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PROFESSIONAL CARDS
F. M.
riLLcr?,
V TTORNFA"
AT LAW,
LEBASOH OREGON.
i
Will craotloe In ail the ennrts of the 8tte.
t-rom)t Attention Klven to collections, con
veyance aua examination ui lines, rrooeie
business a speciality. vUnJUtf.
J. A. Uf ANTIS,
ATTORNEY AND COUNSELOR AT LAW
C9RVALLI3, ORfcSCN.
111 practice IB all the Courts of the tttnts
mrumoe m ttie tourt nous
vlOnaivL
J. W. BALDWIN,
i -
ATTORNEY & COUNSELOR AT LAW,
i
lil nrnetlc In all the Court In the N, Sd
and 4th Judicial Districts; tn the Supreme
t'ourvol Oregon, and In the United States Dta
rict and Circuit Court. Office up-stnirs in front
oora tn Fan-nil's Dries, diocx, r irst e,, Aioany,
Oregon. . - vsuinyi.
A. JOII,S,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
' ALBAS. Y, OREO OS.
r-vMBee In the Court Hou ."
vsngtf.
J. W. KAVBUIm. .
ATTORNEY, AT LAW.
COSY ALUS, OREGON.
Bweial attention to collection of accounts.
SViDtsce one door South of Fishers Brick. "VS.
vlOnauvL.
t lUS. K. WOLTESTON,
1TTISSII m COPSILOE IT UW,
ALBANY. OREOOS.
Qfflea 111 Pjoniau t btlek. up ataiiv. '
D. R. N. BLACKBURN,
UTTCftrtEY t:;3 coussacR AT uw
WColleetlohtkipeclaltT. ap21.
Or. T. L. UOLDEIV.
OCCULIST AND AU RIT
OREGON.
DTt. UOLDES HAS HAD EXPERIENCE IN
treatinc the various disease to which the
eye and ear are subject, and feels confident of
J ! Ting entire satisfaction to inose wno may
place ineroseivee unaer ou care. nocu.
D. D. RICE, VI. D.,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON,
AjbBANY. OI5Sa02f,
Offlee os Hatn street, between Fterrr and
Broadalbin. Residenee on Third street, two
Mosa east, or below, the MetnooiM L-uuren.
1. K. WXATHERFORD, I W. O. PI PRE.
Notary Pablie.
WEATKESFCSD & PIPER,
AlhsAr, rxa.
TTJBI praetiee ts the different Courts el Ui Btate.
If BoeesU attention ins ta collecting. Invetti
fstten of tides, eoBveymocras; snd mil profaete matters
IsMciuaHy attendtd to. Praoeedings in banknuitejr
sonroeMd.
gjraae In Sd story. Brings bnudfag. ' vlSnt
R.8.BTRAHAN.
Albany.
JOHN BURNETT
Corvallis
ITRAHAN A BURNETT,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
Will practice in all Vhp courts in Oregon.
- vl2n40 f
' I.OIIS A. BANKS,
(NOTARY PUBUCJ
ATT0E5EYAND CGHSSEL0R1TLAW,
Corral! U, Orrdtt.
T71IX PRACTICE IN ALL THB COVRTS OF
f Y tlM State. CooveyMtcing dotre, dicKna
vmaA, farms axvuht aotl wolti, tauonj totuMd, anal laOCea
diaeouiited.
Otflo ui Otmit House op-ataira. 33tf
D. M, Cqrdej,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
1UUT, BtKtOX.
OFFICE, 57 WiST FRONT STREET.
Special attention triren to collectiona.
Tl3niatf
G. H. Davis, M. D.,
Phyicia'ii andjSurffeon,
SAJ.ES, RK!I.
Commercial St. Pst-ofSc bjaj,
Ko. gS.
fJSnlStf
B0CT0S W. HE34TON,
Physician and Surgeon.
Having permanently located in the city
of Albany, and entered open the
thirty-Bxstyear of his practice, respectfully
tenders his professional t-eraces to the
eitisens of Albany and surrounding conn.
Fer-Offlce at the City Drug Store. Rexl
denoe on First Street. Tl2n40tf
. H. J. E0UGHT0N, M. D.,
aukaxt. - - Kct.
riTUI DOCTOR is A GRADUATE OF THE UNI
J. VKaSTTY Medical Collegs of New York, sad is a
lau raambsr of BeUems Hovpiul Medi al College of
AsTOSce tn Dr. Benton's h:ug Store.
vUaTtf
R. ARNOLD, M. D.,
homeopathic Physician.
A1BAKT, KEG9S.
OFFICE koTJRS FROM 10 TO 12 AND
from 3 to 4, Chonie Diseases and Sur.
gery a Specialty. niotf.
G-.W. WILCOX,
Homeopathic Physician,
ALDAKY. OBEGOBT.
"Offioe over rweedale's Grocery Store.
13n8tf
R. N.BAKER,
Merchant Tailor.
rTJTTINO, MAKJNO, CLEANING
J anarepainog promptly attended to
and all work wan anted.
aTShop two doors above Fox's store.
nl7rr
Business Cards, Visit
in Cards, We dding
at.itiu, or any viner
kind of Cards, call en
Mansfield & Montr-it h
Job Priaten. Albanr. ( n37t
Km
ra
VOL. XIII.
C COHEN,
Dealer I
ik.laiilik l.iitkniivk
Poafflo Bulldlne. ear., 1st and Bmedslbla sta.,
ALBANY. OREGOS.
- Will keep constantly on band full
assortment 01
Clothing, Dry Goods, Fur
nishing Good a, Hats.
Caps, Boots, Shoes,
Groceries, etc,
and will sell the above named rooda
CHEAPER than aay other house in the
city. Gie hiut a call before purchasing
Bisttwiiere.
SVIM. COHEN,
AUCTIONEER
RKOULAR BAXB DAYS:
SATUI1DAYS AND IICIIDAYS
At 10 o'clock A. M.
Witt .lMlmlA.n n Ik.
and hold special sales when directed.
vionzjir
ALBAnr
GUN STORE !
SCOn & MONTEITH, PR0PRS,
Customers rtan .lnvti fni thi .
GU3IS. RIFLES IK3 REVOLVERS
And Amman! tits of All Kinds.
- , tuo
TOBACCO AND CIGAR'S,
WHousAia Aisa ketahs.
Baby Carriages, Subtests, Caaes
afeehanleai Teya, txMonsotrrea, TJolls, Boys
r auu9 uo eteiy us, ib im aemny esaty
kind of toys mannfaetaneV
TUnMrl.
SAVH) MDE1TC.
SOBT HeOAIXSTT.
McCalley & Andrews,
Odd Fellow's
Buildisg,
LESiXOX, OREGOM,
Dry Goods, -Clothing.
Boots and Shoes.
Groceries,
Crockery,
Wiliow Ware,&e.
"Onr stock Is new and will be sold
cheap. Give na a call.
McCALLKY ANDREWS.
n38tf.
dross m vRx:;it
JOHN FOSHAY,
(Saecxiesor as e. V. MUessJer,,
ULU 1ST
Drugs, medicines, Toilet
Articles. Paints, Oils,
vIVindow Glass,
Etc., Etc
HaTlaK had several year's enerteaoe la the
dmir business, be feels htstiSed in assuring; bis
curtaers and proper ear will be esed ta the
preparation that dispensing of. snedfeoinea.
- - rMu.
Th Offip ot tlie .
Corvallis, Lebanon Dallas
STAGE LINES.
is at the St. Charles Hotel, at Albany, In
stead of the American Exchange, a repre
sented by the proprietor uf the latter hotel.
n52tf
JAMES DANNALS,
v male A Ha HASirracYCBjam or
SOUD WAU'UT BEDROOM SETS,
. starkA, anal Wa4 Ts. .
Parlor Sets and Lounges, Mar
ble Top Ceater-TaVles,
Spring Beds and
Mattresses,
WAISST, I1PLE 1S1 III 111CIETS,
Andsllktedsof ' '
WharaeU, cksrirs. Bedsteads, sTTtssaslsn Ta-
Maa, Staads. CUlt and Faary
Intend to ken mvmrrthtnr la tba furnltare Una.
sad will raarantee sstisfaotioa to ill who will can an
me at Kilter's Brick. JAMES DAKXAl.
Albany Marble Works.
MORGAN & STAIGER,
BKOADAUtnt STBSKT. : AUASTT. OaXBOON.
-ORAUtR Uf
Monuments, Obelisks
-AND
KECUTED a
ITALIAN ASD VERSSQNT MARBLL
0
BDERS FROM AH. PARTS OF TH STATE
CUSTOM MILL.
SJra E. n. C'beittllo bRTine; par
Itsused tbe Caste an Flooring Mill,
heretofora svnrd ky Rapltatel
Cbeavdlf, is aaw prepares! te Aft
stay baslness r 1st sBtlllins; or
eboplpag VInd. I nave at eed
and com pp tent miller eanplayed-
Sat Isfaeti oa anaatraatacd. ,
MRS. E. R. CHEADLE.
!Sn27tr
CAPTAIN DEFORSESrS FLIRTATION.
BT STTTB EOOEJta.
She's besatUol ; and therefor, to be wooed i
Sbs la a woman ; Uierefura hi be won."
HHAKBBrSAKB.
Ctain Frederick De Foi-rest was
bandsoms, and gallant, and pepulnr,
sad during his thirty years had made
no small number of lore conquests.
He had two ways of wooing. He was
peniy, almost obsequiously tender and
deferential to the most desirable belles
and heiresses of society, while toward
the mors obscure and humble beauties
who touched hia wandering fancies, he
was a sort of lordly, passionate, nen-
committal lover, whom many a maiden
remembered with secret tears of humil
iation, r '
Hia title of "Captain" was merely
honorary, his income was lame, and his
farorite amusement was the game of
hearts, ana his delight was proportioned
to the difficulty and excitement of that
gSJBS.
His first meeting with Kathleen
1 ravers was m nowise remantic. al
though m after days he would hare
persuaded her that he thought it so.
It one summer afternoon as he was
rambling through the wildest .part of
Iks Kantapo meantains, he was startled
by a lew sick that was almost a sob.
and that seemingly came from the depths
of a wild-rose thicket. Very quietly
and cautiously he pushed . aside the
thorny bloom and peered through it.
At what he saw, his full lips curved
with a sybaritic smile, snd his black
eyes glittered with delight.
"A nest of the loves I A seraph fall
en out of the sky ! ' What a glorious
girl, and what a place in which to find
her 1 he thought, and bis fancies, ladea
by many adventures, freshened with a
thrill of new, sweet feeline he had never
known before.
Beneath the pink and white blossoms.
on the soft grass, two children were
sleeping like the Babes of the Wood,
and above them stood a lovely ,young
creature, tall and supple of form, and
dark of hair and aye. Her simple
white dress was soiled and torn, and
one little hand wss bleeding from the
thrust af some cruel briar.
"Are you lostr inquired the captain,
in tones af the blandest solicitude.
"Caa I help you!" '
The fair girl uttered a quick cry of
surprise and alarm, as the gallant in
truder pushed through thescented shrubs
into her presence.
"We are lost," answered a pure, rich
voice, as she looked keenly and gladly
npon him ; "and I think you can help
us, thank you."
"Never giro thanks for an obvious
duty that is a pleasure to the giver,"
was the gay reply.
Perhaps the captain's "obvious duty"
would have been less pleasurable had it
involved the protection of a lost lady
less fair than Kathleen Travers, for the
homeward way was beset with vexa
tious toil and trouble, and danger also,
as the dusky twilight began to 611 the
tortuous path with gloom.
"Is it very far yet t" asked Kathleen,
wearily, as the heavy dew began to
drench her hair and garmeuts with
penetrating dampness, and the lagging
little ones began to tuoan and cry.
"No. There is the farmhouse light,
and I think your friends are searching
for you. Do you not bear them calling!1'
"I fear they would have had a long
searching and a terrible fright but for
you," she said, frankly.
; "Don't let them make mo a hero,
please," he laughed, and then very earn
estly, "you will 1st me call to-utoi -.
and assure myself that you have nut
suffered from this grievous exposure. 1
hope that this may be tbe beginning of
a pleasant acquaintance,"
Ha meant to make it tbe beginning
of a pleasantaflirtation.
But it became something more to hiss
as the long summer weeks, went on, snd
Kathleen's rare and fresh youug beauty
grew upon hint until his worn-out heart
grew young again beneath her magical
smiles. I
"What a wife she would make," he
used to think; "but not for me. If she
were net a farmer's niece, I would real
ly marry her,, poor as she is. Cut I
shouldn't relish the situation of nephew-in-law
to that old clodhopper in his blue
blouse, and that caricature of Aunt Je
mima with her nasal twang."
And the elegant captain drowned a
doleful sigh in a gay whistle, and vowed
to his vanity that he would win Kath
leen's proud heart, even though it should
ache a little when ha shsuld go away
to see her no more.
And the time came when he fancied
that he had made his conquest, although
Kathleen's provokingly coquettish ca
prices puzzled him sorely.
"When she knows I am going away
she will betray her feel in g," bethought.
"It will be a pleasant fnpmory to know
that thin splendid vteuture has really
loved me.. .
So he announced his intention of re
turning to the city the next day with
pathetic and impressive abruptness, ex
pecting to see the scarlet lips whiten
and quiver, and the . merry dark eyes
brim "with sudden tears.
He was tremendously disappointed.
. She turned her bonny, vivant face
upon him with a quietly-pleased smile.
"Then I shall still sea you occasion
ally, I hope, as I go the ra myself next
week for a considerable stay."
"Indeed," he observed, quite surprised
out of his well-bred repose and manner.
"In what localityr
She mentioned a most' elegant and
distingue quarter.
"Indeed !" he reiterated,' utterlv mys
tified. ' Aid then a sudden thought cams
that shocked him. This beautiful coun
try girl too rained for a cearse, country
life, and too independent to remain de
pendent Upon her uncouth relatives,
was undoubtedly going into the service
f some aristocratic family, that she
might see something of that charmed
existence of which she could never be
come a unit.
"It is a pity a great pity !" was his
mental soliloquy. I can as seon fancy
ALBANY, OREGON,
a queen wearing a chamber maid's cap as
Kathleen Travers. Hut perhaps she is
going as a governess that would not
be so bad I
In either emergency it would be' de
sirable for him to dispel any illusions
she entertained regarding their acquaint
ance in the future.
"I don't know, my dear girl," he
answered, with familiarity; "my time
in town is pretty much taken ap in club
meetings, balls and theaters. But
shall always think af the time I taet
you as the pleasnntest adventure of tny
life, and of our harmless flirtation as too
delightful to be ever forgotten.
She looked at him a moment curious
U-, intense and irrepressible amusement
dimpling- every arch feature, and then
site laughed gayiy.
"Why do you laugh?" he asked,
annoyed, and nearly angry. "Are you
mocking niel l ou need not, Kathleen,
Of course .1 knew that you ware too
sensible a girl to dream of marrying a
man whose friends expect that bis future
wife must be a lady of wealth Aid all
that sort of social humbug. But, I tell
you this, Kathie, I "
He stopped abruptly.
Her sudden laughter had stunir him
into a speech which he regretted as soon
as made. Bat the careless captain had
discovered that he had a heart, and that
it was heaving rather tuinultuously just
then.
"Never mind what you wished to tell
me, she said, gently, and seeming a
little scared and sarcastio also. "I am
truly glad that our flirtation has net
been disastrous ta aur peace of mind.
I have known so little heretofore of the
diversion that I really began to fear thai
you might forget what your friends ex
pect of you."
"1 shall never forget you." he an
swered, all his nonchalance lost in eon
fution. "I am sure you will not." she re
turned, wihle that puzzling smile dimpled
again about her lovely mouth and
cheeks.
"Kathleen Travers is a mystery, and
I have made a dolt of myself," thought
rretienck ito forrest, as ha left her.
He had told her he would not forrat
her, and because he could not, he did
not. He had toyed with a rose to be
stabbed by a thorn.
I he season advanced.
There were new amusements of all
kinds, new plays, new stars, aew nrima
donna, and perhaps new loves to charm
hint for awhile.
He wandered into a theater one niebt
to hear a novel drama that was draw
ing increasing thousands nightly.
tie hears! and listened to all with in
dolent indifference through several sets.
"It s temblv tame. I ni gems home.
he resolved.
Just then the curtain rolled up, and
alone a magnificent woman swept across
the stage. Yhit velvet and misty
luces fell about her like a cloud, and out
of it shone her dazzling arms and shoul
ders, sculptured as of living marble.
Diamonds blazed about her like points
of flame.
He started, and raised his opera-class
win snakr bands.
"Who is shef he asked some one.
"Why, have you not heard T was the
resonse ; "that is La Barbarina. She
is an American, and was educated in
Europe for the staga. gha has aUrrad
fur several seasons on the Continent.
She came here some time last summer,
and hid herself in some country place
among her relatives, that she might rest
preparatory to her debut here. She is
a success ! splendid creature!"
"Iji Barbarina!" whispered the cap
Uin "that is her stage name. Is she
known by no otherf
"Kathleen Travers, I beliove. Hsh !
She is shaking !"
The captain turned his face toward
the stage. The lights seemed to whirl
around him like clouds of yellow smoke,
and out of it all, he saw only Kathleen's
dark, inspired eyes, and heard only the
rich voice that enthralled him.
, And it seemed te say, mockingly:
"I am sure you will never forget me."
He was quite vain enough te think
of his summer flirtation with a. feeling
of triumph."
' ahull marry the Barbarina," he
declared. "I Bball call upon her to
morrow. Boar Kathleen t She surely
loves me."
He made his visit as he had deter
mined, and by means of bribery, flat
tery, or cajolery, was permitted to enter
the parlor unannounced.
Gently he opened the door, and then
started back with his hand upon the
knob.
In the center of the beantiful room
the gallant captain saw the girl he loved
in the embrace of another.
His footstep aroused them.
Kathleen stepped forward, surprise
and displeasure shadowing her fair face.
But, racognizing the intruder, she
smiled sweetly and put out her dainty
finger tips.
"Ah, Captain De Forrest, this is a
pleasant surprise."
Inwardly the captain repeated, the weixi
"surprise," preceding it by an adjective
not found in the choicest literature.
"Antony, dear," went on Kathleen,
with inimitable grace, "allow me to pre
sent you a gentleman who has a large
claim upon my gratitude. ' Captain De
Forrest, my husband, Mr. Strathmore."
The gentlemen bowed and became
politely pleased with each other.
But the captain's call was brief.
"Why are you laughing, lovet" asked
Kathleen's husband, after the gentleman
had departed.
And, of course, like the trusted and
trusting wife she was, she told hint all
about Qaptqin De Forrest's Flirtation.
.......
When you read a story in which a
divorce falls in love with the wife of his
friend, which friend nearly marries the
sister of the former, commits a forgery,
and then conveniently breaks his neck
by falling througfi a trap in the stage
while chasing a French ballet-girl, it
suddenly occurs to you that Charles
Reade still lives.
A rare flower the pink of propriety.
FRIDAY FEB. 22, 1878
t'ram our regular correspondent)
WAta-inST- LBTTEn.
Thaalateat certain Trlasnph of Silver-The
President wui neither Vrt. aar Sic Ike
atu-Aa eplteaae at tke asw Arm? BUI
Isnparta., ckaa( ta tke ra.k, Sle, staaT,
oranaiiatlaa aad aarfeau ana oncers
- mmmwmw VBU.rWS.
WASHiHOToif, D. C, Jan. 30.
Bdiior Democrat: ,
The debate on the silver bill was
resumed m Monday in the Senate, and
senator Morrill made a speech winch
was chiefly remarkable for being three
nours long. The debate will no doubt
continue during the week, and a vote, it
is thought, will be reached en Saturday.
The vote in the House on the Mathews
silver resolutions was more favorable to
tho measure than its most sanguine
friends had anticipated. They did not
expect to develop a two-thirds majority
with se little eflbrt, and the result is
that very little apprehension is felt
about the Presidential veto. It is cur
rently reported, by those who are sup
posed to have information, that the
President has determined te let the sil
ver bill become a law, by the lapse of
ten days, without hut signature. This
will seem to relieve him of a certain
active responsibility, and will expedite
the inevitable, since it will, in this way.
become a law in a shorter time than if
it were necessary for Congress te pass
the hill over the veto.
THt PROPOSED MILITA1T BILL.
After the silver bill, which may now
be considered as practically passed, the
subject that excites the greatest interest
is General Banning's proposed Army
Bill. An economical result of its pass
age will be a total saving of ?6,000,000
per annum; and it is insisted, that it
will not materially interfere with the
strength and efficiency of the Army.
The bill contemplates important changes
ui tho rank, line, pay and organization
of the military establishment, with a
reduction of the number of enlisted
men to 20,000. The cavalry regiments
are reduced from ten to six ; the infantry
regiments from twenty-five tn fifteen;
and tbe artillery regiments from lira t
three. The infantry regiments will con
sist ef three battalions of four compa
nies each, and it is designed that twa
battalions shall ounatHuU the peace
establishment. The Bureau of military
justice is abolished and an officer, with
the rank of Colonel, is to be detailed as
judge advocate. The Adjutant-General's
and I nsjiector General's departments are
reduced and re organized, and some af
the grades are to be filled by detail from
tbe line. The Quartermaster's snd sub
sistence departments are to be consolida
ted into one "department of supplies.'
and in this also the different grades are
ta be 6U.a by detail from the line of the
army. The medical department remaias
for tho present in statu ovo, but the
Secretary of War is expected te report
to the next session of Congress upon
what reductions may be feasible in that
department. The number of paymas-
ters is reduced from fifty-two, to, twenty-
five. The number of Major Generals
is reduced to one; of Brigadier Generals,
to three. The headquarters of the army,
in times of peace, is fixed at Washing
ton, and all orders are to be isaned
through the General of the Army.
Hereafter no civilians are to be pro
fessors at West Point, but these places
are te be filled by detail from the Army(
and details of officers far presidents and
professors, in colleges will be made only
from the retired list. Officers are to be
retired at sixty-two, or after they have
served forty-five years, unless they shall
have received a vote of thanks from
Congreu fer.distinguished services, in
which ense they may be retained until
they hare served fifty-five years. These
are the main features of the bill, and it
is thought probable that it will be
passed without any very important
amendments, for, while there are those
who oppose a numerical reduction of
the Army, it is conceded that this bill,
though making important economical
changes, will not impair its fighting
strength.
There is a strong sentiment in Con
gress in favor ef compelling all officers
of the Army to wear their uniforms. The
object into cultivates political sentiment
against tbe excess of officers of leisure
in the Army. This, it is thought, will
be accomplished, by showing at a glince
the large number of officers who have
nothing te do but draw their pay. This
class is very numerous in Washington
and in some other cities, but from the
fact that they wear citizen's clothes they
are not distinguishable from civilians.
One cannot go on Pennsylvania Avenue
without brushing against Generals, Col
onels and Majors on every block, and
they ore daily on the floors ef tho House
and Senate as lobbyists. If they could
be required to advertise their profes
sions by their uniforms, our legislators,
and those who appoint legislators, might
bo aroused to ask why so many ef them
are kept here. There are officers who
have been in this city for years, draw
ing pay with military regularity, hav
ing perhaps the excuse of some trivial
office, but doing ne service that an in
telligent ten-year old boy might not
perform by writing his signature five er
six times under the word "apm-oved.
en a paper that he never insoects. filled
eut by a Department clerk. The pro
priety of wearing the uniform is quite
as applicable to the Navy as te the
Army. Whenever an officer is detailed
for work in the civil establishment of
either service, aad the excuses thst have
been invented for such so-called work
are numerous and far-fetched, a clerk
must be detailed te do the clerical work
of the superfluous office. Thus a treble
extravagance is set up, for there is no
necessity for the work, the officer, or
his clerk, fj. A. S.
Jesa biilihg? law rnavRBK.
This life is like a game of cards. We
must play the hands dealt to us, and the
credit is not so much in winning, as in
playing a poor hand well.
When I hear a man bragging about
what he did last year, and what he's go
ing to do next year, I can tell pretty
near what he's doing now.
Don't despise your poor relations.
They might get rich seme time, and then
it would be so hard to explain the thing.
Tbe reputation a man gets for his
ancestors wanta about as much altering
i .... , ,
to nt aim as tneir ciotnes wouia.
There is no woman stationed on the
face of the eaath whe tries se hard te do
right, and fails oftener, than the average
mother-in-law.
An enthusiast is an individual who
believes about four times as much as he
can prove, and can prove four times as
much as anybody else will believe.
Falling in love is like falling down
stairs; its hard work te find out just
how the thing was done.
A man who has been waiting for the
last fifteen years for something to turn
up, is still in the same business.
A poodle is a woman s pet, and I have
seen soma I would like to swap livings
with.
Mice can live anywhere comfortably
but in a church; they fatten very slowly
in a church. This proves that they
ean't live on religion any mora than a
minuter can.
The worst tyrant in the world is the
woman who is superior to her husband
and lets everybody know it;
Love is like the measles; -you ean't
have it but ones, and tbe later' in life we
have it, the tougher itoea with us.
Great thinkers are not apt ta bo (Treat
whistlers. Whsn a man can't think of
anything, he begins ta whistle.
Ihe man you can have te work on
tbe farm for nothing and board hisaself.
just about earns his wages.
Ii eatness, in my opinion, is one of the
virtues, I have always considered it
twin sister to chastity, but none work
so bard as tbe victim af ecstatic neat-
ss. I have seen a neat person who
wuuld not let a weary fir rest lens
enough aa tbe best wall paper (2 take
breath, and would chase a single cock
roach up and down stairs until his legs
were worn aff.
A sriBXBfs) UTTu Lava stmt.
Here's tba story of an unfortanata
young lawyer. This unlucky wight was
head over heels in love with a beautiful
girl, and was about to be married ta
her. On the eve ef the wedding day
he was called on ta defend ah awful
miscreant a man of thirtv. who had
poisoned hia father and mother. The
caso seemed a lost one, and when the
prosecution bad closed, tbe young law
yer was just about giving up the struggle
without aa ellort. Suddenly be per
ceived in the far extremity of the court
room hia beloved and her parents, who
had come to see what kind of stuff ha
wss made of. Tho preaenoe of the one
he worships changes his train of thought.
lie feels that he must make a show of
talant, and commences his argument,
rising to the highest flights of eloquence.
In a word, he succeeded in showing that
the criminal is a much abused man, aad
obtains his acquittal. In the evening,
the lawyer, with triumphant air, calls
at the house of bis future father-in-law,
expecting that his success will insure
him a warm reception. Te his surprise
he finds tba young girl cold, and bar
parents much embarrassed. He asks
what this sort of reception means.
"My friend," says he, whose the vouna
man had already begun te call father-
in-law, 'H must tell you my daughter
loves another." "Another! Who is
the manr "The good and virtuous
man whomyeu to day, by year eloquence,
restored to society," replies the father.
A deserter from the United States
army went into business as a barber in
Oakland Cal., and prospered. A former
comrade recognised him, and extorted
blackmail by threatening te expose him
wo the authorities. , The barber paid
regulary $5 a week for silence. Then
the blackmailer took into the plot a
friend, who by similar threats, got $3
a week. At length a third rascal join
ed in the attack, end the barber, seeing
that his pay roll was likely to increase
beyond bis resources, resolved to kill off
the recipients of bis money. He shot
one ef them; was caught in the act,
and is new in jail, where, awaiting
prosecution, he is at least free from per
secution. Flying Observer. An Irish brick
layer wss one day brought to the Edin
burgh infirmary, severely injured by a
fall from a house-top. . The medical
man in attendance asked the sufferer at
what time the accident had occurred.
"Two o'clock, yer honor," was the re
ply. On being asked how he came to
fix the hour so accurately, he answered:
"Because I saw the people at dinner
through a window as I was coming
down." .
Competition is the "life" of trade.
A Western local paper rejoices over the
fact that funeral expenses will be great
ly reduced on account of a lively com
petition between the undertakers of that
town!
. . a .
Autumn hues cutting fire weed.
NO. 29.
r ' tit ran tat.
He was the manager of a church fair,
and one morning he walked into the
newspaper emce and said :
"Want an item this morning V
"Of course," replied the editor.
Whereupon the visitor laid the follow
ing note upon the table :
"The ladies of th trt Mini-.!,
will give a festival at their vestry hall
A T ft . . .
next xnoay evening. JUterary and
musical entertainment will ha
and a supper will be served to all whe
aesire. xne ladies in charge of the
affair have much experience in such
matters and are sure to provide a good
time. The admission will be only fif
teen cents, and it ia porta;,. (Lot nn
can spend that amount to bettr advan
tage. Be sure to go and take your
friends."
When tbe editor had it 1,.
said- .. .
"Oh, I see, an advertisement."
"No: not an advertisement : W.
prefer to have it
umns," replied the manager.
vna seeing that the editor looked
sceptical, he continued
"It will interest a good many of
your readers and help a good eause; be
sides, we have spent so much money
getting up ur entertainment that we
ean't afford to advertise it without in
ereasing the price of the tickets. In
such a matter as this " we
willing to hslp each ether." -
"Well," said the editor, "if it goes
into the locals. I sucnoea run rnl!
reciprocate by reading a little notice in
your church next Sunday."
xne visiting brother asked what no
tice, and th ' editor than mrmtm am J
handed him the following :
"Tbe Weekly Chionicle for the coming
Tear will be the beat an1 l,M,Txat
family paper in Maine. Its proprietor
nas au large experience, and has all
the helps which 'a preat outlav of mon
ey can procure. His paper has a larger
circulation wan any other published In
tbe country, and is to be furnished at
only f 2. It is certain that ne ene can
spend that amount te a better advan
tage. Be sure to take that paper and
subscribe for your friends."
ihe manager hemmed and hesitated,
aad then said solemnly that he doubted
wnouier u wouia oe judicious to read
such a notice, but suggested that if it
was printed copies cf it might be dis
tributed at the door ef tbe vestry on
tne nigiic oi ins entertainment.
' "Yes." said the editor. "W it
attract more attention in the middle of
a Sermon. It will intxraot a
number of your congregation and help
in a gooa cause: and beside, so much
money is spent npon the Chronicl that
I don't Bee bow the svimr nan afft-ml fet
print handbills to advertise it without
increasing tne subscription price, la
such a matter we ought to help each
ether.- t
Then the rentleman saw tba noint .
Fairfield (lie.) Chronicle.
isTKKxsnvfl STAnerns.
Mississippi takes the lesd among the
cotton growing States.
California produces more than one-
half of the native wine.
Kentucky grows more than half the
hemp crop of oar country.
Utuo and Indiana produce each one-
eighth of the sorghum molasses.
Illinois takes the lead in the eat crop.
growing 43,789,581 out ef the 232,107,-
159 bushels.
New York raises one-fifth of the na
tional supply of peas and beans.
JNew 1 ork is the largest cultivator of
buckwheat, raising 3,904,030 of a total
of ,821,721 tmsbels.
rennsylvania supplies one-fifth ef the
rye produced in this country, or 3,577,
b4U bushels eut of 16.918.795..
New York grows one-fifth of the whole
potato crop.
North Carolina produces more sweet
potatoes than any other State.
California produces the largest barley
crop, or o,783,4U out of a total of 29,
Vbl.JUS bushels, and also nine-tenths of
our native cocoons. .
Of the 272,734,341 pounds of tobac
co produced in the country, 105,805,820
pounds are grown in Kentucky. Vir
ginia comes next with 38,087,364
pounds. -
South Carolina supplies nearly half
tne nee produced in the country.
Georgia is next, or 7,000,000 pounds
ahead of Louisiana, Neatly all the rice
comes from these three States.
A burglar broke into a Kansas City
house in which Mrs. Gay was alone,and
told her if she made any noise, or at
tempted to get out of bed, be would
kill her. She was frightened, and did
not speak or stir, while he packed her
silverware and jewelry for removal.
Then by way ef emphasizing a parting
injunction not to raise an alarm, he box
ed her ears. That made her so angry
that she forgot her fear. - She jumped
out of bed, knocked the burglar down
with a chair, yelled to the top of her
voice, pulled his hair, scratched his face
and stamped oa him. - A police officer
heard the racket, and the badly injured
man was arrested.
A New York" stationer, after adver
tising a variety of articles, gives the
following : , "N. B. Ta regular cus
tomers I sell wafers gratis." But who
in the world uses wafers now-a-days t
A New Jersey Dutchman refused te
take a dollar bill the other day, for fear
it had been altered from a ten. We
shouldn't have thought of that. Smart
men, those Jersey men.
It was a young lady from boarding
school who, on her visit te her home at
Christmas, on being told that there were
no gooseberries, asked what had hap
pened te the geese !
"At what age were you marriadr
asked she, inquisitively. But the other
lady was equal te the emergeacy, and
quietly responded, . "At tbe parson-.age."-
BuaJnes notices in the Ix-Jtt Columns
20 cents per line.
a.Sf leKal ""d transient advertlwemenH
f I 09 per square, for the first insertion, and
SOeente per square for each subsequent in-
TBE HOBTHEK ISBlaS.
rraaweed Cenaelldatlon f the IMircrrst
Beservatloas. ,
Washington, January 27. Indian
Inspector Watkins makes some intf r est
ing and important recommendations in
his report to the Interior Department.
He proposes that all the Indians West
of the Cascade Mountains, in Washing
ten Territory, be consolidated at Nesh
Btty and Puyallup reservation, the lisli-"
eating Indians on the former, and 1 lie
agricultural class on the latter; that
the Warm Spring and Umatilla Indians
of .Oregon be removed to Yakima Kes
rvatien, in Washington Territory ;
that all bands of Indians in tho north
eastern portion of Washington Terri
tory be consolidated on Columbia Kiver,
above the mouth of the Spokane; ifcdt
the Kiletz and other Indians on the
ceaut of Orgon be -' eeraoiidtited on
Urande Itonde Reservation; that Ix-fore
the reservations thus vacated am re
stored to the public domain; such 1 n
dians as are qualified fer citizenship and '
desire it should be permitted to solfiot
homesteads from the lands te be va' t
v) Wntlrina ioaa Ut.,.i 4i, V., ! '
Reservation embraces 800,000 arrics.
one-half of which is excellent aai ieiil
turaJ land, and that sll the Indians
now on it are located, en separate Ul-
acre farms, cultivating the soil and are
entirely self-supporting. Scretai-y
Schurz, in transmitting Waf Vins' report
and Hoyt's letter, takes occasion to oz
press his own opinion that the proriosi-d
consolidation of agencies would be cf
advantage to the Government snd to
th. In.li.na- n .. .1 .V C .
that Congress should enact such appro
priate legislation as will enable the De
partment to carry it into effect. Waf-
kias' estimate of total ' expeh.se of re-
mo ring and settling the various Indians,
in accordance with his plan, is SilO.C-OO. -
The new Commissioner of Indian Af ¬
fairs, Mr. Hoyt, disapproves of Wat-
kins' recommendations that Indians who
are fanning and self-supporting on the
reservations to be vacated should be al
lowed and encouraged to remain in their
present locations by giving them title
to their lands under the Indian Hume
stead Act. Commissioner noyt do?
concur, however, in tbereconunendaLic-u
for consolidation, accompanied with a
prevision for giving agricultural Indi .
ans individual proprietorship with titles
absolutely inalienable. This, "be s:iy,
would relieve the outside countrv. iif
their presence and enable the Govern
ment to exercise a system- of direct
protection, education and citizenship, of
which the Indians are in irapsraive
need, and without whirh their- general,
improvement cannot be anticipated.
- gag - .- . ,
Thb preachers are all just now. having
.Tievly discussionsabont the climate cf the
p.aee called Hell. - We give beiow the
sensational headings of a . religions re
view of ihe Subject in the Chicago I-ntT
Ocean i "Hell ! The WideJv U.licy-
ing Views ef the Several Denomina
tions in regard to it 5-Dr. : Tbofnas
Still More Positively Affirms IheJBelief
that it is not a Lake of Fire! While
Dr. Hunter Thinks it will be "A World
af Woe, and not Comfortable ; Winter
Quarters T According to Dr. Ryder
Seme will be Punished with Few and
Some with Many Stripes ! Dr. Wil
liamson Contends for Literal Conriu-7
tion and Unquestionable Blazes! An. 1
Dr. Everts Thinks lMnte and Milton"
May Not Have Over-Painted tbeiri.'sU-
ties! Eev. Crafts Does Not Insist rn
Fire, but Believes the Heme of tbe
Wicked will be Hot Enough ! The Be
liefs Held by the Unitarian and Christ
ian Denominations Ihe Glories ot
Heaven Professor Swing on Advers
ity ! Hell and Damnation 5 " " ., '
Y-OCSO man," solemnly warns a tem
perance exchange, "beware of the nrst
irmk. It is the first drink that nwtea
tbe drunkard." - With all dne regard for
morality and excellence of the-, advica,
we are inclined to- think our esteemed
cotemporary has been misled as to. the
facts. If he will make a personal inves
tigation be will learn that the hrst
drink, unless it is an awful, fearful bi;;
ene, will not make him.drunk; but. alxmt
the time he gets on the ontsidp of she
tenth or 'fifteenth, wake np snakes, an J
corns to judgment.--Ilaick-Eu':' "',
At a school exhibition out on v v.t
Hill the other day, a delicate young
lady, recitins Grey's Elegy,' modified
the cearse vulgarity of one of tbe Hires
by rendering-it, "Can storied earn or
animated bust." Burlington . Hack-
We see that dog-shows are announced ,
in several of the States. When it is
remembered that dogs cost thi country
about thirty millions of dollars a year
it is a wonder that they have any "show' '
at all. '
As inventor savs r "Onr latest lawn
mower eats the grass off like a cow, but
it deesn t cost as much for provender;
and truth compels ua to add, " tbar it
does not give as much milky either,"';
As Irishman, seeing a vessel vert-
heavily laden and scarcely above the
waters edge, exclaimed: "Upon my
soul if tbe river was a little higher the
ship would go to the bottom."" , ; 'V
A BOOK canvasser, tbe. other dav,
talked half an hour to induce a lady, to
buy a book. Then she handed him a
slip of paper, on which was written :
"1 am defe and durar
"We all knows," said the school com
mittee to the new teacher he was exam
ining for her position, "that A, B an
G is vowels, but wot we wants to know
is why they is so." .. :
A witness in a Western court was
asked if the party to the suit was not
a truthful man. "No1" he answered;
" he'd sooner lie at sixty days than teli
the truth for cash.'. .
Brow v ha4 been so often deceived
by the chicken at; his boarding-bouse
that he new calls it a mocking-bird.