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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 3, 1880)
ANTICIPATING TBS BETVHN3.
Mellon mini, ha fume and frets;
11 iHj Clilmiiian go away far;
Oil blue I all warm up aud swsatM,
Alio um dirty,
Takeoff ill I rue,
IJuuteeup Culnaman, ha I bat bat
Ifeliran man muntallee time masbee;
tkiuli.tee at every girl be aee.
Culuaman pntleeln big llcka waibee,
Have no lunee,
have bin tuoiiee,
piincby rlcbee, be I be I be t
Mellcan man, be make beap talk ;
Chinaman allce time mind till eye.
Blmeby Mttiican walkn clialkee;
Cblnuman utcb blm,
A I lee i line analoli lilm
Clean bald bealed, III I bl I hi I
Like hawkrc on June bun. Chinaman pounwe
Teline Meiliaan xne- mine im
Flreeblm out 1 ill IT I Ulreti grmiil l)iincee I
Allcee tlrou top bu, 1jo I bo t lio !
It was novor happy at Aunt Browne's,
but tboro seemed no prospect that I
should leave her. I had como out so to
peak, as fnr as any one so repressed
could oome out, but I might as well
staid in. I only sat in corners, talked
with the chaperons, or listened to somo
garrulous octogenarian. Aunt Brown's
intercut in mo. such as it was, died a
a natural death after my first soason it
had always been weakly and the result
was a sad deficiency in my wardrobe
She had niarriod off two daughters with
out difficulty, but a ninoe, it seems,
tuck closor than a burr. However, it
was not my fault that I remained un
married. I had dono my host to be
fascinating. Though I hated tho idea
of marrying lor Home or position, yci i
was sure I should not find it hard to
love ono that was kind, to mo, if only on
account of tho novelty. I was thirty
now, and not uuused to hearing the
changes rung npon old maids, and tho
beggars who shouldn't be choosers, by
my youngo'r cousius Husette and Anoio.
But I had hail ono opportunity to change
for bettor or worso of which they had
novor dreamod. The son of Aunt Browne's
second husband, Cudrio Browne, had
asked mo to marry him, three years
before, as wo rowod up the river in Juno
for tho rosy laurel blooniB to decorate
the houso and piazzas for Suwitto's birth
day fete. I sometimes wondered what
Aunt isrowno would nuvo inoiignt 01 ino
proceeding, as slio had set hor heart
upon marrying Husetto to Cedric. Per
haps I refused him becauso I was taken
unawares, because I was not enough in
terested to euro abdut frustrating Aunt
Browne's plans; perhaps I did not ex
pect to bo taken at my word, but
3 i ii... a..
imagined n uiu proper wuv iu iiuuiiuu,
in order to bo imjiortunod. I believe all
my favorite heroines had conducted in
this wiso. llowovor, . we rowod homo
through tie Biinset, our boat heaped
witli the pink flowers, in silence.
"Yon look as if you were lade n with
funset clouds," Bind Siisotto, who was
watching for us on the Hhore; but I am
oortuin Codrio looked like a thunder
cloud. The next day wast tho feto. Every
body brought presents for Busotto. Co
drio gavo her an antique necklace of
torqnoisos; I was suro ho hail meant it
for mo. We had snppor out of doors
under tho great pine trooH, and danc
ing in the moonlight. That day I be
gan to regard Codrio Browne atten
tively. I had known him under the
same roof for weeks at a time; I had
laughed and talked with him, believing
him foro-ordaiuod to minititor to Hu
sotte's happinoHS, "as iuacccHHiblo as a
star in heaven" so fur as I was con
cerned, lio had helped mo with
dele's children, who had come to live
at Aunt Browuo'a whou their mother
died. But that ho should regard me
with any tender emotions, I had novor
dared to winli. In fact, I had thought
litUe about him till to-day. I had never
observed till to-day that his eyes were
. as tender as stars, that his face wan
like tli at radiant countenance of Mozart
in tho music room, that his smile was
simply enchanting. It was rather late
to iimko these discoveries.
Ho did not leave us at once. It
seemed as if ho stayed iust long enough
for mo to know all 1 had lout. Wuee
then ho had been with us once again for
a whole month; but little Walter was ill
with a spinal alToctioti that kept him on
his back and me by his side; and though
Codrio used to relievo mo often by day
and by night, I could seo from my win
dow, and from occasional glimpses into
tho drawing-room, that tho balance of
his timo was spent in Susctto's company.
"Aunt Hnsetto's beau is going to make
me a kite," Toddy confided to Walter one
"Who's he?" ankod Walter from his
"Why, Cedric, of course Codrio
Browne Bridget says bo herself," as if
that put tho matter beyond tlixputo.
The next day, when Codrio eamo up to
amuse Walter with tho affair of down
stairs, that youth demanded: "I say, aro
you really Auut Susotto's beuii, tVdric?
Adrienue ever so much nicer. When
I'm a man I'll marry Adrionno."
"Then you'll be luckier than I," said
i'edric, winding up a top, and spinning
it on his palm.
It was a year siuco then. I no longer
went out. I was fairly ,.. Aunt
Browne had abandoned all hopes of me.
1 was a good nurserymaid, a cheap gov
erness, an inexpensive companion in the
family. In the meantime I could have
married any day, if I had chosen to ac
cept the lie. Abel Amherst, and trans
fer my labors to the parsonage. To le
sure this would not have proved the
brilliant marriage my aunt had exiieetod
of me, nor the romantic one 1 had dream
ed of myself, and it was not till I came
into wxwoKsion of a certain family secret
that 1 began to revolve the possibility in
my mind. It accins that when my anut
married her second husband, Mr.
Browue Sutte and Anne were lmth
Lowells they had subsisted upon the
patrimony left to Codrio by his mother,
and that after his father's death, Cedric
Lad turned in the tume yearly income
from the estate for the family use, and
that I, Adrienne I.nmx, owed my daily
bread to the man 1 lad refused, and who
had forgotten ma. Earning my own
livelihood was out of the question,
drudgery was my only vocation, and that
was too badly paid to he encouraging. I
looked at the Key. Abel Amherst often at
this period, with a view to itsulling Liui
in Cedriu's place if Cedric would only
vacate. Oddly enough, Mr. Amherst
renewed hiaauit at this time, and pressed
it with tho eagerness of a lover, and for
tho first time I began to hesitate. ' "The
woman who hesitates is lost," said
Snsette. ' .
I had boen out on tho hills one day
trying to make np my mind to forget
Cedrio and marry Mr. Amherst, but
whenever I began to think with some in
terest of going to parish meetings, be
coming tho president of Dakota leagues
and sewing circlos, yisiting the poor,
and drinking tea opposite the llev. Mr.
Amherst all the rest of my days, somo
how or other Cedric's faco would slip
into tho picturo uninvited, and blot out
his rival as strong sunlight fades a
"There is a letter for you, Adrionno,
said Aunt Browno, when I entered tho
house "in tho music room, on the ton of
tho dado, under Mozart's picture. ' I
went into tho music room, but there was
no letter to lie seen.
"Perhaps ono of the girls has removed
it," she suggested. But no ono had
meddled with it.
Grandma cooked a letter over tho tea
kettle," said Teddy reflectively.
"Yes," said grandma, "I wrote a let
ter to your pa, child. I hadn't any blot
ting paper, but the fire answors the pur
poso quite as well."
At that time I had novor heard of open
ing letters by steam. Well, we ran
sacked tho houso for that truant letter,
but iu vain.
"Who was it from', Aunt?" I asked.
"How should I know, child?"
'But the hnndwriting.the post-mark!'
The post-mark was blurred.
"Had it a foreign stamp?" I asked,
with sudden earnestness. Cedrio had
gone abroad somo months before, and I
had not heard of his return.
"A foreign stamp! No. Wore you ex
pecting a foreign letter?"
"No; but it is tho unexpected thai al
ways happens, you know.'
"It's awfully provoking," said Susttte.
"Perhaps it was only tho recipes Mrs.
Clark was going to sond you."
"Nothing more likely; but what has
bocomo of it? It's a prolonged game of
hunt tho thimbW
"And supposing it's a letter notifying
you of tho existence of a lirat Amherst,"
put in Anne, "or of a legacy left by your
forty-fifth cousin in Australia" And
then tho door-boll rang.
"Well, after that I supposed I must
have accepted Mr. Amherst. Everybody
behaved as if I had. I received con
gratulations and a ring, and tho parish
bogan repairs upon the parsouago before
I could muster courago to tell Mr.
AinhorBt all about Cedrio and my mistako
and how I wasn't at all suro I could over
get over it, and caro for anybody else,
but that I would do my best. And he
smilod in a sort of absent way when I
told hiin, but scorned content to take me
as I was, for better or worse; only it did
strike me sometimes that he was the most
undemoiiHtrative lovor in Christendom;
but I hadn't much exporionco in lovers
and perhaps they weren't as gushing in
real lifo as novels pictured, lie used to
kiss my hand whon we parted ; that was
all. Ho was very gentle but a little sad,
I fancied with a look that might mean
that ho was half afraid of so much happi
ness, or that to mai ry a woman ho loved
wasn't all that fancy had painted it. And
often I thought I had perhaps done
wrong to tell him everything about
Cedric bo unreservedly; yot I had only
meant to bo honest. But tho day was
appointed and suddenly Cedrio appoared
among us, when I thought ho was at the
world s end, and the girls decorated the
littlo church with white .daisies and
grasses for tho occasion. You may bo
lievo that I avoided Codrio ill tho inter
val before tho wedding as much as pos
sible, but somehow I was always
stumbling on him; he loomed to be per
petually at my elbow; ho surprised me
more than oneo with traces of tears ou
my faco. Tho sound of his voieo made
my heart turn and quiver within mo. If
I dared to withdraw" at this juncture, I'm
afraid I should have dono so; but it was
too late; and though I felt like a hypo
crite w henover Mr. Amherst appeared, ho
looks of sober satisfaction, which re
minded mo of those lines of Matthew,
Boyden on Hir Philip Siduey,
'A full HHMirnnes uiveu y look
Continual comfort In a law.
The liiiiiuiuuu of Kl'Ol b miUh."
might have taught mo that all was well
"You aro the oddest sweathcarta I ever
saw," gossiped Susettn. "I wouldn't
give a straw for such a lover; and as for
you, Adrionno, you resemble a ghost
more than a brido."
In short, a thousand years of purga
tory would ill represent my sullerings
during those last weeks before my wed
ding. Well, to crown tho whole, Aunt
Brown said Cedrio must give mo awuy ;
he was the only male relative, the head
of the family, so to speak, and he could
do it so admirably.
"We shall see, said ho. I'm afraid I
should mako a poor figure at giving
Adrienne away," and he stroked his tristo
moustache as lie spoke and looked at me
just as he looked that day we gathered
tho laurel for Musette's feto I could
have sworn ho did. I didn't answer, for
fear my voice would bo husky, and the
tears would start.
The wedding was to lie quito private
ouly relatives. Aunt Browno arrangod
everything to suit'hcrsclf and the pro
prieties; it didn't become a clergyman's
bride to make a great parade. At the
church, I remember, my veil caught in
tho carriage door, and an orange blossom
tumbled from my wreath, which Cedric
picked up, and wore in his buttou-holo.
Thou ho drew my half lifeless arm with
in his, and directly tho wedding march
iwale 1 forth in great resounding waves
of melody. My grandmother's India
muslin blow out in abundant creamy
folds Miiud mo, and Codrio and I were
stauding before tho altar, and Mr. Am
herst was reading the marriago service !
I do believe that Anut Browne foiuted
or she would havo forbidden tho banns.
"Yon see, it was impossible for me to
give you away, Adrionno," said Cedrio,
later, when we were Btoaming out of
town. "Amherst is a trnmp; and may
ho tind a wife as sweet as Mrs. Brown I
If it hadu't been for him, I should have
lieea of all men the most miserable to
day. What do you think he did? Why,
he wrote me all that sad little story you
thought right to fell Lim, and added that
he was making a sacrifice; that in re
nouncing yon he renounced all that
inula lifn lovelv to him. ex cent his work;
yot lie felt it was better one should fail
of a heaven on earth than two snouiu
suffer; and that if I loved you, aa I had
once said, would I take his place at the
at tue marriage, anu anow mm to auiciuu
ize it? It was a whim of his to have it
so 'to avoid explanations,' he said. I
couldn't boliove iu my luck, you know,
Adrienne. We bandied letters too and
fro, canvassing the subject. I feared he
had made a mistake, as I had renewed
my ofi'or some little while before, but had
received no reply; atill, a dozon things
happen to letters every day." n
"Yes, something happened to yours,
Years after, whon Susette and Anne
were married, when Adele'a husband had
tuken the children home to a new
mamma, ond Aunt Browne had gone
to "the land of the hereafter," when
Codrio was repairing the old house for a
summer residence, in ripping away the
ancient dado in the music-room, which
had always wrapped away from tho wall
in warm weather, leaving a little crack,
the carpenters unearthed my lost letter.
Hail it slipped down there, or had Aunt
Browne given it a pusbl We gave hor
the benefit of the doubt. Jlarper'n
A Noted Explorer.
Vasco Da Gama, whose remains have
just been removed aoross the Tagus at
Lisbon to tho Monastery of Belem, is the
greatest and most famous of the Portu
guese explorers. He is generally cred
ited with the discovery of tho maritime
route to India, only second in import
ance to the discovery of the Western
World by Columbus. Dr. Pertz, Di
rector of the lioyal Library at Berlin,
announced some years ago that certain
documents had been brought to light
tending to show that tho route to the
East via the Cape of Good Hope had
beon known 200 years bofore Garaa's day.
The explorer was descended from an an
cient family, and supposed to havo boen
tinctured with royal, though illegitimate
blood. Ho early gainod the reputation
of a dauntless sailor, ond after tho return
of Bartolouimeo Diaz (1817) from doub
ling the Cape, King Joao fixod on hiin as
tho man most likely to find a southern
passage to India. Joao's purposes were
balked by death; but Mancel the Fortu
nate, his suocessor, fitted out four vessels
with 180 men, and put Gama in com
mand, furnishing him with letters to all
the sovereigns, including the mythical
Prestor John, whom he might have occa
sion to visit. The littlo fleet sailed from
Lisbon July 8, 111)7, but was so beset by
storms as not to roach what is now Table
Bay until Novombor 1(1. Three days
later, in tho tooth of furiona gales and
mntinous sailors, ho rounded tho Cape,
and touched at various places on tho
hitherto unknown eastern coast of Africa.
Having found the people of Molinda far
more civilized than. ho had anticipated,
he engagod a very intelligent Indian
pilot, a native of Guzerat, and, putting
boldly out to sea under his guidance,
crossed tho Indian Ocean, and arrived at
Calicut, Hiiidoostan, May 20, ll'J8. His
recoption by tho Prince of the coast was
not cordial. The Arab merchants resid
ing there wore jealous of the
strangers, thinking that thoy might
interfere with their trade, and in
cited the Hindus against them. Gama
was obliged to fight his way ont of tho
harbor, after which ho sailed homoward,
reaching Lisbon September, ll'J'J, and
was wolcomod with every honor. Man
mil immiwIiiLtnlvHcntnsmiadronto India.
under Pedro Cabral, to establish Portu
guese settlements, m wincn no was out
partially prosperous. At Calicut a num
ber of tho adventurers wero murdered by
the natives, whereupon the King equip
ped another and larger squadron, under
tho direction of Gama, who arrived safely
at tho East African coast, founded the
Colonics of Mazambiquo and Sofala, and
sailed to Travancoro. Ho afterward
bombarded Calicut, destroyed tho ono
my's fleet, and compellod the Prince to
concludo a treaty of peace, with heavy
indemnifications. Before that ho had
captured a richly-laden vessel full of
Mohammedans, from various parts of
Asia, on their w ay to Mecca, and believ
ing them to bo African Moors, the tradi
tional foes of his nation, ho slew all of
them except 20 women and children.
Beturning to Portugal, Gama was un
employed for 20 years; but he was re
engaged by tho now King, and reached
as Viceroy, tho scone of his former
triumphs. Ho redeemed the misfortunes
of his predecessors, causing the power
of Portugal to be once more respected in
India. While in the midst of success,
ho was ovcrtakeu (1525) by death at
Cochin. His remains wore takon to
Lisbon and buried with great pomp, and
havo never been disturbed until now.
Personally, Guma was short and stout,
dark-eyed, dark-haired, prominent of
feature and florid of complexion. Ho
was intrepid, persevering, fertile iu re
son roes, but violent in temper and
capable of cruelty, though ho Was, on tho
whole, far justori moro considerate and
humane than most of the navigators and
warriors of his timo and nation.
' Suggestions to Fat Tcople.
No doiibtit is unplesant to be excess
ively obese ; but the morbid dreaJ of fat
which has iu recent years become fash
ionable, has, according to the London
.MififJ, no foundation in physiological
fact. Fat answers two purposes ; it acts
as a non-iMiiduclinu envelope for the
body, and protects it from too rapid loss
of heat, and It serves as a store of fuel. In
the course of exhausting diseases it not
iinfroqueiitly happens that the life of a
patient may be prolonged until the re
serve of fai is exhausted, and then ho
dies of inanition. Fats supply th mate
rial of the heating process, on which vi
tality mainly dciwud. In great excess it
is inconvenient ; but the external lay
ings on of fat is no certain measure of
the development of adipose tissue; much
less does a tendency to Rrow imply
or even suggest a tendency to what is
known as "fatty degeneration." It is
tune to speak out on that point, as the
moot absurd notions seem to prevail.
Again, it is not true that special forms
of lood determine f.it. That is an old
and exploded notion. Some organisms
wdl make f.tt, let thorn be fed on the
leauestand scantiest and less snccarine
descriptions of food, while others will
not be fattened, let them feed with the
most "fattening" of diet. The matter is
one in regard to which it is supremely
desirable and politic to be natural, adapt
ing the food taken to the requirement!
of health rather than substance. Siuip!e
food, sullicient exercise and regular hab
its, with moderation in the use of stimu
lants, compose the maximum of a safe
and healthy way of life.
Painting and plumbing are crimes that
go hand in hand. The plumber does not
necessarily paint, neither does the pain
ter ordinarily plumb, but the man who is
capable of the one is always capable of
the other. The qualities that enable a
man to follow a successful career of
plumbing are precisely those that would
lit him for painting. Bo close is the rela
tionship between the two occupations
that we often find a plumber associating
himself in business with a painter ond
brazenly displaying the sign, "Plumb
ing, gas-fitting, and house-painting done
here." Thus, while one partner paints
the outside of the house the other plumbs
its interior, and between the two the ruin
of the house-owner is made complete.
The painter resembles the plumber in
his deep-rooted unwillingness to keep
his agrcemontsT One of his chief ob
jects in life is to put off the hour of
painting until the house-owner's patience
is completely exhausted, and his conse
quent indignation deprives him of that
mental equanimity necessary for a suc
cessful contest with the painter's wiles.
There was, probably, nover an instance
of a painter who painted a house on the
day when he had promised to paint it.
Ho never makes loss than three postpone
ments. His excuse for the first of these
is that lie is out of white-lead or turpen
tine and has been unable to procure
them. The second postponement is made
because the painter professes to foresee
a coming shower of rain which refuses
to come with as much obstinacy as if it
had been prophesied by Professor Ven
nor and for the painter's third failure
to appear on the promised day ho pleads
either an attack of illness or the failure
of his assistant to provide him with lad
ders. By this timo the honso-owner has be
come so indignant that, when the painter
actually arrives, the latter finds it com
paratively easy to "overthrow the argu
ments of tho former in favor of any par
ticular color. It is a point of honor with
the painters nover to let a man havo his
own choico as to the color with which his
house shall bo painted. The home
owner and his wife may have given much
time to the selection of a nice color for
the house and a suitable shade for the
trimmings, but when he lays the two
tints before the painter the latter invari
ably replied, "O, thorn colors won't do
at all, sir." In vain does tho unhappy
man insist that ho likes them, and that,
therefore, thoy will and must "do"; the
painter bends a pitying glance npon him
and asserts that he has no idea how the
two tints in quostion will look when
laid on the house. In most cases his
obstinacy overrules the house-ownor,
and tho latter is compelled to con
sent to having his house painted
with colors which he privately thinks
detestable Sometimes, howover, the
painter pretends to acquiesce in his vic
tim's views, and the latter flatters him
self that he has gainod a victory. He
soon finds out, when it is too lato, that
no painter ever yet consented to adopt
colors which he himself had not selected.
Tho honso-owner may have supposed
that his house was to bo painted a deli
cate cream-color, but he will find that it
has boon painted Indian rod, and that
tho painter iusists that he has strictly
followed his instructions, although, as
lio pretends, it is just possible that tho
tint has boon mixed a triflo too warm.
What can the helpless man whose houso
has been thus unlawfully painted red do
with tho wretch who calmly insists that
Indian red is really a delicate cream
color, rendered a triflo too warm in the
mixing ? He may kill the painter, but
the unjust laws of the country will
punish him, or he may at vast expense
hire another painter, and have his house
repainted, with results as unsatisfactory
as thoso which attended his first oflbrt.
If he is a wiso man, he simply submits
to the inevitable, and recognizes tho fact
that no man can have his house painted
to suit himself. There is a worthy gen
tloman residing iu a New Jersey sub
urban town who for twenty years has
boen trying to have his houso painted a
particular shado of brown. During that
time ho has employed, four different
painters, and has had his house painted
successively yellow, red, green and
orange, but nover once has ho beon able
by threats or entreaties to induce a
painter to use tho brown paint for which
ho sighs. '
It is,, of courso, possiblo for a man to
bny his own paint, thus procuring the
precise shade w hich he desires, and then
to hire a paiuter to put it on tho bouse.
This experiment has boen tried, but no
man having onco tried it, ever tries it
again such a method of painting a house
should not be attempted by any one
whoso income is less than $15,000 a year.
The amount of paint, turpentine and
brushes that tho painter uses will be
found to cost rather more than tho house.
No matter if the paint merchant has
made a careful calculation of the quan
tity of paint that will bo sullicient to
cover tho houso, the painter will demand
at least three times that amount, and
will then ruin his employer iu turpen
tine and brushes. Moreover, tho amount
of paint which the painter, who is hired
by the job, contrives to spill on every
available spot of surfaco where paint is
not desired is 'enormous. He never fail
to upset at least two well-tilled paint
pots, and always selects the worst pos
siblo localities for the performance of
this feat. If wo add to this the number of
panes of glass w hich the painter knocks
out with tho end of his ladder, and the
blinds he breaks with the same effective
instrument, it will bo found, on the
whole, cheaper to set tho house on fire
than to hire a painter to paint it w ith
colors selected aud furnished by the
In any event, the painter, when he
comes to make out his bill, displays an
amount of unblushing wickedness which
the plumber alone can rival. He charges
for his paints, brushes and tu'peutine;
for his time, and for "tho job." He
never takes less than twice the time to
paint a houso which he originally said
would be sufficient if he is lucky enough
to bo able to protend that a sndden
shower has spoiled the paint which he
had jnst laid on, he can proceed to paint
the honse all over again. As between
the painter and the pluniber there is
little to choose. The Litter is, perhaps,
little the bidder of tho two, but the for
mer accomplishes his criminal purposes
with at least equal success. y.i.Timet.
Mount Vesuvius is troubled with erup
tions, and they don't know what to do
with the crater.
The Dark Horse.
Ti.-i.i i- mnanoat niece of cold-
blooded deception ever practiced upon a
woman occurred out in Western Addi
tion the other day. It seems umj mo
belle of that important suburb of our
iu a Mi Susan araiffey.
and whom a vigorous rumor, kept in cir-
culation by her less lavoreu sii
credited with being a desperate little
flirt in fact, what liUiy "we, me uuu-
strel, used to call a "false-Uearted
crokay. At all events, uer uuotuum
were of sufficiently indefinite a quality
favored visitors to
look upon each other with the most vin-
ilictive feelings common w umju
These gentlemen who were respectively
r; vi.,11 ,.i..Hii n-itli (tin eve classes
and freckles, named Pliff, and a red
headed dry goods manipulator caiieu
Diggs occupied the intervals devoted to
gloomily sitting each other out three
evenings a week, to fruitless attempts to
discover which of the two was really the
coming man in the matrimonial race, so
Last Thursday morning Miss Smiffoy,
iu response to a business like ring, ad
miitAil a tniddln-nired nartv with a black
beard, and wearing blue goggles and a
Iong tailoil ulster.
"I am taking the sensus, mum," he
umM nrtpiiinfr a flat book on the piano.
and getting out some blanks, "just look
sharp, please, ana answer tue necessary
Mias Smiffev tremblod a little, as
women always do for some reason when
talking to a Government omciai, ana
aniil rIiaM trv.
"Lem'nie see your name's Smiffey, I
believe hrst namer
"Haven't got any, sir."
"Come now, young woman, no prevar
ication. Are you sure you haven t got a
middle name somewhere, and aro trying
to conceal it ?"
"No, sir; indeed I haven't;" said the
young lady, turning . very pale; "I
wnnl.ln'r ileeeiva vou."
. "You'd better not, mum. Thepenalty
. ... .tiii
is twenty-nve years at nara iauor, or
"Gracious mo !"
"Fact, mum. Now thon, let's seo
what's next. Ah ! yes how often mar
ried?" "Not once yet."
"Ahum. Going to be, I s'pose ? Been
asked, eh ?" .
'Oh I vas sir; several times."
"CaJl it six times," taid tho census
man, making an entry. "Wnats next.'
Ah ! yes is your back hair false?"
"M m must I answer that V"
"Of course you must. Don't trifle
with the United States Government,
mum. Come now "
"Well, it's sorter that is kinder"
"That'll do wo'll call it mixed. Teeth
"Yes, sir!" with much emphasis.
"Don't get excited. Let's see I'll
put your age down as twenty-five. The
United States never allows us to take a
woman's age on oath. They will lie
cant help it, I guess."
"I'm just eighteen. I don't care
whether tho government believes it or
not," said the citizoness snappishly.
"Of course, of courso they all say
that. Pay attention, please. What size
Must answer, mum. Remember the
peualty. How many inches around the
"Well, if you must know sixteen.
But I think it's just shame "
"No remarks, if you please. Ahom?
We'll call it nineteen. They generally
throw off about three inches, I find.
Size of shoe?"
"Two but I can wear one and a "
"I'll return you as a No. 3. That's
about what a 'thjeer' always says. Any
"I say, any beaux? and be careful
about your answer, mum. The Wash
ington authorities are very particular ou
this point. Has everything to do with
tho next census, you see. Now, how
"Well of course there are some gen
tleman coming here, aud "
"Of courso there are. I've got you
down in the 'Good Looks' space as A. A.
I. I. handsome.' So, of course, you
have plenty of admirers. All the gov
ernment requires, however, is tho prin
"Well," said tho young lady, some
what mollified, "there is Jimmy Pliff,
and Tom Diggs, and"
"Hold up, right there! Which of 'em
do you intend to marry?" said the enu
merator of population earnestly.
"Oh, neither of them. There's ahem!
there's a splendid gentleman named
Scudberry Charlie Scudberry perhaps
you know him? He has big brown eyes
aud beautiful curly hair, and "
"And do these these other gentlemen
riiff and Diggs know of the existence
of this this follow, Scudberry?"
"Oh, no! I'm too smart for that. I
just tag them along to buy ice cream and
caramels, and tike me to the theater.
It's tho biggest fun! Charlio knows all
about it, you see, and he calls himself
the the oh, yes! the dark horse!"
"Oh, he does, does he!" roared the
census man, jerking off his wig rfnd goar
gles and reveuling tho enraged features
of Mr. Thomas Diggs. "I wish him joy
of his bargain, and I'll give him just six
months to get a divorce from the most
two-faced littlo cat on the Pacific Coast!"
And he bunged the door like a pile
driver behind him as he stalked out.
Aud as Susan confided to Scudberry 'a
left lapel that evening she hail never felt
so utterly what-yoq-niay-call-it in the
whole course of her thing-um-bob.
As English Cbitic os Uexki James.
Perhaps the best of the novels this quar
ter is not only a reprint, bnt not even
written by an Englishman. What is the
particular excellence of Mr. James' nov
els? He makes everythmg quite plain for
the reader. He fills np all details. He
spares no pains to bring out his charac
ters into full relief. There is nothing
slovenly about his writing. Many of
our ablest novelists, especially women,
seem to write with a sort of sympathetic
ink, which require holding to some fire
before the words become plain. Not o
Mr. James. This is Mr. James' secret
ha gets npon good terms with his reader.
But to do this, as Thackeray did it, and
Mr. James still does it, requires not only
a great deal of humor but also a great
of art. Westminster Review.
ComparaUTe Talne of Food,,
' Dr. Eicharison, a prominent
liah lecturer on annitnrv n,i ..
mic questions, recently drew a - J
trust between certni
- viMuUV.rj JJ I.
us follows: In the way of leari
to live on foods nearest to th
and cheapest growth, we must
ourselves to use more freely eJ
fnnilj nml ilia fViilio . l 1
i no ear
The accomplishment of thr
through the use of vegetable t
stances and lruits is common
ttanlt for tvbon U'A nun I ""'
iwvii, .v. ..-v- ..v mou UHllllUl 1(4,
we, as a general rule, first nse u
animal that supplied the food
transmute the vegetable food it
the animal. It is true one flc.
eating animal may live on the
P il.. An.l, . I
Ol UUUbllVl UL-OI1 CUICI, UUl I tie
cess is limited in range, and at tV
bottom .of it there must L jr,
supplying animal that gets its lttst'
nance from the vegetable kingd0P
This is only telling, in other wot("
the truth that there is no primitu,
form of food, albuminous, starch-,
osseous, in the animal wot-M ii, '
, ,u,Cl h
Tho next question is that of qualit J
or oi guuunuoo, uuiuuub ui nuurij.I
mcnt of different kinds. Let us tJ
this lact in relation to amount c
water in different foods. 1q u
primest joints there is as much as;
or 75 per cent, of water. Ther i
some vegetables which contain nic
wutcr than this, viz., potatoes, t:
turnips, cabbages and carrots; I,
there are other vegetables whi;
contain infinitely less water. Os
meal, for example, contains only
or G per cent.: irood wheat dm
t ' -V1.
barley, uieul, Loans and peas, la
. 1 - J I L. I Iu . .. I
rice, 10, anu goim ureau, to io
water. Taking, thon, tho value
foods a9 estimatod by their go!
value, there are. it will bo -obscrrp
a large class of vegetable fool
which, iorsolid value, are incompii
bly superior to animal flcsb. pe;
beiins. rico. oats, burlov and wh, I
1 J - I
aro of this class. In the animal fool
named there aro zo parts ot sol.
mut ter to the 100: in the vecpiul,!
foods specially named there are SI
parts. We compute irora toe sol;
mutter the value of flesh-formin?r
strength-producing foods on tho an
mal and vcgotable produce, we ti
somo other uselul lacis. in a lez c
mutton we find 24 per cent, of sol
material, 10.20 of albuminoids (
flesh-forming substance, tha rest of
is water. Let us compare that ti
wheat as a favorite vegetable
stance, and wo shall find in the
ner cent, of solid matter of win
11.50 of albuminoids or flesh-formi
substanco, and 71 of force-produci:
substance or starch, with a little f;
Whoat is, by this calculation, mt:
moro valuable than leg of muttc
and the vegetarian would, 1 da:
sav. with fair argument, challeu:
many furthor similar comparison
Coming, iu lact, uirecuy 10 mauer
quality or goodness, it may honest
be admitted that, weight by weigl
vegetable substances, when they i
fiiirofnllv selected, uosscss tho mu
striking advantages over animal
A Model Disciplinarian. ConsiA
able hilarity has recently been excited
Anutvn-TTnnirariftn militarv circles I
on iiipiMontniinintlvillustratinethe rip
strictness with which Magyar non-cou
inissuoneu oincers aro woih w ciuy
to tho letter, the instructions contain
in the imperial royal military code.
taw ilnva aim a uri vnf soldier died
tho barrack infirmary at Kascliau, c
his body, in uue course, wus
to the grave with customary militi
honors. It was observed, however, I;
it, nt the ceremc
Uf interment, that the tiring party folfc
ing the coilin marcnea mio me cuiur
with fixed bayonets, contrary to t:
established military usago in sinii
fiiuna A a annn aft the burial rites h
been concluded, he sent for the serges
commanding tue party, anu as& k.
U'if 1 SATT1 A ftQUOV itv "Whether he i
not know that it was contrary to V
regulations for a funeral escort to man
Mm"" Standinc stiffly i
tho salute, the conscientious sergeant rj
plied: "Yes, sir; 1 am quue av
t.lmt. RntThocr resDectftlll.Y to rep
t l.i'a 1. Ml tit WAS UD
arrest. It was, therefore,.the duty of -
oscnrt. in tiT liftvnnets." "Very WOUJ
may go," was the rejoinder; and u
-,.11 !.'.,..,, rafirod With U
proud consciousness that lie t
triumphantly proved his case.-LoBl1
i t - n.r,vi'uv An ii
A rinu'uun iwwiu"-
quisite bronze faun was discovered it
- I.. rt 1 l.nn.i in VlimMU. 1
statuete wa3 tho ornament of a wUDl
aud in execution, dimensions aau'.-i
forms one of the group of the celew;
Narcissus, Dancing-Faun and huea
On entering the first room of the won.
in the Naples Museum the eye is at
attracted by the bold, free and g'
attitude of this figure, the muscular
elegant proportions of which M
usually thick earthy incrustation, ca
callv united with the oxide, in vain tr.
to hide. The Faun leans far bc., l
weight of the body rests on the ngM
the left being extended forward P
serve tho balance. The wine sun
squeezed under and held by the Icfi
ii - i.:u -...on the SPs
me u&nu oi wiiiuu gioj- -,
The right arm and hand are lowered i
slighUv drawn bacK, m iue ' 1".
one holding a cup to receive the sin'
of wine. A tube at the back oi '
figure led the water into the wine -
i : trnm the ! 07
The shape of the head is beautUui.
locks of hair falling over the brow
-j:i-ia . m-rpath IP10
. - . -.L ei rro,J
bly a vine Drancn wiia fc'at' - ,
.. -1 .... i- i;ini-t DT i-
ine ueaa, out is maue uuu" r .
incrustations. The ears are poinsw.
11 n.- i Tl.o fart
mere is uis usuai mu- . ,
figure express the joyous lodtv,
of a youthful votary of Bacchus.-! -
: , ,.J L I ' v,