THE CORVALLIS GAZETTE, FRIDAY, JULY 24, 1891.
Highest .'of all In Leavening Power.
ABSOLUTE! PURE
WIT AND HUMOR.
Eternal vigilance enables a man to
carry the same umbrella for years.
Boston Courier.
A great many politicians are called
dark horses from the shades of their
records. Puck.
He Genius is a mental disease. She
How well and healthy you must be.
Detroit Free Press.
"How doth the little busy bee?"
Well, if you meddle with him much
you will be apt to find out how he doth.
Boston Post.
An actor may not know much about
cravats, but his experience with ties
both railway and matrimonial is
usually extensive. Life.
Next to having a new bonnet herself
a woman likes to have a chance to
make fun of somerotherwoman's head
gear. Somervitle Journal.
It Is a waste of time to look back at
one's' own mistakes when' there- Is bo
much more fun in -watching the mis
takes of other people. Hotel Mail.
Would tt "be correct to describe near
ly evr girl, you know as being in a
dreadf ul hurry because there's a bustle
Tjehind her? Journal of Education.
, When a man finds that he is getting
'to be too loquacious his best remedy
5s to get married. . He will notice aa
improvement right away. Somervitle
Journal.
You may break, you may shatter the
vase" if you will, out the various ways
of pronouncing it,accordingto locality,
will cling around it stilL Norristown
Herald,
Citizen (stopping physician on the
street) Just a momentC Doc; only one
word. Phvsician Well, make it short,
old man; It's watermelon season, you
know. New York Sun.
Bolton Young Jones is generous
with his cigars, isn't he? Wolton
Yes (puff); but I think he would (puff)
be kinder to his friends if he smoked
them himself. Life.
When a man learns to mind his own
business and leave the affairs of others
alone he accomplishes a success as
jjreat as falls to common mortals.
Martha's Vineyard Herald.
He (making an evening call) Shall
I sing one more song. Miss Clara, be
fore fgo? She I should be delighted.
Air. Sampson er if you think you
have time. New York Sun.
"That is rather an expensive um
brella, Bromley." "Yes, Darringer.
It is the kind other people, appropri
ate." "Just what I thought Brom
ley; whose is it?" Detroit Free Press.
'Poor Goldson! I am afraid the
poor fellow is losing his mind. "By
Jove! You don't say so!" "Why, my
dear boy. it is nearly 3 o'clock, and I
just saw him with his 1 o'clock suit
on!" Life.
. Mrs. Holyoke (who has not asked
him, and does not want him) "I'm
aorry yon can't stay to tea with us."
Capt. Whiffet (equal to the occasion)
"I'm awfully flad that I'm sorry I've
got to go." Judge.
Scientists are now . inquiring how
long it takes to think. Well, when a
man has to think of some -way to pay
a month's board bill with only $2.16 in
his pocket to do it with it takes him a
good long while. Puck.
Miss E thel (confidentially) "Doyou
know, Clara, that I had two offers of
marriage last week." Miss Clara (with
enthusiasm) "O, I am delighted,
dear! Then the report is really true
that your uncle left you his money.":
Life.
Every - gentleman should hate - the
signature of the Creator on. 'the s label
to avoid confusion. There are so
many imitations nowadays ,. that peo
ple who are not connoisseurs frequent
ly encounter the - wrong article Lin
coln Journal,
De Sappy I tell you Featherington,
you have the'biggest head Feather
ington Aw, De Sappy, you flatter me,
doncherknow. De Sappy Don't in
terrupt, Featherington; you have the
biggest head on your cane Fve seen
this season. Life.
He 10 p. m., and the lamp turned
low- humorously) ''It isn't at all
queer, is it. Edith, that one should find
electric kisses when he goes sparking!"-
She "Yes, oueer. indeed, Mr.
Standoff, when the fady's negative is
positive." Judge..
Customer (to drueeist") Gimme a
big dose of whisky and quinine. I've
fot malaria. Druggist Sorry, sir,
ut we're just out of quinine. Customer
Well, gimme the whisky without the
quinine then: I've got to do some
thing, or I'll die. New, York Sun.
,"Ab. Clara,''! said a, young, surgeon
(after hospital hours) as he sank upon
liis knees, "would, that I could, gain
possession of your heart!" "You can,
Mr. Sawbones,"replied Clara promptly,
butblnshingly; "and without giving me,
other either.'' ew York Sun.
Nothing. else is so calculated to work
on a man's sympathies as the sight of a
yonnp; man's painful effort at unoon
er while; he, is. scratching ; his brow
with the hand with which, he would
liave tipped his hat to a young-lady, if
she hadn't cut him AeaA. -Judge.
"Howyrnoeh of that $10,000 have yoa
now, George?' Yoa only got it; two
months ago, you know." "Well, I had
$8,000 an hour ago, but I don't know
now mMcfcthei? left now," "Why?"
'My wife bag just gone on a shopping
xpeditJoO" Nebraska State Journal.
"Hve you kept track, of young
boooyjstely,9 AUJe .jrate. fee's, go
ip'en fte'Jlsoojx fce seriously-ejjjtj
U. S. Gov't Report, Aug. 17, 1889.
rassed." "Embarassed? Nonsense!
You don't know the man. He asked
me for a loan of a hundred this morn
ing without the quiver of an eyelid."
Life.
"Aw. Chollv. have vou seen Awljrer-
non this morning?" Cholly (in a husky
whisper) "The pooah boy is dead." !
"Dead! Why, old chappy, what killed
him, aw?" "Hervous shocK. uon t
ye know, he bought a suit of clothes:
and the coat didnt fit." Lincoln
Journal.
Wife (to husband, who has been
ostensibly to church) I was so sorry
not to go with you this morning, John,
but I really didn't feel able. Were
there many there? Husband No, the
grandstand was only about half er
, yes, a fair congregation for hot
weather. New York Sun.
Mr. McDude What a wonderful
thing is space, Miss Ethel! The im
mensity of it quite fills my brain. Miss
Ethel (sarcastically) So I should im
agine, Mr. McDude, from the nature of
your conversation. And a blizzard
stood between them during the re
mainder of the voyage. Ocean.
"J-John, d-dear," she sobbed, "d-did
you ever think how near death is to all?
Wh-what would you ever d-do, J-John,
if I should d-die?" "Well," said John,
musinsrly, "I don't know as 1 had ever
thought of it before, my dear, but now
you speak of it my first impression is
that I should bury you." Somerville
Journal.
A man out West fell in a dead faint
the other day and the people thought
at first that it was "heart disease.
Afterward the man recovered, and it
was found that he had sent for a
plumber the day before to do a little
work, and the plumber had come
punctually at the time he said he would.
Somerville Journal.
A great many men living in the
country have whitewashed stones on
the sides of their roads that they may
know just where the roads are in tho
dark. Some of them who come home
late from city clubs would add to their
general safety and comfort if they
would have the entire road white
washed. Puck.
"What a floral offering that was of
Dr. Budd's!" said old Mrs. Wilkins as
she was returning from church. "Yes;
Dr. Budd uses the cut flowers of
speech to a good purpose," replied the
deacon. "Cut flowers, deacon?"
queried the old lady. "Yes. They
have so little connection with the stem
of the discourse." Harper's Bazar,
Breaking in a Naval Cadet.
Within a few days the cadets shako
easily into their places, and by going
over the mast-head every morning,
sending up and down the light spars,
and being ordered to get a pull here
and a pull there and a long pull alto
gether everywhere, during the best
part of their waking hours, they soon
acquire a nautical airana a lairty goou
grip on the strange surroundings. Two
or three days later the "Constellation"
drops down the Annapolis Roads,
stands into Chesapeake Bay, and the
long-looked-for cruise begins. Practi
cal work commences at once, and if
the winds be unfavorable, and they are
usually, the ship beats down the bay
in the daytime and anchors at sunset.
Here tho" new cadet sees the envied se
nior class men in charge of the deck,
make and take in sail tack, wear, box
haul, and chapel ship; sees him occa
sionally miss 6tajs and box her off,
heave to, get casts of the deep sea
lead, shift sails and spars, reef and
shake out reef, and bring the ship to
an anchor. All this time he is doing
yeoman's--service himself; his white
working-clothes are tarry, and he is so
used to "stamping and going it" that
when night comes ;he is glad to turn
in early, and leave the hardships of
anchor-watch to those who have enjoy
ed the triumphs of the quarter-deck.
After Hampton Roads are reached, the
vessel lies at anchorfor a week or
more; but this is a busy season, and all
day long there are great-gun, compa
ny, pistol, or small-arm drills, fire
quarters, boats armed and equipped,
or that stirring exercise when the crew
and cadets are called to "abandon
ship." This drill is usually executed
without previous warning, exactly as
it might be needed in any sudden
emergency, as in a collision, or danger
of foundering on the high sea; but
within a moment after the order rings
out, every man is at his station; some
lower the boats, others 6tand sentry
over the falls, so no unauthorized or
r panic-stricken person, may enter'with
: out orders; the majority pass up pro
visions and water, cooking utensils,
arms, ammunition, and nautical in
struments; there is heard everywhere
the rush of feet, the whimper of boat
falls as the davits creak and complain
with the strain and the weight of the
crews lowering themselves by stopper
or halyards; from every gun-port will
ing hands pass stores into the cutters,
and when ready, each reports its name
and number. In less than five minutes,
if the discipline be good, the crew is
embarked in cutters, whale-boats, gig,
launches, and : dingy, all submerged
almost to their gunwales, and the ship
is "abandoned officially. Lieutenant
KeUey in Harper's Magazine.
"These fish, my dear Mrs. Hen
dricks." remarked the minister, who
was discussing a sunday dinner with
the family, "are delieiously fresh. I am
enjoying them very much." "They
ought to be fresh," volunteered Bobby,
who was also enjoying them. "Pa
caught 'em only this morning. 'V-.flfetfl
York own
1
-Powder!
In the Bay at St. Pierre, Martinique.
We anchor in limpid blue water; the
cannon-shot is answered by a pro
longed thunder-chipping of mountain
echoes.
Then from the shore a strange flo
tilla bears down upon us. There is
one boat, two or three c;inoes; but the
bulk of the craft are simply white
wooden frames flat-bottomed struc
tures made from shipping-cases or
lard-boxes, with triangular ends. In
all of these sit naked boys boj's be
tween ten and fourteen years of age
varying in color from a line clear yel
low to a deep reddish-brown or choco
late tint. They row with two little
square flat pieces of wood f6r paddles,
clutched in each hand, and these lid
shaped things are dipped into the wat
er on e:thcrside with absolute precision
in perfect time, all the pairs of little
naked arms seeming moved by a single
impulse. There is much unconscious
grace in this puddling, as well as con
summate skill. Then all about tho
ships these ridiculous little boats be
gin to describe circles, crossing and in
tercrossing so closely as almost to
bring them into collision, yet never
touching. The boys have simply come
out to dive for coins they expect pas
sengers to fling to them. All are chat
tering crcole, laughing, and screaming
shrilly; every eye, quick iiud bright as
a bird's, watches tho faces of the pas
sengers on deck. " 'Tention-la!" shriek
a dozen soprani: some passenger's
hand lifts descended into a money
pocket, fi nd :ill . :iro on the alert.
Through tho air, twirling and glitter
ing, tumbles an English shilling, and
drops into the deep water beyond the
little fleet. Instantly all the lads leap,
scramble, topple head-foremost, out of
their little tubs, aud dive in pursuit.
In the blue water their lithe figures
look perfectly red, all but the soles of
their unturned feet, which show quite
white. Almost immediately they all
rise again; one holds up at arm's length
above the water the recovered coin,
and then puts it into his mouth for
safe keeping. Coin after coin is thrown
in, and as speedily brought up; a show
er of small silver follows, and not a
piece is lost. These lads move through
the water without apparent effort,
with the suppleness of fishes. Most
are decidedly fiue-looking boys, with
admirably rounded limbs, delicately
formed extremities. The best diver
and swiftest swimmer, however, is a
lemon-colored lad; his face is rather
commonplace, but his slim figure has
the fluent grace of an antique bronze.
Lafcadio Hearn, in Harper's Maga
zine. How to Get Into the Naval Academy,
The students of this national college
are called officially "naval cadets on
probation," the traditional title of mid
shipman having been changed first to
cadet midshipman, and subsequently
so the engineer pupils plight be in
cluded to that now employed. Their
number is limited by law to one cadet
for every member or delegate of the
House of Representatives, and to eleven
others ten at large and one from the
District of Columbia appointed by the
President. As the age of admission
falls between the limits of fourteen
and eighteen, and the course extends
six years, it follows, unfortunately,
that "in certain districts appointments
may not be open, more than once in
that period, thus making one-third of
its boys unavailable by reason of age.
The remedy proposed for this is only
one of fifty good reasons why the
course should be reduced from six to
four years.
To pass successfully the candidate
must be physically sound and of robust
constitution, have a sufficiently thor
ough knowledge of arithmetic, algebra,
history, reading, writing, and spelling,
and when appointed, be ready to tako
an oath to serve for eight years, in
cluding the probationary period. When
a vacancy is likely to occur in any dis
trict, the Secretary of the Navy "must
notify its Congressional Representative
as soon as possible after the 5th of
March in each year, ard if by the 1st
of July no action has been taken, the
privilege lapses, and the Secretary is
empowered to make the nomination.
As this system permits the choice of a
candidate to be deferred until the May
examination is really over, or, as in
the majority of cases, until the acad
emic year is about to open, it would
seem to be infinitely better if a candi
date and an alternate were named, at
least one year previous to the May ex
amination. This would enable the ap
plicant to pursue a course specially
fitted as a direct preparation for his
professional studies, and if successful,
to go at once upon a cruise, which
would teach him definitely his immedi
ate aptitude for a sea-life. On the oth
er hand, should the principal fail, an
alternate stood ready to face the
same ordeal.
. The low standard of admission is
based upon the theory that the possi
bilities of the academy must be so freely
open to boys of every description as to
make it what it is undoubtedly the
most democratic government school in
tho world. Practically this very just
theory impairs the efficiency of the
acade'my, as it pins the qualifications
at a point which rigorously prohibits
the energies of t he teachers and of the
average scholars being directed imme
diately to the branches of education
connected with the naval profession.
Entrance examinations are held in
May and September. Lieutenant Kel
ley, in Harper's, Magazine.
t
Consumption Cured.
Aa old physician, retiied from practice,
having had placed in his hamls by an East
India missionary the - formula of a simple
vegetable remedy for the speedy and per
manent care of consumption, bronchitis'
catarrh, asthma aud all throat and lung af
fection?, also a positive and radical cure for
nervous debility and all nervous complaints,
tfter having- tested its wonderful curative
powers in thousands! of cases, has felt it bis
luty to make it known to his suffering fel
lows. Actuated by this motive and a desire
to relieve human suffering, I will send free
f charge, to all who desire it, this receipe,
in German, French, or English, with full
directions tor preparing and using. Sect
hy mail by addressing with stamp, naming
"-.his paper.. W, A, "Notes, 820 Powers'
Block. Kocbester, N. Y.
Pe .thoe ,embroiJere4 ghawjs - al the
Ladieii' J5aar. , . - -.
California's Redwood Forests.
The magnificent redwoods which ex
tend along the coast ranges, from
Monterey Bay to Siskiyou, constitute,
of course, the chief timber resources of
the State. It is from these fore3t3 that
the major part of the lumber used in
the State since the American occupa
tion has been obtained. The drain on
these forests has necessarily been
enormous. In those reflwood forests
adjacent to San Francisco Bav and
lying in the counties of San Mateo,
Srfnta Cruz, Marin, Sonoma, Napa, and
Alameda, most of the merchantable
lumber in the original growth has been
removed long ago. Fortunately the
denudation of these forests has not pro
duced a scene of utter desolation, such
as is sometimes pictured in the mind
as following in the wake of the lum
berman's axe. In the greater portion
of these worked-over forests, where
the stumps have not been removed to
make way for fruit tree or vine, the
great vitality of the redwood has as
serted itself, and a dense growth of
saplings has sprung from the mutila
ted butts, and are rapidly approaching
a merchantable condition.
The same phenomenon of nature re
storing the redwood forests is witnessed
in such parts of Mendocino and Hum
boldt counties as the lumberman has
already culled. An interesting illus
tration of the renewal of these magnifi
cent forest trees is presented in the
canons on the east side of the Contra
Costa and Alameda county range,
within a few miles of this city, and
along the forest-clad slopes of Mount
Tamalpais, and the ranges of Sonoma
and Napa counties. The redwood for
ests on the range east of St. Helena, in
the latter county, supplied all the ties
used in the construction of the Napa
Valley Railway, and the new growth
has been drawn upon for years past for
posts and stakes for the vineyards and
orchards that are taking the place of
the forests. Sa?i Francisco Bulletin.
CHANGES OF CLIMATE
Kill more people than is generally known.
Particularly is this the case in instances
where the constitution is delicate, and
among our immigrant population seeking
new homes in those portions of the West,
and where malarial and typhoid fevers pre
vail at certain seasons of the year. The
best preparative for a change of climate, or
of diet and water which that change neces
sitates, is Hostetter's Stomach Bitters,
which not only fortifies the sjstem against
malaria, a variable temperature, damp, and
the debilitating effects of tropical heat, but
U also the leading remedy for constipation,
dyspepsia, liver complaint, bodily troubles
specially apt to attrack immigrants and
visitors to regions near, the equator, marin
ers and tourists. Whether used as a safe
guard by 8a voyagers, travelers by land,
miners, or of agriculturalists in newly popu
lated districts, this fine specific has elicited
the most favorable testimony.
Benton County
planing mills,
AND -
ash amp fjooa Factory,
W. P. SV1ARTYN, Proprietor.
Doors ami Sash kept in stock or made to
order. Mouldings of all kinds in pine or
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tirst-class. West of S. P. depot, Corvallis,
Oregon. 8-8-tf.
T HEALTH RESTORER.
'5x3,s32,?, USE IT!
IT IS THKIPEAIi MEPIOIWE.
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Train for he East leave Portland at 9:00
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ELEGANT NEW DINING CABS
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Close connections at Portland for San
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For further particulars inquire of any
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T. W. LEE, G. P. and T. A.
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G. R. FARRA, M. D.,
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Snecial attention eiven to Obstetrics
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Office up stairs in Crawford & Fafra's
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1 to 2 and 7 p. m. i:i3-yi.
3. M. APPLEWHITE, M. D..
residence North 9th Street.
H. S. PERNOT, U D., residence 4th street, two
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Applewhite & Pernot,
PHYSICIANS AND SUHQEDilS,
Corvallis, Oregon,
Offices over J. P. Clark's hard
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Benton County
a:b:sotcjc:o.
Complete Set of bs tracts of Benton
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Co&Teya&ciBg & Perfecting Titles i Spetiilty,
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A Pamphlet, "How to Obtain PaUntsVwithY
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lUMtui ratents, invests, Trade
kJaarsa, uopTrisnta, ami mu
m MUNN CO
-381 Broaaway,
Wsw KKk.
PHILIP WEBER,
-DEALER IN-
Carpets.lWall Paper, Furnf
ture and Bedding,
CORVA LLIS, - OREGON
From Terminal or Interior
Points the
JonniEMi Pacific
EAILKOAD
Is the Line to Take
TK ill POINTS EASI mi S5UTH
It is the Dining Car Route. It rnoe
Through Vestibuled Trains Every
Day in the Year
TO ST. PAUL Ml CHICAGO
(No change-of cat". Composed! of
JDINIISTG CAES,
Unsurpassed,
' Of Latest Equipment.
Tourist Sleeping Care,
Beat that can be constructed ami m
which accommodations aire both
Free and Foruished for hotdera of
First! or Second-class Tickets, and
Eelgant Da; Coaches.
A Continuous line Connecting:
with All Lines, affording
Direct and Uninterrnpted
Sleeper reservations
. can ) secured in advance
tbftttgn any agent of the
THROUGH TICKETS to and
. ; froin all Points, in America,
England and Europe can be
purchased at any Ticket
Office of this Company '
J?ujJ jntofmation concerning
rates, time pf trains, routes and
other detaifc furnished on appii"
or '
, ArDrCHAELTtm,..
' - stKisttbt Omars! tuUnger Atni, .
; Portland, Oregon,
L . WACHAg jr. t. r. ,
ft, -V