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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 14, 1880)
OUT OF THE WINDOW; Out of tba window the leaned and laughed. A(lrl'i laugh, Idle and foollxh nd aweet Fonllrb aocl Idle, It dropped like call Iniu tbe orowded, DoUy street. i, if ' ' i" Up ha ylsneed at lbs KlanolnKface, f iWho had oaufht the laugh u it fluttered ' and Ml, And eyii to eye for a moment there 1 ' ; Tbejf beld eaoti other aa U by a tpell, All In a moment paaelDg tbere And Into her Idle, einptydajr, All lo that moment aomethlug new MUddenly eeemed to And lla way. ' And through and through the ' clamoroui ' boura , ' Tbatinitde hie clmoroiu, bnnyday, Aglrl'a laugh, ldl aud lonlinu aud aweet, , Into every bargain found lit way. . 'n, '. - i ' ' , And tfiroogh and through the crowd of the l ' ttrveUi, At every window In punning by. He lowkrd a moment aud teemed lo ee A pair of eyea like the morning ej. P BEHIND TI1E SCREES. t A- charming, domestic picture tlio dining-room brilliantly lighted, the '' silver the crystal, the gold-bond china 'and scarlet napkins, the snowy table s' -cloth 'and the dainty little feast spread V thereon, the cherry fire in the grato, the crimson carpet, the flowing drapery, pictures and flowers. , And pretty little Mrs. Stuart, sitting ' behind tho coffee urns, as fair and lovely a two-year matron as ever smiled over a table at her lord and master. He was a flne-looking follow, too, that husband of hers, and it was very evident that there was no lack of warm affection botwoon them, for all the subjoct of con versation was one of deoidod opinion, at leant npon Mrs. Stuart's part. Just now she sugared and creamed Mr. Stuart's second cup of coffee and handed it toward him, with a little indignant re mark: "But it's just too bad.IIarry, and I be liove you think so as much as I do." And uho looked suspiciously, as if ' there were tears in her pretty eyes. "Indeed, I think it is just as bad as it can be, Lil bad enough for us, bnta thousand times worso for Uncle James." "It is ridiculous! Tho idea of him falling in love at his time of life, but more than ridioulous in falling in lovo 'with such a creature as Ellenor liurtonl To think, after ho bus rnado his home with ns since we wore married, and we have humored him in every possible way and tho sacrifices I have mode to please him to think Lo should so obsimlly go ) work and allow himself to bo eu trapped by Ellenor Burton!" Harry laugliod at .Lillian s ompliatio remarks. "We innsn't forgot that of courso the old gentleman has a perfect right to do ai he pleases with his own, dear. His boing sixty years old does not preclude him from even marrying Miss Burton, if he chooses to. ' Lillian looked very earnest indeod, as she answorod: "I know all that, Harry; but why can't Undo James boo Ellenor Burton as she is, as everybody else boos her? She's forty, if sho's a day " lie intorruptod her with a little, tor menting laugh. "A very suitablo ago, you must admit, for him, Lil." "Harry Stuart! how can you, when you know just as well an I do, that it's only Unclu James's money that she's after? And to think he promised to lcavo it all to baby if wo'd name him after him, and I wanted the little darling called Clifford so budiy, instead of Jimmy! Oh, Harry, you never will know what a suoriflco I madol And I'll change baby's name yes, I will if Uncle James marries that horrid old thing, who never had a boau in hor life! How ever slio contrived to entrap him, I'dliko to know!" Two bricht little rod snots were flam ing in her cheeks, and, despite tho slonato bitterness of hor protest, Stuart roulized that thero was a great doal of righteous truth in it, and he was looking grave and thoughtful just as tho front door opened, and in a minute or two Uncle James hiuiHolf camo in. "I am sorry to havo been so lata to dinner, my dear," ho Baid, briskly, with a smile towurd Lillian; "but I havo been driving in the park with Miss Burton, and really it was dusk before I know it." ., Somehow, Mrs. Stuart glauood at hor . husband, as she turned the faucet of tho cotl'oe-uru, just in time to cutvh the quick glance of cautionary warning he sent hor. 1 ' -AH unconscious of tho storm that was about his head that domestic low ba rometer and high temperature, that was none the less existent becauso the old gentlouiun was uot aware of it Uncle James went comfortably on with his roast chicken and oyster dressing, his potato puff and cranberry jelly, and sip ping his oofloe leisurely liotween whiles, i , "Are you personally aoqnaintod with Miss Burton, my dour?" lie suid, pres ently, after dilating upon the beauty of tho park in ita late autumn tit-ess. And then Lillian purposely avoidod hor lord's eyos, where sho knew full well would bo another cautionary sigual. ' "Not at ail intimately, Unole James. When I was a little girl she was a grown up woman, and of oourse I novcr had oc casion to associate with her. As a child, I never fancied hor, however." Ho laid his knifo down, in tho act of alioing off a delicious pieco of brown meat. "You mean to insinuate that Ellenor is as old as -all that?" Then Harry took up tho cudgels in his quiet, unimpasHionod way. "I don't think my wife would 'insinu ate' anything. Uncle James. She simply knows'it to be a fact, as I do, and auy one else who cares to think at all about it, that Miss Burton is past forty years old. But, then, of course, no one ever troubles one's self about it." "Past forty! Stuart, 1 always thought you had uncommon good sense, and judgment and perception, but iast forty! But perhaps you don't happen to know Low delicate and lovely her com plexion is, how soft and luxuriant her hair is, how girlish and cliarming, yet dignified, is her manner!" He spoke as if in great triumph. "That goes for nothing, Uncle James," Lillian said, nor mildly than Harry had expected of her. "Complexion ana hair can both be bought nowadays." "I am perfectly aware of that fact, my dear, although I must admit I had not thought. you capable of such such well, the less said the better, perhaps. But I assure yon I have satisfied myself that Ellenor is one of those rarely-pre- served women, who at thirty for I have it from her own lips that her last birth day was hor thirtieth who at thirty aro more charming and mature, and every way suitable to a discerning man's taste than when young and girlish." And he looked straightly, doflantly in Lillian's eyes. "Oli, well," she retorted, stubbornly, "you'll find out some day!" "Yes," he answered, "I expect to find out that the woman who will honor me by boing my wife is just what I have said she is, in all respects. Stuart, don't you want tickets to the Acadomy to-night? I've a couple to spare, if you want to take Lillian to hear Kellogg. Miss Bur ton and I are going." ' . Of course Harry accepted the tickets; and after dinner, when Lillian went up to tho nursery with him for their usual half hour of baby worship, she declared she never wonld call him by his odious name again. "He shall be mamma's darling little Clifford now," she said, holding him in her arms, and showering kisses on his sweet, laughing face and bonny dark eyes. . Harry laughed. , "You'd better wait a little longor, Lil. A hundred thousand dollars is worth be ins: called a worse name than James. Perhaps the old gentloman's disenchant ment will come even yet. It's disenstine." she said. And then she said good-night to her year-old boy, with dozens of kisses and hugs, and gave mm Dack. to ms nurse. "I want vou to ero and do me an errand, please, narry," she said, sud den!?, as tliev went into their, own room. "Ud to Ouilshaw's for an invisible net. and hair pins. Will you, Harry?" "An invisible net! What on earth is that? Can't vou see it? How will I know when I've trot it ? I'll inquire." She cave him a little push toward the door. "Never mind, Mr. Stuart. You simp ly ask for what I toll you, and pay what they charge, and bring it home to me." So good-natured Harry put on his hat and started off to Ouushaw s, tlio lumous hair-dreBser and dealer, whore he was to buy tho "invisible" net, to meet Uncle James on the door stoop, impatiently waiting for the carriage that was to take him to his bolovod. "There's plenty of time," Harry said, as he stopped a minute. "Get your cano, Uncle James, and walk a couplo of blocks with mo up to Gnilshaw's." Unole James looked at his watch. "Well, I will. I wouldn't likotokeep Ellenor waiting, though." "There's no need to," Harry answered. And they started off, every bit of Har ry's determination and tact kept contin uously on tho alert to prevent the old gentleman from discussing Miss Burton. However, by violent effort, he suc ceeded, by talking about the recent con vention, tho unusual drouth, and the ravages of the army worm, until they reoched Ouilshaw's, whore in obliging saleslady gave them seats, and beggod thorn to wait only ono moment, they were so very busy just then. And Harry and Unole James sat down on a crimson-velvet sofa, directly beside which was a tall Venetian screen, which neither of them particularly noticed, uu til, in a low, yet oloar distinct voice, they heard a sentence or so that startled them. "How will that do, Miss Burton? I have applied nearly an entire bottle of the enamel, but pardon mel tlie hol lows aud wrinkles are so deep that it is almost impossible to obliterate them. "It will have to do, I suppose. For tunately, all my new costumes have Ion cor sleeves than tlio old ones. Now, if you will make haste witli my huir! I'll wear tho 'Perfection' to-night, I think, and oh, please remcmbor tho touch of pencil on my eyebrows! They are getting so horribly tlun ana paio latoiy. Boyoud doubt of mortal comprehen sion, it was Ellonor Burton's voice, and Hurry actually pitied tlio look that was on the old Kentlonian's faco. And then no one in all tlio world ever knew how mnch an unheard of, awkward catastrophe happeuod, except Undo James, whose foot reached out and touched tho door tho door in tho screen flew open, and revealod to, both goutle men tlio sturtliug sight of a woman with a head almost as bare of hair as a pump kinonly tlio morest wisp of gray hair, twilled in a littlo pig-uiil on tho crown and on the dressiug-tablo besido her, a heap of soft, rippling tresses, ami a bot tlo of bolladouno, and a pot of enamel, and various sponges and brushes and some articles unmentionable Thoro was a shriek of horror from tlio mouth in tho bald-forohouded, pumpkin heudod lady, a series of "Oh-o-o-h's?" and then it all seemed in less than a minute tho attendant threw a shawl over Miss Burtou's pate. Uncle James gave a groan of utter horror, as he got up and took Harry's arm. "I am going homo," he said, tersely. "I don't want any opera to night. I've seen enough. Great heavens! what an escape! For all tlieso mercies, I am moro thau thankful. To think to think I was so near marrying that " I think tho story is told. Miss Ellenor Burton did not secure hor rich husband. Thero are lots of fellows, old and young, who are doily being deceived by cveu worse made-up women than sho only, sometimes, away down under all the vain little artificialities, there is often a true, loving heart. But even worse than this is tho fate of a woman w ho finds that her ideal man is only a bundlo of tailor's clothes, aud dentist's skill, and wiguiaker's art, and (let me write it finely let the composi tor please mako a typo-whisper of it) yes oorsets, and yes riy pads! Don't you believe it? or that there are men who put their hair iu paers, and wear gloves at night? and then call themselves "lords of creation!" Well, the baby's name was not exactly changed, but Lillian inserted "Clifford ' for his middle name, and as once and awhile they call him, in jest, of coarse, "J. Clifford," I shouldn't wonder if after all the little fellows has his pretty name and the fortune, too.Salunhy A njht. A girl who is red headed and cross eyed and wears number eleven brogans can be advertised all over the country as ft beautiful creature by committing some crime. Whoever heard of a female horatthief or a murderess who wasn't just lovely ? A Dissertation on Art Whatever I am in art I owe to the best instructors in drawing and painting in Germany. I have something of the man ner of each and all of them; but they all said that I had also a manner of my own and that it was conspicuous. Thoy said there. was a marked individuality about my stylo, u l painted the commonest type of a dog, 1 should bo sure to throw a something into the aspect of that dog which would keep nun from being miS' taken for the creation of any other artist, I wanted to bolieve all these kind say ings, but I could not. I was afraid that my master's partiality for me and pride in mo biased their judgment, no i re solved to make a test. Unknown to any one I painted my great picture, "Heidol berg Castle Illuminated" my first im portant work in oils and had it hung up in tho midst of a wilderness of oil pictures, in the art exhibition, with no name attachod to it. To my great grati fication it was instantly recognized as mine. All the town came to see it, and people even came from neighboring localities to visit it. It made more stir than any other work in the exhibition But the most gratifying thing of all was that chance strangers, passing through who had not heard of my picture, were not only drawn to it, as by a loadstone, the moment they entered the gallery, but always took it for a " lurner. What a red rag is to a bull, Turner's "Slave Ship" was to me before I studiod art. Mr. Buskin is educated in art up to a point where that picture throws him into as mad an ecstacy of pleasure as it used to throw me into one of rage, last yoar, when I was ignorant. His cum vation enables him and me, now to see water in that glaring yellow mud, and natural effects in those lurid explosions of mixed smoke and name and crimson sunset clones; it reconciles him and me, now to the floating of iron cable chains and other unfloatable things; it reconciles us to fishes swimming around on top of the mud I mean the water, The most of the picture is a manifest iin possibility that is to say, a lie and only ricrid cultivation con enablo a man to find truth in a lie. But it enabled Mr, Buskin to do it, and it has enabled me to do it, and I am thankful for it. A lios ton newspaper reporter went and took a look at the "Slave Ship" floundering about in that fierce conflagration of reds and yellows, and said it reminded him of a tortoise-shell cat having a lit in a plat tor of tomatoes. In my then uneducated state, that went home to my non-cultivo tion, and I thought here is a man with an unobstructed eye. Mr. Buskin would have said: "This person is an ass. That is what I would say, now. We were at the Bigi-Kulm hotel on the Alps. It was night. We wanted to soe the sun rise in the morning. We curled up in the clammy beds, and went to sleep without rocking. We were so sodden with fatiiruo that we never stirred nor turned over till the booming blast of tho Alpine horn aroused us. It may well be imagined that we did not lose any time. Wo snatchod on a few odds and ends of clothing, cocooned oursolves in the propor red blankets, and plunged along the halls and out into the whistling wind borelieoded. We saw a tall wooden scaffolding on the very peak of the summit, a hundred yards away, and made for it. We rushed up the stairs to tho top of this scaffolding, and stood there, above the vast outlying world, with hair flying and ruddy blan kets wuving and cracking in the fierce broeze. ' "Fifteen minutes too late, at last!" said Harris, in a vexed voice, "lue sun is clear above the horizon." "No. matter." I said, "it is a most magnificent spoctacle, and we will see it do the rest of its rising, any way. In a momont we were deeply absorbod in tho marvel before us, and dead to everything olso. The great cloud-barred disk of the sun stood just above a limit less expanse of tossing white-caps, so to speak a billowy chaos of massy moun tain domes and neaks droned in imper ishable snow, and Hooded with an opaline glory of changing and dissolving splen dors, whilo through rifts in a black cloud- bank above the sun radiating lances of diamond dust shot to the zenith. Ihe cloven valleys of the lower world sworn in a tinted mist which veiled tlio rugged ness of their crags and ribs and ragged forests, and turned all the forbidding re gion iuto a soft and rich and sensuous paradise Wo could not speak. We could hardly breathe. We could only gazo in drunkon ecstacy and dnuk it in. Presently Mar ris exclaimed: '"Why, nation, it's going down: Perfectly true. We had missed tho morning horn-blow, and slept nil day, This was stupefying. Harris said: "Look hore, tlio sun isn't the'specta- clo it's us stacked up hero on top of this gallows, in these idiotic blankets, and 250 well-dressed men and women down here gawking up at us, and not caring a straw whether the Bun rises or sets, as long as they ve got such a ridicu lous spectacle as this to Bot down in their memorandum books. They seem to be laughing thoir ribs loose, and there's one girl there that appears to bo going all to pieces. I never saw such a man as you before. I think yon are the very last possibility in the way of an ass." "What have I done?" I answered, with heat. "What have you done? iou'vegot np at 7 SK) o'clock iu the evening to see tho sun rise, that's what you've done." the next morning, however, we were up before daylight. Fully clothed and wrapped in blankets we'hnddlod our selves up by the window with lighted pipes and fell into a chat, while we wuited in exceeding comfort to see how Alpine sunrise was going to look by candle light By and by a delicate, spiritual sort of effulgence spread itself by imperceptible degrees over the lofti est altitudes of snowy wastes but there the effort soomod to stop. I said, pres ently: "There is a hitch about this sunrise somewhere. It doesn't seem to- go. What do you reckon is the matter with it?" "I don't know, it appears to hang fire somewhere. I never saw a sunrise act like that before. Can it be that the hotel is playing anything on us?" ' VI course not. 1 he hotel has merely ft property interest in the snn, and has nothing to do with the management of it. It is a precarious kind of property, too: a succession of total eclipses wonld prob ably rnin this tavern. Now, what can be the matter with this sunrise?" , Harris jumped np and said, 'Tve got it! I know- what's the matter with )t. We've been looking at the place where the sun set last night!" , "It is perfectly true! Why couldn t you have thought of that sooner? Now we've lost anothor one! And all through your blundering. It was exactly like you to light a pipo and sit down to wait for the sun to rise in tho west." "It was exactly like me to find out the mistake, too. You nover would have found it out. I find out all the mis takes." "You make them all, too, else your most valuable faculty would be waited on you. But don't stop to quarrel now, maybe we are not too late yet." But we were. The sun was well up when we got to the exhibition ground, (iood Humor, Good humor is rightly reckoned a most valuable aid to happy home lifo. An equally (rood ami usolul faculty is a sonso of humor, or the capacity to hare a little fun along with the hum-drum caros and works of life. We all know how it bright ens up things ecnorally to have lively, witty companion, who sees the ridiculous points of things, and who can turn an annoranco into nn ouca sion for laughter. It does a good ueul bettor to laugh over some do mestio mishaps than to cry or scold about them. Many lives and homes aro dull because they are allowod to become too deeply impressed with a sense ot the cares anu responsibilities of lii'u to recognize the bright, and especially mirthful sido. Into such t household good, but dull, the advent of a witty, humorous friend is likt sunshine on a cloudy day. While is always oppressivo to hear persons constantly striving to say witty or funny things, it is comfortable seeing what a brigblener a little tun is to make an effort to make some at home. It is well to turn an impa tient question sometimes, and to re card it from a humorous point of view, instead of boing irritated about it. "Wife, what is the reason I can never find a clean shirt?" exclaimed a good, but rather impatient bus band, after rummaging ail through tho wrong drawer, (lis wife looked at him steadily for a momont, half inclined to bo provoked; thon, with a comical laugh, she "aid, "I never guess conundrums; I givo it up Thon ho laughed, and they both laughed, and she went and got his shirt, and he folt ashamed of himself and kissed her; and then sho felt hanpy, and so what might have been an occasion tor hard words and tin. kind feolings bocamo just tho cou trary, all through the little vein ot humor that cropped out to the sur faco. Some people have a peculiar laculty tor giving a humorous turn to things whon they aro reproved. It docs just as well oftentimes to laugh on things as to scold them oft. Laughter is bettor than tears. Let us huve a little moro of it at home. Scottish American. The Yarmouth Dog and Cat. Tho Yarmouth water-dog deserves a special notice, although not entirely pe culiar to the country. For its sagacity tho writer can vouch. Ono instanco may serve to illustrate the general instincts of the class. A dog of this kind was kept at the fen pumping mill at the top of Ureydon Water. In the winter his la- vorite pursuit was to go out by himself and search in the rough stones which faco the Breydon wall for wounded wifd fowl; these always, if possiblo, creep in to some nook or corner. When the wind was northeast, and many ducks in the country, ho sometimes carried homo eight or nine wild fowl of various kinds in tho samo morning. After leaving one at the mill with his master, ho returned of his own accord to the place whence bo had taken it, proceeding regularly in his search, and every time recommencing exactly where he left off. As he traveled to and fro on the marsh wall, he would, if unloaded, wag his tail and acknowledge the notice of any one who spoko to him; but no sooner had he obtained booty than ho seemed to consider himself the guardian of a treasure, and distrust everyone. As soon as a man appeared to bo coining toward him he left the wall, oiid crossing a wide dyko, betook him self to tho marshos, and went the longest woy homo. ft is generally supposed that a cat has an uncouqucrable aversion to wetting its feet. Thero aro many authentic excep tions to this notion. While we were staying at the Wherry Hotel, MulfonJ, we were often on the banks from which the anglers depart for the sport, which is here of the best. A cat belonging to the house, tempted down by the fry and smaller fish thrown out of the baskets of the captors, sometimes found hersolf so much engaged on board a boat as to be unaware that it hod proceeded far into the lake before her knowledge of her ab duction hod become a fact. Heedless of water and ita consequences, however, she wonld mount tho guuwale. look for an instant in the direction of the hotel, and then take a header and swim, as well as any dog, toward the landing stage, mount the ladder, wring herself moi wise, and shortly afterward be found purring about with a perfectly dry skin. ..-li tUe 1 ear Hound. Suoki.no in thb French Arht. In a recent letter in Let Monde, Dr. Goyard calls attention to the encouragement given in the French army to smoking by the fact that the soldiers are supplied with tobacco from the canteen at a re duced price, on (lie express condition that it is exclusively for their own con sumption; the sale or exchange of this tobacco by soldiers is punished severely. It haptens in a large number of cases that the non-smoking youth who enters the army becomes a smoker, in order not to lone the advantages the SUte provides for him. It is suggested as desirable that soldiers should have the option of taking an equivalent for the tobacco in provisions or m extra pay. The Surrender of Port Hudson. . Before daylight on the 7th (J uly, 18C3) Gen. Gardner sent a flag of truce with a communication to Gen. Banks, asking him for confirmation of the news of the fall of Vicksbnrg. This confirmation, substantiated by copies of the official dispatches, was immediately given, and at t o'olock Gen. Gardnor sent throe commissioners to treat for the surrender. The preliminaries ocoupied the whole day,, and it was not until late in the afternoon that the commissioners re turned. An unconditional surrendor had been insisted upon, but the terms verbally agreed upon were satisfactory. The enlisted men were to be paroled and set free; the officers would remain pris oners of war, but wonld be allowed to retain their arms and private property. The ceremony of surrender would take place at 7 o'clock next morning. There had been much discussion during the long interview. Our commissioners asked a good deal and defended their pretensions inch by inch, claiming that we could hold the'plaoe another month, if not indefinitely, and would hold it unless we got our own terms. When, late in the afternoon, the terms agreed to had been roferred to Gen. Banks, and had received his sanction, Colonel Miles exoiaimed, "That's not all! I have an other demand to make!" "What!" re torted Gen. C. P. Stone, "are you going to raise new difficulties after ail the trouble we have had to come to an agree ment? What can you want after we have granted you so much?" "Are we not virtually your prisoners, now that you have agreed to the terms?" asked Miles. "Assuredly." "Well, you are bound to feed vonr prisoners. We are tired of our half-fare rations of mule meat and hard corn, and must have a square meal to-night." Gen. Stone burst out laughing. "That's cool," said he. "Here you have been bragging of your ability to hold as long as you nlimau anil vnn eonfess 110W that VOU are out of provisions." "It was my duty to make a strong case, but now I am not pleading, the case is settled, and the truth may as well come out," replied Col. Miles, who was a lawyer, and as well known for his hits at the bar as his in domitable bravery in the field. "By the by, General," he resumed, "I may as well add that we are about as short of ammu nition as of provisions." "We shan't send you ammunition," laughed Stone, "but provisions you shall have, and that speedily." Abundant rations did como that evening, and what was more precious, medicine for the sick. A large number of Federals entered our lines at different points, seeking tho particular commands against which they had been pitted, and fraternizing with the men witli whom thoy had been so recently engaged in deadly strife. The enmity of the true soldier ends with the battle, and it is only the coward or the savage who will trample upon the vanquished foe. The marks of respect and sy m pathy the defenders of Port Hudson received at tho hands of Bank's victorious army wore as a soothing balm that took away much of the bitterness of defeat. On the morning of the 9th a little over 3000 gaunt, weather-beaten men formed into line. Tho remainder of the devoted garrison were lying sick or wounded in tho hospital; 250 slept undor the green sod of the Port Hudson Hills. General Gardner rode up to the right of the line and awaited the approach of General Andrews, the officer designated to receive the surrendor, who, with his staff, preceded the Federal column. On his ridingj up, General Gardner advanced, and presenting the hilt of his drawn sword to General Andrews, said: "Having thoroughly defended this position as long as I deem it necessary, I now surrender to you my sword, and with it this post and its garrison." General Andrews replied: "I return your sword as a proper com pliment to thegallant commander of such gallant troops conduct that would be heroio in anothor cause." This last re mark, stereotyped from Goneral Bank's first domnnd of surrender, was properly rebuked by General Gardner's words as he returned his sword to tho scabbard with an emphatic clang: "This is noither the time nor place to discuss the cause." Philadelphia Times. Johnson's Joke on Baruuin. We droye by the residence of J. D. Johnson, just west of whoro Iranistan used to be. Here Barnum, who is an unequaled wit and first-rate story-teller, said to me: "Johnson played a practical joke on me once." "What was it? I asked. "Why, he explained, "1 had a big park opposite Johnson's house here, containing liocky Mountain deer, elk, reindeer, etc. Strangers would naturally suppose it belonged to Johnson's estate, and this mistake was emphasized by his jocular son iu-law, S. H. Wales, of the Scientific American, who put up at the entrance, a board reading, 'All persons are forbidden to trespass, or disturb tho deer, J. D. Johnson.' It was a good joke, and I let it stand. In about a week Johnson had a large party from New York visiting him, and after supper he took them out to enjoy the joke ho had played on larnum. teaching the sign he wheeled them around, and saw to his dismay that I had added the words, 'Gamekeeper to 1. T. liarnum. He was called 'Barnum's gamekeoper' for some time by his friends. But a couple of months after that I gave a swell dinner at Iranistan to the directors of the bank, and I sent West for prairie chickens and other game. This came, and -Johnson happened to find at the depot the great box addressed to me and marked 'game.' He told the express agent that he was Barnum's gamekeeper, and would take the box. It was delivered to his house, and when it arrived Johnson sent over a notfl ta ma savin? that I had annointed j O . r him my gamekeeper, and that he had en tered upon the duties of his office; that a box of game had come, and he should 'keep it ull I sent bim an order for a new hat. I was a little chagrined, and didn't exactly know what to do, but I actually heard the next day that the ras cal was going to give a game supper him self, and I sent over the hat." What is the difference between a civi lized diner and a person who subsists at the North Pole? One has his bill of fare and the other his fill of bear. "What can be higher " asks a yonng lady correspondent, "than the aim of ft woman who devotes her whole life to alleviating the sufferings of others?" Prime mess pork can, sissy, if it keeps booming as it has for the past week. An Inconvenient Parrot. Mr. Ragbag and his wifo, WUo in a South End boarding Wsfi long kept a parrot which insiated on n mg at the most unseasonable hours . i disturbod the other boarders. But' ti resolutely refused to part with it an l7 one could get a chance to kill it on sly, and so it devolved on the intren,,4 of young Mr. Racketer to got awsv the birl. At times Mrs" EM home for a visit, and on such ocea iS her husband remained at homo and wJ some high old times in his room whu he never thought to tell his wife aboni when she returned, and occasionally k was away and Mrs. Ragbag had jo y little parties, which she tvrmtt tell her husband about. Racketer kn. this, and is something of a ventrUoqnirt and one night, when Mr. and Mrs JW bag were entertaining some friends got outside of the window where thenar rot'B cage hung, and pretty soon the It semblage in the room Was startled b? a remark from the parrot's cage concernuiff Ragbag's lost party. However, nobodr appeared to notice it, though Mrs. m bag resolved on an explanation whenhe, guests left. In an instant came an 0b. serration about Mrs. Ragbag's friend Mr. Rats, a rather showy young man' Mrs. Ragbag looked nervously at the bird, but said nothing, and Ragbag de. cirlod on asking an explanation Liter The next observation, connecting Ragbag with a variety actress, caused a guest to remark that it was an odd bird, and Mrs. Ragbag said she'd like to know h6 he got such an idea, and Ragbag strolled under the cage and said aside to the bird "Dum ye, hold yer jawl" But the bird didn't obey. He in six minutes men tioned four flirtatious of Mrs. Ilagbag'i and five scrapes of Ragbag's. The guesti began to snicker and the owners of thi parrot to grow red in the face. The next charge against the lady led her husband to 6xduim: "Woman, is it possible that you have given this bird cause to talk so?" "No," she cried, "but I believe you've been a bad man." The guests thereupon said good night and waited in the corridor to hear the rest of the fun. The parrot went right on, and Mrs. Ragbag and her husband were soon accusing each other of all sorts of things. Then they pulled hair for a while, and Mrs. Ragbag fainted as Rag bag announced that he should get a di vorce. "Oh, you won't. You'll get druuk and forgive her," squeaked the bird. v "There, dum you, that lets you ont," cried the infuriated man, and he grabbed the bird from the cage and wrung its neck, and then he stalked out of the room, and the listeners had to sktirry to avoid being caught, and it was wholly I week before Ragbag and his wifo made np; and they haven't found out yet that the parrot wasn't to blame in the mat ter. Boston Ivst. True Stories About Animals. "Do you know," said the spotted horse, who is considered a great philosopher bj the rest of the menagerie, "that the groomiest hour is just before morning feed-time?" "Aye," replied the trick-mule, "there'i the rub." The zebra said that "these remarks were too profound for animals that hadn't been through the entire curriculum." The carrier-pigeon "wondered if s steady course of that treatment would make homing birds of all of them?" "Combing birds?" asked the Poland rooster; "there's no carrier-pigeon in the menagerie can lay over me in that fea ture." The Mexican dog said, "he would like to see any man, from the lion-tamer down, comb his hair with a steel curry comb. "No." the elenhant remarked, "they would have to follow the old receipe for . - . . i i a l cooking a hare; they would nave to nrsi catch the hair." Tim bnffulo said that, "sneaking of combs, it was his hornest opinion" "Hello, the elephant mierrupieu, "here comes the advertisement of the B. & L. land department. Say," he added, "does John Bonnell know you're out of your frame?" The bunaio asuod mm u we v. nnllnlniM in tlio 111 ft nil f lU't II TO of hillial'U balls had affected the ivory trade enough to sour his temper.' But the tiger said tho discussion Lad wondered from the subject and was growing too personal. "And, beside, he added, licking his cnops uuugny, the keeper passed too close to his cage, 'it was about breaKiast time, u;m 0, .l,Mr,'t nl ..nr.; wnll lh.lt. TllOmint", 11 U LI 111 11 V .CVll W(7 " v little manna 'd be about all ho cared for, and thon, as he niado a pass ai iuo y keeper and missed him, he added that if he couldn't havo it, about thirty-art pounds of rare beef would do. And then the keeperpassed around tue nannl vaf rna li m an fa AH .1 tho menagerie speedily ate itself to sleop. llaickeye. One of the Six Hundred. Yester day the mortal remains of one who was conspicuous in a great deed of arros--the famous charge of the Six Hunarcu -were buried at Hampton Chun. Lord George Paget, who died suddenly last week, has left behind a nam deeply cut on the roll of gallant sol diers. If for no other service, he Re serves to be remembered for Lis snare in the Balaklava charge, where he ieu the second line of the dauntless few, rallied the remnant, and brought turn out of action. Later, and before tw light brigade was once more it-" again, he was its commander at in. mann, and, when its ranks were lehlW, at the Tchernava and Enpatora. uu seqnentlv he held important post, w eluding the command of the birM Division in India, was successively toi onel of the Seventh Dragoon Goanw and Fourth Hussars, and died a i eral. At his grave yesterday were . oe fittingly gathered, besides his host of old comrades and friend. Among them were Lord Clarence an Lord Alfred Paget. Lord Sydney, Lo Sandwich, Lord Cowley. Lord 0Uc way. Lord Dorchester, Lord Ternr more, Lord Devon, Mr. Windsor a number of officers who had serve with him in the Crimea . . .1 i,i;F Lord ueorg Paget occupied a distinguished pi j Jl i m nffiwtt who was a voted to bis profession, and who cainl of ft race whicn nas piuc laurels in the field of honor, serving ; anj fiffhtiM for its country s cause. a"" Telegraph,