The FWe0P&r'i Baby.
I Ud beea considering for about
ear whether I should marry infrd
Hanway, when I beard that ihe u en-
irwred to tho Philosopher. Vhy did she
z2t Vim It is true that he is both
imaginative and critical, but layultie
exercised in me iotiomiw jjvuv.
gical hypothesis and the laboroui de
struction of those of one neighbor do
not usually rouse the sympathy of a
bright and beautiful girl, who is more
fit to lire than to think about life. He w
certainly Landnome, bat m certainly hi
rA .t4t M
not keep their shape for a clay, and hi
his haU are never new. n u v-
the rain he opens an umbrella which
might hare serred aa an ineffectnal pro
tection at the time of the Deluge ; if he
finds out that it 1 cold, be assume a
garment which might hare been the
ereryday coat of Methuselah. Hw man
ner are as strange as his appearance.
He may often bo seen walking in the
park at the fashioanble honr with a far
off look in his eyes, and his hat thrust
back as if to lessen the external pressure
on his active brain ; more rarely yoa
may hear him bursting into enthusiasm
in Picadilly, to the last place in which a
man should allow Linmli to be enthusi
astic. In abort, though he Is a true
friend, he is an uncomfortable acquain
tance; and his rolcanic utterances, after
long period of calm contemplations,
cause inch shocks to one's nerves as
would be conreyed to the Sunday citizen
by the eruption of Primrose hill. But
if it wai odd that the beautiful Winifred
Hanway should marry my friend, it vas
yet more odd that he should marry any
one. There were no topics more certain
to excite an explosion in the philosopher
than the excessive population of the
countrr, and the wholesomo solitude of
the Thinker. "How," he would fiercely
ask, "can a man think effectually on fun
damental subjects, who is compelled by
the despicable circumstances of his life
to eihaust his analytical faculty in con
idering how to par his butcher and
when to buy his coals ? I tell you, sir,
it's better to stanro with cold and hunger
than to dubaso one's noblest part to a
game of skill with a grasping grocer."
Again and again I had heard him do
claim in this preposterous fashion; and
after all, ho was going tp tho altar like
any other victim, and would doubtless
take a horse upon his back with tho do
cility of a snuil.
1 could not solve tho problem ; I would
not give it up. Ho, f nil of the determi
nation to drag Diogenes, I tcpied round
the corner to offer my congratulations.
My friond was in his study apparently
writing, really eating a quill peri. He
rose at me with a rush, wrung my hand
till it ached, and Unshed rather uncom
fortably. Congratulations are the curse
of tho Briton. Whether ho is offering
them or receiving them, lie is generally
obliged to take refuge in intermittent
handshaking, and most of his sentences
Uil off into grunts and groans. Jiut on
this occasion it was evident that tho
philosopher had something ready to say,
and was nervously anxious to say it. In
deed 1 had hardly said more than "Mr
dear fellow, I don t know when I
really am so awfully glad, I it's
in every way so, annli a satisfactory, you
know I really do wish all possi
ble, and all that sort of tiling, you
know" when he burst in with
a speech so fluently delivered that
I knew I was not his earliest visitor
that morning. "Of course it's taken
you by surprise," he said, "as I knew it
would; but the truth is thut I have been
thinking of it for a long ti mo, and I am
sure I am right." Hero I tried to get iu
an expression of wonder at his new no
tion of duty, but bo was lient on getting
rid of the matter, and hurried on to
his reason. "In the first idiue." said
he, "I am sure that instead of increasing
my domestic worries, my marriage will
transfer them in a body to my wife; and,
aecom v. wlien I consider mo vast nil 111
ber of fools who aro every day born into
the world, I ate terrified by tho jiicturo
of what the next generation will bo, if
tint lliiiilcrs of this aro to s without
successors." Having discharged his
reason in this wise, the orator stood
blinking at me as if ho feared dissent,
but I as too astodudod by his mag
nificent audacity to reply. Slowly a hmk
of jx.-aeo stole back into his eyes, and tho
promise of a smile pluyed at tho corner
of hi mouth. His remarkable fluency
was gone, and indeed his voice sounded
quite choky whon he said, "Johnny,
you don't know what an angel she is." .
A light broke in upon mu.
" Philosopher," I said, "I believoyon
are going to )o married bocauso you full
in love ?"
"Perhaps you are right," said tho
hiliHuipher.
After the wedding, the philosopher
and hi wife went abroad for an indell
' niUi period, and their friends heard but
little of them. Ho wrote to nobody, and
she did not write to mo. Yet there were
occasional rumors. Now they wore
breathing tho keen air of tho Lugadino,
now sinking to tho vines and chestnuts
of Chiavcnna ; now he was lashing him
self to frenzy over the treasures of Home;
now he was gazing with sweet northern
yea across the glowing splendor of tho
Boy of Naples, Then they were in Ger
many, and about to scttlo for lifo in a
university town; but anon had fled from
it in haste after a long night dispute, in
the course of which my learned friend
Lad well-nigh coino to blow with the
university' most celebrated professor.
At last 1 heard that they were again in
London, and full of enthusiasm, darted
round the corner to welcome them
home. Nolxxly wa with them but Mrs.
llanway, Winifred' mother. I would
enter unannounced and urpriso the
philosopher. 1 entered unannounced
and wa urpriHcd myself. Was this the
effect of matrimony or of foreign travel
Each occuant of the room was engaged
in an exercise wholly unconnected, so it
seemed, with those of the rest. Mr
frienJ wife, the lady whom I had al
most lored, queen of all grace and
beauty, was ipiearing and disappearing
like flash of light behind the day
2Wj, showing at the momenta of dis
closure a face flushed with excitement;
the lustrous coils of Lair tumbled into
the wildest disorder, while aha accom
panied the whole jrformanc with
tranga and inarticulate sounds. Her
mother, the same Mr, llanway, who wa
so perfect a model of ber dress and car
riage that many of ber lady friend were
wont to lament among themselves that
ha gave herself inch airs, waa seated on
the floor dressed for walking bnt without
ber tazLct Tea, aba wa eertainlr
drumming on an inverted tea-tray with
the wrong end of the poker. And the
philosopher? It waa perplexing, afta
three year' separation, to meet him thus.
The philosopher was cantering around
the room on all fours, wearing on Lis
bead hia own waste-paper basket. Brisk
ly he cantered around, ever and anon
frisking Lie a lamb in spring time, until
he reached my feet, which were rooted
to the spot with astonishment. He
glanced up at me sideways, rose
with a cry to the normal attitude of man,
and grained me by the hand. At the
sound of his voice, bis wife dropped the
psper from her hands, raised them
quickly to her hair; and his mother-in-law,
with as much dignity as the effort
would allow, scrambled on to her feet.
Then ia an instant the cause of their
eccentric conduct was made clear.
Throned npon the hearth rug. and show
ing by a gracious smile a few of tje new
est teeth, sat a fine baby of some fifteen
months. In one dimpled fct was
tigtitly clenched the brush, which bad
so neatly arranged the mother's braids;
while the other was engaged in pound
ing the grandmother's best bonnet into a
shapeless ma.
Ve were all somewhat embarrass! ex
cept the babv. The ladies knew that
they wero untidy, and I that I was an
intruder. As for the learned father, he
stood now on one leg and now on the
other, while he shifted the waste-paper
basket from hand to Land, and continued
to smile almost as perseveringly as his
amiable offspring. Yet it was he who
at last put an end to onr awkward posi
tion by expressing a wild desire to have
my opinion of the new curUin in his
studr. Bather sheepishly I said good
bye to the lady of the house, trying to
express by my eyes that I would never
call a$ain unannounced. I knew that
Mrs. Hanway had not forgiven me, as I
humbly took the two fingers which she
offered; and felt like a brute, as the
most important member of the family
condescended to leave a damp spot by
edge of my left whisker.
When, however, I had been swept
down stairs by my impulsive friend, and j
was alone with him in his den, my cour
age returned, and, with it some indigna
tion. I confronted him, and sternly
asked why I had not been told that ho
was a father.
"Not been told?" echoed he; "do you
mean to sav that you did not know about
the baby?''
"Not so much as that it was," I re
plied gloomily.
Ho was overwhelmed; of course ho had
supposed that every ono knew it, from
the Queen downward. Of course fifty
people ought to hare told me, who, of
course, ha1 told mo everything else. At
last my curiosity got tho better of my
indignation, and I cut short his apologies
by beginning my questions
"Does the shnje of its head content
you ?" I asked.
"The shape of whose what?" cried the
philosopher, apparently too surprised
forgrammar.
"Of the baby s head, of course, 1 re
plied tartly; "I merely wished to know
if tho child is likely to bo as intellectual
as you hoiied."
"Isn't too hair lovely?" ho asked in
consequently. This was too much, and assuming my
severest manner I delivered myself in
this wise "I thought, though no doubt
I as roiiK. that tho nso of a baby to
you would xs partly to furnish you with
raw material for a philosopher, partly to
enable you by constant observation to
gain further evidence bearing on such
vexed questions as, whether tho infant
gains its ideas of space by feeling about,
whether it is conscious of itself, etc.
"Well." he said, laughing, "I don't
expect much help from my infant in
those matters, unless I can get inHidu her
and think her thoughts."
"Her thought? cried J, in amaze
ment: "von don't mean to any it's a girl ?
Good gracious! you aro not going to
educate a female philosopher?"
Ho lookod rather vexed. "Of course
it's a girl," ho said.
"Tho father of a female philosopher!"
I gasped.
"Dear mo I" said ho, somewhat testily;
"Isn't it enough to bo a father of a noble
woman ?"'
Now I huvo often put up with a great
deal from mv learned friend, and am
nintn uwaro that I have been spoken of
as "Huzzy" behind my buck. But thero
is a turning point even for tho worm,
and nobody will sit forever at tho feet
whicli aro constantly kicking lam. 1
had Won snubbed more than enough by
this illogical parent, and assuming mv
most sarcast iu manner, I inquired, with
an nppearanco of deforeneo "Is it not
rather early to speak of jour daughter as
a noble woman ?"
"Not at all," said tho philosopher.
I had kept aloof from the philosopher
tor somo weeks, nursing my wrath, like
Achilles I said to myself cross as a
lieur, I overheard my landlady saying
the pasHige vhoU I received a hasty
nolo begging mo to como to him at ouoo.
I fancied myself summoned to a council
of chiefs; so, having donned my shilling
armor, I loft my tent with fitting dig
nity, and descended with a clang into
tho plain. Y'et I could not but be aware
of my landlady's eye piercing mo
through the crock of the parlor door pur-
tiiiiu'lv li'ft aiur and of tlin hustv fliiiminir
of loose slippers which told of tlio star
tled slavey flight into the abyss below.
An unusual silence held mv friend's
house that morning. Tho door waa
ojened, before 1 had timo to ring, bv a
melancholy footman, who, walking Ih
fore me with tho elaborate delicacy of an
A gag, noiselessly ushered mo into the
study. It was my lot to be again rooted
to the spot with amazement. Br the
book-case, iu a shaded corner vl tho
room, with his head bowed low upon his
hand, kntdt the philosopher. Here was
a long step from the icn of Troy, from
the simple wrath of a childlike hero to
the most complex embarrassment of an
heir of all the age. What should I do?
The dismal menial had fled to the shades,
without a word, without even a glance
into the room. If I retreated, I left my
friend uuaided, and remained ignorant
of the causeof his strange conduct. If I
advanced, I was again the intruder on a
acene not prepared for my inspection. In
an agony of hesitation I fell to brushing
my hat with my elbow; but not finding
the expected relief in the occupation, I
was about to desist, when my bat de
cided wbat my bead could not, by fall
ing witn a crack on tne noor. i be effect
wa electrical. Without one glance at
the intruder, the philosopher made a
grab at the nearest book -shelf, dragged
l a n.tnm which bad not kws touch
ed for ball a century, and bunted for
nothing in its page wim irintie eager
ness. He wa still at it, when I stood
over him and noted without wonder that
be held the book upside down ; then with
the poorest imitation which I bare ever
teen, be rose and grasped my band.
"You found me on the track of some
thing," be said; "I waa locking it out
in-ia-"
Here it occurred to him that he did
not know the name of the venerable
tome which be bad so rudely disturbed;
and with a heightened color and a sud
den change of manner be turned quickly
to me and said: "Mr child is ill." I
felt positively guilty. I bad been angry
with that baby for making nfr wise
friend foolish, for not being a boy, for
being called "a noble woman." Was it
not sliameful that a great hulking brute
should sneer at a weak thing that could
not even answer with a taunt? Were not
mv TnmcY urimi enough to crash SO
delicate a plant? The little "noble wo
man was in danger, ana 1 could ao
nothing to help her. There were tear
in the eyes which were looking into mine
for comfort; but I bad nothing ready to
say.
"I could not s una being atone, ne
muttered, after a short silence; "the doc
tor is with ber now, and in a moment I
mar bear that my little daughter must
in fact I may hear the worst."
While be was speaking, I seemed to
have fifty consoling remarks to offer;
but when L stopped, no one sentence
rnn1,1 .1 i f n m CM ltiW'lf fl"Om the rjt.
What I blurted ont at last seems almost
ridiculous as I look back on it.
"You must hope for the best, I
said; "you know she has youth on her
side."
The words were scarcely out of my
mouth when I beard a measured step
nnsm tlia stair- nrpsentlv the door was
opened by the noiseless footman, and
the most lamous 01 ionaon uoeions
entered the room. Mr friend leaned
heavily on my arm, but looked at the
man of science witn seeming cairn.
"T am K.annv tn sav " said the Tihvsi-
ian cheerily, "that our little friend is
going on as well as possible."
"And she is out of danger?" '
"She never was in it."
"Never in danger?" cried I, almost dis
apKiinted. ".She ha nothing the matter with her,"
he replied, "but a slight feverish cold. I
have seldom seen a finer and more
healthy child. Good morning."
I never was more annoyed. Here was
a waste of my finest feelings. Hero was
I stirred to my depth, well-nigh moved
to tear by a baby's feverish cold. Of
course I was very glad it was no worse;
bnt my friend was too absurd, and I
would not spare him.
"Won't you resume your studies?" I
asked sarcastically, pointing to the dis
turbed book, which was lying on the
ground at our feet. His humility might
havo disarmed me. "I am afraid I've
been a fool," he said; "but if you had
seen her all flushed and breathing
hard; ami then sho is so small and
fragile."
"Yos, for a noblo woman," I remarked;
he received tho dart meekly. "Philoso
pher," said I, suddenly, determined to
rouso hiin at any cost, "when I entered
this room, you wero ongaged in prayer."
His color certainly deepened. "May I
ask," I inquired with an appearance of
deference, "whether you wero address
ing yourself to tho "Personal first
Cause, or to tho Unknowable but per
haps you wero merely bowing to tho
rational order of tho Universe?"
Ha made a gestnre of impatience, but
answered still with studied moderation,
"I was alone and in trouble."
"And tho efficacy of prayer?" I
asked.
"For heaven's sake;" cried he, burst
ing iuto excitement, "Stop your jargon!
Nothing shows shows such ignorance of
a subject as having all its cant phrases on
the tip of your tonguo. Can't I
speak to God without expecting to bo
paid for it?"
This was turning the tables. If he was
going to tako to questions, I knew I
should end by adniittting myself a fool.
Ho to avoid a riocratic dialogue I put my
hand on my friend's shoulder and said:
"You aro a good man, philosopher; may
you and the 'noblo woman' live a thou
sand years."
"Tifunk you," ho said simply; "and
now yoti must let mo go and sing a
im aii with the nobler woman, my patient
Penelope, my sweet wife.''
So ho went with long stride over the
asuliodel meadow, and I betook myself
to hit tent, full of pleasant thoughts.
JSIucku'whI Mi ujnzine.
A Blind Crowd.
Tho subject of col r blindness eamo up
at a ferry dock saloon the other day, and
an old ex-captaiu olicred to test tho eyes
of several sailors present. He got off
his stool, laid down his pipe, aud be
gan: "Now, boys, what's tho color of my
nose?"
' "White!" they replied iu chorus. It
was as red as a beet, but they were after
a drink."
"Correct!" said tho captain. "This
convinces ino that your eyes aro all
right as to tho color of white. What is
tho color of my hair?"
"Gray."
"Correct again, except the sandy
Kixita You'll all iuu on on white aud
gray. What is tho color of that dog out
there?"
"Black."
"So it is. Aud tho color of thi chair
is what?"
"Bed."
"And of this?"
"Blue."
"And what what is my general appear
ance? That is, if yon saw me forty rods
off how would you dcserile me?"
"A a iK'rfect gentleman," wa the
ready reply.
Tiler thought they had bim then. He
sUrtcl lor the bar, but baited and
finally sat down and had no more to aay
for a long ten minute. After they had
despaired of getting any beer at hi ex
pense, and were about to go ont he sud
denly said:
"Ah! boys, one more question. If I
should treat this crowd, wbat would be
the color of the liquid?"
"It would be the color of baer," they
hopefully shouted.
"Blind aa bat worse I never aawl"!
mumbled, as be took bis band from hi
pocket." It would bo exactly the color of
tce-wateri"
Saqal, the Eope Walker.
The most famoua rope-dancer of re
cent time waa undoubtedly Mm. Saqui,
and ber long career would seem to show
that if the practice of rope-dancing
bring some of it proteasion to a sudden
end, it must in itself be far from un
healthy. We may fairly infer that in
ber case it wa conducive to longevity;
for she bad already made her reputation
at the end of the eighteenth century,
and was still dancing less than twenty
year ago, when she had attained the
age of "6. According to torn authori
ties Mme. Saqui was born of French
parent. Her father. Jean Baptiste Lai-1
anne, was himself a distinguished acro
bat, and be introduced his daughter to
the public at a very early age in a melo
drama on the lubject of "Generiere de
Brabant," the part of Genevieve' child
being confided to the debutante. It was
as a dancer on the ordinary boards that
the youthful Saqui made her first appear
ance in public; but she soon a-spired to
higher things, and after the troupe of
the "grandes danscuses du roi" had
been broken up at the time of tie revolu
tion, she took a regular course of lessons
in rope-dancing from a friend of the fam
i3r, who divined the bent of her genius.
The counsellor and instructor who dis
covered and fostered her Ulect for bal
ancing herself on the tight-rope was, or
had, been, a medical student, who. to
escape the tediousness of lectures, had
turned acrobat; and it was through his
earnest representations that the parents
of the future rope-dancing celebrity
were prevailed upon to allow their daugh
ter to quit the regular stage for a less
dignified arena.
The child practiced with ardor, and
was scon able to maintain herself firm
and erect upon the rope without the as
sistance of the balancing-pole. Her
debut was attended with tie most bril
liant success, and for upward of half a
century this prima donna of the dancing
art traveled from capital to capital, ap
plauded and feted wherever she per
formed. There was no town in France,
no country in Europe, which she did not
visit After a time she established a
theater of her own in Paris. The Em
peror Napoleon, who appreciated her
talent, and was jiersonally much pleased
with her, named her "first acrobat of
France" a title which so pleased her
that she bad it inscribed on the wagon
containing her costumes and apparatus
by which her traveling coach was fol
lowed. Napoleon used to engage her for
all public fetes, and frequently invited
her to perform at his own private enter
tainments. She was the spoiled child,
moreover, of all the princes and dukes,
all the marshals and generals of the em
pire; and sho was as great a favorite
with tho people as with the members of
the imperial court. No Italian singer,
even in our own day, enjoyed such
popularity as fell to 'tho lot of Mme.
Saqni.
For some time hor star seems to have
faded, or perhaps she retired on the im
mense sums of money which her per
formances had .brought her in. How
ever that may have been, circumstances
forced her in 1851 to reappear when sho
mado her tour in Spain, in Algeria, and
in tho principal towns of F'ranco. In
1852 sho went to Paris and gave a series
of performances at tho Hippodrome. The
next year sho made a sensational ascent
of tho tight-rnpo in the Champ de Maw,
and the Hippodrome was the scene of a
final performance for her benefit iu 1801,
when, at tho ago of 7G, she went through
a series of fuuumbulistic exercises and
fantasias, which few, if any, of her
rivals could have equalled. Some four
years afterward, when sho hud already
completed her eightieth year, this light
and most aorial balkrine died. J'ull
Mall Uazftte.
A Stoky of Dumas. Bouffo, tho well
known French comedian and friend of
Charles Mathews, has just published his
Memoirs, which show nnalmted rerre and
vigor, although tho author was born in
18(H). The book is charming and would
bear translation. Among numberless
other anecdotes ho tells ouo of going to
koo tho great Dumas Alexander tho
elder, of course and of the author of
"Monte Cristo" suddenly interrupting
him after an hour's conversation with,
"My dear Boutl'e, you must not take it
in any way as a reproach if I tell you that
this interview has already co.it mo a hun
dred francs!" Boutl'e turned palo, and
rose. "1 will explain how," continued
Dumas, laughing. "I am writing a novel
in two volumes, tlio first of which I dis
patched in four and-twenty hours, and is
now iu the pross. The second I began
yesterday, and it will go to join tho first
to-morrow morning. I am paid 40(H)
francs for this book, and, as I wrote half
of it iu less than four and twenty hours,
I loso about a hundred francs every sixty
minutes I pass without pen in hand."
What astonishes me most on reading this
is not only tho marvollons facility of the
great author, but tho absurdity small
sums paid iu thoso days to one of the
most extraordinary novelists France has
over produced. Four thousand francs is
uot $1000. Were Dumas pere alive now
he might possibly keep to the same fig
ure, but instead of francs ho would com
mand napoleon. Whitehall Review.
A Valuaplr Device. The Milwaukee
Sun says Sm. Mcdill has invented a de
vice to prevent market men from palm
ing off old eggs for fresh ones. The
invention is thus described: Ho pro
poses to arrange a rubber stamp in the
nest of every hen, with a movable date.
This stamp is arranged with a pad w hich
is saturated with indelible ink. When
the hen lays an egg, as is well known,
she kicks slightly with her hind leg. An
electric disk is arranged so that her foot
touches it, when the stamp turns over on
to the ink-pad, and then revolves, stamp
ing the date on the egg. The hen then
goes off about her business, tho farmer's
hired girl remoTOS the egg, replaces the
stamp, which is ready for another. On
each evening, after the hens have retired
to their downy roost with the roosters,
the date of the stamp is arranged to the
following day, and the good work goes
on. In this was there can be no cheat
ing. You go to the grocery and ask for
fresh eggs, and the grocery mau says be
has some eggs of the rintage of January
20, 1880, for instance. You look at
them, and there are the figure, which
cannot lie. With thi method it ia an
object for the man to get rid of bis eggs,
knowing that to morrow mar be too late.
Duclo: The more woman hare dared.
the more ready they are to sacrifice them-
aire still lurtner.
How Bhwarck Vli BUg I
It will be remembered that about
the end of March, 1877, a report was
current that Prince Bismarck had re
signed and that bis resignation bad
been accepted by the Emperor Wil
liam. In IL Hansen's "Coulisses de
la Diplomatic" the following account
is given of the event: The Emperor
William 6pent the evening of Tbara
the 27th of March, in the house
of Prince Anton Eadiwill, who is
distantly related to the royal lamny,
-n.t tho met the Count N.. who is
also an intimate friend of the Eadzi-
:;!! fnmilr. "We . Count, said tho
Emperor, "are you going to dino off
the Easter lamb with Prince Ferdi
nand on Easter Sunday?" "Cer
tainly, your JIajesty," replied tho
Count, "unless Herr Falk confiscates
the lamb." "In that case," replied
the Emperor, "you need not be un
der any apprehension for your din
ner." I am, however, not quite cer
tain," replied the Count; "lor how
can your subjects feel 6afe when
even Her Majesty, the Empress, has
to hide her charitable acts to avoid
being annoyed?" "How so, Count?"
asked the Emperor. "Why, sire,"
replied the Count, "the E-npress
gave officially I'OO marks (about 10)
to tho Ursuiine Nuns who had been
expelled from Berlin; but secretly
Her Majesty sent 1000 marks." En
couraged by the Emperor, Count .N.
cited a great number of other petty
vexatious acts of Herr Falk, acting
according to the orders of Prince
Bismarck. Tho Emperor, evidently
much annoyed, left early, and next
day he sent for Prince Bismark, who
pleaded ill health. A second mes
senger ordered the Prince imme
diately to appear at tho Castle un
less he was so ill as to havo to keep
his ted, in which case tho Emperor
would call upon him. Prince Bis
marck bad to obey, and was closeted
for more than an hour with the Em
peror. On retcrning home, ho at
once sent in his resignation. Pall
Mall Gazette.
lie would Write to their Tarents.
Colonel X., of John Morgan's Cav
airy, was not a martinet, but,
bearded like the pard, he had a mili
tary air. Discipline was his hobby.
The soldiers of his regiment wero
young men from eighteen to twenty
five years old all of them blue
blooded. To restrain these hot
spurs required tact, skill and firm
ness. It was no easy task to curb
this jeunesse done. But tho Colonel
did it, and this was the way he did it:
An inspection having been or
dered, tho Brigadier and his staff
visited tho Colonel s camp lor the
purpose of conducting it. While the
regiment was in line, undergoing in
SDcction. two privates, who had been
ranging the night before in search of
buttermilk, and had endeavored to
sneak into camp unobserved, were
detected by tho' outpost sentinels
and brought under arrest to Colonel
X. at the head of his regiment. The
Colonel, cocking his hat on three
grains, sternly ordered them to his
tent to a.vait his coming after in
spection, remarking to General D.
that he would make an example of
these rovers. Arriving at the tent
with tho General and 6taff, after
ranks wero broken the Colonel ar
raigned the culprits before him.
"Young gentlemen," said he, se
verely, "you aro aware that you
huve been guilty of a serious offense
asainst the discipline of my camp?-'
"Yes, Colonel," was tlio meek reply.
"Well, sirs," thundered tlio Ehadu
manthus, "I desire you distinctly to
understand that if this otl'euse is re
peated I will write to your parents
about it. Go to your compar.y."
Turning to tho surptioed officers
lookinc on, ho said: lousco how 6e-
vero I must he with theso young fel
lows. Discipline must bo preserved.
A Doctrine of Hell Disavowkd.
The Rev. Myron Adams, pastor of the
Plymouth Congregational Church nt
Rochester, surprised many of his con
gregation last Sunday evening by the
utterance of strango doctrine in his pul
pit. Refore ho began ho said ho had
something to say which might affect his
(.funding in the church, and with these
words for his text: "Let love be with
out dissimulation," he boldly de
nouncod the popular notion of hell as
a doctrine of tho devil, anil accepted
Canon Farrar's position. He further
said ho believed tho church was de
clining. Skepticism, he said, was crush
ing the church, and tho church was in
fault for preaching a false doctrine about
tho future condition of tho race. A sen
sation descrilwd as profound was the re
sult of this declaration. It is said that
the chief members of Mr. Adams' con
gregation aro with him in opinion, and
that while others are opposed to him, and
declare ho hano creed, and is liable to
advocate almost any hetrodox belief,
there will be no attempt to bring about
his resignation.
The Rea.l and Unreal. Thoso who
get their ideas of French domestic life
from scrofulous F'reuch novels will be a
little startled to learn that the widow of
'Cham," otherwise the Vicomto de Noe,
the great caricaturist, has killed herself
in a fit of despondency orer the loss of
her husband. Probably eren in France,
the last place where one would look for
conjugal tenderness and devotion even
to death, would be in the household of
I that remorselet and unsparing satirist.
who baa lor year oeen uie nemesis oi
French vanity, folly and weakness. But
there ia no civil-zed country in the
world in which domestic affection is ao
strong a in France, none in which the
tie of marriage and kindred are so
potent an influence; and the true life of
France ia something aa different from
the boulerard novel as the true life of
America ia different from the dime novel.
Bedpe.
Cbeam Dressixo. When Oil is dislike
in salads, the following dressing 1 k
excellent. Rub the yolk of two Tbarf,e
boiled eggs very fine with a spoon; incoi
porate with them a desert-spooDfi
mixed mustard; then stir in a table-snn
ful of melted butter, half a teacupful of
thick cream, a salt-spoonful nf gat
Cayenne pepper, enough to take on on
the point of a very small penknife-blade
and a few drops of anchovy or WoropS
shire sauce; add, very careuliy, ufficient
vinegar to reduce the mixture to a smooth
creamy consistency.
Cocoa.m-t Cake Ono cup tu-ar, one
half cup butter, white of four
fl. v t' '"o
i-iiib iiuun M" i wviic, uuu ieapoonful
milk, yolks the same, making two I:iv
of the whites ane two of the yolks. pre
pare uie iw;oaiiuv as ior oilier cocoanut
cakes.
Vegetable Soit. One and a hoir
pounds of beef to seven pints of water
one-half cupful of rice or barley, seasoned
wuii sau nuu (i-jjci, pm m a pot and
boil steadily for two hours; then add pars
ley, one onion, two potatoes, one carrot
and tomato if yon have it; if the water
boils down you can add more hot water
Graham Bread. Three cups Graham
flour, two cups of wheat flour, two cups
warm water, into which dissolve a huir
cake of compressed yeast, one teaspoonful.
of soda and a half cup of molasses. Beat
well and allow it to rise all night. Next
morning stir down and pour into pans
and let it rise again (a spoonful of salt)
Corn Meal Plffets. Four cups corn
meal, one cud wheat flour, one e?i. hutto,.
size of a walnut, one-hSll' teaspoon salt
three teaspoonluls Daking-powder; mu
with milk to make a thin batter, hake in
gem-pans or bread-pans in a quick oven.
A tabiespoonmi oi sugar or molasses may
bo added.
Molasses LixCu Cake One cup of
molares, half cup of butter sweet drip
pines, one cupof boiling water, into which
put one teaspoonful of soda and Hour
enough to make a batter not too stiff; tea
spoon of ginger aud ono of cloves. M.
Idlb Wild. Two cuos of Hour, one cup
of Indian meal, one teaspoonful of cream
of tartar, half of soda, one cup of 6ugar,
piece of butter the size of an eeg.one
cofl'ee cup of milk or water, ono or two
eggs; make stiff as cake.
Siet Plddisg. One cup ofsneti hnlfa
cup of melted butter, one cup of susjar, half
cup of molasses, one cup of milk, three
cups of flour, a small bowl of raisins, and
citron cut fine, one teaspoon of soda; steam
three hours.
A Dangerous Lunatic.
She stood in tho effulgent light of a
short dip waiting for him at the front
door at 1 a. m. He came. He was
husky. She didn't mind that. He was
drunk she was used to it.
"Jim," she said softly, knocking him
down so as to drag him up to bed easier,
"Jem, did you vote?"
"Yesh, dear."
"You'vo been a long timo."
"Yesh, love, roll didn't close till jes
now."
"Where's the monev?"
"What?"
"The money."
"My dear, I don't understand."
"Didn't they pay you for your vote?"
"Xo."
She looked at him playfully, with a
boa constrictor tickle in her eye.
"It's time women had the franchise,"
she muttered; "the men ain't up to it."
Then bIio rolled him under the bed out
of the way, and in the morning she got
him into an asylum under the new Punch
and Judycature Act.
"He gave his vote for nothing," she
said to the magistrate.
"Dangerous lunatic," wrote his wor
ship; and at the next election there was
a voter short. London Referee.
Is Mars Inhabited ? There is no
other planet of the solar system, says
Science for All, which offers so close an
analogy to the earth as Mars. The tele
scope reveals to us tho figures of broad
tracts of land and expanses of sea upon
his surface. The duration of his day
and night almost coincides with our
own. His exterior experiences the al
ternating seasons. His nights are illu
minated by two satellites, which present
all the phenomena of our own moon,
and more frequently, owing to their
greater velocity. An atmosphere prob
ably surrounds this planet; in fact, tho
existence of air is indispensablo to his
other features. Hence, tho inference
that Mars is an inhabitable globe ap
pears a very obvious and fair conclusion,
8Dd it would be inconsistent to imagine
that this planet, provided apparently
with all tho requisite natural facilities
to render life a necessary and desirable
feature of his surfuce, is a sphere of
desolation, a mass of interest matter,
which, though conforming to the useful
end, is the abodo and sustenance of
animate creatures. It is far more in
accordance with analogy and rational
speculation to conclude that Mars is the
center of life and activity, and that his
surface is teeming with lively beings.
The Passion rur. The Passion
riav at Oberammergau was first made
known to the outside world by the ever
popular novel of the Baroness Taut
phoeus, the Initials. This, with the tele
graph to give the news, and the railroad
to give facilities for reaching the play,
has caused a constantly increasing at
tendance at each decennial repetition of
the quaint medwival drama. In
fashion had joined hand with piety m
admiring the Passion Play; in 18.0 it
fame was up, and visitors came from ff
and near; in 18S0 it ia the sensation ti
Enrol and of America. The first per
formance took place last Sunday, and it
ia to be repeated every Sunday until Sep
tember, with certain Thursday perform
ance. It is plaved in the open air, ti.t
representation lasting from 8 in tne morn
ing until 5 in the evening, and the caste
include some 500 characters. Last Sun
day it was estimated that the ndje?if.e.
numbered some 8000, not lew than pw
of them leing Americans. A psssmg
rain-storm was not allowed to interrupt
the play, and the representation i id
to have been in every way perfect.
Card are never "ent in" when the
person called on are at home. The 8
tleman should give hi nme distincuy
to the servant, who will announce him.
If only the lady i at home, be ahould on
hi departure leave hi card in the t-i
for the master of the bouse.