THE CORVALLIS GAZETTE, FRIDAY, JULY 24, 1891. Highest .'of all In Leavening Power. ABSOLUTE! PURE WIT AND HUMOR. Eternal vigilance enables a man to carry the same umbrella for years. Boston Courier. A great many politicians are called dark horses from the shades of their records. Puck. He Genius is a mental disease. She How well and healthy you must be. Detroit Free Press. "How doth the little busy bee?" Well, if you meddle with him much you will be apt to find out how he doth. Boston Post. An actor may not know much about cravats, but his experience with ties both railway and matrimonial is usually extensive. Life. Next to having a new bonnet herself a woman likes to have a chance to make fun of somerotherwoman's head gear. Somervitle Journal. It Is a waste of time to look back at one's' own mistakes when' there- Is bo much more fun in -watching the mis takes of other people. Hotel Mail. Would tt "be correct to describe near ly evr girl, you know as being in a dreadf ul hurry because there's a bustle Tjehind her? Journal of Education. , When a man finds that he is getting 'to be too loquacious his best remedy 5s to get married. . He will notice aa improvement right away. Somervitle Journal. You may break, you may shatter the vase" if you will, out the various ways of pronouncing it,accordingto locality, will cling around it stilL Norristown Herald, Citizen (stopping physician on the street) Just a momentC Doc; only one word. Phvsician Well, make it short, old man; It's watermelon season, you know. New York Sun. Bolton Young Jones is generous with his cigars, isn't he? Wolton Yes (puff); but I think he would (puff) be kinder to his friends if he smoked them himself. Life. When a man learns to mind his own business and leave the affairs of others alone he accomplishes a success as jjreat as falls to common mortals. Martha's Vineyard Herald. He (making an evening call) Shall I sing one more song. Miss Clara, be fore fgo? She I should be delighted. Air. Sampson er if you think you have time. New York Sun. "That is rather an expensive um brella, Bromley." "Yes, Darringer. It is the kind other people, appropri ate." "Just what I thought Brom ley; whose is it?" Detroit Free Press. 'Poor Goldson! I am afraid the poor fellow is losing his mind. "By Jove! You don't say so!" "Why, my dear boy. it is nearly 3 o'clock, and I just saw him with his 1 o'clock suit on!" Life. . Mrs. Holyoke (who has not asked him, and does not want him) "I'm aorry yon can't stay to tea with us." Capt. Whiffet (equal to the occasion) "I'm awfully flad that I'm sorry I've got to go." Judge. Scientists are now . inquiring how long it takes to think. Well, when a man has to think of some -way to pay a month's board bill with only $2.16 in his pocket to do it with it takes him a good long while. Puck. Miss E thel (confidentially) "Doyou know, Clara, that I had two offers of marriage last week." Miss Clara (with enthusiasm) "O, I am delighted, dear! Then the report is really true that your uncle left you his money.": Life. Every - gentleman should hate - the signature of the Creator on. 'the s label to avoid confusion. There are so many imitations nowadays ,. that peo ple who are not connoisseurs frequent ly encounter the - wrong article Lin coln Journal, De Sappy I tell you Featherington, you have the'biggest head Feather ington Aw, De Sappy, you flatter me, doncherknow. De Sappy Don't in terrupt, Featherington; you have the biggest head on your cane Fve seen this season. Life. He 10 p. m., and the lamp turned low- humorously) ''It isn't at all queer, is it. Edith, that one should find electric kisses when he goes sparking!"- She "Yes, oueer. indeed, Mr. Standoff, when the fady's negative is positive." Judge.. Customer (to drueeist") Gimme a big dose of whisky and quinine. I've fot malaria. Druggist Sorry, sir, ut we're just out of quinine. Customer Well, gimme the whisky without the quinine then: I've got to do some thing, or I'll die. New, York Sun. ,"Ab. Clara,''! said a, young, surgeon (after hospital hours) as he sank upon liis knees, "would, that I could, gain possession of your heart!" "You can, Mr. Sawbones,"replied Clara promptly, butblnshingly; "and without giving me, other either.'' ew York Sun. Nothing. else is so calculated to work on a man's sympathies as the sight of a yonnp; man's painful effort at unoon er while; he, is. scratching ; his brow with the hand with which, he would liave tipped his hat to a young-lady, if she hadn't cut him AeaA. -Judge. "Howyrnoeh of that $10,000 have yoa now, George?' Yoa only got it; two months ago, you know." "Well, I had $8,000 an hour ago, but I don't know now mMcfcthei? left now," "Why?" 'My wife bag just gone on a shopping xpeditJoO" Nebraska State Journal. "Hve you kept track, of young boooyjstely,9 AUJe .jrate. fee's, go ip'en fte'Jlsoojx fce seriously-ejjjtj U. S. Gov't Report, Aug. 17, 1889. rassed." "Embarassed? Nonsense! You don't know the man. He asked me for a loan of a hundred this morn ing without the quiver of an eyelid." Life. "Aw. Chollv. have vou seen Awljrer- non this morning?" Cholly (in a husky whisper) "The pooah boy is dead." ! "Dead! Why, old chappy, what killed him, aw?" "Hervous shocK. uon t ye know, he bought a suit of clothes: and the coat didnt fit." Lincoln Journal. Wife (to husband, who has been ostensibly to church) I was so sorry not to go with you this morning, John, but I really didn't feel able. Were there many there? Husband No, the grandstand was only about half er , yes, a fair congregation for hot weather. New York Sun. Mr. McDude What a wonderful thing is space, Miss Ethel! The im mensity of it quite fills my brain. Miss Ethel (sarcastically) So I should im agine, Mr. McDude, from the nature of your conversation. And a blizzard stood between them during the re mainder of the voyage. Ocean. "J-John, d-dear," she sobbed, "d-did you ever think how near death is to all? Wh-what would you ever d-do, J-John, if I should d-die?" "Well," said John, musinsrly, "I don't know as 1 had ever thought of it before, my dear, but now you speak of it my first impression is that I should bury you." Somerville Journal. A man out West fell in a dead faint the other day and the people thought at first that it was "heart disease. Afterward the man recovered, and it was found that he had sent for a plumber the day before to do a little work, and the plumber had come punctually at the time he said he would. Somerville Journal. A great many men living in the country have whitewashed stones on the sides of their roads that they may know just where the roads are in tho dark. Some of them who come home late from city clubs would add to their general safety and comfort if they would have the entire road white washed. Puck. "What a floral offering that was of Dr. Budd's!" said old Mrs. Wilkins as she was returning from church. "Yes; Dr. Budd uses the cut flowers of speech to a good purpose," replied the deacon. "Cut flowers, deacon?" queried the old lady. "Yes. They have so little connection with the stem of the discourse." Harper's Bazar, Breaking in a Naval Cadet. Within a few days the cadets shako easily into their places, and by going over the mast-head every morning, sending up and down the light spars, and being ordered to get a pull here and a pull there and a long pull alto gether everywhere, during the best part of their waking hours, they soon acquire a nautical airana a lairty goou grip on the strange surroundings. Two or three days later the "Constellation" drops down the Annapolis Roads, stands into Chesapeake Bay, and the long-looked-for cruise begins. Practi cal work commences at once, and if the winds be unfavorable, and they are usually, the ship beats down the bay in the daytime and anchors at sunset. Here tho" new cadet sees the envied se nior class men in charge of the deck, make and take in sail tack, wear, box haul, and chapel ship; sees him occa sionally miss 6tajs and box her off, heave to, get casts of the deep sea lead, shift sails and spars, reef and shake out reef, and bring the ship to an anchor. All this time he is doing yeoman's--service himself; his white working-clothes are tarry, and he is so used to "stamping and going it" that when night comes ;he is glad to turn in early, and leave the hardships of anchor-watch to those who have enjoy ed the triumphs of the quarter-deck. After Hampton Roads are reached, the vessel lies at anchorfor a week or more; but this is a busy season, and all day long there are great-gun, compa ny, pistol, or small-arm drills, fire quarters, boats armed and equipped, or that stirring exercise when the crew and cadets are called to "abandon ship." This drill is usually executed without previous warning, exactly as it might be needed in any sudden emergency, as in a collision, or danger of foundering on the high sea; but within a moment after the order rings out, every man is at his station; some lower the boats, others 6tand sentry over the falls, so no unauthorized or r panic-stricken person, may enter'with : out orders; the majority pass up pro visions and water, cooking utensils, arms, ammunition, and nautical in struments; there is heard everywhere the rush of feet, the whimper of boat falls as the davits creak and complain with the strain and the weight of the crews lowering themselves by stopper or halyards; from every gun-port will ing hands pass stores into the cutters, and when ready, each reports its name and number. In less than five minutes, if the discipline be good, the crew is embarked in cutters, whale-boats, gig, launches, and : dingy, all submerged almost to their gunwales, and the ship is "abandoned officially. Lieutenant KeUey in Harper's Magazine. "These fish, my dear Mrs. Hen dricks." remarked the minister, who was discussing a sunday dinner with the family, "are delieiously fresh. I am enjoying them very much." "They ought to be fresh," volunteered Bobby, who was also enjoying them. "Pa caught 'em only this morning. 'V-.flfetfl York own 1 -Powder! In the Bay at St. Pierre, Martinique. We anchor in limpid blue water; the cannon-shot is answered by a pro longed thunder-chipping of mountain echoes. Then from the shore a strange flo tilla bears down upon us. There is one boat, two or three c;inoes; but the bulk of the craft are simply white wooden frames flat-bottomed struc tures made from shipping-cases or lard-boxes, with triangular ends. In all of these sit naked boys boj's be tween ten and fourteen years of age varying in color from a line clear yel low to a deep reddish-brown or choco late tint. They row with two little square flat pieces of wood f6r paddles, clutched in each hand, and these lid shaped things are dipped into the wat er on e:thcrside with absolute precision in perfect time, all the pairs of little naked arms seeming moved by a single impulse. There is much unconscious grace in this puddling, as well as con summate skill. Then all about tho ships these ridiculous little boats be gin to describe circles, crossing and in tercrossing so closely as almost to bring them into collision, yet never touching. The boys have simply come out to dive for coins they expect pas sengers to fling to them. All are chat tering crcole, laughing, and screaming shrilly; every eye, quick iiud bright as a bird's, watches tho faces of the pas sengers on deck. " 'Tention-la!" shriek a dozen soprani: some passenger's hand lifts descended into a money pocket, fi nd :ill . :iro on the alert. Through tho air, twirling and glitter ing, tumbles an English shilling, and drops into the deep water beyond the little fleet. Instantly all the lads leap, scramble, topple head-foremost, out of their little tubs, aud dive in pursuit. In the blue water their lithe figures look perfectly red, all but the soles of their unturned feet, which show quite white. Almost immediately they all rise again; one holds up at arm's length above the water the recovered coin, and then puts it into his mouth for safe keeping. Coin after coin is thrown in, and as speedily brought up; a show er of small silver follows, and not a piece is lost. These lads move through the water without apparent effort, with the suppleness of fishes. Most are decidedly fiue-looking boys, with admirably rounded limbs, delicately formed extremities. The best diver and swiftest swimmer, however, is a lemon-colored lad; his face is rather commonplace, but his slim figure has the fluent grace of an antique bronze. Lafcadio Hearn, in Harper's Maga zine. How to Get Into the Naval Academy, The students of this national college are called officially "naval cadets on probation," the traditional title of mid shipman having been changed first to cadet midshipman, and subsequently so the engineer pupils plight be in cluded to that now employed. Their number is limited by law to one cadet for every member or delegate of the House of Representatives, and to eleven others ten at large and one from the District of Columbia appointed by the President. As the age of admission falls between the limits of fourteen and eighteen, and the course extends six years, it follows, unfortunately, that "in certain districts appointments may not be open, more than once in that period, thus making one-third of its boys unavailable by reason of age. The remedy proposed for this is only one of fifty good reasons why the course should be reduced from six to four years. To pass successfully the candidate must be physically sound and of robust constitution, have a sufficiently thor ough knowledge of arithmetic, algebra, history, reading, writing, and spelling, and when appointed, be ready to tako an oath to serve for eight years, in cluding the probationary period. When a vacancy is likely to occur in any dis trict, the Secretary of the Navy "must notify its Congressional Representative as soon as possible after the 5th of March in each year, ard if by the 1st of July no action has been taken, the privilege lapses, and the Secretary is empowered to make the nomination. As this system permits the choice of a candidate to be deferred until the May examination is really over, or, as in the majority of cases, until the acad emic year is about to open, it would seem to be infinitely better if a candi date and an alternate were named, at least one year previous to the May ex amination. This would enable the ap plicant to pursue a course specially fitted as a direct preparation for his professional studies, and if successful, to go at once upon a cruise, which would teach him definitely his immedi ate aptitude for a sea-life. On the oth er hand, should the principal fail, an alternate stood ready to face the same ordeal. . The low standard of admission is based upon the theory that the possi bilities of the academy must be so freely open to boys of every description as to make it what it is undoubtedly the most democratic government school in tho world. Practically this very just theory impairs the efficiency of the acade'my, as it pins the qualifications at a point which rigorously prohibits the energies of t he teachers and of the average scholars being directed imme diately to the branches of education connected with the naval profession. Entrance examinations are held in May and September. Lieutenant Kel ley, in Harper's, Magazine. t Consumption Cured. Aa old physician, retiied from practice, having had placed in his hamls by an East India missionary the - formula of a simple vegetable remedy for the speedy and per manent care of consumption, bronchitis' catarrh, asthma aud all throat and lung af fection?, also a positive and radical cure for nervous debility and all nervous complaints, tfter having- tested its wonderful curative powers in thousands! of cases, has felt it bis luty to make it known to his suffering fel lows. Actuated by this motive and a desire to relieve human suffering, I will send free f charge, to all who desire it, this receipe, in German, French, or English, with full directions tor preparing and using. Sect hy mail by addressing with stamp, naming "-.his paper.. W, A, "Notes, 820 Powers' Block. Kocbester, N. Y. Pe .thoe ,embroiJere4 ghawjs - al the Ladieii' J5aar. , . - -. California's Redwood Forests. The magnificent redwoods which ex tend along the coast ranges, from Monterey Bay to Siskiyou, constitute, of course, the chief timber resources of the State. It is from these fore3t3 that the major part of the lumber used in the State since the American occupa tion has been obtained. The drain on these forests has necessarily been enormous. In those reflwood forests adjacent to San Francisco Bav and lying in the counties of San Mateo, Srfnta Cruz, Marin, Sonoma, Napa, and Alameda, most of the merchantable lumber in the original growth has been removed long ago. Fortunately the denudation of these forests has not pro duced a scene of utter desolation, such as is sometimes pictured in the mind as following in the wake of the lum berman's axe. In the greater portion of these worked-over forests, where the stumps have not been removed to make way for fruit tree or vine, the great vitality of the redwood has as serted itself, and a dense growth of saplings has sprung from the mutila ted butts, and are rapidly approaching a merchantable condition. The same phenomenon of nature re storing the redwood forests is witnessed in such parts of Mendocino and Hum boldt counties as the lumberman has already culled. An interesting illus tration of the renewal of these magnifi cent forest trees is presented in the canons on the east side of the Contra Costa and Alameda county range, within a few miles of this city, and along the forest-clad slopes of Mount Tamalpais, and the ranges of Sonoma and Napa counties. The redwood for ests on the range east of St. Helena, in the latter county, supplied all the ties used in the construction of the Napa Valley Railway, and the new growth has been drawn upon for years past for posts and stakes for the vineyards and orchards that are taking the place of the forests. Sa?i Francisco Bulletin. CHANGES OF CLIMATE Kill more people than is generally known. Particularly is this the case in instances where the constitution is delicate, and among our immigrant population seeking new homes in those portions of the West, and where malarial and typhoid fevers pre vail at certain seasons of the year. The best preparative for a change of climate, or of diet and water which that change neces sitates, is Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, which not only fortifies the sjstem against malaria, a variable temperature, damp, and the debilitating effects of tropical heat, but U also the leading remedy for constipation, dyspepsia, liver complaint, bodily troubles specially apt to attrack immigrants and visitors to regions near, the equator, marin ers and tourists. Whether used as a safe guard by 8a voyagers, travelers by land, miners, or of agriculturalists in newly popu lated districts, this fine specific has elicited the most favorable testimony. Benton County planing mills, AND - ash amp fjooa Factory, W. P. SV1ARTYN, Proprietor. Doors ami Sash kept in stock or made to order. Mouldings of all kinds in pine or cedar. All orders' will receive prompt at tention. I guarantee all my work to be tirst-class. West of S. P. depot, Corvallis, Oregon. 8-8-tf. T HEALTH RESTORER. '5x3,s32,?, USE IT! 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Office up stairs in Crawford & Fafra's brick. Office hours, 8 to 9 a.m., and 1 to 2 and 7 p. m. i:i3-yi. 3. M. APPLEWHITE, M. D.. residence North 9th Street. H. S. PERNOT, U D., residence 4th street, two doors north of Open House. Applewhite & Pernot, PHYSICIANS AND SUHQEDilS, Corvallis, Oregon, Offices over J. P. Clark's hard ware store, "and at R. Graham's drug store. Hours: 8 to 12 a. m., 1:30 to 5, and 7 to 8:30 p. m. Benton County a:b:sotcjc:o. Complete Set of bs tracts of Benton County. Co&Teya&ciBg & Perfecting Titles i Spetiilty, Money to Loan on Improved City and Country Property. J, E. MMET I CO., - Bropriatonv MAIN ST., CORVALLIS. THB OF A Wonderful Boo inula from thi M cords of t Wr Department. .grr.BiHi-W. ofhe.rmji men enllstsd ta the TJnlon attdt and JUtt. 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