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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 28, 1882)
LOVE AND TIM K. Loo ami Tima one an miner' day 8al an J talked Uigotber; Love took up hit lute to play And mng ia the golden weather: "Life'i a fair And brimming cup, sparkling, troth and mellow; Quail" it gaily, drink it up, Tiroe'i aiurly fellow I" Time looked up and gated at liim, Half onutempt, half pity; Calmly nailing, grava and grim, Thu took up the ditty; "All the world la growing gray, Bcr-,and brown, and yellow, You'll be older, too, some day, Silly little fellow." Love rose and ran away, Leaving Time in (liadow, All the golden nimnier day, Hinging through the meadow: "Sillr.iilly, though I be, Tlieru'i ho need to flout me; Though the world may laugh at me, It cannot do without Me." FASHION KtPKiTS ITiKLF. I, Robert Ogdon, at twenty-four, was a tolerably good looking youth, with a position in Wells k Banker's wholesale store as book keeper at a salary of seventy-five dollars a mouth. Nothing very brilliuut about all this, to be sure; but I think that I should have felt very well satisfied with my lot id life had I novor indulged in dreams of sudden wealth in othor words, if I had novor heard of my rieh Aunt Mabala. Now, onfortunutoly or fortunately, just its you please to consider it I had not only heard of her, but she was the oracle to which our family listened on ull ocea ions. She was a spinster of the sevorest typo, but she was tho possessor of two hundred thousand dollars in good socu ritics, and this, as yon may imagine, cov ercd a multitude of defects. When I was six years old, und my cousins, Bert and Jim Ogden, woro about the same age, Aunt Mahala an nouueed her inteution of setting 0110 of ns up in business to the extent of half her fortuno when he, tho lucky boy, should becomo twouty-tive years of ago. Whichever one of us best suited her in general behavior and in tho choice of a wife should be the favored one, she de clared. On that day my troublo com menced. Of course the choice of a wife had not yeteuterod my youthful imag ination, but as I grew 'into manhood I manifested a natural ilea ire to have us good a time as other boys, and this was entirely contrary to Aunt Mahala'a strict ideas of propriety. Whon I was old enough to realize the immense help her -inouoy would be to mo, I did for the time try to please her; but her whims and her almost oonstant interforonee provoked me beyond the bounds of endurance. "Let hor keep hor uionay!" I do clared, wrathfully, to my mother, who was always expostulating against my im patience. "If Jim and Bert want to got down on thoir knoes to her they can do bo, but I am iesolved to be independ ent." Now all this sounded very fine, and I felt overy word of it; at the same time, one hundred thousand dollars was a nieo sum, and nothing would have suited mo better than to have it at my disposal. When I obtainod tho situation at Wells k Banker's, Aunt Mabala for the first lime acknowledged herself pleasod. "I like to see 'young men get into business," she said, emphatically. "There is nothing more disgusting than to soe a young sprig like yourself saun tering around with a oane and a cigar, trying to make folks think he's a man when ha don't know any more than a baby." Strangely enough, she advised all hor nephews to got married. "Men are poor, misorablo creatures un'uss thoy have a sensible woman to , look after them and keep them from making fools of thomsolves," she said to me. I did not contradict this sweeping as sertion, but I might just as well have tlouo so, for she took up hor last ro mark is if I had. "Yea, fools perfect fools! They always will be, because they always have been." "Was that the reason you nevor mar ried ooo of them?" I ventured to ask, al though I kuew that my chauee for tho one hundred thousand would siuk a trifle thereby. "None of your impudoneo, young roan! I refused better fellows thau you beforol was sixteen years old, because they didn't know anything." This was very flattering, but I mod estly retrained from makiug any reply whatever, and Aunt Mahala went on: "The worst of it is, the women don't know anything nowadays a shiftless, lazy set, with uo more common sonse than a peacock. Why, wheu I was a young " But I recollected a pressing engage ment and left the room. It was about this time that I met Kiy Ansdell. She was an only child, und although her father was not woalthly, ho was in possession of a good income; so Kay dressed handsomely, went in tho best society and had every wish grati fied. She was a beauty, strictly speak ing, but she had a fresh, piquant faco that was mora attractive thau mere regu larity of features, and she knew how to make herself irrositibly charming to her fri'jnds. Gay, stylish, aud inclined to flirt I found her; but bemat'.i it uH she was pure and true and womanly, and I loved her as I had never even dreamed of loving any woman. I plucked np courage at last and told her if), al though I knew she could do better as far as money was oouoerued, unless, in deed, Aunt Mahala decided in her favor, which at present seemed very un likely. And now that Ray had promised to be mine, and I mas looking forward to our marriage, I longed for one hundred thousand more than ever. It would en able me to place my darling in as good a home as I should take her from, and I could not endure the thought of any thing leas. I did not want to take ad vantage of Bert and Jim, however. Once I ventured to broach the subject to my aunt, and proposed that she divide the money equally among us three;, but I was promptly told to mind my own affairs, and not trouble myself about moncv which never would trouble me. Bert happenod to be the one to inform Annt Mahala ot my engagement wiiu Kay Ansdell. "I tell vou she's stylish!" I hoard him sav. in conclusion, and with a malicious intent, I was sure, for the word "styl ish" always goaded the old lady into i furious humor. "Stylish!" she anortod excuse tho verb, but no other expresses her tone "Of course that's all he wants, then! Any little fool who can mince along and look like a fashion plate will do for him; uo brains, no common sense but, never mind, she's stylish!" At this jnncture walked into the room, and Bert, who did not know of my proximity, looked a littlo crestfallen, ami soon took ms departure. "So Bert was kind enough to inform vou of mr engagement," I lomnrkod. "Oh, yes. It was nothing to mo, of oourse! Ho only happened to mon tion it." This in her most sarcastic tone of voice, and I knew she was offended be cause I had not made a confident of hor. "It is only a few days since it was all settled, and I was awaiting an opportu nity to inform you of it," I said, auxious to conciliate herself if possible. "Dont trouble yourself to make ox cuses, young man. VI course no one expected vou to think of your poor old aunt at such a timo as this. She has nothing in common with lofty young gentlemen nor giggling little lints, either." "Aunt Mahala, please dont pass judgment on Buy Ansdell nntil you have seen her and becomo acquainted with her," I boggod, fooling tho occasion to bo too important to lose my temper. "Well, bring her around," she condo sconded to say. ' I confess I d like to are the girl who is fool enough to want to throw herself away on you. It would never do to slight this cour tcous invitation, so I explained to Bay soon afterward that an eccentric old aunt of miuo desired to soe her. Bay expressed her willingness to go und pay her a visit. 'I deatly liko eccentrio poople, 'she declared, enthusiastically. I greatlv doubted her liking Aunt Ma hala, but I would not discourage her by saying so. "I will come for you early Saturday afternoon," I said, as I kisHod hor good bye at the door. "And, darling, you must not mind if my aunt makes pecu liar remarks; it is hor way." "Oh.no! And I shall mako her liko me, in spito of your foreboding ts the contrary." "Now, Kay, I novor said "No, you never said so," interrupted Ray, "but you looked it all the time. You imagine your Aunt Mahala and I won't get on together; well, wo shall seo." "I don't know how anv one cau help loving you," I cried, snatching a dozen kisses from the bright, roguish faro so close to mine. Saturday, immodiatoly after Iunchoon, I informed Aunt Mahala that I should briug Ray Ansdell to see hor thttt after noon. "Ansdell Ansdell," she niusod; "I usod to know a man by that name a good while ago a poor, shirtless, drinking fellow. What did you say her other name was?" "Rachel,"! replied, thankful that it was au old lashioned nauio, lor Aunt Mahala persisted in liking anything dating fifty years back. ""Thou why dou't yon oall hor Raohel instead of that silly niokuamur Hut thou I suppose it would not ,be stylish enough for hor ladyship." I kept my tempor with an etlort, and triod to say calmly: "Auntie, I hopo you will say nothing to Miss Ansdell about your fortuno or your iutentions regarding it. She prom- T- , - . 1. ... I. - isou to marry me, uenuviug uiu iu vu u poor man with my way to make in the world, aud as she will probably have to live with me us suoh, I don't want jou to raise expectations which may never be realizod." Don't be alarmed," said Aunt Mahala grimly. "It's not likely I'd be bragging of my money to a littlo chit like her, who don't know tho value of a dollar except to fritter it away on candy nud notions, ny the way, i snouni mink it would be quite a oomo-dowu for the young lady to set up house-keeping on a salary of seventy-five dollars a mouth," sneered the old lady, in a mauuer that made my blood boil. "You will pleaso be more respectful in speaking of her aud to her," I retorted. "1 don t expect you to line her. II I brought down an angel from hoaven.you would say sho didu't know anything; but if yon do not treat llay Ansdell decently I will never foigive you, and wheu I have a home of my own you shall never enter it. Now mark my words." You iusnfforablo puppy!' shouted Auut Mahala, furiously, "lou look well talking about angels out of heaven! You look a great deal more like mating with mi nncid out of the other ulnce.with your smoking and swearing and your dis respectful manner Here she choked for breath, and I es caped from the room. I reflected that I had been exceedingly foolish to loso my temper wheu talking with Aunt Mahala, for wheu this happened she never failed to get the better of me. She certainly had done so now, an J this fact would put her into something as neany resetnoitng good humor as she ever allowed herself to indulge; consequently now was tho auspioious time to present Ray. I hurried at oneo to hor home, aud found her watting for mo. "You dou't say a word about my now suit," she said, as soon as we statted. "It just came home from the dress maker's, and it is quite too stylish for anything." My heart sank. Aunt Mahala would hate tho dress and its owner, I thought, as I looked down at it. It was a plain, full skirt of some silky material, with a queer, gathered waist, and puffs at the top of the sleeves; nothing fancy about it, but if it was Btylish, its fate was sealed so tar as Annt Mahala waa con cerned. "Rob, something troubles you this afternoon," exolaimed far-sighted Ray. "Do 1 look to very hideous, and are you sure that Aunt Mahala won't like me?" "You are charming, my pot; but I was thinking bow miserably poor I am. Ray have you ever reflected that with my sal ary I cannot provide all the luxnriea to which vou have been accustomed in your own nomer "Rob, have you evor reflected that so long as I have you I don't care a penny . MM for luxuries or onything else?' "But whon you are deprived of them you may miss them more than you im agine, my dear Kay, I urgod. ns... IrnAti fTl i'llblm? Ifl till. V1.1i.M1. lous way, I shall think you are Incom ing tired of me, and tn that case thore is no use going to see your Aunt Mahala,' exolaimed Ray, stopping short and pull ing her arm from mine. "Thore. there. Ravi I won't sav an other word. We'll take each other for iinllA up tni ivniuA Anil I'll wni-lrnh. how I will work to make a fitting home for von!" We had arrived ut the house by this time, und I led the way at onoe to my Annt Malm la's room. Tho old lady arose as we outerod.and gazed steadily at Kay. "Where did you get that dress?" she demanded, without paying the least at tontion to my formal introduction. "Madame Onthbcrt mado it for mo," answered Kuy, manifesting no surprise at my aunt s abrupt question "It's tho first deceut dress I've seen on a girl in fifty long years! Why, child, I had ono made nearly like it when I was a girl; and a bead-work bag, too!' ex cluimcd my aunt, snatching at the dainty morsel of ((listening steel which Ray held iu her hands. "Just such a one as I had given to me on my eighteenth birthday ! I used to carry it wheret er I went, but ono day I was out iu u boat with a lot of young pooplo and some one droppod it overboard, and that was the lust of it. I can't understand how yon happen to bo carrying ono so near liko it in theso days," Aunt Mahala said, in a dazed kind of way "This was Grandmamma Andsoll's when she was young," Kay explained, brightly. "It's exactly like tho fashion able ones now, and mamma said I might have it for mine. I'm knitting lace," she wont on, as my aunt continued to gaze at her like ono in n dream, "so I thought I'd bring it along and work while we talked. "To be stiro, my dear! Sit right here by mo." said Annt Mahala. drawing out the easiest chair and seating Ray in it." All this time I had stood by, so as toundod by tho old lady's amiability that I hardly comprehended what was being said. Had she suddenly lost her mind, or was Ray bewitching her? They wore soon doep in tho mysteries of lace making, and Aunt Mahala brought out piece after piece of lace yel low with ago. "All my own work when 1 was a girl, sho said; and Ray pronounced them lovely, nnd asked to copy some of the patterns." Never had I seen Aunt mahala in such a mood as this, and I could only be thankful and hope for it to last. I left, und only returned in time to tako dinner with them, rightly judging that thoy would get along as well with out mo. "Your auut has given rao tho loveliest handembroidorod handkerchief!" Ray informed mo. "Aud she is going to teach me to do the same kind of em broidery. Oh, I have hud a delightful afternoon!" she went on, turning to Aunt Mahala, "and I shall come again very soon." "Robert " said my aunt, as Kay was tying on her quaint poke bonnet to go homo, "R tehel looks very much as I did at her age." I uctuully thought I saw tears in Aunt Mahala's eyes, wheu Rny threw hor arms around her neck and kissed her good-night, aud hor voice certainly trembled as she said: 'Gond-uight, my dear child. God bless aud keep you !" Rob, has your Aunt Mahala any prop erty?" inquired Ray, soon after wo com menced our homeward walk. Yes; I believe she has some, I an swered, hypocritically. Then I am sure she intends giving sumo of it to you. She asked me how I expected to get along as the wife of a poor mau, and I said I should bj very economical. I told her we were going to work together und make money; that I should do most of my own work, and all that. She chuckled, and nodded her head, nnd kept saying, "Wo shall see wo shall see! And I couldn t help think ing she meant to do something for you. I hone sho will. Rob, fur your sako. I don't like to think of your toiling bo hind that desk to make a'baro living for us." Then I told hor nil about tho oue hun Ired thousand, which I had not tho lightest doubt would now bo mine. "And all because you are tho dearest, sweetest, most sensible littlo woman iu tho whole world!" I doolared. "No." eoutradicted Ray; "it s bocauso fashiou, liko history, repeats itself. If tho old old styles had uot become new, I shouldu't have had my new dross made iu this delightful, old-fashioned way, nor should I havo been carrying Grand mamma Ansdell'B work-bag, nor should I have been knitting lace suoh as your Auut Mahala made so long ago; and you now very well, Kob, that it was ail mis fhioh pleased the dear old lady." "Then we'll call itProvidcuee working in our liehalf, aud bo thankful lorever- more," I said. 'And von will do something for your cousins, who will bo terribly disappoiut- d. pleaded tender uearioa nay. "Certaiulv," I replied. "I always in tended to help them if the money came to me." The next day Aunt Mahala informed me that I might get into any branch of business that I desired, und buo would furnish the money. "lou have some business tact, she said, condosoondingly, "and with such a wife as Rachel Ansdell, you can't go far rong. I thanked her heartily, and kissed her to emphasize my thanks, at which she was greatly incensed, and told me not to mike a fool of tuvself. Bert came over that same morning. I fancied he was a little anxious to know how Aunt Mahala liked Ray. She did not keep him long in suspense, but aourded her praises until he appeared to grow tired of listening. "Wait nntil you see the girl I hare my eye on," he said, lightly. ."You couldn't find one like Rachel Ansdell if you hunted the world over. Why, I ahull never forget how I felt when she walked ia here yesterday. She looked like some dear old picture stepped down out of a frame. It brought back the days of my youth it did in deed!" declared Aunt Mahula, verging on the poetical. The old lady has never lost her good opinion of Kay, but always looks upon her with especial favor. She is losing some of her sharpness of tongue and temper, too. I think she is ashamed to Indulge before Ray, who is good nature and sunshine itself. If she keeps on im proving, she will be quite a lovable old lady; but howover that may be, Ray and I can never forget how much we owe her. ' fresh and .Male Bread A famous Leipsio physician, in a late number of the Gesundhcit, has ventured to say a good word on behalf of newly baked bread. The majority of the old people, dyspeptics and hypochondriacs, he obsorves, say that they can only eat stale bread; they find now bread too in digestible. The virtue, he tells them, is not Uie staleness of the bread, but in tho care and thoroughness with which they aro compelled to masticate it on aocount of its hardness. Tho tongue not only deceives tho human race in speaking, says the learnod physician it is a great deceiver in eating. As soon as the tongue perceives that any morsol in our mouths is oft and yielding, we are per suaded that it may safely be swallowed no timo for labor is spent upon its maati ttcation. Hence so many people declare that sauer kraut, soft cakes, pate de foio gras, eel and other favorite delicacies of tho Teuton do not agrco with them. The profossor declares that none of those are actually indigestible in themsolvos. As with new bread, it is tho ease with which they aro swallowed which makes them indigestible. Stale bread and biscuit, on the other hand, are not of themselves inherently so very digesti ble, but they give tho eater so mnch trouble to soften them that thoy are not swallowed until they have been reduced into a fit condition for that process. Hence the stomach has not that troublo with them which it almost invariubly has with the softer and moro delicate food which has never received moro than two or three turns with the teeth. Rapid eating and insufficient chewing are the two worst foes of the majority of dys peptics and hypochrondriacs, says our authority, and ho advises such parsons to transfer to thoir own carelossness and idleness nine-tenths of the blame which they are in the habit of laying upon their food or up their cooks. Aihlld Worth Her Weight In Hold. A fow years ago a steamer was coming from California. Tho cry of "Fire! fire!" suddenly thrilled every heart. Every effort was made to stay the flames, but in vain. It soon became evident that the ship must be lost. The burn ing muss was headed for shore, which was not far off. A passenger was seen buckling his belt of gold around his waist, ready to plunge into the waves. Just then a pleading voico arrested him "Pleane sir, can you swim?" A child's blue eyes were piercing into his deepest sonl as he looked down at her. "Yes, child, I can swim." "Well, sir, won't you please save me?" "I cannot do both," he thought. "I must save the child and loso the gold. But a moment ago I was anxious for this whole ship's company; now lam doubting whether I shall exchange hu man life for paltry gold." Unbuckling the belt he cast it from him and said, "Yes, little girl, I will try to save you." Stooping down be bade her clasp her hands around bis neck. "Thus, child; not so tight as to choke mo. Thore, hang on now, and I will try to make land." The child bowed hersolf on his broad shoulders, and clung to her deliverer. With a heart thrice strengthened and an arm thrice nerved, ho struck out for the shore. Wave after wave washed over them. Still, tho brave man held out, and the dear child on, until a mighty mountain billow swept the sweet treasure from his embrace, and cast him souse- loss on the bleak rock). Kind hands ministered to him. Recovering his con sciousness, the form of the dear child met his earnest gazo, bending over him with more than angel ministrations, und blessing him with mute but eloquent benedictions. The Ckematinu op Garibaldi. Something has been published about the details which Garibaldi carefully pre pared for the orematiou of bis own body a matter in which, however, his will was overruled. "Let there be made," he said, 'a funeral pile two meters long, formed of acacia, lontisk, myrrh, nnd othor aro matio woods. On this pile shall be placed an iron bed; on it, the remains adorned with a red shirt. A haudful of ashes shall be put in an urn; that urn must be placed in the sepulchre of my children, Rosa and Anita." Tho patriot made a distinction between a "crema tion" and "burning." Ho wanted to be burned as Pompey was. So he pnt the matter in his will to give his purpose sa- creduess. "Having by testament de termined the burning of my body, he wrote, "I charge my wife with the execu tion of this will before giving notice to anyone whomsoever of my death. Th? uru containing my ashes shall be pnt in the wall behind tho sarcohphagus of our children under the acacia that shadows the tomb." He even selected, so it is said, a quantity of the spicy woods to be used for tho funeral pyre, had them cut up suitably under his own eye, and Btored them iu a convenient place ready for use. This was really very poetic, but it was of no avail. Garibaldi be longed to Rally, not to Caprera. Twenty-six Russian cavalry officers are declared to have paid a thousaid roubles each for dinner about a fort night ago at Warsaw. They had deter mined to have a dinner worthy of those Roman emperors who preferred luxuries out of season regardless of their cost, and they are said to have succeeded fairly in their attempt. For some eight hours they sat at the table consuming plate after plate. One of their courses was a ragout of African turtle, and another stewed nightingales. Each man had a wreath of rosea around his head during the entertainment. ' A lady put her watch under ber pillow the other night, but couldn't keep it there because it disturbed her sleep. And there, all tha time, waa her bed ticking right under her, and aha never thought of that at all. A TALK OF THE I7Tn CEIRT. Oue fine summer evening about two hundrod years ago, just as the sun was setting over London, a crowd of idlers might have been seen gathered around the door of Wfll'a coffee-house, which was then a kind of fashionable club where all the wits and fine gentlemen of the town wero wont to meet. These loungers were evidently waiting for some one of special note, for every now and then all heads were turned eagerly toward the corner of the street, and each man whispered to his noighbor: "Ain't ho comia' yet?" Suddenly thoro was a buzz of "Here he comes!" and a fat littlo old man in a rather shebby suit of black, with an eye as clear and bright as a hawk's, came slowly through the crowd, which opened respectfully to lot him pass. And well it might, for this old man was no other than John Drydon, the most famous poet of his time, or (as many people then said and thought) ot any other time either. Little did they dream how small the name of John Dryden was one day to look beside that of another English writer, also called John, who had died in au obscuro lodging only a few years beforo, old, blind, racked with gout and glad to get twonty flvo dollars for tho grandest epic poem over written a poem of which some of us have heard under tho name of "Paradise Lost." "Hurrah for Mr. Dryden! ' roared a brawny fellow with a butcher's blue apron; "und long may he live to pitch into them Dutch lubbers as they de serve!" The crowd heartily applauded the sentimont, for the war between England and Holland was just over, aud Dryden's satires upon the Dutch were more popu lar in England than anything else that he had written. 'They said he was u-gottin' old," cried a porter, looking after the poet as ho entered tho coffee-house ; "but to my mind he looks just as fresh as ever." "Who d'ye say that stout gentleman is?" asked a light-hairod lad, whose ruddy cheeks and countrified dress be trayed that this was his first visit to London. "Who's he, do you say, Chawbacon?" answered his neighbor. "Why, wherever can you have been livin' all your life, not to know him? That's Mr. John Dry den, the great poet, as dines with the king every day." "Dines with the King everyday!" eohoed the countryman, in amazement "Eh, but I wish I was him." "You needn't do that, mv boy," said a sharp-looking little journeyman tailor; "for be s as poor as a rat, and owes a hundred guineas iuto the bargain. He'll see tho inside of a debtor's prison afore long, or my name's not Timothy Smithson. "Is thaj really so?" asked a tall, hand some man, in a very rich dress, who had just got out of Ins carriage at tho door of the coffee-house. "Are you certain of what you eayt "Quite certain, if it pleaso you lnrd sLip," auswered tho tailor, dolling his cap respectfully for Charles Sackville (Lord Dorset) was as well known in London as the dome of St. Paul's itself, being, in truth, the most generous, as well as the richest, of English nobles. "It's our people he owes the bill to, and muster says ho means to get his money one way or another." The earl made no answer, but walked into the ooffee house, murmuring to him soli: "I could pay the debt easily enough, but it wouldn't please my old friend to know that his'difiieulties are public talk. I must find some other way." The group assembled within was one which any painter would have lovod to copy, for every man in it bore a name which will live as long as the history of England itself. There was tho brilliant, witty, heart less Sir Charles Sedlev, many of whose sayings are still quoted by men that have forgotten who said them. Thore were the smooth-tonguod Arlington and the boisterous Etherge, and the ever laugh ing Montague. There, too, was the wild duke of Buckingham, upon whoso hand some features the mad career that de st roved the largest fortune and the strongest constitution in England, had already stampod the impress of prema ture age and untimely death. And there, somewhat wan and haggard from long excess, hat still neautifui und graceful us ever, sat tho wildest and wit tiest and most reckless of them all John Wilmot, earl of Rochester. "Welcome, my illustrious namesake! ' cried Sedley, with his little twinkling laugh. "You come as usual, just at the right moment. Ws are discussing which is tho best of us at writing au improptu. and we cannot agree." "I'll settle that for you then!" cried Dorset, struck with a sudden thought. We will eaoh write a piece of improptu verse or prose, and Mr. Dryden, whoso judgment no one can question, will honor us by naming the successful one." "Agreed!" cried all with one voice. And to work they went at once, while Dryden, turning his chair around, watched them with a smile which showed how thoroughly he enjoyed the post assigned him. . Among the most famous wits of the day one might well havo expected a very close and sharp contest, but, to every one s amazement, Dorset pushed his pa- Ecr across the table to Dryden almost efore any of the others had well begun theirs. "Our friend must have thought," whispered Etherege to Rochester, "that the prize was to the quickest piece, not to the best. His contribution must con sist of nothing but date and signature, judging from the time he has taken ove It." "He looks pleased enough, however, answered Rochester, in the same tone. "Depend upon it, he has hit on some good idea." It certainly appeared as if he had, for when all the impromptus were finished and handed in, Dryden, after a very brief examination of them, astonished every one by deciding in favor of Dorset. Rochester, who had fully expected the , first place himself, eagerly snatched up Dorset's paper, and instantly broke into a shout of laughter, echoed by all the rest as they read the prize composition which ran aa follows: "Pay to John Dryden, on demand, the sum of one hundred guineas. Dorset. Golden days. SIIORT BITS. The toper's song: "Give m . ,, your jimmy, John!" U1V9nsa PUit "I guess I'll push alone," H wLnr man with the wheelbarrow sail 11,8 They do say that the first 'question asked by a deacon visiting Ev t 1 n "Now what .re the real Ss 07 1 0 1 ipbar scandal?" 6 Fot- An old lady, hearing that John Brurhi contemplated v siting this conntry.hop J that he wouldn't bring his-diseaW.th' We aro always pleasod to hear of . young man settling down, but it Kiv us far more pleasure to record the hit of his Bettling up. ct "Ef yer want ter make a 'oman mad an appear pleased, tell her ob a fault but ef yer wsnster make hor pleaded ai; iorir.'"'oJ to11 Lcr ,,at M But," continued Mrs. Fogg, "thore is reason in all things you know." cepting, of course, most of the thins you say," rejoined Fogg, tho hard-hearted monster. "Who was it that said it was not good for man to b 3 alone?" asked a SuuiU school teacher of his class. A bright box answered: "Daniel, sir, when "in tut. lion's don." A chance for an inference; "S1)me cursed scoundrel tucked a plugged half dollar off on me." he said. "Can't vou pass it?" askod his friend. "Well r don't known," he said, "but you but 1 shall try." A woman lately looked at a printing press at work, turnod to her companion und in a most earnest manner inquired' "Well, Charloy, an' them's the tiling that writes the papers. Re's them what they call editors?" A young man in a train was making fun of a lady's hut to nn elderly gentle man in the seat with him. "Yes," said his seat mate, "that's my wife, and I told her if she wore that bonnet'that some fool would make fun of it." The Burlington Hawkeyo tells of a heartbroken widower ut Waterloo.Jowa who erected a pine slab over his 'wife's grave and presented a handsome piano to tho young lady who was so very kind to him during his sad affliction. Boys are very careless and impulsive where their pleasures are concerned. Two Brooklyu juveniles were severely punished last week for stoning their momer s new uonnet, under the impres siou that it was a wasp's nest. Paris actresses, it is said, wear paper lace, which by night looks as beautiful und delicate as the best of real luce.while it costs but a triflo. To wear an expen sive lot of lace, which may be ruined in ono evening, is considered the height of folly. A Texas husband had a pretty wife of whom he was exceeding jealous. As she was much givon to frivolity, he deter mined to4eure her;sohe;brutally branded her on each cheek withan irou usod for marking cattle, and she will carry a star and cross tho rest of her days. "Uncle John," said little Emily, "do you know that a baby that was fed on elephant's milk gained twenty pounds in one woek?" "Nonsense! Impossible!" exclaimed Uncle John ;and then he asked: "Whose baby was it?" "The elephant's," said the little girl. "Well," remarkod a young M. D., jnst from college, "I suppose the next thing will be to hunt a good location, and then wait for something to do, like 'Pa tience on a monument.' " "Yes," said a a byestander, "and it won't be long after you begin before tho ciorAiment will be on the patients." Fred (just returned from a long jour ney) to his brother, who has got mar ried: "I say, Jack, whot in the world did you marry that frightfully ugly woman for?" "I did not look at her ex terior," said Jack, "it was for her inter ior, beauty 1 married her." "Then, for goodness sako, Jack, turn her inside out." Of Mayor Cleveland it is related that when he found that the law of New York and the charter of Buffalo forbade un appropriation by the city for Decora tion Day purposes he said so, and then he secured private subscriptions for the whole amount assuming one-tenth of it himself. The late James LysaghtFinigan, Mem ber of Parliament for Clare, was at one time a voluntoer in tho Papal Zouaves, and afterward served under General Oisnzy in the Franco-Prussian hm of 1870. For several years after that he was an active journaiibt.and only entered politics in 1879. Ralph Ryder, aged eighty, insisted 11. inn Kntr.r nlln..,n.l 1.111 n K.F whiell Uj-M'U UCIU flUUWUU LU Kill UO.I, " was roaming around Sprimgbrook, Wis. rru . . . I . . i 1 tl.a u Hpi'ciuiors nm memseives, uu - nl.l tin. ,in. ..., i, linnr was ., uituui, nuiuu liutli lino within a few yards, fired with agoodaitn. But the beast lived long enough to hug and bite its slaver breaking both wrists and baring his skull. . Grover Cleveland, whom the Demo crats have nominate! for Governor of New York, is described as a portly but well proportioned man, with square ,.1 11 i l : n.'n .lurk hair is growing thin, and is streaked witn gray, nis eyes are uark anu His face is smoothly shaven, sive heavy, dark mustache, which droops over his mouth and shadows his firm, rather prominent chin. A Statesman's Brother. nnlitician. more nntPil inilfifld for his Dolitics than BIS culture, went through the Joliet peni-' tentiary, accompanied by his .'ouu' brother, a boy named Hugh, and a psrtj of gentleman a couple of weeks tgo. Hugh acted as a cicerone for one part m tbe crowd and Btopped to shake hands with a variegated gentleman whom i ne addressed as "Rooster." "hen . . -r-. . ., i. . t li irtrflrV- lioosier uau cianaea away, man of the party turned to Hugh asked: . . "What is your unfortunate inen- here for?" "Scratchin de shingle. "What?" "Why, totin' de chips." "I still don't understand.- . "He faked de casers onto' de won basket." "Really, I" . ...i "Oh." (tiredly), "can't you undersUiu nuffin? Tappiu' da till.