse than
two thousand in the baud of your friend.
Never build castles in the air. They
are ever liable to be overthrown.
Put a rich man on mule-back, and the
mule will throw him just as quickly as
he would a beggar.
Least said the soouer the deadlock is
ended.
Piety is often but knee doep.
Yon cau't make a portomonnaio out of
a two legged calf.
Like the dog in the manger, the nose
is abovo kissing and is always reudy to
interfero with the kissing of others.
When the spring bonnet comos into
the house, money flics out of tho pocket
book. Oh, that mi no euemy had been ut
home during spring cleaning.
A cigarette in the month suows which
wav the money goes.
Lonesome is whom handsome does.
The man who pleads his own cause is
unloved of lawyers.
The mau who saves five conts by walk
ing gives ten to the shoemaker.
It is a short luyiu' that has no turn
in it.
The boot-trco is known by his boot.
Tho scissors has two blades, crying
steal, steal. ,
Honest tea furnishos its own grounds.
Of two women, choose the one that
will have you.
The beauty is not so bright as she is
painted.
Speech is cheap, but votes are what
toll.
A woman after his own heart is what
pleaseth the man.
Money is the principal thing; there
fore get money , and with all the gettings
get it well invested.
The coal hole goeth before destruction
and a banana skin lHfore a fall.
The race is not always to the swift,
but to tho pool seller. "
A short note soon goes to protest
Boston Transcript.
1 tuicjttnated Xnrratlve.
Cuckston, who wanted to sell his farm,
was approa died by a man who wanted
the place.
"How's health down there?"
"Health is good," exclaimed Cuckston
with enthusiiam.
"Any chills?"
"I tell you w hut's a fact: Sometime
ago an old man who had been shaking
for years with palsy o tmo to my house,
stayed a week, and hain't shook nono
siuce."
'Is your fumilv well?"
"Splendid heuith, sir."
Next day the man again approuchod
Cuckston und said: "You have misrep
resented your place tome and I'm going
to whale you right here."
"I made no misrepresentation," he
nervously replied. ,
"I asked you how health was down
there - '
"And I said that health was good.
Now, sir, health is good. Everybody
wants health, and its good wherever you
find it."
"You suid that on old man who had
palsy- "
"I said that an old man who had palsy
came to my house and hadn't shook
none sinco. Ho died."
"You said that your family was woll.
I found that vour family aro all sick."
"My f milv is well. Thorn peo
ple liviug iu that house is not my fumily ;
my folks live in town.
"I ought to whale you," said the man,
"for I know yon have lied somewhere.
I'll seo you again in a day or two, and if
by that time I have found the township,
section, and range of the lie you told,
look out." Free Press.
Al.x. Stephens and the Countryman.
The Atknta Post-Appeal prints tho
following:
Soon aftor the entrance of the train
containing tho great oommonor a coun
tryman was sighted on the rear eud of
the back oar, prominently perched on
top of tho bumber, gazing with a look of
miugled admiration and awe into the
face of Henry Grady, who was making
his exit through the doorway. After a
minute and gratifying survey of the
noble physique of the Apollo of the local
press, he lost all consciousness of his
bumble station und gave way to the he
roic promptings of a patriotic spirit. He
ventured:
"Governor, can I have the honor of
shaking hinds with you, soein' as I've
come a good wuys to do it, and might
uovcr have tho chance of approuchin'
you ngin?"
"Certainly, sir; but I am not,the gov
ernorhere ho comos."
"Is that him?"
"That is Governor Stephens."
"Well, I'll lie durned!"
"What did you remark?"
"I'd heard bo 'was a progody; but if
that's tho biggest man they could trump
up for govornor of Georgy, I think we d
better leave the State, for the country's
degnneratin'."
"We don't estimate a statesman by his
physical developments, it's the brain;
the governor bus tho greatest brain in
Georgia."
"I don't care nothiu' about brain; but
tho idea of a man beiu' governor tint's
got to be carriod aroun' like a bundle o'
clothes."
Fallino in Love. The Burlington
Hawkeye is responsible for the follow
ing: Mrs. Howe says, "Women do not
fall in love any more." "Ah, well. Per
haps Mrs. Howe's charming and beauti
ful daughter is bettor authority ou that
subject than her gifted mother. You
see, Mrs. Howe, there comes a time
whon we when we are apt to well, tho
plain fact of the matter is others do not
grow old at 18 just because we do at 45.
There ure girls fulling in love, heudlong,
everyday, in the same old impulsive,
romantic, beautiful, unquestioning fash
ion that used to prevail when their
mothers' mothers' mot er wore dimples
twenty years old. Whon the time Comes
that men and women do not fall in love
you may just nickel-plate this noor old
world aud sell it for a moon. There will
be nobody on it when that time comes.
Women don't fall in love any more? Of
course not; they can't perform impossi
bilities, and they cannot fall in love any
more than they do, unless the years are
made longer.
i
TAMETirS
Connecticut now hoi but one aotive
gin distillery.
London Queen: The bridegroom pro
vides house linen.
Mr. Tennyson's new plav is called
"The promise of May."
Miss Louisa M. Aluott has been for
bidden by her physician to write.
Mr. Lubouohcre say that France is
now one gigantic gamb'ing establish
ment. An English finnnoial critio says signifi
cantly that England never hawks her
wares abroad.
New York Commercial Advertiser:
Thirsty men oatch at straws oftener than
drowning ones do.
Drunkenness is increasing iu France
just iu proportion as wino is ceasing to
be the national drink.
Tho Boston Herald estimates that there
are not more than ftlOO German voters in
Massachusetts, and 47,000 Irish voters.
Plantation philosophy: "Misery may
like company, but I'd rathor hab de
rhoumatis in one leg uen ter hab it iu
bofe."
"Whon my coumh was married," said
Mrs. Bamsbotham, "I guve her a hand
some water giraffe and two goblins."
Punch.
London Saturday Koview: After all,
most friendships come lightly ; so, if they
also go lightly, we ought not to be as
tonished. The Baroness Buidett-Coutts-Bartlett
owns the smallest pony iu tho world. It
stands thirteen inches'high, and is five
years of age.
Alligators are now raised in Florida
for their hides, which bring high prices.
Farms have been started in various parts
of the States.
A Hobokeu miser, Joseph L. Lewis,
bequeathed $050,000 in government
bouda toward the extinguishing of the
national debt.
It is proposed in Chicago to introduce
a text book ou good behavior into the
public schools. The school board has
not yet passed on tho matter.
"Neuralgia" is tho name borne by a
charming girl of Iowa. Her mother
found it on a medicine-bottle, and was
captivated with its sweetness.
As Italians never mutilate a suicide,
and as Custer's body was the ouly one of
his murdered force unmutilated. Buffalo
Bill is confident that Gen. Custer shot
himself.
In a particular field are ninety-seven
water-melons, and it is softly upproached
by five colored men in soarch of a wood
chuck. How many times does ninety
seven go iuto five?" Detroit Free
Press.
In every tobucoo faotory at Key West
there is a "reader." Cubaus can not
talk without gesticulation, and iu order
to keep them from talking a person is
hired to read aloud to tho hands during
working hours.
An advertiser offers to send nn articlo
"froo by mail ou receipt of one dollar."
Such a generous individual would prob
ably give a brick house- away for nothing
on the payment of four thousand dol
lars.! Dotroit Post.
Graphic: The latest and most ingeni
ous uovolty iu headgcarforgiintlenion of
artistic tastes and slender incomes is said
to bo the till whiU) "plug" of last sum
mer, with a base burner paiutod on tho
front side and a coal hod behind.
"Married but six weeks and in tears!"
exoluimed a friend to a weeping bride.
"Yes tho first cruel shadow has fallen
athwart our pathway. It is settled at
last; either I must give np eating taffy
or George must cut off his moustache."
This is progress; this is civilization.
To level to the earth the mighty Incu
bus of mentul aud moral wrong not by
smiting with the swed or by the hurling
of cannot shot, but by tbe golden shaft
of thought, winged from the bow of pure
and lofty wisdom.
Some Englishmen recently got up
lawn tennis at Sohwalbach, Germany,
and after a day or two the mayor re
quested that the geutlomcn would play
with their coats on, as the ladies of the
pluoe were shookod at the want of de
cency shown by the foreigners.
This slung does raise the very mischief.
When a handsomo young wife went to a
hurdware store to gut one of these wood
f n contrivances to mash potatoes, and
said, "I want a masher," every man in
the shop, from the boss to the office-boy,
started to wait on her.
The ruling passion strong in death:
"John," feebly moaned a society lady,
who was about shutlling off this mortal
coil, "John, if the newspapers say any
thing about my debut iuto another
world, just send me a dozen marked
copies." New York Commercial Ad
vertiser. "I trust you ore putting a few pennies
asido in your savings bank," said a fond
father to his son, who was beginning to
euin money by doing errands and odd
jobs. "Not auy, pa. Ever since I saw
yui shaking out a dimo from it I have ro
gurded it a blind pool. I have no faith
in it." Thut emled the boy's catechism
for that day. Boston Globe.
Fortune In .Men Hath Nome email KIN
fereuce Made.
"Who is this well-dressed man with
the seal-skiu overcoat, hat and gloves?
lie carries a gold-headed cane and is fol
lowed by a bulldog iu a scarlet blanket.
Do you know him?"
"Oh yes; that is Slugger, the pugilist.
Fine man. Hard hitter. Very popular.
Always surrounded by a crowd of ad
miring friends, as you see him now. He
is very well off, was given a Iwneilt the
other night that netted him $500."
" Indeed ; ho is very loriuuato."
"Oh, yes, a very fortunate fellow;
ranks high in his profession, yon see."
"Who is that white headed, weary
looking old man close behind the pugi
list and his friends? Poor man, he soerus
thinly clod for this wintry weather. Do
you know him?"
"Oh, yes; that is old Faithful, a coun
try clergyman. Very learned man, they
nay. Been a preacher of the gospel all
his lifo, but poor as a rat. He bad a
benefit too, the other night."
"Oh, indeed! Did it net him much?"
"I don't think it did. You see, it waa
a aurt of a surprise party. His parishion
ers called upon him in a body, ate np
everything there was in the houso and
left him presents to the amount of sixty
cent." Uolidaysburg Standard.