The Eugene City guard., May 22, 1880, Image 7

THE CASTLE CLOCK,
... , there lived on the
. Yi, Rhine a small boy named
nfl was the son of the warder of
til 0f Klatterdaschea stone cas
tfie wooded hill, not many mdos
Pta Jn. Uelow, in the vallfey next
J! river, was the village 01 cmossuurK,
ZT V.n. his mothor uvea iu mu vumgc
to stav up in the cas
tt lock the doors and windows, pull
'"'H.e drawbridge, and wind up the
'Pii. Mock every Monday morning.
fftS'E so lontr ago that watches
l inot been invented, and the big clock
le southwest tower of the castle was
? nMit to be a truly wonderful piece of
Winery. It bad a big dial that could
Jfjen from all parts of the village, and
w fL,m the other side of the river. It
m Lad a big boll and sounded the
TZ. On still nights it could be heard
rriles up and down' the Rhino. It
even said that once the Lorely heard
It her home on the crags, and was bo
turned that she forgot to sing to the
rLman. This fact, however, is not
phoned in any of tho story-books
Lit Miss Loroly, which was certainly
Jpcat oversight on the part of her his-
The peopk of Schlossburg bad neither
docks nor watches. Clocks cost much
.Lev and nobody had ever seen a
!L clock in the castlo tower, they had
toemled on the sun and moon and stars
lor the time of day and night. Thoy got
in when the cocks crew; and they went
J : hed when it was dark, as they felt
ujre it must uicu u uwu. iucj im.u
kin when the spring frogs piped in the
-spberries were ripe, and they piled up
n. winter wood when the birds flow
(My. Once, when there was an eclipse
oftue snn, the entire population went to
bed st hall-pass two in uio unernuun
only to wake up at three in broad day
light. Once ft foolish young cockerel
hn had been dreaming, crowed at mid
light. All the peoplo got up and started
their fires for breakiast, ana were sur
to find how long the sun was in
king that morning. 80 they went to
bed again and slept till noon; for the
cockerels, being disturbed so early were
too sleepy to crow.
For bovs with well-regulated minds
inch a state of affairs would bavo been
perfectly dreadful. For Hans and his
playmates of Schlossburg it didn't make
aay difference. Tho sun sot and rose
pretty regular; the moon waxed and
waned just about so; the stars seemed to
through their motions with a regu
larity that was quite comforting, the
winter and spring and summer and
intnmn came around in the same order
verv year; and all the Schlossburgers,
both young and old, felt sure the entire
universe was carried on pretty much the
me all tho time,
When Baron Klatterdasche put up the
dock, and in a free lecture at the town
hall explained what it was for, the
Schlossburgers folt deeply grateful.
Now, said they, we can breakfast, and
hare dinner, and put tho children to bed
without paying any attention to the sun
or moon. In fact the clock would make
them quite independent of the solar sys
tem. Hans' father, being the most
learned man in the place (he could write
ms name and knew vulgar fractions),
was appointed to the honorable position
of town clock-winder. Soon alter this
Baron Klatterdasche went off to the wars;
and so it happened that Hans father was
left in charge of the castle and the new
lock.
The Schlossburgers were very proud
of their clock ; and for the first few nights
sat up all night to hear it strike the hours,
as they were not quite sure it wonld go
in the dark. After this they paid no at
tention to the cockerels, but got up when
the clock struck five, had breakfast at
six, and went to work at seven ; at twelve
they had dinner; nt six they came home
w supper; at eight tho small children
went to bed; at nine the bigger boys and
girls went off, and every candle in the
place went out at the same instant on the
am stroke of ten.
Han g mother used to iut tho dinner
ra to cook by looking at the sun, and let
u uou oy an hour glass, Wow she went
to the door and looked up at the castle.
nd governed her cooking by the big
clock. Hans' father stayed at the big
astle, and every day Hans carried his
manor to him. So it happened that
Hns made the acquaintance of the cas
us ciocK. ue stood by while his father
oiled the wheels, and helped him to turn
the crank when lie wound it up on Mon
day mornings. His father explained ev-
w ioini, ami showed him how the pen
dulum worked, and how it made the
clock go slower when it was lengthened
wd faster when it was shortened. All
these things Hans remembered; for, no
doubt, in timo he would succeed his
Mier in the honorable position of town
dock-winder.
ThechilJren of Schlossburg soon fonnd
j- clock was a terrible nuisance. When
iwy depended on the sun to tell them
Jhen to come home from playing in the
Mus, they hod a good time. The
fornings were long and the afternoons
nuite splendid. Some days didn't seem
wiiaveany end at all, and they really
aiy stopped playing because it was
fk. The castle clock changed all this.
" struck every hour and cut the time
nw little bits. Dinner-time came be
fore they were half ready for it, and it
M Six o'clock and tim tn on homo
"7 cre sure it was not bed-time so
n Mter supper, and always insisted it
seven when it was six. The niorn
g were dreadful. They were sure it
roek five in the middle of the night,
"ery bov an(1 pirj fairl -Uatcd the sound
01 the castle clok.
"16 daV tlli.T lio.l an in.li'miQtmn
&eting la the woods on the bill, and
oeoded that the clock was a verv bad
j8 for Schlossburg. Hans was there.
J Mid he knew about the clock, and
fter'alT8 DOt 8DCh wonderful thiDg
"Jon turn the crank, and the wheels
-mm ' nd tbepen-du-lum "
"ied Tina Deckles.
jLf n-to bun ! What a terrible word f
itie pen-du-lnm," continued Hans,
rly. "recrulates it and makes it go
j"j or slow. If it u ghort, the clock goes
tU lf il " ioDB, the clock goes
' ffy, Huns," said one of the big
JjV couhln't jou hook np the tower,
just piece out tle pen-lu-lnm?"
"You don't have to do that; you screw
uown uie dod.
"The bob! mats that?"
"I know, but I'm not going to tell
My father is an official, and I'm not ko
lug w ict uui outie secrets.
"Well, you could fix it to go slow
couldn't you?"
"Yes;" said Hans, doubtfully. "The
clock wculd go slow."
"Oh! how nico that would be," said
Tina. "We wouldn't have to get up so
early."
"Nor come homo from play so soon."
said ureicuen ryuer.
"Nor go to bed right after suppor,"
saiu ucssa nausunrg.
"Do it, Hans! Do it !" cried all the boyi
and girls.
Huns thought it a pretty bold idan
but the advantages to be uained bv all
tho boys and girls of Schlossburg were
so great that he would try it. Sonio day,
while his fathor was at dinner, he would
steal up in the castle tower and lower the
bob. Just a littlo, not enongh to be
noticed.
So the meeting broke up in great clee,
Hans promised to regulate the clock and
they all crossed thumbs, and said they
wouiu never, never teu anybody.
This was Saturday afternoon; and on
the following Monday, ns luck would
hive it, Hans went up to the castle with
his father's dinner, and found him sitting
in the sun at the castle gate.
"Hans lad, thee must wind the clock
to-day. Jly rheumatism is bad, and
can't cjrimb those steep stairs to the
tower. Thoro is nothing to be done but
to put on tho crank and turn it around
fourteen times, as thee has seen me
do it.
Hans climbed up that dark and wind'
ins stairs of the tower. At every step he
heard the tick of the clock growing louder
and louder. He passed a narrow wooden
door, and shuddered. In that room was
the great pendulum swinging in tho dark
He went on up more stairs, and came at
last to the small room in tho belfry
whore the clock works stood How very
loud they ticked! His heart soomod to
tick too! He picked up the crank, put it
on tho works, and turned it slowly round
fourteen times; for it was pretty hard
work for a boy. Then he went to "a nar
row window, and looked out on the beau
tiful lihino, the woods, the vineyards
risinc 111 stone terraces ud the steep hill
sides, and the red roofs of little bchloss
burg, so far below. It was a lovelv sight
but he saw nothing. Ho was thinking of
tho pendulum.
Fifteen minutes later Hans appeared at
the castle porch, looking very red in the
face.
Thee has been a long time about it
my son. ill do it niysen next time
Hans was terribly frightenod; but he
said not a word and hoped that nothing
serious would oome of it.
For a week nothing in particular hap
pened. The Schlossburgers regulated
fivfirvtliinc bv the castle clock: and if on
Saturday night the sun did go down a
trine .earlier, it was not noticed, lue
next week the peoplo wondered why
they slept so late in the morning. They
rose with the clock, and yet tho sun
seemed to be ahead of them. Everybody
begun to be hungry before dinner was
ready, and the sun popped down in the
most alarming manner. JNext week
it
grew worse. The week alter still worse.
The sun rose a whole hour before the
time set for it by the clock. It was noon
at 11 o'clock and dark at 5. Perhaps the
sun was getting out of order. Some of
tho people who wore out late at night
said that even the stars were oeninu time,
and that tho moon had plainly lost her
way in the sky.
Tho next woek it was still worse, lhe
snn rose in the night and set in the mid
die of the afternoon. The maids got up
too late to milk the cows, and the chil
dren sat up long after dark, bocause it
was not yet 0 0 clock; though every por
son knew that the chickens had gone to
bed long ago. Day by day things grew
worf e, and the people were alarmed, and
went in a body to the village priest, to
see if he knew what had happened in
heaven, for tho solar system was evi
dontjy quite upset.
The priest gravely said that undoubt
edly some one Had done something very
wicked amd perhaps the end 01 the worm
was near. When nans nearu mis, ne
nearly bod a fit and his mother put him
to bed. with a oottio 01 water at nis joet.
Poor boy! The bottle was bad, but
thinking about the solar system was
worse. His father wound up tho clock
through all this, and insisted it was all
right. Baron Klatterdasche, no doubt
would be greatly offended if the peoplo
thought any thing was wrong with the
castlo clock. Things went on from bad
to worse. The sun rose at one in the
morning and set at eloven. The full
moon rose in the afternoon, and the stars
ran without the slightest regard to any
thing. The universe "was breaking to
pieces and the entire solar system was
out of order.
In despair. Schlossburgers sent a com
mittee of ono off to Nuremburg for help.
Several wise men lived there astrolo
gers, astronomers and clock-makers. The
committee laid the case before some of
those learned men, who offered to go to
Schlossburg and see if the solar system
could be fixed. The committee and the
learned mon arrived at Schlossburg
about noon, but really at six o clock.
Didn't the castle rock point squarely at
Bix, o'clock while the little hand down
and vet the sun was high overhead.
Clearly the sun was out of order.
The entire population, including Hans
and all the boys and girls assembled on
the green to welcome the committe and
the learned man from Nuremburg. He
looked at the clock and then at the sun ;
and so did all the people. The priest
suggested that perhaps tho angels had
forgotten to oil the wheels of the sun,
and that the Judgment Day was near.
The learned man laughed, but all the
people shuddered. Then the wiso man
took ont the-dial and a compass and a
compass and placed them on a flat rock,
hich the village boys had used as a
table on which to play jack-stones. He
adjusted the dial by the compass, and
looked at the sun, and then at the clock
again, mere was a solemn suence
among all the people, for they felt sure
that something wonderful was about to
happen.
lhe learned man looked at tnecioca. 11
was tea minutes past six. Then he said
with a solemn air:
The clock is six hours slow. It must
by losing several minutes a day. Shorten
the pendulum."
"Then the solar system is safe?" said
the priest.
"Yes, quite so. Let the clock bo set at
twelve.
The people gave three cheers, and
Hans, who knew how it all happened,
was terribly frightened; but, as it was
dinner time instead of supper time, of
eourse, tliore was the whole afternoon to
play. It was a clear gain, too, for he had
had one afternoon that day. This the
children found quite consoling; and, as
they had crossed thumbs, they would
never ten nans was sale. -The
Schlossburgers gave the learned
man a grand dinner at tho town hall, and
congratulated each other on the con
tinuod safety 01 the solar system.
.
Divers Among tho Dead,
WTien to the Bilonce and loneliness of
ocean or river depths are added the
blackness of darkness and the dread
presence of death, the diver must needs
have courago who boldly descends. In
the operations at thoTay bridge, the less
experienced divers were by some sus
peeted of succumbing to tho terrors of
tho situation. If there were anv human
bodies thore they were imprisoned in a
douuie prison 01 carriages and cage-like
girders. It was impossible for any diver
quicsiy to ciutcu at the body, and,
ere he had time to think of his chastlv
work, to prooure by signal the instant
withdrawal of himself and solemn bur
den to the surface. Tho work involved
patient and deliberate handling of tho
dead iu the dark and silent deep, and few
who suspectod the divers from shrinking
from this task felt brave enough them
selves to blame them seriously for it,
The suspicion after all hod urobablv but
small foundation ; at least two divers
strongly declared that no "eerie feeliuu"
would prevent them from doing their
duty, and said that if necessary they
would be glad to bring up the dead even
in their arms. Still, the very way in
which these men talk of this subject
seems to show that below water they can
not face the dead with the callownoss of
men who are brought into contact with
bodies on shore; that, in fact, they havo
to reason with themselves against a natu
ral timidity. "My duty." said one diver
at the Tay, "is to the living. When I go
down to find tho dead I feel that I am
going down to do what I can for the peo
Slo they belong to, and that it is not the
ead I have to bo frightened of. I think
of the friends to whom the bodies are to
be restored, and nothing would give me
greater pleasure than to give them their
only satisfaction. If death and dark
ness do inspire timidity even in these
hardy men, it is sometimes more difficult
for the diver to go down among tho dead
iu the light of day. " The horrible con
ceit of death and night " is matched by
the divers of the Princess Alico, when
they met the cold stare of the group of
cabin passengers who had clung together
in agony as the ship went down ; or as
experienced by certain divers who re
fused to recover wrecked treasure at the
Faro island, because they saw dead sail
ors in the rigging and could not bear the
sight. Loudon iveirs.
A Bite and a Sup.
Ono day last week while tho trial of
Leggott and Leeds was in progress, a
rather singular looking specimen of hu
manity drove up in front of the court
house and then hurriedly made his way
to a front seat in the building where he
could hear and see all that was said and
done. When the court adjourned for
dinner the lean, lank stranger struck a
bee line for the nearest place where ho
could get a bite to eat, as he called it.
The waiter told him that they could
furnish him with a complete dinner for
thirty cents.
"Well, you see," said the strangor,
"I ain't real hungry, and I only want a
little coffee and a bite of broad."
But the waiter having an eye to busi
ness, insisted on selling a whole dinner,
and wont on to prescribe tho whole bill
of fare, which consisted of roast beef,
potatoes, bread and butter, pie, pudding,
coffee and tea.
"Well, I suppose you give a man all
he wants for thirty cents?"
"Oh, yes; we will nil you up for thirty
cents," answered the waiter.
"Well, tho fact is I have half a mind
to eat with you; the old woman gave
me half a loaf of bread and a few dump
lings for a bite, and I ate them in the
court house, but I thought I would like
to have a cup of 'coffee to kinder wash
it down."
The stranger looked thoughtful for a
moment and exclaimod: " By gum, I
guess I'll take it; I ain't real hungry,
but bring on your roast beef, 'taters,
bread, butter, pie, puddin', coffee and
tea. Bring 'em on; I am for a square
meal and my thirty cents worth."
The waiter hurried to respond, and
the way tho stranger's knife and fork
played between his mouth and the plate
sounded like a tenor drum in a St. Pat
rick's day parade, or a bone solo played
by an end man of a common council.
The waiter stood gazing at the the grub
disappearing, and wondered to himself if
the fellow was hollow clear down to his
boots. But when he was coming with
the third plate of roast beef the pro
prietor, ns pale as a Massachusetts mar
ble quarry, called the waiter aside and
asked: "For God's sake, who is that
fellow? He will cat us out of home
and house. Ask him if ho won't have a
drink, aud maybe ho will stop."
"Hero, here, shouted tho landlord,
'take this," placing fifty cents in his
hand. "Go right up to the depot, they
will feed you there till vou bust for half
dollar, tio, my menu, he continued,
and clean them out."
"Well," said tho stranger, "I don't
care if I do. I ain't very hungry, any
how, and 111 go and buy the old mare
some oats, and I'll wait till I get home to
finish up." Elizabeth Journal.
Pittsburz is one of the blackest of cities,
by reason of the smoke from its manu
factories, but a plan is being1 tested that
promises to make it clean. The plan pro
posed is to wash the smoke, and the way
of doing it is thus described: "The wash
ing is done by passing the smoke
through spray caused by paddle-
wheels revolving in a tank of w
ter lioldine soda a.h in solution. The
and wheels are placed in the flue between
the furnace and the chimney, and the
wheels being made to revolve 111 the di
rection of the chimnev. the draft is in
creased." The Mmoke after be:.nit treated
thus w ill not soil a white handkerchief.
Farmer Jones cancht a rooster steal
ing his corn, wrung his neck, and now
chums to have killed his cock robbin.
How He Told His Lotc
Now that James O'Noil has do.
lighted the hoarts of California pull
back dom by dociding to remain
thoro and make lovo over tho backs
of tho Baldwin 6of'as for another sea
son, we aro reminded of a littlo inci
dent which shows how powerful the
force of habit becomes to actors,
born and bred to thoir profession.
A "young lover" or "juvonile,"
we bohve, is tho technical torm bo
Jonging to tho company at Ford's
Theater in Baltimoro some years
airo, cot verv much intVmitAd with
with a young lady, tho daughter of
uu luiiuuuuui uauKer in that city.
Feeling his passion not to bo a
"property love," however, as his pro
fessiooal friends might have ca'lod
it, ho looked eagerly for an oppor
tunity to acquaint tho young lady
with his feelings, which ho was sure
were reciprocated. Whonover tho
chance presented itself, however, his
bashfulncss and awkwardness stood
in his wa3 In vain ho strove to
uiako tho evidently expected dcclar
ation tho ardent lover of tho foot
lights becamo conlusod and tonguo
tied nt onco. He, too, was one of
the new school of society actors,
whoso study was tho ovory day real
istic sort of thing, and who, thoro
fore, invariably made lovo over tho
backs of sofas. Ono day tho twain
were taking a stroll through tho
fields, when tho lovo-sick young man
determined to mako ono nioro su
premo ctlort to relate his talo of do
votion. As ho stammered along in
tho Bumo old painful manner thoy
camo to a fence. Ho helped his
amused sweetheart over, nnd win
about to follow himself, when an
idea suddenly struck him like a
stutl'ed club.
"Sit down sit down with jour
back to tho fonco," ho said, eagerly.
SI10 did so, and, leaning over tho
top rail, ho poured forth his affoo
tions in such itnpassionod, though
orderly and clear! v enunciated words
that young lady was delightod, and
uvuu u lllllll BllUUUUg 1UUU11S iu uie
next field felt as though ho had boon
deadheaded in tho Union Square.
The' aro married now.
Capital and Labor in Dakota.
We spent an evening in tho comforta
ble homo of one of the Superintendents,
and heard him explain tho system of
book-keeping, livery man is engaged
by contract, for a certain time, to do cer
tain work, for certain wages. He re
ceives his money on presenting to tho
cashier a time check certifying the
amount and nature of his labor. The
average price paid to hands $18 a month
and board. In harvest they get $2 25 a
day. A rocord is kept by tho foreman of
tho amount of wheat turned out by each
thresher, by the driver of each wagon of
the amount of wheat loaded by him, and
by the receiver at the elevator of the
amount of wheat brought iu by each
team. All tho farm machinery and the
provisions are bought at first hands for
wholesale prices. Mules and horses are
bought in St. Louis. Wheat is not
stacked or stored, but shipped to market
as rapidly as possible. Everything is
regulated by an exact system, and this is
what makes the farms a success.
Brains and energy in tho man who con
trols them and in thoso whom be chooses
as his subordinate officers this is tho
secret of the enormous profits which have
been made on the Dalrymple farms. The
cost of raising tho first crop is about $11
an acre; each subsequent crop costs H.
The average yield for this year was about
nineteen bushels to the acre, lias could
be sold at Fargo on October 1st for 80
cents a bushel. A brief calculation will
give you $4 20 per aero profit on tho new
land, and $7 20 for all the rest; or, say,
$180,000 gain on one orop. These figures
I believe to be too small, rather than too
largo.
But does this large farming pay for
tho country? It absorbs great tracts of
land, and keeps out smaller farmers. It
employs tramps, who vanish whon the
harvest is over, instead of increasing tho
permanent population. It exhausts the
land. The cultivation is very shallow.
There is no rotation of crops. Every
thing is taken from tho ground; nothing
is returned to it. lven the straw is
burned. The result of this is that the
average crop from any given acre grows
Bniallur every year, and it is simply a
question of time under tho present sys
tem how long it will take to exhaust tho
land. JlarjH'r s Magazine.
A Valuable Secret.
It is related of Franklin that from tho
window of his office in Philadelphia he
noticed a mechanic, among a number of
others at work on a house which was be
ing erected close by, who always ap-
Iieared to le in a merry humor, and who
lad a kind and cheerful smile for every
one ho met. Let the day be ever so cold,
gloomy or sunless, the happy smile
danced like a sunbeam on his cheerful
countenance. Meeting him one day,
Franklin requested to know the secret
of his constant happy flow of spirits.
"It s no secret, doctor ," the man replied.
"I've got one of the best of wives, and
when I go to work she always gives mo a
kind word of encouragement and a bless
ing with her parting kiss; and when I go
home she is sure to meet me with a
smile and a kiss of welcome; and then
tea is sure to be ready; and as we chat
in the evening, I find she has been doing
so many little things daring the day to
pleaso me, that I cannot find it in my
heart to speak an unkind word or give
an unkind look to anybody. And Frank
lin adds: "What an influence, then,
hath woman over the heart of man, to
soften it, and make it the fountain of
cheerful and pure emotions. Sneak
gently, then; a happy smile and a kind
word of greeting after the toils of the
day are over cost nothing, and go far to
ward making home happy and peaco
fnL" Mrs. Templeton of Marllwrongh,
Ontario, was safely delivered of triplets
last week, all boys. They weighed five
pounds each, and are so much alike that
their mother can't tell them apart.
Apache Wives and Motners-U-Law.
When a brave concludes to marry,
either a first or any subsequent wife, the
mauner of his oourtship is the same. He
makes no effort to becomo agreeablo to
his intondod bride indeed, rarely if
ever notices hor, or speuks to hor, except
in answer to questions she may put to
him. Ho pays moro attention, howover,
to her male relations, particularly her
brothers, if she has any. Finally, if he
booomes satistlod that a declaration will
not bo rejocted, then the whole affair is
accomplished iu a few hours, and gen
erally in this fashion: At night he bikes
the presents intondod for the girl's
paronts, who alono are entitled to reeoivo
any, and places them near tho lodgo in
which slio resides. If tho presents are
horsos thoy havo their trappings also,
and aro tied with macate near tho lodgo;
if a cow is to be given, a siuglo straw, or
a cow's horn, which siguitlos tho inten
tion, is tied to the lodge.. If the presents
are accepted, which almost always hap
pens, the girl goes in the morning and
builds a new lodgo or hut for herself and
husband, and puts tho straw in it for
their bod.' If tho man is rich thore is
somo ceremony about tho marriage; if
poor, very littlo or nono.
Before finishing this story I will speak
of a strange oustom among those Indians,
for which they can give no reason. It is
considered a great indoconoy for a man
to look at his mothor-iu-law's face, and
still more so to speak to hor. If by
chanco they happen to como cIobo to
gether, ono runs in ono directum and tho
other in tho" opposite one, until they are
soveral yards apart. Sometimes, if they
happen to be near of an ago, protenco of
intending to approach each other is in
dulged in as a joke. For iustuuco, the
son-in-law is in a hut, and tho mother
approaches near enough to be heard, and
calls to him that she is approaching. Ho
replies: "Do you not know I am horo?"
She answers: "Yes, but I'm coming all
tho sanio." Ho then dares hor to come,
but invariably when ho perceives sho is
getting nearer than good breeding allows
he takes to his heels, to the great diver
sion of tho lookers-on. I novor heard
any reason given for this oustom, but it
is universal, and novor broken over ox
oept iu very extreme cases. S. F. Post.
A Very Hard Matter to Sell His Fish.
Yesterday morning an old colored man
came to town with a coffee sack of fish.
He had caught them with a hook, and
must have choson a warm day for the
work. Judging from the character of
tho fish, it would not bo inconsistent to
say that ho had caught them just after
tho yellow fever broke out lost year. He
pnt a broad board across a conplo of bnr
rels and begun to yell:
"Fresh! fresh! all cotch wid a hook
outen do riber."
A woman came along, picked up one,
droppod it and hurriodly left.
"Oh! go ahead," ho remarked, "Ef yor
doan liko dis quality of froesh, go on off.
Freesh, sir," turning to a minister. The
minister lifted his nose and hurried
away. A boy camo along with a stick.
Ho sniffed the air, struck nt tho pile and
ran away. "Dars do impudontest white
chillorn in dis town I eber soeod. All oh
dar rasin put tergeder wouldn't fill a pint
cup.
A dog camo trotting along, and scent
ing the fish ho stopped, stretched out his
neck and beiran Blowlv to walk un to the
pile. Turning, with a caper, he ran
away. "Eben do dogs of dis town par
takos ob do gincral spirit ob do dobil-
1' roosh, sar, he said, turning to a police,
man.
"Old man," said tho oflloor, holding
his nose, "where did you got those
thigs?"
"Sab?"
"Where did you got thoso thigs?"
"Catch 'em, sab, wid a hook.
"You'd bettor put cb in a coffin; take
eb down to tho saditary dubbing plazo
ad throw eb id the river. Take ob away,
quig."
The old man put his fish in tho sack
and remarked, as ho walked away, "Hits
jos ez u n possible fur a cullud man ter
make a honest libin in dis town ez hit is
fur a oow tor roconizo de influence ob de
Holy Ghost." Little liock gazette.
Bio Texas. The TexanB aro fondly
calling theirs "The Empire State." Its
magnitude entitles it to the appellation.
They nre also in tho habit of comparing
its vast area with the principal nations
of Europe Thus: Texas, 274,350 square
miles; Austrian Empiro, with Bosnia,
208,94.') square miles; German Empire,
212,0'J1 square miles; French Republic,
204,1!U square miles; Swodon and Nor
way, 281,322; Spain and Portugal, 212,
000; showing that Texas is larger than
any country in Europe, except Russia,
and almost as largo as Swodon and Nor
way togethor. Compared with the States
and Territories of tho United States, the
three largest of which are California,
with 158,000 square miles; Dakota, 151,
000 square miles, and Montana 111,000,
while Illinois, which is regarded as a
first-class Stute, spreads hor broad prai
ries over only 55,411 square miles, or
only one-fifth of the area of tho great
"Empire State." But it is not size alone
that makes a State great. The little com
monwealth of Massachusetts, which
could be clipped off any of the angles or
corners of Texas without being missed,
has a quarter of a million greater popu
lation than this huge State, and possesses
twice the realized or taxable wealth, and
produces six times as much for sale and
exchango each year.
A Vigorous Jiew Jersey Family.
In the littlo village of Norton, N. J.,
lives a romarkable family, f he mistress
of the house is a tall, well-preserved wo
man of 85, just now enjoying the best of
health. In fact, her w holo life has been
one long siason of good health. She
has raised twenty-four children, twenty
of whom still live. On a cleanly, well
kept farm, about one mile from the home
stead, lives t' 0 oldest child, who is near
ing three score and ten. The yonngest
child resides at Hammondsport, N. Y.,
and is engaged in grape culture. He is
30 years of age. The entire family are in
excellent health. The produce of the
farm is taken to market by this old lady,
and she does all the housework, with the
addition of fonr cows to milk twice daily.
The old Methodist chnrch finds every
member of the family present on Sunday
at bo h morning and evening service. A
brother Jacob, 80 years of age, cuts two
cords of wood a day. He has never been
ontside of Hunterdon eounty. Their
home is their world, and it seems to be a
very happy one for them.
WIT AM) MIMOR.
A tornado is a great blow to any
country.
Don't go in dobt to a shoemakor, if you
would call your sole your own.
Whon distance lends enchantment to
the view, does she do it at market
rates?
A member of a school board visited a
school undor his jurisdiction, and when
asked tJ make some remarks said: "Woll,
children, you spells well and reads well,
but you hain't sot still."
A Boston paper thinks there should be
a law to compel every engaged girl to
wear a red bow at her throat. That would
not do a bit ofgood every unmarried fe
male in the land would wear one.
A little girl In ono of our public schools
the other day had occasion to pnrso the
word "angel." Coming to tho gender she
stooped dismayed, and asked her teacher
if there were any "men anisels,"
A crusty bachelor says he lias discovered
the talkaphone, without Edison's aid; It
consists of a pretty piece of machinery
about five foot five inches high and weighs
about 130 pounds, and runs until eloven
o'clock Sunday evening.
The country politician who when at
home cuts bread with his jack-knife and
rubs out pencil marks with the toe of an
old India rubber shoo, is the fiist man to
complain of the fino stationery 'when be
gets to Congress,
The King of Portugal has eightoon
Christian names, his eldest sou has twenty
and his youngest, twonty-ni no. The man
who solved the gem puzxle (a contrivance
which you may remember was all the
rage) will tackle their monograms.
Pennsylvania retains on its statute
books a law taxing watches, but the re
turns seem to show that thero nre but few
watches owned in tho State. In some
wealthy towns tno assessor does not find
a person who owns a watch of any kind.
Thero was only one man in New York
City who was unmoved when be heard
tho statement that Win. II. Vandurbilt
had $50,000,000 in government bonds.
l S. You guessed right tho first time;
the man was a retired plumber.
Mr. Gladstone writes: "I Bin placed in
constant difficulty by calls to deny un
proved charges which have boon denied
over and over again." Ho ought not to
complain. American statesmen nre con
tinually being called upon to deny chargos
that have been proven.
Mr. Cowden Clarke tolls a story of a
gontlomon whoso "return" of his income
to the tax commissioners ran: "For the
last three years my income has been some
what under 0110 hundred and tiny pounds;
in future it will be more precarious, as the
the man is dead from whom 1 borrowed
the money."
Four inmates of a house in Baltimore
having died of Bcarlot fever, and others
being fatally 111 with the same disease,
the board of health made an investigation
and found that the cellar, after every rain
fall, was flooded with water, an4 that it
was allowed to stagnate, causing a terribly
offensive odor.
A young man at Omaha did not wish to
inurry tho girl to whom he was engaged,
but she would not release him until he
gave her his grocery business as a recom
pense. She now runs the store, while he
works elsewhere for wugos, and the bar
gain pleases both.
A young lady writes to an exchange:
"For my part I prefer an evouing passed
at home with a pleasant book to attending
balls, parties aud theaters." O certainly i
When a young lady hasn't a beau, nor a
new bonnet, nor a new walking costume,
she genorally prefers to remain at home
with a pleasant book which she is too
mad to read.
To Young Ladles.
Tho pastor of a church in one of our
largest cities said to mo not long ago:
"I havo ofliciatod at forty weddings
since I camo horo, and in ovory case
save ono, I folt tho bride was running
an awful risk. Young mon of bad
habits and fast tendoncics navor
marry girls of thoir own sort, but
domand a wifoabovo suspicion. Somo
puro, sweet womon, kept from tho
touch of ovil through tbo years of
thoir girlhood give thomsolves, with
thoir costly dower of womanhood,
into tho keeping of mon of baso as
sociations, who havo Icarnod to un.
dervaluo all that belongs to thorn,
and tlioD find no timo for repentance
in tho sad after years. Thoro is but
ono way out of this that I can boo,
and that is for you the young wo
mon of tho country to require in
association and marriago, purity for
Eurity, sobriety for sobrioty, and
onor for honor. Tbero is no roason
why the young mon of this Chris
tian land should not bo just as virtu
ous as its young women, and if tho
loss of your society and love bo tho
prico they aro forced to pay for vico,
they will pay it. I admit with sad
ness, that not all our young women
aro capablo of this high standard for
themselves or others, but I boliove
there are enough earnest, thoughtful
girls in tho society of our country
to work wonders, it laithiuiiy
aroused. Dear girls, will you help
us in the name ot Christ? Will you,
first of all, be true to yourselves and
God ; so puro in your inner and outer
life that you shall have a right to
iw.tr I l.n t 4 1. 11 ..in nr. tnnn wif.h whom
Un IV Uttb fcilW ..wm - . .
you associate, and especially those
you marry, shall be the Bame 1 x ne
awful gulf of dishonor is close bo
sido your feet, and in it fathers,
brothers, lovers, and sons are going
down. Will you not help us In our
great work? Harper's.
Cube fob Neubaloio Pain. "Edna
sends the following to the Inter-Oremt
This simple recipe, signed R. B. J."
which I clipped from an old paper, nas
proved an inestimable value to many:
"Some time since, while suffering from
neuralgic pains in the face, it ocenrred
to me that egg poultice might relieve.
Mixinir an eior with corn-meal, or anv
coarse flour, proved not only in this
case, when applied, but in many since,
equally effectively." My mother, after
having suffered two or three days and
nighta with severe tooth-ache and face
ache, tried the above remedy and expe
rienced relief in a few moments.