BETTER MAKE THE BEST Q IT.
,. T LILLII I. 1AIK.
' T
,. ' II torn pli-Mure oome Tour way,
y Though 'til bul holiday,
y Juat an hour or two of play,
,r Better make tba boat of it
Drop your work, it's eare and itrife,
Take rour child, and taks your wifa,
Tula a moment a freer life,
Aod just make the be of It.
rr.
Oft ungrateful you have been;
Though your hoina wa awaet and clean,
Thought it only imall and mean,
Better make the beat of it.
Think upon your table apread,
With enough of daily bread,
Bleat your baby't curly bead,
And jurt make the beat of it.
III.
Perbape you hare gone with weary feet
Through the hay, and corn, and wheat;
When the barreet if complete
Make the very beat of it.
Though you're grumbled oft before
At the (mallneaa of your aUire,
IH not grumble any more,
But juit make the beet of it.
IV.
Two tbingt lince the world began
No one Crete for, If a man
What he can't help what he can
But he makei tbe beat of it.
What you can't help ia God'l will;
(Do you not know wbat'i good or ill?)
Cheerfully submit, and atili
Try to make the beat of it.
What you can help, help, if you
Would unto younwlf be true;
A miitake hai atill ita due
Tie to make the beat of it.
Sorrow 'a only good for ain;
From each error you may win
(iain or wisdom: ao begin
To make the very beat of it.
VI.
There'! no grief that can betide,
Lnaa, or wrong, wounded pride,
But will have a brighter aide;
Kind it; make the beat of it.
taake the wont you only place
Shame and anger to your caae;
Belter keep a cheerful face
And make the very best of it
TBE DUEL.
In the year 1801, when the peace of
Tilsit put a stop to tbe conquests of
Napoleon in Germany, the King of Prus'
sis, exhausted by bis astonishing efforts
to maintain tne war against i ranee, re-
duced his army to the peace establish'
ment. Consequents many officers who
were stationed at flamburg received a
furlough, or were dismissed from the
service for a short time; and a life of
military danger and inactivity gave
plaoe to habits of idleness and dissipa
tion.
In the early part of the summer, sevo-
' ral of these officers, having dined to
gether and sacrificed rather freely at the
shrine of the jolly god, adjourned to
wards evening to the Exchange Coffee
House, tbe most noted hotel in the city,
They entered singing and shouting ih a
most tumultuous mauner, setting at de
fianoe the rules of propriety and de
corum. J. be youngest of tbe joyons
band, the Baron de V , who bore
the commission of lieutenant in tbe
armv.was about twontv-five vears of afte.
wealthy, handsome and elegantly form-
ed. But bis mind did not correspond I
nth his person; and be was vain, inso'
lent; self -conceited and presuming.
When they entered the public room .they
observed an individual of small stature,
in a dark suit, seated alone at a table.
lie held in his loft band tbe journal of
the day.while bis right supported a pipe.
'Ho paid but little attention to tbe en
trance of this formidable host of black
guards, scarcely deigning to raise his
eyes from the paper be was perusing,
The young Baron, doubtless oflendod at
an appearance of idifferouce which he
thought bordered on contempt, approach-
ed the man in black, and said with a
smile of bitter irony:
"Ah, my friend, good evening. From
your appearance, I should take you to be
a schoolmaster, or perhaps a tailor. Am
I right? Where's your goose?"
The citizen raised bis eyes and fiiod
them for a moment on the countcnanoo
of his interrogator, and then resumed
the perusal of the journal.
"God forgive me my sins," continued
the Baron. "He will not answer me.
allow mo to relieve you
So saying, he snatched tho pipo from
the hands of the stranger, and dashed it
to pieces on tbe floor, a piece of wit
which his companions applauded with
shout of laughter..
Without l.iying down the journal the
insulted individual tuinod towards tho
entrance of the inner reom, and coolly
said:
"W aiter, another pipe,"
"Woll done," resumed the young im
pertinent, "I have gained something,
however; I made him open his mouth."
The pipo was brought, filled and
lighted, and the citizen continuod to
peruse the journal as if nothing had hap
pened. "My little man," said the Baron,
"where do you belong ? In what village
do you exercise yonr talents t What, no
answer ? Have you resolved not to en
ter into conversation with me?"
Here tho insulted person agaiu raised
hia head and looked tbe young officer iu
tbe face, at tbe saino time puffing out an
immense volume of smoke; be then de
liberately rosumcd bis former occupa
tion. remaps 1 wan mistaken in your
character, interrupted the Baron; "you
may be the quid nnuo of a village, and
perhaps endeavoring to commit to mem
ory tbe news wbich that paper contains,
to impart it correctly to your friends
and neighbors. But you smoke like a
Swiss. That pipe causes yon much in
convenience. It was a second time broken.
Without evincing by agosture, or any
visible sign of countenance, tho least
apiwaranee of anger, the man in black
coolly repeated the first domond:
"Waiter, another pipe."
"What a melodious voice!" resumed
lli Baron. Such patience must be the
attribute of an angel or devil. I would
give a thousand florins to see yon in a
passion; it would be delicious sport."
An old Major whose embroidered coat
was decorated with military orders, and
on whse German physiognomy was de
picted frankness, true courage and loy
alty, wbo entered the Coffee House with
ttna mw IiHld frtl low OTA milut a tr r u I ... . . I .-i.it' . ,
V"'", siouon, mo captain asKeu ins antagonist r)invfl nf virainalitv The noor.la of the
sociable. Ah, I perceive the reason of significantly If he had good pistols; w?w2mX.S
yoursienee; that pipe incommodos yon. "for "said ho "I bave a pair which I wn where tne evont came to pass com-
A. 1 must hear the sound of your voice. J Vhkh ne?n,iJ- tLTr aX Pla!nthat the 8.tonb7? W6?!? and.
these hair-brained youths, now addressed
th n.i-nn in a. In voice, but which,
notwithstanding, oouIJ be beard in all
part of the room:
trangor without provocation; you are
foolishly guilty of a greater impertinence,
and yonr conduct with that of yonr ap
plauding comrades, begins to august
me. I beg you to pursue tbia foolish
ioke no further."
Tbe Baron, with bis companions, ao
cordingly adjourned to a neighboring
room, and commenced playing cards.
TV indira from their numerous iokes. fol
lowed by loud peals of laugnier, it wouia grant yon time w uut muj hus
seem tbat tbe young officer's folly and ments yon may think necessary,
imnrndence were already forgotten. An The young man muttered something
hour paused away, all was mirth and
jollity, the Baron had gained a consider-
..Ma anm. and hia anirits were prupor-
tionatelv buoyant, when the little
man in black entered me room, enu
slowly approaching his cbair,tapped him
gently on the snonider, ancr requested to
sneak with him in another apartment,
7J. . . i -.1 i - -1 ,
Xne J5arun regaraeo mm wuu a loom vi
li1in over his shoulder, nttered an ill-
timed jest, and langhed in bis face.
"Hie " aaidtha man in black in a de
cided and manlr tone, "too labor under
a trifling mistake, which I must take tho
likerty to correct. Iam neither a tailor
nor a school-master. I have tbe honor
I to be s Dost'captain in the English navy,
verv much at your service. You bave
insulted me ana i demand satisfaction.
To-morrow morning at seven o clock I
shall await you here. Bring pibtols with
you."
The astonished Baron, who during this
address bad raised from his chair,
changed countenance more than once
and then answered only by a low bow
I of acquiescence; be dared not trust
himself to speak, lest bis tongue should
betray his terror. The captain politely
sainted the rest of the company and left
tbe house,
With him departed all the gayety of
the lieutenant. He became thoughtful
and tactiturn; hia mind wandered from
his game, anl be soon lost more than
he had gained. He was nnnerved
itb terror, while reflecting on the
consequenoes ox bis folly. What an
advantage must an adversary possess
over him wbo could bear with so much
calmness a series of degrading insults,
and who could propose a duel with such
imperturbable "aang froid! bucn an
antagonist must be singularly endowed
with courage and skill. Such were the
ideas that continually passed through his
mind.
When the company separated, they all
agreed to meet at tbe same place at tbe
appointed hour. But it is not supposed
that all slept equally well during the
night, when they assembled next morn'
ing at the Coffee House, they found the
Englishman before them at the rendez
vous; but he was now dressed in a splen
did suit of the naval uniform of his na
tion. He was attended by a valet, who
carried a case nnder bis arm,
He reauosted tbe officers to accent of
some refreshments; and they entered into
conversation, when the Englishman gave
indications of possessing a cultivated
mind and good breeding.
About eight o clock he rose from bis
chair, and Begged the Prussian officer to
select the spot where their quarrel mnst
be decided, adding that he was a stranger
in thfl eitv. and that all nlaces were alike
to him. the Baron named the open pas
tures lying between Hamburg and Al-
toona.
When they arrived on the ground, the
Englishman asked the Prussian what
distances he would prefer. He an
swered:
"Fifteen paces."
"The distance is too great." resumed
the Englishman ; you will miss me. Call
it ten, if yon please."
And bis proiosition was accepted.
Tbe major now made the observation
that the captain had no second.
"Ihisisof little consequence, said
the Englishman. "If I full, my valet
lias my orders.
The major represented that such a pro
ceeding was contrary to the nsage in
aiiairs oi this kind, and that if such a
formality were negleoted tbe duel could
not take place, but he politely ofiered to
assist in that capacity.
When the ground was marked out. and
each of the principals had taken his
I will givo you a proof of their excel
lence.
He then railed his servant, and
ordered him to throw something in the
air. The man took a handkorchiof from
bis pocket.
" 1 his is too large,' said the captain:
' nnd something else.
He took from bis pocket a dried
prune. "That will do.
exolaimod the
rooster.
Tho fruit was thrown in the air. tbe
pistol was fired, and tbe prune was
shattered into pieces. At this extraor
dinary proof of address, the spectators
were struck with astonishment. As to
tbe poor lieutenant, be was more dead
than alive.
Tbe captain then resumod his station.
and requested his antagonist to fire, but
the nisjor interposed, stating that it was
contrary to tho custom of thoir country;
tbat tho oitended party bad an tin
doubted right to make the first essay;
and after his fire was returned, the rest
should bo decided by chance.
"My friend," repliod the captain, "if
I should suffer mvself to be influenced
by your opinion, this young gentleman
would nover bave an opportunity to tost
tbo quality of bis pistols. . I must bave
mv own way in this particular; aud after
I bave settled the affair with this gentle
man, each of bis companions wbo
amused themselves last eveuing at my
expense, and wbo, instead of restraining
the uupertinenoe of their friend, laughed
at his ridiculona follies, must one aftor
another front tbe muzzle of my pistol.
now, sir, 1 am ready, lake good aim,
for if you miss me you are a dead man."
The lieutenant presented his weapon,
drew the trigger, and the ball passed
inrougu the tngiisiiinan s cat.
"Now, sir, it is my turn," said the
captain. "I was last evening a butt for
your railleries and your sarcasms.
Without provocation, you insulted me,
covered me with humiliations. I was a
schoolmaster, a tailor, a village
babbler. What am I now? A man.
And what are yon? A miserable wretch.
a poltroon, trembling with fear. That
death, which is few minutci you will
i - . . ' ..... l inat it was no. mo buuuuq impulse ui
receive from my band, Idy inr
rounds TOO with shadows. The (Trim tT
ranfi icy band ia already extended over
yon. Your lip aro livid, Tour eyea are
ling abeet wbich in a few hours will
velop your body. Yonr feeble limbs
UUUi WiAt VU
can
hard! v support yon: insolence and cow
ardice a:o band in band together. But
before my bullet pierces your heart, tell
me, bave you any arrangements to make?
Have you a but adieu to send a father, a
mother, a sister, or any other person who
is dear to you? I have here the materials
necessary for writing, and willing
to
of which an bumble "I tbank yoa, was
all that was intelligible.
"In that case." said tbe Enlishman
"since reconciliation between us is abso
lutely impossible, and it is necessary
tbat your blood should wash out the
affronts wbich I have received, I beg
you to implore, by a fervent but brief
I .i r riAai iAat '
prayer, uuo uieix-j vi uo ujiui uwo..
Then, taking off his bat, bo looked
round npon tbe mute, terrified specta
- 1 tors of this closing scene, who, by i
spontaneous impulse uncovered them
seves in like manner. For a moment or
two mere reigned among toe group a re
ligions and solemn silence, which was
only interrupted by the hard breathings
of the suffering lieutenant.
At length, seizing the pistol and point
ing it toward the lieutenant, be kept him
for a minute in a state of most horrible
suspense; then, suddenly raising the
weapon, he turned towards tbe valet.who
stood near him and and handed him tbe
Distol.
"Take it." he said; "this officer is not
worthy the honor of dying by the hand
of an Enlighman.
Tbe next day tbe Baron de V quitted
thai part of the country, and never re-
sumed his station in his regiment.
1 Klai In tbe TTrong quarter.
There is a time for all things, sure
enough. The other day a regiment of
Boston soldier boys arrived in a Southern
city. The boys in blue had been on rail
and water for several days, lney nod
as Mr. Blaine is said to have sententious'
ly remarked, suffered all the horrors of
war without its glory. Unce nnder the
occult influences of the Southern cross,
inhaling the sensuous odors of rich, ripe
Southern blossoms, tbe gallant soldiers
were intoxicated, so to speak, with tbe
glorious transition. They saw with the
eyes of lovers, and spoke with tbe
tongues of duty, they sauntered through
the jasmine-scented streets, delirious
with the inebriating affluence
of Southern sun, sky, air, and what
not. It was in a moment of this
subtle sort of exaltation that steeps the
senses that a group of these translated
warriors saw coming toward them a form
wbich seemed the natural goddess of
such a scene a woman such as .Shelley
pictured in tbe garden where all things
of beauty grew in perfect prime. To the
dazzled senses of the plumed knights of
staid old Boston it was a sprite, an es
sence to be tasted as the odorous
atmosphere tbat distilled itself in the
translucent air. Seized by an irresist
ible impulse, the stalwart sons of tbe
north stood transfixed. She approached
tbem unconscious of the new order of
being invading the scene, and as if by
one impulse tbe soldiers kissed herl
Then a remarkable thing happened. As
if to keep up the illusion of a fairy
scene, the spirit of this fair city under
the southern cross fainted and fell to
the ground insensible. The awe
stricken slaves of beauty were more than
evor convinced that the fair unknown
was a fairy, and that Bhe had been trans
lated by tbe powers of tbe air to another
sphere as a punishment lor mortal con
tact. But the vulgar machinery of daily
life came into pluy. The roseate visions
of the soldiers were rudely dispelled by
a posse of police, who, having placed the
lady in a carriage, carried the wonder-
struck soldiers to the lock-up. Now, as
most folks know, a kiss in itself is not
calculated to deprive an ordinary young
person of her powers of respiration.
There are, indeed, cases on record where
kissing has been the award of chival
rous action. In the ordinary apprecia
tion of men a kiss has been known
to diffuse tbe most roseate color into the
impul
poetical ardor and irresistible tribute to
the potent influence of climate and char
acter. The moral of the incident, how
ever, soems to be that ft is better not to
kiss strange gentlewomen in the street,
for the tribute implied to the beauty of
the fair object of the action is counter
weighed by the equivocal consequences
to be inferred. In this oase the ardor of
the young men has been attributed to
inebriety and the terror of the young
woman to seclusion and lack of knowl
edge of one of the most exquisite inci
dents of courtship.
The following is told on James It.
Randall, the scholarly editor of the Au
gusta (Ga.) Chronioloand Constitution
alist, lie attended preaching at a colored
church in the country, and had in his
pocket a silver half dollar, just the ticket
fare back to Augusta. At the conclusion
of bis sermon the minister ordered a col
lection for his own benefit. "Of course,"
said he, "I 'specU every pusson to give
somethin'; but I'se told tint Mr. Thomas
up de lano yondor had some turkeys stole
Friday night. I don't want any man who
bad a ban' in steolin' dem turkeys to put
any money in do hat." When the hat
reached Randall, not a man had denied,
and the preacher's eyes were on him.
His halt dollar went into tbe bat. Bos
ton Herald.
A story is related of a Boston congre
gation that when they closed their
church edifice to give tbe minister a
summer vacation, a sign was put over
the entrance, reading: "No services or
Sunday school in this houso during the
hot season." Some sarcastic wag drew
on the door of the side entrance, in col
ored chalk, a picture of the devil, life
size, and in full costume, horns, hoofs,
tail and all, with the inscription under
nea th: "Not too hot for me here ?"
The hillsof loftr endeavor and high
achievement lie all around ns, and if we
never catch a glimpse of the views they
afford, we need not complain thai it ia
because of the insuperable limitation of
our surrounawgs.
Beserrrd beat.
(Argument: The husband hu treated
bis wife to the theater. The action takes
place in two front seats during tbe first
act of the play.)
She Considering that this is the first
time tbat yoa bave deigned to take nre
anywhere, I am surprised that you paid
so little attention to my comfort. A de
voted husband would have secured bet
ter seats, but you said, of course, "Oh,
anything is good enough for her!"
He But, my dear, these are the best
seats in the house and I cannot see what
more yon can ask, for I hardly suppose
you would wish to occupy the Emperor's
box.
She Yon mean that I am not good
enough for it! I don't thank yon for
bringing me here, since it was only to
have aa opportunity of paying me such
compliments.
He You are wrong, my love. I sim
ply wished to point out when you re
proached me wua neglecting your com
fort that I came to the theater, said
"Give me two. of the best seats in the
house!" and paid down my 16 francs,
as I would have paid 60 to give yon com
fort.
She So you squandered 16 franc
without knowing what seats yon were
getting, so that if when we arrived they
hod opened a dark cupboard and said,
"Get up on the second shell! we would
bave no recourse but to do soi
He That is going to an extreme, my
love. When yon pay to see a play, it is
manifest that they can't put yon into a
dark cupboard. Any one oi common
sense can see that.
She Oh. thank von! So I don't pos
seas common sense, lint l see vyiai it is
I understand it all. Yon are to take
the 16 francs yoa have wasted out of me,
As I was to blame because some one
else swindled von br giving you such
seats.
ar m
He No one swindled me; I selected
them myself from tbe diagram
She ies vou parted witn your money
on tbe strength of a diagram without
looking to see the seats and find out if
they were comfortable.
He But it is not customary,
She When vou buy a two-francs
chicken you feel it to see if it is tender
lie And in the day-time tne tneaters
are dark.
She-Easy enough to get a lantern.
He Bosh!
She Bosh? Do vou want me to be
lieve tbat in a city the size of Paris such
a thing as a lantern isn't to be found?
But, no! The least little thing costs too
much trouble you would sooner see an
unhappy woman, whose health and hap
piness the law has confided to your keep-
T. a 1 .1 al. - .
ing, suuor agony on a seat oaruer iuu m
road.
He IH vo for a cushion, my dear.
(Rising.)
She Oh. thank you. Do bring ma
cushion every one has sat on. And
while you are all about it, see if you can
find a cast-off bouquet tbat has been ly
ing nnder a seat for a few weeks.
He You want flowers? How stupid
of me to forget! I'll get them this
She If you took the trouble to renect
about such a trifling matters as my
health, vou would know that the smell
of flowers makes me sick.
He Forgive me. my love. I had for
gotten-
She Your confession was not needed
to convince me of your neglect. Any
other husband, on finding that the wife
of his bosom was placed alongside of a
fat woman escaped from a circus and
reeking with patchouli, would have seen
to it tbat a door was opened.
He I will, with pleasure, my love.but
as tbe act has been begun, I shall hare
to disturb every one.
She Rather than incommode stran
gers, you would see the mother of your
children suffer. I suppose thats her
husband there that grinning idiot
Sh. mv love.. Hes doing what we
should do following the play.
She And a nice play it is, too; no one
can make head or tail out of it.
He If vou were to listen instead of
talking
She I suppose youd like a poor
woman never to open nor moutn wnen
she's away from home.
He I do not say that, but it is cus
tomary after the curtain goes np to lis
ten to the actors, and indeed the practice
conduces to obtaining an idea of the
story.
She A nice story it is too. Your
Countess who receives Tom, Dick and
Harry ha! there; they're Binging
while she shows him out. Do people in
good society sing when they go from one
room to another, I'd like to know? And
only just now they said there was a nerv
ous notary had his office in the lower
story! He must have a nice quiet time of
it, poor man, if they howl a duet every
time a door is opened. And look at those
doors! Every door has two leaves, and
each time any one goes in or out he opens
both leaves! Is that tbe fashion in good
society? I suppose they draw tbe bolts
at the top and bottom each time. And
they never shut a door not they! The
door has to shut itself.
He You see. my dear, on the stage it
is assumed tbat there is a lackey on the
other side to close the door
She Oh, then there was a lackey in
the Countess' bedroom when she went
into it to dress, as she said. A nioe
Countess, that? If those are the morals
and manners of the noble age of Louis
XIV., I thank heaven that I'm only a
common woman. And thats what you
paid your 16 francs to see!
tie lou are severe, my love.
She I am not, but since the theatre
a school of manners I don't want to
hear people screech in a notary's house
or see a Countess lock herself np with a
footman. Thore! one of them has begun
to dance!
He Didn't you hear him say, "Let
me take advantage of the Countess' ab
sence to practice tbe pas I am to dar.ce
ith her to-night, mats wby lie is
dancing.
She And what about the notary down
stairs? He mnst pay a very low rent to
induce him to remain in such a place?
And who is this new character that en
ters the Countess's apartments as easily
as a knife enters a pound of butter?
She's a Countess that takes precautions
about her dressing room! I'd as soon
think of dressing myself in the street.
He Ssh! He said didn't you hear
him? that he found no one in the ante
chamber io annonnoe him.
She Then who shut the door from
the outside? II nasi be a nicely ran
household not even a servant to answer
the door. I hope the notary's clients do
not leave their securities with him.
lie un, u vou come down to snob
trifles
She Trifles! Yoa consider it a trifle
to call on a lady while she is dressing,
int i am not surprised, lou navo no
sense of decency, I am only astonished
that yon haven't quitted me hours ago to
go and meander round tbe Countess.
have been waiting to bear yoa say yon
bad aa engagement witn the notary,
He Hush, my dear. Everybody is
staring at ns. Yoa forgot that we are at
the theater,
She Now I see why you were ready
to spent lb francs to take me to tbe thea
!!. It was with the triple object in
-. of breaking me on a stone bench
poisoning me with patchouli and pervert
ing my moral sense. You wished to re
duce me to the level of your countess
who opens her doors to whole cities
He I beg of you my dear . They
aro lauguing at ns,
She I won't stay here another instant,
I'll go and get the money back; let tbem
deduct tbe price of the act we bave seen
if they are mean enough to exact it. Oh
heavens! There, all five of them are kiss-
incr t.hA rVinntaaii
He Yoa see she hoi just recognized
ber Ave long lost brothers.
She Don t tell me! A o woman ever
recognized five long lost brothers at
once. If she pretends they are her
brothers it is only because there is some
faint spark of shame left in her,
He If you understood the plot you
She So I'm an idiot, am I ? Here, let
me out.
He Wait till the end of the act.
She I won't.
He We will have to derange every
bodv
She Come this moment, or I'll prance
along the knees of the audience. 0 oh!
(Goes into hysterics and is removed to a
carriage by her husband and a stranger.
Stranger -1 hope the air will revive
your wife, sir. If I can be of any fur
ther service to yon, here is my card
He Thank yon, sir. (Reads) "Mr,
King, Wild Beast Tamer!" (Curtain.)
(jarfleld's Harrow Escap s from Death
Only the night before the terrible
tragedy of July 2d, Capt. E. C. Henrv,
Marshal of the District of Columbia, and
an intimate friend of the late President
dined with him and spent part of the
evening. As the conversation drifted on
from one topic to another, General Gar
field suddenly began to talk about the
remarkable escapes from death through
which he had passed. I had never heard
him speak of these in tbe way he did that
night, writes Captain Henry, in a letter
to the Cleveland Herald, and the first
and most remarkable one he had never
told me before. He dwelt upon the nn
certainty of life, doubtless constrained
thereto by the terrible accident that had
recently happened to his favorite uncle,
Thomas Garneld, and to his conBin,Mrs
Arnold.
It appeared that the first escape oo
ourred when he was only nine years old
His mother did not own a horse, and be
thought there was nothing in the world
quite so nice as riding on horseback. His
uncle, Mr. Hoy n ton, wbo owned a farm
next to his mother s, had a wild four-
year-old colt, which hod never been
handled at all. He ran loose in a pas
ture near Mrs. Garfield's house. The
boy-President by gradual degrees got the
animal so be would come to the fenoe to
be rubbed and petted. He continued to
pet bim for many days, and finally used
to climb the fence aud rub his bock. At
length he put his bare foot over the top
of the fence and upon the colt s back
The animal crouched somewhat and did
not seem to relish the proceeding, but
did not run away. The colt had at first
been disposed to bite every time he was
touched, and the boy now thought he
had so tamed him tbat tbe next day be
would attempt to, ride. By tbe most
gradual stages tho act of mounting was
accomplished. Finally the bare foot was
placed npon tbe back, and the leg slip
ped gradually down upon the opposite
side of the animal, and in an instant he
was in the spot where sadd'e had never
been. The colt was as wild as tbe
Ukraine to whose bock Mazeppa was tied.
The boy placed bis hands firmly in
tho mane of the colt, while the latter at
first crouched low down and sidled away,
until finding that the load was firmly
fixed upon his back, he began a series of
most vigorous reurings and kicking.
Finding that this was not likely to ac
complish the desired end, the colt start
ed as fast as he could run across the field
in tbe direction of u large oak tree with
widespreading branches which came
down close to the ground. The boy
made up his mind that he was destined
to be swept off by tbe oak, and he deter
mined to escape such a fate. Ho accord
ingly let go the mane, uud gradually
slipped back and down over the rump of
the colt as he ran. Just as he struck
the ground the colt gave a vigorous kick
with both feet. The boy felt the breeze
that the swift blow creatod in his face,
but he was unharmed. He dU not
spend any more time oourting the colt,
however.
A Tjpograpli cil Injury.
There are plenty of the old "semina
ry boys who will remember uuaney
Bender, a ten-year old, in kniokerbock
era, who went .from bore to California in
1802 with his brothers, Wilson S. and
Punch" Bender. Charley is in busi
ness in Reno, Nevada, now, and was the
happiest', man in the State until about
two weeks ago, when he fell a victim to a
typographical blunder. Charley hit
upon a scheme to advertise his business,
and told the editor of the Reno Gazette
to announce that he would give a special
premium to tho lady exhibiting a baby
at the fair that most resembled her. The
announcement appeared among the fair
notes, ond read: "Charles T. Bender
offiers a sjiecial premium to tbe lady ex
hibiting a baby that most resembles
him." Charley was out of the city for
several days, and when he came back
couldn't understand why the ladies, with
whom he had always been a great favor
ite, looked at their noses when tbey
fiassed him, and the matter grew abso
utely serious when a very intimate laxly
friend to whom he proffered his hand,
exclaimed, "Don't you dare to shake
hands with me, sir, you vile thing!" It
was all mode as plain as day when
Charley saw the typographical error.and
he is not to be blamed for hunting np
the editor with his revolver. South
Bend Tribune.
HCJIOR0U8.
When a bank goes r.p it generally fail,
to come down. '
A matter of more than ordinary inter,
est-your note bearing twelve per cent '
Whisky that makes a man seasick
Ucle IH,rlj terni0d BJ)Urion
Soma things are past finding out. The
love for whisky is what staggers a man
Picayune.
Right in the main -gas.-The Score
But very apt to be wrong in the metre -I
Advertiser.
President Garfield's portrait is to be
placed npon the five cent international
postage ktter stamps,
A San Francisco woman calls her bus
band her darkest hour, because he gen
erally comes just before dawn.
"This apple is pretty well worn out"
said a five-year-old, as she finished eat
ing and was about to throw away the
core. Fact.
The Omaha Republican says the spirit
f mortals is proud Iwinu it
of
fifteen cents a glass. This puts tbe mat.
tor in a new light.
A Coroner's verdict reads thus: "The
deceased came to his death by excessive
drinking, producing apoploxy in the
minds of the jury."
Jonos, getting np from his dinner, in
a quiot way remarked to his landlody
that be bad found everything pn the
table cold except the ice cream.
Tho following typographical error
shows the vast importance of a comma.
At a bano net this toiul aivan-
, c-II w
man without her man, is a brute."
No Feci rnns a Chinese laundry in
Boston, lie shall have all our washing.
Lowell Courier. Send it along. One
more shirt will probably not increase
his labors much. Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
It miff lit liftvn liAPn- A fool. :,.., vi
young ladv accidentally dmimn1 nn r
L - j i
er false eye-brows in ber opera-box and
greauy inguiened ner oeau, who on see
ing it, supposed it was bis mustache.
"Gold in thirty fhroA nonntiai in tt:.
State; copper in thirteen; iron in forty
three; diamonds in twenty-six; whisky
in all of them; and the last gets away
with all the rest." Georgia Sentinel.
An old maid, not attractive. recunUr
read in a temperance lodge an original
poem, entitled, "The Lips that Touch
Lin nor Shall Nnver Tnnch Minn" m,i
the young men present gave ber three
cneers.
Yonnff IlllHlinnd in vonnir wife "Vnn
o --- j n
ought not to tease the baby by letting
mm buck an empty uotne. loung
wiffl "Ha can ira na mti(Vi aninvmnnf
out of that as he can out of his thumb,
oan't he?"
A certain handsome Boston actor re
cently said to bis valet: "I'm going to
stay with Tom to night. Take such
things as I mar want to his room." And
the valet took a night dress, tooth brush,
and a cork-screw.
The economical side of a woman's
character shines forth with ndiance
when she succeeds in fastening an 18
inch belt around a 22-inch waist. Her
justifiable pride in making both ends
meet deserves commendation.
The clergyman who prayed at Haver
hill: "We approach Thee, 0 Lord, un
der the auspices of the Essex County
Agricultural Sooiety," must havethought
that the members have a good deal of
nfluence in celestial matters. Law
rence Eagle.
A Rockland man saw advertised "a
sure onre lor drunkenness, lie for
warded the necessary dollar and re
ceived by return mail, written on a vain
abl9 postal card in beautiful violet ink,
the magio words "Don't Drink."
Rockland Courier.
"Here's my wife and I,"said a husband
with complacency to his silver wedding
guests, "who have been married five-
and-twenty years, and in all tbat time
haven t had a single nnkind word with
each other." "By Jove!" exclaimed one
of the guests, "what a stupid time you
must have had of it!"
A superstitions person desiring to
learn less of the future he already knows,
visits the seventh dangbter of a seventh
daughter and explains his mission.
Twenty francs, please! "Twenty
francs! That's pretty stoep. Say ten!"
'Rash mortal, ten francs wouldn't pay
the spirits for the labor of lifting the
veil of futurity, to Bay nothing of the
wear and tour of the veil.
An elderly Scotch woman went one day
to an apothecary's shop with a prescrip
tion for two grains of calomel for a child.
Seeing the druggist weigh the medicine "
with scrupulous exactness, and not think
ing he did this from anxiety not to get
an overdose, but from bis ponuriousness
or desire to give as little as possible for
the money, she said : "Diana be sae mean
wit, man; its for a puir fatherless
bairn."
A poet in a November magazine asks,
When the true poet comes, how shall
we know him?" Oh, you'll know him.
He may be distinguished from the other
fellows by the clean linen collar he wears
and the absence of tobcco juice stains
on his shirt front. And also from the
fact that he is too sensible to fool away
is time writing poetry. I Norristown
Herald.
An officer of the army relates that npon
one occasion, after a charge upon tne
enemy's works, a fierce encounter and a
full - back for reinforcement, a bright
young Irish soldier was fonnd to have a
rebel flag captured from the foe. Ap
proaching him he said: "I'll send that
to the rear as one of onr trophies; give
me the flag." "Sure I'll not give it ye,"
said Pat; "if ye are wanting one, there's
plenty av 'em" behind that ridge over be-
yant where I got this; sure ye can go
and got ono for yerself."
A Little too Fresh. Jones was sitting
on the front steps tho other night, wait
ing for bis sweetheart to come out. She 1
knew what time to come, and Jones
didn't wish to ring the bell for fear of
arming the old folks. Presently ne
heard the door open, and the old man
muttered something about somebody's
being "too fresh." "Do you address
yourself to me?" said Jones, springing
up with a flashing eye. - "So," said the
old gentleman, mildly; "I was thinking
of the point on the steps. It was put
there this afternoon," Jones clasped his
hands to the spot, and, realizing the
force of the old man's remarks, reached
his room in five minutes.