THJ2 COKVuLLtSETTf:, THIDAV, FEBRUARY ?, 1890.
THE OBJECTOR'S ADVICE.
Hepresentative Holman's Say
to a flew "M. C."
Very sensible suggestions.
Light Shed on the Way some Ob
jectionable Bills are Passed and
many More are Introduced.
It is related that a young mem
ber about to enter upon his first
term in congress once applied to
that veteran "objector," Judge
Ilolman, for advice touching the
performance of his duties, and re
ceived the following suggestions
from him: -
uAlwa3rs bear in mind," said the
Judge, "that you do not represent
the men who are seated about you
and whom you meet in the lobbies
and hotels. You will find them
very congenial and polite gentle
men, and they will take great
pleasure in making your stay here
very pleasant for you. By voting
for the private measures of your
fellow-members as they come up,
you will not only do the thing
most convenient for yourself, But
you will receive such flattering
ttpprob-tion as will add much fo
your own self appreciation. If
you test the merit of their Schemes,
having in view the environments
of sood fellowship and the recip
rocity of such services which main- J
r
tains Ihem, you can easily per
suade yourself of their popularity.
The persons you, oblige by such
votes will pat you on the back
and say all manner of nice things
about you.
"But you .should bear con
tinually in mind that the men who
sent vou here are in the cornfields
and workshops out west, working
away in their shiit-sleeves, and'
are very apt to look at things from
a very different-standpoint, from
that of these very agreeable gentle
men whom it would delight you
to accommodate by voting accord
ing to their wishes. These men
here can't vote for you, and at the
next election it will matter little
to you in your canvass whether
you have pleased them or not.
Consider every propositipn with
flu rtupclinn in miiifl ' Wlisit. rpn.
sonable and truthful explanation
can I make to my pt ople at home
to justify me to them for having
voted for this measure?' The
measure that you cannot truthfully
justify voting for to the average
larmier in the harvest-field, or to
the average blacksmith at Lis
forge, you had better vote against.
otherwise you may find yourself
less popular at home on election
day than you could be here by
obliging your friends in and out
of the house by voting for their
little bills." .
: The average congressman is
chock full of good intentions, and
loves the dear ' constituents with
an abiding affection. There is no
limit to his endeavors in their be
half.- No one of them can suggest
to him a service to be performed
but that it is undertaken with. zeal
and industry. There is nothing
xtoo good or too big in the treasury
here for the citizens of Mudsock.
Their member, will go for it; on
their behalf. Constitutional limit
ations, State rights, antiquated no
tions of jeconomy, are all relegated
to the rear when Mudsock comes
to the front; in the very nature of
things her rights are paramount,
and not affected by the ordinary
principles of governmental policy.
Fortunately for Mudsock, there
. are Buzzardr Glory and Tailhold,
Jack's Defeat and Beech Creek,
likewise efficiently represented
here by zealous members, and
they, too, want some of the sur
plus, and are equally entitled to it.
A combination of interests Is
easily effected a hundred "future
greats" are readily, recruited, and
thus our members' measure is no
longer a mere local affair, interest
ing only to dwellers in the village
on the Raccoon, but it is a pait of
a great "national system" ' to be
wrought out in sections as rapidly
as the "objections" of a few "old
cheese-paring fossils,' or Shake
rags in their respective districts,
will permit. True, the item of
cost has multiplied even more
rapidly than the number of Mud
socks in the field, for some of them
have registered their demands over
-in the millions column, and many
ef them in that next to it.
Now right here is where the
member from Musock needs a sug
gestion from the member from
Aurora, Ind. The judge would
mince his tobacco half a minute,
at the rat&-of forty-six bites a sec
ond, would give his hand, palm
upward, a series of those rotary
nervous motions which he acquir
ed as a boy feeding his fowls, and
with, a little more pronounced
nasal intonation, added for the
sake of impressiveness, one would
say: . -
"Yes, yes, yes, that's all right-
that's all right so far as Mudsock
is concerned, it's a nice town, en
terprising place; need a postoffice
building there, no doubt, people
there will probably very gener
ously endorse it. But, ah, ah, my
friend, ah, have you stopped to
consider what your constituents
over at Jiggerhead and Hard
scrabble and the hundred other
postoflices in your district will
think about it? You know they
are very plain kind of people
about most of .these country vil
lages, their postoffices are kept at
the grocery stores, and they really
would not enjoy their mail unless
it is slightly flavored with onions
and mackerel. Now they might
not object; that is, they might not
object so much to your taxing
them to build a nice office for
Mudsock at a cost of $50,000; but
ah, ah, it is worthy your consider
ation whether, ah, ah, ah, ah, their
sympathies will go with you in
voting for these one hundred and
fifty other buildings in order to
get your Mudsock bill passed.
You may be right, rhy friend, you
may be right, doubtless you have
considered the matter more care
fully than I, but ah, ah, ah, at the
same time these suggestions may
be worlhy of some thought."
At the first call of the states for
the introduction of bills in this
congress there was - an unprece
dented amount of Shakerag and
Buzzard Glory measures dumped
into the hopper. Tb.3 strength of
the combination that can be form
ed by the consolidation of these
local interests would be startling.
The honest granger near Slabtown,
who has known his member since
boyhood, has . swapped tobacco
with him and heard him declaim
against the extravagance of .the
other fellows, would stand aghast
at the magnificence of views de
veloped and ripened under the
congenial atmosphere of congress
ional associations.
The average member, like a cer
tain class of witnesses out of
court, is "not on oath" except
when the roll is called. Here is
the opportunity for the combina
tion. The .members who intro
duce bills for public improvements
in the way of buildings, etc., stand
together in the support of each of
them. A faltering by any one at
any point insures the defeat of his
own measures. This fact alone is
sufficient to keep up perfect disci
pline. Four days given to - the com
mittee on public buildings and
grounds without any one to apply
the network of obstructive tactics
would provide for the erection of
over 150 postoffice buildings, half
of them in places where the whole
net- revenue of the offices would
not pay the interest on the outlay
and the expense of caring for and
preserving X the " buildings after
erection. , V
It is safe to say thaji were all
the bills already introduced in the
house to become lawk the com
bined revenues of all the govern-
Children Cry fot?
: -?
jnents of both Americas would
not suffice for; oiir expenditures.
If. the conservative element, rep
resenting about 33 per cent of the
membership of the house, were to
absent . theniselves in a body for
two wegks ata time, the annual
drain on the treasuary would be
increased $200,000,000. Wash
ington Post.
' 4,1'ECULIAR HOTEL.
A new hotel .was opened this
season in Washington which is run
in the most peculiar way ever
heard of. It is kept by a woman.
She is noted here as a worker in
the christian temperance union
and other societies. The rules of
her house prevent any one from
having wine, beer or whistcy under
that roof. It goes without saying
that none ot the "ardent" is sold
there. She will not even permijt
the use of tobacco on the prem
ises. If a man should stray into
the office with a cigar in his mouth
he is instantly commanded to take
it out, and told that the "vile
habit" of smoking. is not .tolerated
there. A few days ago the pro
prietor discovered . that a married
couple who had.rooms in the hotel
were in possession of a bottle of
beer. She demanded : that they
should vacate the rooms at once,
ane they had to go. Several
young women and widows who
hold places in the'government ser
vice occupy rooms at the peculiar
tavern. They cannot remain out
at night after a certain hour unless
the proprietor knows just where
they are going; and in order to
get back Into , the place they are
furnished with permits. If they
want to go to the theatre objection
is raiseel, so it is said, the over
pious woman who keeps the hotel
being of the Opinion that theatres
are devices of the devil. As a
consequence of such "blue laws"
it is said that this hotel has within
its walls more "cranks." male and
female, than were ever collected
together .before in one place in
Washington. New York Tribune.
IT LOOKED THAT WAY.
. Wallis Did Black win the law
suit he had over that large sum of
money.
Wallace I suppose he did. He
told me he lacked only $450 of
having, enough to pay the lawyer
after it was over. Time.
Alexander T. Stewart left an es
tate estimated all the way from
$20,000,000 to $40,000,000. At
the end ot a dozen years his widow,
to whom,, he left nearly all of it,
was in debt to, the executor in the
sum of $000,000, and the estate
has shrunk to $12,000,000. Jim
Fisk left to his widow $3,500,000.
The estate was eaten up by sharks
of various - kinds, and Mrs. Fisk,
who is now a miserably poor wo
man, 'is living on a small farm in
New England.
A writer in an Eastern journal, talk
ing about church choirs, says they
have become the training school for
the comic opera stage. 'The good
deacons may not believe it possible,
but a glance at the history of the most
popular soubrettes aud prima donnas
shows that they graduated from church
choirs." '
.Ralston Cox will open an office in Port
land next- wetk, he has also established
agencies in Seattle and ' Spokane, all
property plated with him will be listed in
all the above offices. , If yon have property
of any kind he can sell it for yon.
' ''"' ' -Or !' . rr-t ar.l I-.kj. ,, I
n'.x" ii , nr. r -. y .-T M i i;;,.. in iih 9 !
''i.''r I J'Wtn.tvit. . I" 1 '1.1" ( VkI !"m
-:. for HIi. -:t
!.r. H-lor r. -. :....-...;.. tr;!- ;
?j:fV A I it., ) ni.i:.Biy, 3. i l.riiailRsj, .
: r:'j: kvwfi. lch j-v".ia.on;ninr. color
"v ;iHvr..iii ::::-. ... eui'Ui t:i:i! ,-.i , lt-:i1t-,s-
:t ii:.tt;:rv i r.;-ilii.vt. n.i-n i riyruvii
!:! !:i : fl-i:y an-; : H.vti-i.,. fir t' i- uf t
i-i.-t. a i i.rvv :-t.v-: j. t'i' I i in i.-iims. -
.. o;.-!, .M j . fi.--. tr rsil!f:Mk.. Col'
TRADE- i,?ARS5. '
In (tv rnut :u;.tS rim rr:-for--fl'Iir rv
;!,
"t'.i
pitcher's Castorla.
S-fJ'? JUTCt'W! rrrwtt.
:&-y .-mi i- "i-
Gorvallis Grange, Jlo. 242,
CORVALUS, OREGON, 1890.
t 1:30 I- M.
.. . -n ts-Qj"ca : -
FEBRUARY 1.
OPENING EXEKCISES.
BUSINESS SESSION.
MUSIC.
SOME OF THE BENEFITS DERIVED FROM THE CRANQE." LKTcan
(DlMtuwd by Members Present. "
SELECT BEADING, - - -
MUSIC. - -
FEBRUARY 15.
MTTSIC.- -" '
BUSINESS SESSION.
MUSia - .
"READING MATTER FOR THE HOME."
ESSAY, "HOME AND ITS AFFAIRS," - - '
SELECT READING, - - - '
MARCH 1.
BUSINESS SESBION.
INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC. - - -
PAPER, "HOW SHALL OUR ROADS BE WPROVEDf
DISCUSSION, LED BY A. G. MULKY AND E. ELLIOT.
DECLAMATION.
. MUSIC. '
MARCH IO.
OPENING EXERCISES.
BUSINESS SESSION.
INITIATION.
MUSIC.
"PRUNING FRUIT TREES," -DISCUSSION,
LED BY OEO. TAYLOR. -SELECT
READING, - - -
MUSIC.
MARCH 29.
MUSIC.
BUSINESS SESSION
INITIATION.
MUSIC. -
BANQUET AND SOCIAL MEETING.
APRIL 6.
m
MUSIC.
BUSINESS SESSION.
MUSIC
"BENEFICIAL BIRDS AND INSECT8,"
select reading,
"declamation.
APRIL 19-
BUSINESS SESSION.
MUSIC. -
"FARM CROPS FOR WILLAMETTE VALLEY."
ESSAY. , - - - -READING.
MUSIC.
trk papers and essays
M. E. Grimm.
L. H. T. French.
A. S. L. Y. Wilson.
T. W. Crkes.
O.E. Elliot.
F. Mrs. J. D. Johnson.
L. A. S.-1-MR8.
FIHE PRIIlTltJB!
KSrAll . kinds of extra fine job
printing, snch as Wedding Invitations
and Cards, Ball Programmes and Tick
ets, Calling Cards, etc., done in excel
lent style at The Gazette office. Call
and inspect samples of stock. .
CBAiG & CONOVER,
Corvallis,
Mas. L. Wilsox
Paor. W. W. Baisrov
Mas. BL T. Faixca
Maa S. L. Suaoa
Paor. Bkkcbtolb
t. D. JoHNioa
Paor. E. R. Lais
Mas. Geo. TATLoa
Paor. F. L. Winm
DlKusted by Members Present.
Mas. J. D. Jemsoa
. ' - WORIHT MASTSa
Discussed by 8. L. Shedd and others
Miss Amci Hoasuca
are open for discussion,
OFFICERS:
O. J. D. Johnson.
S. S. L. Shkdd.
Chap. W. W. Bristow.
Sec A G. Mulrky.
P. Mrs. L. Wilson.
C Miss Alice Hobniro.
H. T. French.
Oregon.
0EKLAITD TO GALIFORNrA
VIA
Southern Pacifid Company's
LINE
THE MT. SHASTA ROUTE.
Time Between
ALBANY and SAN FRANCISCO
35 HOUHS.
Ci!ff:nis Ezjreu Tnini Bon Eiily
POUTLAND and' SAN FKANC1SCO.
SOUTH.
Lr Portlai'd ...4:00p.m.
NORTH
Lv Ban Frisfco.... 7:00pm
Lv Altyaiiy...ii...450i
L Albany... i,.8HB p. m,
Ar Ssfi Frisco. ..7:o p.m. Ar Portland... 10:45 a w
Local Passenger Train, Dailyt except Sunday
r Portland. ..8:00 a.m. I Eugene ..9:00 a. na
Albany.... 12:40 p. m. Lv Albany 11:85 a. m
4r Eilgeue ..2:40 p m Ar Portland 8:46 p nt
Lebanon Branch.
8":2D p m...Lv... Albany.. .;Ar... 6:30a lit
SUW6 p in. . Ar. .. Lebanon. ..Lv. . 5:45 a M
IkJ() p m. ..Lv. . ; Albany ; . i.Ar, ;.9:25 p in
t6 p m. . Ar. . .Lebanon. ..Lv. . -.8:40 p nt
7:30 a m; L.. .Albany Ar.. .4:26 p nt
8:22 a m..Ar. . .Lebanon. ..Lv . ..3:40 p nt
Pullman Buffett Sleepers;
TOUHIST SLEEPING CARS,
Por accommodation of second-class
passengers, attached to Express Trains.
The S. P. Co.'s Ferry makes connection with all
lb regular trains ou the East Side DiTisien from
(oot of F street.
West Sid Sivisia. -BETWEEN
PORTLAND AND fjORVALLISi
Hall Tnii. Sally Except Stasday.
bVK. I ARCIVB.
Portland. iii...T:30 a. m. 1 CorvalUs:.;... IS :SS p. at
Corrallis 1:30 p. m. Portland 6:10 p. ni
At Albany and Corvallis connect with trains of th
Oregon Pacific Railroad;
Ezprea Train. Saily Except Sunday.
LIAVB.
Portland 4:50 p. m.
HcMlnnvills . ... 6:45 a. m.
AKK1VK.
McMinnviile... 8:00 p. nt
Portland; ... 9:00 a. Hi
THROUGH TICKETS
to all points
South and East via California
fior full information regarding rates, maps
ate., call ou company's agent at Corrallis of
Albany.
K. P ROGERS, Asst. G. F. &P. Agont.
R.JCOEHLEKUanairor.
the;
Vaquina
CUTE
Oregon Pacific Ftallroad and
Oregon Development Co. 'a
STEAMSHIP LIJSE.
233 Miles Shorter; 20 Hours Less tims
than by any other routa. First class
through passenger and freight line front
Portland all points in the Willarneite valley
to aud from San Francisco C'al.
The Oregon Pacific stentntmats oil
the Willamette river division will
leave Portland, soutli-bpulidj Mondayj
Wednesday and Friday at 6 a.m.
Arfive at Corvallis on Tuesday
Thursday and Saturday at 3:30p. m
Leave Corvallis, north-bound Monday
Wednesday and Friday at 8 a. hi
Arrrve at " Portland Tuesday Thui s
day and Saturday at 3:30 p. ttu
, On Monday, Wednesday abd Fri
day, both north and south-bound boats
lie over at night at Salem, leaving
there at 6 a. la
TIME SCHEDULE (except Sundays.)
leaves Albany 1:00 p. m I Leaves VaqHhia6:4Sa. ni:
Leave Coi vail i 1:4(1 p m. la.v Or all is 10:86 "
Arrive Yaquina 6:30 p. m Arrive Albany 11:10 a. mi
Oregon ft California trains connect at Albany and
Ojrvallls. The above trains connect at Yaquina wita
toe Oregon Development Co. '8 line ot steamships
tween Vaquina and San Francisco.
This Company reserves the right to.ehanf sailia
dits without notico ' ...
N. B. Passengers from Portland and all
Willamette valley pSints can make close
connection wfth the trains of the Yaquina
route at Albany or Corvallis, and if destined
to San Francisco should arrange to arrive a
Yaquina the evening before date of aailingi
Passenger and freight rates always the
lowest. For information apply to D. Wi
Cummins, freight aud ticket agent, Corral
lis, or to C. C. HOGUB.
" Acting Gen. F. and P. Agent, Oregftn Pa
citiu Railroad Co., Corvallis, Or. y
C. tt. HAS WELL, Jr..
. Gen. F. aud P. Agentt Oregon Develop
uient Co., 304 Montgomery St., S. F.f Cal.
GREAT OVEKUSD EOUTEI
NORTHERN
PACIFIC
Railroad. '
tfwo fast trains daily! No change of cars I
Shortest line to Chicago and ail point
east, via ST. PAUL and MINNEAPOLIS.
Jt
- The Northern Pacific railroad it the only"
una running jt assvnur brttins, Bntuiiuiaow
sleepers free of ' charge), luxurious day
coaches, Pullman palace sleeping cars, pal'
ace dining cars meals 75 cents.
See that yonr tickets read via the North
em Paciiio railrdad- auel avoid change- of
cars.' . .
Leave Portland at 10:40 a. m., and 2 .
m., daflvj arrive ot Minneapolis or St. Paul
at 5:05 p. m. third day. -
PACIFI C DIVISION Trains leay
Front aud G street daily at 11:05 a, ro. and
2 a. tn.; arrive at New Tacouia at 6:15 p;
a. and 8:30 a. w. connecting with eompa
ny5s boats for altpoihts on Paget Sound
, CHAS. S. FEB,
Genl Pass. Agent, St. PauL
' ' A. D. CHABLTON,
Asst. Geui Pass. Agent, No. 121 First st,
cor. Washington St., Portland, Oregon.
SUBSCRIBE FOR THE COR
vallis GazEttE, the oldest pa
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