Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Corvallis gazette. (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 11, 1878)
EVERY FRIDAY MORNING
Tie Comllis Gazette PiMishiog Association
"W. 33. CAH.TEH,
Per Year,' - 5
Six Month. ISO
Three Month. - 1 OO
Invariably in Advaiicj.
CORVALLIS, OREGON, FRIDAY MORNING, OCTOBER 11, 1878.
Rates of Advertising;,
1 If In. 6 It. I YbT
i inch, r ' i sun w i
I oo i oo i
I S 00 I 6 00 I 10 00 18 DP i Mm
4 ' I 4 00 I 7 00 U 00
X Col., I S 111 9 00 I IS 00
it ( a a
I 7 50 12 00 18 OP 30 88 41 08
I 10 oo is oo i as oo i o oo
i s oo i aooo i 40 oo i to oo i
Notices In Local Column, 30 cents per lima, each in
Transient advertisements, ner sauare of 12 Unas
. Nonpareil measure, 2 s for (rat, sad $1 lor eaota sub
sequent iueruonm advasuk.
Legal advertisements charged aa traaaieat, apt nrnnt
bo ud for upon expiration. No snares for paBUahar'a
affidavit of publication.
Yearly advertisements on liberal terms. Professional
Cards, (1 square) $13 per aanum. All notices ana
advertisements intended for publication should be
handed in by noon on Wednesday.
JOHN W. SOUTHER,
City Drug Store, Corvallis Dispensary
Opposite Sol. Kixu's Stables.
PRESCRIPTIONS CAREFULLY PREPARED AT
all nours, day or night.
Carvallla, Oregon, Jan. 10, 1877-tf
F. A. CHEN0WETH,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
raroKKICE Up staira In Fisher's Brick.
J. W. RAYBURN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
OFFICE On Monroe street, bet. Second and Third.
tySpeclal attention given to the Collection of
Xole, and Aeeeunta. 6marl2:14tf
X. 8. WOOIll'OCK.
CITY DETJ6 STORE,
CORVALLIS, ORG EON,
Opposite I4.1nKs raktaUles.
JOHN W. SOUTHER,
Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
Corvallis, Benton Co., Oregon.
Will practice in all of the Courts of the State.
Collections promptly attended to.
Special attention given to Real Kslale cases.
Ornca in the Court House. febl!)-lf
JAMES A. YANTIS,
Attorney and Counselor at Law,
Hair Brashes, Englisn Toojh Brushes,
Fancy Toilet Articles,
FINE SOAPS, ENGLISH AND
A Choice Stock of
r'ofedlclnal and Sacramental purposes.
WILL PRACTICE IN ALL THK COUKT8 OF
the State. Special attention given to matters lu
Probate. Collections will receive prompt and cure
nil attention. OFFICE III the Court House.
laielg 1-?S. 12:2911
JOHN B0SWELL, M. D
COR VAX, LIS, OREGON
W,P'.,ATrEN,P.PROMPTLY TO ALL CALLS
in the line of his profession, day or night.
OrrioK Graham and Hamilton's Drug Store.
BcsiDiNca-Flrst bloek west of Dr. Graham's, on
the street leading west from Oraham Htmilrou's
urng Store. y ".(f
G. A. WHITNEY, M. 0..
- radaale of HIIevu Hospital Medical
College, U. If. Clry,
Physician and Surgeon,
DISEASES OF WOMEN A SPECIALTY. RESI
denc lu Westlake's Building, corner of First
and Lyo . streets. I3:32tf
G. R. FARRA, M . D.,
Physician, Surgeon and Obstetrician.
I TICK OVER GRAHAM 4c
Airug otore, Corvallis, Oregon.
DR. J. C. GRUBBS.
Physician and Surgeon.
0FJK?BrfiT RESIDENCE, IN THE NORTHEAST
7 of l5e cl know n as tlie K riech bauin place.
gJH'ter"nr. Obstetrics, and Female Dis
eases. Will practice in city or country.
Corvallis. May 12; lrj. ' 18-19-tf
DR. F. A. VINCENT,
OFFICE In Fisher's New Brick ove.
Max Frlendly's New Store. All the lat
est ltnnrnv.in.nt, L' 1 I ; . -
complete. All work warranted. Please give ine a
Jan. 18, 1811. 15:Stf
DR. E. H. TAYLOR,
Jf. . AVtltv, Asalatant.
OFFICE HOURS- to 12 and 1 tos. OFFICEOpp
Graham Hamllton'a Drug store, Corvallis, Oregon
alote Work a Hpcclalty.
f MM jftx mm business yon can engage In.
m M $5 to $20 per day made by any
C Wm k worker of either Bex, rit!ht in
II their own localities. Particn
mw mm 0 I lars and samples worth fS free.
Improve yonr spare time at
thia business. Address Stinson & Co., Portland,
DRAKE & GRANT,
ALL WORK IN OUR LINE NEATLY AND
promptly executed. Repairing and Cleaning a
specialty. Satisfaction guaranteed. Shop opposite
3raham A Hamilton's.
: v i. us. July 1, 1878.
AMERICAN EXCHANGE HOTEL
Cob. Front ihd Wamii.noto.v Sts..
L. P. W. QUIMBY, Prop'r.
iar-Kree oach to the Honse.
week in your own town. $5 Ont
St free. No risk. Reader, if yon
want a business at which persons
of either sex can make great pay
all the time they Work, write for
particulars to H. Hai.lktt & Co.,
A S V 99 At T T .
"Lot the Dead Bury the Dead."
"Pis goue, witli its joys and sorrows,
Its sunshine and storms of rain :
Look not away in the distance,
On relics of grief and pain :
Look np, dear friends, instead :
Let tlu- dead year. bury its dead !
What if our pride have suffered,
What if the hour of need
Have shown that the friend we trusted
Was worse than a broken reed ?
Look up, though our hearts hare bled :
Let the dead year bury its dead.
Let us count the abundant mercies
Our one great Friend has sent ;
The days of our light and darkuesa
All gifts of one sweet intent.
No id alter the tears we shed :
Let the dead year bury its dead.
Ah, youth has been taught stern lessons,
And we of maturer years
Have learned a yet keener knowledge
Of life's vain hopes and fears.
How surely God's hand hath led I
Let the dead year bury its dead.
And the new-born; year shall find us
Courageous, alert and strong ;
Girt up for the strife before up,
Though sharp the trial and long.
On, on witli a firmer tread,
While the dead year buries its dead.
The World Boiled Up.
Farmers from the country will Had my stock NEW
FRESH and PURE, and warranted GENUINE and
AT THE LOWEST CASH PRICES.
CORY ALL IS
SOL. KING, - - Prop'r.
OWNING BOTH BARNS I AM PREPARED TO
offer superior accommodation in the Livery
line. Always ready far a drive, .
At Low Rates.
My Stables are nrst-claaa in every respect, aad
competent and obliging hostlers always ready to
serve the public.
Keostonable Cltatrgtra for Hire
Paarliealatr mttontlon paid to Hoa.i-.Mnar
ELEGANT HARE, CARRIAGES AMD
HACKS FOR FUNERALS.
Corrallia. Jan. I. 1877. 18-1-tf
GUAM, HAMILTON & CO.,
Chemicals, Dye Stuffs,
OILS, GLASS AND PUTTY.
Pare Wines and Liquors,
FOR MEDICINAL USE.
And also the very best assortment of
LAMPS AND WALL PAPER
ever brought to this place.
AGENTS FOR THE
AVERILL CHEMICAL PAINT,
SUPERIOR TO ANY OTHER.
njr PHYSICIANS' PRESCRIPTIONS CARE
FULLY COMPOUNDED. ljal:ltf
H. E. HARRIS,
One Door South of Graham A Hamilton's,
OKVAI.UK. .... oiti:.o
PROVISIONS & DRY (JOObS.
Corvallis, Jan. 1, 1878.
NEW- TIN SHOP,
J.K.WEBBER, - - PROP'R,
Main Street, CorvaUis.
STOVES AND TINWARE,
PTA11 work warranted, and at reduced ratea.
Ucan make money faster at work for us than
at anything else. Capital not required; we
Will start yon. f 12 per day at home made
by the industrious. Men, women, boys and
girls wanted everywhere to work for us.
Now is the time. Costly ontnt and terms
free. Address Tbdk At CO., AiignKta, Maine.
On the outskirts of the city of Nor
wich, perched on a bluff overlooking
the New London Northern railroad , is
a nondescript structure of plank, stone,
upk and unhewn timber, looking as
little ia a house as anything under
the sun. v is a habitation however,
and its torf,.t is a person whom the en
tire districtooks upon with awe. His
name is Ly&n Grinnell. He is an ec
centric of te first order. For twenty
eight yearne has dwelt in his curious
abode? He was once a sailor, and to
day is a henit with theories of a char
acter as stn ge as he is himself. When
found by a aercury representative last
Wednesdajhe was seated on a boat in
front of hpdoor, skinning and quarter
ing the cartas of a large cat, with the
gravity of tJbutcher dissecting a bul
lock. The pivntive meous of live other
cats confined a a chicken coop close at
hand echoed sly on the summer air.
In person he w a man of over sixty,
bent with rheumafim, with a rugged
and weather beaten fafc, scrubby white
hair and beard. After VfiTRamJaJwi
his feline victim and putting the frag
ments in a pot, be built a fire, put the
kettle on it, and signified that he was
at the reporter's ser?jca. At intervals
during the interview he interrupted
himself to replenish a bowl in the cat
coop with a strange looking liquid
from a bottle. As long as this liquid
lasted, the cats remained quiet ; when
it was gone, they mewed, apparently for
"I am glad to meet you," he said;
"I frequently timl'the Mercury articles
of a scientific and theoretical nature
that are very interesting. I always cut
them out and paste them up. as you
see." His hut is papered with news
paper clippings, among which a num
ber from the Mercury figure conspicu
ously. He went on : "None of them
agree with me, to be sure, but they all
predict a tremendous natural revolu
tion to be at hand. So do I. They
suggest various ways in which this re
volution is to be broughtfabout. Now,
I am going to tell you the true one.
Between now and 1882, the world is
going to be destroyed by a flood of hot
water. The flood is to last exactly
thirty days, from sunrise to sunset.
As soon as it ends a new earth is going
to appear; only instead of being like it
is now, everything is going to be re
versed. The poles, for instance, are
going to be in the tropics, and the
tropics where the arctic regions are
"But what is your theory for this
certainly remarkable change?" de
manded the amazed reporter.
"I haint none. Its on account of
general badness, yon see. The world
is rotten. Things is all wrong. I was
told that in a revelation. It came to
me while I was mate of the whaler
Polar Circle, in the South seas, in 1849.
I was at Tahiti, and went to look at the
volcano there Mauna Loa. I slept on
the edge of the crater, and I heard
what I'm telling jou, in a dream, or
rather a vision. It was a voice. I
heard it afterwards down in Peru and
Chili, and once it spoke to me in Per
nambuco. Since I've been living here
it comes once a month regular, with
the change of the moon."
"But what does it say?" "It told
melfirst that the earth was to be biled up.
A flood of hot water is going to come
from all the volcanoes at once. A
shower of hot stones and lava is going
to fall into the sea and heat it, too.
They will raise the level of the ocean,
too, and a big tidal wave will sweep
over every thing. Hot springs will
burst out every where, and volcanoes
will fill up the sea. So where water
now is will be land, and vice versa. O !
I've got it down fine. Here's a map of
how things will be." Here he pxo
ducd from a battered sea-chest a very
neatly executed chart on the Mercator
projection. In it the outline of the
present conformation of the earth has
been strictly followed; but water every
where took the place of land and land
that of water. Cape Florida was a vast
inlet, Gibraltar a large harbor; Great
Britain, Ireland and Australia, colossal
inland seas, while the great lakes fig
ured as enormous islands, connect
ed by three like causeways. The
tropics of Cancer and Capricorn took
the place 'of the Arctic and Antartic
circles. The chart was not sealed in
to degrees of latitude and longitude.
Its author said:
"I don't know exactly yet where the
poles are a going to be. I only know
that the North and South poles will be
somewhere on the equator. The voice
will tell me where soon, and wilt warn
me when tu look ont for the flood.
Then I'll just have time to scale my
chart and so have something to steei a
course ;by. There's my boat there,
I've got water for forty days in it.
That green paint is asbestos paint. I
invented it myself. It will keep the
seams from starting with the heat, yon
know. Then, here's my cold air gene
rator; it is an improvement on a porta
ble ice machine which I made myself.
With it I will surround myself with
enough pure air to breathe, in spite of
the hot vapbr from the boiling water.
The thing is automatic. I ain't going
to describe 'it ; it's my invention you
know, and I haven's got it patented
yet. It beats the Keel v motor all hol
Here the rceltiae ,went to give his
cats a drink, and the reporter examined
the machine, whlras simply a con
trivance for making ice on the ammo
niacle fume system ,;v i th a rubber tube
attachment like a tangled boa constric
tor and a bellows-like termination.
The automatic attachment was a com
plicated arrangement of ratchets, cog
wheels and wire springs, which resem
bled nothing but a clock factory after
an explosion. Detected in an attempt
to set the thing in motion, the Mercury
representative hastened to apologize,
but the inventor received his excuses
with a grim frown, and it was only
with difficulty that any further infor
mation could be extracted from him.
Allusion to the cats drew him out how
ever, and he stated that salvation from
the impending deluge is only open
to people with whom cat meat is a
steady diet? "The voice told me so,"
he said, '-ats is the only pure ani
mals. All other meat is unnatural.
Vegetables was only made for brutes.
Cats are the thing, and they are sent to
us in such numbers as a chance to save
ourselves. But the world is blind.
It won't learn, so it must suffer. When
I first came here I ate anything I could
get. For the last lour years I have eat
only cat's meat. The boys bring 'em
to me from town. I pay ten cents
apiece for 'pm. What do I give 'em to
drink? Well that's anotHwT secret of
mine. It's milk and sugar and some
thing else. They must be absolutely
pure, you know. Every trace of the
meat they have consumed in their lives
mast be eradicated before they are fit
for me. It takes me from a week to ten
days to purify a cat. The supply hold
out ? No, not exactly. I've had to get
cats from New LondoiT more than
once. Generally, however, the boys
manage (to keep me
ant on to say
lf a very few
Why They. Broke With Him.
that, with 'lAeHfA'
people, he is the Vnly
chance for -i few scatte:
have developed afondn
But in the main the earth and its peo
pie are doomed. New York Mercury.
Some Facts to Remember about the
The sun is 320,000 times as large as
The snn is 400 times as far off as the
A lady who weighs 100 pounds here,
would weigh 2,700 pounds if on the
surface of the sun.
The heat given off by the sun would
melt 287,200,000 cubic miles of ice
The diameter of the earth bears the
same relation to its distance from the
sun as the breadth of a hair to 125
A railroad train traveling without
stops at th rate of forty miles an hour
would get to the snn in 263 years.
The snn is believed to become pme
250 feet smaller every year. This con
traction would be sufficient to generate
the enormOas quantity of heat which it
Another theory is that comets and
meteoric matter falling into the sun
may be its aliment to offset the tremen
dous loss which combustion certainly
It would require the combustion of
thirty feet of coal over the entire sur
facfijof the nun every second to generate
the same heat. .
The stars are supposed to average
larger than our snn, and to have plane
tary systems like this.
The nearest star is 250,000 .times as
far off as our sun.
It takes light eight minutes to come
from the sun, but it must have required
50,000 years for it to come from the
farthest visible stars.
When the eleven tear storms on the
sun occuftlie fliftgtetic needle on the
earth is friable anVl sometimes con
siderablyrieilictcd. The earth is flying around the sun at
the rate of 1,000 miles a minute.
The suu and all the stars are moving
through space, accompanied by their
planetary.' systems, at a rate varying
from 20 to 200 miles a second.
Some of the snn spots (craters) are
100,000 miles in diameter, and one of
them would easily swallow up the
whole of the planets, Jupiter himself
only making a mouthful.
Some two or three weeks ago, a
Lieut. Zubowitz rode from Pesth to
Paris all the way on one horse, or mare
rather, i.'t two weeks, which was re
garded &s a considerable feat. And
now he'is going over to England for
the purpose of drowning both him
self and the mare in the British chan
nel. He thinks that by means of an
apparatus be has invented, which is to
be fastened to the mare's chest, she
will be able to swim with him from
Dover to Calais. As the probability is
that the body of neither of them will
ever be fteovered, it is really a pity for
the mare. Loi'isville Courier-J 'ournttl.
Ten millions of hairpins are annually
manufactured in America for the hold
ing of hair on the female head. As not
one wot lan in a hundred has a half
supply, Jt he figures give an idea of
the immense area of female hair in this
Mr. Busby was sitting upon the par
lor sofa, in the dusk of the evening,
holding Miss Lazenby's hand, which
she was trying to draw from his grasp.
He had just proposed, and she didn't
seem to respond very heartily.
"Oh, say you will accept me! Say
you will have me, Tilly! You don't
know how much I love you. I never
loved any other woman but you."
"Never any but me, Mr. Busby?"
"Never, never, never ! You are my
first and only love!"
"Why, Mr. Busby, I have heard that
you have been engaged eight times al
ready." "Eight times, darling ? Eight times !
What a wicked slander! I have been
engaged only five times, I pledge yon
my word of honor."
"And didn't you love any of the
"Well, now, I'll explain to you how
it was. The first, you know, was Mary
McCosh. I was young then; didn't
know my own mind. After I was en
gaged to her I used to go round to Mc
Cosh 's at night, and just as soon as I
got in the house they would want me
to help them move the piano. I helped
carry that piano up stairs one night and
down stairs the next night, right
straight along for three weeks. I
thought it was mighty strange how ec
centric they were about the situation of
the piano, and one night, when I
dropped the corner on my toe, I went
into the parlor suddenly to rest. Who
should I see there but Mary, kissing
young Ferguson. And when I pro
tested, they both laughed, and Mary
said her pa had persuaded her to
change her mind about me. and to
take Ferguson. So I saw stie didn't
love me, and I broke the engagement
on the spot."
"That was the first?"
"Yes. The next was Henrietta Pea
body. I think Henrietta was fond of
me. But she said one evening that
her mother was resolutely opposed to a
man with light hair. I offered to dye
mine, but Henrietta's mother said that
she hated it worse when it was dyed
than when it was light. I told her I
would think what I could do, and I
went home to reflect. When I called
next day they wouldn't let me in; so I
wrote to Henrietta to say that our en
gagement was at an end. Subsequent:
ly she married a man named Johnson,
in the stove business."
"And who was the third ?"
"The third ? Let me see ? Why, the
third was Julia Dobson. You've met
her, I think ? I was deceived in J ulia
Dobson. After we'd been enerasred onlv
ne who-fijLAiiree days she told me she'd had an
jaOS- iTTV. id U i -iav'tiI . '. j'-r.o i 1 " n'trn, r:" doarrtv
people WUO dreamed that I was a tattoooetl
for cat s meat. bad. with wine's, and that I broke into the
house one night, and after flying from
the hat-rack to the up-stairs entry, and
froiii there to the garret, I came down
and ate her ma, and her pa, and her
Aunt Louisa, and the twins, and the
colored girl. She said that the dream
haunted her; she couldn't get rid of it.
I asked her if she didn't think it a little
unreasonable to dream that I ate the
colored girl, and she said she couldn't
help it; the bad impression was just the
same. She could not bear the idea of
marrying a man whom she would never
see without thinking of that cannibal
with wings, so I broke off that engage
ment, too. Hanged if I believe Julia
Dobson ever really loved me!"
"Who did yon say the next one was?"
"Let's see; McCosh, Peabody, Dob
son Dobson oh, yes! The next was
Bertie Magruder. I never knew ex
actly what to make of that girl. She
declared that she was fond of me, but
she insisted that I ought to help her
and her mother with the house clean
ing. So for the first three days after
we were engaged I was washing win
dows, scrubbing floors, and mashing
my fingers with the tack-hammer, try
ing to put down carpets. It struck me
as a mighty queer way for a girl to ex
press her tender feelings for a man;
but they were a peculiar family. One
day I stepped in a bucket of soap-suds
and upset it on the parlor carpet, and
old Magruder, her father, you know,
was so mad that he said if I didn't leave
the house he would pitch me out of the
window. Bertie said it would serve
me right if he did; so I concluded
maybe her love-light, so to speak, had
flickered out, and I handed in my res
"How about the fifth?"
" Oh, that was Nancy Bannister. I
flew to her in despair, because I felt so
badly about the Magruders. I was
never reaUy engaged to her. She ac
cepted me conditionally. Said she
would have me when I made a fortune.
I began boring for oil in our back yard
the next morning, but before I'd got
down ten feet she sent me word that
she'd accepted another man; some kind
of an officer in the marine corps, I
think. Anyhow, my affections were
blighted again. Now I've come to you.
You'll say yes, won't you? I never
knew what love meant until I met you."
"I'll tell you what I'll say," observed
Miss Lazenby. "I'll say NO! And I'll
bid you good evening."
As she walked out of the room Busby
looked sadly after her; then he picked
up his hat, moved slowly to the door,
and went out.
"That," said he "is the sixteenth girl
I've proposed to, and she throws me
over! I'll try a seventeenth to-morrow,
and if she fails then'tl I'll try sui
cide." But he is a bachelor and alive yet.
Max Adeler, in 2f. Y. Weekly.
Josh Billing's Philosophy.
Allmost enny phool kan prove that
the Bible ain't true; it takes a wize man
to beleave it.
I beleave one apple iz sweet, and the
one on the next tree iz sour. I will
bet soveighns on this, but will give
enny smart professor a span ov match
ed mules who will tell me what makes
If yu settle with a man for 50 cents
on a dollar he iz full az apt to call yu a
phool az a philanthropisst. Funny,
ain't it? .
I don't allow enny man to beat me in
politeness; if there izone who thinks
he kan do it, let him try it on.
Thare are but fu men who lire az
phoolish az they are thought tot be , and
less who are az wize az they think they
The best way to tell a good oyster
from a bad one iz to eat it. The man
who kant toll the difference in this way
ain't worth convincing.
What a man iz the most afrade ov he
sez he don't beleave in; this may
ackount for sum men's unbeleaf in
"Natur abhors a vacum," tharefore
she fills sum beds with sawdust.
The wizest man that the world haz
ever produced died ages ago, and the
biggest phool hain't been born yet.
Buty iz a risky prerogative, it haz no
posative merws ov its own, and iz
alwuss surrounded by dangerous para
sites. "It iz only a step from the sublime
to the ridikilous," and it iz only the
very wize who kan take the step, and
get bak agin.
The humility that prosperity arrays
itself in, iz allwnss suspishus.
The hardest dollar for a man to git,
iz too often the one he needs the
Az a general rule i judge ov a man's
virtews, or vices, bi hiz opinyuns ov
When a dimokrat gits ritch he iz
quite apt to wear hiz politikal princip
les az a kind ov elekshun hollyday suit.
I kno now that i am . gitting old i
kno it bi the grate spatters ov soft
biled egg that i find on mi fresh shirt
buzzum after brekfast, and the chunks
ov sassage, and loose pieces ov bred,
and potatoze, that are froliking around
on the krumb-cloth at mi feet.
The man who dies the ritchest iz the
one who leaves the least here, and takes
the most with him.
Tru philosophy, like tra philan
thropy, iz a work ov deeds, not words.
The vanity ov mankind iz enuff to
dam them, even if they waz angells
in every other respekt.
Tharo iz lots ov people in this world
who takn a inke just az nhildren do
l.lr.atA. I .-lOHS
, - jr.-i, i-eiYu.u.e Lliuy iuul null' ir
lHllIll- I ; . -" . -, .- i il.
J-lii: UlLFOI, UlBgUBLlUg SlllbOi IF V IUC
whole lot to me iz the one who will fill
A Mother's Hard Lof.
Twenty-five years ago, beginning on
Aug. 11th, and continuing until the
14th, a torrid wave swept over the
United States and Canada with terrible
results. The thermometer registered
100 degrees in nearly every locality,
and in the city of New York there were
400 deaths, of which 200 occurred on
the 14th of August.
Ennui is the ghost of murdered time. ;
himself haff full ov cheap whisky, and
then insist upon being konfidenshall
to yu in matters ov no earthly impor
tance thus intensifying hiz natral dam
When i see a man who iz over anxious
to provo ennything, i am very apt to
think he ain't very certain about it
I sumtimes indnlge in profanity
and i wonder at it, for there iz nothing
that i so mutch regret in miself and
despize in others.
If you want to roduso a child's
genius, set him to turning a grind-stun
or weeding out onions.
The clever phellow who don't know
how to pla a game ov whist, even if it
iz a poor one, iz here'on earth under
Men will admit that they are growing
old, but never that they are growing
I thank god that thare iz one thing
that money won't buy, and that iz the
wag ov a dog's tail.
No man ever bekum grate simply bi
acksident: acksident haz often opened
Men ov moderate abilities make the
most plezant company mis; men ov
grate wit mite be kompared to a grate
fire you kant git near enuff to it to git
warm without gitting burnt.
The multitude gaze at the epauletts,
the few at the man who wears them.
Yung men, what yu git in this world
yu hav got to win, and mankind are
hard taskmasters and slo pay.
The grate mistake that menny folks
make iz, they are kontinually betting
on to-morrow and letting to-day go bi
The majoritv ov the virtew in this
world iz negatiff it iz in the hands ov
people who, while they don't do enny
hurt, don't do enny good neither.
Most ov us. are happy, not so mutch
bekauze wo hav got a horse and buggy
to ride in az bekauze the other phellow
haz got to go on foot.
I hav seen hipokrits who had reached
sutch perfekshun in the bizzness that
they could cheat themselfs, but could
not cheat enny boddy else.
If people will only spend their time
in doing their duty in this world,
Heaven, and Hell, and hereafterj will
take kare ov itself.
It iz eazy enuff to learn bi experi
ence, but to profit bi it iz what's the
I hav seen men who had worn out
their vices, and suppozed ov course
that they waz living on their virteus.
' I am not astounded when i hear that
a man haz fallen. Adam fell, and he
waz nailed down, compared with the
slippery ground that men stand on
It seems to me that wimmin are
conquets bi natur, and prudes bi neces
sity. He who allwuss tells the truth in the
fewest possible words iz a natral orator.
Among the returns in the Coroner's
office, New York,- recently, was the re
port of the death of Anna Noye.s, aged 10
hours, at 620 East Seventeenth street.
The house at 620 is one of a block of low
tenements, running almost to the East
river water front. In front of the en
try of the house a grop of idle men
stood the other day. On the reporter's
inqniring for the Noyes family some of
them followed him up the stairs. Un
der the pilotage of one he reached the
fourth story front room. Its furniture
consisted of . a chair and a table. The
dead babe lay on the table near the
window, nobody being willing to buiy.
it or even take it awaj' ' James NoyesA
a si eamtng pilot, and. until recently-ti
nlo..l tin ooard th.. Hittii L ''.'.-auefai'"
his wife and 5-year -Old c.iild
in the room for two. weeks past,
alone on Friday evening the
irsvH i ,1 ii.il in a I ill ill- nne inv l
1 -, , 1 1 - . V i ol . ...
women oi ute UBifuouruotrj it ten iu
care for the mother and her babe, but
at noon the child died. The parents of
the young woman Noyes live in the
same story, but will do nothing for the
daughter. The father said that he had
buried two children for his daughter,
and that he would let the babe remain
where it was before he would spend a
cent. He had spent $200, he said, for
the family of his worthless son-in-law,
and now some one else must pay the.
bills. The man who hires Noyes, he
says, should pay the bills, and make
Noyes' work it out. Noyes gets good
wages when he works, but has been
drinking lately. The mother lay
wrapped in a single blanketon the floor
in one corner. She had drown the
quilt about her head, so that only a
stray stress of long bbick hair that fell
between the folds indicated that a
woman was concealed there. Several
women walked about the room, ap
parently unable to do anything. They
tried to soothe the sick woman, and to
remove the blanket from her head, but
she only clutched the covering more
tightly. Soon a Limbering sound was
heard on the stairs, and with many
groans and curses Noyes was tumbled
in by a friend. Ho was decently dress
ed, even to a collar and white tie. He
fell into the only chair in the room.
Then he renewed his curses, and if any
one spoke to him he smiled idiotically.
He took no notice of his dead child or
sick wife. The latter had become hys
terical. Her mother entered and up
braided her son-in-law, and then retired
to an empty back room to weep. Two
weeks ago, it is said, the young moth
er's father turned her out of his home
m 1 1 1
More tons of iron and steel were
rolled in this country last year than in
that during which the panic fell upon
the country. Everybody isn't ont of
work after all. Moreover, millions of
acres more of wheat and corn are being
cultivated this year than in 1873, so
everybody can't be starving.
A Wankearan vouncr
tention to a fair young
o , '!
... 1 . , . . ,.,1 ,,,.. I .,, . II..., ...... I . . . .
tut it v ut it niiuv i u witu uuypi iu it.
thought that the folks were-fools, and
had never experienced "love's young
dream." He had heard that the "course
of true love gathers no moss," or some
thing to that effect, and that it was a
"long lane that has no buil-dog." Such
was not the case" here. The old man
had a speckled bull-dog. Of course
the young man was "so ed" with the
dog, for had he not been a caller op
Medina? He determined to go to her
window that night, and in the light of
the pale moon beg her to fly with him
to some distant clime where irate fath
ers and speckled bull-dogs are un
known. Providing himself with his
mother's clothes-line, whioh, in his im
agination, he wove into a rope ladder,
he hied himself to the spot. The moon
was shining down through the maples
in front of the house. As he approach
ed he softly opened the front gate, on
which he and his love had so often
swung; never did it seem to creak so
loudly; would she be looking for him;
would she heed his voice; he would
strike up that little song in which they
had oftentimes joined in tuneful melo
dy. He got so far as "There's a land
that is fairer" "Sic 'em Maje," came
from behind a clump of lilacs. Maje
sicked-, and the young man sickened as
he climbed for that fence. It was nip
and tuck, resulting in a "nip" in the
rear of that "tuck" the seat out of his
unmentionables, along with a portion of
hi t oat-tails. How he got over that
fence will never be known except to the
dog, who smiles in a ghastly manner
whenever his young mistress strikes up
that memorable tune, "The Sweet By
A Doomed Boy. Some of these beau
tiful evenings a man with a wilted col
lar and a sprinkled coat will mutter an
old fashioned bit of profanity between
his teeth; he will ecud swiftly across
the sweet; he will P'ck up the boy" that
is manipulating the side-Walk hose; he
will twist his head aronndiii'e times;
he will jam his head into a crack in the
fence and kick his whole body through
alter it, and then the boy will leaiTT
that it is not right nor safe to glue his
eyes into the top of a tree while he
sprinkles the streets, the sidewalks and
the citizens, indiscriminately: and par
tially. Mind, we do not advocate the
reckless, extravagant or wanton killing
of boys, but these are revolutionary
times and the temperof a down-trodden
people is restless and unsafe.
The cuckoo doesn't steal nests from
other birds. After 200 years' of mis
apprehension, naturalists have placed
the bird where it belongs. It has no
nest at all, but wanders around like an
A mtiri'iin mrl in Hen.rili nf n tilted I HH.
1and, Detroit Free I'ress. ti