The Eugene City guard., September 23, 1882, Image 2

THE BWKET COUKTBY C0VBIK8.
How dear to the heart are Hit swoet country
eou4in,
When dog days of auininer begin to dm
near,
Whan brick i hare grown hot iind when sun-
atrikes by duuns
Kill bod with unguiali and botom with fear I
Thu green wiving ficlda tod the awoet-amelling
breeaet,
The 'arsping from turmoil to quiet and calm."
The rich creamy milk which the read band
anirm,
And ei'D the brown eouaina who live oil the
farm,
The plain oountry eouaina, the uncultured
couiina
The aweet eouutrr eouaina who live on the
farm I
Tho eweet country eouaina I oh, aren't they a
truaiure?
How bandy to hare at vacation time I
And pay inn ono'i hoard in ajtooooatly ploaaure,
When all can be had without (pending a dimo
Jlnw pleasant to livo on rich cream and ripe
bcrrit ,
Fresh, golden-huml butter and cakes light and
warm,
Preeuteof the Iiomm, tho carta, ant .the whor
rif Of awoet country coualn who live on tho
farm,
The plain country cousin, the uncultured eoua
ina The aweet counlrv coiinaiua who live on the
farm t
II. iw dear are the awcot congtry coutina in aum
mr I
How fragrant (lie meadow, romantic the
down I
Hut straightway your faooa begin to grow glum
mer At thonghtf of their viait next winUir to town.
The theater, the concert, the lecture, the money
Kxpouded in tiukcUl Tue luougtn givca a
gUUlll)'
The aemiel of auinmor ia not quite ao funny
Why don't tho awoot eouaina remain on their
turm i
Tin brown vianged couiiina, the great awkward
euaina, (
The clodhopper couaiua ahould remain on the
lunn. luoawro iranacnpi.
I1IST1KK. FOR a ilILillWltXIN.
A etolwart, but tired-looking horse
man was riding toward the village of
Mousy Brook, at tho oIoho oi a sultry
afternoon last summor, an fast as tho
jadod bay muro ho bestrode could lessen
the distance. Uis loco was uanusoiuo
but he wore an anxious expression, ami
ho stored about tho country, as ho rodo
on, with tho air of a strunger in those
purte. His dusty foot, his pale vissuge
and the foreign cut oi ins apparei, wiui
the watchftiluess of his manner, would
have led any observer to consider him
ono who had traveled far that day, mid
who was not only from a foreign coun
try, bnt laboring undor some deep dis
tress of mind, sorrow or fear perhaps
remorse.
As he climbed the hill which looked
down upon the village his face bright
ened somowhat.
"Thank heaven ! thcro I shall find a
few hours' rost and refreshment for my
- self and this exhausted boast," he mut
tered. And the maro priekod upon her
cars as she saw tho village and heard his
voico, aud hastoned her pace, as if buo
knew her rider's intention.
"Care for hor woll," said the stranger
to the hostlor as ho alighted. "I urn
to sup and sleep a fow hours, and at ten
to-night have hor ready saddled at the
door; for I am in great haste to con
tinuo tny journoy, and must then do
psrt." Tho hostler promisod.and the strangor
aftor eating a hearty 'supper, retired to
rest.
Having well bestowed the mare, the
hostler flung himself down before the
stable door, and, considering that he
had as much right to rent as any othor
man or beast in a free oountry, went to
sleep himself.
Whether he had worked or drank too
rauoh that day, cortuin it was that ho
overslept his time; and when ho started
np aud hastily saddled the mare upon
which the strangor was to continuo bis
way it was eleven o'olock and pitch
dnrk. As the stranger, also, had overslept
his hour, he did not so much blutne the
hostlor, but paid his bill, mounted
quickly aud rode off, making no answer
to the remurk of tho man that there
would 1 a heavy storm before morning
as the clouds were already bluek and
threatening.
"Valuable information!" snoored tho
traveler, as tho mare made unsuully
quick time over tho road. "Couldn't I
see for mysolf? Had I not been in hnste
to get to the oud of my journey, I should
not, of course, have gone on before
morning, aftor forty miles of truvol un
der a summer sun. The deuce is in my
luck, to be roastod by day, and half
drowned by night, as this approaching
storm seems to forbode. lla 1 what a
vivid flash! Thu tempest is coming Booner
than I expected. How fast the mare
goes. A few hours have worked wonders
with her; or perhaps, instinct bids her
speed to osoape.the tompest, if possible."
A heavy crash of thunder, just then,
startled both horso and horseman the
opening conuouade of tho elemental bat
tle which waa soon to sweep furiously
t around thom.
"She has been over-fed, or she is very
skittish," thought tho horseman, as he
felt the tremor of the frightened animal's
limbs, and her gait for a short distance
beoanio irregular. "Our road lies
through a wood for a few miles, us I am
told; and, when the shower is on us in
full force, what with the lighting, the
thunder, the raiu and tho darkness,
she may become unmanageable. Per
haps, I had better stayed after all.
The more honto the worst speed some
times." Flatth after flash, peal after peal now
followed rapidly, with blinding and deaf
ening effect uon man aud beast, and
soon the wind and rain combined with
fearful power and volume, us if to dis
tract and discomfort the benighted horso
aud ridor. Here aud there, over their
rough road, the torn brunches of trees
incumbered it, as it to dispute their
pkxsugo. Twice a tho scared beast gal
iop.vl frantically on, fche stumbled and
nearly threw the osvulier, requiring all
his efforts to recover her and keep tho
saddle; and once a dazzliug bolt and a
tearful simultaneous clap of thunder
caused the poor beat to awerve madly
aside, rear, and then turn back iu her
track for a, short distance while atull
tree, cleft by the lightning, scattered
' halt ib mighty bulk over the spot from
which the mare had shrunk back.
Hut. with steady hand and coaxing
voice, the horseman finally caused her to
return acaiu; and, vaulting ovr the
prostrate trunk, th'y resume their course,
while broken, boughs, torn from tallest
trees, whirled dangorously through the
dark air.
Thus, through the night they pro
ceeded, the storm gradually abating as
the dun dawn of day approacuoa; arm,
when the eheerinn sun at last broke with
morry face over the glittering hills, the
drenchod stranger was far beyond the
perplexing forest through, whicn ne naa
ridden.
"Thank you for nothing," he ex
claimed, mockingly saluting the sun.
"The world is full of such friends, who
L'ive their aid onlv when the trouble is
over. The sun should shine in the eight
such times."
The mare niado the best of hor way to
the neighboring village, where the rider
now determined to stop, recruit and pass
half a day at least.
Dirty, dronchod, sore with travel,
haggard as he was, it may be supposed
that he did not feel ovor-oommunicative
to the people at the tavern, who starod
at the strangor the harder. They thought
him not at all prepossessing noor,
proud, no bagguge and very likely no
money.
The mare, however, was stallod; not
without being closely regarded by every
eye.
"May I nover eat meat," said ono, "if
that isn't Amos Dunbar's mare, Julo."
"I wish I may be shot if I don't think
so, too, White fore feet, and just such a
shape, height, head and gait, mono and
tail, at any rate.
"Couldn't be possible" said another.
"He left yesterday to be gone a week,
he said; and he wouldn't allow any live
man but himself to ride his mare."
"But there- she is, howsomevor," in
sisted tho others, and they went out to
the barn to reassure themselvos.
Moanwhilo the stranger, having gone
in to wash and mako his garmonts wuie
what more tidr. disclosed to the land
lord a bloody gash upon the side of his
head, which ho bathed, and, calling for
plaster, dressed it.
"How didjyou got that wound, friend?"
asked the landlord, curiously.
"A fulling bough in the storm last
night, was the answer, carolessly. "i
did not think it was so severe a cut. So
much to do to manage my horse I hardly
gave it a thought."
"Whoro might you be from, sir?"
oontinued the landlord, not exactly sat
isfied. "I might be from any quarter of the
world you choose," said the stranger;
"and if I told you from England 1 don't
knew that it would make you any wiser.
Don't bogin to catochise a tired man. If
I pay my way that's all you need wish of
me."
"Humph!" grunted tho landlord, as
he ordered a table ready for his bluff
visitor. "I'm not sure that this follow
isn't a roush customer and a suspicious
chorocter. I'll keep an eye on him!"
While the stranger was at breakfast,
those who had been to inspect the horse
reasserted that it was no other than
Amos Dunbar's more: and, whispering
to the landlord about it, they agroed to
ask the stranger how she came into his
possession as soon as he hud finished his
meal.
'He had a heap of money about him
when ho went away yesterday," said the
innkeopor, shaking his head in a sinister
manner.
"Look here, stranger, said one of tho
villagers, as he rose from the table and
camo forth, "ain't that same Dunbar's
mare, that you rid hero?
"I dont know him. wuy ao you
ask?" said the stranger, frowning at what
he considorod village impertiuonoe.
"Hut we know his mare; and that s
her, sure as snakes. He left hero, whoro
he lives, yes'd'y forenoon on her back,
and vou must have met him else how
camo yju by his horse?"
I have ridden nor about iw miles, ami
so she couldn't well hsvo beeu here yes
terday," repliod tho stranger, vexed at
the suspicious glances which were cast
npon him, and attributing them to the
insolence which a solid exterior some
times invites from the low-minded.
Without Htnviticr to hear their replios.
ho turned his back suddenly upon them
and proceeded to the barn, where he
took from the suddlo a largo leathern
Iioeket-book, and, concealing it about
lis person, returned to tho houso.
'I had forgotten that, ho reflected.
"Without money I might indeed give
cause for suspicion."
A boy in tho barn hud notico'i tuis act,
and, hearing that the man was a sus
pected horse thief, he ran iu and told tho
landlord.
Suspicion now increased against the
stranger. hy didu t he tell a straight
story? Whoro'did he get the wound on
his head? Why did he falsiiy about the
mare? Why was ho so close-miudod?
Amos Dunbar was widely known as a
wealthy man, and his favorite mare.Jule,
was equally well kuown to the viliuue.
He had ridden away with her tho day
before, with a large sum of money. Now,
a stranger had come back with her, pre
tending not to huvo seen him. What did
all this mean?
The landlord sent at once for Mrs.
Dunbar, who came iu great haste and an
euish. identified the mare, even tho sud
dlo, and now joined in the painful be
lief that the traveler bad murdered tier
husband for his mouey aud lied upon his
beast, not deeming that he was coming
to the very place where he would be
most easily detected.
The ire of the people at the tavern was
aroused, and they again con f routed the
stranger, having procured a constable,
and, to his dire alarm, the mare having
beeu brought from the stable, lie was
told to consider himself under arrest un
less he could give a satisfactory explana
tion of the mystery. The piesenco of
Mrs. Dunbar added solemuity to the in
quest liut the stranger's indignation
still overmastered uis alarm.
"The maro was hired by mo in the
city, which is over 200 miles away. I
have ridden her night and day since
then, only stopping for a few hours' ret
and refreshment, aud intend to do so
uutil I reach D -, whither impoitaut
business urcc me to this haste. More
you have no right to kuow, and more I
will not snNWer, uuioss compelled in mie
form by those who have a right to ques
tion me.
"Surelv I oncht to know my own
horse, which was brought tin by us from
a foal!" exclaimed Mrs. Dunbar, petting
the animal affectionately, while tears of
apprc beuaion rolled down her face.
".Madam, said tue stranger, in a
more soothing tone, "you are certainly
mistaken, in the identity ot the animal.
I h ve ridden her, as I say, for mora
than
"Don't lie any morel" roughly inter
ruptod the landlord. "Murdor will out,
and you might as well tell the truth first
as lost. For-"
He was in turn interrupted by a sav
age spring, which the strangor at that
momont made toward him, to avenge the
insult of being culled a liar; and, had
not others-luckily for the rash host'
qniokly interposed, he would have paid
a severe penalty for his rashness.
"Hold him! ne is getting desperate
now!" cried the enraged host. "He'll
have to swing yet, I'll be bound. Why
don't you search him? He has beeu
seen to take a pocket-book from the sad-dlo!"-
"Whore my husband always keeps it
when be rides far," said Mrs. Dunbar.
"Yon neod not search me it Is mine,"
Insisted the stranger, instiuotively en
deavoring to prevent the indignity.
"Ob, but thore is need!" said the con
stable. "If l'a yours, you'll jet it
again; and here it is," he added, draw
ing it from beneath the shirt-bosom of
the suspected man. "Mrs. Dunbar, do
yon know that pockot book?"
She opened it and disclosed a pile of
bank notes, her husband's name writton
on the inside, and papers which could
belong to no one but him.
"Proof positive!" said everybody; and
their looks of horror were equaled by
those of the strangor, who was evidently
confonndod. He trembled now; but
partially recovering himBelf, he said:
"I know how it came, I had a pocket
book like that," and, lifting up his
hands, he added, "and I oall on"
"Don't blaspheme, sir; don't commit
any more sin; you cant decoivo us. You
must now "
An unexpected interruption forever
out short what might have been a very
mujoctio sentence from the constublo.
For the accused man, desporato at his
situation and stung to ferocity by tho
behavior of his interrogators, with the
quickness of light knocked down two
who stood in Ins way, and in another in
stant bonndod upon the mare, who was
Btanding handily vt his side, and, put
ting her to the top of the speed, before
any could interpose, he shook a defiant
fist back at them as he rodo, and was
soon out of sight, disappearing over
the hill in the direction from which he
had come in the early morning.
"Confound the luck!" he muttered, as
the fleet maro sped. "I had no mind to
be imprisoned, and bad rather clear my
self to save time. I fancy how it is.
My horse is lost. I will try to get back
to Mossy Brook and find her. Or, per
haps, this mav be her. and the wrong
saddle was put upon her by the bung
ling hostlor. let now two mares could
look so much alike, or two pocket-books,
or deuce take it! If I get back, the
mystery may be cleared np by the
owner of the other horse if there is
another horso. liy Jupiter! they are
coming!"
Two or three horsemen wore in hot
pursuit, though still a mile behind, yet
mounted on fresh horses, and were fust
lessoning the distance between them and
the fugitive.
As he descended a bill, the sight of a
wood had almost induced him to dis
mount aud seek shelter afoot, when,
coming fast in the opposito direction, he
saw another mounted traveler.
Soon they were abreast of each other,
and, at the instant, both reined in and
dismounted. Their mutual glanco ex
plained the unoomfortable problem.
Tue horses were almost precisely anno
in shape, color, size, etc., savo that
one had but two white feet, the other
four.
"My namo is Amos Dunbnr!'' ex
claimed that individual, smiling and ex
tending his hand. "No explanation is
needed, sir; the hostler was half druuk
and acknowledged that ho made the
bungle. "Here is your pocket book.
he added, delivering it. "That, too,
is like miue, and was placed where I
placod miue. lint when I opened it I
saw vour namo, 'William Norton!' "
"That is my namo, dear sir. lour
own wallet will be found at tho village
tavern, or with tho constable. They
rooognizod your mare and took me for
both mnrdcrnr and thief! Hero thev
come, some of them. Wo will ride book
together."
The pursuers came up and a few
words ot further explanation put all in
good humor as they rode loisurely to
the tavern agaiu.
That nierbt Sir William Norton, tem
porarily in America on important busi
ness, was tho guest of Mr. Amos Dun
bar and his now very agreeable wife.
They found the knight somewhat better
than a highwayman, his courtly manner
shining through his travel-worn apparel,
and ho confessed, wheu he resumed his
journey in the morniu, that he had
learned this significant moral: .through
out life, to be careful that you mount the
right horse.
V Legal Tender.
The other dav a sharp looking youth
walked up quickly to the counter of the
po4olllce in a country town, aud empty
in it a bse of coppers thereon, asked the
clurk, who was attending to other cus
tomers, for a dollar a worth of one cent
stamps.
"Oh. von bo bothered! was the an
swer. "That is not a legal tender ;' it is
ill old copper.
"What is a legal tender then?" asked
the boy.
"Why, one cost is a legal tender for a
one-cent stamp."
"Oh!" exclaimed the youth, "is it?
Come on, thou," passing a ooin from the
heap. "A oue-cent stamp, please."
The clerk gave him one.
"Another, please."
A second was given him.
"Ano-"
"Here, stop that," the clerk said.
"Give me the money. It will be the
shortest way to get rid of you."
After counting the money, he gave the
value thereof in stamps to the lad, who
whs heard to mutter -
"I thought I wonld tire him out!"
A street railway lias been laid between
Athoi and the Pirwus, which serves the
whole city, pasing by the Parthenon
and the Acropolis. Hut what a prosaic,
every day sort of age this is when snch
things can bo as horse cars in the land of
the a noii nt Greeks.
"Where are yon going in snch a
hurry?" "Ooly back into the house
again to chause ny pocketbook."
"Change it?" "Yes, I had no idea that
the day was so hot; I started out with my
sealskin pocketbook."
Her Lost Baggage.
Down in the Union Depot there are a
thousand carpet bags, satchels, grab
bags and parcels piled npon shelves to
await owners. The collection is known
as stray baggage, and it is added to or
taken from daily. The man who has
charge of it kuows pretty well the con
tents of each, and what he doesn't know
he can guess at. Yesterday, whon a
woman entered his domain and said- she
wot looking for a lost satchel, be prompt
ly replied: ,
"Very woll, madam. We will begin
onr search in division 'A.' Were both
handles off your satchel, the bottom
partly ripped off and a red woolen rag
sticking out of the side?"
"No sir."
"Ah, then I missed it. Lets see.
Hero's a satchel that has been here about
four weeks. The first thing on top is a
red wig and a pair of blue stockings.''
"That isn't mine, sir."
"Just so. Belongs to some poor soul
who can't be happy without it. Here's a
satchel which bears your description,
but it can't he yours. The principal
contonts are a bottle of whisky, an old
hut and a dime novel. Can t belong
to yon nohow."
"No. sir."
"Well, bore's another bundle I should
say by tho feol that it oontained two
night caps, a volume of poetry and a set
of f also frizzes. Do yon identify it?"
"No, sir, I dont.,r
"Does this satchel resemble yours?"
"Yes sir."
Any familiar" marks about it?"
"Yes, several."
"Did your satchel contain a packngo
of sixteen love letters, each one leading
off with "Dear Ben,' and closing with
'Your own darling?' "
"No sir no sir that's not mine."
"This one isn't yours, either, because
it contains a euchre deck and some faro
chips. Now look np there, third one from
the right, eh? Well, here it is. Is this
yours?"
"Yes sir."
"Glad of it. Can you describe its con
tents?" "Yes sir. The first thing on top is a
-a "
"Yes, I know. A pair of stockings
with holes in the heels. They belong to
your sister, of course."
"Sir!"
"No offenso, ma'am. Many impostors
eome here, and we must bo particular.
Please go on."
"The next thing is a- a "
"An old corset with a shoe string for
laces perfectly Correct. Please des
cribe the next article."
"I won't do it," she'exclaimod.
"PBhuw, now! but you musn't take
offense. There is a pair of shoes with
half the buttons off, a bottle of face pow
dor, a pair of gloves with the fingers out,
and-"
"That isn't mine, at all."
"Oh, it isn't eh? Well, I'm sorry."
"I don't believo mine is here, and you
needn't go to any f urlLor trouble."
"Very well. I shall go to dinner iu
half an hour. I will place this satchel
in this corner, and I shall tell the old
man who relieves me at noou that a boy
will come for it. That's all good bye
hope you'll find your baggage"
When be returned at one o'clock, the
baggage was gone. f Detroit Free Press.
How Mie Hon Him
I have just heard the most remarkublo
story of the evenness of female temper.
In fact it seems so surprising to mo that
I think some record of it should be em
balmed in the archives of Quiz. It is a
beautiful little fairy story and may ap
propriately be called "How She Won
Him." Indoed it was quite enough to
win a far worse man, if the wort
men are ever won, which I dare say they
are not. It happened here iu Philadel
phia and is on this wise: Yon know, or
rather you dou't know until I tell you
(for how should you?) that there wus a
beautiful dinner given "many years
ago," and she sat opposite him and
lookod ever so charming in a wine-colored
silk with a square neck, and other
wise arrayed as never were tho lilies in
the valley of this poor earth. Well, the
idiot of a waiter in handling the soup,
upset the entire contents of a phto right
iu her lap. Just think of it girls! The
whole front breadth utterly ruined, and
for the world it could not be matched.
Well, what did : he do? Did she faint?
Did she scream? Did she soy you
horrid man? Not at all; she passed the
thing off in some witty remark about
fiery baptism snd calmly resumed her
diunor. He, of course, was delighted,
thought her a most remarkable woman,
and indeed she was; became attentivo to
her and finally married her. One even
ing loug after .the event they were sitting
before tl e fire, the children having gone
to bed, and were talking about old times,
when lie said:
"My dear, I nev?r told you, I think,
how 1 first thought I would like to marry
you, did I."
"Why, gracious goodness, no never."
"Well," he said, "do you remeuibor
thnt dinner at Mrs. Simpkin's where
vour dress was spoilt by the soup?"
"Indeed I do,'1 she replied, "I shall
never forget it us long as I livo."
"Well," he continuod, "you behaved
so well about it thut I thought you a per
fect jewel."
"Yes," she answered, "I reniembor
behaviug very well about it at the time,
but, good laud, you should have seen
the mark of mv teeth on thu bed-post
that night."- "
Now wasn't that just too perfectly ro
mantic for anything? Philadelphia
Quiz.
VTU and Humor In Church.
A story is going the rounds of tho re
ligious press to the effect that a preacher
who had been nnnoved by persons com
ing to the meeting late, resolved to put
a stop to it, and addressed a man who
came in after the sermon was begun
thus:
"Glad to seo you sir! Come in, come
in! Always glad to see those late that
can't come early."
To which salutation, the man taking
his seat, cool'y replied;
"Thank you! thank you kindly! Bet
ter late than never. Would you fvor
me with the text?"
"Certainly," was the answer, and it
was given, when the minister went on
with his discourse, somewhat doubtful
whether he had made anything by the
diversion.
('ambronse's Hedge.
A young French corporal in the gar
rison at Nautes -as once place! in cir
cumstances where he oould not be other,
wise than sincere and solemn too. He
was a brsve and bright youth, a mere
boy in age, but in barrack life he had
contracted dissipated habits, and often
drank so deeply as to forget both duty
and discretion.
In a drunken momont he struck a su-
Eerior officer, and martial law condemned
imtodie. His colonel loved him, and
interested himself earnestly for some
mitigation of his sentence. The appeal
was met by a stern refnsal, but the col
onel persevered. At last he succeeded
in obtaining a conditional pardon. The
young corporal should be releasod if ho
would reform. If ever again seen in
toxicated, he should be shot. Tho col
onel hastened to the prison where the
culprit was confined, awaiting death.
Poor Pierre received bira with a pale and
sorrowful face.
"Ah, colonel, this is what my folly has
brought me to."
"Yes, your case is a sad one, my boy.
You are too young to dio so. But sup
pose I bring you a pardon, or one condi
tionr ,
"Do yon mean it?" said the boy .bright
ening. "And what is the condition?"
"It is life if yon will nover get drnnk
again death if you do."
"Impossible, colonel! I cannot drink
and remain sober."
"Thon promise to let tho wine alone.
Is not your life worth that sacrifice, un
banpy boy?"
Pierre was silent a moment, thinking
intensely and puinfally.
"Must I never drink any more,
colonol?"
"Never."
Another momont of silence.
"But how can you bo certain I shall
keep mv pledgo?"
"I will bo sadsfiod with your word of
honor as a soldier."
That reply rallied all Piorro's man
hood. He sprang to his feet. '
"See," said be, lifting bis hand rev
erently toward heaven. "God is my wit
ness here and now! I promise never to
my dying day to taste wine or other
liquor agatn."
The young soldier was released and re
stored to his place in the army. He be
oame General Carabronne, ono of the
brilliant leaders who won historic fame
in Napoleon's wars. He commanded the
Imperial Guard at the battle of Waterloo,
and fell terribly wounded after uttering
the often quoted defiance, "The old
guard dies, but never surrenders." He
lived to bo seventy-two years old, but
the pledge made in his boyhood he kept
faitfhully to tho last. But for that pledge
there nover would have been any Gen
eral Carabronne.
Keady Wli.
The Earl of Kelly was relatiug in
company that he had listened to a sermon
in Italy, in which the preacher doscribed
the alleged miracle of St. Anthony
prettohing to the fishes, which, in order
to listen to him, held their heads out of
the water.
"I can believe the miroclo," said Ers
kine, "if your lordship was at church."
"I was'certuiuly there," said the peer.
' "Thon," rejoined Henry, "thoro was
at least one fish out of water."
On a change cf ministry, Erskino was
appointed to succeed Henry Dundas
subsequently Lord Melville as lord ad
vocate. On tho raorniug of his appoint
ment be met Mr. Dundas in the Parlia
ment House, who hud resumed the or
dinary gown worn by all solicitors at the
Scottish bar, excepting the lord advocate
and solicitor general. Aftor a little con
versation Erskiuo remarked thut he
must be off to order his silk gown.
" Tis not worth your while," said
Dnndus, "for tho short time you'll want
it; you bad better borrow mine."
"I have no doubt your gown," replied
Erskine, "is made to fit auy party; but,
however short may be my time in office,
it shall not be suid of Henry Erskine
that he put on the abandoned habits of
his predecessors."
Mr. A. B., a judge of the commissary
court, talked in an inflated and pompous
manner. Having failed to attend an ap
pointment with Erskine, he subsequently
explained that he had been called out of
town owing to his brother having, iu at
tempting to leap a fence, fallen from a
stile and sprained his foot.
"It was fortunate for your brother,''
said the wit, , "that it was not from your
style he fell, or ho had certainly broken
his neck."
Shortly after the death of Mr. John
Wright, a talented but unsuccessful ad
voeuto, tho late Sheriff Austruther said
to Erskino in the street,
"Poor Wright is dead. He has died
very poDr. It ii said ho boa left no
effects."
"That is uot wonderful." replied the
humorist; "as he had no causes, he could
have no effects. f Waverly Magazine."
lie Longt rt for a Walermel m.
Duckwater Jim, a battcrod and tat
tered Pinto, who claims to be a forty
second cousin of Captain Sam, has of
lute taken a good deal of interest in
things beyond this vale of tears. He
likes to hear about heaven, the "place of
the long rest," as he calls it. Cocking
his old aud buttered plug hat on one
side, and almost closing his eyes in his
efl'ort to obtain a realizing sense of this
very desirable place of rest, Jim says:
"White man up there no more wuk um
mine no more run um railroad."
"No, Jim, no; no moro work at all."
"What white man do?"
"Well, Jim, pluy all the time on a big
golden harp."
"And Injun, what he do?"
"Well, he will have a big harp, all the
same as the whito man."
"Gness not," ssys Jim, shaking his
head dubiously; '"'Injuu maybe play
little on jewsharp. But what do you
think 'bout catch nra pleuty water
melon?" and Jim opened wide both his
eyes and looked n though much de
pended on a favorable answer to the
question. Virginia City Enterprise.
The unheard of U-merity of a young
lady who, i a stead of running and scream
ing at tha sight of a rat which crossed
her path, stepped upon the rodent's tail
and held him fust till dispatched by some
men, as a matter of so great surprise
that an inquiry as to her identity was
nude, and it was found that "she" was a
whII known young man masquerading in
girls' attire.
ALL NOR IX
Stuff and nonsense: big diunUr an t
the post-prandial speeches. H
ATenneswj man 70 years old ha a
breaoh of promise suit on hand.
When duties seem to clash, "the moral
law always has the right of way."
Last year Texas imported corn hnt
this year will have 50,000,000 buahe'l. j
Upwards of 13,000 dogs have been dis.
posed of at the pound in Baltimore in t ..
psst three years. ue
Carlvlesaid that trifles were the bins.
of destiny, bnt he never used but of
them on his front gate.
Athens, Ala., has a population of 800U
and a valuation of $8,000,000; rUtT
81000 to every inhabitant. '
Tho druggist of Elkhart. Indiana
killed the rector's little child by imttitur
np morphine for quinine.. 8
Two thousand Kentuckians have been
converted to Christianity iu the lust
three mouths and still the boom con.
tinues.
Claims are still coming into lawyers'
hands for domages caused by the recent
escape of Barnum's elephants at Troy
New York. 3
Tho Sprague mansion at Canonchct
has boon stripped of its furniture. The
property was taken on a writ of replevin
by Assignee Cbuffee.
The Domocrats of Fulton county, Hi.,
in convention at Lewiston, voted 'down'
amid great excitement, a prohibition
amendment resolution, by 108 to 117.
Mrs. Elizabeth Cady Stanton and her
daughter. Miss Harriot Stanton and
also Mr. Theodore Stanton are living in
France whero they are all doing library
work.
Mr. H. P. Amersby asserts that a large
amount of moinus in a soil implies an
abundant previous amount of vegetation
and this in its turn implies a soil of at
least modorute original fertility.
It is said that plaster of Paris of Laid
ncss sufficient to be employed as a mold
for metal ni-y be made by using 10 per
cent, of alum in the water which is in
tendod to bo mixed np with the plaster.
It is a grand good thing when a man
gives up his course of dissipation and
seriously settles down, but it is an
equally grand thing when a man has a
stroke of conscientiousness aud honestly
settles np.
"First class in geography, stand np.
Whore is tho Slug Kiver?" "It is situs
ted in Keifer's district, and has been im
proved ut a cost of $2,723,305 58. It it
a noble stream, navigable by the lurgest
sized peanut shells, but will have to be
improved aain next year, if the district
is to be carried solid. Hubbell's circu
lars do not abound on its banks, and the
principal occupation of its inhabitants
is to hold foreign consulates. Boston
Transcript.
An exhibition of Practical Electrical
Developoment, with reference chiefly to
telephones, electric lightning, trans
mission of power, and the economical
application of eloctrio energy to practi
cal work, will be held in the Royal Aqua
rium, Westminster, England, from W.
1 of this year to March 1, 1883. Prizes
amounting to $5000 will,' be awarded by
a committee which tho scioutiflu socie
ties will be invited to nominate. The
time granted for the application for space
is now closed.
A noteworthy fact of tho census sta
tistics is the distribution of the sexes in
city and country populations. In the
aggregate of thu nation the males ex
ceed the femoles by nearly 1,000,000;
yet in the fifty lurgest ci ies there are
several hundred thousand fewer males
than females. In New York, Philadel
phia, Brooklyn, Boston, Baltimore, New
Orleans in short, in three out of four
of the largest cities females are in the
majority. Notable exceptions are St.
Louis, Chicago, Cleveland and San
Francisco the latter being aided in this
respect by the large preponderance of
mules in her Chinese population. Pitts
burg also has a majority of males, as
would be supposed from the nature of
her manufacturing interests.
FEMINISE I'Lll'PIStiS.
.,;,! flnouii riiriKtinn! "It is B 8PS-
cies of agreeable servitude to be under
an obligation to ono whom we esteem.
1 Miltcaiitrna wnmill hftS kfint S kettle
AUl.nwuuw " i
of hot water on the stove every night for
twenty-two years post in order 10 stum
burglars.
Next we shall have a coat tail fliiUtion
code. Having the tails covered with
mud will nieau: "I don't like her
father."
One of the latest freaks of gay Wash
ington girls is to don man's attire and
raid melon patches and berry ganlons.
Four of them were recontly detected in
the work.
A Virginia woman in pursuit of a
chicken can throw a stone ond break a
hen's neck nine times out of ten, but as
to kill her with the flat-irons, thata
family's seoret.
"Mv big ra." "My own darling 6reen
l.i.:; i4Ti. i.111,.1 niir of my
dreams," etc., was what a French w"
wrote to a captain or artillery, ami
husband has asked for a separation.
A fashion item says the belle of th
period now wears at her waist belt a n
bio Uluniu-uuA, ioiuwj .-.t o , , -
tune. The average American girl ess
put on enough airs witnoui avH'-o -
musio box to her waist.
When a man marries a good woman
the devil turns his back on him, o049
. i u .i and when
ue lias euaier wuia ciaon uok, -
a man marries a scolding woman we
..mm 1 kaMflU
devil turns his back on mm bibu,--
he knows that there is only one road ior
Lim to travel. .
t. . i i i i, a 'firadford
it is sereneiy i-iaimeu uj .
editor that a young lady in charge oi
lone telephone orace nas m.u --
tones that when she is talking br,nf"
the instrument it souuds like tbeiK"""
harp, and little birds fly out to roost on
the line, in order to learn new music w
,beir 8PDg9- . Kent
When a burlesque actress is to ,
up through a trap as a fairy, to m"
Fpeech, and then to disappear again, sd
thev don't work the trap quite right, sou
it sticks, so that it is about four m
below the level of the stage, she has
right to got mad. Yon see its rtopg
at just that point gives the inPrfM1"
that they can't get her feet through u
trap. f Boston Post.
O