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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 10, 1882)
FAREWELL. Tbe bott went drifling.driltlug oror tli tleepin e, And the tn4D (htt I lored the dearest, ntla tb . boat with rue. The shade of the coming parting bung over the greal my wen, And lb wiudi that iwrpt acroe it, fobbed on Unwell, larewell. . The boat went drifting, drifting in the lingering, northern nicht. And the bee that 1 lored the deereet, paled wilb we paling iignb WettrorUfoin light laughter; we rtror to wake a iert; But Ihe voice that I lor the deareit, rang aadly amid lb reek Th boat went drifting, drifting, whil the dull kiet lowered down. And the "rarged riro of thunder" gar tbo rocky bead a crown. The boat went drifting, drifting, while to the darkening ikr, Tor tbe nian that I lored the dearest, the prayor ruae ulentJy. Ob, true.etrnng band 1 touch no more; brave tinile I mar not lee: Will the God who gnrerai lime and tide bring him bark to my life and me 7 All the Year Round rrofli of Patruls. Probably the moat valuable patent in tbe tor line every taken out (n thiat or any other country is that which secures the Plvmpton roller mates to iu uoiuer, Tbo choleric old gentleman' who gota knocked about bye score of urchins when walking up fifth avenue on a sum mer day. has but a faint Idea or tue nnin her of these articles in nse throughout the world. The streets are full of thorn but these represent but a small quota of tbe vast number manufactured and sold Tbe idoa'npon which the patent is issued is simply the attachment of rollers on skates, and on these, patents have been secured in England and many of the south American countries. Skating on rollers bears but a faint resemblance to skating on ice, but it is exhicarating sport, nevertheless, and sprang at once mto popularity witn tne young oi doiu sexes. It Brazil and other tropical coun tries where ioe is unknown an! skating is impossible, except upon artitloiully frozen ponds, the rollers were treated as veritable Uod send, and riots witn smooth, open floors sprang up like magic. The value of the patent on roll cr skates to it holdor is estimated at over $1,000,000, and he expended over S 125.000 id legal expenses alone to pre vent tbe patent from infringement in England. Tbe danoing negro which can be seen in any tor shop, and which is simply a figure of Dinah or Jumbo, bal anood by a wire, which is moved up and down by system of clock work in tbe box npon which it uanoes, provides an income for its inventor of $30,000 a year. The common needle threader is to be found for sale at nearly every street cor ner is worth liu.uuu year to tue man who thought oat the problem which might easily have been sol red bv bor of ten years only it waa not. Green's drive well is now very extensivly used throughout the oountry wherever water is to be drawn from the ground. Ihe thought suggested itself to Col onel Green while engaged with the army during the war. Tbe troops wore suffe ing for want of water, and it oc curred to him to relieve their wants by simply driving a two-inoh tube into the ground with a heavy hammer. The wa ter was reached and drawn to the surface by means of a pump attatched to the up per end of tbe tub. This simple contri vance was patented after the war, and the inventor charged a royalty of ten dollars on each well driven. As the western farming lands were filled with the driven wells, some idea of the immenso value of this patent ean be obtained. An entire revolution waa practically effectod in well digging, and a moderate estimate of the money value of the patent is $2,000, 000. The ordinary spring window shade which is to be found now in almost every bonne, so cheaply is it manufac tured and bung, is patented and yields annually to the inventor an inoome equal to that of 8 1 ,000,000 judiciously investod. Tbe stylographio pen patent is also worth $1,000,000 to its holder, and that of tbo marking pen, for shaping in different colors, and of ordinary rubber stands 9100,000 each. Stockton Mail. Sexless fropennlly for Stealing. Washerwomen pawn tbe clothes of un suspecting and trusting Americans when given tbem to be washed, and more tbau one engineer has had to viait some em peno and pay down the cash forgariueuta that were already his to get thorn out of riawn. Either one by ono or all in a ump, these garments are gathered into the maw of the Mexican "uuole." The statement of my friend, may be colored by a sad experience, bet there is much truth in what be aays. It is only fair toward those of our countrymen con templating coming hero to give the actual coloring of the dark side as well as the bright. In regard to stealing, this I know that nothing along the line of the great Mexican railroad from Yeia Crux to the City of Mexico is left out side after dark; nothing that the strength of two men can lift. Even the car conpliuga are taken inside the station and locked up. Tbe road onoe introduced air brakes on tboir cars, but tbe workmen punched holes in the pipes aud stole tbe tubing, so they were taken off. On the National road, and doubt less on all others also, they stole the bolt tbst fasteued the rails to the ties, nntil they were finally riveted on. One of a gang of workmen undertook to steal the cap of a cartridge ot dynamite, and the result waa that be and several others went to their reward. Instances might be multiplied to show that the bulk of the population of Mexico are thievea and beggars. It is iruptxisible to mention the term stealing without finding a victim. Two evenings ago I waa at the house of a prominont Ameri can hero whose wife that very day bad had a valuable gold watch stolen from her. Tbcy were in consulta tion that same day with the chief of police about the possible re covery of some furniture stolen from them a few weeka before. That after noon I met a missionary well known here, who showed me a watch that had been stolen from him, and which he had only regained by paying fifty-five dollars to recover it from pawn. Tbe wife of a high American official in Mexico told me that same evening that at tbe flrt official dinner given by ber husband alio lout so many spoons and lorks that there were hardly any left that evening. Though there is no other city of any size near this; though tbe streets swarm with policemen and the custom officials search or have tbe right to search all mer chanise arriving and doparting through tbe city gates, property once lost is ruroly recovered. Even in the event of the identification and tbe arrest of the thief, it is so difficult to recover stolen goods that they are, in tbe majority of cases, left with tbe magistrate. Hospitality la War. Tbe cry of "On to Richmond!" awak ened no enthusiasm in tbe hearts of the third Ohio one day, when they fonnd thorn selves en route as prisoners of war for that famous capital. Aor were tney enthusiastic when they halted for the night and prepared to siuk supperless into dreamland. Tbe 54th Virginia regiment was en camped near by, and some of the men came down to have a loos at tue "Yanks." "Had your coffee?" asked one, of a blue coat stretched disconsolately on the bank. "Not a sup." answered the other. "Ain't you bad any rations to-night?" "Unlr a crumb or two from tue Dot toms of our haversacks." This waa told to the boys of the 54th and old Virginia hospitality showed itself at once. The men soon made their apearance with coffee kettles, corn bread and bacon cooked; tue prisoners and captors sat down together around tbe camp fire, "like kinsmen true and brothers tried." The hungry, grateful Yankees ate with a relish such as no one can appreciate unless ha has been in like situation. No wonder there was a warm spot in every besrt or tue 3d unio ever alter wards, tor tne generous tutu. A fresh elide on the magic lantern gives another of these shifting war pio tures. In the distance is Mission Itidge, which has just been stormed. That long line of prisoners passing over the pon- won Druige aim np mo eiuuy ujuuuvaiu i i i j road is the 54th Virginia. . A souuer on duty at Kolly's Ferry asked indifferently of one of the prisoners, as tbe regiment passed: "What regiment is this? "The 54th Virginia," was the reply In an iustant the loungers sprang to their feet and rushed to camp. "The 54th Virginia is at the ferry," they shouted.' a they ran in among tue tents of the 3d Ohio. The Ohio boys were quick in motion. Boxes from home and all Uie reserve- stores were speedily ransacked. Coffee nd sugar, beef and canned peaches, ana the best tbey bad of everything were freelv brought forth. They remembered gratefully their debt of honor and paid it nobly. It was the Bame old scene over, with the shading reversed. For one night at least both Confederates and Yanks enjoyed again the sweet grace of f .1-1 I I V. ' - - : I nospiuuiiT mm cuuiu uriuu uiuu ricu to tue grim visage of war. Kerr Smith College Art Building. The new art building of Smith College to be erected from the fund of $25,000 given by Wluthrop Hillyer, of Northampton, is to be located just north of President Seelye's house, where there is a commanding view of the surround ing oountry. It is to be of brick with stone trimmings, and will correspond with the other college buildings, it being of the secular gothio style of architec ture. The structure will be 104 feet long by 45 feet wide, two stories high. The lower story is to be divided into large rooms with alooves for studios and the exhibition of sculpture, the rooms being IS and 20 feet high, so that the largest casts can be displayed. The second floor ill be devoted to the exhibition or minting, the ceutral gallery being ighted from the roof. The corridors running around this gallery are to be lighted from side windows for the ex hibition of smaller paintings and engrav ings. The building will be constructed bo as to secure the best light and ventila tion, and the plans have been elaborated according to the suggestions of the best teachers of art in the country. Presi dent Beelye has personally visited the various schools or art at ISew York, Boston And New Haven, iu reference to the plans, and it is thought that it will be oue of the best arrangod buildings for the purpose in the coun try. As soon as this building is com pleted all the works of art now belong- ng to the college will bo at once trans erred to it from the present art gallery. It is the intention of the trustees to pro vide the best facilities for the study of art in eerv department. This year the art school of the college will he asso ciated with the Yale art school of New Haeu, the teachers and professor com ing up every week to give instruction and carry forward tbe work according to tbe methods practiced at Yale. Beides the $23,000 given for the building, friends of the institution have given $8000 to furnish it with additional worka of art. The contracts hare been awarded, but th) building will not be completed before another summer. Meanwhile tbe foundations are going in for the now musio ball building on the other aide of the main college buildings. So many students have made application for en trance at the approaching term that it is already a serious problem with the trus tees whether or not to build another dwelling house npon the grounds during tbe collegiate year. Springfield Re publican. Is I'alSl. The commercial traveler of a Phila delphia house, while in Tennessee, ap proached a stranger as' the train was about to start, and said: "Are you going on this train?" "Iam." "Have yon any baggage?" "No." "Well, my friend, you can do me a favor, and it wont cost yon anything. You see, I've two rousing big trunks and they always make me pay extra for on of them. Yon can get one checked on vour ticket, and we'll euchre them. SoeV "Yes, hut I haven't any ticket." "But, I thought you said you vre going on this train? "bo I am. I'm tbe conductor." "Oh!" He paid extra, as usual. Isdlus Religion. The world has long been familiar with the stories of barbarity, cruelty and ra pine in connection with Indians. Good men have leisure to write humanitarian letters thousands of miles away from where scalps are lifted. Whatever the inscrutable purpose for which the Indian was created, he is doomed. He lacks tbe instlct of self-preservation. He would rather be aggressive and die than be peaceful and live. There is no free hold for him save under tbe lawa of civi lization. In tbe time to come tbe terri tory of the world will be lawfully claimed only by those who nse it for God's first purpose.tbe tilling of the soil. The westward march of civilization, with all its attendant evils and final resulU.is foreordination of the Almighty, and in this piece of bad thoology but stubborn fact lies in tbe fiual solution of tbe In dian question. Tbe name of the Great Hnipif Arrnram lnrrrplv In all mm. if ......... . 0-..' ... .vuin v. In.lian nrafsirv Hint u fliA namdnf Deity is freely used in the stirring op peals of second-class politicians. Tbe Great Idoa is as much a myth to the one as to the other. Tbe system of theology which prevails among the Indians is merely a sujwrstitious fear of something they cannot understand. Uob Ingersoll defines religion as the drca J of a here after. In common with every race, the Indian believes in the immortality of the soul, and in hereafter. What kind of a heaven or hell be has imagined for himself no man can tell. There are no striotly religious forms among tbem, and nothing that is regarded as especially sacred. The religious idea is for from prominent, and seems almost entirely included in the "medicine" business. Superstition is a different thing, and of that there is plenty, ihe Indian is great braggart, and he who can boast longest and loudest is the greatest man It is to obtain an opportunity for this that a "da ice" of some kind is always in progress, ihoir names aud purposes are nearly innumerable, but I have never been able to perceive any great difference in tbe screams, leaps and hor rible hootings which characterize them all. Some of these dances are said to be religious but all there is of religious sentiment is condensed in tbe word "medicine." Every thing in Indian life bolongs to one of two classes it is cither good or bad influ ence. Lamping places where calamity bus befallen them are ever afterwards avoided as "bad medicine." Tbe days and places which witnessed some defeat in arms are classed in the same category and all things which are fortunate are classed upon the opposite aide. Tbe high-priest of this religion is the cele brated "medicine man." Tbe "medi cine man" is usually raggeder, lazier and dirtier than any one else in the tribe. I holped Little Raven and the Arrapahoes make "medicine" preparatory to a raid upon the Osages in September 1857, in tne ludian Territory, south of Fort Dodge. This high honor was permitted because I bads Snenoer repeating rifle. Tbe Arrapahoes were mostly armed with bows and arrows or muzzle loaders; bad never before seen a broech loader. My rifle was "big medioine." In the tepee declaimed "Rienzi's Address to the Romans" to them in grandiloquent style and then touched off a music box con cealed in my pocket. The Arrapahoes were successful in their raid and cap tured many ponies from the Osages; hence my "medioine" waa good. 1 read the other day that tbe high priesta of the Zuni Indians make a jour ney onoe a century to the Atlantio ocean to get water from the sou roe of the rising sun for use iu their religious ceremonies. have boon through the Znm villages of extreme Western New Mexico. Tbey live, I used to be taught by Mitchell's geography, as the people of Kamschatka do. They believe that Monlesuma will isit them when he has worn out bis golden slippers, and they koep the acred fire burning awaiting his return. To let the fire go out would be "bod mediciue," and their hereditary enemies. the Navajoes, would come down upon them like wolves upon the fold. To nse any water but ocean water in their annual ceremonials would also bo bad medioine. Rut these are uot observances of religion. The Moquis, to the westward of the Zunis, live in caves in cliffs, like sand sllows. but choose these elevated hab itations for the same reason that birds build their nests iu accessible places, the instinct of self-preservation. The Nava joes used to depredate npou them genera tions ago. ihe Moqma would now pre fer to live upon the plain below, but such would be "bad medioine," and tbey still perch. Anything contrary to tradi tion aud conservatism is "bad medicine." Troy Times. Orange Wrapping la Florida. Oue night our party of tourists went to an "Orange wrapping." A large wsrehouse belonging to the Wilkinson place was lighted up with candles placed along the walls.and all the "help" of the neighborhood was gathered. In one coiner of the room there were huge boxes filled with oranges. Tbey were rigged with handles at each end, and it took two meu to bring one of them in. On tbe opposite side of the room were long tables, behind which sat the "wrap per. Ihe fruit was supplied to tbem by small boys, who carried it in bread- travs; putting a tray to every three men. Ik-lore each man waa a package of tissue paper. By a dextrous movement, an orange was enveloped in a leaf of paper by one motion. As the fruit was wrapped it waa dropped into another tray, which waa carried to the "packer ," who stood before a pile of empty ctes. Each orange waa placed in the crate separate ly, lieing packed in eloee rows. A crate holds from one hundred and twenty to one hundred and forty oranges, and sells ere for abou: three dollars. The orange are not brought direct from the grove to the packing-house, but rest a day or two in the drying houso. There they are spread over lattice shelves, where they go through a sweating process before they are reedy for shipment. ibe scene in the wrapping house was pretty oae. Tbe golden fruit piled in rich profusion, the men and boys laugh ing, aa they handled it so rapidly, t e orderly rratea witu tneir tempting con tents, a heap of pine-apple in an odd corner filling the room with their ex quisite flavor, huge branches of bananas with just a fleck of yellow here and there amid the green,' clean-looking lemon, almost as large as tbe oranges, heaped off to themselves, green citrons with their royal gold color, groups of boat men and hunters with their swarthy faces and picturesque attire, lending hand wherever it was needed, a negro with a banjo strumming rude tunes to which the crowd gave casual acoorapuni ment. tbe ladies all watching curiously and sampling an orange now and then these were some of the elements mat mode np the scene, the whole being en livened with tbe baste and ensue oi get ting ready acainst the next day's boat. and having the fruit first ready to go out with the ship. (arlo alias JCdfi. A writer in the Cincinnati Commrroia! speaks of Carlo, the town at the junction of the Mississippi and Ohio rivers, as follows: "The town of Cario is distress ing looking. It is said to contain 11, 000 inhabitants, of whom 10,000 have had their homes overflowed this spring AUB ground on which it is built is so low that when you walk in the streets, horses and carriagos moving along tne levee are as rar auove you as they were on ton of tbe walls of four story building. That is what tbey made me think of. Whon yon remem ber that the Mississippi, at the height of the flood, was about even with tbe top of this levee all along tho front of the town, while all behind the place the river has broken in and submerged acres of ground, you will realize tbe situation Cairo has bocn in for many anxious days and nights. Recall your geography snf floiently to remomber that it is built in a long narrow angle just where the Ohio comes into the Mississippi. Only for tbe levees this whole angle would be overflowed every year, the ground is so low. And now the levees have been tried and found wanting. It was a mis take ever to try to nut a city in such i place. Given high ground where the rivers come together and one of the mag' niflceut cities of America woull have been there. As it is. tbo streets are filthy and sticky with black mud, where here and there serves as a pig wauow, The town reeks with malaria fairly glistens with it. The countenances of the inhabitants are sicklied o'er with the pale, greenish cast that marks the 'chills' as infallibly as a mouth that turns down at the corners marks a sano timonious hypocrite. Unhappy Cairo! I wouldn't live there if I had a gift of the whole town." Cairo is the town where Dickens sends Martin Cbuzzlewlt and Mark Tapley to settle. He called it Eden, and his account of it is really dismal. Material froxTOst In the 1'ilted 8tates An English essayist concedes that in no other country has there been any thing like the rapid progress in inven tion and all that pertains to material progress that has been made in tbe United States during the last half cen turv. He says that the Americans have profited by the lessons which tbe producers of Europe taught them; that many ideas which had their inception in the old world have been supplemented and improved nwjn by the quick witted and ingenious kaukee, to say nothing of the productions of purely American ori gin. The world, he tells us, is indebted to the genius of the people of the United States for the electric telegraph.a science which has brought the remote sectiousof tbe world mto instant communication ;f or tbe utilization of steam npon tbe ocean, the first vessel crossing the Atlantio hav ing been of American construction ; for the present monitor system of naval architecture, now employed by the lead ing maritime nations of Europe; tor tbe sewing machine, ono or the greatest labor-saving implements ever con structed, and also for innumerable other inventions and improvements in ma chinery employed on the farm, in the factory, and in the workshop. During the last quarter of a century, in particu lar, the American Deonle have been gradually emancipating themselves from. deiiendence upon the older nations tor a great variety of tbe necessaries of life, till at length they are in position to maintain a successful competition with them in some of the most important de partments of mechanical production, while, as regards agriculture, the United States stands pre-eminent. How J esse James Showed tads. Ills Gratl- Six years ago the James brothers sacked tbe express car aud "went through" the passengarion the Chicago, Rock Island, and Pacific at Gad'a Hill. and stole the money box at tbe Kansas state fair. They rode into Kansas City on horseback, and when the cashier was alking into the bank with tbe receipts of the day, about two thousand dollars, thev wointed their Pistols at his head. seized the box and galloped off. This was done in broad daylight in the midst of a great crowd. Sometime afterward one of tbe Kan sas City reporters wrote an article about these highwaymen, saying some kind things, lie called them brave, and said it was the most daring deed in highway men's record. A few nights afterward one of tbe James brothers rode into Kan sas City, went to the newspaper office, and, calling the reporter ont, presented him with a handsome watch and chain. He said the article in question touched them in a tender spot, and they desired to show their pjratitude. "But I don t feel at liberty to take this watch," said the reporter. " cut do it to gratify us. We didn t steal this watcb ; we bought and paid for it with our own money," continued the desperado. "No, yon must excuse me." continued the reporter. "Well, then, if you can't take this watch," replied Mr. James, regretfully, "what can we do for you? Perhaps you can name some man around here you want killed!" 'Bad cees to it!" exclaimed Mike O'Flaherty, npon learning that Garfield waa elected. "Shurean now well be ruined by Chinese chape labor." When asked where he worked, Mike replied, "I havent wrought a sthroke for five years, but me old woman takes in wash- t n..i.ll . . ... i . iu . uu vmrueia wauu iuo uariuen Chicee to take the bread out of our mouths. It is strange that, of all poaaible tasks. simply to be what we are should prove not the easiest, but infinitely the hard- Borate Urcelrjl Shoes. About tbe year 1870, when Arthnr Barret was president oi ifler n' r rinul accented an irritation to deliver the annual address in the amphitheater at tbe rair groauue. nel Todd was chairman of the reception committee, and after the close of the ad dress escorted tbe speaker to his room at the Southern Hotel, where be bade him mvuMiv a Mr. Greeley was to leave .h. ..rl nn the following DJOlTling Before leaving him, however, Colonol "Well, Mr. Greeley, I trust that dur ing yonr stay here everything nas neeu done for your coniion ana iui ccrj fliinir lina lwan HftlisfactorV to YOU. ' "Yes." replied Mr. Greeley, slowly and with considerable hesitancy, "every thine has been aa pleasant as I conk hava iiAKintd. eiceDt" here the old gen' tleman looked sadly down at his feet.and after a brief pause resumed, "except that soma one stole my shoes last nlffbt." "Stole your shoes!" echoed Colonel Todd in astonishment, also surveying Mr. Grocloy s feet. "Yes." replied Mr. Greeley, wilb sish.and movins his feet uncomfortably. "Yes, I loft them outside my door last night and some one walked off with them. But a new pair was left in the place of the old ones, and that's what troubles mo. The old ones were eafy and comfortable, but tbe new ones hurt my feet. "One might be pardoned," said Colo nel Todd, "for wanting to step into your shoes. Perhaps some one wanted tbem as souvenirs." This was intended for a compliment, but Mr.Greeley was too much interested in his feet to notice it. He only said, "Perhaps so, but 1 would very much prefer my old ones to these, and wish ther bud taken something else as a souvenir. The next morning the old gentleman limped down stairs and took a carriage for tho depot, carrying away with biro probably a very unfavorable impression or tbe souvenir hunters or t. iiouis. Several weeks elapsed before the mys tery of the stolen shoes was solved. It was then ascertained that a colored man named Wilkinson, who was one of the barbers at tbe Southern, had really taken Mr. Greeley's shoes as mementoes of the man wbo had worked so actively and earnestly for the freedom of the negroes. In speaking of tbe matter to Colonel Todd. Wilkinson said that ho waa walking along the hall near Mr Greeley's room, and seeing tbe shoes standing outside the door, tbe idea struck him that they would be just the things to give to tbe children to remind them of him who had done so much for the colored man. He therefore took them, hurried out of the hotel and went to a shoe store, where he Durchased a pair of much better shoes of the same size as the old ones, and, returning to the hotel, put tbe former where the lat ter had stood. He thought th it a fair exchange was no robbery, and felt that he was giving much more in actual value than he was receiving. Wilkin son is dead, but the shoes are probably now in St. Louis. It is understood that several rolio hunters are looking for them. Sarah Wasn't There. Charier Shaw, of the Detroit Opera House, was grinning at the window of the box ollice the other day, wnen in walked a chap with an agricultural bronzo on his face, and asked: "Does any one perform here? "Oh, yes!" "This afternoon?" ' "No; tonight." "How much to see 'em?" "Well. I can give you a seat for half a dollar, and you can hold your girl on your lap. "Wouldn t anybody lan "Not much! We don't allow any auglung in this house. "Well, mavbe we'll come. Has this theater ever burned up?" "Never. "Any danger of fire on the stage!" "Not a bit." "Any pickpockets around? ' "None." "Does anybody peddle lemonade?" "No." "Any prize packages given out?" "No." "Take a half dollar with a hole iu it?" "Yes." "What kind of a play is it?" "It's tragedy." "Tragedy? Then that lays me out ! Sarah was to a circus last year, when some one hit a feller who crawled under the canvas, with a neck yoko.and she fainted away that they had to unhitch her cor set and jerk off her shoes. Let her see a play where 'ellera are jabbing with pitch forks, knocking down with crowbars and slicing each other ftp with swords, and she'd tumble kerplunk and stop the show dead still, t hope you'll do well and all that, but I don't bring no Sarah to see no tragedy, 'and dont you forget it! She fainted on me onoe, and my hair turned gray at the rate of a bushel a minit!" Detroit r ree Press. Be Got a Seat. It was a Third avenue car, and it was very crowded. A good natured son of Erin bad boarded the car near the City Hall, bat was too late to get a seat. He carried a tin dinner pail and wore the dress of a hard-working man. There was a humorons twinkle in hia eye, but it was plain to be seen that be was tired. He hung on to a strap near the door in a commanding position, where he would be sure to see tbe first vacant aeat. Not a single passenger got out nntil Hous ton street wsa reached. Then there was a momentary glimpse of a vacant seat, but it was hlled be I ore be could reach it. At Fourteenth street tbe car stopped. The man's eye brightened and he kept a sharp look ont. But no il was to let a lady get on. The car dragged its way slowly on to Twenty aeventh street, and slowed np. "lwinty-sivmin suireetr called Pat, with his eye on a woman wbo looked as it she wanted to get ont But she didn't and the car went on. "Thnrty-fort' athreet" shouted Pat, hen that thoroughfare waa reached. "Oh, begob; what a foine athreet!". Everybody amiled, but nobody stirred. "Thnrty eight sthrreet! Wnd yei Ink at the foine houses?" said Pat. And yet nobody stirred. From that time on Pat oalled the number of every street in yery distinct und insinuating way, with flattering comments upon them as desirable places of residence; but his efforts continued in rain. A few unfortunates who had been obliged to stand like himself, from time to time left the car, but not a vacant seat waa to be seen. Finally poor Pat became discouraged nd subsided for- awhile. But at sixty third street be broke ont in one last an. peal. v "Sixty-third street!" He looked around the car, saw that his announce ment bad no effect, and then exclaimed in serio-comic despair: ' "For the love of God, have none ofyez homes?" This Lad its effect. Amid the general laugh a man got np and insisted upon the tired Irishman taking hia seat. IN Y. Herald. 1 " BlIOUTBir. Onionb are frequently strewn upon the grave of lore. Jesse James' war comrades have started a subscription for his widow. Jlartford, which is largely in debt, is eating strawberries. Danoury News.. A Kansas town is named Scandalia. and immigration is just pouring in there. Boston mourns the loss of its oldest printer. His successor has not yet been appointed. The Reverend Sponcer Drumoiond, Byron's last surviving school-fellow, died lately, aged 92. There are 15,000 brass bands in the United States. And yet we Bend mis sionaries to the heathen. Paris lias now 43 English or American bars. There's no more need of going thirsty in Paris than there is in Maine. We have received a good deal of rheu matic Doetrv this sorinor at leas): m judged it to be so from the lameness of the verses. In Germany railroad conductors get $340 a year. In Amerioa the roads em ploy men to find out bow much the con ductors do get. "Where are our girls?" anxiously in quires a religious exchange. We don't know. We can't keep track of all the girls in cieation. A young lady being told by a friend that silk dresses were very mnch worn, said she knew it, for hers had two or three holes in it. We are told that "missionaries are wanted in tbe Italian quarters of New York." Never krew before that th& Ital ians were cannibals. San Francisco is clamoring for brass bands in churches." Extreme measures must be taken to keep San Francisco people awake, evidently. Tbe best way to beat a Niagara hack- man With a club. Puck. And yet when a Niagara huckman meets a club man he generally beats him. An esteemed contemporary, whose name we suppress for fear of the broom brigade, says that fans and girls are hand-painted this season. Carlyle once said to Frewde that he was the best read man lie ever met. Probably Fronde was thoroughly familiar with Carlyle's writings. Yes," said the traveler, "I hope the train robbers will go through the train. I'd like to see that darned porter com pelled to disgorge our property!" A Washington writer aays: "Tbe prettiest and most favored children of the congressional group are the bright eyed, fair-headed boy and girl of Con gressman Skinner." The venerable Kossuth has completed his memoirs, the last volnme having jnst appeared. He makes iu it a pre diction that Hungary win shortly sepa rate herself from Austria. It was Dr. Hammond who. during the president's illness, invented the word "Sysigignooism." and yet oongress thinks he should receive less pay for his ser vices than Dr. Bliss. "Why are your loaves so much small er than they 'used to be?" asked a Gal veston man of his baker. "I don't know unless it is that I nse less dough than formerly," responded the baker. fhienmber infernal machines, accord ing to the Chronicle, are in the market in Philadelphia. There is but one anti dote, a remedy known to tbe anoient Irish people. It is called "whishskin warr. A rural Democrat writes ns to ask: "Are red noees hereditary?" We believe tbey are more acquired than hereditary; bat still the majority of the most suc cessful Democrats have been born that way. "Yes," said the county member, "I went to that variety show because I felt sure there'd le nobody there who knew me. Durned if pretty much the whole legislature was'nt there 1" Boston Post. It is said that walls have ears. There fore, don't trust them. They are two faced things. Bos. Trans. And the way that the barefaced things get themselves DauereJ and painted is too horrible for words. Resonance in public halls can be modified or prevented by stretching wipAfl anrnaa Ihn rwilinff ao that the vibrations are absorbed, conveyed from one wire to another, and spread over the bniuiiDg. Truth wonld like to see a palatable temperance drink invented. Thisissome- thing that Faxon and Neal Wow neTer thought of. There is very little water in the oouniry that is fit to drink. Boston Globe. Harvard student (who has just failed in a Chinese sentence) to rrotessor 'Thou tea-chest" Professor (furious) What! you dare to" Student (caira r nroceedsl "Thou teachest a most dif ficult language." Emerson says a man ought to carry s percil to note down the thoughts of the moment." Yes, and ose short pencil de voted exclusively to that nse would last some men we know about two thousand years, and then have .be original point i it. . After writin the "Charge of the L'glit Brigade," was it abaolutely necessary Tennyson to produce a "i;narge Heavy Brigade." before be died? Hood got much fame for his "Song of the Shirt," bnt he didn't supplement it in tis last days by a "Song of the Under ehiri." Cincinnati Saturday Night.