Corvallis Weekly Gazette.
GAZETTE PUBLISHING HOUSE, Pubs.
COEVALLIS,
OREGON.
It is entirely natural that the cattle
men who are trespassing on the Indian
Territory should declare that it is im
possible for them to remove their cattle
within forty days. If they succeed in
establishing that point it will be nat
ural for them to declare that they can
not remove them within forty years.
The vital question fe wether the Presi
dent will be as good as his word in
taking active measures to make them
go. We shall see.
General Hartrauft retires from the
Philadelphia Custom House after near
ly 20 years of public office, without
counting his four years of military
service during the war. From this he
passed almost immediately to the Aud
itor General's office, and thence, after
six years and a half, to the Governor
ship, which he held for six years more.
He was then appointed to the Post
office in Philadelphia and afterward
to the Custom House.
Advance sheets of Poor's Railroad
Manual for 18S5, show that at the
close of 1884 there were in the United
States 125,150 miles of railroad. The
cost of the entire system, including an
additional 21,347 miles reported as
sidings and double track, and rolling
stock, was $6, 924, 554, 444, or some
thing over fifty-five thousand dollars
per mile. The roads represented, how
ever, a total investment of $7,676,
399,054, of which $3,962,616,686
was capital stock, $3,669,115,772
bonds.and the balance unfunded debt
The San Francisco Daily Report,
contains an official account of an in
vestigation of Chinatown, with a plat
of the city, which rivals in disgusting
details the revelations made"y the
Pall Mall Gazette of the traffic in
young girls in London. The youth
of the whole city is poisoned from this
sink of iniquities, and a strenuous
effort is to be made to suppress its
worst features. No imagination of
Sodom and Gomorrah, can equal the
vileness of the Chinese in San Francisco,
where they are left to themselves, in
their own quarters.
The country's stock of gold has ma
terially increased during the past fis
cal year. At the end of June, 1884.
the United States Treasury held $134,
631.649 in gold, and th New York
banks $64,189,600, making a total
pf $198,821,249. At the end of June,
1885, the treasury held $119,408,220
in gold, and the New York banks
$113,950,600, making a total ol
$233,464,820, and showing a tota!
increase of $34,643, 571. It is clear,
therefore, that gold is neither being
kept out of the country nor hoarded
in private hands, but flows into the
banks and into the Treasury fastei
than it goes out.
All eggs received in this country from
foreign ports ftre known as "pickled''
eggs, and are packed in cases of fifty
dozen each. They are treated to some
process previous to their shipment by
which their appearance of freshness is
partially preserved until they are re
ceived and put on the market at New
York. Germany is at present the
largest shipper of eggs to this country,
and the German eggs are superior botl.
in size and flavor to any other foreigr
eggs received. The Danish eggs, which
are received in less quantities than the
German, are looked on with very little
lavor by dealers on account of theii
small size. The number of eggs, foreigr
and domestic, consumed in New York
is about two millions each elay.
The Guardian, chief of English relig
ious newspapers, can only describe the
series of papers in the Pall Mall Ga
zette as a gross violation of public de
cency. "We accept the editor's assur
ance as to the excellence of his mo
tive," says the Gaurdian. "It is the
common plea of those who claim the
right to do evil that good may come
But the truth of the revelations is
really nothing to the purpose. What
may be rightly said in a court of jus
tice might not be rightly said in the
family. That these papers will have
abundant and permanent results is
probable enough; but they will be
found in imaginations polluted, and
in thoughts turned to a subject which,
as experience shows but to surely, has
for many minds an unexpected anc
terrible fascination."
At a recent wedding- in tne Savoy
chapel, London, the bridesmaids were
very young children. One of these
midgets, apparently 2 or 3 years of
age, became rather tired of the service
and began to ask questions of one of
the bridal party as they stood in the
chancel. Finding, however, that her
prattle was unheeded, she very com
posedly seated herself on the chancel
steps, facing the wedding guests, and,
emptying her basket of flowers, rear
ranged them to suit her infantile taste.
She came in for a greater share of ad
miration than the bride
MANUAL OP ASMS.
"Present arms V There they are
Both stretched out to me
Strong and steady, smooth and white,
Fair as arms can be.
"Gronnd arms !" On the floor,
Pu king up his toys,
Breaking all within'his reach,
Busiest of boys.
"Bight wheel!" off his cart;
"Left wheel!" too, all gone;
Horsey's head is broken off,
Horsey" s head is torn.
"Quick step !" Forward march"
Crying, too, he comes;
Had a, battle with the cat
"Cratched of bofe my fuma!"
"Shoulder arms!" here at last,
Hound my neck they close,
Poor little soldier hoy
Of to quarters goes.
Army and Navy Journal.
"A WONDERFUL CURE."
"What's that black figure agin the
white snow?" asked Mrs. Getchey, fit
ting on her far-sighted specs, as she sat
at the window upon a threatening Mon
day morning.
"That!" said Aurilla Ann. "Why,
that's Mr. Dorking a-hanging out the
clothes !"
"Mr. Dorking!" repeated Mrs. Get
chey. "Why, where's Mariar?"
Her daughter-in-law, Aurilla Ann,
indulged in a short, snorting laugh.
"Up stairs in bed, I calculate," said
she.
"Sick?" said Mrs. Getchey, in ao
cents of concern.
"No more'n I am !" said Aurilla Ann,
shaking the table cloth out of the but
tery window, so that the long-legged
Brahma fowls might have the benefit of
any stray crumbs which might be go
ing. "Cranky, that's all. She always
was as odd as Dick's hat- band."
"Eh?"
Mrs. Gretchey, a Western woman,
was evidently unversed in local allu
sions. "Don't you know?" said Aurilla Ann,
with a chuckle. "Dick's hat-band,
that went half way around, and tied in
the middle?"
"Oh!" said Mrs. Grelchey. "But
Mariar Dorking used to be as smart,
stirring a women as ever I see."
"She's took a notion t'other way, of
late," said Aurilla Ann. "I declare, I
never in all my life felt as sorry as I
do for Daniel Dorking. He's ilretful
peaceable, good tempered man, and
Mariar treats him real mean. He does
all the work of the house himself, even
to the washing and ironing, because
Mariar chooses to fancy herself sick ;
and I jest wish you could see the poor
man's shirts ! Besides, there's the mill
to see arter, and the farm work, though
of course that last ain't so heavy this
time o' year. But it's too much for one
man. lpt alone thn warrv of it."
"Ain't they able to hire no help ?H said
Mrs. Getchey, who had fallen back on
her knitting-work.
"Why, of course they be!" Aurilla
Ann made answer. "But Mariar won't
have no help about the house. "
"That's rather hard on Daniel, ain't
it?" said Mrs. Getchey.
"Well, I should think so," replied her
son's wife, piling fresh knots of wood
Tinder the wash boiler, preparatory to
her Monday's work.
While the neighbor who, unconscious
ly to himself, was the subject of so much
solicitude among the surrounding fami
lies, hung out his last wet and flapping
sheet, secured it by a battered clothes
pin, and hastened, with blue nose and
frozen fingers, into the house.
"Maria!" he spoke up the stairway,
which wound around and around like a
wooden cockscrew "Maria !"
"Well?" sighed a mournful voice.
"Shan't I make you a little buttered
toast?"
"I don't care for no buttered toast,"
returned the funereal strains.
"Or fry ye an egg? Do try an egg,
Maria with a shaving o' bacon and
some coffee! Ye must eat, Maria, or
ye'U break down. For my sake, Maria,
eat something.
Only a sigh was the response.
But Daniel Dorking made the coffee,
and fried the little slice of bacon, with
its accompanying eggs, speedily carry
ing the tray up stairs, where he opened
the door by means of a gentle impetus
with his foot.
Maria occupied the best room iu the
house, that was very evident.
A rag carpet, woven in gray maroon
and yellow strips, covered the floor ; a
cheerful wood fire blazed in the chim
ney; the window was curtained with
Turkey red ; and Mrs. Dorking, proppeel
upon a pile of feather pillows, .was
surrounded with a variety of devotional
books, a camphor bottle, and a fan.
"The washin' is all out, Maria, " said
poor, little Mr. Dorkin;"and I've wiped
up the floor, and set the kettle of veg
etables back, where it'll simmer and not
burn. And now I'll just step over to
the flower milL
"And leave me all alone, Daniel?"
said his wife, lugubriously.
"The mill has got to be seen to, now
that Eliab Johnson has gone on his wedding-trip,"
said Dorking. "And a man
can't be in two places at once, Maria, ye
know."
"Oh, well, it don't matter, said Mrs.
Dorking, with a melancholy sniff.
"I'm only a poor creetur, I shan't both
er nobody very long. "
"Hev a little more bacon, Maria?"
soothed her husband.
But Mrs. Dorking, who had already
eaton enough bacon for a working man,
both the fried eggs, a slice of bread and
butter, and drank about a pint of coffee,
shook her head, and fell back on "Her
vey's Meditations Among the Tombs."
"I won't be gone long," said Daniel,
cheerfully. "And I'll fetch a bit o
fresh meat to cook for dinner. P'raps
you'd fancy a steak or a chop. Salt
meat's a gettin' sort o' monotonous.
But Maria declined to notice this re
mark at all, and poor Daniel crept away,
believing himself a heartless poltroon,
and his wifa a persecuted angel.
"I don't see how on earth I'm going
to get along this way," said she. "Them
clothes is friz as stiff as boards, and
ought to be took in and dried round
the stove; and the chickens ain't been
fed, and the soft, soap's spilin', and the
apples need to be picked over, and the
potatoes is all spilin' down cellar, and
my stockings is full o' holes, cobble 'em
as I will, and Maria won't hear to no
hired help. And my neuralgv was pret
ty bad last night. I'm most afeared
I'm goin' to break down. I've half a
mind to go over and talk to Getchey's
iolks about it.
It was just a week afterward that the
younger Mrs. Getchey made her ap
pearance in the bedroom of the melan
choly Mrs. Dorking.
"How are you feelin' to-day ?" she
asKea, in tne carelully modulated ac
cents ol sympathy.
Mrs. Dorking shook her head back
ward and forward among the pillows
WHO Closed eyes.
"I'm mis'able, thankee," she said.
"It must be a comfort to vou havin'
Abby Jane here," said Mrs. Getchev,
seating herself in the splint-bottomed
arm-chair beside the bed.
"Havin' who?" said Mrs. Dorking,
opening her eyes wide.
"Why, Abby Jane the voung wom
an vour husband's got down stairs to
help with the housework, you know,"
explained Mrs. (jretchey.
Mrs. Dorking sat up in bed.
"A young woman," she repeated, "to
help with the housework ?
Mrs. Getchey nodded.
"Dan'l wasn't goin' to say nothin1
about it to yon, " said she. "He calcu
lated it would onlv fret and worrv vou.
But he found he couldn't get along and
do everything himself. And Abby Jane's
right smart. I jest wish you could see
how white the clothes is out on the
lines. And how nice she's scoured up
the kitchen tins and bleached the old
curtains and polished the brass candle
sticks ! She's a one to turn off work, now
l tell von!"
"Well .'"ejaculated Mrs. Dorking.
"She's abakin'pies, now," said Mrs.
Getchey; "dried apple, with plenty of
fennel seeds.; and pumpkin, and acran
berry tart for Elder Swift. Elder Swift
is to be here to tea, and he's dreadful
partial to cranberry tarts antl short
cake."
Mrs. Dorking turned very red in the
face.
"Invitin' company, be they?" said
she; "and cookin, a lot o' things in my
own house and never consultin' me!
Hhu and his hired gal, indeed !"
Dan 1 calculated you was too feeble
to be bothered, " said Mrs. Gretchey,
consolingly.
I am t so feeble as he d like to make
out that I be!" muttered Mrs. Dorking.
"I was a thinkin' a spell ago about sit
tin' up a little while. Just hand me my
stockings, will you, Aurilla Ann?"
"I wouldn't try to sit up," said Aurilla
"I guess wo were the true doctors!
thought Mrs. Getchey and Jennie Dor
king, looking archly at each other.
Helen Forrest Graves.
ECCENTRIC BKIDE9KOOKS .
Ana j "you ain't able. "
"les, 1 1
be !" snapped the hyp schon-
driac. "Who's the best judge of my
feelings, vou or me? What sort of a
iookiir gal is this that's bossin' my
kitchen while I'm in bed?"
"As pretty as a pink," said Mrs.
Getchey ; "cheeks as red as peonies ;
hair as black as a coal ; and she steps
off as light as a thistledown. "
"Humph!" said Mrs. Dorking.
"Give me my double gown, Aurilla
Ann. I mean to see arter this business
myself; and if Daniel Dorking thinks
I'm goin' to put up with such treatment
as this "
"Better take my arm," suggested
Mrs. Getchey.
But the late invalid impatiently re
jectsd her offered assistance.
"Lemme alone!" said she; "I can
walk as well as ever I could. Whv
shouldn't I?"
Anel Mrs. Dorking went down stairs
into the sitting-room", where .her spouse
sat very close to a pretty yung woman,
both engaged in examining the pages of
a "Universal Atlas. "
Mr. Daniel's hand rested familiarly on
the pretty girl's shoulder, and the pret
ty girl's braids of black hair were close
to Daniel's own iron gray locks.
"Daniel !" almost shrieked Mrs. Dork
ing, "I'm astonished at yon, that I be!"
Daniel Dorking started up, with an
exclamation of surprise; the atlas fell
from the pretty girl's knee.
"Why," cried the farmer, "it's Maria !"
"Yes, it's Maria!" enunciated Mrs.
Dorking ; "and about the last person in
the world that you wanted to seo, I
guess'!
"But, to her surprise, Daniel Dork
ing's face relaxed none of its beaming
cheerfulness"
The pretty girl, instead of fleeing
guiltily from the room, camo forward
with out-stretched hands.
"Won't you kiss mo, Maria?" said
she.
"I?" gasped Mrs. Dorking. "Ki
yon!"
"It's Jenny," said Daniel ; "my young
est sister, Abigail Jano, from the old
farm at home. I wrote to her how bad
off we were here, and oho' como, 11okh
her little heart, to stay all wintcir with
ns. We was goin' to surprise you, as
soon as you felt a little particle batter.
But we didn't expect any ouch good
luck a3 your comin' down stairs your
self, did we, Jennie?"
"No, indeed! smiled the pretty girl,
"But now that you are here, Maria, we'll
make yon comfortable I"
Mrs. Dorking now turned to Mrs.
Getchey.
"Yon never told me she was Daniel's
sister, from Vermont," said she.
"You never gave me time," said Au
rilla Ann, with an odd spark under her
eye-lashes.
That was the way in which Mrs. Dan
iel Dorking was beguiled down stairs ;
and she never "took to her bed" again.
But neither was she ever known to ad
mit that she was fanciful and foolish.
No, no ! Mrs. Daniel Dorking was not
to be caught in that trap. She always
alluded to that season as "the time of
my dreadful illness!" and the doctor
called it "a wonderf id cure," and sent in
a big bill.
Things in General.
Soma idea of what a first-class iron- i
clad fleet would cost the United States
may be obtained from a few French fig
ores: An ironclad was launched at j
L'Orient last month which had been
nine years building, and cost 20,000,000 !
francs, or about $4,000,000. It will
take another year to fit this costly ves
sel for action.
More than 2,000 years before Christ
glass was made with a skill which
showed that the art was old. It is sup
posed to have been known to the Ante
diluvians. The receipts of the greatest day of
the Centennial were $118,673, while the I
best day of the New Orleans enterprise
has brought only $11,000, hardly more !
than half the average daily receipts in
Philadelphia.
Lemons sell at wholesale in New Or
leans for less than one-third of a cent j
apiece ; cocoanuts, 3 cents ; bananas re
tail at 15 to 75 cents a bunch ; Louisi-
ana oranges 4 a Darrei ; sugar, 4 to o
lb., for 25 cents, large oysters on half
shell, 3 dozen for 25 cents, very
and fat. Everything else is corres
pondingly cheap, except butter and
poultry.
Spools are made in immense numbers.
One factory turns out 100,000 gross a
day and consumes 2,500 cords of birch
wood annually. The number of yards
of cotton on a spool is determined by
the size of the spool. The cotton is
never measured, but the spool is gauged
to hold 100, 200 or 500 yards.
There are about 200,000 commercial
travelers in this country. Their average
salary is $1,500 a year and expenses.
Over 25,000 belong to associations for
mutual protection, life insurance, etc.
The authorities of Bock Island, S. C,
have prohibited bi.?ycle riding on the
principal streets between the hours of
9 o'clock in the morning and 5 in the
afternoon.
Invalids who depend upon cod-liver
oil to sustain their vital forces should
be careful to get a pure article. Cot
ton seed oil is now doing for the cod
liver product what it long since accom
plished in the matter of olive oil.
The City of Mexico has 16 daily pa
pers. Ihey correspond in size, general
appearance and typographical accuracy
with third-class dailv papers in the
United States, but are far behind them
in general management.
"I never knew a thing to be right that
I have not fought for gladly, and I
have never asked whether it would
make me popular or unpopular," said
Mr. Beecher to his congregation the
other day.
A great many persons think the capi
tal of Louisana is New Orleans. This
is incorrect. By the State constitution
adopted in 1879 the seat of government
was changed from New Orleans to
Baton Bouge.
Stories of the performances of ele
phants which are making their annual
round indicate that the circus is again
on its flourishing way. Elephants are
crossing bridges with their usual cau
tion, are stealing apples frcm the street
corner on their procession, are know
ingly performing wonders. There is
no chance for the monkey when the
elephant begins to move and the spring
heralds its coming.
A letter describing the markets of
New Orleans says that everything is
sold by the eye, and there is no staniard
of measure. Nine-tenths of the hun
dreds who sell in the noted French
market of the city do not know what a
bushel or a peck is. Thev buy their
vegetables by the lot and place them on
little piles on tables. These jnles
are ot dinerent sizes and prices. The
buyer looks at the piles and buys that
which he thinks is biggest and best.
Sometimes buckets and boxes are used
to measure, but they are of all kinds
and shapes.
A Collection of Spicy Anecdotes Relating
to Wedding's.
From London Society.
There was a clergyman who married
a couple, and at the wedding breakfast
one of the bridesmaids expressed a wish
to see that mystic document, a weddiDg
license, which she had never beheld in
her lifetime. The request occasioned a
fearful discovery. The clergyman had
quite forgotten to ask for the license ;
the bridegroom had left it to his "best
man" to procure it, and this the "best
man" had forgotten to do. Of course,
the marriage was no legal marriage at
all. The wedding party broke up in
dismav, and the ceremony was perform
ed again next day. The poor clergv
man, however, never got over the effects
of his blunder.
On another occasion a clergyman got
himself into considerable trouble ; he
was of the type called Ritualistic, and
persuaded a worthy couple who had
been married at a non-Conformist chap
el that they had not been ecclesiastical
ly married at all, and that it was neces
sary that they should be married over
again at the parish church. This was
very much resented by the non-Conformist
interest, and the clergvman was
put upon his trial at the Oxford As
sizes. The Judge took a very lenient
jT i view, and said that as the parties had
I1I1U ' 0l-,
An Historic Cannon-Bail.
Portsmouth (Va. ) Letter ia Boston Transcript
Wo fountl the old St. Paul's erected
150 years ago, almost the only building
that escaped the great conflagration of
the town in 1776. It is an object of
much interest, is built of brick, and the
walls have the bluish-glazed appear
ance caused, it is said, by extra heating
of tho kiln; and there, three feet below
tlio iMWH, in one corner, on the side :
facing tho river, half imbedded, was the !
fnnmiiH etui linn ball. When the fissnre i
...... .t t 1 l i l . . . 1 1 i EH sc.
v hi iii ni, i(ihm rum uio utui um missing.
It wns mipponsd to have been displaced
by the heating of tho walls when the in
terior of tho church was burned in the
war of th He. volution. About eighty
year after, a man having an ielea of
cnitKf and effect, given the hole, rea
soned that the. object that caused it
must ba somewhere in the vicinity, and
digging in the ground below the spot
wan rewarded by finding the identical
ball fired into the town by the Britishers
so many years ago. It weighed twenty
pounds and a half, but it was thought
its weight lisd been diminished by cor
rosion and that it was originally a
twenty-four-ponnd shot. It was after
wards cemented into the original cavity,
and there it rests, amidst the ivy, and,
as tho books Bay. is a "fit and lasting
monument of British folly and oppression."
Anthracite coal was first used as
fuel in the United States by two Con
necticut blacksmiths, named Gore, in
1768-9 ; first useel as domestic fuel by
Judge Jesse Fell, of Wilkes Barre,
Pa., in 1808. One authority credits
Father Hennepin with being the dis
coverer of coal in this country about
the year 1680
already been legally married, any fur
ther service was illusory and mere
child's play, and that "he might just as
well have read 'Chevy Chase' over
them."
In one of his novels Charles Reade
makes his hero, a clergyman, wonder
whether he might not legally marry
himself to the heroine, especially as
they were both east upon a desolate
island. It may bo as well that novelists
I and novel readers should be aware that
! for a clergyman to officiate at his own
marriage is utterly illegal.
One day an elderly gentleman met a
; young one. "I have had a hard day's
work," said the young Levite. "I be
; gan at 7 o'clock this morning by mar
j rying a young couple." "Allow me to
inform you," said his senior, "that a
j marriage at that time of day, according
! to English law, is no marriage at all.
j Moreover, to the best of my belief, you
have made yourself liable to several
years' penal servitude. Between 8 and
12 is the prescribed time. You had bet
ter go back as soon as you can and mar
ry them over again."
I have known brides, when the grooms
have failed to make the proper re
sponses, prompt them immediately and
with Ihe greatest facility. As for men,
they commit ail kinds of blunders and
bunglings. I have known a man, at
that very nervous and trying moment,
follow the clergyman within the com
munion rail and prepare to take a place
opposite him. I have known a man, when
the minister stretched ont his hand to
unite those of the couple, take it vigor
ously in his own and give it a hearty
shake. Sometimes more serious diffi
culties occur. Some ladies have had
almost unconquerable reluctance to use
the word "cbey;"' one or two, if their
own statements are to be accepted, have
ingenionslv construed the word "no-
j bey." The word, however, has still to
: be formally admitted into the language,
i There was one girl, who was being
j married by a very kind old clergyman,
I who absolutely refused to utter the
! word "obev." The minister suggested
I bhat, if she was unwilling to utter the
j word aloud, she should whisper it to
i liim; but the young lady refused even
j this kind of compromise. Further,
i however, than this the clergyman re
' fused to accomodate her; but when he
i was forced to dismiss them all without
j proceeding any further, the recalcitrant
! young person consented to "obey."
j The difficulty, however, is not always
made on the side of the lady. On one
j occasion the bridegroom wished to de
j liver a little oration qualifying his vow,
and describing in what sense and in
what exlent he was using the words of
the formula. He was, of course, given
' to understand that nothing of this kind
I could be permitted. There was one
I man who accompanied the formula
! with sotto voce remarks, which must
I have been exceedingly disagreeable to
i the officiating minister. He interpo
: lated remarks after the fashion of
i Burchell's "Fudge!" "With this ring
; I thee wed : that's superstition." "With
my bodv I thee worship : that's idolatry,"
"With "all my worldly goods I thee en
! elow: that's a lie." It is a wonder that
j such a being was not conducted out of
j church by the beadle. This puts one in
j mind of an anecdote that is told of a man
! who in his time was a cabinet minister.
! There was a great discussion on the
question whether a man can marry on
j 300 a year. "All I can say," said the
! great man, 'is that when I said, "With
all my worldly goods I thee endow,' so
i far from having 300, 1 question wheth
er, when all my debts were paid, I had
300 pence." "Yes, my love, said his
wife, "but then you had your splendid
intellect." "I didn't endow you with
ma'am," sharply retorted the rigLt
honorable.
When the bridegroom has returned
thanks after the parson's speech, in
these davs of feminine oratory, there is
' sometimes a tendency on the part of
the bride to make a little speech of her
: own. "I call you all to witness, " said a
i bride within our hearing, ' 'that I have
! no intention of obeying." "Ah, mad
i am.said Frederick Denison Maurice, who
! was present, "you have yet to learn the
; blessedness of obedience,
i Some time age a friend of the writer's
i offered a reward of 500 for the dis
i covery of a marriage register of the
I highest importance in a suit which he
j had on haneh A wonderful story was
I sent to him of the discovery of the de-
sired entrv in an old register. A great
I snow-storm had broken throught the
vestrv roof, and nearly spoiled the par
ish registers. It had become necessary
to overhaul them to inspect damages,
and the missing entry had been thus
miraculously discovered. Fortunately
my friend was not a very credulous
man, and he went to a great expense
with lawyers and experts to test the
value of the documents before paying
the 500. It was then discovered that
the registry was a skillful forgery on
the part of the parson, who found it
necessary to fly the country.
They Want Their Wives' Letters.
From the Chicago Herald.
"The third man I've sent away mad
this morning," remarked a clerk at the
general delivery window. "He called
for mail addressed to his' wife, and we
wouldn't give it to him. We are not
allowed to, unless he has an order. I
tell you, it is an eye-opener to many
men to discover that their wives have
any rights. 'What !' they will say 'a
man can't get a letter for his own wife
without an order !' 'No, sir, it is a rule
of the department.' And then they
boil with rage. You see, most men are
in the habit of opening their wives' let
ters. They don't think it is wrong.
Sometimes a married women' wants to
carry on correspondence without hav-
mg her husband a party to it, and to
protect her rights that rule was made.
Of course, it is none of our business
what her correspondence is about. It
may be with her relatives, lady friends,
her lawyer, or with an admirer. We
don't know, nor care. All th.t the
department knows is that she
is a woman, entitled to have
her letters delivered into her
own hands. If she wants her husband
or any other person to have them she
can write an order. Sometimes the
husbands will go off and come back
after a while with an order which they
have written themselves and signed
their wives' names to. In such cases
we get ahead of them by making them
sign a receipt, and the similarity of the
writing in the surname gives their little
game away.
"I remember a case where a woman's
foresight was too sharp for her husband.
Evidently suspecting that he knew she
was getting mail here, and that he
would present an order in a woman's
handwriting, presumably her own, she
left here a written order that her letters
were to be delivered to nobody but her
self. When Mr. Husband came around
with his little order we presented his
life's order, and he walked aw ay as
quick as he could. Butmanvtimes when
men ask for their wives' letters here or
at the advertised window they do not
know of the rule, and the honest amaze
ment that comes on their faces upon
discovering that their better halves
have some privileges not shared by
them m common some rights which
even the husband cannot interfere with
is quite comical.
"I have seen men who get mad at first,
but who, I would be willing to say,
started into a train of thought upon
calming down that resulted in increased
respect for their partners and in the re
alization that the husband is not nine-teen-twentieths
of the family team. "
The Lime-Kiln Club.
For some time past there has been ill
feeling between Pike Boot Perkins and
the Hon. Justified White, caused by a
dispute over the query : "Is Life Worth
the Living. " As the meeting was ready
to open Brother Gardner called the
pair to the head of the hall and said :
"One reason why some people decide
dat life am not wuth de libin' am be
kase dey make life a burden to deir-
selves an' werry onpleasant to odders.
One real mean man in a community kin
make 500 people doubt if virtue am re
warded on earth. One canting hypo
crite in a town kin keep a slander-mill
grindin' night an' day. One infidel in
a county kin cause 5,000 well-meanin'
people to kinder doubt if dar' am a
Heaben or a hereafter.
"Bekase you two differ in opinyun
you go at it an' help to make life on
pleasant to each odder. It doan' strike
you dat anybody else kin be right, or
dat you may be entirely wrong. Brud
der Perkins calls Brother White a fule
bekase he can't agree with him. Brud
der White calls Brudder Perkins a bigot
bekase he. won't accept his opinyuns.
Each has his friends an' supporters, an'
dese supporters divide off an' feel aige
wise toward each odder, an' before we
know it de quarrel has involved 200
people. Gem'len, de pusson who ar
gufies dat life am wuth de libin' must
prove his argyments by his ackshuns.
He who feels dat life ain't wuth de
trouble of hangin' aroun' on earth can't
do better dan to walk down to de wharf
hitch a grindstun to his neck, an' jump
into water twenty feet deep.
"You two brudders take each odder
by the band. Now shake. Now go to
yer seat?. Each one of yon has a right
to his theories an' beliefs, but neither
of you have de right to denounce de
odder. De -world am big 'nuff to hold
all ele theories of all de inhabitants.
We have plenty of room for all de be
liefs we kin believe in. Dar am acreage
fur all de argyments we kin argy. When
we realize this we must feel how silly
it am fur de Hon. Centrifugal Johnsing
to call Judge Merriweather Tompkins
a charlaton, bekase Mrs. Johnsing had
thirty-two pnssons to her high tea, and
Mrs." Tompkins couldn't count but
thirtv-oneat her low coffee."
The reports of commercial papers all
agree that for some reason or other the
trade of the jn-esent seasou has been be
low the general anticipations and even
below that of last year. A large vol
ume of merchandise has been elisposed
of, but there has been little or no mom y
in it. Stocks of merchandise continue
heavy ; there is no profitable line of in
vestment; everybody proceeds with ex
treme caution. And yet all the condi
tions appear favorable. The prospect
of a short wheat crop ought certainly to
make a good price and a quick sale for
the large surplus. In the situation gen
erally there appears to bo no cause
whatever for the present stagnation,
and so remedy suggests itself. The
problem will work itself out in due
time, but it is dull work, this "waiting
for the wagon."
The wife of an habitual drunkard in
Buffalo, N. Y., has obtained a verdict
of $1,000 damages against a liquor
seller who persisted in selling her hus
band whisky after he had been notified
to desist. The verdict is a righteous
one, though two of the jurors rendering
it were saloon-keepers.