The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899, September 15, 1877, Image 1

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ESTABLISHED FOR THE DISSEH1XATI0N OF DEMOCRATIC PRINCIPLES, AND TO EARN AN IIONEST LIY1XC BY THE SWEAT OF OCR BROW
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WHOLE NO. 515.
EUGENE CITY, OR., SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 15, 1877.
$2.50 per year IN ADVANCE.
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Ut (nm City Guard
F. . ALEXANDER,
W. n. ALKXANDKR.
ALEXANDER BROS.,
Publishers and Proprietors
OrriCE-In Underwood's Brick Building,
. -r 1 rta.
over Urarn i jewelry owm.
BATES OF ADVERTISING.
Uvartisements inserted as follow. :
)at square, 10 line, or lew, one insertion IS; each
. i pati MvinirAtl iii advance
jequennnseri.iu v. - -
Tims advertisers wMbs charged at the following
rate:
a .quart three month.
16 00
.. aixu"""" - -
.. M M.T ............a. 12 W
8 00
Transient notice In local column, 30 oente per line
r eaca insertion.
Advertising bill, will be rendered quarterly,,
All iob wo' aiut be faid roa ok dkuvkht.
; Iff . "
POSTOFF1CE.
Office Hoar. -From 7 a. m. to 7 p. m. Biradays
sri'm J:JOto a:.w p. m, ...
vi . i .-.i-a- .n,n 4haratli tniiMVM ffointr north
. A .J.. .1, n.tr4li anil l.UkVe. irtlinff
south at 1:33 p. m. For Siulilaw. Franklin and Long
T im, close at on nenuewmjr. ii vi..-
ri rt U t' 11 , 1 1 I m tg.
Till. Vaiuu vito wniiiu-ii""""";-'-" .
. Tetter, will be ready for delivory half an hour after
acrival of trains. Letter. ihould be left atthe office
a. hoar before mau. aeparc. ., ,r
A. 8. PATTEI180M, P. M.
SOCIETIES.
t i.m.Va1I A Tt and A. V.
.Meets first and third Welaesdays in each
month.
.rfWKWi. 8ritii-F Btrrra Lono No. fl I. O.
.O.F. Meetaevery Tuesday evening. .
X&gJJv- WiUAVHtu Encampment No. 6
assets on the Id and 4th Wednesdays in each month.
LON CLEAVER,
DBUTIST
R
OOM8 OVER MRS. JACKSON'S Mil
linery btore,
WILLAMETTE STREET.
DR. F. WELSH
fU9 'ZTZk HAS OFINKD
CEfitLJ DENTAL ROOMS
rrwnently in the Underwood Brick, Eugene
City, and resiectfully solicit a share of the
Jiublic patronage, lief em by permission to J.
L Cardwell, i'ortlawl.
A. IF. PATTERSON,
flTYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
lee en Ninth Street, opposite the fit.
Charles Hatel, tut at Residence,
K CGrENK CITY OHKGON.
rjp J, C. Shields'
"VFFERS HIS PROFESSIONAL SER
J vicet to the citizens of Eugeue City and
unrounding country. Special attention given
to all OUSTETRICAL CASES and UTER
INE DISEASES entrusted to his care.
Office at the St Charles Hotel.
DR. JOSEPH P. GILL
CAN BE FOUND AT HIS OFFICE or res
idence when not professionally eugai.'ed.
Office at the
POST OFFICE DRUG STORE. .
Residence oi Eighth street,' opposite Preeby
ierian Church.
Chas. F.I. Horn.
PRACTICAL G UN SMITH.
tWat viitv mrvs tufiks.
uml iaterialH, Repairing done in
a, uni.rjn siijiu "'
1. SeWiisK Machinor?; fcafosf Iocks,
Guns loaned an d ammunition furnished.
hop oa Nirfth' street, opjicite .Star Bakery.
GEO; B. DORlilS,
1TT0RNEY 1N1T COCNSELLOR AT LAW,
Office on Willamette street, Eugene City.
WM. Purchasing Agent
B. SAN FltANCISCO,
LAKE. CAL
JEWELRY ESTAIJLISMENT.
J. S. LUCKEY, f&
DEALER IN
Clicks, Watcties,' Chains, Jewelry, etc.
Repairing Promptly Executed.
UlllWrk Warranted.
J.S. LDCKKV,
Ellsworth & Cc's brick, Willamette Street
fa and Stationery Store. ;
POST OFFICE BOLDINO, EUGENE
City. I have on hand and am cnnrtantly
receiving an awirtmrnt of the llwt School and
Miacellanaons Book". Static.nTT, Blank Books,
Fortfolina, lards, auete, iwanK., i nnniu-
, etc., etc. A. iv ra 1 1 r-rww..
OPPOSITION
IS THE .
Life of trade!
SLOAN BROTHERS
1 IT ILL DO WOBK CHEAPER thaa aay other
t T ahep ia town.
HORSES SHOD FOR $150,
VKIibw material, all roaai Beaettinf old ah
Ceata.
All warranted t aatlsUetlon.
Ekop onlighth st, opposite Eam-
pareys ciaoie.
DR. J0I1X JIERRBOLD,
JtRCICALAW IFf H15ICAL DE5TIST,
TTAS REMOVED TO i.nSEr.lEf.. (re-
1 1 rm, hre he rcivvtfui.v offi-r. hi w
vice, tn the citiwjit. f that yUc and TKtSfty
H all Jke brancrx of r proies,.
ST. NICHOLAS,
" Vie king of all publication itul fur tin
young on either tidt of the Atlantic." South-
am too (hnglaQdj Observer.
The third volume of this incomparable Hamr.tne
is now completed. With its 800 royal orUvo patfe,
and .is hundred illustration., ita aplemlid aerial.,
iu shorter stories, poem., and .ketches, etc., etc., in
ita beautiful binding of red snd gold, it I. the mwt
splendid gift book for bnya and girl, ever insued from
cue pres.. rnce, ,4 ; in run gut, .3.
ST. NICHOLAS FOR 1877.
Which opens with November, 1876, beinns s .hnrt
and very entertaining serial from the French, "The
Kingdom of the Greenly," A story adapted to the
Thaukagiving awuon. Another serial of alworbing
iniereui Co uoya,
DI8 OWN MASTER,"
BT I. t. TBOWUR1DOS,
author of Uie "Jack Tlaxard Htorio.," in the Christ
mas .Holiday Nunitior. Beside serial .tories,
Christina. storie,livcly .kctches.poem. and picture,
for tli.o holiday., anil aonte aMtonirhing illuntration.
of Oriental .purU, with drawings by OiamcwartiKU,
THE CHK1MTMAS HOLIDAY NUMDEll OF
SC. NICEOLA8, auperbly illustrated, contain, s
very interesting paper.
"THE BOYS OF MY CHILDHOOD,"
liy WILLIAM CtTLLKM BBTANT.
Do not Fail to Buy St. Nicholas for the
Christinas Holidays. I'rico, 25 Cents.
During the yearthere will be intorostingpaper. for
boy., by Willum Cullen Bryant, John (i. Wlnttier,
Thomas Ilii;hes. William Uowitt, Dr. Ilollanil,
Ucorge MucDon.ld, Sanford B. Hunt, Frank K.
Stockton, and ulhers.
, There will be stories, sketches and poems of special
interest to irirls. bv Harriet Frcsa.tt HiN)tfonl. Ku-
san Coulidge, burah Winter Kellogg, Klialieth SHu
art Pheljie, Louiiw Alcutt, Lucretia V. Ualo, Cell.
ihaxter, Mary Alapes Dodge, and many others.
There will be also, .
"TWELVE SKY PfCTCRES,"
dt nor. rnocToa, '
lie Astromer,' with maps, showing "The Stars of
Each Month," will be likely to su rp.ua in interest
any series in popular science recently given to tbs
public.
MUMK.ST AHU 1INK I Hill. 1 iu.ti, Wltn
FUN AND KUOLIO.and .WIT ANI WISDOM.
will be mingled as heretofore, and St. Nicholas will
continue to delight the young and give pleasure to
Uioold.
GOOD NEWS FOR BOYS AND OIRL8.',.
To meci the demand for a' cheaper St. Nicholas
Gift-Boot, the price of vols. I snd II has been re
duced to f3 each. The three volumes, in an elegant
library case, are sold for IHI iu full gilt, 15l, ao
that all may give their children a complete set.
These volumes contain more attractive material than
fifty dullars' worth of ordinary children's books. ,
Suliacription price, S3 a vear. The throe bound Vol
umes and a subscription for this yoaronly $12. Kub
scritie with the nearest newsdealer, or send money in
check, or P. O. Money order, or in registered letter,
to BoaiiiNKH uo., y uroauway, . x,
ALFUCD BLEU
Has taken possession of the
Luckey Livery Stable,
And will carry on a
GENERAL LIVERY BUSINESS.
Horses fed and hoarded by the week or day.
HORSES AND BUGGIES FOR HtRE.
ST. CHARLES HOTEL,
EUGENE CITY, OREGON.
MRS. A. RENFREW, : Prop
. I
Having again taken possession of the old and
well known . , .
ST. CHARLES HOTEL,
Which has lieen newly furnished and refitted,
is now open foe the reception of guests.
I have fifteen rooms in the
FIRE PROOF BRICK BUILDING
making .7) rooms in all. It is the uiost commo
dious and liest appointed house in the State
south of Salem.
FREE COACH TO THE HOUSE.
A. HEKFItEV.
O. H. JAMES,
MANUFACTURER Of
TIX AM SHEET IROX WARE,
Willamette Street,
Eugene City, Oregon.
Keeps constantly on hand a complete assort
ment of
i.
Tin and Sheet-Iron Ware, Stoves,
Ranges, Pumps, eta
Repairing done promptly and in tlie best
Positively Cured.
All .offerers from this disease that as anxious to
be cured, should try II r. K tanner's Celebrat
ed Consumptive Powders, Them 1'uwilcm
are the only prcNiratiin known tb.'tt wilt cure Con
an nipt ion ana an uiseaeaoi me a srosi ana
l.iiimsindecd, so stninir is our faith in them, and
also to convince you that they are no humbug, we
will forward to every sutlerer, ny mall, post paid, a
free Trial Box.
We don't want four money ontil yon are perfectly
satisfied ot their curative powers. . If your life is
worth saving, don t delay in giving tlieae row
tier, a trial, a. tliey win surely cure you.
Price, fur large box, 13 o, sent to any part of Uie
United citatea oi Cauaila by mail on reocipt of price.
Address,
ASH A KOnitl.K,
360 Fi ltjs Srarrr, Bbookltm, N. Y.
FITS EPILEPSY,
OR
FALLING SICKNESS
Permanently Cnred-no humhiiz-hf
one month's uasze of Dr. foulard's
Celebrated Infallible Fit Peudrrs. iu
convimw surleren thnt these powders will do all we
claim for them, we will .end them by mail, post
paid, a free Trial box. As Dr. tioiihuid
Uie only pliy.b ian tliat has ever madeth's disease
a .penal study, and a b onr knowledge thousands
havet'en permanently cured by the nurof
th Pawders, we will tjosranlee a pcr
manens cuie in every raw, or refund f ou all
money expended. All sunWer. .kuuld sire
thea Puwdcr. an airly trial, and bt euDvuucd of
their euraUve powers.
Pnre, fiw large box, (1 00, or 4 boxes for lo OH,
sent by mail to any part of United States or Canada
oa receipt of prxc, or by express, C. O. D. Address,
ASH A Ronnns,
KA Fllttis Btbest, Bsookts, N. Y.
CENTRAL f-.
AT A U T7 -T i fr sfra'
BOYD & RENSHAW, Proprietors.
will
KLEP CONSTANTLY ON HAND,
BEEF
Veal,
PORK AXD
"MITTTOS.
rri-IMct.ofsnkid. Ird, Tallow.ste. Will
aril ll-ef m cliunk. froaa I to i eenta.
VGL1
all
kliifiA at irtiilt' fi'urr -w
T. G. HiL-kli. Iii
THE IlOV THAT LAIGHS'
BT GBOHUI C00PEB.
I know a funny little boy,
The hnjitiiext ever born
Eis face, is like a beam of Joy,
Although his clothes are torn.
I saw him tumble on his nnao.
And waited for a groan ;
But how he laughed I Do you su'ijioim
He struck his funny hone?
There's sunshine in each word he srieaks,
His laugh is something grand ;
Its riples overrun his cheeks.
Like waves on enowy sani
He laughs the moment he awakes,
And till the day is done ;
The school-room for a (oke he takes ;
His lessons are but fun.
No matter how.tlie day may go,
You cannot make lnm crv j
He's worth a dozen boys I know,
Who )iout, and mo'w, and silu
TIIK Ilirii:SLAVE.
"From the Waaliington CapitaL
Tho press of the United States,
that is subsidized out ot all independ
ence, is now and has been much
given to commenting upon and com
manding tbo lawn of trade.
For a thousand years yos, for that,
some six thousand years the leading
minds were given to a laudation ot
what was known as the law of govern
ment, which placed the authority in
the hands of kings, known as God's
anointed, for whoso sole benefit the
government was created, and who, to
use the terse language of Jefferson,
were born by the grace ot tho Ai
mighty, to ride, booted and spurred,
over tho people, their subjects.
lliepreuch discovered what we
have put to a practical tost, that gov
ernments were mado lor the benefit
of tho goyernod. Our official is not
our master, but our agent. That he
is so dishonest is to be deplored ; but
this does not effect tho great truth
underlying self-go vernwent.
And now, at the end ot six thou
sand years of error, we are beginning
to learn that the laws of trade male
up a code enacted by thai traders for
their exclusive benefit, that takes no
auoount of labor save so far as labor
serves to aid those self-created legis
lators. We. . the laborers, are niodifyinpf
and repealing these lawsand tho re
monstrances are as earnest and vocif
erous as when the people deposed the
king and soIeCted their own official
agents.
Wero tho world governed by noisy
protests from self-interests of classes
the world would make little or no
progress.
Kecognizp tho supply and demand,
so mucli vaunted as an eiemont to be
considered, we proposo having it reg
ulated, not by tho tierce competition
that crowds the hungry generations
down, but by the more civilized and
christian process of oo-opuration, in
which labor is recognized as among
the legislators, with power to exact
justice to itself.
Under Uie laws ot trado as now en
forced capital may combine, but labor
may not. What is a crnno in one is
commendable in the other.
Under these laws of trado capital
and by capital wo mean accumulated
property is a deposit, considering
only its own good. Labor ceases to
bo human, is a beast, preserved from
death only that it is useful. Ab
stractly considered, it has nd rights
capital is bound to respect. Its uses
and abuses are regulated by tno wants
of its master.
In this we are less wiso than the
animals. With the last tho fittest
survive; with lis the least fit are
nursed, cared for and perpetuated.
Every year the bees kill the drones ;
with us the drones kill tho bees, that
they may enjoy the honey.
To accumulate property does not
call tor an intellectual process. It is
a mean lusliuet. As the bog gath
ers his bed before tho coming stoira
that no human being can foretell, as
the goat turns his tail to the unseen
and felt approaching wind, so a man
of keen instincts, but low order of in
toTlect, gels rich in worldly posses
sions, lie Has no tastes to tjrstily,
no ambition to feed, no affections to
satisfy. Uo gathers and holds. Af
ter a little be tin Is under these pre
cious laws of trade, that property
cumulates property. His money, for
example, that is only a meas-ire of
value under the code, becomes a value
of extraordinary quality. It may be
that no business in the esmruunity
will pay a profit. I5ut money com
mands at all limes its interest. Trade
cannot be so dull or dead but what
money demands its rent, and as trade
revives the interest rrrowsto be enor
mous. The capitalist possessed of
property iu the shaire oi money need
only sit on Lis money bags--they
grow under him.
Christ said the ricb man should not
inherit the kingdom of heaven. Girist
therein pronounced them malefactors.
Had he been crucified, as labor is, be
twen rich men, he wonld not have
taken them to the golden city with
him. As they are not to inherit
heaven, why fhuld they cumW the
earth ? Were luWir a cruel an J gr.ittp
iingu capital, all the rich men, at
stated periods, would be taken to ob
scure places and knocked in tho head,
and their means disturbed, as Christ
commanded, among tho poor. A
Dergh might stipulate lor tanks to
have them smothered in suddenly, so
as to spare them pain. .
liy capital, in this connection, we
mean accumulated property against
labor that produces. This may bo
tho labor of tho brain or the labor ot
the muscles. In tho broadest sense
but not that of tho laws of trado
this is capital also. But to labor, as
we now consider it, we owo all that
makes the earth comfortable or boau.
tiful. To the poor laborer wo owe
our railroads, turnpikes, canals, tele
graphs, the nutritious grain and
sweet, tondorbcef, tho houses in which
wo live, tho temples in which we
worship, the great monuments that
please the eye and around whioh clus
tor historical associations, all the paint
ings, sculpture and architecture, all
tho poetry that elevates and refines,
orations that swayed the multitudes
is winds sway tho ocean, all tho plays
from Shakcspoaro to Dion I'ouciuault,
all the pleasant works of fiction, all
tho books on art, the learned works
of science all these wo owe to poor
laborers, who wrought in poverty,
despisod by the rich man, who never
produced anything usoful or orua
mental. He has from time to time
accumulated a library ho could not
enjoy, and built tasteless monuments
to Ins own worthless memory. As a
shrewd observer once said, "ho (tho
rich man) has a thousand ooats, and
he wears tho worst ; a thousand pairs
of shoes ami he goes bare-tooted or
ill-shod ; a stomach that cau command
the delicacies of tho. earth, and he
lives on bread and water. Ho is
civilization's dog in tho manger, for
he will not enjoy, nor pormit others
to enjoy tho good things about hin,"
In Luropo tho laws of trado have
reduced labor to servitude. It is a
worso servitude than that of negro
slavery, for in the last tho master was
forced to feed and clothe his slave
when well, provide him with medi
cino and a doctor when ill, and bury
him when dead. The white slave can
get coarse clothing and scanty food
when "at work; alter, he is left to
starve and dio. The vory poor rates
aro provided by; the poor, for labor
pavs all. and tho slave in health must
carry not only his rich master, but his
I .11 1 - ' I 1 !..
sick, oiu ami crippic u cunuuucs.
This system has long been in ex
istence in this country, but it has been
tempered and modified by our public
lands, that kept down competition.
The farms drew off the surplus popu
lation, even with tho thousands ol
emigrants froti Kuropo. Now, how
ever, the lands aro all go no. We
have squandered thorn upon huge
corporations and heavy speculators.
And now tho European system is to
be put to the test in the United
States. Labor, shut off from the
publio lands, is crowded back from
the West, and, gathered in the com
mercial and manufacturing centers,
clamors for work. Capitalists say,
"We havo no work for all of you j to
those we employ wo will pay fifty,
sixty and ai high as eighty cents a
day ; tho unemployed must starvo."
Tho railroad kings, notably offensive,
say, "We must have our heavy sala
ries and our dividends; if you hungry
fellows won't work for eighty cents a
day, and find yourselves and families,
stand aside and let in tbo starving
laborers."
This is tho law of trade, the law of
supply and demand. But there is a
higher law, known as the law of God,
which recognizes self-preservation as
tho first duty of man. Under this
higher code fraud justifies violence.
As municipal enactment were passed
for our protection, their test of obodi
ence is the protection they afford. If
this last is lacking, wo aro resolved
back into our original element, where
each man is a law upon himself, and
finds his organized support among
his brother sufferers. J here is noth
ing that organizes so rapidly or
strikes with such deadly force as
hunger.
The issue is made op' We have
had the opening context, and capital,
with its European system of white
slave labor, has followed the Europe
an practice of calling upon the Uqv
ernmcnt for bayonets. Each govern
ment abroad keeps ready lor such de
mand from seven hundred to a mil
lion armed mercenaries to sustain it
self and brother, capital. We have
twenty thousand. l'Lero is a de
mand lor more. The response will
he a reduction of the army we have.
The mericaa people, native and
adopted, will never consent to a
standing army supported out of their
toil, and organized to shoot down
and bayonet thorn for complaining of
in usticc. Capital and I:Jor in tins
country aro two cats in a barrel, and
labor is much the biggest cat of the
two.
For the present peace ri-ins in
Warsaw. 1 he railway traitin, worked
by Marving men, roll continuously,
unobstructed, past the cabin of Marv
in" laborers, IVtbidents vjA Direc
tors are as insolent, cruel and. greedy
as uoioro. liut ID is cannot last. The
army of tho unemployed, that now
numbers millions, augments with
frightful rapidity every day. Ere
the next Wiuter is pver bread riots
will disturb the land, and our ureal
cities will bo begging riotors to savo
mem from thieves. Capital had bet
ter submit to reason and open peace
ful negotiations while there is yet
lime.
The timid need have no tear. We
are in no danger of a oomniuue the
much misunderstood and much abused
struggle for human rights in Franco.
e seek only a modification of these
laws of trade, that will insuro a fair
day s wages for a fair day's work ;
and to get at this wo must havo law
ful control ot those corporations.
They should bo treated as we treat
inventions, limiting thoir cxistonco to
a term of years, and placing them un
der tno control ot commissioners ap
pointed by the Government. All
beds of roads, with station-houses and
parts necessary to their working,
savo tho rolling stock, extending be
yond a Mate, should bo considered
highways of travel and owned by tho
Government. We demand that the
Government ceaso bleeding the coun
try by anticipating tho publio debt;
for with trade open from the interior
and less taxation, trado will rovive,
and tho four millions of unomployod
laborers will again find work and
wages. t , i
ilicsc matters should bo, dismissed.
Laborors, skilled and umkillod, should
havo their clubs for debate,' with a
grand central club in Washington,
where Congress moots, to make their
wants known and their wishes re
spected. Of courso we shall havo a
crop of wild-eyed, cracked-brained
dreamers and fanatics, who will un
dertake to remedy the complicated
wrong of a thousand years in an hour;
wo shall have designing demagogues,
who will sook to use us lor their sel
fish political ends. But these will
on)y aliow "9 what to avoid ; and tho
American laborer is too intelligent,
too practical, to ,bo driven by. fanat
ics, influenced' by fcols, or nddon by
rogues.
SOrtHVWS Of A MKWMPAPE11 MAN.
The affallc advertising clerk qf tho
Mad River 1 wed wood Bolt must be a
lineal descendant of Job, tho most
patient man, or ho couldn't survive
that situation. Ho reached the ollico
bright and early ono morning, and as
ho got the books and sharpened his
pencil ho wondered what sort of luck
tho day would bring forth. Good
contracts had bocn rather soarco late
ly, and it was about timo for things
to take a turn.
Tho first person to arrive got off a
wood rack, hitched his horses and
floundered in, bearing with him such
a pnngent odor of curry comb and
bad tobacco as to sot tno uufortunato
newspaper man to sncezins. The
high llavored customer gaped around
and then, planting both elbows on the
counter, asked :
" I th' ed'tur in?" .
Clerk "Sir what is tho natirro of
your business?"
Customer ',Vall, I'd like to soo
th' en'tur himself ef I , could. I've
cot a lettle advertisement X want
printed in his newspaper." (
Clerk "The editor docs not ro
ceiro advertisements. Thn is my
business. Have you got it written
out?"
Customor (producing a vory dirty
scrap of p opcr) "Vass I s'jioso ye'll
prcnt it for nothin' for an old sub
scriber? I'm sell in' out you know,
and thero s a heaps of folks around
our way takes ycr paper, and thoy'd
like to know. It'll bo jist as good
news as ye'll hcv in your paper.'.'
Clerk "It will cost you one dollar
per insertion.
Customer (explosively) "Jumpin
jewhewl Ono dollar! an' I've been
takm yer paper tour years'7
( lerk We make nothing on your
subscription. Your newspaper is
much tho cheapest thing that goes
into your house. J he advertisements
are all wo have to live on."
Customor looked riled, and finally
grabbed his scrap of paper and
bounced out; but after scratching his
head, reflecting a few minutes outside
the door, re entered, and persuasively
asked :
"Say, ye'll do it for half price for
an old subscriber, won't you'!"
"Can't do it, sir." .
"Wall, there's vour dollar."
A clergyman entered solemn-vis-
aired and spectacled.
"I am going to bold special services
during next week. I wish you would
announce it, and please mention that
a collection will be taken op at the
close ol each meeting."
"What space do yon wish your ad
vertisement to occupy?"
Oh, I merely want an editorial
noliee; cot an advertisement."
" e can announce your meeting
only in the form ol an advertise-
I m. nt." .
Minister (waruiN) "But this, sir.
i is a matter of public interest --of spir
itual importanoe to your readers.M,
" e must bi permitted to edit onr
own paper in onr own way." ,
Minister (frigidly) "I shall, con
suit my friends," and stalked out, re
flecting severely on the mercenary
character ot men who could not run
a newspaper without money. . .
Hut the. doorway was presently Il
luminated by a vision of loveliness,.,
A well dressed lady, smiling in a most
bewitching manner, stepped up to tho
countor.
"I want to ask if you will be ar
kiud as to notioo our social to bo held
next Thursday evening for the bine-
fit of tho Ladies' Gospel Aid Society..
Tickets only 25 cents, and I'm, sore
(here she smiled a smile that agitated,
us vory boot heels) you will buy a
couple, won't, you?"
" ell no thank you (gaining
courage); wo got about a pock a month,
of these social tickets presented to,
us. 1 ou could not get a newspaper
man to uso them ; no, not for pay." .
"Well vou will eivo us a nice notico
anyway, It will bo good item of
nows."
"1 shall bo most happy to write out
an advortisomcut and insert it at regu
lar ratos." i
Tho smilos-at onco went oat, and
tho lady did likewise, leaving the low,
nearly distracted youth to wondor it.
there was anything iu lifo worth liv
ing for.
llo had not long to ponder, now-.
ovor. A gentloman.. with an ovor-,
poworing air of biz, and aero or two.
of shirt front, strodo In whilo tho
clork's hopes took an upwajd bound,
at the prospects of now rcoeiving a
genuine orlor. ,.
"I represent Shakespoar William,
tbo great tragedian. Ton lines four
times how nuion:
"Two dollars."
"All right, my boy. Hero's your
copy."
i'Thank you." . -i
'I expect you to givo ns credit until,
we play. , Hero ore sonio clippings
you can uso. I'll leave you a few for
inscftion." ' , , .
"Your notices are worth four times
as much as your advertisement."
"But they will bo uows lor your
readers."
"I ber vour pardon. They are adver
tisements and nothing more. I can-,
not afford to givo, you ten dollars
worth ot advertisements.
Tho showman glared, said a venr
bad word, gathered up his . papers
furiously and rh'adp lor the door. .
Seeing, hljwevorlhat tho clerk remain- ,
ed unmoved, he returned, saying:
"Woll,do tho host you can for us."
We'yo got to odvertiso,' anyhow."
As ho left tho ollico a vounz chap
came ip and simply said, "Cook want
ed. References required; 240 St.
John street", and placed a 25 cent
piece on tho countor and turned
away. Tho clerk glared tor a moment,
on the 25 e.mt piece and then at tho
retirinc ficuro, rushed after him and
burst into tears, with tho words:
iis-l- . I 1.' ..... ... it.
uivo us your iiunu, yuu w m
first man, woman or child I have scon
today that was not a dead bo, tin
disguiso, trying to bog publicity for
their business under tho pretenso that
it was news. Shako hands, I sayt.
You aro a gontleman -if you aro
only a 25 center."
TTnur th Mi Kit a Ruhr. A Yan-
keo while footing towards the West
got vory hard up, and was cudgeling.
I,:, l.raina linur lia sbnnlil mntrA amino
I j i a itibiu. Mvn .... ... ,
of S ljttlo money. Finally be mot a.
Dutchman who was followed bv a.
great ngiy, cowardly dog, and he
entered into conversation witn mm.
Nice do vou've cot thore." said he.i
"Yaw, he peers a very fine dog."
"1 11 bet you a dollar l can ten wnai
his namo is." "What ishdot? An'(
.mi rmfi.r sen ilrvl Anrt before " "No.
JUU MV.W. nvw - f-, ------- J
of courso not, but I'll bet you a dollar
1 can tell you Ins namo." "ry gra
cious I takes dot bot," said the Dutch
man, eager to make an honest dollar..
Well, call him here and let mo nave
Innk nt liim." said Yank. "Here.'
hVitrv Frit zv. come hero and mako
mo von tollar," said tho Dutchman,,'
calling his dog. Ihe l ankee patted
him on- tho bead, looked down his
throat. "His name is Fritzy." said
a... a a .
he, with nelib ration. "Uomier ana
blitzcn!" exidaimod the Dutchman,.'
ultk sinnn avrs anil lYinnth. "Am I
not right?" Yaw, by gracious," said'
he, handing over tbo wager. "By
jinks, I know no. dot my dog carry
his card down his droat. 1 must
choke his darn neck, for him," and
away ha marched, trying to get a.
kick at the poor dog, whose name he
given away himself .
l'ond.wbo had Henry Ward Boecher.
nnder contract when that gentleman
mado his lesture tour through tho
west last season, is a printer by trade.
When Beecher preached in St. lxuis
one of the reporters for the daily
papers leaned over to Fond, and whis
pered, "lVnd, how loucr does Mr.,
U-echer usually ptay ?" ''Oh," s.iid
pond, "about two slicks of solid nun-
pared. ' New way ot measuring pi-
ieiy by the thousand.
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