Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 11, 1882)
V i alio nrriwinl. ' ,,,ito the occasion is undoubt 'tffrS ei,?nd there is .ppar- "iS. however, of Huchau.n- unil flW HL 1UW DIIU I"c i mnnv nf ,ble . i- t ..nl,iina without f i. crct. to more than one oc ' , b it we might have made on ritw remark orouw..i.uU".,. ' Kk of Hot the time. Wb-o 'ifflof , it too late; we i tu golden opportunity to '"to fact, we were not equal to the " al to the occasion admits of 'rS lSgthof time for thinking S-ont the bush for on answer; r to have effect, must bo almost '' m'ns. Some years ago, when S5 of n EnglU vessel sailed Unanish pon with a number of ' i iin.l nmnncr tlipm wag the bo they Ire aboard, and """ tuei,u t fear lest the vessel should ''. nllin rovora. and tl -., ... ,n,lu Juven to the Moors, 1 ill uu n't V0I1 DO ai an ui "' v 6" "for before I'd f,.nndoil piratical rascal'B I'd ouui"- - - . i ... into the air. , !.nntnlv for us, the account here" otherwise, m uuw u uie"' ;ng to loom, whethor the nervous aer alwgemur uni " """" i .. ipso marrauuiuK k"""j UjsUdcc, however, on the part , .it iniitrii ruiutir bluiliiuic liracter, oi being l" lUD m 'iu lutiuuary, the loarnod Mr ..i -in his imllunt nephew whether ,nof hi regiment would not feel red heart and courage, if at the close Ailinir day, tJxey found they were ..unit near the tomb of some .ftiua .... ,, i hero. The answer 01 the youug rwas not only amusing, urn exuio o amount of forethought not often . .. II M 1.- j conviction ih, bbiu ue, umt hrould lee' n umj iuuro ouv-uur- u..i mni i hotter pleased 11 tnev irui u4v- , - (oend thecsolves near a poultry 41 the It of in re as once a soldier in the army rinka of Marlborough who, taking imnoft iat aiSlinKUiBUUii Kouerui, LmmIv reurimanded for it. r . . ion o am 1 10 Dame, guueruu muu lYm "I had tlie choice oi names, tfipotal the one I now bear. If I nown ono more illustrious than L 1 should have taken it." What, i- son il tlie cauani gouurai uo e- J to sav in return for so flattering mission wny, merely mis, iuai iue was equal to the occasion. iced, the army affords numerous in- i of promptitnue in worn as won ions, military command and dis- e occasionally requiring u. ii be suflieient. however, for our nt Diirnose. and by way of illustra te mtroilnce those only of a some- hiimorons character. onnc ecsicn residing in lodgings, oomsof which were very small, was i bv a fashionable friend, who had oner entered the apartment than he imed: hy, Harry, old fellow, how long you lived in this diminutive nut- 'ell. mv dear fellow." replied the r archly, "I am sorry to say, not ' long enough to become a kernel." use a military phrase, tho above it be termed the "light artillery" of creation. Equally as good was the of a private of the Galloway Rifles, was standing sentry, when an r, noticing that he had a bruised uid an numistakable black eye, no 1 him and charged him at once with 5 been righting. 'lease, ' sir," replied the soldier, "I ve it was principally for that, that pecially engaged me." ylmuior snch as this is seldom mot ami we are disposed to conclude ;he officer, if not a rigid martinet, I decide not to pursue the inquiry (r, but would treasure up the smart sa joke for the camp in general, .us own private friends in particn- io ns, it may recall those famous ly Herbert: infant bin with Jest: nothing that's plain 'J ik ny. it ihou liast tbo veiu. may not, perhaps, be trenerally n that onr heavy troops at the bat- i nutorloo had no defensive armor: oon after a committee of the House oaimona sat to consider the best sort ntuine necossary for heavy dragoons "tu una, wnen a stalwart iiie lsman who waa nndor examination. mg asked what armor he would like Pton another slmil.ir nnnaition. ra il 5eHi gentlemen, if you ask my "J opinion you cau have it at once, 'ink I should certainlv nrcfor. if & upon to do duty again in a like per, to pnt in an appearance in my levies 1 ' quite npset the gravity of the as- ' conclave;- and the subject re w in abeyance for some time there to army, the church, and the law, f principal!? indebted for various a,lCal eilimiilpB Wo liaro roiul nf a Crated man, a very popular preacher few years ago, was asked to lash prevailing folly, the "invisible" bon ne did ao as follows: Mve been requested to rebuke the 3e!oftb.epregent dayi 1 wis startling announcement, one nave heard a pin drop. Wander '"'ighUwere immediately orrested; panning the ladies of the congrega te addi.i- 6 0 2at really I see none !" a more bit- '"Je than any other words could i'Thaveconveved. m Brown" tells us a divine ought ':ipt hill CAI-mnn or. tv almanac, to the meridian of the an, i . . . p-opie wnere ne lives. So nt, evidently, a French priest, who "Dally a verr small mnilimim of One day, while preaching at wa in his village, the doors be )eni Sander and snvpral peena - . i i.vuiii u ' iug iuiu- !?? The preacher, availing him- no longer find fault with the 01 tit district for nnn.tlon,lon- ucj CilU uut uuui to come themaelvea, they were thoughtful enough to aend their repre sontativeg. It was a saying of Lord Brougliam'a, that a lawyer was a learnod gentleman who rescues your estate from your eno mies, and keeps it himself. Tho follow ing may be considered a specimen of a lawyer being pquul to tho occasion: A gentleman, while bathing in the sea.saw hia lawyer rise up at his side, after a long dive. After un exchange of saluta tions had lieen briefly made "13y tho way," said he, "how i-bout Ounter? Have you taken out a warrant against him?" "lie is in quod," replied the lawyer, and dived again, allowing his heels as a parting view to L client. Xor did the latter hear more of the interview with his lawyer until he got his acoouut, which, among other matters, contained the entry: "To consultation at aea.anont the incarceration of Uuntor, Bit and eight- ponce, i On the bench the notorious Judgo Jeffreys talked fluently and with spirit; but his weakness was that he could not reprehend without scolding. His voice and visage, too, made Lim a terror to real offendets, and formidable indeed to all. Pointing with his cane to a man who was about being tried, he said.some. what excitedly: "There is a great rogue at the end of my canel" The man to whom ho pointed looked at him and coolly asked: "At which end, my lord?" His lordship seemed potrifled. The prisoner was equal to the occasion. liishop Home used to say, "It w ex pedient to have an acquaintance with those who have looked into the world; who know men, understand business, and can give you good intelligence and good ndvico when thoy are wanted." A couple of lawyers engaged in a case were overheard discussing the issue. "At all events, we have justice on our Bide," said the younger and more enthu siastic, lawyer. "In this, I think, is something irresistible,nnd nocds nothing to help it out." To which tho senior counsel replied: "Yes, yes; that's all very well in its way, and perfectly true; but what we reullv want is the Chief Justice on our Bide Now and then will occur a play upon words or names, and in this, as in every thing else capable of exciting hearty laughter, there must be absurdity. Mr. Justice Ilayes, as is well-known, was a wit. On the trial of a cause of "Wood cock vs. Bird," before Lord Chief Jus tice Jervis at Warwick, the Chiei Justice having remarked that it was a pity that two "Birds" should not live in harmony, Ilayes replied: " Tes.it is, my lord; but my client oomplains of the length of the plaintiff's bill !" There is no action in the behavior of one individual toward another, of which human nature is more impatient thau of contempt, it being a thing made up of two ingredients an undervaluing ot a man upon a belief of his utter useless ncss and inability ,and a spiteful endeavor to eugage tho rest of tho world in the same belief and slight estoom of him. It is related of a negro minstrel that, being examined as a witness, he was severely interrogated by the attorney, who wished to break down his evidence. 'You are in the negro minstrel busi ness, I believe?" inquired the lawyer. "Yes, sir. "Is it not a rather low calling?" de manded tho lawyer. I don t know but what it is, sir, re- Elied the minstrel, "but it is so much etter than my father's, and I am rather proud of it." "What was your lather s caning.' "He was a lawyer, sir." The learned man asked no more ques tions. It was Milton whq said: "Prudence is that virtue by which we discern what 3 proper to bo done under the various cir cumstances of time and place." Of a certainty there are those who do not lose their presence of mind, or appear in the least way disconcerted, or intimidated, by obstacles that occasionally crop up in in the daily course of life, but remain perfectly cool and passive under the worst mishaps. In au opera, Beard, a celebrated singer, had to look toward the side and say, "I soo him approach this wav: but. unfortunately, the person expected was not forthcoming. Beard, in order to give his friends time to go round, came forward, and pulling out his watch, said: "No: lam mistaken; its another por- sou; in fact, it wants one minute to the appointed time. I know he will be here; for he is ever punctual. Not a creature detected the noerai finesse save tho prompter. Sometimes we are surprised not oniy to bear, but to learn something from a quarter where we. should have least ex pected it. Uy the statute inn, ueorge II., o. 37, it was made felonv, without benefit to clergy, to destroy an ash-tree. Dr. Ash. a oreat wit and intimate friend of Swift,was once wet through with rain, and upon going into an inn where he was well known, asked the waiter to taice off his coat for him; upon which the waiter started, and politely refused to do anything of the kind, for, said he, "It is felony, sir, to strip an ash!" The doctor used to say he would have given fifty pounds to the author of that pun. The waiter was equal to tne occasion. Carry Caution to an Extreme a formal, u na nallnil AA a WlttlPSS to prove the bad character of Enoch Jones, who had formerly been his near neighbor. "Well," said the counsel, "What do you know of Jones, tho piamtin t "I can t say that I Know mucn auoni iim." "Does Jones bear a good character? "We didn't like him any too well in our neighborhood." vTa Ann't annnnsfl von did: but would you trust Jones, or believe him under oath 7 'He mieht tell the truth if it was lor his own interest." 'Do you think Jones an honest man 7 I never cave him a chance to steal anything from me." Uut do you thins jodbs wuuiu "rem if he bad an opportunity ? 'W11 T can't sav positive, but k " i M should rather not try him. 'Perhaps not; dui amira unuemmuu a.i v,o.-n annh a. tuvir oninion 01 Jones' honesty that you wonld be afraid to leave anything wnere ue cuum if he were so inclined: No. 1 shonldn t be afraid to, u l watched it." tllCDKm-A BOU.lJf TALE. One of my young friends, a talented artist, had become inspired with a pro found sentiment of attachment to young peasant girl of Albano, named Oiudetta, who came lomotimoB to ltonio to offer her classic head as a model to tho pencils of our nniHt skillful painters. The ingenious grace ot the child of tho mountains, tho beautiful and candid ex prcssion of her features, had rendered her the object of a species of worship among (far artists, which the admirable reserve of her cocduct in her station of life wholly justified. From the very day that my Friend A appeared to take a pleasure in seeing her, Oiudetta left Kome no more; Albano, its line lake, its delightful scenery, were ex changed for a small and obscure cham ber, which sho occupied in the iranste vere with tho wife ot a poor artiznu, whose children sho took oare of. Prolexts were never wanting for hor to make frequent visits to the studio of her bollo Inglesc. Ono day J found her there. A was neated gravely before his easel, pencil and paletto in hand; Ouidette crouched at Iim foot like spaniel at those of his mastor, watched his every look with intensity of interest, now listening with suspended breath to his every word, then rising with a bound to place herself opposito to him, con templated him with delight, and threw herself npon his nock in fits of convul sive laughter, wholly lost to all reflec tion of disguising from me her mad affection. To show thus to mo her happiness to me I who had loved as madly, who saw myself in Oiudetta, and to whom the sight made my fatal isolation more cruolly felt I '.Alone ! alone ?" I again slid to myself, "as when in St. Peter's, alono in tlie world, without a heart 1" My eyes became dim, I felt tho musolos of my chest begin to swell I hurried out. Who would have told me then that there is such a thing as justice 1 For several months tho happiness of the young Albanese was without a cloud; but jealonsy, the bane of human felicity, came at length to blight it. DoubU, cruel dopbtt were awakened in the mind of A upon the fidelity of Oiudetta; from that moment ho closed his doors upon her, and obstinately refused to Bee her. Giudetta, struck with a mortal blow by this Budden rupture, gave her self up to the most abject despair. In the hope of meeting A, she would sometimes wait for him on the promen ade of Zincia, from rise to set of sun; she refused all consolation, and became in her manner and language more gloomy and abrupt. I ' had already uselessly endeavored to sootho her mind; when ever I mot hor, her mournful counten ance, heretofore so radiant with love and beauty, bowed down and bathed in tears, filled mo with grief, and I could only turn away my eyes and retire, with a sigh of compassion. Ono day, however, I met her walking with extraordinary agitation near the bank of the Tiber, on an elevated precepico called Ponssiu's Walk. "Well, Oiudetta! where aro you go ing?" No answer was returuod. "You will not answer me?" Still Bhe replied not. "As I live you shall go no furthor; I foresee you are about to commit some act of rashness." "Ah ! do you not know that ho will see me no more that he no longer loves me after that? No, I go to drown my self?" Upon this she uttered the most heart rending cries. I saw her cast herself upon the earth, writhing With anguish, and uttering imprecations against the vile authors of her misfortunes, till, when worn out with sufferings, I be sought her on my kuecs, to promise me that she would subdue her agony, and become tranquil until the next day, en gaging myself solemnly to make a last attempt on her bohalf with the inflexible A. "Listen, my poor Oiudetta, I will see him this night; 1 will tell him all that your unfortunate passiou, and the pity which it inspires me with can suggest to obtain his forgiveness. Come, Oiudetta, to-morrow morning to my lodgings, I will then let you know the result of my endeavors, and what it is necessary you should do to regain Ins nnal conndenco. Should I not succeed, as there will then be affoctually nothing beeter for you to doi-the Tiber is still there." "Oh, Signor, you are kind, I will do what you you require;" and a ray of hope illumined like the lightning's flash her mournful face in that moment 1 weuld have given worlds to have restored happiness to her heart, to have ben the object of her affection, deep and over whelming, as X had felt and understood so painfully, such as alone could suffice to me, such as l might never meet, to give again as wildly back. That evening in ellect.l toon A aside; I related to him the agonizing scene I had witnessed, entreating him to grant the unfortunate creature an interview, which alone could save her. "Seek." said I, "some more etlicient and correct information; I will wager my right hand, my existence, you are making her the victim either of error or designing vil lainy. Besides, if all my arguments are unavailing," and I looked at him sarcasti cally, "as an artist, I cau assure you that her despair is the most admirable effect you ever beheld, and one of the most dramatic things imaginable; take a sketch of her, if only as au object of art." "Come, come, you plead so well," he replied with a warmth that he noyer evinced but when the interests of his art were concerned, "that I yield I will see in two hours hence some ono who can throw the cloarest ight upon this ridiculous affair. If the key is not in my door, it will be a lien that my suspicions are well founded, then I beg yon never more to mention the matter. Now let ns speak of something else; how do you like my new studio?" "Incomparably better than tho old one; but the view is not so tine Irom the window. In your place, I should have kept the garret, were it only to see the Cross of St. Peter's, and the tomb of Adrian." 'Oh ! there you are again, in the clouds; by-tbe-by, talking of clonds, let me light my cigar, well, now, I am on to make those inquiries. Good evening; tell yonr protege," with a look of pe culiar and searching cast, "of my final resolution. I am curious to know who is the dupe." The next morning Giu detta came very early to my lodgings; I was yet asleep; she wia at first afraid to interrupt my repose, but, boiling with impatience, she soizjd a guitar and struck tlireo chords, which awoke me. On turning round in my bed, I per ceived her atauding noar my pillow, overcome with emotion. Heavens I How beautiful she looked ! ilopo beamed npou her ravishing face, through tho brown tinge of hor complexion I saw her impassioned blush; she trembled in every limb. "Well, Oiudetta, I think and hopo ho will receive you; if tho key in in tho door, it is a token that he forgives you; if he is worthy of such a love ho will, aud " The poor girl interrupted me with, a cry of joy, threw hersulf upon my hand, kissed it with transpoit, sighed deeply, sobbed, and pcroipitatcd herself out of my room, bestowing upon mo, by way of thanks, a smile so exquisitely sweet in its expression that it seemed t illumin ate my vory being with its enchantment. Some hours after I had risen, A en-; tored my room, aud in a cold, grave tons of voice, Baid to me, "You aro right, I have discovered my error; but why is she not come, then"' I awaited her. " W hat, not come? by, she left here this morning, half mail with the hopo I had given her. Sho must have boeu at your placo Ave minutes afterwards." "I have not seen her; ami nevertheless, I left tho key in my door." "Good God! 1 forgot to tell her that you had changed your studio. She must have gone to your rooms on the fourth story, not knowing that you were on tho uibi AKUJi ll lia iuiu We rushed to the nppor Btory of A 's house. The door of the room was locked ; in the panel was deeply fixed the silver spada which Oiudetta woro in hor hair, aud which A recognized with horror; it was the one ho had presented to hor. We rau ?o the Transtevere sho was not there; to lir own lodging neither was she there; to the Tiber; Poussin's Walk; we inquired of every person we met none had soen her. At length we heard voices in violeut altercation. Wo readied the spot whence the noise proceeded. Two herdsmen were lighting, for the white fazzolotto of Giudetta, which the unhappy Albancso had torn from her head and cast on the crround before pre cipitating horself into the rolling Tiber. Brlgliam ltraved. An old plainsman who was with Gen eral Harney at the time of tho Mountain Meadow Massacre, tells the following story illustrative of his bravery: The morning that we started from salt Lake City back to Yuma, a young girl, about 17 or 18 ysars old, came out t" the camp and appealod to Brady, the train mastor, to help her escape. Her parents wero English, who had joined tho Mor mons not long before, and one of tho elders wanted to marry hor. Hor parents wore trying to force hor to this polygamous marriage, and sho could only avoid it by running away. She had an uncle and aunt in San Francisco aud to them she wanted to go. Brady wasn't the man to say "no under such circumstancos.but he stowod her away in the flour wagon by piling the barrels around her in such a way that she couldn't be seen from either end. We hadn't gone far bofore a dozen Mormons overtook us, the girl's father beinu aloncr with thorn, and they wont through that train until thoy found tho girl. After they had got her out, she turned to Brady and bade him good-by, at the same time thanking him for try ing to help her. That, of course, gave him dead away, and tho Mormons arrest ed him for kidnapping the girl, and they all went toward the city. Harney Baw that there was something wrong with the train, and back came a messenger to aoe what was the matter. As soon as Harney was informed of what had occurred he ordered the train to halt and stay there until he got back, and away ho and all tho troops went for tho Mormons. They had a long start of him, however, and reached tho city first. Kight up the main street Harney went at a gallop, and when ho jumped from hia horse aud nod "Halt I it was right in frout ol Brigham's oilico. Thero was a guard on duty there with a musket and fixed bayonet, but os he brought his weapon to a charge Harney gave it a kick that turned the guard half round, and tho next instant ho was disarmed. Harney strode into the office with half-a dozen soldiers ot his heels, and two minutes later Brigham was a-straddle of a horse and galloping down tho street in the center of a troop of cavalry. It was fun to see the Mormons stare as they saw the old man in such company, but before they could have timo to act we were out of the city. About five miles out Harney ordered a halt, and it wasn't loner before a lot of Mormons came up, riding as fast as their horses could carry them. When thoy got within sound of his voice, Harney or dered them to halt or he would fire on them, and they halted. Then he ordered Bri(diam to tell them to ao back to the city and bring Brady and the girl back with them, and he said to Krigham: If they are not here within two hours I'll till your carcass full of government lead!" "You don't dare to, Bays Brigham. "Why," says Harney, "I'll shoot you myself!" Long before the two hours were up Brady and the girl were thero, and when we got to Yuma, Harney sent a guard with her to San Bernardino, on her way to San Francisco. That's the kind of a man Harney was. The Cane asd the Uhurella Nuis ance. In the hands of nine men out of ton on tho streets a cane or an umbrella is an infernal machine. It is carried under the arm, the ends sticking far ont front and back. The hand which holds it is stuck in the coat or breeches pocket, throwing out the slian point half a yard behind the owner. It is laid across the shoulder, making it dangerous to pass upon either aids of the thoughtless creature; or it is twirled rapidly through the fingers. It is timo this nuisance was abated. It is not a trivial thing, and the police should be instructed to order the pretty man with the cane to bo man age his pet that ho will not endanger the persons of those so unfortunate aa to en counter him. Philadelphia Progress. A New Jersey school lioy aecured a week'B extra vacation by placing a tor pedo where the schoolmaster would step on it. Nothing is impossible to a Beriou, thinking boy. 1 Oscar Wilde's Lecture. When Mr. Wilde stopped upon the New York siage to lecture on Monday niL'ht, a burst of applause erected him Then there was a tittering that created a blush upon tho large faco of the lecturer who was to make his debut beforo the public. It was, in fact, hia first appear unco upon ouy stago, but his apparent discomfituro was momentary. Two chairs had been placed a few feet from the leo hirer's stand. Mr. Wilde and Col. Morse, his agent, at once occupied them, and began to survey the audience The bat torifs of opera glasses woro turned npon them, home one chuckled, llus Has followed by quiet laughter from the rear of the hall. Then the tittering and chuckling incroasod, and must soon have grown (o tho full strength of a general laugh had not Col. Morso arisen from his Boat and stepped to the edge of tho plat form. Thero was an instant hush, and tho dropping of a pin might havo been heard. "I have tho honor," said the Colonel, in a clear voice that was heard all over tho hall, "to intro duce to you Oscar Wildo, the English poet, who will deliver hia lec ture upon tho 'English llenaissauco.' " The Colonel then bowed himself through thesido door, leaving Mr. Wildo still calmly seated in his chair and gazing ot the audience. The poet recognized a lady in the parquet, aud nodded. Then he arose, and advauoed to the small stand, his long and bushy hair crowded iu front of his ears and noarly to his eyes, but it was brushed well off his forehead. He wore a low-necked shirt with a turned-down collar and largo white necktio, a black, claw hummer coat and white vost, kneo-broethes, long black stockings, and low shoes with bows. A heavy gold soal hung to a watch-guard from a fob-pocket. , Tho poet had no flower in the lappel of his coat. Iu his picturesque attire he was a study that Boemod greatly to interest the audience. Ho wore white kid gloves and when he placed his hands upon the stand in front of him, restod one of his foot on tho base of the stand, and raised his eyes as though bound to got a good view of tbo lofty coiling of the hall, the audionco looked in wonder upon him. He began to speak in a voice that might havo come from tho tomb. It grew monotonous, and was fast becoming painful, when, to the evident surpriso of everybody, ho smiled as ho uttered something in reference to the various definitions of icsthotioism. The audi ence was at onee relieved iron tne se pulchral atmosphere, and broke into a fioarty laugh which did everybody good. Tho lecturer was undoubtedly highly gratilled, aud for fully a moment dis played his white tooth as he good- naturedly smiled. Alter tuis uo lounu good sailing, and many things he said woro applauded. References to his "old friond. Arthur Sullivan," to "Patienco," and to sunflowers and lilies wore heartily enjoyed, and the lecturer laughod with his audience, in the courso oi his lec ture Mr. Wildo explained why lillios aro worshipped. He said: "You havo hoard, I think, a few of you.of two tlowers connoeted with the mthotio movement in England said (I assure you erroneously) to be the food of some ivsthetio young men. Well, let me toll you that the reason we love the lily and the sunflower, in spite of what Mr. Oilbort may toll yon, is not for any vege table fashion at all; it is bocauso those two lovely flowers are in England tho two most perfect models of design, tho most naturally adatod for docorative art tho gaudy loonino beauty of the ono and the precious lovolinoss of the othor giving to the artist tho most entire and perfect joy. And so with you; lot there be no llowor in your meadows that does not wroatho its tendrils round your pillows, no little leaf in your forests that doos tot lond its form to design, no curving spray of wild lose or briar that doos not livo forever in carven arch or window of marblo.no bird in your air that is not giving the irrides cont wonder of its colour, tho exquisite curves of its wings in flight, to make precious the preoiousness of simple adornment; for tho voices that havo their dwelling in sea and mountain aro not tho choson musio of liberty only. Other messages nro thore iu the wonder of the wind-swept heights and tho majesty of silent deep mossages that if yon will liston to them, will give yon tho wonder of all new imagination, tho treasuro of all new beauty. Wo spend our days, each of us, in looking for the secret of life. Well, the soorot of life j in art." (Applause.) (jjod Resolves for the New Year. On tho 2d day of Jannary ,1882, a busi ness mooting of the proprietors, editors and sifters of this paper was hold in the editorial arena &t No. 9U Congross avenue. The proprietors, editors and sifters were all present. In other words we wore both in attendance. Colonol Knox was appointed a committee to draw up a select assortment of resolutions re garding a swearing off platform. The Colonel retired, and, after an absence of half an hour, returned, acoompaniod by the aroma of a coffee bean, and presented the folio wins: Eesolvod. That wo horoby swear off using any stimulating beverages, said Bwear-off to continue and to be in force for one year from date, with the follow ing exceptions regatding time and place: First. Solely and strictly as medicine. Second. When samples are sent the office. Third, When laboring under a sense of discouragement. Fourth, When we receive a new sub scriber. Fifth, When we feel that we actually need something. Sixth, On any special occasion. Texas Siftings. Of no account now: "Look hcah, 'Squire, dah'a a niggah in Galveston what's been sassin' me; suppos' I just maul de life out of him?" the lawyer replied: "You woold be apt to get your neck stretched." "Now, boss, you jokin'. What do tou white folks care for one niggah more or less now de census is too. Texas Sittings. An actress at Albany, N. Y., last weei literally brought down the house. The lonesome young man who occupied the gallery went to sleep and fell over the rail down into the pit, knocking one of the orchestra chairs crazy- When they picked him up, expecting to find him a trorv corpse, he rubbed bis sleepy eyes and earnestly inquired, "What act it it?" ti.SSF. A.D M0N8K.SK. The C. B. and queue ought to bo the popular road with tho Chinese. Prestige was defined by Lord IIonoii borry at Hull tho other day as "the most expensive word in the French or any other language." Tho riiihidelphiaNorth American says that Bot cher's theology is made up of free trade and tho plcasantcr parts of Christianity, When bad men combine, tho good must associate, else they will fall ono by one, nn unpiticd sacrifice, in a contempt ible struggle. A Catskill coroner's jury decided that u woman "camo to her death in tho providence of God by the accidental in halation of chloroform and heart dis ease. Senator Wade Hampton denies tho report that his daughter Mary is prepar ing to becomo an actress. She makes her debut in society, not on the stage, this winter. A Vnur TtrnnHwiek four vcar old. on seeing tho cook take tho baked potatoes .. . -il.. i r om t no oven, was astonisuoa bi one which had burst its skin. Oh, "Annie," he exclaimed, "there's ono all unbut- tanod!" A Washington correspondent wrote: Tho time incoming wheu Congressmen and monopolists will run this country from ono end to the other. If camo out "ruin"-instead of "run," aud nobody supposed it was a mistake. Thero's our Jeremiah," said Mr. Shclton, "he went off to make his living by his wits." "Well, did he Bneeood?" inquired his friend. "No,"' said the old man with a sigh, and significantly tapping his hood, "he failed for tho want of capital. A Boston ian has discovered that the circular saw was first introduced into this country about the year 1817; but the year iu which a man first placed his hand on a rapidly revolving buzz saw to lcain if it was moving still remains in loubt. A lady made tho remark that "sho thought the Bulletin was getting very dull of late; that sho did not seo the death of any of hor fashionable friond published lately." The above is a fact, as it occurred vestcrday in our business ofllce. fPhil.'Bullotin. Tho house in which Samuel Rogers, the most elegant of English poets, and most brutal of English wita, resided once upon a timo, at Stoke Nowington, is about to undergo what the paragrapu- ists of the west describe as tho procoss of demolition. A rooent unmboro' tho London Athen- ieuni contains two letters from Oeorgo Eliot to Professor D. Kaufmann. thank ing him for a favorablo notice of "Daniol Deronda." Sho seems to have had the usual sonsitivoncss of the literary tribo, a fact of which her guide, philonophcr and friend, Mr. G. II. Lewes, was stud iously awaro. "I've got the oorroct of seeing Rossi," remarked a club man last evening. "I'm goign to tako an Italian friond with me. Ifn won't nndnrstand a word the EncIisU actors say, and I shan't understand a word Kossi says, but between us ooiu we shall uuderstand and appreciate tha ulav " and ho miffed hia ciar calmly as ho thought of tho happy idoa. Miss Louisa Do La Rama, the eccon trio Englishwoman who writes undor tho pen name of Ouida, and who has not hitherto been credited with any conscious sense of humor, has written what is said tn im a lii-iirlit and attractive little com edy entitled "Cloth of Gold and Cloth of Froize." Sho has aiso written a now -Italian novol. the title of which has not yot been announced, In a recent "conversation" on personal beauty, Mr. A. Branson Alcott exprossed himself strongly in favor of tho blondo typo as being noarcr to tho divine like ness, but it is a trillo b vere upon the brunettes, though he claims to spoak with no disrespect. Ho kindly odmila that Bomo dark jiooplo have inherited, or have cultivated, admirable qualities, which oontradict their outward appear ance; but ho affirms that darkness is the outcomo of sin, noar or ramoto, and dark cyos aro synonymous with a vicious dis position. He recommends fruit diet to such persons as wish to attain some measure of the blondo puriety, in both mind and complexion. Now, if any othor man talked like that he'd be ac cused of being mashed on the Victoria Loftua troupe. A Murky Jljtropolls. There are some sontimental as well as hard practical reasons why Londoners of a newer age complain of the smoke which enshrouds their city. One hun dred and fifty years ago London wbb fa mous for her roses, but to-day no rose nor conifor will grow there. Fancy a tea rose, normally fragrant, and daintily tingod with palest yellow, giving forth in London anything else than an odor of smoke, or with pedals colored in any other way than with Boot. Once on a time thore werebleacheriesin ajid around London, and among other things wax exposod to the Sun bo as to get rid of its color. But actinio in fluences are thwarted by the particlos of carbon which float forever in the London atmosphere. Still, when the vital sta tistics of this great hive of human life are examined, in proportion to its rast population London is not unhealthy. It is supposable, since light is necessary for physical well being, that there has been adantiveness on the part oi the Londoners to their artificial surround ings. More light on London, at earlier dawn, a later crcpuscule would make wonderful changes, and gas companies have calculated the millions on millions of cubic feet that wonld not be con sumed if the general length of the day were increased. The very absence of light in a certain manner absolutely in creases the sum total of the darkness.for just in proportion as there are more arti ficial illuminators of the old style, the greater is the making of the floating carbon. If, now, there were only some kind of compensation about these things which nature could bring about, a bal ance might be struck. A fine-spun asthetio story might be constructed on the abaenee of light, the increase ot crime, and where roses could not bloom or lilies give out their fragrance thero would the novelist make his pandemo- . ninm of human turpitude. i