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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 25, 1880)
jlr. Mc Williams' and tbe Lightning. Well. sir. continued Mr. McWilliams. for this was tlie beginning of his talk, the fear of lightning is one of the most distressing infirmities a human being jii i 1 " .1- Tk 2 ....it- ;aQ 1)6 aiUlCKJU whu. J. I uiunujr con- fined to women; but now and then you flud it in it little dog, and sometimes m a man. " It is a particularly distressing in firmity, for the reason that it takes the sand out of a person to an extent which no other foar can, and it cau't be reason ed with, and neither can it be shamed out of a person. A woman who could face the very devil himself or a mouse loses hor grip and goes all to pieces in front of a flush of lightning, lie r fright is something pitiful to see. Well, as I was telling you, I woke up with that smothered ami unloeatable cry nf "Mortimerl Mortimer!" wailing in mv ears; and an soon as I could scrapo my fu.'-ilties together I reached over in the dark u.: ! then said, Ev.r ,cline, is that you calling? What is tlif ...ttter? Where are you.' ,S1. .( up. in the book-closet. You .oil; ' to be ashamed to lie there and slot-.' so, and such an awful storm going or..' Why how can one be ashamed when ,, is asleep? It is unreasonable; a man c.iu't be a ashamed when he is asleep, Evangeline." "You never try, Mortimer, you know very well you never try. I'eanght the sound of muilled sobs. That sound smote doad the sharp ;peech that was on my lips, aud I changed it to- "I'm sorry, dear, I'm truly sorry. I never meant to ad cl Come buck and"- "MOBTIMER !" "Heavens! what is the mutter, my love?" "Do you mean to say you are in that bed yet? "Why, of course." "Come out of it instantlv. I should think you would take some UtHe care for my sake and the children's, if you will not for your own. "But, my love" Don't talk to me. Mortimer. Y'ou know there is no place so dangerous as a bed, iu such a thunder-storm as this, all the books say that; yet thero you would lie, and deliberately throw away your life, for goodness knows w hat, un less for the sake of arguing aud arguing, aud" "But, confound it, Evangeline, I'm not iu the bed now. I'm" Sentence interrupted by a sudden glare of lightning, followed by a terri fied little scream from Mrs. McWilliams and a tremendous blast of thunder. "There ! You see the result. Oh, Mortimer, how can you be so profligate as to swear at such a time as this?" "I didn't swear. And that wasn't a result of it, any way. It would have come, just the same, if I hadn't said a word; and you know very well, Evange line at least you ought to know that when the atmosphere is charged with electricity" "Oh, yes, now argue it, and arguo it, and arguo it! 1 don't see how you can act so, when you know there is not a lightning-rod on the place, aud your poor wife and children are absolutely at the mercy of Providence. What are you doing? lighting a match at such a time as this! Are you stark mad?" "Hang it, woman, where's the harm? The placo is as dark as the iuside of an infidel, and" 'Tut it out! put it out instantly! Are vou determined to sacrifice us all? You know there is nothing attracts lightning like a light. Ext! crash! .boom biloom-boom-boom! Oh, just hear it! Now you see what you've done!" "No, I don't see what I've done. A match may attract lightning, for all I know, but it don't cause lightning I'll go odds on that. And it didn't attract it worth a cent this time; for if that shot was leveled at mv match, it was blessed poor marksmanship about an average of none out of a possible million, I should say. Why, at Dollymount, such marks manship as that" "For shame, Mortimer! Here we are, standing right in the very presence of death, and yet in so solemn a momeut you are capable of using such language as that. If you have no desire to Mortimer?" "Well?" "Did you say your prayers to-night?" "I I meant to, but I got to trying to cipher out how much twelve times thirteen is, and" Fzt! boom-bcrroom-boow! Bumble umble bang-Anash! "Oh, we are lost, beyond all help! How could you neglect such a thing at such a time as this?" "But it wasn't 'such a time as this.' There wasn't a cloud in the sky. How could I know there was going to be all this rumpus and pow-wow about a little slip like that? And I don't think it's just fair for you to make so much out of it. anywav, seeing it happens so seldom; I haven't "missed before since I brought on that earthquake, four years ago." "Mortimer! How you talk! Have you forgotten the yellow fever?" "My dear, you are always throwing up the yellow fever to me, and I think it is perfectly unreasonable. You cau't even send a telegraphic message as far as Memphis without relays, so how is a lit tle devotional slip of mine going to car ry so far? I'll stand the earthquake, be cause it was iu the neighborhood; but I'll le hanged if I'm going to be respon sible for every blamed" Fzt ! Boom, beroom-boom ! boom ! Bang' "Oh, dear, dear, dear! I know it struck something, Mortimer. We never shall seethe light of another day; and if it will do you any good to remember, when we are" pone, that your dreadful lan guage Mortimer!" "Well! What now?" "Your voice sounds as if Mortimer, you are actually standing in front of that open fire-place?" "That is the very crime I am eommit- ,. . v 'Go away from it, this moment, ion do seem determined to bring desti net ion on ns all. Don't yon know that there is no better conductor for lightning than an open chimney? Now where have you got to go to?" j I n here by the window." "Oh, for pity's sake, bare you lost your mind? Clear out from there, this moment. The very children in arms know it is fatal to stand near a window ia a thunder-storm. Dear, dear, I know I shall never see the light of another day. Mortimer?" ' "Yes?" "What is that rustling?" "It's me." "What are you doing?" "Trying to find the upper cud of my pantaloons." "Quick! throw those things awayl I do believe you would deliberately put on these clothes at such a time as this; yet you know perfectly well that all authori ties agree that woolen stuffs attract lightning. Oh, dear, dear, it isn't suffi cient that one's life must be iu peril from natural causes, but you must do everything yon can possibly think of to augment the danger. Oh, don't sing! What can you be thinking of?" "Now wliere's the harm in it?" "Mortimer, if I have told you once, I have told you a hundred times, that singing causes vibrations in the at mosphere which interrupt the flow of the electric fluid, and what on earth are you opening tho door for?" "Goodness, gracious, woman, is there any harm in that?" "Harm? There's death in it. Any. body that has given the subject any attention knows that to create a draught is to invite the lightning. You haven't half Bhut it shut it tight and do hurry, or we are a destroyed. Oh, it is an awful thing to be shut up with a lunatic at such a timo as this. Mortimer, what aro you doing?" "Nothing. J ust turning on tho water. The room is smothering hot aud close. 1 want to bathe my face and hands." "You have certainly parted with the remnant of your mind! Where lightning strikes any other substance ouco, it strikes water fifty times. Do turn it off. Oh, dear. I am sure that nothing in this world can save us. It does seem to me that Mortimer, what w as that?" "It was a da it wus a picture Knock ed it dowu." "Then you are close to the wall! I never heard of such imprudence! Don't you know that there's no better conduc tor for lightning than a wall? Come away from there! And you came as near as anything to swearing, too. Oh, how can you be so dosperately wicked, and your family iu such peril? Mortimer, did you order a feather bed, as I asked you to do?" "No. Forgot it." "Forgot it! It may cost you your life. If you had a feather bed, now, aud could spread it iu the middle of the room and lie on it, you would bo per fectly safe. Come in here como quick, before vou have a chance to commit any more frantio indiscretions." I tried, but the little closet would not hold us both with the door shut, unless we could be contented to smother. I gasped a while and then forced my way out. My wife called out, "Mortimor, something must be done for our preservation. Give me that Ger man book that is on the end of tho . man tel -piece, and a candle; but don't light it; giveinea match; I will light it in here. That book Las some directions in it." I cot the book, at cost of a vase and some other little things; and the madam shut herself up with her candle. 1 had a moment's peace; then she called out, "Mortimer, what was that.' "Nothing but tho eat." "The cat! Oh. destruction! "Catch her, and shut her up in the wash-stand. Do be quick, love; cats are lull of elec tricity. I just know how my hair will turn white with this night's awful perils." I heard the murled sobbings again. But for that, I should not havo moved hand or foot iu such a wild enterprise in the dark. However, I went at my task, over chairs, and against all sorts of obstruct ions, all of them hard ones, too, and most of them with sharp edges, aud at last I got kitty cooped up in the com mode, at an expense of over four hundred dollars in broken furniture and shins. Theu these mufllod words came from tho loset: "It savs the safest thine is to stand on a chair In the middle of the room, Mor timer; aud the legs of the chair must be insulated with non-conductors. That is, yon must set the legs of the chair in glass tumblers, Fzt! boor.' bang! swash. ' Oh, hear that ! Do hurry, Mortimer, beforo you arc struck." I managed to find ami secure tlio tum blers. I got the last four broke all the rest. I insulated the chair legs, and called for further instructions. "Mortimer, it nays, 'W amend eines Gewitters entferne man Metolla, wei z. B.. Binge. Uhren, Sehlussel, etc., von sicli and lialte sich audi nicht an solchen Stellen auf, wo viele Metalle bci einan der liegen, odormit anderu Korpen ver bunden sind, wie an Herden, Oefer, Eisengittern u dgl.' What does that mean. Mortimer? Does it mean that you must keep metals about you, or keep them away from you ?" "Well, 1 hardly know, it appears to be a little mixed. All German advice is more or less mixed. However, I tbink that that sentence is mostly in the dative case, with a litle genitive and accusative sifted in, here and there, for luck; sol reckon it means that you must keep some metals about you." "les. that must be it. it stands to reason that it is. Theyare in the nature of lichtning-rods, you. know. 1'nt on your fireman's helmet, Mortimer; that is . ll 4.1 I cot it and put it on a very heavy and clumsy and uncomfortable thing on a hot night in a close room. Even ay night-dress seemed to be more clothing than I strictly needed. Mortimer, I think your middle ought to be protected. Won't you buckle on your militia sabre, please?" 1 complied. "Now Mortimer, you ought to have some way to protect your feet. Do, ph ase, put on your spurs." I did it in silence and kept my tem per as well as I could. "Mortimer, it says, 'Das Gewitter lan ten ist sehr Refahrlich, weil die Glotkc selbst, sowie der durch das Latiten ver anlasste Luftzng und die Hohe des Thurmes den Blitz anziehen konnten. Mortimer, does that mean that it is dan gerous not to ring tbe church bells dur ing a thunder storm?" "Yes, it teems to mean that if that is the past participle of tha nominative case singular, and I reckon it is. Yes, I think it means that, on account of the height of the church tower and the ab sence of Luflxug it would be very dan gerous (Ar geahrlich) not to ring the bells in tima of a storm; and, moreover, don't yon sea, tha Tery wording" "Never mind that, Mortimer; don't w aste the precious timo in talk. Get tiie large dinner bell; it is right there in the hall. Quick, Mortimer dear; we are almost safe. Ob, dear, I do believe we are going to be saved, at last!" Our little summer establishment stands on top of a high range of hills, overlooking a valloy. Several farm houses ure in our neighborhood tho nearett some three or four hundred yards away. When I, mounted on the chair, had been clangiug that dreadful bell a mat ter of reven or eight minutes, our shut ters were suddenly torn open from with out, and a brilliant bull's-eie lantern was thrust in at the window, followed by a hoarse inquiry: "What in tho nation is tho matter here?" The window was full of men's heads, and the heads were full of eyes that stared wildly at my night-dress and my warlike accoutrements. I dropped the bell, skipped down from the chair iu confusion, and said "There is nothing the matter, friends only a little discomfort on account of tho thunder-storm. I was trying to keep off the lightning." "Thunder-storm? Lightning? Why. Mr. McWilliams, have you lost your mind ? It is a beautiful starlight night; more lias been no storm. I looked out. and I was so astonished I could hardly speak for awhile. Then i saiu, "I do not understand this. We dis tinctly saw the glow of tho Hashes through tho curtains and shutters, aud heard tho thunder. One after another those peoplo lay on tho ground to laugh, and two of thorn died. Ouo of the survivors remarked, "Pity you didn't think to open your blinds and look over to tho top of the high hill yonder. W hat you heard wit's cannon; what you saw was the Hash. You seo, tho telegraph brought some news, just at midnight; Garfield's nomi nated, and that s what s tho matter ! Yes, Mr. Twain, as I was saying iu tho beginning (said Mr McWilliams), the rules for preserving people against light ning are so excellent and so innumerable that the most incomprehensible thing in the world to me is how anybody manages to get stuck. So saying, he gathered up his satchel and umbrella, and departed: for tho tram had reached his towa. f September1 Atlantic. Tho Discomforts of Fame. "I should think," remarked a lady at the lunch table of tho Bildwiu yester day, "that poor Adelaide Neilson ought to havo faced death with a nse of relief." Some surprise at tho remark having been expressed, the lady, who had known Miss Neilson intimately, proceeded to re count the petty troubles f tho great actress' lifo. "Sho was tho victim, of ceaseless per secution, " said tho regretful frieud. "Every day of her life was iiado misera ble by tho attempts of all kinds of people to interview her on aU kinds of subjects, i had the fact brought forcibly to my notice ono afternoon of tho last week of her stay hero. I calljd on her invitation and found her neivous and greatly dispirited. 'I have aeady had sixteen visitors,' said she, 'andcxpect so many more that I've positively notified my maid that I'm not in to anr person but an old musician whom l vt known for years, and who is kind eiiuigh to play for me.' "While she was speaking tho Musician entered, and beforo he had finished tho first selection how many callcrwlo you think put in au appearance? Six'A Yes, a whole dozen. I don't remember alf of them. I know, though, there wula card from Barton Hill, who wished o see Miss Neilson about a benefit. The Fred Lvster called m a journalistic cacity. Then au ambitious young dramatio inter sent up word that he had kindl vlpro pared and brought with him a act play for her perusal. A young lady from Sutter street craved an andieno) for some purpose not given, but supposed to be the fell one of confessing that her mission was to elcvato the stagoA A proud mother brought an ambitAus daughter to read somo Shakcspearin passages and show Miss Neilson that rtio had formidable rivals outside tho profu sion. Two ladies came to inquire wilt preparation Miss Neilson used that maie her so lovely on tho stage; money was object to them in acquiring tho socrel But they didn't obtain an audience an more than the many others. Such wen the ceaseless persecutions to which unfortunate actress was subjected, and pestered, pursued and vilified, she ought to havo coveted the eternal peace of death." Chronicle. Scienck at Dinner. Sat are describes and illustrates a simple experiment in volving tho elementary principle of the centre of gravity which is capablo of evoking the roars of laughter at a din ner table. If a dish of snipe has been served up, the head with its long beak fixed in a cork ; and then two forks 1k ing thrust into the sides of the cork and a needle having been fixed into tho low er end of it, the cork can be balanced upon a coin laid on tho top of a wine bottle, and can bo spun slowly around whilo tho snipe's head nods at the vari ous members of tho company in turn, and finally stops opposite one of them. By making a slit at the bottom of ( this cork, putting in a silver qnarter.and bal ancing this upon tuo point of a needle which rises out of the m-ck of the bottle tbe apparently impossible feat of spinning a twenty-five cent piece on the point of a needle can bo erfornied with the great est ease. Vai.vatiox of Taxahle Pkopekty. The assessment of Philadelphia proper ty on which the taxation for 1881 is b'ased embraces at least one satisfactory feature. Assuming that the figures given approximately represents actual Talues, it shows that the downward tendency, of wliir-li tha first official evidence was fur nished by the decline, from 1H87 to 187, of more than sixteen million oi dollars, and the still greater decline from 1878 to 1879 of more than fifty-two million of dollars, has not only been arrested, but that the ratio oi increase id the valua tions of the property in Philadelphia as tnauhle for taxation has increased from a little more than two million of dollars from 1179 to IHW to mora than seven millions of dollars for tha period from Vim to 1SS1. Tbe Old Army, Tho recont death of General Hoiutz elman naturally enough recalls tho davs of tho old army; that is to say, tho Army of Mexico, which thirty-four years ago crossed the frontier under General Taylor, and fought those brill iant battles beginning with Kosaca del Palnia and ending with the capture of the City of Mexico. Heintzelman was a captain then, so was Ridgoly, dashing Charley May, Duncan, Sherman ami Bragg. Though they all did good sor vice, it is of tho general officers we aro now writing. The rostor of 1847 looks strango Wsido that of 1880, and many a name is missed from tho list. Scott s ashos sleep beside tho murmuring waters of tho Hudson, at West Point. 'Twas there ho usually passed his sum mers in tho latter days of his lifo. He lovod tho Military Academy (though he was not a graduate) as well as ho was capablo of loving anything. Good sol dier as ho was, ho at timos was so atis tore and so uncongenial that even the members of his personal staff avoided him. And vet ho could at times cviueo a tenderness of nature Among some salient traits of his charuo ter was one of never abandoning a point or permitting himself to bo proved in correct iu a real or assumed argument. There is a funny anecdote told of him in connection with a captain of ono of the companies of volunteers composing a Southern regiment. Tho General was very emphatic in his denunciation of tho practice of eating warm bread. Ho con tended (ami no doubt with much cor rectuess) that bread should be eaten stale and cold. Ihoarniyon tho march had of course to eat hard bread or biscuit. there being no portable ovens iu thoso days "Well," said tho captain, who ono day visited General Scott iu his tent, rub bing his hands in anticipation, "we'll soon be iu Pueblo, General, I suppose?" "Well, sir, and what then? "Why, we'll got up tho ovens nud have somo hot bread." " Hot broad, sir! hot bread! " shouted tho General, rising from his camp stool and straightening his towering form, while ho extended his arm with a inajos tic air. "No, sir; sooner than permit you to commit such au imprudent act 1 will stand over tho ovens with my drawn sword. Tho remark was so unexpected and tho spocch ami attitudo of tho General so tragic that tho captain in relating it said that for n moment ho thought the General was rehearsing some lines from a theat rical act Next to Scott follows Worth. Thoy were friends until the quarrel at tho tak ing of tho City of Mexico, w orth was a chivalrous soldier, brave, but at times cynical and frequently soverom his crit lcism of others, whilo ho was over ready to answer personally for his words and acts. He had a cool, caustic manner of dealing with those ho disliked, but ho was a steadfast and generous frieud, and whero ho had committed a wrong ho was quick to mako reparation. Peaco to his ashes. Twiggs, who fought on thosamo fields, was a man ot singular characteristics. Born iu Georgia and a slavo-holder, ho was intensely imbued with Soutlium instincts and prejudices. He was pos sossed of largo wealth ami always carried three or four of his negroes with him when in tlio Hold. Ilia vumne was ex cellent, aud it was always a pleasuro to dine at his board. Ho was a warm and constant friend, but a bitter hater; and when he had occasion to pursue an ene my he was relentless and could bo cruel. Bidieulo was a weapon that ho used un sparingly. Ho was a master at invect ive, and his profanity, even in action, was at timos revolting. Bravo to a fault, ho spared himself as little as he did his command. Ho always estimated tho volunteer clement of tho army below its truo worth, and tho field oflicors of tho samo were generally tho subject of his sarcasm. Ho rodo a bay horse that had a whito spot on its tail, and this ho had dyed black and laughed at himself for doing so. No man loved to tormout others better than himself. Ho took a savago pleasure at times iu making oth ers miserable. Twiggs belonged to tho "Army of In vasion," that is, ho was ou Taylor's lino in the boginning of the war. (Jno day, when a long train of wagons was toiling up a steep hill at Carmargo, aud tho mules wcro straining to their utmost on tho traces, he noticed a teamster who was carelessly walking besidohis animals arrying in his hand a small switch while the rest of tho drivers wero furiously cracking their whips. As Twiggs eyed tlio luckless man, his ire was raised and launched a torrent of abuse upon him. 'Como hero, Colonel Harney, he cried, 'and help mo to curse this scoundrel.'' Tho teamster, aroused to his peril, and toping to atono for his supinoncss, rtoopud down and lucking up a stone, nil-led it at his mules striking one of ieui. In an instant Twiggs was off his lbrso and grasping a stone, took delib ehto aim, sent it living through tho air silking tho teamster fairly on the back, lie man threw up his arms with an "li!"ashe looked behind and saw the Gkieral. Must what tho mule would say, my nib, if ho could spoak," remarked TwL'gs, coolly, as ho mounted his horse aufrodo away. ;Tter the battlo of Contreras, as nigtt was coming on, Twiggs was re cluijg Ix-neath a treo, with his orderly hohlug his horse. Just then General PillL came riding up, in great unoas incslof mind. Duncan's battery was repoLd to le captured, aud it be loncJl to Pillow's command. Pillow most distracted at tho thought of iamity, aud appealed to 1'wiggs his opinion as to whether he thougit tho battery was lost, and what he hul better do under Uio circum- ttiuk it auite likely the battery has til red, replied lwiggs, turning us aide, while his eyes emitted us satisfaction. !" ejaculated Pillow, "what send out a regiment to look rejoined his iKtrsecutor. 1 could only find ueneral ant! Pillow, wringing his 'an you direct me to his head quarters -1 Indee I can t. General, returned lwiggs. " h'on't bu aaaitt me to discover it ? I will take lis a special favor, " eo tinned ruiov. "Why, certainly," replied Twiggs, who had now toimoutod the other sulU- Ol!ntly. "Orderly, my horse. MiMintimr Iia ...!, fiHwAK.1 .-itl. T'Mlrtw by his side, aud in ten minutes was at beott s tent. Duncan s battery had been safe all the whilo, and Twiggs know it. As a stnrv-tellnr Twiircs hud few hiiiio- , .' ------ -on t riors, and ho alwavs had a supply of i i. i i luuyu vurus iu command. Social Position In America and England. Some years ago a young Scotch mo chanio killed himself at Philadelphia, leaviug a letter explaining that he did so from sheer chagrin on finding that his social position, in disgust of which he had chafed himself into emigration, was no better than at homo. Being, in com mon with tens of thousands iu Europe, entirely ignorant of Amorican social lifo, ho had concluded, having heard that in this country one man is as good as an other, that he would find social circles to which entry was impossible at home easily open to him here, and was cor respondingly chagrined to discover that tho Cadwaladers, Biddies, ptv., kept their doors as closo against a mechanic as do Lennoxes or Hamiltons. As a matter of fact, tho line of social demarkatiou in our eastern cities is as well defined as iu Europe, and a man going to diuo at tho house of a merchant or professional man iu Now York is as unlikely to meet his boot-maker or grocer as at a dinner party iu London. The question arises, however, whether this state of things will not soon undergo a change in both places. There is reason to think that up to tho middle of tho last century some branchos of retail trade must have been deemed much more honorable iu Great Britain, and that it began to decline in estimation when the extension of commerce and manufactures offered so much more opportunity for money-iuak-iug in other lines. Pepys, of diary famo, was sou of a tailor in a small way of bus iness, yet his father's wife was aunt of Sir Edward Montague, mother of the first Lord Sandwich. Again, when the first Lord Mansfield, son of Lord Stor mont, a poor Scotch poor, went to West minister School, his bosom friend was Vernon ,of a good Shropshire family, but whoso father was a London draper. Guy Vernon died earlv, and his father be queathed to Mansfield a valuable estate in Shropshire, which tho present Lord Mansfield owns to-day. It is perhaps significant of impending chango that tho son of tho Archbishop of Dublin, a man of uoblo family, has joined a now publishing firm. Tho fact, is that tho avenues aro now so crowded that young men of small capital, who do not dosiro to loavo civilization, will, per force, have to take what offers a liveli hood. Nor do wo imagiuo that meu who had tho courage to hike to retail trade would loso caste with sensiblo peoplo. Somo timo since a young gentleman, very anxious to marry, resolved to take the largo village shop iu tho placo where his parents, people of excellent position1, had long dwelt, lie has made a com fortable livelihood out of it, leads a much more agreeable lifo than if he had "Gone West." and all his friouds think that he did a very sensible thing. Tho Broker and tho Woman, Tho ways of heaven aro inscrutablo, no doubt, but tho ways of women aro past finding out. An ancient dame, bowed under the weight of many summers, en tered an ofllco on Montgomery street and ordered tho stockbroker who occupiod that cell to buy immcdtatclv for hor shares in a certain stock, to tho amount of 1100, all her worldly wealth. The broker being a kind-hearted man, and not having a very good opinion of the aforesaid stock, advised her not to buy. But tho old lady, having confidence iu hor judgment, insisted, saying that U tlio brokor would not purchase for her, thero wero othors that would. W horoupon the idea struck tho man of shares and mar gins that it would bo a good thing to humbug tho old girl for her own good. Ho therefore told her that ho had bought tho stock as ordered, aud tho old party was content. Next day down wont the stock, ami our vonerablo friend lost her $300 and about a thousand more that is, sho would havo lost them had tho broker acted squarely with hor. Down i-lio came to tlio ofllco, weoping and wail ing, an l finishing her teeth, or rather her gums, for teeth she had nouo. "Oh, Mister !" cried sho, "Oh, if I only had my S300 buck again, I'd bo content, ami never, uovor risk it any more. It's all I have in tho world." This and much moro did sho pour into tho broker's sympathizing ear, and ho made answer thus : "Madam, if you willgivo me your word of honor nover to touch stock again, 111 toko your risk mysoii and hand you back your money." What pen can describe tho shower of blessings in voked on the head of that worthy broker? Tho promises wero sacredly given, the $.!0O returned, and the old lady marciied straight out of the offico, across tho street, and invested tho cntiro sum in Ophir, losing tho wholo in about twenty minutes. "Such is woman's constancy." The Cuincu and tub NEwsi-Ai-Ens. Churches act unwisely when they en deavor to order their affairs ho as to secure the commendation of journalists. The Church is absolutely independent of the newspapers. It can grow and thrive in every department under a daily con demnation of the press. Tho p:-aise of the press is comparatively of little value to it. Not a few of tho best aud most useful local churches aro rarely or never noticod by tho newspapers. We make no exceptions. We include relig ious newspapers in the list of journals. Wo especially include the un denominational, irresponsible religious newspapers. We bring no accusation against the press, though a portion of it leserves severe censure and tbe strong est reprobation. We are aiming at the disosition of too many Christian people to seek a newspaer notoriety, a good standing in the papers, to fear and trem ble before newspaper censure and to hasten to remove what has come under editorial condemnation. This disposi tion is working much injury, is conform ing the church to tbe world, is removing characteristic and essential features of doctrine and order, and is produoing weaknesa. I Christian Intelligencer. Promises made in tima of affliction re quire a better memory than people com monly poaaesa. Modern Panclnjj. During the last few years, waltzing has advanced from a form of exercise to something like an art. Passing over minor details of style, the principal points of improvement seem to be a keener appreciation of timo, and a mode of motiou moro equablo, more rhythmic, and henco more graceful. Both of those aro in a great measure duo to an altera tion iu the character of modern dauco music. The uneven melody of waltzes liko tho "Mabel," and tho rattle of tho now almost obsolete galop, have yieldod to a strain which, whether melting into languor or swelling into passion, is ruled throughout by au inexorable threo-time which bends the wildest vaga ries to its sway. This is certainly tha cause of the added graco which tho mode of motion in waltzing exhibits. There is a dreamy magic about the measure which the limbs of its votaries cannot long resist, and which has charms to sootho into sobriety even the frantic vio lence of a provincial ic.r u-mps. But tho main cause of the improve ment lies deeper than this, and is to be found in tho keener musical sense of the age, which has at last brought peoplo to recognize that truo dancing consists in a motion of tho wholo body in timo with the music, not in tho execution of cer tain steps with more or less mechanical accuracy, to which tho accompaniment of music is merely a superfluous luxury. Nor is it in this respect alone that the old order chaugeth; the uniform rotation which contented our simple forefathers has given placo to a series of compli cated movements, wherein no invidious preference is given to any particular form of progression. As fancy dictates, or the cxigem ies of steering require, tho skilled performer glides forward or backward, or winds away in a "reverso." Vpou this latter practice much abusohas been heaped, and not without some jus tice; but, on the whole, it must be reck oned a gain. As a nation we aro supposed to take our pleasuro sadly, anil certainly our dancers furnish some brilliant examples of tho national characteristic. Whether the pleasuro is of that intense sort which is akiu to pain, or whether some dim proseneo of the future greatness of their art oppresses tho minds of profi cient waltzors with a sense of painful re sponsibility, wo do not presume to de cide, but certaiu it is that during their performances they usually assumo an air of solemnity which approaches tho lugu brious. Curiously enough, the converse may often bo noticed. Probably no ouo enjoys a ball more keenly than a dancer of tho orthodox uncompromising deujc temps school. Beaming with joviality, ho bursts npouthe tho throng; the wary and tho forewarned aro on the alert, aud givo him a wide berth; but woe to tho luckless collides upon whom ho falls, for they run no small chance of being ground to powder. Strips of sevored raiment and such facial contortions as genteelly suppressed agouy permits at- -tost the resistless energy of Lis course. Fortunately his is a modo of motion which is rapidly converted into heat, and exhausted nature soon brings him to a . standstill, exhibiting tho plainest traces of a partial dissolution of his too solid flesh. Nevertheless ho is game to the eud, and between his gasps exclaims tri umphantly to his partner, "That was a capital turn!" To do him justice, ho is perfectly unconscious that he is tho curse of the ballroom; and ho lays no claim to excellence in dancing, such en joyment as ho derives from it differing little from tho pleasuro that a healthy animal takes in exorcise There is yot another typo of bad dan cer to whom dancing is a source of subtle joy, but witli him tho pleasure is duo to a secret conviction of his owu superior ity. This is the man who regards with equal contempt the modem train temps aud tho tlenx temps of ancient days; to him the latter is an exhibition of bar barous violence, tho former is a larch. His notion of waltzing is to circle stculth ily round his partner at any pace which commends itself to his senso of fituese. Ho disregards timo as completely as the doux tempi dancer; but, as a sort ol con cession to popular feeling on the sulijoct he punctuates his movements by u series of curious dips. Of himself he will probably say that he dances the "old" train temps, or more commonly the "real' trois tmeps; and, murmuring some such contidonco to his partner, he begins his rathor elaborate revolutions, at the samo time composing his face into a smile which, for sweetness and play of featuros might rival the expression of a Chiucso idol. Wo have said that tho prevailing ten dency of modern dancing is in tho direction of quiet graco. But, in oppo sition to this, tho partial popularity of such dances as tho polka and the schot tischo presents a strange anomaly which must not be overlooked. Dances of this description may bo regarded as a react ionary impulse in which tho forces of disorder find convenient expression. Thero is not much to bo said on behalf of tho polka as it is too often danced. But this is the fault, not of the dance, but of the dancors. A short timo ago it was our privilege to havo pointed out to us " the best polk ist in Loudon;" and the peculiar charm of this gifted per son's dancing appeared to be the facility with which he flung his partner on the floor. Probably the dance owes aouu f its popularity to tho fact that it cau claim to bo reckoned as a"round"dunco. It is a sort of social compromise; and ac cordingly a lady is enabled to put off with a polka partner whoso feeling would be outraged by the offer of a " square." If the waltz has lost something of the grace of the older dance, it has gained ' in what may be called poetic power, and this is the secret of its success. As an emotional outlet, it meets more fully the requirements of the age which has given it birth; or, as it may be expressed iu the languago of evolution, it supplies a more complete adjustment of our inner to our outer relations. And the truth of this ia in no way affected by the fact that mod ern opinion condemns the older methods, of waltzing as imperfect; for the same process of evolution which caused the minuet to be discarded for the waltz baa effected, and will doubtless continue to effect, important modifications in the form of the latter. Therefore, that danc ing as an art, in its latest expreasion, the walU, should exhibit an increasing elab orateness in response to the increas ing complexity of oar mental organiza tion, ia at once both natural and proper. ( !